We're Here to Help - 48: Me Like Brown Shirts and Money with Emily Hampshire

Episode Date: January 29, 2024

Jake, Gareth, and special guest Emily Hampshire chat with callers about matching outfits at work and nailing an important presentation.Want to call in? Email your question to [e-mail] the video episodes of the podcast at Youtube.com/@HeretoHelpPodCheck out our We’re Here to Help sweatshirts, hats, and tote bags at heretohelppod.com!If you’re enjoying the show, make sure to rate We’re Here to Help 5-Stars on Apple Podcasts.Follow the show on Instagram @HereToHelpPod and TikTok also at @HereToHelpPodAdvertise on We’re Here to Help via Gumball.fm See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

and action jake we started wait I thought we were doing a commercial. Take two. Two action. Hi. We got a great episode today, everybody. Thank you guys for joining us. Right out of the gate. Having my morning coffee.

Crushing the intro, pounding coffee. We've got a special guest. Emily Hampshire comes on to the show. She's in my movie Self-Reliance. Final plug, probably. I think this is our final person we're saving the best for last with emily uh she comes on she crushes it something that emily did in my movie that i really loved is we had a rehearsal uh in the house and i said guys

i'm not billy shakespeare so if you guys have jokes or alts let's try them on set and if you want to write some stuff up do it this woman came to set and started emailing Pages of jokes now you like that. I love it. Yeah, that's good. I can tell you why not best idea wins, right? Yeah, always. What do you think of that? I like that. I think I always find it so weird when You know when you shoot something like it's like you have the script Yes, and then you go in cold. To me, it's always so strange. Options, as you know, as you definitely know,

in editing are like the most important thing. I also, I mean, look, if you're a certain type of talent from the top and you have a clear vision, great. Yeah. But if you're getting comedic actors, I think the beauty of funny people. Make it their own.

Let's see what you do with that in mind. What's going on with this outfit today? My guy, you look like a JCP, JC Penny Manning. Thank God you stumbled over it. Cause otherwise it was a killer line. It was a killer line.

Well, I was thinking it's more Ross dress for us. It looks like JC Schilling. What is going on? Well, what do you mean? You tell us it's not a bad look. It's not a,

you know, the show. Definitely. Kevin, you were saying this needs a fashion icon i know what happened so we need a fashion can i talk to the audience without you interrupting because i just figured it out by the way can i just say i already hate what's happening because i just figured it out i don't like the theory and it's wrong uh which camera should i go to kev none of them are going so if you notice what gareth is dressing like and if you take a second google uh his work from the dollop earlier episodes how he dresses in real life right so you get exactly where you're going where go we just started hitting on youtube a little bit

i knew you were going we did we just started getting, you think I got these- I think you are wearing a choker chain on the outside, a Henley tee- A choker chain. That's tight, and the weirdest vest I've ever seen in you. For those of you who like Back to the Future, it's pretty much what- But did you literally buy that this morning on the way here? Did you go to an outlet mall? I swear to God, I've had this outfit for over five days. Okay? I swear to God, I've had this outfit for over five days. Okay.

If you want to come see my weird outfit and my fashion change, go see me on the road. GarethReynolds.com. From February to March and April, I'll be in Las Vegas, Salt Lake City, Denver, Wichita, Des Moines, Iowa, Kansas City, Springfield, Tulsa, Oklahoma, Dallas, Houston, Austin, San Antonio, Lafayette, New Orleans, Madison, West Bend, Chicago, Cleveland. Name one city.

I'm one of the earlier ones because this is airing next week. Yeah. That you promised to wear that same outfit. Oh, you'll see that. What city do you promise to wear it in? Why don't I'll give I'll start. I'll go Vegas. OK, so everybody, anyone who goes to I'll start. I'll go Vegas. Okay.

So everybody, anyone who goes to the Vegas show, please take a photo. Also Springfield. If we're trying to spike the numbers. Springfield. Okay. So Springfield, what's what state? Springfield, Missouri. So if you're in Springfield, Missouri, take a selfie with him and send it to our email

and we will post them. Yes. Guys, without further ado. Hi, welcome to the podcast. We're here to help. It's America's number one podcast. The ratings have come out and it's unreal. Cut it out.

