We're Here to Help - 270: WEIRD Here to Help: Hester's Got Her Groove Back & Crawl Space Nightmare

Episode Date: March 13, 2026

For a special Friday the 13th episode, Eric and Steve help a caller with a hex. Later they get spooked by what a deep voiced Philadelphian has under his stairs.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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Very special Friday. The 13th episode. It's Jason Borey's Day for you kids and animals out there. Eric, I love Friday at 13th. You know why? Steve, I don't know a thing about the history of Friday 13th. I just know I get scared leaving my house on Friday 13th. Smart.

You should be. You should be. You should be. Yeah, a bucket of. Steve, what's the history of Friday 13th? Tell us. I don't really know. Okay, so there was 12 apostles in the old, that little, that book called the Bible.

And I believe there was, I think, I think there was like a 13th. That was like a naughty, like a naughty one. And then that 13th. Maybe it is. I don't, I don't know. I don't know Jack all about. the Bible, never read it, never been to church to worship. Nine years of Catholic school, buddy.

Yeah, I got nothing. I got nothing. My dad's an atheist. So, you know, what am I going to do? We'd have pancakes on Sunday when my brother and my mom would go to church and my dad would eat pancakes and my dad and I don't think I knew this. No, yeah, we split it up. He gave me the choice. I was like, hell no. But if the food for you was a UFO kid. We know what's going to choose. Like, what kind of do? Hey, Steve, you want pancakes to toys or you want to go here about the lowers? That's exactly right.

I think I want those delicious. pancakes and a Star Wars figure. Sign me up with a flapjack, Dad. Yeah, and here we sit. Well, yes, hot cakes have turned me many other direction. But I will say this. I will say this.

The number 13. So folks, whenever I'm into, like, you know, I'm talking about folklore, superstition, superstation, supernatural. It's like, oh, that's, like, dumb stuff. However, people don't understand how important superstition is to even, like, American culture.

And you wouldn't think that as being such a new country. Show me one building in United States that has a 13th floor. Very true. They don't. They do not. Office buildings do not. They, I mean, it is rare. Why is that? It's because of the superstition. That is how powerful folklore and these mythologies and these stories are. They are literally infused in architectures minds when they're creating a building. Think about that. That's amazing, Steve. And I will say, I looked it up. And despite you eating Flap Jackson avoiding church, you were correct. According to Christian tradition,

13 people attended the Last Supper and Jesus was crucified on a Friday, making the combination ominous. Now, this is the one I'd always heard about. It was a bad day for the Knights Templar. Oh, I love the Knights Templar. A lot of stuff, Steve, watch Oak Island, or don't.

It's a quagmire. It's a quagmire. On Friday, October 13, 13.307, King Philip the 4th of France ordered the men mass arrest and torture of the Knights Templar. A date often cited is the historical origin of the superstition. There's also North mythology. And then there's something called the 13th club where Captain William Fowler in the late 19th

Centricated group to combat the superstition by hosting dinners in groups of 13th on the 13th day of the month. And that's what we're doing here. That's exactly right. We are celebrating and leaning into Friday the 13th. Absolutely. Make it a great day, friends. Can I also say, can I also say what, look, look, I love the first, like, most of the, the Nightmare and Elm Street series.

But if you were to give me just in terms of, like, the 80s, the one, not the ones that were made in the 90s, the 1980s, the 1980s of a, a horror movie series, a slasher series, give me Friday the 13th, the original all day long. One through, one through six are incredible, but one through four, especially the fourth one starring with Corey Feldman playing Tommy. So good. You have Crispin Glover in there. playing like a little stoner teenager. You have Corey Feldman at his peak facing off with Jason Vore's. Great film.

It is so good. I love the Friday 13th series so much. So much so that it's still, I can't even go to a hockey game because I'm scared of the hockey mask. Steve, that's sad. It is sad. Plus it's on ice.

I don't understand it. There's no ball. A puck. I don't get it. I don't get hockey. I respect hockey. I think hockey's like jazz. I think you get it as you get older in life.

I've been a peg. I saw four goals. It was a ball. awesome. I'm scared of people who play hockey because I know they would just pulverize my soft little ass. They would kick my ass. Oh yeah. Some five, seven guy from from Ottawa will just destroy it. They don't feel pain. They're used to the cold. They're so tough up there because they grew up in that weather. They grew up in polar vortex is getting getting pucks flung at them. Absolutely. That's a that's

something we don't have. They got maple syrup in their blood, dude. It makes you tougher and stronger. Give me a Canadian maple syrup, Steve. I seek it out. I buy it. Also, we're rooting for for Corey Feldman. He's in the news right now. Now, as of recording on Monday, previous Friday 13th, he's not been invited to the standby me reunion. Why? That's bullshit. I don't know.

He says it's because he's called out. Yeah, well, yeah, yeah. But I hope that that gets fixed. I hope that two days later on what Sunday the 15th, we are really, really rooting. One, Corey Feldman is there. He should be. In front of the pod, our guy, Ethan Hawk, walks away with that Oscar.

Yeah, we love Ethan. He is such a great human, such a great scene partner, and he does things his own way. He's an independent. He's a rogue. Does he still smoke six? I don't think so. You know, he was, I'll be honest. He's being out of the Mercury Lounge with the crew.

He's a magical human being. You know, he was one of the people who made me want to smoke cigarettes when I was young. I saw, he would probably not love hearing that. I saw reality bites. I feel horrible. Oh, no, man, Steve, don't smoke. Oh, no, no, no, you don't want to smoke. There is a scene with Ethan and the wonderful Winona writer in the, in the, in the,

The third act of reality, but it's a great movie. I love. I love, also, I have such reverence for those older Gen X people. They're all my heroes. But there's a scene where he's like, well, all I know is I got this two-day-old coffee and two, in a crush pack of a camel of unfiltered cigarettes. And I remember, be like, that's the coolest thing. Plus, he didn't wash his hair a lot.

I thought that was cool. Like, he's-wash your hair and don't smoke, Steve. He'd be the first to tell you. Well, I don't smoke anymore. I quit a long time ago. He does not smell like cigarettes and his hair smells amazing. I will say, you know what? I wish he did smell.

