We're Here to Help - 258: WEIRD Here To Help: Velour Jet Suit & The Special K's

Episode Date: February 6, 2026

Eric and Steve help a long-suffering Jets fan and a caller with an unfortunate group nickname. Plus, a feel-good follow-up from Ep 225 "Real Magic (with John E. L. Tenney)"See images from the episode here: https://www.heretohelppod.com/post/episode-258 Want to call in? Email your question to [e-mail]: https://patreon.com/heretohelppodMERCH: heretohelppod.comINSTAGRAM: @HereToHelpPodIf you’re enjoying the show, make sure to rate We’re Here to Help 5-Stars on Apple Podcasts.Advertise on We’re Here to Help via Gumball.fmSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Well, good afternoon. This is your little friend, Stevenberg, and this is a message going out to all you fantastically brilliant vasectomy doctors. I have a little proposal for you all. My wonderful friend and brother, Gareth Reynolds, is looking to get a bisectomy done because he is making the choice to not bring children into this world. And you know what? I respect that opinion. Nobody wants a bunch of little Gareth running around. Boy, try saying, try plurizing. Gareth with a list, that's not easy. Nobody wants a bunch of little Gareth running around when Gareth himself doesn't want that. So doctors out there, what we are looking for, what we are wanting, if possible, is for you to give our friend Gareth a vasectomy. Now, we'll

pay for it. He's got Cobra. He's got great insurance. That's not the issue. Here comes the little angle we're taking. We would like to document this on a little thing called videotape. This is a plea, this is a call to all vasectomy doctors in the lower 48 in the United States. Please, oh, please, let our little friend, Gareth Reynolds, get a vasectomy, and let us videotape it. We're talking to high eight, you know, like a gritty, you know, it'll look good, it'll be classy, it'll be artsy, you will come off looking like an absolute hero. That's a burgundy. Thank you.

Enjoy this message and enjoy this episode. Bye-bye. This is a headgum podcast. Ladies and gentlemen, that's right. It's time again from Omaha, Nebraska and Glastell Park, Los Angeles. It's weird. Here to help with Steve Berg and co-host, Eric Edelstein. Steve!

We're going to help some more people today. How you doing? Oh, Eric, I'm just so great. It's Friday. I got the Friday vibes going. You know, I'm feeling very good, footloose and fancy free, ready for a wild, fun, mysterious weekend. It's cold. I'm in the tundra here.

Oh, just stay in. Make yourself some cocoa, big daddy. Oh, there is going to be a lot of, I'm going to be making a lot of things. And you know what, Coco is a good idea. I should treat myself. I love it. I'm making my own pecan milk. Steve, we.

We talked about on the Patreon yesterday, but this is worthy, I think, of Maine. We talked that there's some changes in how they're setting up hotel rooms. Yeah. And they're about to do a massive remodel. And because they figured out they lose a lot of power and money, apparently, with a bathroom door. So the new hotels, they're going to eliminate the bathroom door. And we are taking a stand against any hotel that's doing that. Well, before I follow my sword for the bathroom door in hotels across America,

I look, your concern is valid because, look, I want a bathroom door. You know, all the times you're sharing a hotel room. Sorry, we can't always have our own hotel room, people. Your wife needs a bathroom door. My wife needs a bathroom door. They do want the separation. The stuff I do in there, Steve, nobody needs to hear it. Nobody needs to be a part of it.

Nobody needs that sensory overload. No, oh, no. in fact, you just describing it. It might have been too much sensor to overload for me. It is, and I apologize. That's why we need you on this with us. We're reaching out to Marriott. JJ, Marriott.

I'm a Highatt points member. I'm canceling my Hilton credit card. Ooh, that's big. Well, it is. It is. I believe that Hilton franchisees have a right to rent to whoever they want, Stephen. Eric, can ask you a quick question about that? Please.

Here's Eric's theory, basically, is that he thinks hotels are trying to save money by taking out the bathroom doors for an airflow heating cooling situation. This is a fact. First, they came from my bathtub, and I'm devastated. And I'm devastated because I like an Epson salt back. Yeah, you do. I check into a hotel. I get Epson's salts, and I pack some eucalyptus, Steve. I pack some essential oils. Hold on. Where are you staying? Look, and it is a serious question. You and I are, we equal 13 feet together, right? Yes. That's just good science. That's math.

It is. I have found, and look, I'm not, I don't take a lot of baths in hotels simply for the fact that they appear way too small and I feel like I get stuck and I wouldn't be able to get out. And it had to have some like poor bellboy or bellwoman come to the room and like, I'm like, excuse me, ma'am, miss, help me, sir. Like, I'm stuck in the bathtub. That's a real thing. And I'm having to do yoga positions to get out.

Like I was just in the tiniest bathtub, but I just wanted to soak grandpa's legs. I've been walking in the snow. I'd been running, literally running. And so I got Epson's salt, put it in there. And then I had to basically turn over, do like a downward dog pose, and then pull myself up using my Pilates upper body strength I do have now to get out of this tub. But it sucked. There's a grace in an art to a great hotel bath.

The Mayo Hotel in Tulsa has one of the great baths in the world. I do worry sometimes about being stuck in a bathtub. but they figured out it just makes more sense for them financially to eliminate the bathtub. So most places you go, Chaco Hotel in Albuquerque, they have no bathtub. Bathtubs. It's a giant bummer. Now they've done the math and they want to save money with energy and heating because I'm sure you get a lot of people like me, the second I get in there, I'm setting that AC to 60

degrees. Me too. I think I one time like froze within a cheap hotel and froze over. Oh, sure. I turned up so high that it was like one of those like wall units, not like, you know, that you, the big like white machine that's like attached to the wall in the window,

I turned down so low that it started like leaking Frion. And I like had to move rooms. It was a whole ordeal. That's on them. That's not, you should be able to have a 60 degree hotel room without a problem. That's on them and they're free on. You have a lawsuit.

