We're Here to Help - 66: Shoot the Crap With Rick Glassman

Episode Date: April 1, 2024

Jake, Gareth and special guest Rick Glassman talk to a caller about redemption after a parking incident. Later, the guys talk to someone about lying in a friendship and follow up with the second caller of episode 51 “It’s Your World, We’re Just Pitching In It with Chris Distefano.” Want to call in? Email your question to [e-mail] (Ad-Free Episodes, Bonus Calls and Behind the Scenes): Patreon.com/HereToHelpPodVIDEO: Youtube.com/@HeretoHelpPodMERCH: heretohelppod.comINSTAGRAM: @HereToHelpPodTIKTOK: @HereToHelpPodIf you’re enjoying the show, make sure to rate We’re Here to Help 5-Stars on Apple Podcasts.Advertise on We’re Here to Help via Gumball.fm See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Podcast. All right. We are back together. Look at us. Yeah. I got to say, Gareth. It's been a while. You look handsome. No.

Yeah. You have a cool look. Really? Yeah. What is going on? I don't know. Because when I wore the vest on the road, it was almost like, I can't do this. Yeah.

The vest isn't right. The vest, well, it wasn't even that the vest is not a good look. It's too much. It's become, it's no longer a vest. But. It's a scarlet vest. Kevin am I wrong is he going through a handsome? It looks great. He looks great. The jacket looks amazing stop it. It's a good look well I will say I'm gonna savor this moment. Yeah, I was sitting here while we were doing they we did a call this morning a little

Potential YouTube partnership, and during it, I hadn't seen the Garf in a little bit, and I looked over and I thought, I'm seeing what the Garf girls are seeing. Wow, wow. This is a handsome guy. Well, you look good too, Jake. I look good.

And Kevin looks married. Hey, hey! So, and it is official now, I think after you said that, it is official that I am the hunk of the show. Again, just because you're single doesn't mean you're the hunk of the show. Kevin is the hunk of the show. There's a vacuum for me to step into. A lot of fun at the wedding.

Thank you so much for coming. Such a good time. Thank you. You didn't come. You passed. I came, it was really fun. You guys both have really nice families. Your dad is awesome. They are. Dad is awesome. Yeah.

Also your sister. The best. And her, is it husband or boyfriend? Husband. Husband. Great guy. Yeah. Big fan of Caleb Williams.

Oh cool. He is. He's a big college fan. He's in the Navy, so just be careful if you want to start getting at people who serve our goddamn country. He's a Navy guy. He said he serves for us. Uh, die hard Caleb Fenn and he goes What do you think and I don't know called sports cycle? I don't know and he goes in years You're gonna think back to this conversation and you're gonna think he was right

He's incredible. But just briefly because we do want to talk about the elephant in the room, but just briefly But just briefly because we do want to talk about the elephant in the room, but just briefly This has been what you all do for a long long time So what's sad about guys like Gareth Kevin is they live in the past? Can we please why for I mean, but this has been going on for ages Alright, so I guess we'll just have to talk about your vest all day We talk about Hall of Famer Kyle Orton? I can feel the audience members tuning in. I do too.

I'm not saying that it's catchy. OK, but let's talk about it. Wonderful wedding. Congratulations. Thank you very much. Yes, unbelievable. Such good cake. You didn't come, and we wanted you there.

It was so good. How good were the hors d'oeuvres? I was going nuts over those. Those whores were good. Hey, we're back We have some art in the studio now, which we've been new look now. It got a little lost, didn't it? Yes, so this is a story a guy reached out similar to Caitlin social media similar to the guy on YouTube He reached out Patty Holland. Yeah young man He's an artist. Yeah, got a great following at Patty Holland, the young man. He's an artist.

Yeah, got a great following too. It's art awesome. At Patty Holland, P-A-D-D-Y, at Patty Holland 2004, or at Vincent underscore Van underscore Holland, and he said, can I do a little painting of the show? Yeah. We said sure. Yeah. He made this awesome piece of work.

Go to YouTube if you can't see it, if you care. It's incredible. What it really does too is I think it embraces the drunk uncles at the bar vibe. Yes. I think it's really beautiful. You're handing a beer. I have a cigarette and you have a fingerless glove on as we talked about on one of the episodes, but so now we have

Two pieces of artwork. Yeah, we got to get going our guests I just see a guest for next showed up except but we're but please follow him And if you care to see it go to our YouTube as well as Patty. Thank you for doing the artwork. It's great stuff We have a really fun guest today We have Rick Glassman who has her shoes off pod. Yes, which we were both on and not dead yet. No Yeah, not yet on ABC and Hulu with Gina Rodriguez. His podcast is Hilarious we were on it. Yeah, but by the way Hannah Simone the only new girl We know we've noticed who hasn't done the show. We've noticed.

We've noticed she's been asked. We've noticed. I mean, what do you think the does she need the closer? Right. She needs the Brian Factor to bring the security man and lock her. I got to say very quickly, with shows on the road, the amount of things that people bring that are Brian and the person who is like, was he seriously a character? Like I don't know what I could call out the bit or not, but anyway, Rick is a great guest.

We have a great call. And truly, I think his podcast has hit, he's hit because he is so unique and has such a unique perspective and it was a pleasure to have it in studio so go listen to his pod go listen to us on his pod And for the last time but no what you did some you said for the last time I didn't know what the last time was gonna be well sort of wrapping it up Yeah, but you did some you were counting. I was doing the Bill Clinton. I think okay, you know I'm threatening We don't use that for the point. Yeah, I was right. Where's he gonna go with this all right? Yeah, well. I was gonna say without further

I do enjoy the show everybody. Thank you without Kevin here. It's weird because it's not It's over, but now why don't we say without further ado real Kevin? Kevin Kevin help us out. We're dead without you help us in Kevin. There's the hung without Further I do by the way no longer We're dead without you. How was that? Kevin? There's the hug without further By the way, no longer Hello you're on the show, can we get your name please? Hi. Hi. I'm Ryan Ryan Ryan and where you calling from? Yeah, I'm calling from Maine. You're calling from Maine, and how old are you, Ryan? I'm 25. 25.

You're on with us and the very funny, Rick Glassman. Take your shoes off. And Not Dead Yet on ABCs. Which, by the way, is now on tees everywhere. Not Dead Yet, the, I would say, the star. Yep. I've been saying it Yeah, I did Rick did a very funny thing. I posted something and You Rick wasn't in the picture. I just posted what Hannah Simone had reposted. Oh boy. He put himself in the poster

You just added yourself to the promo good we'll put a picture I love it take it down You added yourself to the promo. Good. We'll put him a picture. I love it. Take it down. Uh oh. Right. So Ryan, 25, you having problems with your family?

What's going on Ryan? The floor is yours. So basically I recently made a pretty big mistake and I'm hoping that you guys can help me find redemption. So I drove down this ice road to try and get to my parents' camp that they bought a couple years ago. It's like a five mile dirt road in Maine. They bought a camp?

Yeah, yeah. But Ryan, you don't mean like a camp. You're right. When we say camp, we mean like a cabin. Yeah. Okay. I know that because of Maine, there's a show about people in Maine who build cabins and they call them all camps. Yeah, you say it differently. You mean like a cabin. Yeah. Yeah, okay. I know that because of Maine, there's a show about people in Maine who build cabins and they call them all camps.

Yeah, cabin master. Yeah, that's exactly right. Cabin master. Sure. They're into the Grateful Dead and Fish and they smoke a lot of grass. So I shouldn't have been on this road with the car that I was in.

Sure. And I ended up getting stuck and blocking the road because it's only one car I can get through at a time and so the before for people who live there year-round There's a couple who came by Trying to get out and I was blocking them. Okay, and so they were pretty grumpy You know people in Maine sometimes can be a little bit like oh oh I don't want people from away around here. Yeah, but people from maine could get tough. Yeah. Yeah, exactly exactly

So, uh, I inconvenienced them significantly and I was hoping that you could help me find a way to uh, Like restore my family's honor. Well, there's a sweet second half ryan So let me let me just uh paraphrase. So we're all on the same page Yeah, everybody farts on Rick Glassman show and the women all have explosive diarrhea and Hannah Simone has it the worst per Rick Glassman. No, she they're all bad. I was saying that before we were on sorry, right? I'm sorry. I don't want this to be public take Take this out. All the women on my show have diarrhea. The guys don't. They just fart sometimes.

