We're Here to Help - 298: Sexy Baby & Blame It on the Cheese (with Murray Bartlett)

Episode Date: June 15, 2026

Murray Bartlett (White Lotus, Maximum Pleasure Guaranteed) stops by the show to give some much-needed input to the Babe Ruth of nicknames. Then, he helps a fellow Aussie set boundaries with a forlorn cheese-man.Watch Jake and Murray on Maximum Pleasure Guaranteed, now streaming on AppleTV+Want to call in? Email your question to [e-mail]: https://patreon.com/heretohelppodMERCH: heretohelppod.comINSTAGRAM: @HereToHelpPodIf you’re enjoying the show, make sure to rate We’re Here to Help 5-Stars on Apple Podcasts.Advertise on We’re Here to Help via Gumball.fmSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a headgum podcast. This is a headgum podcast. And we are back. We got a winner today, brother. Jake, we've got a great guest today. We've got from maximum pleasure guaranteed, Murray Bartlett. joins us. The way, the audience, he's great.

So he's also so good in this show. He plays a really fun character on Maximum Pleasure Guaranteed. I highly recommend you check it out on Apple out now. But you would know Murray from season one of White Lotus. He plays the hotel host. Yeah, and he's great. You want to hear a funny story that I guess I'm going to tell? So Dave Bernard, one of the producers of that show, wrote to me, mind you, very clear was not an offer.

Murray got the job because Murray deserved the job. It was not a pass by old Jake Johnson. It was a conversation with a guy who did not have final say. Mike White has final say. Dave texted and said, putting together a show with Mike White. I'm a big Mike White fan. He said, it was during the pandemic. He said, would you be willing to come to home?

Hawaii for a gig. And I was like, yeah, problem is I got the family and I got the kids. So I can't really disappear from the group during this era. And I was like, but man, all that sounds really fun. And he was like, yeah, putting it together still early stages. And then I go, what's the role? And he said, are you comfortable playing a gay character? And I wrote, of course I don't care and then he wrote okay that's what I thought just wanted to check

and I was like yeah truly don't care and then he said there's a scene where you would eat another man's butt and Gareth I thought that was like an old 90s joke so I went like

I'd prefer nothing more right on it was something stupid like that and then moved on then we texted a little bit later so what we wrote back later right in another direction uh talk soon

whatever forgot all about it watched the show loved the show loved Murray and right away I was like they went in the right direction I really would have I was like he is so good then I see the scene

and I was like oh my God I had a moment. I don't know if I'm mature enough to get through that scene. Just laughing into an ass. I don't know if I could do that with anybody on camera. I don't give a crap if it's... I think you could.

You could with almost anybody. Easily. They'd be like, let us start rolling. I'll be like, I'll just get down here now. Like I said, yeah. Someone would be like, that's so sad that raccoon died and got hit by the car. It's got a funky smell. You're like, you want me to eat its ass? You want to film it?

And they'd be like, for what? You'd be like behind the scenes? I'm just driving to a show. I'm not even, it's not even for like any network. It's for a stand-up show in Wichita. It's for a promo for one-nighter in Wichita where I'm at 45% sold. Kyle's like, brother, I don't think we filmed this. And you're

like, put it at, and then Luke's going, I'll eat the ass first. I'll eat Geras ass. We can human centipede. I'm like, that's a good bit. By the way. And then Kyle goes, the battery's dead on the camera, guys. I've said three times, stop. Let's just rehearse.

Let's just rehearse it. Full rehearsal, though. Garrett, you're eating a raccoon's butt. Full rehearsal. Luke is eating yours. Full rehearsal. I'll be in Wichita. I get the date wrong.

Oh, whatever. Where are you guys from? So I'm letting the front row goes, he's really cute on the Instagram clips, but he smells like a raccoon's terrible. It's really long. I'm on there for an hour 30. He's got a really rotten smell to his face. The mic's just kind of, Mike's like glistening. He and the mic are shiny.

Wait, I wanted to say something very quickly. The, the story you told you were on Kimmel to promote maximum pleasure guaranteed. Yeah. The story and the way that segment went on Kimmel was so, What a clean segment on a talk show. It is like one of the few times where a segment has a beginning, a middle, and an end. And it was, I just was, I was texting you. I was like, it is so funny. By the way, I talked to my mom last night. She's calling me every night at about midnight.

Sure. So we had about an hour and a half talk about. She's still en route with Rick. She is currently, I mean, mind you, this is going to air in a few weeks. But today is when we're doing this is May 21st. I did chemo, I think, maybe not yesterday, two nights ago. My mother is currently, last night she was in Texas, Amarillo. Today she's driving into New Mexico, but just to give you a little sense of where Eve is at.

So she is an iPhone. She texted me today during this. What time is it? Hmm. She's on her phone. That is puzzling. And rather than look up, she texted what time is it? So I wrote, it was 837 my time, so I wrote 1037 because that would be her time.

She didn't write back. I think you threw her. Why would you text on a phone? What time is it? I think this is my guess. I think she wanted to see the time difference from where you are to where she was. And when she asked that and you said her time. She was probably like,

no, I'm fucking lost. She's lost. Yeah, that's right. She's in the Salvadori clock painting right now. Like, what is time? All right, we got to go. Murray Bartlett, great guest. The best.

The best. And then go watch Maximum Pleasure Guaranteed, streaming now on Apple. Just want to mention that all new episodes are released a day early on Hulu. Yep. We are also having our back catalog is going to be on Hulu.

We're going to be about 20 at a time. So if you have not checked us out on Hulu, then check us out on Hulu. Gareth, Jesse, are we saying any lies? No, and you can get season one, season two. We're going to have a nice melange on Hulu, but the day early. I mean, there's a lot of advantages.

Here's another thing. Here's another thing. People going, well, I don't have Hulu. You got YouTube? Because we're there, too. Yeah. Hulu, a day early. YouTube for stragglers.

And also, you go, I don't have that. Well, we got Patreon. Yeah. And they go, I don't have that. What do you want? Yeah, okay, Jake. We're trying to be inclusive

and you're yelling at them. But I think you're right. It's just, look. Watch this show anywhere. There's a lot of options. Who's early? Hulu's early. Audio day of, YouTube day of.

