We're Here to Help - 263: WEIRD Here to Help: Wolf Moon Eddy & Vanhattan Burger Fairy

Episode Date: February 20, 2026

Eric and Steve ease the mind of a new east coast renter in her 1700's house. Then, make a Pacific North West local's burger dreams come true.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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And when you are ready to launch, use offer code Gil sent me to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or a domain. Ladies and gentlemen, it's that, yeah, glass. We're here to help. Ladies and gentlemen, it's that time again. Steve Berg from Omaha, Eric Edelstein from Glastell Park. It's weird here to help. Are you weird?

Do you need help? Then you're in the right place. Or maybe you just want to listen to weirdos getting help or weirdos giving help. Steve Berg, my hero, how you doing? Good. Oh, Eric, fantastic. I'll tell you, but let me, let me. I have a feeling half the people who listen to this are just like,

we're like weird animals that like are being studied, you know? It's almost like the prime directive where people are like, let's see how two insane giant men behave and try to give people advice. Yeah, and you know who the first two are studying us? Who? Jake and Gareth. Yeah, they are. I think they just wanted like, what would these guys do if we actually gave them our own show

and somehow bless their hearts, they're letting us keep rolling. And we're so grateful. Are we being punked? Maybe they're punking us. I think my whole life's being punked. That's true. Every job I get I feel like I think I'm being punked or something happens or I'm being punked. And I'm great with it.

They're going to rug pull us. I'm great with it. Yeah. The rug hasn't been pulled yet. We're still rolling. Steve, I got something for you of something that consistently happens and it hurts my feelings. And I want to see if this happens to you. Okay.

I'm waiting at a crosswalk. Somebody walks up and in that second thing, evaluate me, look at me, and life is assessment, and they make the determination that this big guy has not pushed the crosswalk button. Why? I don't know, but it happens to me all the time. It happened to me on Saturday. We were standing there waiting for the crosswalk. This nice family came up to the farmer's market. They looked at me, kind of paused, and she furtively pressed the crosswalk button. Because she decided in that moment I hadn't pressed it. It's because do you think we, they think we look dumb. Yeah, I think people have this natural thing. Now, I'm also going to say this,

and this is very embarrassing. I actually hadn't pushed across that button. I really wish I was kidding. No, I think people assume big, bigger folks, big guys are simpletons. And, you know, our wives would probably agree with that. Yeah, oh yeah. But big time. Yeah. And that was what even, because they will come up and look at me and they'll always press that button. Does this happen to you or is it just me? You know what happens to me. So I, here's a, here's a big guy. thing. In fact, I was just eating at one of my favorite restaurants, Losolomeo. Actually, well, it's now a different name. Anyways, this great Italian restaurant, old, and there's an old... They changed the name? They did because the new owner, but the same, it's still the same energy and

same vibe. Same food? Yeah, same. What's the new name? I truly can't remember. It's something Italian. I can't pronounce. I have a list, but I can't make Italian. Oh, Solimio. Okay. So you're eating at El Solomio. formerly, the artist formerly known as also Mio. And of course I dust my entire plate. They bring me over another like half portion of pasta for free. And this isn't like a like

I mean like look I actually love all Upgarden, but it's not that kind of place. This is a nice place. It's old school, really good food. But this happens to me so much. I'm telling you old people love to feed me to a degree where I'm like, is this a fetish? Do they like to? I think there are people who like to watch a big

guy eat and for some reason I have cornered the market here in the Midwest of people observing me eat like wow he's actually going to eat like because and also like a lady an older like you know wonderful beautiful Italian women comes up to me and brings me seconds without even asking which is not a policy the restaurant holds you have to eat it all you've turned a fine dining place into the olive cart I turned it into a buffet they're like wow this guy ate that entire plate of spaghetti that nearly no one finishes. Actually, in fact, we were sitting next to a couple priests, me and my family.

What? Yeah, the priests come in there, they eat for free. Oh, my, this is classic Italian. This is like in the Italian neighborhood of, we got a very like soprano-y neighborhood in Omaha, and I love it, Orsie's Deli, the works, VF Arena. There's so many good restaurants down there,

and I love Italian food. But I'm telling you, old Italian grannies love to watch me eat. I think I impressed them by my sheer ability to take down volume. Well, yeah, they want to see more because, you know, that's it. Every Italian Nona wants to watch someone eat. And you're coming in, you're giving them their dream. Yeah, yeah.

You're spreading joy and happiness. You also know that there is a legit fetish of people wanting to like force feed people and watch them get bigger. Now, that's a real thing. I mean this with all sincerity. And I'm not trying to sound like self-aggrandizing or like, you know, I'm anyone. Because I'm just, look, I'm just a guy, man. But like, do you think there is a world where I can make some real coin or just a little bit of extra side money eating on only fans?

Because if there is, I know it sounds like a bit like, look, I want to build a new staircase. I need a, I need to pour new cement. And let me tell you, cement, it is not cheap. So do you, how much do you think I could take into your, be honest of just me eating twirling spaghetti, parming it, you know, putting the crush red pepper and eating it? Well, I think the calendar has shown that there's a huge. sexual interest in you. We're already right there. The biggest question is... I don't think it's a sexual interest. I think it's more like... It's a sexual interest. We just saw somebody drew you on a horse and it's a beautiful piece of art on a plane.

And it's sexual. So you have to understand you are a sexual being. People are interested in it. The first question for only fans I have to ask, I'm thrilled you willing to eat. Are you willing to show feet? Yeah. Look, look, it's 2026, babe. Things are expensive. Groceries prices ain't coming down. And boy, I go to the- No, they're going down.

They're going down. They're going down. If you're willing to show feet and eat like some noki or tortellini, Steve, I bet you can make a legit $750 a month. A month? I would do that in a second. Then this begins it. Okay.

This is no longer a bit. Okay. We're going to set up an only fan for you. Okay. You're going to eat posse. pasta. You're going to show feet and you're going to take a button or two down in the middle you're, why? Because you have to. You want comfort. You want comfort and you're going to be in some velour tractsuit pants. And we're going to get this only fan started. This is really happening. And you

have to eat meals and you have to show feet. And then I think you're going to pay for that new staircase and all the cement you want. All the cement you want. That's your version of pecan. Pecan cement. Seamette. Now, okay, Okay, but that's interesting. Like, that's something to consider because, like, I am always, I'm open to side hustles, you know, because like, look, I mean, it's rough out there. It's rough. It's rough.

We all need to make a little extra money. They're cutting our residuals. I mean, look, we got a lot of gripes here. But like, I do, I am willing to explore those only fans eating on it. One, I got to eat. Two, if I just put up my camera on a tripod and I just film it. Okay. So this is happening.

Okay. So fans, write into the Patreon, talk to Morgan, right into weird here to help at gmail. dot com. Steve is willing to show feet for higher tier, but will you pay 10 bucks a month? Basically, you'd be having a meal with Steve. So what you can do is cook your meal. Then you're going to sit and have a meal with Steve. He'll take questions and he will eat a meal with you. You know what, Steve?

