We're Here to Help - 255: Ugly Old Sweatshirt & Monitor Swap (with David Krumholtz)

Episode Date: January 28, 2026

Gareth, Jake and Jake's doppelganger David Krumholtz help a caller who has outgrown his sloppy group of friends. Then, an employee at a software company covets a coworker's monitor.Want to call in? Email your question to [e-mail]: https://patreon.com/heretohelppodMERCH: heretohelppod.comINSTAGRAM: @HereToHelpPodIf you’re enjoying the show, make sure to rate We’re Here to Help 5-Stars on Apple Podcasts.Advertise on We’re Here to Help via Gumball.fmSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

New Year, same extra value meals at McDonald's. So now get two snack wraps, plus fries and a medium soft drink for just $8. For limited time only, prices and participation may vary. Prices may be higher in Hawaii, Alaska, and California, and for delivery. This is a headgum podcast. And we are back. We've got a special guest today, somebody who's special to me. David Crumholz is here, and David, not only have I been a,

fan of yours since before I got in this game from slums of Beverly Hills and such. But you and I look similar. We are brothers from another mother. It's almost disturbing, except you have a lovely head of hair, and I am... Mine's going. ...pradically... I'm on the M's stuff. You're on the stuff, huh?

I just started taking the stuff. I started taking the stuff like 15 years too late, and then this is what you... You're chasing the dream. Well, what happened with mine was everything was fine, and then I directed that movie and the stress of it. No, is that right? Yeah. It was, well, I was back to Minks and I was editing,

and I thought I was doing fine. I thought I had it all together. David, we've been emailing about this stuff with the anxiety and the stress, but I didn't realize anything was abnormal, and then the DP said to me, you are losing hair at a rapid clip. Wow. Do you want us to start painting it in?

Wow. What a... Whoa, mother. That's a tough one. By the way, the painting is wonderful. And it says, it's a huge thing. He was called Topic. And it really...

Is it a painting? It's not ginking. It's like dusting, a light dusting. Right. A light dust is on. Like fairy dust. But, you know... Hairy dust.

Yeah, but, you know, like you make wishes and they come true. But I lost a huge chunk after my nervous breakdown, which lasted nine months. Oh, my, a lot of fun. And I was like, oh, and then it didn't grow back. And then I lost another chunk when I ran and wrote and was in that show where I played the old lady, Gigi Duff. Being in charge, being the question answerer. It's so hard, man.

It's a nightmare. So let me ask just a question because, you know, we've gone back and forth. And I believe you know this, but I really respect you as an acting talent. I respect you as an acting talent. as an acting talent. I wish we got to work together. I did know that we worked together a long time ago. I don't remember much of what was, so it was at NYU?

We played twin brothers on an NYU short film. We made out. I did it? I remember you telling me that. I don't remember doing it because it was a big deal for me. I'd never been on a set before. Big deal for me to kiss you. I mean, yeah.

Two guys looking in the mirror realizing we look good. It's a shame we have. Zoom between us. Yeah, come on. So we did that, and then I remember meeting you through the Charlene Yee world. Uh-huh, yeah. And I don't know if you ever got this email, but when we first met at some party or something, maybe with the Seth world, I knew that world through Charlene and Mike Sarah.

Right. But I got your email and emailed you. Okay. And I was like, man, at some point we've got to work together and play. brothers or do whatever. Brothers. And it still hasn't happened, but it will happen. Because Altonwood is unimaginative and hates me.

I think it's not about you. It's about me and my reputation for being, you know, mean on set. Do you have a, I've never heard a negative word about you. I'm the best, baby. I'm the best. I'm kidding, of course. No, I don't know why it hasn't happened. And everybody does the Oscar, Isaac, Me, you, Jason Mansuchas thing.

I don't see Oscar. I don't see Manzukas. I see a little... I like to see Oscar. I like to see Oscar. He's a hamsterner, fella. Look, when Stuccas is where I draw the line, to be honest. Well, Natsukas is not us, dude.

That man looks like Gonzo. He's a good, you know. No, look, he's handsome and is all right. He's very. We want Oscar in our thing, but he's not us. Yeah. He doesn't want any new. There's a one day.

A lot of brown hair guys. Adam Pally claims. to be us, but he does not look like us. No, Adam Pally's got a whole different I was just texting. Nightmare thing going on. But it's not us. He's very nice. But it doesn't look like us. No, he doesn't look like us at all. He should be, he looks better, I think.

No, no offense. I agree. He's got a less of a pronounced nose. Yeah, I agree. It's amazing to have this connection of doppelgaggers. It's also. But David, anything you say about you, you never have to say, no offense, because I get it. Yeah, no. We don't look the same, but we do look like actual brothers.

Now, see, I got to the point where I was very sick of my face, of course, expedited by the fact that my face is exposed as an actor to the world. You know, I'm at a point, honestly, man, like, I'm super surprised that I haven't gotten major plastic surgery yet. I've gotten minor plastic surgery. I don't know if you can tell. No, I haven't. But I haven't got it.

I would tease more, but Gareth might get plastic surgery at some point. Oh, really? Why? You look beautiful. Well, then never mind, David. I won't do it. Thank you. You look pleasant. No, no. I get called, no, I'm fat Aaron Paul. I'm happy where I'm at. You look all right. Thanks, David. It's going to, it'll get better.

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Hey, how's it going? Good, how are you? I'm doing well. All right, you sound fired up. Welcome to the show. I'm not going to lie, you've got Jake, you've got me, and we've got the great David Krumholtz is joining us. You've got two Jake's or two Davids and one Gareth.