Patreon, no ads. Here's the way to remember. it. Hulu, new, so Nulu. It's not the way to remember. They also have back catalog stuff. Okay, then that we call... Yeah, all right, it's falling apart. This episode of the podcast is brought to you by Tiny Health. This is something I am about to do.

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This episode of the podcast is brought to you by Booking.com, booking dot, yeah. You guys all know what this is. It's a place where you can go and book the hotels you're going to stay at. If you're going to visit somebody, you're going to go somewhere and you don't know what to do. You book booking.com. It makes it very easy. Booking.com makes it easy to find a hotel or a holiday home that's just not generically right or right for someone,

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He'd probably never think to tell on his own. This is something I wish I did with Crocko. I missed it. He passed. You don't get that time back. I'm having a lot of fun with Miss Eve right now, Miss Evie, Eve Johnson. I would do a story with her, but I think that might go a little sideways. I might do it with Rick, her driving companion.

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Father's Day is Sunday, June 21st. So order right now and save up to $20 at storyworth.com. Slash here to help. Save up to 20 at storyworth. com slash here to help storyworth.com slash here to help. Hello. Yeah. Hey, hello.

Quite an opening there, friend. What's your name, please? Hey, I'm Ryan. Hi, Ryan. Where are you calling from, Ryan? I'm calling from like the Annapolis, Maryland area. Okay. And Ryan, how old are you, roughly?

38 now. 38. Way to go. Ryan, you've got Jake. You've got me. I'm not going to lie, we've got a special one for you. From the Apple show Maximum Pleasure Guaranteed, we have the great Murray Bartlett with us.

So you've got three bangers for you here. Murray, I just got to say really fast, before we get into it, you were so good at Season 1 of White Lotus. So good. Thanks, man. And you're so good in Maximum Pleasure Guarantee, too. But that show is really when I got to know you as a talent, you just crushed it.

Thank you so much. Yeah, that was like, you know, as you can imagine, It was the role of a lifetime, which I was like, geez, I hope I don't F this up. Do you know what I'm saying? But yeah, it was also one of those things. It was like shot in the middle of COVID. So we were just so happy to be not locked down and on a beach with an amazing group of people with cool scripts. Basically on theater camp, that's what it felt like.

That's really cool. And then you play a, I don't want to give anything away in maximum pleasure, guaranteed, but you play a wild character on this one. I do play a wild character. on this one. And it's, you're right. Like, it's hard to talk about it without giving anything away. And one of the great things about this show is it's just this like roller coaster ride of surprises. So I don't want to, I don't want to give anything away except that, you know, my character is not what he seems to be. And there may be some sociopathic tendencies. Yeah, I would say so. It's a really strong show. I really like it. I help people watch.

Apple started May 20th. Ryan, what's going on, brother? What do we got? All right. So you guys were the first people I thought of when I had this problem, so I'm stoked to be here. Look, you know when, like, you have, like, really good friends or you have good family or, you know, people you get to know really well.

You start developing, like, nicknames and pet names and things for them. You stop calling them their real name and you have, like, this new name, right? Yeah. has a tendency to do that for everyone, for people. And we have two young kids, and she has done that with them. The older one, nicknames a little bit out there, nothing crazy. But we just had a baby. He's eight months now.

And over time, she just started making comments about the baby. Like, oh, you're such a cute baby. Oh, you're such a great-looking baby. Oh, you're so awesome. And then she started calling him like, you're a hottie. And then now she has landed on this term for him. and she almost exclusively calls him sexy baby. Oh, no.

But I get it, Ryan, you've set this up perfectly, but I hate this. Keep going. Man. Yeah, yeah. So obviously, you know, as his father, as a human being, this makes me a little uncomfortable. It started out in the house, but she's become very comfortable with this. It happens in public. It happens around friends.

Other people have been like, I don't understand why this is happening. And look, I have tried to get her to stop. I have, I mean, we can talk about some of the things I've done. But, like, she just doesn't see a problem with it, and she continues to do it. So to distinctly ask my question, how do I get my wife to stop calling our infant son's sexy baby? I mean, let's just give a round of applause for your setup. Clean, perfect problems. I am tickled.

I need to know really fast, Ryan. What do you do for work? because I feel like it's going to have something to do with setting up promises cleanly in communication. You know, I see so you guys nailed it perfectly. So actually I'm finishing up my career in the Air Force, but I did public relations and communications. This makes perfect sense. You're all set, Ryan. You're all set.

You got this. Excellent. Really quickly. I'm going to use it as my resume builder. Excellent. Excellent. What is the nickname of the first baby? Okay, so nickname of the first baby

I got to give you some background So first baby, she was a little bit of a chunky baby So you know, you do the baby thing Oh, you're so chunky, you're so chunky She started calling her chunka Like as like a nickname But then started like attaching animals to it So now we have landed on

And it is still her name to this day Her name is Chunka chicken How old is this child? How old is this child? Is that child, Ryan? Yeah. Three years old. And so actually now we're at the point where obviously she's three and a half.

You know, it's kind of cute still fine. Chunk of chicken's great at three and a half. It's going to be fine until like right around six. When she has friends over, she's going to say, stop calling me Chunky Chicken. That'll fix itself. Yep. But it's good that you didn't land on Chunky chicken.

Like chunk of chicken sounds like, it's a little cute chunk of chicken. So I like that. Chunky chicken is definitely different. Yeah. It's a tough one. Not a terrible nickname. Well, compared to sexy baby, anything's awesome.

