We're Here to Help - 301: 300th Episode Special Pt 2: Scaling Mount Paulie and The Wheel of Strip

Episode Date: June 24, 2026

Jake and Gareth help a bartender discipline a flaky regular. Then, it's Part 2 of the Live 300th, featuring roof rats, strip tease roulette and the latest on the local neighborhood nudists.See images from the episode here: https://www.heretohelppod.com/post/episode-301 Want to call in? Email your question to [e-mail]: https://patreon.com/heretohelppodMERCH: heretohelppod.comINSTAGRAM: @HereToHelpPodIf you’re enjoying the show, make sure to rate We’re Here to Help 5-Stars on Apple Podcasts.Advertise on We’re Here to Help via Gumball.fmSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a headgum podcast. This is a headgum podcast. I was just going to ask about your bear's thoughts. Yeah, I'm open to it. All right. And we're back. What, Jesse? What, Jesse?

What? I was just going to say, maybe that's not the thing. whole intro. Yeah, well, we'll get there, buddy. We've already started, Jesse. It's a point, Jesse. No, you're right. Okay.

No, it's good to touch you and do it at a time point. I just, I feel like. It gets boring for the audience. We'll find a new avenue. Cut out the sports stuff. Who said that to you? I know who said it. Natalie.

Yeah. Where is Natalie? She's around. You guys, nobody cares. Just share other things. Natalie. Are you sick, Natalie? sick of your sports talk

there it is just ridiculous what does the audience think about Natalie that's my real question they're into it they're definitely into it it's like if you remember

you ever watch the Muppet babies and you just see like the nanny's legs like just like knee down we're the Muppet babies and that's just Can I tell you something that I talked about on Andrew Santino's podcast I don't think I've talked about it here

but you're gonna have some enjoyment on this. I don't think we've talked about it, but it's about these headphones and something I listened to. Have I told you this yet? No. So I got these headphones. I did a press thing with Apple where me, Mary Steenbergin and Aaron Chen have to interview each other with these noise canceling headphones and you can't hear each other. Genuinely funny bit. But midway through, I rose, I'm in a commercial for these headphones. And so I was like, will you send me some? And they did. So I got home. I turned them on. And this. And this. really cancel out all other noise in a crazy-ass way.

And you're like, whoa, I'm like a Mount Galaxy, brother. So I started listening to some music just tripping out. I was like, that's cool. I like that. Putting them on, taking little naps with white noise, just being like, whoa, my brain's vibrating. Cutie. But then, Gareth, I got to thinking.

Oh, no. Tell me why, oh, no. Go ahead. I don't want to say. Why don't you want to say? I don't want to be wrong, and then you'll be like, you're disgusting. What was your first thought there, Big Daddy? No, it's about the Bears. Let's go to you, Kim.

Bears games. So it was close to what you thought, but not exactly. I like how you know exactly what I think. I think everybody in the audience knows what you thought. Yeah. There's an advantage. But what I wasn't looking for is just disgusting. Sure.

Porno sounds. Right. Gross. Right in my ear. Oh, yeah, yeah. Gross. Terrible. Pass.

But what? To me, yeah, it could be way, if I was ever on the set of a porn, which actually I was once, I would say, I was in one real quick. Yeah. I would say. Wait, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way. Great. What porn were you in, Gareth? We'll get to that.

No, that's number one. That is top of mind interesting. I actually can't say the name of it. Yes, you can. Well, I will have to bleep it. Why, would you get sued? No, I'm not worried about that. I know the producers.

Then why can't you say the name of the porno you're in? I mean, people are probably listening. I'm driving to work right now and they don't want to hear me say, Bunturnage. That's what I was thinking. But yeah, I told my friends when they were like making porn when we first moved to L.A. Oh, my God. I said, if you ever have a speaking only role, I would totally do it for a laugh.

And then I go, so then they were like, yeah, you could do a little part like. So basically my part is I'm going on a jog with one of the actors. And then these two women pull up in a convertible and they're like looking for sex. They're like, ooh, you're hot or whatever. And then as he gets in the car, I think I'm joining him. And they go, eh, we're good. And they, like, cut me out of it. And then I'm like, I have a busy day anyway.

I probably couldn't get involved in this. Garrett, how do we get our hands on that footage? I can get my hands on that footage quite easily. One text away, I can get that scene from... Text, first of all, that's going on Patreon right away. And honestly, maybe even during this intro, even just the audio. You know what? Let's do the audio at the end of this intro, and the whole video goes apart from the filthy pornography.

Yep. There's no porn on my part. But I was on set, and I was like, this is a weird vibe. But my point was going to be the sound, even whenever porn's on, I'm like, first of all, the guy, stop. We don't need anything out of you. You be quiet. Did you watch the act in person? Don't lie.

No, but what I did do was when I got to the house, a woman was by a pool. I smelled all the sheets. What? You creep. I'm with maintenance. Excuse me, I just need to smell the sheets. I do the laundry in the house. Close that door.

Where was the pool boy last lane? Did you happen to see where the act took place on these sheets exactly? Was it on this chair, too? I have an idea. Does anybody mind if I just touch the seat? Gross. You're a weird guy, dude. So what happened?

When I showed up, there was a woman by the pool like doing a photo shoot, I guess, for like the DVD art or something like that. And so she was by the pool fully doing stuff where I was like, oh, sorry. Yeah. I had when I was shooting minx, there was a scene where my character, it's a one. walk and talk in a single so there were no edits. And we're walking from one room into the next room. And my character is kind of doing a lot of the talking. And then we get to like a clothes thing and I pick the shirt. I want someone to wear. Then I like somebody calls me and I exit off and the camera stays and that's the edit. The reason I say the one is important is there's no

editing point. So if you screw up at all, you have to start over. Right. And so there were probably 40 extras, really kind of complicated camera moves. So everything kind of gets tense and you got to just, you just got to focus and you got to get it. Because if you don't, they're going to have to set up an editing point, which is a whole different camera set up with lights and nobody wants that. When I did the rehearsal, when we walk into the second room, there was a bunch of women on stage and they were all wearing robes.

So I do the rehearsal. I'm like, okay, there's eight ladies on a stage, okay? We do it. The first take when I walk in, what I didn't realize is all those. women in robes were going to take their robes off oh wow um and I wasn't prepared yeah he one can't be well you think a professional could be but I had you're the guy who's like Apple can I get those noise-canceling headphones yeah you're not ready I wasn't ready no I was literally as the character I'm like we got to do this and we got to do

this and don't forget I turned the corner and I literally stopped talking and And I paused for long enough that I then heard, cut. And the director goes, everything good. And I went like, yeah. And he goes, you just forget your lines? I was like, yeah. You didn't even say, you were so thrown. You couldn't even have fun with the one.

It was too embarrassing because they were there too. So I couldn't be like, sorry, I was staring at your boobers. You're like, it's such a loss that you just have to go like, you know, this was a show about, you know, a porn magazine. So, you know, everybody was like, who cares? It's nudity. Which is why you'd also think you'd be a little more prepped

for something like that. There was just so much of it. Yeah. But I just, because I wasn't in the room when it prepared, I didn't, I literally got caught. Well, there's a version of that where maybe that's good, but you held too long. You can't hold.

You can't fully stop down. How could you not? I agree. So the thing that I found with my headphones, Gareth, and Natalie will want to barf, which I'm sure she does already. Yeah. She's probably like, who's tired to talk about the bears? So I got on, I was on the plane coming back from Austin where we did the South by Southwest. Oh, God.

