We're Here to Help - 253: WEIRD Here To Help: Follow the Mummy & The Other Dariusz

Episode Date: January 23, 2026

Steve and Eric give an old mummy a royal send-off and dispute a Kafka-esque traffic violation. Plus, Gareth stops by to help a community theatre performer regain her "spark."See images from the episode here: https://www.heretohelppod.com/post/episode-253Want to call in? Email your question to [e-mail]: https://patreon.com/heretohelppodMERCH: heretohelppod.comINSTAGRAM: @HereToHelpPodIf you’re enjoying the show, make sure to rate We’re Here to Help 5-Stars on Apple Podcasts.Advertise on We’re Here to Help via Gumball.fmSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

New Year, same extra value meals at McDonald's. So now get two snack wraps, plus fries and a medium soft drink for just $8. For limited time only, prices and participation may vary. Prices may be higher in Hawaii, Alaska, and California, and for delivery. This is a headgum podcast. Well, folks, welcome back to another episode of Weird Here to Help. Eric, my man, how are you doing today? I'm doing well, Steve.

How are you? Oh, good, look. We're recording on a Sunday, which is, you know, kind of unique for us, isn't it? I kind of love it, right? It's a different kind of energy. It is. And we're not going to go into it right now because otherwise it will just be 15 minutes of water work. We're going to do another episode later on the road.

But we just want to say, thank you Bob Weir for everything you gave us. We love you so much. The love is immense. Thank you for all the smiles, my friend. Oh, so lucky to have seen him so many times. Dead and Company, Wolf Brothers. This is an end of an era brother. Well, Eric, Eric, what's going on in your world, pal?

with your weekend going. Well, Steve, I got a kind of a new theory for us. Okay. In terms of trying to spread good, trying to help. So I went to an event two days ago, and this guy came up, and Steve, he had the most oppressive, worst breath. I've ever smelled in my life. Right. And that's kind of my nightmare in this life, is having bad breath. I do, it drives just crazy, but I, I, I brush the back of my tongue. Yeah, you should. You're supposed to, right? Yeah, well, that's where it like emanates from. I was starting to draw up clothes of garlic in my instapot when I made rice.

And then she's like, there's nothing you can do to keep that garlic. It's coming out of your pores no more. So I stop. But I'm like, this poor guy, because I'm watching him like, House Stilton and Greerre. You know, great cheese is, by the way. Yeah. And I'm like, obviously knows what he was doing.

Yeah. He was going to good cheese. But like, I was watching this guy and I'm like, he has no idea that his breath smells like a baboon's GI tract. You know what I mean? Like he's walking around like this. I don't know what you mean. I don't know.

Actually. Steve, it was horrible. It was horrible. It was horrible. I can pull out. And I'm like, what if, and we can tie it in with what we do, is there a business opportunity? And because if I would desperately want to know if I was doing something like that, right?

Sure. Sure. What if for a small fee, say $70 bucks Canadian, somebody can email us and say somebody's doing X, whether it's horrible breath, dandruff, saying something offensive. Right. We don't know how to deal with it. Can you guys reach out and let this person know? And we can do it through a burner phone or anonymous email.

But to me, this guy has no idea that he's alienating and oppressing people with this god-awful breath. Well, and is there something we can do to help? Now, I'm not going to mention any names here, Eric, but there was someone in the improv community years ago who had halitosis. And he had done everything. Give me that name. Give me that name.

I'm not giving you the name. All right. That's fair. That's fair. You want me a name names? Would you have to be on stage with this guy and then dealing with him in the bar at the Improv Olympic West afterward? Yeah.

I can't do it. I start to hate the person. I feel really bad saying that. Well, yeah. Well, Eric, this might be more about you opening your heart to someone who actually has a disorder. Halitosis is something not easy to get rid of. You could eat 27 mince. And buddy, that halotosis is going to push up.

on through to the other side. So. But if I'm talking with somebody that has it and they don't have a mint in their mouth, they could be doing something to mitigate it. Maybe this is more on me. But what if this guy has no clue? What if the guy in the improv community had no clue? He knew. How did he knew?

Because he had halitosis, he told us. He's like, have you heard of halitosis? Supercalifragilistic, XP, halitogist. It always goes back to DVD. Even though the sound of it is, the smell of it is really quite. Why it's trojan. It's all comes back to Dick Van Dyke, baby. Through bad breath.

Dude. So he would say I have halitosis, I have horrible breath. Like, his life just has to be worse for it. It's tough. Oh, that's rough, man. But it's a thing. I mean, like, you can get it from having a weird diet. So if you have a medical condition and then you get anonymous email from we're here to

help saying you're pissing. It's not helping, is it? Or no, it's not helping. It's probably just hurting this guy for he's like, dude, I know. It's my life. I know. There's nothing I can do. All of a sudden, you have Edelstein calling you in a burner phone that it keeps...

You keep on a burner phone. I love, first off, you love to mention a burner phone. Oh, I want a burner phone. I've never had one. I want one, Steve. I'm going to get you one because you talk about it. Like, there's some exotic object that are impossible to, like, actually... Well, where do you get him?

Is it still like 7-11? I mean... Really? Well, I mean, I'm saying that from, because I watched the wire. That was also, like, 15 years ago. But is it different now with an iPhone? Because it's not like a little Nokia. Yeah, Steve, do you have a little...

a burner phone? No, my dad did until about a year ago. Whoa, why'd your dad have a burner phone? Was he moving drugs? He's, well, I'll tell you what, he is a Luddite and against technology, and finally we made him get an iPhone just so we could like, you know, you know, when he's off playing tennis, we can keep track

him a little bit, you know, he's not a young man. But up to then, he just had a burner phone he left in his glove compartment for emergencies. But, I mean, the man still doesn't really even know how to use a phone. Well, I think, Eric, we should do an experiment where we get you a burner phone and you turn off your iPhone for one week and just go burner phone. Oh my god, that'd be so fun, buddy. Do you think you could do it? No, I think I mean, I'm sort of addicted to the

iPhone too. I've been off Instagram this year. The only time I've gotten on was to retweet, weird here to help, repost, and then this live read I did last night at the Dynasty typewriter. And I have not scrolled yet in this new year. Yeah, that's good. And it's a real, I realize what a goddamn addict I am. We're getting you a burner phone. So we're going to get a burner phone. We're going to build that to Jacob Johnson. Yeah, Jacobus J. Johnson.

Jacobus J. Johnson is going to pay for this burner phone, and it's an experiment for we're here to help. It is. It's great. I think you get a lot of joy out of it. Oh, I love it. I love it. I mean. You can have it in your glove compartment.

And so maybe I'll do it rogue on my own. Like, if somebody does not have medically induced halitosis and you think they need a delicate reminder, if somebody has dandrum, you know, if somebody has dandrum, you if somebody talks too closely, if somebody's using some words, maybe they shouldn't be using, they're going to get a call from an 818 burner phone, and I'm going to lead them to glory.

So let's ask the listeners, because I like this, because I'm starting, you and I are very positive, I'm starting to air some social graces stuff. Yeah. And we did get some kickback last week on my rant about, one, saying don't correct people in bars.

People like, well, we are in a battle against misinformation. I really don't think your country. I'm not talking about political stuff. And then the other thing which is hilarious is I railed against people playing videos loudly in public. And then I insisted they had to watch the Australian guy at the succulent meal. But I said watch it on your own time. Yeah.

I wasn't pulling it out at a restaurant and loudly watching someone watch it. What we're talking about is in public. Don't watch these videos. And what we're talking about is in a bar. Let the illusion of a bar exist. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm not saying don't fact check. I've worked on many political campaigns.

