We're Here to Help - 287: Mr. BMOC & Double Coverage (with Casey Wilson)

Episode Date: May 6, 2026

Casey Wilson joins Jake and Gareth to name a showhorse. Then, they confront a sister-in-law who breastfeeds with abandon.See images from the episode here: https://www.heretohelppod.com/post/episode-287  Want to call in? Email your question to [e-mail]: https://patreon.com/heretohelppodMERCH: heretohelppod.comINSTAGRAM: @HereToHelpPodIf you’re enjoying the show, make sure to rate We’re Here to Help 5-Stars on Apple Podcasts.Advertise on We’re Here to Help via Gumball.fmSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a headgum podcast. This is a headgum podcast. And we are back. We just had a banger of a day, didn't we, Gareth? It just never stops, really. Never stops. We had Casey Wilson on today. I don't know if she's going to be on this intro or she's going to over to air.

Because now our intros are sometimes different times than the main. But I love her. She's incredible. She is the best. I really, the best. And then something happened this morning that I heard that I wanted to get your thoughts of. Mostly we, you know, I'll get these voice notes. And Natalie and I are Jesse and I will, one of us will send it in and then we'll put it to the end of an episode.

But this one I would like you to hear. and then we can start trying to respond to it. Okay. Okay, so then Jesse, whenever you're ready, sir. Hello, this is Lakota. Big, big fan of you guys. I've been listening since the very beginning. And I am now the proud owner of a chimp hat

slash co-chimp parent with you all. And I just needed to share that every single time I leave my house wearing this hat, at least one person stops to talk to me about it. And it's ranged from someone being very concerned that I actually did have a chimp at home to a woman who decided to give me unsolicited advice and information about chimps at some research facility that were being tested on and thought she was bonding with me about chimp research when I had to tell her that it was actually a sanctuary situation to save chimps from that exact fate. So, yeah, I just wanted to let you guys know that it's been a real adventure since getting this hat about three weeks ago. So thank you so much for that. And I'm not sure if I'm the only one that this is happening to or if anybody else out there who has one of these hats gets to talk to a wide array of characters every time they leave their house and is wearing it.

So thanks again. Okay, bye. I love you guys. So I got to say to start, Gareth, because I wear my... We had two made I adopted one with Jake Johnson, and then we go, you know what? We forgot Gareth, so that we made the others. I adopted a chimp with Jake and Gareth,

and that is the one that I wear. I get so many goddamn comments on that hat. I am totally with her, where they'll go, what? And I'll go, what? And they'll go, strangers at a mall. Your hat says you adopted a chimp? And I'll go, yeah, and they'll go. yeah, and they'll go, a chimpanzee?

And I go, yeah, it's for a podcast. It's a charity thing. And they'll go, a chimp? And I realized, we're asking a question for these hats. And for those buying and being part of this charity, we need to give them an answer, Gareth. Well, I was also going to say that it's different for you because your name's on the hat.

So it's a little, if you are wearing the hat and you have no name associated, That's even weirder. But that's why without the Johnson, it's it, Jake and Gareth, it's like, that's why I brought, it's, well,

just you just see a hat that says, I adopted a chimp with Jake and Gareth. And she's right. People go, Huh? What does that mean? Like, you shouldn't, I've also seen that HBO and you shouldn't have a fucking chimpanzee

in this neighborhood. Yeah. And so let's think of a very clean line. Obviously, there's an easy one in that is, it's a, it's at a sanctuary and content. Turkey, the hats are to raise money.

So I am a one, 500th or whatever the number would be. We haven't had that many hats sold, but with the Wheel of Fortune money, too, whatever that would be. So we don't want to do all that. But what's like a clean line anybody wearing this hat, if somebody asks, what could they say here? I mean, they could say it's a charity from a podcast. we're saving chimps. Yeah.

Charity from a podcast. What about just we're saving chimps? Or what about, yes, I adopted a chimp. He's currently living in Kentucky with his brother and sisters. I kind of like that. I kind of, I kind of, yeah. I kind of like that. I kind of like making it a little bit funnier versus easy.

How about this? You adopted a chimp with Jake and Gareth? Yeah, he lives in Kentucky with some other chimps. And you just, it's confidence. Yeah. Who's Jake and Gareth? These dads? Or other chimps?

Well, you didn't adopt the chimp with other chimps. No, that's true. Okay. So, yeah, I like that. So I'll be the person. Okay. What's your hat? You adopted chimp with Jake and Gareth?

Yeah, I adopted three chumps. What do you mean? You have them? Yeah, they're staying in Kentucky with a bunch of other chumps. That's where they live. Huh. Are you following my hunt? Huh?

Okay. Too aggressive? I like it. Let me give it to you. Okay. That's an interesting hat. I adopted a chimp with Jake. You've adopted a chimp?

A bunch of them. They're in Kentucky. Getting better. Oh, getting better. Or, you know what? A bunch of them, they're in Kentucky, living large. Yeah. Bananas playing on swings.

Oh, wait. Okay. I got an aggressive one. All right. This is just so you could say no to it. All right. Let me go to you. So I see you.

That's a unique hat, young man. You adopted a chimp with Jake and Gareth. What? A bunch of them. They're living in Kentucky better than you. Unnecessary. You're right. I just wanted us to know that what we were.

We didn't want. But I think we're close. Okay. I love, I'd ask me. Yeah. You adopted a chimp with Jake and Gareth. What does that mean? Yeah, I've got a chimpanzee, but it's getting raised in Kentucky.

I don't get to see it that often. I like a somber one like you lost custody. Yeah, I did. But, and Jake and Gareth are the bad guys. Yeah. Yeah. They're the dad, bad dad. How about this?

Are you depped it? Yeah. I did. Yeah, they're in Kentucky with their dad's, Jake and Gareth. They didn't even put my name. on the hat. Oh, how about this? Yeah, but they didn't even put my name on the hat.

That's good. And then the turn, yeah, yeah, they didn't even put my name on the hat. Knuckleheads. Then you go like this, chimp dads and walk away. Yeah, I like that. Chimp dads, they're all the same.

I think what we're saying since it can't be succinct, make it interesting and fun for you. And make it weird for them that they don't want to follow up. And if this happens, how about a recording post game? and you tell us how it went. This is fact-finding. Oh, you know what we could also do?

We'll post on social media, and they already did, the rescue did, photos of the chimps with the hat because they have the hats in the sanctuary now. So the chimps are playing with them, going to go like this, yeah, you want to see photos? Then you show them a couple of photos of the chips with a hat, and then you go like this, really nice to meet you. Yeah, I like that.

Have it in your save, photos. Screenshot it in your saved photos. And then in the end they go like, you walk away and they go I don't get what happened. I guess she, I guess that nice gal adopted a chint with two guys named Jake and Gareth and her name's

on the hat and the chimps are in Kentucky, but she's got photos. I'm going to also recommend the Napoleon Dynamite exit, which is you run off. I don't want to hate that. Something. There's options. I think we have solved a Another problem.

Another problem that emerged from chimps. Enjoy the show without further ado. Hey, everybody. We just want to remind you if you want to watch new episodes of We're Here to Help, it drops a day early on Hulu. So you can watch the new episode a day early. And we're also dropping a bunch of older episodes from season one and season two. So get involved.

This episode of the podcast is brought. to you by Butcher Box. I have used Butcher Box. Have you guys too? Yes. Yes. I love it. I love it.

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And free shipping always. That's butcherbox.com slash here to help. Don't forget to use our link so they know that we sent you. Yes. This episode of the podcast is brought to you by Squarespace. If you want to know what's great about Squarespace,

Gareth Reynolds, tell them about your website. Well, every, I keep building different websites because it's so easy with Squarespace. But I've been working with Squarespace for a while. Could not be more user-friendly. They make it very easy. And your website looks great. And we've built multiple websites on this show because it's so easy.

