We're Here to Help - 317: An Irish Poo-Dunnit (with Liz Meriwether)

Episode Date: August 19, 2026

Liz Meriwether (Creator of New Girl, Furious) joins Jake and Gareth to address those New Girl reunion rumors. Plus, a caller asks: who used my parents' bidet?Want to call in? Email your question to [e-mail]: https://patreon.com/heretohelppodMERCH: heretohelppod.comINSTAGRAM: @HereToHelpPodIf you’re enjoying the show, make sure to rate We’re Here to Help 5-Stars on Apple Podcasts.Advertise on We’re Here to Help via Gumball.fmSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a headgum podcast. This is a headgum podcast. And are we all recording? Yeah. What were you saying, Liz? Go ahead, Liz. Go ahead, Liz. No, I'm just like, I don't do a lot of podcasts.

I'm like really nervous. You texted me that you were practicing with your daughter. She said, he was doing like, I was like, okay, it's like an advice show, like people call in. And then you come up with like, you know, like solutions for them. And she was like, all of her practice ones were about like boyfriend. It was like your boyfriend takes you to a fancy lemonade restaurant. And every time you drink lemonade. and you spill it on your shirt,

so you don't want to go to the lemonade. And I was, like, fitting there, and I was like, I couldn't think of anything. I couldn't think of anything. Me either, to be honest. Yeah, well, that's a hard question. That's a tough one. That's a tough one.

Yeah. We are here with Liz Merriweather, the creator of New Girl. You get a new show Furious out. Yeah. And I'm happy to see you doing the rounds. Yeah. Yeah.

No, I, like, I love your podcast so much. And, like, I would, I thought for a long time, like, I never wanted to, like, hear your voice or see your face again because I had spent so much time. Sure. Liz, I think you and the audience agree. Our audience hates us. Just so much time. So much of my youth, like my time just spent staring at your face, listening to you, like, in various ways. and like I was like, am I really going to listen to this podcast?

And then I started listening to it and I was like dying. And I was like, I think Jake, like, I think Jake's like imprinted on my brain and that like, I think you're the funniest person in the world. Like I like. And I don't, you know, I don't love you personally. But like every like everything that you say, I think. is fun. You know what I like I like I don't know you bring me so much joy like I do when I am in a bad moment I do like legitimately watch that clip of you and Max like fucking up the the breath yeah like I legitimately like I feel like if I ever like God forbid get like some kind of terminal illness like I'm

gonna watch that but we are we are very connected because a new girl because I still your sense of humor is so clear to me. And I know, and you are what I've realized, what I loved working with you, and I didn't realize it when we were working together, but I've realized it since, is you're so clear when you like something or don't like something. And when, if Liz doesn't like something, I'll be performing. I'm in a single. The director is kissing ass being like really good.

And behind Liz is going like, uh-huh. And then she'll walk out and go like, um, why did you say it? Like, you don't know how to speak English. And I'll go like, I was trying my heart as she'll be like, it was really so much funnier when it was written. And you'll go like, but when you're hitting and Liz likes it, you know, and I started, I have a thing now, I would know, and I'll be on set sometimes,

and this is true, where I'll do a take, like Damon and I just shot something together, and we would do a take where I would think Liz would like that. And I could almost hear you laughing at Video Village, where I'm like, this group isn't liking that as much, but that moment would definitely, like Liz, and you're somebody who you're a great writer, as you've obviously proven over the years,

but you will choose if there's something in the moment. Some people don't do it, and they always go back to their original idea. You will, whatever when you're in, you do something which I like is you have a great script, but then whatever's in post, you let it change again. So there's moments I'll still go, Liz would use this. Well, you kind of made that like my process.

No. Not true. That's not true. No, no. I mean, I feel like we were all so young when we made that show, even though to anybody else we were old. We were like almost 30. But I feel like for us, it was like, it was so foundational for all of us. Yes.

I mean, I think I was thinking about it yesterday because I was like psyching myself up to talk to you and I was like, I think you were the first person I sent the new girl pilot to. Like I feel like, I feel like. Well, because it was during no strings attack. It was that weekend after it did well. You texted me on a Sunday night and said,

Fox just wants to pick up my pilot. Would you read for one of the guy characters? Yeah. Like, I feel like you were the first person who wasn't, like, at Fox that I sent it to. And I remember, like, and this probably is not true because I must have turned it into Fox if they picked it up. But I remember, like, making it a PDF for you, you know. Wow, that is a bold step. That is.

No, I don't know. Like, I just, I'm so, I'm so grateful. I'm grateful to you. I'm grateful to you. you were like, do you want to just talk to me or do you want Gareth to be there too? I was like, definitely. I was like, I spent enough time alone with Jake. Is it true that I was the first person you sent the Zoom link to after Jake said that?

Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Kind of a big moment. No, I love this podcast so much, you guys. Like, I think it's so funny. Like, I, like, I just, it's so. funny. It makes me so uncomfortable. And man, it gives me so much joy. Like, I like, I go through such a roller coaster of emotions where I'm, like, laughing and then I'm deeply uncomfortable. And then I'm a little bit

angry and then I'm so happy. Yeah. That's the right. Really fast, really fast. And then we'll do the call. Will you tell us about furious and? Yeah. Yeah. I mean, it's, it's like the dink in a lot of ways. Um, yeah, if the dink was about sex, you know, let's just tell us about your show. Dude, I like could not. I like, it's, it's really, it's a drama. It's a thriller.

It's a female serial killer, um, and female FBI agent show. But like, I, there were moments when I was like writing a scene and I was just like, almost physically holding myself back from putting it like a, like a bit in show. I was like, I was like, the serial killer is talking about she was sex traffic and I'm like, cannot put the joke. You're like, this is wheelhouse for my zone because it's right there.

Yeah. It was weird you gave Jake the note to lose 10 pounds for Furious. But yeah, I mean, it was like, I love that. I mean, I think you do it too. I mean, I feel like doing something completely different is so. It's fun. And it's like the fact that we get to do that, you know, because we did New Girl, I feel like they kind of like let us do.

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That's W-A-Y-F-A-I-R-D-com. Wayfair, every style, every home. Wayfair, every style, every home. Hello. Hi. How are you? Good. Can we get your name, please? I'm going to go with Mary.

Hey, Mary, where are you calling from? From Wicklow in Ireland. From where? From Wicklow in Ireland. It's like just sighted open. Oh, you're in Dublin. Oh, cool. Yeah, it's just kind of south of Dublin. Yeah.

That's fucking cool. Mary, how old are you? What's your age game? I'm 24. Are you just a kid? Let me ask you a quick question. Do you ever watch the show New Girl? I have.

You have? You watch it a couple times, or do you know the show well? Yeah, I never do pretty well. Just pretty well. I'm a big fun. You're a big fan. Okay, well, we've got the creator of New Girl here, Miss Liz, Maryweather. Oh, my God, that could have like real.

Oh, there it is. I know, I was gambling. I was gambling. By the way, she just uncorked her actual reaction. Yeah, she did a bunch of twice. Oh, my God, Miss Maryweather, I could leave it. Oh, my God. Oh, it's so exciting.

