We're Here to Help - 38: Yo Ho Ho Ho

Episode Date: December 25, 2023

Jake and Gareth help 4 siblings surprise their dad for Christmas.  (Spoiler: watch the big reveal by clicking here!) Check out our We’re Here to Help sweatshirts, hats, and tote bags at heretohelppod.com! Want to call in? Email your question to [e-mail]. If you’re enjoying the show, make sure to rate We’re Here to Help 5-Stars on Apple Podcasts. Follow the show on Instagram @HereToHelpPod and TikTok also at @HereToHelpPod See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Oh, Jake, Merry Christmas. And we say that because it's Christmas Day. We wish everyone happy holidays. We know not everyone celebrates the same one. And we also know that this is going to be a spiky. We know that everybody on this day is looking for a half hour to 42 minutes to get away from the family. And we actually have a Christmas themed, you know what we're going to call it?

A holiday themed. Yeah. Because they're called Christmas cards, but they're holiday cards. Yeah. They're holiday cards. Well, actually, they're holiday cards. Yeah, they're holiday cards. Well, actually, they dress like Santa. Well, some of them do.

I mean, we don't want to give too... Listen. Chill out. Just relax, everybody. All right? We have a great episode with a follow-up,

so stick around for this one. It's a sweet one. It's a fun one. And we know that it's the giving season, whatever you celebrate, so we are asking people to do us a favor at this show and your friends or your family and give them the gift of we're

here to help. We want you to recommend the podcast to someone, friends or family, just anyone. Just give them the hard sell. Give them the old Gil Buchanan. Hey, Gil, get out of here. It's Gareth time. That was amazing. Give them the hard sell. Dude, how did you do that? Don't you worry about it, Jake. Gareth and I sometimes ride in a van together. All right, you'll go back there. You're a man of a billion. Put the man back in the box. You're like the police academy guy.

All right, Jake, I don't know if you're being sarcastic, but if you are, oh, Gilly Bean's not appreciating. Can you do buttons and sounds? What does an elevator sound like? Jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle all the way. Like the police academy guy. Oh, yeah, absolutely. So do the sound of a coffee maker.

Well, I'll tell you what. I'm going to have a little bit of a hard-drip coffee right now. Oh, that's a little spicy. Can you do the sound of a lawnmower turning on? Boy, I'll tell you what. Someone's got to trim this lawn. I guess it's going to have to be old Gil Buchanan. Oh, my God.

This thing will never start. I know you're not supposed to use gas in Los Angeles, but I still do. How about last, before we get out of here, can you make the sound of a motorboat and a lion roaring? Oh, boy. I think I'm going to take the boat out for a little while. Boy, I better do this quickly. It looks like there's a lion over there.

Ladies and gentlemen, enjoy the show. Oh, wait, you didn't even let me finish the pitch. Goodbye, everybody. Send us a screenshot of when you recommended it and send it into the podcast or send it into the Instagram. We're going to do it on social media without further ado. Hi, everybody. This is Kevin, the producer of the show.

Hi, Kevin. Thanks so much for doing this. Jake and Gareth have no idea what's going on. Okay. And if one of you would like to take the lead with setting this up, that'd be great. Hey, so I'm Claire. I'm 35 and live in Atlanta. And I'm the oldest of four adult siblings. We're all big fans of the podcast. Thanks, guys. So we're hoping to get your help with a little family issue, if you don't mind. So we have on the call all of the siblings, just to be clear. We sure do.

We're all here. Can we get everyone's name really fast? We've got Claire. Yep, oldest to youngest. Next is Quinn. That's me. Carrick here. What's your name?

Carrick. Carrick? Yeah, it's like if you think of the name eric and then put a c in front of it you've got carrot okay and then i'm bridget the youngest very brady start and where are we going uh claire you want to keep taking the reins yes all right so um we're lucky to have a wonderful family We have two loving parents who've been married for over 40 years now. Our dad, who is otherwise a very smart and normal man, he has this one thing that he's a little bit crazy about, and that's our family Christmas card. So our mom, who's otherwise the nicest person you can imagine, very not confrontational.