They really, they help you find the domain. They help you get content out there. Here to HelpPod.com is our show website that is constantly evolving. And one thing I want to say, and that's a. Squarespace, guys, check out the website because it's starting

to evolve a little bit. So we've gotten emails from people being like, where do I find the blank in the blank? We'll go to here to helppod.com, which is a Squarespace website to get all the answers you need. Squarespace gives you everything you need.

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Can we get a taste of Gil Buchanan? and reading the end of this copy. Jake Jotson, SEO tools. Talk about being left behind in the search. That would be Gilbue, Canada, on an island by himself. Things are still going good. I've been talking into a microphone, but it's actually a shoe. I'm still in the closet waiting for someone to come find me.

Actually, Gil, it looks like your microphone is not plugged in, brother. Oh, God. So sorry. I didn't understand how that was. Anyway, Squarespace slash Gil sent me. We're back. You save 10% off your first purchase. of a website or domain using Gil sent me.

We're back, baby. Hello? This episode of the podcast is brought to you by booking.com. Booking helps you get it ridiculously, right, so you can find exactly what you're booking for. So we all have different things we're looking for if you're traveling. I travel a lot for work. Younger people, they travel for other things.

I guess they call them hobbies, or maybe they're influencing. I don't know how it works. But booking.com makes it easy to find a hotel or a holiday home that's not just generically right or right for someone else, but ridiculously right for you. Whether you're booking for yourself, your partner, your picky teens, your sleep, light, rise early mother, or your high maintenance group chat. I got one of those. You can find exactly what you're booking for. You're going to make them feel comfortable. You're going to feel comfortable.

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My name's Taylor. Hi, Taylor. Where are you calling from, Taylor? I'm from Georgia. I'm not from Georgia. I'm calling from Georgia. Okay, interesting. Roughly how old are we looking at here, Taylor?

Freshly 30. Okay. Taylor, Georgia, 30. Oh, you are here with the great Casey Wilson. Hello. Casey and I have known each other for 20 years now. Yeah, something like that. And then Casey, what is your backstory with you and GR?

Because when you and I were talking at work, we're shooting a movie together, she goes, I love Gareth. Gareth and I shot a powerful, powerful pilot together. That didn't go forward, but I think I love you so much. I think you're just so hilarious. I love you, and I will say I don't get to be in a lot of pilots. Casey works all the time for someone like me to be on set with the great Casey Wilson was. And I'm playing her brother.

That's cool. No less. It wasn't really good, and I just played your brother, Jake, so maybe I thought, We were a great brother's sister team, Gareth. I thought so, too. I was very, what's that look, Jake? She put it on you, not me. We just played brother's sister too.

She didn't think we were. She knows I need the win more, Jake. It really just says something about me, though. It's like, I'm never a romantic lead. They're like, yeah, you'll be someone's sister. But sister to dirt bags, by the way. You don't want to be a romantic lead to one of us in a project. That's a real downgrade.

Can you imagine? A downgrade. Can you imagine? Georgia. Having to do a meat cute with either me or Jake. That's acting. That's bad for the career kind of thing. Georgia, what's going on?

What can we help you with today? Taylor from Georgia. Taylor from Georgia, you're 30. Georgia from Taylor. Go ahead. Close up. So I'm a professional horse trainer, and I need help coming up with my horse's show name.

So he is a retired show. a retired racehorse and his race name is Big Red Rider and we call him Big Red I send him pictures I don't know if you guys got to see him or not but he is big and he is red and we are heading to a national

championship in October and I don't know if you guys know anything about horses but the just of it is Taylor we're seeing that horse right now Keep in mind Jake has no idea what he's talking about that's not true I trained for horse racing that's not a joke yeah with the Tom Cruise movie

Oh my God. I've galloped on horses in England, Gareth, and Africa. The rank that just got pulled. Yeah. Always bringing that up. I had to train in the desert on one of these for four months. Is you really? Yeah, I did.

It's very scary. It's very hard stuff. But you're a professional horse trainer? Yes, sir. So what kind of stuff do you do? What kind of training? Are you doing tricks? Do you doing like the stand on the horse kind of thing?

Or you just getting them to jump? I do jumping and I mostly to go back to Dressage now where you make them dance I'm pretty sure it's like Snoop Dog and Martha Stewart did like a little segment on that Yeah for sure Make them dance! I love that! The dressage stuff is nuts

Yeah It's super fun I like it Clippy cloppy Yeah Just like that So at these horse shows When we enter the arena They're going to say my name

And then they're going to say riding Big Red Rider And I have one chance to rename this horse and put it on the big jumbo screens and for them to announce that. So I am completely stuck on what to name him. My husband wants me to name him Big Sexy. I can't do that. Taylor, can you not do that because it's not appropriate for the thing

or just it makes you uncomfortable? I can't do it because it's, I mean, I could do it, but I've got students going with me. I'm trying to get more people to come with me. Okay, so it's got to be professionally sound. It's a great pitch, though. Yeah, agreed. And I'm so sorry if I miss this, Taylor,

but you can't call him just Big Red because you want a different name. Or I love the name Big Red out of. Big Red is like the buddy of dogs or the Bella of Dogs. I got you. Okay, we all got a million Big Reds. You know, it's like a big guy slim. Or a guy shorty or short guy length. Oh, and Big Susque is great.

Big Red and Ryder. That doesn't have to stay in the name. So, like, my other horse's name, his race name was like Scaramanga, but his bar name is Chewy and his show name is Make It Sweet. So it can be anything. Hold on, Taylor. You've given us a lot of info. A lot is coming at us.

Yeah. No, it's great, but there's a lot. What do you mean by Bar name? Sorry. Okay, so Bar name as in, like, so Big Red, I call him Red, but if you go to a stall, it says big red on it. So, like, he's known in the barn. Oh, I thought you said bar.

I thought you said bar. Me too did I. Sorry. I thought that was, like, his casual name, like, off hours. Yeah. That's what I thought. No. I mean, it is a casual name.

Okay. So it's kind of like actors. Like, you can have your stage name and your. Yeah. That's kind of it. But so let me just clear this up for a second. So you're a horse trainer. He's always been Big Red, but you feel like it's obvious because he's big and he's red.

So everyone's going to call him Big Red. You are transitioning where you're doing more dancing with this son of a bitch now. And it's going to be on the Jumbotron. So this is this is setting up who this guy is. And it's going to set up his, if he's a wrestler, this is a coming out party for the new Big Red. Yeah, 100%. For the artist formerly known as. For nearly.

But now it's essentially if it was a movie thing, it's and in. introducing, boom. And then everybody knows, and he does a little weird dance, and everybody loves them, and then people aren't, and then his, would this also change his barn name? No, because he's training 20 this year, so I can't change it. He knows the name. He can't teach an old horse trainer.

New names. So he will always be red at the barn. We're just coming up with something that when he goes out dancing. Yes. Okay. Something to make a splash. We need to make a splash. So let's just do this really fast, Taylor,

because it's not about you anymore, in my opinion. It's about red. Can you tell us a little bit about this son of a bitch? What's his person? Because what I know from my time on horses, and this is a real thing, those sons of bitches are different. Some of them didn't like me.

