We're Here to Help - 328: Judge Jenny & Pandora Hack

Episode Date: September 28, 2026

Gareth and Jake get involved when an Alabama church turns into Melrose Place. Then, they shuffle a dental office playlist. Plus, the final follow-up from Ep 233 Breaking and Entenmann's.Want to call in? Email your question to [e-mail]: https://patreon.com/heretohelppodMERCH: heretohelppod.comINSTAGRAM: @HereToHelpPodIf you’re enjoying the show, make sure to rate We’re Here to Help 5-Stars on Apple Podcasts.Advertise on We’re Here to Help via Gumball.fmSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a headgum podcast. Sometimes we have the urge to reach into the past and grab onto the regrets or lost connections that will stay with us. These moments have a way of making us wonder, what if things had gone differently? The Acclaimed podcast, Heavyweight, explores that question and tries to make things right. In a single episode, you can laugh, cry, and reflect on your own defining moments, and maybe even find the closure you might be searching for, listen to Heavyweight wherever you get your podcasts. We're back. We're, weird, weird, weird, weird.

And I'm back. It looks like we're both wearing quince shirts. Say yes. That's what happens when you get a sponsor. You start wearing a uniform, brother. How about this? There was no small talk. We jumped right on.

This is it, baby boy. We're both wearing sponsored shirts. Because we're clowns. That's what clowns do. I'm going to bring respect. I'm going to make you respect this at some point. Here's the thing. Anything free.

We're both like, I'll put it on my body and in my mouth hole. Well, anything free. Anything. It's disgusting. Kyle was on the road with me, you know, because we were taking the movie around. So he was in the van for Pam. calls. And

Pam's... Could he hear me in the background in the bed? Go on? It's when you say go on. It's... It's...

It's... No, because it's an old... You know what? Yeah, Pam and I have sex. It's also disgusting. They're like, I'm driving to work. I don't need to hear about Pam and Jake 69. Stop.

Not that one. Tell everybody in this great audience. it's how your movie's going what's happening uh it's it was great it was honestly better than i thought a lot of uh our fans came out and it was awesome i signed some dick tracy dolls uh which is totally a normal thing to explain to other people when they're near you when you're like i so funny associated with dick tracy now uh but it was great um but my mother was talking about the wheel of fortune experience oh and she was saying oh, I don't think I took that much.

And Kyle was like, Pam, you stole a lot from the show. And she was like, oh, I didn't think so. And he was like, yeah, you took tons. He's like, you were shoving goldfish into my pockets, which I don't want you to jump on for a... You know what I got to say to you and Kyle, let us live. What are you talking about?

Pam, you did this, Pam, you did this, Pam, you get you this. I get it. You're a bratty little teenage boy. You don't like that your mother's sexually satisfied. Let me talk to you about something. God, let us live, brother. Let me talk to you about something very quickly. Because when I refer to myself as a younger age on this show,

oh, it's laughed at. Oh, yeah, what a dumb bit. And yet, when you want to talk about being intimate. Agreed. Don't say agreed yet because listen to me. That's dismissive. That's dismissive language. Agreed.

Stop. When I say. Hold on one second. Pam, he's just having a little tween blow up hormones. I think he's going through puberty. Go on? Okay. I don't...

Hold on one second. Pam, he's just showing off for his... We're here to help friends. Go on. I'm showing off from why we're here to help friends, huh? That's what you think. Pam, he's just showing off for a bunch of people listening in their cars while going to work

or doing chores around the house. Go on, bud. No, there's no need. There's no need. There's no need. There's no, want to tell a simple little story. And I can't even, by the way, I'm not, I'm not happy because I'm not going to lie to you, Jake. I have an intro for our session today.

Do it. No. We've still got a couple more minutes? No. It's a Pam. It's a Pam video. Please, I'll stop talking. Go.

My mother has been stressing me out. Okay. because she has a favor she want. Now, I'm going to say a couple things, and I don't want you to go dirty, okay? Okay. I'm nervous, because even the way you just said, okay, is troubling. My mother has been asking me to ask you for something.

There it is. And I'm careful. And I was like, I don't know. It's not a big deal. you're always very accommodating, but this was very specific. And so I said, well, why don't you get on a Zoom and you can be on the show,

but it was timing-wise, it might not work. So I had her make a two-camera video. Two-camera. Stop. So I just want, this is a... Natalie, just play the goddamn video. I'm sorry, Jake's taking it in such a filthy way. I can just say...

Stop. Stop that. I see the gears working. Here we go. And by the way, Hello, Jake. It's Pam. I'm wondering if you can do me an absolutely huge favour. I think I've told you before that you have fans in London and they're part of my ex-in-law family. And my in-law niece, Hannah, is going to be 30 on the 13th of September. And her mum would love it if she could have a message from you for her birthday just to wish you a happy day. You don't have to say anything more. And I also want you to know it's rather funny actually, but this flower, I've been up to my old stealing tricks, gleaning, and I took these flowers off the path, and I thought how pretty they were. Anyway, I hope you're all right, and if you could just wish Panra birthday, happy birthday, I would be so grateful. And I'll buy you a present from England in exchange. I'll try to find you something with a monkey on. I've been looking already. but the only thing

one thing I saw I think it was a plush monkey but it had something very suggestive on it and I didn't think that was appropriate I thought you were far too conservative

for me to do that and I hope everything's going well with you and it is me and I'll see you soon bye bye bye so

so she sent it and I was like great and then the ending obviously is not great but that's a request so you don't need to do it now but off air if you could uh what say something every time i talk you tell me to stop talking say talk go ahead no go ahead no go ahead no go ahead it's just a request so there you go um

hey hannah i just want to say happy 30th birthday i got uh a little video from my sweet Pam where she asked me to make this for you. I hear that you're a fan. I hope you listen to our podcast. We're here to help. Pam and I are very close. We care about each other a lot. Okay.

Come on. Fuck it. So I want to say to you on this unbelievable birthday, you're 30 years old, to celebrate this great day, to enjoy this great day. and Pam has promised me a little monkey, a little gift. A little furry little monkey. Yeah? Hannah.

A birthday message. Happy birthday from me, sweet Pam, and our little brady, my little brady, stepson, Gareth. say some of you little teenage brat. No, I'm not teenage brat. Okay, you've taken it there. Thank you for doing that, Jake. And just the video is just such a-

Happy birthday, Hannah. Happy birthday, Hannah. You don't want me to say happy birthday, but happy birthday to you. Now, say something to Hannah about Pam. Hannah, Pam was very, very, very involved and invested in getting this to happen. So happy birthday, and you should thank Pam. Hannah, happy birthday.

