We're Here to Help - 63: This Tattoo Has a Back Story

Episode Date: March 21, 2024

Jake and Gareth talk to callers about a back tattoo and pub trivia name. Later, the guys follow up with the first caller from episode 14 “Here We Go with Catherine Reitman.” Want to call in? Email your question to [e-mail] (Ad-Free Episodes, Bonus Calls and Behind the Scenes): Patreon.com/HereToHelpPodVIDEO: Youtube.com/@HeretoHelpPodMERCH: heretohelppod.comINSTAGRAM: @HereToHelpPodTIKTOK: @HereToHelpPodIf you’re enjoying the show, make sure to rate We’re Here to Help 5-Stars on Apple Podcasts.Advertise on We’re Here to Help via Gumball.fm See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Podcast. Jake? We're back. We are back. Not in the studio. Well, we are for the calls, but we're only zooming for the intro. Yes. I'm on the road doing gigs and I almost spilled the beans before we started because let me tell you, Jake, there's a movement out here.

There are, what do we call them? We're here to helpers. We got to come up with fan names. Well, I know that you started out with the name of the show, but you're not going to be doing that anymore. You're going to be doing the intro. You're going to be doing the intro. You're going to be doing the intro.

You're going to be doing the intro. You're going to be doing the intro. You're going to be doing the intro. You're going to be doing the intro. You're going to be doing the intro. You're going to be doing the intro. You're going to be doing the intro. You're going to be doing the intro.

You're going to be doing the intro. You're going to be doing the intro. You're going to be doing the intro. You're going to be doing the intro. You're going to be doing the intro. before we started because let me tell you Jake, there's a movement out here. There are, what do we call them? We're here to helpers? We gotta come up with fan names. Well I know that you started this and then I saw on the YouTube comments people are trying to figure out what the hell we are as a group. Yeah.

That ones and twos, the helpers. Oh that's good, helpers, those good helpers. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Good. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But there's definitely that there is are definitely people showing up to my shows who are fans of the show. They're very effusive. What about you? Listen, we might be the brainiacs. I don't think that would work.

No, it would not be offensive. But a couple of funny things have happened, but like I told you, someone shouted out, where's Gil during a show? Incredible. But last night was pretty great because I don't remember how it started. Oh, someone was bragging that they drove really far to see me and then they revealed that it was an hour and a half. And I was like, that's not that far.

I was like, we live in LA, like it's not that far. And then so I was having whatever, a dumb little competition about who came the furthest and then some woman goes, I'm wearing nipple clamps as earrings. And I was like what? And at first I thought, I was like, is this B? Yeah, it wasn't B, but it was a woman who, as an homage to the show, had nipple clamps on her ears. That's awesome. Yes. So...

By the way, when people take the show into real life, that makes it feel like this is fun. It's great. It really is. I mean, you know, we talk about doing some live thing at some point, and that'll be a great experience. You talk about it. You talk about it more. We are always spitballing where we're going to go. You are pushing it. And I'm saying, oh, hey, Jay, Jay is ready to go.

You'll be a cat on all the ones that you. But no, but yeah, as you push to do this podcast, I'm sure there's going to be a time very soon where I go Hey Gareth, why am I in Cincinnati acting like this is my idea? Well, what I've got to do to you is how I even got you to do it's just I just gotta Glacial I'm not shoving anybody. I'm just So Garth, what do you think we should be called? You're you're a catchphrase guy.

I'm a machine. You're so let's hear what do you think? I helpers is pretty good. You know, let's let's take a beat. And also, I would encourage people to reach out to us with ideas. Just you know what? I do this because on Spotify or Apple, you can't. I mean, we appreciate when people rate it and all that,

but the comments aren't the same. I don't even know how to look at comments on Spotify. So just go to the YouTube and just post. Leave some ideas. Just put a name in. And I will say, whatever gets the most likes, that's what we're going to be. We'll consider it.

OK, we're going to consider it. Where are you? I like your toughness there. Let's say it. Let's see. You know what I mean? As if there's a panel. Oh, yeah, there is. I'm in beautiful Tulsa, by the way.

Ooh, Oklahoma. Absolutely gorgeous. Oklahoma City tonight. But but either way, Jake, we do have a podcast and a great episode. You and I solo just us, just the fellas. Yeah. And even though again, this is on zoom, the calls are in person. Gareth is on the road.

So we're going to be doing some of our intros like this until he's back. And I would say without further ado, what do you think Garf? I think you did just say it. So we already did it. Enjoy the show. Hey. Hey. Hey.

Hey. Hey. Hey. Hello. Hello. Hello. Hi, Yorana. We're here to help with JG.

Can we get your name, please? I'm going to go with Rachel. Rachel. And where are you calling from? Rachel? Uh, central California. Okay. And how old are you? I got it. Garf. 42. I think I can never keep track. Okay. Yeah. In your 40s. So Rachel from Cali, you're in your 40s.

