We're Here to Help - 293: Glass, Fist or Head & DOOR TITS!

Episode Date: May 27, 2026

Samara Weaving joins the guys to help a private tutor sneak away on a family trip to Florence. Then, they get creative with macramé. Catch Samara starring in Carolina Caroline out everywhere June 5th!See images from the episode here: https://www.heretohelppod.com/post/episode-293  Want to call in? Email your question to [e-mail]: https://patreon.com/heretohelppodMERCH: heretohelppod.comINSTAGRAM: @HereToHelpPodIf you’re enjoying the show, make sure to rate We’re Here to Help 5-Stars on Apple Podcasts.Advertise on We’re Here to Help via Gumball.fmSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a headgum podcast. This is a headgum podcast. Well, thank you for joining us. We appreciate it. Oh my gosh. Thank you. I've been a long-time listener. Oh, that's amazing.

Oh. And what's the new movie? The, uh, coming out of June. It's Carolina Caroline. It's a sexy, emo, horny movie. Good for summer. Good. Uh, it's me and Carl Gowner, and we just, you know,

Rob Banks and just be silly. It's good. Did you say sexy and horny movie? Yeah, it's a sexy horny movie. Is, it? Is that? You know how we get talking points from PR? Yeah.

Did they do comma, horny, comma? Don't forget, emu. Yeah, and emo. Yeah, emu. Emu is a bird, no? It's not the bird. It's a sexy bird, though. It's a sexy bird.

I don't have you ever been around in emu. There's not a bird that's a horny. No, Gareth, we're going more. It's sexual. It's emotional. Yeah, and it's a bird. Yeah, exactly. My father's like, please hit horny.

and please hit emo. Just really bring it home. The idea of promoting, I hope if you go on like the talk or one of those morning shows when you're doing this one, just back, it's a really horny movie.

Sexy, it's horny. I'm going to do like Kelly Clarkson and I'll just be like, yeah, it's just a really horny good time. You should watch it. I was so horny watching it. They have to play along They're like, fuck, this is live.

They have to play a lot. They have to. Anything you say in that moment, they look at you in there like, you know, like, it was so horny. It was so horny. Normally I'm the nervous one, but really I have a lot of power there. I can just make her so uncomfortable. You could do whatever you want and they have to respond. Well, that's where the emu part, I think, comes into play.

You could drop the emu part. I just think it, you know what I mean? Still just me on an island? All right. It's just a horny, sexy movie. With the big old emu in it. Yeah. With an Australian-Australian.

Yeah. Check it out. I actually, I want a call in to be, I need a call in. To be prepped for the call-ins. No, no, no. Like, I have problems. I need to call it. I have Jake and Gareth problems.

Ooh, you do? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I need to call it. But sorry, I'm like calling. Do you have one at the top of your brain, like a real one? But I know, Jake, from listening, that you'll be on my husband's side. All right, really quickly, before we start. What is the, we're not going to fully pitch on it.

And Jake, you already know going in that she's worried about that. No, because it involves animals that are outside that aren't real. That's not good. He's got sculptures outside. That's a bad start. I know. I know it's a really bad start. And then, because I had this issue a while ago, and I was like, should I call in?

And then everyone was like, no, you're crazy. Like, you're probably going to be a guest. And Samara, what do you do for work? I'm in a bunch of movies. Okay? Wait, let's go on it. Yeah, I know Max and the law. I know this woman.

Oh, you're from the emu movie. That's sexy. What is the problem? Samara, let's hear it. Okay, so during COVID, we went on an RV trip, and my husband and his friends gobbled, like, a bunch of drugs and went to a casino and stole. a giant fake bear.

Jake, I'll buy it. Jake, hang in there. How big is the bear? Jake, it's really big. It's enormous. Is it realistic? It's realistic.

It's not like taxidermy, but it's like. No, I know what you're, it's that like iron work, but it looks like it, is it a grizzly or a black bear? Oh, I don't know my bears, but it's like the size of a person. Does it have a vibe like it's going to attack or kind of like a big fat raccoon that's just looking for trash?

It's on all fours but does have quite an aggressive look. Okay, that could still be either. About him or her. All right. How much would you like for it? Jake, she's actually not, this is not what it is. It's not pawn stars. I thought we were doing pawn stars for sure.

No, we're not. Okay. I'll get you $50,000. Wait, this is a solution, though, if you just buy it. Not for Jake's wife. He. Me and your wife going, you take it! So he stole this with some friends, put it in your backyard.

Well, we were pranking each other like me and our mates who were all pranking each other with it, like breaking into each other's houses, putting it. Excellent. Why don't you prank me, put it in my backyard and then forget to prank. I'll laugh. It'll be a horrible number of. I'll prank you. Just give me your bank information.

I'll prank you with a big chunk of money that goes in there. And we'll all prank my wife That she made a mistake in married deep. I'll play a really huge prank on my wife I'll put a door in the back And I'll sleep inside of it sometimes There's no what it's like to be a bear. So

And so now it's currently in your backyard? Yeah and we like Have just had it here for so long And now Jimmy's going Oh it gets rid of like the pests That would come into our garden and stuff He's dead right Every time someone comes in

They are terrified because they think it's a real freaking bear. And are you in L.A.? Yeah. Do you know anyone with a truck? Yeah. I can get my hands on a goddamn truck. I have a truck guy, for sure. How heavy is this goddamn thing?

Oh, you could lift it? Yeah, for sure. Thank you for saying that. Yeah, no problem. That's one of the nicest things anyone's ever said to me. You ever get on that son of a bitch like it's a horse? Yep, on my 30th, for sure. Got on it. I was dressed as Kurt Cobain and I was riding the pair.

You got any photos? Oh, yeah. Maybe you'll send him to Natalie. Can we post them along with this intro? Absolutely. It's me and my friend dressed up as Fran from the nanny. You mean sag president? Saq president. All right, let's take some calls. We will get to the bottom of this.

At the end of this session, I think we should each have a pitch on what we do with the bear here. How do I get rid of it? How do we get it out of there? Which is the problem, Jake. Remember, how does she get rid of the bear? I got a solution. How do you gain a bear? Yes.

Hey, everybody, we just want to remind you if you want to watch new episodes of we're here to help, it drops a day early on Hulu. So you can watch the new episode a day early. And we're also dropping a bunch of older episodes from season one and season two. So get involved. And we're brought to you by Casper. Casper. Sweet Casper, Jake.

Listen, we love it. I am a fan of Casper. One of the things I've loved about doing ads on this podcast is the company's send us product. And I would not have experienced Casper. They were the first. They were the first in the like, hey, we mail you a mattress. Yes. I mean, that sounded crazy 10 years ago.

I've worked at Casper for a while, and they are the best. It is a comfortable. It's so easy to get a mattress in a box. It's fun. And the pillows, we were talking pillows, too. I mean, let me tell you this. These days, everybody's looking for a hobby. Yeah.

I'll tell you my new hobby these days, and this is not a joke. Okay. Getting good sleep. I agree. I agree. I agree. I'm down the hell out of it, and the Casper helps. I use a sleep mask.