I do. Yeah, smoking's, well, smoke is bad. But I will say this, when I see a gentleman or a man or woman, they're like, they're like 75 and they're smoking, I'm like, you won, you won life, you beat the odds. You did it. You did it. Well, Jay yelled to me for this, but when I see someone smoking now,

I'm like, to me, that's like somebody playing records. They're bringing it analog, and I think the vaping's worth. I think it gives you popcorn lung. I think your lungs have an easier time filtering out that smoke. Dude, I vape for about six months on the set of, when I was working on the show, Idiot Sitter. people actually like gave me an intervention because I couldn't I wasn't sleeping very much I was like this great it's like uh you can smoke and it doesn't hurt you I my I was like baseline like my heart

was like 200 beats per second I was like on the first of a heart attack dude and finally like Garrett it was like dude you got caught like you're gonna hurt yourself like am I and then they'd have like talk with me and I'd stop faping they wouldn't allow me to do it there's a lesson everybody stop faking have a cigarette once or twice a year but Ethan it's European I bet Ethan's got a snake whatever once a while Well, I hope he sneaks one after wins the Academy Award because I've also bet a lot of money on him on these betting markets. Are you a, did you polymarket bet Ethan Hawk would win? Yeah, a lot.

I bet on Benicio del Toro just for a few years. I love him. He's great. Well, they're big underdogs. And he was not supposed to win. So you bet like $3, you can win $100. Tell you what. So I think Big Daddy Ethan's going to get a whole bunch of money.

Another great older Gen X smoker. Oh, are you kidding? That guy could smoke a cigarette on screen. I'm sorry. I understand. I haven't seen the SARS guard performance. How you cannot give him the Academy Award for Sensei and a few small beers. I don't get it.

A few small beers. This is our Friday's 13th slash Oscars preamble. That's right. Steve, are you ready to take some calls? Oh, I am. I'm footlooth and fancy free. I'm fully juiced, tanked up. Ready to go, brother.

Let's go. You're on. We're here to help on a very special Friday the 13th. This episode of We're Here to Help is brought to you by. Squarespace. Oh, we love Squarespace. We use Squarespace on the show. I use Squarespace in my real life, all my websites. I have a bunch of them. They've been doing it for a long time. I've been working with Squarespace for a while because they are the best. It's how you build your own brand. They give you all the tools. They also give you ways to showcase what you're offering to people.

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Hello. Well, my friend, I weren't expecting any professional anyway, Steve. Are you kidding? Come on. We were doing Rayman's Eric bits and also we just know that there's a collar on. Well, my friend, it seems you have found

weird here to help. with Eric Elstein and Steve Eauberg. Is there, could you please tell us what your name is and where you're calling from? Sure. I'm Hester and I'm calling from Virginia. The Great State of Virginia. Okay. I'm trying to think of like a piece of trivia.

Well, I'll tell you, UVA is where Steve Malcolm, and David Berman and Bob Nostanovich all went to college together. Basically essentially where the band pavement and silver juice comes from. you're not going to talk that so you know Thomas Jefferson can go to hell I guess yeah yeah because you know what Malcolm mr. David Berman never had slaves yeah that's true there we go oh yeah come on poor sally hammings so hester first off lovely name uh you were the first hester i think i've ever spoken to him in in my life yeah so love love the name beautiful now if you were on a deserted island without thinking giving this

much thought. You can take one film or premium television show, one book, and then one album. What would they be? Okay. I feel like movie is the easiest because I would take the 1999, The Mummy with Brandon Fraser and Rachel Wife. Love it. Fun, yeah. Kind of needs all your basic survival needs, you know? Yeah, it does. It does. But Canon for this podcast is the only mummy that matters is the Jake Johnson one. True, true, true. Sorry, he signs our paychecks. He blows Brendan

Frazier out of the water. Frazier's probably better at playing a fat guy. I thought he was going to say he blows Brennan Frazier in the mummy. We can get that greenlet. Are you kidding? If Jake's willing to fucking take off his judgment hat, we can really move something now. You want to get some art, Jake. I watch

that, man. Jake, it's just skin. They're offering you a lot of money, buddy. But no, that that mummy's a great. And Brendan, Frazier. I'm just going to say he's a friend of the pod. Yeah, he's. I think we'd love him. We got to get him on. He's such a great human being. I love him. School type. Fucking classic. Come on. He seems like a sweet man. You know, like one of those people who seems like a real guy. I think he is. I've never heard of bad. This town is like a bunch of gossips,

and it's kind of like a tiny little small town. I've never heard one bad word about it. People love the guy. No, we're on Team Farage over here. Now, what book would you bring? book is really hard um i think i would do poetry um because i feel like every time you read it you get something different out of it sure that's smart for an island endlessly fascinating yeah like do you know what book of poetry or author i think maybe like that i have a collected works of roomy translated by coleman barks that i really like a lot great roomy it is i have a roomy book friend we'll allow it. I can't lie to you though.

It's just been on my bookshelf. I got to get in the right framework to finally tackle it. But there's so many roomy clothes I'll tell you what. When I was working at Barnes & Noble in Santa Monica, the Third Street Promenade back in 2001, Ruby books were flying off the shelf. They were flying off the fucking shelf. You couldn't keep them in stock.

People want enlightenment by the ocean. Oh, yeah, they do. And Rumi will help get them there. They do. And then that's where. the all fascist yoga started. Anyways, that's neither here nor there. I don't think Rumi

without the fascist yoga. No, no, no. I'm not. The fascist yoga off the island. I'm not blaming. Rumi had nothing to do with that. But what album would you bring? I would do Nick Cave in the Betts.

Hell yeah. The boatman's call. Okay. That is a great record. Yeah, he's like a lot of really great listen-throughs, but that's my favorite. Hester, let me ask you a question, and it's very serious. How do you think Eric, Edelstein, and old Steve Oberg can help you today?

Well, so I have felt this year, like I started off 2026 with a little bit of a hex, and I think I need some help removing it, because I've taken hexes off of friends, And I've also, like, I work in a field of healing and caring for people. And I feel like I put a lot of good energy out there. But I feel a little bit stuck in some negativity recently. And I don't know. I just, I need a hard reset. Okay.

