We're Here to Help - 254: Risky Business & Mom’s Favorite

Episode Date: January 26, 2026

Jake and Gareth help a caller avoid concussion protocol. Then, they enlist Gareth's mom Pam to make another mom jealous. Plus, an update from Ep 247 "Ten Pounds of Pasta (with Jenny Slate)."See images from the episode here: https://www.heretohelppod.com/post/episode-254Want to call in? Email your question to [e-mail]: https://patreon.com/heretohelppodMERCH: heretohelppod.comINSTAGRAM: @HereToHelpPodIf you’re enjoying the show, make sure to rate We’re Here to Help 5-Stars on Apple Podcasts.Advertise on We’re Here to Help via Gumball.fmSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

New Year, same extra value meals at McDonald's. Now get a savory sausage McMuffin with egg plus hash browns and a small coffee for just $5. For limited time only, prices and participation may vary. Prices may be higher in Hawaii, Alaska, and California, and for delivery. This is a headgum podcast. Really quickly, there have been people who are saying, and I saw it in the comments and an email, too much Patreon stuff. But let me just be very clear. the patron is its own animal

so we've started having a lot of fun over there Steve and Gareth are doing more chats over there they're doing a weekly show now they're doing coffee talk I don't know Eric and Berger once a week we're going to get a schedule if you're ever free pop-pon if I'm ever free pop-bond but they're running it it's them

but in terms of the main show that's an option but that'll never take away from this yeah there are separate animals so when we talk about it It's only because when we do these intros, we're just bullshitting and something funny will have happened. Yeah. But we will always feed back to the main show.

You do not need it. You don't miss anything from the main show. It's fucking extra. Yeah. But with that in mind, we'd been, we had a caller. I'm not positive if the first one aired yet. About a woman. It did air, actually.

The woman who cleans ears. Yes. And we were going to create. And I thought the comment. did not reflect this, that Eric was comedically insane. He did, it was, you guys turned it, and we stopped making it about what her call was, and it was because you fucking guys wanted your ears cleaned. No, it wasn't even that.

It was that this is, as we talked to her, there was just this, it was almost like, to me, I thought, this is a whole new world. That if we, much like Shark Tank. If you see a seed, you go, you know what, you know what? Yeah, you got this business, blah, blah, blah, blah. But you also have a patent for a better idea. And that's what I felt. I felt, you know what, were you, this.

A huge win. Not because her complaint, her issue could actually be the solution. I know, but her complaint was, what do I do when men moaned and groaned while I'm cleaning their ears? What you heard is, this is a business. Lean in. What Eric heard was, my ears are weird. I'm a point guard.

I'm in. Look, I can't get on the Eric Hill. But if you notice, Gareth, you know I love Shark Tank. You know I'm in. I did not engage. No, I know. But that's what was so exciting to me

was because I had the call with her. Yeah, I know it. And when I talked to her... Which I still have not heard. Which I, when I talked to her privately, she and I were both like, this is fucking great. Huge.

Like we had a whole itinerary of how this would go. We had the way of planning out the different things that would make it kind of like its own experience. Incredible. Again, not saying like, oh, this is all about the eargasm, but saying like she has a very specific skill set that would definitely, like people, I see sometimes online, like, my algorithm is so much chiropractic care. Sometimes these ears are getting care, and people are going, ah, this is amazing. So a way to cater that, and then the idea being that Eric is the first, Eric is patient zero. I take Eric to this day that he doesn't really know much about.

Well, I wanted Eric to, no, this was all planned for Eric. But didn't you go and get your ear clean? No. Oh, you only, oh, I took that wrong. I wanted. So you've never seen her do the work. No. You just zoomed with her.

You know what this was? This was Robert made a deal without any of the other sharks. Yes, yes, but sometimes it works. And this one would have worked. I really do believe that. We were going to take Eric for a very special Ear Spa Day. Oh, I wish this happened. And then I was kind of, I was trying to schedule it with her, because we talked about scheduling.

And then when I talked to her, she let me know the unfortunate reality, which is basically that her boss... I'm not a believer that this was wide-ended. Now, I believe there's truth to it, but that same truth was. there at the beginning. She has a job. So if you're going to go start another side business, it's, you know, it's different. I think what happened was this. During the first call, it steamrolled and callers will just say yes and laugh. It went, here's my problem. When I'm cleaning people's ears, they moan. Eric goes, I'm in. So we went left. into a world that deep down, she's like,

I don't want to create a mobile business where I'm basically an ear prostitute. Look, first of all, she's nobody, that's a new, you're, moaning and groaning, and this is a place you're allowed to moan and groan? No, I would just put a, we could put a sign up that says, you know,

keep your mouth shut. She was talking about going to people's homes. I'm telling you, I'm telling you, Eric takes his hose in his fucking shower, And he goes like, I make noises. Let me, please, you and I are talking. Don't bring in the Eric P.O.V. I'm not wearing the ski suit pretending I'm slaloming.

Stop. There's a chance. You could be right, too, by the way. There's a chance that maybe she got cold feet as we got a little closer to the reality of this. But I do think. She thought, I'm going to be cleaning Eric's ears. And he literally takes the nozzle in his shower and shoves it as an ear and makes noise. And Robert's going, this is.

big business. Again. You know what it is in terms of Shark Tank? Eric was the guest shark and you guys made a deal together. I, again, to me, Eric is merely a guy I'm bringing. There was no input from Eric as far as what this day was going to be. He was going to be fully surprised. She and I were talking the ear game.

I wanted to bring Eric in. I was going to call him Eric. It was a whole thing. Ear to help. We were talking. Pitch what the day was going to be. So if memory. serves, the day basically, it starts with, it might actually, after like a little like ear massage,

it might go right to cleaning. Because as we talked about it, I was kind of like cleaning should be last, that part. But then we thought, well, that's kind of a messier process. That's the happy ending. Yeah. So we were saying maybe we moved. He just said, yes, it's a sucks act. No, it's not.

It's happy. And it's an ending. That happens in fairy tales. That was Disney before it was hand jobs, my man. By the way, you're right. So. Happy endings used to be. Disney.

It used to be Disney. And now all of a sudden, we ruined happy endings. Perverts, ruined happy endings. Without question. Without question. And now it has to just be called

something different. A satisfying finale. But even that. By the way, ruined. Over. Men ruin everything. But so it was going to start with the cleaning.

Then it was going to be like an actual ear cleaning. If you felt there needed to be some sort of ear trimming to like, you know, and again, you got two ears. so we're doing one side at a time.

So then you clean that ear, you lotion that ear, that ear gets a little massage. That's 20 minutes. Then the next 20 minutes, the other side, same thing, the cleaning, the suction, the kind of getting it back to a nice look, aesthetically pleasing, feels rejuvenated, renewed. And then you leave there. You're hearing better.

You're looking better. And you know what? You know what if guys are making some noises, hey, guess what? This is a new business. You're getting paid extra. for what's going on in here. You know, cash is king.

