We're Here to Help - 262: One and Done & 45 Minutes to Bedtime (with Karley Sciortino)

Episode Date: February 18, 2026

Gareth and Jake are joined by Karley Sciortino for this extra-sexy episode. First, a daughter wants to buy her mother a vibrator. Then, an American in Germany creates a flirty alter-ego.Want to call in? Email your question to [e-mail]: https://patreon.com/heretohelppodMERCH: heretohelppod.comINSTAGRAM: @HereToHelpPodIf you’re enjoying the show, make sure to rate We’re Here to Help 5-Stars on Apple Podcasts.Advertise on We’re Here to Help via Gumball.fmSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This episode is sponsored by the great Squarespace. We love Squarespace here at the show. We are constantly using Squarespace to build different websites for the show that support the show, that support or corroborate some of the show's BS. Again, we've never promised we're very good at giving advice, but Squarespace helps corroborate what we're going for. We have a new website that's not for us. It's for hot takes.

Some members of the community have written in. We've been on an email chain and they wanted to start a website, and we wanted to do it for hot takes. So this is a SquareSpace-made website. Squarespace offers tons of stuff. They offer cutting-edge design. So your website is going to look cool, beautiful, dare I say. SEO tools. Search engine optimization.

It's important. It's how people find you. You've got your domain recommendations, donations, videos, subscriptions. They are offering all this stuff on their website. So go to Squarespace.com for a free trial. And when you are ready to launch, use offer code Gil sent me to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or a domain. This is a headgum podcast. Risk at referencing.

We're here to help. We're here to help. And we are back. We've got a special guest today, Carly Shortino. Did I say that correctly? Yeah. Pretty good. Pretty good.

Well done. You could ask me how to say it 20 seconds ago. I know, but I was nervous. Because I've always said it's, I always do the SC. So the short Tino seems insane to me. There's no interesting. I know. It's Italian. It's Italian.

Better that than the correction on the show, though. That's correct. Yes. So Carly and I did the movie together in Alaska. The Sun Never Sets. It's going to premiere itself by Southwest. We had a ton of fun together. We took a crazy hike together.

Yeah. We climbed a mountain. We climbed a mountain. How big? Big. Big. is a great answer. It was pretty, it took hours.

And honestly, Jake made it to the top of the mountain, which I, there was a moment where I was wondering if I was just going to watch you die. I was like, he's, you were like. I felt similar, to be honest. I had started it that, you're talking about the final peak. The final peak. I didn't meet to the final peak. But you and I hiked for a real two hours or so straight up, way harder than I think either of us

Scott. Yeah. Everyone was like, it's the runyon of Alaska. And we were like, okay, we should have been sneakers. Everyone's like in gear with the holes. But that ending was scary. Yeah, I was surprised that you did it. And there was a lot of people who kind of made it like 90% and then watched the brave people.

You had to kind of scramble up like a straight rock almost and then slide down on your So people I was standing with watching you were definitely like, is that guy, like, wearing the right shoes? And then they were like, is that the guy from the new girl? I was like, we can watch him fall to his death. That guy for the new girl, is he wearing slacks? Is he got dress pants on? So Carly, you just, you are a writer. You hosted a show on Vice for years.

you've got a new podcast coming out. What are you up to, lady? Yeah, so it's a, you know, I've taken a page out of your guys' book. It's a substack, so it's primarily written in a newsletter, but part of what substack does is you can release audio episodes through your substack. Oh, that's cool. Also called podcasts, I suppose. But no video.

You can do video, too. Oh, you can, cool. It's actually a pretty cool platform. It's like multi-me, it's multimedia, but basically everything you do gets mailed to your mailing list. So maybe you guys should join. Definitely. But it's all an exploration of sex, dating, and relationships, and part of what I'm going to do is, or what I'm doing is sex and relationship advice. But in a kind of open-sourced way where, like, you know, I get questions and then I answer them, but often I can't answer them myself.

so I bring in like dating coaches or just like... That's fun. Sexually prolific people. You know, like... Open source to sex advice, basically. Sexually prolific is to be invited somewhere because you're sexually prolific is a real honor. Yeah.

It is a great term, Carly. I was going to say slutty, but I feel like that gets you like, I don't know, you know, if you're posted it's on social media, like the meta overlords, like you get in trouble with that. You're going to get killed. Yes. And then you're, you're wrong. wrote a movie called I Want Your Sex that just premiered at Sundance with Olivia Wild as well as

a lot of others. How was that experience as a professional screenwriter at Sundance? It was honestly so exciting. It was surreal. I mean, you guys know the business. I wrote this movie 13 years ago. Wow. Oh, really? Yeah. Wow. So it was just bizarre to see it on screen after all these years and so great. And I know you obviously know Olivia. She's like just a total, incredible person so funny and a genius actor.

So she like is so fun to watch. Carly, where can people find your new project? How do they find it? It's my substack is called Hotline. So if you look at my name, Carlis-Rotino on Substack, it's there.

And I'm so excited to have you. And what is your, how can they find you on Instagram too? I'm Carly Slutever. I kind of regret that. This was a long time ago, but now it's stuck with me for life. Well, that's what your old show was on advice. Why do you regret it now? People get mad at you in the comments?

I mean, no. Would you want to be like Jake Slutever in your fraud? I'm just like, okay, I'm in my place now. Jake would. I would love you. considered a... I want to be sexually prolific on Instagram.

My dream is that somebody thinks of me as a slut. Everyone's like... It's a mindset. Yeah. For some people. Not for Jake.

It's the mountain beach. He gets there. I would love to be a slut instead. I'm a heavy dude climbing the side of a mountain wrong shoes. And everyone thinks you're going to die.

Everyone's holding their breath. Have I seen him on TV? Why is he doing this? And while I'm doing it, I'm going, why am I doing this? A lot of eyeballs. A lot of eyeballs. Yeah.

And then my knees hitting weird and I go like, seizing up, seizing up. Just once I wish somebody was like, look at that slut on the side of the mountain. All right, let's take this couple. This episode is brought to you by Walden University. Think you're too busy to earn the degree you've always wanted? At Walden University, you get the W and win your time back

with tempo learning your income. control, no weekly deadlines, no rigid schedules, just the flexibility to earn your degree on your terms at your pace and within your budget. For over 50 years, Walden University has helped working adults turn ambition into action through flexible distance learning. Today, our mission is simple, provide access to education for professionals ready to level up and create real change. If you want to make changes in your career or in your community or your lives, there's a ton of degrees of over 100 plus degrees in certificates, it's never been easier for students to find a program that matches their goals. Degrees in nursing and social work and counseling, psychology, undergraduate certificate programs. It empowers students with the skills and confidence to get it done.

Walden University set a course for change, certified to operate by. Chef. This episode of the podcast has been brought to you by Dell. Have you been waiting for the perfect time to upgrade your tech? Good news, the wait is over. Dell Tech Day's annual sales event is here, and we're celebrating our best customers with fantastic deals on the latest PCs like the Dell 14 plus with Intel Core Ultra processors. We've also got incredible perks like Dell rewards,

fast-free shipping, premium support, price match guarantee, and more. And while you're upgrading your PC, you may as well go all. out because we're offering huge deals on our premium suite of monitors and accessories. You know what that means? That's right. You can get a whole new setup with amazing savings. Clearly, this is a sale you don't want to miss. Visit dell.com slash deals.

