We're Here to Help - 320: Mea Culpa Chalupa & Chest Spikes

Episode Date: August 31, 2026

Gareth and Jake bring a Taco Bell secret out into the open. Then, Guest Helper Christian Lee Navarro puts an end to boob-focused hugs. Plus, a special gift from Rodney the Chimp.See images from the episode here: https://www.heretohelppod.com/post/episode-320Want to call in? Email your question to [e-mail]: https://patreon.com/heretohelppodMERCH: heretohelppod.comINSTAGRAM: @HereToHelpPodIf you’re enjoying the show, make sure to rate We’re Here to Help 5-Stars on Apple Podcasts.Advertise on We’re Here to Help via Gumball.fmSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a headgum podcast. This is a headgum podcast. And we're back. We are back. First of all, I got a movie coming out, directed by the great Joe Swarmburg. called The Sun Never Sets with Dakota Fannin, Corey Michael Smith, Lamarne Morris is in it, Anna Conkull's in it,

Debbie Ryan's in it. We shot it up in Alaska. I was doing the podcast during it. It's coming out. IFC is releasing it. If it's coming to your city, check it out. I love the movie.

I think it is really great and I really hope you watch it. It's called The Sun Never Sets. But I got an email while we were doing this show. And I want to talk to you about it, Gareth. Okay. Hi to whoever checks these emails. I just wanted to e-mail in about a concern regarding Jake's dislocated fingers.

I'm catching up on recent episodes, so I just watched heavy hand and don't push it. And Jake revealed that in a follow-up that he dislocated his fingers playing volleyball, was embarrassed about it, and popped it back into place. I mean, I'm an occupational therapy student who just completed a clinical education experience in hand therapy. That being said, I'm a little bit worried about Jake. I'm not sure if he's right or left-handed, but since most people are right-handed, I am, and it looked like he injured the first two fingers on his right hand, I wanted to throw this out there. Injuries to fingers, especially after a joint dislocation, can be more complicated than they seem.

There are a lot of very important tendons and ligaments involved in finger movement and stability, and improperly manage injuries can cause ongoing pain, stiffness, instability, or problems with function. So these fingers are still hurting. I really hope Jake has gotten them checked out. depending on the injury. He may also need hand therapy to make sure everything heals. This is not me being dramatic.

I just know how much we use our hands and Jake probably needs those index and middle fingers to function properly, even if it's just for flipping Natalie off. Anyway, I love you guys so much. I'm a fairly new listener since the end of 2025. Welcome, Grace. So I spent a good chunk of 2026 catching up

keeping up with new episodes while working my way through Old One. Thanks for all the, free advice of field words, I hope people keep paying at the tab. I don't even remember your fingers, but that is... This is... I was emailing her back while we were writing the show. I did get an X-ray.

Oh, you did? Yeah. Oh, my God, I'm shocked by that. It's just not getting better. It's still bad. Yeah, I mean, it's fine, but it hurts every day. Can we see it? Does it look?

No, it's fine. It's the middle one. Yeah. It's nothing too bad. But two fractures. There's a fracture there and there's a fracture here. Oh, my God. But the doctor said, you know, what are you going to do?

He's like, stretch it out and move it around. He's like, you're not going to get surgery to get it fixed. The doctor's got that attitude? This is a doctor from an alley, brother. Yeah, that seems like the doctor's reading Jake's lines. That's not what the doctor said. That's what I told my wife that the doctor said. And now I believe my doctor's.

I own bullshit. What did the, do you remember, are you? I don't remember what he said. No, you just. Here's what I remember. The doctor was you and a doctor's outfit. Saying to you, if anything, you're going to be functioning better than ever with these weird things.

Yeah, he's like, you bet. He's like, don't do anything. If anything, get a bite to eat. You know, what you should probably do is get a euro and then go to bed right after. Extra sauce. You should get extra sauce. Oh, extra sauce. Ask him if you could take some home.

And they'll let you. And then you can have it in your fridge for another meal. Okay, doctor. You're the boss. You're awesome. You don't remember what the doctor actually said. The doctor said they're slight fractures, but they're not significant. And it probably happened when the finger went out of socket and I put it back in.

It's just like little chips. So you popped it back in. That was where it was. Yes. Okay. Yeah, or I don't know. He couldn't tell that, but he said, because it's been a couple of months, it's already starting to heal. So he said, hands take a long time, do some hand exercises, stretch it out as much as you can, but, you know, try to get full motion back.

But what I want to say to the community, which I appreciate, and I find so funny about this show, is it's all of a sudden, I rode back and I was like, well, thanks, I appreciate it. And then I go, got any advice? Gareth, she gave very solid professional advice about what to do. I just love the level of attention to, I want to talk about Jake's fingers. It's so, I don't even remember it. I kind of remember it. I kind of remember, but someone makes this show and world so funny. One other transition I want to do before this intro is over, Gareth.

I'm giving you a lot. I'm moving fast. Yeah, go. Will you read with Gareth? Oh, Mike, hold on. This says certificate of adoption. I can't read it. Jake and Garrett.

This certificate, this certifies that Jake and Gareth, we're here to help community, have become the chimpanzee parents and aunts and uncles of Rodney, Donald, and Ike. Oh, my God. Oh my God. I'm going to get this framed. Honorary adoption.

Welcoming that we're here to help family. Holy shit. Those are a little bit about our guys. Do you want me to read it? Yeah. As their dads, here's what you can expect. Rodney has never been accused of overthinking things. If an idea sounds fun, he's already halfway through it,

aka Gareth. Donald displays calm and confident leadership while still relishing in a good net, aka Natalie. Wow. Ike observes the troop in his environment and never misses a moment to show off. And who is Ike?