I'm like Letterman. I like the room cold, babe. No, I do too. I do too, man. We need it. We're big guys. Well, especially I'm eating a lot of spicy food in a hotel room.

room. Well, of course. Oh, man, I had to do two different. Well, this is the other thing is now, again, they use the environment as an excuse or COVID. I was going to ask. They won't do your sheets unless you ask, which meant twice during my trip, I had to call down to the front desk because I'd spill dim some sauce on my sheets. Now, specifically what kind of sauce? And that's a humbling call. That's not a call I should have to make in a nice hotel. Eric, I would have to clean my sheets. There's hoisting all over my boat. Thank you. All I went with some specificity in what. sauce was. I mean, you can't just take. There was choicent. There was chile oil. Then I'm working on people pleasing, but I used towels as napkins. Then they were covered in chili oil. And I spent probably

half an hour trying to get the chili oil out of the towels. And I'm like, why am I spending a half hour my life? Well, I didn't want the judgment from the mate. No. I care deeply about what a maid thinks. I tip well. You have to tip well. We're not doing anything good to that room. Did I ever tell you when two maids try to have an intervention on me? What? No. Yeah. Oh, yeah, Steve. This was amazing. So I went back to the hotel and there were two maids kind of waiting for me. Right.

And one of them looked like she was about to cry. Oh, God, Eric. They said that they're saying that they're going to pray for me and they wanted me to get help. And I was so confused. And I'm like, is this a language thing? I don't know what I have. And at that point, I ended up drinking like seven or eight years. Then I went in the hotel room.

Now, when I sleep at night, I have to take magnesium. Yeah. So I had that calm magnesium powder. Yeah. Oh, boy. And there was a pile of it. It looked like a pile of yak.

It looked like Belushi's final day. It looked like the biggest pile of cocaine you've ever seen in your life. Oh, they thought you were all in the major. You know me. I bonded with them. I talked with them. Absolutely. We're having a good old time.

You're famous for it. Anytime somebody cleans your hotel room, especially if there's dim sum sauce in the bed. That's five bucks. I'm in the middle of trying to convince my wife to let me get a skateboard because I want to prove to my friend that given six months, I can do a cake football. Ollie.

So I'll let you know how that goes. Maybe on the next intro we can readdress that. Susie, if you're listening, no. The answer is no. She's like, I don't want to take care of you. I now have a financial partnership with your husband, Susie. The only way to fuck this up is to give this giant man, very close to 50 a skateboard.

My financial system is tied in with Stephen. Do not let him get on a skateboard. We all know how this movie ends. Do not be a parody of yourself. Yeah. I can't do an episode of this. There's no replacing you. Stop it.

I can't do it if you're in a coma where you have head damage. No, no skateboard. It could be interesting, though. No. I vote no. Okay. Fine, fine, fine. We're going to put this to Jake and Gareth.

The skateboard is officially now on hold for a vote. They absolutely will. I like the skateboard idea either. Yeah. Of course not. Steve. Eat your heart out. Tony Huck.

I'm coming for you, baby. Enjoy this episode, folks. Please. This episode of the podcast has been brought to you by Dell. Have you been waiting for the perfect time to upgrade your tech? Good news. The wait is over. Dell Tech Day's annual sales event is here,

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Hello, friend. You are in the other realm with weird here to help with Steve Berg and Eric Edelstein. Caller, what is the name you're going with and what is the location you're going with? Oh, my name's Michael. I'm from Connecticut.

Michael, Connecticut. Love it. Save it for that pizza. Everyone's saying Connecticut's got the best pizza. Is that true, Michael? Oh, yeah. I just got some from the place. Now, you're coming, you guys, y'all are coming from like kind of a crispy, thin, like a little bit char on the bottom if memory serves.

Is that right? Yeah, yeah. If you're going down to New Haven, that's the name of the game. Godblood on the streets in the town of New Haven. Haven. Down on the streets in the town of New Haven. Well, that wasn't bad on my part, actually. No, that's a pretty good.

Your mojo's rising on Sunday, Steve. I hit that, wow. Wow. Okay, friend, speaking of Mojo, Jim Morrison, you're on a desert island. You can only bring one book, one album, one movie. What's it going to be? Ooh. One of each?

One of each. And no thinking about Michael, it's just rapid fire, top of your head. We want to know who you are by what you consume. I'd say at least one of the Harry Potter books. Okay. Beautiful. For an album. Mm-hmm.

God. Don't even need to think about it. One of the Led Zeppelin ones. Okay. Hell yeah. Hell yeah. No, no, no. I just saw Robert Plant, by the way.

He was incredible. Oh, that's so cool. Oh, he's still got it. He still hit those notes. And for a movie, I'd do the hangover. Okay. Awesome. Awesome.

You're a fun-loving guy. What food are you going to bring? You can only have one meal this whole time. Is it going to be Connecticut Tavern-style pizza? Pasta. Pasta. Yeah, there you go. You are a man after my own heart.

Oh, yeah. We like you already, friend. You don't get to bring all the sauces you want. I mean, yeah, you can. You can find stuff on the island and cook because I'm in charge. This island is. There's garlic. There's cream sauce.

There's cashew cream. Why would you not just want to be in the, that doesn't make any kind of sense? It makes every bit of sense. You can like, you know, hang out of carrots and cook sauce. We'll talk off the air about this. We'll talk off the air about this. And use that pasta water.

Use that pasta water. at the beginnings of your sauce. I'll tell you what. They call that the tears of God in Italy. It is. It completely is. It changes everything. It's a binder, Steve.

It emulsifies things. We all know that. It's wonderful. I made a result of last night. Come on. So, Michael, we have a sense of you now, and we already really like you. I mean, I just saw Robert Plant three weeks ago.

You mentioned Led Zeppelin. Everyone goes to see Robert playing on his tour. He's playing for the turnstiles by Neil Young. Michael, what's going on? How can we help you today? I am a New York Jets fan. Okay. Sorry.

Which is a, it's a tough thing to be. It's a real tough thing. I want to do my part to help. And so I thought, if I bought myself a velvet track suit and wore it when they played, then I could make like a lucky track suit. And it would like combat some of the universal bad juju they got going on. Yes. And it would keep my sanity.

I think this is a great idea. How can we help you in terms of, Are you looking for us to, like, help you say yes and feel good about this track suit? Talk to me. No, I need your guys' help with, I sent a couple photos in of tracksuits, but I'm more interested in how do I make the track suit lucky. Oh. Oh, boy, did you come to the right place, brother?