This is the one time of year when we're prepping for the Christmas card that she threatens to file for a divorce from our dad. Every year around this time, we start to get some texts, putting some feelers out there. He has a vision about what the Christmas card will look like this year, and it's usually very specific and sort of odd. And he goes a little nuts and spends hours with these cards. After all of that, we are told by family and friends

that they really do enjoy our Christmas cards. I believe Kevin has some for you to look at if you'd like to see some. Wow, this is like a court case. Oh, my Lord. Gareth, walk us through to the audience. Okay. Explain what we're seeing. This is like a court case. Oh, my Lord. Gareth, walk us through to the audience. Okay.

Explain what we're seeing. We've got, I won't say the name, but it is a Brady Bunch ripoff. We have different blocks, three, it's like a tic-tac-toe square. In the middle, it says the family name, and it is designed to look like uh the brady bunch people are looking at each other we see mom and dad and dad has a bow tie seemingly a very sweet loving relationship and yet when you know the behind the scenes it's great context all right so that's so that's the brady one let's see the next one uh this one much more standard uh at a piano, black and white. Why so serious? More tasteful. There's a dog at the piano. Everyone looks

very serious. I think it's good for you to know that none of us play piano. Of course. And I'd assume the dog is the same. And the parents aren't in this one. That was probably a year that my mom refused to be any part of it. Okay. So this was maybe a year

when mom said no. Okay. Okay. By the by the pier okay now it seems like everybody's been having babies uh you are all uh with hats and mittens and scarves and holding babies near the water merry christmas again what we're noticing is there is a real variance to these. You're not married to any traditional thing. So it seems like dad is drawing up blueprints each year to kind of get this right. Exactly. Okay. So Claire, what's the problem? So unfortunately this year, we're spread out all across the country. And for the first time, we're not going to be together before Christmas. So our dad, we adore him. And as the first time, we're not going to be together before Christmas. So our dad, we adore him. And as much as this drives us crazy, we're really worried we're going to let him down this year and not be able to get a Christmas card done. So we're hoping you

can give us some help in how to get a Christmas card for the ages, one that will make him very happy despite us being spread out around the country. Wow. It's a hell of a problem. So this is the first year you guys are not going to be able to be there for the photo. Yes. And we now know it means a lot to dad. Yes. So essentially what we're, and you guys logistically, there's no way that this can get done, right?

That's not a possibility. No, unfortunately. Okay. There's no way that this can get done, right? That's not a possibility. No, unfortunately. Okay, so how do we come up with a concept that you guys can pull off without having to be together? I mean, I have an idea. Jake, do you have anything jumping out at you?

I'm still trying to wrap my head around the question. So the problem of this one is just that they're not going to be in the same space. Yeah, and do we have a way to give them a way So the problem of this one is just that they're not going to be in the same space. Yeah. And do we have a way to give them a way to compensate for the fact that there's a logistical issue by coming up with a really good Christmas card? And there should be something to honor dad. And the fact that every year he gives a lot of effort to this and there should be something comedic to honor mom that she hates it. Yep. That would be wonderful.

There's got to be something in this premise that it's, you know, my first kind of thought is almost like a, you know, unusual suspects kind of thing where you guys are all fleeing the photo where it's almost like like, you know, when you go to an old Western thing, Wanted, Dead or Alive, where everybody's got to send their kind of headshot in. Let me ask this. Is Dad a Christmas freak? Dad loves Christmas? No, this is specifically his only thing about Christmas that he's passionate about.

So interesting. What a wild man. Does Dad have a favorite Christmas movie? Any and every Hallmark movie would work for him. My pitch was going to be, let's do a Christmas vacation takeoff where he's Clark Griswold, or let's do a Christmas story one. Let's rip off a Christmas poster to some some extent but it looks like these are all very boring so my follow-up pitch would be why don't we make it so that you guys are elves and you can kind of have someone edit it together so that it looks like so dad would be santa mom would be mrs claus you guys are elves and we sort of like have that photoshopped together which wouldn't be too hard to do i don't

think but you kind of give it more since you can't be together instead of location based or having a dog at a piano let's make it let, let's costume it up a little. Jake, let's Hollywood it. Let's give it a little zhuzh. I'm going to pitch a little something to the four kids a little bit. I'm going to give a little tough love here. This means a lot to your dad, right? Oh, yes, definitely.