I'm as upset about the misinformation as anyone. But I'm talking about social graces here that nothing derails the fund barcar administration. Oh, actually it was Archduck Ferdinand in 1916. Shut up. Let it leave. I've worked on many political campaigns like Eric's our James Carvel over here. I'm a James Carvel. Now, what we need to do, I'm telling you right now, Stephen, I'm telling you right now,

as you need to quit correcting people. Let the bar drunk be our ambassador. I mean, Eric, you'll find Eric, a lot of political war room tables. Oh, come on, please. Get down to brass pass. Well, I worked, you know, it's a little like working on,

I was a political junkie, and then it's a little like, if you love hot dogs, don't go work at the hot dog factory. Because working in political campaigns was pretty disheartening. I should talk to Dan Johnson about this stuff,

because for me, it was like, oh, it's just all about what your donors? Are you serious? It's only about your donors? We're not, oh, no. and my idealism kind of got swept away. I think what they're just, the police, you know, these campaigns are just using you the wrong way.

I think they just, they need to get you just in, just in an office, non-descript office, maybe it's like a globe, so we can kick your feet up and just get you about six to seven burner phones and just call on people for campaign donations. And I promise, for the people that thought I was promoting misinformation, I promised to promote goodness and fact-checking in a political realm. But in a bar realm,

leave that phone in your pocket, babe. When 13 feet, when we open our bar in Omar or Spokane, we're not going to allow cell phones to leave a pocket. I'm with you. Until you call a lift, that phone is in the pocket. And you sure shit can't play a video. Email to that person. I haven't watched it later.

Yeah, you're going to hear no arguments from old Steve Berg. I appreciate that. I love the kickback, and I want to keep this dialogue going. Keep calling me crazy friends. As you can tell, Steve, Gareth, and Jake, keep me for being a true lunatic. I'm like a quarter lunatic. I love because they're keeping me in check.

And I'm asking the listeners to please keep doing it. Yep. You hear that, folks. So it's on you. Help us out. Help us keep Erica check. And, I'll further ado. Would you be interested in taking some calls and see if we can help?

Oh, Steve, I'd be so interested. I love you, buddy. Let's help. Oh, let's do it. God bless Bob Weir. Thank you so much for everything. All right. Oh, thank you.

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Do you know an easy place where you could build a website? Squarespace. Squarespace.com, a sponsor of the podcast. We're here to help. Thanks, Elizabeth. We adore Squarespace. My website is Squarespace. My other podcast, the Dallops website is Squarespace.

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which I'm okay, Steve Berg. Where are you calling from? and what name will you be using today? Hello. I was so fast. Thanks, guys. Hey. I'm Kristen, and I'm calling from Kansas City.

Oh, can't wake up, wake up, wake up to Kansas City. I went to the University of Kansas. I am, and I was in Kansas City last Monday. How about that? Oh, my God. I missed you. Yeah, I had, I had, I had, I had a friend who has had some health problems,

so I went there and I took. some Minsky's pizza. We had a wonderful pizza lunch in a really short, like, little visit, but it was lovely, lovely. I love Kansas City. I know very well. I grew up there, a lot of family there. Oh, my God. Well, I'm sorry to hear about your friend, but that's, yeah, that's very cool. You're in town. Yeah, shout out Jim Williams. We love him. He's doing great now. Well, Kristen, to get us started, would you mind, if you're in a desert island, would you mind telling us without thinking of it, thinking about it, one album you would bring, one film you would bring, and one book you would bring.

Just off the top of your head without thinking about it, go. Yeah, I would bring the Zaba album by Glass Animals. Oh, I love it. School of Rock would be the movie. Sure, fun. And then book would be Lord of the Rings

because I've never read it, but I heard it's really long, so I feel like that would keep me pretty busy. It would, it'll take your place into some really wonderfully fun, magical realms. You, I can already tell you're a fun, fun person. Those are great. know you now. We know you. Chris, and really

quick, what part Kansas City do you live in? I'm not sure a docks you or anything, but just so I can get a feel of your geographical location. Yeah, I live near Westport. Oh, you live in the hipster area. You're by Brookside and stuff. Yeah, it's north of Brookside.

So, yeah, it's kind of like midtown area. Oh, that is the place to be the home of jazz music. Oh, my God. The best barbecue in the lower 48. I know this controversial, but I think Kansas City is the best. So Kristen, my great sister friend from Kansas City, how can my brother, Eric Elstein and I help you today? Yeah. So we have been living in this house in, I guess,

around Westport, for a few years now. And it's been somewhat of the same group all living together since 2021. And we've had lots of get-togethers and thrown lots of parties and whatnot. And one of our biggest parties have been Halloween. Oh, yes. Yeah, it's pretty well attended. We go all out on decor. And one year, I think it was back in 22, one of our roommates Lauren, she made a a mummy out of one of our friends.

Classic Lauren. He's like six four. Yeah, so it was like a life-sized mummy. She wrapped him in duct tape, covered it in, like, toilet paper, and then stuffed it with plastic bags and whatnot. And I love this. It's been, yeah, yeah, it's been a fixture at all of our Halloween party's sin. And we keep in our basement.

So whenever we get house tours, like, we'll always talk about the mummy and the repair guys that come visit the house, always ask about it. And they'll bring it out every now and then. And the repair guys are like, well, we're not sure if you're like a serial killer or some kind of necromancer. But either way, we're going to fix that cable box for you. Yeah. Amazing. Do you have a fun spirit? I wouldn't hate it.

I wouldn't hate it, Jesse. All right. Let me sit. Let me get my peepers on this thing. Lay it on me. Yeah. Here we can. Oh, wow.

Wow. It's horrifying. Oh, my gosh. Is that, is, am I looking at King Tut right now? King Tut. Hmm. But in the Arizona. Oh, my gosh.

The upside down is terrifying. It looks like it's in a cocoon and about to sprout. Honestly, that is. That I could totally see some like ancient, like deity just like emerging from that mummy casing. Yeah. No, the mummy means a lot to us.

And it's been a lot of fun living here, but we're all moving out at the end of this month. Everyone's growing up, going to different ways. End of an era. Everyone's going to say, hey, man, we'll hang out. We'll hang out. You're never going to hang out with these people ever again.

It's kidding. I'm kidding. I'm just kidding. Not true. All my roommates is 7, 2, 3, sharp. spoken in. No, their family.

No, I'm kidding. Okay. So is everyone, are you all like kind of disassembling because like he kind of hit that age where it's like,

all right, it's like, you know, living in the party house was fun. We had a good time, but now it's time to like, you know,

butted up a little more. Is that what I'm getting it? Yeah, yeah, kind of just closing the chapter in our lives. Everyone's going their separate ways. I hear you.

And the, I guess, question or pitch is how to, end this chapter in our lives and also how to commemorate the money because no one will be taking it with them since it's so big and we won't really be throwing the same types of Halloween parties that we started in the past. So I'm not really sure what to do with this. I have an idea.

We can get more detailed this idea. But what comes to mind right to bat, even before you said what the problem was, you have to have one last Halloween party. I don't give a shit if it's on Halloween. It could be January 20 nights for all I care because Halloween is a state of mind. Spooky season for me is 365, not just in October. I'm thinking you have the Halloween parade to end all Halloween parties. And at the end of the night, you know how they used to honor people, like a Viking funeral?

You burn this effigy in the most positive way and you send this mummy into the ether. You know what I'm talking about? And like, look, is it up to code? Are you going to get in trouble? Sure, but you're also moving out. Yeah, true, who cares? Yeah, I mean, you know. It's a rental.