So what's your name, please? My name's Steve. Steve, where are you calling from, Steve? I'm calling from Montana. Montana. know. I'm good. I love John in.

Montana is great. The best. Hey, Steve, really fast. Do they have speed limits in Montana, or is it still on those highways? You can go as fast as you want. They've got speed limits. They up them to 80, so people go 85.

80's right. Yeah. I remember in high school, we used to take road trips up there because there was no speed limits on certain highways. That's fun. All right. Anyhow, Steve, what's going on, but?

I think I'm a little younger than you, Jay. Yeah, that's what I have. It didn't land. Steve, Steve, you don't need to detect, Jake. Come on. Or David. Yeah. All right, Steve, what can we do for you today, buddy?

All right. So every year, my high school buddies and I get together at a Forest Service Cabin. And we go get shit-faced drunk and enjoy some food and some good times and catch up with everyone since we only see them once a year. We've been doing this for about 11 years. So ever since we were juniors in high school. Fun. And frankly, I'd like to get the boys to class it up a little bit. It's pretty disgusting in that cabin when we're done with it.

We've got to spend half of the time just cleaning it up. And I bring garbage bags and I bring tools for us to keep it a little cleaner, but no one seems interested in using it. And it gets to the point where I only want to go for about half the time because I'm kind of ashamed at how gross it gets. And I don't really want to, I don't even want the bottom of my boots to touch the floor in the morning after the carnage. It begs the question. Yeah.

I'm sorry, but this begs the question. Can you get into specifics about the kind of grossness that we're talking about here? Yeah. So this year, I woke up. I go to bed earlier than some of the guys because I'm kind of the old man of the group. but I woke up to a pile of beer-soaked cheese that's on the table. Okay. And there's usually smashed hot dogs on the floor.

So it's just like a frat house. That's squalor. Kind of what it turns into. Yeah, it's a bunch of guys. No one's clean. It's not like people are taking shits on the floor, but food gets dropped, cigarette butts. It's just gross.

Used condoms end up on the top of your head while you're sleeping, these kinds of things. I mean, are there, how crazy, what's the crazes? Is it dirty hot dogs and stuff like that? Or does it get disgusting, disgusted? It's not like, there's no, generally there's no body fluids in the cabin. We usually make that outside the door. Yeah, okay.

But there is a spot right outside the back door that's called the piss pad. Oh, that's cool. And throws up outside the back door because it's cold in the winter. Right. Yeah. So that's our big of them. Is the bathroom non-functioning? It can't be used.

It's full of hot dogs. The bathroom does work. It is a 20-foot walk, though, so people don't want to have to go out. You got to go outside of the house. Oh, wow. Wow. 20 feet. But the biggest thing is we're, some of us are starting to get married and have kids as we're getting

close to our 30s. So, you know, it would be nice to be able to tell my wife, I enjoy it. And I'm not, you know, totally disgusted by. when I go up there. Let me ask you a question. You're the clean one, right? You're the guy who's trying to class it up. But see, but you feel shame over this, don't you?

Personal shame. Not in like the amount of drinking or how late we stay up or, you know, the jokes or anything like that, just in like the grossness of how gross it gets. Okay. Is there one guy in your group who's particularly gross? Yeah. I would say it's a group effort. Oh, wow.

And there's really... Let me jump in for a quick second here. So this is a pretty clean setup, Steve, but what is the specific question we can help you with? How can I get a group of 25 to 28-year-olds to get drunk while keeping the cabin clean? Interesting. Okay, because it's very doable. It's very hard.

Because you got a group of 25 to 28 years who still live like they're in a fraternity. And nobody in that situation wants a rule or like a chore chart or the dad or to be told what to do. So we've got to camouflage it in a version of a game and or a challenge. Because these dudes, I know myself,

it's always game-oriented when it's a group of friends similar to like the Andeerotic episode with the trash hole. We've almost got to set up like bins where if you throw your trash can in this, you get one point from here. If you miss, you get minus blank. There's punishments. That's the beginning of what I'm thinking.

An earning system. An earning system. And especially with a group of men, a punishment system. I used to play a game when I was growing up called asshole. An asshole had, the whole hierarchy of it was there was a president, a vice president, a secretary, and an asshole. And if you were the asshole, you guys play that. But in our rules, our games that we would always play,

Gareth, I'm sure we played this together. Oh, yeah. I'm sure we played us. The lowest tier, the asshole, has to do what the president says to do because the president could make their life terrible for that round. Do you guys play any game with stakes like that? We do.

Usually it gets, once we're playing games like that, it's hard to keep anyone together because at that point they're pretty well lit up. Here's really honestly, Steve, where I'm going, and you got to tell me if this is the right path or not because this isn't an easy one because we're dealing with 11 drunk guys in a cabin in Montana,

and they like to be rebellious against you. So any logical move of, hey, guys, could we blank, is not going to work. Any, I brought extra bins, fuck your bins, right? They're all saying, we want to come here and act any way we want. So I think there has to be a game in that literally I would consider creating via a text thing charts.

So like you create line, you put like a piece of duct tape on the floor, and across the room in the far run is worth five points. Closer's three, very close as one. Every beer can when you're finished, you have to go to the free throw line and shoot. So if you miss, it's not only zero, but then you got to clean it.