Or not the South by Southwest. The ATX for Maxim Pleasure Guartheatat. I was sitting next to the great Jesse Hodges. she needed to get some work done so she was like, stop bugging me. So I go, well, fine, I got my headphones. I'm not sweating it either, friend. She goes, what are you going to listen to?

I was like, ugh, can't listen to music or podcast and bored. So I went on Spotify, which I thought was pretty G. Yeah. And I went partly as a quote unquote joke, not as a joke. Right. Encouraging mommy sounds.

Eric, it was out of control. What does that mean? Some English woman being like, oh, you're doing such a good job. What the fuck? Filling your entire brain. And there were so many, you know, different type of things to listen to. I was like, oh, this is a whole world I have not entered. What the, and we don't need you there.

We don't need you knowing about this because that's going to open, because knowing Eve and you, we're filling something only a therapist should be dipping into. You should not be trying to fill that void in between those ears with that. Without further. Oh, no. Here we go. There it is. Let's see. Download.

Oh, we're watching this now? Yeah, we are, Natalie. Well, I'm here, so now it's going to be playing on my computer. I'll close your eyes. Yeah, we can't see you. It feels like you can't see it. You don't have to watch it. It's only a minute.

Of course, it's Gere's porn. It's going to be five minutes. Yeah, 30 seconds of credits, Bing, Bang, Boom, I'm done. 30 seconds credits, four seconds scene. The rest is thank yous. We're out. 10 minutes talking about did she liked that he had shaved his nuts Did you notice a difference?

All right Okay, here we go So this is a scene from the hit movie Cufferrash Oh my God, Gere We fucking nailed it, X Cream of and Isle is going to be a huge hit I just know it It's gonna clean up at Avian

I don't know Vic I'm thinking that Billy might have overdirected a bit Gonna be a little nervous until I see the first cut Are you serious? You don't have nothing to worry about. It's gonna be fine. You know what? We should celebrate, actually. Hey, pull over.

I'm gonna get you late. You know that? Yeah. You're Vicki Chase, aren't she? Yes, I am. The Aqua Shake? Oh my God. Do you want a thug? Are you?

Uh-huh. Okay. Is serious? Are you serious? Yes. Awesome. No, no, no. No.

Just take that. Yeah. No, yeah. I actually can't anyway. I can't make it anyway. It works out good. Because I am, uh, I'm getting, I have a wisdom teeth like inspection thing. Oh, there you go.

There you go. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. Ha ha ha ha ha ha. Has to edit I've ever seen. Has is? I can't have. I have this Go to do the thing

Cut right to a blue job No scene in the car No scene at the house Why did they Garrett is it all red for so recent I actually Thought that's how I doing a different thing

Everyone's like hey Wanna fuck Gary I was like, hey, I'm here to do a little stick about my teeth thing. When I was showing up to do it, I thought they were all going to be like, this is a funny. They, no, I was like a ghost. They couldn't, I was like I didn't exist. I thought they would find what I was doing comedically fruitful. They were like, could just ignore me completely.

Why did you do that again? I just thought it'd be funny. This episode is brought to you by Casper. Casper mattresses, I can say as somebody who has one and lays on one, they're very comfortable. It kind of gives you everything you want in a mattress, and it was really easy. I was able to get it from the website. It came right to my house in a box.

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You deserve. This episode of the podcast is brought to you by booking.com. Gareth Reynolds used booking.com all the time. I use booking.com all the time. We're going to use booking.com to find the little house we're going to use. We're going to rent a place for Steve Berg's cooking competition. I think we're going to do that soon. We have to, but we are going to use booking.com and we will tell you how it goes.

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Booking. Yeah, book today on the app. This episode of the podcast is brought to you by NPR. NPR believes in your right to be curious and ask questions. Like, who's really behind that decision? How is that thing that happened going to affect? my life and why would anyone in their right mind name a podcast wait wait wait don't tell me wait wait don't tell me is npr's weekly news quiz that brings together today's funniest comedians and a celebrity guest for a send-up of the week's news this is a great show i love wait wait don't tell me uh the host is

peter sagle and it's a rotating cast of panelists and all that and and when they say celebrity guests they're not messing around we're talking a list you know from the justice katanji Brown Jackson was on that. I didn't know that. Chapel Roan, Jake's favorite. To Guar. Guars come on. Good Lord. But I've listened to the show multiple times. I know people who have been on the show. The show is very funny. You play along. It's fun to listen to the comedian's riff. It's always really just a great show. There's games like Bluff the Listener, The Listener Limerick Challenge, and Lightning Fill in the Blank. Your curiosity for the news always. week gets rewarded. So follow and play along to NPR's Wait Wait, Don't Tell Me Podcast. Yes, that's

actually what it's called. Hello. Hi, how are you guys? Great. Very good. Just so you know, before we get into it, Jake and I just both discovered we're fantastic dancers. Is that a nice place to meet in the middle, Jake? Yeah, I think so. Okay. Can we get your name, please? My name is Sarah. Sarah. Hi, where are you calling from, Sarah? I'm calling from Tampa, Florida. Tampa. Ebor City? I'm a little further away from Eabor City.

Okay. Not my scene. Nobody's seen. How old is you? Sarah? That's not true, Gary. It's a whole nightmare. I'm 35.

35. I one time had to, I opened for my buddy in Tampa, and they put me in a pretty, what I would almost call it an abandoned house in Ebor City. And as the guy was dropping me off there, he would only pick me up and drop me off for shows. He asked if I needed any food because there was nothing nearby to walk. And I was like, yeah, probably. And he dropped me off at a Walgreens for 10 minutes.

And I shopped at a Walgreens for like four days. I was just eating Walgreens pasta. Like, this is absolute misery. That is a real low point. It was not good. Okay, Sarah, Tampa. What's going on? What can we help you with?

I am a bartender at a beach bar here. It's mostly, it's a lot of tourist traffic, but we do have several regulars. I have one regular in particular who I love very dearly. His name is Paul. He comes in a lot when it's, you know, a slower shift. So I know him pretty well. We talk a lot. I feel fairly close with him.

He also comes in on the busier nights when I'm, working alone and I'm just slammed. So I can't really keep an eye on him the entire shift. I can't like babysit him. But the problem is on the slower shift, this is not an issue. On the busy shift, almost always an issue. He slips out the door without paying his tab. And you might say, how is it's a problem? Don't you get a credit card from him? Paul is like, we get credit cards from all the people from out of town that we don't know. But with the regulars, it would probably be a little offensive to ask him for a credit card because they're so regular there. But he slips out the door during the busy shifts without paying his tab. And he's a little like Nick Miller in the way

that he, I think he just has a double bag of cash in his closet and he just grabs a handful and goes to the bars. Like he does not have any credit cards. He's left his wallet at the bar before on accident. So he didn't have a single card in there. He's a cash man. So I can't just ask for a card and solve it that way, which is what I would normally do with anyone else. Also, I don't want to go to my manager about it because they will just ban him. And we all love him, so I don't want that to happen. Also, when he walks out on his tab, we're not the type of establishment where you can just, like, keep the tab running and have him pay it next time.

Like every single tab has to be closed by the end of business day. So I end up paying his tab just to kind of like, cover for him. So sometimes a tab is $10, sometimes it's $50. It all just depends on the kind of mood he's in. But he's very social butterfly when he's there, so it's hard to kind of keep an eye on him when it's busy. So I often end up covering his tab. And he does pay me back when I see him.