That's dell.com slash deals. This episode is brought to you by Quince. Quince gives you that well-built wardrobe that holds up over time. premium materials, thoughtful designs, everyday staples that feel way easier to wear. You can rely on them as the weather shifts. I got a real Quince story here. So I've got a bunch of quince shirts.

Really nice black shirts. I've been wearing them a lot. I'm doing an Apple Press day to talk about the dink, the pickleball movie, the networks going back to my days when I first started. Don't really like how Jakesha dresses himself at these events. Or they do it to others, I don't know, but they always hire a stylist.

just to oversee what the old Jakester's wearing. I've used the same woman, this woman Annie, she's excellent. She came to the house the other day. She goes, what have you been wearing? Let's try to find something that works with what you're wearing. I've been wearing these black shirts from Quince. She says, oh, I love that brand. I go, oh, yeah.

She goes, yeah. She goes, why don't we just wear one of those with a little jacket over it? What kind of pants you like? I like Quinn's pants. She goes, let's order some of those. So I will be wearing the Quince shirt because of the Quince sponsorship. and I'm becoming Mr. Quince. Refresh your wardrobe with Quince.

Go to quince.com slash here to help for free shipping on your order and 365 day returns. And now available in Canada. So that's Q-U-I-N-C-E.com slash here to help. Free shipping and 365-day returns, quince.com slash here to help. Hello. Hi. Hi, how are you? I'm good.

How are you? Good. How are you? Ooh, accent. So you've got Gareth and I, but then you've got a special guest. She wrote the movie, I Want Your Sex, starring Olivia Wild, and she's in the movie that we just made in Alaska. Ladies and gentlemen, Carly Shortino is with us. Hello.

Wow. Hi. So can we get your name, please? Hi, my name's Penny. Penny. Where are you calling from, Penny? I'm calling from Surrey in the UK The UK

And what's something about you, Penny, that we don't know That might help us I've just moved into my first home With my fiancé Oh, moved into how long you've been dating this guy We've been together for six years Six years and just moved in for the first time together No, we were renting

We just bought our first time Oh, respect, okay So you guys have lived together but you just bought a property again. That's a big jump. Yeah. No backing out. No backing out.

Nope. So. I could still back out. No, you can't. It's going to be a huge pain. It would be a big pain. So before we get into this, Carly, you got any pre-questions you want to throw a penny or should we hear what she's got to say? No, I'm so curious.

All right. Penny, take it away. Okay. I want to preface it by just saying, like, my mom is just a really, like, lovely, caring, self-less person. She's a good guy, Jake. She's a great guy. She's a great guy. She's a great.

But she's a prude. Mom's a prude. Like, yeah, she's a prude. And I think she's living like a sexless marriage. Not sexually prolific. Yeah. And my parents have been together like 35 years. They're the best.

Like, I don't want to be quality of my parents because I do think they are amazing. They're great guys, but they don't have sex. They're great guys, but they're not making any more guys. Go ahead. Yeah. Yeah. No more. And I genuinely think my mom's life would just be better if she, like, had a good orgasm.

So I'm like, how can I buy my mom a vibrator without actually buying her a vibrator and making it really obvious? And what's the best way to do it? Because I think we have, like, a one and done window. Otherwise, if I keep bringing it up, I seem like a sex pest. This is a good question. So how do we, so mom's a great guy. but mom and dad they're not having sex

you're not saying you're going to try to get mom and dad to fuck you're just going like how do I get mom to masturbate? Yeah so dad out of the question that big boy

we're not trying to rev his engine no by an outside engine you can't be involved like sure that's true you know at all I'm not saying like

let's make my mom masturbate all the time I'm saying like let's give them a little leg up literally can I ask a question do you know that she hasn't had an orgasm in a while, that she doesn't have a vibrator?

Like these are things you've talked about enough that you... No. Okay. I could not talk to my mom about that. I can talk to my dad about that. So like, my dad's more of an open book. So I know that like the bedroom's dry. Yeah.

And you could just tell from mom's vibe. There's certain people in this... I'm with you, Penny. I was going to say she doesn't. doesn't have the like post nut glow. Get it all out here, Penny, because these terms are not going to be thrown around when we get moms for the sit down.

Post not. With mom. So the question then becomes, how do we get mom a vibrator and or is that the specific question or how do we get mom to nut? Yeah, I mean, I think a vibrator is the answer.

I think they help. So maybe that's like the shoe in. Okay. Do you have one in mind? Do you, like, is there one you specifically think you want to go with? Just like... Just a good clit simulator. Okay, there we go.

That's clit stuff. I'm surprised you haven't said a mom-braider yet, Gareth. I sat on my vibe rater pun, so you're welcome. Interesting. I mean, Carly, this seems like you would be. be able to, you've got a, producing. Yeah. There's great. Yeah. Okay. Interestingly,

without going into too much detail, I have been in a similar situation where I gave a older family member of mine a vibrator. And here's, and I knew that they had never had

one before. And what I did is I gave it to them as a gift and mailed it to them so that they, you know, I didn't have to be there with them if they felt awkward. But if there's like an event in which you have to give your mom something a birthday, blah, blah, blah, what I did is I got her something that was like very specifically sort of like fancy and innocuous. Like you're not going for like, you know, something hugely phallic, something like big and scary. Like there's really beautiful.

The little like pinklow massagers. I actually got her. or something where it's like a very beautiful sex toy where it was like, it's gold, it comes wrapped in like a velvet little like bag. It's like a kind of fancy and then it's like in a little box. It almost looks

like a piece of jewelry, you know, and it's just like a tiny small metal ball that is a clitoral stimulator. And if you make it into something like actually I think this would be a good Valentine's Day present. Like if you make it into something that feels like ritual

and so many of these toys now are marketed in like a self-care component. You know, like, I think it would be nice, like, to just give her this with like some chocolates. That is crazy marketing. Yeah, I don't think I could buy my mom a vibrate for Valentine's. Yeah, I'm with you, Penny. I don't think he would do it on Valentine's Day either. And I wouldn't do it with a box of chocolates because if I had, as an adult, if one of my kids got me a version of a vibrator, a vibrating vagina in a box of chocolates,

Valentine's Day? I would go, are you out of your fucking mind, honey? And I'm your dad. I'm in the room for two days. Way less, unfortunately. One hour. Give me about nine minutes and then I'm going to be really not upset with you anymore. You got noodle legs and just chocolate all over your mouth. And I didn't use the vibrator. I just ate all the chocolate in privacy. You ate the vibrator? Yeah. First of all, the chocolate was good. The vagina tasted disgusting. And they go like, you're not supposed to eat everything, you animal.

