We're Here to Help - 277: Once an RA, Always an RA & Gym Survey (with Aaron Chen and Sean Clements)

Episode Date: April 1, 2026

Jake is joined by writer Sean Clements and actor Aaron Chen from his upcoming movie "The Dink." First, they help a frustrated employee eliminate a stress toy. Then, a nice guy investigates the Bane of his apartment gym.See images from the episode here: https://www.heretohelppod.com/post/episode-277 Want to call in? Email your question to [e-mail]: https://patreon.com/heretohelppodMERCH: heretohelppod.comINSTAGRAM: @HereToHelpPodIf you’re enjoying the show, make sure to rate We’re Here to Help 5-Stars on Apple Podcasts.Advertise on We’re Here to Help via Gumball.fmWatch episodes early Sundays and Tuesdays on Hulu.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a headgum podcast. This is a headgum podcast. And we are back with two guys. Guilty. It's charged. And I'm one of them. You are one of America. How you doing?

Good. How are you doing? I'd say this is three guys. We're back with three guys. That's true. I guess from my eyes, I'm just seeing the two of you. He's only looking at the two guys, but when you look at two guys, there's one guy looking back. That's exactly right.

This is the dink team. This is the dink team. This is part of the inner circle. And what a dream. Dream team. It was a dream. Sean Clements. You know it.

How do I do? How do I do it at the last name? So I usually. So I usually say Clemens with a tea. Clements, yeah. Did I say Clements? And you say Clements, and that's okay. And I'll tell you truth when I went to my family reunion in Canada one year.

Some of the family members up there said Clements. So they're like French-Canadian, you know? Remind me of our backstory with this. I was doing press for something. And I said, Sean Clements, but it's Clements. I can't believe I even reached out. But you were so nice. You were on, I think, Armchair Expert.

Yeah, but Dax. And you were talking about doing the ding. and you gave me a really nice shout-up. Because I mean it, we're friends, and I respect the hell out of you. And same right back at you. I mean, I had written this movie with you and mine, with Jake's voice. I said, I'd love to work with this guy.

I love what he does. And so, but you said- Jake-Johnson. Yeah, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, John's son. And so I was like. Finally, when comes my name, wrong, every time in press. That'll be good.

Let's do a game every single time in time. We all say each other's names differently. Just a little, and we don't, nobody goes over the top, but it's just a little bit different every single time. And see who can push the most. So right before it comes out, it's just a jimmer-h. Well, that's, yes, we can do that. But you said, you just said to Dax's like, you were like,

wow, my, you know, my friend wrote this very funny script, Sean Clements. I think you said it twice. And maybe my wife heard the clip or said it. She was like, this is so nice of Jake. He's saying your name weird. So, Aaron, what's the stand-up special you got? I got a stand-up special.

It's coming out on Netflix. I'm excited for you. It is on Netflix on March 31st. It's called Funny Garden. Funny Garden? Yeah. Great. It's kind of about beauty.

Great. And what was the inspiration for Funny Garden? Well, there's going to be flowers on stage. Oh, that's your backdrop. Just a vase of flowers. I wouldn't go so far as to call it a back. Oh, it's not a backdrop. You didn't do a bad.

You just got some flowers. There's another show right after. You got to be able to move them off. What was the backdrop? Just a curtain. Black. Black. So there was a black drop.

It was in an alleyway. How many flowers? Are we double digits? There's a high, a low double digits. So I'm not high to. But 90 flowers would be crazy. 90 flowers? This would be 20.

15 to 20 flowers. Okay, so you just bought them right before the show. Unless you count each pedal as a flow. Nope. And did you, was it planned or the last second on the way to the show? Did you just see a flower guy get it and say, I'm going to put this on stage and then later. Oh, maybe I call it funny garden.

I was like, this is actually most of it. And, Sean, apart from being a writer that you and I met, Alan Gregory years ago. I know. The short-lived anime to John Fox. But it launched so many wonderful careers. Agreed. We've been poker buddies.

Sure have. You're also a podcast, man. Let's tell this audience about your goddamn podcast. Okay, all right. I do this. It's stupid. I hate it. But I do this podcast.

It's called Hollywood Handbook. It's me and my friend Hayes Davenport. And we just, we're kind of goofing around. being silly on the show, you know? It's really hard to explain. Originally, the show had like sort of a premise, but now it's just every week. It's just what do we want to sort of be kind of rude to our guest about?

Very offensive. Were they rude to you? They're always rude to me. They're rude to me, too. I'm struggling to talk to Sean right now. So you feel like something changed? Yeah, yeah. I feel like he's going to attack me.

Okay. Not here. Not here. Not here. This is the same sign. Thank you. And then we had a case. character in the dink.

Yeah, there was the breakout star. A best friend character that had all the funniest scenes. That was, we need somebody hilarious for this. That was really the shone, so you got the handbook comedy voice, which is the tougher, meaner shot. Mm-hmm. But then you got the PJ voice. Mm-hmm. That's the big cat.

And then when we were casting it, we were having a hard time. And I'd remembered the Spitz video. Oh, my gosh. That the great Trent O'Donnell showed me years ago at New Girl. And from that day, I was like, I have to work with this guy in some point. Jake said your name very early. He was like, I'm a big fan of Aaron Chen. He's really funny.

I think he's going to crush. Yeah. But, man, we had no idea you were going to crush so hard. That's an unbelievable pun. Yeah. The spits video is crazy. It's crazy. It's about spitting on a dog.

Some people really hate it. I can believe that. And some people love it. What I love about it is how you do it. I love that when you're fighting with your, because your character in it believes it's okay to spit on your dog's head. Yeah. And look, people aren't going to like this.

But your character's point is it's okay because the dog doesn't even get it. It doesn't understand the spit. Yeah. And your dad is really mad at you. Yeah. If you're doing something as stupid is spit on a dog's head. Yeah. And rightfully so, I think.

But in the end. Yeah, I pull him into my, um, point of view, and I think that's what PJ's like. I do. I think he spits on dogs as well. Isn't that comedy is that you just start with a premise that people instantly reject? You sort of walk them through your

logic until they go like, son of a bitch, they got a point. That's that video. That might be the whole thing. Can I ask you, Jake, before we go, so I saw some podcast news today. Are we on Hulu right now?

Oh, yeah. Yeah. This is Hulu. This is Hulu. Okay. I'd like to know that ahead of time because I will be more hilarious. Bull.

Which is their own. That is their own. That's awesome. Yes. That's their marketing term. Hulu. That their comedy is considered Hularius. Hilarious, yeah.

And so if that's the bar that I'm trying to live up to, then I need to be aware. Then I apologize. I should tell you that, yeah, this will be on Hulu. Wow. So you got to be a little bit more. We're going to bring it.

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Wayfair. Every style, every home. And then after like, that was good. Hello. Hello, hi. Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey. Hello. Hello, hi.

Hey, how's it going? Oh, um, never mind. What do you need? Sorry? No, I'm sorry. Hello? Hi, it's Sean. Hi, Sean.

I am calling for the Word of Help podcast. Okay, good. All right, go ahead. So that's what I'm here for, too. Oh, cool. What is your name? Oh, Nick. Nick.