I thought that was going one further. Thank you, Jake. Enjoy the show. Everybody. Enjoy the ass. This episode of the podcast is brought to you by Kachava. It's the best, the best protein. You know what I do with it? Is I put it in my overnight oats.

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Go to Quince. That's Quince, Q-U-I-N-C-E-D-com slash here to help. And we are brought to you by Squarespace. You know what? I don't even need ad copy when it comes to Squarespace because let me tell you, first of all, they're hanging in there with the promo code. They're still doing the Gil sent me,

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save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. That's it. Get involved. Hello. Hey, how's it going? All right, how are you doing? I'm doing great today. Can we get your name, please? I'm Ed. Ed, you hear with the girls, me and Gareth. What's up, girl?

Where are you calling from, Eddie? Calling from North Alabama today. Cool as fuck. How old are you, Ed? I'm 24. Oh, you're just a kid. Young girl. What are you doing, North Alabama?

You're just a young girl. It's a young girl, man. You're just starting your beautiful life. All right. Sweetheart, you're 24. Your name is Ed. You're from North Alabama. Good looking.

What can we do for you? Go ahead, darling. All right. I've got a little bit of a situation over here. It's going to take some explaining. So I'll try to get it done pretty quick. Honey, don't rush yourself. Jake's right.

Don't worry about this, lady. All right. I work at a church in North Alabama. It's an Episcopal church. And I work in a department. with three people. It's myself, my boss, Jeff, and my co-worker Lillian. And we work pretty close together and we're pretty tight. We're good friends. And then there's a fourth guy who we work with at the church who's in a different department. And he flies kind of solo with his stuff. And so he hangs

out with us a lot. And his name's David. And what the four of us do is that we golf a lot. We have a lot of weird hours and long weekends working at the church. And so it's not out of the ordinary for us to golf on like a Monday morning or a Thursday, which is a little hard for people in other industries to do. And so it's been the four of us. We golf a lot. Up until recently, David told me that golf with the four of us were at, was off the table because his girlfriend said they couldn't do it.

and she said that it's because him and Lillian kind of had a fling a little bit ago and it's been over now it's been over for about a year not a fling while David was with his current girlfriend a previous fling no no no before before they were dating this happened they'd broken up and then he started dating this girl her name's Jenny and so and they've been dating for you know a good while now about eight months or so And so she's jealous. Golfing all along, no problems.

Up until recently, she said, no, you can't go golfing with them anymore. And it's because of Lillian. So my question today is, how can I get the four of us back out on the golf course, kind of without screwing up what David has going with Jenny? First of all, Ed, I want to give you a compliment. The way you did that setup was perfect. you were so clean I fully get it I think all of our listeners do

it is a significant problem but we don't have to ask a lot of follow-ups because you did such a good fucking job yep yeah you go for a thank a lot of characters too yeah well done way to take your time be organized it's a lot of drama

it's all layered but the way you did it Eddie is you explained it in a way that if I'm at the bar, I get it. Just for the 4% of the audience who are just dull, brain dead. We've got a situation, you got four buddies, you guys all golf. The new girlfriend, Jenny, has gotten jealous and said, I don't want you golfing if Lillian is there.

Even though you've been around, David and Lillian, they're not crossing lines because we all know what those lines look like when they're crossed with friends, where you go, nothing's happening, but Lillian and David are weird. Like, why is he carrying her bag?

Why is she bringing him another soft drink? I think a lot of the fling. I don't even really know how it started or how it ended. It is kind of a thing where I don't know if that door has fully been closed

by David, and that has, some mixed Well, that changes everything. That changes everything. Yeah. Right. But I'll say that from my perspective,

especially when we're out on the golf course, there's not a ton of interaction between the two of them. It's typically David and myself in a cart. And then Lillian and Jeff, because we do a little 2B2 scramble, and that's just kind of how the teams have shoken out. All right. But, Ed, you just threw some weird ingredients,

into the jumbo because into the gumbo well into the jumbalaya gumbo into the no into the jumbo gumbo the big gumbo okay the big gumbo

and I'm going to tell you why and I think our audience is going to agree if David's still a little bit weird about Lily and I'm kind of with Jenny yeah yeah no I get it it's definitely a thing

It is, okay. I just don't think it's that big of a deal. Let me ask you this. It's not like they're, all right. After golf, what are we doing? Anything? Is there the 19th hole? Are we going our separate ways?

Is there an additional hang? It depends on the day. It depends on what we've got going on. Sometimes a few of us will go out to drinks, but I rarely is it's David and Lillian, and just like the two of them, or if it is all four of us, there's not really a ton of, like,

weird stuff going on between them. Can I see that? Can I ask a question that feels not great? This feels very Melrose Place vibes for a bunch of people working at a church. Are people who work at a church? You guys live in a little scandalous, like golfing in the afternoon,

flings, jealous girlfriends, after golf drinks? It's not how I would have judged this when this called started. I think I could be religious. Same. All of a sudden, I'm like, oh, but it's a lot of, fun as hell. We have a long retreat or a long week of planning a retreat, and there's a lot of ups and downs,

and when you're working at the church, you kind of need to be all buttoned up. Sure. And not necessarily act a certain way, but you need to keep it tight. And then out in the golf course, you can just kind of be yourself. and just kind of let it loose and just be like a normal person almost that sometimes you don't get that in the church.

And that's why it's kind of a cherished thing between the four of us is because we go through these hard weekends where there's a lot of work, effort, and emotion put in. And golf is kind of that release that we get of like relaxing. Like, yeah, we kind of earned this now. This makes sense to me. It does to me too. And I think, you know, we're on Ed's team here. Just quickly, Ed, do you think that David and Lillian, how long was this thing going on? It is the right question.

Maybe two or three months. I mean, that's not super long. It was. It's super short. I mean, Jake, I'm going to just come out with the question. Gareth, jump in. Were they together? Like, did they do it?

And no, they never did it. No. Oh. There was a kiss in the rain that seemed a little romantic, but I think that's kind of all that happened. That's a notebook. That's nothing. And not necessarily. Eddie, nobody talks about that.

How do you know there was a kiss in that? Not in your disgusting circle. There was other types of options of humans, Gareth. Stop. Agreed. Ed, how do you know about the kiss in the rain? David told me about it a while back. while crying with a saxophone playing behind him?

No, there weren't really any tears. It was more of a, hey, this kind of happened. This might be a thing that is happening. Okay. And then the next thing I knew, it was all over with. And tell me how it ended from what your understanding. David got on his hands and knees and said, I want to be with you, and she said pass. I don't, guys, I wish I knew.

Okay, understood. Okay. They're both not really forthcoming with the details about it all. It just something happened. It was over. Okay. We moved past it. Okay.