It's doing pretty great. Oh, boy. You're on with Jake Johnson. By the way, I feel like I've been saying Johnson weird lately. If you start mispronouncing your own name, this will go to a great new level. It's because I said Gareth once. You just, again, to be clear, did look at the poster very quickly for my name. Gareth Reynolds.

20 years, probably we've known each other. And again, you did just now reference the poster for how to say my name. And we have a very special guest, somebody I'm a big fan of who's also in the movie Self Reliance, Miss Emily Hampshire. Yeah. People usually ask me how to pronounce my last name and I have to go like, hi, I'm Emily Hampshire.

You don't think of pronouncing your own. People get Hampshire wrong? Yeah, they Hampshire. I'm Shire. Very British. Gareth, would you please quickly introduce Emily, and then we'll get to the call. The lovely actress, Emily Hampshire. Ah, that's good.

So can we get your name, please? One fake tooth, Emily Hampshire. Hi, my name is Chris. I'm 35 from New Hampshire. Hampshire. Hampshire. So what's going on all right so i need to uh start this by saying that i'm a bigger guy you know big and tall so i wear plus size clothing right and i started

this job at this small company there's less than 10 of us there's only one other guy there who's about the same size as me okay and i realized and i realized that we have a very similar wardrobe in that sense that we have a look in that sense i mean we have shirts that are the exact same size and color right because there's not many of those shirts at the big and tall shop yeah is that correct exactly there's only there's only one there's not many of those shirts at the big and tall shop. Yeah. Is that correct? Exactly. There's only, there's only one, there's only one store in this area that services big and tall people like myself.

And you know, they have a go in there and you and this fucking guy are buying the same shirts and there's only 10 of you and you're both big guys and it's awful. And you're big. So it's amazing, but awful. It's amazing. But I'm a hundred percent with you're big. I think it's amazing. It's amazing, but awful. It's amazing, but I'm 100% with you, Chris. I'm not going down a tangent because I know he'll just start talking over it,

but Gareth has started dressing like me at certain ones of these, and it is tricky, Chris. It is tricky. Gareth, please don't say anything. Go ahead, Chris. I'm sorry. I'm not going to allow that. I would just say that for anyone who wants to check the facts,

see how many times Jake has worn the exact same.ake has a work outfit jake has a podcast outfit please chris go he has one shirt i'm sorry emily completely true emily i'm sorry too but this is i'm on jake's side though that's i know you have to be steve jobs yeah exactly thank you yeah jake gets compared to steve jobs all the time so continue chris where are you at here, bud? Chris, 10 people at the company. You and another big guy there. Can we give him a fake name? Yeah. How about Joe?

How about Tiny? Tiny Joe. Yeah, call him Joe. That's fine. Okay, so you and Joe wear the same clothes that you buy from the same place. You're back in charge. Go ahead, Chris.

What else? All right, so yeah. So on top of us not only sitting one cubicle wall away from each other where everyone has to pass. Yeah. Last week, we actually did wind up wearing the same shirt on the same day. Oh, wow. Finally.

Yes. Okay. And it was one that kind of stood out. It was a lavender gingham print. Okay. Gingham print is hilarious. I don't know what it is. I kind of stood out. It was a lavender gingham print. Gay. Gingham print is hilarious. I don't know what it is. I appreciate it.

Okay. So this was kind of a breaking point, obviously, because now it's not that maybe like an astute coworker could figure it out. You guys are boldly like, we're cousins at Christmas. Yeah. And so then keep going, Chris. How do we end this? And what's the specific question?

Because I think we're with you. Okay. So what I'm trying to do is, like, I don't really want to try and broach Joe with this problem because I'm sure he's probably thinking about it as well. I'm just trying to think, like, what's the solution to try and avoid becoming twinsies at work again? I think this makes a lot of sense. Emily, what's the first thing that's popping in your head? Well, when you guys both wore the lavender gingham on the same day,

he didn't say anything? Like, you guys haven't discussed it? No, in fact, we actually tried to avoid each other, which is kind of hard to do. No, I get it. Well, that's weird. I think you have to go head on with this. But hold on.