So, but Penny, what do you think? So that we've got our soft, I got to say, Carly's pitch is really smart, it's really thoughtful, and it worked in her life. What about, here's another version, maybe it's stupid. I remember the early vibrator days were just like weird massagers, and I say that because my sister used to have foot surgeries,

or leg surgeries, and so my mom went to the sharper image and got this foot massager that was, I think 12 by 12, you put your feet on it. I think all of us were just putting our genitals on that thing and turn it in on, and you were like, it just turned into a masturbated machine. So maybe there's, you send her one of the ones

that are also massagers for sore muscles, and then as a joke, go, great for shoulders, backs, and vaginas. I think on Amazon. Wait, you did not like that. I think he was just using the product wrong. Do you think that exists? Do you think that's something which, like, sucks your shoulders and sucks your vagina as well?

It doesn't... Did you say suck? Yes. No, I'm not talking about something that's sucking the vagina or second... I don't want a vibrating thing. I don't want to buy her a foot massaging plate. No, but... Wait.

Because we can't go back. I can't do it again. I love that Penny's getting mad. It's feisty. Wait, wait. I'm so good at me. You want to get her one of the sucking ones? Yeah, like a good one.

The thing is, I don't want to buy something. You don't want to massage. I've had to, like, deal with the embarrassment of if she ever wants to talk about it. It has, like, I don't want to have to do this again. It has to be like a one-and-done situation. Okay. So that's why I'm kind of like, do I maybe talk to my dad? Because I think I could be candid with my dad.

I also think it's shocking you're insisting on having one of them be the sucking ones as opposed to a straight-up massager. I think if your mom hasn't come in a while. I've been around. I've tried a lot. All right. The sucking ones, I would say, are polarizing. For your mom?

The sucking ones, I think that the vibrators are more, ones that vibrate appeal to like a broader. Sit that lady on a dryer, it'll work. That honestly is what. You're talking about a machine that sucks her vagina, Ben here? You're nuts. I mean. I'm talking about a 70-year-old woman who hasn't come in 40 years.

You want to put a vacuum on her crouch? Yeah. She's not 70. She's 50. She's only, how old are you, Penny? And she's been married for, you said, 35 years? My parents have been together for 35 years. They got together at 15.

Wow. Yeah. You know what's humbling about this, Gareth, is that she's our age. Yeah. Yeah. I was picturing like, you know, she's got to lay down. We've got to be very careful. I was picturing Mrs. Downfire.

I'm not picturing a 50-year-old. lady. 50. Nice young. Okay. I got a different conversation. I got a couple thoughts. Yeah.

The first is to not only defend what Jake's saying, but it does feel like a way in. I think on Amazon, sometimes the vibrators are disguised as back massagers. So they are, it's not a crazy. Oh, we're talking about a 50-year-old woman now, Gareth. I'm going to the sucker. Jesus Christ. Thanks for jumping ship, asshole. Sorry.

Keep going. Keep going. Sucker. I know you want to do the dad in, but maybe a way to help the conversation with the dad in, or even the one with the mom, is what if you accidentally, like on some of the places where I order stuff

or like on Shopify or whatever it's called, there's a few addresses I have there. What if on you pretend that you meant to order something to your place under your name, but you send it to your parents' place instead, and then when you're there with your dad or your mom, you're confused as to what it could be, and you open it up and you kind of present it a little bashful,

but then that opens you up to the conversation. Like if it were to be your dad, you open it up and you go, oh, my God, I did not mean to order this here. But I'll be honest, dad, this is something I think you and mom could use. It's getting it in the house and then you leave it there. No, then you can just be like, we can order you one, or you can keep this one. We're just off to the races with the conversation.

Penny, you're a firecracker and that's what I like about you. What are your thoughts? She's going to murder me. Right. I actually have a perfect example of why this won't work. So there was a short period of time where me and my fiancé were living at my parents' house. And for context, all of my family have the same initials.

So we all start with P and we all have the same surname. And I ordered Loub on Amazon. So my mum opens it, just seeing Pete Doncaster, and then she gives it to my dad, because she's like, oh my gosh, it's Loub. Like, fuck, I shouldn't have opened that. And then my dad just like knocks on the bedroom door. And it's like, hi, Penny, I opened your package. Mom opened your package incorrectly. And then just like threw the Amazon package in.

And it was like never spoken about again. So there has been instances where wrong package has happened. And while it could work, and then my other. is like, why don't I just say I accidentally bought two and do you want this? Because she does love like a freebie. She's English. Yeah. Yeah.

I was actually going to suggest that two words. Is there a way of being like I have a, for context when I gave this person the vibrator, because of my job, I get sent vibrators a lot. And so I did give the context of like, I have extra. You know what I mean? Why don't you say that like you got given this as a gift from a friend? Does she want it? Like, do you know what I mean?

If you're like... The gift is interesting. But I don't... When you keep saying like one and done, I don't really know what you mean. It's like, do you feel like you want to... Because it does seem like you have a pretty specific idea of what you want to do. Do you want to have an interaction with her around this?

Like, do you definitely want to talk to her about it? No. When I say like one and done, I just mean like, I never want to bring it up again. You want to, you want to suction on the vagina and you want to finish and throw it away. But I mean, it's like a, I don't want to have to bring this up again. You know, if I say talk to my dad once, I don't want to talk about it again. If I talk to my mom once, I don't want to talk about it again.

If it fails in its interaction, then I don't want to have a discussion again. Because then it makes it seem like I'm really, really obsessed in my parents' sex life, which I'm not. What I'm obsessed with is like my mom. Mom just being calmer. Okay. Because she's just, like, so uptight. She's so highly strong. She's so busy.

She's always, like, running around. She's always doing something. She wakes up at 6 a.m. She gets home at 7 p.m. She makes dinner. She doesn't know. She's got no time to masturbate. Yeah.

But you're always going to stay. Yeah, you're not wrong. I got to tell you, though, this call for me, Penny, very clear. You're doing a great job. The problem is solvable. But this would be my personal nightmare, talking to my mother about the vibrator,

actually. When I think about what I'm going to pitch to you, this feels like a death trip to say to my mother. You would rather go, I'll talk to her. You'd rather go the route of your father is the end. It seems like Penny, you have a much that seems like you want to go that direction. I don't love that, Penny. Well, can you get your dad to give it to her? I don't love this.

That is what I'm wondering. I don't love it, Penny. Let me give the, as good of a pitch as I can and you can then say you don't like it. Penny, what if you say to your dad, look, mom's been really uptight. I've had a couple conversations with her where it's been tense, haven't loved it. I got to be honest, upon reflecting, I think there is a solution, and I want you to try to deliver it. I'm just going to leave it here, but I got you this. I've been reading about it. I think mom just needs a big O. I'm not trying to get into anything, but here you go. You give it to her, use it with her, whatever. I just think we're all going to be. be a little happier if she calms down via the downstairs. Penny, do you want to go or should I go? No, I don't. That genuinely is kind of what I was thinking.

I think, like, my mom doesn't drink, but my dad drinks. So I could like go over, have a couple of gin and tonics and then be like, look, I've just been thinking about something. And then like say something akin to that and see like what my dad's response. But bring it with you. If you're talking about just a one and done, have the gun in the bag. Yeah, yeah. Yeah.