Chunk of chicken and sexy baby are shocking family. Chunker chicken and sexy baby. Okay. Excellent Christmas cards. Absolutely. Okay, so now, Ryan, what is your nickname from your wife? Well, so I will tell you that I've had a nickname from like the beginning we started dating. And I don't know, you'll have to bleep it or something because it involves my.

last name but she calls me mr. okay that's clean okay okay and do you have a nickname for her no i'm not a nickname person i'm very straight to the point like i know you got mr chuck a chicken sexy baby and linda her name is leslie i'm gonna call that's okay so we're trying murray we're trying to get away from calling a little baby boy sexy baby. Yeah. Is there any questions anybody's hearing right now? Do we get in the world of pitching? Where's everybody at? Murray, where's your head at? I mean, immediately I went to, you know, come up with a really cool, catchy name that you just start calling the baby and hopefully it'll

catch on. But that's, you know, that's maybe a long game and it might not catch on. So I don't know, but that's, that's where my head went. First thing that jumps out at Murray with a cool baby nickname. What are you thinking here? instead of sexy baby yeah um uh wow um what's the what's the what's the other chuk a chicken chunk of chicken um uh just does sound like a fast food restaurant it does yeah what what does the the excuse me calling your baby a sexy baby but what does the sexy baby look like? Is there is there sort of a physical attribute that might sort of give itself to

a name? Imagine Magnum P.I. but as a baby. Moustache excluded. That great hair, having a little assistant butler with him at all time. He drives a Ferrari. Chunk of chest hair. I think that's going to bring me back to sexy baby, I have to say.

I've always got a nine millimeter somewhere on his body. Yeah. I don't know. What about is the sexy baby mile of female? Sorry? Yeah, it's a boy. A boy. He's objectively a cute baby.

Sure. So, I mean, it's not like it's not fitting, but. Ryan, I'm going to tell you right now, it doesn't matter how cute your kid is calling it sexy baby is a bridge too far. I got a pitch going off of Murray's pitch. What if you start calling Jack TV ready? Oh. Because you're saying there's no denying.

Jack's a cute baby. So sexy, babe, we got to get sexy out of there from mother to son. Now, I get why she's doing it. A lot of people do this with kids where they're like, oh, my God, they're scrumptious. I want to eat them. And you're like, enough. It's too intimate. But TV ready is taking a step outside and you're going like, or like commercial baby or, you know, Mr.

Huggies. I like that. Let me ask you this because very quickly. Has it, have other, have you seen other people hear your wife use that name and sort of be like, whoa. Yeah, oh, absolutely. So like, I have an older daughter. I have a teenager. And she's like, every time she said it, she kind of does that like office stare at me.

Like, is this happening right now? It's happened with like other family members. Like, no one, no, like, brought it up to her. But I'm like, no, this is like, this is the thing. I promise you, people are uncomfortable. Okay. So then Jake's pitch of find a. more mainstream way of calling out the child's good looks.

What do you think about something like that, Ryan? Yeah, I like I said, I'm not a nickname person, but I kind of like, you know, nicknamed him like Jackie, you know, just like normal stuff like that. So I've been trying to like inject more. He's not a nickname guy. He's not a nickname guy. The kid's name is Jack.

He's not an nickname. The idea that you're trying to hang with Leslie on the nickname game, like, yeah, she calls the baby sexy baby, but I'm also, I got a bunch of Nick, I'm calling Jack. Jackie. We're all fucking playing around. We're all crazy in this house. Look, we're at wizards. Actually, it doesn't hold a flame. I know I got something really fast, actually, that you could take away the fun of sexy baby. You're just going to have to commit to it being uncomfortable.

This is where I'm headed. Gareth, do be a favor and be her for a second. Okay. And talk about the baby. And I'm going to give you an example, Ryan, of what I think you should do every time she says sexy baby. Okay, great. Oh, gosh. Just changed his type.

Look at this sexy baby. Not sexual. Yeah. No, of course not. What? It's just the baby. I just, I was making it very clear that it's not a sexual. No, I'm just, he's a sexy.

He's a very cute baby. Not sexual. Sexy baby. Not sexual. What? What? What are you doing? Yeah, pretty good.

Because you're just putting like an asterix. You're the caveat her. You're just saying she doesn't mean it's sexual. And she's going to go like, what are you talking about? You're just reminding her that even though she's a mom and she's in this like cocoon of warmth and love and baby stuff, other people aren't in that cocoon of safety. So you're letting people know she is not giving your son a sexual nickname, even though she's saying sexy.

Murray, your thoughts. Yeah, I think that's the way to go. I think. Shame her. Is that what you mean, Jake? Well, it's a kind of, it's pretend to be giving an explanation to others. I was kind of headed in a similar direction, but I do think what you're going for there is better.

And then I think your first pitch comes into play after that. That's when you bring your other pitches for the different nickname to the table. But it is a uncomfortable thing. Actually, I have another. Go ahead, Murray. No, it's just, yeah, it's finding a way to kind of de-sting or, kind of neutralize or sort of shine a light on what this name is actually kind of bringing into the atmosphere. It's kind of presenting her with how you feel. So it's like she's making you feel

like it's a bridge too far. So then when you say that, you're sort of calling out what you feel. And she's going to be like, what the fuck are you doing? I have a better, I have an idea that I think is going to work for you, Ryan. And it's going to use what we've got to know about you. They want you to do a PowerPoint presentation for your work. wife. You're great at communication. You're an Air Force guy. You're disciplined. The PowerPoint intention is going to be very good. It's going to be very thought out. And what it is is you need to, she can nickname everybody in the family. She's the nickname expert. You are not. You give every example of every nickname she's done to everybody in your life with the nickname and a photo and how it's an

A plus. And when it comes to chunk of chicken, you have literally like confetti in the PowerPoint. Yay. Then when it's sexy baby, it's boo. And then how sexy and baby just don't go together. And then how for you, it just elicits ideas of like the term, like, then you define like what the term sexy, where it comes from sexual. Maybe pictures of people we consider sexy in today's day and age. To sort of show that this is not a Sydney. Or really are Brad Pitt.

And then, but the overly graphic photo where you're like, whoa. Well, maybe separate the two words, like a column of pictures of sexy and a column of pictures of baby. Just to kind of like draw the really like kind of draw and draw the sort of difference. And then go, I would never, and the ending of it is, I would never pitch to the nickname master suggestions of what it should be. but I am asking you after this like 35 minute PowerPoint presentation to please come up with something new. I think we maybe do have a pitch on it. I think you're right,

but maybe there is a very good, you could pitch the name Maverick. Air Force, hot, but it's not as overt when you're in public saying sexy. Chunky chicken, goose. If you have felt like a goose, And Maverick. That's good. And you offer to buy little bomber jackets for these two.

