We're Here to Help - 58: There’s Always an Alpha (And It’s Not Me) with Josh Peck

Episode Date: March 4, 2024

Jake, Gareth, and special guest Josh Peck talk to callers about some parenting tips and a good excuse for a leg injury. Want to call in? Email your question to [e-mail] the video episodes of the podcast at Youtube.com/@HeretoHelpPodCheck out our We’re Here to Help sweatshirts, hats, and tote bags at heretohelppod.com!If you’re enjoying the show, make sure to rate We’re Here to Help 5-Stars on Apple Podcasts.Follow the show on Instagram @HereToHelpPod and TikTok also at @HereToHelpPodAdvertise on We’re Here to Help via Gumball.fm See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Podcast. Today is a fun one, a cross-promotional one. Yeah, we're doing one of these. We're doing one with the Good Guys podcast. Yeah, Josh Peck. So if you came from them, hello and welcome. Yes. If you're ours and going there, enjoy this and then go check out theirs. Yes, we're

looking to we're swapping yes we are doing we're doing a swap yeah so um so yeah so josh is our guest today super funny um hilarious yeah um i don't know if people i i mean i i am fully aware of who josh peck is but he was on drake and josh and then he's just sort of translated himself in his career. To a massive. Massive. Yeah, yeah. And his social media is hilarious. He's also like jumping around in Oppenheimer. Yes, he's in Oppenheimer.

He's really a killer. And great on the show. I've known him from around. He actually came to Hoops one day. Oh, right. He interviewed me for his podcast in my office. And that's when i realized like oh this dude's a killer he's a hustler and such a nice dude and funny and um so we had a

great time doing so check out good guys yes the fan if you're coming from good guys welcome morons that's right if you haven't watched them yet what do our people call us we're not starting that come on you have enough phraseses and twos. The helpers. America's number one podcast. Hello, America and the world. They need a name. We'll get there.

But either way, we're very excited for this episode. It is as fun as always. We thank everybody for the support and sharing. Go to YouTube, all that bullshit. It helps us out. And watch Royal Crackers on Adult Swim. There you go. Without further ado.

Very throwaway, but well done. Well, Kevin walked out. I know, Kevin left. So the father has left the building. It's like a pilot when they go to the bathroom in the middle of a flight. That is such a ready for stage stand up bit. When that pilot walks out to take a dump, I'm like,

late. And by the way, I love how, I'm not saying I ever have thoughts about doing it, but the way that one flight attendant's like, if you want to get to the cockpit, you're going to have to break through this drink cart and me. I feel the same, like, just cool it. It's okay. And also, Matt, plan your body a little differently.

They should have, I think they should have toilet seats up front. Kevin you left and the intro got insanely weird without further ado hi hi how are you i'm doing all right how are you guys great what's your first name so my first name is matt matt you are on with jake and gareth and then special guest from the good guys podcast and if you haven't started listening then you're a moron well see what i did not yet josh thank you back welcome to the show josh thanks for coming here matt you probably only know me from drake and and Josh if you know me at all, but I appreciate it. I actually do, man. This is pretty cool.

Matt, how old are you, buddy? I am 36. 36? And where are you calling from? I'm calling from Massachusetts. Oh, fun. You ever call it Matt-sachusetts? Please don't. No, no, let him answer the question, Matt.

It would be fun. Josh didn't stop it. I love you, Gary. Thank No, no. Let him answer the question, Matt. If we laugh, it's setting the wrong vibe. I've known him for 20 years. Josh didn't stop it. I love you, Garrett. Thank you, Josh. I appreciate it. That's high-level comedy. That feels nice.

I'm in. Thank you. So Matt from Matt, Massachusetts. Oh, you loved it. Nice. Nice. What can we do for you, buddy? So I have an issue with my kids have uh i have two-year-old

twin daughters hey so it was christmas this year so my wife makes these really great um like maple spice tea cans every christmas and like puts them out on the table and everybody's snacking on them and like christmas morning obviously with like two toddlers we were up crazy early so I had been drinking my coffee with my Bailey since about 6.30 in the morning alcoholism the tone was encouraging

the lyrics were it was almost a jingle for morning drinking alcoholism so Matt anytime you have a morning drink on Christmas for the rest of your life, I would like you to sing. Alcoholism. So you're having some Baileys in the morning. And we get to the afternoon and people are starting to show up and we're snacking on

the pecans. And I have my one daughter sitting on my lap and, you know, she's like getting curious. So I hand her one and she tries it and she loves it. And so I look at my wife and I say, oh, she really likes it. My wife turns around and she says, likes what? And I have the sense of humor of a 13-year-old boy. And I, without missing a beat said these nuts and my daughter my daughter started because i didn't say it like that so my daughter first

started laughing because i said it how did you say yeah how'd you say it, Matt? Deez nuts? Okay, that is an interesting detail. But also, I like the way you first told it, and then I said to my wife very casually, deez nuts? I believe we were in the study having a brandy, but I looked at it and I said, I believe it was deez nuts.

I don't remember exactly. Yeah, but in the actual tale, deez nuts? Okay, so now I definitely get why your daughter uh is cracking up yeah hilarious yeah great dad alcoholism so your wife goes what is she like you do these nuts your kid laughs then what and then starts repeating it because yeah problem too and well i mean but we were all laughing about it i mean you know like it was thankfully like and then of course her sister comes in the room and the one that's sitting on my lap she's like the alpha in this situation so anything she does the other one like she has to do i've lived this now we have a court i get it man i get it yeah there's always an alpha yeah and it's not me

title hence the morning drinking yeah yeah yeah hence a podcast that a lot of us would be on. There's always an alpha that's not me starring literally almost everybody I know. I'll show you the betas of this family. Fucking deez nuts. Are you okay, Matt? You're yelling a lot in the kitchen. Good one, first officer.

Okay. So keep going. So the two of them are now saying it and it's like fine and i think it's like an isolated incident but then like every time but but the thing is i wish it was just them like saying it to be funny but now she associates these nuts as what she should call every form of nuts there is. I'm still waiting for the problem. Yeah. Are you just here to brag about a thing you did? Yeah, that you've made your daughter funnier.

