We're Here to Help - 29: We’ve Lost Gareth

Episode Date: November 23, 2023

Jake and Gareth talk to callers about an odd family tradition and taxidermy.  Check out our We’re Here to Help sweatshirts, hats, and tote bags at heretohelppod.com! Want to call in? Email your question to [e-mail]. If you’re enjoying the show, make sure to rate We’re Here to Help 5-Stars on Apple Podcasts. Follow the show on Instagram @HereToHelpPod and TikTok also at @HereToHelpPod See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Oh, gobble, gobble, Jake. Happy Thanksgiving, Garfield. A very special We're here to help. And we hope everyone's having a lovely day with family and friends. You guys are with your families. And we're hoping there's a lot of fallout so that we get a lot more calls. But also, Garf, on Thanksgiving, a day to be with family. You've snuck off.

You're listening to the podcast. Yeah. You goofball. Stuff and stuff into a dead bird right now while You're listening to the podcast? Yeah. You goofball. Stuff and stuff into a dead bird right now while you're listening to this, trying to probably find another episode. Maybe get ready. But you can't touch your phone because you're covered in giblets and guts. Anyway, enough.

Hold on. No way. This is a wonderfully fun day to cook food, listen to podcasts, maybe watch some football. And drink a little wine at 145. Now we're talking. Kevin, happy Thanksgiving. Gobble, gobble, Kevin. Kind of annoyed that you guys made me record this morning, but...

Kevin, fall in line. Come on. We told you. We're a team. We'll do whatever Jake says. We want to say we are grateful to everybody who has listened and come along on this journey with us. It has been way more fun than we expected. We are all recording from our closets, and we weren't sure you guys were going to come with us,

and we have been blown away by the numbers. So we are grateful, and thank you guys for coming along with us. We're going to make a lot more more and we hope they get even better. Exactly. And today, while we're talking about stuffing birds, we have an interesting call from a pet owner. And dare I say, I get a little caught up in it and we find our way out. I get a little caught up in it, and we find our way out. And while we're talking about being with family,

we talk about a mother's gift that might be a little bit too much. Look at what we did there. Here's the truth, everybody. It is not Thanksgiving while we are recording this. Jake, don't do this. We did not know this was a Thanksgiving episode, but we are pros, Garfield. Jake, Jake, Jake. It's Thanksgiving.

But look at what we did with the... Okay. Okay, thank you. With the dog and the stuffing with the family. All right, okay. All right, buddy. Come back down to Earth. I'm getting hot, baby. But thank you again, everybody, and enjoy the holiday episode. Happy Thanksgiving, everybody.

Gobble, gobble. Hi. Hi. Welcome to We're Here to Help, where we're going to try to help. You're on with Jake and Gareth. Can I get your name, roughly your age, and where you're calling from, please? Yes. Oh, fuck.

I'm so excited. My name is Shannon. I'm calling from Tampa, and I'm 29. Can we just say what a great attitude you have? Agreed. And also, Shannon, I'm so fucking excited. I'm pumped. I'm so fucking excited.

Best attitude yet. I'm excited, Shannon. Yeah, right. Jake just ran through a wall. I'm running through walls as we speak. Shannon, hold on. We need to take five. Okay, Shannon.

So Tampa 29, what can we help you with? So I was given a heads up by my younger brother um who's 27 which is relevant that my mother would be giving me a box of my old thing sometime soon and he was warning me because he'd already gotten said box. And when he opened it up, he found every single one of his baby teeth in an envelope with it assigned the date it was lost and where it was located in the mouth. Oh, mom. What's mom's name, by the way? Manson.

Manson. Mom. Mom. name is Teresa. Sweet Teresa. Dad, or my brother is Connor. Interesting you called your brother dad. Let's get into that shit. That's another call, Jake. Keep her excited.

Hold on, Gareth. I just entered a new tone, which I really like. Let's talk about your relationship. We're not here to Freud. Okay, I agree. I agree. Moving on. Well, I think that was on my mind because my brother is a dad.

And so I was thinking maybe like my mom. Is he a good parent? Is he saving the teeth of the child? No. He's a fairly new parent. His kid's only like four months old. Okay. He's got time.