Well, you don't know the root cause of the negativity. Like, did something happen? Or is it just kind of an overall, like, like, a feeling of, you know, like a blah, like, blah. Like, blah. You're like, ugh, nothing excites me right now. Or is it just like you feel like dreadful, like, oh, this is a nightmare. So like in within the span of two weeks, really toward the beginning of this year, I got dumped. Oh, man.

You know, it was amicable and I wish my ex all the best and hope that he finds the journey that he needs. But then like right after. Yeah, I was just going to say, fuck this guy. Yeah. He used to find a legitimate enemy of the podcast. we have and I'm putting a hex and I'm putting a spiritual. No, no, no, don't say that. No, I don't need him.

I'm kidding. I don't need him to be a villain to have a happy ending, you know. You're more enlightened than us. You want to host this? Yeah, I needed this. You are a healer. I can tell. I was ready. I was ready to go suck this guy. You brought me back to my divine feminine and I thank you. You unhaxed Eric. Thank you. Truly. Oh, wow. Oh, cool. Well, that's really something. If you ever want me to come on and give you some advice, I'm happy to do so. I need it. Yeah, oh, you're so cool, though.

But yeah, so I got dumped nicely, but it hurt. And then right after that, I got rejected by a grad school that I really, really wanted to go to that a lot of people, including people who taught there, thought I was pretty certain to get into. And I didn't even get an interview and that hurt. And then right after that, I got a sinus infection that lasts like two weeks. Okay. And then the snowstorm happened and we were all trapped in our houses. So it's like I was trapped in my house.

I was sick. I was heartbroken. And my whole template for what my year was going to look like starting this doctorate program just kind of went away. And that was when I wrote to you guys because I was like, I bet they could help me success. Oh, we can. So essentially, I'm going to use this. metaphor, Stella needs to get her groove back.

Yeah, I think so. Right? Stella needs to get her groove back. And that is, it's one of Steve's favorite movies. I can't tell you how many times he smokes a joint, throws on Stella gets a groove back. He starts crying. Oh, I cried. And like, like real tears.

It's a very sweet thing. An ugly cry. But I also do you want to say with the spirit of enlightenment and love, fuck that grad school. Yeah. They made a big mistake. I will also say this, just to start, some of the things have been most disappointed in life and was, couldn't believe it, ended up being the best thing ever because another opportunity cropped up in an amazing way.

Like, I've lamented jobs I didn't get. And it's, I was so upset. And then something else truly magical happened. And you, I can tell from your energy, you kind of know you're in a flow and you, I don't think you were supposed to go there or at least not supposed to go there then. And this other, you know, your ex, I think you graduated. you learned you moved on but like all this now and like you know it's at least it all came at once and a netty pot's great for sinus it's just incredible right some saline little essential oils

um 10 milligrams of edible we've talked in here before about the idea of enchanting your life and i think this is an incredible invitation to start enchanting your life today and like having a whole bunch of, I can tell also sometimes you have a spiritual deficit if you're helping and not care enough about yourself. So I'm giving you first off full permission, enchant your life, go out there, have some fun, have some me time, get the scallops, have some fried food, crank knit cave, like, and then I would also say with all, you know, do it in an intentional way, burn some sage, burn some Palosanto and bid goodbye. the grad school, the X, the sinus infection, all of that stuff, and blast Nick Cave,

and then put on some happy music, put on some Kenny Loggins and just forget everything ever happened. Eric, I think that is all wonderful advice. I, this is kind of a personal question. Would you possibly have a little, I know you're a student, a little extra money to take a weekend trip? Yeah, I actually, so I'm not currently. student. I'm, I was going back into school. So I'm lucky in that, you know, I'm doing pretty good. In fact, going back to school would have involved a big amount of sacrifice, but I could totally get away for a little bit. Yeah. Because here's what I'm thinking, friend. Like whenever like something in my career goes sideways or life goes sideways, what helps me is to find a hobby or an interest that has nothing to do with work.

or making money. I think you need to go on a sojourn, a journey of a chance in your life, doing something, even maybe you're a little nervous to do. Is there something you've always wanted to do, but you're like, oh, I don't know,

maybe in my next life. Like, if there's something you've always wanted to do, within reason, obviously, like, you know, you can't go to the moon just willy-nilly unless you come,

well, maybe you can. Not yet, Steve. Not yet. Not yet. We'll be offering trips soon. But, like, is there something you've always wanted to do but that kind of fell out of reach just with like, oh, I don't know if I have, you know, the fort or two to do something like that.

But like, what are your interests in life that do not have to do with work? Yeah. Well, I love nature. I'm an artist. I make music. I write. You know, I've been wanting to do more hiking and camping and maybe like some backpacking. Because I, yeah, you kind of hit the nail on the head.

But I definitely have a deficit. I give a lot and I don't always necessarily balance that with enough self-care. Right, right. Well, it's hard because I think Steve and I are both people that try to give as well. But you realize, and I'm sure you know this, that sometimes it's harder to give if you're not in your best place. So it's just taking a little, it's not selfish to take more me time and to recharge your own energy. Now, in Virginia, are you in like the D.C. Maryland kind of near there? Yeah, yeah.

Okay, there is a shaman spiritual hero and life coach named Beatrice Polygony that I've heard some amazing things about. Wait, what you've heard because you just. There's a buzz. There's a buzz. There's online reviews that I'm seeing that I like. They have a website. Eric's like, I'm hearing great things. They've got, they've got a website.

She's got space energy clearing. she's got shamanic healing. Look, we can also, it's very important that our healers also have healers, Steve. Yeah, sure, sure. It's like a dentiff, need the dentist. They can't give her a filter, a new canal.

No, they can. If they do, it probably won't go well. There's not enough nitrous in the world to get through that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So there is Beatrice polygny at allowing the light. And so you can look her up.

But also, I'm going to ask you this. Is there like a secret kind of dream you have or something you wish that you've done? That always seemed a little bit too crazy to kind of pursue that you're like, that's where I'm getting it. Yeah, that doesn't, that's, that's for down the road or something. It might be now. Do you have something?