That's awesome. Nick. I got Nick. And how many years are you in? I mean, old. When's your birthday, Nick? My birthday? Yeah, when's your birthday?

It's November 22nd. You look to get anything special? this year. You guys are doing an awesome job. Is this how much the show? Hey, Nick. It's Jake. Oh.

Yeah, that is a good way to do it how you just did it. He's a special guest and that was awesome. Felt good here. What is happening? Nick, you got the writer of the dink and an old friend, Sean Clemens. Hi. Roger Clemens. How did you?

That's me Was that one it Or did I do that one right too? That was perfect dude I loved it I just did it fast Yeah And the great Aaron Chen

And from the stand-up special Funny God And I'm also from Australia Nick If that helps you No It does help me He's also

Going to be the Fucking breakout star The Dink I'm telling you right now Nick Okay Okay I'll take that So Nick

Where you from? I'm from the Midwest The big Omaha Oh Amah Steve Bird Country. So, Nick, what can we do for you today, buddy? It's a great question.

I'm in a bit of a pickle, guys. I'm always stressed. Pickle ball. Okay, so we got the company I work for, there's been, like, in the last few years, there's just been nonstop layoffs, right? So, like, whole teams wiped out. Somehow I've survived, like, every round.

And the speaking people are equipped to deal with this. Just let's see what happens. Yeah. Sorry. So Aaron got nervous. He's getting scared. He's going to do great. He didn't realize this was going to be a real problem.

And he panicked. But he don't realize he's ready for this. Well, ready. I'm going to talk him through it. You were at layoffs. There's been a lot of layoffs at the company. You work for Lucky Martin. So the seating charts constantly change.

I mean, like, I'm with my team. But now I'm basically like a department at one. I'm just flying solo out here. And I'm always, you know, every week, it's like, go to the third floor, go to the fourth floor. I got my seating charts changing. And so now I'm just surrounded by this, I mean, probably 15 strangers. I don't really know a whole lot of people.

And this boss comes by his team and he's like, hey guys, I got some stress balls. And he just drops them off. And then he goes back to his office and pretty much everyone ignores them except for one lady. And she does not. And I'm telling you this stress ball is from hell. It is, you put, it's like a rubber ball with a bunch of bubbles. he push them in, they pop out. It sounds like a toddler

destroying a water bottle. I mean, just constantly cringling. So when she squeezes it, it's like a dog toy. It makes some sounds. Yes. It's just a lot of popping and crinkling. Yeah.

And so she's like five feet from me. She sits about five feet. And I've tried ignoring it. I put on headphones. I upgraded to noise-canceled headphones. I still hear it. I mean, it's constant. And so I,

here's what's tough. that I believe in some good, healthy confrontation of like, hey, I used to be an RA. So I'm like, let's have these difficult conversations. You know, I'm all about that. Yeah, Sean, what's your? So this is, I didn't go to college, but I study college. So an RA is a resident advisor. So the people who live on a floor at college, there's like, usually sort of an Eagle Scout sort of dorky person there who comes and comes and knocks on the door and goes like, hey, knock it off.

you can't have your music that loud or like, I better not see that bong getting ripped. And it's like, it's all sort of like, it's all sort of pageantry because like, of course they're going to rip the bong. Of course they're going to, but they need somebody there to tell them that they can't, because you don't have your parents.

It's your first time in your life. And there has to be some sort of. Authority. Yeah, some straw man, authority figure. Nick, does that sound about right? That's pretty close. I've had like residents come up and be like, my roommate's stealing my shampoo.

And, like, so I have to have that conversation. You got to solve it. Yep. It is funny, though, there is such an element of the pageantry. Because they're not, you're just another student. Yeah, there's no actual power. But you can't say, like, if you stole the shampoo and you go, like, you have to give it back. If they say no, then you, Nick as the area, do have to get somebody else.

Yeah. You can't go in there and take it. You're an intermediary. Yeah. But you can't go in there and just take the shampoo back. Then you could get in trouble. And does resident advise that? have the same amount or more

power than a state police officer? Less than a state police officer? Thank you for answering that honestly. Yeah. They have a lot less, probably, yeah? Okay, a little less. We usually had to call the police. So we got to have more.

Okay, so you work in conjunction with the officers. You're not calling the state police. I can say that. My dad was a state police. campus, but every once in a while it was like actual cops. Yeah, well, you know, we're going to get back to the problem in the second, but what was the craziest thing that ever happened to you to call the real cops about? There was this guy, like, so our campus was split to two different camps.

So we had like an east and a west campus. So in between the campuses was just, I went to college on L.A. So it was just like, city in between the campuses. It's called Azusa Pacific. Azusa. It's like, east of Pasadena probably. Cool. Yeah.

East Pass. So, yeah. And the craziest thing was probably, as this girl's walking from campus to the dude was like following her around and like kind of stalking her. So she came on campus and I had to like, I was like, this probably isn't one for the campus police. This is probably one for the actual police. It's pretty cool from a fucking RA to do that. Sean was thinking more like 80s movies.

Well, I was hoping there was a fun answer. Yeah, I'm sorry That was No, it's fine Nick, you've got to be honest You know what I mean Certainly the second Jake asked I thought

This is not gonna be good Like this is not like It is interesting But it's like just not What we really want to think about Here on the show It's like some stalker Like harassing this student

But I am interested Yeah And he did it And then I did see But now we're getting a sense of Nick Yeah When this guy's heroic But when you talked about RA

I was like maybe a little bit of a pageantry, a bit of a goober. Fucking Nick is calling the cops on a stalker. He's activated. That's good. Nick, you're not afraid of confrontation. No. No, we should really be coming to you for help.

Yeah, but that's not the premise. Okay, but I'm just saying. This is a guy who is insane for us to call this guy. Is solving problems. Well, maybe next week you do a different. What would you call him about? Sometimes even know. Okay, I have a friend.

He's hosting a podcast. It's not going well. It's pretty hilarious. So, all right, Nick, back to you. Your job has tons of layoffs. The big point of that is all the people you sit with have changed. It's all new people. Now you're next to a woman who has a squishy toy and it's loud.

Yes. And like I said, I'm big on competition. But like all my friends are gone. Like this last lay off, they lay off my friends, my wife, and my brother. Sorry to be depressed. This is what's making it more painful for you. Yeah. It's emotional. Yeah.

By the way. Can I tell you a quick story about me, Nick? Of course. You can say, Nick, you could say no. But it's totally up to you, Nick. It's not going to be that quick, and it's not a good story. Nick, totally up to you. No.

But, you know, I had a... Why don't we let Nick answer? Okay, go ahead. Totally up to you, Nick. No, yeah, if you want to, you can tell it, absolutely. Okay. I'm just relating to you here. Let's just connect as people.