Hi. Hi. Hi. Liz created the show, and I have given you credit of this publicly, but I also think you're the tone of that show. So the show's got a very specific tone. Well, like, look, it keeps working. But, like, there's a very specific tone,

and you were the tone police of it. So it's like more than story, more than anything. The tone of New Girl is, in my opinion, the tone that you're like, this is what I wanted this to be. It's happy to be the tone police on this call. So just say, thank you. Liz, do you have any questions for Mary? Oh, no, I don't.

I'm just like, I'm so interested in why you're calling. And I want to ask a lot of stuff about Ireland, but I feel like everything I ask will be like really, you know, like, I'm an American. I mean, feel free. Every to go over. Let's hear one. Let's hear one.

I'm putting you on this spot. Oh, no. I don't. Let's let me hear you. Mary, what's your problem today? Tell us a little bit about yourself. Tell us what the problem is. And then end with what we can do for you, please. Okay, perfect. So a little while ago, I had some of my friends over in my childhood home. My family were away. So I was just like having a little brunch. And we somehow got on to the topic about the days.

We're going to talk about how they're not that common in Ireland, but they are in other places. And we're just going to talk about whether we've used them and stuff. And I mentioned that, my parents have a bidet in their bedrooms on suite. But that was kind of the end of the conversation. I got to stop you for a second. I'm having a little bit of a hard time understanding. Can you do this? Am I the only one here or is it?

You know what a bidet is, Jake? Yes, it cleans your butthole. Yeah. She, they were having a conversation and her parents had a bidet in their room. Okay. All right. Mary, keep going. So yeah, that was like the end of the conversation anyway.

Like everyone went home. And the next day my parents came home, my dad asked me if I'd been in their bathroom. And I said no, I'm going to ask why. And he said that when he went into their bathroom, there was poo all over the day. So I was shocked and kind of talked back to the conversation as having my friends.

There was no one else in the house. It had to have been one of them. But I can't just ask them who did this. Because no one's going to admit to that. Like no one is going to say that, like, I went in and then didn't clean off after myself. Oh, my God. I need your help.

Yes, it's a food donut. Okay, that's interesting. I feel like I need help to try, figure out who did this. That's not where I thought this was going. Neither. Go into a boday, like, clean your butt hole place. Yeah, so did I. Wait, wait, could you, could you describe the scene of the, like, the conversation, like, who was there?

And were your parents also there? Like, I was a little. confused about like same for that conversation so no so it was just my friend over my family weren't home and then they were they were away somewhere and they came back

the next day and there was two in their bidet but like I had I like I don't know my friends knew that this happened like that they had a day in their bathroom until this conversation and how many friends were there who are the suspects you had five so we can remember one of them completely because she came a little bit later and didn't use the bathroom.

So I've spoken to her about it. So we have four friends. I just want to get organized for a second here. So we got four friends and you. Do you take a ship that night? I did not. Because if this ends up like the game of clue and it was you, I'm going to be pissed off. But also what a, what a call.

What a twist. As like, as I feel like I'm also like suspicious of the friend that you ruled out. Oh, great. Yeah. Yeah. She was like, I didn't have to take a shit that. And I just brushed my teeth. I don't even have an asshole.

I've never even had an asshole. Mary, let me ask you a question. Did you shit in the bedday? I did not sit in the day. I've been wondering from what who's done this. This is like, been driving me crazy. And so how do you know for sure? The one friend who came late, were you keeping an eye on night?

She's got me there for like a little while. And she, yeah, like she was sat beside me. She didn't use the toilet. And like, I remember that happening. So I was like, I know that you didn't use this. I didn't talk to you about it. Can we give her a name? I just need to like get some names.

Yeah, her name is Aaron. Aaron. And then who are the other four? Well, really quick, before we get to the subject. Yeah. The bidet is next to the toilet. They took a shit in there and they didn't clean it out. It's crazy.

So how my dad described it? It was it looked like someone who never used a bidet before tried to figure out how to use on for the first time. Yes. I'm so happy. I love this so much. I'm so excited by this. It's like. they thought it was a toilet and they...

I don't even think so. I think they, like, they knew what it was, but they just didn't know how to use it. So I think they, like, basically, like, sat on the top. So they had, you think that they went on the kid, they had, like, a really bad shit in the toilet and we're like, oh, bidet, I'm going to use it

to clean out my butt hole. And then they just, like, didn't want to use it. Oh, I see, I thought, like, they didn't know what a bidet was. They took a shit in it. And then they're like, oh, that's what I think. Now I don't know what to go. Sorry, yeah.

No. So they were in the toilet and then they sat on it weird. Did your dad just... She said sat. Do you think they sat on the... The hose? Like a... Yeah, like I think there was two on the hose.

Like on the top part of it. Okay. So what your dad's saying... So they may be sat on the hose. The hose was going to end their body. Yeah. Yeah. Wow.

So it was like a full clean, a full cleaning. So they went too close to it thinking this is how you do it. And then went like, whoa, don't like it, got off it, didn't realize that they had left something behind. And when your dad got home, he was like, I don't know how to clean this because it is the hose. I don't have another hose to clean the fucking hose. Yeah. I'm fighting the urge to like reenact it in an Irish accent. But this is now starting to make sense, Mary,

because the hose went too close to the fire, essentially, got dirty, they didn't know what to do. They probably didn't even realize that they had left remnants on it. They just went like, I'm not doing that. Or thought that's how you do it. And then went back to the toilet, wiped, flushed, and got out of there. So just so I don't want to belabor this is really gross, but like there wasn't like. It wasn't a turd.

There wasn't a shite. No. The badees. No logs. It was like a wonderful lesson. Thank you. It was like a mess. It wasn't, okay.

Right. But not a huge mess. Okay. There was just some shit on the hose. I mean, like my dad had seen someone else who's too off of the hose. Oh, Mary. We are with your dad. Yeah.

But just to get a clear picture of what happened. Yeah. It wasn't like they took a huge shit in the bidet. There was some shit left on the hose. that your father had to clean off, and he said, who used it? And whoever did, we're not saying they're the worst person in the world. It's just you kind of want to know who did it. Yeah, exactly.

It's a panic situation. I've had a couple, like, poo things in my life. Yeah. So it's like, you panic and then you, like, make bad for you. Liz, I had a quick panic like this that wasn't shit related that you were there for that I've told Gareth before. Can I hear it? the early on of no strings attached,

Natalie Portman invited all the women for a game night in the trailers. And I was just nearby. And she didn't, nobody wanted me to come, but she didn't know what to do. I don't know if you remember this. But she goes, you guys were all apples to apples and it was all these games.

And you guys were all like Yale and Harvard people. So I was like, I don't belong at that game night at all. And then she goes, you could come too because I was just there. That's tough. And I remember being like, I know she doesn't want me there. I don't want to be there. I don't know what to do. But now I feel weird not going.