What can we do for you? So my husband, we're going to call him Ross. We're going to go with Ross and Rachel because we're old and we were old enough to watch that show when it first came out. So Ross has a tattoo on his back that is unfinished and has been unfinished for about 15 years. Okay. And why didn't he finish it arts? I told him that I was going to tell you guys about this. And he said, tell them I never see it. So I don't care.

Respect. What? He just doesn't care. What is it that he's never finished? What is it supposed to be? OK. So we both grew up in South America. We're American, but met down there in South America and have traveled a bunch. So he had this cool idea. He's going to get all the tasks, all the flags of the

countries we've either lived in or been to tattooed on his back. Right. Cool. So his original idea was, all right, I'm going to get the first, however many that, you know, I've already been to, uh, we're going to get US and Brazil where we grew up big and then smaller ones underneath. And I'm going to have them go ahead and tattoo a grid on my back for these flags. And when we go to the country, I'm just going to point to it and be like, yeah, tattoo your flag on my back in this spot. So he has like a spreadsheet on his back for all these flags. Yeah, like Excel spreadsheet on his back. And one of the things when he gets to a new country, he's going to get a...

Why would he do it like that? Why not just every time you get it, just put it on there instead of calling your shot of like, we're going to go to 40 countries. Well Ross made a bad decision 15 years ago, but we're gonna go to boarding countries. Well Ross didn't make a Ross made a bad decision 15 years ago, but we're here now. We are okay. So Ross has grid back Yeah, I mean we thought of this problem before He even got the tattoo because like I said his original plan was to get the tattoos in the foreign country But bad idea also bad idea. No, you don't go to like foreign country and

have him tattooed it's also like if you're in a foreign country for a trip you don't want to spend your time there with a tattoo getting tattooed and having it wrapped up yeah exactly right so Rachel what do you like about Ross his decision-making did he make one good decision in his life and that's you yeah, oh absolutely Absolutely, no he has made he has made many no No, he like he does a lot of stuff like this like he has like a really good idea and then Usually there is so as we're not real therapists We are a couple of clowns on the couch so there are other decisions We can't help but we can probably help with this tattoo.

So what is the specific question? How do we finish this tat? Yes. How do we get him to get it done? Because I've asked and I've offered, like, Hey, do you want for your birthday? Oh, by the way, we just, Hey, we just saw the photo. Yeah, it's not terrible.

Well, here's what's good. Okay, when I was picturing, when I photo. Yeah, it's not terrible. Well. Here's what's good What just stop it what I was Stop it what I was picturing was like eight blank spaces. He's just got three more Yeah, have you visited three have you visited? Have you visited three? Yes, we've visited. Jesus, have you? Amazing. We've visited like five countries since then.

All right, quick thing. Caitlin, when this comes out, can we do a poll, say what is worse, this tattoo or Gareth's psychedelic cat one? And I got a feeling it might be close. And the call is not, Gareth, how do I cover my psychedelic cat? By the way, listen, I'm going to call it right now, 100% people are going to say mine is worse because this one is so normal. Yes.

So here's what I would say on it Mine's more creative Well I don't know, this is pretty creative I don't think it is Don't you have more than one? Yeah, he's also got a Shut up, Jay He's also got a Green Bay Packers logo

Oh, that's right Yeah, I got two good ones And then he's gonna get a Blockbuster one on his thigh Another organization he just cheers for All right, come on So, question We're losing He's getting Trader Joe's on his lower back

So so Rachel first of all I Understand where Ross is coming from where he goes he doesn't look at it And there is a world where it kind of looks done to me like you know if you didn't know the game plan I'm not looking at that Possibilities of where we could. Yeah, but I don't know. When I look at a tattoo, I don't see the backstory. But I hear what you're saying.

By the way, this tattoo is a backstory. Title. Ah ha ha ha ha. Don't do this, Rachel. By the way, you hear that laugh? Can we grab that? And after after every. No, we're not going to have a we're not going to have a sting.

Ah ha ha ha ha. It hurts. We're not gonna have a, we're not gonna have a sting. It hurts. So here's what I would say. He's not in a nightmare situation. And I would also say he's got a nice head of hair. He sure does. But I'm hoping he's wearing sunblock in this full picture. It looks very sunny where he is.

And I also am very curious where his left arm is. Yeah. Well, I think we know, unfortunately. Because the right arm is blocking people. That left arm might be having a little party. It looks like arm is. Yeah, well, I think we know, unfortunately. Because the right arm is blocking people. That left arm might be having a little party. It looks like it is. Here's what I'm going to say. Where are the other places you've been to

for those bottom three tats? Can you fill those? Yes, we've been to Italy, Canada, and... I can't remember if he has Mexico already on there. Okay, so stop right there. So you got those three right now for his birthday or your anniversary

you book a local tattoo artist in Central California if anybody's listening who is an artist and a tattoo artist who wants to do it and who is an artist and a tattoo artist who wants to do it and You surprise him with those three and yet close the box. I think that closed the grid. I think that's right I mean, it's so it's Right, don't you think I mean it does he have an aversion to doing this? He just doesn't see it and doesn't care. I think I think you do that I don't see it and he doesn't care but like that's not a good birthday present

It's an anniversary. It's your birthday present. Here's how it's a good birthday. Okay, maybe for my or yeah or for Your for his birthday you plan a trip to somewhere like Mexico or something like that You take him to a third country that's gonna fill in one of those blocks and while you're there before you go you look up a Tattoo place the day before you leave you get it So you fill in Canada you fill in another one and then the country where you are a clean. I got an easy I think that's good. Go that's sweet. No, thank you. I'm going not sweet go. I'm going So Rachel here's what I say you do

for your birthday, he says, what do you want? You find out the price for these three tattoos and on top you write in, I love my wife. I like that. Because he has said, he doesn't see it. He's gonna get that tattooed on his back. You are calling the back bluff. I don't want that. I don't want that.

