We're Here to Help - 25: It’s Quite Nice at my Age

Episode Date: November 9, 2023

Jake and Gareth talk to callers about getting caught with an embarrassing text and a feline problem.  Check out our We’re Here to Help sweatshirts, hats, and tote bags at heretohelppod.com! Want to call in? Email your question to [e-mail]. If you’re enjoying the show, make sure to rate We’re Here to Help 5-Stars on Apple Podcasts. Follow the show on Instagram @HereToHelpPod and TikTok also at @HereToHelpPod See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

You know what I have to say about that theme song? Yes. Jake, hello. Oliver Raleigh, an old friend of mine, really did a great that theme song? Yes. Jake. Hello. Oliver Raleigh. Yeah. An old friend of mine really did a great job with that. Yes. That's a great theme song. I love it. I do. I do. And it's also, we were just saying that we thought something was coming our way with the theme this week. Cause now we, we play it live every time and we stare at each other as it's going on to see if there's going to be some, but I've never done it. I've never de-intro'd you each other as it's going on to see if there's going to be something but i've never done it i've never de-introed you no it's just i haven't either it's been

dustin i don't repeatedly yeah i know but you're no i don't i you just don't check the emails welcome to we're here to help america's number one podcast don't look that up we are very excited we have a great show today as as we do always. The first one's a brutal one. The first one is really- But it's got a fun end. It's a fun end. We're excited for you guys to check it out. There's a lot of, yeah, it's a dive into, dare I say, the male ego. As well as a 20-year-old culture. Yeah. Yes. Yes. Something you and I relate strongly to. And the second one is I don't even understand the second problem because it's just it's kind of a feline problem. And I don't know, to me, I never really saw the issue with it.

But sometimes in the show, there are problems that we have and we kind of work them out with each other, sometimes in the intro. And today's no different, Jake. You little snake. I thought we were about to get out. I was going to without further ado. You've been a bit of, this has been a thing you've been doing a lot lately and on the show, you've brought it into the world of the show, talking about this kind of relationship between you and my mother.

And I just don't think it's fair and so now unfortunately jake it's time to confront you oh no um so i've actually invited my mother to be on the show this is humiliating well i just she she and i are both just a little bit uh furious mom are you there there? I'm here. Hello, Mom. We can't see you, but that's okay. Should we do some video, Pam? Oh, hello, Jake. Can't you see me?

No, do you see him? I can't see you, and I would love to, Pam. There we are. Righty-ho. Hey! There she is. So, Mom, as you know, welcome to the show, Mom. Thank you.

Welcome to the show, Mom. Thank you. Welcome to the show, Mom. Thank you. And as you know, the reason you're here is to confront Jake for the way he's been. He's just been so rude. Pam, can I jump out before you do? Can I say something to you? Certainly can, yes. Thank you for joining.

It's great to see you again. I have not seen you since the pandemic. You look great. You look healthy. And it's wonderful to see you.. I have not seen you since the pandemic. You look great. You look healthy. And it's wonderful to see you. How are you doing? Stop it. Oh, I'm doing extremely well.

And I hope you are too and all your family. Everybody's doing really great. It's awesome to see you. I was really happy to hear that Garfield was living with you for a while. It made him very happy. He was better on the show. Staying with very different terms. Mom, we're confronting Jake.

Remember, let's kind of stay on brand. Jake, the way he talks, right? He's very flirty with you, right? Oh, I wouldn't call it that. Oh, it's quite nice at my age, really. It's very easy for me to do. Okay, no, we're not turning this into... No, no, no, this is not becoming its own flirt.

That is not... The opposite of the point of the call is this. Would you ever... Pam, would you ever want to come on and give advice with us? Well, I could try, but I'm not very good at it, Jake. I'm sure you're great at it. Are you kidding me? All right. You know what? You dealt with Gareth your whole life. I'm sure you gave him great advice. Okay. All right. So great to see you, mom. Not really why we had you on, but great to see you. Great to see you, Pam. I hope you're going to please come with us and do some advice one of these days. It'll be really fun to do it with you.

I will. I will. And I want you to notice that I've got all my lights on, but it looks very dark still, doesn't it? Okay, Mom, we're starting to get into stuff that's maybe not going to work for an audio format. Not going to work. No, I agree. I think it would work. Of course you do. Great to see you, Pam. All right, Mom.