Can I give the other side of it? Sure. Yeah. I was talking to Penny here. You're allowed to. It's a safe space. Thank you. Here's what worries me about that.

Whenever we go to a third person to get something done, something gets lost in translation. And I'll tell you what I wouldn't want if I were a 50-year-old woman in a sexless marriage, I would not want my fucking husband coming to me with a vibrator that my daughter gave because I'm uptight. The daughter part's secret. But you know what the biggest, the biggest thing to turn me off would be?

We've all been talking about that you have to nut. I would go like, I'm not going to nut to spite you guys. I'll hold this until the day I die. I hate that you guys think you know the solution. Well, how about this? If I didn't have to work from 7 and a.m. to 8 a.m., and if I got treated a little bit better,

maybe I would want to do that. So I think we are putting him in a tough spot, you in a tough spot, and guess what he's going to do if the going gets tough and his wife is not happy with that. He's going to go, Penny made me do it.

I think there's, I think there's, go ahead, Penny. Like the other thought is, so I'm getting married this year, what if then I just like act like they were just a load of bridal showers? Yes.

Yep. So here's, can I give you a pitch that's going to, to seem like I'm making a joke, but I mean it. For bridal shower gifts, you pretend, you want your mom in your group, but the mom. She doesn't have to hang out all the time, but she's in your party, right? So you have your girlfriends. Those are the main group, but your mom's also one of your friends.

And you go, one of my friends is giving us all these things, Mom, but here's the insane part. We all have to use it and write like a little jubes. joke review. So I'm only going to do, will you promise me you'll do it and use it? I'm so embarrassed to do this, Mom. But we all have to. It's like her thing. She wants all the bridesmaids to like experience this together.

Is that something you're comfortable with? It's so embarrassing, but I'm going to do it, mom. Will you do this with me on the thing? Not with me, but will you do it on your own as part of this thing with me for my bridal thing? Yeah, I don't even think that's bad. I don't because... Like then she just shows like it's part of the wedding.

And it's hers and she goes, I'm part of it. It's youthful. It's youthful. It's fun. It's crazy. It's a bunch of gals. Carly, go ahead. What are you thinking?

Yeah. I think it's like... The thing is, often people want permission to be able to talk about these things, but they just feel really uncomfortable or really uptight or really embarrassed. So I find that if there's a way to interject some, like, humor, and lightness, that's the way, right? So if it's just like, everyone's doing this, it's funny, it's so much better than like, there's a problem,

there's an orgasm problem, like, you know. Will you partake in this with us? And if you're not going to, just tell me, but I said I thought you would be cool with it. What of all of these things are you into thus far? Yeah, but I hear you, Penny. It got a little messy, but I also think it would have been really fun. And it could have worked big.

That's what I like about Gareth's pitch. I do think that like getting her involved like it's something with the wedding like someone brought them to talk about because she does want to be involved and she is really involved with the wedding

and I feel like all my friends are like a bit OTT so it wouldn't be like something that's that over the top oh okay so your friends are But here's my fear for you, Penny. Would your mom ever talk to one of these girls at the party and go like, I did the suction vagina like you?

And they go, okay, nice talking to you. You're a fucking weirdo. And that's what we don't want to have happened. And again, we're putting it on people in the bridal party that, you know, there's a little bit of an unknown there. What about something like this? What about something like this, Penny? You heard this thing.

You talked to your mom about it. that is very OTT, but like you and your girls, you guys are OTT. But it was this woman talking and saying what a new tradition that they're doing with women is when a woman gets married, her and her mother get matching vibrators and experience on their own freedom,

pleasure outside of a man. and you were wondering if your mother wanted to do that because you're OTT and so's mom. And you're trying to do something... You thought the chocolates were bad. You thought that chocolates were bad. That is so much more extreme. Okay, matching vibrators with your mom.

Okay, I agree. Okay, pass. I don't know. I think that maybe we're over-complicating things because if you're saying, like, you want to be one and done, I don't think you should go in low status because then you can't, if she's like, I have no idea.

then you've lost your chance. Like, is there a way to just go back to basics and have it be like, I got given this, I have more than one. I thought you might be interested. I really like it. That's interesting.

The good old fashioned two for one. Yeah, like just, like, lessen the, because I think that what's going to make her defensive is if, like, to Jake's point, it feels like there's been conversation around her uptightness or the fact that she needs, like, needs to come. Like, let's not have her, let's not make her feel like there's something wrong

with her. Like, I think going in lightness, making it clear, like, this is not a big deal. Because what we want your mom to feel ultimately is less shame or uptightness or weirdness around the idea of, like, sexuality, talking about sex, having sex, coming, using a toy. If, like, you can model the behavior for her where it's just like, this is not a big deal. Oh, like, isn't this amazing? Like, my friends got me this and I got two. Or I got so many of these for my wedding

that, like, I'm giving them away now. That's pretty good, too. What about going off of this, Penny? Because the only thing what I don't want to have happened is I don't want mom to get it and go thanks and then never use it. So I like the one and done thing of having a conversation to kind of push in the direction.

What about something weird where you say, Mom, I was gifted something that's so awkward and weird. It's a mother and daughter matching vibe. You bring down mom and daughter. That makes it weird. It's weird. The call's weird. Okay.

Everybody cool out. I am cool. But, Penny, we can't pretend this isn't weird. Penny, look. He's raising his voice. I can't understand. Wrap it around a brick and throw it through a window. No, but here's what I'm saying.

Any conversation you're going to lead out with your mom about having her come is inherently weird. So what I'm not a believer in is this idea of just having a cool old chat. Because if you were the kind of people that could have just had a cool old chat, it would have happened. What I think needs to happen is you got to say, Mom, I got a matching set. I want you to have it, but would you ever use this? Because I'm going to use mine. and if she goes, no, go, why not? And she goes, I don't use those.

I go, you never have? You're going to live 80 years on this rock. End up in a little box and you've never done it. And then go, what was the last time you nodded? And I go, I know what I want for my wedding. I don't want a fucking silver, I don't want silverware. I want you to use this. Leave it at that.

What if? Carly's thoughts were positive. Yes, you're getting warmer. Why was that poem? I think we're getting warmer. Because that's a one and done. I do like, I do just like wish there was like less taboo generally around the discussion. Because like I don't think it's weird.

I talk to my friends about it. Like me and my best friend like we are basically like upgrading vibrators at the same time. Because one of the best will be like, I just bought this. It's really good. Buy it. And then the other one's like, okay, I just bought it. It's really good. Oh, I have an idea.

I have an idea. send your mom a email. Do you email or text with her? Facebook chat. Facebook chat. I don't know. That's the same thing though, right? Yeah.

So, okay, how about this? Write to her at the top. It's your best friend's name. So what's your best friend's name? If you want to give a fake one, I don't care. Jenny. Why did you do it like Forrest Gump? John.

Hey, Penny, that was crazy, dude. Peni and Janai. That was, everything has been really confident. Cool, that was the weirdest thing I've ever heard. Moving on. So send on Facebook chat, Janai, and then go, got a new, like, hey, girl, hey, got a new vibrator. It's the best.