That's, but that was. Keep that in. That was not supposed to be public. Okay, so Ryan, but the paraphrase. So don't tell anyone that Ryan. And it's on ABC and Hulu. But just. Wednesday nights.

I think I'm a little confused. I would like to paraphrase. So I think I know what's going on. Ryan's 25. He's doing his thing. He's probably farting. His mom's having diarrhea, right? Now she bought a summer camp, a small one,

and you were driving there in the snow and your car stopped working, probably because your mom had diarrhea in it or something. Well. Well, a woman. Okay. And then you got out of the car, but you didn't put the car to the side.

You stopped the car in the middle of the road so other cars couldn't get past. You created a blockade and then you walked to your yeah, but that's true Ryan So what first of all my mom who listens to the show and gives notes doesn't like when we get wild She's gonna hate she watch on the toilet My mom on with Fred oh my god my mom's town. I would love to do a mom's episode. We don't even need to be there. That'd be fun.

So I think Rick's right though, Ryan. So you're driving and then your car gets stuck and you just leave it? So there's no other option. So like the tow company was like scared about bringing their tow truck down the road. And so it's a one lane road at its best. So you, this family got stuck

in there for the winter? This is like the shining. What redemption do you need? You were in a situation where you're... No, but he got them, the family couldn't use the only road out because of this 25 year old outsider. But it's not... Yeah, exactly. But what else would you have done? Rick, you're saying accidents happen. not fucking go there in the first place? So the thing is I shouldn't have I shouldn't have even gone right to the road to begin right? Yes, so like The couple's initial attitude when I got there on this road. It's snowing you fucking goober Okay, what do you think you're gonna do take a mobile out? But how could they have left anyway if the roads were that bad they couldn't have left a good point Hold on Ryan Rick brought up a good point. Oh, they probably have like one of those like a snow cats

Yeah, they got a snowcat. Oh, yeah, they they were there year-round. They have a much better. Yeah, they know how to get up studded tires My car is just like a sedan. We're fucking putting a sedan up there. No, I gotta tell you I'm kind I'm kind of with them Ryan. Yeah, Ryan understand Ryan We're not here to bring him over the cold, but we're just getting back story You're right Yeah, and that's fair. That's fair. Yeah, I'm just saying I Need to find a way to redeem myself because I really messed up Okay, I respect where you're coming from you're coming hat in hand, which I think is a nice thing

What did how did they react to you and who are the people were dealing with? I really messed up. Okay, I respect where you're coming from. You're coming hat in hand, which I think is a nice thing. How did they react to you and who are the people we're dealing with? What's their personality types? Like for example, Hannah Simone has diarrhea, Brad Garrett has farts. That's all I'm talking about types. Yeah.

Rick Glassman doesn't really fart a lot at work because he's the star of the show. Oh, I am the star of the show, that is correct. I'm not in it the most. But you're not. I'm not even that necessary. But I think I'm great. And I fart. But Ryan, I guess what I want to know is you're looking for redemption. And in that, though a just intention, what you're really looking for is something to

make you feel better. And what's interesting about that- You're putting words in his mouth that you're better and what's interesting about you put words in his mouth No, no, it's pretty good though. Well, it's not it's not So if you want redemption this redemption this is a victory for you what I think you want is amends, it's Pretty just a lot of word garbage. No, I think he's well well... You want more of that? It's not dead yet on ABC, Wednesdays at 8.30. Come for the farts, stay for the diarrhea. Ryan, I'm sorry to leave you shut up. The thing that I'm most concerned about is that, you know, I was sort of like representing my family who just sort of got their place there a couple years ago.

So I'm hoping, you'm kind of maybe leave the family Get a better reputation in the neighborhood. Okay, so here's what I need a little bit of information now Ryan I actually get where you're coming from I think you're doing the right thing by making amends here you put your family in a tough spot And if I'm the neighbors who got stuck, I'm not psyched to have these new neighbors because of their son Okay, so how did they react to you? We spent two hours trying to figure out a way for them to get their package from the end of the road They had to meet the UPS

guys and Yeah, just signed for a package. So, you know things things smoothed out over time They weren't like actively mad by the end and they they saw how apologetic I was I like helped them shovel a little path so they can get their atv around my car their car and my girlfriend came to the rescue and and drove them down the other end of the road I had diarrhea to get them to their package. The guy said initially he's like, this is an emergency. We have to get to the end of the road. And then it turns out the package they were getting was a sewing machine.

I think I got a glimpse of this and I think I got some pictures. OK. They're going to be down. They're going to be kind of solid, clean ones. But I know what I would like if this happened to me. And just to be clear, there are multiple cabins in this little area, right? Yeah. Yeah. I only pissed off one. I understand. But yeah, go ahead.

I would go to them with a big package. I would figure out what kind of automobiles they have, and I would get snow chains for each of them so that you are presenting them with snow chains with a note that says, sorry, it won't happen again. What pissed you off there, Rick? It didn't piss me off. It's just these 25 and snow chains are expensive. I would suggest getting some nice thread,

some nice yarn, some nice wool, something they could use with their sewing machine. Nice. And you know- Yeah! Jake. Keep going, I like it.. And you know. Keep going. I like it. And, you know, this is one of the situations where, you know, I, I, I'm pretty sensitive with my apologies.

What I mean by that is not how I apologize, but when and why. Okay. Are you apologizing for a mistake that you made word. Or an inconvenience that you were part of that they had to go through. Because Ryan, you didn't do anything bad. You just tried to get to your family. If I know anything that our human instincts are to be. Are you getting emotional? I love my family.

Okay. And I wanna go see my family. That's coming across. I'm into what you're saying. And if it's snowing, I'm not gonna be like, oh, I better not see my family. Yeah. Right. I'm gonna go see my family.

And you get stuck in the snow. Let me tell you something, whether it's literal or metaphorical, we all get stuck in the snow sometimes. Wow. Now, if you got out of the snow and you said, fuck it, fuck all these people, fuck their snow machines and their heart,

then whatever, Ryan sucks. That's not what you did. Even you calling in to this show. We're here to help. Take your socks off over there. Just shows that you care. You know what? You know what the greatest gift is? Acknowledgement. You know, the greatest apology is what? Acknowledgement. You go over there, you knock on the door.

You send him a clip of this. You know, if I was to- I don't think you show him a clip. Rick, if you were running for, you know, some sort of role as a politician, you know- I'd be too busy, because I want to see my family the whole time. You know, my speech would be after that

to connect to the people. Blah, blah, blah, that's what I call diarrhea mouth. Here's the truth. There's so much diarrhea coming out of my opponent. He might be one of the females on his show. All Rick said there to me was politician talk. Ryan, did you connect with anything I said? Tell me the truth. If not, you owe me a sewing machine.

I really, I do like, I do think, you know, I agree with a lot of that. I think a big, a big point that was sort of exaggerated was that I wasn't going to visit my family. I only went in to go get some camping equipment. But hold on, right? But you could have gotten that anywhere. You wanted to get it from your family. But you did do something wrong

because you shouldn't have been in that neighborhood in a sedan. I think you're both right. Okay, okay. I think you're both right, okay? I think there's a little land in the middle. We're listening. Okay?

I think what you're saying, Rick, is true. I think, Ryan, what you're trying to do here, I mean, you feel guilt and a little embarrassed, and more importantly, the reason why it maybe takes it off, you feel it's your family. Find it. It's that you've shamed your family. The acknowledgement for you is one thing, but you're's your family. It's that you've shamed your family. The acknowledgement for you is one thing,

but you're not your family. You've shamed your family's name. You're an outside weirdo. You left your car on the main road. You probably have a drinking problem. Let's be honest, it's Maine, it gets lonely. But I think what you're saying, Jake, is true. You wanna do some gesture.