Love you. Wait, Mom, could you say, without further ado, enjoy the show? Without further ado, enjoy the show. Hello. Hi there. You sound like you have great energy. Welcome to the podcast. We're here to help.

You're on with Jake and Gareth. Can we get your name, your age, and where you're calling from, please? Yes. So I'm actually going to change my name. You'll understand why after you hear the story. I might change mine just so you know, but go ahead. Okay. So I'm going to go by Nicole. I'm 24, and I am from a hurricane-prone area in the South.

Okay. Interesting. Interesting start, Nicole. A lot of mystery, Nicole. Yeah, there's a lot of breadcrumbs to this one, Nicole. Yeah. Okay, well, the point of this is not to figure out who you are and where you are. The point of this is to try to help you as best we can. That's a different show,

an interesting show, but a different one. Yeah, side show. Side show. Where to help? Could be, I'm just, we'll sidebar on that after this, Jake. No, it wouldn't be where to help. It's who are you? It's a mystery show. Where are you and who are you? Not where to help. Let's sidebar because I really feel like we're- Nicole, can we ask you a question? Why did you call in today? What can we do for you? Side note, Gareth is genuinely wet on Zoom right now.

Damn. Damn. Not wet. Nobody knows why his face is wet. I'm in a hurricane area in the South, buddy. You wouldn't understand, right, Nicole? You and I get it. I get it.

All right,icole what's up okay so here in the south when hurricanes come we usually get together and we have hurricane parties and so i i went to one of these last week i know barrett you said you were driving through the hurricane you had to take some weird route so while you were doing that this is happening okay um so i go to this party there's obviously drinks lots of vodka um and so me and one of my friends there we're all friends from like high school um so me and one of my friends sneak off to hook up and we finish during that we come back out i'm on my phone um and i'm laughing at it and he grabs my phone out of my hands to try to start reading my messages like see what i'm laughing at i am pleading with him to give me the phone back i'm like grabbing his face grabbing his body like

jumping on him trying to get my phone back but he's obviously bigger than me and stronger than me so he won that fight so he starts reading my messages and hey nicole yeah nicole before is your phone available to you okay i'm almost there okay great and quickly about him as you're getting there had you ever hooked up with him before no what's his name fake name nicole doesn't matter his fake name let's make it pray you said chris sure chris sure what was the fake name you said did you just make up a sound did you say i said brag i said trey trey super cool fake we'll go we'll go i literally thought she made up a sound i thought you guys said make up a name i thought you said bray it's a bird it was a bird also just a quick note while you look for that uh there it's a travesty that at a hurricane party you're not drinking hurricanes but i'll you know i'm not

gonna i'm a bit on the nose no no not a bit on the nose no no it would be nice there yeah if i went to a hurricane party and they got you on a hurricane i'd be like fuck off well then just too much don't come to mind then because as you can see by the moisture upon me it's closing in um okay nicole so why don't you walk us through what he saw first of all i think jake's body language said it all we do not like the behavior of this person so far but let's hear what he's reading yeah agreed okay right like why are you taking my phone but this is what he raised so i told them because like my friends know him so i told them that i had that i hooked up with him and my friends were like oh my god how was it we need all the details so of course i just

gave my honest off the rip observation and what he read was i'm not trying to mean to be mean not the best but it's cool sex is fun you know and they're like no no i need more details why wasn't it great i said just not a big dick kind of small and skinny hate to be mean and he read that oh my god oh oh god oh oh hold on we're gonna need give us a second here is oh i mean i was thinking it might be about another guy me too i thought it was going to be something about like you know he got panty or he was winning oh nicole he got panties not great either but i didn't think you were going to say his dick is small and oh yes can you yeah can you just read us the dick scription one more time as i'd like to call it? Yes. So this is exactly what I said. I said, just not a dick, kind of small and skinny,

hate to be mean. Kind of small and skinny. Like a kid trying out for the basketball team who's going to end up handing out towels. Now, Nicole, while you were having sex, was Trey's vibe the vibe of a guy with a small dick that's kind of skinny or was he running the show like i don't know maybe he's king kong down there he was running the show like he had some good motion in the ocean okay okay so it's just a hurricane it had

some good motion in the ocean there's just the wave wasn't big enough yes and so and like i wasn't complaining but they asked for my honest opinion and i was drunk so i just did it and then i was laughing and then he stole my front end so i got a question nicole this has been in a debate that's been going on for a long time so for you size really does matter oh for me yeah i know some girls it doesn't matter but for for me, I would say 100%. Really quick, Nicole, what inch length are we talking? All jokes aside, because I'm doing a project in here, I have a ruler. Oh, my God.