Send her the link. Go, this one is as good as it gets by, you know, Penny. Then after go, hey, mom, sent that. to meant I screwed up. Jenny and I send each other. We upgrade. I know this is so embarrassing. I can't believe I'm Facebook chain this with my mom. But also if you're in the market,

it is the best one we've ever had. I mean, it could work. Could work. Penny, that's pretty good. Here's the only thing I like it. You need to nut. Go use the vibrate and get back. All right. I'm going to say, the problem there is you're making it that she has to order. I have one last

thought. I mean, there's a lot of options here. What if you just, since you're saying you want to avoid the taboo nature of all of this, you don't know whether you want to talk to mom or to dad, what if you just bit the fucking bullet? You have the wedding coming up. There's a great, that's a great scapegoat for a lot of this stuff. You have one.

You bring it over. And to both of your parents, you say, look, I'm not trying to make anything strange, but I've been given a lot of these because the wedding's coming up. I have an extra one. I really think you two might enjoy this. Mom, it could be for you. You guys could use it. I'm just going to leave it here.

Have a good time. And you leave. Let them go with it. Yeah, that's what I think is like, is that just the most straightforward way to deal with it? That it's not like trying some weird scheme. Do I just have this very frank conversation where I'm like, okay, I got this. Do you want it? He goes.

So, Penny, let's do this. Penny, let's do this. let's hear what you would say to your parents. Yeah. I'd be like, not be like, just say like, hey mom,

hey dad, let's live it now. Hey, hey mom. Hey mom. Um, and dad. Yeah,

I just got this and like, I don't really need it. I thought you guys won't like it. I'll just leave it here. If you want to use it, if you don't just rent in the bin. I know. That feels like it's going in the bin.

Yeah. I also don't think dad needs to be involved in this. Yeah, I don't know why dad's involved. Yeah. I would go directly to mom, go, hey, mom, I got two of these. I ordered one. I got an extra one.

I'm giving it to you. I hope you use it. I think you would love it. Knock your socks off your 50-year-old feet. Yeah, because I think that incorporating your dad, it's like maybe she wants to use this toy without him. You know what I mean? Agreed. Let's not make it feel like it's a joint gift.

Yeah. If they're not with each other right now and it's not working between them, she can work on her own. They can figure their shit out later. That shit gets complicated. Yes. I think it's like just be as...

I mean, you came here saying that you wanted to give your mom a vibrator. So it's like that... You have to give your mom a vibrator then. You know what I mean? I mean, you could literally mail it to her from like a random. address, like, you know what I mean?

And so it's like an anonymous vibrator coming in the mail. But I kind of think, like, just go for it. Just be like, do you want this vibrator? It's good. I think Carly is right, Penny. I think you're going to have to have an awkward moment of your life. So I think you've got to just suck it up. Get a favorite vibrator that you think would work for your mom.

Go to her when she's alone. I don't think you do it via text, even though I always pitched out. I think this is in person. call, hey, mom, this is a vibrator I use. I love, it works. I would like to give it to you, and I hope you use it. End a discussion. If you can't follow up, that's a one and done.

If she doesn't want to use it, that's between her and her vagina, merch. Jesus Christ, what a run. Merch. Yeah. But that is very clean. You called in. We're giving it to you straight.

You give it to her. I don't think you create a lie. You said, I like it, it works. I want to give it to you. I love you. I think you would enjoy it. Your mom's going to be like, this is the weirdest Wednesday I have ever had.

I hate this. You're going to leave. She's going to go, and then all of a sudden it's going to be a little coy fish. I think to the earlier point as well, don't swing for the fences, something that is just nothing too ambitious, something that doesn't look intimidating. I think. Penny, what are you going to do here, girl?

Yeah, I think I just have to, like, pull off the plaster. I think it could work, but you've got to be really careful with that pitch. It's a targeted strike. Yeah. Do not wander, do not make it emotional. Do not make it about other stuff. Simply, I love this product. I think you will too.

Yes, we're not trying to fix her in the pitch. Mum, you're annoying. Take this. It sucks. Nope. Nope. I like this product. I think you will to.

Okay, I try my best. Thank you. Okay, bye. Good luck. Good luck. Bye. I feel like I need a vibrator. This episode of the podcast is brought to you by Wayfar.

The new year is here. Get back into an at-home routine you love and elevate your space with Wayfar from bedding and mattresses to storage solutions for every home in the house. Wayfair is your one. Stop, shop. Refresh your living room with accent, mirrors, and faux plants for way less. When my mother comes over, she always is going, oh, you need one of these, you need one of those, you know?

So I used Wayfair to get some like end tables for lamps. I guess you would call it home decor. I'm not doing an all-around refresh, but that's up to you if you'd like to do that. But they offer a ton of stuff at Wayfair. It's very easy to shop there. You really get a sense of what it is, what it'll look like, its size, all those things. and really they have everything.

I could not believe the amount of stuff that they had on their everything, literally everything. So get organized, refreshed, and back on track this year for way less. Head to Wayfair.com right now to shop all things home. That's Wavefare, W-A-Y-F-A-I-R dot com. Wayfair, every style, every home. And we were brought to you by Squarespace. Oh, Squarespace, how we love you.

Squarespace is where you go to create an online present, to appear professional. You launch your passion project with Squarespace. We love Squarespace. We use Squarespace all the time. My website, Gareth Reynolds.com, is a Squarespace website. We use Squarespace to help people on the show build their, well, honestly, to corroborate their fibs and their white lies.

We use Squarespace for that sometimes. But other times people will use Squarespace. Squarespace, you know, for trying to build up their business online. I was working with someone who we were going to start a whole ear business and it completely fell apart, but we were going to use Squarespace because there's no other place to go. It's an all-in-one website platform that is designed to help you stand out and succeed online. Squarespace gives you everything you need to offer services and get paid all-in-one place, from consultations to events and experiences. showcase your offerings with customizable website designed to attract clients and grow your business.

Get paid on time with professional, on-brand invoices, and online payments. Plus, streamline your workflow with built-in appointment scheduling and email marketing tools. So go to Squarespace.com for a free trial. When you're ready to launch, use offer code Gil sent me to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. This episode of We're Here to Help is brought to you by Mint Mobile. Every group has someone who insists

on doing things the hard way, Eric. Actually, me. That friend's still paying for subscription they forgot they had. That one friend refusing to update their phone because it still works. Eric, not wanting people to have phones in bars so they can check him when he's lying

about a story. That's weird. I used to be that person, too, especially when it came for overpaying for wireless. Then I switched to Mint Mobile, and I'm glad that I did. Here's the reality about Mint Mobile.

We gave a promo code to Brian Patrick Farrow, my dear friend. I said, what do you think? And he said, the reception is just as good. He was scared to do it. He kept his number. He said it was simple to do. And then over the whole year,

he's going to stick with it. He's like, I'm saving real money, and I did not lose any quality. Ready to stop paying more than you have to. New customers can make the switch today and for a limited time, get unlimited premium wireless for just $15 a month.

