We're Here to Help - 294: Only in Alabama & Must Be Knife

Episode Date: June 1, 2026

The guys help an Alabama playboy explain his situation. Then, they solve a case of missing silverware. Plus, a follow-up from Ep 251 "Poop Plinko."See images from the episode here: https://www.heretohelppod.com/post/episode-294Want to call in? Email your question to [e-mail]: https://patreon.com/heretohelppodMERCH: heretohelppod.comINSTAGRAM: @HereToHelpPodIf you’re enjoying the show, make sure to rate We’re Here to Help 5-Stars on Apple Podcasts.Advertise on We’re Here to Help via Gumball.fmSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a headgum podcast. This is a headgum podcast. And we are back. Can I start by saying something? Yes. It's bad bitch o'clock and I'm still flirty. What? Where did this come from?

Lizzo. It's bad bitch. How about that as a line? It's bad bitch a clock. A lot of bangers on that first album. And I'm still flirty. A lot of bad. We should do that album as spoken word.

You know, I would love to get her on the show. She was on the Kevin Hartrose. She was pretty good. Yeah. Do you have any access to her? No. The dream dies right here. But you would love Lizzo?

of all people. Yeah. You love Lizzo. That first album really took me. When I recorded my first special, it was, that was all I listened to. No way. Every walk took every club. I would listen to Lizzo before.

That's fine. Get fired up. It's just great. Can you update people on the Eve saga? I mean, it's incredible. I believe basically we've talked about how your mom showed up to the airport with no identification for a flight. Yeah.

There was a panic. Shock, they wouldn't let her on. Yeah, she doesn't understand. She thinks it's 1983 and she has a cop badge. She just walked up smoking a pack of sticker. Yeah, she thinks she's Bobby De Niro. And so obviously she didn't get on the plane. So then you hired a guy named Rick.

I still don't fully know the origin and the machinations of how Rick came into our life, but you hired a guy named Rick. Okay, how? By the a. I get a panicky call from my mom. I couldn't get out of a plane. And I go, is this a joke? No.

Okay. I don't know what to do. I don't have keys to my house because she's moving here. So only the real or two does. And I don't know what to do. Okay. And her house is empty. Her house is empty.

And she's in Illinois. Okay. Well, let's, can you get in a cab? I don't know. Okay. Really good. Probably has a good amount of luggage, too, right? No, she checked it.

So that was already going to, and my luggage is going to L.A. You need to pick it up. Okay, what's your flight number? I don't know. Let's not sleep. Is there anything about your bag for a flight that you're not going to make? Oh, Gareth, I had to go pick up her bag from L.A.X. And I was like, Mom, what does it look like?

You know what her answer was? It's a suitcase. Yeah. It's black. Perfect. Every bag that came out, my daughter and I were there. I would have to lift it up. We would look.

We'd go, do you see the name, Eva? I don't know. Pass. People were looking at us like we were in crazy. Just looking at every bag. I've had to do that before. I mean, you've learned that lesson once in your life where you're like, I need to put like, you know, a pom-pom on the handle or something so I could recognize it. The bag tag searching to be like, that mine?

It's a low point. And every, and what we did was I just positioned up like a power forward. I got positioning. So I was there. Once the first, once it came down, every bag that came down. Every bag that came down, I put hands on. I mean, it's a lot. It's a lot.

I would have notes on that. Every bag that was black, I would go like this. If it's black and it's coming down that shoot, I'm Charles Oakley. I'm putting hands on it. I'm putting hands on it. You don't see Eve come down the shoot. No! I got confused.

Okay, so then. I got here. It was bumpy. Am I in Chicago still? Now, okay. So, so. then what do you do then you well so it's bad bitch o'clock and i'm still flirty but so what happened is is so that day five o'clock i call my brother and i go hey bra but we're in a little bit of a pickle here

babe and chopper five goes like okay let's figure it out so long story short then my brother and i are fucking fucked and it's bad bitch o'clock and we're not flirty now we're in a we don't know what to do right so we both just are Googling she can't get on a greyhound she will get in a fight with somebody we can't get her on an amtrak i go dan i need somebody who sits next to her and his job or her job it's like uh i'm forgetting the name of the movie what's the jack nicholson movie uh where they got he's got to bring a prisoner across the country oh no you're thinking uh deniro midnight run yeah midnight run or yes but oh no you're thinking um yeah yeah right you know what i'm talking about yeah yeah so i was like i'm literally thinking of that i was like i want somebody to handcuff themselves to eve yep and so i

i started googling it okay and i find a service where the they literally drive people from one place to the other elderly people if they're sickly if they can't fly because of health things And so I call Or whatever Eve has. Chicago things. So I call and I talk to this woman who runs the company. We have a long conversation. And I go, can you find me somebody who could get there?

She goes, I got a guy named Rick who's currently in Los Angeles. I could fly him there tomorrow. And then he could drive. And then once he lands, he's home. I go, what's the story of Rick? No criminal record. Sent me his driver's license. I could look him up.

He's just a guy in his mid-60s who lives in L.A. Mid-60s. Not what I pictured. Neither. I talked to Rick. Hi. He reminded me of a character from waiting for Guffman. How you doing, Rick?

Well, I'm currently at an antique shop in South Pasadena. It's funny, you're in Pasadena, Jake. We're so close. But my mother was 92 years old. choose my best friend. So maybe I'll make a friend for life. You won't, Rick. Rick, I'm going to have to ask you to actually drop that whole attitude right now.

You're going to need to come in a little bit of a more callous exterior. I go, Rick, we're going to have to toughen up a little bit, baby. Yeah. I go, this isn't your 92-year-old mom. This is my mom. We're talking about the old school. We're talking about the old world, brother. You sleep with one eye open.

I didn't sleep for years growing up. You got to keep an eye on that tiger. But you're going around Mo, Curley. You know what, Rick? You go to the jungle, you don't sleep at night. You catnap, brother. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, don't feel comfortable. Never sleep.

That's when the animals are going to attack, brother. So he flies out. We flew him in. Rick got lost at the airport, which was not a great start. My brother's going. Also, Rick did the crazy move of turning his phone off. What the fuck? You know what we gotta do.

We'll do a Patreon where we'll get my brother's side of this story. I have another pitch for it as well. Which is? I'd like to get Rick and Eve on at the same time, or at least independently. I would love to do a reunion. Oh my God. You know what would be great would be to interview Eve for 10 minutes, not have Rick listening, and then bring Rick in to surprise her. Well, we just gotta be really sensitive to Eve's feelings.

Yes. Can't ever surprise. Okay. So let's at least, let's, minimum, let's get them on for separate sessions, but it would be great to have them on together. A reunion. Actually, you know what? Everybody, enjoy some ads.