I feel like you do. Yeah, like an experience or something. What is it? I mean, I've been, so I went through the Southwest when I was on tour with my friends' bands a few years ago. Oh, yeah. And I really fell in love with it. And the thing that I've really been longing for,

that might not be like easy for a weekend or whatever would be. to go back out to New Mexico or Arizona. Oh, yes. Like a really long through hike. I love like multi-day hikes. I got a pitch for you. Okay. Usually I don't pitch to this,

but it seems like a one-stop shop. And Eric, I think this might satiate what you're talking about to. A little place called Sedona, Arizona. Oh, okay. Do you know about the portals? I don't. I have a.

book behind me of the portals. Oh my gosh. There's a haunted ranch around there. But also stay away from the haunted ranch. Stay away from the haunted ranch. I'll give you the coordinates. I went to the vortex. The vortexes, you will feel them.

And only problem, you know how you have to get there? You hike. Yes. It's a glorious hike. There's also, I would highly recommend you could do it one trip too. Tows New Mexico. Steve, do you know that you can rent Dennis Hopper's old house? Oh, God.

You can, yeah, it is now a retreat. You can stay in his room where he edited Easy Writer for like 160 bucks a night. I bet there is, I bet there is cocaine stuff in those walls somewhere. Probably. I looked. It's, you know, we'll see. Can I bring a straw? I think so.

Absolutely. Don't get cheated, but just get paper straw. Yeah, yeah. Steve is so right. Steve, just, Sedona, will you explain the science behind Sedona and what those vortexes are? because they're powerful. And I went with a skeptical friend who was kind of quiet in the car

and like, all right, there's something there. But I think it's more, there's a scientific reason, spiritual. But yeah, there's something there.

Well, the draw for, to sit down for me isn't necessarily like the new wage economy there because it is full of charlatans. No offense. Derek,

I'm sorry, but I think it is. I'm a friendly charlatan, okay? I wasn't saying you're a charlatan. I am. I admit it. That's what it's podcasted.

I'm a von Daniken for the, New Age. Yeah, well, that's, I wouldn't argue with that. But the whole economy there is new age. How well? However, I think it doesn't matter if you're into that shit or not. I actually am particularly not into New Age stuff. But I love being around the ephemera and the people because it is honestly like going

to another planet. You will see a guy with like a triangle on its head, you know, they've had in his head since 1979. It is full of total deep weirdness. It draws people from all over the world because of the quote unquote vortex energy. I went on a vortex tour, didn't feel a thing. But I love the lore and the folklore behind it. Because your inner child's dead.

Yeah. I think you're probably right. I like that on both levels. I feel. I think you're probably right. There's also, Steve, did you do the alien, the UFO tour when you were there? Yeah, I know. Because apparently you see so much stuff out there.

That there's ideas that the aliens have done. I can't believe I'm the one saying this is not you. But again, my friend that was skeptical said they saw tons of crazy unexplained shit. There is a woman named Melinda Leslie who gives nighttime UFO tours. She provides infrared glasses and you drive around pink jeeps. And it's actually a very fun tour. Her name is Melinda Leslie. But the thing is, this kind of ticks all the boxes because going from Virginia to Sedona,

it is just going to be such a huge 180 difference from your normal environment. I think getting out of your everyday environment, it's so healthy and wonderful. And also, you will go there and you will laugh at some of these people. Go and take, like, have a spa day while you're there. Go take like a weird seminar about like, you know, like astral projection. Honestly, if anything, it will give you this. I think for me, when I'm down in a little bit of a rut, how I bail myself out of it is...

Weed? Well, of course, that's step one. Okay. Right? But then once I get the weed in my system, I plan. I plan an adventure. And an adventure doesn't mean I'm like going to the Amazon jungle. It could be like I'm driving to a small town of South Dakota where a big foot was

seen crossing the street and then turned to a bunny rabbit. Like I love folklore so much. So I'm kind of a legend tripper, I suppose. Me too, yeah. My idea of a vacation is to go somewhere where weird stuff is happening and then embed myself in that. And I'm telling you, people who are total normies in my life, I have told them to go do this and they all love it because like getting out of your comfort zone helps you grow and i'm telling

you the moment you book yourself a trip you're going to start feeling better that is going to be just actually doing the action of planning and then you can i mean like you go with a friend if you want but i also recommend doing a solo house still got our groove back oh right we're both big solo travelers has to uh-huh there is something right it's so fun and it's great. You don't have to worry about anyone else. You know, you have anyone worried about what you're ordering. Like, you can get eggs at the side of eggs. Yeah. And like, nobody's there to judge you. Also, you know, you get those red and green chilies in the Southwest. I'm getting them delivered now. Yeah. But like, it always comes back to the meals for us, as you know. But I, I truly think, like,

there's magic and solo traveling. And you'll, you will find what you need. We just want a postcard. You sound like you already like nature. I think you kind of are maybe one. I think, Like, you know, we all get stuck in these, like, weird little zones in our middle age. And I think you can snap yourself out of it by putting your, embedding yourself in a very weird environment. I like that. You know, I collect a folklore ghost storybook everywhere I travel. I have, like, two full bookshelves of them now. And I feel like I could probably fill a third at Sedona from the south of it.

Right. Well, Sedona is just the first place that comes to mind because it's a different environment than, Virginia, the landscape's different. The folklore is going to be different. The people are absolutely going to be different because there's really nowhere like Sedona. I mean, there's a couple places that are like, you know, New Age havens too. But if you want like the most quintessential, freaky, like little town, Sedona, Arizona is your bet.

Those are the Palatki Heritage Tours and the Honankee Heritage Site. And those are both indigenous. they will take you on tours and these pictographs and petroglyphs will blow your ever-loven minds. They're amazing. It's one of the best things ever did, to be honest. Oh, that sounds so incredible. Thank you guys.

I'm excited. I think I'm going to start looking at dates. Yeah, do. I love it. I love it. And if anything weird happens, you just call Steve Berg, and he knows people in Sedona. He's basically the mayor out there. Yeah. They had Bigfoot sightings. Did I just drop his name?