I'll pay for this. And I'm already get to enjoy meals with you already. And I know it's one of the great experiences in life. So fans, this is happening. The only fans account is about to happen. and get ready now for an all new episode of Weird Here to How to Help. Well, hello, good buddy. Can I please get your name and where are you calling from?

You can. My name is Kelly and I'm calling from Fort Myers, Florida. Ooh, Fort Myers. And don't, Steve, don't do your ooh because Fort Myers is not that great. Well, but it's right next to Naples, which my father is in Naples right now. My brother and his wife spend half the year in Naples. And let me tell you, Naples is gorgeous. I've had some of the best things there that are in my life.

It is absolutely. But before Marys, what is that about a 20-minute jaunt to Naples? It's a little over an hour. Oh, it's over? We're like an hour north of Naples, an hour and some change south from Tampa. We're like smack dab in the middle. Oh, so you're not helicopter. from like I do from Fort Myers to Naples.

You actually driving a car? Fort Myers is on the ocean. Like I'm big on anywhere kind of ocean. Isn't it beautiful? It's the gateway to the Gulf Islands, they say. Yeah. It has its moments. It has its moments.

Okay. Okay. Now, is it the kind of place where like someone might throw an alligator through a drive-thru window? Oh, we have gators everywhere. I literally, yeah, I have gators in my backyard in the pond that we live on. That's so awesome. No, do you really?

It's great. That's a damn diaphore. Oh, yeah. I'd be so scared. I'm so scared of gators. My buddy has went in his backyard in Gainesville. Me too. Oh, no way.

Gator sharks, none of it. Now, I don't know if you're aware of this. No, I don't do the sharks. The gators are that on mine. Do you know in Florida they have their own version of the Bigfoot? It's called the Florida skunk cape. Are you aware of that? I do not.

No. Well, it's, I have not. I'm seeing it right now in the Zoom. There's a big old six foot four inch skunk cape named Steve Bird. Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey. Well, you know, I've been called worse. I've been called worse. Yeah, I've been down windy to you, brother.

Hey, I'm a hotel with you. Down with you. Good Lord. Fucking skunk ape of Omaha. Yeah, I'm not afraid of the gators. I'm afraid of the skunk ape Steve. I'll get you. I'll have to do some Googling on this thing.

Yeah, please. You may need to have you go full immersion and find it. It's a thousand percent real, of course. I can prove it, but that we'll have to do it off the air. Kelly from Fort Myers, Florida. if you are on a deserted island, and I mean deserted, or let's say the planet Neptune, and you couldn't get off Neptune,

but you were allowed to bring three things. It is. Apples oranges, though, tomato. If you could bring three things, and these things are one would be one book, another would be one album, and the third would be one film. Or a premium television.

Or a premium television. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But without thinking of it, you have to go rapid fire. Rapid fire, Cal. Okay. Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah. So I just finished a really long book. I would probably bring that one because it would kill a lot of time.

And it was really good. By Tolstoy? No, no. It was called Alchemized. Really good, a little witchy magic, but it was super long. Ooh, you're home. You're home. Wow.

We see why you're calling weird here. Alchemy. Everyone thinks it's about just turning chemicals into gold, but it's much more than that. She's a, uh, Helena Marino is a former alchemist with amnesia. who is held captive by a powerful necromancer, Steve. Yeah. This sounds like an 80s movie of the week. I love it.

It's so good. Yeah. It's so good. I'm writing it down. Steve is going to read it and prepare a report for us for next week because he's a necromancer skunk ape himself. That's absolutely 100% correct. And also I need to start my own like Oprah's book club, you know, but like the real shit.

Oh, we would all be in, Steve. Yeah. You're throwing that out like an idle bit. We're all in for your bookbook. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Starts today. Caller, look at what we already started. Okay, okay, so now album, Album, Kel, talk to me.

Okay. Album, I just did a re-listen of from under the cork tree fallout boy. I'd probably go with that one because it slaps every time. It doesn't matter how much time in the queen. So good. Like, okay, so, Lindsay, and talk to me about a film or premium television. I'm just going to go with my gut. I'd probably bring dirty dancing.

I saw dirty dancing for the first time last year. My wife loved it. She made me watch. Yeah, I know, right? She made me watch it. And I was like, I was ready to be a hater. I was like, oh, stupid, stupid. I loved it.

I thought it was great. You had never seen it before? Are you kidding me? Yeah, I know. You never seen it before, Steve. I'm laid to the dirty dancing game. And let me tell you, the soundtrack is very good. And the movie is incredible.

Yeah. Oh, it's an incredible movie. Swayzy, Jennifer Gray, with her original. nose. Jerry Orbach. It's ridiculous. Jerry Orbach. Oh, I miss him. Oh, I miss him. Oh, dirty dancing. Steve, I'm glad he came around. I'm shocked to take you that long to see it.

Because nobody puts burgo in the corner. I have waited for the love. Also, I feel like Patrick Swayze is a deep influence on all of us. Oh, me. I love a ghost. He's unreal. He's the best. Ghost holds up great. And then I started a two-year career in bouncing as a bit after watching Roadhouse enough.

Okay, we're signed off. We love all of your picks so far. This is very, very cool. A book about a necromancer. Steve Berg is a necromancer. So please, I have a feeling we're going to get a little bit with you and weird with you, which is what we're really here to do, caller. Please tell us how we can help today.

Okay. So a little bit of background here. And also good news for us, because I'm not going to be in Florida for much longer, right? My husband and I know. I miss my seasons, but regardless. I hear that. So where are you moving to? Sorry,

really quick. We are moving to Newport, Rhode Island. Hell yeah. Oh, right. Hell of HP and Upcraft. It's a part in my question. Yes. Yes.

Yes. Yes. So we're moving to Newport next month. And, you know, we took time to look through houses. We had super specific requirements because we have two massive dogs. We have a baby. We're just like a train of chaos right now. Oh, I love chaos.

So we did this recently finally. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, right? We just recently signed a lease, sight unseen, because, of course, we're still here in Florida. We did have a friend go check it out. He gave a thumbs up. Everything looks great. And this house checks all of our boxes, right?

Like, it could not be better. It's absolutely gorgeous. It's the backyard that we need for our animals, the space for our kid. Like, it's amazing. Yeah, yeah. Up the downfall. This house was built in 1750. Now, old, right?

We're old. and we're in New England, which is notorious for being all things, spooky, haunted, witchy, you name it, right? Yes. So, again, I've never been to the house, but as soon as I saw photos, go ahead. I was just going to say, like, these are all upsides to me, but go on, please. Not to be afraid. I'm so scared. Well, okay, so when I initially looked at photos, I didn't get scared, but I had, like, a very deep,

like gut reaction of like, oh, this like this place is definitely haunted. Like all the other houses that we looked at like no weird feeling, no weird nothing. This one, I was like, there's definitely something funky happening here. Not enough to scare me because obviously we still like went through with signing the lease and we are in fact moving in. But there's just this preconceived notion that I have that there is something lurking around in there. So my question to you guys is what can we do to prepare for a potential haunting? Or is there anything that we can do to make peace with whatever might be lingering there?

