We're Here to Help - 260: A Disgusting Session & Poke the Bear (with Lamorne Morris)

Episode Date: February 11, 2026

We're Here to Help All-Star Lamorne Morris joins Jake and Gareth in-studio. First, they pour cold water on a teacher's sexy parent fantasies. Then, they hack a pilates studio.Want to call in? Email your question to [e-mail]: https://patreon.com/heretohelppodMERCH: heretohelppod.comINSTAGRAM: @HereToHelpPodIf you’re enjoying the show, make sure to rate We’re Here to Help 5-Stars on Apple Podcasts.Advertise on We’re Here to Help via Gumball.fmSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a headgum podcast. This is a headgum podcast. And we are back. Carrot, this is a special one. This is a special one. This is our first Hulu episode of season three. Hulu, welcome to the family. We're excited to be here.

People just finding the show on Hulu. Maybe you're starting here. Maybe you're starting on the back. I believe there's going to be about 20 of the back. That's going to be rotating. All of our new episodes are going to be here. And then the back catalog will keep changing. You can also find us on YouTube for other episodes as you're catching up because we got about 250 of these.

It's been a long journey. Yeah, 25 at a time. Or you can listen on audio, whatever you want. But I want to say to the Hulu family that also has a new girl, that also did my movie self-reliance, that also has a new problem. It also has a new project that is yet to be announced. We're happy to be here. This is a perfect home for us, and we thank you guys for partnering with us. Yeah, very excited.

We've been waiting for this for a minute, and it's great that it's here. I mean, I don't even know how you encapsulate the journey that's gotten us to hear, but we should just point out that if anyone is sitting there wondering why us, there's no real good answer for that other than we are, We are good at giving advice like drunk uncles. Yeah, I thought you meant the... No, no, why do we help? Why are we the helpers?

No. No, the premise of the show to anybody knew is that if you were to walk in, if you had a problem, something you'll see on the calls today, but something really serious to you, the calls today are a great example of what this show does, but really serious to you, but maybe not serious to others. You can't take a straight line to the fix.

If you could, you would. But so you go to a bar to sit down with a couple of blood uncles or fake uncles or people you rely on. Drunks, you get a couple of drinks, you tell the problem, they go, let me tell you how to fix this. Yeah. And then on our show, what ends up happening is people take the advice and do it in real life and the results matter.

We obviously crack a lot of jokes, but the callers are the star of the show and it matters. What happens? If we solve it, we have a bell we ring. And like you said, I mean, today is a perfect encapsulation of our small problems that are big to the callers. And so I got to say, even though this is short and to the point, and what you guys are going to find out a lot of this show is we riff around and we talk and we do too many bits because we're 20-year friends and it happens.

But for now, what I would like to say is welcome to the show. Welcome to the community. We got some real weird stuff going on. Gareth is going to get a vasectomy. I'm going to adopt some chimpanzees. We're going to try to get people in the community to buy hats. So they're also, so we are chimp parents. I'm not going to bring the chimps to my house.

No, but Elvis Presley was scatter. I won't be making any children, but we will be saving a lot of chimps. Every chimp we adopt, I want the community to all. also be the moms and dad, so we're going to have a lot of chimps. Gareth is going to snip his nuts. You're taking it in the chimp nuts direction. We had a good focus going. I think you said you were going to keep it short, and then you started to do that.

I was about to keep it short, but then I started. Also, there's a woman whose husband needs a new kidney, and we got about nine people who have volunteered in this community, Garth, to give their kidney. That is shocking. There's a lot going on. But one last thing. Also, to the new girl fans who are watching this. There's a real chance

Lemorn and I are going to compete on Wheel of Fortune. My mother is over the moon with this news, by the way. It's fun. It's very exciting. And I'm very dyslexic. I walked ship last night. I'm going to do very bad. How do you, do you point that out at the beginning?

No. You just let it rip. I'm just going to live and shit. I'm going to lose. I'm going to be humiliated. I'll lose. It's long, though. It's the celebrity ones at hours.

So you have a lot of... Oh, it is? Yeah. And there's like a couple. different final round. So it's going to be bad. It's a good thing. All that money is going to be

going to the Chimp Sanctuaries. Another thing for people who are new to the show, those who know the show are going to go. We know Gareth's mother and I are in a long-term sexual relationship. Wrong. Doesn't say sexual. You're doing that because of this year.

No. There's something going on with me, Pam. There's nothing going on. You're married and have two kids. Agreed. With a completely different woman. What did you have? It's just ridiculous.

to just toss to me like it's going to be a regular... I'm in love with your mother. Shush. Yeah, my son. Quiet. She's beautiful. Enough. You're a teenage boy.

Stop it. Grown man. Your mother and I was going to stop. You said stop. Enough. Agreed. Don't say agreed when you're doing the thing. Go ahead.

I'm trying to. What I was going to say, Jake, is it's a whole new pool of people with problems. That's true, actually. We might want to solve. I mean, we have a whole new audience now, so we should tell them that helpful pod at gmail.com, if you have a problem that is important to you, email the show, we'll bring you on the show. We pretty much solve every problem. It might not end up that way, but by the end of the call. We try.

But we're at about a 70-30 success rate. It's pretty good. Gareth used to think we were at an 15% success rate. No, I wasn't that what you thought. It was like it was my guess was. was abysmal, but I was catering to what I thought everyone else's guest was going to be. All right, so everybody, thank you for joining us. We hope you enjoy this as much as we enjoy making it.

We're not going to stop. We love it. We are so thrilled to be here. I'm in love with Gara's mom. And without further ado, enjoy the show. I mean, you ruin the end of that. This podcast is sponsored by the Neon Movie. Nirvana, the band, the show, the movie,

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It's unlike anything I've ever seen. You cannot believe it. You watch the first episode. You're going to watch all of them. Steve Berg said he thinks it's the best show ever made. and they made a movie, and the movie looks even better than that. So get ready for the movie. Nirvana, the band, the show, the movie, and theaters, February 13th, so get tickets now.

This episode of We're Here Help is brought to you by Walden University. For over 50 years, Walden University has helped working adults turn ambition into action through flexible distance learning. Today, our mission is simple. Provide access to education for professionals ready to level up and create real change. Walden is where students get the W, those big and small, wins that help them move forward and create the change they want to see in their lives, careers, and communities. With 100 plus degrees and certificates, it's never been easier for students to find a program that matches their goals. We were doing this. I asked the community of who has listened

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certified to operate by Shev. And we're brought to you by Kachava. Look, I love Kachava. People, I've heard comments, people are saying, I say Kachava too much when we do these ads. I love Kachava. That's why. My father, he just had ankle surgery. And he was like, I need a protein powder.

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Hi, hello, hello. Can everybody hear you? Yeah. Hi, can we get your name, please? Hi, I'm going to go with Betty just for privacy reasons. You said Betty? I mean, that's the worst start-to-call, yeah. You're a stripper?