So part of the drinking and partying is this game, but part of the game is you've got to keep the court clear. That's pretty good. I like that. But then what if you attach onto that? If we do that for like 24 hours, and then the person in last place on that chart has to do like a sweep up and like a ragdown or something like that.

Gareth, you guys are very kind. You know what I say you do, Steve? Stop going. Don't go to the next one. because you're the guys with the bins and bags, right? They're going to be there alone without you looking for the bags and the bins and they're going to, holy crap, we pissed Steve off to the point where he's not here anymore and now we're living in our own garbage.

So you're talking about a boycott. You're talking about a boycott of show them what happens when nobody picks up the garbage in New York City. That's right. Don't miss you when you're gone. The rounds will be there. It'll be so disgusting that they'll go, all right, we're going to pay you a lot. We're going to pay you a little bit more.

Right. I fear the problem with that, I fear that he will find out that he's not necessary to the weekend. And then it'll be... They'll move on. Or they'll just be disgusting and be like, man, that was crazy. That was even better. And Steve's going to go, I miss hanging out with guys. Steve's annoying.

Yeah, then Steve will be home with his wife. Like, yeah, I bet they're playing an asshole. But, Steve, hold on. What do you think as of right now about this idea of a boycott? Well, what I was kind of thinking is, schedule a, because there's usually three or four of us who get up a little earlier and start cleaning up so we can sit down and not throw up. So I was thinking like scheduling one apart from that where we keep it a little cleaner.

It's the guys who aren't quite as reckless. And then that way, four of us kind of see, oh, it's kind of nice to be able to not sacrifice a deck of cards every weekend. Interesting. And keep things clean. and then that would bleed over a little bit to where I can get a majority of them to at least be like 25% cleaner.

So you're talking about dividing the group starting a new tradition and the filthy ones. You're just not part of this because now we've done this new thing that's cleaner. You're the past, we're the present. But then your pitches that you're going to take that side group and you're going to strengthen the bond of being clean

and then you bring it back to the OG group and then you've got a movement. Is that what you're saying? That's what I think would be the goal. Maybe just one time we bring the guys who I think will keep it cleaner and we make an effort to show them that it is in fact better not to be surrounded by garbage.

Come on your thoughts. I honestly, I think Steve has the best answer to his own question. I think that's the way to go. And worst case scenario, you split up, you divide into two groups. You all hammer fight one day. You get a hammer. That's a hammer.

Hammer fight it out. You know what I mean? In the bloody snow. Gareth, Gareth, Bommett everyone. Krumoltz is loving this. I saw you weren't loving it.

Well, I don't love. I mean, we know the premise of the show. This guy can't solve his own shit. I like it. It just feels like a long play. I would throw out two others. How are you getting the cabin?

I can't remember if you said that. Is it someone's cabin or are you renting it? We rent it from the Forest Service. Okay, so here's what you do. This is, I got two for you. One is, and it could work together. One is you get an email from them before the next one, saying the last time you guys left, the place was a real shithole. We need you guys to step it up because, you know, we love having you, whatever.

But there was mushed hot dogs in the dishwasher, there was hammer blood in the snow, whatever you want to say. but you can either make a fake mock email or a mock email or you can just say that you got it. The other pitch is, why don't you in this morning session when you say the three or four of you get up and do it, what if you just hired a maid for like two hours and you just say to this person,

look, just move quick, we're not looking for anything special, this is going to be a cake job for you, do a quick room around. David, jump in, Carmel's jumping. Hey, Garrett, that's so mean to the maid. I know. The maid plays up and has to clean up vomit and stuff.

From 11 drunk guys in the cabin, there's not enough money in the world. Listen, I understand. It's a mailmaid. Did I mention it's a mailmaid? Now, it's scary. There's no cell phone service. I know that part.

Steve, it's going to show up to a group of 11 men in the middle of nowhere with no cell phones. It's not safe. Don't do that. I don't care what they're offering. Don't go. You know what I don't like about how. similar you two are when you disagree with me

it's a real gang up I really feel that energy well it's because he's smart Garrett I can't do it as this as we learn more about this about Steve's party thing or we call it a party

it sounds more and more incredibly creepy if you think about it they're in the middle of nowhere in piss laden vomit laden snow it's not great no cell phone service 11 guys getting whacked out and playing being drunk playing poker.

Someone's going to get knife. It could get dark. It could get dark. Steve, you got to back out. You're going to get killed. You're going to get killed for wanting to clean the damn place. Hey, Steve, what what do you think about the reality of going David's route and

cut ties? Listen to your wife, cut ties, start a new group rather than trying to bring the old group back, rent the cabin with four of the cleaner guys. And then you can plant the seed with the other guys. We're doing it.

I don't want to live like a fucking animal. I'm not 19 anymore. So if you want to come, there's just some rules that you guys make as like a little democracy. Yeah, I think, unfortunately, I think that might be time to separate from some of the, you know, less mature guys who aren't as willing to keep it clean.

I'm sorry, Steve. That's probably not easy to do. You know, my suggestion, you're in Montana, right? It's probably a little slow kind of lifestyle there. So then these guys get together, and this is where they rage because they've been pent up. My suggestion is everybody pulls their money, take a trip to Vegas. You can vomit all over the place. People will clean up after you.