Because 1750, like, you're out of your mind if you don't think there's not something there, right? Well, I mean, yes and no. I mean, like, as into this stuff as I am, I first off am not a believer or bind to the DPH, which is the dead person hypothesis. I think that's maybe how it's a simple way for us to understand maybe the other that might be dwelling in a house. So don't necessarily be scared of that. Initially, before we get into kind of like breaking this down, what about the photos of the house is giving you the creepy crawlies? I thought my house was old. It was built in 1928.

That's so old for Omaha. 1750. I mean, odds are pretty good. At least at least three, four, five people have died in that. home for sure. Oh, for sure. Way more. Oh, I like this, though. Are you kidding? Oh, that A frame up top. Oh, mama. No, I love this. And you know what? I'm getting a good energy feel from this. Yeah, I am too. And so, Stephen, you say you're not a believer in DPH, Stephen. What does that mean? The dead person hypothesis. So, yeah, I think you're like me. I don't believe how I choose to see the Great Beyond or whatever else.

I don't believe people are punished and penalized by having a haunt to house from 1750 for the rest of their eternity. Yeah. I think, Steve, it's a little bit more like we're old, but when you would tape a program off of television and you would tape Michael Jordan, but then there'd be bits of the airwolf program you watch before it. Yeah. Almost like a residual energy. Eric, I think that's a much more interesting theory than a dead person's spirit laying around. I'm with you on that. I think maybe there's some kind of energy.

residue that that that sticks around also I do about we will get to me theories but like I do I do believe in a co-creation theory that's where I'm kind of landing where there is an energy and it uses our subconscious to show us images and that's why people often see like dead relatives or people that are familiar with I think I think that explains UFOs and aliens too but that's also a weird theory that I have no evidence for I just find it more compelling and interesting okay so Kel Kel Kel, Kel, Cal Cal this house is a objectively gorgeous. Eric and I right away.

Beautiful. Yes. So I think you made the right decision. But your concerns are valid. Everyone's concerns are valid. Now, let me tell you a little story. Not everyone's, Steve. Not everyone's.

Yeah. Jacobus is questionable. Jacobus is questionable. You know, our lovely friend, Eric, Eric Edelstein, when I moved into my last apartment in L.A., Eric, do you know if you remember this? Eric came over. He was going to pick me up.

We were going to go have a day. delicious meal. But before he did, he was so sweet. Eric, I don't know if you remember this. And it really I thought it was touching. You came over and you saged the corners of my house. Yeah. It's just a good way of and we don't want to appropriate, but it's just a really great way of making the energy your own. And I'm also big on this stuff like that stuff will be there if you want it to be there. And you don't want it there. You got giant dogs and a baby and like you don't want that. You're recreating this energy of your own, you're going to make the house from 1750 your own. So you can sage it.

But just doing a little bit of research, I just found one name. So Steve, do you know that there's a huge occult mystical subculture in Newport? Okay, here's the reality. Rhode Island is way more witchy than Massachusetts. Oh, is it really? Give us dad. Give us. They have a much longer witch history and which covenant history than Massachusetts.

Massachusetts gets all the play and all the love. Rhode Island is like really the epicenter. That's what I'm looking at right now. Now, do you have any friends yet in Newport? Have you made any friends there yet? Or are you moving in blind? No, we do. We do have one who lives in Newport.

And he was the one that went and looked at the house for us. And I even asked him because he facetined us while he like went through the house. And again, I still got that feeling while we were looking at it, you know, even just through the lens. And I asked him, I was like, you get any spooky vibes over there? And he said no, but I'm not going to lie. I don't really trust his judgment. Yeah, well, you're going to get in there and you're going to stage it. But you have one friend there.

Are you ready to meet a second friend? Oh, boy. Always. Friend, I am so excited to tell you that head of the spiritual subculture in Newport is a man by the name of Wolfmoon Eduardo. Yep. I love that. Sounds good to me. Real name Edward Eddie Kosicki.

And he is a mystic and a mystic. and he uses ancient ruin stones to provide divine interpretations for a wide spectrum of seekers, including city councilors, housewives, and doctors. He says the Elks Lodge in Pelham Street is completely haunted. It is filled with ghosts. But this guy, Wolfmoon Eduardo, first of all, don't you want that to be your second friend you making town, a guy named Wolfman, Eduardo? Yeah, yeah.

I know, I know, come on. The Wolfman. No, I want to be like, hold on, I'm texting Wolfmoon Eduardo. And I love that it's, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's Eddie Kisicki, but now he's Wolfmoon Eduardo. Also, that's a guy who is right. You have him come over and midwife this house, and there's going to be a transference of energy into your family's energy.

And it looks like there's a massive spiritual subculture. And Wolfmoon, Eduardo is kind of a linchpin of it all. I mean, I'm looking at this guy online. looks so damn cool. It looks like there's some crazy, amazing stuff going on to this Elks Lodge full of ghosts. There's a history of French occultists in Newport. And I think we need to reach out Oh yeah. This is pretty cool. I think that house, I personally, I was prepared to be terrified because we'll say I'm in softy, I'm the scared one of 13 feet. But I got a great vibe from your house. I just think you're going to go in and claim the energy of your house as your own and that those

ghosts are welcome to hang out at that wolf flaw at the elks lodge and i bet i don't know what wolf moon edwardo's rate is i bet you get him off the clock for you know 125 canadian he comes in here and he restarts that house with your energy another thing i would do like that in just to kind of like you know it's always good to do a little homework and do a cup some opening gambit work before so i i i do think the you know if you can find your version of eric edelstein in newport have that person come over and do that that nice staging then you know what i'm gonna i'm gonna do i think like going in and like treating it kind of like as funny so i would open the windows open all the doors in your house and just walk around to every portal meaning like a window or a door and just start singing like a song

like you are free to leave lovely spirit come and go Well, I also don't want to put any of these spirits out. Like, if they're nice, they can be. No, they got to go. I don't care if they're nice. You got a dog. It's got to go. I think.

But you're braver than me. I'm deeply scared of all this stuff. I buy stuff on eBay and Sage and Paulson to it. I don't want that energy. I've gotten rid of a haunted baseball cards. I got rid of a haunted watch. Literally, I got to watch off eBay this week. I staged it.

I don't want anyone else's energy. This thing is mine. I'm very scared of this stuff. I'm going to start saying you hot an object as a big. Steve, I'll be so pissed. If a doll shows up here with no address, I know it's you. I have an antique Ouija board. I'm FedExing them.

