We're Here to Help - 72: Let’s Call Him Doniel with Lamorne Morris, Rachel Bilson and Olivia Allen

Episode Date: April 22, 2024

Jake, Gareth and special guest Lamorne Morris talk to callers about threesomes and sleep masks. Later, the guys welcome back Rachel Bilson and Olivia Allen to chat with a caller about feet pics. Want to call in? Email your question to [e-mail] (Ad-Free Episodes, Bonus Calls and Q&As): Patreon.com/HereToHelpPodVIDEO: Youtube.com/@HeretoHelpPodMERCH: heretohelppod.comINSTAGRAM: @HereToHelpPodTIKTOK: @HereToHelpPodIf you’re enjoying the show, make sure to rate We’re Here to Help 5-Stars on Apple Podcasts.Advertise on We’re Here to Help via Gumball.fm See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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We're back, Gareth. We got a fun one. We got old friends coming back on this episode. Yes. Yes. Always a pleasure. Yes. What we're doing on this one is when we recorded with the great Lamorne Morris.

You know, friend of the show, rest in power, as you always say. Rest in power. We know him from a bunch of stuff, but mostly the Lamorne and after podcast. Yes. His hit podcast. Morning After podcast. Yes, his hit podcast. His hit podcast. We also, when we did with him, we had an extra one when we were figuring out how to do this.

We recorded with three with him. And we also have a great one from Rachel Billson and Olivia Allen. Olivia Allen, Broad Ideas podcast. And so we're pairing those two up and we're going to throw a new call in, but this will be a fun new episode with two old great callers. Yep. It's exciting. Yeah.

What do you think of those calls Garf? Well, I like them. I definitely think in the one with, well, first of all, like you said, Lamorne's always gold. And with Rachel and Olivia, a problem that I feel like is fairly relatable. I often, I mean, I have female friends who often talk about the world of this call. And it is one of these really weird loopholes, but also still feels kind of icky. But it's well, there's the we're talking about and we're going to enter it on the call.

But the world of only fans and I will say the idea of only fans, I said I have a story, but I'm going to transition here, Garf man, to just the world of only fans, because it's a wild world. You got people making hundreds of thousands of dollars monthly. Yes. No, it is this strange, strange new world. It's it's not bad. It's not bad. And they also have broken into comedy too. They do roasts and things like that. Look at the whole thing.

I got a question for real now. No bit. Okay. What would you be willing on an OnlyFans to show if you had... It was real money. Give me the number. Okay. Garth Girls, fill up.

You're making $250,000 a month. Oh my God. Fine. Let's say $200 a month. $,000 a month. Oh my god. Fine. Let's say 200 a month. 200k a month. You're getting a lot for 200k a month. I mean, honestly. Are we seeing a full frontal? Are we talking, let me ask you one more question before I say yes, because I think you are. Are we saying, to use one of our favorite Shark Tank terms, in perpetuity, is this going to be going on forever? Because to some extent, I feel like I'm kind of,

you know, that's kind of it. Once I'm doing full frontal. So you think if you show full frontal, you're gonna, everyone's gonna drop? Well, no, no, no, no, no. Garf, Garf, what you just said, Garf, you said, if you went full frontal, they're not, this is a monthly service.

You're saying if you show that little n no, you would have about nine people. Is it hurting the road? No, no, no, no, no, no. Then I see no problem doing full frontal. I'll definitely be making sure things are presentable. I'm not going to be giving you take the angles. Yeah, I'm not going to be hopping out of the cold plunge, but I will definitely be lighting in my ways.

And in terms of, you know, in terms lighting in my ways and you'll see it all. In terms of OnlyFans, every model has their own style. How could we describe your style, Garf? Uncomfortable, but into money. But what's like the cute look? Is it a fireman? I know in the baby boy piece. What are we selling, Garfie?

I've offered a rare opportunity where I could say anything was comedy. My fear obviously is Jake, you get into the OnlyFans and you're going to be merciless if you see him in the fireman outfit. But I still think I could do it. If you charge 200 grand for one person, I'm your 200 grand for those photos. It is going to be whack-a-mole trying to keep you out. I will hire a person to be like, look, Jake is gonna come up with a bunch of sock puppets. Keep him out of here. My dream after going off of what you just said

was that one of our extended friends starts a male and a guy who's not a hunk starts an OnlyFans. I know who we're thinking. Steve. Yep. Steve Berg. Yep. If Steve Berg started an OnlyFans,

you can find Steve Berg on the High Strangeness podcast. And while you're listening to High Strangers, imagine him, oh, what was our bet Garf? That we never did with him. You remember this. I don't remember what the thing was, but he lost and he was supposed to. Oh, okay.

Yes. I'll, well, first of all, there's a few We'll call him, you know, I'm talking about the best one And again, this is where Jake has a skill set that has never really been We've never been really able to get any money out of this skill set. No, it's just kind of your business acumen But you came up with this Basically, I got we got him to bet on a playoff game that had already happened. So so you you realize that he didn't know the game had happened.

And then he picked me up and he was very stoned and he said, the Broncos are going to kill the Raiders and the game had happened. No, it was it was I honestly think it was Texans Bengals. Yeah, OK. Yeah. He texted me and he goes, Jake's trying to get me to bet on Houston. Do you think they have a shot? And like Houston had already like one was a 10 o'clock game.