I'm not saying break stuff and stuff. You don't have a security deposit, but like, I think a small fire, or you go out to like, you know, a place where you feel like it's okay for you to burn, like, a mummy. And you do it up. Eric, Eric, where are you at with this? I think you find the bus stop in Kansas City. You drop that thing off before it gets busy, like 530 or 6, then you hang back and watch. what goes down. Because it is going to be the most entertaining thing you've ever seen in your life.

People are going to freak out. The cops may be called. You are going to end your reign as roommates together perfectly by freaking some people out in a truly cosmic way. That is so great. Right? Imagine you're driving by a bus stop and you see that thing. Eric, you know, I think both these ideas coupled together wonderfully. It's like you take this mummy out. Like on one last run. You show it a great time. I'll say this. I was in Tulsa this year.

I drove up to Kansas City because I've always wanted to go. What a great city it is. I went to the Royals game. I went to Kaufman Stadium. One of the great ballparks in the world. Agreed. You try to bring that mummy to a Royals game. Yeah.

You show that mummy. You get pictures of the mummy with a hot dog and a beer. Put it in a Royals hat. With a Bobby Whit Jr. Jersey? Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. You let Bobby Witt and.

Jack Hagg Leone see the mummy? Like, for real. Like, this is a very exciting chance to really mess with people's heads and get this mummy seen by the world. And it's a perfect way to kind of end an era. Yeah. Yeah. I think this is such a good idea.

And it's like, I'm curious what they're going to charge the mummy for admission. They're great people at Royal's Ballpark. Made some friends there in the front office. But I think you've got to try to get that mummy in the game. If you don't, you leave it outside, which is kind of even more hilarious. in that like courtyard out there. You're basically doing a one week, like a week or two, like weekend at Bernice with this mummy.

Yeah. What's your favorite barbecue place in Kansas City? What's your absolute favorite restaurant in Kansas City? Oklahoma Joe's Q39, Jackstack. It's got to be one of those. Yeah, I was going to jackstack. Yeah, Jackstack. Okay, the mummy's going to Jackstack and it's going to party.

Oh, it's going to get the rib trio of lamb pork and beef? We want the mummy covered. and barbecue sauce with a mud light and a joint dangling from its mouth, or we haven't done this properly. Yeah. This mummy needs to go out right. And it's a big old mummy. Weekend at Bernie's, this mummy.

Weekend at mummies. Yeah, we do a weekend at mummies. Show this little baby who's met a lot to you guys, the time of its life. It's like, it's like the mummy has a bucket list. Whatever you think the bucket list would be, start checking those off. And then I would say it all ends with one big, beautiful. party for this mummy. And it's also a great way to burn something and it like solidifies the friendship that y'all have had. I don't want you breathing in the tape and all that other stuff though.

Steve is burning. I think you leave it a bus stop because and watch someone is going to pick up that mummy and it's going to be one of the funniest things you've ever seen in that life of watching someone load that mummy in their car because someone's going to want it because it's a free mummy. You know, you don't get a lot of chances to get a free mummy in this life. It's going to surprise you who takes it. And you know, that mummy is going on to a real fun new adventure.

And I will say in a perfect world, someone at the bus stop grabs that mummy and takes on the bus with them and then we never know where the mummy ends up. Never know again. Just on tour. But the mummy starts popping up around Kansas City. Yeah.

Oh my gosh. It'll be in a Taylor Swift show in like, you know, Tallahassee in a month. Who knows where this thing can end up? You could even put it. Yeah, I love that. You could even put an air tag on it and so you could track it.

Oh, air tag the mummy. We'll pay for the air tag. That's no problem at all. Yeah, well, Jacobus Johnson Industries will pay for the air tag. We really need, because this demands an update. We want pictures of the mummy at the Royals game, at the restaurant, at the bus stop. And if you can get a picture of whoever grabs this mummy or burning it, whichever you choose, we love. That's up to you.

That's up to you. Steve and I have two different opinions, but I think the mummy could stay alive. Where are you out, does Kristen from Kansas City? Yeah. I like the weekend of Bernie's idea. I think that's hilarious. It is super heavy, so there's some logistics to figure out with that. Right, right, right.

A wheelbarrow, like a garden wheelbarrow, put it in a wheelchair. I mean, like, you know, there's transportation. I mean, I'm a heavy guy. Eventually, someone's got to lug me around probably. So, I mean, like, you know, there are just ways around it. Odds are, it's me. And I'm thrilled with that sake of responsibility. Because it goes both ways.

Eric, you would be the best. I mean, like, if I mean, like, look, I'm putting you in my hands, man. I feel good about that. I promise I won't let you down. I know how to keep you happy, buddy. Don't you worry. You do. Don't you worry, buddy.

Oh, yeah. You're a dream caretaker. And everything else we don't even even need to mention. We don't need to mention the rest. Yeah, take this mummy to a proper meal. Give at the time of its life. Yeah.

Yeah. I love this. Absolutely. I love the air tag idea. I think that was maybe the best advice you guys ever had. So we're going to incorporate that. They'll, yeah, follow the. follow the money or the mummy and I would I would say what if it ends up in Egypt if

home back home in a sarcophagus oh right under the Sphinx where the Hall of Records is we all know the Hall of Records is under the Sphinx but I would also it would be kind of fun too is if you and your roommates right now you all had like some kind of fun beverage and you sat around and you created like five things on the mummy's bucket list and that's just things you guys have And you had to check it off. One thing that came to mind was seeing if a museum would take it, but I don't know. I'd rather have the museum

unwittingly, like, have it come into their possession on accident. Well, you could instead of a bus stop, drop that off of the Kansas City Metropolitan Museum of Art. Or the Natural History Museum and, like, let them deal with it and just say, put a note on it and says, hi, my name is Augustus, please take care of me. And it will freak them out.

And any museum curator worth their salt is going to realize they can't just throw it away, that they now have a mummy issue. No, there's great official. You could bury it. That's true. And then call an anonymous tip. There you go.

That's great. That is great. I was also thinking when you put it at the bus stop, you could call the local news station or the Kansas City Star and say, hey, I don't know if you guys are aware of this story, but there's this mummy that keeps on showing at random places all over the metro area. You guys should do it. It'd be interesting to do a story.

You guys should get on top of that before an independent source does it. Is local news dead? I don't know. Leading our news today, a mummy has been spotted around Kansas City. I mean. We go now to Erd Schluterton live. Erb, what's a story with this mummy at the bus stop? And why is it covered in barbecue sauce and cheap beer?

Well, we're at the bus stop right now. And apparently people have been calling in saying there's a mummy here. So lo and behold, there sure is a mummy here. It's got what it appears to be an oak milk latte and a bun cake. We're not sure what the mummy's doing here. Well, you can't be surprised there. Everyone knows mummies can't do. It goes right through them.

Yeah. Now the weather. So I think there is a chance you could be like, you could make this into a really fun Kansas City metro area story, you know? Absolutely. Take it to worlds of fun. I mean, take it, you know, down the water slides. Take it to the Jazz Museum.

I mean, Kansas City is just, there's so many wonderful things to show this mummy. So I would really create that bucket list. See if you can turn it into this like kind of like newsworthy praise. that the KC star or local news is going to involve with it? I mean, it's a long shot, but if it worked, oh, oh, legendary. People would be singing songs about you forever. Absolutely. I love it. When are you at the house? Yeah. January 31st. Oh, it's coming up. Wow. Yeah. Wow. Yeah. You guys have been living that same old same old

You're all going to grow up and go to Wall Street and, like, loose touch with who you are, wear suits and hard shoes. I mean, no, don't, I'm just kidding. Hard shoes. We're wearing hard shoes. You're going to start seeing concerts and hard shoes if you didn't have time to go home and have to work and change. But I'm just kidding. You don't have to do that if you don't want you.