I have a very. version of that, yes. What are you using? I use something called the sleep crown, which I actually think you could get into. Casper's mattresses are all built to be durable and long lasting, so you're not replacing your mattress every few years. Their products are designed to withstand the test of time, maintaining support and comfort over the long haul. There's a hundred-night risk-free trial so you can really give it a test sleep. And with 110,000, five-star reviews, what are you waiting for? Let's go. How about this? This is, first of all, I need to ask question, but I got two things I want to say. First, to the people, if you're in the mattress

market, if you're not past, but if you're like, I need a new mattress, or I'm going off to school and fall or blah, blah, blah, do Casper. We've done it. They're great mattresses. You're going to get 30% off when you go to the website. It's a fair price. Second. And right now save up to 30% on mattresses and up to 35% on everything else when you go to casper.com. One last time, that's C-A-S-P-E-R. dot com and save up to 30% on the mattress you deserve. This episode of We're Here to Help is brought to you by the great booking.com. Find exactly what you're booking for. Jake, you know, it's a hotel.

It's a vacation rental in the United States. Wherever you want to go, you go on booking.com. It's like you're in the matrix. I'm overselling it. But you definitely get a sense of where you're going. what it's going to look like, and it feels like you know exactly what's happening as soon as you get there. Let me tell you what they said. Okay.

Okay. You tell me if this sounds like us. Okay. Whether you're booking for yourself, your partner, your picky teens, your sleeplight, rise early mom, or your high-maintenance group chat, you can find exactly what you're booking for. I know our high-maintenance group chat. Yeah, go ahead. Let's make some changes that feel like us. Okay.

Okay. First sentence, whether you're booking for yourself, yeah, or your partner. That does work for both of us. Your partner could also be your beautiful girlfriend or Luke. Yeah. Fair. Or my beautiful Luke. Your beautiful Luke.

Your picky teens. Cat. Cat. I couldn't just book for my kids without me. No, but you wanted to work for them too. That's right. But I wouldn't call it my picky teens. I'd go, your partner, your offspring.

Well, you know which one works for me is sleep, light, rise early mom. I mean, Pam, there are times where I'm like, you know what, you are a diva. There are times where Pam's reason for wanting to move rooms, I just have to bite through my tongue. Yeah. I'll give you something about Eve. She's flying on Sunday. Mm-hmm. I found out about a week ago.

She doesn't have identification. What's the hell? What is she doing? What? So what's the plan? She's got to just race to the DMV and get an ID? Well, no, you have to go through TSA and buy like a certificate that costs $45 bucks that shows you are who you are based up.

And you got to get to the airport three hours early. And Gareth, you got to get lucky, brother. That's just a wild dice roll. I said to where I go, Mom, what's the plan here? And she goes, I don't know. And I go, well, if you don't get on, then what? She goes, I don't know. I go, I think maybe if you don't get on, you got to take a train, babe.

Yeah. What are you doing? Get an ID, Eve. Anyway, this isn't about Eve and her ID. Or your high maintenance group chat is us. Eric. Those two. I thought there was a telescope.

Oh, God. So find exactly what you're booking for. Booking.com. Booking. Yeah. Book today on the site or in the app. Booking. Yeah, baby.

Yeah, oh no. Don't you lead me to an Austin Power's impression. Yes, this episode of the podcast is brought to you by Squarespace. If you want to know what's great about Squarespace, Gareth Reynolds, tell them about your website. Well, every, I keep building different websites because it's so easy with Squarespace. But I've been working with Squarespace for a while. Could not be more user-friendly. They make it very easy. and your website looks great. And we've built multiple websites on this show

because it's so easy. They really, they help you find the domain. They help you get the content out there. Here tohelppod.com is our show website that is constantly evolving. And one thing I want to say, and that's a square space, guys, check out the website.

Because it's starting to evolve a little bit. So we've gotten emails from people being like, where do I find the blank in the blank? we'll go to heartohelppod.com, which is a Squarespace website to get all the answers you need. Squarespace gives you everything you need. It's got cutting edge design. It's got you can put donations on there, fund directly on your website if you want. You can put your content on there.

There's also is the SEO tools, which for a while I just kept saying it and I didn't know what it was. I don't know what it is. I'm going to tell you it's search engine optimization. So it's like if someone's looking for what you provide, they help you get higher in the search, which can be huge. That's cool. I think optimization's good. There you go.

Wow. Coming in at the end. So check out squarespace.com slash gill sent me. Ah, Miss Gil. Can we get a taste of Gil Buchanan reading the end of this copy? Jake Jotson, SEO tools. Talk about being left behind of the search that would be Gilbuket at an island by himself. things are still going good.

I've been talking into a microphone, but it's actually a shoe. I'm still in the closet waiting for someone to come find me. Actually, Gil, it looks like your microphone is not plugged in, brother. Oh, God. So sorry. I didn't understand how that was. Anyway, Squarespace slash Gil sent me. We're back. You save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain using Gil sent me.

We're back, baby. Hello? Caller, are you there? Hi. Hi, how are you? Can we get your name, please? I'm good, thank you. My name is Bell.

Bell, nice to meet you. Bell, where are you calling from, Bell? Nice to meet you, too. I'm calling from Toronto. Toronto, awesome. Okay, we're going to jump in, Belle, because we're hot here. You've got Jake, you've got myself. We have a great guest helper today.

We have the great Samara weaving from the movie, Carolina, Caroline, coming out. June 5th everywhere. So you are really going to. I hate to say that this is a guarantee, but this is a guarantee we're going to solve it. Okay, thank God. I agree with that. Wait, Samara, you've heard the show a lot.

You got any questions for Bell? Sure. Bell, Toronto. Have you ever been to Formula Fig? I really like that place in Toronto. No, but I really want to. I like the, I haven't been yet, but I would love it.

Bill, you have a yard? Do I have a yard? No, because I'm in Toronto. I'm 16 floors up staring at the skyline right now. I have a balcony and that's pretty cool. You can put a bear on the balcony? What do you think of that? You know what?

Not? No. Okay. Okay. What do we got? What's your issue? What's the issue? Okay.

So, I'm a private educator. Absolutely love my job. And one of the families that I work with brings me on their family trip sometimes. And so we're actually going to Florence in about a week. Cool. Yeah. So it's pretty fun. I'm quite excited.

I'm so sorry. I need to interrupt just because I'm confused. What's a private educator? So I'm a teacher. Instead of working with the school boards, I have my own like homeschooling and tutoring business. Oh, so I got you. So a family just hires you and you just teach you. their family and their little pod.

Yes, exactly. Okay. And you're going to Florence because the child cannot be without an educator for 10 days or something. Well, I mean, so with this family in particular, I started working with them even before I was a teacher, and then it's kind of just evolved into the teaching once I got my degree. And so I used to go on trips with them just as an extra set of hands because there's three kids, so they were outnumbered. And the trip started pretty small, like little weekend trips here, but now, you know, it's been, you know, a few years and all that.

So now we're going to Florence. Wait, you're helping, like, as a nanny, too? It's kind of, okay, so. I wouldn't say nanny just because we're, yeah, that's part of the issue. There's a gray area kind of because I'm not just clocking and clocking out teaching on this trip. I am with them the whole time. Right. So they go like this.

Hey, you want to run some math and you mind helping those dishes? What's the job? So you're being a parent. No, yeah. You're being a parent. Yeah, no, I've never done like dishes and stuff. It's literally just, can you help us plan this? And it sounds like a great gig.