Yeah. And so I go, oh, dude, Bengals got this. And he's like, thank you, my man. OK. Yeah. And then he because he picked me up and we went to Derek Waters' house together and watched it side by side. And I was filming him and sending it to you because they would have the score underneath the game of the game we had bet on and then be staring at the screen and then we were we were just waiting for the shoe to drop yes but the bet but the bet was the bet was that the loser Steve decided before the bet even happened because the game had

already happened, had to take a Zumba class with a puka-shelled necklace. And there was another bet that I had with him that I think was that same one, but it might have been another one. And again, we didn't make him do that, but the loser had to do a photo shoot where they tried to look as sexy as they could, but not funny sexy. No, serious. The way that you think you look your hottest. Yes. You have to take that and that the other guys get those photos. And that's what only fans would really be a blessing. Because you're not doing only fans to be funny. You're doing only fans to turn people on. I am going to say to my guy friends, I'm doing it to be be funny and to the female or the male listeners who support me that I am dead serious and that I really take this account seriously. With that in mind everybody enjoy the show. Hello.

Hi. Hey how you doing? I'm good how are you guys doing? We're doing really great. Hey, thank you for listening to this podcast by the way. you go. Oh my gosh. I've been listening since the beginning It's like my favorite well, then I got good news for you because you got another Podcast you can listen to today. That's also at the beginning. Do you want to know what it's called? Yeah, the LaMorning

after Okay, say more I'm going to say LeMorn-more. Yeah, LeMorn. It is LeMorn Morris's new podcast. Okay, okay. That's where I thought we were going. Now tell me right now, does that get you a little excited, a lot excited? Where you at? Super excited. LeMorn Morris is here on the call. That was a test. And you passed it. And guess what?

If you failed it, it would have been really funny for us. Yes. It would have been good otherwise. It would have been great. So we were in a win-win, but you are very excited. Lamar, what's the podcast about? The podcast is about life. It's about culture.

Sometimes we dip into sex and race. But most importantly, we just get to know the guests. You know, Jake Johnson. Am I gonna be on this episode? This is the episode you're gonna be on. So after you listen to this, jump over to the La Morning After, and we are going to continue.

Continue that conversation with. The Nick and Winnie dance. That's right, we do a little dance. We do a little dance. And we're gonna talk a lot about your first sexual experiences Jake You know even when you were a kid Like when I was a kid kid when you was a kid kid and the neighbor showed up. Oh wow, dr. Watson

Can we get a shout out to dr. W. Thank you for everything you taught me my man And can we get your name caller caller, please? My name is Emily. I am 40, and I am in Arizona. Emily, Arizona, 40. Lamorne Morris, Gareth Reynolds, Jake Johnson. What's the problem? Oh, Lamorne after podcast. And link in bio to the shirt.

Yeah, I'm wearing the very sexy revealing hoodie with the beautiful man's face. When I do your podcast, I would like one to leave and I'll rock that. Oh, absolutely. Okay. No, I'll give you one. I'll rock it.

You look good. Medium. What size do you think I would wear? Uh-oh. Listen, this is dangerous. What size? Thick. Medium medium what size you think that would Dangerous what size thick Hey, are you getting the morn is very skinny tell us why you bragger listen I'm playing Garrett Morris and the new SNL 1975 movie. It's not a big deal, but the whole world's talking about

Directing it Jason Reitman's directing. Yeah, it's a crazy cast. You go look it up on Deadline That's not important. But what is important is he texts everyone from new girl and he'll say like I'm the winner y'all are the duds Everybody forgot about your ass. I'm out here with Jason right there. What are you doing podcasting in a basement? Yeah, dork, you don't know my tone when I text those. How do you say I go? You don't know my tone when I text those. How do you say I go? What's up? Y'all bitch? You underestimated me You talk the dow into me Emily wants the problem So I have been with my husband for like almost 20-ish years

And up until probably I don't know maybe the beginning of COVID time, four or five years ago, our sex life has been like real vanilla. Like not bad at all. Oh, for the first 18 years, it was vanilla is what you're saying? Well, the first, yeah, like 15 years. Why'd you marry him? No complaints.

No complaints, but just a little plain. Just a little bit more Okay, there's no complaints, but it just was like respect. Nobody's gonna write any fanfic about anything we were doing. So Then I don't know if I'm like, I don't know hormones something weird happened to me and I'm like, I would I'm just Just let me stop you right there. I'd write fanfiction about some vanilla a while to commit to saying that I didn't want to I didn't commit to saying that in the morning. I didn't want to put her on the spot or interrupt her story. But you like some vanilla bedroom stuff.

Yeah, because sometimes I'm tired. Sometimes I'm tired. You know what I'm saying? I don't want to be doing all that weird, let me put my leg on the dresser, like, you know, bringing other people in the room. I'm not a cuck. Okay, is that what you're looking for? There's not enough. Before we attack her, let's listen.

Let me finish. You started, not you finish, let her finish. Yeah, my bad. Let them both finish. What, you a cuck? Let me finish in my pants. Let us finish at the same time. I understand.

Let you finish. Well, that's the goal, right? How about this? Let you finish, and then go in the other room and let me take a hot shower and finish. Oh, jeez. While I watch my videos. It got, it seems so sad when you do your guy doing it. It becomes really.

Yeah. Man, I just want you to finish. Then let me finish in the closet. And may I also have a finish? All right, Emily. Vanilla sex, COVID hits, hormones take over. Yeah. And like suddenly I kind of want to do everything, right? And that was like not.