Yeah. I had a writing partner for a long time. And so it was fun because every job we went to, I had like a buddy in the room and then we would go back into our office after every, you know, day at work. And we would go like, did you catch one this person to this annoying thing? And it was and it was a dream. And then the first job I ever had without him, someone would sit like right in my blind spot with the most annoying laugh. And I was like, I just want to talk to someone about this. that the sound is like

nails on a chalkboard to me, but if I could just say to someone else, geez, that laugh is pretty crazy, but I didn't trust anyone. Right. Because I didn't have my writing partner and I didn't have any people from other jobs I'd worked. So I said there's always a chance that

whoever I talk to about this is more aligned with the person that has the laugh than they are with me and now I have made like two enemies where I'm just trying to make a friend. Nick, does this ring true. Absolutely. That's so true because not, yeah,

like all my friends, for sure there's no one I can turn to and be like, this is super annoying, right? But this lady, she's got, I'm telling you, she's got, like, awards just hanging around her cubicle. Like, she's like... What type of awards? Like, best. Like, quarterly awards.

Like, very valued employing. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. That changes things for you. That changes things big time. This is, like, one of the head honchos, I say. Yeah. And I just, so, like, So, like, with, obviously it's not been fun, like, necessarily coming to work because it's like, oh, it's kind of sad. So that's why it on me.

But then also, it's like, like, kind of what you're saying, I can't just go away and be like, stop that or else I'll be the office dick, you know? No, it's true. What's up with this, dude? Nick, I got to ask really fast, if you guys got in a bad confrontation and the boss had to make a choice, who they pick and you or her. She's got a lot of those awards. She's got awards.

But you've been there for a long time. Any awards on your area? you do? Nick, you got awards. I'm not in my area. I've taken them home. They're at their home at my office. Okay, you're going to have to bring them in.

It's a little insecure of her to have to flex on you with the awards right out in the open. I think Aaron's right for the first thing. First thing you do is bring all your awards back. You bring the awards. You're going to want to have those up when you start the talk because she's thinking, this no awards, motherfucker are coming to my door?

By the way. He better check himself. Nick, there's truth to this. I think the first, we're going to get to more pitches. But for starters, she's got to come into work she's fucking squishing that thing like she runs the place yeah Nick can I um ask you

what does could you imitate the sound of the ball with your mouth before he does Aaron what would your guess be so he's saying pops and crackles so it doesn't sound like a squeak so I'm thinking like like something like that that's cool yeah that's pretty accurate is there a squishy element to it

how would that sound no it's it's like picture like a cartoon like a cartoon octopus Like lifting its tentacle off of a surface Like the popping So it's a little gross isn't it Like Yeah

And it's it's completely random Like it's not even There's no rhythm It's like I know Nick this is stupid And I'm sorry in doing this But I am tired

I got bad sleep last night Aaron Can you do a bunch of sounds Until Nick you identify The exact sound of this thing I'm just trying to get a sense Of what this fucking thing sounds like I don't have a set.

That's going to help with the advice. You did a real squishy thing. That was way off. But I don't know because then he said an octopus left. It's like an octopus. Which has it. Which does have a squishy element. Because it's errands was way more, it felt like a robot to me.

It was like, it's cool. That's kind of cool. That's kind of it, though. I don't know. The suction cups. Nick, did you finish your story about what you tried to do and your actual question? Yeah. I was, no, that's a great, great cue.

I was about to get into. So I ended up doing something about it. Okay. Okay. We were getting dinner with my friends. So I'm too late. Nearby. And after dinner, I just casually say to my wife, hey, like on the way home,

mind if I just stop by the office real quick. And she's like, why, it's late. We go. I may get seen casual. This is fully premeditated. I'm going in. I'm stealing this ball. I'm taking it.

And so I'm like, like the building won't let me in. I try four different doors with my key. pass. Finally I get it in. This is cool. I'm looking around for cameras. I snagged that thing and I take off. And on the drive home, we're on the freeway. I hand it to my wife because I'm like, this is crazy. She starts

bopping it and she's like, I can't believe how loud this thing is. I can't like it's loud in the car on the free validation at last. Yeah. That felt good for you. Absolutely. A nice wife, man. Yeah. But she used to work. That used to work together. Yeah, I think I

chose correctly. I think she's the one for sure. You didn't. She goes, it's not that loud. I pull over. Get out. We're walking home.

This is an RA. This is an RA talking, though. He's like, I chose right. Yeah. Driving home. You also were decisive. You stole the fucking thing.

This is cool, Nick. Well, I was just like, again, I love for me some confrontation, but I don't have the brain space to deal with this. I'm just going to take care of situation.

So on the way home, I'm freaking out, because I'm like, I don't know if there's cameras. I didn't sweep that well. Yes. And then also, my wife turns the ball over. Maybe you need a stressful after that.

He's got the perfect one. Wait, my wife turns it all over and what? It has the company logo. So that means that there's like a supply of these somewhere. And so I go back into work the next day. I'm expecting HR to come to my desk and be like, we need to talk to you. Like, I'm freaking out. It was very actually not R.A. behavior to steal it.

Yeah. No, it's not at all. I'm a behavior to say, I picked the right wife. Oh, yes, yes. So to steal it was like, he's really going against who he is. The fabric of his very being. But this is like a Batman stall, R.A. You know, like he's like vigilante justice.

That's cool. Vigilante, yeah. And so what I turn over the next day and there's another one on her desk. Oh, my gosh. Yeah. You can't get rid of this. And so this is my question is, what do I do? Like, what am I supposed to do that?

Good stuff, Nick. That's a good question. Yep. Good stuff, Nick. Yeah. Natalie, you were right to keep pushing. Thank you, Sean, what are you thinking? I guess if you still have the number for the state police who you used to call it college, you go, you call them, you turn yourself in.

I've committed a cry. Sean, this is a bad bet. I have stolen. This is a bad bet. I want the maximum penalty. And my soul, I know that I am an R. A and I cannot live with what I've done wrong. I must be put it.

The reason that is a bad pitch is maybe he goes, Nick goes to prison. Cellmate has a stressful. Okay. All right. That's the only reason that I'm going to say. I'm going to rescind that bitch. I did send in, there is a photo of this thing. I emailed the photo of it.

Okay. You've never spoken to this woman about it. That's the real question. No, no. I mean, in the last three weeks, we've exchanged maybe 10 words. Okay. Really quickly, before we see this photo. Oh, wow.

Oh, yeah. It's just a dog toy. Mm-hmm. It's annoying, man. Mm-hmm. And so... I'm pissed. What do we...

Give us a little bit of a description of who this woman is because we can't... The pitch cannot be we steal again. And I'll tell you right, not because of Sean's thing. I don't... I'm not afraid to be a bad boy

with these pitches. Uh-huh. The problem is you steal them, there's going to be more unless you get to the supply area and then you've got to steal the whole box. And then, Nick, you're entering weird stuff, man.

People's heads are getting cut off at that company. You don't want to be next. Yeah. And can I just say, I'm so glad this question does not involve me having to solve your company's layoffs. Yeah, that was what panicked him initially. If you had that advice, I would take it. Yeah, I thought. What would be your pitch about the company's layoffs?

That's what I'm saying. I hate that you're asking me right now because it's putting me in a full panic. I don't. But where you're panicking, what's the first thing is? I don't understand the economy. Right, but what's coming to your reign? Agrarian lifestyle. Keep going.

We go, we live on. Nick, you and I go live on a farm. We take care of each other. We're two big, strong guys, and we look after each other. We raise a cow. Nick, your thongs, brother. Okay. Okay.