That's the pay. Gareth, everything you're saying, you keep pretending when we're arguing that this was a business. And then the longer you're talking, you're just a fucking pimp in Nevada. No. No.

Hey, cash is king. If they moan, you're making money. This is what a fucking pimp at a cat house would talk about. You know what? I don't feel bad. I'll tell you why. Because you have an opportunity.

Just give the guy a back massage. You're a masseuse. You like your moped? Hey, guess what? For $300, you can't do a little something under his underpants? But this could it be. Again, it's all above neck. It's all above neck.

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now available in Canada too. That's Q-U-I-N-C-E dot com slash here to help. Free shipping and 365-day returns. Quince.com. Here to Help. Hello. Hello. Hi there.

Welcome to the show. Hi. How are you guys doing? Good. It's our first call today. So it could be sloppy, could be crazy. Who knows what's going on? Can we get your name?

Age, where you're calling from? All that good stuff. Yes. Well, good morning. Good morning. I'm 32 and I'm from Cincinnati, Ohio. Beauty. All right, Reagan.

What do you do for fun? What's a hobby you got? Got something? I mean, I really like this. This is kind of generic, but I love to be outdoors, especially living in Ohio. The weather's, you know, sometimes. So getting outside, going on hikes when I can.

I'll tell you a hobby, Gareth likes, in a week he's taking ayahuasca again. That's a hobby. It's a part-time hobby. It's a spiritual hobby. It's the 10 days leading up to it that feels like it's just the worst. No salt, no caffeine. I have an annual spiritual.

Control holiday, three-day water fast. Yeah. And I like that. I do. There is something, you are like on a different operating plane. It's different. And you get so weird. Reagan,

so what can we do for you today? Yeah. So, okay, before I dive in, I do just want to preface this, that I love my wife. He's incredible.

This April, will have been married five years. So I just have to start that way. Okay. By the way, what's her name? What's this lovely lady's name? My name is Anne.

And, okay. Bush. Okay, great. So Anne and Reagan. Anne and Reagan. Yes. So, and just a little bit of backstory. So she is a very tidy and clean person.

And I am not, I am not a slob. But, you know, I'm okay with leaving the cups out for a night. I'm okay with, you know, doing a one-time tidy. But Anne is, she's very clean. And I guess I'll say particular. and the good thing is is that she's made me more clean in particular, so that's the positive.

But this is what I need help with. Okay. Whatever cleaning product she uses on our hardwood floors is making me slip and fall. And, you know, I prefer to wear socks. This is funny, Reagan.

This is risky business. This is silly. Like, you know, I like this one because it's not silly. It's nice. It's a nice setup. I think we're going to have some nice pitches. Reagan, you've done a very, you've done a very good job. We're going to get you out of this.

So there are certain areas in my home that are slippier than the other. So I will like dodge them. If I'm, you know, have a full cup of coffee. If I don't avoid them, I have spilled it. I've stubbed my toe. And it's one of those things. You know when they're just a. Littleest things keep happening and it makes you so mad.

Yeah, that's where I'm at. Toast up. Yeah, I need help with, how do I have a conversation with my wife that she's cleaning too much? You want to have the combo. Is it the convoy or are we pitching other? Okay, this is interesting. Good question, Garrett. Let's do both, but I think it sounds like you want the combo.

We got to get to her clean because your question was right. Reagan, what is the specific question we can help you with today? How do I ask my wife to clean our floors differently so I don't fall? Okay. So that's different than what I was going to pitch. I was going to start pitching throw rugs. Oh, I was going fake fall. By the way, we still could get fake fall could lead to Convo.

I was going fake fall. You know, fake fall happens off camera. Fake fall leads to... Fake fall happens off camera. Now we do the... Now with... And we do the combo. Fake, how about this, Reagan?

She cleaned the floor. You were walking in. You fell. You hit your head. Pretend to be concussed. I'm going to tell you why. I'm going to tell you why. And we know this because of the NFL.

There's so much with concussions we don't understand. It's like a water fast. It's not a... How so? Well, it's like... Like you're spacey. You have the freedom to be a little chaotic in your talking and maybe a little harsh and apologetic for overstepping. By the way, yes.

My daughter, we were talking about concussions. We learned about whatever. She fell off the college backwards and hit her head. And it was fine. It was soft. But I go like, you're okay? And she goes like, yeah, I'm just afraid of a concussion. And I go like, all right, well, let's see.

And then she goes like this. Habo, bud, ha, ha, ha, ha. And I go, what are you doing? And she said concussion talk. She thought you went straight into gibberish. No, you're fine because you had the logic to say I'm doing fake gibberish. In the NFL, it seems like the main symptom of a concussion is saying that you're fine and you're good to gut. But you walk weird.

It's like a drunk driver. Yeah. You're like, I can drive. It's also so funny they don't tell us what concussion protocol is. They just go, they're still in it. They're past step two of protocol. Okay, so what's the protocol? Release it.

We're just waiting eight days. Yeah, we don't know. We're just playing around with eight days. See if they barf. So, Reagan, what if this is just the first pitch? What if she cleans up, she leaves, you literally break a plate with like a ham sandwich on it, on the floor, and then go, hey, Ann, we need to talk.

whatever you're doing with this cleaning has gotten to the point the floors are so fucking slippery I fell broke this plate spilled my ham sandwich hit my head I think I'm gonna I've been brain fog

and had a headache and then for the next couple of days you go like she goes how you do it and you go besides the fucking migraine and then when she goes to clean you go like this easy

easy easy your cleaning might have killed your wife I like that. I don't think she wants to kill me. So the good news is, you know, that might work. But also, if you try to face this front on, you're going to enter a negotiation you're going to lose.

Well, what you can definitely do is use it as a runway to get into saying overall the cleaning nature, like the floors are dangerous. That's really your main gripe. So I think something like that solves it. And then I think you could maybe open it up to, look, I know I'm not as clean as you, and maybe you're overcompensating, but it's, I feel a little less comfortable when everything is as clean as you want it. But the floors are the main, like the floors.

I, Garrett, I think in terms of our negotiation. Talking past the close, I agree. But I agree, because I think that's good, but now we're talking about something else. Yeah. This is just a very simple, this isn't debatable. Yeah. You clean the floors. I fell over because it was so slippery.

I have honestly a concussion. I would not be able to play this Sunday if it were to the NFL. I could probably practice mid-next week because it's not clear. It's scratch at the end of the day, though. But I fell. You cannot clean like this. Go ahead, Reagan. Yeah, sorry.

The other layer to this, one time my five-year-old niece had socks on came running in. She slipped, like in TVs when a TV show, like when your feet get ripped out from underwent. She felt so hard that we had to take her socks off. And I was like, oh, my gosh, it's a hazard zone in our house. I thought you were going to go heavier than just take her socks off. I thought you were going to have to go to the doctor. Just having to take your socks off didn't feel like the ending there. It was a nightmare.