Explain everything. Yeah, and like suddenly I kind of want to do everything right and that was like not explain every So like want to do it way more often I'm like, let's make the sex tape. Let me send you some news at work Like I don't know what happened in my brain because I used to be like a fairly shy human being you flip I don't know what happened in your brain is what happened in your thank you shy human being. You flipped. I don't know. That's not what happened in your brain,

it's what happened in your. Thank you. 40, your body starts talking to you. There you go. You know what I'm saying? Do you get my point? Well what's the body saying? Oh yeah.

What the body? Yeah. I don't see nothing wrong. I don't see nothing wrong. My mind's telling me no. But my body, my body is telling me yes. That's what's happening. Your body is talking.

Yeah. And your body's saying, let's get into it. Yes. All right, keep going. So I have always had a really secret fantasy about having a threesome, but I never thought that was something that would ever be a reality that I would try to do.

And now I'm like- This is a threesome, Emily, even back in the day when you're a Vanilla in, in the back of your head, you're thinking, I wouldn't mind it if you were in here. Yeah, always wanted to try it. Fun, male or female? Female.

Okay. Yeah, so I just, I kind of have like a twofold problem. One, I don't really know how to bring this up to my husband. Easy, you want another threesome with a woman? Sure. Problem solved. It's now he has way harder. Want to have a threesome? He goes, I'm interested. His name is Gary. That's a problem. That's a different thing.

That's a big problem. That guy, David, who was at the Trader Joe's the other day. The guy who dropped all those cans of soup. Or the guy at the gym who's strong. Yeah. Yeah. your work husband. Yeah Yeah, and by the way with my work husband, but I don't want you here. That's actually a great pitch, but let's keep going Okay, so that's one of your problems. How do you bring it up? What's the other one? Who's the other one is like I have no idea the logistics of this like I don't know

Anyone i'm like willing to have a conversation with. And then it's like, okay, am I hiring someone? Am I going on an app? Yeah, how do you pull this off? What do I do? Okay, first of all, what grade do you teach? First. Nice, Jesus.

What a turn. This is just... This podcast has taught me so much, and that is, you ladies are wild! Especially when LeMaurin's here. That's what happens really I bring them out You do I think I believe Emily's call was originally about a surprise party and then the second you heard it was the morn It became a very similar big pause. Yeah, and then she was like, oh she's like, I'm gonna get real

Technically has just changed to you and me it I want to have a surprise party Yeah, kind of ice cream should I have a good cookies and cream? What kind of ice cream should I have? And I'm going, cookies and cream! And you're like, peanut butter and chocolate! Jake, relax! Peanut butter and chocolate's the route! Oh, Lamarne's here? Yeah, I'd like to have a three-way.

How do I do that? Yeah, I've been having vanilla sex for 20 years and now I want to bring a woman in. Well congratulations, first of all congratulations to you on having this moment. And congratulations to your husband who you think is going to maybe be upset by this, but I don't think will be. And congratulations to the one parent of one of those kids who hears this and goes, I recognize that voice.

Mrs. Shapiro? Oh my God. Mrs. Shapiro? And then at the conference when you go like, well I need to tell you, like Phoenix is doing great. Yeah. He's really developed, that dad's going like, hubbubbubb it might be me, it might be me, it might be me. So you brought joy.

If you see a pineapple, if you get a pineapple on your doorstep, you know it's time. You know one of them teachers heard this. So what would the pineapple do? It's a sign. It's a signal. It's a signal that says you're open to like.

Bring it. Really? Yeah. Swing your lifestyle. How do you guys, so giving somebody a pineapple? How about if a weirdo comes over with a live lobster? What's that sign? Yeah. Swing your lifestyle. How do you guys, so giving somebody a pineapple? How about if a weirdo comes over with a live lobster? What's that sign? Anal. Is that anal?

No. Because Lamorne came to my house with a live lobster while shooting a BMO and goes, I'm so rich I bring lobster. I'm not lying. You are lying, I didn't say, those aren't my words. They were pretty damn close. Those were your words.

Those were pretty close. Can I break that down really? I did please I did really quick I live lobster and we were filming and I said Jake I've never you know, I haven't been to your house I'm finally on this side of town. Hey, I'm shooting commercial. He said, oh, what are you doing? I was like, I was shooting for BMO and he said oh And I was like no no no no, no, it's a fair wage He goes, oh, you rich. And I was like, no, no, no, no, no, it's a fair wage. He goes, oh, if you're coming by my house, bring lobster. Oh, I did?

You said that. He said, bring lobster. So I went to the producers and said, hey, can we have a PA run to the store and buy lobster for me? I said, I don't care what kind. I'm thinking a meal with some lobster in it. Just so I can say I did it as a joke.

This poor girl who was vegan and was an animal rights activist, was a PA, brings over a lobster in a bag and looks at me like, I ain't shit. She was just like, how could you? And I'm like, what the fuck do you want me to do with this? But I brought it to you and Jake didn't want it. He thought it was scaring the kids.

I couldn't bring that into my house. He didn't. So I had to go set it free. Wait, what? I'm sorry. This problem, you should have called into the show. You brought a lobster to Jake's house and Jake, you were like, it can't be here.

Well, we were gonna hang out, and he goes, he said, I said, what's in the bag? And then, almost you were gonna leave it outside and not tell me, so I just reached in. Oh my God. I don't remember that part. And then, I opened it, and I was like, what the fuck, man, you brought me a live lobster.