But he would just, it would be so lovely if he could just, I could somehow trick him into always paying me the day out, like a normal person. Well, Sarah, that's a great setup. It really is. And it's a tough, that is a tough situation. Very clear though. It's weird.

It's a weird issue. And I love him. I don't want to like never see him again. But I just need him to, you know, I need to sort of find a way to train him into always coming to me before he walks out the door. How much, how much is he drinking in an average Paul session? It's not, it's not a ton. He likes a domestic bottle beer. He doesn't really throw in shots unless he like,

buddies up with a stranger and they become friends they might do one it's not a lot it's not excessive he's he's a social cat he's literally drunk 50 bucks 70 bucks yeah yeah 50 bucks uh i would say it's normally in between like 40 and 50 bucks okay let me ask a quick question about what's his name again paul paul his name is paul uh let me ask you a quick question about uh by the way i just did uh ted danson's podcast oh yeah i say that because of paul and there's a character on cheers named Paul, and there's a great scene that my brother and I've quoted for years where he has sex with Carla. And Paul walks in in his first line, is guess who scaled Mount Pauli last night? And he's a real sidekick in the out to tell him.

They pull him aside and they say like, hey man, Sam's like, you can't talk about this. And he's like, what? He's like, the whole reason you do this is to brag to the guys. And he goes, you can't. like all right i get it and then samela goes like i'm going to give you like 30 seconds brag to me and probably's like oh yeah he's like a little like freak out and then they like end it it's incredible but here's a thought what if me too what if we create a little like here's my real question about paul if you're talking about he's got he's a guy with a bunch of cash in a in a

shoe in his closet you think he's got some money or does he maybe have a couple of thousand in there? Because here's what I'm thinking. What if you create a honeypot with him? At the beginning of the month, he gives you $400 cash, and then he doesn't pay, and you guys create a thing where you minus it, and at the end of the month,

what he didn't pay, you carry over. So the first of the month, when he comes in, you text him and you go like this, hey, pal, you're at plus 83 bucks. And he's like, all right. I was somewhere along a similar line. And I think I like that maybe. I was going to say the launching off point into this should be next time when you have a slower shift, tell Paul that you got accused by make.

I mean, he doesn't, you don't want him to like the night manager counted the money and you were short and you realized it was his tab and they thought maybe you took money from the register. And then you say, I know you don't have a credit. don't give a shit, but I got to pitch you something, and it is the monthly, the weekly, whatever it is, you'll keep track of it. But in lieu of a credit card, this, I think, something to what Jake said, something like that. But I don't even think you need to do, I don't even know if you need to do a big lie. I think we just go to when you say, hey, I'm starting a new thing with certain regulars who I really love. I'm going to create a tab with them for. And so certain people we just do a credit card but I know you're not a credit card guy so you want to do a cash

tab because you know we both know you leave sometimes and forget to pay and i cover and that's all fine like you know i don't care but we're doing i'm doing more tabs now so you either what do you want to do a card or you want to leave me cash because what i'm thinking is you could give me something like 500 bucks a month and then i'll minus it and at the end of the night we'll square up on your tab and you could even have like a little chalkboard. Yeah. And that you then minus at the end of the night so he sees it too so that you guys could have like a little funny board where you go, whatever you give me here, we'll just mark

it and we got our little board together. And then it's called like the pole board. Okay. What'd you really like that? The pall board? Yeah. Mount Pauli. Yeah.

Guess who scaled Mount Pauli? Yeah. I don't, I don't think he's the type to, like I don't. think he would give me like three or four hundred dollars at once just to like use for his tab but i i could probably work something out like that where yeah maybe hundred bucks and then that'll last him until it lasts him and then as it's going down then you show him and you go hey paulie you're at 10 bucks and you do it like a mountain and so you know you do you draw a mountain and at the top of the mountain you put a hundred and at the bottom you put zero and then you have a little character

going up the mountain. It's like the Price is Right game. Yes, and so with each day. It's like, hey, you're scaling and it's called Mount Pauli. And when Mount Pauley gets to 100, he's got to fill it back up. Or he starts at the top and he's going to the bottom or he's going to the bottom so that he can just go like this. Hey, where am I out on Mount Pauley? And I go, you're almost at the bottom.

And then he goes, all right, here's 50. And then that 50 gets him back up to like, if he was at 20 bucks, now he's at 70. so he's three quarters up again. I mean, it's a bank account. He's just got a little bank account there with you where he puts money in. And you make it fun. You make it Mount Pauley.

Yeah. And you go, and if he's at zero, by the way, then he does not get another drink and it's not a fight. You go like this, hey, pal, you're at zero. It also kind of reinforces

that he's a regular with a special deal, which regulars love. So it is kind of spotlighting him a little bit more. You like this? Yeah. So should we... He would love that.

He would love the little cliffhanger idea. Of course. The game. Yeah. Maybe that might be my route, actually. That's going to never come up with that. Yeah. Go ahead, Jake.

Thank you guys. But I think that, I think that really works. It connects us to cheers. And why don't, do you want to have you be Polly? She approaches you with this idea so she can get the pitch out of her system real quick. Yeah. Let's try it. So Sarah, approach to your you, Jake's Paul.

Okay. Let's pitch this to Paul. Am I? Is this like the beginning of the interaction? He just walked into the bar. Yes, it's a slower day and you've got to let him know the new law. Cool. Okay.

Okay. Okay. Hey, Paul. How are you today? Oh, okay. Honey, how are you? That's good. I'm good.

I'm good, bud. Listen. Oh, good. Let me get a middle of light. This is. Yeah, I got you. I already got it ready for you. I know.

I know that. You're not. Darts with Willie. Okay. Oh, let me tell you. Let me tell you. The other day I was down by the beach.

I saw a swordfish jumping out of the sea. Ha ha ha ha. That's great, Paul. You're living the best. I love you, honey. Wait, I need another middle life for my friend. Okay.

I got that for you. Let me, let me really in for just a second, bud. Okay. I need to talk to you about this before it gets busier because I love you. I know. I know. You're not a credit card guy.

I don't believe in the cards. I don't like the credit cards. I know. I hate them so. I love you, honey. I love you. Give you a hug. And I totally get that.

Okay. Okay. Okay. Thanks. What we're going to do with you is you, we're going to have you pay up front for several drinks. And then when your money is running low, look, I got this little cliffhanger guy that I ordered online. This is you. This is you.

This is you, bud. You're even wearing a Hawaiian. shirt like me. Yes, and you're going to ask, you're going to give me $100, and every time you spend a little bit of that money, he's going to climb the hill just a little bit. Okay. And then when you get to the top, when you're almost at the end of your $100 that you prepaid me,

he's going to go over the side if you don't give me a little more money. So you've got to give me a little more money so you can keep drinking. Okay. And I think that works great. Hold on. Hold on. Let me go in this little bag here. Okay.

here's 37 polly bucks. Okay, 37 polybucks. That's going to get you pretty far. That's going to get you pretty far. Okay, he's going up a point. That's going to get you pretty far because it's happy hour. Lucky you. Wait.

Yeah, and I'm going to let you know. This is going to be right here where you can see it. And I'm going to let you know when you're getting closer to the top if you're not right here where you can see it. Okay. And you can make a little deposit with me. And that'll get you another, another hour at the bar. How's it sounds?