Either you or me. How are his fingers? Wow. And then last but not least, Rodney, our boy. Yeah. that this community, with all the hats, every dollar of that went to them and the Celebrity Wheel of Fortune went to them.

That's a lot of money. They made some pretty good money. America's number one painting, don't look it up, ORMK. In this place, Rodney delivers what critics describe as charismatic chaos. So this is a painting from Rodney the Chimp. Oh, my. This goes back to what started the whole thing with Bubbles.

Yep. Because the story that made me laugh so hard was that now Bubbles is in Florida painting with his best buddy. Yep. And whenever I would tell that story back in the day, it was always, I knew when I get to the painting, it's going to explode your brain. It's a great ending. He started eating sushi with Mike. It's a great ending. He ends painting in Florida with a friend.

Literal retirement. Retirement. Then what makes this podcast so funny is you and I were doing some bit, and I was talking about opening up a sanctuary. I don't remember that. But I got a bunch of emails from people saying, I don't know if you're serious or not, but don't because we have one. And one of them was this one.

So if you're going to raise money, please give to ones we already have. And I thought that's smart. Easier. Easier. We found one. We donated some money. and we got sent this by Rodney. I cannot fucking believe I'm looking at a Rodney painting.

And by the way, I really like it. I really like it a lot. Yeah, it's chimp art. Holy shit. This is chimp art, brother. I cannot. What is going on? This intro is madness.

We're getting your fingers examined and we're ending with a chimp's painting. You know, we could maybe do with Amy is make prints of that and sell it and all money goes back to this foundation. That's a great idea. Right? That's a great idea. Yes, I'll, I mean, I legit like it.

It's nice. It's chimp art. People can have chimp art. Oh, my God. And then, and I got it. All right, I'll do you one better. Please. We make a fake one that we said Rodney did for Berg, and we let him hang it in his

place for a year before we tell him I did it. Everybody enjoy the ads. Hey everybody, I'm asking you to check out my movie. The Sun Never Sets, directed by Joe Swanberg, starring Dakota Fanning, myself, Corey Michael Smith, the King, Lamorne Morris, Anna Conkel, and Debbie Ryan, and others. You can catch it now playing in Chicago and everywhere on San Francisco. September 4th, you can buy your tickets at www. www.the sun never sets.com.

Also, Chopper 5 is in it briefly, produces it, and weirded everybody out. And we are brought to you by Kachava. Oh, we're here to help love Kachava. I truly could not be more of... This is the only protein that I use. I drink protein, try to drink protein every day. They've got new flavors they're rolling out. Some are nostalgia-based.

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designed to help you stand out and succeed online. At this point, you have to have a square space because we're all competing with each other, and Squarespace is just a must. Okay, if you're just starting out or you're scaling your business up, whatever it is, Squarespace gives you everything you need to claim your domain and show people what you're working with and get people interested, growing your brand, getting paid all in one place. Honestly, it's a great sponsor because it works. It's worked great for us. We've used it for whatever that party was, wigs and ties or something like that.

I want to say wigs and salmon. And I know it's not that, but that would be a heck of a party. You got to bring salmon and wear a wig. It feels like an Alaska-type party. By the way, themed party idea, wigs and salmon. So use yourself some Squarespace. Head to squarespace.com slash gill sent me for a free trial. And when you're ready to launch, use offer code Gil sent me to save 10% off of your first purchase of a website or domain.

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Exactly. No, all good. All good. Thanks, buddy. Yeah, and we host the show, what's our podcast here on HeadGum. This podcast is brought to you by Squarespace. Squarespace is the all-n-n-known website platform designed to help you stand out and make you look like a kick-ass person online. Like you're skateboarding through the internet or you're like you're surfing through the web.

Squarespace gives you everything you need to claim your domain, showcase your offerings with a professional website, grow your brand, and get paid all in one place. I like that it's all in one place. I like that I don't have to go around, you know, like different stores or something. It's just all in my website. Well, it's like, oh, do I need to go to like, do I need another type of website to like find the right pictures or like another type of website to upload the, like, it's all in one place? The video or the audio or like, no, it makes it easy. Make it easy on me, please. Yes.

And you can do all those things, photos, videos, changing. fonts. I mean, the designs are amazing. They're catering to all your different needs. There are SEO tools, which I know what those are, and they're custom domains. Oh, what's come up with a domain right now? Let's see. I wonder if it exists. www. Frens. Meeting. Friends.

Friends meeting, friends.com. That's an original thing that we came up with. Friends meeting friends. Anyway, so check out Squarespace.com slash headgum for a free trial. And when you're ready to launch, use off for code. Headgum, save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. Hell, sounds easy. Anybody could do it. Hello? Hello? Oh, thank God. Hello. Who are you, please? Hi, I'm Paige. Hi, Paige. How are you? I'm good, thank you. How are you? Great, thanks. How old are you, Paige? 33. 33. Where are you calling from, Paige? Southern California. So Cal is that the North Carolina. Never mind.

Um, page, let's do a little question here. Last meal. Death row, you get one left. What are you going to load up on? Probably Taco Bell. Crazy, Paige. Paige, I'm going to be honest. I have to jump in with that.

That is the wrong answer. This is a hard one to get the wrong answer. Yeah. But of all Mexican food and living in Southern California, Taco Bo. One of the best places in the world for Mexican food besides Mexico. I mean, it's crazy. We're going to Taco B? Page, what's up, big dog?

Yeah, what do you crazy? Yeah, I mean, my husband and I really like, we really like Taco Bo. We live right by one, and like I go do kind of cheat. What are you getting at TB? What are we going to get? What's your order at TB? That's so amazing. A chalupa. A fucking chalupa.