And then, Lamorne, what'd you, when you said set it free, you didn't go to the ocean. I went to YMCA. Okay, that's better. That's what I figured. And you said, gentlemen, you went in the steam room, you go fight for it. By the way, this PA's worst nightmare.

Yeah. He was like, just make sure you enjoy every part of it. You were like, I actually threw it in a pool, Jake didn't want it. Well, I think strategy is everything. I think the next time you guys are doing vanilla sex, just whisper in his ear, I wish I had a little bit of chocolate. And he's gonna be like, what does that mean?

There's this woman, her name is Ebony. She's over at the gym. I don't know how spicy you try to get. Keep going. Because them gym folks be strong. Yeah, keep going. And then you get, it gets him interested. That gets gym folks be strong. Yeah, keep going. You know, and then you get, and then, you know, it gets him interested. That gets him piqued.

Yes. Because, then you, while having vanilla sex. Yeah. You're thinking about Ebony. That's right. He's gonna be like, ooh, ooh. And then he's gonna start to,

then he's gonna start to inquire. What did you mean by that? Oh, so you just started as dirty talk. Dirty talk. Ooh. And then he's gonna be like, oh, I wonder if my wife is into the idea. Of a threesome. I was you just started as dirty talk dirty talk and then he's gonna be like, oh I Wonder if my wife is into the idea of a threesome and now you put it on him

This is interesting because then here's what you do Once he brings up this once he wants he brings it up Then you could you could push back a little bit and go. Oh, you're nasty What and then you could say to him, who would you get? Yeah, and then let him find the person. And then what would he say? Oh, I could be like, well, there was this girl I worked, I've been fucking, so now I could bring her.

Cut, cut, cut! Can I make a request, Kevin? Could you just isolate some of Jake's response to what Lamar was saying at some point? Because Jake's kind of, like, background voice was as creepy as the... It did sound like a man masturbating behind the fence. Jake just kept going,

-"Oh, yeah. All right." -"Oh, he was cooking. -"He was cooking with gas." -"Yeah, yeah." Okay, so, Emily, what do you think of the idea of bringing up the idea of a third in the dirty talk of your new sex life? Yeah, that makes sense. That feels natural Yeah, I like the idea of kind of like passing it on to him. I just It gets me back to my logistics question. You know what I mean?

Hey look, we got to climb one hill before we climb the other got it. Okay I don't I don't hate that idea at all because bringing it up in terms of something that turns you both on could then start being the game and then eventually as you're playing that game, even if he doesn't say it, you could say, what do you think about doing this for real? Do I, okay, do I say that like in the moment? No, no, you don't ever get in logistics in the moment. This is after when you guys are eating chili.

You're talking about Ebony from the gym, who as Lamar likes can squat about 600 pounds. 600. Easy. She could bench about 305, 310. That's a strong, strong back. She's got the kind of thighs that would just crush a man. Crush a walnut. Yeah.

Right in between them cheeks. Yeah. So that's the kind of pop, pop. That's the kind of stuff that Lamar likes. So. I didn't say that. I'm just saying. I didn't say that part. I just said that exists in the world. You said that via text.

Yeah, I sent you photos too. Sure. But that doesn't mean that's what I want to do. You've also said while we were hiking, this hike would be really fun if we did a three way with a really strong woman. Pop pop crack. It's like Walnut. And I said, I'm really excited.

I'd like to talk about the Jason Reitman job. Is there a role in there for Garrett's a PA you? Now in terms of getting a third Garf where we at? Here's another option just on because I do think breaking it into two Yes, you had a pitch on accident that I think is better talk to me if you say to your husband You had a pitch on accident that I think is better talk to me if you say to your husband You find the right way and you say I want to have a threesome. I want to bring another guy in

He'll lose his mind and then you go I'm kidding. I want it to be a woman Yeah, so that way you kind of yeah give him the in where he's gonna be like worst-case scenario Into best care is the problem with playing with fire. Oh worst-case scenario into best case scenario. Here's the problem with playing with fire. Oh. You might get burned. It never burns. No. Imagine.

Imagine the opposite. Imagine you say I wanna bring another guy in. And he goes, yes. David. Yes. And then he goes. He's in the closet masturbating. He always says what we fuck.

But just imagine. Just imagine. He's always been here. And then David goes like, hey, hey, how you doing? Hey. And then Emily. This is awesome. Get out of here, get out of here.

Emily, leave. So here's what I don't love about this. Get out of here here Mike and I have a thing. Here's what I don't love about that idea. The truth is, Emily you never know. So don't open up a box in an attic unless you want to know what's in the box in the attic. Because if he goes you go what if we had a three-way with a guy and he goes like this, interesting. And then you went, I'm choking with a girl. And then he would have to go. Gross. Yeah, totally. Yeah, grody. And now it's in the back of your mind. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. But you know what's interesting

about something that you were saying? Yeah. Here's what you could do. Let's just, cause you even said at the beginning of the call, you don't know if it's a threesome, you don't know what it is. Possibly it could be a threesome. During sex, let's say you bring it up. This could be the game.

Let's say it's sexy. The game that you two could have is just mind games while you're doing it. Ooh, are we gonna bring another woman in? And you never actually do, but to you, that has spiced up your vanilla latte. Now it's a spiced chai. I like that, man.

