We're Here to Help - 280: Carjacking & Water From The Bottom

Episode Date: April 13, 2026

Jake and Gareth deliver a sample to the hospital, without doing anything illegal. Then, they invent an alibi for a caller who murdered her grandmother's violet. Plus, a follow-up from Ep 267 "Bad Girl of Trader Joe's."See images from the episode here: https://www.heretohelppod.com/post/episode-280Want to call in? Email your question to [e-mail]: https://patreon.com/heretohelppodMERCH: heretohelppod.comINSTAGRAM: @HereToHelpPodIf you’re enjoying the show, make sure to rate We’re Here to Help 5-Stars on Apple Podcasts.Advertise on We’re Here to Help via Gumball.fmSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a headgum podcast. Hax is back for its fifth and final season, and so is the Hacks podcast. Join the Hacks creators and showrunners, Lucia and Yello, Paul W. Downs, and Jen Statsky as they unpack the Emmy-winning comedy series. On each episode, here's stories from the set, what goes on in the writer's room,

and how these beloved characters close out their final season. Watch Hax streaming exclusively on HBO Max, and listen to the Hacks podcast on HBO Max or wherever you get your podcasts. We're here with Stevie Berg too for the intros. Hey guys, how are you doing? I'm Steve Berg, oh, Nebraska. Steve hot from the ads. We were just doing some ads,

and I decided, Gareth and I were just going to do a little bit of work this morning, and I just sent a link to Steve. And Steve, you were singing little tags at the end of each ad. Which one was your favorite, and can we get a taste to some of them? Wayfar is just what Steve needs.

Do you remember any of the other sides of that one? Looking good and quince. which is a fun one because it really accentuates my list. Can we hear kachava? What's, yeah, Kachava. I don't remember Kachava. Just make one up. So it's Kachava, you know what it is.

Kachava, it is oh, so good. Let's have one for sausages. Ooh, mama, get that casing off and get the sausage in my mouth. Ew, that was the worst one. Yeah, Mama get the casing off. So by the way, the kisit's part of the sausage. It's just a pile of. I don't know my way I write a sausage too well.

I'll be honest. I'll cut that. There's the title. Stephen, you think the way people eat sausages is they go like this, all right, let's cook it up. Let's take the casing.

All right. Free meat. Well, I'll say, the only reason I say that is because when I do eat a sausage with a chicken sausage and I do take that casing right off. You do?

Why don't you just make ground chicken? You're hosting our Patreon cooking show with takes like that? Yes, Stephen, it's not a show by. If you're not called geniuses here. to help. Guys, sometimes when you're making lasagna, you want Italian sausage, but my wife doesn't need pork,

so I don't need pork, really. But I'll have chicken sausage. I'll take that casing up, and I'll grind that up. As opposed to having boring, ground chicken, it's ground Italian sausage chicken. Sounds delicious, actually. Yes. I take that what I said. I will say that was the worst jingle.

No, you're not. But you were right there. That was the worst jingle I've ever heard for a sausage commercial. It wasn't good. But you are right. That lasagna sounds delicious. It does. It's great.

Hey, mama, take that Keithin off and let me eat that sausage. If I was an ad, if I was sitting there in the booth, I would literally go, I mean, everybody gets fired. If I just walked in and I was the money guy, I'd go, all right, boys and girls, what you've been cooking up? Sorry, I just was in Miami. And I go, all right, hey, actually, let's do it. Stevie, I just got in town. Roll it. We're doing the, hey, Gareth, you're our tech guy.

Will you set up the spot a little bit? I just got here. I'm excited to hear. Steve, your levels are hard to predict. Just why don't you go from the top and remember the money man's here. Okay. I'm really, so guys, really fast, I just need to say. I've paid you guys your full salary for three months.

I am dying to hear what you've come up with. We are not selling these sausages the way we need to. Well, let's remember that when we go into the, you know, to the song. There's a lot riding on this. So let's get it right. I'm so fucking stressed. We're taking it right.

I understand. I feel like the stakes are raising, but let's just hear one. Okay. So this is what we got cooking so far. A little ditty like this. three, two, actually in the key of B. Three, two, one. Get those casins off that sausage.

Grind it up, grind it up for a nice lasagna because you wipe this knee pork and you might watch round chicken instead. Get that casing off. I'm scared. Before I comment as the tech guy as the producer that I hired first before we found this

talent at Central casting. Central casting, I am represented first. Hold on. I'll mute too. You can't hear. in the booth. Because I think he's going to be highly responsive. He counted himself down, which is crazy.

Yeah. He's never been in. So, Garrett, your thoughts, Mr. Reynolds. Listen, what I like about it is that there's a lot we can cut out to get something good, maybe. I don't like that he said you have to grind the sausage after. Hey, guys, you said I couldn't hear the fact that actually I can hear everything. Well, it's a crazy denial of reality that we had set up. Don't you know the first rule of him brought you?

geek. Actually, I'm not an astronaut. I'm a football player. It's not my birthday. Get the hell up the stage. Get out of here. Okay, you are now at a birthday party. No, I'm not. I'm not trying to write this scene. Get out of here. I'm fucking Improv Olympic West. We've been eight minutes in and be like, this is a long 40 minutes. By the way, Improv Olympic West, I've been shooting in Hollywood. It is such a grim exterior still. It's so weird that Nothing ever happened with that space. And that whole area of Hollywood now, it's turned into like the craziest area.

That's where we all basically started doing improv together. And then after, what would you say, 10 years it closed when we were there, something like that? Yeah, but it was a real hub. Oh, it was awesome. It was like, it was a full bar. When the shows to get out was like, no. I remember when my cousin came to visit right around when that happened.

And she wanted to go to Hollywood. Yeah, Fiona. Oh, boy. She loved me, Jake. Explain, Steve. No, no. She was British. Okay, okay, okay.

The reality is she... Will you walk me through a little bit of this? She's from a little... I want to jump in when I can. Okay, okay, okay. Gary, I think... I'm not going to deny the booth mute. I know.

Looking for my perspective. Jake, she was from Stowbridge, this little kind of like community in England, right? You love that. I don't hate it. And she was so taken with me. Comedically, just probably... Physically.

I mean, I didn't want to say it, but you did. Let me know when I can jump in. And she was, I mean, I mean, like, he's cooking. I was nervous because I was like, hey, I'm a taking man. But, you know, she. That's the matter from her eyes. She's allowed to look at a gift. She just can't take it home.