We can embody that. Well, I mean, first, once you get the, okay, do we have pictures of the track suit? Yeah, I've got some options. You get a good one, first off. Yep, yep. All right. Get a good one. Let's get a gander.

Oh, hello. Okay, this is it. Michael, you're a man of quality. We got options. Oh, wow. Dude, in the valour. Yeah, I think the valour. See, oh, the puma.

Michael, what I like. So I recently got a track suit, and I just got the Amazon valour one, and it was horrible. It was full of microfibers. I think I probably took about six months off my life whenever I was inhaling. What you have sent me are the incredible brands you want. You want Puma.

You want Sergio Ticini. You might even want to dip a toe in the Fila waters. Fila makes a great one. That Mr. Taylor, that's a little... So, Mr. Taylor, I'm out on Mr. Taylor. I'm out on Mr. Taylor unless you're like... That's like...

That green doesn't even... See, now that looks... That's a great look. That's a great look. Jet colors. Okay, so here's... But look at the Sergio Ticini. I mean, it's really nice.

And that's such a classic one. However, I think we got to move away from the pictures because the listeners just can't see what's happening. No, they want to see Steve Burke. So, here's... Well, they can't see anything because most of them are listening. That's what I'm saying. Tons of them are on that Patreon.

Sure, sure, sure. Five bucks a month, it's a steal. It doesn't matter. People are listening. The majority are listening in their cars on the way to work right now. They can't see it. But folks, okay, so Michael, I think you got some decisions to make. That's a personal.

choice. However, how can Eric and I hope you make it lucky? Oh, pal, I think he came to the right man. First off, I am going to recommend, do you have a relative, like an uncle or a cousin or a grandpa or a grandma who you felt close to who you have any relics from? Yes. Okay. I mean, I could dig something up, not like physically or like literally, but Yeah, I if you have like an old brooch from like uh Grandma Nancy or like you know Uncle Chuck's like a you know like saxophone read I would get that in the pocket fascinated to that thing using that ancestor magic is really going to make that thing it's going to make it's going to make that trust too very powerful preferably if that person

was also a Jets fan right that would that would be nice too I will burn some sage yep I will Al Santo. Absolutely. Let it waft all over that jumpsuit and say, get a nice wash on it. Oh, yeah. Don't have it. And then I would say while you're doing that,

read a sacred text, which in this is clearly going to be Joe Namath's autobiography. Eric, you need to put on the Joe Namath episode of the Brady Bunch and read from Joe Namath's autobiography. He has some incredible passages about the passion of Matt Snell and that team. And like, you need to embody.

that jumpsuit with the passion of the Jets when they were winning. Yeah, Eric, I think that's a brilliant idea. I think reading Joe Namath passages, go through the book, pull out some really nice passages. However, along with that, I would sit down, take your track suit, put it

in the most comfortable chair in front of the TV, and have it watch Flash Gordon. The original Flash Gordon, or the 1980s one where Queen did the soundtrack. Because Flash Gordon, folks, he is obviously a fictional character. However, he He was the quarterback of the New York Jets.

Oh, that's it. And that's it. That's going to, and Michael, you already said you were reading like a, you know, you like Led Zeppelin, you like Harry Potter. Those are fantastical movies. And, you know, Led Zeppelin, they practice the dark arts. So, like, using a, infusing a little bit of magic via Flash Gordon, I think would really kind of put the Jets like in a great place for next season. And the other thing that I love putting on, you know, after Jess goes to bed, vintage NFL films with the voice of God.

Ambo field. John Fisenza. Yeah. He is the greatest. Those vintage NFL films, things are art. Yeah. I download the soundtracks because it's some of the most brilliant instrumental stuff. It's right up there with Angelo Bada Lamenti in terms of phonic scores.

Mm-hmm. So, like, you're embodying this jet suit with a win. A winning culture. Yeah, a winning culture. With a winning culture. And I'm just going to say this, when the jets start to turn it around and I do think it's going to happen soon, we know and everyone listening knows it's because of you in this jumpsuit.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're going to be seen as a hero. Throw on top gun. Throw on the volleyball scene and top gun. Those are jet fighter pilots. That's what you want. You want playing with the boys, Kenny Loggins energy in that jet suit. I think that's a great deal.

We're calling it a jet suit. You could also get a bomber jacket. Like they have real cool at the Army surplus. They have like fighter pilot bomber jackets. You can put that on as well. And I mean, that's just a great look anyway. It's cut short, so I try to get a longer. Eric's always trying to help the military and gestural complex.

Never. No, I am not. Do you have any rituals already around watching games? No, most of the time it's just trying to like bit down somewhere quiet away from everybody. Yeah, I get that. You're a real fan, yeah. I don't know, you know, like, I also think, like, you know, people are like, oh, my God, I stained my favorite shirt.

Sometimes I like stains because I like to remember delicious meals. Oh, God. You know, like, I mean, stains are just, they tell the story. They're just like historical relics. So if you want to, like, you know, maybe get some, like, buffalo sauce on that. Don't be afraid to have a little cheese. And I would never wash this thing. I would like, if you do, it's obviously dry clean only.

I would not, you know, hand-washed that thing. And I'd say wear it to a game that you think the Jets will win. Initiate it. Try to put in where, you know, where it's not too cold or you can wear a Parker over it. But like, look at that schedule with like, we're winning this game. I'm baptizing this jumpsuit with a win. That's a great idea.

Do I, when I'm having it watch Flash Gordon and Jet's greatest moments. Yeah. I feel like I should be wearing it during that. Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah. That makes sense. The voice of God, John Fissenza, will embody that. Yeah.

Name with hands off to Matt's now. And the Reaper defense conquers, the jets fly high again. You're getting all that energy. You are. That is seeping into the deep fibers, down to the atomic level. I mean, you're basically, what we're doing is we're working with quantum physics here. Yeah. We're going down to subatomic level, and we are observing matter do a different thing.

So we are infusing. What we're trying to do is decrease randomness. We are performing a little bit of magic. We're trying to get randomness to not be so random and to work in your favor. And so imbubing all this track suit with all the magic, Eric, you've had some amazing suggestions. I'm trying.