Jake can be very helpful. I would say like three or four. Three or four inches. Wow. All right. That's going to make a lot of people feel better on this call. A lot of Kevin just got confident. Kevin's smoking a cigarette right now. our producer was quiet and pasty and then you said three or four and he

started doing like the big shoulders like yeah do you see him pound his chest like an animal that was strange i'll say i'm a little less sweaty after that news that's good so you have sex with trey at a hurricane party he's got a small skinny penis the sex you liked having sex with him but it just wasn't great he reads your text uh obviously gets offended uh what's the question today where are we at like from a guy's perspective is there any way that we can still be friends and not have it be awkward we're literally going to a concert together in two weeks and we're like driving there with a bunch of people, but it's just him and I in our seats at the concert. And like, we've been friends for forever. I don't want us to not

be friends anymore, but I just feel like it's his ego too bruised. Thank you for phrasing an interesting question on this, because if you just said, well, what do I do now? I'd say like, I don't know but that's an interesting turn can you maintain a friendship with somebody after a situation like this gareth what do you think it's not easy um it really isn't um i i think well okay so you how many friends did you tell this about his skinny noodle penis? It doesn't matter. It's going to spread like wildfire in this group of friends. If she told one of her friends.

Do you think it has spread? Not you, Jim. I know it has. I'm answering for her. No, no, no. Nicole. The friends that I told, it was a group message. But it was four girls.

Four equals 60. I wish it was the same with inches. Those friends don't really cross-pollinate a lot, though. Oh, that's interesting. Well, that's good and horrible in a way, because that means maybe you've started four separate fires. Yeah, but in his group, in that extended group you have, are these girls going to spread it around to other girls?

Is this going to be something that within this is this going to follow him trey's going to have to deal with the fact that he had sex at a fucking hurricane party and the girl he did texted everybody he's got a skinny small dick and now the next four years of his life are just kind of a drag or no is this going to just be in this small group and move on yeah it's definitely just a small little group and it's not going anywhere. I mean, we don't, it's not going to spread. Okay. That's interesting. So then I've got a question for you.

Are you ever going to sleep with them again? Yeah. I mean, I would. Well, there's a way to save the friendship because I'm going to tell you why. the friendship because i'm gonna tell you why if you go i know what i said uh and i hope i didn't offend you as proof that i liked the car that i purchased i would like to purchase it again now if you say like that's a red small was small his dick was small and shrimpy and he's like and then you're like but it's great and he goes, you want to take it for another test ride? And you're like, not a chance. I barely felt you. Then he's going to go, your words mean nothing. But if your actions are saying, I'll go round two with you,

then he knows what he's got packing in his underpants. But if I do that and he rejects me because he's mad. Well, then you've already made that. Now it's on him. That's actually great. Dare I call that maybe your best case scenario? Because, look, you've already kind of put the black flag in his sands at this point. So this is a way for him to have some sort of redemption. He can feel like a little bit of a comeback, and it really is no skin off you. Do you want to see him in any way? Do you have any romantic interest, or were you just thinking of this as kind of a comeback and it really is no skin off you do you want to see him in any way or do you have any like romantic interest or were you just thinking of this as kind of a you don't marry the

small dick not marriage you might take some milk from this cow you don't bring it home uh i'm gonna throw up uh nicole but that is a good question from Gareth. Would you be interested in dating Trey? No, no. We're just good friends. Okay, but you would be interested in maybe... Another round. Another round. Yeah, maybe. You know, we're going to this concert together.

I don't know. We're going to be drinking. I think if you're open to another round, then I would float it out there and see. I mean, in no way do that because you want him to feel better necessarily. But if you're open to that, that's probably a good way to maybe make it feel a little bit better for him. I also think, well, I also think like, you know, you can just fucking apologize, you know, and just be like, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, I did. I did apologize. I've apologized like seven apologizing will make this worse. Okay. All right.

Go. You go, Jake. Take, but it will imagine Gareth. If you were with a girl and yeah, you don't want to hear about it. She texted. It was really fun. I slept with that guy, Gareth Reynolds. And then they go, how was the sex?

