We're Here to Help - 26: The Fish is Plated with Jordan Howlett

Episode Date: November 13, 2023

Jake, Gareth, and Jordan Howlett (jordan_the_stallion8) talk to callers about getting in and out of baseball.  Check out our We’re Here to Help sweatshirts, hats, and tote bags at heretohelppod.com! Want to call in? Email your question to [e-mail]. If you’re enjoying the show, make sure to rate We’re Here to Help 5-Stars on Apple Podcasts. Follow the show on Instagram @HereToHelpPod and TikTok also at @HereToHelpPod See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

and welcome back to the show we're here help. We've got a really fun one today. Yep. It's baseball themed, kind of accidentally. We have a special guest, Jordan Howlett comes on and crushes it. He's a really fun follow on Instagram at Jordan underscore the underscore stallion eight. And then that call is loosely themed around baseball or sports. And so is our second call. And what's fun about it is it's about the Chicago Cubs. The Cubs just took the Milwaukee Brewers manager, Craig Council.

We don't, Jake, I really don't think it's going to help us to get too into the sports because I could just talk about, you know, how the Bears are in the toilet and Chicago sports in general. All right, guys, we're having a lot of fun doing the show. We love the support. It's, and I didn't say the sport. I said the support. we're having a lot of fun doing the show. We love the support. I didn't say the sport. I said the support. We're having a laugh.

But continue to share the podcast. We love it. It really helps. And yeah, catch up on all the episodes if you haven't. If you have a question, helpfulpod at gmail.com. I'm in Australia. Let's party. Anything else, Jake?

Where are your shows? I'm in, by the time this comes out, I'll be, I guess, everywhere. Melbourne, Canberra, Brisbane, Perth, Adelaide, Sydney. Enjoy the show. Hello. Hi there. How's it going? Welcome to the show. Let's get that out of the way. You're on with always host Jake Johnson, Gareth Reynolds. And we actually have a special guest today, a man with a huge online presence who I don't know if he's followed me back on Instagram yet, but he's amazing. Jordan Howlett, who's going to help us as well. Can I get your name, fake or real, your age, and where you're calling from, please?

Yeah, of course. My name is Chris, real name, and I'm calling from northern Ontario, Canada, about five hours north of Toronto. Okay, we don't need that part. I think it helps. We're not going to drive to see you this afternoon. My thought is if I was going to see him and I was in Toronto, I would like to know how many hours north it is. And now I know because Chris told me it's five hours.

Yeah, Jake will carve that time out. How old are you, Chris? I'm 27. 27? Okay, great. All right, so what can we help you with? Yeah, so about five years ago, my wife, and I were only dating at the time. We'd been dating for about a year. And I was getting to know her family a bit. And her father-in-law, Jack, or her father, Jack, my future father-in-law, who was about 70 at the time, he is one of the spriest, youngest,

most energetic 70-year-olds I know. He'll still do backflips on a trampoline, for example. You might need to check an ID, but keep going. Yeah, so he asked me to join his recreational baseball team for the season. And I thought this was a great, great opportunity to get to know him. I'll get to be kind of the young, energetic guy on the team.

There'll be a beer league. We'll be have fun uh get a good in with the family however uh it turns out that the league he's been playing in is actually a competitive adult men's league where a lot of the players in the league are university players in their off season or university coaches or forward players and i haven't played baseball in 10 years and i only ever played for one year when i was younger so i pretty quickly realized i do not belong on his baseball team or in this league at all and however i i persevered and played through the whole season uh my wife was encouraging me. She's like, this might be his last season.

You'll play with him, and then he'll probably be done. It'll be great. It doesn't matter if you're the worst player in the league. It's okay. Quick pause. Chris, are you the worst player in the league? Yes. Yeah.

Okay. First of all, thank you. You're the man, Chris. You're the man. That's the difference between Canada and the U. Yeah. Okay. First of all, thank you. You're the man, Chris. You're the man. That's the difference between Canada and the U.S. That's a Canadian admission. We just appreciate that brutal honesty. Okay.

So you're the LVP. Yeah. So that was about five years ago. And we keep playing every year. He's now 75. He has a pacemaker. He's still stealing bases, sliding into his place.

No sign of slowing down. At 75 years old? Yeah. This year, I wasn't able to play because I had to take an online course for my work. Least valuable player kind of excuse, by the way. Yeah, I was just going to say, that's not winning you any friends.