The biggest thing about his ear. Yeah, okay, that's where I was kind of going. Now, we've seen through the photos of you guys at the beach in those caps. You guys all have kids. And I know from having kids myself and with travel, it just becomes a nightmare, right? So here's what I would pitch to you guys.

I would do something for your dad where I would say, we need you to go to this place. We're having something dropped off. You got to all be wearing all white. Oh boy. And I would get your mom in on the plan. And I would, here's what I would do.

You guys can fly in for one day without your whole families. I would do a sneak attack photo shoot for your dad that you work with your mom and give him the gift that he's given you guys for all these years you start a new tradition you find a way where you flying in the morning you fly out at night but you guys all get to a place you're all wearing white or something ridiculous the dad doesn't know why he's doing it you set him up so when he gets to the spot he goes what is this? What's with that photographer?

You guys all come out in that moment of elation and emotion. You snap the fucking photo. Am I out of line here, guys? Where are we at, siblings? Wow. We're pitching stuff where you're going to dress up like elves or help wanted. And your dad's going to go, it's disappointing. This means the world to him. And he understands his kids are growing up and

they're moving away and what a nightmare and you guys go one last chance dad we're all here i mean my wife's gonna kill me my husband's gonna kill me but i'm here for 12 hours let's take the photos if you do that well speak to the reality of that in a section, but that is the Hallmark version of this problem. This is what he's wanted all these years. This is giving him the Hallmark. This movie would be called The Christmas Card, and it would be about a father saddened that in the first time in a long time, his family can't get together for the Christmas card. Because they've all grown up and moved away.

family can't get together for because they've all grown up and moved away and we find a way yeah to make the hallmark ending where we sell that on the fact that it's not going to happen only to make it happen and if one of you but if one of you can't make it then all you need to do is somebody puts their arm up over nothing and you photoshop that person you get a mannequin and you put a green hood over it but whoever can make it in siblings where we're at is there a chance you guys can do this with mom and you can surprise dad because if not i feel like you're just gonna break the poor man's heart where are we at claire quinn carrick bridge where are we at here carrick i'm gonna ask you since you're the furthest away yeah uh yeah i think that sounds beautiful i honestly started tearing up because I can picture my dad so, so happy in that moment. The logistics would be tough. Logistics would be tough, but I like it. I like it. We can roll with this.

Is it possible, Carrick? Could that happen? I'd have to write a lot of times. Quinn is the guy who gets the inventory ready for trips like this. This would be a little bit of a different one. Quinn, you think we could do it? Yes. Yes. The inventory is available.

Yeah. Okay. Okay. So here, let's, let, let, okay.

Okay. Let's lean in harder than if we're going to do the surprise, what we need to do is sell dad on the fact that it's not going to happen. This a hundred percent, right? Make that that I don't want to say sad but break his heart lean into the disappointment he's going to feel because that's how we're going to hallmark the shit out of this end that's exactly right so I think what you guys need to do is you guys need to figure out the day you can do it most likely on a weekend if it's got to be a last second fly in the morning figure out the day you can do it, most likely on a weekend. If it's got to be a last second fly in the morning,

fly out the next day. This is not about we're all now hanging for a few days. You're doing this entire trip to give your dad his real Christmas gift this year. Yep. And that is the card. It's beautiful. I love that.

Then we're off the hook. And here's what we're also going to do. You're going to say the pitch is going to be, we're really sad that we can't do this, but we're going to do the next best thing. We've set up a green screen and just have your mother get a green piece of fabric, set it up in the garage and say,

so we're going to Photoshop in everybody in the family afterwards. We figured out a way to do it. Oh, but hold on, Gareth. But Gareth, here's the move. Because you're going to want some comedy in this. You say, Dad, here's what we're doing. We're going to green screen it. And we're doing a Pirates of the Caribbean theme.