But I'm wondering, like like did she send him that thinking oh well he's a dad now so like maybe he'll want to do this too i don't i don't know and so so you have not gotten this gift yet from sweet theresa correct i have not received my teeth no okay and you are anticipating you'll receive the teeth. Now, the question is basically, what the hell do you do when your mother gives you a box of teeth? I think the question's also in two parts, because I know what she's going to do with the teeth. Throw them right in the garbage can. But how do you react to your mom handing you a box of dead teeth? Well, just in case, my brother has held on to them until, because I told him I was coming on this podcast to ask you about this.

Connor still has his babies. He's held on to the teeth in case we can come up with some kind of fun. Oh, Shannon, imagine this dark turn. I got a dark turn for you, Shannon. Imagine if your mom didn't save your teeth. Just sweet Con connors. And a couple years go by, and then you go like, hey, mom, go ahead, give me the gift.

And she goes, my teeth. And she goes, I didn't save your filthy teeth. That is the wild card. You are anticipating a problem that potentially could turn into an irritant. Yeah. Wow. I hadn't even considered that yet. Let's hope that that happens because that's the funniest outcome.

And easiest for me. And easiest for you. Let's assume you're going to get these teeth. What the hell do you do? First of all, I will say I stumbled upon this phenomenon uh doing stand-up and found it hilarious one night when uh i think someone told me they found their baby teeth at their mom's house and they were like what the hell and then so i started doing but then what i found was many people were like i saved my son's teeth and it was like i was the crazy person for sort of pointing this out so i it's a very very

very strange thing i would assume jake your reaction as a parent you're not it's complicated well it's complicated i wasn't sure what i was going to say here because uh you know part of this well part of this is if you know if any young listeners are listening, which they shouldn't be, is, you know, part of the game of parenthood is the gamemanship of the tooth fairy, you know, Santa and everything. And in our house, I do the nights. So in terms of the teeth, that is, you know, quote unquote, my gig. And I say, quote unquote, because maybe the tooth fairy is real, right? Sure. Keep it open. and I say quote unquote because maybe the tooth fairy is real right sure keep it open and so I have had let's say I am the one doing it I have had those moments where I've snuck into a child's room and I've held on to a tooth and I've walked out and thought I got the dollar bill under there

big win I rolled it up in a little ball they didn't hear me which is one of the most anxiety driven moments as a parent when you're sneaking in because you think if your kid goes what are you doing you just have to go tucking you in with a dollar bill or you go creepy you go i'm stealing your tooth money yeah that would be mine or as a kid you were fake sleeping the whole time and yes busted but that's what thoughts you have to go through and you tiptoe in and you've talked to other parents about it and it's a it is part of the scary nightmare but what i'll say i do is throwing out your kids teeth i'm gonna go on theresa's side here is shockingly is shockingly sad interesting because you adore those teeth you watched them grow and then they fall out and that means they're not babies anymore so i

have not thrown out my kids' teeth. You have them. No. But yes, but here's where I'm a trash person. And this is where I'm going to embarrass myself. I haven't put them in a safe spot. Where are they? I just store them up.

Jake. Jake. Jake. They're littered around. Oh, Jake. You don't even know who they belong to. There's just dead babies. So you don't know whose teeth are whose. This is Jake. You don't even know who they belong to. There's just dead babies. So you don't know

whose teeth are whose. This is gross. This is amazing. Just have like a small box filled with teeth. No, not even in a box. Even worse, Shannon. They're like behind books. They'd be like, oh no, really high shelf. I'd just toss them back. It's phenomenal. It is the perfect... By the way,

is there a better encapsulation of when your buddy becomes a parrot than the soft, sweet tenderness of, gosh, my little girls are growing up. I should save these because it's a way to hold on to an innocent time that is sort of fleeting versus the man from Chicago who is just like, I just put him on top of a bookshelf, figure it out later. Well, because, you know, I just put them on top of a bookshelf, figure it out later. Well, because I'm just tossing them up here. But Shannon, here's why. Because your mom is in a tough spot because she doesn't want those teeth either. Clearly. Yeah, she's trying to clear out some closet space.