It's a power of positivity. Let the past be the past. We don't need to dwell on the past. We're moving forward. We're starting a new regime change of positivity for the Jets. It all starts with you getting this beautiful velourer tracksuit. I think you should take somebody. suggestions, show up Flash Gordon, show it these old films, teach, like, let this

tracks to know that this team is a winner starting now, starting today. Big time. Big time. I got to break it in back. What do you think about that, Michael? I got to break it in. Yeah, buddy. Well, first you got to get it, and, you know, then you got to get to know it, and you're going to introduce it to the wonderful film Flash Gordon, the 80s version, the 1980 version, with Queen did the soundtrack. Great movie. But you'll love, if you've never seen it, you're going to be like, oh, my God, I can't believe I'm just seeing this movie now. but your track suit is just going to be charged with magical Flash Gordon power. Okay.

I'm going to, how about I'll wear it for the week, like the weekend? Yeah. I'll have Flash Gordon going on in the background. Hell yeah. It's going on for the entire weekend. And then I'll wear it for the draft maybe. That's what I'm saying. The draft.

Maybe you'll get that kid from Indiana. Yeah. Like maybe this is the draft that changes every one. and then hit some big picks in the second and third round. Oh. Get that offensive line to support them. I mean, you're sitting pretty in that situation. So, Michael, do you think, is there anything else you think we can help you with?

Is there any other suggesting you or do you think you're in a good place? And also, I'd say, we're going to really need some pictures of you in that new track suit, pal. Oh, yeah. I got you. I'll document the weekend. Yeah, model some pictures. And I'm hoping, Michael, we get an update from you next year. You're calling in after the Jets have won their 10th game.

And you and I and Steve know that it's because of this track suit. Yeah. Yeah, I imagine. You turn to football team around. You got to visualize. We live inside a dream. Our collective subconscious is an amazing thing. Start visualizing those jets winning in that jumpsuit.

And I vote Sergio Ticini because you can wear that to formal events. You can dress it up, dress it down. That's an enash. Nice, nice thing. You start wearing that on flights. Cancel Christmas. Yeah, you could be. Oh, you could be a fashion week at the Met Gala.

You could be in the Pyrenees Mountain to France. I mean, like, that thing is going to play anywhere you go. Big time. Big time. In Sergio, we trust. Yeah, Michael, best of luck to you, pal. We look forward to hearing back to him, man. Go Jets.

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He said it was simple to do. And then over the whole year, he's going to stick with it. He's like, I'm saving real money. And I did not lose any quality. Ready to stop paying more than you have to. New customers can make the switch today. And for a limited time, get unlimited premium wireless for just $15 a month. Switch now at mintmobile.com slash here to help.

That's mintmobile.com slash here to help. Up-prompt payment of $45 for three months, $90 for six months, or $180 for 12-month plan required, $15-month equivalent taxes and fees extra. Initial plan term only over 50 gigabytes may slow when network is busy, capable, device required, availability speed, and coverage varies. Additional terms apply, cementmobile.com. Hello, caller. Welcome. You are here on Weird Here to Help with Eric and Steve Berg. What is your name or fake name and where are you calling from or a fake place you're calling from? I'm Katie and I am calling from Minnesota. Oh, wow.

Wow. Love Minnesota. The friendliest place on earth that I found truly the nicest people in the world. Where in Minnesota? Yes. Twin cities. Oh, the Twin Cities, St. Paul and Minneapolis. Love it there so much.

It is great. What a great music thing. The Replacements. Whose could do? You know, I would ask you. Prince. Well, yeah, of course. But that goes out. Second Avenue. Yeah. And Prince. I just got scolded by Eric. Katie. Thank you. Have you ever had a pasty? It's a traditional Scandinavian, like a kind of pocket thing? You know what I'm talking about?

No. No. Okay. Well, they're supposed to be. Well, shit. All right, thanks for calling. Bye-bye. Okay. Well, maybe you should. Maybe you should try them because they're very famous in Minnesota. They even make a breakfast pasty, which I'm very curious about. So, Katie, tell us how Eric and I can help you, friend. Yeah, so I started a new job in May at a pretty large company here in the Twin Cities. Okay. And my boss's name is Kat. Really quick. What do they have you doing at this company? I am working for their in-house production team.

So we create a whole bunch of content for internal and external use. And so in the production. field, but in corporate now. Okay, great, great, great, great. You're creative. Yeah, so my boss, yes, yes. My boss's name is Kat. Obviously, I'm Katie.

And then another person that we work with, her name is Kate. Oh, my gosh. We have, or since I've started, we've also hired three other forms of Kate, Katie, or Katz. Whoa. So there's a lot. Wow. So Kate and Kat and I. I work very closely together.

And when I first started, they had already been there. So I was the third K. So naturally, people would call us the... Yeah. So my question is, how can we avoid people calling us that? And what is a new nickname that we could have? Yeah, I think you're right. We don't want to really lean into the whole, hey, KKK girls.

That's making a comeback these days, but not in this office. Office, not in Minnesota, not today. Not today. We're going to fight back. So there's three Ks. There's three Ks, yes. No good comes from that, friend. Yeah, I think you gotta hire a fourth or someone's got to get fired.

So are you, are you, are you looking for fun nicknames because that would just keep it fun and light? Or are you, like, literally looking for a better way to communicate? Because the opening gamut for me would be like, calling everyone by their last names. Like, a lot of teachers do that in, like, in an elementary school because they don't want to say. But I feel like last names, last names are like a dude thing. Like we have a lot of Ryan's in our department as well, and we just go like last names with it. And that's like such a dude thing to do. Okay.

So you don't, yeah, you want to stay firmly in the female, the female vibe with the name thing. Yeah. I like it. How about this? One of you three, you draw straw, someone's got to change your name to Dolores. And there's no looking back. You're just stuck with it. That actually is the, that's my, that's going to be my favorite version.

And I think Dolores is the perfect name. So it's a fun bit. where you had to change your name, your work name. That's amazing. And that person gets a free lunch because they're having to change your name and like a good one. That's true. Like a nice Minneapolis steakhouse. I do recommend French Meadow.

Yeah. Creamy spinach for the table. Oh, cheese sticks. Yeah. Sand dabs, dessert, drinks. But you are for the rest of your time, Dolores. That is such a good option. I love it.

