We're Here to Help - 318: Meth Tower & Pits Balls Butt

Episode Date: August 24, 2026

Jake and Gareth solve a shiny mystery in the SoCal North County. Then, Cat Reitman helps Gareth write a new song for bath time. Plus, a follow-up from Ep 264 "Keeper of the Balls."Want to call in? Email your question to [e-mail]: https://patreon.com/heretohelppodMERCH: heretohelppod.comINSTAGRAM: @HereToHelpPodIf you’re enjoying the show, make sure to rate We’re Here to Help 5-Stars on Apple Podcasts.Advertise on We’re Here to Help via Gumball.fmSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a headgum podcast. This is a headgum podcast. You know what I was thinking and we were about it today, Gareth? We had Fred Armisen on the show today. We recorded today. Yesterday we recorded with Liz Maryweather, showrunner of New Girl. We're getting some fucking great guests.

Those are two bangers back to back. Back to back. This show has got a momentum, Gareth. I think the calls have been bangers. I think we are in a great... We're in the Dick Tracey era, dude. You know what, man? This actually is the Dick Tracey era.

I mean, say no, listen. You're right. Even however you want. But we are in our Dick Trace era. We're getting big names and we're a big project. Momentum is with us. And we are going to blow it. And it ain't going to end good.

By the way, let's have a quick discussion. And I want the audience to weigh in on this. Should we consider changing the artwork a little bit for the Dick Tracy era? I'm begging the audience to weigh in with a no. Should we go, should we at least get Dick Tracy caps? Should we have a new font? I don't think you know what you're dealing with when it comes to the Dick Tracy art. I don't either.

I don't remember. I'm going to watch it this weekend most likely. Yes. And I'm telling you, when you look back, you're like, this actually happened? I mean, let me tell you, that's our artwork. I mean, Jake, and by the way, you can just see Eric and Berg and all of them. I mean, even just reading some of, oh, God, it's just pretty with the preview, but I mean, we are talking about. It's a crazy movie.

It's insane. It's, I can't believe it actually happened. Neither can I. But we have had in our Dick Tracy era, are you pulling out? Oh, my God. That's me. Tell the audience what they're seeing. Well, we got Dick Tracy looks normal.

I mean, basically looks like, I mean, it's from the 90s. Yeah, but also Warren Beatty directed it. Yes. He looks handsome. He is in a yellow suit. Look at what he did to Al Pacino in this shot. Because guess what? Al Pacino and Warren Beatty, we're competitors.

Al Pacino looks like when you would put your shoes on your knees and walk around pretending to be a tiny person. I don't even know what some of these people are, but they're, famous. What's because he made everybody look disgusting except for him and Madonna? Him and Madonna. Who he was actually dating at the time, I believe. Was he? I think so.

That's cool. I don't know. But anyway, we're excited to be incorporating Dick Tracy into the world of the show. We are. It was time. We're excited about where the fucking show is right now. We've talked about this a lot, but this thing keeps changing and evolving and going in different phases.

and we're in an exciting new era. And I never know when a new phase is going to start, but all of a sudden you go like, things are different. Yeah. Yeah, I mean, we also, you know, we didn't do, we haven't done a session for a minute. Right. Because you've been swamped.

Yes. So we did two days back to back. And you do it. At the end of those, you just go. And by the way, the show changes. I know, but when you told me to listen to the, because I don't really listen to the show very much, but when you told me to listen to the Fish family,

this was wonderful. Man, I was dying. I mean, I don't like, I definitely, like, sometimes I'll be like, no, that was fun. I was laughing. I was laughing at the point. I was in Vancouver, and I decided one day in Vancouver,

I had my first day off in ages. And I was like, you know what I'm not going to do? Sit around my hotel room and be like, well, I'm telling you. By the way, it's every day I'm in a hotel. But you know what I did? I said, what would Anthony Bourdain do? Mm-hmm.

I googled best food in areas. I went to, I took a lift to Richmond, which has the best Asian food anywhere, I want to say, in Canada. I went to these food, these like markets. Oh, that's the best. It was the first floor selling antiques, selling weird stuff. full fish, like a good, like, in an area where I'm like, those are live fish, mystery meat. Yeah. Don't know what that creature is.

And there would be like some Chinese guy just, like, pulling some animal, like, out of a shell. And I'd be like, yuck. Okay. My dude? Yuck. This smells down here. Yuck. Oh, that fish market walk smell is something unique.

It's otherworldly, brother. But I go upstairs. Since I was five years old. Same. I'll never forget it until now. Same feeling. By the way, seeing a big fish in a small tank breaks my heart. Not good.

I end that fish. What? His podcast is the tank. I got to get out of him. Right after the Dick Tracy era? We were doomed. We were doomed. But I.

I did the same thing. I had my cool headphones on, and I was just listening to it. I was going through music, and then I was like, oh, you know what, I haven't. And I was remembering how much we were laughing. You were killing me that episode. You were killing. That whole day. But also that guy, the lawyer, when he fell apart, Gareth, when he started going, and you went right away,

he doesn't have it. Joe, die. I die. It was comedically perfect to go. All right, well, he's a lawyer. Go ahead. And then he goes like, it's our face. Bell. Are you a lawyer?

What is that? That was crazy. That was crazy. That was a bang. That's got to be in the helpies. That's got to be. That's got to be. That's a, fuck.

That was a winner. But we're our Dick Tracy era, everybody. So enjoy some ads. And we brought to you by ARIA. Look, when was the last time? You spiced things up in the bedroom. Was it a while ago?

Was it last week? Well, Aria is here to turn up the heat in your bedroom. Aria is an intimacy membership for couples, bringing your spark back with a personal intimacy concierge and curated products delivered each month. You can actually text the person at ARIA and they will tell you what's coming and whether you're trying to bring your spark back

or just make your relationship feel a little less predictable. Aria has enough to keep things fresh and keep you out of that dreaded bedroom rut. Nine out of ten couples feel more connected and passionate within four months of using Aria. I got the box and lots of cool things in there, lots of fun things in there. also some mushroom chocolates to sort of put you in an interesting mood when you're going to use these products.

Little finger wand stuff, all these things went amazing. Right now, ARIA is offering our listeners $10 off your first month at getarja.com slash here to help. This offer is only for our podcast listeners, so use our link to get this discount. Get Aria with a Y. get g-e-t-a-r-y-a-com slash here to help for $10 off your first month that's get aria.com slash here to help this episode of the podcast is brought to you by booking dot com i'm going on a trip taking my movie on tour and i have a couple down days and i'm thinking you know while i'm doing this i'm like you know i just want to have some downtime i've always

heard about Lake Geneva, Wisconsin. And so I'm like, you know what, I'm going to find a place in Lake Geneva and start looking around, find great options, a place that has bikes, so I can have a couple of bikes there, so I can kind of bike around it. All these great things just start falling into place. And the reason why is because I'm able to go on booking.com and get a real sense of what is the place going to look like? What is the place offer? It's got a barbecue you in the backyard. It's got like a great little kitchen. All these things.