So I pulled up to Natalie Portman's house. It was five women and me. And right before the game started, I was like, you guys were talking about apples to apples. I was like, I got to get out of here. And so I went like, all right, I got a boogie. No one was sad. I was leaving. It was like I was there for 40 minutes.

It felt like a perfect. you came, but you didn't ruin the vibe. Great. But I unfortunately went out the back door, and I went in her backyard. Tell me if any of this, you remember this. Do you remember being at Natalie Department's house for a game night or no? No, I don't remember. I don't remember any of it.

So I went in the backyard, and then I thought, easy, rather than go through and go like, sorry, I'm just going to find a way out of the backyard because I assumed it was a regular old backyard. I didn't realize you lived in fucking Fort Knox. So Liz, I got stuck in her back here. I tried to climb the fences. I couldn't. Everywhere.

She fucking lives in Fort Knox. It's impossible to secure. You're not going to be able to break out. No one can get in. I could. No one could get in. There's no way out. I was fucking.

I then just sat back there for a while in a panic. How long? This is not a joke. I then thought, here's what I'm going to do. I'm going to stare at the pool and eventually they're going to see me. and I'm going to just do like the, oh, I was just chilling out. It's so beautiful back here. That's just psychotic.

That is so much worse. I just been out there for three hours looking at the pool. If she had come out and she would like, scary at the pool. In silence. It was a nightmare. I didn't know what to do. So then I thought, I had been out there. I thought after 30 minutes somebody would notice me, no one did.

I was like, I can't do this anymore. So then I had to go in and I was going to try to find another door in. but everything was locked. So I eventually just had to walk through the room you guys were in. And this was probably, was this like Greta Gerwig and Mindy Kayling? Yes, that's exactly who it was. And then like two other like producer types, but it was Gerwig, it was Mindy Kaling, it was you, Natalie Portman.

You know, it was a tough group of ladies to have this kind of fuck up around. And then I had to walk in and go like, and I'm sure it was you went like, what are you doing? And I had to go like, let's just check it out your beautiful backyard. And the questions that I got were, I had no answers. And then I just walked out of silence and left.

So I get what this woman went through here. It is a nightmare. Yeah. But that doesn't change the fact we got to figure out who did it. So I, okay, so Aaron is a no. And then can you take us through the other suspects? Yes.

I'm so happy. Yeah. So there's two Great. Sorry. So there's two people who we think are like pretty unlikely. So there's ORLA who has used the day before. She was like talking about it.

So I just don't think it could have been her. Okay. So hold on. So Britta had used it before. Orla. Orla. Orla. Orla.

Orla. Yeah. So. Orla had used Badee and talked about it. Yeah. Okay. So I don't think it was her. Can I ask, because you said it came up in the conversation, like, who brought it up in that conversation?

Do you remember, like, who was, like, asking about it? I honestly have no idea. It was, I think, it really just randomly came off. I have no idea. I don't think it may have been, like, oh, uh. Well, I know where he's a piece of a day. I think like, I think I mentioned it later that like they had it.

So like we would have already been talking about it. So like they didn't know that my parents would have had this. All right. So Mary, here's what I knew. Let's, Mary, we got to get organized. So Orla, lose bidet once. Who else? So that I also think that I have a friend Michelle,

I don't think she would have done this there. She's just like, I feel like she just wouldn't. go into my parents' bedroom. Like, she, I said, like, she would just be disrespectful of that. And, like, the, so there, so there were other bathrooms. So somebody had to go through the master bedroom and use that bathroom, but there were other bathrooms. So you're saying Michelle's personality type is not the type to go through a master bedroom.

Yeah, exactly. Okay. And then there's my two other friends who I say, like, are probably most likely, which is Jamie, who I have, like, nothing really to say about, like, I, like, I, um, I, guess it could have been her, but I don't really know. And then Claire, who I fear is the most likely. She's just like, I lived with her for

like a little while. She just kind of leaves stuff around and like has like not switched to toilet before. And like just I feel like She's sloppy. Just it could be her. Yeah. We're thinking it's guys, it's Claire. How long

hold on Jake? You can't, this is not She's like a lot of Chris. Claire had a bunch of chili that night. Claire gets lost a lot. She told me she's shit in it. Claire also likes to sit on hoses. She's a big hose girl. Claire loves to shove mysterious stuff in her ass.

She's never seen a hose. She hasn't shown the ass. She's super curious. She loves hoses up her ass. But maybe Jamie. This is not how the justice system works. You know what I mean? You got to be.

And we're down to two suspects, really. Jamie or Claire? But here's the thing we know about Jamie. Nothing really. No. I mean, what is the shit in weird places? You just,

there's nothing to say about Jamie? Like, not in this instance. Like, I don't know, like, I'm feeling nothing weird happening with fair

about night. Besides her having IBS, there's really. So, but she has IBS and hates me, Dad. Yes, to tell us

about Jamie. Is she your friend? How do you know her? Yeah, I've been friends with all these girls for like over 10 years. Like they're all my really good friends. Oh, wow. Then describe Jamie as if she was a character in a book. Oh, God, that's really hard.

Like, she, I don't know, she's really, I don't know, I can't, for this instance, I can't think of how to describe her because I'm just thinking about how, like, whether or not she would have done. So, Mary, what is she for a living? Yeah, Mary, you got to stop being. You are no longer in charge of this investigation. Yeah. We are now the detectives.

So you're not thinking anymore about the situation. We're just asking you about Jamie. Yeah. I mean, like, she's really nice. Yeah, she's really nice. What's her job? I feel like she's also quite, she's a primary school teacher. She's okay.

Is she married? No. Does she date? A lot. We're only children. We're only like 24. Okay. Does she date a lot?

Do you all? Does she date a lot of people? She's got a boyfriend. How long has she been with this boyfriend? Like a year or so. Okay. Is she a big drinker? No, she was driving.

She wasn't drinking her. Is she into ass play? Ask her a boyfriend's like, yes, hoses. Yeah, she loves a bit of a hose. She loves a wee hose. She loves a wee hose. She loves a wee hose. Okay.

So like the rest of us. I'm sorry. Now about Claire, what does Claire do for work? She's like in a medical field. Oh, boy. Okay. Medical field. And then in terms of food, was Claire drinking?

No, she was also not drinking. Who was the junk? Who was the junkest? Nobody was doing. It was like more like a lunch. It wasn't really like a dream vibe. Somebody took a shit in your parents' bathroom during a lunch. Why?

Not your parents' bathroom in your parents' bidet. Someone's sober lunch shit and your dad's medday. But I'm going to tell you this, Mary, if it's a sober lunch shit, everybody's on the table. Well, not Aaron. Well, everybody's. Well, Aaron knows.

Mary's back on the table. But you're talking, I thought this was a drunken night. You're talking about a lunch. By the way, get your schedule. Like in the middle of the day. How about this? Ladies, get your schedule right. Honestly.

Who's taking afternoon? shit's at Stranger's house anyhow. Ireland. I'm not going back. Get your routine right. This is ruining Ireland for me. He in the middle of the day at a random lunch is like, I got to go take a shit and not only that. Let's experiment.