They just kind of decided just to be friends, all this stuff. I'll toss one out there. I do think you're in a bit of a tough position because I do think from the, there's a little bit of smoke here. So I think so too. If I'm Jenny, I'm definitely kind of like what the hell's going on here? but my pitch would be that you replace Lillian with Jenny

she's your new fourth my guess is if she's not been involved already she's not going to enjoy it I hate this let me get to the end Why is Lillian being punished that into golf? Exactly Why is Lillian being punished? So Jeff and I have kind of been

a team in on this trying to to figure out how to get us back out. And we're really trying to avoid picking sides. And we're worried if we leave out David or we leave out William. Because it's not the 1980s boys versus girls. And we just don't want to do that anymore. Exactly. We've evolved, Gareth.

Okay. As I have been. You watch your mouth. And also, when we're doing intro as I'm a teenager. When we're not the call of a boomer, pick a lane. I'm all over the place. Pick a lane. Hey, Ed.

Now, Ed, Garrett, this is for you. we have a charity kind of tournament coming up, and it just so happens to be the day right before Jeff's vasectomy. And so we're really trying to get the groups back together as a last guru for him before he gets the old snip, snip. Okay. That's for me specifically. Well, you got a vasectomy. Barely.

Yeah. I actually had to set it off for testing the other day. Why? Because you've got to make sure it took. I thought you were going to say because your sperm is so. strong. Yeah, it's still cooking. I'm still great. Anyway, it's not about my sperm. Okay, so the pitch, so if it's not replacing Lillian, could it be

replacing David? Stop it. You're doing such a bad job. Can I jump in? Of course you could jump in. I'm dying. I'm sweating. I'm in the middle of nowhere. I'm in Mansfield, Ohio. The room is much better and it works. Way better. So, Ed, what about getting the five together at the church? As if you are planning something for the vasectomy

and we're saying we're going to do a vasectomy party, but you would love Jenny to be involved in the planning of it. Then when David goes, why you go, the plan, I just want to get the vibes normal. And then if Lillian's got a partner, he can come. If Jeff has somebody, Lord knows if you do, Ed. But if you could get your partners in the mix to plan a vasectomy celebration for Jeff. And you don't have to do it a lot.

It's one or two nightouts where you guys go out drinking. But so the hope is Jenny hangs with Lillian. they create the girl's bond and go sisters before misters a little bit that could

work I think that could definitely play a part it's better than my pitch when I heard yours I realized yours was better okay

go ahead Ed hey Garrett stopping Ed from talking to say that's not helpful right agreed 100% Hunter, you okay?

No. Go ahead, Ed. My only fear was that pitch. I don't think it would be a super big deal is that in the past, David has had an aversion to invite Jenny to hang with all of us. And I don't think it's out of fear that she would see something between him and Lillian.

I think it's more fear that Lillian and Jenny would not get along and get a little catty maybe. But I do think that if, if Jeff's wife and my girlfriend were there, then that might... Yeah, because here's a word... Some of that pressure. So look, because we can pitch,

I don't think the move... Look, sometimes you go to the bar and you tell your uncle's an idea and the advice they give you is not the fun advice you want, right? Because what I don't think the move is here is to create some silly tournament or some goofy version

to get you four together. And it's creating this weird vibe for David at home where he's like, she doesn't want me to and you're like, well, you've been tricked. It's actually a scavenger hunt. And then he goes, we're just playing golf, man.

And then you go, well, don't tell Jenny. It's just going to get muck. I think what we need to do is we need to find a way if you're ever going to get this group of four together to play again, the only way it's going to happen is Jenny and Lillian are together around David. and Jenny either is going to say like Judge Jen. I think this is called Judge Jenny.

And so what we need to do is present the case to her that there's nothing going on between these two. Like if there's ever jealousy you have of somebody with your partner, all get in a room together. And if in the end you go, I don't trust it, then there's nothing to be done. But mostly you go like, it's actually kind of fine. He's right.

I think the idea that you can, and maybe you stack it in a way where it is, the vasectomy party is pretty perfect. If that's coming up, you could get like a velvet cake and have a little red ribbon in front of it. And Jenny and David could cut it together and you could all have some...

Wait, I have an idea going off of this. When's David's birthday? It's in October. This is perfect. We're going to throw his... him a surprise party and Jenny is going to help plan it with you. This is great. And then as the planning goes on, you're going to incorporate Lillian and Jeff in the planning,

but Jenny is running point with you. And it's a golf themed, fun, right? Maybe you guys all go to the golf course. And when you're talking to Jenny about the thing, you go, you know what we could do, how much David loves golf? What if we started and we did 18 holes? then we all met up for dinner. We would love you at the golf course, obviously.

She's like, oh, I don't golf. But you could also just come hang. I love this. And then we do this, we do this, and we do this. I would pitch separate golf from the event. Make the event about Jenny and Lillian having a little bit of a neutral hang. I think he's right.

If you say to Lillian, let's plan a surprise vasectomy party. These are different things, my man. Vesectomy is Jeff's. I think David's birthday birthday party. Oh, sorry, sorry. Yes, way better.

Sorry. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Ed, one second,

my friend. You okay, my man? Yeah. What's going on with you, babe? What are you mean? There's just like eight names.

Did you do drugs last night? I have not that drugs in quite a while. Did you have a spiritual experience that night where you drank something weird and some guy from Ohio was there? but he has a ponytail. I wasn't in Ohio last night.

I know, but some guy from Kentucky who's like, man, I learned this from the in the jungle of the Dominican Republic, and you're going like, who are? Listen, I'm saying yes to the David birthday. I'm saying, I'm agreeing with you. Yes. That's the answer of a drug addict that I would be saying to at the intervention. When you know I'm driving you to the intervention,

you just at a certain point, we're not disagreeing. I'm agreeing. I'm sweating through. my shirt. I'm saying let me go into that Walgreens, then we go to rehab. I have to meet one friend. Let me go to the Walgreens, get a vitamin water, then we go to rehab.

The Walgreens, vitamin water is perfect. Take me to the Walgreens. Let me run it alone and get a couple of vitamin waters, then we go to rehab. Why do you need vitamin water? Just it has to be a Walgreens. It has to be that Walgreens to get two vitamin water. Why?

I'm going to roll out. But I want to go to rehab after. I want to go to rehab after. I have to go to the Walgreens on 14th. Your nose is bleeding. This is a dream come true. This is what I wanted. By the way, thank you.