You said it's cheap and it's near your house. But also, last meal does not mean convenience and cheap. It could be anything. You're on death row. You can ask for a chef to make you a burrito. That's just cheap. I love to drive for. Here's the change.

You don't have to pay. So last meal, you want to stick with Taco Bell? I guess if I could do anything, I would do. My dad makes like this really good blue cheese. Cheeseburger. No, we're getting there. All right. homemade cheeseburger.

And where was your, where were you raised? Where was dad? You guys, Southern California. Southern California, yeah. I'm like the cartwheel away from where I live now. That's cool. So I hope that my kids. What part of Southern Cal?

Long Beach. Long Beach. Now with a blue cheeseburger in Long Beach. Paige, what can we do for you today? Okay, so I've been trying to confess to my husband for a very long time that I, I thought you asked the question. So I thought we had like a super fun night one night and we were like drinking a little bit too much. And we got home and we were like, what are we going to do?

Let's order Taco Bell. And that's kind of like our go-to. Are you sponsored by Taco Bell? I mean, people are going to listen to this call and think that we're like fine. She got confused. She thought you already knew what the question was. That's why she's talking so much about. That's exactly.

I thought you were like, it's like Taco Tuesday. I thought you were asking. Okay. That is so funny, Paige. No, we don't know anything. We don't cheat.

That's so funny. I literally was like, I have to say Taco Bell. Oh, now I get it. You're like, oh shit, they're setting me up.

That is so funny. Yeah. Taco Bell. By the way, Paige, thank you for playing ball. Now, so what is your real meal

is the blue cheese burger? Um, yeah, or like Greek lamb. I'm Greek and my family is a lot of lamb. It's so much better. Oh, went out on lamb as well. Okay.

So you went out with your husband, you got drunk, you had some taco bell, which is disgusting. We can all agree. Yeah, trash. Not a last meal. No. When you're trapped with your husband and you go like, it's just next to us. Sometimes it's your last meal, but you don't know it's your last meal. You eat it and then you die from diarrhea.

So keep going. So confession. Okay. So we each had a Chalupa and we got home and he, well, we ordered it. at like Uber Eats actually, so it was coming to us. And he, like, completely passed out before the Uber Eats delivery person arrived. And...

You ate his chalupa. What's that? You ate his chalupa in the morning he asked for it. You got embarrassed. You said they didn't deliver it. That's exactly what happened. And then he came up with, like, maybe I... Steve broke not be on this call.

Oh, my God. He saw the... He's not relatable. We've all been here. I actually have an app that's going to get you out of this pickle. It's called pickles. It's called Chalupickel. It's called pickle eater.

You know, when this happens with me in Tuesday every weekend. Oh, every weekend. She hates the delivery around here is terrible. I just don't have the hard to tell her. Berg is on another level lately. You've, it's finesse. I've seen them too much. But it's different now.

Of course it is, Jonathan. It's good. What do you care? It's the new more confidence team. Oh, good Lord. Enough. Anyway, Paige. I'm going to get you right out of this.

Jam, okay? Okay. By the way, first of all, girl, you made the right decision. You had every right to that lupa. We call him lupas around the office. Yeah, Johnson, I have a headquarters. I mean, you got them pretty good lately. I'm still mid-2000s.

Yeah, he changes. He's changed. Yeah, he's changed. Very good. This is like a fine wine. Your burg is aging. Okay, so the question is you ate him. What happened in the morning, Paige?

So in the morning, he was up before I was, and he was looking for breakfast, and he went to the fridge to see if he could find the chalupa that he hadn't eaten. It wasn't there. And then he asked about it and was like, did they not deliver? And I was like, yeah, I guess not. And then he went to the, like, trash can and saw the trash in the thing. And he was like, oh, oh, maybe I ate it. And I was like, oh, maybe that's what happened.

Yeah. So I just, like, played along with it. And it's been like eight years. Wait, wait. And he brings it up. Like, he brings it up, like, all the time. Oh, because in his memory, he was so drunk, he ate a chalupa and didn't realize. Okay.

Yeah. Got me. I like this, Paige. I like this a lot. So, so you ate two chalupas. You told him there was no chalupas. And then he thinks he just drunk. Because then he found them.

He's like, well, Paige wouldn't lie to me. Yeah. I drunk. Oh, I must have done. I must have done the whole transaction hammered. Blacked out, I ate two chalupas. But I didn't have explosive diarrhea the next day, so it doesn't make sense. And Paige is on the toilet all day, but I guess whatever.

I got diarrhea because I ate chalupilis eating? Who knows? I don't know. Life's a mystery. It's weird. God works a mysterious way. We're in the taco triangle. So, and then time has gone on, and he every once in while brings up, remember that time I got

so drunk I ate cheloupas and didn't remember, and you have to now go totally. But you're done with this lie. Yeah. It's just the lies gone on for so long that it's now a thing. Could have just been a throwaway, like the Taco Bo rapper. Let me ask you a question that might go sideways. Okay. You got any bigger lies you're looking to get off your chest? Great.

Honestly, no. I think that's why it's so awkward. Like, he brings it up and he's like, are you sure you didn't eat my chalupa? Like, do you sure? and he'll like joke with me about it, but it feels like it's, I don't know, it's been years. Here's what I'm looking for, page. And this is the only example that's popping in my head. And it's not you guys specific as just in my head, but it's the example of this.

What's your husband's name? Izzy. Izzy? Yep. I'm looking for something like this. Izzy. And he goes, what? And you go, I'm pregnant.

And he goes, yeah, and you go, also I lied about the jalupas. Yeah. I like, I like, and he goes, wait, what was the first thing? And you go, great news, like something that you guys have wanted to do together or like, if there's a trip, he's always wanted to go, you go, you go, you know what, let's go to Tallahassee and go to that hard rock cafe. And he goes, really? You go, yes.