So if this is a little community where you feel like your family's new, and I'm going to get a little stereotypical because it's Maine and I don't know much about it. Augusta's the capital. That's all I got. Maine Cousins Lobster from Shark Tank. So we don't cover it. We have a whole episode about that on Accident. So why not in the summer when it gets a little more... She ripped those boys off.

Barbara? Barbara stole from those boys, took so much equity hold on just lives off Let's not relitigate agreed you're in okay, so why not in this why not in the summer? You guys have like a lobster bake or like a clam off or something like that main cousins lobsters Yes So you get everyone out there and you throw this party as a way of not only welcoming your family into the neighborhood, but also as a way of a little mea culpa of you being like, hey, I'm the goofball who left my car and I'm sorry about that, but now we all know

each other. No questions. Ryan, can I go before Rick? Please. Rick's hand was on the water. All right. Rick, I have a suggestion. Okay.

Ryan, what do you do for work? I'm a school psychologist. Me? Thank you very much. We support suggestion. Okay, right. What do you do for for work? I'm a school psychologist Thank me. Thank you very much. We support you. We support public school. Yeah, okay Well, I've had private how would you have reacted? I was a part of no well Here's the thing with public school, you know the the don't get me started on the funding on the public We should be we should be we should be fun public schools like we are our military great However, since they're not, and we are all unbelievably rich,

I think that you guys should help him pay for this lobster. By thirds. Yeah, we each put in 5,000. You told Lamar Morris you were making 14 million a year. 12 million a year, and that's including merch sales. Listen, Ryan, what we're gonna do is, we're gonna want you, we'll go 25% each way, the way that Barbara should have done it

with the Maine Cousins Lobster. Wow, but Barbara ripped him off. And we're gonna help pay for... I'm gonna do another pitch, Ryan, I'm sorry. I can't go down there. Nevermind, we're not paying for it, Ryan. I don't think you should do a fucking lobster off. Ben, I'm gonna tell you why.

We haven't even heard his reaction to the lobster off. Ryan, what's your reaction to lobster off? I like it, I like it. I mean, I would kind of feel bad if I was getting all of your guys' money, but. Buddy, money's free, how much do you want? All right, well. Hold on, Ryan, Ryan, keep in mind

the beginning of this issue, right? It's not that you were trying to see your family and then nothing happened You're a fucking outsider who came into a community that doesn't like outsiders now You're gonna host a lobster off a New Yorker bringing a bunch of lobster version. I'm not from Maine I'm offended. You've been writing too many pilots. Yeah, your whole thing is I'm not from Maine, I'm offended. You've been writing too many pilots. Your whole thing is- This pitch is not dead yet. You're an outsider, you're fine yet.

I'm a doctor who moves to Alaska and I have to figure it out with the people. Lobsters. All right, well what do you got, David? Here's my pitch. I would not do a lobster off because that's not- We understand that part.

That's not gonna work at the end of my pilot. Okay. I'll tell you what will work for my pilot. It's about a bunch of people who are not dead yet and all the women have explosive diarrhea. And you get one of the gals from New Girl and then you get the other one who is the lead of Jane the Virgin, which is a show I've watched

in its entirety. What about one of the girls from Superstore? Superstore. And then one of the guys from, which you might not know. Everybody loves Raymond. Oh, that's amazing Well, I'm raising but the thing is you guys are so into comedy. You might know about not know about dramas I'm a drama background award-winning as we see it Amazon Prime. Yeah, so what a word

Ensemble oh Better no Ryan Jake, I mean, as your friend, you must have something better. No, that'll do it. Ryan. That'll do it. Ryan. Ryan. Ryan, I got my pitch. Okay. Ryan, you and R. Ryan with an R, of course. We all assumed that. Sure.

Rick was just finding a transition. Yeah, I just find it polite when you're speaking to somebody, you say their name three times, you say it, you question it, and you assert it. Okay, so Ryan, Ryan, Ryan. No, no, it's Ryan, Ryan? Ryan. Yeah, that's me.

So here's what I would do, and you could do this on Etsy. And I know this because I've done it on Etsy. Okay. You find a company that engraves things in tools. Tombstones. No, that's not what I'm pitching. Okay, come on. I'm not pitching you give them a tombstone.

Okay, I was gonna say, it's a bad direction. You get a shovel, a big winner shovel, if we're talking economics, we're talking $40. Ryan, you can afford that. On that, you say- We could each ship in 10. Sorry, Rick will send some money. We'll figure out the finances after.

Right on it from Etsy, you can have it engraved in the wooden handle. Sorry about blocking you in in the winter of 2023. Won't happen again. And on the back, watch Not Dead Yet, ABC Wednesdays at 8.30. If you do that, we pay for it. Yeah, that's how we're going to be financing it. We turn this into a Not Dead Yet promo.

But what do you think about giving him a kind of a gag gift, but a big shovel with an apology so that he can go- Is one shovel enough? Is one family, this one cabin? Yes, I only interacted with the one who I passed another guy on my way in, but we didn't communicate. But there's only one family who's pissed off. And he'll tell others, and then everybody will go, he's a good guy.

So is that something you would consider doing? Yeah, definitely great. Yeah, I think I think that would be very well received So here's what we have is pitches right now. We have a lobster off. I didn't give any pitch yet. What's your pitch? You he didn't do anything wrong. You're running for office. No, it's not give money to public schools You know not doing anything wrong is is isn't enough information. It's like saying oh, but I meant well intention matters, but it's not the only variable what I I Was complimenting that one that was confusing because of our other one, but I was getting like a poet I just didn't want to go over your audio. So I'm I was less speaking on I'm speaking to a psychologist He gets it. You guys don't get it. He gets it. Yeah, right I'm speaking less on what needs to be done

and more about the feeling because he's not calling in because he needs a shovel or a lobster. He's calling in because something isn't sitting right. You like the lobster pitch to be fair, but keep going. I don't eat rats. Okay, all right, we're. I eat lobster.

Well-marketed rats. Very well-marketed rats. All right, keep going. But what I'm suggesting is whatever it is that's best to do could be great. But why are we doing this? And if you're feeling, what I noticed is- I'm watching the presidential debates.

What I'm noticing is, and something that I don't like, and I understand, and I've been there, I've been 25, it was two years ago, but what I don't like is- You can't be 27. Let him go. Really? Let him rip. How old do you think I am? 48.

Is that the fact that you feel shame is something, you know, a shovel might make somebody else feel happy, but that's not gonna dig into your subconscious. Nice, well done. An emotional shovel. If you're feeling shame, it's because you're judging yourself, and that's what I meant about you didn't do anything subconscious. Nice, well done. An emotional shovel. If you're feeling shame, it's because you're judging yourself. And that's what I meant about you didn't do anything wrong.

You made a mistake. You got stuck in the snow, sure. But you're not a, there's nothing to be ashamed of. You know what you should be ashamed of? If you do it again tomorrow. Yeah. You know what you should be ashamed of? If the guy told you, hey, you're getting in the way

and you're like, I don't care. And you didn't help him get his sewing machine, I think you did everything right. You know what you did? You were a human that was considerate. Buy a shovel, get some lobster, watch Not Dead Yet on ABC on Wednesdays. I don't care.

What I do care about is you recognizing the shame is something that's a choice. And as much as you might wanna gift this neighbor at your camp something so he feels better, I want you to gift yourself a little bit of solitude and a little bit of trust that, hey, you didn't know you were trying to get some stuff from your family. Shit happens. You shoveled it out.

I think you're and you're working for the public school system. You get we got to send you some money. You know what this reminds me of? First of all. Yeah. Right. But this reminds me of? First of all. Yeah. Great, yeah. But this reminds me of when I was in high school and I was going through a troubled phase. Sure.

And I had long hair. And I wasn't in school. Dope. I had taken some time out of school. Everyone was doping. I was smoking a lot of grass, yes. My mother found some random guy in Evanston. Uh oh.