Thank you for this opportunity. And he runs out of the car. So, Ed, what do you think about the surprise party for David that you reach out to Jenny that you guys put together while? you're doing that your secret motivation is talk about how much fun the four of you have playing golf too and how it's such a relief from the thing and how really he's your partner he's never even really with jillian or jillian or lily and jeff but you're secretly just adding in how he's really your partner like what you love it's a really a two-person thing but you're all four there but he's really your partner in crime and then as his girlfriend who he talks so much

much about and love so much. You figure you two guys are the most special people to him. And the truth is, Lillian and Jeff don't mean that much to him. And that's kind of the sentiment. So he goes, oh, Lillian and him had a beautiful kiss in the rain, but didn't mean anything. What are your thoughts, Eddie? I like that idea. He's really into golf as like a professional sport. And so I think a golf-mean surprise party could lend itself really well to that. And I think Jenny and Jenny likes me. We've bet a few times, and so I think that might go over really well with her.

I think it could. And then what do you have in North Alabama like mini golf or a driving range? That could be golf-centric so you could talk about golf with Jenny. And she could really see that it's not how she's painting it in her head. But she doesn't have to sit there and walk around for 18 holes because that's as boring as it gets. Yeah, we have a top golf here. that we could try. This is what I'm talking about.

It's on theme. It gets right there. This is perfect. I think so. But everybody here's... It's a dynamic. Yes. And you do the same thing.

It's the same teams. But what you do is everybody brings a plus one. Yeah. Yeah. That's a good idea. Gareth, what are you thinking, babe? I agree. I think October is perfect.

You have a window to start engaging like in the next week. Top golf's perfect. I think it's great. What else do you think they should do at that party? Well, the only thing I was thinking is we can maybe get a little cake for Jeff, like a little baby cake that Jeff cuts almost like he's putting his cord. We're definitely going to have to do something to celebrate Jeff in his major milestone.

Yeah, so let's get Jeff a little vasectomy cake. And when is the vasectomy? It's at the end of September. So you could combine him a little bit. His birthday and then the joke surprise that you plan with Jeff's partner is post vasectomy celebration. And you know what else I'll do? I'll make a video for Jeff, congratulating him, welcoming him to the club. Well, the rest of these people don't know about the show, Gareth.

Well, he was suggesting earlier that I make a little video for Jeff or something like that. or I Jeff's getting Were you? Well, he was saying it's a milestone. Yeah. Ed, were you asking Gareth for a video about the vasectum? I'm just truly curious.

I don't remember that. Maybe I was necessarily asking for a video. I was just kind of letting Gareth know that this is coming up. Yeah, you were just saying because Gareth got the vasectomy. That's what you were saying. I'm saying we can make it a little special. I know, but does Jeff know the show? Yeah, no, he's a big fan of the show.

Oh, well, then it is special. Yeah, so I'll make him a little video. We can get him a little cake. He can cut his little cake. We can make it a little velvet vasectomy cake. Here's what I'm a little bit worried about the presentation or connecting to our show that night. We can't have Jenny ever know about this episode. Truth.

So it can't be, this is a fun thing from Gareth. And Jenny goes like, oh, what is that? David, listen, all that much. We can make it a private thing. We don't even have to do that, but I think maybe we can have a side theme of the vasectomy. But I think that, but I think the night, the vasectomy is a great idea. I think the velvet cake you were talking about is great, that you guys do. And then you plan that with Jeff's wife too.

So you've got vasectomy planned with her. You've got David's birthday playing with Jenny. And, you know, and then Lillian and her partner are just there. You and your partner are just there. And ideally the night is, the real goal of the night is to tell Jen. put your weapons down, baby, girl. This is a safe zone. We all work at a church in Alabama.

Take it easy. Perfect mixer. Ed? What do you think? You in? I'm in. I love it. Okay.

Okay. So now you tell us before we get off, what are you going to do, baby boy? I'm going to reach out to Jenny, maybe next week about planning a surprise party for David, maybe comboed with a post-pestectomy party for Jeff at TopGol because he loves it and then invite some of our co-workers and have Lilian and maybe whoever she's seeing there and then they'll make kumbaya and then we'll be able to get back out onto that golf course

and have a good time. I think this is right. I think it's great and I cannot recommend enough if Lilian is seeing someone that that would probably be a nice little salve to bring that. By the way, an arm or some guy with him. his arm around her, it's going to make Jenny feel great. That's going to be a favorite. And you know you could also do, Ed,

and hearing you say it back to me, two get-togethers. You plan with Jeff's partner, so it feels not even, you plan with Jeff's partner a little vasectomy. You do that in September, and you do this in October, so that Jenny and Lillian and the partners, you guys are just a goddamn gang.

Mm-hmm. You're the friend's intro. Yeah, and then when you see Lillian's boyfriend, you go like, Chad, because you're all friends. But only some of you golf, but the rest of you, when something's going on, you get together. Work party, get over here, Chad, I'm going to wrestle you. Because you're friends. And if it goes well, a next day group chat, just to say thanks to everybody.

Yes. A group chat that Jenny and Lillian are part of, huge. Could be nice. But we'll get there. I think Jake's right. If you could start off with a little velvet shindig, you know, celebrate the vasectomy. Enjoy yourself. That greases the wheels.

We already have the surprise party and the works. Yep. Get that going. Lillian brings her partner. That's a big deal. Yep. And then if the next day we want to send out a group email, thanking everyone, sending a few pictures on there. Yeah.

Something like that as sort of a. You initiate it. Then everyone writes back like so fun, so fun. Would you do this again, you know? Yes. Ed, you going to start this process? Yeah, I'm going to get to it next week. I think the slow play is definitely the move.

I like the idea of two kind of hangouts. I do too. We love you. We appreciate you. It's going to work. Follow up with us, please. Thank you, all. Hi, buddy.

Hi, bud. I thought I was Beck Bennett. No, no, no, no. I'm Kyle Mooney. Sorry about that. Exactly. No, all good. All good.

Thanks, buddy. Yeah, and we host the show What's our podcast here on Headgum. This podcast is brought to you by SquareSpace. Squareface is the all-in-one website platform designed to help you stand out and make you look like a kick-ass person online. Like you're skateboarding through the internet. Or you're surfing through the web. SquareSpace gives you everything you need to claim your domain, showcase your offerings with a professional website,

grow your brand and get paid all in one place. I like that it's all in one place. I like that I don't have to go around, you know, to like different stores or something. It's just all on my website. Oh, do I need to go to like, do I need another type of website

to like find the right pictures or like another type of website to upload the like, it's all in one place. The video or audio or like, no, it makes it easy on me, please. Yeah, so you can do all those things, photos, videos, changing fonts. You know, I mean, the designs are amazing.

They're catering to all your different needs. There are SEO tools, which I know what those are and their custom domains. Oh, what's come up with a domain right now? Let's see. I'm wonder if it exists. www. Friends meeting. Friends.

Friends meeting friends.com. Check out Squarespace.com slash headgum for a free trial. And when you're ready to launch, use offer code headgum to save 50% off your first purchase of a website or domain. Hello. Hi. How are you? Welcome to the church. Thanks.