However, we have some more time. So let's come up some more. So your initial, what you were kind of wanting, it sounds like you wanted fun nicknames. Yes, yeah. Okay, so let's break this down a little bit. So we're working with three versions of Katie, Katie, Catherine, whatever. Yes. Let's start with one.

So the first candidate, what does she go by? Is it cat? Cat, yep. And that's short for Catherine, I'm guessing. Catherine with a Y. Catherine with a Y That's very elegant Oh wow

She must be She must be from She's highborn She's my boss So we can't go like too crazy Okay And we have to respect it's your boss But Catherine with the Y

I mean she's probably drinking tea With her pinky up Am I know Yeah highborn I mean she's Canadian too So Oh Canadian

But Minneapolis Minnesotans are Closest to Canadians And I will say Canadians are more polite Canadians are on their phone less That's part of the magic of Minnesota is it's it's the great north kitty are you like usually nicknames come from uh like

something someone did like a certain event that was funny like you know oh i spilled the team no you now you're spilly spilly jo or something like that's a terrible example but um is there like is a pilly jo is good don't you don't you say that about my friend it's not bad uh so is there is there a personality is there a personality i usually they're derived from an event or a personality quirk. So, like, starting with Kate, your boss, we have to tread lightly because it is the bus. But is there a... Canadian. Yeah, true. They're going to have a better sense of humor. Do they have a personality quirk that we could extract from that to give them a nickname?

I mean, she is like, I know people make fun of Minnesotans because we have an accent, or at least that's what they say. But her Canadian accent, like, when she says, sorry, it's like, sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Yes, like really, like really emphasizing the O's compared to Minnesota. So we could come up with a famous, like, Canadian, like he'd call her Trudeau or something like that. That's not a great one.

But, like, you know, like Tina and Sarah, Neil Young, Joni Mitchell. Yeah. There's so many cool Canadians. So, but like those are like two, like, we're calling her Joni. Like that, I feel like it's got to be like, you know. Who was that legendary, like, mayor who like smoked crack and stuff? Rob Ford. You call her.

was he a kid? He was way ahead of his time. Rob Ford would run the world these days. God, you and I will be auditioning for the movie someday of his life. Oh, I'm ready. Rob, I have plenty to eat at home for videotapes to him smoking crack, but he would be like a mainstream politician now. Like Rob Ford would be like, you know, if we want a moderate voice, let's get the guy smoking crack that has plenty of eating at home.

But I highly recommend it's a short little Netflix doc, but it was wild. I thought too. It's great. And his brother now is one of the top Canadian politicians. No, I believe it. Doug was kind of the one behind the scenes running Rob, because he's like, this guy's special. He's like the Jeb Bush to George. Absolutely.

The one who should have been in power? Yeah, yeah. I'm going to, Rob, Rob should have been in power. Didn't have the charisma of Rob, though. No, man, no. You look great in a hockey jersey. So, I mean, you know, a nickname should be like usually one word.

Easy to say. like so is there something that like just like distills Canada down to a one word form? Can I ask one other question? Are you looking for a nickname for the whole group to replace Here comes the KKK?

Are you looking for individual nicknames for the three of you? No what I mean? I think one, I think one as a group because that's usually how they refer to us as a group. And you know, the KKK is just kind of, you know,

pragmatic. We don't like that. We don't like that. that around here. You know what? I don't, I don't mean to be controversial and political. We're against the KKK here. Yeah. We'll, we'll say right out. We are anti-KKKKK. They're making a little come back. We're here to help us against it. The first one that jumps to me is what about special K? Oh, I like that. A delicious cereal and also like you hear like, guys, who do we have on that? Special K is on it and it's going to be good. The report is coming

in next week for our internal special K. Special K. There's also, I'm talking. Also, it's also short for ketamine, which is a horse tranquilizer. Yeah, which, Steve, you ever dance with ketamine? No, no, no, no. I haven't either, but I've had friends that have had incredible experiences with it, and it's like psychiatrists. I'm out. I'm out on that.

I'm out. You find your own medicine, buddy. I don't like body disassociation. I'm not into that. No, well, you feel like you're dead. Isn't that part of it? I think so. Okay, so if you want to steer away from the special, I'm with you, Steve.

I love being in my body. I love me. I can't imagine a world without me. in it. If we want to steer away from a drug reference special K, which is co-opted to a wonderful serial, there is a 90s rapper named

Positive K. Oh. So I don't hate positive K or just a very simple okay. Who's tack on the project? OK is on it. What about the okay these?

There's something there. The OK.K. That's a real big thing in his from Westerns, the O.K. Corral. For some reason, the special K's is really is hidden for me. The special Ks. Have you guys ever heard of a special K bar? No, what is it? What is that?

Oh, it's like, so it's like, I think people call them scotcheroos in anywhere but Minnesota. But it's like a special K cereal, like caramelized, and then you put a layer of chocolate over it, and that's a special K bar. Oh, see, that already has a positive. a delicious treat. How have I lived 48 years without caramelized special K? I need this in my life.

Yeah, that's so fantastic. Is there a special K bar in Minneapolis? Well, I mean, it's kind of like, you know, your grandma makes it and then you just like can't. Oh, I see. It's not a bar bar bar. It's not a dwelling. You thought there was like a bar.

I was in. I'm like, this is a kind of bar. I don't do booze anymore. If I could go over and have caramelized special K and shoot off my mouth and not have anybody correct me with their stupid phone. Yeah, two Jen Ricky's and a special K-baw, please.

Oh, my God. I will dance to the Shirley Temple. I'd be in. I would too. Hold on. Do we just start an incredible business idea? I think so.

I think so. Okay, I love this. I love this. So we have a, I think we have a good candidate for a group name in special, the special caves,

pluralizing. I think that sounds nice. It's kind of your own spin on it. Now, do you want individual nicknames as well? I, I mean, people have,

they're like, oh, we'll just start numbering you guys because there's so many. You're not a number. You're so much more than a number, friend. You are. I don't like the number thing at all. I hate the number thing. No, that's so dumb.

Katie one and Katie, too. It's like, no, no, no. No, no, no. I think, I think, I think we got to. What's the name of the person that wants to number you guys? Give me that name. Just throw it out. His name is Steve.