If you had the final thing as a photo of your baby in a bomber jacket with the glasses and go, I would like to, for the first time, I would like to give a nickname. I want to go away from sexy chicken and I want to either call it Maverick or Goose. Ryan, can I ask you, does what does your, your, do the other things that your wife loves is, Is there, like, you know, is there some animal that she loves? Is there any, what comes to mind when you think of what she loves? Because maybe if you can come up with a name that's something endearing to her or something that she thinks is super cute or...

It's very thoughtful. Yeah, no, I like that. I like that. Well, she's really into bunny. She's got a thing for bunnies. So, you know, other cute, fluffy, cuddly things. She's also a big fan of, like, yoga and, like, you know, that type of vibe and scene. Okay.

The name that comes to mind is Bodie, Bodie Bunny. Bodie for the yoga, bunny. Bodie also, though, from point break, Patrick Swayze, quite sexy. Ooh. Bodie Tree, you know, she'll relate to that. Yeah. I like that. I think, well, I think Jake's on something really, like, smart here of, like, you start with the positive of, like, you're so great at nicknames.

And every nickname you have, the photo, the nickname. Amazing. Yep. And you're walking her through the ceremony of the hits. Wow. Chunk of chicken. Then you hit her with, you know, this is what sexy is, with, you know, a really, like, stunning collage of sexy. And then also the same with-

And graphic. Graphic. Yeah. Bordering on gross, I think. What happened to do that. Does your wife like a little wine here, Ryan? Is she what? Does she drink wine?

Oh, yeah. She'll have a little wine. She likes some bourbon. I might, yeah. I might have a little alcohol available for this session. You know, grease the wheels a little. This is when all the kids are sleeping. Yes.

Yeah. I want you to go when you get to the sexy part, if you're going to do this right, from the beginning of time. So we're not talking about 2026. You're talking about. What sexy has always? You want the big bang theory in. of sexy.

Of what we as humans, when we hear sexy blank, if you go sexy alligator, then that's going to be an alligator in like a miniskirt, right? If there was a cartoon, if you go, what's a sexy bunny? Rome, what was sexy in Rome? What became sexy through the middle ages? What was considered sexy? The 70s, the 80s, what was sexy? It's always been considered for decent people, not sexy.

And then it's babies. Right. I love that because it's kind of academic. It's less kind of like, I'm going to shock you so that you, you know, no, this is like just, it's very sort of rational and kind of like historical and well thought out. Yeah. And she's going, he put time into this. And at the end, we're complimenting as well, which I think is good. But I definitely think once we see that juxtaposition, I do think that's a pretty good pitch. And then I think you can pitch a couple, but maybe that's just to make her realize that you're not.

not good at it or whatever, but she needs to come back. And the truth is who can come up with a better nickname than Leslie? I mean, the fucking Babe Ruth of nicknames. Oh, and Ryan, here's the final pitch to her. You then get an image and we'll send you, get an image of us two from the podcast and get an image of Murray, maybe from White Lotus. There is a specific scene I just started thinking of from White Lotus.

It couldn't really play. especially in the sexy section and then a callback and then you say these guys helped and what we would like is when we come up with the new nickname we'll go on the show and pitch to them the new nicknames and we as a community can lock in the new one oh i like it now she goes i can't because what she might do in the powerpoint is like you're crazy i'm not doing this, you are a maniac. But then she's like, Gareth, Murray, and Jake, and the audience. Big spotlight. Now she's like, I can't get out of this. And then she goes, Maverick and Goofs are terrible.

I'm not calling him Jackie. And that's fine, Leslie. You come up with the pitches, come back on the show, and we'll lock something in. All the PowerPoint presentation is loosening the grip of sexy baby. It is not about locking in a new one. She is the nickname queen.

I agree with all this. I think that, I think this is great. I mean, this is so outside of what I was thinking, so much more in-depth. And I think this is actually going to work. Okay, so Ryan, now walk us through your plan, what you're going to do, how you're going to present it, how you're going to tell her, take over.

Your timeline. Yeah, walk us through it. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, for sure. So the last thing I need really is more work, but thank you guys for that. I'm going to go ahead on that. I'm going to go ahead and throw together a PowerPoint slide.

Like you said, I'm going to go through all the family, all the pets, all the friends, all the nicknames, pictures, and their nickname, line it up, slide by slide. And it's just going to kind of build and show her how great she is at this and how grateful we are for these nicknames. And then at the very end, I love the juxtaposition of this is sexy and these are babies and they are not the same. So show that slide. And then, you know, we'll get a picture of Jack on there and show him, you know, hey,

he's a cute baby, but he needs a real nickname. So that will be the soft pitch to be like, hey, sexy baby, not okay. Real nickname, though, let's start thinking about what that could truly be. And I think that kind of will shift her away from this, you know, the fixation she has on this. Yeah, it's just, she's going down the wrong path. She's like about to become a full addict, but right now she's just experimenting with hard drugs. Yep. Exactly right.

It's time. Listen, she had her fun. Get her back to weed and beer. She had her fun. Listen, she rode the dragon for a little while. God bless. But come on. Come back to her.

Have a beer. It's not sustainable. Not sustainable. This is exactly right. This is not, this is dangerous. This is the opium dead. Get outside. Have a joint for God's sake.

Exactly. Put some tobacco in there. You'll be fine. You'll be fine. Okay. Go on a hike for fuck's sake. Enjoy the son. That's a drug.

What are you doing in there? Get out. You're hanging out with the wrong people. You're 33. You look 55. What are you doing? Who are you talking to us now? Now that's getting personal.

Now, Brian, how do you feel about this? Honestly, this is better than I could even imagine. I was like pitching ways to like make her uncomfortable and make her like, I was trying to like fight fire with fire and it wasn't working. Like, this is a genius. Ryan, when do you think you'll be able to get this presentation together? Oh, man. Definitely within the next couple weeks.

And then, you know, Gerith, will you explain to him to the new rule? Yeah, Ryan, and listen, we're excited and we know you're going to put in good work. But you feel good about the advice, the session. Murray, Jake, and I have pitched pretty well. You feel good? Oh, absolutely, yeah. This is a free service. This is a community service.