What they'll have further do? Everybody check out our show on Hulu. It drops a day early. And there's also Back Catalog episode. That's right. So we're here to help is now on Hulu a day early. If you want to listen to the back catalog, we're dropping the, those from season one and season two. It's just join us. Let's go. This episode of the podcast is brought

to you by booking.com. Find exactly what you're booking for. Gareth and I both use booking.com a lot. It makes things really easy for travel. There is a chance. I'm going to go to Omaha and visit old Stevie Berg. We were just talking about it. And if so, I'm using booking.com because it makes it a really easy way to do things and to travel. I use it for all my travel stuff. I travel a ton. There are a lot of times where my travel is not booked for me and whenever it isn't, I go right to booking.com. Again, you just get a real sense of where you're going. I'm about to go on a long tour with a few friends of mine with my movie probably. And first thing we're doing is we're checking out booking.com locations. Anywhere we're going where we're trying to find places in between and we're thinking booking.com,

that that's what it's like. But again, you've got to think of all these different restrictions or these different situations people have. Some people have children. There's a nap schedule. Some people are traveling with their parents. There's a nap schedule. Some people are traveling with their significant others. There's a nap schedule.

All these things. You know, you want soundproof walls. You want a balcony. You want whatever you want. I don't know. You want a kayak. I don't know if they offer that. They're probably going to tell me to not say that.

But imagine if you're a foodie and you want a big. big kitchen like we were talking about. We've been talking about this on the show. Berg and Jake and myself, Berg is going to be competing against the chef out here in Los Angeles because he thinks he can cook. And we're going to use booking.com. We're going to find a big kitchen.

This is what you can do. This is how it is. So no matter what you're looking for. Without question it works. So find exactly what you're booking for. Booking.com. Booking. Yeah, book today on the site or in the app.

This episode of the podcast is brought to you by Booking com. Booking.com helps you get it ridiculously right so you can find exactly what you're booking for. G man, you're on the road constantly. The hotel you're in, did the show book it or did you book it using booking.com? You know what I've been doing, Jake, is I have to switch hotels so often that I started asking the clubs if they'll just give me a buyout. And then I'll find a hotel that's in between the places. I'll go to booking.com. I'll find a place that is kind of equidistant, and I get a couple nights in the same hotel. They couldn't make it easier.

Well, I've got a question for the audience here. June 19th, is that there a date for the Gareth and Steve live show in Omaha? We've got people in the Midwest who are nearby who go, I want to take a little trip and see something, but where would I stay? Oof. Well, go to booking.com because it makes it easy to find a hotel. hotel or a holiday home. That's just, that's not just generically, right?

Or right for somebody, but ridiculously right for you. Well, also Omaha, a fantastic city surrounded by fantastic. I don't know why you said thank you, Steve. But you just live there. But there's you can get vacation rentals. You can turn it into a few days. I mean, who knows? Hey, Steve, if people come to Omaha for this little trip and they book on booking.

and they turn it into a three day thing what are a few things they should do besides see you guys live well obviously we have the best zoo in the country uh in the world i think maybe find exactly what you're booking for booking dot com booking dot yeah book today on this site or in the app this episode of we're here to help is brought to you by wayfair i bought a robot vacuum on that cleans itself It's a self-cleaning robot vacuum, and I love it. The thing goes around, vacuums the floor, then takes itself home to its little portal. I'm a fan of it. Wayfair's got everything you want.

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How you doing? I'm good. Gareth is on four hours of sleep. I didn't know. I was talking to Johnny Cash. I'll step it up. What's up, J-C? So what's your name?

Bruce. Bruce. Take me to the mountains, Bruce. Can you say I shot a man in Fulson just to wash and bleed? What? Okay, Bruce, how old are you, brother? 52. Oh, boy, you're just a kid.

And where are you calling from? North Alabama. That's right, you are. Everything about this I'm liking. I'm loving. Hey, Bruce, will you tell us something, a couple of Yankees about North Alabama that we don't get? What's great about North Alabama? What's great about North Alabama?

hunting, fishing, all the outdoor stuff you can do. She got great outdoor. What do you like to hunt out there down there? There's deer, fish. I'm not a big hunter, but I do more of the, I live on a lake. So there's a lot of recreational stuff, you know, skiing and all that type stuff. Good for you, Bruce. Your lake is a voice.

Bruce, you rip cigarettes? No. No. You don't fap to you? No, I don't do anything. Do you ever consider being a singer, singer-songwriter? You know, I had people my owner of year say you need to sing, but I'm not much of a...

You ever consider doing narration? Please? I never have, no. Shit. You got a, your voice is money in the bank. Bruce, what can we do for you today? sir. All right.

I got to give you somewhat of a back store before please take you time. Get your help. Yeah. When I was in high school, my parents were killed in a car wreck,

and the girl that I was dating at the time, her and her parents decided to adopt me into their family. Wow. Built me a room and everything. That lasted. Oh, very good people.

Best pick in the world. They're still my family today. I love it. Yeah. But, you know, the relationship didn't last. But when we broke up, she became a sister. Wow. So I went off to college where I met my wife.

I have to interrupt, Bruce. That is weird information for two guys like me and Gareth. The really sad about your parents. There's no jokes there. Really awesome about the family doing this. No jokes there. kind of a joke zone that your girlfriend turned into your sister in North Alabama. Am I wrong, Gareth?

No, the second you break up and you're like, sis, although it is Alabama. So, I mean, it is Alabama. Believe me. To go on Friday like, man, I want to make love to you to Saturday be like, get out of my room, sister. It seems crazy. Yeah, yeah. That seems so bad. Believe me.

Okay. It's a way shift. Okay, so keep on. It is a place. And you broke up in high school or after high school, college? She was still in high school. I had just graduated. We broke up.

Okay. But yeah, I mean, it is a weird, it's a weird situation because I have a lot of employees that work when we get a new employee. Yeah. They'll say, they'll make a joke about, because they know my situation. Yeah. Oh, yeah. The boss fucked his sister.

I get that. I get that all the time. Bruce, of course you do. Because I'll tell you the kind of employees who would say that if Gareth and I worked at your company. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. 100%.

Especially once again in Alabama. I hate to keep saying it's just, it's the capital of sister fucking jokes. It definitely is. All right, to Bruce, back to you. Went to college, went to college, met my wife. We had two kids, which my oldest daughter, she's the one that got me hooked on y'all's show. What's her name? Aela.

Shout out, Aila. Thanks for listening. Yep, she lives in Memphis. Nice. What's she doing in Memphis? She cancels children. Cool. Like, you know, abuse, drug type of situation.

Everything's good for you except this sister fucking connection. Yeah, but even that is good, because even that Bruce is fine because it happened. I mean, you took a really bad situation and you really fought through it with that. Yeah. So even that, I'm like, everything's a win here, Bruce. Well. Oh, yeah. And so, like my kids, Ayla and Thomas, they, you know, they, you know, they,

grew up knowing her as an aunt. Sure. You know, just like, you know, grandparents. Until one day they were at my biological parents or my biological grandparents' house where they saw a picture of me and my back then ex-girlfriend. And that opened up the whole can of worms. That was an interesting day, but it's all good now. Everybody is one big family.