Some of them knew when I was scared. Son of them fucked with me, where you'd be like, I'm doing all the same stuff, and I'd realize this horse is a prick. then I got on one and I was like man fucking riding you was like a Cadillac sweet boy

and I could do everything on that horse because the horse was like I know you're bad at this I got your back yeah you're not wrong that's 100% correct on everything So who's Red

Who's our buddy? Okay so Red honestly whenever he's ever been described he's kind of like the high school jock Everybody loves him everybody adores him

and when he goes to horse shows he's won the horse of the show before where people have voted for him and he has won a title where he's won a plaque and a big ribbon saying that everyone voted for this horse that he's won they all love them and what do you win is it best

body is it best personality big old dick like what is he winning the question is is he winning big best penis Taylor that's one of the questions. No, he's not winning that. Taylor, is the question. Because it might help the name if he has a great piece.

But like what wins? What do you vote for? So, like, the best ride, the best... That's cool. The best ride. Yeah, so people love riding. One thing I want to just point out is, like, back in the studio system days of Hollywood,

they didn't ask, like, what their talents are. They just picked the fucking best name they could. You know? That's true. They're just given a name. That's true. You're thinking like a Rock Hudson type thing. Right.

But I also think if we go specific, so there's two pitches. It's a good story. Yeah, we can go down any road. And I'm open to the great Hollywood name here, but I kind of feel like that's Big Red. But right now we got, he's a jock. He's essentially like the high school cool guy. And everybody loves him, but he's a great ride. So maybe something like a Cadillac or all.

Oldsmobile, a cutless old mobile. Cutless Sierra. Cutless Sierra. But give us a little bit more about this guy. Okay. So out in the pasture, he is number one. So in the pasture, he goes out with other horses, and he is top dog where he pins his,

so horses communicate with their ears. So when they pin their ears back, that means other horses usually move away. And when he pins his ears back, all he has to do is to step a foot forward, and all the horses because make a wave and he'll walk through them.

He's an alpha. Elder statesman kind of as well. Yes. Oh, elder statesman's cool. Yeah, he gets exactly what he wants and he's, but he's not a jerk about it if that makes sense.

He's a little bit like the godfather. He's a gentleman, yeah. Oh my gosh, yeah. Just so many good names. Now, let me ask you a question and this I don't mean to make you sad. Okay. How old do we explain?

Back to horse at his size to live. Typically, if nothing goes wrong in a perfect world, they can live between like 30s and 40s. Okay, so he's not old. Oh, wow. It's halfway. Yeah. He's halfway there. I thought this was like a sunset, right?

Just going to say it. But no, this is midlife crisis. Yeah. Changing who he is. Midlife crisis. You know, he's right at the point making a big change. He's having an affair. but it's emotional.

Getting a miata. Sports car, yeah. Put an earring on his left ear. Gary, sorry. Give him a perm. There's nothing wrong. My dad got a perm. Wait, Casey, your dad got a perm?

He did. After my mom died. It was like a version of a midlife crisis. He got a perm. Tight barrel. Oh, my God. How old was he? He was like 60.

And then, no, I have a problem. photo of it I'll send you. He sent it to me when the rollers were already in and he was under like a lamp because, you know why he got it. No, I'm not kidding. He looked at a picture of a $20 bill and he said to himself the way I would look at like a, you know, clipping of Jennifer Anniston and be like, ooh, that hair would look good on me and bring it to my stylist. He brought a $20 bill into the barber and he said he liked the way Andrew Jackson looked and he felt they had a similar look. And so he said, Jackson me. And he has long flowing hair like Andrew Jackson. He said, give me the Andrew Jackson.

And they said, let's just perm it out. Yeah. That's what happened to me. Gareth had a perm for about a year and a half. No. I looked at money and I was like, I want the money. I was like, yeah, I want to give me the money. I want the founding father.

So I've got a question about Big Red for a second here, Taylor. Yeah. Just because as we come up with this name, can we change his hair? And I say that it's on Instagram clip where they gave a horse bangs. You know, like the guy took some sears and cut it, and within 30 seconds, it was hilarious. My best friend did that to her horse, and I gave her shit on it.

It didn't grow back for another year. Understood. Clip-ons? Wait, wait. Clip-on bang? But, like, we could also permit a little bit. We could curl. Yes, I can do you guys.

Whenever I braid it for horse shows, it comes out all perm-like, I can send you guys pictures of that. There's a world where we can, kink the hair a little bit and create a whole thing and put like a different you know a little vest on this big guy dude we're in a really good spot here taylor i don't want to give commentary while we're in the pocket here but if we can give this horse a little perm i mean there's a chance we're cooking with cats we're in a really good zone okay we're looking

at something big yeah the same way big things are half. Middle part can go fuck itself. We're talking about horse purms. That's exactly right. Okay. If we can figure out how to give him a permanent perms. But you have to commit to doing this every time he's in public. This is like his look. I'm out there. I'm out. The only thing for horse shows is that whenever we go and they really have to have breeds in. But then whenever we're done with the show, the breeds come out. That works. Oh, that changes it. So in the show, it's changed it. So he

would just have, it would have to make his perm then be his barn name. Because you're talking about showtime, he's in braids. Yeah. I don't need him at the bar and with a, with a kinky perm. I'd want him showtime. I'd want him showtime. I'd think you're right, Casey. Sorry, I don't make the rules they do.

No, but I appreciate it. We're figuring it out. It's a terrible rule. But it's braids. It has to be braids. But they're all in braids. Yeah, okay. But here's my question about the dance he's doing.

And I just say, now because you brought up Snoop Dog? Is it a bit of like a Crip Walk? Because sometimes you see those guys where you see those horses and it's a little bit, you know. Yeah. It's kind of cool where you kind of get a little bit like. It's similar. Yeah, what's a signature move?

It's similar. It is similar, isn't it? It's very, very similar. His favorite thing is like a very long truck. It's a Crip Walk basically, but it's a very big. floaty trot. I'll have to get videos for you guys. I'll send him all in.

And does that separate him from the other horses? Like a move you could do every time? So every test we do. So there's tests that are already pre, they make the test out a couple years in advance, and then they change him, I think it's every two to three years. Don't put me on that.

But you get to practice the test, but you get to pick what test you get to go in and do. So I get to pick the test that's going to show him off the most. Here's where I'm leaning. Here's where I'm leaning. Because I loved where we were going with Perm. I'm thinking Charlie Murphy vibes.

I'm thinking the kind of, you take that kinky hair, but you then put it in braids. Then I'm thinking the kind of pimp style he had in the Chappelle show at sometimes. We could almost have like a purple, like a satiny purple little jacket on this guy. Can we put a satinie purple jacket on it, Taylor? I was like, let me. So dressage is the golf of all sports. It's very classy. Like, we can't, it's very black and white.

Like, literally, like, we can't have, they're just starting to come out with letting us have navy and burgundy and hunter green. Not in national. Taylor, we can't put outfits on them. We can't give them a perm. Guys, guys, they're giving them prescriptive things to do. We just need a name that makes a name. that makes the audience go crazy.

No one goes, is that who he is on the inside? Is that? She's right. You're right. We just need a banger. Yeah, you're totally. I just was, I went on the wrong path. No, and I want to connect it up to a story,

but we could make up the story later. Yeah, you're not wrong. It's true. It's true. But it's good to know, Jake, just to defend your honor. It is good to know what we can't do so we know what we should.

So we're not changing his look. His barn name is the same. We're just coming up with a name that when introduced it, feels splashing. Big sexy is really good. Big sexy is where I keep coming back. I like big sexy.

We can't do that one, but I think that's in the right area because it's kind of funny, and it tells us about his kind of legendary status. But we also got to think she's a trainer and wants students, so you got to think about parents of those students. The name can't be edgy at all, because then you go, I'm really into this classy thing. I like the old school nature of it.