The only thing we're going to say is there is a tab. And the tab is pretty simple. What we need from you is when you're giving the PowerPoint to Leslie, we just are going to need your phone set up somewhere where we can film from behind Leslie, her head, the PowerPoint, and we want that all just recorded, and we're going to take that. We will blur out anything you want blurred out, but that's the tab. The tab is we need to be able to share this experience with our audience, because quite frankly, Ryan, we're all very invested in this.

Yeah, no, it's a visual thing, too, so I get it. You get it. Yeah, no, I get it. Okay. Don't run out of here. We want to be friends. Thank you for the call. We cannot wait for the follow-up.

I know this is going to work. And when Leslie's ready, come back on the show and let's hear the follow-up will be either she's not presenting it. You guys are telling us or you're presenting options. However, Leslie wants to run the nicknames. Okay. You got this, Ryan. You've got this. This is a win.

Maximum pleasure guaranteed. Exactly. Awesome. Thanks, boys. This is going to be great. Go get them. Bye, bye, bye. This episode of the podcast is brought to you by Earning. Earning is the original Earned Wage Access app that lets you access your money as you work instead of waiting days and weeks for a paycheck.

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Booking.com helps you get it ridiculously right so you can find exactly what you're booking for. G-man, you're on the road constantly. The hotel you're in, did the show book it, or did you book it using booking.com? You know what I've been doing, Jake, is I have to switch hotels so often that I've started asking the clubs if they'll just give me a buyout. And then I'll find a hotel that's in between the places. I'll go to booking.com. I'll find a place that is kind of equidistant. And I get a couple nights in the same hotel.

They couldn't make it easier. Well, I've got a question for the audience here. June 19th, is that the date for the Garrett and Steve live show in Omaha? We've got people in the Midwest who are nearby who go, I want to take a little trip and see something. But where would I stay? Well, go to booking.com because it makes it easy to find a hotel or a holiday home. That's just, that's not just generically, right, or right for somebody, but ridiculous. ridiculously right for you.

Well, also Omaha, a fantastic city surrounded by fantastic. I don't know why you said thank you, Steve, but you just live there. But you can get vacation rentals. You can turn it into a few days. I mean, who knows? Hey, Steve, if people come to Omaha for this little trip and they book on booking.com and they turn it into a three-day thing, what are a few things they should do besides see you guys live?

Well, obviously we have the best zoo in the country, uh, in the world, I think, maybe. Find exactly what you're booking for. Booking.com. Booking dot, yeah, book today on this site or in the app. This episode of We're Here to Help is brought to you by Wayfair. I bought a robot vacuum on that cleans itself. It's a self-cleaning robot vacuum. And I love it. The thing goes around, vacuums the floor, then takes itself home to its little portal. I'm a fan of it. Wayfair's got everything you want. It's got outdoor seating, grills, it's got outdoor furniture, over 20 million five-starries reviews. I really can't recommend it enough. You go on there and you get overwhelmed. The problem with Wayfair is they don't sell bigger houses because you just want to buy all the things. Easy to put together. It is always a seamless experience.

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Sexy baby. Hello. How are you going? Good. How are you going? Yeah, good. Thank you. Sorry, I just went very Australian straight away.

No, I think you're going to be okay. I really do. I think you're in good hands here. Listen, you got Jake, you got myself. And from the show, maximum pleasure guaranteed, we have Murray Bartlett also joining us. So do you guys want to say hi to each other in your... Yeah, hi.

Hi, how are you? Pretty good, pretty good. Good. Are you from Australia? I'm from Australia. Where are you from Australia? I'm from Melbourne. Oh, cool.

I'm from Perth, which, you know, and it's a step down from Melbourne. I'm from right in between, really. All right, Jake, we're going to jump on there and cut you off. Call it, what's your name, please? I'm from Dunville. Not a place. Go ahead.

Call it, what's your name, please? I'm going to use a fake name, et cetera. I'm going to go with Jonah. Jonah. Very good fake name. Cool. That's our first Jonah in 300 episodes. It's solid.

Jonah, how old are you? I'm 32. 32, you're coming from Melbourne. Really quick thing for Murray and Jonah is an American in California. What's the difference between Melbourne and Perth? What do you think, Jonah? I feel like we probably got... Oh, go ahead.

Yeah. Oh, you guys are all better looking and you've got tans and... you all surf. Melbourne is a bit, you know, there's less nice weather, and we're probably a bit pastier. And, yeah. Perthage with that, the hunkier ones there? Yeah, but the flip side of that is that Melbourne's like this sort of cultural hub

of Australia, you guys have like great, not that we don't have good food in Perth, but you guys have really mastered the kind of the cafe culture. You've got great clubs. You've got a great music scene. Like, you got all that good stuff. Yeah, that's true That's true All right

I like it Okay cool This is the difference Culturally between America They're both making cases For why the other one city is better But in America you'd be like Yeah

Light down You're like you're lucky Hey but Gareth If you and I were Australian cities I think you would be Perth And I might be Melbourne I got no notes on that I love

I love There's a lot to love I have to say now Not the flight But everything else Yeah. All right, Jonah, take over, friend. All right.

So I actually live in Paris with my wife. So I'm actually not in Melbourne at the moment. But we've been here for about, she's been here for a bit longer, but I've been here for almost two years. And about 10 months ago, we moved into an apartment that is above a very cool cheese shop. And there's three guys that work there. And they're very cool. And we always say hi to them and we buy lots of cheese. And they often also take our packages like Amazon.

packages if we're not home they signed for it. So it's very good vibe. Good to have down there. Dangerous to have down there because I'm a bit less tolerant. But the other day... Quite a detail. Gross detail. It all sounded so French until you're like,

by the way, my downstairs neighbors give me diarrhea. Anyway, here's a problem. It was so cool and romantic and then got so smelly. It really did. Gross. No wonder you're using it. an alias.

All right, keep going, Jonah. So the other day, we were coming back. We just had gone out for dinner and we were walking past. And the three guys with a few of their friends were having a wine out of the front. And one of them was DJing. So we started chatting to them. And I was talking to one of them and my wife was talking to another guy that was, one of the guys that works there.