Help us take some pictures, but also let's, you know, I'm sorry, go. I'm sorry, go. I'm sorry, no. I just, sorry, one second. You think this sounds like a great gig? There's no boundaries, Gareth. Yeah, because there's not really that.

They're just, they, she's kind of grown into this situation. And now she's going to Florence, probably with minimal obligations. No, the opposite. Every obligation, I think. This is a guy who doesn't have kids. It's nonstop. It's from more, it's all of a sudden, let's help.

You mind helping with breakfast? Oh, what are we going to do for lunch? And then, ah, the nap. And then, oh, this room's a little bit mad. And then also you want to run some English and then, oh, everybody just had a big fit. We got to get this room good. And then what are we doing after? Should we get dessert or something?

Bell, what, okay, we'll answer that. Is it high obligation? Too many hats. Too many hats or not a lot of hats? Okay, so there are a lot of hats, but it definitely leans more like family assistant more than nanny. Like I'm not cooking, cleaning, like the kids are seven to 12 kind of, so I'm not cooking, cleaning like that time, that time, that kind of thing.

The parents are the parents, but I'm just like an extra adult around to kind of help manage what's going on because they're, yeah, they just want an extra adult to kind of like. So what is the issue? So walk us through what you're calling about. Okay. So the issue here, the reason I called is because the parents themselves are pretty health conscious and kind of talk about alcohol as a poison.

And so the kids only know it as this like really bad thing, which, I mean, it's not completely off base. I get that. And I don't need to drink. I've been on other trips. Like, it's not a necessity. But we're going to Italy. Completely.

And Florence in particular has these, like, really cute historic wine windows. And I just really want to have, like, the wine window experience. I want to get a cute video or a cute picture or something like that. Oh, we're seeing the wine windows here. You have some illustrations of the wine windows. It's really, I'm going to be on record. It's a drunk's dream. You just reach into a building and someone puts wine in your hand.

Man, they had hero windows. I'd lose my mind. Yeah, it's like an alcoholic glory hall, isn't it? Yes, it's an alcoholic glory hall. You just put your hand in and someone puts booze in it. Don't sleep on what Jake said about a euro window. You just put your hand in someone puts a sandwich? Jake, Jake went to Florida.

It's about 40 pounds of window weight. Well, I would love it to be mystery meats. Miss the glory hole with mystery meats. You just go like this. Ah, it's one of those mystery meat holes. You go in and you're like, Ah, pepperoni! I think that is a glory hole now, officially.

Okay, so. All right, so you really want to go have some of that wine out of that little hole and get a photo taken of you? Yeah, ideally, yes. But our schedule is like really packed. And like you mentioned before, because I am with them all the time,

it's a little bit tricky. In the past, I haven't quite had, like, my own time carved out, which wasn't a big deal for those specific trips. But for this one, ideally I'd like to sneak away without making it super weird, you know? And this isn't the kind of family, I completely get it too. This isn't the kind of family that you could say, any chance, do you guys care if I go out and get this thing a wine? Just to talk that out, I'm sure if that was an option, you would have just done it,

but I just want to talk it out. It, I mean, it's always, it could be an opposite. I'm just trying to avoid that because I would just rather, you know, not have that kind of looming overhead of like, oh, she really wants that wine. Like, I'm the kid's teacher. Yeah. Yeah. But can you just say like another vague thing? Like, oh, I want to go to a museum and then like I just had wine with lunch.

Like, do we have to hit the wine element really hard or not? I think that's right. Do we have to hit the wine element? Yeah. Can you just like kind of say, oh, can I have an afternoon off and then just don't tell them you had wine? Or will they, you know, like, find out or something? Yeah. That's tricky just because of the schedule because we have our tickets booked for like the museums or the gardens or, you know, we have a day where we're driving out to the coast.

And so it's pretty, we're pretty booked that it would likely have to be sneaking away during, I'm assuming like during one of the. lunch times where I just go, oh, let me go grab us this. And I feel like, I don't know, quickly get some wine. I have a pitch too. I have a crazy pitch that I think will work. If you look at your schedule, your loosest day where you're needed, you've already planned everything, you're not teaching anything. The equivalent of if there was a day that you guys are all going to a water park or something

like that, something that's just fun for the seven to 12 year olds. on family vacations, there's always those things where you're like, this is going to not be fun for anybody but kids from like 10 a.m. to 6 p.m. In the middle of that, you fake a family emergency call. Okay. And you go like, it's not life and death, but it's just something with my aunt. You're like, do you mind if I just sneak off for a little bit and deal with this? I just have to do a bunch of calls and paperwork stuff,

and it's just going to be a pain, but I can meet up with you guys at two. then, so you're not lying, even though you're lying, the cafe you go to to do some work on your phone happens to have one of the little hole in the walls. You can maybe grab a sandwich if it was my fantasy or a wine if it's yours. Okay. And while you're there, if they go like, did you have wine?

You go, the stress of what I was dealing with a little bit got on top of me and I didn't want to bring that back to your family. Okay. Like it? Absolutely. I do. I do. I feel like that could be pretty clean.

Because then on your schedule, you can do research of at one to four, because you make the goddamn schedule, Bill, the family is going to be on, you know, Vatamani Street. What are they? Vatimani. It's in Florence. Yeah, that's on the schedule. You nailed it. So if you go, Vatimani and six, that's there. And then you go.

Six. That's yet there? Okay. I'm an American. There I'll call Siette. Siata. No, you're thinking Spanish, you goofball. But then if you go a block away from Vittamani,

and you've got like, Hedegosi, Hedegosi and Ochete. That is where you can all of a sudden get your wine. You go two blocks away. I just have to break off for an hour. I got to do this stuff. It's really annoying. It's about my aunt. But in the meantime, I'm going to put my hand in a hole

and get a glass of wine. Okay. We've all said that. Sam, what do you think? Where are we at here? Are we out of line? Are we getting close? No, I think that's good, you know?

Unless you wanted to, like, you could incorporate. I was thinking you could, like, make something educational about the wine, you know? Oh, like, this is where Jesus came and fell to first grape. And now it's... But you couldn't do a history of wines. You know, you could be like, and the... wine for the culture and the reason why and the prosciutto. Yes.

You know, you could make it part of the... Sam, I don't mean to be rude, but it's not prosciutto. It's presci. Ah, me scozy. Excuse me. But yeah, it could be an educational thing, which is really interested. You could also educate about those little glory holes. You know?

Yeah. Have they learned about the birds and the bees yet? You know, priests used to stick their junk in here. here back in the day. And now they get wine out of here. You know where this started? Bell, can we talk to you over here for a second? Priest used to dangle their penises. It's okay. But I actually think she's right, Bell, because if you do something here where it's, there's another version where it's part of the education and to show them, you reach in and get

the wine and ask them to take a photo of you, but go, what you can do here, and this dates back to the 1700s. Right. And then you pull out the wine, and then while it's there and you're talking about it, you go like, I didn't think this far ahead. Well. I'm not going to throw it out. It is poison, of course, but I'm going to drink it.