One by one, socks were coming off. They came off the feet. She had bare feet. Feet. Feet. In a home. Bear. Yeah, that's not that bad, dude. Well, do you like this, Reagan?

Because then maybe we could walk through the actual, the very... And then we could have you run through it in practice. Yeah. And I think, Jake, do you agree we do this? We definitely have her in the other room. Maybe not even at home. Maybe Anne comes home to this. Melee. And maybe what we do is

plate in the garbage shattered, ham sandwich splattered all over the trash. Three bites have to be gone. Yeah, and we just set the stage that this happened. So, Regan, are we going to do this? Yeah, I like the

not, you know, because I'm not, I'm no actor, so I kind of like doing it. Let us be the judges of that. Yeah. Well, you are going to have to act a little bit, though, just so you know. Yeah. Yeah, but not, I don't know if No, you're not going to have to Pratt fall. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. So when she comes from work, there's, you know, like, oh, my gosh, you know, explaining to her what happened. There's food on the ground and then, you know, kind of the lingering fall up the next day. Like, man, yeah, my day was all right at work other than I couldn't really look at my computer screen because I have this migraine. I think that's right. And then just kind of keep it going. Reagan, you're being really smart.

What I would do is Google concussion symptoms, but you need to have them very mild. because we can't get her worried to the point of going to the doctor. Yeah. Because you can't get into the spot of you go. I don't want to go to the doctor. And she goes, you're in no position to talk. You got a concussion. I'm making the decisions.

Now, do you think my instinct would be when she comes home, you tell her what happened, all that stuff. And then that goes right into the conversation about the floors are too slippery. I'm done with these. I would do it that night. And then I think Jake Shreys string along the reality for like another. Here's what I'm hoping happens, Reagan. I'm hoping she says the floors are done. We're trying to get it to be her realization.

So let's do this. Reagan, you're you, Gareth. Would you like to be Ann? I'd love to be cast. Sure. Thanks, buddy. Sag after. Don't take it away from me.

Are you sag after? I am. That's an insulting follow-up. I know. I used to work on camera. I know. We just have to check the eligibility. I'm eligible.

I might own a few hundred dollars. So you haven't paid indebt any of the fees. No, no, no, no. No, no, no. I can pay today. I'll pay today. I'll pay after we do this because this won't, it's fine. I will be playing the part of ad.

You're ready? So Reagan, do you want any talk before or you want to just start and do the first take and see what we got? Well, may I jump in very quickly and say, this should all be prefaced probably by a text message before Anne even gets home. Reagan, your thoughts. Okay, so like a text message as then, oh my gosh, you'll never believe what happens? They just took a really bad fault. I would know, Reagan, keep going with your instincts there. Oh, my gosh, because we want it your language.

So pretend you're sending a text. Gareth is going to pretend to be Anne. He knows he's tidy. he knows what he's set up is, but he's a little bit, he's getting a text message. And the regular, he cleaned,

then he went to work. Okay, yeah, so I'd be like, oh my gosh, you'll never guess what just happened. What's going on?

Well, I was walking, I was walking over to the couch, and I completely slipped. It was right. I completely slipped and fell in that one spot that's super,

slippery. I'm so annoyed. Oh my God. Are you okay? Gareth, you're crushing this. I mean, I think so. You are sagged after. I did break the plate. No, it's okay. I did break the plate, but I did manage to eat a little bit of my lunch. Now I'm laying down and I have a, I don't, do I have an ice pack on?

Reagan, you are Steve Berg. You know what would be good here. You are Steve Berg. You're getting into sandwich. Sandwich bite details are unnecessary. I was able to eat some of my sandwich. You know what? You're doing the thing where you're shining a bright light on a piece of evidence.

There were three bites taken out of the ham sandwich and now lies in the dustbin. I was able to lick the mayo as I was flying through the air. Had a few bites. Just lose the eat, eight of the food, you maniac. Okay, keep going, this is great, though. This really is perfect. That's 10 out of 10. Okay, so, yeah, I'm, so, okay, yeah, I was really hung up on the,

three bites of the sandwich. Okay, so, yeah, I'm doing okay. I'm laying on the couch now. Okay. Do you need anything? Is there anything I can do? I'm so sorry, that happened, babe. So good.

No, I don't think so. I just wanted to let you know that's, you know, that's why I'm a little off when you come home. I just don't feel that well. Yeah, great. And I would say, little scared about concussion, banged head pretty hard. Okay, yeah.

Thank my head pretty hard. Okay. Okay, so now Anne gets home from work. And then Reagan, is that kind of how Anne would respond, in your opinion? She definitely would be like, oh, my gosh, I'm so sorry. Are you okay? She would say, you nailed it. Do you need anything?

Yeah, this is perfect. Okay, so now Ann's feeling terrible. But I would make sure to say, I'm fine, don't come home, you're good. Like, I don't, I'm not in a danger zone. I'm not in a danger zone. I'm not in a. a danger zone. I just banged my head pretty good, but it's, it's, I've had worse.

I just wanted to let you know there's a broken glass. I cleaned it, but I'm just feeling a little bit groggy. Okay. So not panic. Don't, and don't have a stomach ache all day, but also know when you get home, the rubbers meet in the road. Yep. And I think when she comes home, we have a bag of peas or something from the freezer sitting

out and it's totally not cold anymore, room temperature. That's been on your head. I love that. Okay. Good set deck. We'll get her. Great. We're going to get her.

All right. Ash tray, full old cigarette butts. No, I don't think she smokes. I don't think that's good for concussion stuff. Moldon. Okay. All right. Go ahead.

Reagan. Okay. So now she's come home and I'm laying on the couch. Yep. TV's off. TV's off? I think because the bright lights gave her a worse headache. Quick pause.

Gareth. How far are we? I don't think we push that she is deeply concussed. I don't think we do either, but I think we could say, yeah, you're right. Okay, TV's on. No volume TV's on. Yeah, okay. Yeah.

I don't know. I don't take, I don't want her to have to get an MRI. I agree. No way. Yeah. She'll deny that either way. But okay. All right, so you're on the couch, definitely laying down, head back, slow.

P's is great. Yeah, room temperature P's on the table. Okay. All right. I'll walk in. Oh, my God. Are you okay? Uh, kind of. I just, yeah, I've just kind of been laying down on and off while trying to get through my workday, but yeah, I don't know. That's all. It just... What happened? Like, walk me through it. What exactly happened?

Well, I made my lunch and then I was just, you know, going to eat it on the couch and take a break. But on my way over, I completely slipped and fell and hit my head. Oh, my God. And are you okay? I mean, how do you feel now? I mean, yeah, I just, I don't feel great because I, I mean, the floors are just so slippery. Reagan, you are so good at this. This is exactly what we want. My note was about to be.

We got to get to the premise and you fucking did. Okay. And the fucking setup of this was great. Keep going. Yeah. You're good at this, Reagan. Oh, gosh. Because I don't want to sound ungrateful that my wife.