That's true. I really, please, someone take me in soon, honestly. You can window shop at a restaurant and you can look at all the donuts. That doesn't mean you have to eat them all, but you can go, I want that one, that one and that one and that one. But I won't have them because I'm on a diet. Absolutely. But, yeah, that's based long and short about she was wonderful. In another life, I think we could have been very.

happy together and uh really so there was tons of vivage there i mean on her end mostly let me go no look we know you're a very loyal man to your wife uh gareth tag in uh totally delusional has been the whole time she did have a crush on a friend of mine it wasn't steve he's been talking like this bret he's been talking like this yes stephen let him talk he's been talking like this forever and he always says that i i bet you if i brought his name up to her she would not know who we're talking about and i'm not kidding gareth's a manic right now like No, he doesn't. I'm actually with Gareth, too.

I feel very 50-50 here. He's been talking like this for so long. He said the same thing about tennis, Gareth. He said the same thing about tennis. Remember when you guys... I killed him. And then retired on top, baby. I had the flu.

I killed him. Retired on top, baby. He talked about how I'm actually very good at tennis. I'm incredible. I made a pickleball movie just to spite you. Jake had to bring me in because they need an expert pickleball player, you know, to do some work. And I did. You got nervous.

while talking. Hell no, I didn't. I don't. No, not on set. I mean, right now. I got no. While talking. Yeah, I did.

You killed it in the movie right there. You said, I did. Because they needed them. They had to pickle. Because they were made of vinegar in the brine. Whatever. All right, everybody, enjoy the show.

Hey, everybody. We just want to remind you if you want to watch new episodes of, we're here to help. It drops a day early on Hulu. So you can watch the new episode a day early. a day early and we're also dropping a bunch of older episodes from season one and season two. So get involved. And we're brought to you by Function Health.

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We all know NordVPN. Here you can choose from several affordable ESIM data plans and over 200 destinations. Significantly reduced and even eliminate roaming fees, which I will tell you. you one time I left my phone on Rome for a whole trip, not in Rome in England. And it was crazy. It was crazy. So Saly Ultra is designed for the modern frequent traveler for those taking multiple trips a year, navigating long journeys with layovers. Ultra provides more than just data. Enjoy seamless experience with VIP travel perks like airport lounge access. Want to be one of those people? Fast track services and advanced online security. I mean, think about what we're

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your mobile data. There's ad blockers, 24-7 support. Look, this is it. If you travel, let's go. Get an exclusive 15% discount on Saly ESIM data plans. Download Saly app and use code here to help at checkout. That's S-A-I-L-Y. Hello, hello, how you doing? Good, good, yourself. Good, welcome to the show. We're here to help. Can we get your name, please?

Yes, sir. Let's call me Joe for now. Okay, Joe, where are you calling from? I'm calling from the Chicago suburbs. Joe, what can we do for you today? Yeah, I'm looking for some help with some upcoming performance anxiety, and I need a little hand with some recommendations. So recently I got a vasectomy probably about five-ish months ago nowadays.

This kind of performance. And so, yeah. And so I'm glad it's on an improv show. I would have hung up on you. Honestly. I'm in my second class at the Improv Olympics. Trust the process always yes. By the way, one of my favorite things to watch an improv is someone says no.

Me too. Or when somebody does the sliding door, they go like, they go like, well, now you're in this place. And the person goes, I'm in a bowling alley. That's my favorite. I love it. Look at the junkyard. I run an amusement park. Okay.

All right, Joe. So you got a sec to me. Our man, Gareth is a gunner. I have some questions, but keep going. Yeah, no, no. So it's been about five months. I called in my office about two, a little over two weeks ago, planning to, um, planning to, um, get my tests prior to Valentine's Day as a Valentine's Day gift.

And the office told me that they no longer have the technology to do the test there. Do what test? What test? They have to do the sperm analysis to confirm that my swimmers are no longer swimming. So you got to do the vasectomy and then maybe your semen are so intense. It goes still pushing through. Sorry. We link the tubes back together.

You ain't shutting us down. By the way, if that's the case, Joe, have some kids. That might be a future leader. Yeah. No, no, the math changes after two kids. I understood. The call math changes everything. Never mind.

You got the two already. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. So, yeah. No, thank you. But yeah, so the office was, I don't know, 15 minutes away from my house. So I could prepare the sample at home, delivered to the office. Bing, bang, boom, we're done.

I get tested, and it's party time again. Now, however, I have to go to the local hospital, which is a little over a half hour away. And here's kind of where the issue comes in is that the sample only stays good for a little over a half hour. So, I know what he said. You got to get to get. Parking. Brother. Yes, yes.

And I've never done that at the hospital. And the other issue is that my phone monitors, or my work monitors my phone. There's like a device management software. I understood. I am kind of uncomfortable with doing it on my phone because I don't want that to be picked up by my employers. And so ultimately I'm looking for some recommendations on how to warm myself up and get her done

in the hospital bathroom that I've kind of never been at and never actually done one of those. Yeah. It's a sterile environment. Can I make an alt pitch? Yeah. Please. I'm going to call it a carjacking.

There is no. Natalie, hold on. I'm in the middle of something. With Natalie, but Garrett keep finishing. Natalie, let him cook. Natalie, let the guy cook a little bit. You can taste the recipe when the ingredients are. Don't say taste the recipe of this example.

You're exactly right. Go ahead, Gareth. Thank you. Pretty much at the end of my pitch. But what I'm going to recommend is that you find a dead zone, middle of nowhere. You get yourself 15 minutes away, but you find a nowhere. You put one of those screen protectors up. You get a little blinds for the car.

And you sit up front in a more comfortable environment. and you in the driver's seat, you, you know, pull a nut job. You understand when he's pitching, yeah, Joe? I do. Don't do it, Joe. You're an adult. Hold on, hold on that. Natalie, this is the angriest she's ever been in a fish.

Natalie, mute yourself. We're talking to Joseph. Okay. So I think practically, I think the, I don't think I could get the potential negative repercussions out of my head to get myself going. enough to do that. Would you say, Joe, that it's nice to know that there are options and that what I just did was give you a place where you go, hey, I don't want to go there.

Now the other one seems a little bit better. And direct your answer towards Natalie. Direct your answer towards Natalie and Jake was also seen pretty negatively. Hey, Joe, is it really sexy and fun to be labeled as a sex offender for masturbating in public? Hey, Joe, is it exciting to be getting away with a crime? So it is, but those days are like done. That's when I was doing high school. I think I'll have it sex in an airplane bathroom.