Anyway, going back to the wife, we divorced after 20 years. Okay. Oh, man. And then after that, my brother and sister-in-law hooked me up with their best friend slash neighbor. Jesus, God, this is getting hungry to cork board. Okay. You do. So, I mean, that's three women.

Yep. You got the sister, the girlfriend's sister, the divorced wife. And then they had two kids with, met in college. And then your best friends hooked you up with their neighbor. Well, my brother hooked me up with his best friend. Okay, yeah, that's all that feels clean to me. Okay. So where I need the help is we have a lot of family gatherings.

And at some of these gatherings, all three women can be in the same room. Ex-girlfriend slash sister, ex-wife, and then the neighbor slash... Bruce. They've all definitely been. with me. We don't need the definitely. But too many people who have been with you sexually in the same room, I would say no,

Bueno. No. No good. That's a great George Costanza, keep the world separate. Yes, without question. About that,

it's like if you can keep those worlds, and I bet some people don't have that. Me personally, I'm like, I don't know, maybe one person where you're like, I dated her and her, you guys are cool.

When you get the third in there, Well, it also depends how the significant others handling it. So how is the new relationship handling it? Does she give a shit? My problem is not with these women. My problem is with the possible next person that I date, how do I bring her home? Wait.

Wait, Bruce. Are you still with the- Bruce? Bruce, are you still with the neighbor? You're the problem. No, I'm not with the neighbor. We broke up. Okay.

Neighbor and you broke up. Okay. That only lasted about a year. And that's been four years ago. But that was a good, not the problem. That was a good dry run for you to see that you've got a buzzsaw waiting for you at family events the next time you, with that beautiful, beautiful voice of yours, decide to bet another film. Because it's going to be another woman soon with a guy like Bruce.

There is that in Alabama. I'll tell you what. I'm going to do everything I can to make it me. How about that? What do you mean? I don't know. I thought it'd go better. Keep going.

But what do you mean? Nothing. I just love his voice. It's very attractive. Where are you going at this game? I know I won't mind somebody. No, Bruce, keep going. But what was your...

When I bring somebody home. Hold on one second, Bruce. The joke was his voice is so attractive. He's lured me in. So you want to be in a sexual relationship with a 52-year-old man in North Alabama who his sister used to be his girlfriend, then his ex-wife had him split,

and then his brother's neighbor. He's now dated a year and now four years ago, you want to be the fourth? The distance is going to be an issue, and then not being gay thing will be a problem. But other than that, I think it could be fun. The second one seems huge. We'll see.

I don't want to get into it now. It's not about me. Good Lord. You know, I hate to make these about me. No, you don't. You love it. Bruce, keep going, hurry up. Well, this is, you know, when I find the fourth one,

how do I tell, how do I explain, how do I explain to a girl that I bring home I get this. Without freaking her out because this happened before. I've had a fourth one that I brought and kind of told her about it and she was just uncomfortable with it the whole time. How did you tell her about it? Did you tell her about it like right before the event?

No, you know, in the pre, in the pre part before going, you know, I had, you know, explained to her. I have to explain the sister situation. Sure. Every time I date somebody. And then with my. That one feels because of your parents, that one's an easy one. I agree.

Is that right on? And then, no, that's right. You're 100% right. And then the ex-wife, you know, we were together for so long. She has become part of the family. The neighbor is where it gets hard. The neighbor where it gets hard, but sometimes the ex-wife or a new person is like, why is your ex-wife here?

I guess you then read with that, by the way. I do, too. Is the neighbor also going to the events because she's the neighbor? The neighbor comes to some of those. Oh, my gosh. We do a pretty big Passover thing, and she's there every other one. You know, not all the time, but it's just a possibility that she's there. You know what I think we should do here, and this is a weird one, Bruce.

I think we should create a song. And I think it should be like a little bit of like a kid's couple verse song where she'd go like, let me explain to you what's going on here. My parents passed away when I was 15 and I married my girlfriend who became, And then it goes on and it's a couple verses and then you go, I turn it into a song because my daughter turned me on to a podcast. And she goes, okay. And you go, she goes, what? You go, you want to talk about it or do you want me to sing it again?

I like the pitch a lot. I'm trying to think of who we could get to write it. Us right now. You think the whole thing? I mean, we're not, it's not going to have three minutes song, Gary. It's going to be, it's going to be like. You know, like when you're teaching a kid something new? Like, you got, Bruce, you might have watched some Daniel Tiger back in the day

where there's, like, little lessons that you do it via song. So I'm talking about. I know, you know, I'm talking about three or four lines where she goes. You go, all right, well, baby girl, I'm going to bring you out to dinner with the family. And she goes like, well, that sounds great. And you go, hey, there's something you need to know. And she goes, oh, no, is this going to be bad? You go, no.

Well, when I was. just a boy my parents passed away in a car crash my girlfriend's family adopted me and they became my sister and then we go from that all the way and you go i wanted to explain it but i know that it's weird but i don't want to push you away before we get into this bruce what are your overall thoughts of that as an idea that's you know with my family with me we're kind of funny i like that idea that if i can make it We could figure, you got the voice for it. Apparently so.

Not even apparently, you got the voice for it. I'm writing something. Yeah, I just need the lyrics. Gareth is in, what Gareth is doing right now, did you ever see the movie with Russell Cocoa, A Beautiful Mind? Well, Gareth is in right now a little weird room with math problems on the wall, and it's called Kind of Tired Dumbind.

A Dumbind. That should be the name of your stand-up tour. A dumb mind. A dumb mind coming to you. My mind palace is just like nothing. I'm like, I'm like looking at the same room. Like, you're in the same room. But, Gareth, your character is looking at that.

And then we see your point of view and it's all mirrors. I've lost. I'm like a cat. All right, Gareth. All right, give me a minute here. If we can crack this, is this? is this something you will comedically do and try on the next girlfriend and see how it goes?

100%. Okay. I think this does sound a little bit playful, but I do think it actually could work as a way to, and then if the new girl you date for a while and leaves, I have a feeling she's going to be part of your family gatherings too. So you almost add it where it's like, five, da, da, da, da, da, four, da, da, nah, nah, three.

You know, or like the wheels on the bus. Oh, yeah. You keep adding to this thing. Oh, yeah. All right, beautiful mind. Where are you kind of at? I'm writing it to the tune of the Beverly Hillbillies. Ooh, I love that.