Don't do it. Where do you sleep when you visit L.A.? Where do you sleep? Okay, fair enough. I will get you back. I'm so scared of this stuff. I do not believe in playing around. Also, there's probably

Newport Rhode Island is historically the Narraganset people. you might be able to find an indigenous healer that might be more legit than Wolf Moon Eddie with no judgment. I want none of Wolf Moon Eddie's curses. I'm trying to get your work here, pal. But there might be an indigenous person

you can come in to Sage it, who's, you know, name doesn't sound Italian. And that might be another way to do it. But I think we know Wolf Moon Eddie's probably going to be a friend of this podcast. And I'm very curious about it. Yeah, we at least have a contact. No, come on. Wolf Moon Eddie.

like yes and Jake Johnson will very likely pay for Wolf Moon Eddie to come over. I can hear about. I ain't pay. I'm kidding. Why don't I go over there? I'll do it for half that. I'm not paying for fucking Wolf Moon Eddie. What are you guys doing?

I also will say if like I do think a lot of there is a lot of what we bring into a dwelling her residence. So if you come in with fear and like you're scared and creeped out of the place, I think maybe that's what you're going to get. But if you come in and that's what I'm saying like, as an example, like opening up every door in every window and just saying like, hey, you're free to go. If you like make it into a musical, walk around, like have a glass of wine, you know, like crescent the house by releasing the energy. Like if you're bad, you can go.

But laugh about it. Like I think if you come in and you're timid and you're scared sister, unfortunately, I think that's what you're going to get. So I, yeah, no, I agree. I want to blast music you love. Blast fallout boy. Open those windows. sage up in the corners because I get a great vibe from that house

and if it's built in 1750 we know it was built correctly and this thing is here to last and you're going to make this energy your own potentially with Wolf Moon Eddie or a local indigenous healer but I have a really good feeling about this and I think you're going to

you're going to love Rhode Island. It's such a cool spot and also you can do America's best kept secret. Yeah exactly. See? Not anymore. Also not anymore. Not anymore. $30,000. downloads on the opening day with us. They're all going to be moving there now.

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extra length, what I would do, and this is very easy to find, I think it's called getting the mats about a place. I've been doing it with the house I live in where I'm kind of been researching the history and the people who lived in my house. It's very fun because I'm like just a work for that. How do you do that? So you can go like the county commissioner in Omaha, and this is

every city, they will have the history of the land before your house was built on. No. Oh yeah. And you can actually do a lot of this work now. If you have newspapers.com and you have access to ancestry, you can find out quite a bit online. But if you, every chamber of commerce, every, like, even like the, the city library will have a shit ton of this information. So you can find every person who has owned that house, you probably can find out what was on that land before that. So you can learn the names of every resident and hold like a ceremony for them honoring them saying like, hey, yo, faith for letting us live here. We are going to be great stewards of this house.

You know what I'm saying? I'm glad you love it. I don't want to know who's died in my home. Eric, I want to be in full denial. Eric, I will have a dossier on your death. You better not. Dude, if I get a haunted doll and the people that, do you know in 1932? Ew. That was said carbon monoxide.

No, Steve. Eric, I've been one to tell you this for a long time. I have this controversial theory that the Black Dahlia killer lived in your house. Stop. No, I'm serious. Steve. I think Manson did, was like, was crashing on a couch at your house back in 68. Steve?

I don't want this. I'm very scared of this stuff. We're just going to assume she's in a 275-year-old house that no one has ever died. that's our reality even though let's be honest the math is not great well look we're not we're not math guys

you know we're we're English composition guys but like let me I do think I do think doing your due diligence and like learning the history of the house first off you're going to become addicted to it it's also like a mystery to uncover like what's better than mystery in this day and age

I wake up in the morning it's mystery so it's this is like the big great act one of a movie right it's like go in you can't and do a ton of research probably just from your laptop, like over the weekend. Do that. And then when you move there, you could actually call and request, I think, the history of every home.

Like, there's so much information that's publicly available on any, like, piece of property. So I think doing that and it's finding out the residents who live there, it's not going to tell the whole story of them. But you can also go on newspapers.com. And they have digitized a ton of ancient old newspapers, especially in the old, old, old state, like Rhode Island, I bet there is historical records out the wazoo.

I think doing that and, like, creating a little dossier about the house will give you a peace of mind and also just the more you know, the better armed you are for anything that comes up. I agree. I love that. Okay, how about this? Especially if I know, like, good people that lived there, like a shoe cobbler. Oh, yeah.

There's a reason you're there. There's 100% chance a shoe cobbler, like, occupied that house for sure. I didn't murder anybody. There's no one hidden in the call space. I'm also going to say this. Wolf Moon Eddie is spearheading a psychic festival

Sunday February 15th in Middletown, Rhode Island. And I wish we were living there. I wish I was a regular thing. Because there's a holiday. Before this he did a holiday shopping vendor fair. Wolfmoon Eduardo is on Facebook. I'm looking at him right now.

And his Instagram is Wolfmoon sacred spaces. Oh. And I'm looking at his, he's involved in this lucky cabal, a whaling city witch hunt. Like, I think that,

I mean, this looks completely lucky cabral. The wailing city witch. Wait, wait, we also, he left us on the full snow moon 13 months ago. She has walked through the fire.

There's a wailing city witch. And there's a lot going on. And there's Wolfmoon, Eduardo's psychic festival. Hold on, wait, wait, wait, let's hear a question. Eric, why is Wolf Moon thinking he needs to hunt witches? What kind of psychopath is that? Steve, this is who's going to help us with the house.

No. I thought we were over the witch hunting. Yeah, we're over. No, this was a friend. He's trying to bring it back, man. No, no, no, he's helping and get to the other side. This was a friend. By hunting a witch?

Okay. Yeah, well, it's just part of his psychic festival. Yeah, but the psychic, what is 125 bucks to get in? Uh, you know, maybe Jake Johnson will pay for it. You have to buy two drinks to get in. Yeah, put it on Jake's tab. You have to buy two drinks.

The eggs are incredible. I hope you're wearing cheap socks. You're going to knock right off. Do a little bit of sturgeon and raw onion in there. It's awesome. But no, it looks like there's an incredible community for you waiting in Newport. Yeah. I mean, I feel like we got some incredible options for your friend.

Do you feel like we've helped today? No, I, yes. I love the idea that Steve gave of kind of doing doing some research, maybe seeing who's been there. I don't hate the idea of like calling out a few, you know, walking around the house with my stage and calling out a few people. Like, hey, Franklin, thanks for, thanks for, you know, thanks for being here, but you got to go.

I love that. I love that. Play your music, read whatever texts are sacred to you, whatever is meaningful to you, and you're reclaiming this home in your energy and it's going to be years and yours and old. And I think push comes to shove, I'll call in Wolfman, but I like the idea of, Please call him either way.

I'm looking at this guy's Facebook page. He looks like such a legend. Don't you want to be in Wolfmoon's posse? He may do a little bit of witch hunting, but that's not his whole deal. Eric will be going on a three state stint seeing Bob Dylan shows with Wolfmoon by the end of the year. Mark my words.