So Betty, where are you calling from, Betty? I'm calling from a track from Czech Republic. Wow. Oh, cool. This is our first caller from the Czech Republic. Oh. This is a big one, Betty. And Betty, how old are you?

Do you mind me asking? I'm 35. 35. And you got a special one. You got Gareth and I, of course. But then you got a one of my brothers from another mother. Mm-hmm. A guy who we've admitted to saying, I love you to.

Yep, we've said it. Mr. Lamoran Morris has joined the pod, Betty. She's so excited. My, we're here to help All-Star. Yeah. I think the audience is too, probably. Remember for a while? I had that photo you up on the wall.

This is the house that Lamarne built. Betty, what can we do for you today? Okay, so I've got this problem. I'm a primary school teacher. Okay. The school is really, really small, and I'd like you to give me an advice how to talk naturally to the parents that I had a sex dream about. Oh, my God, Betty. Okay, I'm going to paraphrase this question.

She teaches kids. How does she talk to one of the parents that she had a sex dream about while seeming normal? Is that right, Betty? Oh, my gosh. Yeah, that's correct. There were more parents involved. Oh, Betty. Betty, explain us what this dream was.

Actually, can you just explain to Lamarne for a little bit with this dreams? And slowly, walk everyone in. Betty. You want details. Yeah, Betty, I want the details. Lemore shows you. Start to finish. So you had, so there are multiple parents and you've had sex dreams about all of them.

There were two parents included in the dream. And one of them, they were actually not from the same. same family. One was a woman, one the other one was a man. And yet it's all really like confusing messed up, but it happens to me from time to time. So I suppose it will happen in the future as well. So I want to be ready because when I meet these parents, I tend to giggle or get really nervous. And so I want to work with that. You know, Betty, I believe in the cosmic universe. And I believe that we are all connected. So when we dream, we're actually showing a connection, especially if you dream about a particular

person, what you are doing is showing the link between you and those people. What if I were to tell you, Betty, that those parents have had sex dreams about you? Because I can tell you, as a dad, as a father of what? Let them cook, Jake. He's going on. We were cooking, and then you went a real weird turn. I hated. Because she's having sex dreams about the.

kids' parents. Okay, go on. But as a father, I sometimes... That's all it took? I sometimes, you look at the teachers like, oh, okay, okay. Sometimes that teacher got a little, you know what I'm saying? I'm begging you to be careful because your daughter is still in school and they might be listeners.

They might be listeners. Unless you're actually making a move right now. No, I'm not making a move, but, you know, if I occasionally, you know what I'm saying? You might look at them a little differently. Does your vibe change? No, no, no, no. Okay, you keep it together. I keep it together because I will never do that.

But I'm just saying. Betty, Betty wants to do that, I can tell. Well, Betty, do you want to have sex with these people, or is it just an unconscious sex dream? No, I don't want to have sex with them in real life. I just like I don't mind having these dreams. It's fun.

I don't think it's problematic for me. But it tends to get in a way when I talk to these parents. It gets uncomfortable, doesn't it? Betty. Yeah, a bit, a bit. Because you see, the school is really close. My parents are really close there. I'm a friend on friend terms with them on her name basis.

And my son goes there as well. Oh, you're also a parent. That is different, Betty. I'm also a parent. Yeah. And actually, sometimes we meet for play dates. are you married yeah betty what's going on at all

you married yeah i am quite happy you guys like pineapples yeah put it upside down one on your nose do you does your partner know about these sex dreams

a fair question uh pardon me I didn't get it does your partner does your husband or wife do they know about these sex dreams oh actually it was

uh it came after After I got the email, I felt obliged to tell my husband that. Because you're going to be on the show. Very smart. Betty, well played. Very smart. You're like this. Hey, by the way, I've been having sex dreams about all these parents.

I won't be on a podcast. He goes, what is going on? You go, I told you everything. I'm not guilty. You're guilty. And so the question that I'm just going to and correct me if I'm wrong, Betty. But it's you've said you've had other. sex dreams about other parents. So this is something that happens. Is it always a three-way?

The parents change. It's never the same person. Yeah. Okay. And so when somebody's currently in, let's call it your library. When you see them, do you get feelings and giggles as if you guys had an actual shared connection? I think the persons that appear are mostly the parents that I'm a bit nervous about, like in normal life. So I think it's a bit of... It's a way to process nerves. Now, let me ask you a quick question. Yeah.

Okay. So Betty, just one more question now is a doctor. The people you have dreams about, do you also kind of want to hug them? Oh, pardon me The people you Lamarne, could you? The people you have dreams about You do want to have sex with them, yes?

Well, no No I don't want to have sex with them IRL In real life I think they are not I'm not attracted to them Oh, you're not attracted to them

No No No That's why you have a carousel Do you have sex terms of people You're not attracted to? I've definitely been, I've definitely had sex with people I'm not attracted to in my dreams.

And in real life, to be quite honestly, as I was saying that, I was realizing. That's what I thought you were going to say. Yeah, it's not just dreams. Yeah. That's happened regularly. But is this, is this a normal thing? Because I've obviously had sex dreams. I'm always attracted to the person.

I've never dreamt. I've never had sex with somebody in my dream that I woke up, I went like, I'm not attracted to him. Have you? Uh, no, but I know what's happening here. What's happening? And I don't want to mess up anything she's got going on at home. This isn't going to, hey Betty, can Lomor and Spitz.

Can Lamorne speak freely? He thinks it might damage your husband's ego in terms of the reputation. I don't think it will because I know Lamorne, but are you okay to hear it? Uh-huh. She does want to have sex with them, but she's protecting herself from the husband

who she knows is going to listen, who she already told about. So because... Because she has a... What it is is she has a fantasy about work, about the work sex life. because you know what I mean

like you have a stoop parent teacher conference the kids go outside and play and then before you know it you got the husband just sitting there just just looking all fatherly but there's also another mob yeah because that's when it gets weird right that's when it gets strange

it's already weird because it's in the school because it's in the school that's when it's a crime you know what I'm saying and it's gross and it's dangerous so some people like the thrill is real bad but some people like the thrill

I think Betty likes the thrill I think you're kind of taking the reins of this and making it personal and what you're really making about Betty, yeah? No, no, it's not about me. It's not about me. It is about you now. Because every time I think about having,

what, never mind. No, go ahead. No. Every time you think about sex, what? With a teacher. There we go. Because you say that before, you get turned out my teachers.

Yeah, yeah, because when I was a student, the teachers never wanted to fuck me. And I was like, because you were a little boy. We're going to go back to Betty. Hey, Betty, back to you, please. So, now just please, please, please be honest,

because Prague's in Old City in a beautiful, country. We can't deal with modern lies. Do you kind of want to have sex with these people? 10% of you. Well, okay, so they are

not unattractive. Okay. Okay, Betty, now we're being a little bit more. It's not unattractive means. Go ahead, please. But they are not my types. Yeah, the pattern is

that I've realized that I sort of feel intimidated by these parents. And I think it's my way of cool things with them because, like, you know, the thing is when you are nervous about somebody, you should imagine them naked. So, yeah. You're going further than that, though, Betty. Yeah, but also our subconscious doesn't do that trick. That's the whole, imagine everybody in their underpants. But Betty, I think partly if you're intimidated at people, it could just be a sexual power play, that your unconscious is going, this would be fun.