Sir, I think honestly you're one of the best role players we've ever had. Let's not sleep on the performance of Polly. Well, I was trying to make it as hard as I could for her. You drove the train. You did not stop. You got the objective. And, you know, I hate to say it, but you just won in such a nice way. I was seeing if I could derail you for the fun of the call.

Well, yeah. No. And I loved it. Jake put the parachute on your back. And probably with Pauly, it's going to feel a little bit lighter. So you're ready to go. That was a great job because that really is how it is, you know? So not my first rodeo.

So you did a fantastic job. But you need to. I spent a lot of time with a lot of drunks and a lot of bars. And when you try to explain something, the vibe gets a little crazy, but you steamrolled it. I also have to just admit something a little bit embarrassing, Sarah. And maybe we cut this. Maybe we don't. But there was something about your tone that was so firm and motherly that I felt, I felt things.

Gareth, can you agree or no? Now, what sort of things are you feeling from a maternal voice? I fell in love with her. In what way? As a mother? I don't know. You're not sure. You're all up in your feelings?

If I was in that bar, I'm there every day and I have like a weird crush on Sarah. If I'm Polly. I think I'm in love with the bartender. I think we, by the way, listen, that is a very relatable. I mean, good Lord. I'm falling apart. I got money out of a weird drawer. I'm a bar.

I'm a grinder out here in this beach town. Now is the love of my life. What you just said is why it's going to work. I just want Sarah to give me another hug. It felt so warm. I want to, I want people to feel comfortable. I feel like I've gotten a little better the last few years of like confronting,

but also like in a comforting way, if possible. It was. It was. It works. But okay, that's what I was going for. And he's good. Jake felt some things. Andy's pain.

So this is, we're talking about. the best of both worlds. So this worked. This is Tampa. It's lawless in many ways. It's got that super weird bridge. But this is going to work. So why don't we do that? I would say, and I'm sure you agree, Jake, let's get our little Mount Pauli thing all set so that when we present it to Pauley, the pitch is refined, ready to go. And will you send us a photo of the little Mount Pauley thing? And I would, if you can, make the little Pauley look as much like the real Pauley as possible. You might even want to... I will absolutely do that. You might want to suggest when you're pitching it to him that you take a picture so that you can print it and cut out the Pauly face and put it

on the mountain climber just to even be a little more specific. He might did that. I think he would love that. This is fantastic. I did not expect this to go this well. Thank you guys. Yes. Okay, I'm going to put his face on it. I will email you photos of this and I'll let you know how it's going. You really are. Sarah, we appreciate it. You really are. Yeah, love the show, a huge fan of both of you guys. Thank you so much for having me on. Thanks, Sarah.

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This episode of the pod is brought to you by Quince. If you're wondering who makes the shirt I'm wearing right now, if you're going, whoa, Jakey J's arms and shoulders and chest look slimmish, but his arms look bigish and his shoulders look thickish. Oh, that's because of Quince. Summer now. Summer, so I've ordered some summer stuff from Quince. I got these great green shorts and I got a, like, kind of,

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Remember old gilly beans? For a free trial, when you're ready to launch, use offer code Gil sent me to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. Hello. Hi. Hey, how are you? Welcome to the show. Can we get your name? We know you're a follow-up.

and then tell us what happened where we're at? Okay, my name's Rebecca. I'm calling from Louisiana, and I called with the original phone call about the raccoons. Oh, you know, it's so funny. There's a few. Which one is what I was about to say? Feeding the raccoons?

Yeah. Yes, feeding the raccoons. Yes, I have Susan and James with me as well. They fed the raccoons, and then the raccoons kept coming. And then the raccoons would want to like almost go in the house. And then we said build like a little fort for them out back, right? Yes, that's exactly what happened. Okay, good.

And wasn't there someone in your house who was, you didn't want the raccoons, but there was someone in your house who loved feeding them, your dad? Yes, so this is happening at my in-laws home. So it's not happening in my home. Right. And so my mother-in-law, Susan, was kind of at her widths end with the raccoons because she had woken up in the middle of the night and had kind of a face-to-face

interaction with a record. Sort of mission impossible down. Yeah. Yes. Yes. And they are here today. Oh, they are. Okay.

And have we talked to them yet? Yes. You talked to them last time, certainly. Right. I do remember that. And so how did we end? Will you catch us up in this audience? Will you rehash what the problem is a little bit?

What we pitched, what you did, and where we're at. Okay. So again, the problem was my father-in-law had a family of raccoons he loved. Babyface and Scroni were the main raccoons. And he had been feeding them for years, borderline a decade, really. And it had just gotten out of control to where they were starting to get in the garage. And Garrison Jake suggested they needed a raccoon condo that we needed to grill for them. and entice them and kind of E.T. breadcrumbed them out into the facility. Oh, right. Get them away from the house to the new facility.

Yeah. Sort of show up. Yeah. I hate to say it's a very good idea. It's amazing is I'm hearing it. I'm like part of it's crazy. But I like it. It's an excellent idea. It works. Especially the E.T. I'm out there. Yeah. I think it's what could have been done. I will say we ended. My father-in-law said that there was a.

chicken coop in the back, a retired chicken coop, because the raccoons had actually eaten all of the chickens. I didn't know what they did that. He could. Yeah, they do. They do. But he could repurpose it and turn it into the raccoon's home. Reward the murders. You get their home.

Well, you love the raccoons. Did your father-in-law hate the chickens? Did he have an opinion? He did not hate the chickens. This had actually happened long before. Oh, okay. It happened actually when my husband was like, yes. Different generation.

Sure. So this is just the forefathers. Yeah, it's a different generation, a different time. You know, times were hard. Yeah. So the issue was that my father-in-law is a roofer, and he was storing shingles in the chicken coop. He had kind of forgotten. And so he was like, I can't really repurpose the chicken coop.

And there was some discussion in the family of just design. from scratch, something for the raccoons. And I was kind of asking my husband, he is actually James Jr., literally. And I was asking him to build something because he's pretty nifty. And he kind of had some complaints about, like, well, what would the raccoons really want in a home? They kind of want tight, dark spaces. I don't know they would all want to live together. But my father-in-law did start kind of feeding the raccoons further away from the house.

for a little while and there was a weekend where he and my mother-in-law Susan went on a vacation to the casinos in Biloxi and when they came back the raccoons were missing and so then I kind of got in my head

like uh-oh was it because of the podcast like was this a targeted crime what do you mean you mean that someone heard and then found you like somebody in the area fucked with the raccoons wouldn't be from this group we weren't sure We weren't sure But lo and behold

They came back But at that point I was like I'm gonna stop At the casino Yeah they were They put a different casino The raccoon casino That's a fun casino

At that point I kind of stopped pushing things So I was like I don't want to Hold on Hold on hold on There's a lot of information happening here

Where the hell the raccoons go I didn't know they went on vacation I don't we don't know But I will say When you guys ask me for an update I thought this would be the end of our conversation. Right. But then my mother-in-law, Susan said, uh-oh, there's actually a big update.

Okay. And so you have a picture. Oh, Susan's available. So as of now, the raccoons went on vacation. They came back after you guys went to the casino and Biloxi. And then an update's going to come and we can talk to Susan and hear what she's got to say. Let's hear the update. Absolutely.

Thanks. Let's go to Susan. Let's hear from Susan. Okay. Great. All right. I'm going to pass you on to Susan. Okay.