I'm so in. Why do you think I'm asking you to do this? I see a guy named Wolfmoon Eddie. Look, Steve, I love you. This might be my upgrade. I might be doing an advice podcast with Wolf Moon, Eduardo, very soon. God, I mean, it's, I've been scared for my job for the first time.

But so what do I also think I also think Kel like that I really do think opening the windows because there's something with windows. I mean. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Even if you just kind of like get granular with it.

Like a window is a portal because it's it's, you know, it's a doorway through another side. I do think opening up every portal in the house day one before you move furniture in. But that kind of fun first night where you got to sleep on the floor having a glass of wine, maybe like a ham and potatoes and you know you're doing that and then and why i'm in potatoes because that house made you think of everything food because i'm hungry all the time all right i respect it the other thing i'll say is there's this new science thing steve i mean to ask you about this have you heard of house burping no oh god what's this no it's there's a house burping and especially for an older house that you want to even in winter regularly open your windows and let the air

true. And apparently it's a whole thing in Germany and that, you know, it's part of if you lease or rent an apartment or a house in Germany, it's in there that you have to burp the house. They have some special long German word for it for house burping. And now they're very mad because it's becoming one of those TikTok influencer things of house burping. Like this is all swath. While they're taking ours, it's like, you guys can chill. We can appropriate your house burping. You know why? Two world wars. so we're going to do what we want. You aren't allowed to bitch about us appropriating your house burping and calling it burping when there's some far-for-gnugan term. You know why? Two World Wars. Okay? And you're 0 for two friends, okay?

God. I'm just saying they're upset. They're legit upset about us appropriating house burping. And I'm like, you guys, you got about a 300-year thing where you're not allowed to say anything. Yeah, that's true. They're on probation. They're on probation. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I mean, look, look, essentially you are burping the house, so to speak. You're spiritually burping the house by opening the windows and doors and singing a little song. I like Eric's idea of a blasting. Oh, yeah, fall boy. Yeah, that all come up my own little jingle. I have a one-year-old. All I do is make up jingles all day every day for him. I think saying to the house.

Right. So we want an update and also in a dream world, we would love an update on Wolf Moon to Edvardo. Yeah. No, I'm not kidding. I am going to look into that. Let him be Wolfmoot and Barreto. Let that, let that dog howl. Let him go.

Let him go. Amazing. Yeah. Let him dance. Thanks a lot, Kelly. We really appreciate it. Thank you, guys. You rock, Kelly.

This is so fun. You're one of us. You're weird. Thank you. Yes. 1,000 percent. Thank you guys. Yes.

We love you. Have a good weekend. Bye, Kelly. You too. Bye. Bye. Caller. Welcome to Weird here to help.

First off. What is the name or the name you're choosing to use? And where are you calling from? My name is Lindsay. Usually I'd say I'm from Portland, Oregon. But because Eric is here, I'm from the coup. I saw that 360, friend. I got so excited.

Are you kidding? You're from the coup? The coup. Yes. Vancouver, Washington. The other Vancouver. Once I saw that 360, I got so excited, Lindsay. Are you kidding?

Yes, and it has to tie in with what I'm calling about, too. Oh, this is huge because, you know, Lindsay, maybe you're ready to get on board with this. We need to have an answer to Portlandia with Vancouver. And here's the thing. Vancouver is exploding. I stayed on the river last time when I was home because we have a full house now. The waterfront? Yes.

And it was just amazing. Oh, the house all fancy now. Yeah. Friend. This is all new. it's incredible. Eric, you're a natural born river rat too. Oh, I am.

I would love to live on the water in Washington one day. We're deeply into us. Even all the way up to Kalama, friend, we're into it, my wife's into it. So first off, my fellow Vancouver resident, this is so huge. You're going on a desert island. Let's say you're going to Savi Island, you're going to Kalama. You can only bring one movie, one book, and one album. What's it going to be?

And if instead a movie, you can also do a premium television. show. What's it going to be so we get a sense of who you are, what we're rolling with? Without thinking about it. Off top of your head. Go. Go, Lindsey. Okay. Well, I'm glad you said TV because I'm not much of a movie person. For a book, I would say Atomic Habits because I bought it last year. Still haven't read it. And I feel like I need to still build habits. My favorite book is a book I haven't read. The cover is really good, though. I bought a book on procrastination. I'm getting to it next week.

I've been there, friend. I got a lot of stuff for it. My favorite book is... No, yeah, do the audio book. You got this. Yeah. My favorite book is Washers by Dean Coons. I haven't read it, but I know I'll love it. Sorry, Lindsay.

Just play it, babe. Now, continue, Lindsay, continue on your favorites. For a TV show, it'd probably be like my DVD collection of Parks and Rec. Oh, oh. You know there's a Vancouver resident on there, friend. Wait, really? Oh, I was on there. Yeah.

Eric was recurring. Oh, my God. I'm Lawrence. Yeah, I was a lunatic of town meetings. Yeah, now just know. Wait, now I remember. Oh, my God. Pride of Vancouver, my friend.

Yep. Were you like launching Frisbee to Adam Scott's head, if I remember incorrect? Amy Pollers. Yeah. And then there was a, I was like attacking Amy Poller at town hall meetings. Then there was a horrific real life news story where that actually happened.

And then that was no longer what I should be doing on time. Wait, are you, You're the inspiration behind the guy. Maybe you inspired this little tick. Yeah. I don't know. I just put it up. You look so cute. You can go to town hall meetings?

Oh my gosh. I'm in. Okay. So now album, this might be the most important one for us to get to know you at Lindsay. I have to say it's been said before and you guys don't really like him, but I'm going to bring the album trench by 21 pilots. It's not that I don't like it.

It's that Grandpa Steve doesn't really. know who I've heard of them. Are they like an Americans got talent band that like broke big out of like some reality show? With the name like 21-pouse, that's what it feels like to me. They're like a Midwest emo band from 2009.

Okay. I mean, I'm from Omaha, Nebraska, lovingly referred to on Rolling Stone as emo ha, so I know about my emo music. Yeah, Steve is a Midwestern emo band from 2009. Essentially. He is. I've had a flop for a lot of my life. you know, yeah, I, you know, I'm sad in the inside, happening in the outside.

Very emo Midwest. Have you heard the bad cursive, Tim Casher? He's my boy. Lindsay, good of sakes, you sound like a fantastic person. What is the issue that you would like Eric and I to potentially help you with today? We're feeling very helpful, FYI. So basically, Eric, you have done work with Burgerville before, and you've touted about the brand before. and guess what?

What? I work there. You work at Burgerville. Okay, Lindsay, I'll give it to you. Ready? Burgerville, the onlyville. Use the app and savor the rewards. Exactly.

Yes, that's the voice. And you know, Burgerville, I got that because it really is my favorite restaurant in the world. I went in the dough boys and talked about Burgerville, and then I said I wanted to do their ads, and then I magically got to do it. So big up to Burgerville, using quality Northwest ingredients every single day.