Give us a reminder of what the Beverly Hillbillies is. Not a great star, by the way. This year's story about Jed Bittier. Oh, yeah. Man and down barely kept his family fan. And one day you were shooting at some food and up through the ground came a bubbling crude. Okay, so can you, before you do the lyrics, Gareth, could you teach that to Bruce? Bruce, do you know that a little bit?

You've got to know. I do. It's been a while. It's been a while. All right. Yeah, it's just not even the lyrics, just a do, do, do, do do. Do do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do. Black gold.

Now, Bruce, let's hear you do that once, just so we start getting you loose. The melody or whatever? Yeah, just with the do, do, do, do, do. And it doesn't matter if it's a different. Yeah, okay, let me say it. You go ahead. Do do do do do do do do do do do do do. Your money in the bank.

That is perfect. Yeah. Okay, great. So we are starting in a really great zone. All right. You want to hear what I have so far? Yes. So far, it's here.

When I was in high school, the tragedy struck, my parents passed out of luck. My girlfriend's family that took me in. And that was for me a really big win. That's pretty good. That's good. I mean. Pretty good start. But now what we got to get too fast, Gareth, is this can't be a whole theme song.

I know. I'm trying. There's a lot. You got to, I mean, there's a lot going out here. There's a lot going out here. And then what we might do, Bruce, is if we like the lyrics, We'll send it to you and then if you don't mind calling us back in like an hour and a half and performing it Okay, because then you'll be able to have the script in front you. We're not gonna ask you to have this memorized on the spot. That's gonna be too hard. Yeah, all right

But this is pretty good work by old G Reynolds over here four hours of sleep now if you if you like what you're here and go to gareth reynolds.com and see this guy live and then say to him at the show, can you sing this song? If you want to hear this song, as an encore performance at every one of his live shows, just to make his life miserable for a little bit, and have him go, sometimes Jake is nice,

sometimes he's mean to me, now I've got to sing this song about this guy. I think that could be fun. I signed real part like someone brought a real bag of parmesan this week like real nice parmesan I was like that you shouldn't have done that okay I'm ready now this is on the fly here so this might be real bad okay hold on okay here we go great work Gary all right here we go ready thank you well you haven't heard it yet all right here we go when I was in high school the tragedy struck my parents passed and I was shit out of luck my girlfriend's family that took me in and for me that was a real big win she was my sister then then she was my sis and I know

that's a lot sometimes we kiss and I know it's not what you want to hear but there's more to the tale stick around that part I fucked up we'll come back to that all right then I got married and I had a kids of but we got divorced, but we weren't through.

My third ex was my brother's neighbor from next door. She and I are done, but wait, there's more. Get ready for the twist. Whenever my family has a rendezvous, it'll always be me, them, and you. I made a song because I called a pod from two guys who give advice like they're got. Some of their advice So some of the advice came from a call-in show

But that advice is better than Piggly and Moe They passed a few years from a tragedy But don't You're from us You're making it about us You had it You had it It definitely had it

That's the start I can finish it and send it to you. I'll tell you where we were money in the bank. Go back to where it goes, but there's more after he mentioned the other girlfriend, the neighbor. What was that last line with the neighbor? That line is, but we were through. My third ex was my brother's neighbor from next door.

She and I are done, but wait, there's more. And then you stop and you go, we broke up four years ago, and she comes to all the family gathering. And then you go, that's everything. Okay, I'm good with that. What do you think of that there, Bruce? That sounds doable. Right, because then it's not too long.

Hey, will you record it in Gareth? Yeah. And then will you perform the whole thing again with this new change and see lengthwise, timing wise. So the line you want to add is. But wait, there's more. And then Bruce, what would you say? Yeah, then you take it from there, Bruce. after there's more, like there's more.

And it's basically, you can just summing it up. This is, you know, the possibility of she's going to walk in the door and there's all three of them. So when you walk in the, yeah, the possibility, they're all three of them, but there's nothing going on and nothing to worry about. All right. Okay. The chef is cooking. Let's give them a second. All right.

You want to, you want to, I can get us there. Yeah, let's see. When I was in high school, a tragedy struck. My parents passed and I was shit out of luck. My girlfriend's family, they took me in. And for me, that was a real big win. It's a good song, right? So then my girlfriend became my sis.

I know it's weird because one time we kissed. But then I got married and I had kids of two. But we got divorced, but we weren't through. My third ex was my brother's neighbor from next door She and I are done But wait, there's more Whenever my family has a rendezvous It'll always be me

Them and you And then you say it Yeah, I like that That's great I like that And then wait there's more You could then go Wait, there's no longer there's more right

You don't need it anymore Yeah but it'll come after rendezvous And then the suitors name Their face will be like wait what And you'll go So No, you know what you could then do, then there's more than go. So if it's all right with you, now you know the whole situation.

Should we just go and have some fun? I'm excited to be with you. And I, yes. And then, or you could go, wait, there's more. Well, it's a funky situation, but you're the only one I want to be with. I think we say this, but as soon as there's going to be a family occasion, right? You get ahead of it and you're like, all right, look, I want to take you to a barbecue. And, you know, she'll go like, oh, great.

But there's a song I have to sing. I have to sing this to you. And then you're going to sing to her. She'll be like, what? And you'll be like, that's just my truth. I really get stressed about it. But I wanted to do it in a creative way because I care about you. Bruce, what do you think about this?

I think this is pretty damn great. But it's golden. I think it's golden. Okay. I think it's golden. If I have the lyrics and the complete lyric, you're going to have the lyrics. How is your handwriting on that, Gareth?

Terrible. But I could voice to text it real quick and email it to Jeff. who could email it to Bruce and then we can hear it again. First of all, Gareth. Great job. Thank you, sir. Bruce's been all pressure producing with you. Let me mute.

I'm going to mute myself and I'm going to get this onto voice detection. No, I think we would like to hear it. You want to? Okay. All right. Hold on. Or, you know, we could do. In this case, right now, Bruce, we're going to say goodbye to you right now.

And we're going to send this to you. And then will you call us back in about an hour and perform? Remembered for us? And listen to the Beverly Hillbillies theme. It's real easy, catchy. You'll remember it. Yep, I'll do it. Okay.

Thank you, bro. Thank you for the call, friend. Great work. Bruce Bly. Yes, sir. Oh, there's that sweet voice. How we feel is. The good is we going to get it.

I'm feeling good. All right. You're practicing? What's that? You practiced? Oh, yeah. We got this. Okay.

So you and your new lady or walk us through how you're going to do it and when you would do it well when uh you know hopefully i can do this sooner than later it's slim pickings around here yeah understood but usually first date is when i have the conversations just between me and her and then if there's a second date you know that's when we talk about family okay you know i agree so that's i'm gonna cool stuff and that's that's when this whole dynamic of the sister comes to play and it usually gives them a look you know it's like oh what kind of look in their face but and then bring it up to x-wife how we're still friends and she's still around that's you know it could go either way from that

point so here's what i'd love to do right now i would love you to play both parts play you and the fictional woman leading up to the song, this small talk to get there, then I'd love to hear the song, and then I'd love to hear her response. So I'm playing both parts. I think so. I think that's best, because you know better, because we're talking about a fictional woman. All right. Whenever you're ready, take a...