So you have to dress like a big pirate. So then you guys are not dressed as pirates. Yes. You are hidden behind the green screen. So dad goes out. This is going to be great. So dad goes out there dressed as Jack Sparrow. Maybe he doesn't eat whatever it is.

And he stands in front of the green screen. Your mom's there. You set up the camera. You say three, two, drop the green screen. And you're all families behind behind there you get that moment actually i'm gonna take it back you know what because i don't want dad feeling bad you guys are dressed up too and you say to him if you're all jack sparrow you say dad you pick the theme but let's make it really silly and funny since and then since we can't be there together dad you pick

the theme we're all gonna lean into it to make it up to you. I think that's right. And then the green screen's there. You drop the green screen. The family's there. You get the Christmas card. And it's arguably going to be the best one ever. Mm-hmm.

What do you think? Did we just Hallmark the shit out of this, or did we just Hallmark the shit out of this? I love it. Hallmark the Christmas card. If we were making this a Hallmark themed event, what would you call it? What would be the cheesy Hallmark movie so that we can label the card?

I mean, it's gotta be something of the kids saved Christmas or one last card, the card way. I'll back up. I wanted to say the Christmas hard, but we all know that's the wrong direction. That's not going to work. We're not going to Christmas hard.

I want you to hear that the wheels are spinning. I'm not silently spinning. Dad's tradition. Dad's tradition. Mm-hmm. One last title, Gareth. Take us out. After this, we're saying goodbye.

Gareth, go ahead. All right. It's called... What's your dad's name? Kevin. It's called... Not Home Alone. No. That is 100% it. Nope. Gareth, he got it. Sorry, buddy.

No. No, no, no. No. No. No. No. No. No. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, backed language learning app that actually works, which I find to be very important. Science backed, Jake. Listen, don't bother paying hundreds of dollars for a private tutor. They come over. They're like asking for snacks.

They're being annoying. They are or even waste hours on apps that don't really help. We're here to help. And Babbel is going to help you. Babbel's tips and tools are approachable, accessible, rooted in real life situations. So, Jake, for instance, if you want to learn, I started relearning French through Babbel a little bit. Yes, because I used to know French,

but then I don't know French, but it's still there. You know what I like about it is that it's got a speech recognition technology. Yep. Because the problem with learning a new language is if you sound like you're from another country. Yes. If it can actually help with the accent. Yeah. That's a big ass and applicable to situations you're going to find yourself in.

Like when I think back to taking French, it was just like so much. It was like, I'm never going to do that. So how do you order food? How do you get a drink? How do you ask for directions? But so Babbel's great. Now listen. Listen, everybody. Should we bring him in? Wait, one quick pause. Should we bring in the closer? Studies from Yale, this is interesting, Michigan State University and others, prove that Babbel is better.

So one study found that using Babbel for 15 hours is equivalent to a full semester in college. So if that's true, which Yale's no joke, it's just putting schooling in a different light. Yes. If you spend 15 hours, let's say you didn't go to college and you always feel like, well, I don't know. I didn't go to college. 15 hours. You just did a semester. Yeah.

That's wild. Yes. That's a wild study. So speaking of language, should we bring in the closer or should I do it? Closer. All right, hold on. Let's get him. Kevin?

Door's open. Come on in. Oh, you meant Gil. I meant Kevin. What? I thought Kevin was going to do it. No, I thought we were talking about the closer. Well, you were, Kevin.

He parked in front of all our cars, so might as well. Oh, he can't leave. Well, what's the problem? Go ahead. So that old jalopy is Gil's? Yes. And you can turn it off, I guess. No, keep it running.

It's bad for something. A lot of smoke. I'm pausing a serious accent. Now listen, here's a special limited time deal for our listeners. Right now, get 55% off your Babbel subscription. But only for our listeners. This isn't for people who don't listen, like Laura from one of the calls earlier. These are standalone.