Congratulations. She's going to be popular. She's going to go to some kid's house and go like, Hey, Mr. and Mrs. Goldsmith, can I get some more of these nuts? Eight, 40-year-olds would be like, that's gold. Fucking A, that kid is funny. That kid's good. No, but she is funny, and I figured like, oh, that'll be her thing.

But no, like my wife will take out the pecans, like put some in her oatmeal, and she'd be like, oh, mommy's got these nuts. And I'm like, you know, she said it at my mother-in-law's house the other day. But Matt, it sounds like this. It's here's what it sounds like. And let me tell me if I'm wrong. It sounds like you did this.

You like that. You did it. Your wife doesn't like that. It's happening. Honestly. No, because my wife knows the man she married and she knew that this kind of humor came along with the package.

Okay. I'm starting to get, cause she's also now said it at school and I've had her at daycare. because my wife knows the man she married and she knew that this kind of humor came along with the package. Okay. I'm starting to get, because she's also now said at school and I've had her at daycare and I had one of her daycare teachers tell me like, hey, and they're like, they're super advanced for their age. They're like really chatty. And so like most of the kids in their class are not talking as much. So like, I don't want these kids first words to be like,

these nuts that they were you've really started a fire i get it it's really hard though because kids who swear are funny oh yeah and so i was just in uh arizona with my sister and her kids and when all five are together the thing that makes them laugh is one of they do that like, oh, yeah, whatever. They're like, you know what I'm talking about? Oh, yeah. That's it. Oh, wow. And my little nephew.

I've been on the Internet. Oh, wow. My little nephew does. Really, he does it perfectly. He'll go in. You'll be sitting there. He goes right on your ear. And you go, oh, yeah.

And then he'll go like, oh, yeah, fuck it. Or whatever. There's like an ending swear that I didn't even know was a swear. And then the kids have to tell me. So we were at the Grand Canyon. And there's like everybody looking at these beautiful views. And then our little five rats, my two and my sister, are all going like, oh, yeah, fuck it, fuck it. And I was finally like, we're not in the car anymore.

Right. This is disgusting. It's car talk. It's echoing. You see that really nice family over there? Pretend to be them. Stop saying, yeah, fuck it. Because every time you say it, I laugh.

Dad, we want to go, yeah. And every wonder of the world. Niagara Falls, yeah. The pyramids. And the hard part about it, Matt, that I can relate to is it's really funny yeah yeah when a little kid comes out of their mouth when my daughters to this day if they get hurt and they go like ah fuck my thought i go hey language my thought is perfect usage yeah yeah yeah that's right i gotta say i get more turned off when a kid goes oh my god yeah like

there are weird little trigger things where like a well-placed fuck i go okay okay you used it right yeah one quick thing uh that just made me think of this and i think this was based off our first time we chatted doing the other pod you were a kid stand-up yes so josh was like a really funny kid and then just started doing stand-up and doing pretty well yeah i did okay which is crazy amazing how old were you when you did stand-up i was nine because i didn't have a dad and i wasn't i didn't have a dad yeah 100 percent it's literally hey fellas i got some got some jokes. Yeah. Any dads out there? Who wants to hug? This is crowd work.

Yeah, I just started doing standup early on, but to my mom's credit, AKA my manager, my momager, she was like- 10%? Yeah. She's like, no blue. Oh, really? No because you know on tiktok now they'll be kid comedians who obviously their parents wrote the material right they'll be like what's going on

with trump or this and you're like it's not funny it's not funny it's weird yeah you were writing your own stuff at nine yeah i mean i would basically just like do bits yeah shocking yeah like things that i saw at school right impressions but had the guts to get up and do it so the connection to that is you're creating very funny kids my pitch my pitch is boundaries and i wouldn't say because i what you don't want to get into is go like that thing you do that makes us all laugh which makes you happy because all three of us talking to you are professional clowns we love making people laugh when nine years old you're getting on stage to do it it feels really good

so your daughters are getting yeah you're feeling yeah yeah her fucking dad is cracking up and all she's got to say is these nutsez nuts. That isn't easy. That's like putting a coin in and getting 777 on a slot. You're like, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, winner, winner, winner, and all I have to do is say, Deez nuts. But you could do a house rule that if she says it at school or around others, then she can't say it at home. Thoughts? I like that.

I mean, your main issue is that your daughter is now going public part of the phrasing with these nuts right and how do we stop it my other pitch would be these kids now have a nut allergy it's time for a goldfish we're doing goldfish and graham crackers you can't the only way to curb it is to quit cold turkey, so you can't have nuts out anymore. Jesus Christ, it's really hard to not sound weird. But you can't have nuts out anymore in front of your kids. Oh, yeah. Here's another pitch.

And at school, you say they have a peanut allergy, and they also can't hear the word or they break out. Nobody can have peanuts around them. Here's another pitch, and it's a little bit running a mile to go a block. Fake a new term that's not de nuts oh that's like good banana split that's good i like that so that when your daughter says banana split fall on the ground laughing a la mode. A la mode. Bailey's at 445. Alcoholism. But then when she says, deez nuts,

bite your tongue so you don't laugh. I like that. But if she says, banana split, a la mode, you're on the floor. I think this is the winner. Right. So far,

that's what I would do. I would, you cannot no longer laugh at that. I would even do the thing where you're like, deez nuts is kind of tired. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I would, you cannot no longer laugh at that. I would even do the thing where you're like, and he's nuts. He's kind of tired. Yeah. And bring out whatever the snack is.

That's interesting. Goldfish. Goldfish. And you're like, that's genius. To trans fat. What Josh is saying, there could be messages. Yes. But the idea, Matt, is you're teaching her the beginning of hackery.

Yes. And that is, she goes like, hey, daddy, these nuts. And you just do the look of like, yeah. I've seen it. I've seen it. Do you have any new stuff? Yes. You go like, that's a pretty good joke from yesterday, honey.