I don't want to see this horse looking like a pimp with a perm. Doing a cripple walk. I don't know. I see my horse is doing a grip walk. So that's not what I'm paying for with a bar. I'm just a match. He looks like a fucking casino blackjack dealer by the time we're done with her. And her husband keeps saying sexy everywhere.

I don't like this. Like kids with the end. Big sex. He's got a big old smoke in his mouth. Stop. You got a lot going. Got shades out. Blue shades.

Yeah, we put like a little cocktail at his hook. Everybody here's been, and then he just goes, big sex. As he's dressaging. People are unenrolling. God, that would have been great. I would die. I would die. Oh, that'd be.

Is that horse smoking? Yeah, what's going? And then all the lights get dim and you go like, hell yeah. You could like, boom. Bown, bown, bough, bown, bown, bown, bown, bown, bown. All the female horses go like, Oh, wow, bow, bough, bough. We put glasses on them where their eyes fall out, you know, because they really like their

He just does his little gripwalk. Every female horse gets pregnant. The inseminator. That would be a good one, Gareth. All right, I got a pitch on a name. Okay. I mean, honestly, I've taken up a lot of space here with names that we've gone through. Cadillac, Jay.

Cadillac's cool. I've enjoyed. I do like Cadillac. My first pitch outside of Cadillac is ear candy. Ooh. Because the ears turn. He's kind of the eye candy. He's ear candy.

I was like, where is it an ear candy? I was just confused on where the ear came from, but that makes sense because the ears turned. Well, Taylor, you got to give me a second to explain it. Sorry. We can't put magicians vests on it, so just give it a second. And, Gareth, I could not love you. I just don't know if we want ones, we have to explain.

I agree. Only because we just have one second, and I love these ideas, though. Casey, this is the process. I need this. I don't think it's ear candy, because my thing is, then I'm thinking the food with the ears, but I love where you started with ears.

What about something like pinned back? I like that. Because you were saying when the ears are pinned back, the other horses know you mean business, so like Mr. Pinned Back. I like a Mr. Pinned back. I like a Mr. Pinned back ears. I like a Mr.

I like a mister. I'm just throwing out three then. Please. Go. Mr. Mr. That's one. Number two is Big Daddy,

which is the name in the South that they call like the football, what do you call it? Like the, I went to. The quarterback. What do they call the quarterback? Yeah. Or Big Daddy Red. Or then, what about B-M-O-C?

I really should have. I apologize. What is it? Well, Big Daddy Red or BMO-C, which is the big man on campus. That's what that stands for. Ooh. Ooh. I kind of do like that. Mr. B, Big Man, BMOC?

BMOC, yeah. Mr. BMO-C, yeah. I think people know it, but I don't know. It's a definitely little old-time. No, but even if not, even if it's Mr. BMOC, the parents with the kids are like, oh, great, Mr. BMOC is great. Just the one I know. And then you go, Mr. Big Man on Catmas, Mr. Pinned Back ears. Mr. Cremlock.

Mr. Candy. Candy yours. And then, you know what? We're two years away from Permit. Oh, then we get the Cripplock. It's a nice transition. Yeah, he fucking Crip walks in the barn. Put a little cane on him. No, then when you take the...

Platforms. We put platforms on him. Mr. I'll get you, sucker. He's got goldfish. I kind of love Mr. BMOC. I do too. I really do too. Okay, so because you had to put it together,

so he'll be like, tell her blank, riding Mr. BMOC or Taylor Blank riding Big Man on campus. And then it'll say first place goes to Taylor Blank on big man on campus. It could also be Big Horse on campus. Is it riding BMOC or? I like it when it said riding Big Man on campus or writing Mr. Big Man on campus. That does that thumb.

I like Mr. Big, so I like Taylor Blank riding Mr. Big Man on campus. Yes, say it all out. Taylor, do this. Say your real first and last name. We will beep out the last name and try a Mr. Big Man on campus. And let's have the three of us really judge it like we're at it a thing. Because then keep in mind, a big red horse is going to come out that is Mr. Big Man on campus. It's not a joke.

That's an alpha dog. Right. No, you're not wrong. He's not some punk. When his ears get pinned back, they all listen. You're not wrong. Jake? Jake?

You would be so good at halftime speeches. The level of just bluster and what you just said, she's not wrong, though. I'm not wrong. She said. It's just so funny. Sorry, I'm just looking up its origin. I'm still with us.

I'm just looking up the origin. It comes from the 1930s. Big man on campus? Yeah. BMOC is an American idiom standing for big man on campus, representing the dominant male student and popular kids since the 1930s. This is great. Yeah.

I like it. And before, so I wrote him when I was in college and I adopted him after college. That would also, it's fitting. Okay. All right, Taylor. So let's hear your first and last name with Mr. Big Man on campus. We will beep out your last name. But let's see if this is a winner.

All right. So it's going to be now entering me arena is Taylor's now writing Mr. Big Man on campus. I love it actually. I thought it was great. I like it too. I want to hear it more enough. Gareth, will you do it? Gareth, would you do it?

Sure. Sure. Now, coming into the, whatever you call it, Taylor writing Mr. Big Man on campus. I think it's pretty awesome, actually. He's shitting $20 bills. Guys, can I hear it one more time? So sorry, without the mister, just to hear it.

Sure. Gareth, just to hear it. Now coming out into the thing, Taylor, writing big man on campus. Casey, your thoughts. I like it. I wish you'd run the name all together a little more, and that is just just for my ear.

I honestly didn't think I'd be getting a performance note. He was so sorry. As your brother in this show. Sure. So sorry, Garrett. Taylor's writing, big man on campus. There we go. Yeah.

Jake thought. I think that's it. Well, I want to, so Casey likes Taylor. What do you think? I really like, I'm still, I'm 50-50 on both of them,

but I think, okay, so whenever it goes on the scoreboard, it'll say big band on campus, so it might just be easier to read up there. And then, and then on his name, so he'll get a nameplate too

whenever we win things, because I'm already interested in doing very well because he's a really good boy. And he'll get halters, and he'll say his, Big Man on campus. So I think that'll be... I think that's cool.

I do too. It also kind of feels like a horse name, like a horse name. You're also feeling a lot of respect to him. Yeah. Like him walking around with a little holster says big man on campus. We know horses are smart.

That's going to mean something to his ass. Yeah. I mean, well, they can't throw up. Fun and elegant. It's like a throwback too, but he's giving him the status that he so rightly deserves. I agree.

I agree. Taylor, let me ask you a question. Are you happy? Oh my gosh, thrilled. I've been trying to come up with this for so long, and all the other names I came up with were quite basic. So I am over the moon. Let's hear what you came up with really fast, just to hear, just to judge us against you.

Oh, golly. Okay. It was simply adored, a redeeming moment. And then my friend said, do red Taylor's version because Taylor's lift. And then Northern Attitude. They're all that kind of. poetic. They're a little bit more feminine, actually.

They're nice. I did like the Taylor'sers' writing. That's kind of fun. Yeah, but not for him. Not for him. No. He's not listening to that. He does Crip walking. He's a bad boy. Well, he doesn't, Jake. That's just what we said he would do. He doesn't.

You just feel like you know red more than me. We all met him at the same time. I know, but it feels like you've decided. Yeah, you're picturing. Because you were a brother and sister before you and me were brother and sister. You guys are closer? Who cares? I don't think that... We did improv before then, Casey. What are you doing right now, man. You okay? You're doing okay, my guy?

No, I'm sitting on an exercise ball rather than a little chair. I thought you were bouncy. It sucks. Why? It's like the three of us. I feel like we're sniping at each other because our fourth friend is the leader of us, the big man on campus. He's not here. Thank you. You know what I mean? We're like, and he's like going to put us right in our place in a nice way. He just pins those hands back. We'll all shut up. That's what Natalie mostly does. So, Taylor, Will you close us off with one more big announcement where you officially announced Big Man on campus? But before we go, when is the show?