And you just know exactly what you're getting. When you walk in, you do not feel surprised because booking.com makes you really see the place. That is why I love booking.com or the booking.com app. So I always use booking.com whenever I can when I get on the road. So go on, book that trip. It's easy. Booking.com. Booking.

Yeah. August is the perfect time to hit reset before the autumn rush begins. Honestly, I can't think of a better place to start than my closet. God damn it. That's why I love shopping at quince. Quince is all about fewer better choices. Their clothes are made with premium materials built to last and designed to become the ones you reach for day after day. These are facts of life.

I never heard of quince before this podcast. Now I wear quince. 65% of the top. I like the shirts and I like the jeans. You can wear whatever you want and buy whatever you like. This old Alley Cat likes the shirts, the T-shirts, and the jeans. I'm a fan of Quince. Quince specializes in everyday staples that work harder,

ultra-soft, organic cotton, teas, a premium Mongolian cashmere sweaters, versatile, timeless transitions seamlessly from a casual workday to a dinner out. I rock Quince all the time. I just, I love Quince clothes. talk about it often. Upgrade your every day. Download the Quince app for app exclusive offers or go to quince.com slash here to help. Get free shipping on your order and 365 day returns.

Now available in Canada and the UK too. That's Quince, Q-U-I-N-C-E.com slash here to help. Hello. Hello. How are you? Oh, my God. I am so splendid. Made my day to get the email this morning.

Oh, great. Can we get your name, please? My name is Jules. Jules? Is that short? Is that short for Juliana? It is short for the shorter version of Juliana. Julie?

Julia? Julia? Come on a second. I need your volume a little louder on my end. Okay. What's it short for, Jules? All right. That should be better.

Hey, Jules, can you hear us? I really can. You can or you can't? Can, positive. Okay. What's Jules short for? Oh, Julia. Julia. Where are you from, Julia? I am from Southern California.

What part? Like NorCal. Like, Escan Cito, Easton Valley Center area. Wait, did you say you're from Southern California? I said what part? And you said NorCal? I believe that is... For those of us who are playing it back, that is what just happened.

What part of So-Cal from NorCal, So-Cal? Mid-Cal. Nevada. It's Nevada. I'm Europe, Greenland. That's the only wrong answer there, pal. I'm your Greenland listener. Where are you from Southern California? What part? Northern California. So how about let's take it? California. Where are you from? Kelly. You're good. Northern County.

Oh, Northern County. Okay, that's cool. And what's your age? What are we talking about here? I'm like 25. You're just a kid. And what sign are you and does it mean anything to you? Well, I'm a Scorpio and it doesn't really mean anything to me, but I've been told that it makes sense. And so what have you been, what does Scorpio mean and what have you been told? I've been told that, like, that Queen Bee energy. Queen Bee is cool.

Kind of controlling and a little manipulative. Ooh, cool. Scary. A little tough, a little scary. You don't really mess with Joel. No. I'm a Scorpio, but also a Sagittarius. What a Sagittarius, man?

I have no idea. I'm just doing her NorCal bit. And so, Jules, you got any siblings? I do have siblings. I have an older brother and younger sister. Oh, you're right in the middle as a scorpion. Interesting. So you've got to figure it out as the middle child.

You got any, what's your favorite food? Home friends. My favorite food? Mac and cheese. Great. Wow. So, Jules, you're the middle child. You're a scorpion.

You can figure it out. You don't mess with you. You're from Southern California, but the North County. You like mac and cheese. It's quite a life. Quite a life. Quite a start at 25. Well, somebody has figured out how to mess with me, and it's been like months.

They are from a park ranger, and one of the parks that I have to patrol regularly has these trees that have long, like kind of willow style. Beautiful. Reach down to the ground. And someone is adorning these trees. trees with the wrappers of their hemorrhoid suppositories. Like, like the one. Hemroids.

You said hemorrhoid suppositories? What the fuck? And I just don't really know what to do. I'm with you. That's disgusting. That's horrible. They're also putting it on a beautiful old tree. Yeah.

What did the tree did with anybody? Hemorrhoid suppository wrappers. I don't imagine a tree if it actually knew what was going on. They'd be like, you can't do anything about it? No! Not that. Jules! Help me, Jules.

You'd probably have to see the person. You wish it was the Wizard of Us. I did take it upon myself to me, like, the tree savior, and try to go and collect all of them, and I counted 97 in one collection. So, Jules, you got any photos? No. Oh, I could go back and get a photo for you.

I don't have it on my personal. And so just walk us then visually for the... people driving. What does it look like when you see these? What's the visual? When you first saw it, what happened? What did you think? What did it look like?

Yeah, it was a sunny day. I was driving very slowly down the little road. And I noticed like little glinting in the sunlight. So I put my hazard lights on, pulled over, went over to check it out. And it was kind of that effect where when you see one, you see them all. Yeah. So I saw one or two. and then I just, like, before my eyes, it was like a Disney movie.

I saw how many there were, like, the sheer accumulation. And then I started picking them off, expecting, like, I didn't know how easily they would come off. And then I could read on the wrapper. It says, like, hemorrhoidal. And then let me ask you a question, Jules, because I never used these. How big is the rapper? Is it like a finger length? It was like a band-aid.

Oh, a little bit. Okay. And it's sticky. Mm-hmm. Oh, I don't, I don't, I'm glad it wasn't, The actual suppository. No, I'm talking about the thing that's on the tree that you put on. Mm-hmm.

So what does that material feel like? It's like aluminum foil. Mm-hmm. And so they just take a little bit of that and they're putting it on the trees and there's 90 of them? 97. Well, now there's more. It's been like four months. And so are they doing this if it's foil?

Is it an art moon? Do they think it's decorative? Do they think it's cool? At a certain time, are all the, is the foil glistening in the light and somebody's taking photos of them? Why are they doing this, in your opinion?

So I haven't seen that. My suspicion, so we do have a mess problem in this one area. And, you know, the effect of, like, if somebody does meth, they start to take up and gather things. I thought you said mess.

So you have a meth problem And tell me what people who do meth They do again They pick stuff up, you said? Yeah, they'll like go pick up rocks Because they think they're all precious stones Yes, I do know this actually Actually, this is not a joke

I do know this There was a guy in Atwater who was a meth head And he would build these like rock towers And every time I would drive by I'd be like kind of cool Yeah, I'm not opposed to What you're doing is we're on drugs, my man, but you've got like nine cool towers.