And then she'll feel what we've all felt. And that is, my wheelhouse just died. I got nothing shame and then you go like this i don't know do you want any goldfish but that has trans fat and she'll go yeah yeah yeah yeah and then you fall on the ground yeah and give her a new path to win and you gotta stick with it every time it happens you gotta laugh yeah got to lean in. It's the new Dee's nuts, but it's just bullshit. You are. Yes, you are.

You are laughing at weird rhythms. Yeah. I mean, I think that's good. But my other problem is, is just like trying to get her not to call. I mean, because my wife is. So I guess I got to tell her to like, stop putting pecans in your oatmeal. No, no, no, no, no, no. I don't think you, I don't think you do.

I mean, that's how bad her addiction to D's nuts. Like your, your worry is that she thinks nuts. She thinks the way you say nuts is D's nuts. Yeah. So it's not even a bit necessarily. This is just for her. Like this is what she thinks pecans are called. Also, how good are these pecans?

Yeah, seriously. They keep coming up. Those nuts. Those nuts are good, seriously. They keep coming up. Doze nuts? Doze nuts are good, man. Do nuts in question. How good are doze nuts? Doze nuts. That is true, though.

I mean, it sounds like... I like to suck doze nuts. Jake, come on. They're sweet. It's sweet sucking damn nuts that your wife makes. I like to suck doze nuts. Never mind. I want to suck your wife's nuts.

At least want to touch your wife's nuts. At least want to touch your wife's nuts. That one's very precarious, Jake. I think we're now better. I think you might have to not have nuts for a minute. I don't know if I agree with Josh. Where are you at? Where are you at, Josh? I think you gave perfect advice, and it's true.

Every kid is a hack until they realize that, like, that joke's only going to go so far. I get it, right? I'm glad you didn't say orange again in your knock-knock joke. Indeed I am. But, yeah, I think. But also I find feeling the pressure to be entertaining in a story, which now your daughters are obviously well on their way,

is such a gift. Because I hear people fucking blather. They just go, and I go, no stop? Nothing? I was like- No insecurity? Can I get one fun roadside joke here? Like nothing on this?

So you're giving them a gift. What do you think you're like, you're Spalding Gray with this story? Write some jokes? I didn't know I was talking to Jordan Peterson. It's a one-child show. It's really funny. You're not wrong.

And certain kids naturally have it where I'll go like, hey, how was gymnastics? And one of my daughter's little kid friends will tell a story, and I'm like, that had three jokes in it. You know what your story's missing is the oh yeah i am a fan of those that's jake's note is the network well the problem with that with that uh with my nephew is when they all came in uh he has a little bit of a lisp and you know with steve berg obviously i'm a big fan but But they all got together.

And as a joke, they had like a doll that had no clothes on. And all the parents were at the table. And somebody goes, what's going on? And he goes, we're talking sexy stuff. And it created a level of laughter in me that they all saw. And then they would all be like, we're talking. And they were trying to find what it is. I'm like, no, there's no going back.

I didn't understand that there was going to be a list too. And then that transitioned into. We're talking. And he goes like, we're talking. And I was like, oh my God. I'm malfunctioning. Yeah. I have hit my, whatever I refer to as wheelhouse.

My son's TK teacher gave a lovely report card, and she said in kind of her report to us, like, he has a bit of a lisp, and we'll see if he grows out of it. I go, have you met me? I said, he sounds like me. You have a lisp? Yeah, a little bit.

Okay, here and there. I was overweight. It kind of comes with... It comes with the territory. You ever met a chubby kid without a lisp? I did not know. I've never put this together. I did not know that either. It's a chubby kid without a list? I did not know. I never put this together. I did not know that either.

It's a chubby tongue? Your tongue will never lose. No, we got to retroactively do that on Steve Burgs. So here's where we're at, Matt. Yeah. You've created a potential great thing, but i think we're leaning in the direction of lean into new things being funny and teach your kid that the repeating of a joke it's just not the path you want to go down even at two so if she says these nuts not even being in trouble

or stern you go do you mean these? I would also be like goldfish. You laugh. I would start differentiating. I'd be like, these are pecans. These are over and over again. Yeah. While you're giving the goldfish laugh. You know what?

Let's make it really easy. Rather than goldfish. How about pecans? Pecans. How about pistachios? Yes. All month. Yes. So month. Yes.

So each nut gets its own laugh, but the word nuts isn't funny. Yes. Nuts is not funny or used. But peanut. Well, peanuts. Well, we'll figure it out. Take away the P out of D's. It's funny again.

D's nuts. Matt, you're in a load of trouble, man. Nothing's better than D's nuts coming from a little kid. We're trying, but honestly, you've really fucked yourself. All right. So, Matt, we got a boogie, but in closing, tell us what you're going to do here, bud. I think you're right in trying to make other snacks and other things sound funny to her. And I think that'll kind of get her Deez Nuts fixation fixed.

Yeah. And then so give us an example of how you could do it. We're your kid. You're you. Let's see how you sell different nuts. Yeah. Give us a goldfish. Or yeah, give us a pecan.

Give us a pecan. Okay. You go, pe-pe-pe-pe-pe-pe-pe-pe-pe-pe-pe-pe-pe-pe-pe-pe-pe-pe-pe-pe-pe-pe-pe-pe-pe-pe-pe-pe-pe-pe-pe-pe-pe-pe-pe-pe-pe-pe-pe-pe-pe-pe-pe-pe-pe-pe-pe-pe-pe-pe-pe-pe-pe-pe-pe-pe-pe-pe-pe-pe-pe-pe-pe-pe-pe-pe-pe-pe-pe-pe-pe-pe-pe-pe-pe-pe-pe-pe-pe-pe-pe-pe-pe-pe-pe-pe-pe-pe-pe-pe-pe-pe-pe-pe-pe-pe-pe-pe-pe-pe-pe-pe-pe-pe-pe-pe-pe-pe-pe-pe-pe-pe-pe-pe-pe-pe-pe-pe-pe-pe-pe-pe-pe-pe-pe-pe-pe-pe-pe-pe-pe-pe-pe-pe-pe-pe-pe-pe-pe-pe-pe-pe-pe-pe-pe-pe-pe-pe-pe-pe-pe-pe-pe-pe-pe-pe-pe-pe-pe-pe-pe-pe-pe-pe-pe-pe-pe-pe-pe-pe-pe-pe-pe-pe work. Yeah, dude. Hearing you do it is better. It's good. It's better. What else do your kids eat besides pecans? Do they eat a lot of almonds? No, but they eat like pirate booty. They call them puppies. Give us a taste on this. Give us a taste on this.