Sober. Good trip cocktails. I'm going to go to the laboratory. But could you imagine being like, oh, strange, I got to take a lunch shit at somebody else's house. I'm going to stick my ass on a tooth. It's a maniac. It supports like the panic thing, right?

Like, it's a panic decision. But there's two crazy decisions before the panic. Yes. One is, first of all, I got to take a shit at a stranger's house. That's not great, but that happens. But then, because it might be allowed and disgusting one, I don't want to do it near the other gals. I'm going to sneak into this back room.

Yeah. Now, question, were you eating anything new? or was anybody going like this? Never had this before. Did anyone say some things that agree with me? Yeah. This tuna smells strange. I'm going to finish it anyhow because I paid for it.

What were you eating? It was kind of like, it was the brunch vibe. It was kind of like pancake, like fruit. Did anybody talk about drinking the night before or having a weird stomach thing? Yes. Not that I can recall. No, I think like, Everyone seemed pretty normal, which makes it all so much weirder.

Mary, did anyone say, I'm allergic to pancakes? What were you going to say, Liz? No, can I ask, like, who, I guess because there's a familiarity to go into your parents' bedroom to use their bathroom. Like, who of these friends had, like, were the most familiar with your house or, like, felt like they could, like, go into your parents' room to use the bathroom? and the second part is like where was the other bathroom located? Was it near where you guys were? So I have like one bathroom downstairs that's like by my parents' bathroom. And then there's like another one upstairs.

So I think like people were going to go into bathroom like just before they left. So I think either the bathrooms are full and someone like none of them, all of them I feel like would be equally like somebody with my father's house. but I just don't think any of them would have gone in there. No one really does that because there's two of the bathrooms. They just wait. Hey, Mary, one thing before I go. One more thing. I just got a little question here before I go.

Mary. You said Claire's a little messy, maybe not her. Jamie's nothing really about her that's important. Michelle, not really her vibe. And Orla wouldn't do it because she used the bidet yesterday. why would somebody be in your parents' house the day before going in the master bedroom using a bidet when there's other toilets?

That's a great question, though. Why would Orla use the bidet while going through the master bedroom go into that bathroom when there's other bathrooms that you're describing? Like Orla had used their bidet, their bidet before. No, she's saying...

No, no, she's used other bidet before. Sorry. But how did that come up, Mary? Because she went like traveling around places where bidet are more common. And she would like... Mary, Mary, hold on, Mary. We got to speak.

We got to be very clear with each other now because I'm starting to think you fucking stuck your ass on that too. Jake, easy. You want to know why? Because you're being slipper. like a tube in your fucking butt, Mary. You're busted. Oh, my gosh.

Mary. How did Orla, how and why did Orla bring up? Because I'll tell you, I've been in a lot of conversations, young lady. I have never heard somebody at a Bronx just go, I've been to other countries and I've used bidets. You know what I'd say if they did that? You're a fucking lunatic. So Mary walks. What a brag.

Yeah. Oh, no way. You know how to do that? I'm big with acid water. Just so everybody knows, I know how to use bidets. The next day someone stuck their ass in a fucking tube and you're going, couldn't be Orla, she's used them before. She's got a well-traveled ass.

In what fucking world is this? This ain't planet Earth, babe. Yeah, because maybe there's like a cockiness. Like, it's like someone who thinks they knows about bidet. Because it's like, it's very balzy to use a bedet in a strange bathroom. So it's like, it requires almost an arrogance to be. And also the way you use them is you fucking stick your asshole on the hose. And you get the hose filthy with poo.

Yeah. And then you walk out. And then you just leave. I mean, imagine her dad going in there and seeing a caveman. Tried to figure out a bidet and nobody tried to clean it. But Mary, so explain to us please how that. came up where Orla mentioned that she had used a bidet in other countries. Well, I think because we were just generally broadly speaking about how they're not common

in Ireland. And she was like, oh, like, I've used them when I've been away. They're really great. Like, I would like one in my house something. It was kind of more like that guy. Like she wasn't. Okay. And then what were others saying during this bidet talk?

Most of my friends, like, apart from what I don't think anyone else used one. So everybody was like, oh. He was like, is there something in these pancakes? Who? I can't relate to this bidet talk about, God, my stomach hurts. How did this talk about bedaes just made me have to shit. Wait, so you said you thought it was like, I don't want to break your flow to it. But I was like, you thought it happened.

It happened when everybody was leaving. Like, can you describe, like, what? Did everybody go to the bathroom? of like hasn't even Of course, everybody has her shit at my favorite Well, that's how shit And then we'll go

Until everybody has in Dublin You have lunch and you shit And somebody else is outside To do you remember Jamie being gone For like a long period of time Or like I don't know how long it would

Not really Like everyone is just kind of like scattering away To go to the bathroom Before like leaving So it was like I was like At the table

And I just like people would like go How are away Like they'd go again Stop stop stop What are you talking? What are you talking? talking about. Everybody's scattered away to go to the bathroom.

This isn't how lunches end. I've been to a lot of lunches, Mary. It doesn't go like this. Everybody's scattered and run to a bathroom. It's like a woman thing. I think women do that. Yeah, it was just like, oh, I'm just going to run to the toilet before I leave. Yeah.

Because everyone is like meeting at the same time. This happens, Jake. Yeah. They have to. Thank you. I'm tired of their nose. Well, you know, before Jake. Stick their fucking asshole on a tube.

Before Jake leaves in a vent, he goes and hang. out in the backyard for 45. And then he looks at the pool for an hour. So it's like that, but with women. That I can relate to. That's normal. This is insane. You know how you try to hop a fence to escape a party?

You remember like your last interaction with all of them? And has it come up since that, like, have you, have you brought any, have you brought up any of it to any of them since it happened? Only, only Aaron, because I know that she didn't go to the doctor. Do you remember you ever see talking to them like that day?

Like did anybody Is anybody weird? Yeah but I mean like none of them said anything strange Okay They weren't going to like Don't go upstairs You didn't pick up like a weird vibe

From any of them No I don't think we can figure out Who did it just based on this recollection I mean we can have our theory But I think Mary wants a way to figure it out Like can we give her Some tactics that she can use

at her next girls lunch? Well, kind of, but I feel like you're not wrong, but what I'm trying to get to is a little bit more information so we can get closer. You have so much information. I mean, one of, sorry, we just, this is my fault. I'm just like in heaven right now. Like I just, like my dream, like, way to spend time.

Mary, do you want to do a podcast with Liz? Called Who's shit in the day? Yeah, like it's a mystery about shitting the day. No, I want a famous, I mean, I'll throw a pitch out, but like a sort of like, sort of famous like mystery story thing is like recreating the, the night of the event, you know, like having those women to come back over for brunch and kind of like recreating this scene and see if, you know, pancakes again, eh, Barry? I feel like that's such a specific situation that like, you know what I would like to do.

We're relying on so much to happen. Mary, you know what? I have a pitch and our audience isn't going to like it because they're going to say like, but that's not realistic. It's only because of the show. And I agree. But here's what I would like to do.