You know what else? People do, they do that. It's called the Mile High Club. Yeah, okay. We got to get this back on track, Joe. I agree. Don't masturbate in your car, brother. Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, so I don't know what to do. Yeah, we're going to get back on track. This was as Gareth as a pitch as we've had since Parmesan on the floor. What? It's just a little, it's called carjacking. It's the healthier version of carjacking. I agree. I agree.

You got the Mile High Club. This is called the Mile Away Club. Hey, G, man. Legally, we cannot pitch for people to masturbate in their cars near hospitals. Yeah, 100%. So just that's a lead. I don't even know where to look anymore. Apparently, my camera, eye lines off.

It's not there. Do not do that. Yeah. Okay, thank you. Yeah. One thing we're never going to say to anybody on this show is masturbate in public. Yeah. And I think what Jake's saying now is.

No, Garrett. Garrett. I'm not talking to you as a guy who loves you at a friend, yeah? Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. 100%.

We're never going to pitch to masturbate in public, yeah? 100%. 100%. I mean, I drive across the country. Do you understand? I have a little bias. I eat in the car. Yeah, yeah, I'm just saying.

I understand what you're saying. I got a couch in the back of a van. In your car, you got those weird little sun thing. Yeah, go ahead. Go ahead. You got a little masturbating, a mobile masturbating box. Come on. I thought, are we moving on or are we digging deeper?

Because you were moving on, and now you're digging. Do you want to know more? Yeah. Well, I don't want to tell you more because apparently I've been breaking the law. I want to ask a real question, no bit. When was the last time you masturbated? No, this is for Gareth. I'm sorry, Joe.

And Gareth, no joky voice, real question to you. When was the last time you masturbated in a car? Never. If you lie, Gareth. I'll get on a lie detector. Never. Oh, my God, we should do a lie detector test. Let's go.

Let's go. Joe, back to you. I masturbated on a freight train. When I was 19, I used to hop freight trains and I was so cold, I masturbated. Yes, for that. You're so cold? Yeah, me and this guy, Joe, we were... It's not a trash can with newspapers in it.

We hopped on one in Iowa, and we were in between, and we both thought we were beat dixon. So cool. And I was so fucking cold. It was the middle of the night. He was like, man, we just drank some wine, let's sleep. And I'm like, this is the greatest. And I'm like, I'm freezing at death. I need a little bit of warmth, master.

Joe, back to you. Natalie, nothing? You're muting on that part? She's quitting. I just got a tense. My reaction was what? What? This was a different time.

This is a different era. I mean, I would make you colder. It literally might have been the 90s. And go to your dick and you would be colder. It doesn't make any sense. Natalie, that's gross. Don't talk like that. Hey, Natalie, you don't understand the human body.

Natalie, you warm up, babe. You warm up. All right. Okay. Joe, back to. see you before we're dead. So no masturbating in public, but here's what I recommend. We're talking about the old school.

Let's go old school, my man. There used to be an entire industry of magazines. Do you used to, back in the day, Joe, how old are you? 32. You don't know this. But back in the day, you could look at like a J.C. Penny catalog. and it would literally be a lady in a swimsuit and you'd be like, rip and save,

that'll do it. We've just been so overexposed. Yeah. No, we have. We've over-stimulated. Joe, go ahead. Yeah, and so I guess I just, yes, so since I've been exposed to the websites,

I don't know that a catalog or a JCPenny catalog would do it, but I could pick up one from my local bookstore and see if that'll, that gets me. be going. Yeah, you can go, look, Joe, you can go buy a nudie mag. No problem.

You don't need to go to your local bookstore. Where do they sell? Yeah, I'll have to look up where they sell those. An adult shop. You go to an adult shop. You're going to walk in there. You're going to see some stuff

that she's probably going to shock you a little bit. But you're just going to go right to the magazines and you're just going to go over there, snag one. And, you know, it'll be good. I would also say as you lead up to the event,

I have a lot of vasectomy questions. I'll probably say for the doctor, but are you on a pitch count? Are you allowed to, as far as you're jacking off, are you allowed to, are you limiting your whacking off? So you need to limit it for 48 hours before you give the sample

so that you have a very strong sample and it's not a false negative. I would widen that window. I would give yourself an eight-day lead-up, get the nudie mag, you'll be raring to go. That combination, I think, is going to get the cork out of the bottom. But Joe, let me pitch you something. Here's what I'd like you to try to do.

I want you to Google in the Chicagoland area. You can go on the north side of Chicago. Rogers Park find a million places like this. Old world newsstands. But I want you to go in there and have a little bit of fun. I want you to wear a trench coat and sunglasses. And when you walk in there, I want you to go, like, go to one of these sections. shops and buy a bunch of magazines like it's the early 1980s and you're buying smut.

And this is just, you're doing this on your time, this feels bad. You're a creep, dude. And then you go right from there to the hospital. And you're having like your own little weird sexual adventure. And you feel weird about it. But you don't look at these magazines until you get into the room. Then you open the weird brown paper bag and you're like, Holy gal.

Well, you know what I like there, Jake? I like the get it and go. I also don't open them. Do not peruse what you're getting. No. Just cover shop, get five, roll into the vasectomy doctor's place with a paper bag

and then treat yourself. I got another one, Joe. Here's a wild one. Ask the wife to come with. Turn it in with you fucking crazy. kids, you go, hey, maybe we go in the bathroom. And she goes, you're wild. And you go, I got two kids.

She goes, me too. You go, look at us being insane. Can you give me a little help? Are you pitching? Yeah. His wife does the. Yeah. Wow.

I'm talking, turn it into a hookup. It's, by the way, the only way to make a marriage hand job appealing, high stakes. Yeah, that sounds fun, actually. I like that one. And it might be fun for her, too, to go like, this is. insane. Yeah. And you go,

you got to sneak into the bathroom together, but it's a hospital. So right before go like this, my stomach hurts. And she'll go like this. I'll go like this. You walk in and you go, that was a fake out.

I really like this too. So you go there, you and the wife, you go in, she gets, she recovers the sample pretty much. Yep. That's exciting.

It's exciting. And guess what? It would be, Because here's the reality. You did this together, yeah? You did this for her, for you guys, as you said early in the car, let's get the party started.

So guess what? Let's get the party started. And it's called the, let's get the party started festivities. You send her an Evite. There's one person on that to RSVP. That's a really good idea. I'm going to have to convince her to take off for a day,

but I think it's well worth it. We're talking about take off for half a day, Mike. Or how about this? Take off for a day. After this, you go have a nice bite to eat. Yeah, you go see a movie. The rest of the day is a date. And guess what?