Now, again, that's not necessarily what this calls about. The only reason we're exploring this is, one, it's pervy, and two, it might help the pitch. And it's enjoyable. And it's enjoyable. It's a great call. With your accent, with everything, the idea of a teacher being attracted to parents that dreams about three ways, it just feels there's a lot of... It's an awesome problem.

Thank you, Gary. You have an awesome problem. You have a hot, awesome problem, and the product sounds great. But it just sounds awesome, and it feels like, well, now we just want to know more about the teacher. So if we're prying in any direction, you don't think this calls about, feel free to say pass yeah but i do think my guy lamorne was on to something and now that we're hearing the nerves were involved and the only reason i ask this is because i do think it'll change the

pitch but if you're like i i'm not they're not my type i don't want to leave my husband for them yeah but yeah the idea of having a three way in here while i'm getting paid by the public school and the fucking little brad kids are outside and no one knows but i got that mom i got that that that I got that dad over there filming it. I got that mom over there doing sound. Film it. Doing sound. Yeah.

That's a whole production. I mean, just podcast production level. That's like a... You just got to set up a camera. Yeah. Hang some light. It's dream porn.

That's true. Which we've all had. But so, Betty, and if it's not there, we can stop pushing. Is there any smoke near this fire? Is there anything we're getting close to? Or is this a totally different thing?

I think it's quite different thing I've never had these like intentions or No I'm thinking really deep in my Let Lamarne make his final thing And then we'll move on Lamarne Betty I already love you Betty

And I see what's happening here You called Because you don't know So for you to say That you don't think that that's what it is Yes. Betty, I don't think you know what it is. I, because you don't know, because it's so dark,

allow us to illuminate your path. Betty, you're a freak. You're a freak. Betty, you're a freak. He's talking about himself again. And you probably in your regular life, you hold yourself with such posture and you're so polite

and you probably are the most beloved person in your community. You're talking about himself. But what they don't know, Betty, they don't know, Betty, is that you got a dungeon in that brain. Okay, you and your husband be doing wild stuff in that dungeon and you're trying to explore. You're ready to break out.

You're ready to bust loose. Okay? And I just think you don't want to say it. You don't want to say it because of your stature in the community. I feel like you're looking in the mirror, nah? A little bit. Yeah. I was waiting for you to say Betty won an Emmy.

So, Betty, is any of that? And then we'll move on. And the only reason I say this is Lamarne is. a great guest helper because he gets to the fucking center sometimes. Is this at all? Are we all there or no? If we're not there, let's move on. But Betty, you're freaking the sheets?

I'm not ashamed for having DJs, but I just don't want to be all giggly and unprofessional when I meet with Sarah. Well, I know how to fix that. All right, the Morn's got a picture. So we are going to not talk about what you're attracted to. if this is real. We're just going to get you to not be so giggly around them.

Don't say fuck them, go. Okay, so here's what you do, right? What the parents sometimes do with the teacher at our school when my kid goes to is we'll have a very casual hang. It's not a parent-teacher conference, but we hang out all the parents come. It's at like 7 p.m.

There'll be like wine, cheese, you know, but the teachers are there is with the parents, right? A little alcohol can expose some things. I think what you need to do Wrong bitch. No, listen. No, no, here's what I'm saying.

Get drug. Here's what I'm saying. This is about this. Make it happen. Here's what I'm saying. She said that there is a power dynamic. Yes. But when everybody's drinking the same wine,

you're breaking down walls here. You're breaking down walls. So she's no longer uncomfortable because people start getting personal. You don't know their personal lives. So when you know a little bit of a deal. It might change the attraction. It might change it a little bit.

You might go. Ooh, Betty, that's smart. You might need to get to, you might need to even cyberstock them a little bit. get the fantasy out there and find out things you definitely don't like. Yeah, just know, you have to know these people. Because right now there's an imagination

about who they are, which is causing the intimidation. This is interesting, because what that would do is right now your brain's going. I'm not attracted to them, but I kind of want to dream fuck them. And then you're like, oh, there they are. They were great, my dream fuck. Look at their Instagram. Look at all their photos and go like, I hate this guy.

Yeah. Well, you're saying you think it's based on intimidation. So that is a way to get unintimidated. I would even add to LeMorne's pitch, what if you brought, like, some sloppy food there and you got to watch these people be gross eaters? I like that. Because when you see someone eat disgustingly,

it does change things. So, like, our version would be sloppy Joes. If you watch the, if I watched someone I was attracted to mildly in my dream, eat a sloppy Joe, that could flip the switch. Buffalo wings. You know, mine was the first thing I wrote down, and this is actually close to Gareth

and you could combine them. And this is going to sound like I'm doing a bit here, but I truly think this would work because I know it worked for me. Betty, they have those things where they have like fart bombs, where stink bombs. Yep. Before they come in, release a stink bomb. There's fart spray.

Fart spray. Yeah. So what you smell when you see them is shit. You're eliminating a sense. When they walk in and they go like, hi, they don't smell it. I can get her some fart spray. I got too much. Just spray it right by your sense.

own nose before. Or put something disgusting in your nose. That's terrible. Why? They will smell it. Yeah. Then they'll go like this.

Yeah, she farted. No, they don't take their kids out of school. Because of a teacher farting? Let me tell you what I don't want. Let me tell you what I don't want. A woman teaching my kids how to be respectful, proper,

how to do this, do that. What do they get? Like a cotillion? I'm just saying, you, a teacher. School. You ought to be educated. Yeah, yeah, yeah, no, no. A school, they spend more time

with their students, with their teachers, and with their friends than they do at home. I don't care. I do. Because when I walk in, I go, this, this bitch can't control her bowels. It's like a pig pen in here. It smells like a barn.

She can't control my goddamn bowels. I actually agree. If I walked in and it smelled like straight up shit and she acted normal, I'd be like, I couldn't. That's something I get here. There's flies of flying around. What if she said to you, I think you need to use the bathroom? Oh, let out with day farted.

Yeah, you make it seem like them, so it solidifies the... Betty, do you have a dog? I didn't have a dog. I was going to say bring dog shit in. And then when they come and go, my dog just shit in here and throw it out. I got to say, these are terrible ideas. We are sniffing around something. Because I really think what we'll nip it in the bud.

I really think you just got to put them in a room, be as casual as people she had a dream fuck with. Yes. Because you're breaking down the walls of who these people are. They're just people. I agree with this. They are just people. So, Betty, early on in the pitch, I just want to go to you for a second. We've got this idea of fart smells.