Oh, you know what? Steve's always up to no good. Also, Steve is if you watch, watch cinema and TV, in theater. Steve is an ex-boyfriend name, by the way. Oh, wow. It is the name of every ex-boyfriend in every movie. I'm telling you right now.

That's amazing. As a lifelong Steve. None of us noticed because we're not named Steve. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You got to fight that back. You're like the ex-boyfriend that everyone loves. Like, the parents are like, yeah, she's so much part of with Steve. He was a little weird and he took him that haunted tree.

He was the one thing. This guy's boring. They're like, can we get rid of our daughter and have Steve? Yeah, yeah. Well, the parents are like hoping like, what about Steve? Steve. Have you called him? What about Steve?

We're reclaiming good boyfriend with Steve. Okay. But like that Steve can go straight to hell and that's ex-boyfriend in a Hallmark movie Energy. Yeah, it is. It is. Yeah. So you want individualized nickname.

So let's start with your boss, Kate. Kate is obviously the head honcho, the woman in charge. Yeah. So let's give a nickname that. Okay. So let's give a nickname that kind of symbolizes that. And we don't have to stay with, honestly, we don't have to stay with a K word for the nickname. She has the purse strings.

Okay, yeah, like, what if you, what do you? Caddy money? Like, or stacks, like stacks of cash. Oh, I don't hate stacks at all. Yeah. Yeah, that's a power name. That's a power name. It's a strong.

Katie, too. Shut up, Steve. Yeah. Not you, Burke. No, I know, I know. But look, yeah. But I like stacks. Also, it still represents the strong K word.

So, okay. And then that's like, yeah. And then you can bring in the first. You're like, I ask Katie stacks. She signed off on this. Absolutely. It's okay. Stacks is good.

Did Katie stacks go through the budget? Yeah, she did. Yeah. Yeah. She did. Yeah. She's always on time. Okay, so then describe the second Katie, and then we'll end with you.

But like, what's the second Katie? What's her full name? What do we call her? What's her vibe? So the second one is Kate, and she is also a Catherine with an eye. And she's more of a production assistant, so she just kind of helps out, but she's like a utility knife. She knows everything and any.

She could do anything and everything. Ooh, I like that. Swiss Army knife. I mean, K-Swiss? Oh, damn! Jesse! Oh, my God. Jesse, that's why you get the big bucks.

This is why we want that. Because we're about to go Swiss Army knife of like S-K. I love that. Nope. K-Swiss, boom. Oh, if Gareth heard that, he'd be so mad that Jesse just nailed that pun in a micro-second. Oh, my God. Jesse just did a totty blast 500 feet out this ballpark.

Good God. Hey, Swiss, Katie stacks. You're so. sweating anyway, buddy. Good point. Good point. Yeah, you're schvitzing, Steve. I run hot. Me too, my poor wife. Need a fan. You and I run the same temperatures. No, that's why we share a room. Yeah. Hopefully it's better than the time went to the Queen Mary with Jake, but like that room could be at 60 degrees. Oh, yeah. Well, don't let Eric plan your hotel visits because he booked us, me, Jake, and him. A shared room

on the Queen Mary is literally the most uncomfortable night of sleep before I had of my life. It was my low moment. He was a little. Honor failure. He needed you. Yeah. We wanted a double treat and Eric put us in like a 1920s like stowaway room. Yeah.

And poor Steve was curled up on this couch. We were all in like these tiny twin beds. And I will say, I'm sure they've improved it since then. The worst piece of fish I've had in my life. Literally terrible. Which is ironic because we're sleeping in a boat. I'm like, you can't go wrong with a fish. There was a puddle of water on the plate.

It was like clearly they just. They just thought it and just like gave it to us. They thought it, put it on a George Form and Grill, called it good. Yeah, and it was not that. And I'm not allowed to book hotels for the team anymore. Never, ever, ever. You're out. No, I deserve this.

I'm running from it. And now the most important nickname that we will have because it's you and you're a special buddy. Tell us about your personality a little bit and also your function at work. How do you think you're perceived at work? I want this nickname to really sing. Yeah, I'm more of like a leader, but I'm also like a Swiss Army. if I can do pretty much anything we have in our studios. But I'm mainly a producer.

So I like to call the shots and all that stuff. Okay. I'm a little bossy. You're a little bossy. Well, you've got to be. That's okay. You've earned a. Yeah, you have to be.

Someone has to keep the ship moving. Natalie just texted me cat attack. Cat attack. She's willing to give up her nickname. She's willing to share her nickname. Are you kidding? I would be honored to share it with Nat Attack. Are you kidding?

I think you're such a cat attack. Yeah. Because cat attacks do one thing, they win. And then you could also, you know, your friends can all say, do-d-do-do cat attack, cat-cac-cac-cac-cac-cac-cac-cac-cac-cac-cac-cac-cac-you-wwara-you-know by now. Cat-attack is truly top-tier. Natalie, you save this again. Yeah.

I go, Nat-A-Tac. I'm feeling pretty good with. We got K-Swift. We got Cat-attack. What was the other one again? I already forgot. Short-term memory. Stacks.

I love Stacks. Stacks is a pretty... Stacks is incredible. Stacks is good. Now, how are you going to pitch these nicknames to the ladies? Well, I think Special K will be easy to implement. By the way, I think you should be called the Special K's. But yeah, the Special K's.

Pluralize it. Yeah, yeah. So good. That'll be easy to implement. Yeah. Yeah. As far as the other ones, I'm thinking I'm just going to, once we get back, from our Christmas break, I'm going to just, you know, start using it in my language to them.

Yep, yep, that's a way. Organic. Yeah, and maybe recruit the Ryan's into this and then have them start calling them by that as well. Right. And then we'll just see what happened from there. And I hate saying it, you're probably going to have to recruit Steve. Yeah. Yeah.

Just to be like, dude. I'll send them the link to the. this episode and he'll be saying that link to be like dude we didn't want to talk to HR but yeah what you're doing is misogynistic and you can't just lump in women with numbers yeah Susan B anthony didn't die for you to do that and just give us numbers and if it comes to it yeah you can have i could i could as a lifelong steve uh i can lecture him in proper steve etiquette yeah but you're probably you need to bring him aboard make it seem like it's kind of hit idea as well.