To this point. And they have a couple of cigarettes and have three more glasses of it. Going to take some drugs and steal a bear. What you could say that you want a few hours to go around the area so that when you meet back up with them, you can sort of teach the kids all. a little bit about the area that you're in. So you want to just go around and learn some things. And that's where you could maybe put your fist in the window

and grab a little wine and write it off as educational purposes. Why'd you say, you guys are kind of turning me off from the wine window. Yeah. I would say stick your head in the hole, not your fist. Just go in their open mouth and have them pour the wine right into your mouth. Now, Belle, less turned on, more sure, where are we? Because I'll tell you what, hearing stick your head.

head in the hole doesn't feel great to me, but I've said that before. You want a head or a fist. So glass, fist, or head? If you use the glass, it is the most expensive because we've got to deal with cleaning. If it goes right in the mouth, it's the cheapest. An American just putting your head in the window is so funny. It's the Chris Rock thing from. I'm going to get you sicker.

How long if I just stick my head in? You can't change for a hundred. Pour the wine in my mouth. That would see one time. I'd say that. Yeah, but Bell, we're starting to give some seeds of ideas. where are you kind of at? What are you hearing here? Okay. I

think if I was to rank, I think I liked the educational aspect of it. I just don't know how I'm going to pull off the uh-oh, now I have wine in my hand. Like, watch me drink it. Sam, what's your instinct there? But I like, yeah. So let's go to Samar for a second.

You got the educational thing. You got the wine in your hand. You're not with the parents. You're just with the kids now, Bell. Could that possibly happen? Uh, not usually, no. Okay, so you're with everybody. Yeah, it's usually the whole group is together.

Mom, dad, kids. Yeah, it would be a bit weird, wouldn't it? If you were just like, I'm going to have a glass of wine by myself. I, okay. How about this? How about when out and about, when you see the wine window, near that area, run into a shop, make a quick purchase, maybe a little gift for one of the kids or something like that, start going on the walk, then say, oh shit, I left my card back at that place.

You guys go ahead. I'll meet up with you. Run back to that area. You've got your card. Chug a wine like a weird hobo? What if you get a wine? What did you get called? No, I don't hate that.

You don't hate that? I actually don't hate that. Do you want to like enjoy the wine or do you just want the pick and the like quick experience? Or do you want to like sit and. Yeah. Have a hotline. I don't want to have to chug it, ideally. So I like a nice little in between.

But the reason I don't hear. Sorry? Don't put a timer on it, Gareth. Go ahead. Keep talking, Bell. Jake and I are. Go ahead. Ideally, I want to pick and I want to be able to enjoy the glass of wine without

chugging it. Sometimes the lineups can be long. There's a few different wine windows I've heard and the lineups can vary. So what I like about this is the flexibility that in the moment I see that there is a short line, that I can kind of be like, okay, this is the one, this is my shot. What if you pretend, Bill, that one of your friends you tell the parents goes, there's one thing I have to do and be like, it's so cheesy, but all my girlfriends have, we always take a photo of doing this.

So at some point, I need to sneak off and then you go, like, put my hand in this hole, grab some wine and drink it. And you go like, they go, huh? And you go, it's so stupid, but we've been doing this forever. Whenever there's like a unique place to get a wine, like if you could pull it out of a donkey's ass. My friend Caroline had a photo and Jane had a photo. And they go like, whatever, girls will be girls.

But you need to sneak off at some point and do this stupid thing. And then you can, when you go back, be like, oh, that wine is giving me a headache. So the lesson could be how nasty this poison is and that you had a glass of wine and you could use it as a little lesson about teaching about wine, but then your sleep's going to be a little bit worse. And the wine is going to convert to sugar, which is going to give you a spike. And you have a little bit of a headache because you are dehydrated. Okay. They don't have to know you enjoyed it.

I do like that. The educator in her loves this. I just like this character that Jake's doing. Yeah. Every line sounded annoyed about the... And I had to drink it. And I had a little spank. My metabolism is doing weird things.

I stopped by another window for a handful of Jimmy Johns. I didn't realize I was doing it, but I like these two gals a lot. And I went out against the three of us gabby-law. been in Florence. Just put your hand in regular windows. Like, this is a regular home, sir. Wine. Anytime I see a big home, I just reach in and grab some of the drink.

When in Italy, just, put your hand in a hall. Girls just want to have fun. Belle, where are you at with the chick pitch? Okay, that one could work because they do know that, you know, I have a group of girls and we do different girls nights with different themes. And I travel with them too. So this is very, this is very believable. Like, this is very doable.

Also, 100% the girls would, like, they'd vouch for me. Easy. So one thing you could say early on in the trip, you're down for all the stuff, the no boundary indentured servant kind of job you have. And then said, but the one thing that I have to do for the girls is you go, like, there's this ridiculous thing. And I've got to do it. And I hate it.

gonna give me a stomach egg. Ugh. But I just, I was thinking Wednesday at one to four while you guys are at. One to four. We're not talking about a window. For sure. But like when the family, it's all scheduled. Yeah.

You guys are going to be near. Do you guys mind if I sneak off and take a little bit of me time for the girls? And I'm going to FaceTime them and put my hand in a goofy little hole and drink wine. And they're going to go like, Bell, do you? whatever you want. And then they're going to secretly in bed go, I don't know if it's a good influence. She's drinking poison.

That's the side that I'm, I'm unsure if I want to go. You nearly landed the plane, Jake. You nearly landed the plane, well, what you did, which is fair, is you gave voice for the concern in her head, but you had her in the car. I know.

The car was started. I don't know if it's the right car for her. That's why I said it. Can you, like, spin it and be a little manipulative and go, do you guys want any family time and, like, just you guys hang, you know, like, do you want, like, there's an afternoon thing at this museum or that I think, you know, and just to, like, leave you to really connect? But rather than do you want, because then they're responsible to go like, no, you are part of the family, even though the dad might be thinking, yes, I would love you to be gone. You know. I love when it's just the four of us in the family and there's not like the fifth or whatever. But if somebody says that, then my wife will for sure go, of course stay.

Right, right, right. But if they say, I'm going to allow you guys to have some family time here. So on this day, I'm taking my time, even though I love you guys and I'm obsessed with you and I don't want it. But one to four, I'm going to let you guys do that on your own for your guys' own memories. but then I will catch up before dinner and help with that. I guess does this family like each other or not really? They have a living teacher. I mean, they're not drinking.

That's not like. Okay, no, I like that. I like the spin. I think for sure because, you know, because in return, if I go, oh, I'm going to give you family time. I don't think they're going to be like, no, we don't want that. They can't. They can't say.

I'm giving you family time. So, Belle, let's do this. Sam, will you be the wife, Gareth, will you be the husband? Bell, will you pitch to them this plan? But, Bell, you need to drive this so that the answer is, of course. And we'll say it's Wednesday at 1 o'clock. You've already figured out there's something going on from 1 to 4. It's right near one of these weird places that has a hole in the wall where you could get snacks or sandwiches or drinks or touch somebody's genitals in a different era.

It's just wine. Now, now. It's wine in a hole, babe. It starts with wine. It starts with wine, babe. a handful of meat one way or another. Okay, so, Bell, when you're ready and make sure you win

this exchange and trying to do it as realistic as possible. We're going to put you through it a little bit here because you've got to win this. Okay. But give us give them a quick note of what the couple is really like, and I'm saying this more to Gareth, because I'm sure Sam will be a pro, but Gareth is going to try to derail it.