Just drop that name everywhere you go. Drop my name. Yeah, you got that name everywhere you go. You'll get a table anywhere in town. Anywhere in town. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. And by the way, his restraining orders up. That was just a bunch of, you know, that was a disagreement with a diner owner had an accident.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I will say this too. The food is very good there. They do a lot of southwestern kind of style, like stacked engine a lot out, like, you know, had they do in New Mexico. And it's close enough to where they get the same chili. They'll import the chilies over from New Mexico. So, I mean, like, you'll eat well, which is very important to me. I will not go anywhere where the food's not decent.

No. Oh, I agree. I'm not an animal. That seems silly. You're an animal. So, Hester, what do you think? Like, what's grabbing you about some of these ideas? Do you think maybe there's some of you consider?

I mean, like, in this location is really arbitrary. Whatever is calling you, I would say, go to. Honestly, I think Sedone is calling me. Like, here's the thing is that for, like, the last couple of years, I've been talking with my best friend, Gwen, who helped. talked me into going on the show today. Hell yeah, Glenn. Please thank her. Right on Glenn.

Yeah. Yeah. And, you know, I've been trying to find a time to do a Southwest trip and nothing really felt right. Like, it just, it didn't feel like the right time or I couldn't think of the right itinerary. But the more you guys talk about Sedona, it actually, it checks off a lot of boxes because I'm a legend tripper too. And like Gwen and I go to a lot of local legend spots together.

Or I collect those story books. I love it on both levels. Like I love letting the believer part of me get into it and feel the vibe. And then I also love the sort of observer part of me, just enjoy the weird and the people watching. That's it. Yeah. That's the good stuff. Yeah.

I think it sounds like there's just a lot there for me. Like a lot that I find energizing and spiritually fulfilling and amusing and fun. it sounds nice. Like I feel better just thinking about it. Oh, that's so good. I mean, Eric,

adventure is, it's life sustaining, you know? I mean, it's my life's fault. And you can tell she's, you know, she's one of us.

Hester, enjoy. This is your sojourn. This is your time. This is all about, I think the name of this episode is how Hester got her groove back. Oh my gosh. Oh,

goodness. That's got to be the title. It is. It's your time. It's Hester time. We're living in Hester time now. Yeah. We bow to you and we want a full update and report about your trip, okay?

Yep. Like Devin Hester, run all those balls back. Okay. I will let you know. That was a terrible sports joke. Terrible sports joke. I have no idea. I have no idea what it means.

It's fine. No, Hester Pryn is the good one. I barely do either. It's showed. Hester, good luck. Have the best time. This is going to open up a whole new world of possibilities. And fuck grad school.

They suck. Whoever that boyfriend was, he's a deadbeat. and you go focus on yourself, sister. Okay, thank you so much, you guys. You made me feel a lot better. Good. Oh, we're so glad that makes our day, Hester. And you're stuck with us, so let us know about your trip.

Yep. I will. Thank you so much. And if you're playing music out here, if you're touring to L.A., you let us know, because you know live music's our thing. Yeah. I will.

I will. Done, done. Thank you. Bye, buddy. All right. Bye, friend. This episode has been brought to you by the great quince. Let me tell you a little bit about Quinn's clothing.

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Offer valid while supplies last. Free meals applied as discount on first box. New subscribers only varies by plan. Well, well, well, Steve, we have a caller. Oh, caller. What is your name or a name you're choosing to use? And where are you calling from? I am Will and I'm calling from Philadelphia.

Will, I love Philadelphia. Brotherly love. You have an incredible deep voice or are you enhancing and changing your voice lately? I'm sorry? No, I'm not enhancing or changing it. I can go higher though if you prefer. You are voiceovers, big loss. You have an incredible voice.

better than mine. Thank you for a racket. Truly, my friend. I love Philadelphia, by the way. I think, Will, that the whole city of brotherly love thing in Philadelphia is incredibly true. I found some of the nicest people in the world in Philadelphia. I agree.

I'm not from here originally, but I moved here a few years ago, and I love it. Yeah, shockingly great. Where are you from originally? I'm curious. I'm from Long Island in New York. Oh, yeah. Strong Island. Day-Law-S-L-L-L-L-Lit.

Get it. Woutang. Wu-Tang. Well, you're on a desert island. You can only bring one album, one movie or premium television show, and one book. What are they going to be, Will, with the incredible bassy voice? All right. So I knew this is coming, but I do not prepare for this question.

That's fine. We want spontaneity. We love that. Okay. But you can't think. Okay. So I just thought pieces together today. So I'm going to go with her new album.

Great. So rude. No lube. So rude. Yeah. Great album. Hell, yeah. And then it was TV show or film and then...

TV show or film. I'm going to go with Before Sunset. That's my favorite movie. Oh, yeah. Richard Linklater. Is that my guy? Ethan Hawk? That's Ethan.

Yeah. Boy. Which, you're Eric, your former co-worker. Julie Delpy. He's the best. Don't meet your heroes is bullshit. He's the coolest. Have you seen me in the lowdown with him?

I did. I was disappointed you weren't not in it more. Trust me. They milked it, though. To get four episodes out of that, it's a lot of flashbacks. I'm very happy. Ethan is the coolest.

So already, buddy, we're on the big time same page with that movie because Ethan Brules is a hero. What about a piece of literature, friend? I'm going to go with someone who will love you. What is it called? Sorry, I'm looking at someone who will love you with all your damage of glory.

I always messed up to. title. It's a great title. It's a book by by Raphael Bob Waxberg who created BoJack Horseman. It's like a bunch of short stories about love and identity.

You have good taste. Great taste. One of us. Will, what's on your mind today? How can Eric and I help you? All right. So this question, I don't know if it's weird enough for you guys,

but it might be. So my ex and I split up about a year ago. They are an artist. and they moved into a smaller apartment so they couldn't store all their stuff so I agreed to hold on to their sculpture which I'm not sure if you guys have the picture

but it's about six feet tall it's sort of like a self-portrait soft sculpture of a human body with you know hands and feet and stuff and so we wrapped in the cellophane and I put it on the bottom of a deep closet in my apartment

and after doing so I realized it kind of looks like a dead body. I was going to say wrapped in plastic. The thematic here. Laura Palmer. Okay, okay, Morgan, can we see a picture of this? Oh, my God, okay. I'm calling the cops, right?

I'm calling me up. I think this is a giant front. I think you're playing chess. Oh, I have a sculpture. Oh, and look at that. There's two neighbors missing. He was in my crawl space. I was just saying, by the way, that is a literal crawl space.