No, I'm going to tell you, Chris, as you've been talking, Chris, Jordan's been nodding his head. He's on your team. When you said you couldn't play because you had to take an online course, that was the first time I've seen you shake your head, no, Jordan. Yeah, that's where Jordan wavered.

Yeah. Okay, so this season you did not play. Yep. I realized how much of my time this takes up. Our games are twice a week, three hours a game. We're going seven, 16 things deep. Starting at 8.30, ending at like 11.30, sometimes midnight. Amazing.

I realized how much time it's taking up, how much stress it is, and how much I enjoy not having to play. You hate it. Welcome to baseball. That is the true definition of it. Yeah. So how do I tell my 75-year-old father-in-law I don't want to play on his baseball team anymore? Great question.

Gareth, you got anything to start? Jordan, anything? What's the first thing that's kind of coming to your head, Jordan? Where are you at when you're hearing this? Even if it's not advice. This man's healthy. His name's healthy. I never heard Jack seem so.

It's intimidating listening to it. And you're right. I know I played Division I baseball for a while. I was actually supposed to get drafted in the 2020 draft. Oh, wow. And baseball is exactly that. Baseball is fun because the most part of baseball is when you don't have to oh wow and um baseball is exactly that it's baseball is fun because it's the best the most part of baseball is when you don't have to play it so like the best time the best time ever

is when the game's over and you can go home and be like i'm happy we're done yeah and if you just so happen to do good you're like this is great um baseball is just anxiety that's it there's not a lot of fun with that one but uh to to your question, I mean, baseball players are so aggressive with their dedication, especially the older they are. They don't take anything as an excuse, like almost that. So to answer your question, how do you tell him? You don't. You don't say, I don't want to be a part of your baseball team.

It's literally, you got to think of something that is so egregiously out the way that he's like, there's no physical possible way I can play baseball right now. And you just push that off until the season's over. I agree. That's the only way that I can calm down. I concur. Here's the issue, as I see it, is Megan. as I see it, is Megan. So if you're going to pull off a lie, it almost feels like one of two things make this complicated. Either you need to also lie to your wife, which is different than

lying to your father-in-law, or you need to get your wife to sign off on a lie. I think Gareth is in an interesting spot here. Chris, can we get a little bit more info? What does your wife think about this league, you being gone two nights a week for these hours? I'm sure you've talked to her about it. So where's Megan at with all this? So she started off fully on board,

loved coming to the games, thought it was hilarious watching me strike out every at-bat. And then she's just eventually stopped coming to our games because it's was hilarious watching me strike out every at-bat. And then she's just eventually stopped coming to our games because it's way too much of a time commitment. So she's kind of

checking out at this point. Does she know how you feel about this? Like, total candor? Does she know where you're at? Like, you're like, I do not like this?

I'd say she's about like 80% of the way. Like, I've talked about how much I've enjoyed having time off. Yes. Not necessarily how much I hate sucking of the way. Like I've talked about how much I've enjoyed having time off. Yes. Not necessarily how much I hate sucking at the game.

It's tough. Also, I just got to, and I would never, listen, I love Canadian. You're hitting the abouts a lot in this one. I was about to say the same thing. Those abouts are intense.

It's intense. I love it. I love it, but it is, this is not a stereotype. Chris, could you say really fast uh i'm not about that life i'm sorry i'm not about that life i'm sorry thank you thank you thank you we just need a quick so thank you very much we got it um yeah what do you think jake i mean that it's it's tough if she's 80 there the problem is your it's your father it's her father that's where

it really i'll tell you where i'll tell you where I'm starting on this. I thought it was, first of all, really interesting, Jordan, that you played ball. Kevin, great pairing on this one, our producer. Home run from Kevin. I think you say to him, Jack, can we talk man to man? And he goes, like, sit down.

And you go... Say you want to do it on the trampoline. That's what I do. Go ahead. I'm sorry. I really That's what I do. Go ahead. Everything else remains the same. I'm sorry. I really hope Jack sounds like that. Please continue.

He does. Hey, Jordan, what are the old coaches? What's the old baseball coach sound like? That's quite literally... It's just grizzled. It's... Yeah, go ahead. There's at least two decades worth of experience

that you wouldn't sit down and talk to me. It was perfect. And I'm thinking of Jim Leland. I'm thinking of a cigarette in the clubhouse. I'm imagining all that dip in there. A cigarette and dip. A cigarette and dip. Just the beauty of the old baseball, the old timer.