Who claimed to be a motivational speaker and he was going to set me straight. Did you meet him in a bathroom? There was a barber shop on the corner and he was outside the barber shop. Yeah like most motivational speakers. I feel like you're gonna insult me right now. No but he came and had that same tone and was talking at me but was talking at me doing a lot of, and what do you think you're going to do? And then I would go like, in terms of today, and then you'd go, and with that long hair you got, you're going to fly away? Are those going to turn into wings and they're going to fly you into another situation?

And in the middle of it, I thought, because he would always come to an end, he'd go, because the only place that you're going to be able to fly is to unemployment line. And I would go, you pulled that together together but I don't think you know Jake Jake what I'm hearing is you're a troubled kid with long hair wings and you're smoking dope and you're out of school you meet this guy then you're a TV star what happened I'll tell you what happened this is true my mom was into it I wasn't he said my mom goes so what would you like to do? And he said, I want to take him on a boat in Lake Michigan without, no, he said without you to my mom, Eve. And I looked at her and I went like, we just met this man. I can't go on a boat with this fool.

And then my mom snapped into reality and goes, what do you want to do with my son on a boat? And she's like, we need to man-to-man and my mom goes No, no, and he left and we know I don't know what he's talking about I'm not in any of that. Well, you want me to fly you to LA and just hang out with me somewhere It's a pen on a boat. I would do that. It's a pencil Ryan, but Jake real quick when you got new here a long hair short hair Short hair interesting quite bottom line him. Go go ahead it's just it's interesting right guy the only guy who's got your fucking ass on this Wow what we've pitched to you is hmm lobster off from Gareth thank you I don't know from I'm pitching to him some some some self-acceptance an emotional

shovel Rick I guess what Rick is saying is you did nothing wrong. No, no, no. It's not that a mistake wasn't made. Right. I'm saying, the only thing he did wrong was being a human being. Right.

But you know what? Guilty. How about you? Guilty. How about you? Oh yeah. How about a murderer? How about the guy?

Well, that's not just, yeah, but you know, a lot of what I'm saying you know what I'm saying is, what I'm saying is, the snow fucked things up. Oh, can't blame the snow. Cause his car was fucking up. By the way, that's a good shovel engravement. He had it.

Hold on, Rick, you had it. Snow fucked things up. You had it. You knew he said snow funny, and it got all the wires. You had it. So what Rick is saying is just accept the fact that you're human and blame it on the snow. What I'm saying.

No, you don't blame it on the snow. Take accountability. Take accountability for what you did and don't feel ashamed of it. Or if you do feel it and then later on question, what could I have done different? Did you find an answer? Then follow that. If not, then you didn't grow. Listen, if I never made any mistakes, I would never grow.

Agreed. So what is like a one, because the advice- Acknowledgement. You go up to him, you say, I'm sorry for what I did. If there's anything I could do to help. And by the way, get him a shovel, get him some lobsters, whatever. But the biggest- Hold on biggest you just took everyone's advice

No, I'm saying nice go over there and say I'm sorry. I've been feeling really bad knowing what I know now I should not have done that but you know and I'll Next time I won't do that. I'll get some chains or you live this life Do you have any suggestions so I could come see my family more I could do and also let me get up to you if You're a person that likes to socialize you could get lunch not, I could send it in a lot for a guy in Maine. Listen, his head will explode. There's there's there's some good stuff there. So you can why don't you bottom?

I'm going to bottom line it. You do a lobster off in the summer. You do what Rick suggested, and that is acknowledge it. Both to him and yourself. More to him on his doorstep. doorstep more to him. I would say I'd say 60, 40, 60. Leave the breakthroughs for the car ride over. For you. And for me I would say get him a shovel that says sorry won't happen again. Ryan the floor is yours. What are you gonna do? So I really appreciate the pep talk. I feel like I already have you know

It's not really based on shame for me. It's more like, you know, I just want to Take responsibility. That's good thing. And I know folks. Sorry. I'm not Shipped and so I do like that and I like the the lobster idea If I was hesitant to accept your money before, but if that's still on the table, I'm not paying for a lobster. If you're not ashamed, the money's gone. I mean, Gareth will pay for it.

Gareth, get the food truck. How did this happen? I renounced my pitch. So you're now saying if Gareth will pay for a lobster truck, you'll get that. Look, I'll get you five lobsters. Don't do it in winter. So where are you at?

How do we end this? Right? I'm actually against lobster eating. I am too. Big time. And the boiling of them. Yes. Horrible.

Horrible. I think, I think that's. All right. How about this? You show up with some vegan cheeses. What I'm actually going to do is probably, uh, get the shovel with the cool engraving, probably some sewing things as well. You know, one for both of the couple that.

Oh, that's sweet. You get her some thread, you'll get him a shovel, you'll say you're sorry, you say it won't happen again, you move on. You know what might be cute is if you give her the shovel and him the thread. It might be. But let's not swing for the fences. That's for round two. Oh let's not swing for the fences. That's for round two.

Oh my God, you're so special. Yeah. You really are. I'll figure out the right way to arrange you. Ryan, we wish you the best. And in closing, don't fucking bring the wrong car to a snowy road. You've got to act like them when you're there, right buddy? He knows that now.

That's actually a great, like, never bring the wrong car to a snowy road. Yeah. Oh, that's a great saying. Yeah. Merch. Title, Merch. Put, you engraved that on a shovel.

Ooh. That's pretty good. That's the, uh... Never bring the wrong car to a snowy road. Quote, Rick Glassman, comma, not dead yet. That was you who said it. You, but you put it into better words. I was around the idea.

I mean, it's a shovel, like, room space is limited. Don't lie, there's a big handle. Ryan? Oh, I was picturing it on. I was around the idea. I mean, it's a shovel. Room space is limited. There's a big handle. Ryan? I was picturing it on the shovel, not the handle. No, it'd be the handle. You gotta engrave it in the wood. It's not gonna be a wooden shovel. You can't do that. It's engraved metal. Thanks, Ryan. Thanks, Ryan.

Bye. This episode is brought to you by Zock. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye.

Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye.

Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye.

Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Instantly book appointment with them online Garf. What does that mean to you? Well, it means a lot because as you know, my mother was in town for a while She had a hip replacement and it was crazy It was a crazy situation and there were so many times so many things like complications were popping up and there were multiple times Where we wanted to find a doctor appointment quickly somewhere close you use that doc Yeah, you would use Zoc doc because it's just so much harder if you're just like, you know Like using search engines to try to find someone and then you call do they take your insurance? Yeah, but the problem is it's all there for all the problem with also just searching it is all the ads pop up Yes, and what I like I actually use Zoc tech leave since we started doing it

I do like that it keeps it really clean and you can put all your information in. Yeah. Did you use ZocDoc for your knee? I did use ZocDoc for my knee, which I am gonna get an MRI on. Oh, you are? But we don't think it's a tear, that's the good news.

But I am gonna get an MRI. Now the doctor report back, it's just an old man's knee. It's actually pretty much what it sounded like. That's what a doctor said to me about my hips. I'm getting to the point where it's sad when doctors are just like yeah, you're just the I've had a doctor who looked at my body and then when they goes well your mid 40s. Yeah, what a jerk Well that guy's hopefully not on Zoc doc But but again it really does it filters specifically for doctors that take your insurance located near you treat basically and again

You can get an appointment quickly. You can also get it same day. That's absolutely right, Jake, if you're lucky. That's right, Gil Buchanan, ones and twos, 68 Balmy. Don't worry about it, that's right. I've been kept in the closet for a while on this show, but I'm back for the ads. Good to see you, brother.

You never, literally never left. Ha ha ha! Whatever the best time of the world, go to zocdoc.com slash HTH and download the ZockDoc app for free. Did you hear how much that cost you? Free!

Free! That's right! And then find and book a top rated doctor today. That's z-o-c-d-o-c dot com slash hth. Zockdoc.com slash hth! Today's episode is brought to you by Babbel. That's right, Jake. Listen, you know what Babbel is, right? Science-backed language learning app that actually works, which I find to be very important.