You're not, Reagan. You're good at this. We've worked it, so this is a floor focus. You know the premise of the show? You go to a bar. Your uncles are helping you? Give me one second. Hey, Joe, give Reagan another drink.

She deserves it. She does. On my tab, a.k.a. Gareth's tab. Wow. Damn it. And also, Gareth, really good job. Thank you, buddy. I mean, I can't believe that Anne hasn't monologued about how she's.

She loves to. so bad. Oh, she's dying. I know she is. Yeah. But anyway, yeah, okay, go ahead. But right at this. I mean, it's consuming her.

Yeah, go ahead. Really quick. What would Ann like to say really fast? And three, two, Pigley Ann. I don't know why they don't make a cleaning product that doesn't, that makes it so that your floors can shine without all that grease on it. I'm so sick of all of, why do you even need to have shiny floors? I don't know.

There's this, there's this compulsion in me to make things. prim and proper. And since I was a little girl, I always wanted everything in its plate. Really good. Okay. Since I was a little girl, I knew the pause. You took the aside.

To the window. The lighting of the theater changed for a little small. The guy in the background who my character is the janitor all of a sudden like fades into black so I can go change into my next costume. as priest three. So here's where you're at, Reagan. This is where you now have to say very cleanly,

I think you over clean, and it has to now stop. I'm all in for you. I'm all in for this cleaning. Eleanor fell way to take her socks off. And it has to be over. I think it's too much. because she cannot negotiate with a concussion.

The floors are too much. I mean, it's the floors we're hyper-focused on. And you just go like, this has to, you've got to chill out. This could have been so much worse. And she will, in that moment, have to say, okay? And then you go, thanks. That means a lot to me. She goes, no problem.

And then you go, how's everything else going? Don't punish her. Yep. Don't sit in the, don't rub her. shit, don't rub the shit in their nose, just go like, we're moving up. Well, there's no shit. I mean, this is all fake. But yes, move on.

He's right. Strike and leave. Okay. All right, let's take it to where we just kind of were getting to where you were bringing up the floors a little bit. Oh my God. So this was like a real fall. Yeah.

I mean, it could have been a lot worse. But to be honest, the floors, they're just too slippery. The rate that you're cleaning them, it's just making them slippery. slipperier and slipperier. So I just, you do, you need to just clean them less so that I don't fall. No, you know what? I'll sweep. I'll just sweep it more versus put the product on it all the time.

I think. Yeah. You're right. Sweeping's fine. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That product is done.

Yeah. I would, I would appreciate that. Thank you so much. It's no problem. I just think it's this compulsion. Cut. So Reagan, what do you think? I like it because, again, the setup of, you know, the injury and it could have been worse.

And then that leads me into being like, this is what we need to do different. So I don't get hurt. I think she'll respect that. Yeah, I think it's great. I do too. I think it'll work. I mean, when are you going to do this? Next time she claims.

Yeah, I mean, which will be soon. So I don't know. this week? So here's what we need from you, Reagan. When you do the initial text message, we need to see all of it. Yeah, the back and forth, the exchange. We will obviously block out the names,

but we need the back and forth because then we can also read that in a follow-up. And then if you want, try to email in that day before she gets home. We can touch base again. and if not, if we're not recording that day, then we will definitely touch base after. This one, I would not risk

trying to record the conversation with her. Agreed. Because it could blow everything. This feels like we could really win, and I think we take, this is a double. Yeah. Just go in there, hit it in the gap, get to second base, let's win here.

Plate broken, in trash, ham sandwich, Steve Berg bites out of it. But set it up. All right. All right. That sounds good. And then I can send a screenshot of the text that set it up and let you guys know how it went. And I'm not, and you know me and the audience knows me. I am not into toxic positivity. I do not give compliments unless they're truly earned. I like talking shit. Reagan, you're very good at this and you're going to crush this. You are. And on top of that, you're going to be an incontious. phase.

So if anything you say is, like you have a very easy cover for anything that you say that maybe is a little whatever. Yes. But don't get lost in the weeds. A, B, C. And then as soon as you're out, close. Think of it like boxing. You did that right. They fall.

Take the gloves off as fast as you can't get out of the ring. Yeah. Okay. ABC. Got it. Okay. Let's go, Reagan. You got it.

And be cleaning. All right. This is a great call. Great call. Great work, Reagan. Yeah. Thank you, guys. I appreciate it.

All right. I appreciate you. This episode of We're Here to Help is brought to you by 1,800 flowers. Isn't that right? Stevenberg host of Weird Here to Help. Oh, it sure is correct. Correctamundo, Jaco. I'll tell you what, my lovely wife, she always, I feel, deserves something that shows that I put thought and effort into the situation, right?

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That's Hungryroot.com slash here to help. Code here to help to get 40% off your first box and a free item of your choice for life. Hello. Hello. How are you? Oof, that was rough stop. That was great. How are you?

I'm good. How are you guys? Good. Can we get your name, please? Yeah, my name's Gabby. Gabby, where are you calling from, Gabby? I call it from Adelaide, Australia. Australia.

We're getting a lot of Australia lately. Celebrate. Adelaide's great. We love you here. Big fan. So, Gabby from Adelae, Australia, and how old are you? 34. 34.

And what can we do for you today? Well, my brother stole the number one. child spot for me from my mom's number one child and I need to get it back. Ooh. Okay. It's pretty general. Okay. Give us some more details.

Yeah. So I've been, I've got two older siblings, my brother and sister. And it's been widely known that I am the number one child and has been for many years, pretty much up until about a year or two ago. My brother moved back to Brisbane where my family's from and this has more time with mum They both like to drink cups of tea

And bitch about people with I don't know weird coloured hair or just politics and stuff like that So all of a sudden I am number two again And I don't like it She, um, mom even gave my brother

a number one shirt for Christmas last year Which really fired up for the kids That's wild Number one son or number one? I just had a number one on it. That's not great. And my mom's been staying out of this argument, the whole. Yeah.

So in your family, there's a rating system that is ongoing as if you're like polling politicians? Yeah, I mean, it's mostly the kids just saying it and mom denying it. She's never agreed that any of it was true until the shirt came out. All right, let's do this really, 25 Christmas. Let's do this really fast. Really fast. How many siblings are there? So there's three of us.

I'm one of them. Okay. I'm their youngest. Names. Let's just go with their real names. Jay and Claire. Jay, Claire, and you're Gabby? Yeah.

Gabby, what do you think the real ratings are? Look, I felt, I felt, when I got, yeah, when the shirt came out, I knew I'd gone down to number two. Yeah. Okay. So Jay's one But you know, I've beaten out. Grandkids. Yeah.

Okay. But just to... I'm the number one, even when grandkids were brought in. I know, but I'm just trying to keep this really clean at first. So Jay's number one, Gabby's two, and Claire's three. Claire's not a threat to us.

Yeah. Okay. And... Claire's no threat. Is the order, Jay's the oldest, Claire's the middle, you're the baby? Yeah. Yeah.