Glad to be here. Can we get your name, please? Yeah. My name is C.C. C.C. Is that your real name? No, it's not. Okay.

Are you dating Schmidt? C.C. Where are you calling from? I am calling from Utah. Utah. What part? Just kind of in the. Valley.

You Mormon? Yeah, I am actually. That's cool. You know what? We actually have a lot of Mormon listeners, believe it or not. Yeah, I think he said at one point that you had, like, you thought you guys were becoming a Mormon show. I got to tell you, we've got a pretty big Mormon base, believe it or not. And there's a real, real conversation I want to start with Gareth right now about going to Utah and doing a live Mormon show.

Utah is a great place for shows. It is. I would show up. I'd bring all my friends. CeCy, take it away. Okay, well, I am a dental hygienist. And I come from a dental family. My dad is a dentist. And I actually grew up in California. My dad still practices out there. Where in California?

Northern California. Beautiful. Yeah, it's a really, really great part of the state. So once every month, I fly out and I actually work. for him as a hygienist. And my dad is very particular about a lot of things, including the music that he plays in his dental office. So I grew up kind of in and out of the office working there sometimes.

And I think he has the exact same playlist since I was a kid. And I'm 30 years old. We talk 30. I'm 30 years old. No, no, no. But we talk in Doobie brothers. We talk in 80s. Yeah.

What kind of music's playing in that, Dennis? I mean, it's a really good mix of 70s and 80s. Like, he's got like Sweet Lord Mac, Jackson's Five, Beatles, Ava. Okay, that's the thing. That's the thing. It's good, good music. But it's like the same playlist of like 50 songs only. I gotcha.

And so like, playlist plays on repeat all day, every day. And it's been doing that for at least the last 30 years. I have older siblings. And they said that they remember being the same music as well. So the thing is, like I said, my dad's very particular. And anytime anybody asks if we can change the playlist, he says no. Anytime we try and do it without telling him, he always notices and he always changes it back and he always gets a little bit upset. I think the longest that we've gone is like a half a day before he noticed.

He says that the patients have come to expect it. But like for us, the staff, it kind of drives us insane. And it's been driving me insane and I'm only there one. week every month and I know he has staff. We've been there for years. So my question is, how do I get my dad to agree to change the music in his office so that we're not going out of our minds listening to the

same song three times every day? This is hard. That is hard. Old men. Old men are stubborn in particular. It doesn't it bothers, it doesn't bother him at all. He's happy listening to the same

shit because whenever I've worked in. He believes the customers like it. That's his pitch. Yeah, no. He says that they have come to expect it. Yeah. Well, you know what my dentist does is my dentist asks me what I want to listen to before I go in there. Yeah, but most people don't go to a dentist in a weird backroom with just one guy.

Watch it. They go to professional places where there's more than one chairs. Yeah, but it's fine to do some stuff down the middle. It's not a weird one person. He's not even looking at me right now. just let you know Cicely. So he's just dropping bombs so they're going to look it down.

Because Gareth, most people don't have one guy who does it from his house. I'm getting the ball rolling my guy. You know, my dentist does it from his kitchen. We're rolling the ball together, okay? I pay in cash. This is, no, no.

No, I have insurance now. Yeah. But it doesn't cover anything, but I still have it. That's true. Sell insurance is a scam. It's a scam. Is it? Yes.

But Cisi, we're not here to talk about. the weird health care structure in this country. We're here to figure out new music for your dad. Anyway, I was just going to say my point was going to be, and I want to be very clear, this is a multi-roomed dental office I go to. Maybe we have some patient input, and that helps us maybe select a new playlist. Like, maybe we suggest to your dad, we put a suggestion box out there, and we take suggestions on types of music or specific songs. and you sort of use that as a way to open the conversation further, and you can even make up some of the songs that you think the patients would like

that you said were on maybe some of the slips of paper that were put in the suggestion box. Are you saying that I should fake the ballot and stuff it myself? I'm saying we have a real election, and if we don't like the results, then we get a little finger on the scalesy. Oh, okay, okay. It's just an opening pitch. Your thoughts, Cece. My thoughts are that he has a wide variety of clientele.

And usually I feel like people who respond to those are kind of like the younger generation. And then if it's like younger people, the younger suggestion of a music that's a little bit more modern, he's going to say that that only applies to one demographic. And he's not really going to like that. You know, I have an idea, actually. question for you. How does he play his music? What's this master list on?

Is it? That's a good question. What is it? CD? Is it like a playlist? No, it's actually, it's a Pandora playlist, I think. I don't really know how Pandora works, but he, like I said, he discovered this decades ago, and he hasn't changed anything since.

So I don't really know how Pandora works. I don't know if it's a playlist or a station. But. But it's literally. So, but the way they do it is it's this, because what I was going to suggest is take one song off the playlist and add a different one once a week. Oh. So all of a sudden he goes, well, this is my playlist. I don't remember this song.

And then one song goes. That's actually, that's not bad. I know, but how do you do that? I mean, that would have been if he has his. own playlist. You hack into his phone. I didn't even know Pandora was still around. I agree. That was where I was at. I don't even know how to get to Pandora

and be like, we'll go to the Pandora interface. It's like there's like nine people of Pandora. They cannot, but they only have 15 people left. I'm going to, I had a different pitch, but I think it could also get us into your father's Pandora account if we wanted. We had

a caller a minute ago on a follow-up who got an email from Entomans but nowhere in there did it say anything about being affiliated with Entomans. My point being, why don't we send a fake Pandora email to your father and say, we're raising our monthly rates by $22, or whatever we think is going to make him be like, fuck Pandora. And if you get that information from him, you could say, let me see if that's true,

let me get into your Pandora account and you can take a look or you just tell him get off Pandora I'll put you on Spotify or something like that and we can do a radio station of some of these bands that you like

so we can hear some sound like on a little variety. Not a bad idea or maybe I could say something about how Pandora's old school like not worth using well maybe I shouldn't say that I don't know or you could come up with something

you read an article about how they're collecting like a ton of data or something like that that just scares them up. That's going to work for an old man. I'll tell you why. Because anytime there's that new technology stuff, and they're like, they're listening to everything. A part of me is like, I haven't let them listen. Yeah, there is that.

That does happen. The older you get, there are people who are like, you're about to hear some really boring stuff. Yeah. What if we did this? Because you're in Utah, there in California, so we need somebody there who cares? Is there anybody at the,

office who really cares about this issue? I've tried to talk to them about it and they agree that the music is annoying and driving me crazy. But like I said, because different people have tried to change at different times and he always shuts it down, they're like, well, it's his office. He can do what he wants. And you're not there. They're not there except for one week every month.