Science-backed, Jake. Listen, don't bother paying hundreds of dollars for a private tutor. They come over. They're like asking for snacks they're being annoying there are your door even waste hours on that that don't really help we're here to help and babbles gonna help you babbles tips and tools are approachable accessible rooted in real-life situations

so uh... jake for instance if you want to learn i started look re re learning french through babble yes because i used to French, but then I don't know French But it's still there. You know what I like about it is that it's got a Speech recognition technology. Yep, because the problem with learning a new language is if you sound like you're from another country Yes, if they can actually help with the accent Yeah, that's a big ass turn. And applicable to situations you're going to find yourself in. When I think back to taking French, it was just so much, I was like, I'm never going

to do that. It's like, how do you order food? How do you get a drink? How do you ask for directions? So Babel's great. Now listen, listen everybody, should we bring him in? Wait, one quick pause. Should we bring in the clothes?

Studies from Yale, this is interesting, Michigan State University and others prove that Babel is better. So one study found that using Babel for 15 hours is equivalent to a full semester at college. It's crazy. So if that's true, which Yale's no joke, it's just putting schooling in a different light. Yes.

If you spend 15 hours, let's say you didn't go to college, and you always feel like, well, I don't know, I didn't go to college. 15 hours, you just did a semester. Yeah. That's wild. Yes, that is, yes. That's a wild study.

So speaking of language, should we bring in the closer or should I do it? Closer. All right, hold on, let's get him. Kevin? Door's open. All right. Oh, you meant Gil.

I meant Kevin. I thought Kevin was gonna do it. No, I thought we were talking about the closer. We were. He parked in front of all our cars, so might as well. We can't leave. Well, what's the problem? Go ahead.

So that old jalopy is Gil's? Yes. And you can turn it off, I guess. Nah, keep it running. It's bad for something. A lot it running. I want the rest. It's bad for something. A lot of smoke. I'm pausing a serious accent.

Now listen, here's a special limited time deal for our listeners. Right now, get 55% off your Babbel subscription, but only for our listeners. This isn't for people who don't listen, like Laura from one of the calls earlier. These are standalone. At Babbel.com slash HTH. Jake, let me finish get 55% off babble.com slash hth spelled B-A-B-B-E-L dot com slash hth we're gonna watch it a babble we want you to babble I'll tell you what I don't want to babble your ear off I

gotta go back to the jalopy rules and restrictions hello caller can we get your name your age and where you're calling from please Hello, caller. Can we get your name, your age, and where you're calling from, please? My name is Matt. I'm 23. I'm in Southern California. Nice. What part of Southern California, Matt?

Los Angeles County. I'm in the city of industry right now. Ah. Great. All right, Matt. What's going on? So I have this friend who I met pretty much at the start of COVID. About two years into our friendship,

I kind of picked up on him liking basketball. So I kind of started getting involved in that conversation, like talking about basketball, sending him memes on Instagram. But my problem is I never have watched a single game of basketball in my life. Why would you? Okay, let's let's name the friend. Let's just call him Brad for now. Is that okay?

That's fine. Why? Why would you? Because he wanted to connect. Yeah, but why Jake don't why why would you? I'm with Matty. No, you're not. I am. I am. But if you had no frame of reference. You want the absolute truth that you're going to get annoyed with this and be triggered? I don't care about the NFL as much as you do, but I do. Why?

I said, this is what I'm saying. There's no talking to you. You're a liar. You're a liar. You don't care because you've been hurt. Okay. I told you, what was going to happen and it happened. Matt, I'm going to talk now, so I am with you

I actually do this with Eric too. I send Eric Edelstein NBA stuff and MLB stuff I haven't watched a basketball game or a baseball game in years, but it pops up on my algorithm I know we'll have like a back and forth. I kind of get that a little so he's like he met a guy He likes them the guys really into the NBA. He's on Instagram There's a thing about I know the new kid on San Antonio is about 7-7 Mm-hmm, so there's another guy in Oklahoma about 7-5 so you can see a photo of them and be like twin towers. Yeah Okay, is so that is that kind of what it's like Matt. Is that the kind of vibe? It's kind of I I follow hockey closely, so I'm already following like sports

pages. So whenever I see basketball stuff pop up, I would just send it to him. Okay. And we would have conversations where I kind of BS my way through it. Okay. But are you question on that? Are you BS in your way through it? Walk me through what that looks like. Uh, maybe he'll mention something that happened in the last game.

Like he'll name a player and I'll be like, yeah, you know, like his three point game has been a little off lately, but he's overall pretty good. And you're making it up. Yeah. I don't watch basketball. Is Brad buying this? Like, is he like, exactly? I know what's going to happen here.

Brad's never watched a game of NBA. Oh, that would be the fucking great. If you do that, if you go, if he goes like, yeah, LeBron James is pretty good. And you go like for a little guy he can handle the ball And he goes he's the best little man in the game tiny boy And neither of you watch sports and you guys got to figure out what you like and at the same time you go I don't like because what I can't do with my little Post to Eric or whatever is when he starts going in the weeds, and he'll go

Yeah, the kid chat on Oklahoma City went to Gonzaga and SGA is really good. And I have to write back, who the hell is SGA? Well, that is why the thumbs up response on a text is the greatest. Yes. It's just a way of being like, we're done here, but I agree. We're good. So Matt, walk us through it.

So you send this stuff to Brad you have BS your way through it It's a two-year friendship where are we at now? The floor is yours I mean lately I've been very busy, but I don't know if you guys are familiar with this court We kind of talked over that I'm not every so often a conversation comes up. We you know shoot crap and I pretend like I know basketball Did you say shoot crap as a term shoot the crap? Yeah, it's different. I don't know man. Let's just hang out Let's just shoot crap. Yeah, by the way shoot crap is your by the way

You're BS in like you're a regular dude right now. Yeah, Colin show. I'm calling you out man I feel like you've never listened to the podcast and I've also feel like you've never said a term like that before Shoot the crap shoot the crap is what I would say as like a seven-year-old that just like legally is my way out of trouble with my parents when I want to say shoot the shit. Or somebody from a or an alien or AI. It feels like AI writing about like- Shall we go to the downtown and shoot the crap? Or AI writing something about like just how dudes talk sports.

Let's just talk sports. I love the basketball. Those guys are shooting crap. So Matt Where are we at? So you guys are kind of talking. What is the problem? We now have the setup How do I get out of the lie or should I continue to lie for our whole friend? Has the issue has the rubber met the road, you know in terms of shoot crap Has Brad got close to calling you out? Where are you guys at the question is apart from wanting to be on a podcast because it's a lot of fun

And we're glad you called why you calling now? As much as he hasn't really pushed back on it Yeah, I'm afraid my knowledge and BS can only go so far and at some point. He is gonna push me on it He's gonna figure out you're just shooting crap and he's gonna call you on it. You have two options. One is you start watching basketball or the other is you find your way to kinda sneak at Homer Simpson into the bushes.

There's a third option. Go. Both of those options are good. You watch basketball pretty soon, you could shoot crap pretty easily. Two, you could just disappear from it but I think the rubber will meet the road, shoot crap on that. And three, you...

Cut to Jake writing a movie called Shoot the Crap. Shoot Crap. Or three, rubber road shoot crap, you go right to the Scott. Stop saying shoot crap. You go what? You go right to Brad and you go, I've never watched a game of basketball in my whole life. And he goes, huh? It's weird. If it wouldn't that be weird? Don't you think that would be strange for a friend?

I think the whole thing's weird. The whole thing is weird, but out of those, I would opt for, this is what I would do. I would find a way to be done with the NBA. Like you, with football. I'm interested. Because your team is dog shit,

and all they are are crap shooters. I think we're gonna be better than the Packers next year. Hold on, I'm in the middle of my pitch. Because you have been burned so much by your team and they're garbage and they just kind of string you along. So are the Packers. Jake, please. Wait, what team do I want to compare you guys to?