When can we expect photos of it? When can we get video of it? Okay. So we have, the big national show is going to be September 30th through October 4th, but we have other shows throughout the entire summer. So as soon as we go on the Jumbotron, I will get my students to get pictures and videos.

Is there going to, is there going to, going to be a look you're going to create for him? I can make a look. He already has a red bridle. I think you guys saw that in some of the photos, but I can't use that bridle for the actual show, but I use it to ride. What are we thinking about his hair? It has to be a braided, rumor. What about a perm?

I'm sorry. I can do the perm. What about a purport satin? Have you ever considered glasses and a little smoke? What about like the outfit The Three Stooges used to sleep in? What about like boots with no laces in them? You have really baggy jeans.

What about Army fatigues? Backy jeans. Sergeant Big Man on campus. Two sacks of baggy jeans though. Two sats. The front is just a white tank top. What about some necklaces? That would be fine.

I'll be fine. I can make a look for you guys if you guys want. You do one. That'd be great. One in the bar. Will you do us a favor if you get inspired? Will you one day just dress him up as a little gangster? Please.

Send us some photos. Or at least perm his hair. Something. A gangster with perm hair. I also don't know. I'm going to do like, I think we should be more expansive. Like maybe there's a calendar. And maybe he's also like a soda shop, you know?

Totally. You know, we're back in like Norman Rock. You know, he's got the milkshake. Yeah, he's having a ball. Maybe he's talking to his favorite gal. Casey, did you know that we made a calendar of Steve Berg? No. We did a sexy model shoot of Steve Burke.

We could do one of a horse. All the same pose as Steve did. We recreate every pose. Or we could do Steve and the horse doing a themed shoot together. Together. Pretty good. Oh, my gosh. Can we make that happen?

Probably not. We might. You never know. Things are getting weird. I love Super. Follow up with us, please. Seriously, send us,

keep us very much in step, Taylor, please. I will. Yes. I like that. I will, but thank you guys so much. Thank you, Taylor.

Tell a big man on campus high. Thanks, I will, bye y'all. Appreciate it. This episode of the podcast is brought to you by Mint Mobile. Brian Farrell, a dear friend of mine,

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just works without needing to overthink it this is real talk literally tomorrow going on the road for about 11 days and it's all quince. It's all quince. If it's not quince, it's because it's soon to be quince. It makes getting dressed easy. And I know that maybe sounds wild to some people, but quince is my go-to. I know that I look as good as I can. I've bought probably nine quince shirts. I do a bunch of the black t-shirts. And lately I've done the short sleeve collared shirts. And I'll tell you why. I can wear it on the pod. I can wear it out socially to a lunch, easy, but I can also wear it to a business of it. I'm not kidding. I have a closet rack in my Honda Odyssey. This is getting sad, but I do, and it's just all Quince stuff. Refresh your every day with luxury you'll actually

use. Head to quince.com slash here to help for free shipping on your order and 365 day returns. now available in Canada, too. That's Q-U-I-N-C-E.com slash here-to-help for free shipping and 365-day returns quince.com slash here-to-help. Hello. Hello. I want to do a big introduction of our guest right now. Casey Wilson is with us.

Casey Wilson, you might have seen on SNL, happy endings and so much other stuff. Hello. I'm so happy to be here. Casey, what is the name of your podcast that you have now been doing as an OG? It's called bitch sesh. Bitch. Bitchesh.

It's about the Housewives and Bravo and it's all comedians talking about garbage television of all stripe. You love it. And then you're also hosting a show, a cooking show. How you liking that?

What did you say? How are you liking that? How is it? Hosting is the greatest job in the world. It's people bake and I just chit-chat and do some small talk. Call it a day. So good. That's what we do on these podcasts.

That's it. And then you and me are in a movie right now. How are you feeling about that experience? I think we'll see how those scenes turn out based on the partner that I'm working with. No, I love it. I love seeing you. Can we get your name, please? Hi.

I'm going to go with a fake name today. My name is Bailey. Hey, Bailey. Where are you calling from? Texas. Texas. Where in Texas are you? North? I don't want to get it too specific. So then Bailey, give me this. We're going to, Bailey, we're going north Texas.

Tell us something about you that you can't. If you were having a memoir, what would that memoir be called? I did it all, comma, I just had to panic first. Ooh, I like that a lot. Feels like you've thought about that. That wasn't off the cuff. That's a great title. I thought about it last night. It's actually good for you. So Bailey, I did it all.

I just had to panic first from maybe North Texas. What can we do for you today? So I'm calling in regarding my sister-in-law. She joined our family a couple years ago, and she has a 10-month-old with my brother. but she, without warning, will take her shirt and bra off and breastfeed, no matter who is in the room. Like, we'll have family and, like, my boyfriend has been in the room before. And, like, she'll just without any explanation or, like, heads up.

Interesting. Start breastfeeding. This is going to be a controversial call. Yeah. Well, I mean, we have Casey here and a great thing here. Two guys. So Jake and I'll start, obviously. No, go ahead.

Casey, what are your thoughts? I just have one question because I think there is a distinction. So is she, when you say shirt off, is she like bras off, but she's lifting her shirt and covering to the best of her ability, you know? Or are two tities out? Right. Is one titty out or two? Because if you got a baby on a titty and then you got the right one just floating about. Yeah.

That's different, actually. That is. I just want to know what it looks like again. Both tities are out. Two titties. Both. Is that true? Yes.

That's out of control. You know, like a muslin or anything, like sometimes they have those things you wrap around your neck with like a blanket. Is she trying to keep something and it's falling? And she's. This is the right question. No cover at all. Okay. So this is crazy.

So you're talking about ripping everything off. Titties flopping in the wind, taking a little baby covering half the bottom. You're eating here, my guy. The other one, let's say the left one in this example, staring right in your boyfriend's face. Free tit. Yeah. We got a free tip. Staring, right at your parents' face.

Yes. And I hate to ask. Is your father sitting next to her? Go ahead, Casey. I think you're going to ask what I want to know. I'm so sorry. I keep asking. No pains are being taken to like the free titty, like an arm kind of covering it or like the

bottles covering it or. No, because there's one. This isn't judgment. I'm genuinely just curious. No, but I know it's a tricky situation because I'm, she has the right to breastfeed her baby. Appreciate you saying that. Yes.

I agree. She is giving another human being life. I would just prefer. Cover the other to- If her food wasn't out. I haven't. uncomfortable question that I'm afraid to ask. But I think...

Does anybody care if I masturbate my car about this after? May I take my man tit out? I'm so sorry, this is uncomfortable, but like... Is it gross if I can see photos and masturbate? I have to ask. May I know exactly where you are in Texas? I will be there on business next week. Is it next Thursday? Yeah, probably, actually.

Well, why don't you... I'm coming to your comedy show next week. Well, listen, don't bring the sis. Let's see what happens. Bring the Tid sister. What is your main issue with this, Bailey? Is it that it is distracting to your boyfriend? My question was going to be, how are her breasts?

Because I'm wondering if that is playing. That's what I was worried. But by the way, you should be worried. That's a crazy question. That's an absolutely crazy. That's the last question we asked. That's kind of a ha. That's kind of the, we have nothing else.

Yeah. But to start there is. And we're going to ask where everyone's thinking. Well, I just don't know. That a big gulp has just been flown into me. Oh, my. She drinks half Dr. Pepper, half that. Dr. Pepper, half. Dr. Pepper gets one every day.