I would like to talk to each member, each woman alone on a call. I would like if Liz has any time to... I'll make time. I'm going to make time. Because then we could just do one by one and I think they have to sit in the hot chair and we do this like the first 40s.

You ever seen that show where it's detectives? They did that. Yeah. And they sit down. We talked to Orla, we talked to Michelle, we talked to Jamie, we talked to Claire. We talked to Aaron. Now, is that going to be purely an investigation or are we going to tell them what? I like that we did that they don't know about this.

They don't know. Nobody knows. I like that a lot. So we have to find a way to bring it up. So we'll just say it's. Yeah, like the thing is I love the idea. But like, I feel like. Like, my friends don't know this.

So I don't want to, like, put them in a really awkward position. But they could then, like, hate me for making them go on this podcast. Like, they're trying to figure out. That makes sense. Okay. Hold on. It would be pretty embarrassing to be, like, yeah. Like, I think that would be a horrible thing for me to do.

One of them. But just to devil's advocate why we maybe should be permitted to do it, one of them took a bidet tube in your dad and mother's bathroom. put it in their ass and then walked away. Okay, I got a pitch. I got a pitch. This is my pitch to you.

I need you to text each of them. I need you to just text Claire and Jamie one on one right now and go, quick question. I remember Orla talking about bidetes. You ever used one? If so, how do they even work? My parents have one. Okay.

And see if you. somebody says they're a little bit weird, but you just sit on the tube, I guess. Tube. Right? To start asking some specific questions about, or you say, hey, oh, I got one. Send to all the ladies and go, hey, guys, my parents found, like a missing blank in their bathroom. Was anybody in there that they could have dropped 20 pounds? Not of shit, of money.

Right. But this idea of, hey, FYI, was anybody in my parents' bedroom because they found a piece of jewelry or whatever? An enticing thing. Something fell. And I'm just wondering who was anybody in that back area? If anyone was in that back bathroom,

just let me know. No big deal. That's really good. I'm just trying to figure out who this might be. But you guys aren't the only ones I also had some other friends over, too, so I'm trying to figure it out. I have, like, a real middle school, like, mean girl pitch, too, of, like, you text Claire and you say, like, I think Jamie did this at my parents' bathroom. You text Jamie, and you say, I think Claire did that.

I like that. Let them fight for their lives out there. Fair. Baku Janua. I've got. I like James. I like the. Jake's better.

Here's a. Here would be maybe, okay. I like all that. What if you also, what if you got. Jamie, what if you got Jamie and Claire together? And I'm not saying that this is going to, this might be a little strange. But you say that for that, when did this happen? How long ago?

Like a couple months ago? All right. You say for the past month, you've been working with a podcast to try to figure out who left number two in your dad's bidet. And there were a few visitors and it's come down to those two. And you've been working with, now let me finish, because. everyone's going to jump on me. I've been working with a podcast who's been investigating it,

and we know it was one of you two, and we need a fecal sample. And then one of them will go, what? And one of them will be like, that kind of makes sense. I can't make sense. I'm with you, Mary. I always say no.

The thing occurred to me while Gareth was talking, and I was like, I don't know. He's not good at this? Because I was zoning. out? Because I had a minute to myself. I looked at my phone until the end and I thought, huh? I was like, weird curveball and I don't know what to do with it, but what if it was your mom and she was like, no.

Okay, all right. All right. No. Mary. Mary? Yeah. I just went through that. What do you think from what you've gotten you might want to do? I think either texting people individually and kind of being like I don't know, yeah I was thinking about to what you first said and I thought maybe that wouldn't necessarily

actually work for going I've got something in the text Hey, strange question, did you happen to be in my parents' back bathroom and if you were, was the window broken while you were in there? My parents are the window was broken and they want to know if it happened before or after we were there because they're a little bit worried about what, that somebody might have tried to break in. So nothing to do with the shit.

Nobody cares if you were in there, but I wasn't in there. So maybe send to everybody, hey, was anybody in my parents' back bathroom? And if so, did anybody notice the back window being broken because they're afraid somebody tried to break in. It's all weird. They don't know, but I wasn't in there. So if anybody who was in there, just please let me know if they remember it being broken. If you don't remember it being broken at all, no worries. Just let me know if you were in there so that I know I can at least give my parents a time.

And then Claire will be like, I was in there at noon. Window. I actually had to, I think I broke it when I tried to open it because I pooped in your dad today. Yeah. Dude, it was me when I had a fucking blowout in that porcelain bowl, Jack. I pooped in both your parents' toilets. Don't remember the window. Remember sticking my ass on the tube.

I, here's what I actually, this is, I really like this. Claire, it was you, you maniac. So happy right now. I really like this. And what I would say is, hey, no, I would even go a little bigger, just be like, hey, guys, my parents had like a tiny break in. Someone took some stuff from their bedroom. That was it.

But we're trying to determine if this window was broken when we were like. Less. Don't get into breaking. Don't get deeper in the line. You do you. And the reason is, is then they might ask questions. There was a crack in the window

and we're wondering when it happened. All right. Yeah, I feel like that could work. Are you interested in that idea, Mary? Yeah, no, I think that's a good way to go about it. Open your phone right now. Okay. And then start a text to

Aaron, Orla, Michelle, Jamie. We're going to send it right now, and then you're going to send us a screen grab of it because then I think you're going to start getting feedback right away and you could call right away. I also think if somebody doesn't respond, that's interesting as well. Agreed.

Okay, and now tell me... Can I ask, but you, like, when you find out, like, is this like a friendship ender? No. Is it just like a curiosity? No, I'm just curious. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, who you want to know, like, who your friends are.

I think your dad deserves to know and your mother deserves to know, too. Yeah. Yeah. It was Claire's put. It depends on whose shit you have to clean it, depending on how gross it is. Certain people would be less gross for me. Other people I'd be really pissed. Certain people I'd be like, gross, but I get it.

Somebody else would be like, ew. Would you be okay cleaning out my shit? I'd be more okay cleaning out yours than Gareth. I knew that was coming. I knew I was about to take some fecal shrapnel. By the way, Steve Berg's, I wouldn't clean it. I'd be like, nope. Natalie, I'd be pretty grossed out.

Wouldn't clean yours. So Liz would be the. would get away with it the most. I know, I know this is all kind of a laugh, but I really was moved by that. In a lot of ways. Okay, so Mary, is the text ready?

Yeah. Okay, tell us what you're writing as you're writing it. Um, I mean, I was finishing off. I was just saying, hey, I was just wondering, my mom and dad noticed that there's a crack in the,

in their bathroom window. I was wondering if anyone noticed this last time you guys were hearing. We're just trying to, figure when it happened. Two, you got to change the order. Hey guys, was anybody in my parents, did anyone happen to be in my parents' bathroom while you were here?

They've noticed a crack in the window, and I want to know if it happened before or after our lunch. Yeah. All right. Can we read it back? Hey, I'm sorry, I'm just finishing diving one second. My parents noticed a crack in their bathroom window. I was wondering if anyone happened to see this,

we're trying to figure out whether it happened before or after, we had brunch. Hey, Mary, how come you don't want to ask if anybody was in the fucking bathroom? That's what this is about. Yeah. Sorry. What did you say again? I'm trying to say. Mary.