That was easy. Yeah, by the way, pretty easy going. Your character's all over the place, Nick. Oh, yeah. I can't make heads or tails of this guy. You have a beautiful wife. You're really happy with it, but you're willing to move to a farm with a her in and raise a fucking cow?

You're all over the place. That was probably going to be my one stipulation is, can my wife come? And then I can be done. And sounds like Aaron is. I think leave her at home. Yeah, he's just going to be really crowded. He has the spot picked out already. It's kind of a two-person situation that we got.

So no disrespect to her, but she is out. Nothing, no, nothing personal at all about her. It's great. It's literally just the logistics of the physical space is really better for two. It's impossible. He picked right, but it's the wrong situation. The crop that we're going to get. She wouldn't get it.

And so, Nick, can we hear a little bit about this woman? You have not talked to her. So there's been no, because I think where the pitch is going to go, I could be wrong, but I think where it's going to go is we're going to go towards a confrontation. Yeah, well, I have actually. Please. I have a general idea, which is, and it's going to cost you a little dough. I say you go by like four different stress balls that have a noise that doesn't drive you crazy.

And so when you do talk to her, you present her with sort of a peace offering of you go, hey, so I'm in this cubicle next to me. I understand you like to use this thing. The noise has actually been driving me nuts. I want you to be able to sort of do whatever fidgeting stress relief thing you need to do. Would you be open to trying one of these and seeing that they're also saddive? Unless the loud noise is part of it for you. Nick, your thoughts?

I'll be honest. It sounds pretty good. I think you probably could have been an RA if you wanted to. You flatter me. Sean has RA vibes for sure. This is what we're learning. Early college? I'm a closet RA.

My only question is, this thing's, okay, so like this debacle, I mean, probably three or four weeks at least. Is it weird that I'm doing this? now like week four. No, I think because I didn't speak up. Because what you said was you're going to seem like

the office dickhead when you go to confront her because you've had three or four weeks of this building up to a frustration point where when you're talking to her, she has no idea that it's been bothering you. And I do this, Nick.

This is in my own life. By the time I go to talk to someone about something sometimes, it's reached this boiling point internally. And to them, it's coming out of fucking nowhere. So they're like, whoa, you're coming in too hot. And it's like, so I think the first.

first, what's the word I'm looking for? The first sort of presentation you make to her has to be... Initial contact. More, you know, more peaceful. And you can say, like, it's been a couple of weeks that it's, you know, it's sort of been bothering me. And, oh, that's too much even? I would say.

You say, and so I wanted to try to find a solution for us if you're open to it. I think that's an interesting thought, Nick. can I pitch something close to it, but a little different. Jake's got something. Sure, yeah. And I'm getting it from Sean's pitch. What if you find a squeak toy that's really loud and really annoying? Let's not call it a squeak toy.

Oh, even louder. Even louder. And you put the headphones on so you have noise canceling. And when she does it on this pitch, for starters, you got to get all your awards on, man. So first thing. But I truly mean it. So she goes like this. You're going to have to take two days of her noise and deal with it.

Because the first step is the awards. And she goes like, damn. You might even want to win a couple more awards in the time. If you could. If you could, it would be amazing. But I would maybe do the awards in two. How many awards you got, Nick? And this is a real question.

Are we talking three, four? We're talking to 12, 15? 2030. No, it's probably in the three, four ballpark. And how many does she have? So this is tough because she's got, she does have a couple, like, company-wide, but then she has a few, like, just her team. So I don't know if that's as legitimate as the company wife.

Hey, Nick, can I ask a real question? Are you willing to kind of do some fake awards? She doesn't know what's going on on your team. You're dead right. My role at the company, my role of the company is graphic designer so I could actually make. Nick, you're a one-man department. You said yourself you're a one-man department.

You can award yourself. Of all and every, and you give the award to all the people who were fired. So your wife's name, the award, all these people to represent it. So you can go back and be like I loved all those people. We're creating fake award, but what we need

is almost twice as many as she has. So that the first day, you're putting up eight. The second day, you're putting up another eight. The third day, you're putting up another eight. The fourth day, you start with the noises. Because

if you do it day one... From a position of strength. Yes. Because if you do it day one, You know, the truth is, and you know this as an RA, if you got three bad boys, Shawnee, let's just name them. Aaron and the J-Man. And we're ripping bongs in a fucking... Who cares?

And the ladies are going nuts, right? Uh-huh. They're loving it. Maybe playing PlayStation or something. Come on, man. PlayStation 2. Laughing. Nintendo.

But the smoke smells coming out under the door, and you got to knock in and say, hey guys well guess what day one i'm not afraid of you but if you had like a awards a bunch of r a awards up all over the place and for three days we were thinking about it we were like you kind and i found out that you had called the cops on a stalker yeah i'd be like i don't want to fuck with nests what won't he do i don't want to call real deal he might call real police not campus police i don't want to go to jail for smoking weed i thought this was my room.

Yeah. So Nick comes, I'm going to go, he's not my favorite guy in the world, but I respect the hell out of him. Yes. And I'll put the bong down. And I'll put the bong down. Or I'll open a window or I'll be respectful. So my pitch is kind of, Nick, we build up your real credds, but they're fake credts.

Yes. But all those people you worked with, all those great years. You know what, man? You're getting awards for that. Your graphic designer, you can. I'm talking 30 awards. Eight to ten a day. Then on day four, get the loudest, most annoying squeat toy.

Get your noise-cancel headphones as loud as you can. As soon as she squeaks, you go as close with your right arm to her zone. And Nick, pointed. You said you're an aggressive guy. He loves confrontation, he said. He loves violence. The issue with that is, do I let other people around me in on it? Because then I'm just making everyone.

Oh, how many people are in there? For some reason, I just imagined you two. How many people you got in that office? So around me, in this vicinity, I would say it was a good 10 to 15. Okay, how about this? An anonymous note. Wow. An anonymous note that goes like, let's say whoever's doing that squeaky voice.

No, I wouldn't say this is anonymous. This is anonymous. What would you say? What would you say? What would you do the letter? How would you do the letter? Just this is anonymous? This is anonymous. What's the letter?

We have your information. Okay. We know you're married with children. Okay. Into this bank account you must deposit. See, that's what I'm saying, man. We're not trying to do that to her. That's, no, don't.

Because that's illegal. Don't, Nick, because it's, this doesn't make sense. But that's also now what to promise. It doesn't even solve them. That's trying to get money from her. That's creating more stress. You know what? That's creating more stress.

She's going to need the ball even more. Yeah. She reads that, that thing's going to be popping and locking. And because it's anonymous, she'll do it at work. We don't want to make more strong. Don't do that this is anonymous thing because it's not a good idea. Anonymous note is good, but someone might see you do it, so you will have to break in again at night. I think that is right.

But, Nick, nobody contacted you about stealing the thing at night, right? AKA no cameras. Correct. Correct. So what you could do, you got the key to get in their night, an anonymous letter. Typeed out. Type dot, you can't do handwriting that says to whoever is used in this squeaky toy or the stress ball, can you please use it less or not at all?