We've got gross food like a sloppy Joe, which I think is really good. Do you know what a buffalo wing is? How you have to eat with your fingers is disgusting. Then Lamarons got his get to know them so you see their flaws. Either get drunk with them, which I think is a dangerous move, or stock them, internet stalking him. Early on, what are you thinking of the things you're hearing from us? I think I kind of like a mix because like the easiest thing about this is that we have a end of school year parties where there's alcohol present and also food made by the kids.

So it looks disgusting and it's not well made. And yeah, so that's really doable. That's perfect. And I only have to wait like five months. So everything. But by the way, that's too long, in my opinion. I'm going to pitch something, and I know I'm going to get teased as it's a bad pitch, but I actually don't think it's a bad pitch.

I want you to masturbate about them again, but have like a really bad session. Again? I don't think she did the first time. The dream is a version of masturbating. Dreams are masturbating during this dream? No. But her brain is masturbating. But you don't know.

What if she said? Hell yeah. Betty, are you masturbating while dreaming? Because then you're not dreaming. that's called fantasizing. No, I'm like close to unconsciousness when I dream. That's exactly how everybody is besides Lamarne. LeMorne refers to fantasies as dreams and any masturbates.

No, you said, you said masturbate. I know, but then you said, did she masturbate while she's dreaming? And I said that's physically impossible because she's asleep. No, no, no, no, no, you don't know what your hands are doing. That's what I mean. This is a you thing, I guess. Because when you're dreaming sometimes, you still like, eh, yeah. Yeah, that's you masturbating.

I've caught myself before. Mastraming. I've caught myself. I've walked out on myself. What are you doing? Yeah, you're dirty dog. Oh, Jesus, you guys. You live a work.

Referring to yourself as a dirty dog while masturbating is wild. Yeah, you're disgusting. Get out of here. All right, just finish. So here's my, an honest pitch. Put them in a conscious fantasy that really grosses you out and goes sideways so that your unconscious is saying, I just had this weird experience with them. Your conscious brain is going like, I don't want to.

So when you see them, you've already had a full relationship with these people. and it's now over. So it's like... Thank you. Wow. You really think that's perfect. Betty, we're all shocked by what you just said. Wait, Betty, please, you talk.

Pardon. Say again. So you said that was perfect. Did you mean that? And if so, elaborate on what you're thinking of doing to heighten that. And if that's going to work, why do you think that would work for you? Yeah, I think it's perfect that I will intentionally think about something really

unthinkable about him or... Now I get what you mean about the giggling stuff. I will spoil it. I will spoil my past memories with them. So, yes.

And I really appreciate it. The thought that you said it is actually about about power imbalance. It's actually really, really deep and I thank you for this. You're very welcome. Thank you for saying

no one's ever said that to me in my life. It's crazy. We need more prod college. I'm actually going to start crying. I've been going for this for a long time. I really just hit home. Thank you. So,

been considered stupid since I was younger. They can put me in a different room. Okay, okay. They took me out of fourth grade and put me in a room with a guy who was 35 years old in overalls with a beard. It's a true story.

I said, like, these are adults. And my mom said, you're not going to that room anymore. Don't tell anyone. You're just lazy. Betty, back to you for a second. Will you walk us through the fantasy you're going to do tonight? What time is it in Prague?

Yeah. I think that we will start really like nicely. It will be a day to maybe some in a restaurant with a glass of wine. And then I think they will like burp or do something really like disgusting. disgusting physical. Yes. What else could they do that would be... Betty, while you're doing this, I want you to be round three of masturbated.

So I don't want this to be like this. I want you to be in the throes of it. And then the guy in your defense, all of a sudden, he burps and you're like, what are you doing? I'm trying to finish. He might need to send your husband out of town for a week. He will fine.

Tell me, keep watching TV in the other room. So, but Betty, so he's going to burp, keep going. That's disgusting. especially in that moment. Keep going. Yeah, maybe something could fell out of their mouth or, like they can do.

No. Or they have food on the corners of their mouth while talking. Yeah. How about bad breath? Yeah. Farts right. Huge turn off.

Yeah. Huge turn of. How about dirty fingernails? Oh, no. What about biting his toenails? How about a dirty dick? How is it? Now you're talking about yourself.

He doesn't, oh, I just realized Natalie Lamarne doesn't have headphones in. He can't hear the caller. Lemoyne thought we were just having a conversation the whole time. He was like, who's this Betty character? You talking about that whole time, Jake. You've gone crazy. So, all right, but this is very good, Betty.

So will you do me a favor? Will you, this is inappropriate, but that's what our show is. Will you masturbate tonight? with this thing. And I want it to be so off-putting that literally midway through, you're like, I'll pass.

Don't finish. I remember, there's a lot of people in your world, so you're going to have to really go to town for the next couple weeks. Yeah. Yeah. But you're like, I can do it in like 15 minutes because it's closer to 11 here.

We'll stay on the line. Oh, you can do it if. Stay on. But Betty, you're, but we have to do this, Betty, because the giggling's out of control. You have a giggling thing. when you get sexually uncomfortable.

And if I were a parent and the woman walked in and goes like, can I tell you about your kid? I'd be like, I would rather, it would smell like dog shit in there. My dog's shit. So how many people right now are you currently having dreams about and giggling when you see? Is it just these two, this man and this woman?

Yeah, they are too. Okay, great. So one session tonight, and then when will you see them next? Yeah, I will see them tomorrow, so I can, yeah. We follow up ASAP. Call us after the session tonight and then we'll go ahead. Betty, here's what I'd really like to have happen if you can. Do a really gross session tonight.

I think she should also be gross, and I would like it to really turn you off. But when you're done, stay in the fantasy for another 10 minutes. So the fantasy could end. Now that you're like, that was gross. Keep your eyes closed. Stay in the fantasy with these disgusting. people all the way until they get dressed and leave.

Finish the fantasy. After they go number two in your bathroom. Yes, and leave the door open, and they keep talking during it. Yeah. And they top tank you, which means they shit in your tank and not in your toilet. So then tomorrow, will you go out of your way to talk to them? To see if this theory has worked. But I want you to think before of them farting and just being like, ew.

A disgusting session. I just, I don't... Wait, before we go, Mr. Morris. This is going to be so inappropriate. I don't know. You know, people are, you never know. People are, I think what's happening with Betty is, I think she's into this stuff.

Listen, hear me out now. Please. Hear me out. Because when I say, are you attracted to these people? Just as people. Yeah. She said, gross. Don't want to fuck them.

But now she's willing to masturbate to them farting. and shitting. Well, she's trying to cure herself. She's trying to cure herself. No, no, no. She's trying to get off. And I think this is like, hey, Betty, no getting off on this disgusting stuff. I think, if you get off, it's a loss. I think Betty likes.

And a win. Call me. And I don't know. She likes farts and shits. I don't think so, Lamar. I think you're talking about yourself. Betty, you've been to Dubai? Okay, goodbye, Betty.