But here's where I would go, Chris. I would say, hey, Gareth, you mind being the coach here for a second? It would be an honor. All right, what's going on chris what's it up what's your what's going what's this all about go ahead maybe we've made a mistake come on all right i'll pull it back i'll pull it back go ahead hey uh jack i think i think i might have to uh uh step away from the team and i'll tell you why i think megan wants me home more. I think our relationship is starting to suffer. And my relationship with your daughter, no matter how much I fucking love baseball and you know me, I'm a ball player.

What happens in between those lines is my life. But your daughter means more to me than the game that I love. And I got to step away. Where are we at here, Jordan? I saw a head nod. That was. Hold on, Jordan. Hold on. I'm sorry, but I saw a head nod. That was... Hold on, Jordan. Hold on. I'm sorry,

but I saw the head nod I was looking for. This is a baseball thing, and I got the approval I wanted. I don't care about you, Gareth. I'm going Jordan. I need a line. All right, go ahead, Jordan. Jordan, what'd you think of that? That was beautiful. That was perfect. Did you see the claws right in there? Put the ball

in his court like, okay, you're really gonna take me away from your daughter to play this game now? Are you more dedicated now? Of course, he could get completely put back in his space. He could just love the game so much. He's like, I don't care. I need you to play right now tomorrow. That might have been what he was going to say.

Now you're in a different territory. Now you're like, oh, I'm really in trouble. Well, now you're committed to playing until he retires. Now you have to. Now you have to. But you're at least so Gareth. Now going back to Jack. So you know what?

I got to quit this game because my relationship with your daughter is suffering. What do you think, Jack? I'll talk to her. Chris, what do you think your father-in-law would say if you talked to Meg about this and said, we're doing this as a couple, because guess what? You got into the fucking league with him because of her. So she can help you out of it. What do you think she would say if you went to Jack and said, it's just too many nights with my work, with her work.

I need to spend that time with her right now. And then go, we're talking about maybe making you a grandpa and we need these hours to do all that. I think that's kind of right on the money. I think that's exactly the kind of reasoning he could understand that he'd see with. I think he might be a little concerned about me saying I'm having a problem at home. Okay. I think he might not gloss over that one. You can scale that back a little.

I think I could definitely get him. Megan would co-sign all this basically. back a little. I think I could definitely get him. Megan would co-sign all this, basically. Yeah, so Megan and Jack's wife, Madeline, are both pretty concerned for him at this point. Oh, wow. And his safety

playing in this league, because those fastballs are coming in pretty hard, and he's got a pacemaker. He's diving still, sliding. Jesus, Jack. First of all, let's just take a second and show a little goddamn respect for jack backflips on the trampoline i love jack i do too i love jack i think the idea that you're gonna have to step away from a game when a 75 year old is sliding still yes um incredible okay so so megan and his wife everyone's a little concerned. So this could

work. Jordan, where are you thinking? Where are you at right now? I think honestly, yeah, yeah. I think that's the best, the best way to do it. I mean, the arrival, they do scale back to the having issues at home thing, but I mean, he's same thing where it's like, I mean, one, spend more time together and strengthen our relationship a bit more. And it's a little more important than any, you know, that any game can possibly be. So, so i mean then you can really double down on like i i love this relationship with your daughter so i want to focus on that more that's i think that's a perfect out i think that's a great angle pop fly if you want the weird version go ahead gary please allow me to

step into the spotlight for a moment allow me to step up to the plate and do some weird shit now batting and the end of the game just about done my king all right you fake an acl now what you're to have to do with that is you're probably going to have to keep it. You're going to have to, to Megan too. Probably she's not going to want to go as big and bold as this. So you fake it. You're training for the year.

You're getting ready. You're in the yard. You're into it. You're doing burpees. You're doing wind sprints. You're getting ready. Then all of a sudden, damn it all. Your leg goes.

You fake a doctor trip. You go online. You buy a little air cast. You, your leg goes. You fake a doctor trip. You go online. You buy a little AirCast. You have your leg in that for two weeks, one maybe. Say you're making a great – hold on, Jake. Let me cook. Let me cook. And you say –

I think you've cooked. I'm cooking. Let me serve. Let me serve. Let me serve. Let me serve. Let me plate. Let me plate.