I agree. Hold on. But that's not what our friend Chris is asking for. He doesn't want to bring this up to Joe. So he said, how do I do this without bringing it up to Joe? What was the nonverbal eye contact? At some point, you two must have been like, Jesus Christ. I'll tell you exactly.

It went like this at the beginning. I mean, the cubicles next to each other yeah it's awful so what happened chris so uh yeah we just i was supposed to actually work with him on a project that day and i uh i walked to the back of his cubicle i saw him from behind and i saw the shirt and i'm like uh you know i'm not gonna tackle this project today i'm gonna wait till tomorrow until tomorrow. I just want to say, Chris, for real, some of these calls, I have to stretch to be on the team of the caller. I don't have to stretch on this one. I get it. I was on a show called New Girl, and when we were auditioning,

Max and I wore similar shirts, and he called Max Greenfield. He called me afterwards and said hey idiot we need to coordinate because we can't show up looking alike because one of us won't get a job and i went like you're right and i literally said i got one nice sweater i wear to all these my man it's on you and he was like you worst. Fine. No black sweatshirts. Because there is something about dressing alike as you get older at work. It's weird. Oh, it's weird. And you look goofy.

And I think also what you don't want, aside from the weird, like, tension that is nonverbal between you and the co- You don't want other people at work to be like, hey, the two big boys. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know what I mean? You look like a wrestling duo. But what's weirder is not talking about it no no you're right but like jake said i'm with you but if if chris doesn't want to we

gotta kind of figure so let's take a moment before we start pitching and chris will you walk emily and gareth through why you don't want to talk about this with joe i mean uh there's a couple reasons like one and you know i should i like i said i'm an engineer so we're pretty awkward to why you don't want to talk about this with Joe? I mean, there's a couple of reasons. Like one, and you know, I should, like I said, I'm an engineer, so we're pretty awkward to begin with when it comes to social conversation. And the other thing too is I'm the new guy.

He's been there for years before me. Maybe I'm the jerk in his eyes. You have to be. It's like introducing us, like another animal into the cage.'re just you know what i mean it's like of course you're gonna be like well now everything's different yeah i had this whole area on lock i was big guy at work and now all right here we go speaking of introducing another animal into the cage and i don't know if this connects but maybe it does but in japan right now there

is a gorilla that's bringing in a lot of women because it's considered the most handsome gorilla. This is a wild thing I'm hearing. So a lot of women in Japan are going to the zoo to look at this hunk gorilla. And the staff have had to tell the women, stop yelling at him. Okay. You know, I'm going to trace this back to the animal filters on Snapchat. It's just made us too comfortable with hot animals. That's where we grease the wheels.

It's like, what's wrong with these two men? So we're in a spot, Chris, where just to recap to see what we can do, because the pitching on this one might be tricky, because there is an obvious path. And the obvious path is you somehow go to the guy yeah in a nice way in a almost like a fun letter way or threatening if you wanted i can see it going both ways but saying we're in a situation where we're wearing the same clothes that we both get from blank store i have a pitch okay let me ask one more question okay what about the bottoms, the trousers? Are we rocking similar styles of those, or do we feel secure that those are different enough, Chris?

Oh, I mean, we both wear jeans, but I don't really care about that. I agree. It's a matching top that's shameful. Or cool sometimes if it's your buddy you're doing a podcast with. Go ahead. So one thing I would recommend doing, Chris, here's my pitch. I would go to the shop. i would talk to the manager and i would ask if they have any prints that were screwed up what i mean by that is sometimes they have in the back

looking for problem clothes hear me out hear me out what won't you put out on the floor can i get a look at those hear me can i go where only the employees are allowed? Hear me out. A lot of these shops, I used to work in retail. They would have like a button is a little off. A defect. A defect. So they discontinued.