Is there a specialty burger there? Like, is there like a signature burger? Like, talk to me about that because I'm a stranger to it. Lindsay, you want to handle this? We also have incredible regional treats that are seasonal. What are we doing right now, Lindsay? So right now we're doing the seasonal truffle mushroom burger for the month. But I'd say our most popular that people come down to or come up to.

all the time for is our Walla Walla Burger and our Walla Walla Onion Ring in July. And we were brought to you by Squarespace. Oh, Squarespace, how we love you. Squarespace is where you go to create an online present, to appear professional. You launch your passion project with Squarespace. We love Squarespace. We use Squarespace all the time. My website, gareth-Reynolds.com is a Squarespace website. We use Squarespace to help people on the show build their, well, honestly, to corroborate their fibs and their white lies. We use Squarespace for that sometimes. But other times people will use Squarespace, you know, for trying to build up their business online. I was working with someone who we were going to start a whole ear business

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of a website or domain. This episode of We're Here to Help is brought to you by Mint Mobile. Every group has someone who insists on doing things the hard way, Eric. Actually, me. That friend still paying for subscription they forgot they had, that one friend refusing to update their phone because it still works. Eric, not wanting people to have fun. phones in bars so they can check him when he's lying about a story. That's weird. I used to be that person too, especially when it came for overpaying for wireless. Then I switched to Mint Mobile, and I'm glad that I did. Here's the reality about Mint Mobile. We gave a promo code to Brian Patrick Farrow, my dear friend. I said, what do you think? And he said, the reception is just as good.

He was scared to do it. He kept his number. He said it was simple to do. and then over the whole year he's going to stick with it, he's like, I'm saving real money and I did not lose any quality. Ready to stop paying more than you have to. New customers can make the switch today, and for a limited time, get unlimited premium wireless for just $15 a month. Switch now at mintmobile.com slash here to help. That's mintmobile.com slash here to help.

Up-front payment of $45 for three months, $90 for six months, or $180 for $12-month plan required, $15 a month equivalent tax. isn't fees extra. Initial plan term only over 50 gigabytes may slow when network is busy, capable, device required, availability speed, and coverage varies. Additional terms apply. Cementmobile.com. Oh, God. And I'll say this, Lindsay, walla, wall of sweet onion rings are by far the best onions in the world. And I'm an onion guy. I get them shipped in. They come in like this little thing, it looks kind of like panty hose to keep them fresh. They are so good in Burgerville has the best onion rings.

Also, Lindsay, I'll say this. I'll put Burgerville's fish and chips and fish burger with about anyone, right, friend? Yeah, so, okay, the reason why I'm calling is because I've been with Burger for years. I love the company. We have a new CEO coming in. Some things are changing around. I started out as an employee when I was like 16, crew member learned all the

rows. I switched to a manager later. And then I saw there was an opening for a customer service agent. to it and it's remote and I was like, get me out of here, love the restaurant, but I want to hang out with my cat some more. And I got the job. And so I kind of like to expand that role. And so my question is, how do I propose a job that doesn't really traditionally exist? I love this. Okay, so basically to kind of summarize, you are trying to create a new position in a company that doesn't have a position. This is fantastic.

So like basically like you're trying to maybe in a way bring Burgerville like elevate Burger Bill's marketing campaign. Is that kind of your idea? Yeah. Like I'd like to work kind of in the back end and stuff because they already have like a digital marketing agency. The outreach to. I'm sure Eric worked with in the past.

I kind of want to be on the ground. So if they need like a photo shoot, I can do the camera guy. If they need to update the website, I get help with. that. They need more video editing or animations. I can dump in on that too. It kind of be different projects at different times, but I'm fulfilling any gaps that they have that the marketing agency can't do.

I love this. And I know for a fact, Burgerville would much rather do stuff in-house. Just as they bring sustainability and Northwest Pride to their menu items, they would love and it would save them some money to be able to have you do it. I'll tell you what I would do is a lot of lot of times I really start working and Stephen curious if it's same for you when I do stuff for free. Yeah.

Where it's an investment in yourself, I would start making that content on your own. And here's also what I will say. I would be very happy to do a free voiceover for you when you make that content to really amp it up and use their voice and someone they use as a voice. Because if you show them your value and if you can take it, you go into that main office, You tell Heidi, I said hello. She's running stuff there. And you show her, say, hey, I made this. And it could be walla wall of sweet onion rings. It could be any of our seasonal cobblers.

I mean, I think that there needs to be a love letter to Burgerville spread. Because Burgerville spread is the most delicious thing. I just had my neighbor, Tony Kamen, wonderful standup, brought me back a jar of Burgerville spread, and it lasted about four days. I was putting it on everything. Well, I mean, don't you think, Steve, she starts making. making her own stuff. I absolutely, Eric, I think it's great because basically it's like a proof of concept.

Because especially when they don't, like to go in and just tell them this is what I want to do, I think as opposed to telling them, you show them what you want to do. However, I think you're going to need some great ideas. Now, Lindsay, Lindsay, be honest with me. Do you have the goods? Like, can't, like, here's because here's what I'm thinking, sister. I'm thinking what you do. you, I mean, like, you live close to Portland, and there's a lot of talent.

I, I'm, I have grandparents from Salem, so I know I'm very familiar. Name drop. Hey, hey, you know, like, I come from a prestigious family. Old old, old money. No, I'm just kidding. But like what I would do, if I wanted to show a new boss what I can do, I would not tell them about it. I would do it.

First off, that's going to show a lot of gumption on your part. But what I would do, if I'm you, I would do, I would. I would go to some comedy clubs, look at the local theater, see who are the two funniest people in Portland, ask them to do a spec commercial. And, you know, like, and then you can show your boss, but they could run these on Instagram. Like, you don't have to pay to have a digital commercial. This could be like, you could say, like, look, let me be in charge of Instagram. We're going to shoot these little spots. I can direct them.

I can hire an editor. I can do this. But I think you need to come up with like some, I think we need to come up with basically some commercial spots. for you to do for like social media. Eric, what do you think about that? I love that. And then you will just focus on each thing that makes Burgerville special. So it's the regional.

If they're low in fish sales, let's boost those up. Yeah. Because people don't know some of the best fish in the world comes from a burger place. Let me, let me, let me, let me,

let me, I'm going to open up the floor with pitching ideas for commercials. We open up a beautiful pan shot of like a creek and it all of a sudden we, we pan over and we see like an old grandpa and like overalls with this like, little grandson. And the grandpa's like, huh, I sure miss Nancy or miss grandma. It's like, it starts off very sad. Like, ah, my wife just died. Your grandma just died. And then all of a sudden, he's like, you want a burger grandpa? And then he's smiling. It's like, ha, grandma who? And you make him like really funny. I don't know. That might be a little dark for an opening gambit.