How about places I've been with my wife? Or how about your name on top of it? Or how about I did it? How about something to honor you? How about great kid? What do you think of that? Are you happy now, Rachel? Yes, right, yes.

Are you happy now on top in small, cool font? And then you think of that? Are you happy now? Yes. Yes. Yes. Are you happy now on top and small? Cool font and then you finish the task. So every time you see his back, you get a laugh. I like this. I like that too. What do you think? I think that's a good idea. I don't want him to get the tattoos in another country. What about this? No, you do it locally, but what about this? Yeah. You get, and you don't even need his name. You get on top of it and it would look cool there Are you happy now and you finish the grid so that people look, you know people get on their arm where they'll be like Remember to breathe right and you see it on their forum and you have to pretend that's cool Well, you're like, well, you're gonna forget them else, you know

But they'll have little messages of like life memories now. And they all have a period and you'd be like, whatever. So are you, are you happy now? Somebody at a pool at a resort is just going to go like, Oh, he's reminded himself to be happy. What they don't realize is he's talking to his wife and you got a tattoo to say it to yourself. So when you see it, you could go, yes, I am.

Yes. Yeah. I, I I am. Yes. Yeah, I like that. I also again have to just point out the insanity of his plan. He got two big spaces for two big flags, which is like okay, and then he got six small spaces for smaller countries, which is an insane plan. Well, because US and Brazil mean the most.

They grew up in Brazil but they're countries. Yes. Which is an insane plan. Well, because US and Brazil mean the most. They grew up in Brazil, but they're Americans. Okay. But then you have three, the grid part of this. A grid, yeah. Is shocking. And it's a weird angle for a grid. And it's the way it, and yes, it's like not straight.

Agreed. And Brazil just looks like a weird psychedelic eyeball. That might be the picture. That might be the picture. Okay. And whatever weird thing he's apparently doing under the water in his pool. I gotcha. Yeah, he's apparently doing under the water. I got you. Yeah, he's pool jack.

Yeah. I really hope not. We were there with our kids. Title. So here's what we're going to pitch. We're going to pitch on your birthday. He finishes the job. Yep.

And really there needs to be a written sentence at the top to close this up. And let me ask you this. Do you think she should tell him that this is coming or maybe the day of the birthday? This is what I would do then. Yeah. Day of I would plan something after this, like a nice dinner, something like that. So you're going to go to dinner, you tell him it's at 5 30 because you want to get home early, but dinner's really at seven. Okay. And so 5 30, 5 30 you take him to the tat place, you tell him what's going on, right? It's your birthday. And by the way, what would

be great is can you film his reaction and send it in to us, please? Get the tat finished and then you go out for a nice dinner where the tattoo is finished. Rachel, what do you think of that? You gonna do it? I'll give it a try. I mean, this has been 15 years that I've been like alright Are we gonna get this done? So yeah, it's time to try. What's your birthday? It's coming up in March This is already so party. Let's party. Let's do it Just pull the fucking trigger and do it and then if when you're at the tattoo place and he says I pass Well, then you know, it's never gonna get done, but don't talk about it. Have the option.

You got three different flags you're gonna put there. And if he really buckles on the, are you happy now? Then say, I thought you couldn't see it. I was just gonna say, if he pushes back, you have the best argument ever. His argument. His argument. Yes. So Rachel, we wish you all the best and keep us updated, especially if you get that tap.

Yep. Thanks a lot. I'm a big fan. I watched your new movie last weekend. So Rachel, we wish you all the best and keep us updated, especially if you get that tattoo. Yup. Thanks a lot. I'm a big fan. I watched your new movie last weekend. I can't remember what it's called, but it was good. It was called Unfinished Tattoo. All the best. Bye!

Bye! This episode is brought to you by ZockDoc. ZockDoc is a free app and website where you can search and compare highly rated in-network doctors near you and instantly book appointments with them online. Garf, what does that mean to you? Well, it means a lot because, as you know, my mother was in town for a while. She had a hip replacement and it was crazy. It was a crazy situation.