But like we're going to midwife this. He's the big, big boss. So he's going to need to think. Never mind. I take it all back. Kiss his ass. Make it seem like it's his idea. Get that bonus.

Don't tell about HR. Just be like, we loved so much the idea of Katie one, two, and three. But logistically and synergistically, we thought this might be a little better, Steve, if you're good with it. Yeah. And if you need some kind of corporate retreat entertainment, Eric and I work at a reasonable rate where we... A group rate. Okay. We'd be having to fly out to Jamaica or wherever the next, you know, kind of like getaway is with the team and entertain you guys.

Dude, I will go to Minneapolis. I'm dying. If I have two nickels and scratch the other, I'll go to French Meadow. I'll go to Second Avenue. I will go to Mill City Sound, one of the greatest record stores in the world, Steve. Have you been to Mill City, friend? Yes, I have. In Hopkins. No, it's the... People want to say and they want to sound cool like electric fetus. It's good. Mill City sound is the one. Greatest jazz section, I think, in the country.

Yep, it's so good. Oh, I love it. I love you, know, Mill City. You're our people, friend. Now, would you be willing to call back in and let us know how these new nicknames and the special K's, how everyone's feeling about this? I have a feeling everyone's going to feel empowered. I'd love a group call. If we could talk to the special K's and even mixing Steve there, we'll kiss Steve's ass. I'm so good at that.

That's what we do. A fellow Steve, and we'll let Steve promote the company. No, no, we know how to wind up Steve and let him go. We're real good with that kind of guy. But, like, if you're comfortable, if they're comfortable with a group call, we would love it. Okay. But we need to be deeply involved in this. And Eric and I are very serious about, you know, of course you're going to have to meet our quote, which is very reasonable.

Shockingly reasonable. Next corporate retreat, if you need some entertainment, I mean, like, you know, entertainment that no one's ever going to forget. You're going to want to hit 13 feet Incorporated. That's me and Eric's LLC. for our entertainment. You're so in. Jake Johnson gets 27.5% of that bookie and we're great with it. That's fine.

That's fair. It's totally fair. But we are very excited. Thank you guys so much for your help. I think this is going to be great. What a fun call. We are going to rid the nickname. We love it.

Kate, you're an absolute legend. And from that one, may I call you cat attack? Oh, absolutely. God, Cat attack. It was a joy. This is incredibly exciting, Steve. There's not much we love more on the show more than a follow-up. We certainly hope we help.

Maybe we didn't, but we're about to find out caller, your name, where you're calling from, and refresh us what you were looking for from us. Hello. I use the name Sabrina when I called the first time. Fun name. Yes, the witch for my mom, told me that we descend from a long line of witches and I needed help deciding what to do.

Right. Oh, my gosh. This is so exciting. Sabrina, this is awesome. The second I heard your voice, I knew exactly who this was. And I remember that was one of those. I really hoped we helped, not just on an ethereal witch perspective,

but a family perspective. So please let us know, briefly fill us in on your issue and then let us know how this resolved. Yeah, just remind the listener, you know, the issue you had and then we'll get into how this all played out. Take it away, friend.

Right. Yeah. So the issue is I really did not know what she was talking about. She didn't give me a lot of detail. She just told me that I would need to decide one day if I wanted to be a witch. Right. So just for the listener. So you were basically told that you were the descendant from a long line of witches, right?

And then you were told by a family member that you need to decide if you want to carry in the tradition. The mall. So, yeah, your mom. And so you were calling it to say, like, I don't know. Do I need to, do I pick up the mantle or do I just kind of like let someone else do it? So is that like a pretty apt summary? It was more like how do I even know how to make this decision.

Right. I feel so out of depth. Right, right. So, and I talked to some other family members and no one had any idea what she was talking about. Wow. So you all recommended that I do more of my. own research and so I talked to my uncle. He also does not think my mom is a witch, but he did connect me to this long-lost

aunt of ours. Okay. So she's like 90 years old and she's a hoot. She's very fun. And she doesn't use the word witch, but she likes to say, you know, there's something special about our family. Oh, I love that. Well, the witch branding

has kind of gotten away from them. Well, also, it's like, I think people take the word witch and apply it to like any kind of like magic, you know, like special touch that someone has. So yes, there are witches, but not everything magical. No, and if historically you're getting burned at the stake for being a witch,

you're going to lean away from that brandy. Yeah, you are. So I love what, I love what you said, some special stuff. And also out the gates, just the fact that you reconnected with a 90-year-old aunt, already I feel like we're heading the right way. Yeah, yeah. How cool is that? It's been awesome.

She has been very fun. It's really nice to get to know her. She knew my grandpa, you know, when he was a kid and he died 20 years ago. So it's just been this really great connection. How sweet. Yeah. So then I talked to my mom more. I'm like, hey, I think I want to learn more.

I want to learn more about all of this. leaning in. I'm not giving you an answer, but I need to make an informed decision. And so she was really excited. She's like, okay, well, you know, what questions do you have? And I said, well, no one else says which, like, where did that come from? And she said, she was the first one to start using that as a term. She just thought was easier. But it was more of a spiritual connection that the women in our family have had, I guess. There were a few stories she had that were, you know, I'd heard this story but told slightly differently.

There was a great grandmother who was like the late 1890s thought that something was wrong with her husband and left her house and just started running until she found. he had been in a car accident and he struck him out and saved his life. What? Yeah. You know, this is the first home of 1800s. Yeah, so was it a horse and buggy? Like, yeah.

I think it was a horse and buggy? Yeah. I know he lost his arm. I had known that he'd been in his accident and lost an arm and. You got to. My mom tells us. Yeah. Exactly.

Those horse and buggy accidents can be nasty. I've been in two myself. That's why I had this weird limb. Is that the truth? No, I'm kidding. I'm kidding. That's one of the best actors of the plan. That's just my classical training, sorry.

That's it. That's it. That's my sister. Right there. The classes worked. You can watch them on CBS ghosts doing all that and more. But yeah, so I actually just got back from a spontaneous visit with my mom. My flight landed today and I'm on the phone with you all.