So Claire's never even really been an option. Boy, though, to be the baby and lose the top spot. Yeah. But losing it to the old eldest boy. Sure. I mean, if we were losing it to Claire, I would say with this as a nightmare. The middle daughter? Otherwise, known as...

Huh? Yeah. Oops. Yeah. Well, we got another daughter. She's a daughter. She's a baby. Yeah.

Okay. So, I mean, this is a tough one. Right, Jay? Yeah. I mean, this is tough. So the options are going to either be we need to make you go up in your mom's good books, or we maybe start playing hard to get. Or we talk to mom. Or we talk to mom.

She's a very shy lady. I don't think she'll come on. I'm shy too. Yeah, Jake's shy. I've been called a very shy lady. Yeah. Today. Every day of my life.

Yeah. So here's where we're kind of at, Gabby. You used to be number one in mommy's eye because you were the baby. You're 34 years old. Now you're not a baby. You've beat grandkids out because they're not her babies. They're her babies' babies. And that matters, but it's different when the kangaroos in your pouch, correct?

Now you're in a spot. Yep. But now you're in a spot where Jay is home a lot, drinking tea, talking shit, and your fucking mom is loving it. And where are you? Well, I'm in Adelaide, so I don't get to come up that much. We come up every Christmas, but other than that, we might only see a tournament. Oh, and they're 12 months out of the year together? Yeah, I think it's been about a year that.

He's live there now. Sorry. You're fucked. No, no. There's ways. Does Jay have a job? Yeah, kissing mom's ass. Yeah, he's in the Air Force.

He's in the Air Force. So is he around all the time? Yeah, in his current role, yeah. Okay. So there's time, how often are you talking to mom? Like once a fortnight, I would say. Once a Fortnite, and you're upset that you're not getting a number. number one spot. I mean, I'm going to give you a couple pieces here, but Gabby, first and

foremost, you're not putting in the hours. I mean, you want the six-pack, but you want to drink beer and hang out with your friends all weekend, too. I mean, you got to pick. Now, so what I'm going to recommend is if you really want the top spot, it's time to step it up. I face-time my mother most days. She still likes my brother better. She's not listening, but... Do you believe that to be true? No, but I'll tell you what. You are for sure your mom's favorite. No, no, it's very close. But I will say, I face time my mother. I face time my mother so much

my mother gets off the phone with me. My mother is making up things so she could exit the call with me. That's not a joke. So if you're doing once every two weeks, you're not going to hang with Jay. Jay's in the Air Force. He's making fun of the purple-haired people

with your mom. They're gab and they're drinking tea. They're having a good time. But you're doing a call every two weeks. Maybe you're intimidated by it, but I'm going to say that we start getting involved a little more. Since you had the top spot,

you can get it back. You should sidle in on that world a little bit. And I've got a second part of my pitch. Why don't we invent that you've started hanging out with an old lady who you love too? And you and her connecting and bonding. And you can Photoshop some pictures and you can talk about it on the call

with your brother and your mom a little bit. And you get her a shirt that says number one? Yes, you show you, you've walked them. If you're involved more in their world, you can talk about like, mom, where did you get Jay's number one shirt There's a woman on my block who I love. You could also go like,

I had this great conversation with Ruth the other day. Yeah, Ruth. Oh, you know who that could be? Pam, we could fake it. Pam could be Ruth. We could do this if you wanted, Gabby. Oh, I love to hang up. We could make us,

I could have Pam. Pam could send some voice memos. We can get some pictures doctored up. Oh, what if we did this? Gabby, what if you start planting the sea that you became friends with this woman named Pam, who's great? She used to live in England. now she's Natalie.

You see her a bunch. She's so fun. And you were telling her about the number one shirt, and she thought it was so fun. So we have Pam right now record a message to your mom asking where she got it because she wants to get you a number one shirt. Look, I don't hate it. Hate it.

But what if we just make mom... No, I don't hate it. You better love it. I know Adelaide. That's Adelaide. That's Adelaide for I like it a lot. Okay. You know, I got another pitch.

What we could also do is have Pam come on and Gabby ask her, how do I woo my mom back if she's got multiple kids? Gabby, thoughts? Yeah. Do you want to talk to Pam and see if she could give you advice of how to woo her so you could be back to being the number one? Yeah, absolutely. All right.

All right, let's do that. Okay. She's sitting at the main spot. All right, so here, put this in. What have I got to do? You're going to be on the show because we need help. This is a maternal issue. Oh, gosh.

All right, so you want to talk to this, Mike? Here you go. Okay. All right, Pam's here. Hey, Pam, can you see me? I can see you, Jake. Hello. Sorry, I look so terrible.

Shut up, Jake. No, Jake, if you saw me, you would look absolutely. I'm embarrassed you're seeing me. No, you look like shit, and she agrees. Yeah, let's keep it locked in. All right, so here's what we're dealing with. I'm just sorry. I look like this for you, Pam.

Honestly, Jake, you look so lovely, and I'm so looking forward to seeing on Wheel of Fortune. Okay. All right. Honestly, you sound so lovely. I can only imagine what you look like. All right. So let's just stop. Okay, so we have Gabby on the phone.

She's in Adelaide. Oh, hello, Gabby. Oh, you're in Adelaide. That's right. Oh, lovely. So her brother. Hello. Her brother has moved basically in the same area as the mother.

Yes. And the mother and her brother, who's named Jay. Yes. They're becoming like good friends. And Gabby feels that Jay has usurped her as the number one child. So we're trying to get it so that Gabby's mom likes Gabby more than Jay again, which happened. But now they're hanging out, they're drinking tea, Jay and the mother. They're drinking tea.

They're hanging out. You know, they're talking shit. And they're really bonding. And Gabby feels that she's definitely number two. So we're trying to get Gabby the number one slot again. Oh, golly, that's rather hard, isn't it? You can sort of hope that perhaps it fizzles out a little bit, do you think? Go ahead.

Yeah, sorry. Gabby, do you have any questions to start to Pan? Well, first of all, just want to say hi, Pan, big fan. Yes, hello, yes. You wouldn't be if you knew me, but it's very nice for them. You would be. Thousands of miles away. It's even better from up close.

Jake, can you lock in? I'm trying to. Try hard. I'm trying to lock in. Turn you into my stepson. Enough. Send you to military school. I'm not going to military school.

What are you talking about? You're like a year older than me. Shut up. Sorry. Gabby. All right, Gabby. Carry on. You have any questions to my love?

Well, one thing I think was one thing I think was Missed Pan is that mom's always denied that she has a favorite, it, but the kids have all said, well, we know who it is and it's Gabby. But then not the Christmas just gone, but the one before, mum actually finally went in on the joke and gave my brother a number one t-shirt to prove that he is now the number one child. Oh, gosh, that was a little bit pointed, wasn't it?