Oh, you know who you guys are? I was gonna text you this to trigger you. You are like the Cowboys great the point is to go far But do you think the Cowboys will ever win it Jake? It's a little inside football So she's so I would do what I would do is I would come up with a way to be done I would be like you're sick of like the you hate the foul calls everything's to travel those are kind of just like these Oh, that's in these big complaints that I even have about the game. I would come up with one of those and kind of just be like, you know, this is what Jake

does. Jake is always walking away from football, but he still has enough to talk about it. So he's still, I think you just say like what's in the NFL. It's like, what is a catch anymore? You find one of these things where you just basically go I'm fucking done. I can't handle anymore that everyone travels There's too many easy foul calls the refs decide the game something like Matt I kind of think Garf is on to something because one of the things that does keep me connected to sports

Is I do like to read about it? Yeah, so like the general manager, what the Bears are doing in the off season, it's really fun stuff. Sure. So reading about all the off season stuff, it's a very easy thing to text Garf about it. Yeah. But watching games has gotten annoying when you go to like, I don't know what to catch it.

Yeah. The new kickoff rules. Yeah. They'll be like, there's so, by the way, a hip tackle, they made a new thing I read about, where I'm like, there's gonna be the weirdest 15 yard penalties that'll truly make the game less fun to watch. By the way, a hip tackle, they made a new thing I read about, where I'm like, there's gonna be the weirdest 15 yard penalties that'll truly make the game

less fun to watch. So one thing you can do if you wanna get out of this is Google weird NBA rules. Yes. And just text Brad a few of them and be like, dude, I'm fading on, it happened to me. Yeah. Once a defender couldn't hand check anymore,

if you can't put your hands on another man's hips, why am I watching? Easy, but the three, like the three point shot where you fake the foul, those kind of just get so old. So I would even, yeah, I would just Google why people stop watching the NBA. You say white people? White people stop watching the NBA.

It's a demand. White people, that's not for, no. Why people? Gareth, easy. Okay. You're absolutely right We're in a dangerous zone you are out we are the show and you are the show is Kevin's not I'm not headgum It's fine the show into dot com you says no white people Watch NBA. Hey, I'll let me talk. Take your me. You mute him. Don't mute me. Will you mute him? You can't mute me

There's another mic You ripped it off the wall. So Matt, what do you think about trying the play and that is you start? Pretending to be annoyed. Yeah with how the league is changing with the hope of bridging that into a new connection with Brad. That's not a bad idea. Actually. I think I can get that done. Okay. And then here's another question.

What's going on, my King? Why'd you fake this? Yeah. Who hurt you? I have the lie. Yeah. Honestly, I guess I definitely wanted to feel a connection, but I felt like I follow hockey. I like sports I can probably fake this. What is it about Brad that made you want to connect so much?

He's a pretty funny. I like talking to him about anything. It's really easy. Well, I feel the same way with Garrett That's absolutely right Jake. Don't you're back in the good books? I Get it. I think you do the switcheroo now. I mean, you just say, you know, just do something where you say, I'm done with the NBA. I'm going full in on hockey. See what he says. Say you'll watch the playoffs.

I have an idea. I have an idea. I love what Garf just said, where you go, hey, man, the NBA is annoying the hell out of me these days. But a lot with the travel, with all the, find a few rules, and then go, I'm getting pretty into hockey. Yeah. You ever interested in going to a game,

or blah, blah, blah, and try to get him into hockey, and you can use how the NBA has fallen off, but the NHL is really picking up. Let's Matt Brad. Make Brad the one sending you the hockey thing. I think that's good. I would do something like that. I would try to just bring him in.

Yeah, I mean, yeah, exactly. You know what this is called essentially? And it's not an exact, this is called, this is a body swap. It's the switcheroo. The switcheroo. I wanted to call it the parent trap, but it's not the parent trap. It's not. This is the- Freaky Friday. This is Freaky Friday. It's the switcheroo. The switcheroo. I wanted to call it the parent trap, but it's not the parent trap.

It's not. This is the freaky Friday. This is freaky Friday. It's freaky Friday. So you should freaky Friday him and get him going to you. Dude, the penguins are an amazing franchise. And you go, they're the best. Yep.

They're the best. And then he goes, did you, this goon, this guy, a guy who's just a goon, all he does is fight and you go, he'll be back in the minors in two weeks and he googles Do they go back to are there minor leagues? Yeah, and then start sending him hockey stuff Let him catch up do a fucking freaky Friday. I think we win here matter. You're gonna do it I can definitely do that. I think that's a genius idea What is gonna be your initial? text start ah I might send him a post about maybe a penalty or

something and be like, wow, this penalty has really gone out of hand. Are you last few years in the NBA? Sorry, let me get into hockey. You want to try getting a hockey? Are you going to ask if he's AI? Well, here's the thing. If I were Brad, I would know that Matt doesn't watch basketball because he just said man These penalties are out of hand. Yeah, which I don't think that was a filler term Yeah, yeah about traveling. Yes traveling is going out of hand this traveling again I'm not by the way, are you gonna? Matt are we talking to AI right now shooting crap? Hey these basketball plays with the traveling is out of hand

The dribble hands is going wild on the courts this month All the guys want to do is catch catfish in the riverbed and shoot crap big old swish from the tall man All I love to see is alley-oop dunkaroos. Wow, through the legs, two-hander. So Matt, are you a human boy? I'd like to hope. Me too, man. I feel the same way. Listen. I'm not teasing him related. I'm not saying walk away from this friendship conversation. Run. The fact that you've gotten two years into this and he hasn't poked a hole in his room. I bet you Jake's right. He's watched basketball either Matt. I think you and Brad are both too Penalty box for two minutes. You guys are both robots riding to each other

Oh, you don't know the other ones are you met in person? Are you just a bunch of ones and zeros you guys this is the first AI robot love story? Matt the robot has been programmed but like his programmer did not teach him how to make friends and Brad the robot is also a very low-down robot boy. What is love? What is friendship? All I want to do is shoot crap. There have been four or five red flags but either way. I think you're gonna win here Matt. I do too. I think it's not gonna be that hard I would just yeah, like we're saying I would make that transition to hockey and quick And and see where it goes and even if he doesn't meet you there I think you could still you could save it if you needed to yeah, you can walk away

What do you think about because what we don't want to do really fast and I know Kevin's ready for us to move on He's doing like he's doing he's doing the kid in the back of church He looks like it looks like his pants have to pee. I didn't know clouds go that way. But before we get off with Matt, I'm sorry, I'm just feeling invested in this friendship. Is there a world where rather than talk about the traveling penalties are being so bad

for the game of basketball, can you just send him something about hockey? Like who's the kid the Blackhawks just drafted? There's some 18 year old kid. The new Pajar. Neil Timberlake. Yes, so he's, I've never watched a game of hockey in my life, a full game.

I know that this kid is the next Wayne Gretzky. He is special. I've read about him. I've saw a little documentary on him. Can you send Brad a little something about this kid and go like, dude, I know you're not a big hockey guy, but this is the Jordan of hockey. Mixing in a little hockey lately. And so that all of a sudden he could go like, everybody wants to see greatness.

Yeah. And maybe you can just transition him and we go back to the switcheroo. See what he does. See what his temperature is on hockey. But I think that's the right look. Either way you're going to walk away from the basketball, but I think that's right. I think framing it in that way. I just don't want Matt to lose Brad.

He's not going to lose Brad. Brad's not even real. I think that's way easier. But neither is Matt and Matt cares. I know. So Matt, what did you say bud? I said I think that would be way easier and not be a robot Yeah, doing that well Why don't you do that start with that and then I think again if you google reasons people quit watching the NBA you'll find

Plenty of them yeah, and and mix those two in and let us know how it goes Awesome, thank you, and will you actually follow up with us on this one? Yeah, and maybe yeah I will definitely follow up with you guys maybe a screenshot. Maybe a screenshot of this first initial hockey Also, maybe a screenshot of you just so we know maybe with you Take a picture of you with a mirror beside you so we can sort of see although the problem is AI so good We couldn't tell the difference. I don't know Kate Middleton got busted. So I think doing what Oh Photoshop I just like oh Conspiracy was yeah you you with today's paper and a couple of mirrors around you,

and that's all we need to confirm that this actually happened. Okay. I'll find the nearest mirror mate. Okay. Thank you, Matt. Appreciate it. Go shoot crap. Today's episode is sponsored by bookinging.com, aka Booking.Yeah. That's right, Jake. Uh, listen, as you know, I'm on the road currently in a hotel currently that I booked on Booking.com previously. And you told us that, all fair.