Let me plate, everybody. It's all the way through. It's dry. Let me plate. Let me plate. Play it out. Play it. Play it.

And then you take it off. Let me plate. And then way through. Let me play it. Let me play it. And then you take it off and then you say, and then you say, all right, you go, I can walk around now, but there's no way I can play. There you go. Played it. Now everybody eat if they like. Okay. So Jordan, what I'm shocked by with this, because to me,

that is just dog shit. You, who I expected a Division I player, I was really excited when you gave me the head nod on mine. Did I get a nod? You gave Gareth the head nod on that? No, no. ACL? Only because, and I'll tell you why.

I'll tell you why. The only thing that actually worked from this is the amount of admiration you'll get from Jack if you have an acl tear and you said i could walk on it in like less than a week but this guy's a marvel he wants to come back he's hungry but i'm not gonna because he's my son i'm not gonna let him do that now you got all you win all of it now you're the son that wanted to yes i'm not gonna say that that was part of my initial pitch because it wasn't

i think i just kind of floated some problems out there but no no jake jordan and i to get stop it no here's what happened gareth you cooked it he plated it and we've you cooked you cooked weird fish he plated it is there a delicious meal on the table yes there is so chris here's where we're at on this one. I say use Meg and his wife and do a team effort where you say, I love, I've loved this time together, but I'm just gonna, I gotta choose family a little bit with work and where we're at with life. I would love to keep doing this. Maybe you and I could go to the batting cages because I've loved our bond, but I think I got to choose Megan a little bit in the building of my family

right now, rather than the plane of this game that I love. Gareth has said fake an ACL injury and then live on that injury. And Jordan has then heightened that and said, he will have respect for you having the ability to walk a week later on it. $26 fake cast available online. Keep going, Jake. Jordan's first thing was the only way out of this is a lie, which also ties into mine. But I think you've got two really big pieces here. It's a big lie, a faked injury or some way out

another lie. And that is saying, you know know it's not really a lie but it is a lie but family first uh what do you think you're gonna do here chris actually it's a pretty pretty easy decision for me i actually used the acl excuse uh four years ago so i actually tore my acl at right near the end of the season not playing baseball uh another sport but tore my acl and couldn't finish the season so i took a year off but he had me back on the field that next spring so i don't think i can tear the acl again okay unfortunately so i'm thinking the family time is a great option i think there's a there's an opportunity to come at him from two angles here i can get megan to talk to her mom about uh like drop hints about chris isn't home that often yeah i'm starting to miss him this is and then so he'll

be hearing it from his wife that oh well our daughter is saying chris isn't around and then i'll go to him that way it's kind of already in his mind here Here's what I think you do, Chris. You use Meg. What's Jack's wife's name? Madeline. Madeline. Maddie and Meg. I like this team. You use Meg to go to Madeline and they start getting in fucking Jack's ear

so that Jack makes you leave the team. You don't quit. He kicks you off the team. so this is on his shoulders his sadness but he sits you down and goes this is uh jordan this time i would like you to be the coach what i didn't even get you didn't play ball you were in england kicking a footy around jordan will you tell me as the best baseball manager you've ever heard, give me a, your wife and your daughter have said,

you got to kick this kid off the team because he's not home enough. How would you say to me, Chris, I'll be you here. Okay, Jack, what's going on? I'm sorry. A bit of everything. Where are we at? I need you to sit down. I want you to look right in my eyes.

Yes, sir. All right, look. How important is family to you? 100%. How important is ball to you? Gareth, you take over, Chris. My accent's falling apart. Ball's everything to me.

Jack, Dad. I'm going to take it back. You called him Dad. I'm sorry. You just called me? Jack. Sorry, jack sorry jack we haven't we have a set it to a no we can't can't bring that back we've we've set it to a different level of communication now now you every every man he has to make a choice in his life it's family or it's ball we cannot be both at the same time and i'm not gonna lie to you i have to make that choice for you you got to pick family because i'm so tired of hearing about you not being home. No, I'm shocked.

Oh, you're him. I forgot. Go ahead, Jay. Garrett, we're both him. Okay. Same time. Okay. All right.