This is, by the way, a slippery slope for you. Agreed. Because you're, there is a real, you're really a little, you're admiring a meth tower a little too much. And I am calling it a meth tower. How long until your yard is just like, a meth tower?

Yeah, there's like a tower. I'll tell you how long when I first do meth. Yeah, honestly, you need to steer clear. If I do meth, I got a meth tower by the end of the day. Oh, that question. Talking to you. your wife just being like, we can go underground a little too. She goes, what is this?

And I go, this is a tower of rocks. And she goes, you do meth? And I go, I need help. So, okay, so you're right, Jules, that this is probably a meth tower. And these, this foil is beautiful to this individual. And on the trees, it's summoning something. Now, I'm glad Eric's not here right now because he would go, it actually works. Let him build.

he would go I'm not sure that it works but also it really might Those are vortexes get out of the way I felt that North County of Southern California beautiful area So

This is interesting So there's a We can probably assume yes That there's a method Leaving suppositories on a trip With some bad hemorrhoids Yeah or buys them for the The foil you just

get full. I think this is a two I'm thinking this guy likes some butt stuff too. You know how people are into that? Yeah, no. We're familiar with that. Jules, when you say people, we know you're talking about yourself. You know how some people

who are middle children who live in the North County by Royd-foil and he keeps turning it into structures. Now let me ask you a question, Jules. You into butt stuff and you doing this to your own truths? Hello? You know, I've considered it once or twice. Is this fight club?

You handed yourself a beer in a parking lot. You like that. You want Jules goes, I got to put this hemorrhoid thing in my butt. And then you smoke bath and you're like, I've got to go hang this on the tree. Oh, some lady left this here. I'll make a Christmas tree.

And then you sober up and you go like this. Well, my hemorrhoids are better. What the fuck is this tree? I'm going to call a pod. Just don't smoke meth on the call. Yeah. It's going to get really confusing. Hi.

Okay. So you think, just to be clear, the meth head is probably into butt stuff. We're in a good spot. Keep going. And by the way, you're not done. And sticks these suppositores in their own butt and then hangs the tinfoil in the trees. And your question to us is what? My question is, how do I think of... Quit smoking math. How do I get out of that?

Shuffing stuff in my butt. I don't know. Any answers on that? 100%. Jules, you're in a good spot. Okay. All right. So what's your question?

What, Jules? My question is how do I proceed? Because I don't know if the answer is catching you guys. Is the answer like... It's not safe. Yeah. I don't want you... What's our next step?

Okay, but first of all, This is really tricky because we're talking about most likely a meth head. Yeah. So I'll tell you what, as a 25-year-old lady, Jules, and this is coming as a 48-year-old man with daughters, I don't want you anywhere near this guy. No, it's not worth it. I feel bad for the tree, but what I don't want is, like,

a stupid pitch we have where you're like, hi, I'm the butthole police. Yeah. Excuse me. And this is not a little bit of the... I called a podcast. See me in this weird

Tarzan bounce. He's got night vision goggles on. Pardon. And he's like, huh? What you've created, Sir, is actually not a vortex?

Ah! I don't want to read the news that somebody in Southern California in the North County was murdered by a meth head. SoCal, NorCal woman, murdered by meth head bite.

Both into butt stuff. Police say, quote, both into butt stuff. So, Jules, we've got to figure out, and we're not,

we're not going to, like, outrun a method to say, like, we'll just take them down when they put them up. I mean, I will say,

this person probably isn't able to run at full clip. Yeah, but I'm talking about they smoke meth and they go, bling,

bling, bum, bum, and get all the tree. Yeah. So you take them down, they're coming up the next time he gets high. Oh, yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So this is, I'm also in a truck, though. So I get, like, I have lights. I have a PA speaker. I don't think you want.

I hear what you're saying. Okay. And you're saying, is it one tree? No, it's probably like 20 to 30 trees. It's so many. Okay. So I think for start, I think, unfortunately, Jules, my pitch to you on this one is going to be, we're going to have to do this in chapters. Because first we need to identify the method.

Yeah. We have to find the person. So I called PD. Okay. And I asked if they would be willing to come out, like we have a non-emergency unit, if they would be willing to come meet me and fingerprint and run the fingerprints on the wrapper. Yeah, do this. And they said that they would not do that because it's not.

Yeah, I'm not surprised by that. I am not surprised by that. Imagine the cop getting that. I would... What the hell? I don't know why she's losing it. I've never heard Natalie laugh so hard. Jake was so invested in it.

Jake's going to be out there trapping him. Well, yes. He was like, do it. That feels so logical to me. Let's figure out. She was like, well, they won't. Jules, that's how invested Jake is in the call. He's like, obviously.

Let's get the cop. Well, there's a method, but I'm with you, Jules. There's a method picking hemorrhoid wrappers and hanging 90 of them on trees. This has to be stopped. If it was it occasionally happening, I think I would just chuckle and take them down and I would enjoy it. But there's so many guys. When you called the cops, how did you phrase what was going on? Gareth, you be the cop.

Jules, you do you. Let's try to do it as real as possible. NorCal Socal PD. This was just a couple days ago. This is real bad. Not emergency line. Hello. Hey, good morning.

This is Ranger so-and-so with the city of so-and-so. This is going to be a little silly, but I'm wondering if you could spare a non-emergency unit to come out to XX Park. I have trees that are covered in hemorrhide depository wrappers. And what is it? What is it? Hems.

Jules, you don't have to say the end. Everybody knows what the sponsor is for you. Non-mouth suppositories. You know, suppositories, what you put up your butt. That's screaming, I'm into butt stuff. Yeah, we're not going to send anyone. We know you did it. Yeah.

We know you did it, Matthew. He's writing down, weirdo on the line. Yeah, good luck. We can't spare anyone. You know, suppositories, what you take your underpants off and you open your butt cheeks and you put in your butt hole? Can you come dust for fingerprints for foil for ass stuff? Jules, that's weird, dude.

Just say suppositories. I'm going to go to CBS and go like this. I'd like to buy the suppository. from my blood hole. Do you sell condoms for penises? I'd like mouth gum. I'd like some gum from my mouth, some condoms for my penis,

and some positive from my blood. I'm going to be very specific, but I don't want to fall into the confusion pit again. I need condoms for my penis, gum from my mouth. Can I get some deodorant for my armpits? I think you have pants for the chest. And I'm going to need a brush for my hair.

We all know what it does. Okay, so keep going. So you said this depository is for your butt, and did he say, excuse me? Or how do you respond to that? Oh, she said, can you hold? Yeah, that's the right answer. Okay, Jules. Yeah, this is on you here, pal.

Now, I'm going to ask you one more time, for real. You're the one putting these in the tree, kid? Oh, I'm not. Jules, when was the last time you put a suppository in your butt? Come on. Never once. Never once. It's a weird no.