You know, you can be an idiot in public and do whatever you want. And then, you know, that way, you know, you can avoid having to sort of feel trapped with them in the same little spot in the middle of nowhere. I got a random one, Steve. What if you staged the first night when everybody passed out that there was an animal break in? You know what they say with like the idea of like bears and food that because of all the food and the trash,

we staged some version of an animal breaking and you guys have to clean up for the safety of not getting attacked. I like that. I love this. Bear in the area. There's a bear. Or a couple raccoons or something like that that came in through a window. But if there's this idea that we create this fake idea from the people that there's been a bear in the area that's been breaking in and it's dangerous.

So you cannot leave beer out. You cannot leave food out. If there's food, you've got to close it up because the bear has been breaking into cabins and hurting people. Tell them there was a nearby exotic animal sanctuary, and it isn't a bear. It's a tiger on the loo. There's a tiger in on town. It's scarier. No one of that.

By the way, if I'm going drinking and somebody goes, there's a wild animal sanctuary somewhere out here. A fucking bangle tiger escaped, and it loves things like beer-soaked jesus. But be careful because it's wild and vicious. I'm not taking the... If somebody spills their beer, I go like this. Mike, clean up after yourself. There's a fucking bangled tiger on. Sweep up. There's a hot dog tiger around here, you fools.

You're fucking spilling, you, clone? Yeah, I don't care about the mess. I'm not your fucking mom or your dad. I do care about a fucking tiger attacking me while I'm sleeping. Right. Steve, what is your gut on that? It's believable, by the way.

That feels pretty good. Well, most of the guys are hunters. so they might just get excited if they're animals in the area. All right. Your friends are out of control. You need to get away from them. You sound a much better person than they are.

They sound horrible and headed to jail any day now. They're not afraid of a lot of horses. Yeah, you're in a group of drunk pig poachers. So it might, I like that pitch a lot. Well, what if we said raccoons? What if you, what if the three or four of you in the morning? They would be excited to kill a raccoon. But what if, what if they're fun, you know?

They're sweet, some of them. Yeah, by the way, they'd be like this. Great, we have guns, tell them to bring a racco, I'll shoot a raccoon in the living room. How about possums? How about possums? How about we go one step up to possum? Love posses. There's no. There's no.

Rats. Oh, hey, Steve, I got something because you talk about hunters so the tiger thing doesn't work. What if it's just an infestation with rats? There's always mice in that cabin because it's in the middle of nowhere. And nobody cares. These guys are bulletproof. Oh, this is what you do. You get a honey badger, put it in a cage.

Here we are. And you tell them if they don't clean up your own, you're just letting the honey badger out. It's a different pitch. But it involves some of the things we love from earlier. Damn honey badger is just sitting in the living room in a cage, waiting, starving. And you guys are drinking all around.

And the second something goes wrong, I'm going to let them honey badger out. This cabin is a one room cabin. What are you going here? This has gotten so crazy. At the beginning, I understood. This is weird. There is no, I think the,

what we're saying at the end of the day is accurate. Get out of there. Get out. What are you doing? Steve, why are you sleeping in a one-room cabin with 11 guys who are filthy? You know what it is? It's like you, there's like a sweatsuit that you used to wear

when you were younger and you loved how it looked, but it doesn't fit anymore. There's stains. There's holes in the pocket. You're hanging on to something that's gone. You look bad. It's an ugly old sweatshirt. But for the guys in that group who you do love, see who loves you back and plan a second trip.

Side pitch it. Because some of them are going to go, Steve's fine, he's now my guy, he's a fucking neat freak. That's okay. He doesn't like hot dogs in his foot. And deep down, you're going to go, I don't really like him either. As you get older, the circle gets smaller. You go, why am I in a bar with that guy? I've never liked him.

He's never liked me. But we're just around each other. Those guys fade. It is the alcohol. The alcohol makes it all palatable because you're really, you're in. Yeah. So, but if you're looking to be a little more adult, I think the move is what we're basically all saying. Start a side text, get a side group of the best ofs, and go have a summer trip and thank your wife. For God's sake. Here's where we're at. And then we're going to go back to you and you're going to finish this off here. We've got the idea of punishments, the idea that if somebody loses asshole, they wear a maid outfit, they clean the whole thing. We've got some version of hoops and again.

game where they're playing and they got to clean as they go. We've got a fake email from the cabin service that you guys got to get cleaner, that it's gotten too disgusting. We've got a wild tiger from a sanctuary nearby. And I know your hunters, but be careful. And then we've got to divide the group plan and say either it's because of your wife's not allowing you or you're changing it, but you're creating a second group. And we've got to divide the group. And we've got to do that. And we've got another one, Steve, that was more your earlier idea, and that is you go up there with a few other guys have a cleaner version of it and then try to bring that to the whole group. What are you going to do here, man? You know, I think I think you guys are right.

I'm going to have to plan separate outings with the one guys that I do like and won't want to spend more time with and not start to pull away a little bit and maybe, you know, find other activities that aren't so shameful in my wife's size or my own eyes. That's the sensible thing to do. And can I just say you're not better than them. You know, don't do it with judgment. Do it out of compassion, you know, and a little bit of self-respect for yourself. You know what I mean? And some judgment.

And a little judgment. And you know what else? If any of them ask you what's up, you can sort of say it was. I can't web like that. It's just a little too much, a little too dirty. and maybe you scare a couple of them straight too, and they can go on the new gathering. So, Steve, in closing, walk us through really fast

just because I think this plan is going to work for you. What are you actually going to do? So you're going to plan what? Something in spring? I think I'm going to talk to the guys who I'm really close with and say, like, I just can't do it anymore up there. I've only been going for half the time anyways the last few years.