And there were so many times, so many things like complications were popping up. And there were multiple times where we wanted to find a doctor appointment quickly, somewhere close to use that. Yeah, you would use that because it's just so much harder if you're just like, you know, like using search engines to try to find someone and then you call do they take your insurance? Yeah, but the problem is that has it's all there for all the problem with also just searching it is all the ads pop up Yes, and what I like I actually use Zoc. Dec. We've since we started doing it I do like that it keeps it really clean and you could put all your information in yeah

Did you use Zoc Doc for your knee? I did use Zoc Doc for my knee, which I am gonna get an MRI on but we don't think it's a tear That's the good news, but I am gonna get an MRI. The doctor report back. It's just an old man's knee It's actually pretty much what it sounds like. That's what a doctor said to me about my hips I'm getting to the point where it's sad when doctors are just like yeah, you're just the I've had a doctor who looked at my body and then went they go well your mid 40s. Yeah, what a jerk Well that guy's hopefully not on Zoc Doc But but again it really does it filters specifically for doctors that take your insurance located near you treat basically and again

You can get an appointment quickly. You can also get it same day. That's absolutely right Jake if you're lucky That's right. Gilby you can't have ones and two 68 balmy. Don't it same day. That's absolutely right Jake if you're lucky. That's right, Gil Buchanan, ones and twos, 68, Balmy. Don't worry about it. That's right, I've been kept in the closet for a while on this show but I'm back for the ads. Good to see you brother. You never, literally never left. Ha ha ha! Whatever the best time of the world, go to ZocDoc.com slash HTH and download the ZocDoc app for free. Did you hear how much that cost you? Free! Free! That's right! And then find and book a top rated doctor today. That's Z-O-C-D-O-C dot com slash H-T-H. ZocDoc dot com slash H-T-H!

Today's episode is sponsored by Book.com aka booking. Yeah. That's right, Jake. Listen, as you know, I'm on the road currently in a hotel currently that I booked on booking.com previously. And you told us that. I don't fair. Nope. I don't want to get into that too much. I just want to say how great but no go ahead I mean well, you said it's pretty funny So the stand-up places book most of your nights But on the layover night when you don't have the club book in it

You needed to book your own space and you said I used booking comm and it was so easy Well, we said well, this is the goddamn commercial guy. No, you also pointed out that I have a room with two beds because when I pay for it, Luke, who's my opener, he and I share a room because, you know, you try to save money on the road, which is why I use booking.com. And another thing that's great about booking.com is this situation without the two beds that I booked on booking.com becomes a lot more three two beds that I booked on Booking.com becomes a lot more Three Stooges-esque if it's one bed. So I get the two beds, they make it easy on you, you know what you're gonna get when you show up, you're very

familiar. It doesn't matter if you're looking for a remote mountain cabin or a relaxing beach resort or a hotel that you share with a guy you met in college, there's multiple, a multitude of choices you can get at booking.com. I agree, and I was just told when my kid's spring break is, and my wife said, "'We have nothing planned if you wanna plan something.'" And I thought, oh, I didn't realize this is gonna be on the old Jakester, and I'm gonna go to booking.com.

And in your head, when you- To see if I can figure out a weird four days to keep everybody busy so the kids don't drive me nuts. So booking.... Yeah! Save me! There we go. So this spring, check out booking.com for your ideal hotel or vacation home, no matter

where you go in the US. Book whoever you want to be on booking.com. Booking.com. Booking. Yeah, booking.yeah. Hi. Hey, how you doing? I'm pretty good, how are you? Good, how are you?

Good night, just answer that. Oh, I love you, what's your name, please? I'm Roxanne. Roxanne. You ever see the Steve Martin movie of the same name? I did, back when I was a kid, yes. Anyone ever said you don't have to put on a red light when you say your name

No, what's that a reference to nevermind? There we go Yeah Rocks and where you calling from the red light this day? I'm calling from Portland, Oregon. Hey, Portland. The dream of the 90s is alive in Portland. Absolutely.

And how old are you, Roxanne? I'm 33. Oh, when you said as a kid, you're still a kid. A kid. You're a pup. We're talking to a couple of guys in their 40s. We don't like to say age. We're late 30s.

We play... Late 40s. Okay play late 40s, okay Roxanne what's going on? We just dress boyish What can we help you with our clothes off? We play our age I think Roxanne just to give Jake a shout out to an earlier call when you said you take your clothes off and look like a weird toddler So Roxanne Okay, I won't read into that.

No, do not. And you don't wanna see it either. You don't wanna see into it. Roxanne, what can we do for you? Well, it's a pretty high stakes problem, obviously. So I play pub trivia with a group every few weeks. And so my best friend from college is the one who kind of invited me into this group.

Um, and the problem I'm having is they are not very funny or creative when it comes to naming the trivia team. Okay. Um, and I just want to have a funnier trivia team name. What's, what are the names, What are you guys? What are you? What are your names? Well, every week, or we don't go every week, but every time we play, they pick the name Nothing Matters. And I just think that's really boring.

Okay. Yeah, it's not good. Yeah, it's not good. Do you guys have a specialty? Is there a strength of the team or is there? We're trying to find something to sink our teeth into sure sure I mean at work Honestly, we're a pretty solid team. We kind of everybody on the team has different strengths, you know, we got our sports person we got our Current events person. I'm kind of the pop culture person. Hey Roxanne. How'd you guys meet? So it's my my friends that I know from college.