This is a shared space. P.S., this is anonymous. And it's not Nick from Omaha. Right. That's another option. I'm thinking about your idea with getting the noisy ball, and maybe it's you get noisy ones for everyone. and you make it so bad that they have to instate a company-wide policy that no one can use these anymore.

What if you got people, because that's not bad. You just get so many, and you get anybody you know they're in on it and just go like. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But how about this? But I like where Sean is going there.

What if you anonymously, I have an idea, right, anonymously get everybody a loud noise maker. So, and then the weird, the stuff you would have on the 4th of July. Yeah, one of those little, whistle rings, yeah.

And so people go, what is this? Slide whistle. But then other people hear her thing and go like, hey guys, could we not do the loud weird toys? Let's have this become a quiet office, actually. Because you either go, it's either loud or it's quiet. But if it's loud, then

we're loud. Nick, your thoughts. I'm going to be honest, I'm torn. I like both options. I like the anonymous note, and I also like a bit of a fire with fire. Hope it crashes in there's a all company.

Yeah, I mean, the problem there is like you bring in a, you know, you bring in a wolf to take care of the rabbit problem. Now you got a wolf problem. It's just like there's a chance where. That's totally true. Now it's chaos, brother. Everybody's like, wow, it's so much more fun now that it's noisy all the time. And you're just like, oh.

I'm dying. I'm quitting. So that's a very real thought. Aaron, where are your thoughts at? Where are you at? Yeah, I'm scared. I'm very scared for you. I don't think you should bring more.

noise into this situation, you might work at a loud place. It's a good thought. Yeah. I'm very well said. I did. There is this, there's this brand of

stress toys that my wife loves. It's called needo. You guys heard of needo? Needo. But it's it's a, it's dough for kneading. Yeah, but it's, so it's just really quiet. Yes. And

I was thinking maybe I just, yeah, get them in, because I saw them at Aldi. And maybe that's Sean's original idea. I just get a bunch. Yeah. And you know you could do? Why don't we come back?

Yeah, I accidentally pitched a good idea first. Let's do a combo idea. What if you get everybody one of those and say, is it okay if we use these instead of the other ones? These are a lot quieter. The noise from them is really stressing me out. Okay. So then it's not, and then you could say, Nick.

Yes Christmas in July Or March Thoughts? My only But she's the only one in the area with it So I feel like that For me to be like

Let's not use the noisy ones She's thinking he's obviously talking about me So you want to just hand her The Nito You might as well go straight to the source Or you go over her head You need everyone to start getting onto these balls So you find one friend

That's not what you meant to say there Come on. You need everyone playing with their bowls at work. Right before you're making it even worse. What am I saying? And it's feeling intentional at this point. You know what you say, you know what you say, you're dirty dog. Well, we back in the dorm room?

Come on, man. Three freshmen. We're going to need you to knock on the door before this animal gets crazy. Also, I'm getting really paranoid from the weed and I'm missing home. Yes. I got to get out of here. Oh, no, yeah. I'm crying.

I don't love this. I'm crying regularly. I'm heavy in anxiety for the first time of my life. Mental problems. Oh, yeah. I love that I have you guys as friends. I'm sick as a dog. So Nick, take us out, man.

What are you going to do here, bud? Oh, man. Honestly, like, you guys did bring up a lot of good options. I'm trying to think of... That feels good. Agreed, doesn't it? Because let's say I just get a quiet one. I dish them out.

What if she's like, no? I like my bread and butter. I'm not using this thing. Yeah. Well, well, do you call back. Yeah, can you also go,

yeah, you call back for that. Then you can start yelling at that point. I'll have to get back down here. By the way, we will, hey, Naila,

if we do a follow-up, can we get the three together? We'll do it over Zoom. But how about we do this? Will you just, what are you going to do in step A? This might be in phases, brother,

but we'll do them in phases if we have. Because I got one more thing. Do you go over her head? Go to the boss? And you just go to the big boss? And you say, look, Mr. Romney, I've loved working at Bain Capital. Mitt Romney.

It's been an incredible experience. I really, look, fuck, I voted for you. I vote for you again if I could. But the fact is, this noise is driving me, hey, you look great in shorts. I love seeing. You got a beautiful family, brother.

Yeah, come on, man. You got everything cooking. That had a hair at your age and shack. This is not a criticism of you. Not at all. I think you're not boots on the ground to the point where you understand the noises that are coming out of some of these cubicles.

How about something like that? Really quick pitch on the pitch. What about you CBS undercover boss And you try to get your boss in there While it's happening Just tell me if you like this noise Yeah can I get here You like the noise I drop it

And then you try to get him to wear like a prosthetic nose And a wig So that they have to go like this On the boss I might be able to track down It was me Yeah I might be able to track down one of these Because there's obviously

Supply somewhere I could make track it down Show my boss Be like closed your eyes And listen to this Yeah what do you think of this And he'll go It's annoying

And you go You guys are giving this to all the employees. You want to know why so many people are getting fired as we can't concentrate. No one's able to do their job at this place. Yeah, I'm about to lay off you. Yeah.

I'm liking this one. I'm liking this option. So you want to, why don't we do that? Why don't you go to the boss? Tattel. You're an R.A. Go tattel. By the way.

Go back to the roots, brother. Yeah. You tattled on the other kids. You're telling me. Nature was inside you all along. You don't need that magic feather dumbo. You got the power. Nick, you're an RA, brother.

Taddle on your coworkers. Is this one of the things where I call the cops or the campus police? No. This is campus security. You go to the boss and you tattle on the kids who are partying too much. Because guess what? They're making too much. Yeah, because that's the whole thing.

And you're trying to study. You don't want them to stop. The RAs like, just be sneaky, guys. Yeah. Nick, this should have been a way. minute call. I'm in R.A. What do I do? Do I go back to being an R.A? And we're going to say, yeah, you know what?

Once an R.A. always an R.A. You never lose that muscle. I like that. It's right. It's getting him real excited. It's right, Nick. Yeah. If it's not broke, don't fix it. Yeah. So will you do us a favor? Will you tattle on her?

And then will you follow up with us a week after? And then you might have to tattel again because an R.A. Has no embarrassment. Bring me. Bring me a war. to the session where you show them the noise. So I think we've given you a lot, Nick. I think now you've got to just go in there. You got to just, you know how to do it.

You're an RA, but I appreciate you setting us up for that. But Nick, for real, you're an RA. You know what you're doing, pal. Follow up with us, please. And we'll all get on again and we'll hear what happens next. Because if you tell and it doesn't work, then I don't think it's another telling again. we can't get you fired.

So you have to be very nice to the boss. It has to be very clearly. I love my job. I don't want to go, I don't know if you guys know this, but the squeaky toys you guys give out and have it in your hand and go, they're very loud.

Can I demonstrate? And then go in the office and go, look, I don't want to tell on anyone and name names. But this is being used. Can I buy a replacement that you give to people? It's making it so hard to do my job. And any good boss will say,

I'll handle this problem. Okay. I like this approach. Thanks, man. Thank you guys. See you. Thank you. This episode of the podcast, we're here to help.