I'm looking for big and tall defects. So you are though. Because what you're looking for is you can tell the guy there you can go here's the situation i work with another big guy we both come here we wear the same clothes what can you sell me that you have one of and so you are now creating a dynamic with the shop that they can email and you can go like we got something from uh headquarters a very wild hawaiian shirt with a weird stain on the side and you go i'm your guy okay but just i like i like the pitch i hate the example okay now you're basically saying he's gonna wear like post luau ensemble which i don't think

but let's not go down the wrong road on this because there is... Hey, Chris, I like that weird shirt with pineapples on it. Hey, is that barbecue sauce down the side? But there is something about a defect. Emily, am I wrong on that? I think it might make it harder for him to go to work with the kind of similar pattern shirt because they do do the one-offs, but the defect is it buttons wrong and fits wrong so

you're just gonna look wrong well i'm curious though what what are the other reasons because it sounded like you were gonna say further reasons why you won't talk to him about it is there anything beyond you guys are engineers and so you're weird like yeah other than me being the new guy it's just um i don't know i feel like, you know, if I pointed out there's the concern that maybe he didn't notice. And then he noticed Chris. He knows. He knows. I also think it is strange if you're new. Like if he did it to you, that would make more sense than you being like, hey, yeah, I think that's a little. Let me ask you this. Is there a reason why online retail is not for you? Is it because you need to try on the outfit to see the fit because you do have maybe a little odder dimensions? Is that the thinking?

Yeah, I've had I've had pretty bad luck, you know, buying from online retailers getting the wrong size. It's just it's easier to try in a fitting room, you know, that's so I prefer going in person. size. It's just, it's easier to try in a fitting room, you know, that's a, so I prefer going in person. Uh, I would maybe recommend, uh, buying a couple shirts online and when they show up and they're not right, I would just take them to get them fitted and have someone just kind of fit them a little bit better for you. I've done that before. It's not that much. That might be a move. Emily, where's your head at? You got anything? Yeah, no, I like that. I think, A, the bigger problem is that there's only one store that services big and tall.

That's a problem in the neighborhood that you should, like, speak to the store about. There might not be that many big people. Could be, yeah. I mean, this is a demand you know if there's not a big demand you can't open up nine big and talls for two big guys no okay fair fair i i just feel like i can't get away from thinking you gotta just go up to this guy and be like i'm the new guy i know it seems like i'm i'm wearing this thing but like i don't want to be this guy like i don't want to be the guy who's twinsing you. So can I do something?

Like, put it on you and be like, is there something I can do to not? So Chris, sometimes I'm kind of with Emily on this. Sometimes we try to help the guest with what they're saying. And other times we got to listen to their heart. So on a very special way. So we're on your team. Obviously we're with you, but if I'm in the bar and we're drinking at a certain point,

when I've had one too many drinks and Gareth knows this, I got to get loud and call you out. And unfortunately that's the moment, Chris, you're fucking dancing around the wrong thing. My guy, we can talk about online. You can talk about a defect shirt. You got to walk up to this guy and you got to say nicely, we can help you put it together. It can be a funny email. You got to say, we can do it on the show. You could potentially do it on the show,

but you've got to say, Joe, I just started here. The last thing I want to do is step on those big toes of yours, but we're in a situation here those big toes of yours but we're in a situation here plus size toes but we're in a situation here my big king and that is i'm looking like your little brother so can we do a joke text in the morning where you take the photo of the shirt you wear and i'm the beta you're the alpha i'll But wait, but Chris, just correct me if I'm wrong, the issue isn't just that there was one day where you wore the same shirt, it's that you have the same wardrobe. Yes, but here's the thing, it just can't be the same day. Yeah, but it's also the fact that people are gonna be like, whoa, you have three shirts.

Agreed, but I don't think there's a bigger fix here. You're in a town where there's one big and tall. I think online shopping, get it tailored. He doesn't want to. Do you want to go online and get it tailored, Chris? Like I said, I prefer in shopping and networking. I don't mind getting new shirts. Jake's so behind you.

But the thing is, he obviously has a similar taste to me. Of course. You guys potentially are best friends. You guys should date. That's what I are best friends i think there's something this is like a stepbrother's moment yes you guys are potentially like they're i again i think maybe maybe you want to get maybe you need a little more time to feel settled in the environment before you can have this conversation. No, I have an idea. No. Okay. Here's my pitch.