You never have to grow up. Eric and I didn't. And we make room. No, here we sit. We're getting paid for this. Here we sit. Here we sit. We're getting paid for this to be a bunch of jackasses.

Okay. Hold on. I got a couple. I got one more, Steve. I'm sorry. Just starting to win? Do you know that there's some pretty famous people buried in Kansas City, including Walter Cronkite, who we desperately need these days in this world of misinformation,

and one of my all-time heroes in life, Satchel Page. Oh, yeah. So imagine if you take this mummy to a cemetery, if you kind of leave that mummy on Walter Cronkite's grave, oh, my, will the local news come calling? That's true. That's true. I will also say this. I know and am friends with the great Rob Curley, who is the editor of the Kansas City paper.

Now he is the editor of the Spokane paper. But he has tons of connections with Kansas City journalism, so we might really be able to get this covered. Eric would be willing to hop on a burner phone paid for by Jacobus Johnson Industries and make a call to the newspaper as Spokane. Wouldn't you, Eric? Oh, yeah. I didn't even need to be a burner phone.

Rob Curley is one of my good friends in this life. He's a hero. He got the local paper in Spokane hooked up with Gonzaga. So instead of having an owner of the paper, it's now completely autonomous and they can just print the truth. It's a pretty cool thing. So we can talk to the great Rob Curley and say, hey, there's a mummy around Kansas City.

This is a huge story that's searching out of the Midwest. It's taken KC. by storm. Yeah. Well, Kristen, first off, I love Kansas City. It's automatically you're part of the family. And you have to do Eric and I a solid. and please update us and let us know how this goes. We love pictures.

We love video even more. But if you send those in, we will put those on the Patreon and people will eat it up like a spaghetti dinner. Oh, bonus points for picture of the mummy at Walter Cronkite or Satchel Page's Grave. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. How's that saying, Kristen? Absolutely.

I will confer with the roommates and see which way we're going. Okay, we love it. Go get a six-pack of Boulevard this afternoon, sit around with the roommates, and come up with that bucket list. Okay. We'll do. Well, thank you guys both so much for the help. It's been really fun listening to you on the show. Oh, thank you, Kristen. You give us wings. Yeah. Thank you, Fifth Ranch, part two. We'll talk soon. All right. Bye-bye. Peace.

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I don't... Ladies and gentlemen, Rooster T. Feathers presents Gareth Reynolds. Hello. We're combining the Saturday two shows in the one. Numbers are low.

Steve. Gary, you want to do the intake or you want me to do the intake? No, I want to be the guest. I want to, yeah, I'm in the side car. I feel spicy. Steve, you're so good at it. I have a lot of coffee today. Yeah, let's go.

I want to be good at something. Come on. Great. Well, hello, my friend, calling from a 603 area code. What is your name? And where are you calling from? My name is Sarah, and I'm calling from New Orleans. Sarah, have you heard that song by Jefferson Starship?

Sarah. Sarah. I totally have. No. I bet you were named after that song. Because you're having a good time, Sarah. It's a great. I love that song.

Me too, but I'm way too old to be named for it. But thank you. I love that. Well, you have a very youthful. A voice friend. Hall of the Starship, dude. Great slick. No, I'm saying there's also a hollow note.

Sarah Smile, right? Oh. Yeah. I think I'm also too old for that. You sound like you might be in our. age range then, which we're thrilled with. We're happy dealing with Jake Johnson's younger fans, but this is a, we're

glad to have somebody in our age range. This is glorious. Are you Gen X? I am. I am. And actually, I think I'm a couple years older than you guys. Right? And Sarah, we also have huge news that you are joined by a special guest. It's Gareth Reynolds.

Yeah. Are you serious? I'm serious. He's playing Rooster T. Feathers Comedy Club tonight, but he was able to just jump in for a call with you Sarah. Sarah. Have you somebody

of New Orleans a very spooky city and we hear you may have some kind of crazy going down. Say how to

Garrett though Sarah, please. Oh my God. Garretz, I love you and I actually wrote in my

email, can I just read you one quick thing? I said, I would love Eric and Steve's help with this as I think

it would really quote, spark their interest, horrible pun completely intended even if only

Gareth would appreciate it. Well, I'm here. My issue is electrical. I'm here. Oh, wow. I know.

And so the fact that you're here to help. I'm telling you. First is meant to be. Okay, well, our interest, consider it smart, sister. Huge electricity. And we're thrilled to be talking to a Gen Xer, finally. Oh, Ben Franklin with a kite in the key. Oh, boy.

That's big. Great, great pull, Steve. Great pull. Do you like that one? Yeah, good reference. Good reference. Gen X, we can go further back. We can go back to the 1700s.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. I'll love it. I'll workshop it. I'll workshop it. Okay, so Sarah, what is going down? Okay, so I have a fun, random, electrical issue or a current, I guess you could say, for as long as I can remember. Oh, dang.

Oh, see? I love it. A current. That's so good, so good. I love it. Yeah. Yeah. He's true good.

Nice. So when I walk under or drive under streetlights. they will often just turn on or turn off when I'm directly under them. Whoa. Really? Right? Yes. And I know this isn't like super duper uncommon,

but this has been happening for like as long as I can remember and it's in different cities because we're not from New Orleans, my husband's active duty military. So we've lived in 11 cities. It's happened everywhere. Really? And it's just kind of weird, right? So combine that with one other weird electrical-ish, I think, thing that I have, which is, in almost every musical that I've been in for like the last 30 years,

when we've had to use body microphones, like the mic pack, my mic will short out every time, but the same mic will work for another actor because it's community theaters, so you always have to share it. And then I'll get the mic pack back and it won't work for me. It got so bad that in one of the last shows I was in, the sound engineer was like an actual scientist by day.

And he was like, he put two condoms. over the mic pack and it worked. You got to wear protection. Well, okay. A lot came out of us. Yeah, a lot came out. Now, this is something I have actually heard about. You have?

Opening Gambit question. Have you ever worn a wristwatch? And if you do, do they work? Yes. No. Okay. So my husband told me to mention this. I haven't worn a wristwatch in forever.

Because I don't work. They don't work that well. No. Steve, how'd you know that? Because I'm a professional. So, Stephen, you have heard of this. Yeah. What would your question be as far as this problem goes, Sarah? Is there something distinct you need solved here?

Yes. So my question is, is there something like, I know this sounds really cheesy. Am I powder? Am I like a superhero? Am I a witch? Have you heard of this? Potentially. And I would love your take. I love your thoughts on it.

And like, is there something cool I could do with this? Because it's so random and weird, but I feel like it's connected. Now, the fact Steve nailed the wristwatch is huge. And I hope that silences a ton of critics out there. Yeah, yeah. Because Steve's a huge swing there. And I was prepared to cover for him. But the fact you said there's a wristwatch issue, what happens when you wear a wristwatch?

Well, really quick, let me ask. No problems with my time. So there was something with a, uh, you know, called the PZO Electric Effect, which is like, you know, quartz can cause it. Quartz is a natural conductor. Remember, like, quartz radios, you could, those little kids you could build. So I'm wondering, the places where you're having this, do you know if there is a big, like, unusual courts deposits?