It's brought to you by Mint Mobile. Oh, sweet Mint Mobile. Jake, listen, I'm like you. I'm like Steve. We like to save money, right? You're using your big wireless carriers and they take the money. There's all these fees. There's all these things they're adding on.

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We love quince. I'm we're here to help. So all I do these days I wear black shirt and black pants. I started to dress like a stage manager at a theater for some reason. These days, it's a hilarious thing to say. But here's the thing about quits to give a shout out. They sent us, Gareth, you and I don't know. if they send them to you stevie they should they really sent us a bunch of shirts to or clothes a link to

like pick out some clothes and i got four black shirts and my stylist that was sent to me through apple this woman annie do whenever i have to do a big press day she comes by and she goes what are you wearing these days and they always make fun of me because the clothes i wear are terrible and i showed the quince shirts and she goes what are you doing in quince shirts and i go this is what i wear now she goes This is the first time your clothes are cool. She goes, wear that. And I go, I can wear my own clothes. I know.

I wear quince now to like when I do like a press day. For my special, I had my friend Jill like pick out my outfit. And everything she sent me was from quince. And I was like, I love quince. And she was like, how the hell does an idiot love quince? That's what it is. So quince is kind of it. So guys, right now go to quince.com slash here to help for free shipping in 365 day returns.

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What was your last question? Are you nice? Are you nice? Am I married? No, nice, nice. N-I-C-E, nice. Oh, am I nice? Yeah.

I think so. I would like, I would like to think I'm married. It doesn't seem like it so far. Way you're answering that question, Aaron, made him save 50 times. It's one of the cruelest acts I've ever witnessed. The voice you're hearing is one of my main defenders. His name is called Sean Clements, and he is a writer on Dink,

and Jake Johnson is sitting gingerly across me. And my name is called Aaron. And where are you from? I'm from, well, I live in D.C. right now. D.C. city of angels and what can we do for you today? Excellent.

Well, my issue is, well, okay, I'll start with this. So my girlfriend and I recently moved in together into a new apartment building and fortunately our building has a gym which has been great

because I've kind of been, you know, going to the gym and working out more consistently than probably ever before. That's cool as fuck. And through that, I've sort of become acquaintances or, yeah, I guess one of like acquaintances with another guy who I see at the gym pretty frequently. Like we're usually there at the same time. So, you know, we give each other little waves, little nods, stuff like that.

And we have run into each other out in the city once and introduced ourselves, had a little conversation. So that's been nice. But the issue is that every once in a while when I'm, you know, walking down the hallway, approaching the gym, I can see, because the door of the gym is a glass, I can see that the lights in the gym are off. So I'll be walking up to the door of the gym, and when you see the lights are off, you know, I'm assuming, you know, I'm going to have the gym to myself, there's nobody else in there. I'd say probably a majority of the times that I walk into the gym and the lights are off. When I turn

the lights on, I see my new friend in there lying on the ground. Most of the time with his shirt off, doing some sort of like stretching or meditating. or something like that. He doesn't really react when I turn the light on. He kind of just gives me a normal nod or wave, like whatever, and we just go about our thing.

It's not appropriate to do there, Ben. It's a shared space. No, I'm with you. It's appropriate either. And I think you're, by the way, before we get into it, I think it's fine to flip the lights on. I wouldn't ever,

the note I'm not going to give his workout in the dark. Right? You don't do the over-polite. Oh, it's dark. on disrupt him. You can get night vision goggles, but yeah, go on. Well, I mean, that's part of the thing is that I'm like, am I, like, ruining his vibe here?

Am I, like, stepping in and treating on whatever he's going on? Oh, Ben. He doesn't seem to mind. Guess what he is nice. You are nice. Yeah, this is what we found out. And that's why I ask. So, Ben, really quickly, what do we name in this friend of yours?

Let's call him Alan. I've thought about this. I was going to say Jim. Alan. Okay. And then can you describe him a little. bit just so we can kind of judge you get a picture everybody listening we can all get a sense of who this guy is um i mean you know i don't know a ton about him i think he seems about my age

probably a little younger than me so i'd say probably like early to mid 20s um he's a bit of an enigma you know i mean sometimes when i'm in the gym and he's not there he'll just come in and go to the bathroom and then leave so i'm not really sure why that is i'm assuming he lives just thinking the same thing then. You know, once I started realizing that this was something that could happen, like I would walk into the gym with the lights off and there would surprise be somebody in there, it makes you a little nervous to go into the gym. Absolutely.

You never know what you're going to see when you turn the lights on. I wouldn't feel comfortable. Well, who hangs out in the dark like that, right? The nefarious bang. Yeah. Batman's enemy. Yeah. That's true.

You're born in it. Also people meditating. But still, you know. Yeah, but different. Yeah. Keep going. But. The most.

recent time, the reason that I felt like I had to call in was that the most recent time I went into the jam, the lights were on. There were a couple people in there, including Alan, including my new buddy, and another guy who I hadn't seen in there before. We were all doing our things, and then Alan left, and then me and this guy were in there for a minute. And then, you know, after a minute, this other guy looks at me and he was like, hey, do you know that guy? Because he had seen me sort of like do our little nod wave, little pro, hello thing when I walked in. complicit. And I was like, no, I don't really know him, but, you know, I see him in here every once in

a while, that sort of thing. And he was like, okay, I walked in here earlier and he was in here with the lights completely off. And it kind of freaked me out. And I was like, oh, yeah, he does that. Like, I don't know what the deal is, but he does that. And he was like, oh, okay, so I'm the weird one. And I was like, yeah, yeah, we're the weird one. But clearly it's a problem that's affecting other people. A very quick fix for you. You want to, what you want to do is you want to switch on the light at the gym. You want to take off the board that the lights on, take the switch off, and then put cement over it so no one can get to the light anymore. That's the problem solved. Thanks for calling you. I don't think we're done. I think it's a great

fit. I don't think we're done. I really felt it. Yeah, it was a great pitch. Came off the bat. Yeah, it felt like a home run. What did you say this? What if you go, hey man, What are you doing in here with the lights off? Yeah. Yeah, that's not bad. Yeah, not casual. With a laugh. Hey, man.

But the way, Ben, the way Sean just did that was like, I'm interested in you. We've kind of become friends. I've noticed this a couple times. I'm just curious. Like, is it a meditation routine? Is it stretching? Are you studying Kappa Wara? Like, what are we doing?

Yeah, I wouldn't say a year, but yeah. Yeah, yeah. Well, I wouldn't say it like that. I've definitely thought about time. I said it wrong. I said it wrong. I said it wrong. or third time it happened,

I second or third time it happened, I was really close to being like, what do you, like, what's the deal with the lights off? Like, what are you doing in here? But not aggressive, Ben, right? Not what's the deal.

Not what's the deal. Nice. Not Seinfeld style. He might think you're being observational. He's the victim of observational humor. Yeah. But keep going, Ben? So you asked him already?

No, you considered asking. No, you consider it. I guess that gets to the first part of the question, which is just my curiosity as to why. why he's doing it. But I also kind of want to say that it might not be appropriate because what I was going to mention earlier is that like, I don't know, I kind of got used to it and came to expect it.