Let's call him Pierre. And he starts to ask. her out on a date. Yeah, but I don't, we've, we've talking about it since. We don't think he knows. We never go in together because we're just popping in to get a cheese or a package or something. So the guy that I was talking to in French said to him, that's his, what are you doing?

That's his wife. And he was, he apologised and we were laughing. And then, and so I thought it was fine. And, you know, we were both, me and my wife were both chafed about it. But then since then, Pierre has been really awkward and he seems a bit sad. And whenever I will pass now to try and, you know, say hi to him or give him a fist bump, there's definitely a mood change. And it's been about three weeks now.

And, you know, I want to have a relationship with these cheese guys because they're cool and they take our Amazon packages. But it's, yeah, it's changed since you asked her out on the date. All right, let him have sex with your wife. Easy. All right. Well, thanks, John. Pierre and your wife start going on some dates.

You get to fist pump and have gross farts, man. Is that what you want here? What a secure man you are, Jonah, to be like my issue here is that the guy from the cheese shop who was hitting on my wife, his morale seems low since he found out that we're together. It's not a problem I'd call in with. I think it's worse. I'd be like, how do I kill this cheese guy?

Okay, so just to be clear, cheese shop guy Pierre asks your wife out, he finds out you two or together, he's down in the dumps, you want to require this relationship because you love the cheese shop rapport you've developed, basically. Exactly.

Crazy. Let's hear a little bit about Pierre. Pierre is very French. he's tall and he doesn't speak any English which is the other the other kind of snag in it is that I I speak French like a four year old

and so I feel like it's sort of a delicate situation trying to have a conversation like this with him if I if I you know where do I go from that and he actually was the one DJ so he's very cool he's very tall he's definitely if he came to a fight and he had to

buy the me for my wife he would definitely win This is not going to come to that story. But hold on, this is crazy, Jonah. So he's a DJ. He's very tall. He's French. He can kick your ass.

Does your wife speak French? Yeah, he definitely is French. I think he might be a... No, does your wife speak French. She does very well. This is a nightmare. I completely agree. Is he attractive?

Yes. Yes, yeah, but we have different looks. Of course. He's really hot and tall and you're short and stumpy like me. And you're pasty from Melbourne. I look a lot like the heavy guy from New Girl. I'm like, you're in a danger zone, brother. You are in a danger zone.

Well, listen, we're on Jonah's side. I will say, it feels like you could have just Googled what is a French man and you're just reading the details. He's tall. He works at a cheese shop and he's a DJ. If you Google what Frenchman will steal my wife. It's wild. It's this.

Okay. So we're looking to repair this relationship. Can I just bring up one point? Jonah, did you have more than a kind of a passing relationship with Pierre? Like, what was your relationship with Pierre before? Were you super friendly? Did you try and exchange words? was there kind of a, was there a sort of established rapport?

And if there was, what was that? There definitely was a rapport. Like I would go in and buy cheese from him and ask him about the cheese. And then when he was like the front door of the cheese shop, which way out of the same front door. So when he would be having a little cafe and a cigarette out of the front, I would like give him, like say, savile to him and like give him a few spamp. I don't mean this. I don't mean this weird, but I'm getting turned down.

by this guy. He's hot. He's smoking. He's so cool. He's hot. So cool. Look, we don't want to bang. Yeah. Yeah, I mean, yeah, I don't. But, uh, and I don't, you know, what? I don't think my wife does either, which is good because that would be a different for and that's interesting. Okay, that's nice to hear. She's not into it. What is the wife's POV on the situation and your feeling about the situation? Uh, she has also, uh, said that Pierre has been a bit cold and like trying to be distant from her as well. So she's feeling the same. She misses the old Pierre too. Yeah, yeah. Because it was a nice, it was a nice vibe to have that kind of relationship and how I think. But I get where Pierre's coming from, maybe he's actually

being respectful and he's like, I overstepped and I don't want them to feel uncomfortable. They live here. I did not know they were together. So I'm going to pull back, because I like the vibe too. Yeah, okay. Maybe, I mean, we're just, Jonah, at this point my head's getting. I, um, yeah, I can jump in with a pitch if we like it. I, I think, uh, what might be a good idea is to invite the cheese shop workers upstairs

for some wine after work and a little bit of a communal hang. and I would maybe populate it with a couple other friends of yours to sort of just involve a little booze and just let's turn the page together. I don't like that. Murray, your thoughts. I feel like, yeah, well, I mean, I think inviting other people, that might make it worse, actually.

I feel like maybe they'd get the wrong impression there. Same. Yeah. But I do think that like a direct approach might be, well, I don't know. I mean, that's sort of an indirect approach, but I think it could be easily misinterpreted. I do too.

I don't want Pierre in my home. But you've got to, we've got to put our Jonah glasses. I know, but I would maybe do something like that there. I wouldn't say this is the bedroom area. I'm not asking for these Cheeseman to go into the bedroom. The bedroom is shut. I'm asking them to be in the living room, have a pop or two. Let's hang out.

Have a laugh. We're friends. This party wraps up. All clothes remain on. An hour or two after work. Jonah gets diarrhea. The boys leave. I don't know.

I'm feeling that maybe that's like stage two or three. I feel like a more sort of like one-on-one or two-on-one sort of like. Don't say two on one on one. No, no, no, no. I would have to do a two on one. That's perfect. Or four on one. Four on one as long as six on six.

A two on one in a public space of like, you know, somehow breaking the eyes to make him feel more comfortable, whether it's like, you know, I don't know, giving him like a gift or somehow like, I mean, I don't know that the direct approach. No. Well, here's, look. Here's where. I'm bumping, Jonah. He asked out your wife, and then he's quiet. He doesn't deserve a gift.

But Jake, he doesn't deserve an invite. We're all, this is what we're all struggling with Jonah is your security as a man. It seems like Jake and I, I will say, do not possess this. But I don't know about, but so, but we've got to look from his POV. He's secure. He doesn't, he's not worried about any of that. The wife is all good. We're just talking about if you take the wife out of it. We've had an awkward situation with Pierre from the cheese shop. How do we make him feel like we're all good and buddies again? So next time you see Jonah, him sitting outside smoking a cig, having a glass of wine. Is that what they do?