Okay, well, I don't, we've lived all over. So now we're in New Orleans. We're everywhere. We were in Portland, Oregon, Portland, Maine. Oh, wow. Michigan. The, it's happened here. It definitely happened a lot in New England where, um, Salem.

Yeah. Yeah. Which trials. Right. I honestly, I'm making it. I'm just trying to hang with you guys. You were doing a great job. You're doing great.

You're doing great. It was probably, grot poisoning. Yeah, 100% that old wheat makes you trip. Yeah. It was. It was. I'm pretty sure it was. Uh, okay.

So Sarah, you want basically the, the, you're, it's not necessarily a problem. You want to know is like, do I have these special abilities and how to white harness them. Is that what you're asking? Yeah, because it's just kind of weird and it's fun, and I thought maybe there's something neat. I could try with it. A superpower. Steve, what, what, what, do you think is going on? She's affecting, it's every city, so it can't be quartz deposits, King.

Yeah, no, you can't, you're right about that. Unless she's got quartz deposits with her. Yeah, did you, like, I mean, like, did you follow? What changes electrical occurrence in people, Steve? buddy I don't know this is a slightly above my pay grade it's a phenomenon I have heard like oftentimes in paranormal hotspots

people's batteries will drain like their phone and whatnot that's that's pretty common but I'm trying to like so like you wouldn't know if you have a super power like I kind of think you probably don't I don't know what you can really do with it other than like maybe like have fun

turning things on and off Garrett's what do you think I think first of all turning things on and off is fun if you're not trying to yeah it really is fun when you walk or are you shocking people a lot, like with your fingers when you go to like hit an elevator up button? Is it shocked?

Yes. Is it shocking? Yes. But I always thought it was like my shoes, you know, like a static electricity thing. But yes, I do shock people a lot. What does your- What does your husband think of all this? He thinks it's hilarious.

And he wanted me to mention just in case it applies. There's a weird thing also that happens to me, but he thinks this is more like simulation thing where, No matter what every day, if I take a walk or a bike ride, if there's nobody on the road at all, I'll walk by a house and all of a sudden the car in that driveway has to pull out. Well, that's unrelated. I'm not related, but it's weird. I don't know. That's why Gareth is here just to say stuff like that. Well, I'm curious.

There are people that are considered superconductors. Yeah. That have a ton of energy coming off of them. And especially if you're already an artist, you're doing the sound of music, you're one of the Von Traps, you might be one of those people that just is gifted with a little bit more energy in this life. Especially hearing a microphone works for everybody else but doesn't work with you. I think you may well be a superconductor, which if not a superpower, is a pretty cool thing. And who knows when shit goes down and it may, you might have something that could really help you out when it does. Oh, man, the power's out.

We've got to find Sarah, man. Yeah, right? They're going to be lining up at your place. She's like Hulk. Yeah, exactly. Compower us. Like, well, you know, it could be that you've given too many electrifying performances. Stephen.

You put it on timeout. Sarah, please let me jump it. Steve's on time out. Eric, I'm curious where you're at with this sort of stuff, because Steve seems to have a solid bench. What do you think? I think it gets into the realm. Steve and I love of kind of science that's,

undiscovered, or even there is the thing with people's superconductors. I think we have energy in us. You have a real energy about you, Gareth. That's what people are going to see at Russell T. Feathers tonight on stage. Rooster. But rooster tea feathers on stage. Everyone should go. Natalie, make sure to edit that proper.

No, just kidding. But yeah, I think certain people in this life are gifted with more energy. And a lot of things people try to do is to try to channel or harness that energy in a certain kind of way. like, you know, my superpowers people will trauma dump after meeting me after like 30 seconds. I'll go to a gas station and someone will start telling me

about somebody that just died. I wish I had something involving electricity. I was going to say, what would you rather? Would you rather what Sarah is calling about? Oh, much rather. Streetlights turn on you or you have to be therapists at a 76. I have to budget time in my day for people, for strangers to trauma dump. It's a wild and amazing thing.

It's fine. It's fine. This show makes it all worthwhile. But yeah, I think you're, I think you might be, Google's superconductor, Sarah, because I think you may well be a superconductor and you just have energy flowing through you. There's probably ways to lessen it, but it sounds like it's all fun, right? Are there ways to... Are there ways to increase it? Now we're getting down to brass taxi.

There we go. Great question. If I were to have a pitch for you, Sarah, my pitch for you would be, why not start trying to use this as a skill? Maybe we do it as a party trick, but maybe we even go a little further and you start posting videos where you're putting spoons on your head or you're holding light bulbs. And we see how much this grill can cook. So I'm going to, on topic, Gareth's wonderful suggestion, I'm going to say, or to go online, order yourself a hunk of raw pure quartz. Put that in your pocket. And I am just because, I mean, this is pure science.

Quartz does cause the paezoelectric effect. Is it pure science? Pure science. That is like, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, because I'm trying to go science. It says, what is a person who can control electricity called? And it says, electrocinesis is a real scientific phenomenon. Point, Steve Berg.

The psychic ability to manipulate anything electrical, electronic is actually called electrocycoconesis or EPK. You're an EPK, dude. You're an EPK, Sarah. Don't let it go to your head. Don't run around, get lottery tickets and turn off people's light bulbs. So you're special. Sir, you're special for you. I'm telling you, I'm telling you, if you get this quartz, he may start flying around, sister. No. And I'd love to see you. My pitch is you need to do another musical knowing you have this ability. Yeah. You show up. Tesla the musical. You do Pippin with a piece of quartz in your pocket. You're going to be on Broadway in four to six months. You know, I would have... Wow.

I always wish I would have done Oklahoma. It's interesting. Wow. I would have been great in Oklahoma. You would have been fantastic. Or Big River, Steve. Either of us could have done there. You got a damn government, you star sons and bitches.

You're right. You got your hand and ever. I got it back on the boards. Now, hold on, fellas. I just, I love it. But I want to remind us that Sarah's on the call. Now, this is, I think you guys together, look, we would all love to see you guys do Big River together. Thank you.

Thank you. But do we really think that we can increase her level of electricity? Because if we can, what would be awesome would be for Sarah to just film herself testing some of these things. I love this. And then she could call back and show you all what she's doing and see if we're really working with something. And Sarah, I call dibs because I'm probably going to hire you to be like a Carney trick and we'll travel around in a weird little van like Garrett does. And we'll just do exhibitions where you'll. like electrify different things.

I don't especially. You're not to pitch the van thing. There's a court order. It'll be 80-20 split. You know, I think this would be a great way. We got to clear with Steve's PO. Shut up. Stay out of it.

You know, Eric, Steve goes to Vancouver shoots for 10 days. Oh, la-la. Now he's doing 80-20 splits. Montreal. Whatever. Whatever. But I mean, for anyone that doubts the power of us,

Steve just did a little show called ghosts. Ever heard of it? And so, yeah, the monolith on CBS. So anyone that's doubting the power of this show talking about ghosts or anything else. Stevie Berg just book ghosts. I'm a ghost. He's a damn ghost. What a dream role for Steve?

I'm a ghost. He just manifested a ghost. I don't even think I talked to you about what level, like on a scale of one to ten, how exciting was it to play a ghost? It was great. It was great. For you. Yeah. It was, it was, it was, you know, I felt like I had done it before.

It was one of those things where I'm like, oh, retro causality is real. Everything's already happened. We're just experiencing time in a linear fashion, but time isn't linear. We all know that. That's silly talk. Sarah, I need you to get a hunk of quartz.