And they said, well, he's got a small, shrimpy dick. Kevin can clip this. Don't do that. Gareth go, I know that I have a small, shrimpy dick. Jake, stop it. It hurts to hear her say that. And then she said, hey, Gareth, I really apologize for telling everybody that Gareth Reynolds has a small, shrimpy penis.

Why do you have to keep saying my full name after small and shrimpy penis? Because I'm giving an example to connect it to Nicole. Sort of. Nicole, I think you... Go ahead. Gareth, can we go back to Nicole, please? I would love to, but you just said that I have a small, shrimpy dick five times, and that could easily be a clip for Instagram.

Kevin, could you cut the thing that he just said, just him, not me me in it and put that on Instagram. God damn it. This is what I was worried about. Hey, Nicole, I definitely wouldn't do the apology. I think it makes it worse. Okay. What I would do if I were you and you were comfortable with it the night of the concert, if you're drinking and it's feeling right, I would try to hook up with him again. And if he rejects you, now you guys are back to being friends. You embarrassed him. He embarrassed you. If you hook up again, just imagine if that little lightweight fighter knocks out the heavyweight and he wins.

And let's say that little three incher gets the job done. And maybe there's a lesson here that sometimes it's not the size of the hurricane wave. It's the motion of the ocean. Thank you, Gareth. Cause maybe there's going to be a win in this on that second time. And you go, I don't know what happened.

You text those same girls and you go, what concert are you going to see by the way? Drake. Drake. Interesting. You go, we concert are you going to see, by the way? Drake. Drake. Interesting. You go, we all saw Drake. It was great. And then I had the best sex of my life with Trey.

I mean, listen, I'm down for it. I'll try it and I'll let you guys know. Will you follow up with us? Yes, please. For sure, I'll follow up. All right. Yeah, we want to hear what happens with this. We wish you the best and we wish Trey the best.

Let's be honest. All right. Thank you for a guy's perspective. And I'm a big, me and my girls are all huge New Girl fans. Love Brian, the security guard. Love Nick Miller. So thank you guys. Shout out Brian.

Thank you, Nicole. Nicole, it's so nice to hear that because a lot of times people forget about Brian, but he is a staple of that show. So thank you, Nicole. That's awesome. You're welcome. Thanks for having you, Nicole. That's awesome. You're welcome. Thanks for having me, guys. Bye-bye.

Today's episode is brought to you by Babbel. That's right, Jake. Listen, you know what Babbel is, right? Science-backed language learning app that actually works, which I find to be very important. Science-backed, Jake. Listen, don't bother paying hundreds of dollars for a private tutor. They come over, they're like asking for snacks, they're being annoying, or even waste hours on apps that don't really help. We're here to help, and Babbel is going to help you.

Babbel's tips and tools are approachable, accessible, rooted in real-life situations. So, Jake, for instance, if you want to learn, I started relearning French through Babbel a little bit. Yes, because I used to know French, but then I don't know French, but it's still there. You know what I like about it is that it's got a speech recognition technology. Yep. Because the problem with learning a new language is if you sound like you're from another country yes if it can actually help with the accent yeah that's a big ass and applicable to situations you're going to find yourself in like when i think

back to taking french it was just like so much it was like i'm never going to do that like how do you order food how do you get a? How do you get a drink? How do you ask for directions? But so Babbel's great. Now, listen, listen, everybody. Should we bring him in? Wait, one quick pause. Should we bring in the closing?

Studies from Yale, this is interesting, Michigan State University and others prove that Babbel is better. So one study found that using Babbel for 15 hours is equivalent to a full semester at college. So if that's true, which Yale's no joke, it's just putting schooling in a different light. Yes.