Yeah. And I just, it's just not. I think we've grown past this and try to get something going either earlier in the winter in November or early December. Let me ask you a question. Do you going to do this in person or via text? I'll probably do it in person. Never mind. I was going to say if it's text, let's do it now.

Will you follow up with us after you do that chat? Yeah, yeah, I can do that. Because we could even talk about what the next trip might be. You know, we could spit all that on a follow-up a little bit. It's not getting crazy. Yeah. This ended beautifully. This ended actually sweet, in a sweet, beautiful way.

This will work. Awesome. And you know what? Actually, you know what I'd like, Steve? Will you have your wife call in at some point with a follow-up so she can thank us? Yeah. Because really, this is going to be, she's going to go. I told him to, he doesn't, Steve, you don't listen to this podcast, do you?

I do, yeah. Oh, you do? Okay. But it's mostly the one. No, I'd say it's mostly me. That a boy, Steve. Never mind. Steve, thanks for the call, buddy.

Bye, Steve. This episode of We're Here to Help is brought to you by Hungry Root. You've heard us talk about Hungry Root before, so you know how much we love it, because it truly simplifies our lives. As a busy parent, it's been a game changer, saving time, reaching health. goals and reducing stress to do all my weekly food shopping with Hungry Root. It makes it easy to make sure that I'm getting good nutritious food for the family in one-stop shopping. I got a vegan chorizo taco that I had last week and just truly fantastic. But it always delivers. And it's not just because they deliver. It's because they deliver. I apologize. But Hunger Root now is over 50.

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plus get a free item in every box for life. Go to Hungryroot.com slash here to help and use code here to help. That's Hungryroot.com slash here to help. Code here to help to get 40% off your first box and a free item of your choice for life. Hello. Hello. Hi. Can we get your name please?

Yeah, my name is Kyle. I'm 22 and I'm calling from Massachusetts. Okay, great. Well, you got Jake, you've got me and we've got a phenomenal talent, a great problem solver, David Krumholz is our guest helper. So we're going to get you sorted and set. Wow. All right.

I'm ready. Let's do it, Kyle. Yeah, so I work at a software company, and every desk has a company provided monitor for, like, your computer. And I've been working here for a little over a year. And a couple months ago, we got a new hire, and we'll call her Emily. her and I became friends, but my problem today is that she has a newer and nicer monitor than I do. And I'm hoping you can help me figure out how to steal it or swap it from mine, which is older and not as good.

And something to consider and makes it kind of difficult is that we sit directly across from her. Like I sit directly across from her, so we're like face to face. Are you at work right now in front of the monitor? I am at work, not in front of that monitor, but. Wow. So you're in there. We could do it right now. We could do something right now.

Oh, yeah. This could be in real time. Is Emily at work right now, too? Emily is not at work, which is actually where I was going to get into. One of the reasons I think I deserve it more than she does is that she has been only, she only comes in like one a week and I'm in three days a week. So I use it twice as much as her. How much of a monitor upgrade

are we talking about here? How much better is hers? I mean, so my monitor that I currently have is like from 2000 and I'm going to say 10 and it's got the old RBG connection so it's not even HDMI. The newer ones are like within the last two or three years

or these sites, Dell, like no bezel, full screen, 15 or 16 inch with HDMI. That is a big disparity. The elephant in the room is she's going to notice. I mean, she's definitely going to know that you've swapped monitors, correct? Well, that's what I'm curious on, because I don't know how often she really uses it or how well. Like, I don't know if the difference, if you knew what to look for would. be dark, but I don't know how much he paid attention to you. Let me ask you a question,

Kyle. Like that. What if you just did right now a swap and play dumb routine? And that as she goes, did you swap my monitor? You go, what monitor?

She goes, that monitor used to be mine, but now it's yours. And you go, what are you talking about? I like that. Okay, so a little bit. It's clean. It's, look, it's, it's, it is gaslighting, but then she'll go, did you swap it and you'll go, Emily, I honestly don't even know what you're asking me.

Did you ask me if I took your computer monitor and put it on my computer monitor? Aren't they the same? Wait a second. We don't have to, I'm sorry, we don't have to gaslight the woman. Do you have a boss? Yes, I do. Okay. So she comes in, she's not even there.

Next time she comes in, you've swapped it out. She may say something. You say, oh, the boss decided because I'm actually in the office more often than you are. And you work from home. But what if she goes to the boss? And the boss goes, that didn't happen. Then Kyle looks like a maniac. A liar, yeah.

Well, I got a question. Kyle, are there any? By the way, it is better than gaslighting. That's a better. You're right. No, I didn't think about that. that. Are there other of these monitors around the office? She doesn't just have the only one, right? No, there are, there are some that are like that. I just don't know the people who those monitors are.

So we could do something, I guess, where it's like a victimless crime, I guess, where I'd steal one of those. But I know I would do those people off. Right. Which could be an anonymous sort of. I know, but this is, I hear you, but this is a hard thing. So you and Emily are close. friends, right? Yeah. Yep. So you know what this reminds me of, Kyle, what we might have to try to create here? So, David, we have a buddy, Steve Berg, and our audience is getting bored of us talking

about him so much, but Gareth and I are obsessed with him. We're 25-year friends. Years ago, he was talking shit to me about a football game that had already happened. And so he and I made a bet on a game that had already occurred, and so he obviously lost. And by losing it, rather than take money, we said the loser has to get glamour photos where They try to be their sexiest, not their funniest, but they're sexiest. So where I'm kind of going with this, Kyle, is what if we try to lock Emily into a bet, and the bet is the monitors, but we also use this podcast as a way, like you guys call into the show

and we pretend it's the first time. Oh, yeah, like there's no way you can lose. And then the loser gets the monitor and she goes like, that's fair. That's so, hmm. I still don't fully see it, but I actually really like the idea of a fake and unethical in immoral in him stealing this. Let's talk again to the deeper issue here. You're telling me there's certain people in this office that have 2010 era monitors

and then a bunch of people who have brand new monitors. Literally, yeah, like a 13, 14 year difference, let's say, in technology. which is a lot. Yeah. I do you, why don't you talk to your boss A and B, why don't you, why are they giving you the crappy monitor?