And so when you're there, does he run? Is it his phone that does the, because what I don't think we're going to do is, convince him with like a big conversation. Unless, here's what I'm thinking we do. You say, dad, will you send me the Pandora list that you have? And he'll go, why, honey? And you go, I'm looking to save you some money. I have an account that we could use a family account.

Write down all the names of the songs and then go, I copied the playlist. So it'll be all the same music. then give him a link to a playlist that whatever you do you use Spotify or Apple which do you use i use Spotify perfect spot so then you can make a playlist on Spotify and he could log into your spotify and for the first three weeks when you're not there exact playlist when you go two songs have been erased and two songs have been added and he's using your Spotify to play through his speakers, but slowly once every three weeks you're replacing a couple songs, but he's no longer fully overseeing the Spotify, even though he can sign into it.

I think that could work, actually. I think it's pretty good. And the way to get that going is financial. Let me save you a little bit of money. Yeah, he's all about saving money anywhere. And so you can do that. What do you think? I think that's a really good idea.

I think I could definitely try that. The slow filtering out of the music. Okay, so tell us what you're going to do. Yep. Okay, so the next time there, which won't be for another two weeks, I'm going to have him send me his PANDORA playlist. and I'm going to say, hey, Dad, I have a Spotify account, and I think if we do this as a family plan instead,

we could actually be saving money. So I'm going to take all your songs from your Pandora list, and I'm going to switch it to a Spotify list, and then you can just play it from there. They'll save me money, it'll save you money. And then for that whole month that I'm not there after I leave, it'll just be that playlist, it'll be the same. And then next month when I go,

I'll take off two songs and make in two new ones. And I'll just keep doing that and see how it goes until we have a brand new play with. I mean, look, that's going to work. What do you think? I think it definitely will. Garrett, you want to talk past the close? You got anything? Are you happy?

I'm into it. I think you could maybe even step the rate up a little bit. It doesn't necessarily need to be when you're going there. But she's only there once every three weeks, so why mess with it? Nobody else is complaining. Not talking past the close. Cici, listen, if you're happy in this car, this is a great car. This is not only a great car.

It's a great model. And I'll tell you what, my partner gave you. you a deal that if I'd been in the room, I would have said, I would have told them, relax. This is too good. But anyway, you look great in it. We'd love to have some pictures of you in the car on the wide open road. Keep us posted. And remember, we got a two-year warranty.

We love to cut of your jib and tell you pop, pop, hi. By the way, just want to be very clear, there's nothing wrong with a dentist having a few rooms and opening the music up to customer feedback. Thanks so much, Cici. We appreciate you. Okay, thank you. Keep us posted. Okay, love

Bye Bye Bye Hello Hello Hello Hello Duh

Well I can't wait to hear What wasn't edited out Gareth You want to tell her really fast What's your name please? Katie Katie What was your first call

Breaking and Encomin Was an old man my next-door neighbor who wanted to come over every time I had a baby. Right. This was a while ago, folks. Okay, so hold on. Can you hold on? Have her catch us fully up there.

Yeah. So what was the initial problem just for those who haven't listened to that episode? Yeah. So there were actually two calls. I did like a midpoint call. First call, last November, I was like seven months pregnant. and asking advice because I was on my third pregnancy, and for the first two pregnancies,

my geriatric next-door neighbor, we called him Sunny, would show up at the house the day I came back from the hospital with my baby, wanting to meet the new baby. And the first time he docked on the door, and he and his wife were just kind of sitting there, like waiting to be presented with the baby. And the second time he just walked in. He just walked in the house.

And we don't really have a relationship with him. Like he'd never been in our house other than that. Just the day I came home from the hospital with a new baby. So I called you guys for help. And what did we say on the first call? The first call, Gareth really did the heavy lift. thing on the first call. He gave two killer ideas. First one was leave a baked good at their

doorstep that says, mom and baby are home doing well. We'll hopefully see you soon, something like that. Okay. So we leave something for them to say basically, don't stop by here. We leave an end of mens and we say stay out. It's a good idea. Right. Preemptive strike. Yes. The second idea came from the fact that Jake has such a soft spot for the elderly, especially elderly men, dads. Yep. They're his cats. Jake said to me, Jake said to me, Katie, what's the big deal? Why can't the old guy just come over? His wife dying. He needs something good in his life. Of course he's going to come over. Even now Jake's hearing that back. He's sold.

All right, who gives us shit? He said, old guy, his wife's dying. Literally verbatim what happened on the first call, I'd imagine. That's exactly what happened. So then I said ease up. Yeah, you said ease up. You pulled on my heartstrings a little bit. It kind of worked.

And Gareth said, all right, how about just in case he does come over, the entoments doesn't work, you buy a fake baby. doll. You have it ready. These are great ideas. The fake baby. The fake baby's a great idea. He comes in the house.

You present him with the fake baby. I love this. He's happy as a clam and he leads. He saw the baby. Your real baby doesn't have to have the old man's not near it. Everybody's happy. Right. You just let him keep it.

You're like, you know, why don't you go home with it? Sleep with it. Have a night with it. Okay, keep going, Katie. Yeah, so that was the first call. Okay. So that was the first call. Call ended there.

I called back in January because a couple of things had transpired. Number one has to do with Entomins. Entomins reached out to me and said, hey, thanks for the shout-out. We would like to send you some stuff. I was so excited about getting free donuts that I immediately sent basically all of my personal information to this stranger. And then I never heard back from them at the time when I called you in January. And what did we say? So my call on January, I think you made a plea to say, please follow up so that we know it's not like a serial killer, anything like that.

We made a follow to the cookie company. Yeah, we faked that it was like, we're worried about her, but really we're like, send entomint of it. Get the lady some cookies. Good Lord. She's got an old man breaking into her house. And then what happened? They did follow up. But that's the follow up.

The second part of the midway call. First one, Entenons reached out and hadn't followed through. Second part, my husband came clean that he didn't think Sonny was going to show his face at our house anymore because my husband caught him getting a hand job on the front porch from his life.

That's right. That's right. I don't remember this I do now Campa it's crazy we don't remember that That is crazy That's right That's right Wait what happened Gareth

So So we're all set We're sitting Entemans traps on porches And stuff like that We're talking about decoy babies Meanwhile Sonny's on the porch When the husband walks by

And he sees Sunny getting a little From who? A jack job Who was it from? Yeah, from his wife Yeah, from his wife poor health wife, Dick. God bless her.

This is like 11 p.m. at night. That's being 80 getting a hand job. What a, I mean, look at these two lovebirds. Why, we got dance dance revolution. I don't want to do it, Charleston. So, all right, he's getting an H.J. That husband sees him. He says, we don't have to worry about Sunny.