We've been friends for a long time. What college did you guys go to? We went to Lewis and Clark college up here in Portland. Lewis and Clark. So what'd you guys do in college as a group of friends? Did you guys drink? Did did you smoke weed did you do trivia? Boy well I was an art major and she was a theater major And what what kind of art or theater did you two bond over? You know what we bond over not related to academic if we both got really obsessed with Or we already were obsessed with Degrassi High, and we would bond over just watching Degrassi

and eating those pull apart biscuits. I don't, what's the pull apart biscuit, please? Oh, you know, like a Pillsbury, it's like a can of biscuits. Oh, you would do like, yes, okay. So, Degrassi High remind me, was that Jared Leto? No, that's my so-called life. The grassy high is the one right? Drake was on it. Yeah. Yeah to grassy high was a about a high school a bunch of kids was Drake in a wheelchair Yes. Yeah, he got he got shot and paralyzed. Okay. Here's a pub. Here's a here's a name Drake's wheelchair

He got shot and paralyzed. Here's a here's a here's a name Drake's wheelchair. Oh I think if we were gonna go with that, we would probably go like wheelchair Jimmy, which is That's kind of what his character is commonly known. Okay, so wheelchair Jimmy's a lot of fun And Willie's character got shot so you could also be called the day Willie was shot. Good. You can also do post Degrassi. You could do Degrassi old. Degrassi graduate school. Degrassi graduate school. Yeah, those are a lot of fun.

Uh, Degrassi old is a lot of fun. Okay. So then, uh, what else? So then you guys bonded over to grassy high You did the pull apart biscuits. What oh well, I guess so here's here's the challenge is I'm kind of a latecomer to this trivia team. They had established the name before I even joined So we so Roxanne I'm gonna stop you there if they add on this call We can't help with them. We could just pitch names to you. You got to win that debate. Yeah, how are you is your question? Also, how are you gonna be able to sell this to them?

Well, I mean like I know the mature adult way to handle it But I kind of hear one want to hear what you unhinged maniac think I should do What's the adult mature way say hey guys, I think we should change our name Yeah, say, you know, this name is not super inspiring I want it to be something that we feel excited about Lewis Clark and I like that Lewis and Clark and Drake or Lewis and Clark and Degrassi. Hi. Yep But not everyone on the team went to Lewis and Claude. I understand. How about arts and drafts? How about the day the biscuits popped?

How about popping my, how about popping our biscuits open? How about quiz kits? How about Drake was literally a child actor? Drake biscuits? Pull Drake apart. Eat his biscuits. Pull apart Drake. Edible Drake.

Edible Drake. Eat Drake's biscuits in a wheelchair wheelchair biscuit how about nothing matters but Degrassi I all for Degrassi oh I like that I like adding to the existing day I think so that's a way to convince them how about nothing matters but Jimmy's wheelchair yeah how about nothing matters but biscuits now that I think I could probably sell pretty easily. Okay. So we like the nothing matters connects. How about nothing matters, but Drake?

I feel like people might take that seriously. Like we really do. So Roxanne give us a second here. Now you pitched to us three titles based off the ones we've thrown. Yeah, that's great. And we're going to pretend to be the group. Give Gareth the name of one of the members of the group, please. You can have Molly. You're Molly. And who's a who am I? You can be Jerry. So Jerry's probably like six, four. Jeremy's probably like six, three, six, four, but 9% body fat. Tough guy, smart guy, probably the group. Yeah. Molly's probably like you've met at three foot nine five hundred pounds now

No, stop no teeth does not help the team Molly their fruit. That's that Molly. She's waiting for the right partner She's very indecisive and her free time She does a lot of crocheting and she's come up with three board games of her own. She loves puzzles I like Molly could Molly and Jerry Jeremy be a Thing well, they won't they is there a little bit of a will they won't they between these two crazy kids damn right? There is Jake no matter what she says there is but is there one for Jerry? Jeremy is it Jeremy or Jerry? It's Jeremy It is Jeremy sorry

Christ do you want me to seriously answer that question please? No, they are both married to different people that doesn't stop hey nothing matters I've been on I've been unhappy at home for a little while to be honest all I care about is Drake's wheelchair maybe that's the secret meaning matters but you and me you ever heard of Bob Seeger yes I have silver bullet band we got tonight Roxanne let's turn the page and why don't you pitch Jeremy and Molly turn this fucking thing into Hollywood nights? And let's figure this out. Let's let's let's let's just get back to the old rock and roll now Pitch Molly and Jeremy on the fact that you're changing a name and give us a couple of those names. Keep in mind

We got tonight. That's all we got. Yeah, that's matter both of us lonely. Okay, probably will be even after today So just fucking come take my hand really thinking hard All right, go ahead. So now it starts and then I just finished the puzzle of the Corvette. Yeah, hold on I'm talking to my wife. Yeah, so I'll be home at 6. How is she? Is she okay? I know you guys have been on the rocks lately not great Darren's been so distant. He's got this big architecture project He's maybe you're over talking. It's not that. I mean, most of the time I just kind of sit here myself and I'm just sort of thinking of stuff. Roxanne will be in the second. Sometimes I just sit there and I think about myself wondering, did I make the

right decision? Pursuit. Could you guys stop playing Flixie under the table for a minute? I have my god, right? literally was I was Jeremy I love your goatee Go ahead, right? What's up? Grab a glass. I'll pour you some from the picture. What is your character's name again? I'm Molly Molly shut up You don't even know your name Jeremy, but hey Roxanne. What's going on? You don't even know your name, Jeremy. But hey, Roxanne, what's going on?