Eat some cheese. Sit outside? Yes. Yeah, that's it. Just ask if you could sit down. Or get a really nice bottle of red. Yeah. And the next time you see him out there.

say, can I join and hand them the wine for everybody? And I do think maybe you go there just you for this first round, because it might be the couple dynamic that's making him feel a little strange. So you go over there, thaw the ice that way, and then we're sort of getting back in, maybe. Yeah, I like that. Do you smoke cigarettes? On occasion with a wine.

So what I would consider doing is, having a pack of cigarettes that you know they also smoke. And while they're out there sitting, go, do you mind if I sit down? I'm going to have a, I'm going to have a smoke. And then offer to them and make sure you offer to Pierre with a smile.

Yeah, go ahead. You got something. I just feel like if I was, if I put myself in your position, Jonah, I would, and I do, I feel similarly, I think, kind of secure in my relationship.

If someone did that that we wanted to be friends with, I'd find the right moment. And maybe it's outside with a cigarette, like you're making a gesture that kind of, you know, like that's friendly. I would at some point say, hey, like, I know maybe there was a little awkwardness at some point. We just want you to know, we think you're super cool.

And like this, you know, there's, it's all good, man. Like it's, it's there's a language barrier, whatever. But like, we just think you're awesome. So I don't know, I just, I feel like, that's what I would do at some point in the right in the right moment maybe it's the second or third time you offered a cigarette on the stoop but like I would I would go the direct route I feel like French men I feel like French people in general that they're like they express their emotions they don't like hide things and I feel like getting it out in the open inner just sort of like you know

what this is it's totally cool man I I feel like you know in the right moment a direct approach like that could be the way, the good way in. Let me ask you a question, Jonah. You guys swing it all? Tiki. No. No, we don't. You know, we're not there.

We're only newly married. We're only married for three months. And how long have you guys been dating? Six years. Do you meet her in Melbourne? Yeah. What brought you guys to Paris together? She came for a job.

and I'm a musician, so I just tag along because I can sort of... I love the year of musician. Are you a cool musician? Yeah, I'm the singer, so I... Now I'm getting the confidence. Okay, yeah. So you're a cool Australian singer. You're a hot guy.

You're not worried about a cheese guy. Yeah. No, I'm not worried about him. I'm worried about his feelings. I'm not worried about him in my life. No. Okay, so this is pretty cool. so then I'm not bringing until you guys are like a super hot couple from Melbourne yeah

yeah yeah my wife is a babe Jonah has long hair again I'd ask you out too I did I did I did after I yeah Jonah do you have long hair uh yeah I've got a little mullady thing okay and how many tats do you have just the one uh what is it it's a triangle on my bicep. It's hot as hell. And how ripped your six back? Yeah. You have an ab? He has six of them. I don't know if I've got abs, but I do swim almost every day.

So I'm splendid man. Okay. And when you said this guy could beat you in a fight, we know Australians could mix it up a little bit. Were you being cheeky there? You'd kill this guy. You're an MMA fighter, aren't you? No, no, because I'm little. He's quite big. He definitely could beat me in a fight. What does that mean little? Yeah. I reckon he would be six two, and I'm five, or five, nine or five ten. What, Jake, tell, Jake, explain how it's fucking insulting what just happened was.

You're not little, brother. You're not little. You're fucking above average. Jonah, you're making those of us who are barely sniffing five nine feel terrible. This is a call for us to help you. This isn't to make us feel like shit. Sorry, I'm sorry. I knew that I was going to get you, Gareth.

It was mean that he said little like that. Yeah, he's just, oh, I'm old as shit. I'm 45. And little. Keep picking. I'm little in a hole. I'm going to fly to Paris and I'm going to fight you, Jonah. How about that?

Karen, he'll kill you, dude. I'm going to take a time out. Go ahead. Okay, so you're a cool musician. Now we're getting it. You're not worried about this guy, even though he's a hunk. Your wife's a babe. You got a nice thing.

I think the move is definitely you go down there. I wouldn't do the Gareth thing where you go. just alone because I don't want this to turn into a boys club where it's like it's weird with her but we're cool you and she are the team and they're a team so you're just saying the team of five is all good but it's not you're now kind of with them and with her so I would go down together with two bottles of really nice wine sit down offer it to them and just push past the little weirdness. And if Pierre's quiet, ask him questions, get him talking, offer him cigarettes. So he realizes really quickly, they're pretty cool. But I think you've got to be really aggressive to get

over his feelings. I'm going to put a little bit on that to coordinate it a little bit more. The two bottles of wine, you show up, you have a hang, you're reading the room with Pierre. If you feel any of the awkwardness, I would maybe incorporate the Murray Rinkle where you say, hey, dude, you know, just so you know, that was fine. After an hour on our first bottle of wine, you text your wife and say, come down and join. So you've kind of established this without her around because that's what I worry that it would feel a little more awkward if you give the Murray pitch, which I like. So you have 45 just the boys. The wife comes down for the second bottle of wine, and hopefully we're back on track. I have a joke idea that could work. What if you write a song?

in French to him that says So you asked out my girlfriend I would too Or my wife She's a babe We see it as a compliment Can we go back to being friends? Yeah

Yeah that's funny It's goofy You play it for him With a bottle of wine and go There's not one part of us That feels weird We see it as a compliment We see you guys

That's really cool Let's move on Yeah my only thing about that is if I'm writing him songs, maybe he will misinterpret that as some sort of monasetre. Like, maybe that is a bit romantic. You're not wrong.

Especially now I get a sense that your voice is sexy as hell. You got the kind of voice that whenever you sing somebody wants to think sex with you. And I respect the hell of that. I mean, what's going to end up happening is Pierre and Joan are going to bang. So, John, we've given it. you, I mean, kind of a straight shot on this.

Kind of, but a little structure. Yes, but what do you think you're going to do here? I think I'm going to try and go down first with my wife and just try and have the wine with them. And then maybe on another second occasion, do the, just me. And then maybe mention something and say, you know, that was funny. That's, we're totally cool with that. because also I will be saying this like a four-year-old. I'll be like, when you ask my wife on the date, that was okay.