Bye, Betty. Hey, Betty, follow up with us. Bye. Bye. Thank you very much. Bye. This episode is brought to you by Quince. Quince gives you that well-built wardrobe that holds up over time, premium materials, thoughtful designs,

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Get two dozen roses free. Go to 1-800flowers.com slash here to help. Right now, that's 1-800flowers.com slash here to help to double your roses for free. Hello Hello How are you? I'm good, how are you? Good, can we get your name, please?

My name's Elizabeth. Elizabeth, do you have a nickname? You could call me Liz if you want. Do you go by Liz? She's like Daryl. Yes. Liz is cool. I got my daughter's name Elizabeth.

She doesn't do nicknames. What are you calling from, Elizabeth? I'm calling from Chicago. Oh, we're in Chicago I live up in Lakeview So And what do you think of the Bears Season

You care? Totally unexpected I love it I'm heartbroken But you know Can't complain Real dorky finished to this I sent Caleb his last DM

And I realized I'm done What? How many in a row without being responded to? He always responds in his way. Like a heart. Thank you. Is it just the heart likes? Because that's not a response.

He'll give a little bit sometimes. He doesn't want to be friendly. What was the last thing you wrote? Thanks for the great season. If you're ever in L.A. and want to take a hike, you know where to find me. And after I sent it, I went, so stupid. This is so stupid.

And then have you seen if he's seen it? I think you want it too bad. I think you want it too bad. I do. It's gross. Also, I'm way too old. I'm about three decades. good than this guy.

Can you imagine you hiking with Caleb Williams? That's not that would be funny. You want to go for a hike? Honestly, because I'm not going to go out at night. To a world-class athlete. Well, what am I going to do? I'm going to do what I would do with you guys.

If Michael Jordan said, let's go have cigars and whiskey at night, you're going to say no? I'm going to go and go. He's like, can we hike instead? I'm going to go like this. One night of the week. So, Elizabeth, if he says yes, would you come to?

If Caleb Williams said, Absolutely. So, Caleb, if you want to go hiking with me and Lamar and let us know. You don't know my member of the team, basically. You know what I mean? Like, I was on the picture of that release video. I did the one the year before. Yeah, but my face was on it.

Yeah. It had my face in the middle with the coach. Hey, PCA, if you want to do the same thing, let me know. Yeah, the whole team. Shut up. The whole squad. I was on it, too. Yeah, because I requested you.

Oh, I put in a call for you. Elizabeth, what queen did for you today? So, so I've been having this issue. I have been going to Pilates and I would say since the big Why? Because Claudius is stupid Wow

Based off Joseph Pilates's personal work It's Lamorne by the way It's Lamarne. Oh I'm sorry Lamarne. Yeah, I said that. Lamarne Morris is up the call. I don't think you did. You didn't.

Elizabeth, you got the great Lamarne Morris. Did you know that? I could tell by the voice but hello Lamorne. Hey, how are you? Elizabeth, are you a Lamarne fan? I mean, I love new girls

So I love both of you guys. And Gareth, of course. Thank you very much. Yeah. New Roll them. So Elizabeth, you go to Pilates. Yes. So I would say since the beginning of December, they have been playing the same playlist over and over again every time I go in.

Yeah, I get this. So it's a, I love the studio. I love the times I go at. But like, there is a moment. It's a 50-minute class. And there is like four songs in a row at probably the most difficult point in every class. And it's just the loudest and worst songs you could think of. And then you can't hear the instructor.

And it's just the most frustrating. And I'm not saying I'm good at Pilates. But like I'm getting really fed up. It's annoying, right? Yeah. So before we get to the, what type of music? It's like pop. I don't know if I can give specific

Can I give specific songs? Sure, of course, yeah. Okay, so one is, it's like the, oh God, I don't know the name. Like a River, that song, and then walk the moon, like shut up and dance. Oh, shut up and dance with me. I know that one. But these are really pop songs. I thought Pilates was more like bell chimes.

It's the hard part. No, Pilates is aggressive music. Oh, so it's like in class. Understood. Okay. So they're turning this into kind of like a pop, disco, let's go. But she's more upset that the songs are repetitive. You don't mind that part of the class. It's just that the same four songs play on a loop. Correct. So it's a 50-minute playlist. But specifically, those four songs are at the, like, toughest part. You can't hear the instructor over the base.

Interesting. I feel like an old lady is complaining about the same instructor. I got a few questions. No, different class times, different instructors. Weird. Really weird. Yeah. Go ahead, Lamarne. No.

We'll get to that part, I guess. So, Elizabeth, this is very clean. This is a great problem to have. What is the, unless you have more, if I'm interrupting you, please keep going. But then, whatever you're done, what is the question that we could help you with? But if there's more setup, feel free. Okay. So my question is, how do I get them to change the playlist

without them knowing it's me suggesting it? Without, okay, that's the turn. Okay. You don't want to be confrontational. Lamar and Morris, go ahead. I got a couple things. So usually at an establishment like that that's public, they have two Wi-Fis, right?

One of them is, it depends on how the size of the Pilates Studio. If you get the Wi-Fi information, if they only have one Wi-Fi, you're gold. because all you got to do is change the music yourself. You're talking about hacking. Hack the Wi-Fi. I've done it.

You have? Bro, I've done it at the airport. You've got to be killed. Those big, in the Austin airport there's these big screens like on the wall. I forget the Delta Lounge or something. These big screens

and they're playing the same like videos. I can get on the Bluetooth and change what's on the screen. What are you doing? I've just played like weird YouTube stuff. Like, I could have done anything. Anything. Yes. And I'm like, they haven't, like, locked this up for like... That's crazy. Like, this is crazy.

Anybody can change it. In the same with restaurants, I've done it at restaurants before when I get on the Wi-Fi and I realize this is the only Wi-Fi they have. I'll change the music. How do you do it? So you get on the Wi-Fi? Yeah, if you have Spotify, Apple Music, you can control, like, if you want to connect to, like, when you open up your music, it'll bring up the sources of like, oh, and it's like... You overpower their Bluetooth connection, which, you can control. yours. Yeah. Yeah. It's like adding songs to the cue, to the playlist.

Okay. So, Elizabeth, one move is to pirate their Bluetooth and play your own music. That's right. Okay. And then another one, another thing you can do is because I'm not sure if you have to hear these, I mean, if you take these classes all the time, just do the fucking workout. Just put some earpods in and listen to your own music

while you watch this woman or man, do the whole thing. You can just listen to your own playlist. I like that because that gives you that option. so it kind of sends a little subtle message that you're kind of over it. Yeah, I got one. So Gareth and I were both Peloton guys for a little bit, and we would discuss how sometimes you just listen to your own music. Yeah.

So the third that I would probably do here, Elizabeth, is, and it is going to be a little confrontational, but I think it's going to still work with your question. When the music gets loud and you want it to end, ask a question quietly. So the teacher goes like, everyone, I'm going to need everybody out of an A-N-N-N-A-N-A-N-A, and go like this. Raise your hand and then go like,

Yeah, right, really? And they go, what's that? And you go like, I can't hear it. And when they come over, they turn it down, you go, I'm so sorry, I can't hear a word you're saying. The music's blasting. What you're hoping is somebody else goes, I can't hear anything.