You're going date and reverse. The Siemens the beginning. Or, Gareth, the dates before and you end at 5 o'clock. Also, love this. They go to the hospital right before. Love this. Class of why. Roll into the hospital a little tipsy.

But I mean it, Joe. You make it a, because this I like this. I like this. I like this. I like it a lot. Yes. It's a really good idea.

I like it a lot. So, Joe, tell us how you're going to propose this to the old ball and chain, yeah? So I kind of tried to get some help out of her and have her give me some ideas before I called in. And she was, she didn't actually know that I looked at that porn. And so I, this is going to be an interesting. conversation to start because she thought I was a little boy scout. So I think I'm probably going to just go out and tell her of, hey, hon, I got a really good idea.

And let's go to the hospital and see if we can make this work, me and you. Let's make a date out of it because we have not had a date day in a while. And that's a great idea. I love this. Can I refine the pitch a little bit? Please. I would add some of the pepper that Jake had in earlier. I think a little bit of like, you know, look, honestly, honey, I'm going to be honest with you.

the sample part is not really very appealing to me. I do have some anxiety that in the hospital I'm going to be able to perform. But what I was thinking is you and I, this is for us. So what if we kind of had a day date leading up to the end? And when we go into the hospital, we hook up in the bathroom. You help me. And we just collect the sample kind of old school. a minor hookup, nothing too crazy,

and then after that, we can go to the car A couple miles away. If it gets crazy, Gareth, it gets crazy. Yeah, a couple miles away we can get in the car and go have sex in a, you know, someone far away if we want. Everything but the end. I like it. I like it. But I would add in some of the roadmen.

I would rather you have sex with her in the car that masturbate, to be honest. I agree. Hey, everybody likes. I don't think that's insane to have sex in a car. I do think it's insane to masturbate. Well, me either, but all of a sudden we're starting to say, oh, okay, you know,

ejaculating in a car isn't that crazy because there's someone else there. I'm just saying, take, you know, it's interesting the elements that make it okay for some people. The only place to masturbate on something moving is a freight train. I think that's just a wild piece of merch that we're definitely making. Joe. But Joe, I think add in that part, I think that's going to help the pitch. I think I like that. I've got to figure out the timing a little bit

and how to make that romantic. They're opening hours or 6 a.m. to noon, but I think we haven't done a morning date in a while. Or the dates after. We go breakfast, we figure out bowling. Yeah, we do it and go on a nice, nice date. And then guess what? You guys are done by the time the kids get home from school.

It's like day drinking. You're asleep by 8 p.m. Well, we normally are asleep by 8.30, so that's perfect. I think this could really work. Do you have any interest in sending her a one? person, Evite. Yeah, I think that's an amazing idea. I'm going to do that for sure.

I think she could have fun at that and go, like, with the full RSVP on it. And she's like, it's just one person. And it's like party in the hospital in the hospital bathroom. Don't bring gifts. I'll provide one. H.J's welcome. She's like, literally we want her to go, you're a real life idiot. And also, this sounds fun.

And also you are a real life idiot And you go, you know, I don't know what I'm going to do I can't do this without you. Joe, will you send us if you do either a text or an evite? Will you send it to us and we'll black out the names? Yep. Oh, for sure. And then please follow up with us.

Please follow up. And before we end the call, let's just be very clear again, the show is not advising anybody to masturbate in a car. That's not something we're doing or a freight train. I think, Jake, it's time for you to maybe walk away from what you said a little bit, too. I don't think people should masturbate on freight trains. There you go. Because guess what?

We're on Hulu now. That's right. For people who said we've changed since Hulu, you're right. You're right. And by the way, we would call that master freighting. By the way, pre-Hulu? Masturbating your car. What do we care?

We're just two guys talking of weird little fake offices. Now? That we're on Hulu. Now we're on Hulu. Hey. Don't masturbating your car. Come on. You invite your wife to the hospital bathroom to jack you off, you idiot.

Joe. Hey, sorry about all this talk. Hey, Natalie, throw a couple jackets on. I'm sure you're freezing. All right, Joe. Thanks for the call. Keep us posted. You got it.

Thanks, guys. All right. Love you so much. Thank you. Appreciate the help. Bye. I love you, too. That was a fun.

That was awesome. So frustrating. I think that's a fair thing to say. That was a great one. Yeah, that was a good one. Here is another. Saying we're combined, very frustrating, is actually what this show is. Two different versions of very frustrating, I think.

I think we are both frustrating. Oh, without question. Without question. I've been called frustrating so many times, and I find you frustrated. I also find you frustrating, but it's great. But that... Yeah, that's it. We're frustrated.

During that was like, Jesus Christ. All right, here you go. Thanks, Natalie. Appreciate you. And we are brought to you by Lisa. Oh, sweet Lisa. The mattress is at Lisa, huge fan. But listen, it's not about me specifically.

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in home. You can get 80% off with free shipping of everything. Wayfair makes it easy to find exactly what you need in your house. If you want decor improvements, I, uh, yeah, I really, when I went on Wayfar, I was like, oh my goodness, it's everything. It's overwhelming. I'll tell you, what I bought on Wayfair was a robot vacuum. Yeah, what's, how is that going? It's going good. I had had one before. Okay. I got the early version of it, so I keep buying them. I give it a name. And, And then there's a little remote I control so I can go at my dogs a little bit and I can go at my wife's feet and then I can pretend that the robot likes me more than her. It's interesting. This took a really, what, you said you named it?

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shipping on everything. So head to Wayfair.com, April 25th through the 27th to shop Wayday. That's Wayfair. W-A-I-R.com. Wayfair. Every style, every home. Hello. Hello. Hi, welcome to the show. We're here to help. Can we get your name, please. Hi, my name is Maria. Maria. Where are you calling from? I'm calling from Philly. Philly, you're here with Jake Johnson and the great Gareth Reynolds. Hi, Marie. Hey, what's going on? So Maria from Philly, what do you got today?

Okay. So my grandma, Peggy, lived to about 106 years old, and she had a really green thumb. So when she passed in 2023, my mom gifted me her 30-year-old African violet. And by the time it got to me, it was in pretty rough shape because my mom had flown with it from Florida to New Jersey. And then like nearly killed it. Maria, I need you to stop a little bit. What the hell is an African violet? I'm assuming it's a violet from Africa.