But obviously a joke, but you didn't see it as a joke. She saw the truth behind the joke. No, it is a, it was a joke. And my mum's not, like, one to jump in on these things, much. So it was, all it did was just light a fire under me because before that it was just whispers that Jay was number one. But now it's, it was true.

But let me point out, Mum, she only speaks, Gabby only talks to her mom once every two weeks. Oh. Yeah. And I was explaining how I FaceTime you so much, you get off the phone with me. Well, that's because she's got to get back on with me. No, she doesn't, dude. You're a face-time in too, Kiel.

No, she doesn't. And now it's a little bit more fun than hearing about what's happening with you on the road. Enough. What are you talking about? Chips you pine for? I don't want to. Shut up. Don't refer to your mother as a chimp. Didn't. There's one thing I pine for. Stop.

Pan, question for you. Do you have a favorite son? No. I always say what my theory is, but it doesn't help Gabby, is that Nick is my favorite oldest son and Gareth is my favorite younger son. And that's the way, because they keep doing this between them, that who's the favorite? Well, we've demanded an answer over the years, obviously. But so that's my compromise. She thinks she's come up with a really great slogan. I do.

I think it's wonderful. And so, Pam, if Nick was feeling insecure that you were getting super close with Gareth and doing his podcast and in a sexual relationship with his partner. Hey, lock in. What would you do, what would you advise Nick to do to kind of, even though you do love them equally, but kind of nudge him back up the mom ladder? Well, I sort of feel it's up to the mum, to me, to make it clear that. But we're using you as the universal mum.

I know, I know, and I feel very pressured. Let me offer this. I like you pressured because pressure makes diamonds. What? Do you know what you're saying? Makes diamonds. Okay, we offered this, it doesn't make it sense. We offered this to Gabby Mum.

Yes. That you could be her fake friend. Yes. And you could send her like some voice memos. Yes. And we could do some stuff where like she's going to get you a number one shirt or you got her a number one shirt to make it seem like Gabby now has met. a nice older woman who is kind of replacing the mother to kind of put Jay and the mother on notice

and kind of do a, you know, thing like hard to get. What do you think of that? I think that's rather a good plan. Now, Gabby didn't like it. Right, Gabby? Oh, well, it's up to Gabby, isn't it? No, I didn't hate it. I just wasn't sure how my mom would react, but I'm up to do it. So where we're kind of going with it is we would lean in the direction of jealousy. Is that a path you think you want to lead to or no. If not, it's okay. Well, I was, I was thinking about it.

I think, because my mom's a really organized person, she loves cooking and she loves cleaning. If there was an older woman in my life that I cooked and cleaned with, I think that would actually get her. Okay. So you like using the stuff that your mom likes. You're doing it with another woman and talking to her about it, correct? Yes.

So why don't we? do a you can set that up and while we have Pam we'll have Pam leave you a voice note saying how much she enjoys cooking and cleaning and talking about it with you and this is to your mom

and maybe how lucky your mom is and that would you please tell her where she got the number one shirt because you would love to send it to Gabby as a fun game because you know of course the mom was playing a game with Jay but you are just having the

time of your life with this girl. And you, Pam, never had kids. So thank you for raising such a winner in Gabby. That sounds lovely. Yes. What do you get at Gabby? Will you set the table with your mom that this is happening and then send her this? And this will be the, ideally the sword in the heart. I would also say, and Gabby, tell me if this works. What if Pam left you a message on your voice notes? for you to send to your mom. Is that confusing? Yeah, I think that's great.

So that you could just say, my friend is doing this. She asked me not to listen because she wants to send me a little gift, but she wants to send you a note. So you, Pam, are actually calling Gabby's voicemail to talk to Gabby's mom. Okay.

Does that make sense? That makes sense. And so Gabby, what? It's about cooking clean. You cook and clean together, right? Yeah. And what's your mom's name? name and we'll beep it out if you want?

It's Lee. Lee? So the woman's name is Lee. Pam, you hang out with Gabby. You guys cook and clean. Gabby, would it be you guys live in the same building? No, I live in a house, so you'd have to maybe just live in the neighborhood. In the neighborhood. Three, two, Pigley Ann. Hello, Lee.

My name's Pam, and I live close to Gabby. and I just wanted to say what a wonderful friend she has become and I just feel that you've raised a wonderful daughter and we've started to cook and clean together and it's such a pleasure and I'm an older woman so I really appreciate and I never had children and Gabby has turned into sort of a surrogate daughter and I just wanted to let you know that you've raised somebody wonderful

and that I'd like to get, I know that she loves the T-shirt that you gave to her brother. And I would like to get her a t-shirt that says she's number one because she's number one to me. And I'm sure she's number one to you too. So I think we would both be on the same page. And I just hope one day I can meet you. And I think we'd probably get on well together.

So anyway, so thank you very much. And bye-bye. Holy shit. Gabby, your thoughts. Holy shit. What a liar. No, it was great. That's great.

That was incredible. I loved it. I think Gabby, that's going to do some things to your mom. I hope so. God forbid, if I say to my mom that Pam is the one that finally taught me how to fold a fitted sheet. Yes. Do it. But it's all of that.

What we're trying to get to your mom to go is essentially say, bitch, stop it with this. I am your mom, not Pam. You're my number one. I'm number, you're number one. And you go, I agree. Enough with this J nonsense. Oh. What do you think, Gabby?

I love it. I think it's a great idea. Okay. Are you start sprinkling in the next couple weeks that I'm hanging out with him? Great. So then Gabby, for you, are you going to text this to your mom? How does she get her technology? Yeah, I'll probably send it to her and then I'll have to get my sister to help her.

Okay, perfect. Perfect. So start setting the table. with Pam, this friend you've had for a while. Yeah. Yeah, absolutely. I'll start line. We're going to need a huge follow-up on this.

This one's going to land. Yes, you have to keep me posted too. We'll send this to you, Gabby, and then let us know what happens, okay? All right. Thanks, guys. Thank you, guys. Bye-bye, Gabby. Lots of luck.

I hope I meet you one day. I love Australia. Okay. The blinds are blurring over here now. We've got to cut this off. Okay. Bye. Bye.

I'm over any time, Pam. Bye. Bye. Sweet Jesse here. This next call is a follow-up from episode 247, 10 pounds of pasta with Jenny Slate. Hello. Hello. Hi.

Hi. Hi. Okay. Welcome back. What was your first call? What's your name? And update us. I am D-D.

I called in I called in about the unfortunate breakup that happened between my daughter and my friend's son. Yes. Yeah. The Jenny Slight call. Yes. Well, keep going, keep going.

Don't let us interrupt you. So what was the call about? What did we pitch and what happened? Yeah, so I called in to get your help on making sure that, My friend and I are both families, can maintain our family friendship that's been going back all the way from high school. And it almost got destroyed because my daughter, whose 9-year-old, broke up with my friend's son, who's 10-year-old. And they were claiming that they never want to see each other.