Yes. You have a pitch, Jake? I got it. I got something. You go first, Garth. Okay. Listen, you're not going to want the teeth. It's going to be pretty easy to throw the teeth

out. If she gives you the teeth, I would just get rid of the teeth. You have no connection. It was probably she was pulling a move like Jake was. Jake alluded to something earlier that I think could also work. And this is kind

of the, you're kind of pushing the pressure back to Teresa a little bit here. Um, and that would be you and Connor take your teeth and you get a little sort of, uh, jeweler's felt and upon the jeweler's felt, you place these teeth in some sort of uh mouth order and some sort of like oblong circle deal uh and you encase them and for christmas along with a much better gift you and connor have gifted theresa the architect of this awkwardness with a sort of pink yeah purple felted display of teeth for her to do with what she wants. Oh my God. I can see it.

Yeah. I think that's fun actually, Garf. Because obviously when you can do the- In like a shadow box? Yeah. Yeah, exactly. Because Shannon, here's the easy advice, right? You take them, you throw them out, you give your mom a hug, or you tell her you don't

want them. That's kind of nothing. You're calling in because I think you want something fun. And I think the Garf man found it. I think you gift them back. You could either do that. What I was thinking when he was saying it is you could turn them into a really scary, gross necklace

and you could give it back to her so that your mom goes, what the fuck do I want with this? And you go, same. It's now yours. And then as a game, you can gift each other back and forth these. And then when Connor's kid starts growing up, when the first one comes out, you've started a fun family tradition. And that is you start saving them. And then Jenna, if you end up having kids, the first thing you do in that first tooth

falls out is you're not sad. You just go i've just started the gross necklace the bit begins the bit begins and i think you connor makes his and then when you get yours from your mom you guys do it at the same time and i think you turn it into a really fun thing but i think you make a horror gift based off dead baby teeth oh my god this is amazing i like it i i like those i like the game legacy a lot and you know it wouldn't even necessarily need to be necklaces only you could open yourself up to all right what are you going to what are your children going to give you with that they've made out of their teeth so shannon I think we've given some pretty solid one on this one. We kind of come together, the Garf man and myself and kind of said, we should take these teeth and turn it

into a gift that you give back to your mom in a loving, funny way. So you're also saying thanks for being a good mom and caring about us, but these also take your garbage back take your garbage right right and so take a moment to recognize your strangeness exactly right and so shannon what do you think you're going to do here well i i gotta say i've been listening to the the podcast since you guys started it and i think it's pretty rare for you guys i think it's pretty rare for you guys to end up on the same page at the end of one of these correct these teams of advice so good for you guys to end up on the same page at the end of one of these pieces of advice. So good for you guys. Thank you.

Oh, what a great way to. Also, Shannon, I like your positivity and your vibe. Great attitude from top to bottom. From the top row and the bottom row. Let's do this, Gareth. Next time I'm being mean and being mean to you in an intro for no reason, calling you Fat Aaron Paul or Baby Ginger. We don't need to. Yeah, yeah, because you're kind of doing it again. So don't, you know what I mean?

Let's bring Shannon on. Great. Yeah, just bring me on. I'll bring you guys back together. Will you be the show therapist and keep us on vibe when I'm being a dick for no reason? Yes. You're spot on.

That's literally my job for a living. So, yeah. Oh, is that right? I'm sorry. You're a therapist, Shannon? I'm a therapist. What are you specializing you're excellent i am Shannon Shannon hold on Gareth hold on Gareth what oh we've got huge breaking news look at our producer Kevin quickly sorry sorry sorry hey, I am rocking a necklace. Oh, my God, Kevin. What are you wearing?

Several layers of fake teeth. I'll send you a picture. It's very stylish. It's very in. All the kids think it's very cool, and I'm very relatable and normal now. Shannon, he's wearing a double choker with teeth around it. This has not been set up it he's got up instead of connor's and shannon's on what is happening here man this is one of the weirdest things i've ever

seen just for just for my story yes this is uh my fiance's necklace that she wore on our first date and uh i did think it was all real teeth it is is not. It is fake teeth from a dentist. But as you are pitching this, I asked her to put it on me. And I said, I'll explain later. Okay. So, Shannon, in closing, Kevin, thank you for being a maniac. Yeah. Thank you.

Our kind of coming together advice to you is make a game of it. Make that weird necklace. You as a therapist have helped Gareth and I come together. So what do you think you're going to do in the, what do you think you're going to do in the end here, Shannon? I think it's worth considering based on my childhood experience that my mom did not save my baby teeth. And perhaps this is just the Connor thing. But I'm going to, I'm going to carry that with me. Wait,

can I interrupt really fast on that? Just because I think there's meat on that bone. If you find out that your mom didn't save your baby teeth, can we get you and your mom on the podcast together? That is a really fun for admitting. For the confrontation, you can bring up. Yes. Yes.