Must be a nice plant. Correct. It is. I don't even know. I myself do not have a green thumb. So I a little bit weary to begin with. It's a fancy violet. that's incredibly hard to keep alive.

It's basically what I know. And, oh, wait, we're seeing a photo. Oh, okay. Oh,

so it's just, yeah, it's just a regular old plant, though. Very nice. Sweet flower. But yeah, they're normally outdoors,

not indoors. My grandma lived in Pensacola, Florida. Okay, so these are, these are tropical type flowers. They need a lot of that sun. They don't want to live in fucking icy Philly.

in February. Correct. So Peggy dies and she says, I want Maria to have the flower? Well, here's the thing. I'm not sure

who said that I should have the flower. I have a feeling it wasn't Peggy. She's pretty particular and I'm not great with plants. Well, I'm good with plants. I'm not good with flowers.

And I think my mom confused that. So I think she suggested I get this violet. Okay. And it's a 30-year-old plant? Yeah, she has kept it alive for 30 years. Good for her.

That is impressive. Yeah, she's amazing. Before we get into the question, what is the care of this African violet? So you're supposed to water it from the bottom. And you water it from the bottom. You have a little saucer? Yeah.

That goes against physic. And it doesn't want a ton of light, but it wants daily light, filtered light. So, yeah, she's dramatic. And I've been watering it from the bottom, but it was really not doing too great. So I was like, I'm just going to give her a little water from the top. And that's kind of where it all went downhill. Oh, keep going Yeah, so we'd have to

Let some down At one point I even brought her To somebody to revive her Oh, you killed the son of a bitch Yeah, it's dead It's dead The tent is giving you away But you took it to

You took it to the plant ER You killed the son of a bitch 100% dead, no doubt You took it to the ER Someone tried, it was too late You killed it You wanted from the top You ignore the cardinal rule

You murdered it? You killed it. I think I've killed my grandma's place. Good, good for you. Wow. All right, Maria. So is this just confession or is there something you want? Okay, so my question is, do I tell my mom the truth?

Do I fess up or do it buy a new? Oh, my God, I'm looking at the death. Oh, my God. What is that weird mannequin you have behind it? Oh, we're looking at a picture. It's a baby little African violet, and then, whatever the hell's behind it, it looks like a magnetic mannequin torso.

That's a dress form. That's Bertha. I turned it into a lamp. This feels like you, that your Peggy sent this violet to silence of the lamp. He was tortured to death. Yeah.

Did you put it in a little hole and throw food at it down there? Maria, this is heartbreaking. You tried a lotion from the bottom? It was not the best choice for the caregiver. I will admit that. Okay. And how long did you have this flower until you murdered it?

Okay. So it was like since April of 2023. Well, that's when my mom got it. And then, yeah. So probably since like September of 2023. Okay. So you had it for three years before you killed it. Yeah.

Yeah. That's better than I thought. Is it tough to hear Jake say murder and killed so much, Maria? Listen, I felt the same way. Yeah. Marie, let me ask you another question. It only matters because of, for me, as, you know, a 47-year-old man. But what's your age?

I am 37. Okay. So I think that matters a little bit to me. Because if you were 24, I would have a different tone. But you murdered it. Less forgiving? Yeah, yeah. Yeah.

You're too busy drinking Nanny Lites. Yeah. And also, this is on your mom. Why would she give this to you? Right. Okay. I feel like I was set up for failure. And I think she knew that.

Interesting. She wanted you to kill her mom's flower so she didn't have to. You think it's that? So here's my pitch to you, Maria. I want you to call your mom out and go, you listen to me. I know what you did. You wanted me to off the flower because you didn't want blood on you. your hands. Let me tell you this bitch. Bloods

on both our hands. That's a crazy call to make. Considering we haven't heard the problem yet, you know that. I didn't, but you're right. Yeah, let's let's, let's, what can we help you with today? Well, the problem is, do I tell my mom the truth? Oh, Jake already

solved it. We got it. Yeah. Here's what I think. Do I replace it with a fake? No, no. You can't replace this with a fake. This is an African violent. Well, the same problem is going to be there. You don't know how to take care of this thing. If you did, the highest stakes version, you killed. Yeah, but she's talking about then does she go like,

I just want to hand it back to you. And she goes, this isn't an African pilot. This is a target's violet. This is wires. Yeah, this is something you got. Great paper. There's a Philly violet. Yeah, yeah.

So, Maria. Yeah. Let me ask you a real question. What is your mother's relationship with her mother, Peggy? They were close. They were pretty close. Yep, they did like the regular phone calls. We are, you know, a family that doesn't tell everybody everything.

So she did keep some secrets from my grandma. What kind of secrets did she keep? Okay. So my brother passed away. And it's cool. It's fine. We've moved on. However, my mother was convinced

that telling Peggy would kill her. So we weren't allowed to tell Peggy. Oh, my God. So let me just tell you right now, Maria, find a lie to your mom about the flower. Yeah. Right? Yeah.

Take the guilt off. She lied to her mother about her son. You're talking about an African violent. Hey, don't even feel bad. Take this one to the grave. mom goes, how's the flour? You go, healthier than ever. You got to water from the bottom. A, okay. A hundred percent. This is going back to the premise of this pitch, we're in a bar, I'm going like this. After you just told me that thing about your brother, I go, what are you talking about?

And I go to the bartender, get her a drink on me and also lie forever. Yeah. You nuts. Yeah. Of course lie. Okay. Not only that. I know what I was hoping to hear. Yeah, Maria, say this. Hey, you know what I would do? Have fun with the You know what? That's what I was just going to say. Why don't you give it the version of like we took the dog to a farm where it can go run around and play and be free? Yeah, crazy. I planted it.

I found someone who loved African violets. It's in a greenhouse surrounded by other ones. Apparently it's thriving. It's never been better. It's freaking babies. It's fruiting. We didn't know they gave fruit. There's a special berry, apparently.

But the berries disgusting. Yeah, so that's why it's out of our life. No, but I would honestly say. is, Mom, I got to just tell you, the joy that I'm having with this, I've never felt closer to Peggy. This thing, I'm, you know what it is? You water from the bottom. It's finicky, but it's love in Philly.

And then I did another thing, Mom. I took one of the little seeds of it. I gave it to my friend, Steve Berg. He's a real green thumb. He'd eat anything. Basically, it's dirt. And he's, he's, and he's, you. She's growing him out in Omaha now.