So we have to quit. Sorry about that. About that life. I'm really sad. Sorry. But I'll spend more time with me. Figure it out, eh? I love you, Jack.

My dad. I'll tell you what. I'll tell you what. The vernacular and the accent switching is so impressive. You should probably get into acting. That's probably where you're speaking. I also tore my ACL. My leg spot, I can't.

Chris, I think we've given you some solid advice here. I think you lean into the family. If you can get the family to get Jack to get you to quit, great. If that's too slow, I think you do it on your own. As Jordan said, family first. Great. Great. Thanks. I appreciate it.

And we appreciate the call. And Jordan, thank you so much for joining us, man. We appreciate you. Yeah, you stole the role from me, but still, I appreciate it. Come back and let's take you. Anytime we need a manager, we're going to get you on. We're going to get Gareth off. I appreciate plating it.

Thank you, guys. Yes. Great plater. The plater. Thank you, guys. Yes. Great plater. The plater. Yeah, on plate. Today's episode is brought to you by Babbel. That's right, Jake. Listen, you know what Babbel is, right?

Science-backed language learning app that actually works, which I find to be very important. Science-backed language learning app that actually works, which I find to be very important. Science-backed, Jake. Listen, don't bother paying hundreds of dollars for a private tutor. They come over. They're like asking for snacks. They're being annoying. Or even waste hours on apps that don't really help.

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another country yes if it can actually help with the accent yeah that's a big ass and applicable to situations you're going to find yourself in like when i think back to taking french it was just like so much it was like i'm never going to do that like how do you order food how do you get a drink how do you ask for directions but But so Babbel's great. Now, listen, listen, everybody. Should we bring him in? Wait, one quick pause. Should we bring in the closer? Studies from Yale, this is interesting,

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If you spend 15 hours, let's say you didn't go to college and you always feel like, well, I don't know, I didn't go to college. 15 hours, you just did a semester. Yeah.

That's wild. Yes. That's a wild study. So speaking of language, should we bring in the closer or should I do it? Closer. All right, hold on. Let's get him.

Kevin? Door's open. Come on in. Oh, you meant Gil. I meant Kevin. What? I thought Kevin was going to do it. No, I thought we were talking about the closer.

We were. He parked in front of all our cars, so might as well. Oh, we can't leave. Well, what's the problem? Go ahead. So that old jalopy is Gil's? Yes. And you can turn it off, I guess.

Nah, keep it running. It's bad for something. A lot of smoke. I'm pausing a serious accent. Now listen, here's a special limited time deal for our listeners. Right now, get 55% off your Babbel subscription, but only for our listeners. This isn't for people who don't listen, like Laura from one of the calls earlier.

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I've got to go back to the jalopy. Rules and restrictions this episode is brought to you by zocdoc zocdoc is a free app and website where you can search and compare highly rated in-network doctors near you and instantly book appointments with them online. Garth, what does that mean to you? Well, it means a lot because as you know, my mother was in town for a while.

She had a hip replacement and it was crazy. It was a crazy situation. And there were so many times, so many things like complications were popping up. And there were multiple times where we wanted to find a doctor appointment quickly, somewhere close. You use ZocDoc. Yeah.

You would use ZocDoc because it's just so much harder if you're just like, you know, like using search engines to try to find someone. And then you call. Do they take your insurance? But the problem has it's all there for all the problem with also just searching it is all the ads pop up yes and what i like i actually use zocdoc we since we started doing it i do like that it keeps it really clean and you can put all your information in yeah did you use zocdoc for your knee i did use zocdoc for my knee which i am going to get an mri on but we don't think

it's a tear that's the good news but i am going to get an m on. Oh, you are? But we don't think it's a tear. That's the good news. But I am going to get an MRI. The doctor report back, it's just an old man's knee. It's actually pretty much what it sounded like. That's what a doctor said to me about my hips. I'm getting to the point where it's sad when doctors are just like, yeah, you're just the... He goes, I've had a doctor who looked at my body and then went like this. Well, you're mid-40s, yeah? Ugh, what a jerk.

Well, that guy's hopefully not on ZocDoc. But again, it really does. It filters specifically for doctors that take your insurance located near you. Treat basically. And again, you can get an appointment quickly. You can also get it same day. That's absolutely right, Jake, if you're lucky. That's right.