There's a lot going on in this. follow-up. This is a huge world. No, but Sonny, Sunny saw her husband, too. Like, he's, he made eye contact. Yeah.

He, like, said his name, I think. Holy shit. Yeah. So, have we talked to you? My husband heard Sonny saying his name, like, to his wife, like, like, David's out here, something like that.

Incredible. Okay, so. Yeah. Have we talked to you since all of that? No. I talked to you when I was 13. six weeks pregnant, and now my baby is seven months old. Oh, my God.

Wait, you guys, I'm showing you a picture right now. The gorgeous baby. This is the fake baby. Oh. Jake. Sorry. You got sunny. By the way, that would work for me because I'm not touching a newborn.

Completely work. I was about to say beautiful little girl. Beautiful little girl there. That's all as sunny. That's all I would need to go. She's beautiful. I'm not going to reach in. I go like this.

She's beautiful. You're a lucky lady. I'm out of there. We're going to be on the porch. Give me a cookie. Give me a cookie. I'm going to go get jerked off by my wife. So incredible.

So what the hell's going on with the cookies with Sunny with the fake baby? What a world. Get us out of this, mouse. I know. I had planned to call in right away. Honestly, I have in, I will admit, in the past as a listener, I have judged people. I have judged people who don't call back immediately after they follow your advice. Like, what the heck?

Why am I waiting around the phone? And then I had a baby and we were sick a million times. Life just, yes, yeah. So I apologize to all past pollers. It doesn't matter. Hey, hey, hey, hey, you're doing it now. Yeah. This is great.

This is actually more fun to not remember this. Okay. So now, in terms of pageing the tab, what happened? All right. Wait, Katie. Before you go, before you go, there was one more thing that happened on the old calls. Do you remember about the bet? The bet?

Yeah. Yeah. So I have four things to shotgun through with you guys. And number one is the bet. Thank you, Natalie. You two made a bet on when my baby would be born. And this actually ties into point number two, what happened was funny. You guys made a bet.

February 4th was the day we were shooting for. Gareth said before. Jake said after. And whoever lost sends me a signed early headshot. And Gareth, you owe me a signed early headshot. You want a head job. All right, you got it. That part didn't air, but you made the best.

And maybe we cut this part out too. Yeah. Yeah. Jake, do you remember yelling at my baby in utero? You had me put it on speakerphone and you were yelling. No. This was so crazy calls. But it's gone from you. So, well, look, we do a lot of these calls.

Again, sometimes it's the beginning at the bar. Sometimes it's the end of the bar. This for sure sounds like at 2 a.m. This is, we're smoking cigarettes. What was I doing yelling at your unborn baby? I don't stand behind that at all. Oh, you wanted to. Oh, because you made a bad.

You told her to get out. You yelled at her to get out. And then I said, no, I've got a baby shower next week. And then you said, stay in there, Madeline. You got a few more weeks. And then you told her, you actually switched to her side. And then you told her, you can do whatever you want. When you get born, fart on your mom, burp on her, throw up.

You're in charge. And she listened to you. She did all that. Okay. I'm sorry. That's point number one. Okay. Wow, that's just one.

Okay. That's number one. The reason you won the bet, and this has to ties in with the whole funny thing, I went into early labor because we got norovirus. Oh, shit. kicked my body in the early labor. And then my neighbor, my husband's neighbor. Let me ask one question.

Let me ask one question about the virus. Is that the fire hose out the back? door. Yeah. My husband got it at the back door. I got it at the front door. What a couple. Lord.

It was a power house. Power team. And my two sons had it leading up to that. They were mostly at the front door. But yeah, kicked my body into labor. And then my next neighbor who just sat in the house when I went to the hospital and my in-laws who just came into the house to get the boys, they all got horribly sick. So the big fanfare that usually happens when I come home from the hospital, the balloons hanging out front, all the parents are there.

None of that happened. So he didn't know that I was home from the hospital. So Sunny never showed his face. And if he had come by, I had a legitimate excuse. Because there were some people who left comments and said, oh, just say, oh, we can't have visitors because it's a newborn. but I knew that we were going to have tons of visitors, family. And so we would have been lying in. But this time, it would have been real.

We couldn't have any visitors because we had norovirus and it's super contagious for like two weeks. Yes. So Sonny didn't show his face. I tried to have my husband send that photo that Natalie just showed you guys to say, hey, here's the baby to at least sneak that one in. But my sweet husband was so excited when she was born that he sent the real photo. So he never saw fake baby.

So I just have to say something for our show. Yeah. What was that little cutie pie wave you just did, Gareth? I don't know if someone just ran them off of someone just waved goodbye to me, so I wave back. What a sweet little co-worker. I was like, have a good weekend, Barb. You don't know the person. No, I've never seen it before.

My name rented office. They wave and you just go like this like, bye. Have a good weekend. And we'll see you Monday. Yeah, I'm just going to finish this call. I'll see you guys. I'll see you guys tonight. If I don't see you Monday.

Bye, bye, bye. Have a good weekend. That's literally what just happened. She waved. So just in terms of our show really quickly, there was a lot that happened, but this is not a bell ring. No. Or is it? Because Sonny did not get near that baby.

It feels like it was because of the virus. because it's not a bell ring because life stepped in and dealt a different hand. Now, I will say, there's some great stuff going on in what we pitch, but the reality is what the reality is. It's not a loss. I think we need a third category. I think we need a bell ring, not a bell ring. Wash. Yeah, it is a wash.

Yep. It's a wash, but let me say something to that, Jake. Please. I came on the call, not wanting my next door neighbor to come over. Stay away from my baby with your old man hands. Agreed. That was my heart. when I came in.

By the time that call ended, Jake, I was so excited for Sunny to show up at my door and see that fake baby. Is it a bell ring in the terms of I got to do what you pitched? No. But you helped. You changed my heart. Keep a little more.

You're cooking with gas. You just fucking sold it. It's a different type of bell ring. So you're right. Bring that damn. I agree. You want to know why? Because we touched your heart.

You did. Isn't that what this shows? We changed the world. We changed the world. And so did the diarrhea your husband had. Isn't that lovely? Him out there getting hand jobs from his wife. We just changed the neighborhood.

You guys all have disgusting viruses. Honestly. You're barfing. the neighborhood of fluids. Diarrhea. Sonny's getting jade off on the porch. Fake babies. Edamins refuses to send you guys cookies

because it's bad for the brand. By the way, hearing what we talked about, the idea that Edamonds wants to get involved on their side. One PR person's a fan of the show. Could you imagine? Let's assume it's a lady,

go into her boss and going like, so we want to send this and they go, what is it? It's called, we're here to help. So there's an old man who got caught masturbating who wants to come on in touch a baby, And this old man goes, we're not sending free cookies. We would like to leave donuts on that same port that he got a hand job on.