Well, it's just, you know, I'm really glad we've been getting back into trivia lately. It's been a lot of fun. Yeah. Oh my God. I've been like rocking with it. After making Whoopi with my wife, there's nothing I like more than going to Nothing Matters and kicking ass at trivia. Did you see they have jalapeno cheddar chips here now?

Go ahead, Roxanne. Well, it's just that actually, I'm glad you bring that up you bring that up because I wanted to talk to you about about the name. No the chips do sound good and we should order those but um the name nothing matters. I'm having a little trouble with it to be honest. Okay. And I don't want to overset my bounds because I know you guys were using that before I joined. What do you think? Yeah we were Well, I had some ideas that maybe maybe would be fun to kind of incorporate. Maybe we could just like make it a little longer, a little more kind of like pop culture specific of like, maybe we could go with nothing matters, but the grassy high. I mean, Jeremy's laughing, but I'm kind of like, what is the tie in?

I don't really understand. the the same lines I was thinking maybe like wheelchair Jimmy would be a fun name. Jesus. Okay, what else you got? You know what now that I'm saying these aloud they maybe would be offensive. Yeah, I don't disagree. Yeah, we're gonna get cancelled We can't do that at trivia night. I'm gonna get some of these chips. So here's what I think you do Roxanne. Jake are you going back to normal? I think I got a pitch for you And I think it's the only I I think it's the only way this is gonna work I think you say can we each week add to the name? We are nothing matters and then each week a different member names it so it's nothing matters, but I like name nothing matters Blank and this and so eat so on yours. It could be nothing matters, but Degrassi

Hi, I like that but for somebody else you can get nothing matters, but winning No matters, but jalapeno pop because there there is no reason to keep the name every week, right? I mean there's no but you're you guys are team. No nothing matters comma but and so however you want to do the second half you you put it on each member of the team to decide and So part of the fun is when they announce it. it's a surprise to everybody. How about this? After every night of trivia, the team picks an MVP and that person picks it for next week. What do you think of that, Roxanne? That's a legitimately good idea.

Yeah, I have to say. Isn't that crazy? Sometimes I do it. So, Roxanne, let's lean into that, let's take a win and what you said which is gonna take us out is that is a Legitimately good idea also title for the podcast. Nothing matters, but legitimately good ideas Thank you, Roxanne. Thank you guys

Today's episode is brought to you by Babbel. That's right, Jake. Listen, you know what Babbel is, right? Science-backed language learning app that actually works, which I find to be very important. Science-backed, Jake. Listen, don't bother paying hundreds of dollars for a private tutor. They come over. They're like asking for snacks.

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Yep, because the problem with learning a new language is if you sound like you're from another country Yes, if they can actually help with the accent Yeah, that's a big ass and applicable to situations You're gonna find yourself in like what I think back to taking French It was just like so much it was like I'm never gonna do that. How do you order food? How do you get a drink? How do you ask for directions? But so babbles great now listen listen every should we bring him in right one quick pause So we bring in the clothes studies from Yale

This is interesting Michigan State University and others proved that Babel is better. So one study found that using Babel for 15 hours is equivalent to a full semester at college. It's crazy. So if that's true, which Yale's no joke, it's just putting schooling in a different light. Yes. You spend 15 hours, let's say you didn't go to college and you always feel like, well, I don't know, I didn't go to college. Fifteen hours. You just did a semester. Yeah. That's wild. Yes.

Yes. That's a wild study. So speaking of language, should we bring in the closer or should I do it? Closer. All right. Hold on. Let's get him. Kevin. Doors open. All right. Oh, you meant Gil. Yeah. I meant Kevin. Well, Kevin was going to do it. No, I thought we were talking about the closer.

We were. He parked in front of all our cars, so might as well. We can't leave. Well, what's the problem? Go ahead. So that old jalopy is Gil's? Yes. And you can turn it off, I guess. Nah, keep it running. I want the rest.

It's bad for something. A lot of smoke. I'm pausing a serious except. Now, listen, here's a special limited time deal for our listeners. Right now get 55% off your Babbel subscription, but only for our listeners. This isn't for people who don't listen,

like Laura from one of the calls earlier. These are standalone. At babbel.com slash HTH. Jake, let me finish. Get 55% off babbel.com slash HTH. Spelled B-A-B-B-E-L dot com slash H-T-H. We're gonna watch you to babble. We want you to babble.