Wow. So sorry. Please continue. By the way, a good title for this call could be Big Gulp. So what is the issue? We don't know yet. We're about to ask. No, no.

No, no. I've retracted my question. But no, we got to, Who's upset here? I want to know who's upset. Is your dad going? I can't watch this. Is your boyfriend saying,

this is making me really uncomfortable? Is it you that's the most uncomfortable? What's the temperature of the rest of the family? What a great way to ask. Is she going into a chair that's like a couple seats away? And I keep, sorry, keep asking, like, is there any? Is she going to a chair away or we're really like at dinner, food, you know, we're passing the rolls, all of that?

So there's been multiple incidents. One was we were always. watching a sports, something on the television. It was some game and she's just sitting next to everyone and then without warning. The main issue is I know my boyfriend is uncomfortable. My dad has expressed that he's been uncomfortable and I don't want her to have to go to the other room because I've talked to one of my friends who has twins and she said the amount of time that she spent breastfeeding in another room, she was so lonely.

I have a gift. I have a gift. I have a pitch, but it's a gift. I think that I was going to say this, yes. I think we gift her some version of a titty cover. A swaddle or something. And we say it as it looks like you're, there's a lot going on. Maybe there's a way to make your life easier.

Yeah, but it's the same thing like she doesn't want her life easier. She's going, hey. Hey, I'm good. That's what I'm worried about is that you shame her. I'm just thinking it through. But let's just think about it like this. When you park your car out in the sun and the sun banks all the seats and you get so hot, you sit down if you're wearing shorts, your upper thigh and your ass burns.

Are you going to thread this needle right now? Do you think? Then you get those little covers and you put it on and it blocks the sun. Right, but you're grateful for that because you're supposing that you want, that nobody likes the sun on their car, but she doesn't seem to have a problem. How about this? I like a hot son. I don't care if my ass cheeks get a little cooked.

What if I'm driving somebody all the time and they buy me a one? You know what I'm going to do? Use it. Because it's easy. I'm not going to get offended. They go like this. I got you this if you want it. It's just when you park your car at my place.

If you're going to drive, I don't want my butt cheeks getting burned. Is there a way? Are you close with her aside from this? Kind of. She lives very close to me. She doesn't like her. Why can't you turn this issue over to your brother? Is there a way?

Because I'm afraid if you get involved or your mom, that's going to turn like sister-in-law against sister. Is there a way your brother could hear from maybe your dad of like, just like we want her to feel so comfortable, we never want her to feel isolated in the home. She has every right to do this. I think just for dad, because he's like, you know,

we put this on the older father. Like I think just dad would love if maybe there's like some cover, but we don't agree with this. You know, you play it like that. This is crazy. It's always tough to go through somebody else. We've learned that third party playing gets really hard on this show

because if he had an issue, he would have called it in, but he didn't. He can't. You think a dad? No, I mean, the husband, if he thought there was an issue was her, he would be doing this already. He doesn't think there's an issue.

Does your husband know that this... Does your husband feel that this is an issue for you, Bailey? Does he understand? So my brother has no issue with this. That's what I'm saying. Are your brother, right? thinks that this is a completely normal situation. But I will say she is pregnant again.

So it's going to get crazy. So maybe the gift of the rap could be, hey, you're having another baby. Cover them up. Bailey, can I give you a crazy pitch? Always. Because I'm not positive the gift is going to work, especially because her husband thinks it's fine. It might be passive aggressive.

And aggressive. This is going to get your boyfriend involved too. And look, I don't love what I'm saying, but I do know it'll work. Oh, boy. Next time it goes down, I want him to get like a dildo in his pocket and give himself a fake boner and wear some sweatpants.

Nope. Nope. Hold on. No. No. Stop. It would work. It's complimentary, Jake. It's complimentary to her. And she would go, oh, my God. And then he has to go like, hold on, Gareth. Now it's too many private parts out at the table. And his stays in his sweatpants, he's just sitting there and he looks at him and he goes, oh, sorry. And then all of a sudden, what I'm looking for, Bailey, is your sister or your brother to look over and go like, you fucking popping a boner in my wife's tits?

And he go, excuse me. Hey, I don't mean to, my man. All I see is half is a baby. My eyes aren't going there. The other half, I'm a man. That's a woman. And then your dad, bono. The comments on this clip.

Too far on the dad. I take back dad 100%. But if your husband gets a fake boner around her, gets embarrassed, stands up with a full boner and walks out, you know what's going to happen? She's going to cover them titties up. There's just, it's very difficult. This is a difficult one.

This is a very difficult one because I, I think we let them be them. I think that is going to be... No, Casey, that's not the solution. The solution is not, we're not getting involved. The whole premise of this show is we're involved. I know, but sometimes getting, like, sometimes the advice is to do nothing.

And that's actually the hardest thing for people to hear. I don't think that's accurate. What about if Bailey takes her shirt off? I was thinking that earlier too, man. Great idea. Honestly, I'm just saying... Listen, we're looking for... She takes her shirt off, breastfeed.

How about that? this, you take it off, your boyfriend sucks one of your titties. See, we just now know that it won't be a good pitch. And that's what I think is good about the stuff we're doing. Yeah. I will say my boyfriend would be down for either the fake boner or sucking my tit. Then don't do the suck in the tit. That's more of a joke.

Do the boner 100%. What is your mom saying about all this, if I may? Her relationship with my sister-in-law is very complicated. Felt that. We know that. We know this. So is she like put those tithes away? Or is she like, I don't want to get involved?

Or is she like, I don't want my husband seeing that? I can answer for her. I can answer for her. Put those tities away. Am I wrong, Bailey? You're not wrong, but she also doesn't want to get involved. Nobody does. Nobody does. We don't.

I do. Nobody wants it so that you guys don't get to see the 10-month-old. And, like, everybody wants to keep the family together because the baby's there. So any confrontation, any verbiage of put those titties away, not only do you lose mom, but now you're losing brother because he is going to defend her. So then how do you win the argument?

Well, you don't do it face on. You said your boyfriend is a willing participant. Give him the boner. Give him a boner and then have him go be sitting there in sweatpants and push it up so everybody sees it. And then everybody's uncomfortable, but you don't say anything.

Every time those tits come out, so does the dick. So this guy has to every event now until these children are grown enough to drink milk on their own. Gareth, we ain't getting more than three boners. I would'm willing to bet on it. I will put a steak, I will put a nice dinner at Taylor's that if he does this, he never gets to a fourth boner.

Now, see, this is one of those moments where I think he gets three, though. We just set a boner under. I don't know if he gets to three. it's gareth he won't get to three boners is but he might get to two that's a line i got it i got another listen okay i'm i'm fine if you want to have your boyfriend look at a fake boner here's an alt pitch that i don't think will work because i don't think she cares obviously but i was going to say what you could do is where is this happening most where is this at your parents place did you say Yes. So my parents' house is where the main incident occurred. In her own home, that's happened before. But she's, she's in her house.

I'm coming into her house. All right. I got nothing. She should have her tits out if she wants. Yeah. I agree. Well, and I think anyone would say that she could do this anywhere. It's, you know, like this is, we've established that. that, you know, this is a fine thing to do. But since you're calling the show, we're pitching ways to solve it. You're just trying to live on both sides of the fence. Speak what your mind is saying. And I guess I do have to ask again how.

I just want to make it very clear. A woman can do whatever she wants. But in the sense she can't. I'm interested in my car about it. Yes. So, Gareth, what do you actually feel? Do you think it's appropriate for her to whip her tits out at her parents' house?

I think there's a way to do. do it where it's not like you're about to hook up, like where you're just ripping your clothes off. Like there's, like we were sort of saying, there's a way to lift it. I mean, we see it. You can pull a tit out and breastfeed. That is a fine thing. You can do that in a restaurant, goddamn. It's not even weird.