Yeah, never once. Never once. Twice for fools. Yeah, never once a pot to-tot. Yeah. Never once. Have you put three in there at once? It's like a bridge troll answer.

Yeah, agree. Never once. Nice to try. Never one. Okay, so, all right, here's my pitch. You ever, my guess is the individual, and I'm going to just say he. I agree. I don't think this is a lady method.

I'm super excited if it is, but I do think. it's male. If it is, I'm psyched. I think it's a male. And I think it's a guy. I think so. That's the hardest I've ever heard Jesse laugh. I'm just like, why is that? That's the victory. He's one of us. Yeah. We know it's a man. He's on our team not there. We got him. Yeah, we got him. Yeah, we got him. It's a guy. Yeah. It's a man. Yeah. Listen, we're doing what the police won't do. She called the cops. They didn't answer.

Now she called us. Okay? We're going to fix this. No reason it's not a lady. Great. Yeah. You're not wrong, Jesse. You're not wrong.

It was arbitrary and we did take it as a way. I still stand by and being a guy. So it's definitely a guy. Jules, here's what we need to do. Here's what we need to do. It's definitely happening at night. Can we agree to that? Yes.

Yeah. You ever willing to take that truck out at night and do surveillance? I can't use the city truck if I'm not working, but I could totally take a personal vehicle. I have no cause with that. You willing, and I don't know if I like this, bitch. But I'm just going to pitch to you because that's what this show is. But even at the bar right now, as I'm raising my glass,

Gareth is looking at me shaking his head, no. But I just want you to know that, you know. Yeah, there's real consequences. Yeah. War's ugly. Um, I would dress in all black. Wow. You want to stay-out.

And I would get a bunch of pistachios. I'd do a fucking steak out. Wow. Put a bunch of meth and... And then what? And when you see them, here's what I'd really do. You got a camera? I do.

You do? I want you to do a full-on P.I. Steakout where you're in your car with pistachios. You got a friend you could do this with? Yeah, I got a hubby right here. Okay, perfect. I want you to both dress like 1980s private investigators. I want you to watch a movie like Steakout.

Dick Tracy. Dick Tracy. Have you ever seen Dick Tracy? It's okay if you haven't, Jules. Have you ever seen the 1989-1990 movie Dick Tracy? No. For starters, you guys want to watch. Do I need to watch?

You and your husband have to watch Dick Tracy tonight and dress like Dick Tracy characters. It'll be helpful. Pick your character names out. Don't be mumbles or itchy. Yeah, you're going to need you. Don't be asteroid. But here's what I really need you to do. I need you guys to do a full-on stakeout.

And it's going to be boring. And it's stakeouts part of his small talk. So have subjects that you guys can just bring up. Because you might have to sit in that Oldsmobile for six hours. I kind of like this more and more. And then when you see said method, you don't do anything. Just snap photos of the act.

This is a... But I really want to do something, though. I know, but we might... We first have to call back. We need to see what we're dealing with. This is for us to weigh in. Because what I'm not going to do is go like, then turn the bright lights on and go like,

Hey, Dick Tracy, you're going to jail. Pull your pants up, fix your bottom. Because it might be a real dangerous situation. Yeah. But we won't know until we get a good look at this guy. Yeah, and the Dick Tracy plot, this would be Act 1. This is Act 1. So Jake is right in that.

So look, we all want to just say, then do this. But, Jules, I don't feel safe saying that. And I don't think we should give you a situation that might get you and Hubby in trouble with mumbles over here or itchy. These are bad guys from Dick Tracy Or at least characters Are you calling the butt guy itchy The butt guy's itchy

I'm real into that guy's Dick Tracy name He's mumbles and itchy Methi itchy Mumble itchy mumbles I gotta put those in the tree real quick My bottom's bleeding a little bit So This is

This is in phases here kid The first one is Get some photos and bring it back and then we'll take a look at it might take multiple days. Do you, is this happening right now? Is this seasonal? What do you mean? No, it's been going on since I've noticed it in about like March.

Yeah, same space? No, all different trees. Yeah, same area. And it's been expanding. Okay, so then I think that this does work. I would say you guys pack some sandwiches. I would bring a couple. That's what I was going to say.

Bring a little, like bring something like a board game maybe, but you remember you on steak out. board game. Can't be too distracted. But bring Connect 4 or something like that. Listen to the podcast. Are you guys all caught up? Yeah.

Oh, you are? You know what you could do. Are you all caught up on episodes or you got any? You got to, have you not heard? No, I'm not caught up yet. Oh, sit in the car, listen to the podcast, Gab. Also, I might recommend. Watch Dick Tracy.

Maybe download Dick Tracy on a laptop. I know. Trust me, if you're watching Dick Tracy, your eyes are going to wander off the screen, okay? You can have plenty of time to look. around. It's like two hours or 800 actors. I don't think there's a story. We're going to pitch to you. You're also going to do a live watch

of Dick Tracy from your car on Pete and tree. Okay. Okay. You're pushing. Okay. So here's the real pitch. Do a stakeout. Yeah. And keep doing it until you get photos. Make sure you are with your hubby. Don't do this alone.

Do not interact with the individual. Just get clear photos. Call us back and we're going to figure out a plan B. Does that make sense? That's going to be so hard not to do anything because my whole job is to just go walking, like, straight into encampments and just dealing with it. And so what, all right, so then what would you want to do when you saw him? What would be the thing? Because it is a guy.

I kind of just want to act like I want to be friends. Okay, go on with this. Like, I want to be like, hey, this is crazy. Can you tell me about this? Is one who's going to be 1 o'clock in the morning? He's on meth. I'm going to jump in. Jules, I think this is why you need to call us.

That is a wrong instinct. It's a wrong instinct. What are you doing? Yeah. We can find him. Hey, foil, man. We want to find him sober. We don't want to find him in the midst of me.

Yeah. You don't want to walk out of darkness. There's no way. I was actually into the confronting plan and one until you told me what your confrontation is. I think Jake's right. Let's go on a fact-finding mission. Let's drop you in the ocean.

Don't confront him yet. Trust us. Do this in phases. Yeah. Just get the footage. Get the film. of the askwatch and then...

Now, you know what you could do if you wanted? You could have a blowhorn. Well, this is an escalation. And while he... Scared the depository out of him? Scam. There's just three in the air.

What you can do is, because then you're in the safety of your car if it goes sideways, drive away. But when you're watching, you get photos, every time he goes to put that in the tree, eh? I don't think there's going to be multiple. Then if he goes again,

because I'm going to tell you what that's going to do to the high, bad news. It's definitely going to harse the mellow. Right. Okay, I like this a lot. I like the honking one. So, but first a couple of picks on the third one, the honk, if he notices you guys, get the fuck out of there. I think have hubby film for the air horn, but I like it.