Mom, your mom would love it. Right now, he just said, they got about 100 little African violets. They're spreading like weeds out there. I like this. I do too because I think if you're comfortable with it, what Jake's pitching is like you get away with your first issue, plus some catharsis.

You get some makeup lies that are kind of just. This deserves that. Carmic ability to embellish here. This deserves that. I like this a lot. Carmic embellishment. What do you think of that initial? I think Peggy deserves the embellishment as well.

What do you think of Jake's pitch? I mean, I think that's pretty good. We can add on to it if need be. But that's pretty good to be like, it's almost like spreading ashes. It's like you've taken Peggy to a bunch of other places and she's now franchised. And now what you're saying to Peggy also, spirit. virtually. Sorry, we lied to you.

Yeah. I got my revenge on mom, though. I love it. And you know what? And I think too, too. Yeah, mom might have been right about you, Peggy. It might have been too much to handle, which there's a lot of truth to that. Emotionally, that might have just been too much for old Pegster.

It would be too much for me. Yeah. But guess what? You got lied to. And now, Peggy, say a little prayer to her and go, let's get her. Ugh. Let's heighten this one, Pegger. And if your mom ever goes, you know, you lied to me.

You go, I did. And go, is my brother ring a bell, you maniac? You know, there was that show, the ghost whisper. Jake's the ghost fibber. Jake is, I really think that there, that is like the perfect solve. You're just going to tell a tall tale. For years. For years.

For years. And when you do it, I get you off the hook. I want you to think of Peggy. and give her a little smile. Absolutely. Every few months you add on another state, it's in. I guess Steve Berg took it to Wyoming.

Fucking thing is going crazy. But let's do this. Let's hear. I want you to play both characters, Maria. Will you do you and your mom? Okay. And don't worry about being funny. Just try to actually how your mom sounds.

You know how to do your mom. and just how this conversation could actually go down. Okay. Okay. He'd be like, hey, Ree, just calling to check in. How is Peggy's Violet doing? And I'm going to say, oh, I completely forgot to tell you. I met this guy named Steve Bird, and he was like an African Violet enthusiast.

And he asked if he could take Peggy's Violet on the road and kind of like spread it seeds in as many states as he can get to. He really wants to like propagate this 30 year old violet because it's like, you know, an heirloom and spread it as far as he can in America. It's like kind of something he does with like really rare plants. Incredible. How did you,

then she goes, how did you find Steve Bird? He was on one of the job sites and we just got to talking about plants. Oh. Oh, my God. This is so good, Maria. Can I add a little more? It's great.

Please. Why don't we say Steve Bird is kind of a nature enthusiast? That's why they call him Steve Bird. And so he saw this and he really enjoyed doing something like this. As well as because the funny fact that's really underknown, the African Violet was originally a North American violet that was brought to Africa. but it's actually native to hear. We're going to pull a Mormon Jesus over here? Jake, we're now we're making up lies.

But we're lying personally ungooglable. Now we're moving to like, you got conned. You gave Peggy's African Violet to some weird liar. No, you say this. It's not well known. Oh, he, he's a plant conspiracist. Google doesn't even know it. Google doesn't even know much.

He's a plant conspiracist. He's the guy. He's the guy. That makes him seem less reputable, for sure. Then back that way. Earlier today, Gareth gave a pitch to a guy to masturbate in his car near a sperm bank. Yeah, and if you believe it or not, Jake was opposed to it, even though he jacked off on a train once when he was drunk with a friend. But Maria, what we're trying to say, I think it's, I think the what you just pitched is perfect.

Me too. The way that you kind of handled that conversation. I wouldn't be afraid to say, look, this guy's last name is bird. He's a nature guy. And every six months, if it comes up, you say, oh, yeah, I forgot to tell you, it's in Hawaii now. It's crushing. Peggy is everywhere, Mom. And so what Jake said, the reason you're doing this is because you and Peggy just teamed

up to get a little bit of fun revenge on your mom while getting you off the hook. I love this. And not to mention my brother, Dave, because he's not. He would also really love this. So this is the three of you, you Dave and Peggy. You know what you could do rather than Steve Bird, Dave Bird. Dave Bird, this is perfect. Yes.

And I've got a question for your grandmother Peggy. What's something about another thing besides Peggy? Did she have a nickname? Where is she from in Florida? How can we name this so it's right under your mom's nose and she's totally going to miss it? So like something that is your brother. and your grandmother combined is the nature enthusiast. I love that.

Well, her first name is actually Margaret. Everybody calls her Peggy. She's in Pensacola or was in Pensacola. Dave, Pensacola? Dave Cola. Dave Cola. Dave Cola.

Dave Margaret? Dave Margaret. Dave Margaret's great. Great. That's how you could say that you, when you saw that that was the comment. nation, that was sort of, that made you feel right about it. Don't push it.

You don't do that. That's a terrible idea. I know. That's as bad as mine doing the weird thing about lying about Google. Well, I'm just saying. Talking past the clothes kind of thing. I agree. She's in the car.

The motor started. Why am I saying, hey, we got another model. How about this? For Pensacola, Florida, P.F. Dave Margaret. Like P.F. James. Or. Okay.

How about P.F. Chang. Stop. Go ahead, Maria. Next. I was thinking Kwekowski was her last name. Kikowsky?

Her maiden name? Kwekowski. Okay. Too specific. Is that too specific? It's impossible to get away from that one. Cohen? Cohen was her

Nate, my mom's maiden name. Dave Cohen. Because then your mom's going to go like. We needed something that your mom doesn't know. What was, What was Peggy's favorite food? Fried chicken. Dave chicken.

Oh, wait. What about Sanders? Sanders. Colonel Dave? Colonel Dave. Colonel Dave. Colonel Dave, the flower guy. Colonel Dave, the flower guy.

I like it. I do too. Because then you go like, it's really fun. Colonel Dave. Oh, my God. He's such a character, but he's a real flower guy. Yeah. Yeah.

He did lie to me. The only thing is he lied to me and said that it was originally an American violet, which was stupid. I googled it. But again, I didn't know why you'd get that in there. And then also, Gareth said masturbating a car two hours ago. What are you talking about? What are you talking about?

And that was the craziest pitch I've heard since the Parmesan cheese. He literally told a man who he should masturbate in a car near a hospital. At least people can't show up with something for me to sign on that one. They will. Don't figure it out. Okay, so Maria, what do you think? Where are you at here? I think we nailed it.

I think Colonel Dave is the perfect cover. Colonel Dave. She'll never do the math on that. Nope. No. And I don't really think she knows how to Google, so I think we're good there. I think we're fine too. Doesn't mean we go back to what Jake was saying.