Oh, yeah, what are we going to send a glazed donut? Get out of here. I'll glaze it. Donut holes. So, I, the idea that Edamund's headquarters, they were like, there's the follow-up where they mention Entemans and they put this follow-up on and they're like, what the actual fuck is this? Guys, then they go, you know what we're done doing? Sending free stuff.

You don't pitch us sending any more free stuff anywhere, okay? Let me ask you a question. Did any cookies or donuts arrive at your house? Yeah, so this is follow-up number three. You guys are leading me so well. Thank you. All three of you have done this. Well done.

And to men, I think my guess is Natalie emailed right after, or right after we recorded, because the day before the episode aired, they reached out. And so, yeah, by that time, it was kind of too late. I was about to have my baby anyway, so. It's nice time. I said, let's just wait until, huh? You passed.

What? You passed. You'd take the entoments. I took the intemence. And you waited to eat it until after the birth? What's the waiting thing? You brought. No, no.

No, no. Don't say what's happening. No, no, no. What's happening is you're being crazy. Go ahead. We're on point three. Back up, back, back, back, back, back. We're starting point three again.

You back up, back up, back, back, back, back. Bingo, Jake. Thanks, Gareth. Here we go. Timmer Enthman's reaches out and says, we love that we heard our name on the podcast. Let's send you some free stuff either to give to Sunny or you can enjoy it. I'm super pregnant and hungry.

And I say, send it now and I'm going to eat it. they never follow up, which gets me to freak out a little because I gave them my home address and nowhere on the email didn't say entomans. And that's what I said. I told you guys that. Wait, quick pause. Quick pause. You're Steve Byrd.

You're Steve Byrne. You're just going to eat whatever people send you in the mail. Yes. Entiment. To the audience, to the audience. If somebody emails you and says they're from a cookie company without the name of the cookie company in the email, do not give them your address. How you doing?

I'm Johnny Entemans. Where do you live? Send me cookies. You know, that's it. I forwarded it to her. Natalie! What? It's an official PR company. Oh, it is a, it's official PR company. Yes. Okay. So then you said

you freaked out. I'm pita cookies. What's your home address? So then you freaked out and you said I Right, mildly freaked out. I thought it was funny. I knew it would be a great bit for the podcast when I called back in. Thanks for producing it.

You guys need that. There you go. So I called back in. Then they got back to me. And they said, hey, we got your intimans. You want it now.

But the baby was doing like two weeks at that point. So I said, I had to send it on the 30th. It came the day I went into labor. And it came to my house. And then I'm, sitting here looking at the sentiment thinking, I'm on journey and disease. I can't give this to Sunny next door.

I get him germany disease. So I ate it. Great. You know what? You know what? I think I'm remembering saying this before. But you are such a mom in the neighborhood vibe. Yes.

You honestly make me feel like it's 1989. Yes. I'm at a friend's house and we go, no. We want to order Domino's and play video games. And she's going, I already told you that's not happening. And here's why. And then my friend goes, you said we could sleep over. And I go, I don't mean to jump in here, Donna.

But you did technically say I could sleep over. And I feel like I'm 11 years old. Yes. Debating with a neighbor mom. Yes. Do you feel the same way? Almost incident. Even that whole story at the end, she's making it seem like we're crazy.

She's crazy. She got the cookies. 70% of this call, I felt like we're on her podcast. And the podcast is called... She's hosting. Yeah, and the podcast is called Neighborhood, Mom. Yeah. These are the rules.

Yeah. Is this a good thing or a bad thing? A great thing. I love it. I love it. You're great. All right. All right.

It's great. Do you love Donna from 1989? Yes. I'll tell you what. I miss her like crazy. Miss two. Yep. 100%.

Perfect. All right. I'll carry it on. Okay, good. Thank God. So from your point of view, we touched your heart. Sonny's gone because you had explosive vomit and your husband had explosive diarrhea. So he did not come by.

He's a weirdo who gets jerked off on a pork. Because of this show, you decided to- We touched your heart. Nora virus touched your ass. Sonny's wife touched his penis on the porch. And we touched your stomach through getting cookies sent to you by the delicious. intimates. It's too.

Shirley, he's not going to apply to us again. I was about to say you touched my baby, but that's a Yeah, don't say that. But you did give her some words of encouragement. We'll put it that way. And so now tell us a little bit about your daughter.

She's seven months old. What's her personality like what she like? Oh, he's the best. Classic third child. Oh, yeah. Just. easiest labor and delivery ever. I've taken dumps that were more painful than that labor and delivery.

It was amazing. She's smiling. She's happy. She laughs. She sleeps through the nights when she was eight weeks old. Jim. Absolute gem. Jake Johnson, I credit you for yelling and burn the womb.

What is? That was one of the best lines we've heard on this show, by the way. Dumpus is just Oh man You murdered Garrett Perfect If you said I'd take it Shits I laugh

That's a bell ring for me In my world That's a bell ring I mean it's huge And so Again Thank you for calling We are

We love you We care about you guys And what's this girl What's this little Seven month old girl's first name Natalie man that's right madeline your uncles are watching out for you we'll talk to you real soon good luck don't be mean to your mom she loves you she cares about you she's doing the best she can and she's taking dumps that

were more painful than you coming out don't forget that's true garrath you want to say something to madeline i think my favorite part of that was she just said it's true like like it was an original thought from you It's so true. I've always thought that I'd never heard it said quite concisely. All right. We're getting off this call. Yes, thank you so much for the call. You're welcome, boys.

You're the best. Take care. Bye. Oh, man. That is, that's in the conversation at the helpies for best follow-up without question. Without question. I mean, that is, it's a one-horse race. It's angry.

Hey, everybody, we just want to remind you if you want to watch new episodes of We're Here to Help, it drops a day early on Hulu. So you can watch the new episode a day early. And we're also dropping a bunch of older episodes from season one and season two. So get involved. We're Here to Help is hosted by Jake Johnson and Gareth Reynolds. If you'd like to be on the show, please email us your question. question at HelpfulPod

at gmail.com. And if you want to watch video episodes of we're here to help, you can go to our Patreon at patreon.com slash Here to Help pod to see our entire catalog. We're Here to Help is produced by Rabbit Grimm Productions. Executive producers Rob Hollis, Jeff Porter

and Natalie Hollis, Associate producer Jesse Thurston, editing mix and master by Chris Fowler. Theme song by Oliver Raleigh. The cover artwork is by James Fostike, animations by Andrew Strelecky. And if you like to see Gareth do stand up on the road, go to garethrenolds.com. Remember all of the advice given on we're here to help is for entertainment purposes only, and all listeners should be

adults and make their own decisions. That was a hate gum podcast. That was a hate gum podcast.