This will be second day. This will be second day conversation then. Okay. Yeah, just going to talk brief about my family, because, you know, I definitely want to introduce you to him one day, but I need to kind of give you a heads up on the situation. And that's when they usually say, hmm, what kind of situation? And I say, well, the girl, I had a girlfriend in high school,

and we broke up, but I had a little tragedy in my life, and I ended up being adopted by her family. And she's now my sister. Hey, Big Daddy, what about the song? We're trying to take all this lifting off your plate off your back here. Oh, so I just go in and not getting... So you figure out your transition to get to the song. Okay, I got you.

All right, let's start over. So after I, you know, first down, like, okay, hey, I'm just wanting to give you a little bit of history on my family and how it's a little dynamic. And friends of mine came up with a little song that I'm prepared to give to the, you know, give to you just to kind of break the ice and, you know, give you the situation. When I was in high school, I tried to deeat, my parents passed away, I was shit out of love. My girlfriend's family where they took me in, and for me that was a really big win. You're a good song, isn't it? Then my ex-girlfriend, she became my sis.

I know it's a lot because we used to kids. And then I met my wife and had kids of two. We got divorced, but we were not through. Hang in there. My third ex was my brother's neighbor from next door. She and I are done, but wait, there's more. Whenever my family has a rendezvous, it'll always be me. Damn, and you.

Only in Alabama, that is. Roll-tied. Roll-tie. Bravo. Only in Alabama, roll-tied is so great. And then you could just say, any questions? Yeah. That is classic.

It's a great way to break the ice into it, I think, John. I think that's what you're going to find. It is such a win, dude. I agree. Usually I wouldn't sing to a girl on the, I feel good about it. I usually don't sing to a girl on the second day, but. Nobody does. After I get to know them, of course.

But this is something that I definitely could use in my repertoire. Yeah, but what this will do, I think, is it'll break the ice. it'll make it funny and weird. She'll go, he's a goofy guy. And then she'll go, I don't get it. And go, neither do I. But I just need you to know it's a confusing situation. But there's nothing really weird.

There's nothing dark going on. The only thing I would say is you don't want to say, I want you to meet my family on the third date. I think you just want to say, look, I want to get ahead of something in the future. If things progress, here's something. I got to tell you. And I get to a song. This is a really nice win.

follow up with us after it happens, but this is excellent, man. You did great. You did 10 out of 10. You used your time to rehearse perfectly. So, you know, keep us posted, okay? We'll do. Appreciate it. Appreciate you, man.

Thank you. Thank you, buddy. Yes, all right. Very much. This episode of the podcast is brought to you by MintMobil. To get your new wireless plan for just $15 a month, go to mintmobile.com. slash here to help. That's mintmobile.com slash here to help. Cut your wireless bill to $15 a month at mintmobile.com slash here to help. That's it. There's no catch. $45 up front payment required, equivalent to $15 a month.

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required equivalent to $15 a month new customers on first three month plan only speed slower above 40 gigabytes on unlimited plan additional taxes fees and restrictions apply cement mobile for details this episode of the pod is brought to you by quince if you're wondering who makes the shirt I'm wearing right now if you're going oh jakey j's arms and shoulders and chest looks slimish, but his arms look bigish, and his shoulders look thickish. Oh, it's because of Quince. Summer now. Summer, so I've ordered some summer stuff from Quince. I got these great green shorts, and I got a, like, kind of, I don't know what to call it, a cottony, woolly top. I've never had anything like it, but the second I put it on, it was like a cloud was hugging me. But that's

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I think another one that was from our show is suits and wigs. Another one was the fake restaurant or the fake cooking class that woman went to, shark bites or something. something like that. I think we've created a lot of fake websites. Our website, Helpful Pod, is Squarespace. So yeah, we are fans. They make it too easy to seem real and professional. That's their problem, because many of our pitches on, we're here to help are, hey, we could just make a Squarespace site. Places for merch, places for videos, they help you with the SEO tools. Yes, I know what that stands for. All these things. If you want your website to look legitimate, you want people to take you seriously,

Squarespace, I'll never stop working with. And using Squarespace, So go to Squarespace.com slash gill sent me. Remember old gilly beans? For a free trial, when you're ready to launch, use offer code gill sent me to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. Hello. Hello. Hello, how are you? I'm good.

How are y'all? Good. Can we get your name, please? My name is Taylor. Taylor, where are you calling from? I'm calling from New Orleans. Are you in the city or I'm not? Outside?

A little bit outside. Just right outside. I spent some time down in the Flower District. Uh-oh. What's happening? It's a beautiful. You like New Orleans, Taylor? Yeah, born and raised.

Oh, man, what a wonderful city. How old are you, sir? I'm 35. He's a lot younger than you see. I need to call it, sir. What else is a different thing down in the island? Taylor, where? Where are you doing for?

you. Garrett, I've been there of like two weeks? I'm going to last. I'm trying to go forward here. Okay. Taylor, what can we do for you down there and all?

And you're 35 year, boy, what can we do for you? It's getting worse. But it's getting worse, I was getting a little bit better. It was? It was. It's how to get them worse,

so it's getting a little bit better. What are you going to say, Taylor? My wife actually called in for this show. I don't know when it was to talk about her me-maw who had a wig. Oh, me-mo, of course.

Yes, I've heard this. I've heard this New Orleans accent. What do you think is it gotten better or worse since the first time? I think it's gotten worse. I think it's gotten worse. I think so, too. I haven't found it this one. You're him?

Yeah, I don't know what that is. I don't know what that is. Taylor, I'm going to agree with you, neither do I. Now, Jake, say New Orleans again? Nilelands. And then, Taylor, is that anything you've ever heard in New Orleans? Yeah, yeah, yeah, people do say that. Who that's going to win that game?

That's not going to win that game. Hot in Ireland. Oh, fuck. I'll be honest. I don't think that was that bad right there. Who that's going to win that old at the end? The thing's going to win that game what there. We got to get a game more there.

We're going to get a poor boy, everybody. A little no, Taylor. A creepy about here, though, letting know what going on here, but. A creepy laugh to cover the insufficiencies is helpful. Thank you, better, much. Ha, ha, ha. We're going to get gold out there. And I go mine.

Man, it's not gold. They're not 40-nighters. All right, Taylor, go ahead. All right. And apologies to New Orleans. Agreed. This has been a problem. I've had my whole life, and I think it also has been handed down to me from my father.

But I have, and this isn't something I catch in the moment, it's a downstream thing. I throw away silverware without knowing about it. What? After I eat a meal or something, like, I mean, I'm not the explanation of how it happens. I honestly get this.