Hello. Hi. Hey, Susan. How are you doing? I'm doing pretty good. How about yourself? Good. Long time, no talk.

Everything okay? Yeah. Yes, it is. So much has happened. Oh, I can't wait to hear. How was Biloxi? You guys up or down? As of last night, we were up.

Oh, nice. You playing slots? You're playing cards? Oh, we play Blackjack. you played black jacket and how much you up yeah wasn't a whole lot 450 550 yeah

there we go well I played with 100 so I turned up to 550 all right so let's I hear you got a great update about those raccoons first of all you think they go on vacation where they'll go I don't know where they went they figured we went on vacation I guess they would do something Garris thought they went to a raccoon casino

you think that's accurate it's not crazy Um, it could be. Thank you. So what's going on? Thanks for keeping a magical life. Let's get a big doctor. So we have a serious problem here now and I've dealt with my husband, you know, let him, you know, feed his, the feed, feed the animals a little further from the house. And then I made him start keeping the garage door closed so they couldn't come in and free the, they attacked you at that.

Yeah, and scrimmed through the garage looking for food. because even though I did it in the lawn room, they go in there and try to pick through it. So the other night, just to be about two weeks ago, as I told you, we sleep in different rooms because we both snore. Well, I sleep in the second floor room. He sleeps in the first floor. Well, in the second floor room one night,

I had this extremely loud, horrible scratching and jumping and hitting all in the window all inside the walls and the ceiling. and I think I would guess of what it was my husband Yeah I was thinking of Oh that's better

And his thing So I got really freaked out by I went downstairs We went downstairs We were sleeping a sofa And told him the next day I think we have a roof rat

Believe it or not There's actually things called roof rats They're better Different than regular rats So we spent five days We went through a six To eight

Eight different rat Trap and my husband actually have to get inside the rafters of the ceiling. I thought you're going to say the rat trap. Yeah. Yeah, to put the rat traps. And within 30 minutes, the thing would go off and you'd go up to check it. And all the food would be gone and nothing would be caught.

If you tell me Steve Berg's in Roedick, I'm going to lose my mind. No, I mean, I'm going to outsmart to you. Black rat has a list. Well, he was freak. Yeah, he was thinking about. butter right up. Yum. Crunchy.

Yeah, and we would mix it with bread too sometimes. With what? Bread. Same way. Oh, you'd make a little sandwich. You know, the peanut butter over the bread.

Yeah. If it's a sandwich, it's Steve. Yeah. So what you have there is an attic full of Steve's. Yeah. Those aren't, we don't go on those roof rats.

We call them burghies. Put a lit joint in your yard. I think that's probably going to get rid of it. And throw it down by the river. Yeah. And he'll go good. Jesus. I know they don't.

Well, we did the sim stuff. They say, They don't like scents and various scents and things like that. He loves crystals, though. They do love crystals. He has a podcast. And they love talking UFOs?

Yeah. He'll support no matter what. Wow. Yeah. Well, turned out on the fifth night, he decided to go up in the rafters and put the noise thing up there to scare him away. Sure. And what does he see picking out the little hole?

Oh, my God. Coming from inside the house. Yes, I would say. Oh, my God. What are you guys doing? Now, hold on a minute. I told him. You told him what?

My husband. That this is over. He better get those bastards on there. You told him this last time. Yeah. Did he know they were up there? No. Well, he's getting pretty pissed at this point.

I don't believe either are you. And he's getting mad at who? The raccoons are you. Hold on. I got to say, no. No, he isn't. It's a ruse. This happened before, and you put your foot down, and we were going to build a little condo.

By the way. You're calling back to say, now they're inside the house. By the way, you didn't build the condo. He just fed them 10 feet further away. Then went on vacation. And then you went to a casino. And they moved into your house. And they home alone you.

This is crazy. They did. No, it really did happen. And now they live up in there. My husband spent days waiting to see him come out the hole to come do a feeding. you know, because they still come down from the inside the attic and inside of the rooms. Oh, they go down to the feeding.

Hold on. Susan. They're just walking on rooms now? Merge. Susan. Yes, and through the walls of the rooms and stuff. That photo is hurt. Susan.

Yeah. And then he says, oh, well, I'd wear it. I'm the one that has to deal with it because he lives in my ceiling and my wall. All right. Right away, Susan. I got one piece of advice right away. You guys are switching rooms. So he got this freaking looked up this online, this thing where you can get these noises.

He got to turn on your phone and put it up to the secret. He probably is trying to draw him closer, Susan. I think he likes this. He's pretending he's mad, by the way. This is what he wanted. Oh, I know. He's playing music for them. I know.

He knows they like casinos. No, this is a serious problem. So today he saw four of them. He what? Or raccoon. Well, one was coming out of the hole, so we know he was the culprit. Well, when my husband went to go get the pellet gun, it doesn't kill him. It just shocked him.

But what's the point? When he went to do that, they're just going to go out and go back inside. Just scare him out. To scare him out. I would start shooting your husband with it. Well, I know, I agree. Or I hear you laughing because you're, right.

But right now, they live in our house now. And he went crazy today. He had a fit. He went berserk. He said, I'm going to. Yeah, he did. He said, I can't stand these freaking things living in my house. And I'm going to kill him.

And he's not really going to kill him. But he's asking like he's back or his back. Yeah. I'm going to go get here and give him a piece of my hot dog. I'm going to get them a full-up to have done it up to here. I'm going to go up there and chew their food and spit it so it's easier to eat. I know. I am telling you.

Susan, is he in the room, too? Yes. Can we talk to him? Yes, I'll pass them to you. Thank you. Thank you for that great info, Susan. Thank you. Thank you.

Bye-bye. Bye-bye. Bye-bye. Oh, shit. Okay, so I guess I'm going to be, uh... How are you doing, bro? brother. Chewed out by you.

No, you're not going to get, we're not, you're not here to chew you. And your love of the raccoons is what started this, and we get that. Yeah. But can you tell us from your point of view what's going on? Well, all right. So, all right, where do I start? Okay, so the chicken food, the chicken coop was full. So I couldn't make the tune condo.

Uh-huh? Of shingles. Yeah, I had shingles in it. So I started feeding them on the other side of the house by the wet ones. Sir, how far away from the original point of feeding to the new point of feeding? What is the foot differential? Roughly. I would say 150 feet.

Okay. So substantial. Oh, so you were far away. Okay. Thank you. Keep going. Yeah. Okay.

So they're starting to eat over there. but the problem is I got three of them that live in the tree right next to the garage. So they live up there. And what they'll do is they'll come down and they'll, you know, I got the garage door open, they'll go over there and they'll root around looking for anything. So I've been running them out. But they come back like a little puppy, you know. Sure.

But this is like a little puppy from the beginning. You run them off and then they turn around and come follow you and wherever. You love them. So, I guess one up in the attic, so I thought that was a rat. Sure. I put a live trap out every time, and then I put regular snap traps. I put all kinds of crap out there, and every time, you know, all five of them, I put five of them out at a time.

And they would, there would be no food in there. the live trap would be, you know, I had the food way up in there, it would be gone. I'm like, what the heck? So, and the where it is, it's on the second story at it. So it's not easy to get to. So you've got to walk, get up on the second store, walk the rafters to get to this spot. Oh, because it's up there.

How you produced that? Uh-huh. No, go ahead. Yeah, you gotcha. So you're up there in the rap. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, and we thought it was a rat the whole time.