Turn it into a chai. I like that, man. Turn it into a chai. Now let me talk to you really fast, Emily, about how we get the third. Yes. Sometimes it's important to GoPro. I like where you're headed. Because you could say, let's just find a third,

and you know what it's gonna be? 10 years of looking for a house but you're not serious about buying. That's true. You're gonna go, well, I want a pool, and I want this, but it's gonna be 10 years of looking for a house, but you're not serious about buying. That's true You're gonna go well. I want yeah cool I want this but it's got to be under that who the fuck is gonna be the third the principal at your school pass Yeah, happy anybody in your school. You just got a visual of your principal. Yeah, you'd really got Yeah, that was unpleasant I hear Emily. I'm ready to bang yeah That was unpleasant. I hear you.

Emily, I'm ready to beg. Yeah. I'm open for you. I'm ready. Check, please. So there's- Come to my office. The idea of finding a person in your life, problematic.

Yes, absolutely. You don't want- You want to go off site. It sounds like you and Mike have a nice thing cooking. It's getting hotter and more fun. The last thing you want to bring into the thing is a third person going like, well, after we had sex, like Mike didn't cuddle and you go, no, no, no, no, no. This is just for this night. Am I wrong or am I right, Emily?

No, you're totally right. I mean, like the cut, when I think about it, it's like every ounce of feminism is leaving my body. And I'm like, I want like an alive sex toy. Like I just want to try it and see what the deal is. I'm not looking for like right getting to know somebody So what would be my phone number Emily? What would be your ideal? third person I Mean, I don't know how to say that without like I don't say it just somebody I don't I feel like a gross human being but you know somebody young and hot like you know somebody who looks like they do porn.

What it sounds like Emily that you just pitched to us but you just don't want to say it is you want a professional. Yes. And I think the way you do it for the first time is you go to Nevada, you book this out, you go to a brothel, you do it pro, you have a night together, and you see if you liked it. Gentlemen, I'm getting weird looks. Well, only because we're both so aroused. No, I don't know if he is. No, he's full of, I can't see anything.

Little out nubbed. What are you talking about? I've never been harder. There ain't even a bump in those sweatpants. You weren't sweatpants. Oh boy, that's revealing. So what do you think of the idea of going pro?

I do really like that idea. It feels sort of like I check all my boxes without the emotional commitment or anything like that. all my boxes without like the emotional commitment or anything like that but my only sort of like Question about that is like are they is that like seedy are they gross? No, is that like it'll be all testy if you go to a brothel It's got to be all tested and aboveboard I think I think first of all Jake's answer came way too fast for everybody's comfortability

but I think there is I like that pitch because I think he's right like I'm just thinking of ways like I know when I Be on Tinder and I used to see couples Fishing for a third and just the idea of having to do that is so fucking annoying. You're not that far from, Nevada I think if you are gonna do it, that's probably the best place to do it. You can vet it I mean they have the bunny rant they have a shitload of these ruffles. You can do it all above board, I think you should. Lamar, what do you got? Close us out.

Honestly, I just think you gotta prey on it. I didn't think you were gonna go that direction. This is awesome. And what would you say in the prayers? Well, because when relationships are complicated, you know what I mean, and when sex becomes, pardon me saying this, but when it becomes an issue, a bit vanilla,

you gotta take it to a higher power. And I think in the old days. Sir, what would Jesus do? What would Jesus do? And I don't wanna be blasphemous here, but I feel like Jesus had washboard abs. He wasn't just sharing that with one person. The picture behind is, it's actually a very interesting

picture of you to even be you know Cuz that is like agreed. That's kind of sex Jesus up there on the wall. I mean listen I don't be blasphemous. I'm not I'm not Jesus. I am NOT God Please don't you know regard me as that right stop don't hold me in you understand that we could accidentally yeah Yeah, don't don't follow me right. I know this is an advice show, but I'm not your Savior Okay, thank you for being I have abs, but I am NOT your Savior. Okay. Thank you. You get what I'm saying Yeah, no, it's very clear But all I'm trying to tell you Emily is you got to take that up with somebody else

You know every once in a while you got to ask the Lord and the Lord will reveal it. Yeah Yeah, you know you could be out of the good book. Here's the thing. You're gonna be out at a bar one day There's gonna be a lovely young lady. After you ask the Lord, the Lord's gonna reveal that to you. You're gonna be open to it. I'm sure there have been 20 times in your life where a woman has probably been hitting on you, you just didn't think so.

That's interesting, actually. There was a lot of weirdness there to get to the ending, and that is... That is... It was kind of like reading the Bible to get to Revelation. But in the end there, I would say start the path towards a pro, but once you've started talking about it in Mike's ear and it's become a reality,

somebody might pop up. Okay. Emily? Sure. Good luck to you. I can have an open mound, mind about that. Yeah. An open mound? Yeah. Okay, Emily. Sure. Good luck to you. I can be I can have an open mound mind about that. Yeah an open mound And we're back yeah Keep us updated. Yes, I would start looking online for the

Website and on the morning after show that will be released this same day We will give another piece of advice at some point. So you have to listen, Emily, and everybody listen to this. There's gonna be a part B. Yes, there's definitely a part B to this. Plan B. I swear to sexy Jesus I will attend. Okay, so swear to sexy Jesus,

and thank you for the call and good luck, and seems like you're doing a lot of interesting stuff out there. Yeah, we're really happy, Mike is going to be happy. Also what you should do one, before I let you go, before I let you go, one day when he's just sitting on the couch watching the game, sit on his face. All right, that's my time.