Me and you are friends. I'll be saying like, in French. But can you, I've got a question, do the other guys down there, does any of them speak English? Yes, yes. Yeah, yeah, one of them does and the other two do at all. Here's what I would do, actually. This is what I would really do. I would go to the guy who speaks good English, and you would say,

say, hey man, is it me or has there been a little bit of weirdness? Can you please tell Pierre, we have no weirdness. We love you guys. There's no reason for awkwardness or sadness and then go like, look, my wife's a babe. Everybody asks her out. And they go, it would be weird if he didn't ask her out. Yeah, yeah, I would be offended. I would be offended if nobody asked her out. I get it. But I can't communicate because my French is bad, but please let him know. We really like him and we feel very friendly. I would, off of that idea, I would maybe perfect the French version of that so you can say it to him, maybe. Work on the French version of that.

So you can feel comfortable saying something like that so it's to him. But I like that idea. Yeah, I like that too. Okay. Yeah. All right. So what are you going to do, Jonah? All right.

I'm going to go in with my wife, try and have a wine with them, suss out whether it's still weird after a bottle of wine. because that might just solve it. If that's not solved, I'm going to go in another time and practice how to say that conversation in French team. Because I think if I rehearse it, I can say, I could say that.

I think that works. Murray, you got anything in closing before we get out of here? No, I think you've done it. Not you, John. Well, hold on one second, Jonah. How about you, Murray? You got anything? I, you know, I think that's a good idea. I am kind of like partial to the like talking through the friend having a translator just because I feel like it doesn't put him on the spot as much.

And you kind of get to check it out a little bit with the friend first. But you know, I think there's some really good options here. I feel like you've got a little smorgasbord to choose from. I also like the song idea. But I, you know, you know, you know which one feels right. You've got, you know, once you have the bottle of wine, like the little sort of, you know, bottle of wine on the stoop with those guys, you can kind of suss out what the vibe is, and then you've got a few good choices. Yeah.

And the good news is if you ever just need to dip out of there as fast as possible, you can just blame it on the cheese. So if it gets awkward, you can just hold your belly and run out. And they've probably already heard your diarrhea. And leave your beautiful wife behind. Lock the door. And Jonah, follow up with us, okay? Yeah, we'll do.

Thanks so much. Thanks, thank you. Thank you for joining us, Murray. Bye. Yes, thank you, Murray. Yeah. Thanks, please. We're here to help is hosted by Jake Johnson and Gareth Reynolds.

If you'd like to be on the show, please email us your question at helpful pod at gmail.com. And if you want to watch video episodes of We're Here to Help, you can go to our Patreon at patreon.com slash here to help pod to see our entire catalog. We're Here to Help is produced by Rabbit Grimm Productions, executive producers Rob Hollis, Jeff Porter, and Natalie Hollis, Associate producer Jesse Thurston, editing mix and master by Chris Fowler. The theme song by Oliver Raleigh. The cover artwork is by James Fostike. Animations by Andrew Strelecki.

And if you'd like to see Gareth, do stand up on the road, go to Gareth Reynolds.com. Remember all of the advice given on we're here to help is for entertainment purposes only, and all listeners should be adults and make their own decisions. That was a headgum podcast. Hey everyone, this is Whitney and Alexan, aka the popcorn queen and king. Hey guys, we just wanted to thank you so much for all the love and support you've shown our family.

As many of you know from episodes 224 and 231, we're navigating Alexa's second kidney transplant journey. And that journey has really inspired us to create the Arana Kidney Recovery Foundation. That's right. The foundation helps transplant families with everyday expenses. during recovery so they could focus on what's most important healing now whether it's lodging transportation groceries or other essential expenses we're here to help lighten the load if you'd like to support our mission you can learn more or donate at a r a n a krf dot org that's iranakrf.org thank you so much for being such an incredible community.

And thank you for always being there to help. Hi, I am Mandy Moore. Sterling K. Brown. And I'm Chris Sullivan. And we host the podcast, That Was Us, now on Headgum. Each episode, we're going to go into a deep dive from our show, This Is Us. That's right. We're going to go episode by episode.

We're also going to pepper in episodes with different guest stars and writers and casting directors. Are we going to cry? Yes. A little bit. Often. A lot. A lot. A whole lot.

That's what I'm hoping, man. Listen to That Was Us on your favorite podcast app or watch full video episodes on YouTube or Spotify, new episodes every Tuesday. Hello, I'm Johnny Knoxville. And I'm Jeff Tremaine. Welcome to Jackass the Podcast, a new show coming to F-H. Coming to F***. That's what it is.

Hello, I'm Johnny Knoxville. And I'm Jeff Tremaine. Welcome to Jackass the Podcast, a new show coming to Heard. Edgum soon. Woo-hoo. I've learned a jackass movie has to be really 90 minutes. Every minute over is a minute too long.

Apparently, there's only so much butthole you can take. We're going to take you behind the scenes of our entire history. All the best bits, bad behavior, and even worse decisions. All of it.

Sometimes we don't make the right decisions, Jeff. I've noticed that. Every so often. With guests like Spike Jones. I think this committed jackass the podcast. What was it going to be called? The Jackass Podcast. That Jackass podcast.

Without you, the IQ drops significantly. Steve-o. There's a strong chance that were it not for Jackass, that I would be in cloud makeup right this fucking minute. Chris Pontius. That shot of your butt just cruising out. I'm like, I got that on TV. God bless us.

Dave England. Yeah, when you come in and you're being really nice, I'm like, damn it, something bad's going to happen to me. Wee man, Jeff grabbed me from the back of the head. and threw a punch. The whole bar just stopped and wanted to kill me. And some of the crew that's been with us from the beginning. I had to share a room with this guy.

I left a nice surprise in the toilet form. Every time. Apparently, he hates to flush. Subscribe to Jackass the podcast on Spotify, Apple Podcast, Pocketcast, or wherever the hell you get podcasts. Our new episodes drop on June 18th. Look out for new episodes in your feed every Thursday. Watch video.

episodes on YouTube and follow along with us on Instagram and TikTok at Jackass the podcast. What were we just talking about? Probably buttholes.