But we're just getting the ball rolling. We used to have an improv game called New Choice. Yeah. She's just new choice. New choice, Steve. New choice. I just got new choice by Eric. Okay, listen, what do you got, baby? Come on, come on, come on, pitch me, pitch me, pitch me. We're in the room, Eric. I want to hear your idea. Come on.

Me? Yeah, you. I would do a love letter to Burgerville spread. They have this secret sauce, Steve. I would have like a spread fairy. Okay. This Burgerville spread is so good on everything. You have a magical Burgerville spread fairy

making the world in Portland and Vancouver a happier, better place by sharing Burgerville spread because when my neighbor showed up and there was a jar of burgerville spread on my porch, I about wept. And I immediately went in, cook myself a Beyond Burger and dunked this stuff all over it. It was just so good, Steve. But like, but give me the content. You and I, Eric, we're running an agency.

It's madman. You and I were smoking. We're drinking. Oh, I love it. Like, so here, you said ferry. So what if you're, you're in a Burgerville, right? I'm putting you in a fairy outfit with wings. Well, look, I, uh, and you're floating around doing good deeds, giving Burgerville spread.

and then you're housing burgers, housing fish. But then under the cuff of my long-sleeved shirt, I have a pump, a two-pump, full of this delicious spread. And I'm going around to different people and basically, you know, it's a practical. And drinking a good amount yourself. You're going to have spread all over your beers. I will, it'll be all over the,

that's your lot in life, buddy. I think you lean into like this being a little surreal and a little bit like over-the-top wacky. I think you have a fairy and you have a practical special effect with burger sauce in these. he's it's a bunch of people eating plain burgers like oh this burger's okay I mean it's a burger and also the fairy makes these burgers oh yes because everything's better with burgerville spread and like think about those skittles commercials yeah like they're so surreal and so fun and they're

kind of like little short films they are and they're brilliant and what i also love is skittles is one of the few ones that still does brilliant ads because now my big beef and this is partially my beef for burgerville Steve, what happened to the commercial actor? Now it's all celebrities and the creativity's gone so far down. So this is a chance for you to be an answer to that. To write something real funny, we're putting Steve in Lycra and leggings and pantyhose with fairy wings. And he's going to fly around giving Burgerville spread around the Portland, Vancouver, Tiger, Beaverton metro area. And all of a sudden, Steve's getting a Burgerville check.

you've proven your worth to this to this great Northwest company and that new C.O. is going to save a whole bunch of money that they can put into opening new Burgervilles, which is their goals. They want a lot more burgerville. Oh, the stockholders are going to be happy. Here's another pitch. And maybe it gets

a new choice. But someone's going to have to come up with a pitch you. I can't be the only one here. So, okay, picture this. Tense situation. You have two guys or a guy and a girl, they're standing over trying to defuse a bomb. Do we cut the blue one? to be cut the green wire, to be cut the red wire.

They don't know. But what happens is they're like, well, let's take a quick burger break. They take it by the burger, some of that burger, the burger sauce falls onto the, the bomb, defuses the whole situation. They high five. Burgerville, come and get your thoughts. I mean, that's gold. Yeah.

What about a love letter to the actual fisherman, Steve? Since you're a fisherman, like you start on a boat, the fish aren't biting. Then a little drop of Burgerville spread goes in the water and the fish go crazy. they start jumping in the vote saying, please cook me. Please cook me. We want to be a part of this spread. Because I would dip the fish and chips in the Burgerville spread, not just the tartar sauce.

Let me tell you this. Let me just add a little something. I love what you got cooking there, Eric. We really love that here. But what if instead of a fish, it was a talking burger that you fish out of the thing. Oh, yeah. Then you come and you dip in the sauce. The burger is happy to be eaten now because it has this wonderful sauce on. It's like, look, I'll sacrifice myself gladly if he smothered me with that sauce.

Yeah, the sauce is that good. The fish are willing to die for it. There's your tagline. Sauce, you're willing to die for it. Sauce, you're willing to die for it. That is a good one. Yeah, right? Lindsay, what do you think?

Do you have any ideas? Like, I mean, I think if you, here's the thing, if you're going to low budget, you're doing this on spec and you have a budget like of, I don't know, $800 that you are paying for with your own money, I do think you're going to have to lean into weird, surreal comedy to make a... Yeah. I think if you try to make it safe like a normal national like Burger King commercial,

eh, it's not going to come on. It's not going to... You need to stand out. I think that's what Sonic did so well. I think, like, go back on YouTube and watch those Sonic commercials because, like, they did change the game of, like, TV for, like, at least a hot second, where improv was king and we were, they were just putting...

Like, here's a weird situation. Let these two champs roll. But I think it's... You're going to do this. These commercials need to be like nothing anyone has ever seen before. Does that make sense to you, Linda? Yeah, that's super interesting. I initially called in trying to think of like a job proposal,

like whether that's like a video or like just like a fancy PDF with like somehow Eric's involvement to send Heidi because everyone here is a big fan of Eric. But that's actually interesting doing a commercial. Oh, yeah. No, guess what no one wants to read. Look, if I'm a CEO and someone gives me a PDF, I'm going to use that to roll up a doobie and smoke it. I ain't reading shit.

He's going to roll a duby anyway. He doesn't even have that good Washington weed yet. Yeah, Lindsay, I think you show, don't tell. And I'm thrilled the pass along to Heidi and all the great people in the Bergerville offices. But I seriously think if you show them, you can, and now there's a whole world of creation for you. You shoot that on an iPhone. Yep.

You don't have to pay your actors much of anything. You pay them nothing. And the other thing I'll do is, I'll say this. When you said Burger King, Steve, you know what immediately in my head? Because it's burned in there for life. BK. Have it your way. No rules.

Yeah, yeah. If you can think of a jingle like that for Burgerville, because I don't think Burgerville's ever really had a jingle. Think of a hypnotic jingle that can hypnotize children and are begging their parents for burgers. How about this? And they get the single cheeseburger extra spread. Hey, Jack and Jill walk down that hill and head on over to Burgerville.

Hey, Jack and Jill walk down that hill and head on over to Burgerville. I mean, the onlyville. Use the app and stavor the rewards. I mean, Eric and I, Eric, you with my natural base and your natural baritone, if we were able to harmonize with that, I don't. Are we willing to offer that to Burgerville right now? Because I am. I mean, I will do it with you.

Look, okay, first off, Lindsay, you just got a free tagline for two professionals. Debatable, debatable, but it's something. And there's also a shocking amount of acting talent in Portland. That's where I came up. That's where I learned to act. I did plays at the Oregon Children Civic Theater. Yeah. And kids would get bust in.

And I was the only one they didn't mic because I was so loud. But like, you know, you got Duffy Epstein, Vanna O'Brien. And there's all these incredible Portland actors, Dennis Sparks. You can recruit them. And unfortunately, as actors, we're willing to do stuff these days for $15,200 bucks. And so you get your $800 budget. You put it toward a couple powerhouse Portland actors. You have the theme with Steve and I.