Are you going to buy an air horn? Do you have one? I could totally get an air horn. Get an air horn. I like this. I like this. How do you feel, Jules? I'm really excited.

I'm glad that there's some way forward. Let me ask you a question. Do your husband have hemorrhoids? No. You're thinking the calls coming from inside the house? Jules. He into weird butt stuff? Does he sit on a pillow?

He always scratching at his house. How long is he in the bathroom? Okay, no, this is going to work. Can you do your hemorrhike? Get. That's why as I know? He doesn't know. Then he doesn't.

Yeah, I think the deal with hemorrhoids is... Also, ask if he smokes meth. How do you smoke meth? I don't know. Only on Tuesdays. Okay, he's the guy. All right, you know, at the end of the call. So go on his stakeout, follow up with us, and let us know what happened.

Well, do. Thank you guys. All right. And we were brought to you by Square, Square, Square, Square. Listen, we love Squarespace. We talk about Squarespace all the time. They are the best. Squarespace is the all-in-one website platform designed to help you stand out and succeed online. At this point, you have to have a square space because we're all competing with each other,

and Squarespace is just a must, okay? If you're just starting out or you're scaling your business up, whatever it is, Squarespace gives you everything you need to claim your domain, and show people what you're working with, and get people interested, growing your brand, getting paid all in one place. Honestly, it's a great sponsor because it works.

It's worked great for us. We've used it for whatever that party was, wigs and ties or something like that. I want to say wigs and salmon. I know it's not that, but that would be a heck of a party. You've got to bring salmon and wear a wig. Oh, it feels like an Alaska-type party.

By the way, themed party idea, wigs and salmon. So use yourself some Squarespace. Head to Squarespace.com slash gill sent me for a free trial. And when you're ready to launch, use offer code Gil sent me to save 10% off of your first purchase of a website or domain. Just remember, Gil sent you. They're hanging in there with the Gil promo code. If that doesn't tell you that Squarespace is awesome, I don't know what will. Hi, I'm Beck Bennett.

I thought I was Beck Panett. No, no, no, no. I'm Kyle Mooney. Sorry about that. Exactly. No, all good. All good. Thanks, buddy. Yeah, and we host the show, what's our podcast here on Headgum.

This podcast is brought to you by Squarespace. Squarespace is the all-in-one website platform designed to help you stand out and make you look like a kick-ass person online. Like you're skateboarding through the internet. Or you're like you're surfing through the web. Squarespace gives you everything you need to claim your domain, showcase your offerings with a professional website, grow your brand, and get paid all in one. One place. I like that it's all in one place. I like that I don't have to go around, you know, like different stores or something.

It's just all on my website. Well, it's like, oh, do I need to go to like, do I need another type of website to like find the right pictures or like another type of website to upload the like. You know, it's all in one place. The video or audio or like, no, it makes it easy. Make it easy on me, please. Yes. And you can do all those things, photos, videos, changing fonts.

You know what I mean, the designs are amazing. They're catering to all your different needs. There are SEO tools, which I know what those. are and their custom domains. Oh, what's come up with a domain right now? Let's see. I wonder if it exists. www.

Friends meeting. Friends. Friends meeting friends.com. That's an original thing that we came up with. Friends meeting friends. Anyway, so check out Squarespace.com slash headgum for a free trial. And when you're ready to launch, use off for code headgum, save 10% off your first purchase

of a website or domain. Hell, sounds easy. Anybody could do it. Hello. Hello. Hi. Hi, how are you? Hello.

I'm good. How are you? Great. Welcome to the show. I don't know what setup you have for this, but I want to remind you, you're on with Catherine Reitman and myself. You're on... Oh, sweet. What, again, we don't want to be calling Captain the Rat, but...

We don't like it. I don't know. What else to call it? First of all, I love a full Catherine, Gareth. It's very rare that I get my birth certificate name. Well, I know. you like that. But I just know you as cat. I'm cat, meow, meow.

I only learned your name was cat with a C until like four years into our friendship. And I went, oh, you thought it was what? Cat with a friggin with a K. And you were just really polite. I'd like texted you your name a couple of times. Then I saw you write it. And I went, oh, that's a nudge. She's nudging. She's going, hey. I didn't correct you.

No, you weren't like, yeah. You're very good person. Anyway, it's isn't about how great cat with a C, Catherine, is. What's your name called? I'm me. Meg is going to meet you. And I'm glad you hear, Kat, because I was worried that these guys were going to gang up on me about this one. Look, it happens. Meg, I got your back. What's going on? Where are you from?

I'm from the Central Coast in California. Feels vague. Yeah. Sometimes that happens. So, like, I live in Shell Beach, but it's like Pizmo, San Luis Obispo area. Beautiful. Cool. Sounds gorgeous. Like that area? Yeah, I'm a fan. Let's go. Meg, what's going on today?

Yeah, there you go. Okay. Well, I am married. My husband's name is Matt, and we have a one-and-a-half-year-old, and we are a really good team. He's a great guy. He's a fantastic dad, and we agree on most everything. And I'm leaving a lot of the hygiene stuff up to him because that's like boy bonding stuff. Sure.

And his dad did it for him. But where I have a little hiccup is his philosophy on showering. So his dad taught him pits, balls, but get out. And that is the philosophy he still lives by to this day. And he plans to teach that to my son. And that's all that gets washed. And there's no washcloth involved. It's just like one soap for everything.

I was talking to his brother about this and Matt was doubling down on how this is the right way to do it. But those are just those are the stinky parts apparently and that's all that matters to get done in the shower. So I'm hoping to figure out a way to convince my husband that there is a better way that we can teach our son. And we don't have to just do the bare minimum, you know, when it comes to teaching him how to take a shower without over controlling, you know, his boy bonding. Meg, I'm so glad I was there for this. Gareth, just as a test. I'm going to pass this test.

No, no, no. Yes, I am. Are you thorough as fuck? Well, I have one. Go ahead. You're like, I wash everything but the toes. I do everything but the butt. You don't need to do the butt.

That's a no ecosystem. Okay, before I comment on this, Gareth, you get in the shower. You're of standard filth. What are you doing? Listen, first of all, nobody cares for your terminology. Gee, you're of standard filth.

You're an actual rat. I mean, you can't get in the... You're not doing a quick... You're not doing the drive-by. We haven't even gotten into how I'm a pig. What am I doing? Okay. Yeah.

Well, we're full soaking. We're doing, you know, hair a couple times a week, few times a week. Conditioner every time you wash the hair. Love this. We're doing a face... Separate shampoo conditioner or a two-in-one? Separate. Look, we're grown-ups.