So next thing I know, I hear him. So there's a right up there. Right. And, uh-huh. Yeah, yeah, gone. So next time, let's see, like today. Right. Today, I was walking around in the back and I saw him coming out of the hole.

Yeah. And I had set them on the other side just to try to get them out of there. So there were four of them. Yeah, oh, gosh. But there was only one in the house. That's more. one came out of that hole. So I got up there and up the chicken wire.

Well, let me ask you, can I jump in for a quick second here, sir? So we got a, we got the raccoons are closer. What are you thinking of doing? Moving. Let me just want them out of the house. Let me just jump in with a question because your wife, Susan, mentioned it's your pellet gun in these things. They're living in your attic.

It seems like you've lost the war, to be quite honest. I think we're maybe out above our skis a little bit at this point. Now, what I would do is... You're just in a relationship. I would... One of two things. You either accept the fact that you've got a new life. I would lean in.

And you start a... You start a YouTube. Just let them all in. Yeah. I would take the walls down. Let any animal live there. Yeah, you know what? Demolish the house.

Just start living like Adam and Eve. I don't be honest to God. You got to look, man. You love raccoons. The way it's going... and I'm going to be living in the damn chicken coop. But here's my thing. But let's be honest.

Do you love these raccoons? No, I want to shoot them. You too. So that's why now we're at the point where you're going to look up a humane animal control place. They're going to get your... Okay, so here... If I wanted to really get rid of them, I could, but I don't because they're my... friends, but

now what I did was... Don't do you. Be nice. Don't kill him. You didn't hear what he said. Oh, you know what I. So there's no beating.

He just said if I wanted to give it my good, but I don't because they're my friends. 100%. Everything goes like, you're like, you've tried everything to quit drinking. What do you think the problem is? He's like,

I love booze. And he's going to go, the problem is I don't want to quit. The problem is I'm happy. Yeah. The problem is my wife's listening because if it was just that's talking, I'd tell you I'm in heaven. Here's what I'm saying to you.

I pinch myself. That's what I'm saying to you, my man, get more friends, get more raccoons. Get more friends. You got four raccoon friends? Yeah, get 20. By the way, you're about to because if she's nursing, you got babies. They're adorable. You got enough ones in that house.

That's the problem. But you get rid of one, two more come back. Agreed. You get rid of them and the more come back. I agree. Well, what's the problem? You want more. The solution is either get a time machine.

Get a time machine or lean in. Treat them humanely. whatever you do. If you get a professional, Evolved treat her. He's not treating them. They're staying. He's just going to occasionally

shoot him with the public gun. I think if I were you, honestly, I almost agree with Jake at this point. Get more. Just talk to your wife and let her know there's a new normal

and she's married to a raccoon. Then I will be living in the chicken coop and she can have the house. I wish you nothing but luck and I hate to say it, but I would like a follow-up. You'd like a follow-up.

I'm going to co-sign as crazy as it is. I can't forget you. So please, we can't quit you. You know how you feel about the raccoons? That's how we feel about your phone calls. We're at our Wednesday, but I want more. I want more. You just popped your head out of our attic, a hole in our attic.

Well, if you see that picture, you can see that he took all the insulation and put it on. Oh, yeah, they turned it into scrambled eggs. Yeah, there's no insulation. right there. So he took all that out, cleared a nice little spot for him. Let me ask you a real question. Do you respect him for doing that? I'm just asking you, this isn't about your wife.

Species to species. No, just in real talk, that's a very smart move. He took the installation and he made himself a little home, or she made herself a little home. A part of you have respect for that? Well, no, not in my house. But the fact that it's kind of, it's beating you? Well, you know what I did? I took, well, put it this way.

I'm not done yet. Oh, yeah, I'll get it out. Let me tell you where you are in the timeline. You ever seen Jurassic Park? Uh-huh. Yeah, you're at the Clever Girl part. Where you're going to look at that raccoon ago. Yeah, when he gets, when he gets clobbered after that.

Well, that would probably be soothing doing that to me. So I'm not. Hey, honestly, that might be the problem. Listen, ma'am, we got to go. So treat them humanely and get back to us as soon as this develops. Thank you for the call. You got it. For those of us, listen.

Stop talking. Not to him. You shut up. This is a broad statement. You're them. This is a broad statement. This is a broad statement. For those of us, get them back.

For those of us, this is why. We kept almost being done and then you'd go like this. We'll treat him humanely. He's like, I'm not going to hurt him there, my friends. Well, treat him humanely. One other thing. Can you accuse me of being the drag there? You were them.

Jake, you asked another question right at the end. And for a follow-up. We need a follow-up now. Hey, Columbo, how dare you be like I'm tacking questions on? Hello? Yeah, I'm here. What's up, guys? Hey, how's it going?

Can we get your name? Yeah, I mean, go fake name. I'm going to say Alan. Alan, okay, Alan, I don't care where you're from. What's going on? What can we help you with? All right, so second wedding anniversary is coming up for me and my wife. And our first anniversary, she gave me a great gift of a big stack of very tasteful boudoir photos.

Okay. And I'm looking for some ideas on how to top that for a second anniversary and give her a one-up. Okay, so the issue is she sent you sexy cards and you want to do something for her? Correct. What are your ideas? I mean, the first couple things across my mind were cooking or baking something nice, but, you know, the problem with that is that's pretty, that's pretty, like, routine. Yeah, but she also looks like, I'm trying to.

She brought you. I'm going for a knockout. Yeah, she brought you, and you don't want it to be sexy? I got a pitch. All right, let's hear it. No, no, go ahead. Do you want your gift to be sexy? I think I could do sexy, but I don't know how.

Well, that's why you've called the right place. If you're just talking about a gift, go to a Wayfair. Just buy a gift there. Yeah. If you want to up the sexiness, we just made a fucking Hux calendar. Yeah. I mean, we can get sexy, but we need to know if you're playing ball. I mean, unless that's not what you want to do.

No, sexy is okay, but, you know, looking for, like, if it were simple as just, like, taking some sexy photos, I would have done that, right? I agree. I agree, too. So, yeah, looking for, I don't know, kind of a spin on sexy, I suppose. Gary, who's a pitch. All right, here's my pitch. My pitch is that this is for your anniversary?

Yep. Okay, so I would prearrange what dinner's going to be so that what I'm about to say is already a taken care of issue. But you tell her you want to stay in, you're going to order some food, something like that. You leave, but it's a fake leave. You drive like right outside your house and you call her and you say you're on your way to the restaurant to pick up the food and you just saw a fire truck speeding by. Then two minutes later, there's a knock at the door and you're a knock at the door and you're going to be. you're in a fire chief suit. Love this.

When she answers, it's you, and you say you understand there was a fire, and you've got the hose to put it out, you put her in a chair, put on some music, do a sexy strip t's for on the anniversary. Jesus Christ. It's pretty good.

I mean, yeah, I can't argue with that. I think that's pretty thought on. I mean, are you going to do that? Are you thinking like a full-blown perfection? firefighter outfit or like a ridiculous no one. I would say as close as you can get. I would say get it close, but we don't need you to be figuring out

how to undo fasteners that you've never put on before with an oxygen tank on your back. You just need the pants and no shirt and a helmet. Yes. We want to be there taking things off for 35 minutes. Yeah, so you could get a prop hose. An axe. You can get an axe.