At babbel.com slash hth. Jake, let me finish. Get 55% off babbel.com slash hth. Spelled B-A-B-B-E-L dot com slash hth. We're going to want you to babble. We want you to babble. I'll tell you what, I don't want to babble your ear off. I got to go back to the jalopy.

Rules and restrictions. I am fine. This episode is brought to you by ZocDoc. ZocDoc is a free app and website where you can search and compare highly rated in-network doctors near you and instantly book appointments with them online. Garth, what does that mean to you? Well, it means a lot because, as you know, my mother was in town for a while. She had a hip replacement and it was crazy.

It was a crazy situation. And there were so many times, so many things like complications were popping up. And there were multiple times where we wanted to find a doctor appointment quickly somewhere close. You use that. Yeah. You would use that because it's just so much harder if you're just like, you know, like using search engines to try to find someone. And then you call. Do they take your insurance? But the problem has it's all there for all the problem with also just searching it is all the ads pop up. Yes.

And what I like, I actually use ZocDoc since we started doing it. I do like that it keeps it really clean and you can put all your information in. Yeah. Did you use ZocDoc for your knee? I did use ZocDoc for my knee, which I am going to get an MRI on. Oh, you are? But we don't think it's a tear. That's the good news.

But I am going to get an MRI. The doctor report back, it's just an old man's knee. It's actually pretty much what it sounded like. That's what a doctor said to me about my hips. I'm getting to the point where it's sad when doctors are just like, yeah, you're just the... I've had a doctor who looked at my body and then went like this. Well, you're

mid-40s, yeah? What a jerk. Well, that guy's hopefully not on ZocDoc. But again, it really does. It filters specifically for doctors that take your insurance located near you. Treat basically. And again, you can get an appointment quickly. You can also get it same day. That's absolutely right, Jake, if you're lucky.

That's right. Gil Buchanan, 1s and 2s, 68 balmy. Don't worry about it. That's right. I've been kept in the closet for a while on this show, but I'm back for the ads. Good to see you, brother. You literally never left. while on this show, but I'm back for the ads.

Good to see you, brother. You literally never left. Wherever the best time in the world, go to ZocDoc.com slash HTH and download the ZocDoc app for free. Did you hear how much that cost you? Free! Free, that's right. And then find and book a top rated doctor today. That's Z-O-C

D-O-C dot com slash H-T-H. ZocDoc dot com slash H-T-H. ZocDoc dot com slash H-T-H. Hi, how are you? Good. How are you? Good. This is Kevin, the producer. I got Jake and Gareth with me, and they know we're doing a follow-up. Would you like to remind them who you are and your initial call?

Yes. Hi, I'm Claire. up, would you like to remind them who you are and your initial call? Yes. Hi, I'm Claire. I'm the oldest of those four siblings that we're trying to figure out our Christmas card to potentially surprise our dad. Right. We were wondering, you all couldn't get together. What happened? Claire, take over.

Well, so I'll start by saying that we were on a pretty tight timeline and we weren't sure it was going to work out, but we did make it happen. So you all got together to do this? We did. We did. I have the video. Do we want to watch it? Oh, yeah. So pretend you're on a talk show, Claire, and we are Kimmel. Is there anything you want to say to set up this clip? Okay, well, I'll tell you that this just happened a few days ago that we made it happen. And, um, I had to leave my son's preschool

Christmas budget and go straight to the airport. Um, it all happened on my end within about 24 hours. And, um, it seems rather cursed because I met my sister Bridget at, um, the airport. She took me to a lovely dinner. A few doors down, all of a sudden a huge fire broke out. There were like eight fire trucks. So we had to get out of there. The next morning, we're so excited. We're all on schedule. We have the whole plan laid out and we get to pick up my brother Carrick and get to the airport. Don't see him. Don't see him. He's taken a red eye. We're just still so badly. He's taken a red eye where, um, you know, just feel so badly. He's had to wait for us. He says he's in zone four.