Yeah. Right? But you're making them fix the problem by going, I can't hear people in this class asking questions. So you're not saying change the music. You're saying we can't communicate, and I might, and this is a bit of a Gareth pitch, I might fake an injury in order to in the...

Your eyebrows go up and down. He went like this. I know what I like. He's like, I think that's great. I was preaching to the choir. I honestly, the way I reacted, I was like, that was pretty good. That's like someone fed me my own recipe, and I was like, that's delicious.

That's a great sauce. But imagine this. If she fakes an injury, And they go, are you okay? And you go like, and all they hear is, my life is a psych, and the guy's going to go,

turn the fucking music down. Yes. I like, listen, fake injury is great. Fake injury works 90% of the time for problems for people who call in this show,

FYI. I got one more. Please. Why don't you call the studio a few times over the next couple weeks as different people and say that they're playing the same songs

and you don't like it? And you're wondering if they're going to change it. Why don't we call? And why don't you, why don't we start calling and we'll record it? Why don't we do one now? Why don't we do one now? And then you're not part of it.

We'll beep out the name of the studio. Yeah. But we'll see if they can answer and we can complain about the music and the value. Therefore, you haven't done it. We have done it. We have solved your problem. Give us some details really quick. Wait, but she hasn't said she wants to do that.

That's just a pitch. Oh, okay. I just want to know who, like, I just want to like what time she's taking this class. Also the name of the class. Yes. So as of not. Elizabeth from Lakeview. Yes.

You got headphones. You got fake injury. Yeah. You've got us call in right now with you on the phone listening. I got another one too. And Lamarne has another one. Yeah, try yoga. It's an interesting pitch.

Just switch it up. Miss Elizabeth, aka Liz, you liking any of these? I'm liking you guys calling the studio instead of me because I'm so non-confrontational, so that's legit. Okay, you want us to do it? We'll do it right now. Start it.

I'll do this in my free time, by the way, too. What's the name of the studio? We'll beep this out. Um, Pilates. There's an issue. There's no phone number. Oh, there's no phone number at this place. I'm on my way to Chicago soon.

I could just go there and be like, ah, the music. The music sucks. Would you? And we'll film it. I would totally do it. I would totally do it. But are you going to be anywhere near the... Yeah.

Because if you go in with your phone and do that and talk to him and say, can you change the music? That would be the funniest ending. That would be great. And they'll go like this. That's a thousand calls. What are you doing here? And you're going, goes, I just have to talk to you about the music.

Why is it the same four songs? Every time. And when it gets really intense, it's too much. Yeah, I get it. Shut up and dance. All right. I'm dancing. Can we change it now?

Then you fake an injury. Can we get a taste of what you would have said? I'll be the person. You're Deborah. Who are you? Hi, this is Deborah from a... Hey, Deborah from a... Hi, I'm a big-time celebrity and...

Who? From Hollywood. Who? You know me. I don't know the voice. You know me of Jake Johnson. I don't know him. Oh, the fat guy from the podcast. Yeah, the David Krummold's guy.

See, I know him. I'm him adjacent. So I've been taking your classes lately. And one thing I would say, I'm still fat because... Okay, we're down. Hey, Elizabeth, we can't call. So we could do the email thing and the writing in.

That is less fun, but it could be effective. What do you think about the fake injury? I think I could do it because I typically... go at 7 a.m. on Tuesdays and Thursdays. And there's one other guy in my class. He's like 60 years old. So it's just the three of you. Oh, that's perfect. So I don't mind. Oh, wait, hold on, Elizabeth. This is huge. I didn't realize it was a 50-year-old guy and you and the teacher. So here's what you do. It's fine. It's perfect. Here's what you do. Get small talking with him before the class. See if he's into the Bears. is something Chicago based.

Then when it goes, keep asking him the occasional question. He's going to be so excited that a young lady is talking to him and he's going to think it's fun. He won't be able to hear you. So make him drive him to the point talk quieter and quieter. And then be like, exactly. And he'll finally go like, please, honey, somebody terrible. If it happened to me, I'll die.

I'd go, and she was like, yeah, and then you started laughing. And then you're like, you know what I mean? Eventually, I would keep it together. And by the fourth song, I'd be like, hey, Chad, somebody up there. Turn this shit. I can't hear what this lady's saying. So I would say, poke the bear. Make this guy, it's either the teacher or the 50-year-old.

But if he's a 50-year-old Chicago man, he's going to talk. Yeah. I have another pitch. Oh, yeah. What if you take like a little, like, basket and you fill it with ear plugs and you put a sign on it that says free earplugs if the music is too loud? I love this. And you set it right outside of the studio,

and they don't know you did it. But that's like a subtle message to the place that there's a movement inside, a cell of people who are not enjoying the volume. And Elizabeth, you do it during the busiest time. Yeah. Just sneak it in and let them, get two of them. And just put them like,

but when you're walking in in the lobby and then right before you go in the studio, and just let them try to figure out what the fuck is going on. Yeah. I like that. I like that. I like that. It's a subtle.

It's a really subtle. And you could do it so you could bring the thing under your towel and as you're walking in just push it to the side. Yeah. So no one even sees the drop. Or you know what you could do. Here's what I honestly would do. Hey, can you switch it up?

Direct action. And you got to say it loud and they're going to be mad that you're yelling. But you're like, I had to yell because this music is deafening. I would love to keep paying you to be here. but I'm paying you money and I can't hear shit and I keep hearing that I know the words to all of these songs

I shouldn't know the words to shut up and dance You're doing a bad job right now But who's teaching the class Who's the name of the teacher? This isn't what she wants to do So who's the name of the teacher? You never know Hold on who's name of the teacher

We'll be yeah Her name is Veronica She's say Veronica You fuckhead Okay terrible So you start by She'll be able to hear her You want this money

And actually don't pay her like through credit card, you bring that cash in. Let her know that that shit's going back in your pocket. You don't turn that shit down. You're sweaty Pilates' pockets. Yeah, it'd be like, or you do like Floyd Mayweather does. He goes to basketball games. He has a duffel bag full of cash.

You show up with a duffel bag full of cash and go, this would have been for you. But I'm going across the street. What they play that classical soft rock shit that I like. Elizabeth, is there a Pilate studio across the street? And do you have a bag full of money? No, no. Yes.

You've changed. All right, so I think here's what we go with, Elizabeth. My pitch to you, but then I want to hear your pitch, is you get the old guy talking, you take over the Bluetooth. We can, as a show, do comments on the email. We can text, too. I mean, there's a number, but yeah, we can start. Yeah, we can send a message.

We can send a message or two, but you could also do that because that's not confrontational. So what do you think of? What do you want to do here? Or earplugs. Or earplugs. Ear apologies the big one. I think I mean that the friend, my 50-year-old friend, and just kind of like, oh, yeah, you hear that?