But like, you know, there are women who go to our gym too. And I don't know if for them that might be a little bit more uncomfortable of a situation to walk into. Guy in the dark with a shirt off. That's a little bit. I agree. Doesn't feel safe. I got an idea.

What if you go up to him with Sean's tone and go with your phone out, go like, hey man, I'm doing an audio documentary about gym culture. What are you doing in here with the lights out? So what about honestly going to him in a nice friendly tone in saying, hey, man, you know, I'm just doing a little fun project, a podcast. And it's about gym culture. And I was wondering if I could interview you. And he would go.

Yeah, I think I think I would have to specifically ask about it being dark, though, or else it would be. You would. I don't know. That should come up. But Ben, here's what I'm saying. But that comes two hours into the three-hour pod. But here's what I, but you're not wrong.

Because what you're doing, Ben, is you're going from step A to step two really fast. What are you doing? It's inappropriate. What I'm saying is let's bury the inappropriate. Yes. Let's forget that exists. We're approaching it as a, we're a guy who, as you said, you're not uncomfortable with it necessarily. You're friendly with each other.

You think that it is something that could. could be concerning for other people. You're a nice guy, Ben. We've established that. You're worried that, you know, other people are being made uncomfortable by this, but you then can be sort of heroic by getting some of the data. That's right.

And finding out what's going on and why. It may put you at ease. Oh, okay, I understand now. That's right. This is a practice. This guy does TM or something and he's got to do 20 minutes a day. And then you could tell others that. Yeah.

But what do you think about... When that guy asked you in the gym, would have been able to say, you know what, he does this TM thing, he does his mantra, and it's like, you know, whatever, those people are very regular in their practice. You've got a similar gym schedule. You're going to run into that. He's got crazy roommates. Yeah.

What do you think about, yeah, go ahead, Ben. Well, I was going to say, so yeah, so lead into it gently, sort of, you know, I'm an observer. I'm a documentarian. I'm walking in, asking him about his practices. So you don't think then I should go, like, you know, have you ever thought about the fact that this might make people uncomfortable. I don't think you do that in that first conversation. Exactly right, Sean.

I think you're gathering intelligence in that first conversation. Then you know about it. Then if it does feel like you do need to talk, that is then a second conversation. You guys have already had. You know what you could do? Mm-hmm. Hey, Ben, you know what you could say is rather than you're doing a podcast

or a documentary, saying you were asked by the hotel homeowners association or the management. It's an apartment building, I think. Apartment. Yeah, I don't know that he lives in a hotel. He's not Eloise. I don't know who is that who lives there.

Here's what I'm trying to get to. Creating, when you're in college, were you in R.A.? No. What were you like in college? I was pretty low-key, honestly. I was very studious in college. That's cool.

You never got in trouble from an R.A.? No, I mean, my college was super hippie, dippy. We didn't even really have RAs that could punish you. They were just kind of there to be your buddies and connect you with resources and shit. Interesting. But if there was somebody down the hall who was like smoking weed or partying too much and ruining the vibe for the others, what would you have done in that situation? Would it have been a you knock on the door and go like, hey, fella, like, I know you're new here.

But what you're doing is weirding him out. How would you handle that move? in college. Oh my God. I mean, honestly, I probably just would have like endured it and gotten kind of pissed off. And I would not be confrontational. I connect that. I connect with that.

I connect that too. But you're not that guy anymore. Now you live with your lady. Things are changing. You've got to stand up for yourself a little bit. And it can be hard. There's real growing pains with that. So, Ben, here's my real pitch.

I would say that management has asked you to do a survey about gym culture because there's been some complaints and you're talking to everybody about this. So then say to him, what is your routine? I see you in here in the dark. They just want to know what you're doing in here.

What do you think about the cleanliness out of 10? What do you think about the music? Is there any equipment you're not receiving? Burri it. So you're asking 10 questions. It's so bored. And you're like, hey, sorry to do this. Like 1 through 10, how would you rate blank?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Then 1 through 10, how would you rate safety? And he'd go, I feel safe. And then you go, do you ever come in here when it's dark and someone's in here in the dark? You ever thought about this, Ben, that you, as you generally know around when he's in there, you get up a little early one day. Get in there. You get in there in the dark.

Just down to your skivvy's holding a katana blade or something. He's away. Lights come on. Rambo him. You just, yeah, you just go. Don't feel good, does it? Yeah, jump scare a little bit. Don't feel good.

the stuff we've given you, is there a road you like more than others? You know, I kind of like the idea of treating it like, like I'm making a documentary or I guess recording a research project and doing people about their gym culture. And then flipping in the question about the dark towards the end and being, yeah, and asking a bunch of questions on a scale of one to ten, how do you feel about this? And then last question is like, so do you like to work out in the dark or with the lights on? Yes. And what do you think?

And then he goes with the lights on. And then you go, oh. And then you go, but also like, do you ever feel uncomfortable when others don't have their shirts on? Do you feel if you come in, the light should be on for the others? Do you clean the equipment off? Is your, do you always use headphones or is it okay to play the things? Then what I would do is at the end, I would laminate and post a sheet saying, thanks for everybody taking the survey.

this community concluded that we, A, prefer headphones over speakers. Interesting. B, everybody cleans up after ourselves. C, keep the lights on. D, please keep your shirts on. E, you know, no asking somebody if they need a spotter. So he goes like, well, that one's not me. Mm-hmm.

So it's not all him, but like don't offer spotting. Oh, the spotter thing. That drives me nuts too. I guess I'll respect all these rules. Exactly right. Yeah, he won't know if only four out of the five things are about him. Yeah, but if you have like eight things and four of them are annoying things. Yeah.

But they're not about him that he goes, all right, I just need to correct four and six. No firearms in the gym. Yeah. But also do not take call, FaceTime calls, when others are in the gym, this is a shared space underlined. Yeah. So you're like, that's the main issue. I just wanted to get this FaceTime call figured out

but then we actually did identify a couple other points where there could be some improvement in terms of this being a communal space Exactly right What do you think of that? I think that's good And I yeah

You know I was thinking too I could just do that right away Like just write a sign And put it up without talking to him But then I wouldn't be able to get to the bottom of why he's doing it So yeah I think you gotta talk to him

So he knows this is happening Can we do something really fast Ben Can you just improvise a little bit and start asking some questions I got a way into that I think could be good because we did we've moved away from initially

just assuming that he's maybe using the gym more because of something that's going on inside his own apartment but I think it's like roommates are crazy huh roommates can be a little nuts that's cool what's going on in your place my old ladies

stinking up the joint I wish she'd use the bathroom in the gym Sometimes I come down here Just because she's going to the bathroom, Pete Yeah, forget Stay down here My way in should be like, man, I love sitting in this bathroom It's so much better.

Gym's better, huh? Gym bathroom? Public. What is it about public bathroom that's better than privacy? Relax more. Yeah. A warm seat. That's just not my responsibility. Anyway, I have a little survey for you.

Yeah, then you're right into it Because now it's like, this is just a regular guy like me. That's right. Ben, what are you thinking? What are you going to do here? I think we're kind of... Now you improvise. Sorry, I stole your thunder there.