If you spend 15 hours, let's say you didn't go to college, and you always feel like, well, I don't know. I didn't go to college. 15 hours, you just did a semester. Yeah. That's wild. Yes. That's a wild study so speaking of language should we

bring in the closer or should i do it closer all right hold on let's get him kevin doors open oh you meant gill yeah i meant kevin what kevin was gonna do it no i thought we were talking about the closer they we were he parked in front of all our cars so so might as well. Oh, he can't leave? Well, what's the problem? Go ahead. So that old jalopy is Gil's? Yes. And you can turn it off, I guess. Nah, keep it running. It's bad for something. A lot of smoke. I'm pausing

a serious accent. Now listen, here's a special limited time deal for our listeners. Right now, get 55% off your Babbel subscription, but only for our listeners. This isn't for people who don't listen, like Laura from one of the calls earlier. These are standalone? At Babbel.com

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Rules and restrictions. This episode is brought to you by ZocDoc. ZocDoc is a free app and website where you can search and compare highly rated in network doctors near you and instantly book appointments with them online. Garth, what does that mean to you? Well, it means a lot because as you know, my mother was in town for a while. She had a hip replacement and it was crazy. It was a crazy situation and there were so many times, so many things like complications were popping up and there were multiple times where we wanted to find a doctor appointment quickly,

somewhere close. You use ZocDoc. Yeah, you would use ZocDoc because it's just so much harder if you're just like, you know, like using search engines to try to find someone and then you call, do they take your insurance? Yeah, but the problem also-

ZocDoc has filters for all that. take your insurance the problem has it's all there for all the problem with also just searching it is all the ads pop up yes and what i like i actually use zocdoc we since we started doing it i do like that it keeps it really clean and you can put all your information in yeah did you use zocdoc for your knee i did use zocdoc for my knee which i am going to get an mri on but we don't think it's a tear that for my knee, which I am going to get an MRI on. Oh, you are? But we don't think it's a tear. That's the good news. But I am going to get an MRI.

The doctor report back, it's just an old man's knee. It's actually pretty much what it sounded like. That's what a doctor said to me about my hips. I'm getting to the point where it's sad when doctors are just like, yeah, you're just the... He goes, I've had a doctor who looked at my body and then went like this. Well, you're mid-40s, yeah? Ugh, what a jerk. Well, that guy's hopefully not on ZocDoc.

But again, it really does. It filters specifically for doctors that take your insurance located near you. Treat basically. And again, you can get an appointment quickly. You can also get it same day. That's absolutely right, Jake, if you're lucky. That's right. Gil Buchanan, ones and twos, 68 balmy.

Don't worry about it. That's right. I've been kept in the closet for a while on this show, but I'm back for the ads. Good to see you, brother. You would get a fist bump? Literally never left. 2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-o-c-d-o-c dot com slash h-t-h zocdoc.com slash h-t-h hi hi there who are we talking to what's your name my name's megan with two g's m-e-g-g-a-n got it. Got a little G happy in the name. What's the back story with mom and dad on that spelling of Megan? It's not as exciting as it should be, but my mom really liked to do calligraphy when she was pregnant with me,

and Gs were her favorite. Amazing. Okay, God bless mom. That's cool. It was Molly or Megan, and I'm glad they picked Megan because I know a lot of mean Molly. I think you could use a third G. We'll get into it a little further. It was Molly or Megan, and I'm glad they picked Megan because I know a lot of mean Mollies. I think you could use a third G. We'll get into it a little further.

I think a third G would be fine with me at this point. Let's go for it. I totally agree. I am ready. What's your age, Megan, and where are you calling from? I'm 42. I'm calling from Virginia. Well, what's going on? We aim to please.

What's happening? Well, I wrote in my email about how I'm 42. I'm almost 43. Pretty happy person. You know, I own my own home. Got a good job. But I'm really, really into fostering animals. And I'm just really like animals a lot.

So I have two dogs, a six cat, and then I have a lot of foster kittens, depending on the time of year. lot of foster kittens depending on the time of year. So I'm like, have I just sealed the deal of being single for the rest of my life with my like extracurricular activity of being obsessed with animals? Interesting, Megan. I'm relating so hard to this question. And then on the one hand, I'm like, do I care? But I don't know. I've been single a long time and I'm like, well, you know, I should, I should. Okay. So we've got two dogs. We've got six cats. When you say you foster a lot of kittens, what's the most you've ever fostered at once? What are we talking here?

Like, I think 4th of July weekend of last year was pretty hectic. And I maybe had like 15, 15 cats. Holy shit. But we're talking like five. I'll have five kittens that are like, we're talking like baby, baby cats. Okay, so the kittens don't do much. They're just sitting in a little box. No. Yeah.

My house is like, my friends are constantly like, you would not know that you're obsessed. No, it's not big. I just clean it and it's like, you know, I keep up with it. Okay, so it's not a smelly house. Oh, yeah. No, I need you guys to know that it smells good in here.