I'll tell you what, but I'll tell you why. It's the same thing as like cell phone companies. You sign up, you get a whole new great plan, you get a new phone. If you've been in AT&T forever, you get jack shit. Wow.

So it's being too nice and letting them get away with not giving you a new monitor. That's interesting. you're saying rather than make it an Emily Kyle problem, make it a company problem. That could be. They are in the process.

So what made me think of this is we are moving our desks around, like as a whole company. And so I decide. So there are people who are getting, I think, newer monitors or maybe just newer. Kyle, Kyle, I got an idea going off a David thing. An anonymous letter with fake signatures.

saying, we are furious that new employees get these and we do not, we will not stand for it. And that goes to the fucking top. Jake, in another life, would you have been like a scam artist?

Yes, I'll answer Jake. You don't need to say a word. 100%. David, my whole family. He'd be in jail with his name tattooed on his knuckles. Everybody, most of my family was in jail. David, David. He would be selling...

He'd be selling toilet paper to his celly. It's shocking that I'm in this game. If we're moving monitors, what do you mean moving monitors? Here's what I'm thinking. If we're moving stuff around, why not do a fake break? Why not, if your desk gets moved or we make your desk get moved or something like that, you can sabotage your monitor and then you complain to the top that your mind. monitor no longer works.

Ooh. It's an opportunity to break your monitor. Break the monitor. Break the monitor. Break it right now. Break the damn. Hold on, David. Yes, David.

Hold on, Jake. Fucking, Kyle, knock your monitor on the ground. Yeah, just pretend to bump into it. And then it's brought, and you just literally go, hey, my monitor fell. I don't know what happened. It's not working. Yeah. Can I get a new monitor?

And then when they give you the old one, go, can I get the one Emily has? Well, you should say, you. you should be like it's actually, when you talk about it, say it's actually a good opportunity because that one was kind of getting wonky anyway. I mean, it's from 2010. Right. And the thing is, I know you're worried about Kyle that you're going to actually break the monitor and then there's some kind of penalty.

So here's what you do. You don't actually break the monitor, right? You just spill. How about you spill something on it? Jelly. Or something coffee on it or whatever, you know what I mean? And then you claim that it's been wonky ever since. Yes.

It's simple mistake. You didn't try to break anything. It's been wonky ever since. By the way, you know what you can do off going off of that? You don't even have to spill anything on it. Just say, my monitor is getting really wonky, and it's stopping me from work. Every once in a while it's just glitching or pausing, and then it shut off. Can I get a new monitor?

Yeah. And if they go, there was no problems with it when we checked, go, I don't know what to tell you. I lost like 15 minutes of work. It's from 2010. Or you freak your bosses out, and they get scared of you. Like, you say something like, my monitor is speaking to me. Or your monitor is in love with my monitor is in love with you. And your boss is going over.

This guy's losing his mind off this monitor. We need to get a new monitor. He might be getting a new job. They won't say, you know what, it's the monitor's fault. So we're saying that's a bad idea. We've had some good moments, but at the end, yeah, I think the end is off. I got to say, Cal, I think we've come across something that's way better than stealing, gaslighting or creating a fake mutiny.

I think you literally just go to your boss right now and say, hey, my computer screen is getting wonky. It's been shutting off occasionally. How do I go about getting a new screen and then go like, like, Emily's? Okay. What do you think that should do?

I think that would be, yeah, I'd prefer that over. Yeah, it's probably a little bit of a better bar than the gas lighting or stealing. Now, let me ask you a question. Let me ask yourself in trouble, man. Don't get yourself in trouble. Let me ask you a question, Kyle.

Is your boss there right now? Yes, Jake. He is not. Are you lying to me? No, he's working from home today. Well, then why don't we do this? Well, you're on your phone talking to us. Yeah, but he has a computer.

I have a computer, yeah. I have my computer in front of me that I can. Right. email? I could. Let's contact that boss right now as a team. We could have him join the Zoom from his computer and then he calls his boss on his cell phone and you can watch him and hear his side of the conversation if he's willing.

Kai, are you willing to do that? I can certainly give it a shot. I can't guarantee that he would pick up though. If he doesn't, he doesn't. But if he doesn't, here's what I'd like you to do. Leave a message. Do we want, we have two phenomenal actors. We don't talk.

We don't talk. No, but should we run him through this before we get? That's a good idea. Give him a little rehearsal. Before we do this, Kyle, are you going to do this? Will you be, I do feel comfortable trying this. Because I think this is a great win, but only if this is something you actually want to do, this is your real job.