Steve's really going to bring it. He's not going to phone it in. No. We also have the backup idea of Steve as the spread fairy. Yeah. In wings, wearing tights, making the world a better place. Get me on wire. Get me on wire.

Yeah. So now you can shoot this on your own, do it on your own, or send like four different ideas over there to Heidi. And you're basically showing your value in creating your own position because they would love to not be outsourcing and paying someone else anymore. They would love to make this in-house. And you're built for this Lindsay. You got the goods.

Because what you were doing also, like you could be creating a viral moment. Like cut to a year from now, Burgerville may be opening up and be spreading to the Midwest because of your. viral ad. Talk to me, Lindsay. What are you thinking here? Let's talk about this. That sounds super exciting. I came in with a whole different like headset, but this is like super interesting that I'd be totally down to do. I'm going to have to like research first our local arts and acting scene, but I'm totally down to do it. And I would say the fishing one, I might need to cancel that one because that seems a little over my skill set and the small

budget we have. Or sure. Or you could find a local animator that is looking to create a calling card and wants to do more of this too. You kind of can build your own little thing here of saying, hey, I'm working for free. Do you want to work for free? And then you have a calling card. And then we might be working for Burgerville and we might be swimming in Burgerville spread. Okay. Here's a pitch. Here's a pitch that's cheap. Right. Okay. You were going to create like almost like, almost like a cinematic moment. It's going to be the music is. really tense. You open up on a cave, which is very easy to fake.

You will not spend much money. You go out and shoot it in some beautiful forest that you look close to. And it's a guy that almost looks like Indiana Jones-esque. And he is a battery to open up this old sarcophagus. And inside of the sarcophagus, you cut back to his face. It's glowing with golden light. And this music comes of, ah, and it's a jar of Burger Bill sauce. And then Eric's voiceover comes in at the end.

Oh, I love it. Or you can just have Steve say sarcophiles. and we all are going to love it. That's all we need. Look, I could do the voiceover for the actor. The actor, basically, I could be the thought bubble inside the actor's head.

I've been looking for the sarcophagus my whole life. I think we got options, Lindsay. I think so you think about this. You think about what ideas work best for you. And then you email Morgan, we're here to help at gmail.com, and let us know what you need from us

in the next step, because it's very easy for us to fire off some voiceovers for you or anything else. And then I'm telling you, there are some of the most talented actors in the world in Portland, Oregon. I was lucky enough. That's where I did all my training. That's where I became an actor as a small overweight child. And they're out there and they would be willing to help out for Burgerville,

especially you can pay people in Burgerville gift cards. Who doesn't want that? That's what I got my parents for Christmas. Well, okay. So how you feel good? You feel good about the Flinthe? Yes, I feel a little bit nervous, but I'm excited to get the ball rolling. I appreciate the tough love.

I'm spreading my wings. You know, this is my first time. So I need to hear it. And I'm excited. You are spreading your wings like Steve, the Burgerville Ferry. Yes. I can see it. I can see Steve.

I'm okay handing over my Burgerville job to you, Steve. No, no, no, no. You, I can see you as the Burgerville spread fairy, and it is good. I'm not taking your job, Eric. We'll talk about this. No, I'll still do the voiceover, but you're the fairy. Okay. Eric, obviously, well, you're typecasting me now.

Have you played a fairy before? In my, in my dreams. See, now we're making those dreams of reality for you, for Lindsay, for Bergerville, for Vancouver, Washington, which my parents are very funny. They're like, they used to call it Van Tucky. Now, you know what they're calling it, Eric? Manhattan. So you're doing it for Van Hatton, the 360 area code,

Lindsay, you're stuck with us. I should have I've heard of Manhattan. Manhattan. And once I stayed at that hotel in the river, I was at that glorious indigo hotel right on the Columbia River, the mighty Columbia, Steve. What did you got through the song about it? We were caught in there. Oh, yes.

It's great. We did. We documented. Well, this has been fun, Lindsay. Work hard. Get into this. Don't wait. Start today.

Start writing down ideas. We gave you a couple, but come up with your own. And honestly, like grind, grind, grind, grind. You want this job, you are creating something out of thin air. Show, don't tell, Lindsay, and please keep in touch. We're Here to Help is hosted by Jake Johnson and Gareth Reynolds. If you'd like to be on the show, please email us your question at helpful pod at gmail.com. And if you want to watch video episodes of We're Here to Help, you can go to our Patreon at patreon.com

slash here to help pod to see our entire catalog. We're Here to Help is produced by Rabbit Grimm Productions, executive producers Rob Hollis, Jeff Porter, and Natalie Hollis, Associate producer Jesse Thurston, editing mix and master by Chris Foller. The theme song by Oliver Raleigh. The cover artwork is by James Fostike,

animations by Andrew Strelecki. And if you'd like to see Gareth, who stand up on the road, go to garethrenolds.com. Remember all of the advice given on we're here to help is for entertainment purposes only, and all listeners should be adults and make their own decisions. All video episodes of season one are available now on Patreon, and season two video episodes will be available every Monday starting January 20th.

Go to patreon.com forward slash here to help pod. Well, good afternoon. This is your little friend, Stevenberg, and this is a message going out to all you fantastically brilliant vasectomy doctors. I have a little proposal for you all. My wonderful friend and brother, Gareth Reynolds, is looking to get a bisectomy done because he is making the choice to not bring children into this world. And you know what? I respect that opinion.

Nobody wants a bunch of little Gareths running around. Boy, try saying, try pluralizing Gareth with a lisp. That's not easy. Nobody wants a bunch of little Gareth running around when Gareth himself doesn't want that. So doctors out there, what we are looking for,

what we are wanting, if possible, is for you to give our friend Gareth a vasectomy. Now, we'll pay for it. He's got copper. He's got great insurance. That's not the issue. Here comes the little angle we're taking. We would like to document this on a little thing called videotape. This is a plea. This is a call to all vasectomy doctors in the lower 48 in the United States. Please, oh, please, let our little friend, Gareth Reynolds, get a vasectomy and let us videotape it. We're talking to high eight, you know, like a gritty. You know, it'll look good.

It'll be classy. It'll be artsy. You will come off looking like an absolute hero. That's a burgundy. Thank you. Enjoy this message and enjoy this episode. Bye-bye. Hey, I'm Gareth Reynolds, and I have a new podcast on HeadGum called Next We Have.

Now, this show is for people with short attention spans, which is everyone. I mean, you're probably trying to skip this ad right now, but don't. Because you now legally have to listen to the show. That's how law works. Next we have is very simple. Each episode has three short segments. For instance, Lisa Gilroy and I write insane revenge, Yelp reviews for callers who had bad experiences with a business.

The Do Boys play a game called Meal or No Meal, and Steph Tolliv and I go head to head on a thought-provoking game called Guess That Sound. The show is as dumb as it sounds, and we probably have more fun than we should. But it's a great time, and you should listen or watch new episodes of next we have every Thursday on YouTube or your favorite podcast. that.