When I went to adopt a rescue dog recently, she was in a foster home, and I went to the lady's house. And I can't remember if she told me if she had 15 or 20 cats, but it smells like she had 15 or 20 cats. And I was like remember if she told me if she had 15 or 20 cats, but it smells like she had 15 or 20 cats. And I was like, is this my future? Well, let me just quick sidebar and tell you something that it, to me, I relate it to, cause I am a cat owner as well. And I relate it to when I used to smoke when I used to smoke. Well, thank you. I, when I used to smoke cigarettes, I didn't think, what's up?

Well, he doesn't because he's a cat. He does. He's right here. He's waving right now. No, why is he waving? I'm watching a video.

There's no, but there is a cat behind you. He's like, take me to her house. Yeah. Well, easy Megan. Okay Megan, slow down Megan.

When you have a cat, you don't think it smells. But when I moved out of my last apartment the guy when i was talking about the security deposit he was like yeah and then i will be able to give you like most of it back but we're going to take like 400 to get the cat smell out of there and i was like cat smell and i think other people can smell what we maybe can't but but anyway so is is your question basically, have you given up the idea of a relationship because of the animal path you've taken? Yeah, well, I kind of think my question was like, have I blown it for, you know, any average human being? Like, I feel pretty normal, you know, like I've done an adequate amount of therapy.

I've got friends, I've got normal, you know? Sure. Like, I've done an adequate amount of therapy. I've got friends. I've got, like, a full life. But, like, you know, on paper, wow. Yeah, so, Double G, can I ask you a question? Yes. When was the last big relationship? A long time.

You're talking a decade? Like, I haven't lived with anybody in over a decade. Okay. And, like like i've dated but i also you know i just don't like relationships end sooner now because i'm not not 25 so i'm not gonna like be like it's fine if he's really mean to me that's when he's having a bad day you know like i'm like oh no i'm not gonna date this guy yeah no it's good like i'm like oh no i'm not gonna date this guy because he's mean right so you have standards you have standards you've built a life for yourself you got a good group you like your life you like your financial status and you love

your cats but you also think maybe there could be love but am i blowing it with these uh pets kind of but i'm like i'm also i don't know if i'm willing to give up the pet i don't know if you have to i don't know if you have to but one other question double g if you're really honest with yourself do you want a potentially a 200 pound animal man to be or a woman to be roaming around that house with you are you looking for a partner in crime or are you just wondering if the grass is greener? Cause it doesn't sound like you have a lonely life. Sounds like you have a full life. No, I don't. I don't. I like my dream would be to have like an out of town boyfriend that I get to see like a couple of times a month. Right. So double G,

I can jump in here a little bit. Uh, because I think we, we asked some questions to get a little bit more backstory and this has become a crystal clear to me, double J and that is two, two dogs, six cats. I'm a regular single guy in Virginia. I meet Megan. I view a 42 year old woman is young. I'm a 45 year old guy. We got a nice thing cooking you and me. We go back to your house.

We got a nice thing cooking you and me. We go back to your house. I'm not loving the six cats because I like cats just fine. But six, we're getting there. I'm asking questions. I'm saying, is this lady a little bit wacky? If I go there and there's 15 kittens in a box, six cats and two dogs. There's a lot of red flags, Double G, because I'm just thinking, where do we go? What does that mean? But I'll tell you, if this is 42, what's 65? Let's say we fall in love with each other and we got a nice thing cooking. And all of a sudden I

wake up and I got eight dogs, 42 cats and 100 hundred kittens. I'm not ready to run a zoo. I don't want a shelter. You're entering a world and you're right on the brink. Now going deep into that world might be great, but I feel like you're right on the line. I know I probably am. I also feel like you may not be a cat man though. So you're right. You, and, but listen, this is coming. This is going to be a tough one because this is going to be, this kind of advice to me is you go to a restaurant and you say to the waiter, what should I get?

Whenever someone says that I want to slap him in the face because I go, you have different taste buds. A guy like the Garf man, Gareth 50 cats. He's going to go. Can I move in tonight? A guy like double J. I'm not doing that. Garfman, go ahead.