Were any of you in my parents' bathroom? Question mark. I ask because and then what you have. Sorry. You're really scaring me. I mean, this is over pooping a bidet. It's amazing where we've gotten to. What we want someone to go like, I was in there, but I didn't see it.

And the other forego, I wasn't in there. Oh, man. Claire, you did it. We already know it's Claire, but. Like, remember that, remember the last time we had lunch? Like, were any of you in the bathroom? Yeah. I'm not mad.

I'm just trying to get information from my mom and I need to know who was in there. and if so, you can help us. I don't even think you need to, I'm not mad, but I don't want to edit it. Well, let's hear the draft. Yeah. So, hey, were any of you in my parents' bathroom, they noticed you crack in their bathroom windows

who were just trying to figure out if the hop on the floor or after we had brunch. I think that's pretty good. Gareth, what are you suspicious about? The only thing, I don't want someone to be like, oh, are they suggesting I cracked the window? That's the only, That's the only thing.

Just say, my parents are just trying to figure out how long it's been broken for, like, the sense of time for how long it's been broken. Something like that. It's just about the time frame. Yes, agreed. Yeah. And then if they ask more, it's about, like, insurance or something. I don't know. I think that's interesting.

Insurance is interesting. Like, we just need to come up with, like, a train warrant. Yeah. Yeah. Well, by the way, insurance is asking when it was broken. Does anybody, does anyone remember it being broken or not? broken when we had our brunch. Mary, your thoughts?

Yeah, I think that's good. Okay, put it in the text and read it back. A last minute, a last minute idea would be like, like, the... Claire, why'd you shit on our toilet? Yeah. We know it was you. We've been having, like, major plumbing problems

in the back bathroom. Like, did anybody notice, like, sounds coming out of the... Claire would go like this. I couldn't hear anything over my sounds. I was screaming so much, I had a tube in me, ours. you're right you're right you're right all I remember

the sounds of me yelling put it in deeper Claire and I say I'm doing it deep as I can Claire so Mary Rita's the text I cracked the window when I punched it Mary read us the text there's just if we're on

there any of my parents' bathroom they noticed a crack in their windows we were just trying to figure out how or figure out if it happened before or after we had brunch because they're just trying to figure out how long it's been broken for to get back to insurance. I think this is very good. Great.

I agree. Will you send it right now? Yeah. I really need a follow up. I really need to. I agree. I really need to know. Okay.

So if you get the information, call back and Liz will send you the Zoom link back. Even a little info. Yes. Honestly, Claire's response is what we're waiting for. Yes. When Claire admits to it, just calls back. Sloppy Claire tells you in 10 minutes she did it. Just let us know.

I don't remember the window being broke. Yeah, but I was in there for show. Boulso. How did the Biday work? I was back there for at least a half an hour. I was back there for sure sticking out too, but my fucking hours. I'll tell you, there was one crack that the Biday noticed. Mine.

Oh, my God, blanket apologies for our access. But I don't think insurance is going to help with it. Well, I don't think insurance covers what I did. Okay, Mary, let us know, Liz. Thanks for being out on our show. Oh, I love you guys. Thank you so much. Love you, Liz.

Okay, bye. Thanks, bye. Sweet Jesse here, stick around for a longer conversation with Liz Maryweather after this. August is the perfect time to hit reset before the autumn rush begins. And honestly, I can't think of a better place to start than my call. closet, Goddammit. That's why I love shopping at quince. Quince is all about fewer better choices. Their clothes are made with premium materials built to last and designed to become the ones you reach for day after day. These are facts of life. I never heard of quince before this podcast. Now I wear

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No, no, no, no. I'm Kyle Mooney. Sorry about that. Exactly. No, all good. All good. Thanks, buddy. Yeah, and we host the show, What's our podcast here on Headgum. This podcast is brought to you by SquareSpans.

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I like that I don't have to go around, you know, to like different stores or something. It's just all on my website. Well, it's like, oh, do I need to go to like, do I need another type of website to like find the right pictures or to like another type of website to, upload the, you know, it's all in one place. The video or the audio or like, no, I want, it makes it easy, make it easy on me, please. Yes, and you can do all those things, photos, videos, changing fonts. You know what the designs are amazing.

They're catering to all your different needs. There are SEO tools, which I know what those are, and they're custom domains. Oh, what's come up with a domain right now. Let's see. I wonder for it exists. www. Friends meeting. Friends.

Friends meeting friends.com. That's an original. thing that we came up with, friends meeting friends. Anyway, so check out Squarespace.com slash headgum for a free trial. And when you're ready to launch, use off for code headgum, save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. Hell, sounds easy. Anybody could do it. Will you walk us through really fast your process to get to New Growl? Well, obviously, if everyone should watch Furious right now, which is on Hulu, you also did Dine for Sex, which was a huge hit. So it's not just, you've done

tons of great stuff. Yeah, I've done hit after hit after hit. You have done hit after hit. But what was your, because we did, you did no strings, you had started off as you were writing, you were getting a lot of heat, there was a few people together. You guys were creating like a vibe, I remember.

There was like three or four female writers and you guys were all coming up together. Is that correct? Yeah. Or at least there was like a, there was an article. There was an article. Yeah, yeah. It was not like 100% accurate what's happening.

But yeah, yeah, there was like a... There was a moment. I mean, when the first year that New Girl came out, there were like articles about how there were more than one shows created by women on air. And people were like, whoa. Totally. That was like the time. That was the moment.

It was also when Damon got on two, it was like, there's two black guys. Yeah, yeah. Exactly. It's like, yes, there's different kind of black guys. Well, it was like we, like, we had formed a friendship during no strings attached because it was such an insane process. I mean, it was like I had to be on set. I went from like being a receptionist in New York to like being like where Paramount was like,

you have to be on set because Ivan Reitman needs like somebody who's the age of the characters like on set with him. as if you would listen to a lot of what I would say, which didn't totally happen. He wasn't a big fan of you and me in our little bits in corners, wasn't he? Yeah, you didn't quite understand it. I also looking back on it, we shot that in film, which is so insane when you think about shooting a comedy in film. It was like, because when I had pitched an alt, it was like, it had to be like, it was like, you had to be right. Better be right.

Yeah, I pressure. But no, I remember just like. I feel like we bonded over like the ridiculousness of like you being best friends with ludicrous. Yeah. There was also something, remind me what whale sounds was, Liz, because I always, whenever, I always think of whale sounds. There was something where you had pitched, I don't know if it was like during sex, my character wants to listen to whale sounds. And I remember we loved it because you and I have always texts a lot with projects. Yeah, we tell.

Yeah. Yeah. And then Ivan was like such a hard no, and that was the beginning of me being like, oh, that's so funny. Liz and I both think this would really work and it's not going to happen. But I don't remember what whale sounds were. I don't either, but you making whale sounds like that thing sounds exactly right. That's still funny. But I do. I guess this isn't what you asked, because like you, on one of the episodes of the podcast, you told Tatiana that I, that I. I had asked that you be like 10 pounds lighter. No, not you, Fox.