How do you get it? You know, I will go by and my wife's like where? I know. I throw away, Taylor, I throw away, I throw away spoons. How?

I don't know. How do you do it? I don't know. I don't know. I don't think about it. I don't think about it. It just feels like trash. I don't know.

I don't know until we don't have anything. Taylor, I hate to say this. I'm actually with you, sir. What is Aaron? This might be an island's thing. It's not, you're not from there. You are from Chicago. This might be a Narlance thing.

You're not from there. You know why? This is why Garrett doesn't get it. He's a Yankee. So how many pieces of silverware? silverware and how did this come to your attention? Well, like I said, like, so I remember growing up, like, you know, my parents are divorced now.

I don't know if this was part of it, but I remember my mom being like, what the fuck is going on? Why, why are we losing silverware so much? And then as I've gotten older, I've realized I started doing it too. There was a period of time where I had to live with my mom or hurricane hit her. King's hit down here. I was living with her, and then she started losing silverware.

And I'm just the, I'm the common denominator. Interesting. And then it happens at my house, and my wife, you know, she'll be looking for a spoon or a fork, and we just are four or five of them short. What does she say? She must be at her wits fucking end. Yeah, she's a very patient woman.

So this isn't like, it's more of like my ego is just to a point where I can't take it anymore. Yeah, it's not ideal. It's embarrassing. It's embarrassing. Look. Yeah, it's embarrassing. You could buy more, but you're calling us because you want to get to the root of the issue.

Yeah, he wants to fix it. It's embarrassing. He throws away silverware to embarrassing. So do you. I mean, we do buy more. We find out buy more. But it's embarrassing. I don't plastic, you know, I don't want to be full-time plastic utensils.

That's crazy. That's crazy. You know, no, what's crazy is throwing it out? Because it's embarrassing. I agree, Gareth. That's why I'm here, baby. That's why he's here, baby. God damn it.

Taylor, you and I are the same guy, just two cats from New Orleans, a couple of strays. How did you get so hard for you so fast? Jayor, hey, my twin brother down there, Taylor. Really fast, before we get into it. We never got an update on Mimo. Yeah, so the... Will you remind us what the call was? The call was, I mean, it went on a couple of different tangents.

told a story about a wig that because it was you and Justin Long. That's right. Yeah. God, we got to get his ass back on that show. The initial problem was that Mimau uses, used Miranda as

Amazon. Right. She wouldn't order her own Amazon stuff. She used her granddaughter's Amazon to buy wigs. It's an awesome issue. Yeah. For romantic.

Or a romantic suitor. Yeah. And then we were saying, we were telling her pretend Amazon broke. That if she won't, like, the internet broke. It's great. So if you want it, you got to go to a shopping by a leg. It was a classic. Yeah, y'all's an all-time call.

Well, we didn't, it, two things happened. Something happened to where, like, Amazon kind of just fixed it. Amazon updated itself to where it's like it makes it much more difficult to do to do that. And then Miranda did attempt, attempt to it. Like she has like an hour long recording on her phone for attempting to play that. But she goes on some tangents and it just went on. Send it in. Deep end.

We can edit it. No. I tried. It was so crazy that my wife did it. By the way, Taylor, we appreciate it. There's probably some stuff we didn't need to hear Mima say. Yeah. Yeah, it's stuff I didn't need to hear Mima say.

Okay, so that problem has not been solved yet. Miranda got eaten up by Mima on it, and you just kind of went like, well, shit. Okay, understood. I appreciate that update. And so now to you and the silverware, here's the problem with this call, just in terms of the problem, because I can relate. It is a thing that is happening while you have no conscious memories of. They just disappear. Correct. So here's going to be my first pitch to you, just in terms of your house. And look, this is not. not great, it's embarrassing. But we have to go really embarrassing before we can get better. I want you to put different color tape

on each thing of silverware and name them. So a piece of tape on one fork, one knife and one spoon are all blue. Those are blueys. The reds are redsies. So when you're using it, you go like, hey, Redsy.

So if you, you've got to humanize these, you would never throw out a Redsy because the Spoon's sister is the knife. And its brother is the fork. It's a little family. I like that. Here's where I thought you were going is maybe we give Taylor designated, like we wrap a little red tape around three forks, three knives, three spoons. He only uses that. That's Taylor's Silverware. Now, if Taylor...

Taylorware. That's Taylorware. Now, if we run out of tailorware... Look at me being like Gareth. I did feel it. I'm proud. I don't want to say anything. If Taylor runs out of all of the tailorware

or all of the spoons for tailorware or all the knives, we should attach a punishment to that. That is something that sort of shocks him back into having more respect for the silverware. My pitch on that would be he has to go into Applebee's for a meal alone. And while he's in there, steal the three pieces of silverware back to replace at his place, which is very humbling.

So you're saying, you're not going to accuse a 35 year old of doing. Maybe in Nalens, you might. But you're saying if he loses and throws one out, he needs to steal from a restaurant. He's got his three spoons. If he's fucking playing loose, then he loses three spoons. He's going to Applebee's. Then here's what we do for the restaurant to make it extra embarrassing for Taylor. Then you also have to leave a $40 tip.

Yes. And on the bill, you have to leave a note on the bill. You have to write a note. Me stole the spoon. Here's 40 bucks. So they think you're a crazy person. me steals the spoonzies no you have to write me steal the spoon because the spoon's names is redsy that's humiliated that's embarrassing taylor i like it i think i mean that look we're doing some shock

therapy so that's my that i like that pitch i have a couple others let's hear my one would be plastic wear only you know You know, you want to eat like a child. You're going to get treated like a child. The other is... Edward Sissorhan tape stuff for each day, tape it to your hand. That's exactly what. My next one was like bank pens back in the day.

We have to tie... You have to eat connected. You eat with the string that you're... I know what we can do for you. Like how you would make a kid not lose mittens. Taylor, here's an embarrassing one that would only take about a month and then it'd be over. Connect a fork, a knife, and a spoon all in one. And you have, while you're using one, the other two are clanging.

That's embarrassing, man. And then you go, why is that happening? You go, I lose these too much. Combine them with like a, you know, a little, like keychain thing. Yeah. I mean, Taylor, look, we're trying to introduce some modicum of shame because it's time for you to wise up a little. I've got a pitch, actually, that I think combines all of these, but it's the easiest way to execute it. Because all of these, I think, are fun, but they're hard to execute.

Not hard, hard, but they just take a little bit of work, taping them all, naming them, all that shit. Combining them, I'm not exactly sure how you do that. Where do you combine the spoon? It doesn't have a hook on it. So do you remember, I don't know if they do this anymore, and I don't even remember if they did this when I was a kid, but I'm sure I've seen it on TV. where every kids get an egg they need to take care of for a week. Yes. Yes. Do you remember that, Taylor?