I don't, I, I, I'm, the only hesitancy I have is I'm not like super close. with him. So I don't, I don't know if it's something that he even has control over. Like, we have a special IT department that's handle. Yeah, that you would call about your monitor. Yeah, like, he's probably going to say, all right, I mean, ask, ask, like, the PC Depot is what it's called. Like, we have our own in-house tech specialists that, like, are in charge of that. You know, they're just going to give you a new cord. If you say that your monitor's wonky, they're going to give you a new cable to connect it. It's going to be a simple fix. And if, If they have a whole IT department, they're going to be like, this isn't broken.

Have you asked Emily if she really cares about her monitor and she'll swap with you? Natalie. What? I'm sorry. That's the smart answer. But I've been, it's just because I've only known her for a couple months, it feels like a weird thing to be like. It is a one thing. It's embarrassing.

Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait a minute. For a little bit, only knowing her for a couple months might be a good thing, you know. she doesn't she she'll not assume you're nefarious or or or you're possessive in any way she'll be like oh or you just say hey you know sometimes we swap monitors around here like that's like Joe's monitor there it used to be parvish each month every two months you know Emily you want to do the swap with me everybody does these swaps what do you mean yeah we just swap monitors every two months get one monitor to the left every two months you don't know this?

I think you should go back to the fake bet The fake what? Bet with Emily That's where they call in I mean Going to you for a second here Kyle I'm going to just propose two right now really fast Fake bet

Gaslight If those were oh if you're at a crossroads Which road do you start going down Isn't the fake bet a gaslight though Different version I'm talking about literally right now Swapping monitors I don't know why I'm so invested.

I should. No, no, please. We all are. It's the whole premise. I have children that are. It's the whole premise. This is not important. But go on.

Sorry. It is important. It's the whole thing. I'm sorry. It's the whole premise. I agree. So, Carl, what do you think? If you're at a classroom.

If I, my, my gut is telling me the benefit to gaslighting is that I don't have to try and get her to, like, call into a random show and be like, oh, do you want to do like a bet with me and on this podcast, America's number one podcast. Thank you. So I'm almost leaning more towards the gaslighting, which is kind of a crazy sentence, but it's seeming like if I were to, yeah,

make the swap and then just play dumb or just say, I don't know what you're talking about. Hey, Kyle, I have a play that could get you out of the viciousness of a true gaslight and the crowsy. craziness of it. Do the gas light right now. Just do the switch. Film yourself doing it.

So if anybody catches you, say, I'm doing this bit for this podcast called We're Here to Help. And they go, what do you do? You go, it's like a prank. It's like from the office. I'm pranking Harry, but it's we're good friends. The podcast is putting you up to it.

The podcast is putting you up to it. And then you just never put the monitor back. Exactly right. And then if it ever comes up, you go, oh my God, I did it for the podcast. I forgot. That way it's on Emily to bring it up. Yes.

And then guess what, Emily? We are telling Kyle he's not allowed to bring it up unless you hear this and then call in. So this is a podcast game. This is a prank that we are. This is the first annual monitor swap game. There's going to be many more to come. The only way Emily wins is Emily, you got to listen, call the pod, and then we will pitch you what to do next. Kyle, this is not a gaslight.

This is not mean. This is not insane. You're just doing a gag from a podcast. I think I like, I like that. That puts a little pressure off of me and allows me to utilize the podcast. Okay. And you know what this game is called,

asshole. That's right. It's called asshole. This is a game called asshole. So listen. Carl, I think we've given, I think we're on to something that's very close to winning. I think right now, and if you don't want to do it, you don't do it, sir.

You didn't want to do the boss thing. You didn't do it. Did we bully you and do it? No. Did I want to? Yes. Was David's idea of calling as the dad good? Yes.

Did we do that? No. So we are in a spot right now where we have a win, but if you don't want it, we'll keep pitching. Here's the pitch. You hang up, you take your phone, you put it on video. You do a very silly look at the camera. and go, I'm about to play asshole from we're here to help, oh boy. Then you take her monitor and you switch it to your monitor.

If anybody says, what are you doing, Kyle? You say, I'm playing asshole. It's a game from the podcast. We're here to help. Emily's a friend of mine. They go, okay. The way asshole works in round two is you never bring this up. She, like a scavenger hunt, needs to find this podcast, listen to this.

call in, and then if she does that, we will tell her a move of what to do next to an asshole. But after you do the swap, Kyle, you, sir, are out of it. So if she brings it up, and you're not gaslighting, you're plain asshole. And if anyone asks, if she asks or anyone asks, hey, what is we're here to help? Who, Joe, you say the guy from the new girl who's also the kid from the Santa Claus. they're the same guy and that guy is not

Oscar Isaac or Jason Kenzie kids him so Kyle what do you think Kyle okay yeah I like that I can I can get off of

uh this and go and film that and then yeah I think it'll be good send us the video and then what we will do is try to talk as much as you can in the video because we will run the video at the end of this episode,

and most people commuting, listen to it, will just hear the audio. So just walk through what you're doing. And if somebody interrupts you, just talk, tell them what you're doing. Yeah. Okay. Yeah, I can try that.

This is going to work, Kyle. You called in with a very specific problem. You know, someone says, hey, what are you doing? Just say, oh, it's a silly little game. Call that. Let's do a quick practice. Kyle, you're doing it.

David, will you be one of the workers there? I sure will. So, Kyle, start us off, talk to the camera, do the setup, how you're going to do it, where, hey, I'm doing this thing. Let's hear the whole thing. Hey, everyone. I'm going to be participating in asshole, the critically acclaimed challenge from the We're Here to Help podcast. Today, I will be moving the monitor. We call that the old roommate swap. So I am going to be taking my old monitor and swapping it with my new co-workers monitor and we'll see if she knows. Kyle. Who are you talking to? Oh, it's for a podcast. Yeah, they're...