Oh, okay. No, because I was going to say, like, that did get told to me, and I didn't stop it. And I just want to, like, publicly talk for that. Very brave. And I didn't even, like, begin to stop it. Like, I was like, yeah, yeah.

That'd be great. I was like, as long as I don't have talent. I remember not only that, Catherine Pope. I like getting that call with you like a, just a turkey lake. Yeah, it was literally, I was driving to a Mexican restaurant.

Now the whale sounds during sex makes more sense. Yeah. Well, Liz is, Liz is the only reason why I am a love interest on TV and movies. It's because of this woman here. It was never part of the plan. It was never part of the plan. Right. No. None of my friends who knew me, everyone was like, wait, why are you doing that? I'd be like, I don't know. Even my wife is like, you're a love interest? To who? I was like, it's literally just because of Liz Meriwether. I don't know what's happening. I literally thought the note for me was going to be, can you gain 40 more pounds? And you can fit into your real personality. Any chance you can get a ponytail and bald on top. And I'm like, literally give me six more months, my king. We're getting there.

Oh, that's a do. I can do that. I also like I watched the dink and it was amazing. It was so funny. And I was like, what is my problem? It was like all I wanted was like the love story. Like I was like, listen, like I know, Garrett, you said you like the second half of it, like the payoff with the game. And I was like, I'm just like, I could take or leave this sports story. It's like I just want you to like, I want to be a movie. It's like, your relationship with Mary St. Virgin and I was like, what is wrong with me? You know what I found? I see. I sound. I sound really. I sound really. creepy like I sound like, oh. I like that part too. Yeah. There was a scene that we shot, Liz, where I felt like I realized who you were as a showrunner. And when I really realized, I was like, oh, this is, for me, the tone that when you, when I was

in a scene that I always wanted to try to find, because it felt like you and I both, and you would keep yelling stuff out. You were, you're. So sorry for that. No, honest to God, I still, here's what I really feel. I always loved when you yelled stuff out and we were finding it. I hated when people yelled stuff out thinking this is what Liz wants because I don't want Liz to get mad at me later.

Whenever I was dealing with somebody's notes, it was a watered down Liz. I was like, if she's not here, let us find it. I don't want you to say what Liz might like. But it was the scene where I was with, I think it was episode two or three back, and it was Lake Bell. And we do a scene.

I don't remember, but it was, you know, I was, I guess I was trying to hook up with her. And then you were, yeah. Yes. And then you had suggested, Lake, will you take your shirt off in the scene? And Jake would you react? And her body was just too spectacular in that moment and how tired we were. And then you laughing off camera because I was like, Liz knows that this is too much for me. Now, you lost it.

it. But Liz, I wouldn't have, I'm a professional. If you wouldn't have laughed, I could have kept it together. Everybody in a crew is pretending it's normal. And Liz is dying going, look at his face. And I'm like, shut up. And then she's like, Jake, now say something. And I was like, you have this.

This is getting humiliating. And I couldn't keep it together. And then she would keep going like, now try to be sexy. Jake, you take off your shirt. And I'm like, Liz, I'm dying. Like, I am literally uncomfortable here. And when you're dying, Liz will not let you out. She'll put spotlights on you.

So you're like, this is, it's too much. Like, I wasn't expecting to see that at work. I've never seen someone have a stroke, but I feel like he took her shirt off. And he like, just like, every, like his soul left his body. And then like, and then it came back. You're right. It was fun. It was really amazing.

But most showrunners at that moment in our. business go, this could be an uncomfortable spot for Lake, for the crew, and they'll go like, great, one more, I think we got it. Let's push in, leg throw a shirt, and Liz is laughing, and then going, nobody cut, nobody cut, not Jake, dance, dance. But what it created for the show was we would have such crazy hours and so much stuff that we would enter a world of madness, that we would all be looking for what we're trying to find. And my North Star was always, if you're there, we want to make you laugh. And then what happened towards the end,

which I knew annoyed you. But if you're not there, I didn't care to make the writers laugh. Because a lot of times they were just trying to keep up with what you wanted. And the directors, a lot of times, were just making sure they covered everything. And the reason,

one of our reasons their show got stupider was, it was just make each other laugh. So I'd be like, if Max or Lamorne is laughing, and I know it drove you nuts. You have to. Like, you have to. I mean, it did drive me nuts. Like, I think that, no, I get it.

It's like, I don't think people fully understand, and it's, you know, world's tiniest violin or whatever. But, like, like, seven years of a show is such a grind. It's such a grind. And, like, and, like, I think, yeah, I mean, I feel like we were all, and we were young and we didn't know, like, what else was out there to, you know what I mean? Totally. That's exactly right. of like, oh, man, like, we could be doing other things and we're like here and I don't know. Like, it was like, it was definitely like, it was a grind.

I felt like you shouldn't have told me that I was 10 pounds overweight on the last year. That's tough. That's a good callback. Look, the behind the scenes footage matters. What are you making of Max Greenfield saying that he read the scripts for the reunion? and they're awesome. What was your honest take of that? Because he texted me after and he said,

I'm on a press store. I think I screwed up. My brain's not going fast. And he goes, they're asking. Are you being honest? He said, they're asking me questions. And he goes, I can't keep up with what's happened. I watched his interview.

I literally was like, Max, you are the dumbest guy. This is, Damon and I were laughing so hard. Because we also know he probably gotten so much trouble. double by death. It's like such a fucking idiot. Like I was like, Max, you fucking.

Like, because I mean, your, your press store was so funny. Lemorn, I honestly, I don't know what he was promoting honest.

Garfield. Amazing. But like, the two of you are like walking a tightrope and it's, and you're so clean. It's so funny. And like,

Max is like, he's like too good of a fucking ass. actor where I was like, he was just like selling it. Like, I was like, there's no spin here. There was no joke. He's so stupid. He ruined it. Now it's like people are getting mad because he goes, you know what I was, I was trying to spin.

Part of me was like, nobody saw it. And then someone like, text me like a dead. He went everywhere. And I was like, what is what if the world is. He's like, yeah. If there was ever. He could have, I'm sorry to interrupt, but he could have stopped. And he kept going, if you watch.

You know, you know I love Max. You know I love him. There's a forger road and he took the wrong. He's got squirrel eyes. And I think what, what do you mean? Sometimes his eyes are dead. And I would say this on set a lot where you would be giving him some all. And I would go, his eyes are dead.

And it would be, we would be in a scene. Sometimes his brain shuts off in a way. I've never seen anything like it. Because it's like a truck driver that the guy's gone, but the truck's still going 70 miles an hour. Which is dangerous. It is. He would sometimes be in a scene with me,

and sometimes the fuck a guy is so present, and he's so great and he's so funny, and I love him. And other times I'd be like, you got shark eyes, brother. Like, it's just darkness with nothing behind it, and he'd be going like, he had jeans that too tight, and I'm like, you're gone, Max. Like, you're not.