Without question, you can do it anywhere. I will say at the airport, the lactation stations, I'm not sure what's going on in there, but I leave those be. The point is. You should leave those be because it's more. But even saying that's crazy. I know. You're not invited there.

I'm the guy who asked what her tits were like. Now, I think, yeah. Let me finish. That's what you're trying to get back to too with this speech. You're also the guy who says the lactation station. I leave those be as if Casey and our going to be like, awesome, dude. I'm just saying.

Of course you do, you pervert. I'm just saying, buy her a lactation station for your parents' house. Oh, like a little phone booth. A little home. Look, I know this is a comedic space here. I do need to just say. I think women feel very much like,

look what we've gone through to bring this kid. here. Now I've schlepped this kid over to your parents' house. Do I even want to be here? Absolutely not. Now I'm watching sports. Now I've got to look at a boner on you, my brother-in-law. Like, I can fucking take my titties out however they look. Yeah. And that's that. Like, I'm dealing with postpartum depression. I can do whatever I want. And if everyone else wants to look at my titty so

bad, that's on you guys. Well, then why did you just whip your hog out? Okay. And I go, look, I'm going through a bunch of stuff too. I would love that. I'd be like, yeah, great. So then the question is why at airports that they not have jack shacks? Oh, boy. Oh, boy is right.

Because we knew there was something about him bringing it up. He wants a masturbation station at airports. By the way, that's a shock tank. It's hard, because, yes, Bailey's come to us wanting advice. And so we have to sort of suppose we're in Bailey's headspace, which is family. That's what we're trying to do. But, Casey, the thing I'm getting from you after that last speech, which I actually thought was powerful. I'm not even teasing.

But I do think you brought up a lot of good points. And in the end, I just went to the masturbation station because I didn't know how to respond. But the truth is, what would you recommend? What is your pitch then to Bailey? Let it go. Let it go. Okay. Let them as that fraudulent woman.

So Casey's pitch is let them to its breathe. Let it go. Mine is, I would have your boyfriend do the fake boner. That is my genuine pitch. Gareth wants there to be a masturbation station at airports. Just the hubs, just where we make connections. And he thinks it's really cool that he doesn't go into the lactation stations and try to look at the ladies' breastfeeding, I guess.

I guess that's why you brought it up. I haven't even checked to see if they're locked or I don't know how it works. And I go to a lot of airports. I was in the Atlanta airport yesterday, Casey, where we shot Hail Mary. Where we shot our show. Yeah, so you're good, Gareth, like at Burbank, a smaller airport. you're not looking for them there. No, anything on the coast, no, because that's probably, yeah, we're not,

that hubs. I'm talking about Charlotte, Atlanta, Dallas, Houston, you got it. So if you need to transfer planes, you need a time to masturbate. That's when you have time. I think it's good to have the option. I mean, some of these layovers now, if you go on orbits, these are two, three hours. That's right. What are we doing here?

You should go to booking.com, brother. Can I ask one more question? Because I have to go and I can't believe it, you know, but I have to ask this, Bailey. I know this is so unsatisfactory to hear, but are you, is there a point in place in your heart where you could be like, you know what, we all just have to let it go? Or does that not feel good to you at all? Having talked it out, because we did talk it out. I could definitely let it go. I almost think that I could just say, like, this is totally fine.

I obviously have no issue with it. Do you mind giving us a heads up so we can at least look away? or if we choose, we can go to another room. I think that's going to be as inflammatory as giving her a cover. So I think you either say nothing. But also, do you really need a heads up? Like, if she starts going like this, we got to, you know. Well, you run like it's a fire?

I feel for you, Bailey. I'm not trying to not help you, Bailey. I do. I'm just trying to, like, keep the family unit together and give her her rights. I understand. I know. I still, honestly, again, I hear what Casey's saying, I know the majority of our fan base will still be with her.

I'm still into the fake penis because what I really believe is going to... Go ahead, Gareth. I'm going to swing back around on another one. I think if you can frame... Again, I just so we're clear, I agree with you, Casey, but if we're trying to solve it, if you gave a swaddle-like sheet that was framed as, hey, this is going to be easier on your arms, it also will flag the breast.

So walk us through how that pitch goes, Gary. I'd rather not because I watch you both, shake your hands. What we've got in Casey, thank you for joining us. Goodbye, Bailey. Thank you, Casey. Love you, Casey. Bye, guys love you. Thank you, Casey.

All right. We're still with you, Bailey. Now that the boys are here. Yeah, Casey's all about the fake dick. Casey wrote out a piece of paper at the end, fake dick all the way in the gym. to sign off just so you know. But Bailey, Gareth is pitching towards a gift of a cover, which I don't think is a bad idea.

Here's what I'm really worried about it for you. I'm worried that your sister-in-law and your brother are sensitive, and it's going to be a whole thing. That's why I frame it as you're holding this kid. You've got another on the way. This could maybe help. Yeah, this helps your back. This is a thing.

Bailey, back to you. What are you thinking? I like Garris Pitch. However, I don't want her to feel any shame or the, that I would be shaming her for having her tits out. So I think what I'm going to do is the fake dick just to see what happens.

Because my family is difficult, and I think if I had something that would make me laugh when we all hang out, it would make these times more enjoyable. The level of tightrope, this entire call felt like for at the end her to be like, I don't want to make her feel bad in any way. So I'm going to put a fake cock in my boyfriend's sweatpants. It's the most flattering way to get her to stop. I agree. Well, guess what? Guess what?

titties are titties What? I understand I honestly But there is a truth of it like look I am in full agreement I'm not saying this because I care what people think obviously with my pitches

I think people realize I don't but I do think a woman should be able to breastfeed anywhere she wants she's providing for her child but also if I'm in a cafe and a woman takes her breasts out I am excited I'm not going like, you know what?

This is nature's course. I'm going, I've been wanting to see these my whole life in any opportunity. The biggest moneymaker in the world on the internet would just be, it's once images popped up and you were like, you can see them. So I get it. If you're saying, I don't care if you're some creep at an airport, I'm breastfeeding. You have that right. And I also have the right to deep down go, yes.

I'm going to layover in Atlanta. Where's the station? And so what you're doing, your brother-in-law is saying, sorry, but that's awesome. And then she has a decision to make. He's not going to be glaring at her. He's going to be looking away. He'll be looking at the TV.

But someone's going to notice, does Carlton have a boner? Now, Bailey, is he going to do this? I think he will. Incredible. Do we need, look, I'm not trying to belabor this. But do we need to step in to help pitch this at all? I mean, this is a wild thing. You feel good enough to do this, Bailey?

I do. Yeah, I don't. Yeah. Okay. Natalie, make your piece now. Don't make it after we lose Bailey. She's on the call right now. I'm just trying to think of how you're going to execute this in a way where everybody is going to, like, notice a giant.

I'll tell you how you do it. For it doesn't have to be giant. We're not calling this guy King Kong. It just has to be standing up. So you can get a mid-sized sedan down there. And then all of a sudden, they come out. It's in his underpants. he just adjust a little bit.

No one's paying attention. There's a baby breastfeeding and there's two breast flopping about. He just takes it, puts it up, like adjust the way men kind of do sometimes, then just sits back and keeps watching the TV. Nothing, and I mean nothing's going to happen in the first 10 seconds.