Nope. I don't want to get into that. It's too much. I just want to say how great but no go ahead I mean well, okay, you said it's pretty funny So the stand-up places book most of your nights But on the layover night when you don't have the club book in it You needed to book your own space and you said I used booking comm and it was so easy

Well, we said well, this is the goddamn commercial guy. No. You also pointed out that I have a room with two beds, because when I pay for it, Luke, who's my opener, he and I share a room because, you know, you try to save money on the road, which is why I use booking.com. And another thing that's great about booking.com is this situation without the two beds that I booked on booking.com becomes a lot more

three stooges-esque if it's one bed. So I get the two beds, they make it easy on you, you know what you're going to get when you show up, you're very familiar. It doesn't matter if you're looking for a remote mountain cabin or a relaxing beach resort or a hotel that you share with a guy you met in college, there's a multitude of choices you can get at booking.com. I agree. And I was just told when my kid's spring break is and my wife said, we have nothing planned if you want to plan something. And I thought, oh, I didn't realize

this is going to be on the old Jake stir. And I'm going to go to booking.com. And in your head, when you figure out a weird four days to keep everybody busy so the kids don't drive me nuts. So Booking.yeah, save me! There we go. So this spring, check out Booking.com for your ideal hotel or vacation home. No matter where you go in the US, book whoever you want to be on Booking.com. Booking.com.

Booking.yeah. Hey everyone, booking.yeah. Hey everyone, producer Kevin here. This next follow-up is from episode 51. It's the second caller in that episode. That episode's called, It's Your World, We're Just Pitching In It with Chris DiStefano. It's from February 8th of this year.

Enjoy the follow-up. Hi, guys. Boo-boo. Hi. Hi there. Welcome back. We're here to help. We know that we've talked to you before, Enjoy the follow up. Hi, Jake. Hi. Hi there. Welcome back. We're here to help.

We know that we've talked to you before, but we have no clue what it was about or who you are. So do you want to just give us a little update? Jake's here too. Jake, say hi to whoever this is. Hi. Okay, great. So who are we talking to and what's going on?

What's the update? All right. So my name is Kate. I called in about the porn star dog sitter. Oh, yes. Porn star dog sitter. Your dog sitter came. Her boyfriend brought a camera.

Oh. You then, Kate, did the maniac move of firing her and signing on to... Hold on, Gareth. You can't put that photo up. Yes. I'm sorry, Kate. I'm still here have to it by what it helps my Wi-Fi. Okay Glitchy so Kate you then did this you you fired her So where are we at now? Well, okay

The question was whether to ask her if anything had been going on in the house We're not and the advice that you all gave me like it was split whether to ask her if anything had been going on in the house or not. And the advice that you all gave me, like it was split at first. Yeah, yeah. But in the end, I decided, no, no, I'm not going to say anything to her. I don't want to offend her. She's a nice person and whatever. I was just going to leave it there.

And then my curiosity got the better of me. Oh, good for you, Kate. This is good. We liked by the way I don't think you'd be on this follow-up if the curiosity didn't get the better of you. But also Gareth, whatever you are Kate, you are part of the community. I know the community doesn't have a name yet but to follow up after firing a woman for having an OnlyFans, that makes you a true helper or whatever the term is. Whatever the hell we end up calling. I didn't fire her. I didn't fire her for having Rick out. I'm just not going to...

Hire her again. Hire her back. There was no firing involved. And I really truly have no judgment for what she does for a living. It's not... I really know. You just don't want it in your house. Yeah. You just don't want to be a set. You're a house, not a set. Ha ha ha. By the way, Kate, I'm sorry, really fast. Gareth has a photo up because of his reception

where it's fire orange hair with a huge mullet on a boat. And Gareth, it's- Don't sleep on the teeth. Don't sleep on the teeth. It's throwing me in a real way. Don't sleep on the teeth. It's throwing me in a real way. Don't sleep on the teeth. All right, Kate, you'll see. Watch this on YouTube, Kate.

When you're there, it's it's wild. All right. And by the way, not part of my plan. I was not going to go public with this. Garrett is on tour in a hotel room. That's why we're doing the zoom. But Kate, back to you. So what happened? I'm dying to know.

All right. So I, you know, um, I, I, my, my friends and family were split on the advice too. And so I finally just, I sent her a text and I was like, Hey, really, truly, I, I'm not judging what you do for a living, I promise. You're a beautiful woman, I think you're a great, you're lovely, but I have to know what the equipment was for. And she was like, I totally respected your home. Like she was not really pleased, not surprisingly.

But basically she said no, and I took really good care of your health and took good care of your dog. And I was like, well, about the dog, you didn't even walk him. So, and she says that it was hard. Oh, right. Okay. So that last part isn't true. Yeah. So- Kate, I'm dying to know about the OnlyFans. What's happening with it?

I immediately unfollowed it because I don't want to be a crease that way. Yeah, so there's nothing really on there. But we are, we kind of ended it amicably and we're still friends on Instagram and whatever. So the funniest part of all of this though is my students. Because I don't know if you remember, but I had to get off the phone with you all because the bell rang and they were coming into my room. Oh, right. Yes. Right. And I guess I just had this funny, because we hung up and then I immediately opened the

door and 16 year olds are pouring into my room. And I guess I just had this funny look on my face and I'm like, Miss S, what's up? And I'm like, you know, Nick and Brian from New Girl and they're like, yeah, we love New Girl. We know both of them. Yeah. I was like, well, I just got off the phone with them and they were like, what? No way. Brian. Here's the thing. I was not even considering for a second the fact that then I would have to say

why I was on the phone with you and tell the story. So I'm like, oh, shit, I can't really, they're just porn at school. So I didn't tell them and then they, you know, they followed the podcast for weeks. Oh boy. And then, where is it gonna be on? This is a turn on the update. I'm like, oh my God. Okay, so I finally just told them what it was about

and I said, if you listen, do not listen to it with your parents. I think that's fair. So then, so they figured it out. They come in the next day and they were like, so they listened to it when it came out and they were like, oh my God, so like now like every sophomore at my school knows exactly what happened. And they're, they're giving me like all kinds of advice. And advice on this from 16-year-olds is pretty entertaining. What's the advice you're getting?

By the way, that's our podcast, but keep going. I know. Well, one of them suggested that, well, you've got to go back on and then AI generate a calendar with her and your dog in it and say that she did it. I'm like, I can't lie to them. Oh my God, AI generating calendar. That's such Gareth advice. I was going to say, you know, it's bad when I look down on it. You know what's sad Gareth is that the reason we've never pitched an AI thing is

it's because we're old. We would pitch everything would be AI-generated. By the way, watch how this influences the show going forward. 80% of my pitches would be like, have you heard of this AI? I think it's the H-I. Here's how you age us. Rather than AI-generated, all of ours are 70s Bush, 70s Bush. Fire with fire. Well, by the way, there are there are two there's really been two

There's an a there's a BC and an ad on this show and post 70s Bush is the ad really But now it might be AI generated. I think we've got a new theme I think so Kate you just to recap here a little bit You had somebody in your house you believed was doing only fans, your dog sitter, you then followed her on only fans. Just to see if my house was in any of the concerts. Kate, we're not judging. We're not judging.

We're a part of the goddamn community. So then we're into it. I mean, we love it. Are you kidding me? We're doing this for fun. It could be AI. AI generated. I don't know what AI is. Neither do I.