You can get the fire chief helmet, the jacket, the pants. Or you could also. Also, you could say you ordered a pizza, and you could be the pizza delivery guy. Pimple-Page ponytail. And she's the... Oh, okay, I got it. I got a pitch.

You start with the fire chief. Okay. You do that. She fucking... Her mind's blown. You're having a laugh and you say, I ordered a pizza from our favorite place. I'm going to go get my regular clothes on. No.

You are now changing into a pizza boy outfit. You go outside, you sneak back to the front, you now have your pizza prop, you knock on the door, and you redo a strip tease as the pizza boy. I got an idea going off of this. You give her a card, and in the card there's a little wheel she could spin. One of them is a fireman, one of them's a pizza boy, one of them is a pool boy, one of them is a French maid, blah, blah, blah. She goes, what is this?

And you go, spin it. She spins it, whatever it lands in, you go upstairs, you come down wearing that outfit. You have six different outfits. I got to pitch on this. Do my fireman pitch. Whatever you give her as a gift in there is the wheel of strip. Yes. That is for future anniversaries.

Not even anniversaries. Or whenever. Whenever she wants to pull it out, once a year, she gets to spin the wheel of strip. You get that character ready, and you're ready to do that within 48 hours. 48 hours. Well, you might not. He's going to have all these outfits? Is he going to run a costume shop?

I care. You were so close. Yeah, enough time to, like, order the costume online, probably. All right. What Jake's saying is you get all these costumes ready. She doesn't go like that. You go, like, give me 60 hours. She goes this weekend.

I'm thinking I want, this weekend, I'm thinking I want the French maid to clean the house. She spins the wheel. All right now. So you get six outfits going ahead. This is a shark tank, babe. So we've got you show up as the fireman. This is the first one. This is fun.

She's shocked. You give her a lovely present. whatever you think is right, right? On top of that. Sexy chef and you bring her dessert. You give her a wheel. Yeah, you can do that. You give her a wheel.

That's right on my alley. That's perfect. You give her a wheel. It's got the sexy outfits going forward once a year. She has to spin it. And you get to dress it. One is a weird one. One's an alley cat.

By the way, it's Alley Cat. That's the weird one. You have weird claws and like a dirty jacket. You dress like a cast member of cats. Hobo. Fucking. Whatever you. Circus clown.

All of it sounds great. I think starting with the fireman, like, just because it's the most surprising thing. She won't be seeing that come in. It's huge. And then just spin the wheel. You know, it's going to put me on the hook for years for these. You ever thought about being a roof rat? You ever heard of an attic record?

It's a roof rat. They're big old felt rats. That's where you go up into the attic and you eat the insulation. And when you come down, your penis is exposed. Take care, Alan. All right, thanks, guys. Bye, buddy. Honestly, pay the bill.

Keep us posted. You know, tastefully show us some after shots. We'd love to see the picks, my man. We'd love to see what's going on. Maybe you, maybe the first time you try the sexy fireman outfit on, you could take a picture in the mirror for us. You know, something like that. And maybe after it, maybe a reaction of her, you know, what she thought of it.

Something like that. Just tip us. Just throw a little something in the tip. You know what I mean? Yeah, I got you covered. All right, Alan. But you're going to win here. Your big win.

Hello? Hello. Hi, can you tell us who you are, what your problem was and what we pitched? My name is Sam, and my problem was some naked hot tubbers outside my office window. Yes, of course. And you guys pitched me some great ideas to write them a letter and bring them some wine. Eventually, you sent out some robes, and we got them clothed. Wait, so we did a follow-up on this, right?

Yeah, we did. Yeah, and so David Walton sent robes from his company. Did he actually send them? He did. They're amazing. Beautiful robes. They are gorgeous. They're so good that the nudists are like clothes or better.

Then you gave those robes. How did you give them to the nudists? Well, I had surgery at the time, and so I had my best friend deliver them for me. That's amazing. So he's this big strider-looking guy from Lord of the Rings. He's got some really cool hair. I don't know why I'm telling you this. I don't know.

I'll think of the same thing. Because it's at night, my man. Yeah, that's right. When the sun goes down, if you either go high or you drank a little bit too much. What'd you do, my man? Did you smoke or drink? No, neither. You're just tired.

You're just telling us about Strider's hair when you dropped the robes up. Yeah, my friend, got really long, beautiful hair. Got a big dick. I don't know what I'm talking about. I got distracted. I got distracted. Okay, all right. So keep going.

So they got the robes. Your buddy dropped them off. Yeah. Okay, keep going. It took some time for me to, um, See any action out there? I think they took a little hot tub hiatus. Sure.

They got embarrassed. And I think they were a little embarrassed. Yeah. I saw the gentleman that lives in the home. He came out a couple times in his robe. They looked really good. And David Walton's robe? Yeah, the robes looked amazing.

He worked. But I haven't seen any hot tub actions since, honestly. Okay. So we might solve the problem. They've stopped hot tubbing. Yeah. Is that a bell ring? I think so.

Yes, because we are on his side. Yeah, he's not seeing naked people at the tub anymore. Wait, did you see them in the robes going to the hot tub or just in the house? Just walking around the backyard. Some in the robes in the backyard only. But no hot tub. Yep. No hot tub.

Weird, mystery. It is strange. Something happened to the hot tub? Possibly. That's what I'm. thinking. I think this is just a weird coincidence. No. Nothing happened to the hot. The guy's walking around in the back yard in a robe, but he won't jump in the top.

Someone basically sent him a stop being nude package. But then put your robe on, put a suit on, and jump in the tub. I think so. But for them, this was about a different thing. Do you think you creeped him out? I think they felt. But they wear the robe. Because they're great. You're saying the robes are so good that they're like, this is an insulting move.

I'm saying this is a two-prong. But this is a great rope. That's a commercial for the robes. It is. Two-pronged reaction. Oh, God, this guy sees us nude. It's a weird thing now. But I don't care.

I like the robe so much. I'm wearing it outside. We can't go nude anymore. Hey, have you tried your robe on? No. It's really comfortable. I mean, we may as well wear it when we're out back. But then why don't we just put suits on and wear them to the hot tub?

Because we're into a weird thing. We like the genitals feeling the bubbles. No, I think something happened to that tub, brother. You're, I love how you're looking at, I'm looking at you like you're looking at me and vice versa. I think that nothing happened to the tub. Well, what do you, what do you think? Sam? I think they probably got spooked and embarrassed.

But I'll tell you, I have a hot tub myself and I gave it a little try. What a little try? I've been without my suit on. Sam. Sam. Sam. We're not trying to, no shame. Shame.

Shame. I get it. The whole idea of this is shame. You're putting the Sam in shame right now. So you didn't like that you saw them naked, but you tub in your backyard naked. Do you realize? Well, I have a different environment. My environment is totally different.

How so? It's just a lot more private. Can anyone see? You sure nobody can see it? I'm pretty sure. Sam. You dirty little dog. You called us ratting out people.

for getting naked in their hot tub. But your road shamed them. And now you're getting in the dude soup. I don't like this. Do we need to send you a robe? No, he's just trying to get a free robe. I got a pitch. What?

He goes over there. Has to borrow a robe? He says to him, hey, I like getting nude in the hot tub too. As a mea culp, what do you say we all take a nude tub? That's honestly the worst pitch of the night. And this has been a terrible night of the kids. There's been worse. Who there hasn't?

He gives them ropes and then goes over there and goes, hey, I really like getting nude. This is a third act. Okay. He goes over there and he says, listen. Walk me and through it. You be them, I'll be the guy. You come to my house. I'm wearing the rope.