So it was a great visit. Yeah, we did a little tarot reading. Oh, that's so lovely. I love tarot. It's fun. It really is fun. It is fun. Yeah, so it was a really nice visit.

And I think if nothing else, it's definitely brought me and my mom closer. And it's given me a new perspective on, you know, that's the stuff that really works for her. And if I can lean in and we can have fun with it, then that's good for us. Absolutely. So that's wonderful. Oh my God, that's so great. Well, I'll tell you what, like, you know, I think in this era, I think in all areas, right,

there is nothing wrong with, and you can do it in a multitude of ways. But enchanting your life, like making your, like, infusing a little magic in your life is wonderful. Like for Eric, it is like going to see a concert. There isn't just enjoying music. There is, there's something else happening for Eric. It's my medicine. Yeah, it truly is. But it almost is like the way you enchant your life, Eric, is through art.

You know what I'm saying? Like, it's a beautiful thing. So I think, you know, like you do this with your, your mom and, uh, what a lovely thing. And I love how it's brought your family closer together. It's reconnected to you with a 90-year-old elder, which, oh, we need more of those in your life, which that in turn is connected you with your grandfather that we lost 20 years ago. And that you're closer with your mom, you're doing taro, you're dipping a toe in, which you don't have to make a giant decision right now with, let's not use the word witch,

if I want to bring this special family origin stuff in. But what I love is that it's just been a giant net positive in your life. Yeah. Also, so let's talk about when you're going to start hexing people. Yeah, and can we give you names of big guy actors? There's a couple in town that we got that Steve and I battle with parts for. So we're just pretending to be nice guys. We want you to pull out that tarot deck

and send a bad flu to a couple 275-pound guys. So we helped you. Now it's time for you to help us. Yeah, nothing's free in this life, Sabrina. Daddy needs to work. Boy. Well, now that we have a powerful...

Never, never. We love those guys. Our big guy crew is solid. We actually love each other. But do you think there's any way you may take some of your magical learning and, you know, quasi-interest and apply it into, like, your normie life? Oh, maybe.

I mean, the terror reading that my mom and I did was all about my job. Yeah. So I feel like I'll be using some of what we talked about as I'm, you know, going to work. And I'm not sure if I'll be doing terror reading to do my job all the time. But it was a helpful way to think about how to look at some things that are coming up. It gives you a new perspective. Eric, you know it would be very fun to do, like, on our little Patreon coffee top show is have, once, you know, what, once you get a little more familiar with tarot and feel like you're confident enough, we will let you do a live tarot chart for Eric and I. Yes.

On the Patreon. Oh, we can have my sister do one, too. We can have a tarot patron that will really piss off some people. And I can't wait to do it. Yeah. Are you in, Sabrina? Can we, after you know, oh, this is, okay, you're stuck with us. This is happening.

Oh, my God, a live terror. Oh, Steve. Yeah. So, just really good. Jesse, we know we have, we have Supremeones' information so I can reach back out to her. I will personally send up. I will email you probably next month at sometime in February. And we'll record it when you have time.

But we would love to do a live on-air terror read. I think that would be so fun. And if we can get the 90-year-old aunt, too. Oh, okay. Easy. No, come on. Come on. We are.

Eric's, Eric's going to the 90-year-old aunt. I mean, if the 90-year-old aunt is in, obviously, we'd love to have her. Yes. Eric, take it easy, fellow.

Love it. I can't wait to meet her. I need a mentor. Oh, I know you can't, man. I don't know if you. I don't know if you know. I'd love to meet your mom.

Yeah. Oh, we would love to meet your mom. Yeah. But I think she'll be, she might be open to it. I think you might be open to it because we got some really net positive results. Yeah. This is,

this is a dream. follow-up because we do. We think about all of you. And, you know, Steve and I are kind of improvising here. We just hope we're giving good advice. And it's so nice to hear that if nothing else, this has brought you closer to your mom, reconnected to you with a beloved elder family member, and also may have just gotten you on that witchy little path. Oh, yeah. Oh, man. Oh, a witchy path. Well, yeah, I mean, I think the live show, we're definitely going to do that if you're dollar down. So that sounds like a blast, Marina. I'm so happy. This is such a positive experience for you. Yeah, thank you guys so much. It really have been wonderful. So I appreciate all of

your advice. It's been a really great couple of months. And remind me what... Oh, I love this. This makes me so happy. Remind me once more where you were calling from? Oh, I'm in Chicago. Oh, wow. Wow. Wow. Put some Jardanao peppers all over something for me today, will you? Oh, yes. Those things are so good. Oh, I love it.

I can't even buy them because I'll put them on cereal, dude. I'll put them on every single thing. And they don't even belong there. But I mean, like, my blood is half Jardinara. It is so good. There's a quote for next year's calendar. Are you kidding? Earmark that, Jesse.

Please. My blood is half Jardinara. Okay. Jesse's just earmarked it. We're good. We're good. All right, friend, we'll reach out to you in February, and we'll get that tarot show going.

Awesome. That sounds great. See, when we say you're stuck with us, we mean it. Yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly. Just let us know what your wedding is. We'll be there too. Oh, please. We'll appreciate.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Have a great one. Take care. Enjoy your weekend. Thank you, too. Bye, Sabrina. It was an honor. Peace.

We're here to help is hosted by Jake Johnson and Gary. If you'd like to be on the show, please email us your question at HelpfulPod at gmail.com. And if you want to watch video episodes of We're Here Here To Help, you can go to our Patreon at Patreon.com slash Here to Help pod to see our entire catalog. We're Here to Help is produced by Rabbit Grimm Productions, executive producers Rob Hollis, Jeff Porter, and Natalie Hollis, associate producer Jesse Thurston, editing mix and master by Chris Fowler.

The theme song by Oliver Raleigh. The cover artwork is by James Foller. Basque, animations by Andrew Strelicki. And if you'd like to see Gareth, you stand up on the road, go to garethrethrenolds.com. Remember all of the advice given on we're here to help is for entertainment purposes only, and all listeners should be adults and make their own decisions. All video episodes of season one are available now on Patreon, and season two video episodes will be available every Monday starting January 20th. Go to patreon.com forward slash here to help pod.