That's exactly right. And I could tell that because he said to her, remember, we're trying to give her a hard time, and that's not what we're doing. We're trying to get to the end of this. But we're trying to get to the end of this, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So, yeah. Okay. So I would say, so there's three kids. And then I would say the father is probably more hands on and with the organization or like with the planning of everything.

Interesting. Like he's the one. Yeah. I was hoping you were going to say the quiet one. He's actually not able to speak. He had a tongue cut off in a motorcycle accident. There actually is no husband. He's mute, but he's a sweet guy.

But the mom does all the talking. Okay, so go ahead. Keep going. Yeah, so he's like, he's very involved. And so he would definitely be very like into the conversation. In to like Sam, you want to play the husband? We're at the table, read. The neurotic husband.

Okay. How about the wife? The wife is she goes, you know, there's a couple, she goes along with. But she's a little bit more laid back, a little bit more. Just like a little low, kind of. That's cool, man. I actually... Whatever you want.

That's good. I want to do some crazy, cool, FX-style casting. I think Sam, you go husband, Gareth, you go wife. Okay. I think we know why you want to... Nice justification. Cool casting director. I think we know why you've made that switch.

Are you sure? Because playing a pretty cool laid-back wife. That feels wheelhouse? Stand up to back. What was your question about the bear again? How do I get rid of it? Not the show. Not a cool, late-back wife.

Cool-lid-back-wife. I'm chill. Chill, man. Get rid of the iron bear. Okay, Bell, take over, and let's see what we can do. In three. Are we doing with the... Yeah, are we...

You guys feel. figure it out in the moment. Let's keep it. It's a wild cast a director decision. Three, two, Bell, get going. Hey, hey, all right. So today's been such a fun day so far. You know, it's been super busy back to back. Yeah.

Yeah. Husband. Yeah. We've learned so many things. We've seen so many statues. I was just kind of thinking, maybe the kids would like to sit down, you know, enjoy some gelato. You know, you guys have a coffee or something. and just have a really good family moment together to talk about all the amazing art and all the amazing places we've seen.

How does that sound to you? Yeah. I'll give you a little bit of space. I can go for a little walk and see where we can go for dinner maybe. And then I'll catch up with you guys and then we'll have a nice dinner together. Yeah, we might have to rearrange. Won't we going to go see the Piazza della Vita?

Yeah, but I mean, we can, you know, I mean, if she wants to go off for a little while. You think that's okay? Yeah, no, I'm just... Not you, Belle, we're actually talking as a couple right now. Why don't we let Bell talk, yeah? Yeah, go ahead, Belle. Well, yeah.

I was just thinking, you know, we've been walking around a lot, a lot, and sometimes the beauty in Italy that, you know, from Toronto, everything's go, go, go fast, but kind of the beauty of Italy is we can sit down and just, you know, we can push the schedule a little bit. Sit down, have a coffee, have a gelato, and then kind of pick it up. see what happens.

Are you okay with the schedule getting pushed? It's against my nature, but she drives a hard bargain, wouldn't you say? I mean, I'm cool with whatever. I'm on a lot of Valium, but I just, I know you, I don't want you later to do the thing where you go, you get a little bit agitated. So, you know. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, I don't know. She paints a pretty pretty picture.

You and me Were you worried about all those Yeah, no, I'm floating, so You're just floating around Hold on, I'm just the waiter. You said, is she high off her tits? Yeah, I took a lot of Yeah, we like it that way, you know?

It's how the, yeah, it's how we keep it. I need to jump in. I need to jump in. Who are you? Who's this guy who's putting his head out of window? The casting director, you guys have done a terrible job. That was, as my head.

as it gets from both of you. But I do think I was really trying to poke holes in that story, Bell, but I think you nailed it. Garrett and Sam, I don't think I'm crazy here. This is a little weird. I think this is not clean enough. This is how I would do it. I would just say, I wouldn't even go off the schedule. I would just say, hey, you know, since we're there, one of the days, if it's cool with you guys,

I'm just going to go off on myself for a couple hours. Not if it's, go around. Bell, will you be the husband? Okay. Sam, will you be the wife? I don't think it's a huge deal of, you know, obviously, I can leave the family. I feel like it's kind of, I can leave. It's okay.

But it's how you phrase it. Bell, how about this? I know. That's what I'm having trouble with because it's not. And that's what we're going to crack. That's what we're going to crack. Bell, you're the husband, Sam, you're the wife. Gareth, will you be the 12-year-old boy?

Yes. And Bell, I'm going to be you. Okay. Okay. So you three are doing whatever you three do as a family. Bell, take the lead of what the family does when the 12-year-old boy's there and the wife's there and you guys are hanging. Okay. Three, two, pigling.

All right. Okay. Wow. Those statues were incredible. Okay. So I think we have about. Yeah. Yeah, of course.

Now, we have a quick little snack and then we have to get rid off to dinner in a bit. And then, you know, we'll see what happens in the evening. But let's start taking a look around. Yeah. No, me too. Let's go find some focaccia bread. Oh, you love feccacia, don't you, little Tim? Yeah, that's the best bread. Yeah.

Good outside. Yeah, I've learned a lot about, yeah, and I've loved to learn a little bit about how it's made. Hey, everybody. Oh, hello. Yeah, for sure, let's go. Hey, Bell. Where are you guys going? We're going to get some of the culture, my darling.

Oh, am I welcome to join? I'd love to come. Oh. Of course, of course. Great. Oh, Tim, can I talk to you for a second about schedule? Yeah, for sure. With that.

Wednesday, one to four, I'm going to be off. If that's okay, there's some stuff I want to do in Florence. Oh. But other than that, I'm kind of available for anything, but I was hoping for that time there's some stuff I just kind of want to do. Are you comfortable with that? Okay. From one to four might be a bit,

bit long, is everything okay? What do you mean? That's kind of a big chunk of time there. We have things schedule. Okay, well, is there, why don't you come back to me and tell me a good time where I could have a little bit of break? There's just some stuff I want to do in Florence. So, but I can be really flexible when you want it, but just maybe let me know, uh, when's a good time for me to kind of be able to go off and do some stuff that I want to do. And, um, and I'll be flexible to make it easy for you guys too. Okay. Uh, yeah. Yeah, let me, let me talk to my wife and we'll, uh, we'll figure out a good time to. But honestly, Tim, you know me, whenever it's easy for you, I'm happy to do it.

That sounds good. No. Okay. Sounds good. All right. Let's get some of that for chacha bread. Is that what it's called? No. Fachachi bread. Fachacha bread? You're fired. You're fired. Go back to school. I think that's pretty good. But what do you think of that? Okay. And that's yeah, no, I do like that. Yeah, I like that. I like the phrasing. I think the phrasing for that route of going the, yeah, that, I think for anything works there. So Bell, now let's put it into your words. I'm the husband, Sam, you're the 12-year-old boy, Gareth, you're the wife. Okay. Three, two, pigling in whenever you're ready. I told you, boy, stop bouncing that head around. Let him bounce. I like to. Hey, uh, boy. Hey, Tim, can I just talk to you for a quick second?

Let it, let him do it. Come on. Yes, Bill. What's going on? Hey, um, I was just thinking from about one to four or so tomorrow afternoon. I'm just going to take a little bit of time. There's a couple things I wanted to kind of do independently in Florence. If that works. I see in the schedule that that's a pretty open block. But I just wanted to run that by you. Fine with me.