Here's how we break the ice. Okay. I think we break the ice this way. Sometimes I think you got to run head on into traffic. Here we go. I think you go to the shop, you buy a shirt, you gift it to them. And in the card, you say, Joe, excited to be working with you, sharing a cubicle. I've noticed we shop at the same place and we both have great style. My fellow big boned brother.

Exactly. And then you go, excited to get to know you further, friend. And you guys lean into the fact that you do that. So then every holiday as a gift, you guys buy each other a shirt. Then when you get to work, you can compliment each other. You get the shirt, you can get there and you can go like looking good,

Joe. And he goes, you're looking better, Chris. And now there's going to be the greatest thing that ever happened to him. This might be the beginning of an inside bit and a game. And that is, what do you get a coworker for a holiday for you?

We always know what we get each other. A gift certificate. Yep. To the same shop. To Larry's large and in charge. What do you, what do you think of that, Chris? I'll have to think about approaching him directly. I feel if I was going to approach him directly, I might just be like, Hey, why don't we work out a schedule? You know, you wear that shirt on Mondays. I wear mine on Tuesdays, you know, that kind of thing. Yeah. That sounds aggressive. I wear mine on Tuesdays, you know, that kind of thing. Yeah.

That sounds aggressive. I'll throw another idea at you, which is I would, there's probably another big and tall within a drive. I would take a Saturday. I would go out of town for it. Until you have time to do that, I would have in the car a backup shirt. And so that if you show up to work and you see that you guys are rocking the same outfit, you can go to the car, do a quick swap. Real geek special.

Listen, we're pitching. I agree. So then I would take a Saturday and I would drive the 45 minutes to the big and tall in another part of the state of Hampshire. I think a spare shirt is a good idea. I have thought about that might actually be a good idea for now. And if I can, uh, run in really quick and make sure no one else sees me so that way I can run back out. So Chris, where are you at, man? What are you going to do so we can wish you luck and send you on your way? I'll, I'll say in the immediate moment,

I think I'm going to, at least for the next couple of weeks, I'm going to stick with the spare shirt in the car option, but our holiday party is coming up in january so you know what that might be the perfect opportunity to give him a gift oh well interesting maybe not only the perfect opportunity to give him a gift but the perfect opportunity to bring it up to him people are drinking things are different it might be the perfect time to just get to know them a little i gotta say a gift especially open in front of others is going to make everybody laugh and it's going to feel really warm i like it so chris i like what you're doing with the backup shirt for now it's a nice quiet fix and i like the idea of using the holiday season to maybe connect you to it together so you can figure out that schedule if you're going to together.

Yeah, exactly. Especially as I get to know him more, because like I said, I just started a couple of weeks. So we have to get the need some time to get to know each other. I think that's exactly right. It's slow and steady and smart. Yeah. It might be creepy if you just give a gift without an occasion for it.

So I think it's a good idea to wait. Yeah. Chris, we wish you the best. Emily, thank you for joining us. Will you stick around for one more's a good idea to wait. Yeah. Chris, we wish you the best. Emily, thank you for joining us. Will you stick around for one more with us? Oh, my God. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You can call it Christmas.

All right, we got to go. Thank you, guys. Love you, man. Thank you. See you, buddy. We love you. Today's episode is brought to you by Babbel. That's right, Jake.

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listen listen everybody should we bring him in right one quick pause should we bring in the close studies from yale this is interesting michigan state university and others prove that babble is better so one study found that using babble for 15 hours is equivalent to a full semester at college so if that's true which yale's no joke it's just putting schooling in a a different light yes if you spend 15 hours let's say you didn't go to college and you always feel like well i don't know i didn't go to college 15 hours you just did a semester yeah that's wild yes that's a wild study so speaking of language should we bring in the closer or should i do it closer all right hold on let's get him kevin doors open oh you meant gill yeah i meant kevin what kevin was gonna do it no i thought we were

talking about the closer. We were. He parked in front of all our cars, so might as well. Oh, we can't leave. Well, what's the problem? Go ahead. So that old jalopy is Gil's? Yes.