I'll tell you what, I don't want to babble your ear off. I gotta go back to the jalopy. Rules and restrictions. Hey, everyone. Producer Kevin here. This follow up is from episode 14 called Here We Go with Catherine Reitman. It is from October 2nd of 2023 and it's the first call of the episode. So if you want to check that out, go for it and enjoy this follow up.

Hi, hello. Hi, you are on. This is a follow up, but Gareth and I do not know what the follow up is. So the floor is yours. Oh, lovely. All right. Well, the follow up is, um, my husband has not gotten laid by anyone, but me just yet. Wait, hold on.

Hold on. I think we need a little bit more shut up. We've done a lot of calls. You don't know, you don't even know like the topic. I'm so sorry. We don't know anything. So can we get your name and just maybe bring us into the fold a little bit more. But congrats to your husband on being celibate.

Oh, thank you, God. Oh my God, this is horrifying. Okay, so I was on way back in the beginning with Katherine Reitman. I'm Sally. I'm from Western Massachusetts. I had called in about Oh, the hall pass. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. With cat right. Yeah. I said it to him a long time ago. Then you saw his Google search. Like, how do I bring up Yeah, hall pass. Yeah, exactly. Okay. So what was your first name again? They

were calling you by just so we know. Okay, so what was your first name again that were you calling you by just so we know Sally Sally so Sally what's up? It's so funny. It opened up like this whole It didn't actually open up a hole Not only mine Yeah, so the hop hop was extended, obviously extended a long time ago. I married my husband. He was, we've been together since he was pretty young, he was in his 20s.

He just never been with anybody else. Yeah. So he was a virgin when I met him. And so I'm still the only person that he's ever been sexual with. But we're working on it. There's lots of conversations. There's lots of really a lot of fun conversations. And we're having a great time. What does that mean, the conversations are fun? In what direction are these conversations fun? You mean as far as him having a hall pass or your own sexual relationship, if I may pry a touch?

hall pass or your own sexual relationship if I may pry a touch? I'd say both. Yeah, so I because I'm, I'm open to it. I'm actually still are supportive of it. You are really am and you know, during our conversation, I know I'm getting drunk on Google advice from you guys, but Catherine repeatedly said to me, are you honoring yourself? Right? And it really, really, really spoke to me. I had to really kind of explore this. So the conversations are, you know, what are you okay with? Like how much would I want to know? What would it even feel like to between my husband flirting with somebody? So we have done those things so we've gone out with that

Intention like let's just go and pretend the two of us like who would you pick? You on women don't necessarily ask the husband that kind of question, right so Just having that, right? So hot weekend in New York City, fun. I have a few drinks, went to the comedy club and had wild sex for like three days. It was great.

Close the deal. Kind of fun, Seth. So you guys are exploring the idea you're talking, you're saying to him like, who turns you on here and what would you do and so far it's adding a lot of heat to the bedroom between you two. Exactly. That's great and when you say what Katherine Reitman said about honor yourself you know men some so what did that kind of mean to you that's just more of your figuring out where your comfort level lies with this as well. Exactly Exactly, and where is your and Sally just because we are guys who pry

What is your cover level? What if you come to no, no, no, we with the same person who know really good one? That's a great how about in the same night? Oh, of course. Yeah, good luck to that. That's just a shift change Okay, so that's a shift change. Yeah. Yeah. But he's not allowed to, let's say he picks somebody, somebody picks him, they have a great night. He's not allowed to three weeks later be like, uh, Veronica, that's a crowd. Okay. No repeats is great. What else you got? Uh, preferably nobody, absolutely nobody that we would ever know or see in our personal circle.

No one in the circle? Not completely open to the idea of hiring someone, like a sex worker. You are open to that. I haven't gotten to that yet. That's probably, yeah, good. A lot of money. But, you know, yeah, things like that.

And also that I really need to be involved. It has to be very open, no secrets. It can't be like, I would never want to, but if he were to ever put a profile on an app or something, which he never would, he doesn't have any social media. But if he did, I would want to be able to see his profile, right? That makes sense. And it would be very open. I never want to be able to see his profile, right? That makes sense. And he would be very open. I never want to wonder where he is.

This is Sally, this is very adult. It really is. And I think it actually, it is. And I think what's great, well, first of all, let me just say when Katherine Reitman gives advice on our show, it's our advice. So I don't like, and again- I was thinking the same thing. I wanted to take credit for it. I don't want to be sing spurned on by having an open conversation with us about it a little bit, is that now it is like a very honest conversation, which is one of

the really difficult things in monogamy is to acknowledge the reality of the difficulty of it. And now you guys are actually having this kind of open forum. And not only is it adult and healthy, but it's informing your relationship, which again, we all take credit for. You know what I think we could do in terms of- It's not just Pat who did that. In terms of taking credit and making it about our show. Which we are.