Anybody got an issue? No. That sounds great. Oh, gosh. We're like this all the time. He needs a new educator. That boy's 12. No, no.

Stop. That boy is 12. Yes. He's him, but do, Tim. He's him, but doy-doinke, doink, and we. That boy is 12.

But, Bell, I thought that was very good. Okay. You're telling in a nice way this is happening. What you do is between you and you. Yeah. Okay. Amazing. Yeah.

Just go put your arm in that window. Okay. Have a grand all time. And then send us, this is what you need to do to pay us. Yeah. Send us a photo of you with the hand in the wall. and then drinking the one. And going like this.

Okay. Yeah. I'm doing a naughty. Yeah. All right. Thank you, Bell. All right, Bell. Okay.

Thank you guys so much. This episode of the podcast is brought to you by booking.com. Booking.com helps you get it ridiculously right so you can find exactly what you're booking for. G, man, you're on the road constantly. the hotel you're in, did the show book it or did you book it using booking.com? You know what I've been doing, Jake, is I have to switch hotels so often that I've started asking the clubs if they'll just give me a buyout. And then I'll find a hotel that's in between

the places. I'll go to booking.com. I'll find a place that is kind of equidistant and I get a couple nights in the same hotel. They couldn't make it easier. Well, I've got a question for the audience here. June 19. Is that the date for the I believe so? And see the live show in Omaha. We've got people in the Midwest who are nearby who go, I want to take a little trip and see something.

But where would I stay? Well, go to booking.com. Because it makes it easy to find a hotel or a holiday home. That's just, that's not just generically, right, or right for somebody, but ridiculously right for you. Well, also Omaha, a fantastic city surrounded by fantastic. I don't know why you said thank you, Steve.

But you just live there. But you can get vacation rentals. You can turn it into a few days. I mean, who knows? Hey, Steve, if people come to Omaha for this little trip and they book on booking.com and they turn it into a three-day thing, what are a few things they should do besides see you guys live? Well, obviously, we have the best zoo in the country in the world, I think, maybe. Find exactly what you're booking for.

Booking.com. Booking. Yeah. Book today on the site or in the app. This episode of the podcast is brought to you by Quince. Lately, I've been more intentional on what I wear day to day, leaning into pieces that feel easy, comfortable, and put together. It just makes getting dressed simpler. Quince has been my go-to.

The fabrics feel elevated. The fits are clean and everything just works without needing to overthink it. This is real talk. literally tomorrow going on the road for about 11 days and it's all quince it's all quince if it's not quince it's because it's soon to be quince it makes getting dressed easy and i know that maybe sounds wild to some people but quince is my go-to i know that i look as good as i can i've bought probably nine quint shirts i do a bunch of the black t-shirts and lately i've done the short sleeve uh collared shirts and I'll tell you why. I can wear it on the pod. I can wear it out socially to a lunch,

easy, but I can also wear it to a business of it. I'm not kidding. I have a closet rack in my Honda Odyssey. This is getting sad, but I do, and it's just all Quince stuff. Refresh your every day with luxury you'll actually use. Head to quince.com slash here to help for free shipping on your order and 365 day returns now available in Canada, too. That's Q-U-I-N-C-E dot com slash here to help for free shipping and 365-day returns. Quince. dot com slash here to help hello hello hey uh welcome to show can we get your name please my name is leila leila okay leila where you calling from i am currently in southwest virginia okay interesting way of saying it uh how old are you roughly leila i'm 29 29 okay listen we're going to jump into it. You've got Jake. You've got myself. We also have the great Samara

weaving from the movie that you can see anywhere June 5th. Carolina, Caroline. So we are, yes. So cool. Hello. All right. No pressure. Let's do this. What's going on, Leela? What can we help you with? Okay. So I actually have a problem with my cat. He's amazing. Love her so much. but she does the classic cat thing where she wakes up anywhere between like 3 and 6 a.m. just like full of energy, big demon goblin mode. You get it.

Yeah. But the problem here is I live with a guy. Like my roommate's a dude and I sleep without a shirt on. Like it's just going to happen that way. So I have my door shut. and my cat, she like does everything in the world to get my attention at this time. And if I let her out, you know, I have to let her back in a million times or I fall back to sleep. I don't have a shirt on.

It's awkward. She basically has learned this thing that drives me absolutely insane. and she can get her paw under the door and slam it back and forth. I've tried everything and actually like it's become more to put it lightly. Like I have this spray bottle now and she does it and it wakes me up in a startle like I'm ready for action. I grab the spray bottle. She runs away. So then I have to like wait for her to go back and like very sly sprayer with a spray bottle.

because if she hears me move, she runs away. It's like this pattern-bound position. And it keeps me up. Like, I get really into it and then to the point where I can't fall back asleep. Yeah. And I like, it actually calls me like miss classes and stuff because I will eventually, when she quit, I fall asleep. It's become an issue. Okay.

Is she like hungry? Is she like hungry? Why is she waking? Is she like hungry? She's just bored. I have food in my room and her litter box is in there too because like I said I live with a roommate so I'm not trying to have like her stuff everywhere.

So she's just bought and wants to annoy you? She just wants me to give her attention and like she tries other ways to like you know she'll make biscuits and she'll scratch it my legs and like do other stuff which like is you know annoying but it doesn't get me like the freaking door thing. Yeah. And do you have like, have you tried like all those dumb like cat toy thingies like a remote control mouse or whatever? Yeah. Well, she's pretty skittish to noises. So I feel like there could be something

there. So like I've tried to get her like, she has a scratching pad. She has like 50,000 toys in my room. And like I put even like a blanket under the door to try and stop it. And she's gotten, she's found a way around that. So I'm like, I'm going crazy, guys. So the cat is just causing way too many night distractions. And in order for you to stop anything, you have to get too invested so you wake up, basically. Exactly. The cat's trying to get outside or inside?

Inside. She's trying to get out of my room. Oh, out of your room. She's going in and out, no? Yeah. So I got a question, Leela. The only thing, there's something about this that isn't making sense to me. Why did you tell us that you don't wear a shirt to sleep?

I was going to say. I just want to do you guys. Visual, it's nice to. Nobody's mad at the deep. I honestly think more people should describe what they're like when they sleep on the show. I know, but it's also like, all right, there's a cat. The cat and you are in a war. The cat puts its paw underneath.

For some reason, your breasts are out in this story. The cat, you spray with water, but sometimes you, are spraying the water after the cat has forgotten what's happening. Your shirt's off. Yeah. The cat is done scratching and then you like sneak up like a weird ninja and spray it in the head and the cat's like, what the fuck? It's not a teaching lesson. It just now it's wet.

The shirt is a thing because it makes it so I can't just open my door because then I'll, like, then she won't be annoying me. I'll fall asleep and I don't know when my roommate gets up and not. That doesn't add up. Can you open? Leela, that doesn't add up. The math isn't math. You don't have to expose your breasts when you open the door. You can kind of shield your chest from it.

No? It's weird. She'll open the door entirely. And then it's just like my bed is in full view. So you're also saying if you let her out, then the cat might start pushing the door back in? She pushes it completely open. Like if I open it a little bit, it's open.