Thank you so much for calling. Thanks, sorry about the end. This episode is brought to you by booking.com, booking.yeah. This episode is brought to you by Booking.com. Booking. Yeah. Oh, Jake, you know me. Road dog, driving a van across the country, staying in random spots and weird cities. It's a beautiful life that I've carved out for myself, one that I know you're very jealous of. I will say the thing about Booking.com that really works is that you can go from a little

resort to a five-star hotel. You can kind of book anywhere. It's something that I've used to book family trips, and I find it easy. Yes. They really do cover the spectrum. I'm serious when I say that I book like most of the time when my travel is not booked, I just go to booking.com. Cheesy.

Just very easy to see what you're getting into. The place that you're looking at always matches the place that you get. And like you said, if you would rather have a kitchen versus a hotel, booking.com is a great place to see. So book whoever you want to be on Booking.com. This episode is brought to you by Babbel. Jake, you know what Babbel is. Babbel, a language app, helps you learn foreign languages.

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Babbel.com slash HTH. Get up to 60% off of Babbel.com slash HTH spelled B-A-B-B-E-L dot com slash HTH. Rules and restrictions may apply. Du Talon! Hi. Hi, welcome to Babbel.com. H-T-H, rules and restrictions may apply. Du Talon! Buz, buz, buz, buz, buz, buz, buz, buz, buz, buz. Buz, buz, buz, buz, buz, buz, buz, buz. Hi. Hi, welcome to the show.

You're on with Jake and Gareth. Hi, guys. Hi. Do you have a name we could call you by? Yes, my name is Lauren. Lauren, is that a real name or a fake one? That's my real name. Nice. Cool, I respect that.

Yeah, good work. By the way, I of like more when people use their real names. I do too I yeah, I don't know why do you feel this you like the the realness Lauren? I love the realness I want to feel like this is a real person. I thought you out in the world Yeah, I feel the same way and Lauren. Where are you calling from? I'm calling from New Jersey Jersey is that really where you are? Yeah, no, that's really where I am. And what can we do for you today? Okay, so I've been married to my husband for about 18 years,

and recently he's been getting obsessed with his sleep health. I get it. He actually, yeah, well, he calls it his sleep hygiene. I get it. Wow., yeah, well, he calls it his sleep hygiene. I get it. Wow. I've gone through this phase. So, by the way, he's probably, but Lauren, he's probably in a sleep deficit and he needs

to make, sorry, go ahead, Lauren. Well, funny you say that about a deficit because he sleeps with like one of those rings now. So like he can track exactly how much he sleeps. Yeah. exactly when he wakes up we need should we be calling this guy albert einstein what's his name um well we're gonna we're gonna give him a fake name but it's very similar to his real name um his name is don so his name is dan hold on yep so his name is dan okay lauren lauren let me tell you hard fun let me walk you through the pseudonym game a little bit

So the point of the pseudonym is to get us far off the trail, but also not to say Okay, so Lauren from New Jersey Her husband is done and we might end up just calling him down. Well, we probably should because that's what his parents called him has been his Don. And we might end up just calling him Dan. Well, we probably should, because that's what his parents called him. And he has gotten obsessed after 18 years with his sleep health, because most likely he listened to Huberman or some other podcast. Or he saw some Instagram algorithm where they were like, sleep is everything.

And he was like, sleep is everything. That's literally what happened. It's what's happening to me. OK, so he's big into the sleep game, which I think could present a number of problems for Don with an A. So what is the specific issue? Yeah. We have a nightly routine. Okay.

Now we have a nightly routine. Okay. Like I'm a baby, basically. And it's like I'm on board now because I sleep in the same bed as him So like whether I want to or not, I this is now my routine too. Okay, so Instead of an alarm we wake up to like a light machine that simulates a natural sunrise Okay, I can't wake up to like my phone alarm like a normal person We only can get in the bed when we're tired like we can't watch a show

Only can get in the bed when we're tired like we can't watch a show Lauren I'm gonna tell you the his information. I'm gonna regurgitate because the bed is just for sleep and it's not for hanging out. No No, I think I've heard the same podcast as my man Donnie. All right, so you can only get in bed I hate to say it. I'm not gonna be on your team here, but I am your friend. Okay, so no No, you have to be on my team. Okay Okay, so he you can to be on my team. Okay, I'll be on your team. Legally. Fine, I'm on your team. Okay, thank you. Okay, so he, you can only be in bed to sleep? Right.

We have to have a humidifier on. We have to use a sound machine like a baby. Wow. Like a baby? Twice she called him a baby. You had to get a power strip. You made that move at some point. It was like, honey, there are not enough outlets for this.

Right. We're only breathing through our nose now when we sleep. Why can't you control that? They have mouth guards, but I don't think Don's going to go that far. But the worst part is I even tell you the worst part. The latest addition to the sleep game is now he sleeps with like a satin black like sleep mask over his face. Hey, Lauren, which is really unattractive. Lauren, man. Hey, Lauren. Lauren.

Which is like really unattractive. Lauren, again. Yes. I'm on your team. I'm on your team too. I heard something called a sleep crown. I got the mask. I got a sleep crown.