Also, I ate those chalupas that night eight years ago, but I just already bought the tickets. Or it's like, I have to tell you something. So I thought I was messaging with Paul McCartney on Instagram. for the last two years. And two months ago, he asked me for $1,500, which I thought was weird. But he sent an audio message that sounded just like him. So I sent the $1,500.

Is this just so you could do Paul McCartney? No. Okay. So then recently I found out I was caught up in this whole ring of people who did Beatle impersonations and just started taking money from people. So we're down $1,500 because of a Paul McCartney impersonator on Instagram. And he's like, what the fuck?

And you go, I'm kidding. I ate your chaloupe. I'm sorry. So you build a big land of bullshit only to have him be like, what? And then after all that. That's not bad. Something, you know.

Yes, there's something to that page where you get him scared that something is really serious based off a life. So we got to change our bank. And you go like, we need to start a trust to get our address offline. You almost, that's going to, almost be called the

third act of Goodfellas. Yeah. We Ray Laota him where he's all of a sudden like, holy shit, man. Whoa, whoa. We should, yeah, right. Chopper's fucking coming, Jack. And then you go like this.

I just lied about the chalupas, relax. And he goes like this. Who cares? So there's no chopper? And you go, no chopper. I just literally entered chalupas a long time. I don't know. You didn't black out.

I ate two of them. I'm a piggy. Sit out. I love you. And then what we should do is have a bag of taco bell ready to put on the couch next to them with a chaloo. Oh, you know, we could do. Here's another way of just doing it, clean page.

Okay. Are you a singer? Am I what? Can you sing? Kind of. Will you sing, if I give you some lyrics, will you sing them back to us? Okay. I ate your chalupas.

I'm so sorry. Here are four chalupas. I love you. You create the melody. Let's just hear it. Oh. And I don't want nervousness. I don't want.

What do you mean? No questions. Your heart will tell you what to do. I ate your chalupa. Can you say the lyrics again? I'm sorry? I ate your chalupas eight years ago. I lied and said I didn't.

Here's four chalupas. I love you. I ate your chalupa eight years ago. I lied and said, I lied. I'm sorry. Here are our four chalupas. Hey, Paige. Yeah, I'm not a singer. Hey, Paige.

Yeah. That's a secret to singing us. What's that? Passion. Belief. We're not looking for you to be pitch perfect here, but I am looking for a little passion. Can you close your eyes and try again? And can you believe that you give a fuck?

And maybe a lower register. Okay. And then what I want out of your lungs right now is I want the angels to wake up and go, that's nice. It doesn't have to be perfect, but let's say that as good as you can be, from the heart. There's an apology. Mm-hmm. Okay. I ate your tulupa eight years ago.

I lied and said, I didn't do it. Here are four tulipas. I love you. the way, Paige. Fucking, you just said you weren't a singer. You're a singer. That was beautiful. That was great.

Garrett did like a sexy dance. He couldn't even help it. No. Jesse was feeling it too. Jesse looked like he was a jazz producer. He was like, he was like in the booth like, girl, that's tasty.

Okay, let me pitch on your pitch. Because I really like that. Me too. Now, what if we, because this is quite a, fucking whopper. Pardon the callback.

All right, honey. Honey, is it a chelupa? He said it's a whopper. You're in the wrong wrist. How are you doing, Jesse? Well, looking at Jesse for reactions there's going to be a fun side game. He's like,

what if we, what if we, because this is big. This is big. In her world, this is big. In her world, this is big. And I think if I heard something like this, I'd be like, you let it go.

So why don't we, up the stakes of the singing. Chaloupes. Of the song. They're not steaks. Okay. I'm going to have to ask you, Jesse,

put on some sunglasses. You said jazz producer. All right, keep going. By the way, the little soft wink in his direction. Don't think I didn't notice. Steaks, it's chalupas.

He's loving it. He's loving it. Like McDonald's. Hey, that's McDonald's. Hey, we're talking chalupas. We're talking chalupas. I can't. There's no.

So what if we, what if we, what if she goes, takes Izzy into a Taco Bell? And when she's in the Taco Bell, orders the four Chalupas. Okay. And when they come out, she says, ladies and gentlemen, there's something I have to do. And she sings this song in front of a Taco Bell. Jesus, you're putting a lot of pressure. I like the spectacle and I like that it shows that. She has to pay the toll.

Yeah, I would say for me, I think that's bigger than it needs to be. I don't hate it. If she likes it, I like it. She doesn't like it. I would pitch on that pitch. What if there was a night where you went out drinking and you plan this before, when you were coming home, you recreated the night? And when you're coming home, you said, you know what we should do?

Let's order Taco Bell. Chalupas. And he says, okay, when he gets home, all of a sudden there's rose petals outside the door. And he's like, what is this? But he's drunk and you're laughing. And it leads to the kitchen where there's four chalupas. And we sing. And then you get on your knee and you sing to him. I like this. I like you having to be embarrassed by singing in front of a Taco Bell. But this is probably the better version. So you've now heard a few versions in this same lane. Paige, what are you thinking here, Big Cat? Where are you at?

I would probably much more likely do the singing at home than the singing in front of the entire Taco Bell. And what do you think of the date night with the Chalupas? The getting drunk. What do you think of the recreating the getting drunk? What do you think of all that? Do you like this or not like this? I think he would maybe see it coming

like if I'm like oh let's order Taco Bell like he would maybe be like oh it's a show you know what I mean Is that bad? Well where did you get Where did you get drunk when you guys got drunk And you ate all the Taco Bell without telling him And lived an eight year lie I actually can't remember if we were coming home from like a wedding

Or if we were coming home from something I got you. And how often are you two guys going out and partying still? what was that? How often are you guys going out and getting drunk still? Is this something that happens once a month or so? Like so rarely now. That was a very different time.