And then you can be like, no, and then, yeah. You know what you could also do with that? I think that's good. I think that's good, too, but Elizabeth, because I feel like what's going to happen because you're not confrontational is you're going to start it a little bit and then not want to get too quiet. The other thing you could do as a younger lady to a 50-year-old Chicago guy is you could bring up the problem to him and say

completely you feel so awkward talking about does he agree and he gets to be the hero Chicago he's a 50 year old Chicago guy he thinks it's too loud yeah agreed 100% he just doesn't want to ruin the vibe for a 28 30 30 years old he doesn't want to move the vibe for a 30 year old gal he's going like this I can't hear shit but she's happy

yeah so if you go like this I don't know what to tell Chief, I can't hear anything, he'll go, Honey, I haven't heard of words since his fucking thing started. And you can even say to him. We should say, lower the music. And you go like this, if I had a little bit more guts, I would say, here's what you do, Elizabeth. Oh, yes.

Go, oh, I hate that music. I like that. And then go like this, if I had a little bit more guts, I would say something, but I guess I'm just a pushover. And they go, I guess why I'll just pushovers. I wish someone would say something. He'll go, oh, I'm not a push-o-old. It's like, I'm old-school.

I'm going to plant crack cocaine on this person and call a police. tell the rest this bitch to get her out of here Chicago that's what we do we plant crack on people Jake Jake

we're not bitching old school Chicago is planting crack We're not planned Wait where is this neighborhood again Oh never mind Yeah they don't do that over there

So Elizabeth What are you thinking What are you actually going to do here? Because I do think we're close to a solution. I am going to befriend the 50-year-old and just say, like, before class, you know what? The music stinks. What do you think?

And then you can be like, yeah, I hate it. And then I'm going to say, I don't have the guts, but you should tell them to switch it. No, here. Don't tell him. Let him get to that. You just, you don't have the guts to it. You wish you did. Let him get the idea.

I got the guts. do this really fast. Will you be you? Will you be a 50 year old Chicago man? And could we actually see how this goes? You're nervous about this at all? No. Okay. Because I'm stupid. And I never

learn. So the door is open. The door, it's before class. The door is open. The teacher has, it's 7 a.m. on a Tuesday. Elizabeth, what's this guy's name or something? What can we start with? I'll call on Bob

Bob okay Bob All right so by Elizabeth You see Bob And really in your head Please picture Bob That's practice for real I need you to be sincere

To see if this has a chance Because Lamorne's gonna go off the fucking rails You think? No Okay No So Elizabeth I think it's fine In three two

Let's see what happens Okay I'm just Bob Just sitting here Oh hey Hey Hey Hey Tutz what's your name again?

How's it going? Ah, it's going. Elizabeth, yeah, it's good to see you. Just getting out of the house with the old ball and chain. What a real dead weight, you know what I mean? What's her name? My dead weight, my dead weight Gertrude. She used to be a bimbo back in the day, but I changed her life around.

But I'm here. I'm here. She says she has a problem with my gut. So I'm just trying to work that off. He's just good for their heart. It's good for a heart, apparently. My doctor's doing four out of things. But I love her.

I love her so much, but I'm here now with you. It's just us, I guess. What's up? You got that look in your eye again. Don't be a friend to jump in, Liz. You got that look in your eye again. I don't trust it. Liz, jump in soon.

God, that look. And as a former cop, when I see that eye, there's crack on the ground. I know something's up. So, spit it out. I love Pilates, man, but I'll tell you, this music, it's tough to get through class with those

playlist. You know, something? It's a change of pace for me. I kind of love it so much. You're in a great zone. Do not, in my opinion, don't tell him the answer, let him come to it and then go like, you're not nervous? Well, you also, you could do this over two or three classes.

So don't lay it on too thick first time. Don't be obvious. Yeah. Less is more at first. So can we just hear your side of it, how you might do it, Elizabeth? So I'll be like, hey, Bob, what's going on? And he's going to be like, hey, what's going on? And you say, ready for Pilates?

And he's going to say, yep. And then the next class, I'm going to come in. That first class was a waste. Hold on. Elizabeth, that first one was a throwaway. We didn't get any closer to the goal. Yeah. You can go a little further on the first.

I know you're establishing a friendship, but you don't forget the idea. Yeah, that's like six months. Let's do three weeks. Yeah, let's go a shorter game. Let's go two talks. All right. Yeah, honestly. So I'll say, I'll say, hey, man, are you ready for class?

And then he'll be like, yeah. And then I'll be like, you know, I love it. But, you know, that music is so loud. Am I right? Yeah, it's pretty long. Right? Hell yeah. They get it blasting.

And then you leave it. Then you leave it. Then you leave it. You're dropping a seed right now. Oh, but if you're right. Because he might go in and say something. You're totally right.

Elizabeth, but also follow your gut. But if you go, yeah, it's really great. Then you go, the music's so loud. He'll say something.

And if you totally leave it, then during it being loud, make eye contact with them. I was going to say, yeah. Don't be afraid to lock eyes and give a like, like, huh?

and then do the signal for like, I can't hear anything. And then he is going to get the hints that he cannot help as a older Chicago guy. He's going to go, you might turn it down? Mm-hmm. Because that is what an older Chicago guy has to do. That's what he's thinking. That's what he's thinking. It's what he's thinking before you talk to him.

And so therefore, you didn't egg him on at all in his eyes. He thinks he fully came up with this. How long have you been taking this class again? Um, I've been going, well, it's been the same playlist since, like, the beginning of December. Okay, so I got to say... It'll come like a month and a half. I'm going to throw you a curveball here, and I hate to do this to you. You're right, Jake, he's a 50-year-old guy.

He hasn't said anything. Right. It ain't bothering him. Right, but it will be when she brings it up. He's going to do it for her honor. Do you think so? Yeah, I do. I think he doesn't like it.

Like, look, I used to take a hot yoga in Pasadena. Mm-hmm. And there was a lot I hated about it. But because I was the only gentleman, I'm not opening my mouth. I'm not ruining it for these other 17 ladies. If one of the ladies went like, do you kind of wish they would stop giving us motivational speeches all the time

and just teach us the moves? I would go, yes. And if she goes, we all feel that way, then I would go like with the motivational speech, I'd go like this. I got it. What does it have to do with my knee? Wrap it up.

Wrap it up. But I can't lead out with that because as a 50-year-old guy, he's already at an away game. Yeah. In a Pilate studio, as a 50-year-old man, you're in an away game. No, you're not, because there's only two people in there.

I know, but you're not meant to be there. Yeah. Joseph Pilates created a long time ago, but it's not for us anymore. Somebody named Joseph Pilates created? That's how it started. It's a guy's last name. Really? Yes.

Just a guy named Joe. Same with yoga. Todd Yoga. That's a lot. It's not true. Yeah, but Joseph Pilates is true. That's crazy. I know.