Yeah. It's like a sitcom trope, I think. The idea of it is the egg, you've got to take care of it for a week, and it can't crack. So here's what I would like you to do. For one week, you've got one fork, one knife, one spoon. When you're done using it, you clean it. You bring it with you. So if you go to work, if you go to a restaurant, anything.

For one week of your life, seven days, I don't care if you have a little fanny pack or what. As a matter of fact, now that I hear it, you will have a fanny pack that he's going. Why humiliating him if he's not a fanny pack guy? Buddy, keep going. You said it. It's awesome. But for one week, you obsess and learn to take care of this silverware like it's a baby. As soon as you're done eating it, you go clean your silverware.

You can put the plate in the dishwasher, not the precious silverware. Yeah, plates aren't an issue. Scrub, scrub, scrub, dry, dry, dry, back in the back. After seven days, I guarantee there's been a mental shift. And if there hasn't been I think you've already created a mental status If there hasn't been We moved to the Applebee's plane

But yeah Then if it doesn't work And you lose one after this Then we're going crazy But you do this for a week And then call us back See where you're at mentally And then if you lose another one

I mean we gotta have you walk into an Applebee's In a Pirates mask and go Meese steals the spoons Because me's a spoon baby YARG. And then we'll have you a cracking egg on your head because this, we have to change this. You know it would be another good punishment. If that doesn't take, you have to wait, you have to get up early and go to the garbage

bed and apologize for throwing out so much silverware and have your wife film it from the house. Oh, or when the garbage man comes, go, wait, wait, and have them stand there as you dig around and go like this, just in case I threw away silverware because me's a baby. I threw away spoons. And you got to be in a diaper, brother. or at least a onesie a onesy. We can't say a diaper. If you're in a big

onesie and the garbage man is like hey man running he goes like hey brother man I'm all schedule here brother and you go again one second me throughout spoons and your wife is going like this honey go find the spoonsies those aren't free

humiliated so Taylor will you do the egg trick for a week yes I think a combination of the bluesy, redsy, and that would be what do you mean? You're going to walk us through what you're doing here.

I want, not only do I want the pieces of the world, but I still want to put like that tape on them or something to make them feel like that personality. Yes, I think that's exactly right. Now really quickly, what are you going to name them? You can name them bluesy, redsy,

you can name them anything you want. We're in acute territory. Hmm. What about just like forky, spoony, knify? Perfect. I think that's a home run. Jake. And they're triplets, but they're fraternal triplets.

They're your babies. Go ahead. I love them. I love them already. I can't believe that I'm the odd man out here, that with the second that he said he wants to name them, Hugh, indulged fully. If that helps you, that's great. I want you to also consider Taylor, and this is weird, sleeping with him, under the pillow. His wife's going to have to bang him again.

She's into this, and I'm going to tell you why, we know her from the Mima call. I don't know her, but okay. If you say so. But if those three get under the pillow, and the first thing you do when you wake up is you go like this, morning, forksy, spoonzy, naefy. And then you put them in your fanny pack naked? He's the first thing you step on. Not everybody's you in a hotel room doing yoga. Sleeping naked.

But Taylor, I tell you, if you do that for a week and you really commit to it, you will never throw away a cousin of Spoonie. It's too personal. And if you do, you're right. You're going into Applebee's in a pirate outfit, ordering mozzarella sticks alone, stealing silverware and writing on the tab. Why the Monterellera stick? I don't know.

You're right. All right, Taylor, I think we've got to win if you do. Yeah, so if I don't do it. Well, let's, you know what? Let's cross that bridge then. Call in and we're going to step it out. Call us back after you do the week. If we're not recording and you call back and it's getting weird,

leave a voice note and let us know how it's going. Yeah. And if we are, then we'll get on the phone. But what I think is going to happen is you're going to say, I really wanted to quit by day three. The fun of the call wore off. But don't quit. Because we need to get to the point where it's not fun anymore

and you're by yourself and you're like, this is actually stupid. But finish it, seven days. And it's like a marathon. When you get to mile 17, you go like, this was a stupid idea in my knees hurt. Finish the marathon. Why don't we get the kind of daily little voice memo check in

on how it's going? That's a great idea. A second little, what are we thinking? any close calls, something like that for us. That's a great idea. At the end of each day, if you don't mind, a quick little voice note. Yeah.

And then I think... Perfect. Then I think what's going to happen, Taylor, is it's going to be fun at first, then it's going to get boring, then you're going to get in the routine of it, then you're going to be like, what am I doing?

And then by the end, you are going to form an attachment to this silverware. Well, you know, you know what he could do. If he makes it through, like, if he makes it through like a week, and he's feeling good about this,

you could treat yourself to a real nice set of three. Like your three players could be like a nice, you know, like a $20 each nice set that you actually have pride in. We're not there yet, but he could earn it. Right now he's throwing stuff out. He's treating it like junk. So first we've got to humanize it.

Yeah, I agree. All right, Taylor. Maybe you'll learn that. You feel good, Taylor? What are you going to start? Are you going to start today, tomorrow? Tomorrow morning. Yeah, tomorrow morning.

I already got a forked spoon and a knife in mind that I'm going to grab. No way. What are they called? What are they called? Forky, spoony, knifie. I think you're in a winning zone. Yeah, I'm not sure where you're at. But we look forward to the next call.

You really don't think this is going to win, Gareth? I do. I honestly do. But I think you have better insight. than I do because I don't throw out silverware. It's a strange problem. Must be nice.

Must be nice, Garrett. Man, if you just said must be knife, I would have kissed you. Must be knife. All right, Taylor. Go get them, bud. Appreciate it, guys. Tell me my hi.

Thanks, pal. Bye. Sweet Jesse here. This next call is a follow-up from episode 251, poop plinko. Hello. Hello. Hi there.

We know you're a follow-up. Who are you, sir? I'm Michael from Charleston, South Carolina. Michael from Charleston. Neither of us have any clue what that means. What was the first call? So I initially called about the bird that was perched above my window. Yes, I remember that big window and Natalie got a little sexist and said,

just get on the ladder, boys. Right, right. Michael, what did we, will you remind the audience what the problem is? And what we pitched and what you did, good sir. Yeah, the problem was this, it was a seasonal issue with this bird showing up when the weather got bad. Who would perch on this big window that is above my front door with its ass hanging over everything and just kind of just taking a shade over everything. And the pitch was basically a fake owl, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

We really do run quite a spectrum. It's a good pitch. We're bitch. I mean, it's insane. It's insane that we, in earnest, got there and we were like, all right, man, have a good day. We're idiots. Good stuff, brother.