If you can, you try to find out via text. And if she says I didn't save yours, can you not follow up? And we'll have her. You'll have you both on. So you guys can do it on air, please. Absolutely. Yeah. OK, thank you.

And then I'm sorry I interrupted. Go back to where you were. No, that's OK. I think I really like the necklace idea. Yeah. Okay. Thank you. And then I'm sorry I interrupted. Go back to where you were. No, that's okay. I think I really like the necklace idea. Okay. And then I've got a question for you. You've listened to every episode. Am I too mean to Gareth as a therapist now?

What can we do for our relationship now? We're asking you for help. Okay. Let's break this down a little bit. So maybe there could be a little bit more compassion however it's a comedy podcast so gareth does have to have a little bit of a you know thick skin in terms of the compassion i i do love gareth he knows that uh okay we also he's what he's way more ruthless to me via text stop it this is here's what i'll say here's why it is okay if this was just we start rolling

and jake starts turning it up and i'm going who is this guy yeah that could be considered i signed the terms and conditions for this man a long time ago far before we started this it's not new it is you give jake the amount of times where i gave jake a little bit and went probably shouldn't have said that and it is a 10 year long bit uh is countless that's the thing about these friendships. Like, you know, every friendship is different. You've got a different capacity for ruthlessness. So in closing from a therapist, she's saying, I'm doing great.

And maybe you need thicker skin. Shannon, thank you so much for the call. No, no, she's saying that. And she's saying, stop playing with the intros, I think is the bottom line. Everything else remains okay. Don't forget to communicate, you guys. Your friendship is very important. Don't forget to communicate. I think we do communicate a lot. I think that the bottom line. Everything else remains okay. Don't forget to communicate, you guys. Your friendship is very important. Don't forget to communicate. Thank you.

We do communicate a lot. I think that's true. But this is not about us. Shannon, thank you so much for the call. This has been a real fun one. And if I'm in the Tampa area, I'm going to lay on your couch and ask for some advice because I need a lot of help. And you seem like just the right kind of therapist.

Yeah, we're going out. Yes. You're more than welcome. I'll show you guys a fun camp at night. Thank you, Shannon. Today's episode is brought to you by Babbel. That's right, Jake. Listen, you know what Babbel is, right?

Science-backed language learning app that actually works, which I find to be very important. Science-backed language learning app that actually works, which I find to be very important. Science-backed, Jake. Listen, don't bother paying hundreds of dollars for a private tutor. They come over, they're like asking for snacks, they're being annoying, or even waste hours on apps that don't really help. We're here to help, and Babbel is going to help you. Babbel's tips and tools are approachable, accessible, rooted in real-life situations. So, Jake, for instance, if you want to learn, I started relearning French through Babbel a little bit. Yes, because I used to know French, but then I don't know French, but it's still there.

You know what I like about it is that it's got a speech recognition technology. Yep. Because the problem with learning a new language is if you sound like you're from another country yes if it can actually help with the accent yeah that's a big ass and applicable to situations you're going to find yourself in like when i think back to taking french it was just like so much it was like i'm never going to do that it's like how do you order food how do you get a drink how do you ask for directions? So Babbel's great. Now listen. Listen, everybody.

Should we bring him in? Wait, one quick pause. Should we bring in the closer? Studies from Yale, this is interesting, Michigan State University and others, prove that Babbel is better. So one study found that using Babbel for 15 hours is equivalent to a full semester at college. So if that's true, which Yale's no joke, it's just putting schooling in a different light.

Yes. If you spend 15 hours, let's say you didn't go to college and you always feel like, well, I don't know. I didn't go to college. 15 hours, you just did a semester.

Yeah. That's wild. Yes. That's a wild study. So speaking of language, should we bring in the closer or should I do it? Closer. All right, hold on.

Let's get him. Kevin? Door's open. Oh, you meant Gil. I meant Kevin. I thought Kevin was going to do it. No, I thought we were talking about the closer. We were.

He parked in front of all our cars, so might as well. We can't leave. Well, what's the problem? Go ahead. So that old jalopy is Gil's? Yes. And you can turn it off, I guess. No, keep it running.