Really fast, Maria. You happy with this? I'm very happy. I really love the idea of spreading Peggy's. I do too. In a sense. I think this is a big win. I'd love you to follow up with us.

But before we go, people bring, and please don't interrupt, Gareth. People bring Parmesan cheese to Gareth show and make them sign it. But he just said, because he said earlier, there was a call about somebody who needs to masturbate. Yeah, we heard. We heard. Please don't interrupt. We remember that part. But let's not turn this into a loud argument at the end.

Can I ask her a question? Are we going to bring up, maybe I should start signing freight trains? Never mind. All right. No. So he said, thank you, Maria, not Gareth. So the caller before was they need to masturbate in a hospital because they need to give sperm to see if their vasectomy worked. So we were talking about ways to do it.

And Gareth goes, oh, go in your car and put like weird shades down and just masturbate in your car. And Natalie said that's illegal. So that he just said now, well, at least people won't be. signing anything like that at one of my shows. What do you think people could bring him that he would have to sign that would be embarrassing that would connect to this? Like a sun shield maybe that said like masturbator inside. Or like quiet masturbating in here.

You know that sticker that like of the guy smoking the cigar with the hat? Yes. Something like that. Yeah, that's interesting. So. So if anybody can think of what to bring Garrett could be a sample cup Could be a van key

Sample cup is pretty good Sample cups Sample cup might be a And then Gareth will sign it every single time Don't masturbate in your car Garth Reynolds Hey and if you want to just put some garbage on in the sample cup

Parking tickets Great Maria Thank you for the call Follow up with us please Thank you guys You got it. Thank you.

Bye. Oh, fuck. Why that worked there was because you were going to walk away from saying it. So I had to shut up. Sweet Jesse here, this next call is a follow-up from episode 267, Bad Girl of Trader Joe's with Kyle Mooney. Hello. Hi. Hi.

Can we get your name, please? Yes. This is Joanna. I'm calling from Chicago. I was on the episode with Kyle Mooney. Okay. And what was the first call? Just remind us?

Yeah. So I called in initially about having ghosted Trader Joe's after being offered a job there. Right. Yeah. I was like having awkward run-ins with the staff who interviewed me every time I went back to shop. pitch crazy on this one. Yeah. Yeah.

I think we got excited because Kyle was there. Kyle, we have a fun. Who wouldn't? And then, okay, I remember very clear. So, Joanna, what did we say? What was our advice? What was our pitch? And what did you go with?

So the ultimate pitch that I ended up deciding to go with was kind of committing to a bit of sorts, like acting as if I accepted a job at Jewel Osko instead by getting like a uniform Which is across the street. Yes, exactly. And rain, it's in a great shot. Joanna, do we have photos of you in the Juulasco outfit?

I'm freaking better. Yes. I sent a lot of pictures in. So first of all, the pitch was to be very clear to anybody who didn't listen to the first one. You got offered a job at Trader Joe's. You ghosted them, but you still need to go to the Trader Joe's. So you said, how do I deal with the awkwardness when I see the people? and the pitch came that you dressed like you took a job at Jewel Osco and you wear Jewel

Osco clothes. That's a rival grocery store, very Chicago specific. So basically saying to Trader Joe's, I got hired across the street, maybe, but also I'm crazy and I'm still shopping. And so, Joanna, let's see the photos and then tell us what happened. Okay, awesome. So we've got a photo of you in a Jewel Osco shirt. And you're in the bathroom and you've got the name tag. Yeah.

Very convincing. Right. I even looked up like what pants they're allowed to wear with the uniform, everything. So I did my research. I found like what the current uniforms look like. And I went online and found some on like BOP, if you know what that is. It's like a third store online basically. Oh, yeah.

Redible play. All right. Can we see the next photo? Next one is an action shot. It sort of looks like we're... Now, is this... This is kind of just below your face. We see the name tag.

Are you in the Trader Joe's here? Yes, I can tell by the mural. I thought so. The mural, by the way, beautiful shot by putting that in the mural. Action shot. Oh, my God. We've got CART POV back on, Joanna. So we're seeing the cart...

She's shopping. And, by the way, the jacket was open just enough to show that she is a Jewel Osco. You're an all-star for doing it. this. Absolutely. Thank you. I did take the jacket fully off at one point, too, so that you could see the stitching on the side of the sleeve. Incredible.

So what was so? All right, Joanna, what happened? So basically, that was my first time going back, like, wearing it and everything. And while I was walking around, I did see a couple of the people who were, like, part of the interviews that I was in. And when I saw them, like, before we just kind of had, like, shifty awkward eye contact or whatever. But they definitely like clocked the uniform and the name tag,

like look down at it and then kind of smiled at me. So I was like, okay, maybe things are friendly now. Like I felt better after that interaction, even if they think I'm really weird. Like I felt more comfortable knowing that they like have an idea of why I might have not ever responded to the show. Jake, can I just say this is, this, Joanna is due.

exactly this is what this is. We give you the walking orders and then you go out and bring it to a new level, crush it. And it gives you the sense of security and said, this is what it's all about. This is what the show is all about. Without question.

And going out there, committing to the bit, which is funny, but also. But it also works. Works. Because now they go, this is the system. Now they go, oh, you know that girl? Yeah, she worked at Julesosco and one of them goes, fuck her, what a stupid decision?

And you go, fine, guess what? It's now not weird. And you don't have to wear it over and over again. I kind of like the idea that you do, though. I would also, by the way, you got a Halloween costume. Yeah. Exactly. It's a flattering look.

I would rock that a lot. You're a Julesco girl. Yep. It's a perfect Halloween costume and I have like the red one. I have a gray one. I was thinking of like wearing the red one sometimes because it's just so bright. Do it. Valentine's Day.

Wear it now. Go shopping tomorrow. Exactly. Something. But by the way, what I would actually do is I would wear that for the next few times to really drill it home. Yeah. You know, you just go to Trader Joe's after you finish working because you're also complimenting them. You're saying I took a job there because I got paid more, but I do shop here after work at Jewel Osco.

Can I make another pitch, Jake? And this, we're happy. I'm happy. There's a bell ring. It's all right. My arm hurts from ringing it so hard. Maybe we do this for a few months. Stop.

Maybe we do this for a few months. And then maybe we start, maybe we throw on like a Lowe's outfit. You've changed places. Maybe a Home Depot April. We don't need her to be every three months. She works at a new corporate chain. Might be fun. She's a manager at Jewel Osco.