How can you sell us that? Matt, how can you sell us a funny pirate's booty? I could call it pirate's booty. Oh, if you call it a pirate's booty. I was going to throw a pirate accident, but what he just did was so good. So, Matt, look, this is an obvious one. Sir, you know the answer. Yeah, Matt, I think you go forth with your process.

We're merely giving you direction. May I make one more request? Yes. Before we Viking funeral Deez Nuts, may we get a video of this happening before we do the full send-off? It would be great to just see what we're doing. To close us off, will you say,

hey, thanks for being here, Josh Peck. We really appreciate you. And then close us with a Deez Nuts. Sure. Thank you for being here. Josh Peck, thank you. And deez nuts! Godspeed, Matty boy. Enjoy Massachusetts.

Stunning. Today's episode is brought to you by Babbel. That's right, Jake. Listen, you know what Babbel is, right? Science-backed language learning app that actually works, which I find to be very important.

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prove that Babbel is better. So one study found that using Babbel for 15 hours is equivalent to a full semester at college. So if that's true, which Yale's no joke, it's just putting schooling in a different light. If you spend 15 hours, let's say you didn't go to college and you always feel like, well, I don't know. I didn't go to college. 15 hours. You just did a semester. Yeah. That's wild. Yes. That's a wild study. So speaking of language, should we bring in the closer or should I do it?

Closer. All right. Hold on. Let's get him. Kevin. Door's open. Oh, you meant Gil. I meant Kevin.

I thought Kevin was going to do it. No, I thought we were talking about the closer. We were. He parked in front of all our cars, so might as well. Oh, we can't leave? Well, what's the problem? Go ahead. So that old jalopy is Gil's?

Yes. And you can turn it off, I guess. No, keep it running. It's bad for something. A lot of smoke. I'm pausing a serious accent. Now listen, here's a special limited time deal for our listeners. Right now, get 55% off your Bab a special limited time deal for our listeners. Right now, get 55%

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I have fun. This episode is brought to you by ZocDoc. ZocDoc is a free app and website where you can search and compare highly rated in-network doctors near you and instantly book appointments with them online. Garth, what does that mean to you? Well, it means a lot because, as you know, my mother was in town for a while.

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since we started doing it i do like that it keeps it really clean and you could put all your information in yeah did you use zocdoc for your knee i did use zocdoc for my knee which i am going to get an mri on but we don't think it's a tear that's the good news but i am going to get an mri oh the doctor report back it's just an old man's knee it's actually pretty much what it sounded like doctor said to me about my hips i'm getting to the point where it's sad when doctors are just like yeah you're just the i've had a doctor who looked at my body and then went like this, well, you're mid-40s, yeah? Ugh, what a jerk. Well, that guy's hopefully not on ZocDoc.

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Don't worry about it. That's right. I've been kept in the closet for a while on this show, but I'm back for the ads. Good to see you, brother. You literally never left. Wherever the best time in the world, go to ZocDoc.com slash HTH and download the ZocDoc app for free. Did you hear how much that costs? Free. Free.

That's right. And then find and book a top rated doctor today. That's Z-O-C-D-O-C dot com slash H-T-H. ZocDoc dot com slash H-T-H. Hello. Hello there. Welcome to the show. Sorry, it's so stilted at the beginning.

Hello there. Welcome to the show. Sorry, it's so stilted at the beginning. You're on with Jake Johnson. Were you apologizing to yourself? I apologized. The audience or him? I think the pause was huge. Shocking.

It wasn't pregnant. It was having puppies. It was brutal. It was like, hey, how you doing? And then nobody did anything. I was like, I've already ruined the call somehow. How is this going bad? And all I did was start.

You're on with Jake Johnson, meh. Gareth Reynolds, meh. And our guest today, an amazing actor, a man who started stand-up at nine years old. Yes. And someone who just taught us about chubby. And was just in a movie who was nominated, will win all the awards. Yes, was in Oppenheimer. Yeah. Thank you. As well as taught us recently about chubby kids having chubby tongues. It was just in a movie who was nominated, will win all the awards. Yes, was in Oppenheimer.

As well as taught us recently about chubby kids having chubby tongues. Josh Peck. So you got three killers on this call. Good Guys Podcast. Yes, Good Guys Podcast. Become a moron today. What is your name, age, and where are you calling from? Hi, my name is Alex.

I am 29 and I am from South Jersey. South Jersey. I don't hear a South Jersey. No, I don't either. Were you born and raised there? No, I was actually born in the Poconos. But now I live like 30 minutes outside of Philly. Okay, Poconos.

Okay, it sounds like you've led an exciting life so far, Alex. What's the issue today? What can we help you with? All right, so the issue today is about a month ago, unfortunately, I tore the meniscus in my right knee, which isn't too bad for walking stuff, but is a problem enough that I have to get surgery. And I just found out recently that I'm going to get surgery and then will not be able to walk for like a month. And then we'll have like a four month recovery after that. So it's a pretty legit injury so my problem my dilemma and what i'm hoping you guys can help with is that i uh i injured it in

basically the least cool way possible i was literally just sitting on the couch when i saw it how did that how does that even walk us through well don't limp us through this how does this happen i was literally just sitting with my wife watching TV. We have a couch with a chaise lounge on it. I have my left leg straightened out. My right leg is bent. And I literally just went to straighten my leg out. Your body just broke at 29?