Switch now at mintmobile.com slash here to help. That's mintmobile.com slash here to help. Up front payment of $45 for three months, $90 for six months or $180 for 12-month plan required. $15 a month equivalent taxes and fees extra. Initial plan term only over 50 gigabytes may slow when network is busy, capable, device required,

availability speed and coverage varies. Additional terms apply, cementmobile.com. Hello. Hi. Hi. How are you? What a voice.

Yeah, soft. Interesting. I'm intrigued. Holy cow with the heart. What's your name? I'm Tracy. Hi, Tracy. Where are you calling from Tracy?

I'm from Germany. Germany. Is that where you're living in Germany? Yeah, I'm living in Germany. Okay. Oldie, roughly, Tracy? 33. 33.

Well, you got Jake and myself, as usual, and we have a very special guest helper. We have Carly Shortino joining us today. You've got three of us. What's going on, Tracy? What can we help you with? Yeah, amazing. Thank you so much.

I'm hoping you can help me. My problem is I am married, and we've been married for about 13 years. years. We have a daughter. She's three years old. And we are very busy people. My husband owns this own company and I like to class. Like we just have a lot going on. So the only time we have together is in the evening. And that's when we talk together. And usually we're like organizing our week. And usually we give each other a signal that we are DTF. And yeah, the awkward thing is we're both really not romantic. And we don't know.

how to, I'm asking for advice, how can I move us from the organizational conversation and into the bedroom conversation and move us from the kitchen to the bedroom. I don't get it. Is your question, how do you make that signal clear, or how do you kind of open up so it's a little less pragmatic. Yeah, the signal, I think, is pretty clear from both of us. It's just super awkward because we're just sitting at the kitchen table. What is the signal, Tracy?

Usually it's like, I'm going to go to bed in about 45 minutes. So that makes it in 45 minutes you want to have sex? This is how I picture German forenation. Yeah, but even still is, if, If I was talking to my wife and she wanted to have sex and she goes like, I'm going to go to bed in 45 minutes. I go like, what do you want me to do for the next 45 minutes? If I coming with you now?

Yeah. Or in 45 minutes are we talking then? Does that mean in 45 minutes you're looking to have sex? That is a signal saying that I have 45 minutes and I have nothing planned. Oh, I'm going to be a sleep in 45 minutes. I got 45 minutes to kill you. You want to help kill time with me. Sure.

Yeah, yeah. And what does he say in response? I will be going to bed in eight minutes. And you go like, can we say 20 minutes? And then you shake and sign a contract. How does that? What's his response in that? How do you guys negotiate?

He usually says that's enough time. And then you go in the room and you guys have sex. Well, that's the thing. We just stare at each other. And then one of us has to come up with a way, how to stay. end up and going to the bedroom. How long have you been married? Are you like, is it because you're trying to keep the kid from understanding what you're talking about?

The kid's asleep. Okay. There's a three-year-old. It's like a mood killer. I don't know. I am not romantic. My husband's not romantic. He's also German, so he speaks German and I am American, actually.

Did you go to international school? Well, you say you're American. I'm American. I've never heard an accent like yours in America. Oh, man. I've lived there for a very long time. I can't speak about an accent. Your sex life's lived there for a long time, too.

Yeah. So the question, Tritza, first of all, I love this call. We're going to help you on this. It's going to seem like I'm bullying a little bit because I'm trying to understand what's happening. The your question is, is you and your husband sitting at the kitchen table like a couple of robots facing each other. One of you goes, I'm going to go to bed in 45 minutes, and the other one goes, that is enough time.

Then you sit there and one of you goes, shall we stand up? You do? You walk in the other room. We can have the most robotic animal sex I've ever heard of in my life. There we are. I am inserted. Yeah. You've got 13 thrust.

So my question, Tracy, is the question, how do we change the talk at that kitchen table? Yeah. Yeah. How do we change the mood? How do, okay, so basically your question, so, and if I'm leading you in correctly when you say, how do I change the mood, how do you and your husband start flirting? Yeah, maybe. Maybe that's a good transition. Because it's very awkward just to say, yeah.

You're sitting in the kitchen. You're doing scheduling. You go, I would like to have sex tonight. From that moment to the bedroom, neither you guys have any tools besides I've got 45 minutes and that I'm going to bed. Can I ask one more question, which is, is, because it does sound extremely awkward and like a little tense. but then once you guys are in the bedroom having sex, does it feel natural then? Is it the literal speaking and negotiation of the transition?

Yeah, absolutely. It's just the transition. That's awkward. Okay. So once it starts, it's fun. And then what is your guys' vibe together at the beginning of sex in the taking off your clothes getting it started? Are you guys in your own little galaxies not talking?

or have you guys, have you guys already started some version of connection? We started a version of connection then, yeah. By the way, Tracy, you're not American with that accent. How long have you been living in Germany? You and I graduated together at international school. You and every one of my accents are for sure brother and sister. How long have you lived in Germany? 13 years.

Okay, I get you. And you speak German too? Yeah, yeah, that's why I understand. Okay, that's cool as hell. Actually, now I'm jealous. Okay, so Tracy, the bedroom talk that you guys kind of exist in, have you ever tried to bring that to the kitchen? Well, we don't really talk while having sex, so.

I don't know how to bring that in. Well, I was going to say, my guess was that you didn't talk during sex. either and like if you're communicating better with your bodies right if that's where you're comfortable but neither of you were like super verbal like maybe yeah the way to transition into a more sexual vibe is through touch you know like I feel like that to me is always the easiest one where it's like rather than being like you know count down to the amount of minutes before you're asleep it's just like getting up and you're cleaning and you're like putting a hand on your been the back of his neck, you know, and it's just engaging in a sort of more physical way,

because it sounds like physically you guys feel really comfortable, verbally, you don't, you feel more awkward. Yeah. That's actually, yeah, that's exactly right. What about blindfolding them? We just found out you guys aren't great at talking. What about blindfold both of you guys and go, I want to hear, I have an idea. Where's your penis?

I want to play a game with you and go, he'll go, okay, why? And you go, for fun, he goes, what is fun? You go, trust me, I used to be American. Behindfold on you and him, you're fucking both shit in the dark. Then I'm going to go to bed in 45 minutes. He goes, I understand. He goes, no taking off the blindfold. Then you guys got to use each other's hands clanging around from the,

The kitchen to the bedroom, all touching, laughing, goofing around until you get in there. I think I smashed a findo. Oh, I've bashed my knee. What are you thinking here, Gareth? I got a list. I got some options. I'm going to go with the very, just as a man, stuff that would work very well on me. If you came behind him and just whispered, I'm ready.

his ear and then went to the bedroom. You could also have some signals. One could be you're wearing something sexy and you just kind of show your top or you pull your boob out. You could also come out of the bathroom. The first half of that was way better, Gareth, until you finished it. That's what a lot of partners say. You could also do the classic, go to the bedroom, open the door you have lingerie on. I also think you could pass a note that says something, but maybe I'm going to invent, I'm going to invent something. Maybe you guys have something called a bang candle, and you have it, and since your kid can't read, you write on there some German version of bang candle. And when the candle's lit, it's just a candle. But when one of you walks over and

blows the candle out, it's the signal to the other like there's a new pope that it's time to fuck. I think that's fun. A shared thing. A shared thing in the other, either you could do a candle, you could do kind of anything. I think on New Girl, we did this. I think there was a storyline

that there was like a mug you leave out. Yeah. And that if the mug is left out facing in one direction, that means it's a go for one. Yes. There was an Estar Perel thing about this, too, where it was like a bowl

and like you eat, have a key or whatever, you each have something. And then, like, if you put yours in the bowl, then it's inviting them to put theirs in the bowl. And if there's too in a bowl, then you know. Then it's on. Yeah, and then it's on. And it removes, I guess, but I don't know if this is your problem, but this is helpful for people who are nervous initiating because they feel like they're going to be rejected.