Oh, I can do that. My, no, seriously, I can do that title. At least two to three ounces of, that's a t-shirt. Jake Johnson will sell t-shirts and said, Sarah, I need you to get a hook, too. How long till Jake's selling quartz on the website? Look, I don't believe in this shit.

I'm selling iron pie right in court. He's a whole bunch of G-Oach for these suckers. You guys keep talking up the courts, okay? He's got a car. I sold a bunch of iron for the guy. A car's picking him up to take him to the airport. He's asking the guy to swing around some weird shanty to drop off courts. Oh, yeah.

We got to make one pit stop first. We got to stop over here, my guy. So, Sarah, can you, will you please, I mean, you can build Jake Johnson for this, but yeah, will you please give yourself a hunk of court at least two to three minutes? A good hook of courts, right? I think this will accentuate the superpowers. I really do. I'm not joking.

Like, I think this is going to work. I'm pretty sure my son already has quarts. Oh, yeah. He's big into all that. I will say if it has paint or any kind of dude add on it, that's not going to work. We need raw, unstepped on, pure, unstepped on. Well, now, hold on. If she has quartz in the house right now, if she goes and grabs, is that going to do anything for us or no?

No, you got to have intention when you work with G-O's G-R. Okay. Tell him, Steve. Well, I mean, scientifically speaking, I don't think that's true. But, like, I don't think the attention's going to hurt. I don't think it's going to hurt. Okay. Now, I mean, can you go grab a piece of quartz really quick?

Or would that be like a... I wish that I could... He doesn't live... He's older, so he's moved out. This is our first gen X follower. This is so excited. Finally somebody are right. I know.

A little baby bird went and flew away. No. He did. He flew a mile away. But I can get quartz by later tonight for sure. But hold on, Sarah, right there. That's a huge tribute to you that your son lives only a mile away. That means you're cool as hell.

And you're somebody channeling energy and wait until we get you this quartz. My God. That tells me a lot about you. Is he coming up, your bologna and stuff like that, as like sons will do? No. Well, he started to, but now he lives in a house with all of his friends and his girlfriend and they're living their best life. And no, we hardly see him.

Yeah. But he's still only a mile. I live very close to his parents. And I realize they're missing a lot of lunch meat. Oh, boy. Oh, really? I took a birthday for my mom today. That's where he goes first.

Are you getting over there and stealing that bologna? They got a deli drawer? Oh, for sure. They're hiding it before Steve gets there. Hide the prosciutto steaks on the way. I'll park myself there for a while. He's just nodding while he's just slow chewing salami. Is there any good?

Well, I'll tell you, it's about dinner time of the heartland and I am getting peckish. All right, Stephen. Stay focused. Okay. Well, why don't we do this? if I may, Sarah get some courts and maybe you do like a prelim of like testing a few things. Maybe you guys have more specifics here because I'm out of my element.

But you do a few things where we register if anything happens. And then you hold the courts for a minute. We come back and we run the same gamut of tests and see if your electricity has increased in any. Yes, that's a great great experiment. And you've got an empty nest. I want to see you book another musical. Yeah, I want to see you take that courts in. I want to see a return to live theater for you.

I truly do. Wouldn't you love it, Sarah? Wouldn't you love it? It would be fun. It would be fun. Yeah, it's New Orleans. You got a great theater scene there. No time is a good time for goodbye.

What a... Danger. Sorry. I love that song. I love that. Great song. Beautiful voice. I support my friends when they sing.

Thank you. Do you have any... I'll watch the episode. Do you, please, buddy. There's a buzz. Don't do me any favors, pal, all right? I'm living off the fat of that land. Will you, Berg or Eric,

are there any specific things she can do that we could, like, are there a couple of things she could do? Could she go ahead? I know right away. So, what he does? It's going to involve a light bulb and a quick run to a hardware store. So you're going to go to your local hardware store.

Don't go to Home Depot. They suck. go to a local hardware store, make friends with them first. Go to the light bulb section. If you can find one of those long tube light bulbs, you know, the ones that are like three feet. Like an Edison bulb? I think, I'm not sure if I really don't know the name. I should know the name.

I'm embarrassed. But I think, yeah, one of those ones are like three feet long. Oh, one of those like factory ones. Yeah, exactly. And I want you to put, but before you grab it and take it out of the box, get that hunk of courts in that pocket. and then grab that thing. And there are people who I now believe this. I've always thought it was fake.

I've seen people like online hold those things and charge them and turn them on. How do you turn it on? She holds it and it kind of lightsabers in her hand. It will light up. Some people have an ability to have these. I have a picture of a guy who did it outside of Nebraska City. What? How do you have that picture?

It's a crazy thing to say, Eric, and I'm glad you're on board. I'll send it to you later. I have it on my hard drive. It's what a God? Hard drive. What is it? It's terrifying. Steve, it's terrifying.

Is Steve a data center? Well, I'm not a data center. He does drink a ton of water. An inordinate, unfair amount of water. I do. I do. Are you getting stealing lunch meat from his parents? Sir, I'm sorry you had to hear all this.

My dad took me to a doctor because he thought I had diabetes with a little cake if they drink for much water. True. Well, it turns out it was just cured meats. We're dehydrating you. My dad also, my also did. My dad also claimed like 10 years ago to not know I had a list. That is one of the funniest stories of all time.

I don't know what you're talking about. He's like, you say your is just like a regular boy. I think that I would be very curious. So I don't know. What do you think? Do you think that maybe we just get, she goes to the hardware store?

You don't have to make friends with the people at the hardware store. I mean, it's very nice, but they'll also, they'll serve you either way. That's Steve Lane. That's Steve Lane. You know, you got a yuck. What is your mom and pop hardware store in Omaha, Steve? Oh, it is, uh, it's, well, it's, there was Joe's.

Joe's is old, but Joe's just close. And now I go to a locally owned ACE hardware. Ah. I know. It's just convenient. I'm sorry. It's not, a bummer, Steve.

Yeah, I'm not feeling great about it. And I feel a little bit exposed and shame on you for putting me in this position. I'm feeling better. I didn't think. I thought you were going to give me great guy. I know him by name. They love me there. Well, they do love me there.

I know them by name. All right. Yeah, he's just better than home. people. They're not complicit of evil shit. Aist is the place for the helpful hardware. Well, we don't need to promote them on that level.

But, okay, so is that a good thing? Maybe we have Sarah go to the hardware store. She's got the courts. She holds the bulb. I think we should have her film it just to see either way. Oh, God. Yeah. Perhaps we're singing a show tune.

You know what we should do? I love that. Right? You got this, friend. You got this. Yeah. Why don't you, you know, it would be funny, is if you guys, like she brings in the video,

you don't tell them anything. Sarah, let the guys react and guess if whether or not they think your energy is going to turn the bulb on or not. Yep, yep. Yep, exactly. I love this. Maybe you could do it.

Maybe if one of you takes pro, one of you takes con, and then loser buys the other one, a meal where Eric Ace Hardware's the staff up. Oh, for sure. And I would take Steve to the rack. Apps, dessert, fun mock.

tails. Oh, I'm sorry, there aren't free refills in the Shirley Temple. Keep them coming, babe. This big galute's paying. If you fit halfway empty, that means bring another. Let's go. All right, Sarah, you got homework. Okay, I wrote it all down. I'm going to do it. Oh, we love it. We love it. And then I don't want to say that we get crazy, but you just let us know when you do that musical in New Orleans when it opens, because I've actually, believe it or not, never been to New Orleans. I'd like to root around, John. Yeah, John Goodman's places for sale and in its stage. love to go, you don't look at it and see if I can send some of his energy there. This is the time of year to come.