It's bad for something. A lot of smoke. I'm pausing a serious accent. Now, listen, here's a special limited time deal for our listeners. Right now, get 55% off your Babbel subscription, but only for our listeners. This isn't for people who don't listen, like Laura from one of the calls earlier. These are standalone. At babbel.com slash hth.

Jake, let me finish. Get 55% off babbel.com slash hth. Spelled B-A-B-B-E-L dot com slash hth. We're going to want you to babbel. We want you to babbel. I'll tell you what, I don't want to babble your ear off. I got to go back to the jalopy. Rules and restrictions this episode is brought to you by zocdoc zocdoc is a free app and website where you can search

and compare highly rated in network doctors near you and instantly book appointments with them online. Garth, what does that mean to you? Well, it means a lot because, as you know, my mother was in town for a while. She had a hip replacement and it was crazy. It was a crazy situation. And there were so many times, so many things like complications were popping up. And there were multiple times where we wanted to find a doctor appointment quickly, somewhere close.

You use ZocDoc. Yeah. You would use ZocDoc because it's just so much harder if you're just like, you know, like using search engines to try to find someone. And then you call. Do they take your insurance? But the problem has it's all there for all the problem with also just searching it is all the ads pop up yes and what i like i actually use zocdoc we since we started doing it i do like

that it keeps it really clean and you could put all your information in yeah did you use zocdoc for your knee i did use zocdoc for my knee which i am going to get an mri on but we don't think it's a tear that's the good news but i am going to get an m on. Oh, you are? But we don't think it's a tear. That's the good news. But I am going to get an MRI. The doctor report back, it's just an old man's knee. It's actually pretty much what it sounded like. That's what a doctor said to me about my hips. I'm getting to the point where it's sad when doctors are just like, yeah, you're just the... He goes, I've had a doctor who looked at my body and then went like this.

Well, you're mid-40s, yeah? Ugh, what a jerk. Well, that guy's hopefully not on ZocDoc. But again, it really does. It filters specifically for doctors that take your insurance located near you. Treat basically. And again, you can get an appointment quickly. You can also get it same day.

That's absolutely right, Jake, if you're lucky. That's right. Gil Buchanan, ones and twos, 68 balmy. Don't worry about it. That's right. I've been kept in the closet for a while on this show, but I'm back for the ads. Good to see you, brother. You would get a fist bump?

Literally never left. Wherever the best time in the world, go to ZocDoc.com slash HTH and download the ZocDoc app for free. Did you hear? How much does that cost you? Free! Free, that's right! And then find and book a top rated doctor today. That's Z-O-C

D-O-C dot com slash H-T-H ZocDoc dot com slash H-T-H. ZocDoc.com slash H-T-H. Hey, how are you? Good, and you? Good. You're here with the Garf Man. Ones and twos. Hi.

How you doing? What's your name? Where are you from? And what's your problem? This is Lance from Tennessee. Lance, Tennessee. And Tennessee, my problem is a few years ago, my wife and I rescued a dog and she is the light of our lives and the pillar that holds up all of our mental health. And so that dog rescued you. Oh, Jake. Yes, we could say that. rescued you. Oh, Jake. Yes, we could say that. So like all caring pet owners, we constantly think about the fact that she's going to die at some point. And this is fair. This is a thing that

you just hit Gareth's heart. He just I have a stand up joke about this. Yes. What's the bit, Gareth? What's the bit? Well, that they should live longer than us. And half of your enjoyment of the pet is you can't ever leave. And my next pet is going to be a parrot because they live to be 140. Okay, keep going. Okay. So my problem is when the dog passes away, I would like to get her stuck. And that way I never have to really say goodbye. She'll always be here. My wife thinks it's weird and is not on board. And I would like y'all's help to convince her that we should get the dog stuff. So just to set this table a little bit, Garth. Yeah. Hey, Lance, are you 100% serious that when this dog passes away, you want it stuffed? Yes, I'm 100% serious.

Okay. This is not a crazy thing. So let me ask you a couple of questions, Lance. How old is the dog now? I would disagree. It's a fine thing. How old is the dog, Lance? She's about four right now.

So you're doing it real early. He's in love. Yes. I never want to say goodbye. And there's no medical issues or anything like that. You just want to get this already established, right? Correct. What kind of dog?