You're 29. How much Wawa do you consume? South Jersey. Honestly. Do you only drink sweet tea? How bad is your lisp? Before you straighten your leg, did you hear your body go, I can't do this anymore.

So you're okay. I'm thinking about the American Heart Association having now guidelines for if you develop a list. Yeah. Oh, God. Coronary heart disease. Yeah, this is what it is. So, Alex, you're sitting on a couch.

Coronary heart disease. You're 29 years old. You're just moving a little bit. And your meniscus tears, right? I'm in the prime of my life. I go running sometimes yeah i i literally just straight my leg out and my leg made the loudest pop i've ever heard my body made and so i think we got we got a good setup we kind of know what's happening what is the i think i know what the

question is but what is the question today so the question of the problem is that um i've only really told a few people what's happened so far that I even injured it. And the few people I've told unanimously have said, you've got to find something else. I'm with you. It's true. I think you've got to lie here. A hundred percent. This needs a lie. Yeah.

Is there evidence of you running throughout time or did you just create that for the podcast? Yeah. Be honest. Did you feel shame? And then you're like, I'm a long distance jogger. No, no, no. I've run to the bodega, and I've gotten my powder donuts, and then I slowly walked back and then ran back and then ran back for my third round,

but then I was done. Well, no, not done, done. Then I stopped on the way because there was a donut shop. So, Alex, are you actually a jogger is Josh's's question i am it's i'm not gonna lie ever since covid it's been a little while i used to run religiously i ran i would run in the broad street run like a 10 mile run in philly i know you're agnostic i haven't run as much the last three years it's not as much of a solid excuse right but you're a fit guy and i'm not talking about you should have your shirt off on a magazine.

What you're saying is you should be able to stretch your leg out and not sustain a six-month injury. If we were doing this on Zoom, we wouldn't all go like, well, Alex, you're a 900-pounder, my man. You look like you got dragged out of a river. Your knees need help. So we're on your team. Fuck the lie.

Let's do the weird Atkins thing where you just eat like cheese and bacon for a year and see what happens. Your heart's going to be in trouble, but like just eating cheese, I guess you eat your own body. You know, Dr. Atkins really got a rough go at it, didn't he? He created keto.

And they just let him die. Well, he kind of did. I do remember the beginning of it when all my really chubby friends started losing weight. I remember this, too. And I would go like, what's going on? And they would always be sweating, and it would be a weird smell. And I would go, what's going on, dude?

You drop like 50. And they're like, honestly, dude, I just eat like bacon and hamburgers. The amount of bacon, too. You're like, that's a lot. What is that, a pig's worth? And then I would go, don't you need the other stuff for your health? And they're like, I don't know. But what I will say-

His name's Atkins. Weight is flying off my body. So yes, there was something great there. The perfect diet for Americans. I do think there's going to be a turn, though, that you can't live off of just pork and cheese. I was Atkins at 12. You were? Oh, yeah, babe.

Josh, your timeline is so early. You should be 65 years old right now. Honestly. That's going to be my book, Atkins at 12. Who put you on Atkins at fucking 12? The same doctor that wanted to put me on statins. What are statins? Cholesterol meds.

At 12? Oh, yeah, babe. At 12 years old, I think my cholesterol was hovering around 250. Wow. By the way, my cholesterol now, 158. There you go. Because I've been on statins. Is that just the level of stress of being a kid actor and doing all that?

It's just being heavy. Yeah, the eating. I was just a big, big boy. But listen, this podcast is brought to you by Crestor. Crestor. What a drug. And rocket you by Crestor. Crestor. What a drug. And rocket money. Crestor.

Were you a chubby as a child? Crestor. Do I have crippling leg cramps? Sure. Is it worth it? Yeah. Says my doctor. Will I be on it for the rest of my life?

Yes. Says my doctor. Alcoholism. Wash it down with my antidepressant. That's all right okay alex we're combining calls my friend so your knee got torn up and you need a better story yes i do uh and i can relate to this i about a little under a year ago i did start jujitsu i really like it i think it's really cool i'm just coming off my first big injury yeah so what was it from jujitsu you'd assume fighting yeah the

injury what was the injury come on this is gonna be taking my shoes off literally stretching at the beginning of class so good my back just fucking and what did you do when that happens i i pretended it didn't happen okay because i was in a room full of people of course we're fine yep we did a shoulder roll which is just basically you're rolling your fat ass around a mat yeah i and no one's saying you have to do it perfect form just take your fat body and move a little bit that's all i did i felt like a knife go through my back it was two weeks of not being able to sleep and now it's finally better no sparring no nothing just the body changed so it happened i'm not judging you alex i'm relating to

you but we need a good story we do what do you guys as a group of friends when you're hanging out with friends what's like a really fun thing you guys might all do? Is there anything? Can we sit? You're not going to like it. Alex, give it to us. We might love it. Dungeons and Dragons, just saying. Please. That might be too active.

The dice. Really just like, you know, maybe a good escape room, going to the bar. Escape room. I like that. Okay, my friend. Thank you. Thank you. You said that.

All right. Jake's got an order up. Woo! Order up. Escape room, guys. Let's build it. I like that. Okay, my friend. Thank you. Thank you. You said that. All right. Jake's got an order up. Woo! Order up. Escape room, guys. Let's build it. I like that. Holy shit, Garth.

We had nothing. We had Josh. You were cooking. I'm talking jujitsu. I'm talking buffalo wings. You thought you hurt your back stretching watching you dig and dig and dig. I was like, this poor guy's not going to be able to walk tomorrow. Holy shit.

I'm going to go to bed, guys. Look at you. Escape room. Jake, pencil down, lean back. Also, I did just hear a pop from over there. I hope that's okay. It wasn't worth it. I didn't seem like it was okay.

It wasn't worth it. Yeah, okay. So you guys like escape rooms? Yes. What's your favorite theme of an escape room? If you were to build an escape room that was your dream escape room, Alex, what would it be?