The weather's just turned and it's really nice and cool and beautiful. Oh, I love it. And my friend is there, the great Steve Gleason, former New York Saints, New Orleans Saints legend. Great man, this is a statue. So, yeah, I've been meaning to come to New Orleans. So I will come and watch you do Pippin. It's on.

Yeah. Eric Will. You got a lot of work to do. Yeah, so much. No, sorry. No, sorry. I had no idea would be this great. experience.

You have a lot of assignments. No. Go lean into the superpower. Get that hunk of course like tonight. Yeah. Only you're a second. You can't afford to wait on this. Start walking with that.

You know it. You can't afford to wait on this. Oh my God. I totally will. All right. I believe you. You're stopping with us, friend. Keep in touch.

All right. All right. All right. Thanks so much. Bye, Sarah. Give us your name and where you are calling from. All right. So, today,

we're going to go with the name Zagos, but you can call me Greg, and I'm calling from the... Greg, so... Go ahead. What was the first name you rolled out there? Did you say Jackoff? Zagos.

Oh, I like it. I love it. But we'll call you Greg. Okay. I'm so sorry, my partner called you Jackal. I thought that's what he said. I thought he was putting out. I did too.

Full disclosure, I did too. I want to honor his name and his culture, Jagoff, aka Greg. I don't hear well. I don't hear whatever you want to call. No, there's a little shit in those years. And where are you calling from? So it makes sense, you know, with Jagoff, right,

because this is a northern suburbs of Chicago. Oh, yeah. Love it. Love it, love it. That's weird, help territory. There's a van driving around full of love and goodness. We love Chicago on this show. Let me tell you.

So, Greg, what is your favorite rock and roll album of all time? Oh, my God. Um, don't think about it. Just saying. I think Revolver. Oh, that's great. Revolver by the, uh, a little band I like to call the Beatles. Yeah, I know. It's a bit of a sellout move, but yeah. No, are you kidding? Not at all. And my sister and I weaponized revolver because my parents are huge beetle fans. And my sister and I love to sleep in. And when my parents would like wake us up and make us get up early, we would play I'm only sleeping.

And my parents using a taste of their own medicine. Revolver's fucking punk, Steve. Yo, I love Revolver. I'm a Beatles guy. Greg, I love you. I just want to say that. I feel your energy. I love you. What's going on?

Okay. So I'm going to do my best to be brief here because it's a bit of a pale. And we can go into any parts you need to after we hit the highlights. All right? Love it. So a few months ago, I got a ticket in the mail. It was for a vehicle that I do not own, though. So I called the customer.

So it was like one of those red light violations. They snapped a picture. And there was this, yeah, and there was this big-ass van. And I own a Prius. Like, this is not my car. So I called the customer helpline. And they're like, no, no, no. This is you because of your name and the address.

So they were like, Gregos Yankovsky, your address. We sent it to the right place, right name. I'm like, this is crazy to me. So I call my friend who's a cop. He does a little bit of digging on his side. And he tells me that it's likely registered to a person with the same name as me. but a different guy. This is crazy.

Only in Chicago, right? Well, only in Chicago, right? Like third largest Polish population in the world, but like my name is not that common, like those two together in Poland, let alone here, right? So this is crazy to me. Whoa. So I call up the Secretary of State.

A lot of back and forth with them. Eventually I get a letter. It took forever, but they agreed with me that this is not my vehicle, But they're like, no, it's registered to someone with a very similar name. So now I have an in-person hearing because I have to go prove that I don't own this thing. So the ticketing authority still doesn't believe me. And the state can't directly determine liability.

It's been a hell of a time proving I don't own something. And especially because the owner and I share a very uncommon name. I'm literally a Kafka novel. Yeah, you are. It's not very surreal. Like, this is, it's not a question of if, but when this guy breaks another traffic law, and I'm on the hook, right? So all that to say, here's my question. How do I convince the state that they have the wrong Zegos going forward?

How do I have him clear things up on his end? Or how do I convince myself that this is just part of life? I guess asked another way, how do I avoid this endless loop, avoid the endless loop of like bureaucratic nightmares when my name is. doppelganger runs a red light. How do we make sure you haven't had some kind of weird psychic split? That there's another part of you that's driving a van around.

Now, let me ask you this. Very well. The good green. I've got those red light tickets and I've gotten a few and it's always real fun to see a picture yourself like I had Wilco show on the band turned up and I got my last one and I can see myself just loving it and I look kind of cool in the picture, I will say.

Can you see the guy in the red light camera picture? No. So it's the ass of the van, but I do have the, it's a work van. So I have where he works on there. What? And like his website. Yeah. Friend.

Oh, you got to reach. Step one. I'm sorry, we got to go visit him. We have to unite the clans. All right? You got to go visit this guy. He's not going to be thrilled to hear he got a ticket. That is a place of work?

Yeah. I mean, like, look. Yeah. And you're going to show up in the we're here to help van. It's in Chicago. You show up in the van with some backup with Jake Johnson's brother who's an attorney. Just as a friend, though, he's got a great energy.

He loves the Doobie Brothers. But, like, I think he should try... He loves the Doobie Brothers. You should try to meet him, right? And, like, maybe this is all cosmic forces of, like, you're meant to meet this guy. He's got your same name. I'm so confused how it got to your address.

But, like, one... Very confused. about that as well. This is going to keep happening, I think. And this is a scoff law. He's breaking laws. The shadow you is breaking laws. You need to one meet him to make sure it's not a psychic transference and that you aren't living a double life. Like you don't go to bed and then get in your van and break a bunch of traffic laws and have another family. First of all. Isn't that right, Steve? Okay. Yeah, I mean, I wouldn't love the idea that there could be someone out there like doing a bunch of like, you know, law breaking things. and I could be pinned for it.

I do think it would be something that I would absolutely, because just the way I am, I wouldn't like you, Greg, I would absolutely want to do something to attempt to solve this. I think, first off, so you have his place of work, right? Well, so it's like a larger company that's based out of Wisconsin. I don't know how many shops they have or anything like that.

But like it's for like some sort of like heating and like AirCon maintenance. So, um, yeah. But you, but I think with a little bit of detective work, it would not be hard to locate this person. Like, I mean, right at the bat. The first thing I would do, I would call the headquarters of this business and say, hey, I'm looking to speak with, uh, blank name, myself, basically. Yeah, and then I would get this guy's contact and then start thinking about taking the next steps. But like, just getting the contact information. And like, you could show up there. But obviously, we don't know where exactly he is. Like, there's not one central hub in northern Chicago, right?

So I think that kind of, unless he went like... And he's in Wisconsin. Yeah, potentially in Wisconsin. When is your hearing? Hearings in a couple of weeks. I'm not super worried about that because I have the things that I don't actually own this vehicle. It's not registered to me.

You'll be fine. This is going to keep happening. Right. But it's amazing they're making you go to this year. I tell you this one happened during Mayor Daly. Mary Daily went on a lot of this. A daily senior or junior? Oh, is he the mayor?

Well, no. There were two dailies. There was the older daily, the younger daily, and now we have Brandon Johnson. Yeah, I like Brian Johnson. And there's also Tyne Daily from Cagney and Lacey. Who Steve has a giant crush on, by the way. He's a huge time daily thing. Truly.

Guilty. Oh, yeah. If she had an only fan, Steve would give her everything. He's guys. Well, now you're divulging all my secrets. Steve likes an older lady. I think it's awesome. I think it's a wonderful quality that he has.

Huge Cagnon-Glazy fetish. This isn't about me right now. No. Well, I'm so curious, one, about this hearing. Like, what do you do to show up and say, I'm not me? I'm not this guy. Like, are you going to bring in the stuff? You think?