And finally I asked him if he was at the airport we thought he was at. And he was actually at the other airport. So knowing that we were on a tight timeline, this is a little extra stressful. I wonder if Carrick was sitting on that red eye thinking, boy, it would have been a lot better if she didn't call that podcast. Yeah, we had my amazing future brother-in-law, Sunil, who got roped into helping us, is sitting in the front seat just like cracking up that we cannot get this together. And we finally made it down to my parents' house.

And I think this would be a good time to show you the video. I think we have a clip. Yeah. We have a clip of that, actually. For the listener, I'm going to put a link in the description, too, so you can follow along if you're listening. Say cookies. Cookies.

Cookies. Perfect. This is looking great. Ah! Ah! Ah! What? Yeah. What? Look at how confused Santa is. Santa is lost. Are you guys ready? Ready?

We'll explain everything. We'll explain everything is the greatest thing to say. When your dad is in a Santa outfit where a green screen just got ripped down, his kids joined him and they're dressed like buccaneers. That is really nice stuff. How did it all end, Claire? Oh, my God. The Christmas card is amazing.

Okay, so you have the pre when they're on the green screen, the moment when you guys are coming out to shock them, the first Christmas card, which is them surprised, still taking the picture, and then a kind of nicer one where you guys are all sitting on the stairs probably after they've had a minute to compose themselves. Do you feel like this was a success? Oh, huge success. We were sort of surprised

that their reaction was not bigger, but they still say, this was just over 24 hours ago, they still say that they're in shock and they think that they dreamt this whole thing. Yeah, sometimes when people are super surprised, it feels not like what you would think necessarily. And so what did mom and dad say afterwards about the card?

I mean, I know you guys popped in and popped out. I will say as kids, you guys delivered. Oh, yeah. You brought it. That's just going to be something when the dust settles for mom and dad. I think it's going to mean a lot to them. It is a Christmas miracle. You guys all flew in.

You left your families. You went back to the original Core 6. You created something great. So from our end, what a massive win for the kids. Well done. The card is really great. It's a great card. Yes.

It's so good. It's a great card. There is a problem, though. Which is? What do we do next year? Right? Yes. This is untappable. Too early? What do we do next year? Right? Yes. This is un-top-able.

Too early to pitch. I got some, no. So, Claire, what do you guys feel in the end? Where are you guys at? How's the family feeling? We loved it, and we all want to thank you, including my parents, for our best Christmas card yet. That's awesome. I will tell you, I said this to my husband when I got home and he's been taking care of

kids that have stomach bugs all weekend while I went and did this card. And the feedback has been, what's the deal with the pirates? So we just told them that they have to listen to the podcast. And I think we might, on the back of the card, we might say, yo, ho, ho, ho. And you know what I would also do on the card is I would tell, I would put the link to this episode. Because I think people are going to get it and go, yo, ho, ho. Okay, so I don't get it. But then when they listen, I think they're going to have a really nice. The full story.

It's a Christmas card and a love a podcast and a little promotion. I love it. And the funniest part is how little I remember our pirate pitch part of it. But it's hilarious. Yeah, we really took that and ran with it. You sure did. Before we say goodbye, just how great of a job did Jake and I do on this one? Just so we can cut this kevin

thank you so much claire thanks claire you're the best i'm assuming we did a great job appreciate it take care merry christmas happy holidays take claire thanks we're here to help is hosted by jake johnson and gareth reynolds the show is produced and edited by kevin bartelt and the associate producer and editor is A.J. McKean. Our social media director is Caitlin Tanwakio, and our video editor is John DeBruin. The theme song is made by Oliver Raleigh, and you can check out his music at OliverRaleigh.com.

That's Oliver R-A-L-L-I.com. The album artwork is by James Fosdyke. You can find him on Instagram at James underscore Fosdyke, D-I-K-E. And if you'd like to see me do stand-up on the road, go to GarethReynolds.com. And if you'd like to be on the show, email us your question at HelpfulPod at gmail.com. All of the advice given on We're Here to Help is for entertainment purposes only, and all listeners should be adults and make their own decisions. That was a HeadGum Podcast.