I'm him. I'm saying. Yeah. Hey. Hi. How are you? I'm okay. Well, first of all, your attitude.

I feel like. You came to my house, brother. I'm in a fucking awesome robe. Yeah, and it looks great. I know. They're very comfortable. The guy David Walton sells him. Yeah, David Walton.

What a robe. Yeah, so I'm actually the person who sent those robes over. I know who you are. Oh, that's why you feel a little icy. There's one window, Jack. Yeah, yeah. I wanted to say something. What's up?

I, um, look. You're having a hard time saying this because you realize now it's crazy. I'm emotional. Because I know that I sent you those robes for an obvious reason. Yeah, because you said you could see us naked in the tub. You didn't like it. So you gave us ropes. It's not that I didn't like it.

You didn't feel comfortable. It was, I felt a little strange to me, yeah. But you know what? I was being judgmental. Because can I be honest? I guess so. I've been, I've been, I have a hot tub. What?

And I've been going in it naked recently. And it's awesome. It's awesome. And, you know, the idea that I'm telling you two to not enjoy that, and now you don't enjoy that, that seems crazy to me. So here's what I'd like to say. Keep the robes. You look great.

them, everybody's happy. Don't be afraid every now and then to go in your hot tub naked, because I like that too, and I'm doing that in mine. And... I'd like you to leave. Why? You didn't even let me get to the best part. I'd like you to leave.

There's more. I'm warning you. You can't warn me. I'd like you to leave my property. All right. Go ahead. Say what you're going to say. Well, I don't...

Well, what I was going to say... Well, I think it's going to be received poorly. Try. As I was saying, I want you two to feel like you can go out there and do that. you want and get in the hot tub naked no judgment from me I'm out there doing it in mind it's a little more private you already said that well there's a little more what is it yeah have a big tub okay where you're going with this as an offering of sympathetic apology be careful I would love to have you have the option

to have me join you at some point you think this is a good pitch Gareth you genuinely think that this is not the worst pitch of the night it's a way to say oh my God was there oh yeah Gareth Sam are you going to do it?

Hold on Garth I'm asking you a question I want you out of ten rate that pitch two we appreciate I agree it's two

But sometimes it's important to find the bottom to miss the top. You know what I mean? I would not say, tell him you love to. Do not go over there. Do you understand us? You've ruined it for them. Do not go over there. I'm glad we sent them robes.

I'm not sure what this follow-up is. You know what a roof rat is? We appreciate the call, man. Thanks. Thanks, Sam. Yeah. Thank you. Thank you.

Love you. Just want to mention that all new episodes are released a day early on Hulu. Yep. We are also having our back catalog is going to be on Hulu. We're going to be about 20 at a time. So if you have not checked us out on Hulu, then check us out on Hulu. Gareth, Jesse, are we saying any lies? No, and you can get season one, season two.

We're going to have a nice melange on Hulu, but the day early. I mean, there's a lot of advantages. Here's another thing. People going, well, I don't have Hulu. You got YouTube? Because we're there, too. Yeah. Hulu a day early.

YouTube for stragglers. And also, you go, I don't have that. Well, we got Patreon. Yeah. And they go, I don't have that. What do you want? Yeah, okay, Jake. We're trying to be inclusive and you're yelling at them.

But I think you're right. It's just, look. Watch this show anywhere. There's a lot of options. Okay. Hulu's early. Hulu's early. Audio day of, YouTube day of, Patreon, no ads.

Here's the way to remember it. Hulu, new, so Nulu. It's not the way to remember. They also have back catalog stuff. Okay, then that we call... Yeah, all right, it's falling apart. We're here to help is hosted by Jake Johnson and Gareth Reynolds. If you'd like to be on the show, please email us your question at

Helpfulpod at gmail.com. And if you want to watch video episodes of we're here to help, you can go to our Patreon at patreon.com slash here to help pod to see our entire catalog. We're Here to Help is produced by Rabbit Grimm Productions, executive producers Rob Hollis, Jeff Porter, and Natalie Hollis, associate producer Jesse Thurston, editing mix and master by Chris Fowler. The song by Oliver Raleigh. The cover artwork is by James Fostike, animations by Andrew Strelicki. And if you'd like to see Gareth, you stand up on the road, go to garethreth Reynolds.com.

Remember all of the advice given on we're here to help is for entertainment purposes only, and all listeners should be adults and make their own decisions. That was a hit gum podcast. Hey, everyone. This is Whitney. And the Lexong. A.K.A. the popcorn queen and king. Hey, guys, we just wanted to thank you so much

for all the love and support. you've shown our family. As many of you know from episodes 224 and 231, we're navigating Alexa's second kidney transplant journey. And that journey has really inspired us to create the Arana Kidney Recovery Foundation. That's right. The foundation helps transplant families with everyday expenses during recovery so they could focus on what's most important. Healing. Now, whether it's lodging, transportation, groceries, or other essential, We're here to help lighten the load. If you'd like to support our mission, you can learn more or donate at A-R-A-N-A-K-R-F.org.

That's Arana-K-R-F.org. Thank you so much for being such an incredible community. And thank you for always being there to help. Hello, I'm Johnny Knoxville. And I'm Jeff Tremaine. Welcome to Jack Ashville. The Podcast, a new show coming to f***. Coming to f***.

That's what it is. Hello, I'm Johnny Knoxville. And I'm Jeff Tremaine. Welcome to Jackass the Podcast. A new show now on Headgum. Woo-hoo. I've learned a jackass movie has to be really 90 minutes. Every minute over is a minute to roll.

Apparently, there's only so much butthole you can take. We're going to take you behind the scenes of our entire history. All the best bits. bad behavior and even worse decisions. All of it. Sometimes we don't make the right decisions, Jeff. I've noticed that. Every so often.

With guests like Spike Jones. I think this committed Jackass the podcast. What was it going to be called? The Jackass Podcasts. Without you, the IQ drops significantly. There's a strong chance that were it not for Jackass that I would be in cloud makeup right this fucking minute. Chris Pontius.

That shot of your butt just, Cruise and I'm like, yeah. I got that on TV. God bless us. Dave England. Yeah, when you come in and you're being really nice, I'm like, damn it, something bad's going to happen to me. Wee man.

Jeff grabbed me from the back of the head and threw a punch. The whole bar just stopped and wanted to kill me. And some of the crew that's been with us from the beginning. I had to share a room with this guy. I left a nice surprise in the toilet form. Every time. Apparently he hates to flush. Subscribe to Jackass the podcast on Spotify, Apple Podcast, PocketCast, or wherever the hell you get podcasts.

Our new episodes drop on June 18th. Woo! Look out for new episodes in your feed every Thursday. Watch video episodes on YouTube and follow along with us on Instagram and TikTok at Jackass the podcast. What were we just talking about? Probably buttholes. Hi, I am Mandy Moore. Sterling Kay Brown.

And I'm Chris Sullivan. And we host the podcast, That Was Us, now on Headgum. Each episode, we're going to go into a deep dive from our show, This Is Us. That's right. We're going to go episode by episode. We're also going to pepper in episodes with different guest stars and writers and casting directors. Are we going to cry? Yes.

A little bit. Are we going to laugh? A lot. A whole lot. That's what I'm hoping, man. Listen to that was us on your favorite podcast app or watch full video episodes on YouTube or spotting. new episodes every Tuesday.