I get it. Okay, so that night's going to, you know what? How often does a man like this guy, how often is he eating Taco Bell these days? Pretty rarely. I don't think we've had Taco Bell like in a couple years. So it's not even getting, I still think there's something

carmic about bringing the Taco Bell back in the fold. He doesn't have to eat it. You know what I would maybe do? Here's another pitch. Say, we need to talk via text. Okay. I'll tell you what that's going to do.

Give him a stomachache. Just like you had that chalupa. You're going to give him the stomachache he deserves. Then he writes, is everything good and you go, I hope so. Then he, He goes, what's going on, babe? And you go, I need to tell you something, and you're not going to like it.

So then he goes, what's going on? And, Paige, you do this like you are going to confess that you have another family. You get the tear drops. You're emotional. He goes, babe, what is going on? And you go, eight years ago, when we were drunk, do you remember we? ordered the chalupas? He goes, yeah?

I hate them. And he goes, okay, what did you need to tell me? I hate the chalupas. And he goes, okay, who cares? And you go, that was it. That's our big dark secret. I gave Paul McCartney $1,500. So we've got singing, we've got heighten it, that it's serious.

we've got go out recreate the drunken night. Where's your head at, Paige? I think probably the recreating it. Okay. I like that. But maybe instead of singing, when we come home, we'll confess it the way that you just said it.

Okay, so drunkenly you'll get serious. Because we're not going to do it again, will you do one last singing for this audit because you do have that beautiful voice. I really would love for you the end of the song, but okay. Really get passionate and go, I stole those chalupas a long time ago. Then my last meal would not be a chalupa. It would be a blue cheese burger.

I got confused at the beginning. Jake wants a synopsis of the call and song. But, Paige, as pretty as you can. So adorable how the call. all started. What's your last meal? Taco Bell, Chalupa. How does your show work?

I've only listened to the calls cut up. I didn't realize. Oh, you guys cheat. I didn't know that. Oh, it's a job interview. So could you take us out with that beautiful version of that song? And please, Paige, I don't want to have

to stop and give direction. I just want my mind blown. I want my heart opened up. Whenever you're ready, remember you arrange. I stole those tulipas eight years ago I'm so sorry baby I lied and said I didn't do it just so you know

my last meal before I go won't be a chalupa be a blue cheeseburger from my dad Paige, you have to do that and you have to record it. Jesse's wearing sunglasses now. He's a full-on jazz man. Paige, so good.

Page, it's so good. Page, it's so good. Please. Jesse's got sunglasses on a new. I've never seen him look cooler. You shouldn't see him. I don't know who he is. Jesse, your thoughts.

I'm loving what I'm hearing. Paige, we got it. Will you just sing the head? Please, put your phone out, record it. it, please. It's so good. It'll work. It's what I'll do.

If you just sing that and you do a whole song, then in the end he's going to go, what are you doing? But you will be doing it for us. Don't forget us. Yes, it's so good. Please. But this is a great way to confess.

It's a great way to confess. And then have chalupas for him. And by the way, Jesse wants to talk to you on an email. He'd love to produce you. Very, Paige, very good. Jesse, your thoughts. Yeah, I'll be reaching out. All right, Paige.

Great work. Page, it's very good. And then follow up with us. We would love to hear the song. Please. And maybe if you want to record it as a voice note, you don't even have to sing to him. You can play it for him.

Let's sing live and record it. That would be the... I want to hear what he says. Yeah. Because he'll be like, what the hell? What just happened? You're tipsy? I ate those chalupas.

But by the way, you should both be drunk. Yeah, you definitely need to have a buzz working. Okay, and record it and then send it to you. Yeah, please. And have chalupas for him. Honestly. I mean, he was going to eat one 15 hours later. He'll eat one that's two hours old.

By the way, that is a terrible indicator. If you're going to eat a day-old chaloupa. The next day looking for a chalupa? If you don't eat a taco bowl and it's hot, throw it out. Honestly. Don't save it. You did him a favorite page by Wolf and Down All of them. If an entire meal is under 80 cents, don't say it.

save it. With meat. The fridge is for things that we want. Yeah. Not a chalupa. Especially when you live a cartwheel away. If you buy anything that's meat, yes.

And it's under a dollar? Yes. Don't buy it. No. Just get a veggie taco. You're good. But don't just do. But if you're going to go get cheese and beans.

I agree completely. Completely agree with that. Paige, thanks for the call. Thanks, Paige. Thank you so much. Bye. Hello? Hello. Hello. Welcome to the show. Hey. So excited to be here.

All right. There we go. I'm not going to lie. We got a banger of a guest for this one. We have the great, the talented Christian Lee Navarro is joining us. I mean, what do you lead with when you talk about your credits? Is it... Wow. I try not to. I started in a couple of movies. A little show called 13 reasons why. I mean, that was the banger. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. And now I'm one of the faces of Dungeons and Dragons.

And you right now are in beautiful Indianapolis, selling out theaters while you are playing with your podcast. With the Dungeons and Dragons series, with some incredible castmates of mine that are all, we've got an Airbnb here in Indianapolis. It looks pretty good. All right, so listen. So you know what you're dealing with here, sir.

So can we get your name, please? Yeah, my name's Ricky. Ricky. Ricky? How old are you, Ricky? 29. 29. Ricky, are we thinking about dropping the Y on the end of the name?

Are we ever, are we leaning towards that? Do we like it? Oh, you know, I kind of like the Y. Okay. It kind of fancies it up. All right. You got 29, 29 reasons why. It's a little different, but it's close to something.