She's a pug. And what's her name? Her name is Ronnie. Ronnie the pug. By the way, Ronnie, a four-year-old pug, I got to say, Lance, pretty cute. I love pugs. I know they have breathing issues, but there's nothing funnier to me than when you get a pug excited. An excited pug is just like, You're like, what's behind the corner? The pug's like, well,onnie dies i'd like you know i'd like to have her stuffed so

we can save her what did she say absolutely not right 100 she as as on board as i am she is the opposite direction does she have a counter pitch or is she just like, let's go the traditional route? Just ashes, the traditional route. Yeah. And so when Gareth started this call, Lance, and he's, when Gareth started this call and he said, this is totally normal. I'm with your, I'm with your, is it your wife or your girlfriend? My wife.

I'm with your wife on this one. If my wife wanted to have one of our animals stuffed, I would be a no. And I think the Garf man would be a yes. So this is going to be an interesting one because this show is we're on your side. But I don't know if I'd want a stuffed dog in my house. Go ahead, Garf. I have had, I took care of a senior dog for probably the last three or four years, uh, who passed probably three months ago at this point, which is crazy. And it was the worst thing ever. Um, and I went through a lot of the, and it wasn't even fully my dog. It was my friend's dog who I took care of a lot of the time. It was my friend's dog who I took care of a lot of the time. And listen, I'm not going to necessarily try to give you advice on how to convince your wife.

And then at the end, maybe I will. But this is what I'll say. There are many options along the lines of how do you keep the presence of the animal in your life without having a stuffed dog. Are you crying? I'm weeping. animal in your life without having a stuffed dog. The downside to a stuffed dog. I'm weeping. The downside to a stuffed dog is that what if they don't get it right? What if it, you know what I mean?

Taxidermy is a slippery slope. Yeah. Like you hold on Gareth, Gareth, we can't change the premise of this show. I'm not going to. So I will say I have a number of things that remind me of the dog in a great way but that's not what lance lance isn't talking about so here's go to the go to the beach and write a poem about a senior so here's what i'll pitch i think what you say to your wife and

you have a long time to get the slow pitch out hopefully yeah jake is what you do is don't get that pug too excited is what you do is you tell her that at the end you want it stuffed but you'll just keep it in a private spot for you where you can go and talk to the dog when when you feel right about it or when you need to see Ronnie. She doesn't need to know. Real weird stuff, Gareth. This is a real weird three minutes.

Real weird three minutes. Started with the senior dog, then went to the private area in your attic. Real weird telling three minutes. Lance, I'm going to jump in and save a good friend of mine. I'm going to jump in because Gareth is emotional and he's spiraling. We started talking about his senior dog and he went to a really weird place. So here's what I'm going to say to you.

I would say if you're really going to do this, you need a multi-tier plan. The first thing you got to do is you got to find the place that you could have this dog stuffed so it's a real plan listen jake you're amazing i mean oh keep going but that's right right so the first thing lance is i would and i would find a place that does this. Because right now it's just an idea. And for the idea, I think she's kind of like, no, we're not even talking about it.

But there is going to be a come a time where you're going to have to make this decision. So if you have a place, you know how to do it and you know how to execute it. And then once you've got that place in mind, you could find a place in your home that you would like to honor, Ronnie. And you would say like, well, I think this could be the place for Ronnie. Garf? I'm just catching my breath. You still there, Lance? You still with us, bud? I'm still here.

Okay. There is also this other option where there are places that will make a stuffed animal version of your animal. And so that way you don't. All right. Well, then what Jake said is animal. That's not what he's saying. All right. Well, then what Jake said is right. I mean, just get the list together. I've got a question. Yeah.

And I'm not looking for you to get emotional. I'm not trying to press buttons here. Have you ever thought about this with Jose? Oh, my God. Yes. I've thought about... Honestly, I've gone the route of cloning as possible. There are clone options.

So, Lance, if you want me to ruin your marriage further, I'm more than willing to throw this firecracker into the room. Lance, have you ever considered cloning? We have jokingly talked about cloning. You've got 12 years to turn a funny bit into a great pitch. Well, the stuffing started out as a bit, and I kind of won myself over to it accidentally. So I like that y'all's approach is taking it seriously. Here's what I'll say.