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I'll tell you what, I don't want to babble your ear off. I got to go back to the jalopy. Rules and restrictions. This episode is brought to you by ZocDoc. ZocDoc is a free app and website where you can search and compare highly rated for a while. She had a hip replacement, and it was crazy. It was a crazy situation, and there were so many times, so many things like complications were popping up, and there were multiple times where we wanted to find a doctor appointment quickly, somewhere close.

You use ZocDoc. Yeah, you would use ZocDoc because it's just so much harder if you're just like, you know, like using search engines to try to find someone and then you call do they take your insurance the problem has it's all there for all the problem with also just searching it is all the ads pop up yes and what I like I actually use ZocDoc since we started doing it I do like that it keeps it really clean and you can put all your information in yeah did you use ZocDoc for Yeah. Did you use ZocDoc for your knee? I did use ZocDoc for my knee, which I am going to get an MRI on.

Oh, you are? But we don't think it's a tear. That's the good news. But I am going to get an MRI. The doctor report back, it's just an old man's knee. It's actually pretty much what it sounded like. That's what a doctor said to me about my hips. I'm getting to the point where it's sad when doctors are just like, yeah, you're just the.

I've had a doctor who looked at my body and then went like this. Well, you're mid 40s. Yeah. What a jerk. Well, that guy's hopefully not on ZocDoc. But but again, it really does. It filters specifically for doctors that take your insurance located near you. Treat basically.

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I've been kept in the closet for a while on this show, but I'm back for the ads. Good to see you, brother. You literally never left. Wherever the best time in the world, go to ZocDoc.com slash HTH and download the ZocDoc app for free. Did you hear how much that costs? Free. Free. That's right.

And then find and book a top rated doctor today that's z-o-c-d-o-c dot com slash h-t-h zocdoc.com slash h-t-h hello hi welcome to the show we're here to to help. Hi. Hi, how you doing? Hi. What's your first name? Leslie. Leslie? Where are you calling from, Leslie?

Grand Rapids, Michigan. Michigan. Nice. And about how old are you, Leslie? 38. 38. You're on with Gareth, Jake Johnson, and Emily Hampshire. Ladies and gentlemen, make some noise, Gareth.

All right, everybody. Emily, wow. Make some noise, Gil Buchanan. Oh my God, Emily, I am shaking in my cheap boots. Emily, welcome to the podcast. Thank you. Leslie, what's the problemo today? So I'm a paralegal. That's my profession. And I just got asked to speak at a paralegal convention. Interesting stuff.

And I don't really speak in front of people often. I'm more behind the scenes. That's why I didn't go to law school. I didn't want to sit up in front of people. So I'm not nervous to say, but I do have a little bit of jitters about like breaking the ice and, you know, coming out with like kind of a cold open or like a joke to get things more comfortable in the room. And also like it seems like a pretty stuffy event. So I kind of just want to make it more fun.

And I just need some help coming up with some, I guess, more appropriate ideas because I'm pretty inappropriate. You bring out another paralegal and you go, hey, look, a paralegal, paralegals. All right, everybody. Hey, it's me, Leslie. So Leslie, walk us through. I mean, by the way, I hate to say it, but that is a great start. You have to stand up and you go like that. I hate to say it, but that is a great start. It's a really good start. You have two stand up, and you go like this.

Would you look at that? You got a pair of Legos. A pair of Legos. All right, everybody. Enjoy the meal. Then you go, ba-dum-bum. All right. Now, listen, I want to talk seriously.

Leslie, a couple of questions about the event. How many people are we expecting you'll be speaking in front of here? Probably about 50. Okay, 50. So a good room? Probably about 50. Okay, 50. So a good room, but nothing crazy. No, no. How long do you have to speak for? 45 minutes.

Holy fuck. What a nightmare. Jesus. And what are you going to speak about? I mean, keeping in mind we have simple Hollywood minds. What the hell is a paralegal? Yeah. I didn't want to ask.

Neither. I actually thought it was two lawyers. I was going to say, you got to explain to our audience that doesn't understand what you do. And then here, let's do it this way. This is the safe way. Leslie. So we want to get into what the paralegal stuff to anyone who's listening right now,

who maybe isn't familiar with what paralegals do. Will you just give us a quick definition? Can you explain it to Emily? Yeah. Emily seems a little confused. Jake and I are on board. It's very basic. We basically assist the attorneys.