And then he'd be like, dude, when you said that, it was true. I was lost. I'm like, no shit. I think I like you're putting to words. I think something I felt watching the interview, which was like I saw his face and I was like, oh no, no, no, no.

He's gone. It's dangerous. He's gone. Well, he sits like this. He gets in this mode where he's like, hey, yeah. And then they're like, tell us. And you're like, he's not mentally present. And then he goes like, yeah, it's really great.

And it's like, that doesn't feel like Max. This feels like a weird character that he's, it's like the Megendow where you're like, you're kind of like a girl, but you're different. And then he goes, yeah, they're amazing. read him and I was waiting for him to do a spin and be like, you know, it's different as a genre. I was waiting for him to be like he pretended to read him but he read

the script for Furious and he thought that was, I was like, what's the twist? And then he goes like, they're really great, we're excited. And it ended, I was like, we shot five. You're so stupid. We wanted an Emmy for him. He was also framing it like I was like holding

back the amazing he made it. And then it was great. Well, I know, I know, I actually can't. What? I can't name names, but, like, I think that that confused a lot of people, including people who probably, like, should know if they're worse. Yeah.

Liz, I had to talk to Zoe. I talked to Han. I had to talk to everybody. I had to go, like, this was something that Lamorne and I had been doing to insult each other. Things are getting out of control. Max really did ruin it. Yeah. If there were ever a real reunion.

Yeah. Of sorts. What would be your vision of if there was one, maybe there isn't one. I don't know what in real life, what the right answer. I know there's such good grace of what the show is, and I would never want to tarnish what it was. So it's like... I honestly have been enjoying it as this meta thing. Like I think there's like something like so funny about like, you know, just like the six.

of us or like whoever, but like trying to get it together. Same. It feels like more funny to me than like than an actual production. Yeah. I think what I really believe is. And there's like two like there's like two camera

stuff. Max has squirrel eyes. And then we cut to Max. I never want the show to die because honestly what I've found in doing it and going off in the business, I will like this press tour, I was so tired, and I didn't have it in me. I was like, I've done this so many times.

I'm getting so bored. And I would be in an interview, and the Today Show, Lamorne has done me such a favor by talking shit about me in press because I start getting in a mode where I start getting depressed and I go like, I don't want to be doing this. Yeah. And I'll be at a interview and they'll go like, I was doing the Today Show. And I was like, well, you know, yes, I played with Andy Rodic and it was a lot of fun. And I was like, I'm just, I don't.

I've got squirrelized. And then Al Roker goes, can I show you a clip? And it's Lamorne Morris, who's now wearing so many necklaces. Yeah. He's got big shoulders now. He's a whole different guy.

And he goes like this. Yeah, Jake's... And as he's talking, I am back to being on set, being like, this dude, with Lamorne being like, best show on TV, entourage, and being like, no, it isn't. And then he's like getting defensive. And he goes,

What do you think is good? And I'm like, not onterize, you fucking goofball. And you forget that you're like, oh, this is really just fun again. And part of that show, because we were younger, it was, we didn't know yet how many people were going to watch it and how much we were going to be still talking about it. It felt more like, who cares? We're fucking with each other. We're fighting with each other.

We're connected with each other. We're impressing each other and annoying each other. and nobody was really watching it on Fox. I mean, there were a shit ton of, when you compare it to now. Agreed. Agreed.

We would have murdered Louis. Yeah, but like, no, I think that was that thing that you're talking about is like what worked was like we were just always trying

to like push each other. Yes. And sometimes in a bad way. Well, what I will say, I've tried Liz. via text to get drunk with you a couple times. You won't do it.

You will not hang out. You know what? I feel ready. I feel ready. It took me like, I really did feel like I needed like a break from. But. You don't understand it like 3 a.m. I know.

It's like staring at your fucking face. But the, but then like, and like being like kind of mad at you, but also like everything. you're saying is making me laugh, but I'm, like, so mad at how good. But then I was also, I would be bitchy in between takes on camera. I'd be like, don't love this joke. And I would talk to you directly in takes. Yeah, you did. I would like, we would be in a take.

Can you get that one? I'd be like, you think you're going to use this, Liz? In my single, I'd be like, don't love it. You can cut this, but, like, towards the end, you were, like, coming up with reasons why your character wouldn't, like, exit or enter a scene. You didn't want to move. He doesn't leave. He didn't want to, like, walk.

And then I went, like, the writer would call me from set and be like, Jake doesn't want to exit the scene. And I'm like, why does Jake not want to exit? He doesn't want to walk out. He says he lives in the preschool moment. He's comfortable. That was kind of, like, that was where we ended up.

But that is. Well, that explains why you sent Max the PDFs of the reunion scripts before Jake. Yeah, right, right, right. No, I would love to get drunk with you. I feel like I'm, I have a lot of affection for you. I appreciate you. I have a lot for all of it.

Like, when I was saying I was Zoe and I tech and you thought I was joking, that's why I said, I was like, yeah, we FaceTime. That's cool, man. I was like, there's something about this group. I feel like we're all like weird cousins. Yes, 100%. Where it's like, it doesn't feel like the real business. It feels like a different thing that allows.

all of us to work in our dream jobs for a lot of years. And since it's felt like, oh, now I'm in Hollywood. Right. And I was like, now there's been projects where I'm like, oh, this was supposed to be like, I've had jobs where I don't have any friends where I'm like, oh, it's everybody's nice, but I'm like, oh, nobody jokes around. I can't, I literally can't imagine you on a set where you don't have friends. What do you do?

Squirrel eyes. Squirrelize. You know what I do? Liz, I say, I say my line. Oh, Liz, that was the secret. Oh, I didn't know you could do that. Neither. And then I have really.

I do remember you calling me. What was it? Was it the Tom Cruise movie or something where you were like, it was between seasons and you were like, Liz, I got to be honest. Like, I got to say a lot of stuff. I got to say a lot of like science stuff. And it has to be like all accurate. Oh.

What I really realized post-Newgirl is like, oh, there's. I didn't really know what an actor's job was. Mm-hmm. I was like, when you found me from ceremony, and we did no strings, no strings was in my first big movie. I was just doing like two lines in movies, and I was like, this is awesome.

Yeah. Where I was like, I had to stop smoking pot because New Girl, I'm like, there's so many words. Remember I used to always ask, can I have less words? Yes, I do. What a great afterstatement.

I'm like, you're giving me way too many words. I was like, for every pound you lose, I'll take a word. If you said that, I would have been skinny. Everybody check out our show on Hulu. It drops a day early, and there's also Back Catalog episode. That's right. So we're here to help is now on Hulu a day early.

If you want to listen to the back catalog, we're dropping those from Season 1 and Season 2. It's just join us. Let's go. Bye, hey. We're Here to Help is hosted by Jake Johnson and Gareth Reynolds. If you'd like to be on the show, please email us your question at helpful pod at gmail.com. And if you want to watch video episodes of We're Here To Help, you can go to our Patreon at patreon.com slash here to help pod to see our entire catalog.

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