But it sounds like you guys are both, like, pretty much always down if the other person is it, like, you know, it doesn't seem like there's much vulnerability about, being denied or rejected. It seems like it's more just about introducing a comfort. But I don't know, does this seem helpful at all? Any of these mugs, bowls, ideas? Yeah, totally.

I love the idea of having a signal that's perfect for me. It would eliminate the awkward conversation of when we're going to go to bed. That would work. Tracy, I want to try something with you because I think we got a winner there and I think we'll all be happy there. I want to try to create a character for you to play.

It's sexy Tracy from America. And I want you to initiate role playing with this guy. I want to get you to... The loaded sigh that just came out of Tracy. But I want to see Tracy, if we can create right now, just a sexy version of Tracy and she's flirty and she's fun, And she's romantic and she is not awkward. And then maybe we have, does your husband speak English?

No. Not at all? That's too bad. I was going to love him on the show. A little bit, yeah. A little? That might be enough for us. Yeah.

Because maybe we could have him come on too and give him a little workshop. But what do you think about creating a little sexy character that we could all create right now together and just run you through your side of the character? I think in the end, we're going to win with the bowl. I think we do the keys in the bowl or whatever you want to do. That's going to be a winner. But I think we might have a grand slam here too, Tracy, if you want to play this game. But I don't know.

What do you think? Yeah, I think that's a good idea. I just don't know where to begin. Well, that's why you have us. Carly, what should her name be? We're going to create a sex character for Tracy, and she's going to just initiate. So next time, rather than say, in 45 minutes, I'm going to bed, I want something where her husband's doing the dishes

and I just want to hear out of that German accent out of Tracy's mouth my stockings are burning off or whatever we come up with and she tries it and he turns and all of a sudden you're a fucking Russian spy or something and the game is on yeah I feel like Chloe

like what's a good like erotic you know what I mean like erotic Chloe's fun Chloe's fun. A name with confidence. Monica. I would say Chloe or Monica. I would say Monica's way less fun. I like Chloe. Really?

Yeah. Okay, Chloe. Tracy, what do you think about this creation of a character that you're going to create? What do you like more, Chloe or Monica? I like Chloe. Okay. Really quickly. What does Chloe do for work, Tracy?

So one quick thing, Tracy. you got to know how I work here. As you know, by the way, that I do this show, there's no thoughts. You got to talk before thinking. As soon as I hear, uh, and thought, we're dead. First thing that comes to your mind, if it's wrong, we'll all call it out. If it's right, holy shit, we're off and running, but we can't stop and think about it. Tracy, what does Chloe do for a living?

She cleans houses. Oh, yes, she does, Carly. Yes, she does, Carly. It was a big no from Carly. Yeah. She went, oh, Carly, for you, why is that a no? I was expecting, like, espionage, you know, like, escort, like some kind of assert. Like, there's this idea of, like, putting on a character who's, like, assertive and in a position of kind of power or manipulation.

But Maid is also, we could do house cleaner, like, the main. made version, could be kind of hot. What's the difference? Is the made outfit? As opposed to straight up cleaning a house? You think of the maid is who does no chores? Well, I'm exhausted from all the chores. Now I'm really going to bed.

I have 45 minutes before I pass out. I'm sorry, I'm exhausted. You've got one more scrubber to do. So, Tracy, but you said housekeeper, what is that, and I think your instincts are interesting here. So what do you think about that housekeeper? Is it somebody who's doing a lot of chores or is it the maid outfit? I was just thinking of like the power dynamic of having some job that was a little bit less than my husband because that's kind of a dynamic.

Okay. So the dynamic is you like when he's a little bit more in control. Yeah. Okay. So I would potentially cue him up to this via like a text. and say tonight when the kid goes to bed, I want to play a game where I'm the housekeeper and I don't want to just do it in a bedroom.

I want to start in the kitchen. If you wrote that to him, Tracy, do you think he would go, are you okay? Or do you think he would say, great? He would be very excited, yeah. Ooh, he'd be very excited. Isn't that interesting? Hmm.

Carly, your thoughts. You're coming around. I like the idea of text because is text more comfortable? It feels like the issue is like literally the instigating, but just like the moment. But then once the seal is broken that you can kind of get into it. So maybe like text is good or even like, you know, you're worried about being the one initiating. Could you, sometimes it's easier to say things during sex than outside of them, you know? So it's like I always feel like once you get into a sexual vibe, it's good to like bring up things that are hard to bring up otherwise.

Or post-coital even. Yeah. Yeah. And like there's some version of like, you know, I love when you initiate it. And like it would just be so hot for me if like when we're in the kitchen, if you just like come and drag me to the bedroom or whatever. And so it's like giving him the responsibility for the future. That's interesting. Yeah.

I mean, yes. But I like the texting, too. I love the texting. Sexting. So, Tracy, what do you think about work? I think we're getting someplace interesting, just in my opinion. I hope you agree, Tracy. But what do you think about a text saying?

I want to try something different tonight. After the kid goes to bed, I want to start a role-playing game as soon as we see each other where I'm the housekeeper, you're whoever you want to be, when you finish and you're in the bedroom, say, I would like you, maybe we start doing this more often where we just initiate the game and it starts in the kitchen so that we don't have to initiate it

and then start in the bedroom. I think it could be fun. What do you think of that as an idea? And do you feel comfortable doing that? You guys are helping me so much more than I thought. I think in combination My husband doesn't initiate it anymore Because I had a baby

I shot him down a lot over the last three years So now I feel like it's all in me And if I have like some signal Then he will know And then he can initiate it And I love that We could start in the kitchen Tracy what if the signal was something

That Chloe was wearing What if there's an apron? An apron Or like those plastic gloves. Or the little feather duster. And one of you, just to start the game, and the characters could change. But all he needs to do then in the kitchen is if he's looking at you, go like, these dishes are not going to clean themselves.

It's awfully dusty on the shelf where we put the mugs. And that just means the game is starting. You don't actually have to do the chores. This place is so dirty. But if he just says that, and then if you went like this, I don't think it's that to do it. That means I'm not playing along. The sheets are soiled. Oh, sorry, my watch is set to a half hour from now.