What's a podcast? I don't know if you ever... I don't know podcast. Yeah, the podcast is... We are here to help. Uh-huh. Okay. And the, uh, it's actually...

And the, uh, it's actually... And wants to move the monitor and have a nice new monitor. What's going on with it? I'm assuming... Hey, David, can you say really fast? They're both great guys in this accent. They're both great guys. So go on.

What's going on here, really? You're taking a podcast game? Yeah, yeah, I'm just, I'm filming a challenge, you know, like, oh, could I do something with like a TikTok? No, she's in on TikTok, but maybe there was like a TikTok challenge of swapping things around. Kyle, keep it clean. Just the podcast. Yeah, okay, okay. Yep, we'll stick with the pod.

Yeah, so it's for the podcast. You want him to call the boss and tell him you're moving it. I don't think he's heard of this podcast So he'll probably He probably will get the wrong idea Okay and you're gonna take Whose monitor? Not my monitor, I can tell you that

I love my monitor Who's monitoring? Of course not No, it'll just be this random one over Right in front of me actually You mean Emily's monitor Uh oh Oh, is that her name?

He likes Emily Yeah She's beautiful girl No, she's a little A little clue is, but she's beautiful, don't you think? Uh-oh. It's not good he knew Emily. Jake, I want to remind you this is all made up.

I know, but it's not good. I don't feel good for Kyle here. This guy's getting pissed. Let me do something. You play one finger. Okay, I knew it was on Emily's monitor. He's going to play asshole with you. He's going to play asshole with you.

I'm going to play the real actual. Okay. Kyle, I think this is going to work. buddy. You're not going to come up. That's going to be worst case scenario. It's not going to be like that. And now you've gone through it so you know what to do.

Are you going to actually do this right now? Yeah, I will go and I'll put in my headphones and go film. Just do the switch and when she asks you about it, play dumb. I think that's clear. And then send us the video ASAP, buddy. And then if she's, if it's not awkward to do it. Yeah. Yeah.

Just do it. Okay, I like that. David, thank you for joining us today, buddy. This is hilarious. People are wonderful. David, thank you. Kyle, thank you, bud. Thank you, guys.

Hey, guys, my name's Crystal. I just wanted to call in to maybe give some advice to the sect of boys. I worked, oh, God, I've been in medicine a long time now. 25 years. Over a decade, I worked in a merge and an O-WR. And the only time you would see people in a merge after having a vasectomy was because they didn't listen to the directions that they were given. 24 to 48 hours, chill out, legs up, and Tylenol and Advil alternating every four hours. Dose Tidal, dose of Advil.

Four hours back to Tylonolol. And buy store brand, do not buy brand name. It's one third of the price. Look for the name on the drug you recognize like, I don't know, oh, underneath that little big long word. A Cidaminopin. Look for that star brand. You're paid their degrees. Anyways, these are the guys that thought they could go home and cut their grass.

They thought they could cut a quarter wood. Or, like, help somebody move was the one that I heard. Another guy I did a 12-hour shift that night. Like, just, I felt fine. Yeah, you did. you still have like good numbing stuff there but come on like dude chill the fuck out hard anyways of 43,000 vasectomy cases that the surgeon at our hospital did he only ever had one patient that had severe complications postoperatively and

And it was found out that he had some kind of other rare issue that then got triggered. So, one in 43,000. Really? And anybody else was just stupid, like my ex-husband. I sent him in for one. He didn't listen to me. Did not. And he did get a little infection post.

Five days of pills. Fine. He would have been even better if he'd listen to me, but, you know. Okay, he's my ex for a reason. right? Anyways, best of luck to you and all the boys I'm very proud of you. Thank you. The women in your life or will be in your life. Highly grateful. Highly, highly grateful. And afterwards you're going to go, shit, why didn't I do this sooner? All right. Thanks a lot for the show. Appreciate it. And I hope everybody stays more. Bye. We're Here to Help is hosted by Jake Johnson and Gareth Reynolds.

If you'd like to be on the show, please email us your question at helpful pod at gmail.com. And if you want to watch video episodes of We're Here To Help, you can go to our Patreon at patreon.com slash here to help pod to see our entire catalog. We're Here to Help is produced by Rabbit Grimm Productions, executive producers Rob Hollis, Jeff Porter, and Natalie Hollis, associate producer Jesse Thurston, editing mix and mass. by Chris Fowler. Theme song by Oliver Raleigh. The cover artwork is by James Fostike. Animations by Andrew Strelecki. And if you'd like to see Gareth,

do stand up on the road, go to garethrenolds.com. Remember all of the advice, given on we're here to help, is for entertainment purposes only, and all listeners should be adults and make their own decisions. That was a hit gum podcast.

All video episodes of season one are available now on Patreon, and season two video episodes will be available every Monday starting January 20th. Go to Patreon.com forward slash here to help pod. Hi, I'm Drew Offiwalo.

And I'm Jason Offoalo. And we host the HeadGum podcast, Two Idiot Girls. Each episode, we're discussing plenty of topics that you would be giggling at at a sleepover with your weird cousins. We talk about all kinds of things like weird dating horror stories, maybe a really bad wedgy you had once, or even a show you're loving, and anything in between. So you can listen to Two Idiot Girls on your favorite podcast app or watch full video episodes on YouTube.

New episodes will be posted every Tuesday. today.