Yes. Continue. Separate. Then we're doing a face. And we're going to leave. Separate wash as well? Separate soap? She mentioned all as one.

A cleanser. A cleanser for the face. All right. I love that. We're doing that. We're leaving that on for a minute while we leave the stuff in the hair. And then we're doing a shower gel or a bar of soap. You got a wash rag in there?

No. I actually am a put. That was what I was going to flag on what she said. I'm not a wash rag girl either. What are we doing here? That's like, what's going on? Yeah. Gravity's on your side here.

You don't need a sponge for the shower. It's very dirty those things, full of bacteria. Even lufa, I'm a little... I know, I'm the same. I'm the same. So then I'm going... So you're getting a good lather going. Lather hand.

And we're going everywhere, everywhere. You know, we're doing pits. We're doing balls. We're doing butt. We're doing upper thigh. Now, this is where I could be... You could throw a flag on my play. Legs?

I'm not... I'm not bothering. I know. That's coming down. It's coming down. What are we doing? It's going to get there. Also, it depends on the activity, right?

I mean... Yes, yes. If there's a specific reason to hit the legs, hit the legs. Let's party. That's, okay, so that's exactly what they're saying. They're all saying, like, we don't wash our legs. And I'm like, you don't wash your feet?

My husband works outdoors. He's, like, in feats all day. That's not me. I'm a podcaster. This is different. We're indifferent. He should be washing his legs and feet. Garrett, you get the feet, yeah?

Be honest. You're standing in it, you feel like it's enough? Yeah. You? Meg, I wash the feet. I wash the feet. Yeah, you can't watch your feet. But look, I make a fortune on my online foot videos, so I can't be ignoring.

Although they do prefer the filthy feet. They want me to wear a pair of cowboy boots and no socks. And you keep saying, back off. I just want a jar of the water. Sorry, go ahead. Sorry, go ahead. Meg, I am the mother of two boys. boys, and here's my thought. I have got one. Both are naturally filthy creatures. They're always

dirty. They always are wearing shorts, too, which is important because the knees are getting dirty. They're not always on their feet. They're rolling around. They're little ninjas. So, you're going to get some dirty knees, and you've got to wash those legs. If I leave them alone to do their thing, first of all, we don't have like a bar of soap. They have shampoo and body They don't have conditioner yet. Conditioner feels like something you graduate into. Agreed. But, you know, look, I got a 13 and 10.

They're both using the body wash. Sometimes the body wash goes on the hair. I don't fight it. But they're doing top to tail. With hands. No right. Right. Me and myself, it would take me 45 minutes to explain to you what I'm doing.

Well. It's, a lot of it mirrors Gareth's work. Yeah, sometimes a razor gets on it. You've got to shave it up sometimes. Yeah. Yeah. Of course. But that, I think, okay, so I think, Meg, what we're saying is you're dealing with two rationally minded shower people.

Maybe we're, you know, there's a line in the leg sand a little bit here, but we're not going to get caught up on that. Because it sounds like, I'm not on, I'm on your side, John, not even because of the premise of the show, but also because I don't love what your husband's pitching. But what, where have we left? Can I give you my save? Because this is what helps when the boys do miss stuff. Is that once to twice a week, do you got a bathtub in your place? We don't. So he showers with me right now, Frankie, my son, Frank.

How old is he again? I hold him still. He's a year and a half. So we've done a little time. But he's getting big, so I can't keep holding him in the shower. So I'm trying to think, like, oh, it's kind of time for Matt to help out a little bit with that. And so. You know what?

One and a half. you're not talking about a lot of square footage. I'm thinking you wash that hair, you get those pits, or what did he say? Pits, tits, tits, and... Pits, pits, bits and bits. Get the rich crackers. Pits, tits, balls, and bits. I think that's getting everything.

He's a teensy little bear. But Meg, are you worried about the precedent being set here a little bit? Because this kid's going to get bigger. He's learning stuff. He's learning. Yes. And that's why, so it's like we're talking about, like, we have to teach. him all this stuff, right?

Like, he doesn't, like, he's not born knowing how to clean himself. So we've got to teach him, like, what to do in the shower, how to brush your teeth, you know. And so part of it for Matt's dad was, like, to avoid, they were looking forward, like, we're going to avoid the teenage, you know, quote-unquote long shower, you know. But we both know that's not for washing. Exactly. There's one part that gets washed about a lot. Plenty.

Plenty. Exactly. Exactly. Exactly. But we're like, well, that's going to happen anyways. Why not just like teach him how to be clean? So Meg, bottom line the problem here. What do you want us to pitch towards?

So I want to convince Matt that we don't have to teach him the bare minimum of showering when we're teaching him how to shower. We can teach him that you can wash your whole body. Sure. We don't have to go, like you said, conditioner. But like, if your feet are dirty, you got to wash your feet. You got to wash your face off. You know, we don't need to just speed shower for the bare minimum.

There's more. Is Matt washing his face? Interesting. So we've been talking about this a lot. And he's like, well, we said to have my hair now, you know. And like the hair suds kind of go down his face. He puts conditioner on his face when he shaved in the shower. He uses my hair.

I was going to give you some comfort, and this doesn't solve your problem, but perhaps it gives you some ease, is that two things are going to happen still. You're only have a one and a half-year-old. I mean, you've got a lifetime of time before this happens, but he's going to feel shame at some point because he's going to go to school,

and he only washed his fucking bits and tiths, and someone's going to say something about his smell. A girl's going to make a face. This is what happens. No, no, no, but it's the best thing that ever happens to him because it doesn't last forever. And they're like, oh, shit. And now my dude, my 13-year-old washes himself twice a day because he wants, he'll do anything to avoid that one experience. So they're going to learn this on their own.

You're going to give them the tools. And the fact that you guys are both like, you know, talking about it, even the argument you guys are having in front of them is kind of interesting because he's hearing the pros and cons of how you can do it. You're giving them tools you don't even know. What I'm going to provide an offer here, Meg, is on top of what what Kat is offering, I think maybe this is a revisit. Maybe this is a conversation, like you're saying, these kids are going to get filthy, stinky, you got to have your stinky years. Enjoy them a little bit.

Yeah. You know what I mean? Yeah. But this conversation is important. And I'm going to tell you a personal confession. This is not a joke. Oh, boy, buckle up, Meg. I didn't.

My mother gave me the deodorant. She was like, you're stinking. Yeah. But I, uh, I didn't use soap in the shower until probably about 15. Oh, my God. I'm not kidding. What were you doing in there? I was just getting wet.

I didn't, I thought, you know what I mean? Yeah. You reeked. See, that's why you guys didn't teach them. That's what I'm saying. That's what I'm saying. That's what I'm saying. You are not helping your rat pig.