Probably like a Jurassic Park theme, I think. All right, we're getting there. You like dinosaurs? You like that kind of stuff yeah i i just i feel like you know just just watching the movies and stuff like i think that would be a good one like a lot of you know like like traps and stuff you gotta you know a lot of action going on yeah so is it believable to the people you tell not your inner inner circle the people who know and love you because you don't lie to them but we're talking about lying to kind of random people at work, people who come in the bank, some random person. I mean, having seen someone with this injury, I mean, you are going to get asked a lot. For a while.

And then you're going to have a cane for a little bit. It's going to be a whole thing. Yeah, maybe the rest of your life. So if we were to start building a dinosaur-themed escape room that was heightened to a level where at the end you're being chased and you have to fight your way for freedom. Is that? Because we want to create a hero. How big is this escape room?

We want to create a hero. I was in an escape warehouse. So maybe there's a world we created. Because what you don't want to do is I went to an escape room. I got nervous. I ran too fast. I tore my knee. Uh-huh.

This is what you qualify with so all people need to know so i go to this escape room that i found on groupon oh that's pretty good you're done you're done well because people go group group on escape room right it's well keep going keep going walk us through this i'm envisioning raised floorboards nothing up to code you know when you go to a haunted house it's a great idea really like nobody declared it to be an actual like it's just some guys like it's a haunted house my buddy's got a chainsaw that version maybe of an escape room so alex what do you think about part of the story is they go what happened to your knee and you go i i went to an escape room that i got

on a group on thing and it was a jurassic park themed when i was excited it was the jankiest most dangerous thing there were holes in the floor yeah it was as scary as the dinosaur was just a guy with a chainsaw yeah and then you go and what happened with the knee and you go honestly part of the floor caved in or how about this you were in there genuinely got afraid that this might not be a sanctioned escape room and you had to actually escape the escape room legit and you kind of had to use your you had to like kick the door down to get your wife to the car hey alex this might just turn into a horror action pitch yes what do you think and are you going to commit to something that in the middle of a jurassic park escaped room you realized you

might be in a dangerous situation and you had to like scrap a little bit but in escaping when you got out you're like i don't know because it was the best escape room experience of my life but i do think i was in a street fight yep what do you think alex i i like that i think it um yeah i think it's also doing the whole groupon thing it's like kind of untraceable because groupons go on and off like so you can get one one day and it won't exist next week who you telling yeah the groupon guy here if you know know anything about Josh and we do, he's a Groupon guy. I got Botox from Groupon.

Josh likes to get his Groupon. But you got it at 11. It wasn't a medical office. It was a garage. I had just finished doing my set. I was touring around. I was with my second wife at the time. I was 11.

I was 11. I went to the doctor. I said, can you make me look eight again? The turn on Josh is you started stand up at nine. You were married at 10, divorced at 10 and a half, married at 11, cholesterol medicine at 12, congenital heart failure. And then in like your thirties, you were like, I'm really just 30 now. And I'm loving it. I'm old at heart. Literally.

Or you said that right. Your heart is old. That's a better way. I would do. Saying that as like, oh, you know me. My heart is old. Oh, me with my sayings. I always get it wrong.

So, Alex, will you do us a favor yeah uh will i'm gonna ask you a question like you're at the bank and will you tell us what happened to your knee with all the information you got on this and we'll kind of are we co-workers or are you just making a deposit or something like that just a deposit and are there any other characters in this maybe josh okay and maybe josh has a buddy with him that day. So Josh. I'll play myself. Okay, so you're Josh. I'll play myself. And you work there? No. Okay, what are you

just so I know who you are. Aaron! I want to know the scene. This is about Alan. I know, but we want to make it as real as possible for him. What's the scene, Garth? I think you guys do your thing and maybe I cap it with a robbery. Just so my guy has something. Really quick pitch.

What do you think about a bank robbery? That's on my list. Alex, do you like an escape room or there was a bank robbery at your job? I think the escape room. Let's go with that. Let's go with what you're doing. I'll find my guy. He'll come in a little later.

Josh. I'm just here to make a deposit. Oh, yeah. One second. I've got to get my crutches. Hold on. It's a little tough to get over there. I'll hand them to you, Alex. I work next to you. Okay. There's the other one.

There's the second one, too. Get them both. I can't believe there are men who are special forces and men doing what we're doing now and we're all men. What was the title of the other one? All My Friends Are Betas? We are the betas.

We might be the gamins. That's how you take us out of a scene to be like, you realize there are actual heroes out there while you're figuring out your crutch dollar character. Not all heroes wear capes. Alex, we're back in. Let's get back to pretend. Sir, what happened to your knee? You wouldn't believe it. It's kind of embarrassing. I got a Groupon

for me and my friends to go to this escape room. It was this Jurassic Park themed escape room. Honestly, it sounded really cool. The pictures looked way better online, but we got there and it was the jankiest thing i've ever been in um there was like pieces the pieces of puzzles were like falling apart and stuff and yeah i literally just uh i was in the middle of doing it and i realized like yeah we got a we got to get out of here this isn't safe um and as we were really trying to get out one of the floorboards

literally caved in and I twisted my knee walking out and I was like you know what I'm done we went out and I didn't even think about it how much it hurt at the time but I realized afterwards I fucked up my knee pretty bad and yeah the wedding got an MRI and stuff and I tore my meniscus

I did it in a safer but I can't believe it Josh first thoughts I'm cutting out I tore my meniscus. Okay, Josh. I did it in a paper, but I can't believe it. Isn't that the craziest story? Josh, first thoughts. I'm cutting out. Isn't that crazy? He tells that story all the time. I'm like, wow, we work at the bank.

Yeah. That's cool. Cindy? Yeah. Okay. I have a crazy story, too. What do you have, Cindy? I'm from Cancun.

That's not a story. Oh. It's a setup of a story. Imagine all the tales I have. I have a podcast. What's it called? Can't-coon. Okay.

And cut. All right, great. Wow, we got that at the end too. That's high-level comedy. I love that. So there are guys who do special forces, hey, Jack? Can't-coon. Now that's good. So, Josh, what do you forces, hey, Jack? It's good. Now that's good.