But we're with you. Yeah. You're talking to two guys. He's got a crown, I got a mask. Oh, God. Because blocking out the light is so important. We'll still solve your problem, but yeah, keep going. Okay, so he's now wearing a very unattractive mask. Okay. Yes, and then if he asked to ask me a question

After he's already put it on he just like brushes the sleep mask over his head and wears it like a headband That's not a good look. You are very fun. Oh, yeah, I get it. Thank you You're a winner. Okay blackout curtains, too So it's like what so quick question before is there anything else or is this now the kind of setup? Is the question what do I do now? I mean, this is a setup like I mean any one of these things are fine But all of it together is too much and I don't want this to be like his personality like yeah Which is really becoming how many hours a night are you is he sleeping at least eight? He's trying to go to bed like 10 o'clock. I'm like more of a night bird so I like to go to bed later so this is the other

issue but like yeah he's trying to get like eight hours. What time is he waking up with a 10 pm bed time? Six ish, six thirty. Like six, six thirty. Okay. Yeah that's a natural rhythm. Is he peeing in the night? No, not at his age. No. Wow You we don't even know his age They got married at 18 Lauren. We're ready for yeah 44 yeah game here Yeah, yeah, sleep math. I think Jake might be done aka damn This this hey Lauren, is this my wife Aaron calling in disguise? Yeah. Hey, sweetie I'll be home soon. And yes, we going to get a lot of sleep because I'm really sleep deficit.

Well, like you, Jake, I would love to, this guy's setup is awesome. I like it, sleep is important. So if you were to condense the problem down, the problem is essentially this man is obsessed with sleep. And it's driving Lauren away from her partner. She does not like, I mean, look, this is the same thing that happens when a friend goes through any sort of new phase. It's like if somebody could be all of a sudden becomes a vegan

or a vegetarian and you go like, or get sober. Yeah. And you go like, I'm happy that you're sober, but it would be nice. It changes the dynamic. We're meeting in a bar and you're drinking cranberry soda water and I'm drinking a double whiskey like a fucking booze out and now I'm slurring and you're not so you're saying for 18 plus years you guys were probably together for what three years before you got married even longer like five years okay so you guys

you're saying listen Dan we've been forever. You're going through this new phase Can I tell you really fast what I think is happening with with the animal? Yes, please. This is a 2024 midlife crisis back in the day men at this age used to get ponytails Convert corvettes or me out us when I was growing up and have affairs. You know what we're doing now We're getting in the long. Yeah, we're're doing now. We're getting into long. Yeah We're drinking more water. We're trying to sleep. We're taking you know what I thought for the first time my life a handful of pills Yeah, yeah, and you know what? I'm thinking a lot about juice. I'm thinking a lot about like longevity sleep deficit

Yeah, really talking about your gate when you walk They're saying I should be happy that it could be something way worse. No, I'm just I'm just setting up. I'm just getting in I'm just getting in Dan's head first now Let me ask you a question. Can I get personal for a second, please? Is part of it that it's less fun to want to have sex with the guy in bed with a baby machine and a little mess Yeah, you say you're going like hey. Honestly, it is a real boner killer. Yeah, and guess what? You're talking about being in your early 40s.

This is time when right now for Lauren, she's going, I might be interested in having my midlife crisis and having a 24-year-old stud with long blonde hair throw me over her shoulder on a beach. But instead I got this 75-year-old geek in bed with me who's going back in time to being a damn baby right cuz that's what he's doing he is I mean

he's basically I hear you Lauren he's all back into the womb now totally nailing this I've got a question without me having to say it so but it's got I mean it takes us a second but so now I've got a question for you and it's neither here nor there cat Gareth is a cat man I'm a kid man different different strokes different folks did you you guys have babies? Do you guys have kids? Yes, we have two kids okay, so you did go through the nightly routine And I think what happens when you go through it is Because I'll tell you I used to be a terrible sleeper and watching my kids go through it now

I know how to do it a little bit better. Mm- the room, the sound machine, so you've gone through it. I'm assuming your kids aren't babies anymore. And now you've got a third baby, the man you married. The one you're supposed to, your bang baby. So I think, please don't call it bang baby, that is not a title. Legally not a title. So I think what we need to help pitch on, Loren, and tell us if this is it,

how do we take Danny away from being baby Danny boy, catching up on his sleep so that baby Danny can grow into be a big boy, and turn him back into Danimal the fuck machine? Again, it's Don, maybe. Yeah. Yes, that's what she wants. The thing is that his is actually it. This is it. OK, good. His sleep has declared

terrorism on everything else. His sleep has taken the reins and he's not thinking about the collateral damage. Yes. Oh, I have a fit. Because this is a healthy, it is a healthy move. Yes, it is. So he, but he's thinking healthy and it's turning into a selfish move. And so we need to kind of figure out a way to make him either realize that you're suffering a little bit under this or at least find a way for you to enjoy this routine outside of him. Go.

I have some too. So here's my first pitch. You know, after a great session, Lauren, when you and the Dan man just get after it, just in terms of like, stereotypes, right? After a great roll around the fucking hay, as stereotypes go, the woman gets chatty and the gentleman passes out. That's right.

So my advice is he is using the only tool he thinks he has now, and that is he knows how to put babies to sleep, but Lauren, you know how to put men to sleep. That's pretty good. Take off the fucking sound machine and the baby boy mask, throw on some lingerie and remind him that you guys are two wild animals in the kingdom. And after a hump session, the king needs to pass out while the queen goes, you fell for my trap. I'm turning off the goddamn sound machine, and I'm not waking up to a stupid light.

I think, are you suggesting that the banging is going, like, you can bang him as a sleep aid? Is that what you're saying? Yeah, I think that's pretty good. Oh after that then you didn't do his routine and in the morning when he goes like I Slept great. Yeah, go like yeah Maybe it's because we didn't have like a sound machine on a humidifier like we're goddamn babies I like you didn't have your mask on I'm not mad at the blackout curtains, but I don't need them over your face I like that. I think that's good. This is good.