Let's go this route. Abandoned stuffing, pitch cloning. When she's like, that is insane. Stuffing now doesn't seem too bad. Here's a thought, Lance. When you were to say you would want to have Ronnie stuffed and saved, do you care where Ronnie's body is then featured? No, we could bring her out for holidays. Lance, I don't think Jake's going in that direction. But here's where I'm going with. So I just need to know if this is just a bit for you or not a bit.

Do you really want Ronnie stuffed? I do really want her stuffed, but I don't necessarily want her stuffed and mounted in the house and full display at all times. So that's exactly where I was going with. So I think we could win here. I think what I would do is I would find a place. Then I would find a really classy, essentially like old suitcase, but like one of those like hundred year old, like magicians cases where you put all the stuff of Ronnie's, like her blanket, her toys, all her favorite stuff in there. And then you could put Ronnie in that too. Now your wife never has to open that old magician safe but why cremate when it's essentially the same trouble that you would do that you would keep in your attic for you and one day maybe show your children maybe pass it on maybe not but you could say to your wife this is something that i want to do for me

and here is the solution so it doesn't weird you out i'm not keeping it in the living room what do you think would happen if you presented it that way lance i like the doggy diorama approach i think yes exactly right and a diorama that could close so because i'm with her if she's like i can't go in my fucking living room and see a stuffed bug. It's weird. But then if it's like the Super Bowl or some big event that Ronnie liked, Ronnie can come out for that. Exactly, Jake. And what do you think, Lance?

You think this is real? We've lost Garrett. Yes. This is Garrett's weak zone and he's spiraling and we're going to have to talk for about 30 minutes after this. It's fine. And Kevin already knows we're having a big meet and greet about all the animals. And I have a lot of stuff, a bug all around the place. You can do a ton of stuff.

It's just, it's great. Lance, if you want to get my email, I'd love to sidebar in some of this stuff. We can kind of keep going outside of the call. Go ahead, Jake. Lance, what were you going to say? I was going to say, we can maybe combine a couple of these ideas, do the doggy diorama approach. And maybe if I track down someone to do it, I can put together like a little presentation proposal.

I think that is going to make it real. I think you've nailed it. I think you have to shark tank it. I think you are 100% right, Lance. I think you got to take it out of the idea and you got to present it with a real pitch. And all you're asking her to do is say yes. And if she says yes, she never has to hear another word about it. It's all finished. But, you know, for example, when we all die, we're going to have to have plans of what happens.

I'm going to be stuffed. I will be stuffed. Can you mute the Garfman? I'll be myself. I just will be stuck. So Lance, I think you're 100% right. I say, let's shark tank this. Let's make a real plan. Give yourself six months to a year and present a real pitch to her. And when she feels uncomfortable, which she will, because what you're doing is very weird. She's going to feel very odd about this. But you then say to her, all I'm asking you to do right now, honey, is say, okay. And then we

never have to talk about it again until hopefully in 15, 16 years, however long that put 30, however long that peg is going to go. You get to then say, remember the plan. And at that point, you can reevaluate, but you do have a plan. I like it. You're going to do it, Lance. I am. I'm going to start working on my slide deck immediately. I think that's great. Now, can you do us a favor tonight? Can you give that dog a big piece of pepperoni and kiss it right on the goddamn face? Because right now, that dog's alive, Lance. You still got Ronnie. I'll give her all the treats she wants tonight. Why don't you give that dog about a week

and a half of nonstop affection and just live right while you got her. I feel like this call was like a professional hostage negotiator and a drunk grieving man trying to team up. Jake handled everything well

and just kept saving me from myself as often as possible Lance, thank you for the call Thanks Lance I'm going to jump in and save a good friend of mine here We're Here to Help is hosted by Jake Johnson and Gareth Reynolds.

The show is produced and edited by Kevin Bartelt and the associate producer and editor is A.J. McKean. Our social media director is Caitlin Tanwakio and our video editor is John DeBruin. The theme song is made by Oliver Raleigh and you can check out his music at OliverRaleigh.com.

That's Oliver R-A-L-L-I.com. The album artwork is by James Fosdyke. You can find him on Instagram at James underscore Fosdyke, D-I-K-E. And if you'd like to see me do stand-up on the road, go to GarethReynolds.com. And if you'd like to be on the show, email us your question at HelpfulPod at gmail.com. All of the advice given on We're Here to Help is for entertainment purposes only, and all listeners should be adults and make

their own decisions. That was a hate gum podcast.