And we had to cancel some of our visits because of that. And you both gave us some really great ways to solve this. And I'm here to report back. What did we suggest that you liked? We realized that the reason that they were kind of calling each other boyfriend and girlfriends was due to the fact that they played pretend weddings a lot. So Garrett's suggestion was to come up with a contract that would annul this wedding. That's fun.

and have some sort of new kind of promise that makes them realize that they're not going to play this wedding games anymore. And they're not going to do this boyfriend and girlfriend things anymore. They're going to really solely focus on friendship. And this was all happening, like you were about to have a weekend family getaway together, right? Yes. Okay. So you had that get together. So you probably, did you try this and how did it go?

Yeah, it went really great. I did send over the contract that they signed as well as the task that they needed to do and some photos to prove. Gareth, will you read the contract? Sure, it's a friendship contract, and it says we agree on what friendship means. A friend is someone you choose to be on your team. They are the people who make the good times more fun and the tough times a little easier. That's your first agreement. The second is we won't play pretend weddings anymore.

Third is we won't talk about boyfriend-girlfriend things anymore. Fourth is we will focus on having a great time building our friendship. Fifth is we will be kind to each other. And then there's two boxes for signatures. That's pretty good. Gareth, question to you? Yeah. We're friends.

Yeah. Been friends for 20 years. Sure. We do a podcast together. We talk all the time. Yeah. Does this apply to us? Would you sign this?

We're a grown man. Well, okay. Thinking about us. Okay, so the first one, a friend is someone you choose to be on your team. People who make good times more fun and tough times a little easier. I think that applies. It applies. The second one, we've never done pretend weddings, so that's not going to be difficult for us.

I would sign that. I don't want to get married to you. Well, I mean, it's a pretend. We don't talk about boyfriend, girlfriend, things anymore. Yeah, three. But we could talk about your girlfriend, my wife. So that wouldn't apply to us. Well, but I think it's, the language in here is specific about their.

Right. We won't ever talk about dating each. Which is fine for us. We never have. We'll focus on having a great time of building. I think we would both be disgusted by that idea. Okay, let's go to four. We'll focus on...

A thought of you and me 69 in? Who gets grossed out more, you or me? And who... I think it would be the first 69 that ended in a dual puke. Four, we'll focus on having a great... How fast will we take our bottoms off? Do we both getting a fight? I don't think we get to the point where it's...

Walk us through what happens. I think we... Bottle wine. Well, I mean, we're obviously, we're doing this because we've been put up to it. Agreed. So we're having, we have a lot of drinks. We both want a bet. We get in there.

We get in there. The clothes come off. It's a weird hotel that's a heart-shaped bed. We look at the mattress and I think we get naked and we both go, I'm not, we can't do this. I could do it. Okay. You can't perform? Four.

We focus on building. I'm a diamond cutter brother. Building our friendship. Strange. Five, we'll be kind to each other. Five, I think we can do all these. There are carve-outs that, you know, You know, we're also going to be able to.

Everything is done out of love, even if it brings about laughter. Yes, agree. Even if it seems me. It's all for a bit. It's all, we're laughing. We're having a laugh. If somebody in our small circle laughs, it was worth it. So they sign these things, and then what?

Is it problem solved? Yeah, and then they had to do some tasks that that was attached underneath the friendship contract. First, they had to create gingerbread characters and make them look like one another. You know what I think is going to happen on this? I think our audience is going to find this very sweet. Yeah. But you know what I feel about it? What?

Ne. What do you mean? It is sweet. What is it? M. What is me? They sign a little contract. They don't do it anymore.

We solved it. This is a bell ring. I don't know. What do you mean you don't know? Why are you talking out of bell rings? I don't know. What do you mean? This was the issue.

We're on her side and we solved the kid's problem. Did we? Yes. Or were you going to kind of do something sweet like this? It feels like our kind of pitches are more like you got to eat 50 pounds of pasta or something. Put some hot dogs in a stuffed animal. I'm surprised. I feel like you pitched this test.

If we listen back, I think we probably pitched something stupid. And you said, what if I just did a contract? And while we were arguing about eating pasta, we went like that, yeah. No, wrong. We argued about eating pasta. You said, make them make 10 pounds of pasta. I did on this one? Yes.

That's a good idea. It's a bad idea. And you admitted to me later in the day on a phone call that it was a bad idea. I pitched the annulment. I mean, we got there gradually. The annulment's great. This isn't an annulment. It's a friendship contract.

You did an annulment to the marriage. It's a child annulment. They can't legally get wet. Thank God. But it was supposed to be like a lawyer, put something out and said the divorce is not official. You ever worked with a lawyer? It's going to cost her $1,000. Instead, her kids make cookies.

What are you talking about? These kids are now friends. Are they? Yes, they are. Not asking you. Yes, you are. No, we're looking at gingerbread cookies? Yes.

What are you? What are you like? Now, we're looking at a dog? Yep. It's not adorable. Why are we looking at a dog? It's because they're in cooking. They're making cotton candy?

You know what? You could say all the things you're saying in a different way and it would be nice. Now we're looking at the dog. Oh, now they're making cutting kitty. They're shaking hands. Yeah, but they're being forced. This is a P.S. No, they're not.

Look, look. Their faces are covered because she doesn't want us to see. I've seen this for a guy running for mayor. These are not stock Getty images, asshole. These are real and this happened. Is this? D.D. Didi?

Didy? Did this actually real or did you push him a little bit? I would love to have the kids on it. I know it. I guarantee his story's going to be different. I go, see your friend and he goes like this. My ex-wife? Didi, how old are these kids again?

10 and 9? 10 and 9. And he's going to go, I'm going to go, you do your friendship contract? He goes, yeah, with the ex. How is it? My mom made me do a fist pump and say, I love making cookies with my ex-wife. And then he's going to go. Dee.

Shoot me in the head. Didi. All in all honesty. Do you feel like we got this to a good place? Are the kids in a good place? Do you feel good about it? And ignore what Jake's doing. We want to ring the bell.

Jake wants to ring the bell. You just want to ring bells. Jake's, to the full point of the show is ring the bells in the right way. I want to ring the bell in the right way. Do you listen to this question? Do you really in your heart of hearts? Because I think this was a great... You're asking the same question I was just asking.

No, but here's what I'm asking. And this is the, now I need the truth, Dede. Your solution, which you came up with, feels very much like you and your friend came up with that idea. We came up with it. Did you kind of just do it you guys and the call was just fun? Or do you actually think we helped get you here? No, it was all Garrett's idea.

That's why you hate it. That's why you're mad about it. You still upset that we put hot dogs in the thing. That was a terrible one, Garrett. I admit that was a terrible one, but it's fractured you now, and so a good one seems terrible to you. No, you pitched, which I loved, an annulment like it was a divorce. Yes. You did not pitch a friendship contract.