I got it. So basically, the breast being out are just, it's a weird side detail. Well, you might be sleeping and... Well, I don't want to pose myself to my roommate. Right. Well, put a towel on. I mean, we've been dealing with this forever. When we're around others, we can't be naked around.

There's ways to cover up. You have arms, yeah? Yeah, but I'm sleeping. I don't know what's going on there. No, no, no, no, no, you're awake. Now, I'm going to say, the cat is trying to get out of this situation. The cat's like, I got the weird owner. I got to get out of here

If the solution ends up being that you wear a shirt The straightest arrow we've ever fired I just can't do it It's uncomfy Put some nipple tape on Just put like You know Just put pasties

Maybe a couple tassly pasties Yeah Have fun I can do like the Katie Terry Like Firework out of my food Well, one quick question, Lila. What's going on with this roommate of yours?

Well, he's like a normal guy or whatever. It's just that the line of sight is so direct. Right there. Okay. So you're basically saying this solution for this issue would be just leave your door open when you sleep so the cat could go in and the out. The problem is, is you like your chest out, and you've got the kind of relationship where he would be able to see it and it would change the dynamic. It'd be, yeah, it'd be weird. We don't, like, we're not intimate in any way.

Sure. I completely understand not wanting your roommate to see your breasts. Okay. Why don't you put a sheet up that covers the field of vision but is enough so the cat can sneak in and out under it for when you do that? So you're not wearing the chest towel, but the door is, huh? Like some sort of macrame, like,

cool door bead. Kind of those late 60s bead thing. Yes. Like what a psychic walks through. Yeah. Like you're in like Berkeley of the late 60s. Yes.

Oh, I could make it. Yes. Sure. Yes. Hey, man. And then can you do design in the beadwork? If so, do it of a naked woman with her top out. Do it of breasts.

To all he sees his breasts. So everybody's getting something out of this. He's not going to. I'm going to go, hey, that's weird beads. He's going to go, nice door tits. Yeah, next, don't call them door tits. Okay. Two paintings of these mushroom scraps on my wall.

You could start making them. Yeah. But what do you think of something like that? And by the way, door tits is not going to be merch. Doort tit? I don't want to be in an airport and see some, like, 35-year-old lady waving at me with a hat that says door tits. The 35-year-old lady will be me and I will be waving. I will run that with you.

Yeah. It's a nice way to say it. Door tits, let's both is plane, you know? So just kind of tip your cap as you walk by. Morning, door tits. Yeah, door tits. Morning, door tits. I-K-Y-K-Y-K-K.

Door-tits. It's bump his plane. My guy, door-tits. Door-tits, unfortunately, he's becoming a thing. Door-tits is the worst. Dort-tits. It's for life, you know? What's up, door tits?

I'll say what. Saying it more is it not getting it out of the verb. I'm trying to just get it out of my system because now all I'm thinking about is door tits. And while I'm looking at the word. I don't want it in the system. Get in the system. The idea of tits on a door is awful to me.

Do we need the doors in general? I feel like door tits is a solution to just doors. Absolutely. Absolutely. Just put tits on every door. my good to go. We got a wine hole. We got door tits in a wine.

Every window's got a wine. Every door's got tits. Talk about openings. We've solved them. We've solved all the world's problems. If Gareth ran a brothel. When? When?

So, Leila, question about this cat. What is this cat's name? Her name's Petunia, but she goes by tuna. Tuna. And so what I'm gathering from Tuna's POV here is I'm just trying to do the math on this one. Tuna doesn't want to be stuck in that room, yeah? It's so weird.

Like, if I open the door, which I have given in at time, she's like, cool, thanks. Like, she doesn't necessarily, she's not like running out to go do something. She just wants, she likes the war that we started. So what is the pitch? We create a thing of door tits and it bogs the door. So when the roommate walks by, he goes,

what is that? And you go, those are door tits. He goes, huh. And you go, my cat can go inside and out, and then you don't see my tits. The beauty of door tits. The beauty of door tits, which, if you know, you know, it's the hanging over the door, the tits, if you will. And they'll reach, like, not to the floor, right? So the cat can, like, be annoying and decide that it wants to go outside and then decide that it wants to be back in the room.

Without the roommate going, like, oh, that. But then what you could do with door tits, rather than the beaded thing is you could get a beach towel. Yeah. That doesn't go all the way to the floor, that you just put little like pins at the top of the door and you roll it up at night. Yeah. And so then it could just be a picture of tits. You can also just get like a cat flap for your door, right? Like that's a legit thing.

You mean like cut through the door? Yeah. But I guess if you're renting, then maybe no. Doorly tits, door tits. And also, Lila likes the idea of macromade tits. Yeah. So it's going to have a little hook where you put the tits to the side during the day if that's something you're into.

Oh, yeah, you can put them in a little bra. Yeah, a little little bra. What if you made? Oh, my God, that's amazing. This is, I'm actually, I think I was wrong. I think this is a good idea. If you make a sheet of door tits and then you've got a little bra and in the morning you put the tits in the bra and that gets them out of the way

and then at night you open the bra because you want to go to sleep. That's just the way it is. Shirt and brawl come off. You go to sleep. That's right. The macromade door tits also doesn't like a bra. My roommate will definitely like be settled and think that I'm normal after this. Well, look, we can't solve every problem.

Yeah. But we can get your cat and you to stop a war. Yeah, I think if you have the macromay doesn't go all the way to the floor, the macromay, when put together, looks like a set of boobs, aka door tits, it feels like every base is covered. And Lila, how do you feel about it? Would you make the door tits? I think I would make the door tits, you guys.

I don't want to think. We need a lock in on this one. The thing is, I just finished school. I'm like, what are? I do I do with my time? I'm going to make door tits, ma'am. We've got an answer for it. Okay.

Get that door tit. All right, so here's one thing that we now ask people on our show who come on. You got to pay the toll. So the advice is free. But the pain of the toll means you need to document the process of making door tits. And you need to send us the images as it's going so that we can post about the door tits. Now, this is Jake is completely. Completely right. And Leela, I'm not trying to put pressure on you, but the stakes in this one are a little bit higher because I guarantee you, door tits is something we're going to hear again.

So we can't have you say you're going to do this. No, this is the honor of a lifetime. I will not let you down. Your new nickname is door tits. Doortits are getting started tonight. When you call back, don't say this is Leela from Southwest. Virginia say, this is door tits? Yeah. And also, door tits, it's very, hold on door tits.

Let me finish. It's also very important, okay, don't do the thing where you call back and you go, well, I started to make them, but I was troubled that, look, finish the job. Gareth is right, door tits. Oh, door tits, comeits, man. No, that's how I feel. But here's what I'm afraid of for door tits, is that she's going to call back and go like this.

I started making them, and then I realized I was making door tits out of little beads and it felt weird. Yeah. Hey. It is getting there. Lila, door tits. If you get there, just remember this call. We are all behind you, okay?

We have your back. We have your back. Yeah. You have my. Yeah. Go ahead. I can't say it. Yes.

But door tits, one last thing that I would like to know before we get off is what is it's going to look like? How are you going to make door tits? Yeah. Okay. So, well, I've been envisioning it now that we're having. We all have. Hasn't.