So we do their work for them, and they take all the credit, typically. We're doing all the writing and the research and coordinating everything. Well, there's a good start, too. I mean, you could start by going like, you know, for this speech, I actually decided to have one of you guys write it for me for a nice change of pace, considering I was writing it for you. That's funny. But then you gave it to me, and it was very clear you have no idea what you're doing, so I'll just do it myself again. I mean, that's pretty solid, too.

You should write this speech. I think I might have found my calling. Leslie. Leslie, what if I did it in a you outfit? I would love to. That's what i'm let's mrs doubtfire this so here's an idea leslie going off are you making this is it a room full of paralegals or is it a room full of lawyers all paralegals so here so here's a here's a bit here's

a question i would here's a bit i would consider doing i would start with the pair of legals and then i would go, you know what? We all know what we do is we do all the heavy lifting for lawyers. And so I decided to do this differently. I had a lawyer friend of mine write the beginning of my speech without any paralegal help. And then you go like this. Hi, I like cheese. So I decided I would take over.

Me like brown shirt. Me like cheese. So I decided I would take over. Me like brown shirt. Me like money. Me have nice car. Then you go, you know what? Let's just do what paralegals do. I'm going to rewrite this for you. Not get any credit and deliver the speech to you guys. I think that's good.

Good ice breakery opens. What do you think of something like that in the zone? I like it because that's, you know, a part of our profession is saying we do everything and lawyers taking all the credit for it. So I think that would go over really well. And Emily, what are you thinking? Where are you at? Where are you at here, Emily?

I'm so impressed with both of you. Your advice. I think this is that's great advice also because it gets you that kind of get out of jail free card with, with the, especially the bad writing of it. You can have AI write it too. You can have chat GPT, right? That's a great joke too. That could be fun. You know, what the lawyer wrote me was such drivel. So I decided to have chat GPT do it for a second and you can make a quick joke on that so leslie we've actually kind of given you some pitches here uh you start with a pair of legals joke you have to stand up then you say uh we understand what we all do here we do the work for the lawyers we had the lawyers

do it you then read a very bad lawyer speech and you go like you know what i'm gonna actually have to have an actual paralegal myself rewrite this. Then you go, I mean, it's so bad, maybe ChatGBT could do it. You then read a really brief two lines from that and then you go, okay, enough's enough. We all know everybody in this room, we all do the work, so let's get

done with the jokes and do what we do. Work really hard and get very underpaid for it. What do you think of that as a start, Leslie? I think that's perfect. Yeah, it's definitely a lot better than what my friends have been pitching me. So are you going to do it? Do you want help with what the lawyer speech could be?

Cause we can help you put that together. You want to do that on your own? Oh, I would take any help because I'm not a comedian here. Great. So let's start like this. Emily, anything at the top of your head? So we've got the paralegals bit. We've got the setup.

She can do the setup of the lawyers don't do it. What could be the beginning? And we're all just pitching on it. We got to keep this brief. We don't want her in a spot where she's doing a bit for too long. But what could that bad lawyer speech be or yeah well what first of all what is the topic though that you're speaking on yeah so in at my firm we create like videos um for our clients so most of our clients have been catastrophically injured by medical malpractice or a vehicle accident

let's walk away from this huh guys let's we know where the jokes live and we know where they don't yeah let's go back to me like brown shirt me like money so i'm talking about how to create these videos so they're basically like day in the life and they show like the person and what the um have done. I would say I'm going to take this car and take it in the other direction. Let's let that speech be because there's going to be some seriousness there. That's what you really do for work. That's after the intro bit. But you're just asking these three clowns to help with the intro bit. Yeah, correct. How would you start the

lawyer letter? So she goes, lawyers wrote this without any help. So I had the lawyers, I told them what this was about. And, you know, knowing the limitations of a lawyer, I asked them to give me a hand, write something for me for a change. Here's what I've got so far. Lady, gentlemen, jury, me need money for my client. Hurry. Then I so much money that's what me want bagels good me sleepy now how much longer oh no and then i just said all right fuck it i'll do it so i think there's something in about that pace in that kind of zone what do you think of that and teasing the fact that they make all this money teasing the fact that they don't do a lot of work. What did you think of that pitch? I love it. Is it too far to to get into the

injury of it? Because those those kind of lawyers don't don't aren't they like you stay injured? You you be more injured. No. Leslie, take over. I can help you get fired. Leslie take over I can help you get fired there's some truth to that but not in I would say the attorney I work for is not like that but I know others are like that

Emily's not getting fired but we want to you find the line hold on Emily I love you but I'm taking the car, the wheel, away from you. We are not talking about the lawyers want people hurt and staying hurt. We're keeping this light.