I don't know, man. Here we said, he has to go into a hearing to say it's not his red light. Yeah, but the Secretary of Defense. Secretary of War, Steve, Secretary of War. The Secretary of the State, like, said like, oh, yeah, you're good. It was a clerical error. So. But he still has to go in. But he's going to go in, and they're going to see, oh, I love Chicago.

It was a clerical error. L.A., you would just have had to pay this ticket. You wouldn't even have to show up. No, you would have, you would have paid the ticket. You would have talked to someone on the phone and said there's nothing you can do. This is Jacques Hoff. You're fucked. Yeah. Sorry. And if you don't pay it, there's going to be a huge crippling fine soon,

and I would have had to pay the ticket. You'll be getting on a bus and going to Chino for six to 10 years. Yeah, yeah. That's my mantra. Forget it. It's trying to town. But, but Greg, I think what you have to do is you have got to get this person's content information. And I think you have to write him a letter or call them.

Are you willing to do that? Are you willing to be? And this isn't being confrontational. This is just being like, I mean, like, I don't want to like take the heat for your wrongdoings or your right doings. I don't want to take credit for something wonderful that you've done. You know, like it's. Well, you know how much an air conditioner repairman makes? that's a great is that's why they're trying to bring back trade school

Steve electrician this guy's probably rolling around in shit filled gold yeah well it's funny you mentioned because I think so I've received also I thought these were just like scam things in the mail trying to get me to scan a QR code because I'm paranoid but it should be uh it was for a Mercedes Ben's sports car and they had defective airbags and so like oh my god And the last time I called to the ticketing authority,

they were like, hey, do you have a Mercedes-Benz as well? I was like, oh, my God, no. It's how I think, like, it's a matter of life and death. I got to get in touch with this guy. You got to get in touch with. Oh, no, no, no. This is what you lead with, actually. This has now become secondary.

If I may, there's not many things I'm a weird, uh, scold about. But I want everyone out there to look at the recalls on your car. Not to bring the whole thing down. I had a friend that had a horrible tragic accident because his car was recalled, he didn't know it, and when he put it in park, the thing was actually neutral and rolled down and hit him.

It's a horrible. Oh, my God. So everybody, please check the recalls on your cars because there's sometimes some really crucial stuff they're not telling you about. But if he has defective airbags in his bends and is the owner of a 1995 V320 Cabriolet, that stuff's very important,

especially with Mercedes. Germans are great at a lot. sometimes they leave electrical problems and they're not great at World Wars. So it is very important. You need to now lead with the defective Mercedes-Benz stuff. So we know he's rolling around in the bends. My bends cost six grand.

So that doesn't necessarily mean he has a ton of money, but if he's working in HVAC, electrical, he's probably clearing a good chunk. Fair enough. So I think you lead with that. And then the ticket also is also a funny thing. But I'm guessing you two are meant to meet up and be friends in this lifetime, right?

with the same name, probably the same background. If nothing else, you're going to get a discount on HVAC work. That's true. Yeah. You got to get in touch to this guy, and that's just going to be, you may have to do a little... I'm not worried about these airbags, Steve. Yeah. I'm a warrior.

Okay, I'm an empath. And using the airbags as like, hey, man, just a concerned citizen, like, I want to know your airbags are... They have been rendered useless. So you can do that, and they can be... once you have his attention, it's like, oh my God, wow, crazy. Thank you so much for letting me up. Also, Captain Leibbett.

I'm kidding. Yeah, it seems like you're busting some red lights there, Big Cat. So, you know, then you can kind of hit him with your real concern. And how you go about fixing that for future things? Well, Christ, he's running red lights with bad airbags. You're about to save a goddamn life and probably his family, too. This is now, now I'm going to have to. trouble sleeping tonight, Steve.

Yeah, you all sleep. I won't. No, I love you. I'm kidding. I'm kidding. I can detach. It's a one. I meditate.

No. Please, please, please. It's all just skin. Yeah, I mean, I think that that's, that has to be the play here, right? Because it's like, especially because I thought, like, I thought the airbag stuff was a scam, but like the more I think about it, yeah, you're right. Like, that's a little scary for everybody. Yeah, it is.

And also I, I, my gut feeling is that this. is not going to happen again because if this is something that was going to happen, I mean, like this would, I mean, like, look, there's not that many Steve Berg's in, like a, but I bet in Chicago, I bet there's 48 Steve Burgst. And this would happen all the time. So I really think you just had like a bad, uh, stretch of luck. And this was a weird little coincidence. I don't think it will happen again.

But I do think you should contact this person and let them know up at the airbags because that is a good karma move right there. Yeah. And show up in the we're here to help you. Just that you're in the Chicago land area, it's there for you. Yeah. And that's what the van should be about. It should be about solving cases like this.

It's like the mystery machine. It's like the mystery machine. Yeah. Yeah. And Dan Johnson is only a phone call away as well. If we have to take this legal, it's happening. But we really want to hear about your court hearing because this is uncharted ground.

Yeah. Does he want to represent me at my hearing? I think you would. I think. Look, we can we can make some request, you know. I mean, I don't have Dan on Speeddale right now, but we'll talk. Oh, I do. Fair enough.

We'll talk to Big Jake. We'll talk to Big J-Man about it. But I think this is great. I honestly, like, what a unique call? Amazing. Will you please do us a favor and follow up with us about the court hearing and stuff like that? And if you make contact with him, there's a lot we want to know. So please follow up.

No, I definitely plan on following up, you know, and I'm going to really try and get in touch with them again because those airbags are terrifying, dude. So, yeah, please do that. And I do think there's a 10 to 15% chance is actually a shadow side of you that's split. You're living a double life with another family, driving a van, fixing HVACs. If that's true, we want to get you the mental health you need.

So either way, please keep us in the loop. We love you. Okay. Thank you so much. Have a great night. Oh, great to meet you, buddy. We love Chicago. Great to meet you.

Chicago Tavern pizza for me. Absolutely. Best pizza in the world. All right, Greg. Take care, man. You're a tavern guy over Deep Dish? In a second. Oh, I love Deep Dish.

We're Here to Help is hosted by Jake Johnson and Gareth Reynolds. If you'd like to be on the show, please email us your question at helpful pod at gmail.com. And if you want to watch video episodes of We're Here to Help, you can go to our Patreon at patreon.com slash here to help pod to see our entire catalog. We're Here to Help is produced by Rabbit Grim. Productions, executive producers Rob Hollis, Jeff Porter, and Natalie Hollis, Associate producer Jesse Thurston, editing mix and master by Chris Fowler. The theme song by Oliver Raleigh. The cover artwork is by James Fostike, animations by Andrew Strelecki. And if you'd like to see Gareth, you stand up on the road, go to

Gareth Reynolds.com. Remember all of the advice given on we're here to help is for entertainment purposes only, and all listeners should be adults and make their own decisions. All video episodes of season one are available now on Patreon, and season two video episodes will be available every Monday starting January 20th. Go to patreon.com forward slash here to help pod. Hi, I'm Drew Offiwalo. And I'm Jason Offiallo. And we host the HeadGum podcast, Two Idiot Girls. Each episode, we're discussing plenty of topics that you would be giggling at a sleepover with your weird cousins.

We talk about all kinds of things, like weird dating horror stories, maybe a really bad wedgy you had once, or even a show you're loving and anything in between. So you can listen to two idiot girls on your favorite podcast app or watch full video episodes on YouTube. New episodes will be posted every Tuesday.