We've won. Let's not go insane. Let's have some fun. Every three months she's in a new. All of a sudden she works at Toys R Us? You hate that? There's a Walgreens across the street. There's a what across the street, Joanna?

That sounds like a fun place to fake work. All right, Joanna. Let's get you in a goddamn Walgreens outfit. Come on. August is Walgreens. You leave Julasco. How about this? Every single time you go in there, you're wearing a different corporate uniform.

How about this? No, let's create a bridge. You're just insane. One day you go in there and you're Juulosco and let's do some running mascara down your eyes and maybe the Julesco shirts ripped a little bit. No, two weeks later. No, no, no, not ripped.

Not ripped. The little ripped. And then two weeks later. Yes to the crime, not to ripped. She didn't get beat up. No, she didn't get beat, but she fought another employee. It's an insane bit.

The beginning is wonderful. We do raccoon eyes. You walk in there and you go like, anybody else feeling blue because they just got fired for being a perfect employee and then you go in the next day with champagne, you got a Walgreens outfit. Way cleaner pitch.

By the way, hey, I'm just, is happy we got somewhere nice. I think that's lovely. Joanna, don't do any of that. You've already won, but I am going to pitch. Keep going. I am going to pitch red outfit. Okay. So wear the red one. Yeah. I was thinking of doing that anyways next time. And do us a favor.

Let's push it a little bit. Will you take a video of yourself in the red outfit pretending to be on a call as you walk by? So like you're touching your ear So it's like, and then say as you walk by the thing, I just worked two doubles. And you go, fine, yes, I can work this weekend, but I'm not doing the Delhi department.

By the way, I just want to point out that Walgreens employees do wear red. So, you know, it's not crazy. Go ahead. Best Buy's got to cool. You'd be on the Geek Squad. I don't hate that either. I don't know if you having fun, but I'm loving what you're doing. Joanna, will you really just see if you can heighten it without laugh?

If you laugh, you could ruin the whole thing. But if you happen to be able to do a little video and we'll put it at the end of the episode if we get it. If not, then we all know it didn't work. But just a little video of you walking by that area where they're there. We don't need to see them where we just hear you pretending to talk on the phone to your manager, Joel Osco. They're working you to the bone.

And no, you can't come in right now. You're currently grocery shopping. At Trader Joe's, mind you. Yeah. Exactly. You know, you have been in the deli department three days in a row. You smell like honey baked ham. You need a day off.

So, Joanna, give us a taste of what you think you're going to do. Don't worry about my dialogue. That was just a pitch. This is a viewer like curb your enthusiasm. You got the beach sheet, but you're allowed to improvise. Well, I think that it would be helpful to have someone come with me and maybe try to, like, film discreetly so I could, like, hold my phone up to my ear as well. I got a pitch on that.

You're not going to do it. No, why don't you just do that? just put it, why don't you put it like you had in the cart before, facing you, hold the air pod on your ear and you're just talking to the airport. But GR, if she's got a friend who could do it. Don't hate that at all.

Neither. I don't hate a deep page. I could try either. I can try both. I can do a couple of calls. Great. But yeah, so you're saying like when I'm passing by some of the people that I recognize from the interview.

Yes. Yes. Exactly right. Okay. So let's just hear what that phone call is going to sound like coming from you. to make sure we're not leading you into murky waters. Okay. I think it would be something like,

listen, I'm just, I'm beat from the last few days. I can't make it in for another shift tonight. I just smell like jewel meats. I need to get this stenchalks me. I'm trying to provide for my family right now and go shopping, and I just, I just can't make it back in. This is perfect. Great.

Yep. Guess what? Nail on the coffin, they go, she's a hard worker woman. They're fucking her in the jelly, the deli department. and she's screwed. She should have taken this job. Now we feel bad for her. Exactly.

And guess what? You know what I wouldn't hate Joanna? Raccoon eyes with your mascara. Because you made a big mistake. I did and I know it. You know it. Julesa's a disaster. This story.

Yeah. And here's what we want from the people who work in there. She's a sweet gal, but she fucked up. Well, then, I mean, again, I want to get off the call, Jake. But then it does open me up to, for as long as she might not create the story. So then she's down in the dumps. She burned the jewel bridge.

But two months later, she's married a millionaire. She's got diamonds on her phone. A big hat. She's working at Walgreens. Yeah, yeah. So Joanna, congratulations on a wonderful job. A big win. But what are you going to do?

What are you going to actually do next? If anything, you could also say, hey, guys, I won and I'm happy with the win. But we want to hear from you. Yeah. No, I think I'm definitely happy with what's happened so far, but I'm kind of right now, like with this bit, and I'm excited to continue doing it. Okay, good. That's fun when I went the first time, so I think I want to keep playing into it.

I think that makes a lot of sense. I definitely do the Red Polo next. Yeah. Great. Then follow up with us. We'll do. Because let me actually say something to the audience, too. Go ahead.

Let me get on my soapbox. Go. The line of this show is this. problem serious to the caller we take it seriously but we don't mind when the caller has fun with the bit too we're going after a solution but it's fun we love it to make for comedy if they want to heighten a little bit too great as long as the problem's real and you're really trying it worth it yeah when we first started doing this there were a couple times where we were like look divorce is hard. And we were like, no. Not us. No.

Joanna, thank you for the call. Thank you, Joanna. Way to go. Way to go. You too. Touched. Bye. We're Here to Help is hosted by Jake Johnson and Gareth Reynolds. If you'd like to be on the show, please email us your question at helpful pod at gmail.com. And if you want to watch video episodes of We're Here to Help, you can go to our Patreon at patreon.com slash here to help pod.

to see our entire catalog. We're Here to Help is produced by Rabbit Grimm Productions, executive producers Rob Hollis, Jeff Porter, and Natalie Hollis, Associate producer Jesse Thurston, editing mix and master by Chris Fowler. Theme song by Oliver Raleigh. The cover artwork is by James Fostike,

animations by Andrew Strelicki. And if you'd like to see Gareth, you stand up on the road, go to Garethreth Reynolds.com. Remember all of the advice, given on we're here to help, is for entertainment purposes only, and all listeners should be adults and make their own decisions.

That was a HeadGum podcast. Hi, I am Mandy Moore. Sterling K. Brown. And I'm Chris Sullivan. And we host the podcast, That Was Us, now on HeadGum. Each episode, we're going to go into a deep dive from our show, This Is Us. That's right. We're going to go episode by episode.

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