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slash H-T-H Hello. Hi there. Welcome to the show. How are you? You've got great energy. You're on with Jake and Gareth. We're here to help you. What is your name, fake or real, and age, and where are you calling from? My name is Alyssa.

I'm 45. I live in the Chicagoland area. Where are we at here? What can we do for you? All right. So I am a huge Chicago Cubs fan. Legit, like I know during the season, I know who they're playing, who they just played, who they're going to play,

who the pitcher is likely for the day, all that stuff. But my issue is that my friends either are casual fans or they only care about how hot the baseball players are. And I would like to try and get my friends to care a little more about baseball and so that we can talk about it together. Because I find that I try to engage strangers and I'm normally not a, I don't want to talk to a stranger. Like that's a no for me. But if I see someone now and about with Cubs gear on, I'd be like, hey Cubs, just to see if I can get them to talk to me. Like that's how desperate I am. I get that. Yeah. So basically you're looking for a way to get your friends more into your interests that they're kind of ambivalent on. Or not nearly as committed as you.

This is a dead end. And I'm going to tell you why, Alyssa. Okay, go. I know exactly where you're at because there was a time in my life where I was such a crazy diehard Cubs fan. I watched every game. I was living in Chicago with my dad. It was 2003. We not only watched every game, but we felt like when they won, we were winning. And if they went on a losing streak, we would be like, fuck, our life is going to shit. But my, my brother, who's, you know, my, my best buddy and as close as it can get, is way more of a casual fan. So he likes baseball in terms of the fun of the game. If they win or they lose, well,

it's more fun if they win, but who cares, right? And so it's just a different experience. And for years, we would kind of talk it out more and I would try to like see if I could get him more involved. And then I just had to realize it's, it's separate planets. There are people who are psychopaths about a team. And then there are people who are just casual. I think what you need to do is form a different group. And that is like your Cubs fanatic friends. That's where I'm at.

So I've tried like a message boards and groups and shit, but you get some people on there that are just whack. And I just, it's hard to find one. Yeah, it's hard to find one who can jive with me and we can still just talk baseball. Well, here's, let me say a couple of things. I think Jake's advice is is where i was headed basically you know you can't retrofit a like into your friend group on that level you know what i mean

because it's fake it's also fake if they try they don't know the right stats and then you'll hate them for it and i will definitely be annoyed what's nice about jake's story is he was living with his dad they're watching the game and living with your parent and hanging out with them in that level is a normal, acceptable thing. When you're in your 20s. Well, yeah. If you're staying with someone for a little bit of time when you go to visit them. No, no, no. I didn't stay with them.

I lived with them. Where they are. If you were to go. I lived with them. If you were to go. Yeah. And staying and living. I'm just saying it's very nice to hear staying and living with your parent is an acceptable thing and a fine thing at any age.

Especially what matters is you love your parent is an acceptable thing and a fine thing at any age, especially what matters is you love your parent, but I'm not trying to get hung up on staying and living and hanging out where you are in age and all that sort of stuff. Thank you, Alyssa. Okay. All right. So let's everybody get muted for a second. Um, what we could potentially provide is a way, an olive branch to potentially a normal,

is a way, an olive branch to potentially a normal, see if there's someone who can reach out to the show and maybe there's a little bit of a way for us to help bridge that gap for you a little bit. I'm open to that. Maybe on the show we could do a Cub intro or maybe we just via email could try to set you up and see if there's something that's a little more, again, we're not promising a fully v vetted situation but something a little less crazy than i'm on a message board

searching for friends right kevin has popped his beautiful face on our zoom melissa you can't see the show kevin but when he pops on we gotta let the hunk talk go ahead all right i've been really interested in the tay Swift, Travis Kelsey conversation. Not that I have been following it, but just how there's so many new NFL fans now that Taylor Swift has been going. And I think that's been kind of a huge olive branch for football. So if there is some sort of like drama or relationship stuff or some kind of like. There's that. We got a new hunk shortstop, Dansby Swanson.

Oh, great. We have the hottest middle infield in the NMLB, I believe, between him and Nico Horner. Oh, I'm going to tell you something. I'm going to brag here a little bit. Nico and I, I did his podcast years ago and he and I follow each other. So if you're talking about a hunk hot sandwich, I don't have a connection to Dansby, but maybe we could link your group of gals up with some photo. Oh my God. We would just lose our minds. Lose our minds. Yeah. So there might be something there, but I don't think that's what we're going to live with. I think here's where we win. I think Kevin's right,

but I also think he's wrong. I'm just being honest. Because if you try to get your friends into the fact that the middle infield top, they're going to be like, hell yeah. I have one. I have one friend who only cares about how hot the players are. Like I told her that I was coming on here and she doubled down. She said, wieners before winning every time.