But maybe minute three and a quarter, the husband's going to look over and notice that Carlton has a boner. She's not going to say anything. Nobody is. And maybe no one's going to read it. realize. As soon as the baby gets put away, very casually, knock that boner down. If no one noticed, great. It's over. But if he, the husband, or she, the mother, see that boner, they're going to go,

oh, my God, what? When I was fucking breastfeeding, did you see Carlton got a boner? Oh, are you kidding me? You know, you know what? He's a creep. Just put a, cover up on around him because he's the weirdo. Oh, Bailey just gave me one of those so my back didn't hurt so much. Natalie, you seem to hate this idea. It's wild. I can't wait to see what happens. I don't hate it.

I'm just taking it all in. It's a big risky move. That's what I said. It's a big risky move. It's big. Is it too risky? But Bailey's in Bailey, is it too risky? She's deciding.

She said yes to this. Bailey. Yeah, I've got to. I've got to do it for the bit. I'm just so curious to see what happened. Well, I don't want you to do it for the bit because this could go sideways. Which is how that penis is going to be when the breasts are covered. Yes, that's right.

It's going to be flat. Yeah. I wouldn't put it sideways. Anyway. I'd put it going down his leg. What? Okay. Do you have a banana going to cross your lap?

I just think it's going to be easier for him to mast it up if it's, anyway. That's not the point. That's not the point. Not the point. So, Bailey, walk us through what you're actually going to do while thinking the sensitivity to a new mother who's also pregnant. Because what we can't do is offender. Yep.

When we can't do is create a rift in the family where all of a sudden she and he are gone. And then they go, what happened? You go, I call this stupid podcast and they told me to put a dick out. And your dad goes, why'd you do it? And you go, don't know. Now everybody's mad at you. And then guess what? We do a follow-up.

We're not maddie, but we don't matter. I'm going to zoom in my goddamn closet. On a ball. I'm sitting on a ball these days because my back hurts. It's wild update. So, Bailey, back to you. What are you really going to do? Is it a good idea?

If so, walk us through how you're going to do it and how we can support you. So I'm definitely going to have the conversation with my boyfriend about this. pitch about the fake dick. But if he's not down, because honestly, it's strange. Yeah. Then I think, depending on what he says, I think I'll try. If he says no, I'll try, Gareth pitch. And I'll say, hey, I'm so excited for...

The new baby. The new baby. I read in a parenting magazine that this cover helps support your back and your arms while you're breastfeeding, especially now that there's going to be two just so that you're more comfortable and you don't have to go to a separate room. Wait a second. Bailey and something. Bailey. What?

When there's two, there's not going to be a problem. They both got to eat. but not like puppies we had twins you did one at it at the same time the wife had boom

the wife had boom okay Tony soprano no that's boom yeah so you might have the baby and the older one and then guess what problem solved

I'll tell you what's not a boner nature solved your problem doing it get the baby side of it ruins it Bailey nature might cover your tracks here Why does this new baby come? They're going to be 16 months apart So six months from now

Whatever month that's going to be A lot of time Okay so we got we got some time I mean Never mind And then well one I mean to be fair as well Jake At one point

One of them is going to be off mic And the other one will still be using Yeah So there you're go. I mean, we're Bailey just record the pitch. You know, let's hear what your boyfriend thinks.

Well, let's do this before we get it off. Buckle up for the comments. Let's do it. Because it's feeling heavy. It's feeling, it's not feeling heavy to me, I'll be honest. Right. But since our visitor joined this Brady Bunch Zoom, it's gotten a little bit more heavy. And she might be the

audience, though. She might be the audience. Jake, she is. Jake, she is. I get it. There's a lot of times. I love a call, then everybody hates it. I get it. Yeah. So here's what I would like to try Bailey.

Can you pretend Gareth is your boyfriend and walk him through the pitch? And Gareth, can you play it not for a bit? I know. I just want to hear how this can actually go. I know the performance you like. I know. Okay. So, Bailey, can you do this?

Because you know what I want to do. I know what you want to do. Bailey, whenever you're ready. Hi, babe. How is your day? That's long. I'm tired. How was yours?

Pretty good. I ended up calling the podcast that I was talking to you about. Oh, yeah, that show is supposed to be great. Yeah, it is. It's really great.

I called about, I called about my sister-in-law. Gary, if he's hot, yeah. One guy's on the road a lot. Garithrennals.com. No,

go ahead. I think he's coming to North Texas. If you come to North Texas, these high-eenas. We should bring all of our friends and family. Get a party party party. Go ahead. Honey, I'm sorry. Go ahead. What were you going to say? I called about my sister-in-law and they actually had some really good advice, but I wanted to ask if you'd be down for it.

For the advice? What do you mean? So they said that maybe the next time we go over to my parents' house, you could have a dildo with you. and when my sister-in-law takes off her shirt and whips out her boobs to breastfeed, as soon as she takes off her shirt, you could adjust that tilt. What? I'm hearing it. Bailey, I'm hearing it. Bailey, I'm hearing it. I understand the tone now.

Hey, Bailey, this could be a problem here, bud. This sounds pretty bad. Jake went from I'm on the lazy river To I'm doing my taxes And I'm getting screwed I don't really I don't like it I think it's gonna go real weird And then what's that if the dick thing falls

Let's do this And they're like why does he have a dildo in his pants Around our child? Those are fighting words So what is the what are we leaving her with Pigley and Moe Buddy I swear to God I thought about it. So Bailey, I got to tell you, in hearing it, now I'm just being honest, guys in a bar.

I don't think you do the dildo thing. I think you got to leave it alone. Yeah. I think this is, seeing Casey and Natalie's response, I think it's, you know, Max Greenfield and a new girl used to have a joke called the friendship ender, and that somebody could say something that's so bad that it's an instant friendship ender. and I think this could be a friendshipender. I think this could create a real crack in the family dynamic.

I think you just got to look away when the titties come out. And if you want, then as a family, you guys could all very casually go into another space. I think we are at the point where, look, if you want to do that for you, do it. But, you know, it's, it's, Like we said, I mean, this is an accept, it is, what you don't like is the way she's doing it and that both are out. But yes, this is kind of one of those, this is rare where we're like, this is our first time.

Well, and I think the advice here is don't take the advice. Just don't walk away from the titties, walk away from the pitches. Because you're probably, the juice ain't worth the squeeze. you know, this is just, you know, it'll, whatever the issue is, you know, these kids will get older and it'll end. And like Jake said, you're going to have a brief period of time when you're going to have double coverage. All right, Bailey. I'll see you soon. Okay, sounds good.

Thanks. Thanks, Bailey. Bye. Bye. We're here to help is hosted by Jake Johnson and Gareth. Reynolds. If you'd like to be on the show, please email us your question at Helpfulpod at gmail.com. And if you want to watch video episodes of we're here to help, you can go to our Patreon at patreon.com slash here to help pod to see our entire catalog.

We're Here to Help is produced by Rabbit Grimm Productions, executive producers Rob Hollis, Jeff Porter and Natalie Hollis, associate producer Jesse Thurston, editing mix and master by Chris Fowler. Theme song by Oliver Raleigh. The cover artwork is by James Fawley. Act Act, animations by Andrew Strelecki. And if you'd like to see Gareth, you stand up on the road, go to garethrethrenolds.com. Remember all of the advice given on we're here to help is for entertainment purposes only, and all listeners should be adults and make their own decisions. That was a HeadGum podcast.

That was a HeadGum podcast. Hi, I am Mandy Moore. Sterling K. Brown. And I'm Chris Sullivan. And we host the podcast That Was Us Now on HeadGum. Each episode, we're going to go into a deep dive from our show, This Is Us. That's right. We're going to go episode by episode.

We're also going to pepper in episodes with different guest stars and writers and casting directors. Are we going to cry? Yes. A little bit. Are we going to laugh? A lot. A whole lot. That's what I'm hoping, man.

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