I mean, I'm not just doing like the whole like, I check the crawl space. This is actually, it looks like a dead body wrapped in plastic in the crawl space. Yeah. First question, like, why aren't you displaying it?

Why is it wrapped in plastic? Like, do you not want to display it? So, um, I mean, part of it is I am a single man now. And I think it'd be weird to bring someone over to my apartment with a sculpture with my

ex's face on it. Like it's like a silicone face. Oh, it's of your ex. It's like, Yeah, yeah. I didn't put that together. I didn't put that together. Okay.

Well, I'm going to start with this. As long as that sculpture's in your home, you're in trench with your ex. Yeah. Exactly. Yeah, you can't move on until that's, that's there. I mean,

I don't agree with that. Like, we're buddies. Like, I think everything's cold there. But, I mean, I don't know, buddy.

I feel. I think it's great. Your friends, that tells us a lot about you. And you're definitely, weird here listener to be on such great terms with your ex. But yeah, see why you're not displaying it. But so is the main reason you're calling that you want to know how to diplomatically get rid of this?

Either that or like have a way to explain it to people like, I don't know. Someone goes to your own my closet to get paper towel or something. Say, hey, by the way, it's not a body in there. You know, I'm going to reference a fine film of the early 1990s called The Naked Gun. And Eric, do you remember in the first? first act of the movie where Frank Dreben is driving to the place in San Diego, and there's these two mounds that look like breasts. And he goes, everywhere I look, I'm always reminded of her.

And I feel like we might be in a Frank Dreven situation here. Okay, okay, well, well, well, we have a lot to discuss here. So, okay. For first, I didn't put together that this was in her likeness. Yeah. Interesting. I mean, even if you're friends, okay, so you, Is the big what, like, you want to display it,

but you want like a nice, quick, easy story for any potential dates that might come over? I mean, I don't know if I wanted to display it. Like, it's a great piece of art, I think. But, yeah, I don't know. Maybe it may be able to display. So here's the million-dollar question, Will. Why can't your ex have it?

Why is it at your place? So the apartment they moved into is very small. Or like the storage space, like they don't have a lot of storage. Okay. This is a very big piece. How long? So you broke up a year ago, right? You said about a year ago.

How long have you been storing for a year in the crawl space? No. So for a while it was actually just like sitting out. So I finished out our lease downstairs and then it was just sitting in the apartment kind of on display a little bit. And then when I moved, so I moved into a new apartment above my old apartment, that's smaller. Okay.

And that's when I wrapped it up. And that was how long ago? A few months ago. And then it set out for a bit in this apartment until we could wrap it because rapping it was a whole or deal. But it's been in the closet for about a month or two. I mean, well, look, I mean, obviously we're different people from probably different walks of life.

But we have different commonalities. You have good taste of music. Thank you. Here's the thing. I am a big believer. on, you know, pushing forward while acknowledging and honoring the past. But I think, I think you have in terms of like the time limit of storing something for a friend, three months is generous from where I come from.

Like I have been in the situation. Like, Eric, you know, in L.A., people are coming. They're going. They're moving. Like, oh, okay, store this lovesie here. And you're like, sure, man. But after like a month, I'm like, hey, buddy, you need to pick this out or figure out a different situation because an apartment is a finite amount of space.

and every inch counts. And also it's like, I got to admit, man, like if I'm going over, like, if I was going over to like someone's house, you know, like a first day and they're like, hey, you want to come over? This has been a great night. We just had some Philly cheese steak sandwiches and pictures of beer. Let's go. Let's go.

Probably not. They probably didn't do that, Steve. It's a hollow stereotype of Philadelphia. It's a great, it's a great sandwich. I mean, it's a great family. Go. All right. All right.

I stand corrected. I'm wrong. It's a great sandwich. It's a great sandwich. It gets a wince. Whizz or no whiz. Both. I think so.

But if a date comes over to your house and you have this, this, first off, if they were to accidentally, like, ah, what's this? And they open it up and that's the crawl space. They're jumping out the window if they were smart. Yeah, you're running for life. That's, that, that's fucking serial killer shit right there. Now, I'm not saying you are, but like, if I, the way it's displayed right now, it's crazier in hell. Now, here's the other. Here's a pitch I have, Will. What if you lean into it?

What if you display it? And because I think it's actually a great thing. I think it's great advertising for our buddy Will of the thrill of like, I'm so cool of my ex. I have their art up. Yeah. Or if seeing their face is keeping you from moving on or focusing your current date, you go on to Alibaba, you order yourself an Elvis or a William Shatner mask and never look back. Oh, good. decorated for Halloween. That's Santa at Christmas or Hanukkah Harry. It becomes a totem of all these holidays.

Well, well. Because I think right now it's terrifying. The way it's wrapped up is terrifying and you're going to have people cutting through your screen door to escape. But if you have it up and you're like, oh yeah, that's my exes, but I'm so cool with them. I'm holding out of their stuff for them. I think that's a gold star in Will's column, Steve.

I don't disagree. I also say that it's funny you said Halloween and that mask because William Shatner, the Michael Myers mask is based on William Shatner. And I'm not getting in a residuals. They made seven pictures tape. Now I'm one. That's not one. He's making a metal album now.

Did you hear about that? I, you know, I'll buy a day one. And I'll be there if he does a signing. I'm going to the Burbank. I'm going to the Burbank collector's show next month to get my Transform man sign. Yeah, just a little. Which I talked to him once about it. I'm like, I blast a Transformer Man, Bill.

with the top down people love it. Oh, God, do they really? Quick side. Hey, quick side. Mr. Tambourine man. Quick side note, though. Mr. Tambourine man. Erica and I one time saw William Shatner,

where the fuck were you? Thousand Oaks. I mean, yeah, the Canyon Club. I drink 17 bottles of cheap red wine sitting at the table. I mean, I remember I couldn't even walk and it was a shit show for me.

I was swallie. Oh, it was a shit show for all of us because we also went to Wendy's and Burger King Drive-through within the same out. Exactly. that's what some people might call a low moment. Well, Will, what do you think about displaying it? Like, actually leading into this and putting it out.