I pitched a way to get them out of their marriage into being friends again because these families hang out so much. I wanted them to do, she made the bridge. It was an annulment. She made the bridge to get them. They got to be able to hang out. The point of this weekend. was to get these exes to be friends again. And that's what we did through the contract that they both signed

through making the cookies that for some reason didn't warm your black heart. And yeah, we saw a dog. Yeah, we saw a dog in a costume, but I didn't hate it. In the car right home. Yeah, you did. I did not hate it. I love seeing dogs in outfits. For the nine girls who say I like his curly hair, you're going to pretend.

In the car, you're going to go. That was boring with the dog. No, I'm not. You were inventing a person that doesn't exist. Now, Didi. The question is, do you feel good about this? Do you feel like we solve the problem? Of course she does.

She's got a wonderful PR-A-A-A-Pid. Yeah, I mean, it did not break apart our friendship, but you still get to go over there. I mean, honestly, they were little awkward still. But I think it solved the problem. I think, I mean, okay, Jake is very mad that we didn't do the pasta thing, the 100-downs. I don't even remember the pasta thing. Yes, you do. Cooking a bunch of pasta would have been great.

making him do a punishment. There we go. Get it out. Get it out. Get it out. Would have been a great photo. There you go. Sure.

A great photo. Get them in an industrial kitchen when they can make 10 pounds of pasta. Go rent an olive garden. I've got a question. You have to print two pieces of paper and get them to sign it. Jake wants you to rent a location. Can I ask you something to do you for real?

Yeah. First of all, thank you for the call. We appreciate. Thank you for doing this. It's wonderful. My tone is playfully mad, but I'm a little mad. Is there a chance we could talk to one of the kids? on another follow-up.

Sure. Can we call the school? Here's what I would like to do. Can we Uncle Buckle? Here's what I would like to do, and I want to run it by mom first. Your mom called into a podcast about the marriage thing

you were doing with your buddy, and then, you know, you did the contract. We're going to go, where are you at with your ex and all this madness? What's happening? She's going to go, My mom said everything's great.

Good, good, good. But where are you at? And then she's going to go, you guys have fun? Yeah, I had fun. Did he ain't on the line. A couple of your uncles are here. You like hanging out with that guy? And she's going to go, he's a piece of shit.

I'm going to go, you think? She's going to go, that's why he's my ex. He's a rat. Didi is sitting in a car. She's signed the paperwork. She's about to leave the lot. And you're coming out here. You're going,

Yeah, this car's not right for you. What are you doing? I want her in the right car. I want her in the right car, too. No, you just want her in a jollopy. No, I don't. She's happy in her car. Are you happy?

We're all winning. We got our commission. She's in a car. She's happy. She's driving off the lot. You're pretending you like the photo of the dog. The dog wasn't part of the original call. I don't care.

You don't like a dog in a costume. You put a pug in a chef's outfit. I'm going to lose my mind. D.D. If you're happy, I'm happy. I'm happy. Yeah. Are you happy?

Is this a bell ring? I'm happy. I think it's a bell ring from the original problem that I had, which is I want to make sure that I can continue to hang out with my friend. But I mean, if you want to talk to my daughter, there will be an interesting perspective. Maybe not. Maybe not. Sleep on it, D, D.D. It could be a bad idea, but here what.

How about this, D.D., you sleep on it? And Jake, when you go to bed and two days? Why don't you sleep on it too? Here's what I'm going to say. Let's not do the child thing. But here's also what I'm going to say. The car Gareth put you in today? That we put her in.

You brought the paper. You put in the office when she signed it. When you drive off the sounds that car makes, you're not allowed to drive back in. We'd love to talk to you if there's any issue. You're under warranty. So, of course, if there's any issues of the vehicle, come back.

It's a fake warranty. It's a contract that you signed for the friendship thing. It's not a real annumant. Nidi, you did a great job. The dog looked adorable. We're happy your kids are. Happy. So is Jake. We've just got...

You're not in a lemon. You're going to have a great time. We'd love to have a follow-up in a little bit and see where they're at. Let me ask you a quick question. Bye, Didi. Hang up your phone. Really fast. The idea was, I think you and your friend are good.

And the kids are now put in a position where they have to go like, of course, we're buds. I don't think we got to the root of they played games where they were married. Remember all those text messages? How crazy it got. Yeah. And now... We've had a peace agreement. Yeah, no, the peace agreement was,

you have to sign these. And now make cotton candy, do a fist pump in front of the fridge. They're friends. It's called being a friend. But kids, when they're around each other, when they're around adults, Tidi, we know this.

It's a different language. They would know. She would know. She'd drive back and be like, he was awful. They're good now to go, like, our moms want to be friends again? So when no one's around,

one of them goes, so fucking smile like the dog in the fucking... Reindeer. What are these two Joe Peshes? All kids are. No, they're not. You and your brother were.

You were raised by a man with a cockatoo freely flying and shitting around an apartment. But do you really in your hard-to-hardt, Thidi, think, after signing this, all those weird texts in that weird divorce and how crazy it got, that's gone. We are happy holidays.

Yeah. That weird wedding situation is definitely gone, though. And I think this definitely helped and stop that. Because it was like, yeah. I'm going to ring the bell so hard. It's going to look like the Liberty Bell from this call.

Every box is getting checked. So you're saying they got into a weird zone they couldn't get out of and this contract got them out of that. And therefore we've run the bell. And now they're rebuilding and things are going to get normal again because they'll never talk about that stuff again. Yes. Okay.

Didi, thank you for the call. Thank you for the call. I loved this one. Appreciate you. All the signals were, the car is going to run great. We love you. If weird smoke comes out of the back, maybe just keep going forward. God bless, bye-bye.

The inside of this should be a car crash. She's on a death trap. We're Here to Help is hosted by Jake Johnson and Gareth Reynolds. If you'd like to be on the show, please email us your question at helpfulpod. At gmail.com. And if you want to watch video episodes of We're Here to Help, you can go to our Patreon at patreon.com slash here to help pod to see our entire catalog. We're Here to Help is produced by Rabbit Grimm Productions. Executive producers Rob Hollis, Jeff Porter, and Natalie Hollis, Associate producer Jesse Thurston, editing

mix and master by Chris Fowler. Theme song by Oliver Raleigh. The cover artwork is by James Fostike. Animations by Andrew Strelecky. And if you'd like to see Gareth, you standup on the road, go to Garethreth Reynolds.com. Remember all of the advice given on we're here to help is for entertainment purposes only, and all listeners should be adults and make their own decisions. All video episodes of Season 1 are available now on Patreon, and season 2 video episodes will be available every Monday starting January 20th. Go to patreon.com forward slash here to help pod. Hi, I'm Drew Offiwalo.

And I'm Jason Offiallo. And we host the HeadGum podcast, Two Idiot Girls. Each episode, we're discussing plenty of topics that you would be giggling at a sleepover with your weird cousins. We talk about all kinds of things, like weird dating horror stories, maybe a really bad wedgy you had one. or even a show you're loving and anything in between. So you can listen to Two Idiot Girls on your favorite podcast app

or watch full video episodes on YouTube. New episodes will be posted every Tuesday.