So, Josh, what do you think of Alex's pitch? If you're at the bank and you really heard that honest opinion? I think it's good. I think we're going to have to troubleshoot it real quick because there might be some follow-ups, such as did you report them to the Better Escape Room Bureau? What are you going to say to that? What I would say to that.

The BEB. I would say no. I would say, why are you asking that? That's when you just go check your savings. You're just a teller. You're just at the bank, man. Chill out. So what would you say to that, Alex?

It's got to be the less traceable, the better. I feel like I just have to be like, no, honestly, I just wanted to get out of there. How about this? How about, no, I didn't want to get in any more trouble. I canceled the credit card I used because I didn't want him to know anything else about me. But I also have something about the story. I do too. Go ahead. Well, I think we want to up the danger. It's kind of like, yeah. It starts exciting. I don't like that the floorboard did. I think you got to use your leg in a way to kick a door in and knock a handle down

or break a lock off or one of the guys dressed like a t-rex he came out to scare us and we all jumped in it was fun then he kind of attacked he got in your wife's face so you kicked him in the belly i knew you like you were laughing you were at first and he wouldn't stop and you realize this is just a dude in a bad neighborhood in south jersey yes who's like grabbing at my and i said like i said like stop and he wouldn't and before and you go like and you know i'm not a fighter yes but i realized we then got into a fist fight with a man dressed like a t-rex the person at the bank's gonna go what you go i know craziest experience of my life so we fight i'm kicking him as hard as i can as he goes down we then run out and the weirdest part afterward when

we complained is they said that's the escape room yeah oh you've escaped the game and to them it was like this like dark it was like a really dark version because it said for adults only but it's just like you know thing that happens where you have to really escape and it's not about putting fucking puzzles together right and say like we thought it was adults only like we thought it was like erotica yes right like we thought that was gonna and we thought it'd be like just like more advanced because i don't want to go to escape room that a 10 year old can get out of yeah yeah totally i don't want to be there and have some two-year-old girl run around going, deez nuts.

Jake, you are making it. We can only air them together. Yeah, and this one has to be second. This one has to be second. But what do you think of that, Alex, that part of this story is you say, like, they go, what happened to your knee? And you could go, like, it's a whole crazy story you might not want to hear. And some people will go, like, well, I'm sorry it happened.

And you move on. Other people like me would like, well, I'm sorry it happened. And you move on. Other people like me would go like, I got the time. Yeah. And then you tell them this tale of, so it was an adult only. My wife was kind of wondering, is that erotica?

What does that mean? And we followed up and they said, it's not erotica, but it's not for kids. So it's 21 and older. And we thought like, oh, cool. It might just be like way harder and what we

didn't realize is what they meant by way harder is the thing turned on itself and it became physically dangerous and then when we complained because we had signed all the waivers they said like well it's actually really popular and they go it is and you're like so if you're going to do an escape room be careful make sure it's like a friendly one and it had an nda yeah i shouldn't i shouldn't even be telling you this and you're probably gonna get the follow-up people like oh i would like to do something like that the berb closed them down and and say right from jump it was 22 and over because when people go 22 and over you go that was the first sign that it was weird. Red flag. Yeah.

So 22 and older. What do you think of this, Alex? I love it. Hey, Alex, what happened to your knee? Yeah. Oh, this story's nuts. It's kind of embarrassing. You wouldn't believe it.

Charmy. Yeah. This is my friend, Josh Peck. How are you? You wouldn't believe it charming yeah this is my friend josh peck how are you you wouldn't believe the shit he did a fan i'm a huge fan i know you yeah okay i gotta please i know i know okay yeah i just i'm like and i heard your podcast okay it's just full of tales things that shouldn't have happened what was the best tale because all i heard was just this setup well when they told me that i was gonna get a monkey butler and it was just some guy who was drunk you can't can't

i'm sorry alex back to you this is available wherever you get i know how you hurt your leg you kicked cindy right in the face oh my god just trying to or trying to run away from this lunatic geez wow okay i'll be over here go ahead alex tell them your story i want to talk to you after though about an idea i'm sorry my co-worker gareth always does this gareth no it's gareth I used to work in the business. All right, so Alex, my friend Josh and I are here to make a deposit and for us it's kind of small stuff.

It's only like $100 million. Just Wednesday, right? It's one residual check. Yeah, same with me. Do you want to take out 50 mil and just throw it out the window? This is our fun account that our families don't even know about. Yeah, it's our secret account.

Hey, guys, the people in line here are waiting to go up to maybe listen to the guy's story and get out of here. That's my friend, Gareth. Wow. The bank of South Jersey's got a lot of douchebags. Yeah, he looks just like Cindy from Can-Can. Yeah, this is all over the place at this bank. So, hey, bud, what happened to your knee, my guy? Yeah, so I just saw a groupon online for a

uh for an escape room and i saw it was 22 and over which i thought was kind of weird in hindsight but honestly i was like you know like my friends and i like escape rooms it's jurassic park themed we'll check it out we'll try it out um we got there and honestly it was actually it wasn't like any i thought it was gonna be like kind of a harder escape room it was actually, it wasn't like any, I thought it was going to be like kind of a harder escape room. It was legitimately an escape room. Like we were, it was like, there were intense physical aspects of like trying to get out of certain areas. Some dude jumped out in a dinosaur costume. I thought he was like trying to like, you know, was going to get my wife's face. So like I literally had to get in a fight with a dude in one of those stupid T-Rex costumes.

And by the time like it was all done and over i fought away at t-rex all day wait alex you named three alex at that point you got to name three different dinosaurs uh when it was over your three favorite dinosaurs you fought after yeah so good take us a little bit back just so we can hear the different dinosaurs the story's great though so we're doing you know we're solving a puzzle but then we're doing like there's like more physical aspects of the escape room then all of a sudden there's a bronchiosaurus uh she's dying of bronchiosaurus costume there's a dude in a velociraptor costume i'm just fighting them off one by one like jackie chan and i ended up

you say like there was a stegosaurus and they're classically herbivores not tonight there's a pterodactyl but on the ground alright Alex keep going this is excellence I was honestly like I was kind of pissed by the end of it I was like this was way too I don't know what was going on this is not an escape room

I've ever done and honestly I shouldn't be telling you this because they This is not an escape room I've ever done. And honestly, I shouldn't even be telling you this because they, at the end, like they made us buy an NBA and they were like, you should have read the fine print. This is like what goes into it. This is just actually an escape room. And then shrug and go, look, not all heroes wear capes. Oh, yeah.