What about Jack Karate? Is that a real thing? Jack Karate! But will you follow up with this? Because I really do believe this is going to work. The key for me, the key for me, Elizabeth, is the complaint is if you go, oh, this music, it's so loud

and it's so repetitive, it's the same stuff. Give your facts so that he can fix it. Yep. You got it. Thank you for the call. Lamarne, you might not know this, but Jake has a fantasy about my mother.

I know we're coming off that. I do know this. You do? Yeah. Do you, Pam? Yeah. Okay. Well, it's pretty...

I'm not really a fantasy. We've now have a thing. And you know that. No, it's troubling. Okay. And so, Jake commissioned art. Do you want to explain the painting to him?

I did not commission this. Oh, someone sent it. Somebody called in, they were an artist and they said, I made a painting of you and Pam, would you like to see it? And it's horrifying. And it's me and her on a horse

with our shirts off and we're about to, her shirts off. Yeah. Okay. Yeah, but that's not commissioning. Oh, and then when I saw it, I mean, it's horrible. it's my mother.

And she's like, it's horrifying. It looks like. But it's a pretty good painting. It is, but it's, I'll be honest, you can see my mother's nipple in it.

It's crazy. I said, let's make this merch. Jake was really fired up about it, and he was pitching merch. And I said to him, off the record. I said,

no merch. And it's the most contried I've ever heard of because he just goes, okay. I backed off. I said, how funny would this be, if it's like shirts and stuff

when you do stand? And he goes like, I don't like this. And I said, like, All right, I'll back off. It's your mom's titties. It's mom's tits.

It's on Jake. It's crazy. She lives in England? Yeah. Okay. Well, for whatever reason, Natalie has an update. Oh, my.

Oh, my God. Wait, what the fun? Well, first, I want Lamourne, your thoughts. It's tough. Oh, my gosh. Hold on. Oh, man. Now, that's my mother.

Okay, so your mom, first of all, thick, you know what I'm saying? Yeah, I do know what you're saying. Be more on my... First of all, can we talk about how Jake looks emaciated? Oh, no on your side. Real thoughts, Lomar, when you see this. It's just a work of art.

First of all, it's artistic. I do like this work of art. Your mom's got a real Bet Midler vibe going on in this photo right there. And Bet Miller is somebody who could get it. Okay, but remember, focus. I'm like, no, no, I'm just trying to, you said analyze it first thing when I think. I don't even think I said that, but I think Jake said that, but yeah, I don't need that part of it. What do you have to say? What do you want to say? What do you want to analyze?

Because I know my thoughts. Yeah, thoughts is, you know, I mean, actually, we don't need your thoughts. Oh, is that what's going to live? Do you find it to be inappropriate? Do I find this to be inappropriate? Yeah, is this an inappropriate thing for. This is beautiful. Someone you work with to have. It's not an actual photo of your mother's. No, no. It's artistic. That's how I feel. It's an artistic. It's an artistic, it's an artistic. Right. And then...

I love this. Now, it all depends on how Pam feels. You know, the troubling part is I bet she would... So Pam and I... Pam and I get along really well. We talk, we make jokes, we have a lot of fun to go.

Gareth is definitely the teenage kid who needs to go to military school. Because the other thing's going on with him. He's got to call you dad. No. We don't have to. No, but it wouldn't be disrespectful if you did once.

For all the stuff I do for his ass. I'm not calling Pop, first of all. To one day or sir. But instead he goes, no, no, I don't like it. I don't want my mom to be sexually pleased. Oh, you think your mom would just, I just, I'm not answering that question in any capacity. This is what I don't know. Jake keeps threatening military school.

They're a little brat. Oh, yeah, he'll send you away. They won't have me, LeMorne. Why not? They won't have you at military middle school? Yeah, they won't. Why? A thousand reasons.

Tell me one. Way too old. I'm a good. Grown man. Grown man. Bad time. To the artist who did that, thank you for doing it.

I find it beautiful. I feel the exact opposite. I love that it's on the wall. I hate that part. I love that this studio's building out. I appreciate what you're doing. I like everything but that. Is this pre or post-coital?

We should get the call. Yeah. We should get the call. This artist out there, whoever you are, we'll get to the call. Amy, we'll get to you in a second, Amy, but I do want this artist to,

oh, Amy's the artist. Amy, can you please, and I'll pay for it. Can you make another one of this? No, no, no, no. No, how about this? No, no, not, no. Amy?

No. Can you make another one right after? Yeah. Just during, you know what? I thought was about to happen? No, reverse cowgirl. Hey, no. Then after.

My mother physically is not going to be able to do reverse Calgirls. Sure she will. I'm both of you. Why shouldn't she? She's about hip. Oh, so you don't think I'm going to be. He about to work that out. Paul, are you there?

Hey, it's me. Hey, my name's Tiffany. I'm a big fan of the show. Are we ready? You're going to work that hip out, bro. Without further. I do. We're Here to Help is hosted by Jake Johnson and Gareth Reynolds.

If you'd like to be on the show, please email us your question at helpful pod at gmail.com. And if you want to watch video episodes of We're Here to Help, you can go to our Patreon at patreon.com slash here to help pod to see our entire catalog. We're Here to Help is produced by Rabbit Grimm Productions, executive producers Rob Hollis, Jeff Porter, and Natalie Hollis, associate producer Jesse Thurston, editing mix and master by Chris Fowler. The song by Oliver Raleigh.

The cover artwork is by James Fostike, animations by Andrew Strelecki. And if you'd like to see Gareth, you stand up on the road, go to Gareth Reynolds.com. Remember all of the advice given on we're here to help is for entertainment purposes only, and all listeners should be adults and make their own decisions. That was a headgum podcast.

All video episodes of season one are available now on Patreon, and season two video episodes will be available every Monday starting January 20th. Go to patreon.com forward slash here to help pod. Well, good afternoon. This is your little friend, Stevenberg, and this is a message going out to all you fantastically brilliant vasectomy doctors. I have a little proposal for you all. My wonderful friend and brother, Gareth Reynolds, is looking to get a vice-tomy doctor. A septomy done because he is making the choice to not bring children into this world. And you know what? I respect that opinion. Nobody wants a bunch of little Gareths running around.

Boy, try saying, try pluralizing Gareth with a list. That's not easy. Nobody wants a bunch of little Gareth running around when Gareth himself doesn't want that. So, doctors out there, what we are looking for, what we are wanting, if possible, is for you to give our friend Gareth a vasectomy. Now, we'll pay for it. He's got copper. He's got great insurance. That's not the issue. Here comes the little angle we're taking. We would like to document this on a little thing called videotape. This is a plea. This is a call to all vasectomy doctors in the lower 48 in the United States. Please, oh, please, let our little friend, Gareth Reynolds, get a vasectomy and let us videotape it.

We're talking to high eight, you know, like a... gritty, you know, it'll look good, it'll be classy, it'll be artsy, you will come off looking like an absolute hero. That's a burgundy. Thank you. Enjoy this message and enjoy this episode. Bye-bye.