Where are you calling from, Ricky? I'm from Utah. Utah. Mormon? No, no. No, one of those that aren't. Okay. All right.

Ricky, I mean, most Rickies, I think, are Mormon. To be in Utah, as a Ricky, it seems like you missed your calling. But, okay, Ricky 29, Utah, not dropping the Y. You're into it. Christian Lee Navarro, Gary Reynolds. What's going on, buddy? All right. So I have a family friend who,

like an aunt and she used to cut my hair and whatever she did her boobs would brush my back and shoulders then it gets better then at my sister's wedding she grinded on me

and she's completely sober and then finally every time she gives me a hug it's a very boob-focused hug very tight very demanding very boob-focused hug have you ever heard that?

I've never heard that. But I know what he's talking about. But we've experienced it, yes. But I know what he means. Because I know what a non-boob hug is, where you're like, yep, there's a very, she's shield the boobs from me, yeah. Okay, and how old is this person, Ricky, and what should we call her before I let you keep going?

You can call her Jackie, and she's in her early 40s-ish. Okay. All right, keep going, my man. Yeah. And I guess just what do I do to not get the boob hugs? So, well, that's the question. What do you, you don't like the, you're not into this. No, no.

I was hoping we got really. She's like an aunt. Okay. We got to change gears here because I was, I was going, this is the best thing ever, but this is not the best thing ever. Yeah, no. Oh, yeah, yeah. No, I'm married and she's like an aunt to me.

Okay. And what does your, does your wife know about it? the boob hugs? Have you shared that with her? Yeah, I have. And she knows all about it. No, she's not into it either. And do you feel like it is just a you thing? It's specific

to you? Honestly, yeah, I kind of think so. Okay. So there's some breastle flirtation happening here with Aunt Jackie and you. Yeah. One-sided. Is Aunt Jackie married?

Does she have a partner? Uh-huh. She's married. She's married, too. I mean, I got to, there's a couple of things coming to my head right away. The first, okay, I don't want to put this on your wife,

but Mormonism preaches an eye for an eye. No. Look, a tit for a tit. So if your wife, if we're allowed to employ her skills, starts overhugging Jackie's significant other, maybe there's a way to sort of point out. Now, I don't want to put your wife in the position where she now has to be, you know,

boob plungering a stranger. But there is something like that. I have a very bizarre pitch Christian. So do you have, what are you thinking? Have you, surely you've been in situate. You're a handsome guy. I'm surely you've got into a position where you're being overhugged

and have to find ways. You know, at conventions or when you do signings, there's some people who get touchy-feely. So I'm going to give you a little bit of an aggressive fix, but I'd go for a real firm handshake. When that hug comes out,

just, you know, just extend that hand, give that to her and back away. She'll get the idea. You know, off of that, you could, you could just fake a little, like, back pain. And the hug is not working for you. I mean, let me give you my craziest one, okay?

You know those spiked strips cops put out when a car is like, when they're trying to stop a speeding car? Oh, yeah. I'm wondering if we just, if we just order you some chest spikes that you just start wearing and, When you know you're going to a Jackie event, you have some chest spikes on to puncture the runaway car's tires. And she learns that lesson once.

And she, I mean, if she's like, what do you have under that? Just be like, oh, it's just, you know, it's like a new shirt I'm wearing. You know, whatever it is, make it so that the titty press is no longer worth it. I see your Titty guard I raise you Yes Have you ever been to a drag show

Gareth? Yes Ricky you ever been to a drag show He's in Utah No I haven't No he's in Utah We don't have those in Utah Right right

Right some drag queens Spend a lot of money On prosthetic breasts Oh I would say You show up With some prosthetic breasts

And give her Exactly what she's giving you. This is great. This is great. Ricky, this, listen, what we're asking you to do here, Rick,

and I'm going to call you Rick. I mean, you're 29. Let's think about getting that Y out of here. But I, drop the Y, drop the Y, drop the line. I think it's,

we're getting close. Come on, for the love of God. But here's what I'm thinking. I kind of think what's great about this zone and I do like Christians better is she's just going to be

a little confused. Chess spikes, I think you mentioned. What are you got? Spikes under your shirt? A set of kind of, you know, squishy boobs. I don't know if she's going to be able to approach that subject. And I think it might just be, and you know what else? You could keep changing it up. You could do some, like a little bit of bust under your shirt to start.

Then you could move on to like, you could do a little bit of a spiky thing. You could really just keep her, like, make her be like, I don't know what's happening under his shirt anymore, but I don't want my boobs involved. Yeah, keep her on her toes.

Keep her on her toes, yes. Do you know those things that you, what do they call, snap pop little crack things where you step on in the... Oh, yeah, the little pop snaps. We could just tape a bunch of those two, so when she'll freak the hell out.

You got to do a fake dynamite vest, make her be like, is he about to just blow up a building like he's in Diehard? What if he had a bop it? Yes. Yes. You know what a bop it is?

Ricky in Utah, do you know what a bop it is? Of course you do. Yeah, yeah, I know what a bop. Absolutely. They were 100% invented in Utah, by the way. They were like, we don't have alcohol, but bop it, pound it, pull it, crank it, smash it. Soak it.

Soak it. Soak it. Keep soaking it. Oh my God, soak it. Jump on the bed. Jump on the bed. The ocean. Now soak it. The ocean. Okay, that's a lot of inside Utah stuff. That's great. A Bopit. The pop snaps. I mean, just like, and you could just even put like a bag of oranges you wrap around. Just make her be like, what is happening with Rick. as of late.

I mean, these are pretty... And again, I'm going to say, when it's time for sweeps, let's get some spikes under your shirt. Just make me go out. What's going on? What do you think of this? I think I might try the snap or the pop-it one.