Don't get into the time again. That's going to kill us. Let's play. It's going to hurt us. But Tracy, apart from the time thing that is just going to then be a sex game going back to, I might have to clean the sheets in 45 minutes. What do you think of a text starting again? game that you just

create Chloe Chloe the housekeeper if any of you does anything Chloe related that means it's on because then all he's got to say to initiate is oh I'm sorry I forgot to pay last week I love this

yes yes I don't want like a lot of dialogue because I don't know how to do that but just having my words depends who you're with Okay. Not anyone on this call. For me, you fucking better be doing monologues here, kid. It takes nothing.

It better be almost Shakespeare at the park level. You'll have your hand on the apron. I'll be like, no need to throw it on. Mine, she'll go like this. If we go to the bedroom, I go, well, you haven't done the bathrooms. Chloe, the living room's a mess. Are you just going to load the dishwasher and not put it on a cycle? I just got off the call with your manager.

You've been late three days in a row, Chloe. I asked them to send the dole girl. So you can't fucking improviser. Like, it goes off the rails. It goes off the rails, yes. And it enters a bit world where you don't want to be in. Nah. You got it.

Comedy wins. So do you want to start with a text message? I think I can also just, well, yeah, maybe text would be more flirty and just tell them what the signal is. And, yeah, my new character, Chloe. and just explain it to him and I think I would do the apron I like that idea

that that's the signal. Are you going to actually do this so that if you're wearing the apron and then you don't have to do that tonight what you do is when the kid goes to bed you put the apron on. Yeah, exactly. This is perfect.

I love to do this, yeah. Yeah, incredible. Because it's playful. And then it's sexy and it kind of sounds like you guys just have to get back into the swing of things because I think that's very relatable

where it's like you get out of the swing of, you get out of the routine of having sex as much, whether it's because of a baby or whatever. But then like once you get back into it, it feels like the cordresol levels will decrease and there'll be an ease to it again, but it just sounds like you're out of your rhythm. So this will be like a fun way of adding lightness to it.

And you know what I would pitch, Tracy? And this is what I would pitch while having sex. or after, you got the apron, you're Chloe. Well, who the fuck is he? Because then what he could do is all of a sudden you put the kid to bed or he does, you're in the kitchen, and you look over and go like, look at Clyde and wearing his fedora cap, right? Because then we've got to create, who is he?

Because he's got to be able to initiate too, where all of a sudden he's got his hat on and you go like, there's fucking old Clyde with that cap on again. And then you each have a character that you've created, which means I'm good if you are. Yeah, it'd be interesting to see what he comes up with. You might learn a lot about him through this. Agreed.

Hopefully his character is a turn on, no. But today, it doesn't have to have anything to do with housekeeping. Because he does it. You don't want his just to be adding on to yours if he's like, I don't care about Clyde. I want to be a zookeeper. Then you go like, all right, my man. Well, maybe you're cleaning his house and he's giving you instructions, you know,

like you didn't clean this well enough, so now you have to be punished. Just throwing out ideas. I mean, that seems kind of wheelhouse, Tracy. So Tracy, what do you think you're going to actually do? I think we got a winner here. Walk us through it. I'm going to introduce the character of Chloe and see kind of test the water, see how my husband responds to that. And then we can grow off of that if he wants

a character too. But I really want to have some type of signal with, I think I'll put an apron on after my kick of the bed, and then he will know. And then we will start, like, we won't sit down and start organizing things. We'll just start with the fun time. And I think that would help us a lot to get out of that rhythm of sitting down organization. Okay, robots, how are we going to get to the next thing? I think this is going to be a happy ending, Tracy. I think this is going to work. Me too. Sounds cute. I think so too. I think it sounds nice. Will you, Tracy, please follow up even if it goes sideways. If you're like, He wasn't rolling with Chloe and I got nervous.

Call back. We'll have Carly back on and we'll pitch again. Oh my gosh. I think it's going to go well, but I will definitely. Yeah. Have fun and good luck. Wait, when are you going to do it for the first time tonight? No, it's way too late tonight in Germany tomorrow.

Okay, tomorrow. Okay, you're doing it tomorrow night. Yes, I'll let you know. That's great news. Thank you again. Bye, Tracy. Bye. Have fun.

Bye. Thank you. Bye. We're Here to Help is hosted by Jake Johnson and Gareth Reynolds. If you'd like to be on the show, please email us your question at HelpfulPod at gmail.com. And if you want to watch video episodes of We're Here to Help, you can go to our Patreon at patreon.com slash here to help pod to see our entire catalog. We're Here to Help is produced by Rabbit Grimm Productions. Executive producers Rob Hollis, Jeff Porter, and Natalie Hollis,

Associate producer Jesse Thurston, editing mix and master by Chris Foller. The theme song by Oliver Raleigh. The cover artwork is by James Fostike, animations by Andrew Strelecki. And if you'd like to see Gareth, you stand up on the road, go to garethrenolds.com. Remember all of the advice given on we're here to help is for entertainment purposes only,

and all listeners should be adults and make their own decisions. That was a headgum podcast. All video episodes of season one are available now on Patreon, and season two video episodes will be available every Monday starting January 20th. Go to patreon.com forward slash here to help pod. Well, good afternoon. This is your little friend, Stevenberg, and this is a message going out to all you fantastically brilliant vasectomy doctors. I have a little proposal for you all. My wonderful friend and brother, Gareth Reynolds is looking to get a bisectomy done because he is making the choice to not bring children into this world. And you know what?

I respect that opinion. Nobody wants a bunch of little Gareth running around. Boy, try saying, try pluralizing Gareth with a list. That's not easy. Nobody wants a bunch of little Gareth running around when Gareth himself doesn't want that. So, doctors out there, what we are looking for, what we are wanting, if possible, is for you to give our friends. Gareth of vasectomy. Now, we'll pay for it. He's got COBRA. He's got great insurance. That's not the issue. Here comes the little angle we're taking. We would like to document this on a little thing called

videotape. This is a plea. This is a call to all vasectomy doctors in the lower 48 in the United States. Please, oh, please, let our little friend Gareth Reynolds get a vasectomy and let us videotape it. We're talking to hi-8, you know, like a gritty. You know, it'll look good. It'll be classy. It'll be artsy. You will come off looking like an absolute hero. That's a burgundy. Thank you. Enjoy this message and enjoy this episode. Bye-bye. Hey, I'm Gareth Reynolds and I have a new podcast on HeadGum called Next We Have. Now, this show is for people with short attention spans, which is everyone. I mean, you're probably trying to skip this ad right now, but don't because you now legally have to listen to the show.

That's how law works. Next we have is very simple. Each episode has three short segments. For instance, Lisa Gilroy and I write insane revenge, Yelp reviews for callers who had bad experiences with a business. The dough boys play a game called Meal or No Meal. And Steph Tolliv and I go head to head on a thought-provoking game called Guess That Sound. The show is as dumb as it sounds, and we probably have more fun than we should. But it's a great time, and you should listen or watch new episodes of next we have every Thursday on YouTube or your favorite podcast.

that.