So I wasn't down for displaying it as is, but I think decorating it, I don't know why I didn't think about it. I think that is a great idea. Yeah. Have fun. Like, dress it as Elvis, dress it as Santa. Dress it as David Lynch. Like, there's so much fun, Philadelphia. I love this.

World Series. Right. You throw a Bryce Harper jersey on that thing. Alan Iverson. Oh, yeah. We love Iverson. We're here to help. Look, I love the idea of, so, like, I really love the idea of taking, like, a Philadelphia icon who you find a person of significance, whether it's an artist, athlete, or just a good Samaritan, and dressing it in their likeness.

I think that would be so fun and so cool. And probably, I mean, like, if you put it up as is, who, I don't know, man. That's, that's creeps still right there. And then I'll honestly, even if, even if no one's looking in that crawl space, knowing that that thing's in the cross space, that's one of the scariest pictures I've ever seen in my entire life, Will. You might have scarred me for life. Well, because it's not standing. It's on the ground. I bet if you unfurled it, Will is clearly only going to be with the talented artist.

And I bet they did an incredible piece. And now, you know, we're going to bring this thing out and let it be seen. There might be a mask on it at times. but like we're you know plow on the ground and we're bringing up something fertile now the sicko bit the sick oh way would be go to get a couple other mannequins and wrap them up in plastic and put them in that crawl space and there's like three or four okay just like leaning into it go put up a sign that says fuck you mom so what i went the band i am an artist what we're going to say yeah there's a lot you can do here will and honestly i think the idea

of hiding it because of dates, I think it's something you lean into. Like the second I heard that you're genuinely cool with your ex, that's how you judge a lot of people. Like, I love those friends where it's like, you go to their birthday parties. Like my friend, you know, she's friends with three or four of her exes

that she lived with for years. And I'm like, what a feather in her cap? They have all these people. There are no secrets. There's no boundaries. It's all just skin. And they're still friends. You know?

Wait, can you preach that one more time? Will. I think, what is it all? I don't think I got that. No, I try. He got it. Will got it. Well,

those of us with deep, beautiful voices understand each other, Steve. Yeah. Sorry. Also, Will,

you got to do voice work. Like, at least look into it. Like, you have one of the great voices I've ever heard. Well, so like,

let's pitch some ideas of people you would consider dressing up as in terms of a likeness. I mean, honestly, the first one that I would probably do David Lynch

because that hair would be fun to play with. You can really have. Oh, right? and put like a nice, like, you know, black blazer, black tie, put an American spirit in the, in the fingertips. I mean, that could be pretty cool. But you can also do Ethan Hawk from the lowdown. Get that denim jacket.

Is he Phil. Is he Philadelphia? No, but he likes his movie and I like him. That's a good point. We love Ethan, too. Eric, to build off of that, I mean, I could do Eric Edelstein from the lowdown. Thank you. Hold on.

Now we're cooking. You know, now we're dipping a tone to white supremac. and what I played in that. And, you know, but I like where you're going. I like where you're going. You could do me from Jurassic World with a big chunk bitten out of me. But I like where you're going there.

And then I'm going to be on a new show called The Burroughs. And I'll send you my sheriff's jacket for that if you ever want to do that. Are you a sheriff? Celebrate back as it comes out May 21st. You're a sheriff in that? It's security, but I'm basically a sheriff. Yeah, you'll see, Steve. There's a whole world to unrap.

But like, I love the idea of him celebrating me with this art. Yeah, me too. Me too. I love it. And you. We can mix in you. Your ghost's characters dress like Mr. Furley. It's iconic.

It is. I do think I can tell you a calendar right next to it. Oh, there we go. There we go. Now we're embracing. We're opening the space and things are flowing. You can have a weird here to help corner. I love this.

I think, actually, Eric, when you said the, because the moment you get killed in Jurassic Park is so iconic and so fucking amazing. I thought in the theater. I think we were all together. I don't know. I was a John. I think I was with Johnson. I think we were. Surprising, I think we were hammered.

I know we were. I know we were. Wow, we used to drink a lot, Will. Oh, Road of Excessus of Pallas of Wisdom, Will. Yeah. But I, okay, Eric is dressed amazing in that scene. Look, go back and watch that or pull up some. You'll easily be able to find some stills of Eric in that.

That would be my vote because it's so iconic. You could even have some phone. like he has a chunk ripped out of him. You could have a little dinosaur next me and you can buy that outfit online too. Oh my God. Can you really? Yeah, you can buy that out. And in the Jurassic World, Jurassic Park Museum in Hawaii, they've got a fake me.

Are you serious? Yeah. And then in Universal at the Jurassic ride, they got someone dressed like me. Are you getting residual for this? No, I'm not. They apparently put a fake big stomach on him at Universal. Okay, we have a lawsuit. We'll talk about that off the year.

Thank you. I know a guy. You're not involved in this lawsuit. You are. Will, you're going to get a taste of this. I appreciate that. I love a good loss. Well, I think this is awesome because you can also just rotate that up. So you're going to continually dress it up when Ghost premieres.

You're going to put it in Steve's outfit. Tonight, see that at that. Hold on. Does your episode premiere tonight? It does. It does. Hold on. You serious? Oh, yeah. But Dylan's going to hear this live. Hold on. You're head to head with me on Law & Order. Watch Steve. Oh, no.

Watch Steve. No one needs to see me have a child that cage. Watch Steve Berg. Please. I support Steve Berg and ghost more than me having a child in a cage. Watch Eric. We're head to head, Byr. How about that? And I'm a much better actor than I. You'll be no. No, no, I have a child in a cage, Will. Watch Steve Berg. Watch the funniest man alive. Oh, I love we're both on TV tonight, Steve. That's a good thing. Will, you're part of this. You're part of the celebration. Because we both have had lean moments so we don't take this lightly. Yeah, exactly. We can go back and watch both of them, so don't worry.

Okay, thank you. All right, Will, yeah. Will, you're here to help. Well, you know, it's like, it's like, well, I think, I think Will actually helped us. You know, more than we helped him. Exactly, right, because we basically talked him into creating it. Thank you. Craig.