Not the bop-it, but the popping. Baby steps. Yeah, start there. Baby steps. And then we'll work our way up. That's good. What were you going to say, Christian?

Do you have something? Just that if all else fails, this is your mom's friend, right? Yeah. I bet your mom will be able to talk some sense to her. That's the most logical choice is to go, Hey, mom, this shit makes me uncomfortable. It's a simple route,

but then again, we can also put explosives under his shirt. Oh, I'm here for the explosives. As a matter of fact, if you're wearing the dynamite vest, I would just kind of maybe tape the pop snaps on the dynamite vest and just make her think what the hell's going on here. Yeah. What do you think? Do you want to hear more?

I can't tell if you're sold or not. No, no, I'm sold on the snaps. That one's good. That's pretty funny. You like that one. Yeah, yeah. And what do you think you're... Maybe introduce yourself as Rick or Richard next time.

Maybe she still sees you as that little kid, man. Snappy. Oh, that's true. I should go by Richard. Richard. Richard? Who is now matured? She still sees that kid.

And wearing snaps under her. Yeah. Yeah, she doesn't still cut your hair, does she? No, no, that ended years ago. And by the way, the least relatable part of this for me, personally, Christian, was talking about how the haircut, he didn't like the boobs on the back. That was like... It led us to a place that was a false place. Yeah. It was a lie. Because I...

He was selling it to us as this is not the best thing. But in my... I mean, when I was 11 years old and I went to super cuts, I was like, I'll wait five minutes more for this stylist, because I know what's happening. I get my neck boobed. Worth it. Yeah, it was worth it. But to each their own, Ricky, well, I guess what we're going to need to get from you here

is let's see some pictures, if possible, of the laid-out options. Let's see a before we go see Jackie, and tell your wife she got out of having to do a boob hug to Jackie's significant. another, but the downside is she might need to wear a GoPro on her head or at minimum, try to get footage of the hug when you have your titty's exploding. All right, Ricky, you know what to do. Go out there. Thank you, guys. Strap that dynamite to your tits. Hug Jackie. Take care. Drop the wide. Bye-bye. Be brave. Be brave. Be brave. Richard. God bless Richard. Oh, hello. Hi, how are you? I'm good, how are you?

Good. Thank you for calling back. You're a follow-up, correct? Yes. Thank you for having me. You're welcome. What's your name, please? Paige. Hi, Paige. Paige, what was the first call? The first call was me asking for advice on how to confess to my husband that I had sort of accidentally let him think that he either like sleep ate Taco Bell

or that it just like never arrived. I ate the chalupa. I ate the chalupa, yes. So what was our advice? That I confessed to him with a song, like recreate the night and then sing him a confession. And why did we pitch that? Wasn't that long ago.

It's like two weeks ago. I think the idea was to loosen the vibe. Yeah. Okay, yeah. It's okay now. This is a 2 a. pitch at the bar. Yeah.

Yeah, I think we just, we had 11, we had 11, we wanted it off a lot. Yeah, sometimes we have a 10 p.m. pitch, sometimes we have a 5 p.m.

pitch. This is a 1.45 a.m. Yeah. So how did it go? I went pretty well. I, like, we recreated the night.

We were, I was supposed, so I had told him, like, a few days ahead that I was planning to talk with him on, like, a weekend. We had a birthday party to go to. And I was like,

hey, after, can we, talk. There's something kind of important that I want to talk to you about. And like the rest of the week, he was like, can you just tell me now? Like, what, he was kind of stressed out about it. And then that night, we didn't end up doing it. So we did it the next night. And we were like, kind of drinking and having a good time. And so I read him. I had written it out. So I pulled out something to read to him. And he was like, you wrote it out? And I was like, yeah, it's really

serious. And I just don't want, I want to be able to get through the whole thing. So please don't interrupt me. And so then I started singing. And, and then I, I had ordered chalupas. So he, he had, he got his chalupa. Now, wow. Well, let's hear the song. The, like, sing the, that song now. Well, of course. Give me a second. She sent it in. Oh, she did. Great. This is what we want. I was like, oh. Okay. Perfect. You sent in a very long, very long recording. So Jesse chopped did. So it's just the first part. But the first part, I think I'm going to skip it, because it's still kind of long of him just being, like, very scared.

Okay. Wow. I like that you got him all lathered up in fear, and then it was about a chalupa you ate. So that's good. That was part of the advice that you gave was to, like... I like it. I stand by it. You like, yeah, I... Something horrible happened. Actually, no, I just ate your chilipa. Yeah, he was like, did you cheat on me? There was a lot of scared.

Oh, shit. Oh, Jesus Christ, bitch. He was nervous. Okay, but I'm just going to skip straight to just my song. Okay. Okay. Okay. Hey, babe, I wrote you this silly little song. Got a tough thing to tell you after so damn long. Beautiful.

A long time ago, I covered up the truth. And it's been a long time and I don't know why. So I wrote this song for you. One night got kind of late We both had a kind of buzz A chalupa sounded great And we ordered in a fuzz But before we both ate

You passed out as one does And then the next day You asked me where yours was And it's been a really long time And I don't know why the truth's so hard to chew I ate your chalupa I'm so sorry honey It's time to confess, and I hope it's kind of funny.

I think you've always known it. Maybe somewhere deep inside. I knew. That your wife ate your chalupa and then looked you in the eyes. So after all of these years, there's nothing left to hide. I love you and I'm sorry. And I ordered you for chalupas. Okay.

Wait, we got to hear what he says. We got to hear what he says. Thank you for not cheating on me. This is what you freak me out about. I knew you ate my chaluba just so we're clear. I figured you did, but I never, I never admitted it. Yeah, but there was Taco Bell garbage in our garbage. The next day you were like, did they even come?