Not a bad philosophy. I mean, that's not what I'm looking for. I need some wins. I just watched the David Beckham documentary and that is definitely wieners before winning. When he was on Real Madrid, I didn't care if they scored a goal.

Yeah, you won already. You just run around with those legs and those cute shirts, my guy. You have won. You know what I'm saying? But here's what I would say. I would say if you lean into also every haircut made him look better. Yeah. He's one of the only guys.

Even now. Even now you're like, how is he looking arguably better? But this motherfucker shaves his head and they set it up like it's a big thing and they're like it was really revolutionary he took off his little uh hoodie and i was like if i had that face i would shave my head too right it doesn't matter what your hair looks like but this is not about how handsome guys are i don't want the podcast going in this direction. I mean, we could sit here all day and just

chew the fat on how David Beckham has none of it. Go ahead. I mean, Travis Kelty can get it. Alyssa, I'm getting off this topic. Okay, keep going. He looks good with a mustache. Go, Jake. Yes, he is handsome. And who's handsome on the Bears? Wait, actually, Alyssa,

who's a more handsome football team, Bears or Packers? What just happened to you? Who could get it more, the Bears or the Packers? I guess the Bears. Honestly, I don't follow. The only sport I really follow is baseball. Don't follow the Bears. All right, hold on then, Alyssa.

Who are the top three Cubs? Who are the top three Cubs who can get it? Oh, Dan V. Okay. Nico. Can, can we go David Ross? Whoa,

you're going to manager can get it. Yeah. I like a little silver fox. Oh, listen, here's what we're going to say in our advice. I got to get out of this call because I don't know where the fuck we are. And I'm embarrassed by my behavior. So I think what we need to do

is we need to find you fans, fans who just care about the game. And if it starts off on social media or just emailing, and then I think you could meet those people at a game.

And you don't have to meet for coffee, but you find people who are also fans and your only connection is you don't meet together in case someone's a psycho. You meet at your seat, you watch the game, and you form a text group.

And that's your Cubs group. You know what? I like that. I like that. Yeah, we'll do what we can on our end. And again, I think it definitely got a little foggy in the middle there. I don't know what happened there. I mean, I was even aligned with the David Beckham stuff.

Here's my list. Dansby. No, no, no. We don't need what happened there. I mean, I was even aligned with the David Beckham stuff. Here's my list. Hi. Dansby. No, no, no. We don't need your list. We're not looking for your list. You're not here. Alyssa, Alyssa, Alyssa and Jake,

stop. No, no, no. Stop it. Stop it, both of you. Stop it. Both of you, stop it. The way he glides around short. We're leaving the call.

The call is ending. This is the ramp down. Hey, but don't forget about Ian Hap. That's a handsome guy. All right, yeah, Ian is a cutie. I wish there was a mute all. The call is ending. This is the ramp down. Hey, but don't forget about Ian Hap. That's a handsome guy. All right, yeah, Ian is a cutie. I wish there was a mute all. The call is ending. Anthony Rizzo every day in those pinstripes.

It's not about which Cubs Jake's in the bank. In those pinstripes? Alyssa, Alyssa, you're married, Alyssa. Stay off of this topic. Jake, you're married and straight. I don't know what is happening. And I'll tell you this, Alyssa. Physically, he's not my guy, but I'll take a Kyle Schwarber any day.

He can just mash it. Have a good day, Alyssa. Thanks for calling the show. Appreciate it. Okay, bye. Thank you. We're Here to Help is hosted by Jake Johnson. And Gareth Reynolds.

The show is produced and edited by Kevin Bartelt. The theme song is made by Oliver Raleigh, and you can check out all of his work at OliverRaleigh.com. The album artwork is by James Fosdyke. You can find him on Instagram at James underscore Fosdyke. And if you'd like to see me do stand-up on the road, go to GarethReynolds.com. And if you would like to be on our show,

please email us at Helpfulpod at gmail.com. That was a HeadGum Podcast.