Or go like, look, there's people out there in the special forces and then guys like me doing this. Or you could be a hack and go, it's healing up, but it's still a little dinosaur. Thank you so much for the call, Alex. Alex, appreciate it. I think you got a real win here, man. I do too. Are you going to do it?

Yeah, I think so. I like it. Way better than I stretched it out. Yeah, way better than I was watching TV. Will you email us after your first encounter, and we might have you back on to tell us how it went? Yes. Yes, I will.

I'll let you guys know how the first time goes. Awesome. And Josh, thanks, buddy. Thank you, Josh. Thank you, guys. Pleasure. And Alex, if you need to sell the pain pills after your surgery. Yeah.

This episode is brought to you by another food place because we are true fat boys. We like to eat over here. Because you have to say. But we gotta help. Yeah, no, but you've got to say when you're saying yes to an ad, is this something you like? And it's all becoming food. It's great. It's great.

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uh listen as you know i'm on the road currently in a hotel currently that I booked on booking.com previously. And you told us that off air. Nope. I don't want to get into that too much. I just want to say how great. No, go ahead. Well, you said it's pretty funny. So the stand up places book most of your nights.

But on the layover night, when you don't have the club booking it, you needed to book your own space. And you said, I used booking.com and it was so easy. Well, we said, well, this is the goddamn commercial. No, you also pointed out that I have a room with two beds, um, because when I pay for it, Luke, who's my opener, uh, he, and I share a room because, you know, when you try to save money on the road, which is why I use Booking.com. And another thing that's great about Booking.com is this situation without the two beds that I booked on Booking.com becomes a lot more Three Stooges-esque if it's one bed. So I get the two beds. They make it easy on you. You know what you're going to get when you show up. You're very familiar. It doesn't matter if you're looking for a remote mountain cabin or a relaxing beach resort or a hotel that

you share with a guy you met in college. There's a multitude of choices you can get at booking.com. I agree. And I was just told when my kid's spring break is, and my wife said, we have nothing planned if you want to plan something. And I thought, And my wife said, we have nothing planned if you want to plan something. And I thought, oh, I didn't realize this is going to be on the old jankster. And I'm going to go to booking.com. If I can figure out a weird four days to keep everybody busy so the kids don't drive me nuts. So booking. Yeah, save me.

There we go. So this spring, check out booking.com for your ideal hotel or vacation home no matter where you go in the u.s book whoever you want to be on booking.com booking.com booking. dot yeah you got kids no i have a cat but it's a lot close yeah there's litter it's a whole thing yeah yeah it's passive aggressive oh completely yeah your furniture i mean honestly shit's inside yeah like a box when you're first training them to fucking go yeah no it's wild no but there's a lot it's i get it i mean the perils of fatherhood or having a cat are very similar yeah i also know josh from i mean you were one of the first guys that i saw that was like really killing it on

like vines and social media yeah where you're like doing the short form but making really funny stuff i like it it's lucrative it's funny the one you just did i didn't grow up with a dad i saw that one opening a door yeah or the assassin opening the door i enjoy it i run him by my wife and she goes i don't want to watch you're like that's like 20 seconds, honey. Yeah. She's super supportive. I do a similar thing. I'll see you at the premiere.

I've just stopped doing, but if I have a new idea I'm excited about, I pitch to her. I'll be like, what do you think of this? Her logic question, she'll go like, I mean, what are that? And I finally started going like, oh, that's going to get figured out. That's the best. When you're just like, you don't know what you're doing. Yeah. Just stop.

You don't have the business. Right. Yes wife's not a huge fan of mine but fan enough yeah yeah yeah yeah bad enough to sleep with me yeah here and there josh when i left this morning my fiance said tell josh i'm a moron and i was like what is that and she's like that's what the podcast fans go by and i was like all right i that? And she's like, that's what the podcast fans go by. And I was like, all right. I had no idea. Well, when I said, no, you're not. When I said to Kevin, I was like, so Josh Peck and I were all going to do the swap. He goes, this is the most excited my wife and all her friends are. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. In honor. Everyone else has been like, oh, okay. And it was like, Josh is doing the show. Wow. What a queen your wife is. And it's like, Josh is doing the show? Wow.

What a queen your wife is. What a moron. Your wife is a moron. She's part of the moron movement. We got Gareth and Jake's mom. Oh, cool. We have family. We had our mom.

Oh, yeah. We haven't had them give advice yet, but we did it for years. Gareth's mom is pretty attractive. We're not even recording. No, it's not good for me. And it's not one of those things where, what Jake is already doing, stop. He's already, what he's doing is he's greasing the wheels to be a real fucking weirdo right now.

And I'm going to stop you right now. Garris' mom's attractive. Like, I'm going to be like, you know how it is. My mom's hot. Go ahead, Jake. Keep going, buddy. Well, Josh, she's also flirty. Stop.

Cool, my mom's a piece too. I cannot allow any of them we're here to help is hosted by jake johnson and gareth reynolds the show is produced and edited by kevin bartelt and the associate producer and editor is aj mckee our social media director is caitlin tanwakio and our video editor is John DeBruyne. The theme song is made by Oliver Raleigh, and you can check out his music at OliverRaleigh.com. That's Oliver R-A-L-L-I.com. The album artwork is by James Fosdyke. You can find him on Instagram at James underscore Fosdyke, D-I-K-E.

And if you'd like to see me do stand-up the road, go to garethreynolds.com. And if you'd like to be on the show, email us your question at helpfulpod at gmail.com. All of the advice given on We're Here to Help is for entertainment purposes only, and all listeners should be adults and make their own decisions.