Who hasn't? Unfortunately, every listener has. And one of the listeners, like 10-year-old kids in the back of the car going, what's door tits? The mom's going like, and turn this one off. We're going to Florida. Hey, little Jimmy going to school,

door tits are when tits are on a door. I think that how to do it is, like, have an array of skin-colored beads. And then like, so. The tits, they're going to be very saggy, and the aerial part will be kind of the eight-tret. Why? Yes. And it'll be two sides. Why are we saying awesome to saggy tits?

These are any tits you want to be on there? You can make the tits anything. Because every shape is beautiful. Oh, my God. What is this? A gap out, but we were making dork tits a second ago. They're going to go all the way to the ground, babe. Oh, that's, oh, you're talking about just two pair of saggy tits to go to the day.

Yeah, like these. This is a different image. I'll tell you what they're going. Here's what happened. Jake, you and I are picturing the same thing. Oh, my God, the poor roommate. Oh, he's trying, then if he sees your tith by accident, he's going to go,

where's the best tits I've ever seen? I'm used to seeing witches' tits every morning. I think, I don't, listen, it's whatever you want to do. Jake and I were definitely picturing. I was imagining very other kind of tits. Keep going, Lila. Well, I think, yeah, so it'll be like the, you know, half-moon shape of the tit.

and like as like each string will go a little farther down ultimately peaking at the nipple and then going back up and then you know the other side and then they can pull to either side held on by um of course oh my god then you can go in the middle of them too yeah you can like motorboat them if you want to

I've got a bad idea on how to finish this if you got these big old titties right there what if you finish it with a big old dick hanging out so the cat at the bottom I don't know I don't know about that but here's where I'm thinking give the cats and you know when the cat walks by like you can just whack around the dick and the bottom

Jake you're thinking of it no that's for the window wait a little dick costume for the cat no I was thinking like the bottom like a dick so it's wiggling through So when the cat goes in, we're doing a titty fuck. Hello? Are you still there, caller?

Are you still there? Yeah, I think I'm picking up what you're putting down. By the way, the problem's going to get solved when the roommate asks you to leave. All right, everybody. I'm Gilbert, Helen. Welcome to Dorset. The problem's going to get to solve, honey, when they ask you to leave. I'm out of a two and five.

God. I think now we stick with door tips. So I just visually I'm trying to see it. I don't fully get it. So the things

come down like this. Yes. So it's like a long, let's say, imagine a beach towel. Where are the tits? Well, she's just a pair of big tits. Yeah,

big long tits, no? Yeah, so each one pretty much is a titty sagging and it's made of different like beach. I understand.

The nipples are down at the bottom. So the nipples are the bottom and that's what the cat can play with. Well, we're not going all the way to the ground. I think you want to leave a space like this. The cat could walk by and hit the top. Yes, the cat has a great old time. The cat can be playing with nips.

Absolutely. That's fun as hell. The cat wants to play with the door tits. Go ahead. So the dick thing made no sense because then it would be a dick coming out of tits. Yeah. And the dick thing doesn't work. Oh, it would be like a drive butt.

But I thought the tits were going to be at top. There was going to be some torso. No, no, we're not just, no, you were not talking about a frame giant. No, we're doing door tits. Okay, yeah, so you got some, but then it doesn't have to be saggy. It's just point of view. Well, she likes the saggy. I know what we're saying it's saggy, but you're not going to put sagginess in the design.

If I were to design it, they're perky tits, but this is her door. But no, what I'm saying no matter what, all we're seen is tits. So by calling them saggy, that's just the point of view of the viewer, I could look at those same tits and go, those are perky tits. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, isn't it? That's where I'm going with. 100%. 100%. 100%.

So while you look, the roommate can go, that's a pair of perky tits. And the owner and the artists can go, those are saggy witch tits. And the cat can go, I just like playing with the nipples and I view him as little dicks. Look, the door tits are art. You know, we all might see something different. Yeah. Yeah, I might have like a little showing, have some, some vino.

Oh, my God. An exhibition, please. Exhibition. So door tits, you excited about this? I'm so excited about this. I've got a project now. I have a life's purpose. Sam,

we're invested. Send us the picture. Pay up. I will. Sam, thank you for joining us. Of course. Thank you guys. And Dorritz, we appreciate you.

Thank you, Doritz. Thank you, Dorit. Hey, Jake and Gareth. This is David up in Santa Barbara, California. It is May 18th Monday. I just listened to the intro of your latest podcast, Gareth talking about his procedure that just got done. I had emailed you guys at the beginning of the year

because you were talking about it and I had been planning on having this procedure this year as well. So a long-time listener, I said, great, let's do this as a community. So I just got my vasectomy. last Thursday. So I'm about four or five days in. And I concur with, Gareth, it's not that bad. It really didn't hurt when it was happening. Been a little uncomfortable, but been fine this week so far. The only weird thing for me was, you know, I go in, I'd say, you know, take down your

pants lay down on the bed or whatever. And then the nurse, he takes me through about 10 minutes of, you know, post-op care and what to do, what not to do. And I'm kind of out there. I'm kind of exposed. And I'm like, hey, pal, like, if you want to put like a blanket over here, because it's kind of chilly in here. And this isn't exactly, you know, how I normally, you know, how I normally present down there. It was a little uncomfortable, but procedure went well. So far, so good. Apparently, I have to wait two months to take the test to see, you know, make sure everything is not working the way it's supposed to work. They said 20 ejaculations, which I said, I'd get that done in a week and a half. But I guess you have to wait two months. So again, I always thought I was doing this

kind of as a selfish reason. So I like the way you guys framed it and some of the other people who said in voice notes and that this is also a good way for us men to contribute to proper family planning so that there aren't any unwelcome surprises. So, yeah, appreciate you guys. Appreciate you talking about this. And, yeah, maybe in two months. I'll be rod-dogging it all over town.

So, yeah, I'd like to hear more about this and more voice notes from other guys who did it. So glad you talked about it, and I'll keep listening. You guys are great. We're here to help is hosted by Jake Johnson and Gareth Reynolds. If you'd like to be on the show, please email us your question at helpful pod at gmail.com. want to watch video episodes of we're here to help, you can go to our Patreon at patreon.com slash here to help pod to see our entire catalog. We're Here to Help is produced by Rabbit Grimm Productions, executive producers Rob Hollis,

Jeff Porter, and Natalie Hollis, Associate producer Jesse Thurston, editing mix and master by Chris Fowler. Theme song by Oliver Raleigh. The cover artwork is by James Fosteke, animations by Andrew Strelecki. And if you'd like to see Gareth, you stand up on the road, go to garethrenolds.com. Remember all of the advice given on we're here to help is for entertainment purposes only, and all listeners should be adults and make their own decisions. That was a hate gum podcast. That was a hate gum podcast.

Hi, I am Mandy Moore. Sterling K. Brown. And I'm Chris Sullivan. And we host the podcast, That Was Us, now on Headgum. Each episode, we're going to go into a deep dive from our show This Is Us. That's right. We're going to go episode by episode. We're also going to pepper in.

episodes with different guest stars and writers and casting directors. Are we going to cry? Yes. A little bit. Are we going to laugh? A lot. A whole lot. That's what I'm hoping, man.

Listen to that was us on your favorite podcast app or watch full video episodes on YouTube or Spotify. New episodes every Tuesday.