No. I mean, this is, this is, this is a real confession. This is a, this is a safe nest. So allow me to confess. You know what? In Garrett's defense and in Meg's, Matt's defense, aren't you supposed to, like, build immunity if you're not washing yourself constantly with antibiotics? I know.

We're, we're going to go in a slipper. Now we're a different podcast. I'm a teacher. I bring that step home already. All right, all right. So here's what I'm going to suggest. I'm going to suggest that we kind of do a little time cap. of I want you to talk to Matt and I want you to say to Matt, hey, I think you're kind of right.

This is a one and a half year old. I just am worried about the foundation of the hygiene of our son. So why not kind of write up a little contract between you and Matt that when your son turns eight, we revisit this. deal and we start to introduce a higher level of hygiene. And that could maybe start with buying some products in like, and putting them in a box that you give your eight-year-old for his birthday or you unveil at some point at eight. And this is where we are now moving from sloppy childhood into a little bit of a cleaner kid and we're going to get ahead of some stuff. We're not doing deodorant, but we're going to do a shower gel. We're going to maybe do a lufo or something like that. And we want to revisit and retrain some of the things so that Matt knows we're putting a pin in this

and that he agrees to doing this at a different age. Natalie, Natalie's got the look. I'm not doing anything. She was born with this look. Yeah, this is resting. Sorry. But your main thing is put a pin in it, but she doesn't want to put a pin in it. She wants to address it now. I'm wondering if the fun or the reason they're clinging to this is just the fun of the saying Pits Balls, but get out. And if there's a better song or, you know, phrase that you can come up with,

Garrett, that they can start teaching their two-year-old so that they cover more. That's a good idea. Cover more area. Because, you know, there's always a fun little song. These toddlers enjoy. It's true. clean mean

clean mean clean mean nerd And it feels like He wants to like pass down What his dad gave You know

Yeah We need a modification That covers hair Face Arms feet You know Meg What if you

Pretended that your grandmother Used to tell you A song That Gareth is writing Right now I like that And

This song Was a hit And you've been holding off because you know you know how important pit sticks and pets are but this song it you know it's time and the song goes a little something like this gareth okay so it's very quick i mean this is garran very professional rhyme a couple body parts dare you let's go all right here's our song meg Hair face, neck and back Do the chest and hit that crack

Legs is where the soap now goes Don't you dare forget your toes That's so bad Wow And once again from the top Five six seven eight Hair face neck and back Do the chest and hit the crack

Legs is where the soap now goes Don't you dare forget your toes I mean Meg Wow You can't do better than this Kindergarten teacher Look at his face Look how proud

He is of himself. If you had like an EKG on me, they'd be like, these readings are very strange. He's feeling very good about himself. Feeling very good about yourself. I think, listen. Great song.

Thank you. And I think, I mean, I don't know, Meg, we've kind of zoned in a few areas. What are you thinking? Are you feeling good? Do you need us to rehone? Where are we at?

No, I like the new song. And I think that, like, I just need to get Matt on board to, like, kind of take it on. Because I don't know if I want to be like, well, this is what my grandma taught me and then have it like his dad versus my grandma. Like, which one do you like better, Frankie? What if you were to take that? Take the song.

But Matt would do it, I think, if he would, like, if he could get on board, he's, like, good with funny voices and singing and stuff. But also, if kids hear something catchy, then okay. So forget Grandma for a second. I want to make it competitive, you know, opportunity loss, but here we go. And put it to a beat. Put it to get yourself a little bit of equipment on your computer. Put a beat on it.

Put some horns on it. Make it a scotch song. I don't know. Play it for the kid. And see, play it all day long while dad's away. You get that kid obsessed with the son. Here's the beauty of our hit side podcast, Catherine, is we can reach out to the community and we can say

if someone wants to maybe not go crazy, but give us a version that we could play from phone to Bluetooth that gets Frankie a little more into it. And then why don't we bring you Meg and Matt back

and we'll play it and that is an opportunity to have the conversation with Matt and we can hear a little produced version. Catherine, thoughts? I think it's brilliant. I also think the kid, kids are so obsessed with songs.

You just keep playing. it for that kid until he's like and have Matt witness that. There's no competing with a catchy song. I asked Britney Spears. It's a winner. Oh, yeah. This guy, he wakes up ready to play music

and he like gives us many sunglasses. We need to bop our head. You know, so this is like made for him. We joke that he's going to be a DJ. So let us do that. Natalie pitched it. I think she's probably going to be okay with this version. So let's have someone reach out and let's see if someone wants to make it.

And Natalie, does that sound acceptable to you? Yeah. I mean, I just wanted to throw a fucking challenge your way at 10 of the morning. Language. Language. Yeah. The language is aggressive. Talking about giving a kid a bath.

10.55 a.m. Okay. We're happy you helped. You're salering it up around here. Quit cracking your nuts. You're amazing. Thank you. All right, Meg, so that's what we're going to do. We're going to hang in.

We're going to wait. Let's not have the conversation with Matt too specifically just yet. Let's wait for the song. Someone's going to send us a sweet jam. Yeah. Love it. And I would love, if it's in Gareth's voice, great too. You could just clip that part with some beats.

I mean, we've got it twice. I can't see why we have. We have two great takes. We have two winning takes. And I don't know. Maybe I can write a bridge. Who knows? But the kids are tiny.

Look. All right. Let's go one here on the top. 10.55. It's 2.30. I'm smoking again. Hold on. What's a better ride on the toes?

Nothing but fucking bells and horns around. You can't even hear me anymore. You're losing Garrett. All right, Meg. Great stuff. We will keep you posted and we will fix this. Thanks, Meg. Amazing.

Thank you guys. Nice talking to you. You as well. Bye. Love you. Love you so much. I love you. It's weird for me to just say it to a woman.

Tell Matt a love to. Sweet Jesse here. This next call is a follow-up from episode 264, Keeper of the Balls. How you doing? Hey, we know this is a follow-up. That's all we know. Take over. My husband wasn't allowed to join a church ball league.

Oh, yeah. Yeah, Utah. Wow. Utah basketball. So remind us, remind everybody what the original call was, then remind what we pitched, and then please tell us what happened.

Okay. My original call, my husband really wanted to join a church ball, basketball league, we're Utah Mormons, right? Yep. And then you guys yelled at me because I forgot to tell you

that he was like half the age of everyone else, else in the league. Right. We didn't yell at you. And so you wanted me to start a younger league so that he could have his own league of guys his age. I think that's great advice. Yeah. And we didn't yell.

We were stern. And so what happened? We ended up buying a house and moving. So we moved out of the neighborhood anyway. Well, I shouldn't say that. I did try and start a league. And I got some recruits. and then we moved.