Hey, man, good luck with that fake owl to stop the bird pooping on your porch. All right, so Michael, what did you do here, Big Dog? Yeah, yeah, sir, you said spare no expense, so I spent a cool $36 on a robot owl. Robot owl, you got video of it? Yeah, I emailed you guys a video of it kind of operating. I want to see that, I want to see that robot owl. And also, Jake's going to need a link because he's going to order five. Maybe 500.

Oh, okay. Let's see what this little guy can do. So what we're looking at is a little robot, you know, tiny little guy with a little yellow chest. Yeah. Let's see what this kid can do. Garden Guardian. Okay, he's sitting there.

Oh, it's a nightmare. It's a nightmare. It's a horror movie. It's a horror movie. So his neck turns 360 and his eyes go yellow. It's literally a scary robot. It's a zombie owl. It's a zombie owl.

It's good. And it's motion sensitive. Motion triggers. Great. So I'm going to say this before you do. If that robot owl is anywhere near that window, that bird's gone. I would all say. And I'm going to tell you why, because that's a living nightmare.

I'll call the shot too. There's no way. This is one of those we shot the ball. And as it's in the air, Gareth and I are back in the locker room talking about what we're having for dinner. And the ball has been running. Well, it's also one of those ones. where, you know, the caller takes the ball and runs.

I mean, this is... Not only did you get an owl. You got the scariest owl I never said. You were like, I would leave. You're like, I mean, you really, what you wanted to do was kill the bird. Let's be honest. Without contact, I mean, you don't put it through hell.

But also, go shit on somebody else's window. Yeah. Right. Exactly. So I, I, uh, yeah, yeah. So I, yeah, I, I tried the, uh, there was an interior, uh, window sill at the base of the window, which is where I put it. I have a, I sent along of, uh,

a video of my dog sort of reacting to it. Of course. Let's see. The dog is scared. The only thing that really resulted in is I didn't tell my kids about it ahead of time. So when they came downstairs, there was a lot of screaming because there was this thing in the corner with glowing eyes. Okay. Here, we're looking at the dog.

Yeah, man. That's really scary. The dog is just barking. Inside had no effect on the bird. No, and I wouldn't think so, but it would have an effect on everybody on the inside of your house. Because it looks like there's a nightmare owl in your home. The dog having the doggiest reaction of all dogs. But I also get why the kids would be scared.

If I walked down early morning and saw that in the house, that looks real, man. Now you're on the inside of your patio is covered in kid shit from being freaked out. So Michael, what happened? So, you know, I basically took it outside and having aversion to ladders. I found a nice spot near the front door where I put it, and that seemed to have done the trick. No way, even low down. Yeah, yeah. Because, you know, it's moving.

Yes, it's enough for the bird goes. I don't know. Yeah. Oh, yeah, I see where you did it. Okay. So you've basically got it. You did it outside in like a little potted plant or whatever. whatever.

Yep. Yes. Yeah. And the bird just goes, I think that might be a fucking owl, dude. Yeah. Yeah, exactly. I got to tell you, if I'm in the mind of the bird, which is where I live, I'm going, I don't think it's an owl, but I'm going to go shit on somebody else's window. Because if it is, I'm dead.

Yeah. No, definitely. If it is, I'm dead. So, just to be clear, Michael, you got the Nightwalker owl, and the bird has stopped shitting. on your porch, that to me sounds like a classic bell ring. This is such a way. Absolutely. Absolutely.

Michael, thank you for the great call and the great follow-up. You killed it. And honest to God, for people who listen to this show and say, sometimes this is stupid, they're not even helping. Well, I say, listen to this episode, you jackass. Yeah. And I don't even know what's talking to, Gareth, because I don't think anybody has that complaint.

complaint. I'm just looking to start a fight. If they're listening to this, they would have just listened to the follow-up. Listen to the other episode. Yeah. Listen to yeah. And yeah, no, but it's true. You know, people are like, uh, they're just being idiots. Are we?

Because I'll tell you what, Michael's porch has never been more shitless. Yeah. And yeah, his kids got really scared. And yeah, the dog pack. Yeah. There were some growing pains to get there. And somebody said that the other neighbor just handled it with a BB gun and didn't call stupid podcast, but that other neighbor's an asshole.

Yeah, well, I guess that other neighbor's never heard of content. Exactly. No, stop it. No, we're not making it. No, no, no, no, no, no. I quit, I quit, I quit. I quit. Goodbye, Michael, goodbye.

Michael, you ruined the show. Michael. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Thanks, Michael. Thank you, buddy. Thank you, guys. What's up, boys?

It's Taylor. Wanted to call in and give an update on how it's going. with forky, Spoonie, and Knifey. Sent you guys a couple of pictures of me and my fanny pack and also forky, spoonie, and knifey that I drew faces on each. And I'll be honest, for two days I committed to wearing that fanny pack. I went to a kid's birthday party. I coach basketball, and I brought it to basketball practice.

and I did get kind of made fun of and shamed in both environments. And so I kind of fell off the few days after that, but I'll tell you the truth, and this is not bullshit. Every time I go and interact with silverware, ever since that, it's a couple of days of actually having the silverware that had faces on it, and then also having to explain to people why I had it, I have this half of second every time I'm scraping something in the trash can of like, I cannot throw this silverware away.

I hold it in my hand with a little more care. So I'm not sure if it's ring the bell time quite yet just because this is a, you know, I don't, I'm an animal, but I don't throw silverware away every week. It's more of like maybe every couple months thing. So I'll probably have to check in. see where my inventory is before we can really say we can ring the bell here. But goal number one was to change the relationship I had with my silverware, and I think we succeeded.

We're Here to Help is hosted by Jake Johnson and Gareth Reynolds. If you'd like to be on the show, please email us your question at helpful pod at gmail.com. And if you want to watch video episodes of We're Here to Help, You can go to our Patreon at patreon.com slash Here to Help Pod to see our entire catalog. We're Here to Help is produced by Rabbit Grimm Productions. Executive producers Rob Hollis, Jeff Porter, and Natalie Hollis, Associate producer Jesse Thurston, editing mix and master by Chris Fowler.

The theme song by Oliver Raleigh. The cover artwork is by James Fostike. Animations by Andrew Strelecki. And if you'd like to see Gareth, you stand up on the road, go to Gareth Reynolds.com. Remember all of the advice given on we're here to help is for entertainment purposes only, and all listeners should be adults

and make their own decisions. That was a HeadGum podcast. Hi, I am Mandy Moore. Sterling K. Brown. And I'm Chris Sullivan. And we host the podcast, That was us now on HeadGum. Each episode, we're going to go into a deep dive

from our show, This Is Us. That's right. We're going to go episode by episode. We're also going to pepper in episodes with different guest stars and writers and casting directors. Are we going to cry? Yeah.

A little bit. Are we gonna laugh? A lot. A whole lot. That's what I'm hoping, man. Listen to that was us on your favorite podcast app or watch full video episodes on YouTube or Spotify, new episodes every Tuesday.