We're looking for Leslie to have a nice win, not bring down the industry. Fair, fair. bring down the industry fair fair and i do feel like some of the comedy will be natural in are you gonna show videos of how like kind of okay that's helpful but this is after the intro yeah yeah that's that's the whole speech yeah yeah so your speech should not be no a a roast a roast yeah and it should not be a roast. And it should not be Rodney Dangerfield up there for 40 minutes less because you're a paralegal. I'll tell you, Indiana Jones with a whip. Hey, you hit me in the eye.

I got whiplashes. Hey, come on. What we need from you and what you need from us is just the setup. Once you got the big laugh. And a closer maybe. Hold on. Once you got the big last. And a closer, maybe. Do you want, hold on. Do you want a closer? I think that would probably.

Bring it home. Okay. So you can bring it on home with a sort of. So like any good lawyer, let me put it this way. In closing, we do everything. They're nothing without us. And that's why they can't be in the room. And when it comes to being uncredited for most of the work we do, we, the paralegals, find ourselves guilty. Enjoy

the rest of your night, everybody. I've got an alternative ended. You could say, in closing, I'd like to read something that a mentor of mine, a when i first started wrote to me and gave to me on my uh first day of work and he goes and it means a lot to me and i think it's going to mean a lot to you and then go me hungry jury closed yeah that's good i like that too you end on the set up but you you deliver at the. I actually thought it was pretty prophetic. So I wanted to share it because it's something I've had on my wall for a while because it helps me get through every day. Me lawyer, the money good for a house.

I bought one. All right, everybody. Thanks so much. But then you go, you take a pause, you get a laugh, and then you go. So I obviously did what we do and I rewrote it. And I said, we as lawyers want to help people so much. That's why we got into this. All the best, everybody.

What you could do also is you could go, now look, we know we do all the work. We know we have that bond. And we know deep down we would do anything to be in the position where people were working for us instead of doing all the work. We all want to be lawyers. But here we are, you know, something like that. What do you think? What do you think of an ending like that to tie it back to the start?

Oh, definitely. I like that. I like that direction a lot. I feel like we're your paralegals. Yeah. Yeah. I got to say. Wait a minute.

This is bullshit. I think we've helped a lot on this one. I think it's a win. Let's get out on top. Yeah. I don't want to keep going. I have a question. Go ahead. ahead hold on what's your question well but it's not helping her it's that i would really just love to know how do you make those videos do you like is it like you spy on the person like how do you make i think that's really interesting for another show. Emily, thank you so much.

Good morning. My name is Leslie. I'm coming from you on a recording. Unfortunately, I'm unable to be there in person with you. I thought, you know, I wanted to start with an icebreaker to get the room kind of loose and, you know, laughing a little bit. And I just thought I'd share with you what I actually ended up doing, which is writing into a podcast called We're Here to Help. So I wrote in asking if they could help me come up with kind of an icebreaker for this. Obviously, what they came up with was something that would need to be done in person. I don't think it would really translate in this recording. I wrote in and then I got super nervous about having to talk to three comedians. So I can highly recommend to not write into a podcast because you'll probably get more nervous about that than a presentation.

We're Here to Help is hosted by Jake Johnson and Gareth Reynolds. The show is produced and edited by Kevin Bartelt and the associate producer and editor is A.J. McKean. Our social media director is Caitlin Tanwakio, and our video editor is John DeBruyne. The theme song is made by Oliver Raleigh, and you can check out his music at OliverRaleigh.com. That's Oliver R-A-L-L-I.com. The album artwork is by James Fostyke.

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