Okay. Are you still in Utah? Yeah, just like a half hour away. Okay. The good news is we went to our new church in our new neighborhood. And on the first day, like three guys came up to him and said, please tell us you play basketball. And he said, yes.

And then they won the championship. This is, this is an amazing. update that has nothing to do with us. But it's a great update. Yeah. Thanks for the call, I guess. I mean, it's great. I appreciate it. You know, here's what I will say. Our audience and myself included, we like to hear what's going on.

Oh, yeah. I'm happy. This is not a bell ring. No. But it's not a failure. Yeah. It's just. It's a great. You know what there is? I want to create three categories.

Okay. Bell ring, no bell ring, nothing. Or time solved it. Or just nothing. Yeah. Yeah, this is, yeah, this is good. But it is good to get an update. We moved, joined a league, won the championship.

Yeah. Okay. Well, actually, no biggie. It is a, I would argue that we were maybe on the path to a bell ring, but then they moved. She had some recruits. Yeah, that's true. Yeah. But it's not a bell ring.

I agree. It's just a fun update. No, I think your original advice was really good because people were excited. I know, but you moved. getting some interest. Yeah. Look, here's what I will say. It sounds like the move was smart.

Yep. You happy with it? Yeah. Still Mormon? Still Mormon. Seems like. You still like those sodas? Oh, yeah.

The cream sodas? Yeah. What's your favorite flavor? Have you guys tried it? No, we drink booze. What's your favorite flavor? We have access to alcohol. I have another good news.

about this. Tell us. We sent the original episodes. That's how Mormons watched the news. That's a really Mormon thing to say too. What is good news minute? What is that more? What does that mean in Mormonism?

That's something really Mormon to say. Just when something good happens to you. Oh, good news minute. Okay. I like that. Yeah, it too. Okay. So what's the good news minute?

I sent, well, my husband actually, sent the original episode to Swig. and they gave me a bunch of gift cards. No way. It's amazing. Yeah. How many getting my wife a good news minute? Yeah, I got a bad news minute. Sorry.

I got a good news getting close to a minute. It's just in and it's over. So how many gift cards did you get? I think it's like $100. So here's what I'd like you to do. And I'd like your husband to send this to Swig. For the last minute, will you do a SWIG? You do a Swig commercial coming from you.

What you love about it, why it's great in Utah, and why everybody in Ushows to go to Swig. Take it away. We're trying to get some more gift cards for you. And three, and we ring the bell. Two, and we're going to have to go for a minute straight, no stopping. No. Yes, but this is a commercial to Swig.

Then we ring the bill. And I need big energy and a lot of fun, really as Mormon as you can get. $200. We're trying to get $200. $200. If Swig will give you $2. Two and hours, we ring the bell. Gary is right.

Three, two, one, go. That's just in good news minute for everyone on the Wasatch front. Your favorite sweet treat, a soda with as much sugar and cream as you can get, come to swig, any size, 48 ounce, get two of them, get a cookie, customize, whatever you want, they can do it. A minute's a really long time. You're 28 seconds. Come on.

That was 28 seconds? All right. Now, we got to go again. You can't stop until we get to a minute. We got to do this. I will tell you when. No, a minute's too long. You got to go.

We need energy the whole time. Three, and I'll tell you, I'll say 30 seconds, 20, 30 seconds, but don't stop and respond to me. We'll cut me out and post. This is going to Swig. In three, two, I need energy, energy, energy, energy. $200. What makes Swig great? Go!

Go! Go! Good news minute. Everyone in Utah. You get a sweet treat. Everyone gets a sweet treat. Dr. Pepper. Coke.

Moundo. Whatever crazy stuff you want to put in there. Syrup. Cream. Fruit. Frozen fruit. The weird boba thing. They'll give you a boba straw.

Get a cookie. Get a pretzel bite. Whatever you want. Swig's the best. Better than the rest. This sucks. 30 seconds. And no guilt, sweet treat, 16, 24, 38, however many ounces you can drink.

Sing us something. Not good for you, but it'll feel good for you. And Jake and Gareth are sponsors. I'm a sponsor. Everybody loves it. Join a basketball league. They'll help peel you up. And don't worry about the sugar intake or the caffeine.

And you're dead. Listen, it lost direction a little bit. At some point, it did lose a little direction. Oh, you killed it. Okay. A minute is too long. You know, you did so good swig. Let's have your husband send it to him.

If that's not worth $200, I don't know what is. I don't know what. We need to ring the bell. We're gambling addicts. Call us back. If you get the $200, we'll ring the bell and we'll get out of here. All right. Even if you don't, call us back.

Thank you for the call. Thank you. I'm happy for you guys. That was a real... Dick, we love dink. Oh, thanks for watching it. I appreciate it. It was so funny.

Thanks. It's a fun one. All right, thank you for the call. Let us know if you get the $200. Okay. Swig. Much love. Much love.

Just want to mention that all new episodes are released a day early on Hulu. Yep. We are also having our back catalog is going to be on Hulu. That's right. about 20 at a time. So if you have not checked us out on Hulu, then check us out on Hulu. Gareth, Jesse, are we saying any lies?

No, and you can get season one, season two. We're going to have a nice melange on Hulu, but the day early. I mean, there's a lot of advantages. Here's another thing. People going, well, I don't have Hulu. You got YouTube? Because we're there, too.

Yeah. Hulu a day early. YouTube for stress. And also, you go, I don't have that. We got Patreon. Yeah. And they go, I don't have that. What do you want? Yeah, okay, Jake.

We're trying to be inclusive and you're yelling at them. But I think you're right. It's just, look. Watch this show anywhere. There's a lot of options. Okay. Hulu's early. Hulu's early.

Audio day of, YouTube day of. Patreon, no ads. Here's the way to remember it. Hulu, new, so Nulu. It's not the way to remember. They also have back catalog stuff. Okay, then that we call... Yeah, all right, it's falling apart.

We're Here to Help is hosted by Jake Johnson and Gareth Reynolds. If you'd like to be on the show, please email us your question at helpfulpod at gmail.com. And if you want to watch video episodes of We're Here to Help, You can go to our Patreon at patreon.com slash Here to Help Pod to see our entire catalog. We're Here to Help is produced by Rabbit Grimm Productions, executive producers Rob Hollis, Jeff Porter, and Natalie Hollis,

Associate producer Jesse Thurston, editing mix and master by Chris Fowler. The theme song by Oliver Raleigh. The cover artwork is by James Fostike, animations by Andrew Strelecki. And if you'd like to see Gareth, you stand up on the road, go to Gareth Reynolds.com. Remember all of the advice given on we're here to help

is for entertainment purposes only, and all listeners should be adults and make their own decisions. That was a hate gum podcast. That was a hate gum podcast.