And I was like, I guess not. And then you found the garbage. Well, that's how I knew. You said they didn't come, but I saw the garbage. That sounds like Charlie Day You were passed out You were out I didn't get one taco

You had nothing I didn't get one potato One nothing I'm so sorry You ain't my chile bread And the whole You ain't both of our meals Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha

Holy shit You just fucking paid the toll For everybody in the bar Huge bell ring You just got everybody At the bar a drink Oh, that is awesome. That's an A plus.

That's a bell ring. Way to go. Page, the execution of their... Beautiful song. It is well... It's well executed. Great commitment. You want to try to release that song on Spotify?

Really great work. And it seems like everything's fine. What is the aftermath? Anything? Everything's back to normal and good to go? Everything's good. I think, I mean, now it's like, well, I did keep...

Because you had asked me, like, if I had any other big secrets, and I was like, no. And so I had said that to Izzy, and he was like, well, you kept this secret for me. I didn't know you were confessing and, like, Colin Jake and Garrett. So it was kind of funny, like, he was mad. He was mad that I did this kind of as a joke. I get it. I get it.

It just sounds like a big win. Yeah, his reaction's hilarious. His reaction's awesome. And then for anybody out there who heard this, if you guys want to pay the toll in your musician, grab that audio track and put some music behind it. So let's have a competition of who can make the prettiest version of Chalupa and we can all judge it as a community. And I'll say, why don't we open it up even further if we like? If there's any spouse confessions out there that are on this level of doubling.

Silliness. No cheating. No cheating. But on the level of stakes like you ate your hubby's Chalupa and didn't tell him. Record yourself singing. Write a little song a la page here. Right. And let us hear the confession.

Let's do our first ever singing competition show. Let's do the equivalent of the voice where they turn around where we'll have a bunch and we will crown a winner of best confession song. I completely agree. I think we could do a Friday or a special episode where we get all the songs submitted. We'll judge. We'll pick a winner. You know what?

We haven't done something like the friendship game or something like that in a while. Yeah. We'll do. And guys, don't worry about music, a la Cappella. Yeah. la page. Alla page. Everybody just send them in.

If we get a few of them and they work, we'll do a Friday episode. If we only get a couple and they don't work, we'll just air them at the end of episodes. Dumb confession songs between spouses. Page, you killed it. Page. Thank you so much. This is a legacy. This is why we say pay the toll.

Yeah. Because what you just did is you literally said, hey, everybody, I, I got you a rounded drinks. And we all might have a Friday episode based off this. And God bless you. And that's to the people in the comments who get mad. Yeah. And it's a lot of you.

You're wrong. Because Page is right. And also, a chimpanzee we adopted named Rodney sent us a painting. Okay. Do you understand? Do you understand? Do you understand? A chimpanzee who lives in Kentucky.

Yes. painted a painting Are you listening? And we got sent to it And the painting looks like this And I don't even know which way's up or down Doesn't matter All title for the show

Yes And guess what We're going to make prints of this Yes Yes So I get it, you're mad They should be Page the toll

Way to go Oh by the way New term Page the toll Page the toll. That's what we'll call the saying competition. Page the tab. Page the tab.

Guys, you've got to page the tab. Page the tab. Let's hear some song confession. That might be some of your best work. Thank you. Page the fucking tab. Let us hear the confessing songs. Page, crushed it.

Tell Izzy hi. Thank you. Page the tab. Thank you so much. Thank you. All right. See you. Thank you.

Bye. Hi, I just listened to the episode about the woman trying to get her 35-year-old husband to break up with his pediatric dentist. I am a dental hygienist. I just want to say it is well beyond time for him to do that. However, the method that you guys went with, I don't know if it will be the most successful. I think you said that he can tell his dentist that his wife wants him to get veneers and so he doesn't need checkups anymore. The thing is that people who have veneers or quote-unquote fake teeth of any sort do need checkups. Some dentists might even argue that they need them even more because there's this junction where the veneer or fake tooth meets through natural tooth and sometimes bacteria can get in there.

So dentists want to monitor that really well. So I worried that if he tells his dentist that the dentist will be like, no, keep coming back even after you get your veneers because I know what your baseline looks like and I want to make sure that nothing's changing and that we're in the good zone. So I don't know if that would work very well. However, the idea that you guys had with telling him that he's changing to his wife's insurance, I think that would actually work. very, very well. That happens all the time in the dental world where patients leave in office because they're switching insurances and nobody really bad than I. It's kind of just something that happens. So I don't think the dentist would try and be, try and get him to stay or give him any discounts to make him stay. I think that would work really well. So that's

just my two cents. Everybody check out our show on Hulu. It drops a day early and there's also back catalog episode. That's right. So we're here to help is now on Hulu a day early. If you want to listen to the back catalog, we're dropping those from season one and season two. It's just join us.

Let's go. We're Here to Help is hosted by Jake Johnson and Gareth Reynolds. If you'd like to be on the show, please email us your question at helpful pod at gmail.com. And if you want to watch video episodes of We're Here to Help, You can go to our Patreon at patreon.com slash here to help pod to see our entire catalog. We're Here to Help is produced by Rabbit Grimm Productions.

Executive producers Rob Hollis, Jeff Porter, and Natalie Hollis, Associate producer Jesse Thurston, editing mix and master by Chris Fowler. The theme song by Oliver Raleigh. The cover artwork is by James Fostike. Animations by Andrew Strelecki. And if you'd like to see Gareth, you stand up on the road, go to garethrenolds.com. Remember all of the advice given on we're here to help is for entertainment, purposes only and all listeners should be adults and make their own decisions.

That was a hate gum podcast. That was a hate gum podcast.