Do we have to send him our paycheck? Yeah, exactly. Well, checks the mail. Jake Jots, it's got to check on the way to you, Will. Okay. That first cost is going to be paid for with New Girl residual residuals. Yeah. To create a mini-Smithsonian of, you know, your, your dedication to

the show and us buddy i mean what more can i say i think that's this a dream comes true i mean so will you know what i'm going to say now you are stuck with us and we want to be involved in this evolving costume so send us pictures i would also love in the spirit of this podcast since we think it's awesome you're on such good terms with your ex i would love a picture of you your ex and the costume and it's dressed up and if they're offended by any mask play say these two big yahoos on the internet asked me to do this, but we're also honoring your artistic piece instead of having it hidden like a terrifying body in a cross space. Well, well, for you just for the sake of the universe and my own, uh, me being able to

sleep at night. Let's get that thing on the crawl space sooner or later later, my man, because that is truly, I hopefully we can, we can post that, uh, you know, when we like release this, we'll maybe post it can be Harrison, but because people should see. I mean, if you're okay with that, well, if we have your. I mean, I'm saying it as a bit. It's very, it's funny, but also it's genuinely. They're terrifying.

That is what, that's why I'm here. I mean, I'm here to help you guys. But that's why we let it out. Yeah. Often a thing we do on this is lean into it. Yeah. And we're going to lean into this glorious piece of art. We're going to glean into your ex's incredible talent.

Yep. And your incredible, still great relationship with them. And it's just on. I can't wait to see this glorious sculpture dressed as Alan Iverson. Oh, can you imagine AI? The answer. The answer.

He called with a question and the answer was the answer. Absolutely. And if, well, you feel good? Do we help today? I think you helped us more. I mean, yeah, but it goes both ways. Yeah. It goes greatly helped.

Just to the audience, don't forget, much long order with Eric. Watch ghosts. A month ago. And then watch Ghost with Steve, also probably like a month ago, but Paramount Plus, Peacock. Hell yeah.

There you go. There you go. This was incredible guest helper Will, our new co-host. Will from Philadelphia. We love you. You're stuck with us. We want pictures. You're one of the greats.

Of course. Thank you. You're in the Hall of Fame instantly, Will. Okay. Thank you. All right, brother. You have a great day. Go get yourself a cheese steak.

Yeah. Let me throw on my baby. It got socks. It might be sweet luck. Remember the cheese love of the special sauce? Yeah. I like that. I was young.

I like him. I was high school. I love if I could tolerate it now. But yeah, back in the day, I was a big fan. But, Kurt Vile, God bless. Why am I, like, shouting out every Philadelphia thing I know?

Because that's who I am. Because it's the spirit of Stephen Bird, Steve. It's alive enough. We love it. You got it. Philadelphia. Yes.

Yes. Right. By and Franklin. You got it. All right, my man. You have a fantastic weekend. and enjoy a nice deal to the day, friend.

All right, thank you. And get that out of the cross space. Okay, out of the cross space now. I didn't hear it yet. Start moving down there right now. I know that's right now. Give you permission. We're letting this cage for it out.

Get that thing the fuck out. Bye, buddy. All right, bye. Oh. I love it. So, Steve, there's a chance that might air the day after it air. Right. Friday.

That works. But everybody watch ghosts. Yeah. because C-Bisket is about to run around that track. And I'm seating. Do not watch Ghost before Law & Order. There's no need to see me with a child in a cage. Watch Steve Burr-soor on CBS.

Fucking watching, dude. I'm watching the shit of that. How about that? We're both on a TV tonight. Isn't that a beautiful thing? We're survivors. Yeah, we are. Journeyman.

We're journeymen. We're journeymen. We're out. We're right back in. I love it. I feel like we gave Will great advice. That was a fucking perfect. That was a.

And we probably just saved him from at least getting detained by police. I'll be honest. I was not, I was being genuinely serious when he, I saw that picture of that body in the crawl space. It fucking scared me, dude. That's scary.

I could tell, that's good. And you know, I don't try it and easy. I actually watch true crime. I read true crime books. Oh, not me.

Was too much for old burgo. Yeah, that was just almost too much for me in the truth. That was, that's it. But I think it's free. I think it's great. He's got a great relationship with his ex.

I'm very happy that he's, he's going to display it and then make it fun and lovely. I hope he does do a lynch or I hope he does do you from Jurassic. Like that, that's, that's fun. That's the way to celebrate it. I think he's going to do you from ghosts.

I think you're, I think the beginning of an iconic character airs this Thursday. And I think hearing how you're dressed in that, it's that this dead body is going to be dressed like you. And I'm very excited. I look pretty cool. I'll be honest. Oh, that's so great.

Yeah. It was, I'll tell you with the boots, very uncomfortable when you're flat-footed though. Ouch. Oh, would they like the cowboy boots? Oh, Eric, they were thin. They're like Joel boots from B.J.

Brian Jones time masker. Oh. Which I felt great in him because, you know, a big guy like me, I can't wear boots like that, but I was forced to for work. And so I'm like, look, I'm going to at least enjoy the moment. But boy. Oh, I had a pair of cool cowboy boots and then the knee pain. I had to get rid of them.

I was so sad, buddy. I've been going to get cowboy boots my whole life and I just don't think it can do it. I don't, I would. No, the heel. Get them without the heel. They're called ropers. Yeah, but I don't, I want that the heel is cool. I know, but we can't, buddy.

We have big guys with knee pain. It sucks. We are meant to look like Cartgable. You're right. You're right. All right. There's a good reference for you, kids. We're at it's bored night. We're happily. All right, everybody. We want to thank Will so much.

We want to thank Will's X. Watch Ghost tonight on CBS for Stevenberg. And if this airs on Friday, then that means you should watch the night before, but go see Steve Berg as he begins his incredible run on ghosts. Oh. We love you. everybody. Bye bye. Bye. Weird Here to Help is hosted by Eric Edelstein and Steve Berg. If you'd like to be on the show, please email us your question at weird here to help at gmail.com. Weird Here To Help was produced

and edited by the great Morgan Nally. Remember, all the advice given by Weird Here to Help is for entertainment purposes only. All listeners should be adults and make their own decisions, right, Eric? Oh, big time. Please. I barely listen to myself. That was a HeadGum podcast.