70s Bush. So then you followed her. You didn't know if you were gonna follow up. You're a teacher. Your students heard about it. They pitched AI generated, which is something you're gonna start hearing as a buzzword on our show.

At this point, you and this woman talked. You made it very clear. You don't judge the OnlyFans community. Who does? And so she said, no I wasn't doing anything scandalous, but the question is, what the hell was she doing with the camera setup? Exactly. Well she said that she just wanted to take some pictures in front of the Christmas tree and they had one. Why? Well Kate, Kate, Kate, Kate.

Why? I hate to be Columbo here, but you are a teacher of high school students, right? You are an intelligent human being. You are leading the next generation who understands things like AI generated. She brought an entire film set up to take a photo for Christmas.

She's got an iPhone. That's all you need. I know. I definitely think that she took the pictures and she can't use it because you're onto it. That's what I think happened. Of course. She, you'd never go, Hey, you know what? I'm dog sitting.

Let's take a photo, honey. In front of the Christmas tree. Why don't you bring nine porn stars in a full film crew? Why? Just for the crew. We'll get all these porn actresses and porn actors to be craft service. No, no, no, no, no.

Hey, let's get 15 tarps for this tree shoot. It just blocks the light. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Kate, Kate, Kate, my friend, Kate. You want to believe her? Kate, Kate, your house is a porno set. Yes. I hope you know that.

And now all you students. I'm sitting on my bed right now. Thanks a lot. Yes. So was she. And so was he. And maybe so was a third of them. And so were they.

And so are they. Now, I got bad news for your high school students. Or good news for them, bad news for you. Guys, I'm now speaking to Kate's class. This is a woman you can trick and lie to. This is somebody AI generate your essays. I generate everything. Oh, by the way, she believed porno was not filmed in her home guys.

You know, it was AI generate. Go ahead Garf. All your finals should be done with Chad GPT. I would definitely, if I was one of your students, be offering to dog sit. That would be perfect. Without question. So Kate, how did she convince you?

Will you tell us really fast before we keep steamrolling this? I'm not convinced. I just let it drop because obviously, well, I don't even know what answer I was expecting. Like. Yeah, I probably did this in your bed. That's true. So, I don't even know why I asked in the first place. I should have just kept my mouth shut. No, but it's good. I think it's classy. It's classy and it's grown up to ask. I think it's good. For her, it probably makes her think twice about the next time that she's dog sitting, about turning

the place into... Or she just had to do the same lie. I was just taking a photo for Christmas. Well, maybe she'll at least walk the dog a little. I think that's fair. All right. So... There was only one doggie style taking place in that house and it was not on leash.

Kate, we got to jump off. Thank you so much for the follow up and the call. Kate, we got to get off. Thank you so much for the follow-up and the call. Hey, we got to get off like your dog sitter And to enter the class. Thank you guys for listening. Please be kind to your teacher She is a cool nice human being who's trying her hardest and she's part of our community So be good students and get good grades. Yeah You're the best, thank you. Good luck, Kate.

Hey everyone, producer Kevin here. This is a little extra fireside chat when Rick Glassman showed up. We thought it was ridiculous and wanted to put it in the episode. And we're putting these fireside chats day early on the patreon So if you want to check them out there go to patreon.com slash here to help pod and the link for that is in the description Okay, enjoy

Give me a shoulder issue you do and I'm giving I'm giving hands. Yeah, how you doing? Gary, give me a, I have a shoulder issue. You do? And I'm giving hands. Is that true? Yeah, I just had, well, yeah. I like the Nickelodeon dog tags. That's why I'm a little late. You served in Nickelodeon?

All right. We have fun, we have fun. I had a little procedure and it made it more difficult than I anticipated to shower and get dressed. Oh, shit. When was the procedure? Yesterday. Wow.

I had done these things before, but this one, it hurts a little bit more. Jesus. So we're going. We're going. No. Oh, we are going. I did not have a procedure. You don't want the people at ABC

to know that you had a procedure? What's this? What time is it? Hey, Jake's on London. Oh, you worry about you being worried about me. Jake's on London time. What time is it now? In London? No, I know what time it is in London.

It's 8.10 in London. That's exactly right. We've got the collar is on. Throw these on. We have not heard either. So we are all going to figure this out as we go. You see what I did? You're a sweet guy. Oh, that's nice, thank you.

You have no rules. I made a mistake. I made a mistake. One rule. Is this my camera? Made a mistake. I mean, sort of. I was looking for that.

I could do it, I could do it. All right, thanks man. Thank you. So Hannah Simone, tell us about her. How is she on set? We have only done scenes together a couple of times. And every time she, I don't know if she's gonna not. I might, can we send this to her?

Yes. She has diarrhea. She'll approve this. She always has diarrhea. She's running always. I mean, that's the same old Hannah Simone. You know who else who always has diarrhea? Gina Rodriguez, Not Dead Yet, Wednesdays on ABC.

How about that? Wait, did you plan this bit? I knew that they do this, but I get this tea. Wait, what does it have? Because they have rose tea. That is why you wanted the tea. Absolutely not. I don't drink coffee anymore.

I know, you said that. So black tea, and this is my favorite black tea because they put rose or whatever in it. But I'll tell you something, look at this, Not Dead Yet. That's pretty good. That must feel good. This man is good at sales. That is great.

He did about 10 texts about your tea. I don't know what you're talking about. And you wanted to come after the tea arrived? Uh-oh. It's all on the floor. And if you're looking to be on the floor, head on over to Marshall Red Gallery. I'll send you guys a commercial.

And we're back. Oh, back to editing. Oh, no. Oh, the battle. Three, two, one. It's a winner battle. Boo-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch. Boo-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch.

Come on, Rick. Boo-ch-ch-ch-ch. Is that a beat? I'm giving you a great beat. Without you, it's not great. It sounds like a few people are falling off a cliff. Boo-ch-ch-ch-ch. Rick is key to the song without him, Jake.

It's not good. Boo-ch-ch-ch-ch. Are we all set? I don't hear... No one's talked Jake. It's not good. All right. Are we all set? I don't hear... No one's talked yet. I don't hear me very well, and I hate that. You've got to hear him.

You hear him. So, Gina Rodriguez has a diarrhea issue? All the women. All the women on the show. Lauren Ash, Angela Gibbs, Hannah Simone, Gina Rodriguez. How about the men? I mean, I fart every now and then. They're guys. No, we don't have to. I mean, we know alliance and we don't have diarrhea.

That's encouraging. What is the vibe of the set like? It's gonna be tough. Everyone's just running in there. What's Crafty like? Crafty's fantastic. Is it? Yeah, but I mean, still, the people seem to be eating bad.

The women are choosing bad options, it seems. I don't think it's necessarily... I think this... I mean, women have... have, hello? I just think women have diarrhea. Hello, how are you? Am Garrett, he just farts? Brad Garrett's a big farter. Farts a lot. How are they, loud, stinky?

Just regular, just like, just like a. Because he's a big. Yeah, he is. Just a regular fart. I imagine something different. How do you picture him farting? Honestly, smells really bad, really loud, aggressive. I could picture him doing the one leg up, kind of one wing.

Yeah, same. Some jokes about it. Yeah. Yeah. Like he sits down and says it's old leather when it's like a regular chair. I think I get it. Leather would make a little bit of a fart noise, maybe. Hello, you're on the show.

Can we get your name, please? Some leather. We're Here to Help is hosted by Jake Johnson and Gareth Reynolds. The show is produced and edited by Kevin Bartelt and the associate producer and editor is AJ McKeown. Our social media director is Caitlin Tanwakiya and our video editor is John De Bruyne. The theme song is made by Oliver Raleigh and you can check out his music at oliverraleigh.com. That's Oliver R-A-L-L-I.com. The album artwork is by James Fostike.

You can find him on Instagram at James underscore Fostike, D-I-K-E, and if you'd like to see me do stand up on the road, go to garethrentolds.com. And if you'd like to be on the show, email us your question at helpfulpod at gmail.com. All of the advice given on We're Here to Help is for entertainment purposes only, and all listeners should be adults

and make their own decisions.