You know what I think we could do? We could create a we're here to help rule book to opening up your marriage and make a t-shirt because your rules are pretty good where it's number one no Repeats number two no one in the circle. Yeah number three. No secrets those are you know what Gil Buchanan gilly will you sell those three things as the Hey, boy Gil Buchanan once it is at 68 and ball me listen

Let's be honest sometimes we're out there and we want to play the field even though we did in front of our friends and family and someone on behalf of the Lord say, till death do us part. And we committed to something that maybe seems a little bit more ambitious than it is. Now listen, we've got three simple rules to keep you locked in if you want to fray from the flock a little bit, which everyone does from time to time. And I don't want to say, Cat Ripen came up with these. These are on behalf of the show. The first rule is, if you meet someone and you have a night, boy, let's just keep it to that. We're going to cap it at one night.

It's a one-time-only affair. Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, and that's it. Rule number two, this cannot be someone you're going to see in your circle of friends. The last thing we want to do is disrupt our real life. You're taking fantasy, keep it in the fantasy world. Real life is a our real life. You're taking fantasy, keep it in the fantasy world. Real life is a completely different one. And the third rule is that if you're, what was the third rule again?

I've been drinking a little bit. No secrets, everything open. There will, shut up Jake, I'm in the middle of something. There will be no secrets. If you're gonna, if you have something and you want to pursue something, well by golly you're gonna let me know about it. These are the three rules to the monogamy loophole Gilby you can and ones and twos listen I've been with Alice a long time and you don't think every now and then I thought about Fran

Of course, I have maybe I have at one point and maybe it really okay. Thank you. Yeah, we're going back to Sally Let me ask you this then so now that we have a nice kind of setup on that You guys are going on kind of hot dates having talks going to the city Flirting with strangers. Well fuck I gotta know what's next Interestingly, I have a date set up this weekend That's a turn you're gonna fuck before he does Sally's no That's my personal rule I will not be In fact, that's my other rule. That's my personal rule. I will not be first.

I am gonna go out. I agree with that. All right, but no, this was all initiated by my husband. He is actually, what I have learned is that the fact that I'm going out on a date is about the hottest thing I could have said to him. Interesting. Now, how did you meet this person and where are you going?

Roughly, broadly, non-specific. Yeah, on an app and just meeting for a drink, like in the middle of the afternoon. Does this person know your situation? Yep, yep, and this person's in the same situation. Oh, interesting. And so your rule, Sally, is let's say, let's just do a hypothetical. Let's say that drink is spicy.

Are you going to kiss him? Um, I don't know. Sally, what are your rules? We're here to help you know, because he hasn't kissed a lady yet has he you're the only person? Oh? So I mean, I think he's probably kissed somebody else, but yeah I got you it But so like where where is your line on this date because you said you are not gonna have sex with this guy You are not gonna be first

Where's that line? Starting kissing you know maybe like little bit of that, but I'm not. Yeah, like there's no plan. I'm like taking it elsewhere. It's a public location. What happens in Applebee's, we're going to stay in Applebee's with it. Exactly. And I have learned that's a normal thing. So I we learned all kinds of stuff.

So there are couples out there that are like, that's the rule. Like you can go out and have a drink and flirt and that is all. And then that's enough juice with a couple, you know, with the people involved. And you can go up from there and you're just very open and honest. The whole community of people that's like ethical, non-monogamy, they are very upfront with their rules. I'm married. I won't do this. I'll do that. I'll do that. I've got a couple of friends in the community. I've heard about the community.

There's a lot of rules. Yeah. Jake's lying. A lot of rules. Jake's just trying to get his tickets to the Enchanted Forest stamp. He wants to go behind the palace walls. Oh no, Gareth. I know a couple people behind the velvet roof.

I'm a very cool guy, Gareth. I am not this loser in my closet doing a Zoom. I'm a very cool guy,areth. I'm not this loser in my closet doing a zoo You know Dale, you know Megan great couple wonderful my best friends great rules Love their rules Sally will you do us a big favor and will you follow up? This is a story that I'm invested in. I wanna know what happens on the date. I really wanna know what happens when your husband

goes on his first date, how you feel about that. This is now becoming a novel and I just realized we're on chapter two with you. Yep, absolutely. So please, and we're very happy for you. So yes, if you could include us in chapter three. And on behalf of Jake, you know, when you see some people in the community, tell them Jake said what's up.

They're basically connected there anyway. I'm friends with all of them. They all know me. Great people. We discuss the rules. Am I going to get into some secret passageways here? Oh yes, you just say, hey, you know Jake and they'll go, welcome to the real VIP room. Exactly.

In that community, don't bring up secret passageways unless you're very clear, by the way. Thank you, Sally. Thanks, Sally. I think that's it. We're Here to Help is hosted by Jake Johnson and Gareth Reynolds. The show is produced and edited by Kevin Bartelt and the associate producer and editor is AJ McKeon. Our social media director is Caitlin Tanwakeo and our video editor is John De Bruyne.

The theme song is made by Oliver Raleigh and you can check out his music at oliverraleigh.com. That's oliverralli.com. The album artwork is by James Fostike. You can find him on Instagram at James underscore Fostike, D-I-K-E. And if you'd like to see me do stand up on the road, go to garethrentals.com. And if you'd like to be on the show, email us your question at helpfulpod.gmail.com. All of the advice given on We're Here to Help is for entertainment purposes only and all listeners should be adults and make their own decisions.