I was a hell of an intro, though. I just thought, yeah. It works. You know, connect. Will you throw out to Aaron? Pretend Aaron's the guy in the gym. But let's just see how it goes. So, Aaron, you're obviously in the dark.

Yeah, I'm in the dark. You're whatever you think this guy's doing. Yeah. And then Ben, when you walk in, you're turning the lights on it. Can you just kind of do it how you would do it? When you come in, does he say anything? and you turn the lights on or does he keep his eyes off? No, I mean, yeah, I walk in, I turn the lights on,

and we kind of just give each other a little wave and say, what's that? Okay, so then you're going to do the initiating. Yes. Okay, wait. I mean, should I be doing the survey? Yes. My temptation is just to be like... Ben, do whatever you want to do on this first one.

Let's just see how it actually plays in real life. All right, I walk in, I turn the lights on. We wave. What's up? Hello. Ola. Both? Hey, I've been wondering, I've been meaning to ask you, because I've walked in here a

couple of times and you've been in here at the lights off. What's the deal with that? Like, why are you working out with the lights off? Can't you, can't you not see what you're doing? Sean, go ahead. I think, I just think it was going well. But I think we maybe, we maybe lived in the question too long and got into follow-ups that we're like, can't you, there's a judgment where it's like,

can you not see what you're, there's like a question there. It's not nice. All right. Ben, I don't think we just do jazz with this. I think it's honestly. I want a script.

I think it's going to go a little bit sideways and it could get you in a bad spot. I think you walk in and you go, oh, hey, great. Do you mind doing, I'm doing this survey from management? Are you like, hey, how are you? Good. How are you? Do you mind have asked you a couple of questions?

We're doing a thing for the community. here about the gym culture is now a good time for you to answer some questions. What do you think of that? Okay. Let's try that. Let's try that with Aaron. And then think about the questions as really basic stuff. And in the middle, you're asking a little bit about shirt off stuff and lights off.

Let's just try it really fast. We're not going to nail it right now, but just a zone to get you in the right mode. Gotcha. Okay. Let's see what happens. All right. I'm walking in. Oh, hey, how's it going?

How are you, Ben? You're not going to ask him about this amazing? I'm good. What are you working on today? Me? I'm working on kind of my lights off routines. Oh, I mean, I could tell, actually. That's funny you say that. I'm actually helping management out with a gym culture survey. Would you be able to answer some quick questions for me? John, your thoughts? Well, I'm just thinking that that's maybe the one response where I don't need to go to the survey.

that's maybe the only scenario. He's actually inviting me to go right at it in this way. Then if he happens to say, I know. Jake was pretty specific about what he said. It was just, it was a hole in one. Yeah, it's true.

If he happens to say I'm doing my lights off routine. I think you have to say, tell me more about that. Let's go again from the beginning. I'm struggling to find a way to bring it up. Yeah, but he brings it up. But it's because I pushed you wrong there. I did not think it was going to be a whole one one and once.

So let's just try one more time. And then we're going to get out of here because we're close. I think this is going to be it for you. I really do. Yeah, yeah. Okay, here we go. All right, hey, how's it going? Yeah, more well, and how are you doing?

I'm good. What are you working on today? I'm working on some private stuff. Anyway, what are you trying to talk to me about right now? Well, I actually have been helping out management a little bit with a survey that I've been doing about gym culture. Would you mind answering a couple of quick questions for me about that? Yeah, but before I do, can I know why management chose you to do this? I'm just, I kind of have a relationship with the people in the front office.

I'm there a lot and, you know, they know I'm here a lot. They know I spend a lot of time at the gym and they were just hoping to get an idea. of what people think of the gym, you know, if we need to improve anything, stuff like that. Interesting, yeah, yeah. Really good. Ben's so good. I was ready to step in. I didn't have a chance. I didn't know you're a front office guy, but yeah, that's awesome to hear. Congratulations. And, yeah, give me some of these questions.

Yeah, the first one is just like how often, how many times a week would you say you come to the gym? You're on fireman. Slick. Maybe three times a week. My guard is down. Sam. Okay, three times a week. And what, like, what times of day are you usually here?

10 out of 10. Times of day. Murdering. Who's this? I'm here at 9 a.m., 10 a.m., that kind of thing. Okay. Would you say that the gym is usually, like, crowded or empty when you're here, like, do you feel like it's busy? Ben, where you've been hiding my whole life?

It's normally, yeah, it's normally very empty. I'm normally the only one. Creepy. Okay, okay. that's useful. And then what do you think about the equipment? Would you say it's like high quality? It needs fixing.

The scale of 1 to 10, like how good is the equipment here? I love the equipment here. I really like it. That's why I keep coming. Great. A few more questions about your gym habits. Do you prefer to work out with the lights on? Wait, my gym habits?

Did you just say my gym habits? Really weird. Yeah. It's a survey about gym habits. culture. Questions are great. Okay, the darkness. The darkness, I, yeah, I like, I like the lights off because I do meditation as part of my private ritual.

Oh, you know, actually this isn't even part of the survey, but just out of curiosity, like, why do you like the jam? Hey, Ben, Ben, we're done with the call because you're there. This is it. You've graduated. You don't need any more. Hell that. This isn't even part of the survey. I'm stepping out.

Now we're just people talking. You've piqued my interest. You know, there's something in the business we're in. We made the ding together. Where at certain rehearsals, it's going so good, you go, stop, turn on the camera.

We should have film rehearsal. Stop, I don't want, let's not hear it again. Let's not. We know the blocks. The lights are right. We are in it. So, Ben, you're 100%. I didn't think you were going to get there.

And this is no disrespect to you. It just felt like it was not. not your forte, and then all of a sudden... Somebody erupted. Mm-hmm. And by the way, Ben... I appreciate you. You're picking with it.

So good. That never happened to me on the set of Dink. Roddick got it. Ed Harris, got it. Me. They say, yeah, maybe a few more rehearsals. A couple extra rehearsals for Aaron most of the time. Let's get this right.

Let's spend some time getting this. Go more take. Let's take a couple more swings out of it. It's obviously going to feel like you're reading while you do this, but at least let's get this. Let's make it seem like it's something you've read before. Let's make the key cards bigger. We'll get a bigger phone.

I would say, fuck you, man. Hold the script. We'll figure that out and post. Just hold on to it. Just look at it. Hey, Ben, are you going to actually do this, Ben? I'll do something along the lines of this for sure. My curiosity is more piqued than ever.

So I feel like I got to know. Will you, are you going to then put the results on the board, like on a laminated. sheet of paper? I think I will. I hope that the actual apartment management doesn't mind, but I will do that. Will you follow up with us? Because now I'm

very interested. I'm really curious what this guy's doing. Absolutely. Thanks for the call me. Yeah, I'll let you know. Yeah, thanks, guys. Thanks, buddy. All right, later, brother. We're here to help is hosted by Jake Johnson and Gareth Reynolds. If you'd like to be

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executive producers Rob Hollis, Jeff Porter, and Natalie Hollis, Associate producer Jesse Thurston, editing mix and master by Chris Fowler. The theme song by Oliver Raleigh. The cover artwork is by James Fostike, animations by Andrew Strelicki. And if you'd like to see Gareth do stand up on the road, go to garethrenolds.com.

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