Here's the only issue. This is what I find problematic about this situation. I think if you've carved out the animal lover life for yourself, that's great. And I think the fact that you're already kind of like, I'm fulfilled plenty, but there is room for more is good. Your worst case scenario is you're surrounded by, you know, the love of the animals. And again,

I think Jake's, I mean, it is a lot of animals. Like I, even I, as an animal lover, I would be like, Oh my God,

that's a lot of cats. So, but here's the deal. If, if like, if a man, let's say was obsessed with like sports and sports teams and sports players. And and and you went

in their house and they had like all their jerseys and like they were obsessed with all the play like i just don't jerseys the jerseys aren't alive megan and they don't take shits and boxes in the house i'm not asking anybody to clean up the boxes i know but it's a difference in commitment level it that the sports analogy is i get it but it is like yeah look i mean this person will be watching sports but if they if you're like hey let's go out or hey don't watch sports or hey just keep it to sunday that's awesome can i give a connection that might be closer in my opinion from the sports megan and i want to know what you would think i do yes. Yes. Let's say you met a guy and he said, you know, when I grew up, I was fascinated with the sharper image and I love

robotics and little weird toys where you sit down and it massages your back and you go, Oh my God, that's so quirky. I'm kind of a cat and dog lady. And he goes amazing. And you go to his house and he has 12 full sizesize robots and you know they don't really do much they're not like cleaning robots they're just moving through the space but they're a major part of like the living room in the kitchen there's two i want to bang this guy i would say you're gonna think there's a lot of robots my man. My cat just came in here and she's so offended that you just compared her to a robot. No, double G. No, you're getting out of it.

You understand what I'm saying. It's just a lot of robots. She has one eye and she's upset. You can't bring up your cat's disability to make Jake feel bad. He didn't know that. She's so cute. So here's going to be my advice to you on this one. And this is now the real advice. I think you genuinely sound happy and content with what

you're doing. So I wouldn't change a goddamn thing. And if a guy's not into your pets, then he's not the right guy for you because you seem like you love the pets. And there are guys out there and people out there that are going to be just like you. And if you find them great and if not, you don't need anybody else. He seems like you got a good thing cooking. That's my two cents, Gareth. All right. That's pretty good. And I'm going to I'm I am on board with all that. But I'm going to say just because you made the call, there's obviously some impulse to, you know, keep that door open. what i would do is i would set up a dating profile on something that's not dog shit which you're very familiar with um and i would just put this is

this is like you've got food on the boat but if you get an if you catch something fantastic and it just says very clearly in the dating app, I have a ton of animals. If that's a problem for you, swipe left. And just that way, you've got a hook in the water just in case. I wouldn't phrase it that way. I would absolutely phrase it. Write down what I said because he's going to try to make you forget it. I have a ton of animals.

You either like it or hate it or hate it in or out out yeah out yeah out by the time you're out then you're out but then you know that you're not the one for megan you're not megan's one we're looking for a roger with two g's to fit into this life if animals aren't for you comma i get it but then maybe but then maybe swipe left yeah you don't have to be a fan but i think we want to i think we also want to give the heads up that there's like a pet store being in the house so i think you'd be like big animal lover foster lots of kittens have a couple dogs just a heads up but excited to meet something like that so megan we like first of all i think jake needs a cat yeah i actually i have two outdoor cats interesting and i love them i love them i love them that's interesting

but megan in closing uh we just like to ask people what do you think you're gonna do because this is more about you than us i don't know i guess i, maybe I'll, maybe I'll give the dating app to try. You know, it's just not something I've normally done. Cause it seems like a, uh, nightmare situation for a lot of my single friends, but maybe, maybe I will. Maybe I'll just throw up. Maybe I'll just put it out there. So could you do us a favor then Megan?

Could you try to do the dating app and we're going to have Gareth take the lead here. And could you write something in the app about having the pets? And then could you follow up with us and let us know how it went? Yes, I absolutely will. Thank you so much for this call. We wish you all the best. Thank you, Megan. We're going to buy you a third G.

Thank you. Thank you. You got more G's than Verizon. We're Here to Help is hosted by Jake Johnson and Gareth Reynolds. The show is produced and edited by Kevin Bartelt. The theme song is made by Oliver Raleigh and you can check out all of his work at OliverRaleigh.com.

The album artwork is by James Fosdyke. You can find him on Instagram at James underscore Fosdyke. And if you'd like to see me do stand up on the road, go to GarethReynolds.com. And if you would like to see me do stand-up on the road, go to garethreynolds.com. And if you'd like to be on our show, please email us at helpfulpod at gmail.com.