Okay. So the other thing I'm thinking is like, okay, let me ask you this, and I don't want to get too personal, but does he know that you have a vibrator if you do? Does he know? Yeah. No. No. no, not currently. OK, it might be a good idea to spur this conversation on. I don't know where you're going, truly.

For Dan to find your vibrator. And when he finds your vibrator, he's like, what the hell? And you're like, oh, sorry. And that can make you be like, well, you know, you just go to bed so goddamn early that, you know, I had to bring a third in. I had to like AI it up a little bit. So your pitch is create an AI three. Yeah.

Make it and be, and this could maybe spur you to be like, look, I mean, you're going to bed, you're like, so the only thing you focus on in the bedroom now is going to sleep. So I brought in a tool. What do you think of that top of your head, Lauren? Okay. I mean, that's interesting. I mean, I, I'm leaning more towards Jake, but the only problem is sometimes like I'll be doing my skincare routine, whatever.

And then all of a sudden, before I know it, the mask is on. Like he's real fast with everything. Of course he is. Cause he has to be something I got to get in fast. He's got to get to his natural sleep rhythm and he's trying to find it because it's been offset God it's like he's Batman. So god damn it. I got another picture. You are it. Yeah, I believe that I got another pitch for you Lauren. Okay, and this is this is a little bit more of a Garf type pitch But you might like it. I think you might need to outbaby the baby

You might like it. I think you might need to outbaby the baby I like that. So right now he's the baby and you're the mad mom So being the baby when your partner's the mom Wonderful when I'm really annoying my wife and I'm doing something and she's just reacting with like, uh, fun Like she hates when I whistle she'll go, do you always make sounds? Who whistles? Me, constantly. Great, I feel like that's stopped. I feel like the iPhone got rid of whistling. So did she. She also feels like, she goes,

sounds just come out of my body when the kids are gone, and she'll be like, why are you constantly making sounds? And I don't know I'm doing it. But because her role is the annoyed regular lady, and I'm the baby boy who's whistling and making sounds, I don't stop. But you know what regular lady and I'm the baby boy who's whistling and making sounds, I don't stop. But you know what she started doing that really annoys me? If I'm whistling in the living room,

I'll hear from the kitchen another whistle. And I'll be like, er, whistling, whistling. And then I'll hear, whistling, whistling, whistling. And I'll go like, what is there a bird being murdered in the kitchen? Cool it. And then we both stop.

So one move you could do, he puts the mask on, you put on like a fucking retainer, you put on like a new sound machine, double sound machine. The issue there is he might be like, oh great, teammates. What if you go off of that, what if you now are obsessed with another version of health that affects him? Like you're now into juicing or there's no eating during the day or you want to be keto or you're starting to run and you kind of have to drag him into that world and when that starts to wear on him a little bit you point out the one-to-one where you're going well you see you did the sleep

thing and that kind of dragged me into your world And I had to go kicking and screaming quite yeah question for you Lauren on this just to get back to you for a second Because we're pushing you towards the idea of either bang them to bed Which is that gonna work seven nights a week? I mean sure in fantasy world Yeah, he doesn't if you guys lived in Pornhub. Yeah, you know in reality Yeah, he doesn't if you guys lived in Pornhub. Yeah, he didn't reality. Yeah 18 years he's got a sleep mask you're asking him to bang seven nights a week He ain't he's gonna need a second dick. Yeah, he ain't that guy Yeah, that seems that seems like not so what'll happen is is you'll have a great night remax. Yeah

God bless me. So what'll happen in that is you'll have a great night where you guys will bang It'll be really fun. he'll go to bed, and the next night he'll be like, I slept like a baby, and then you'll hear, shh, mask the works. Two, the vibrator routine, I get it, but also no shame in the vibrator's game. No, no.

So like maybe he'll see it and go like, I'm glad you're enjoying yourself. Yeah. Three, outbaby the baby, Gareth is right. He might like it But that's what I also feel about the possible like a new if you do a new health phase that affects him So here's my question to you, and this is why it's a tricky one We've had somebody call in we're like a woman's husband want to type build a barn

And that hold circus in there. That's goofy. Yeah, I heard that. You know, that's easy. Like, you can't do a family circus. The problem with what Dan's doing is it is good for him. Yeah. So, when we're saying this, Lauren, we need a little bit more from you. What is the deal breaker? Because what you said earlier is

it's not one or two of the things. It's all of the things. So is it the mask? Yeah, the deal breaker, yeah, it's the one or two of the things. It's all of the things. So is it the mask? Yeah, the deal breaker. Yeah, it's the mask. Okay. And it makes you feel he's unattractive with this look. Yeah, it reminds me of like something

a teenage girl would wear. Yes. Right? It's just not. It's very cucumber over the eyes. Yeah. Exactly. So here's what I think we need to then do.

We need to go back to our earlier pitches, but be specific. It's just to get rid of the mask. So I think there's a world where we turn this into a negative into a positive, and you just court him. And all of a sudden he's like, what are you doing, Lauren, tonight? And you're like, yeah, your face is very attractive.

You're a sexy guy. And I don't know, you're going through a phase, and I'm into it. And he's like, yeah, your face is very attractive. You're a sexy guy. And I don't know, you're going through a phase and I'm into it. And he's like, great. He puts the mask on afterwards and you go, boner killer. Every time he puts the mask on, what if you just say out loud, boner killer?

Yeah. What if you shame? What if you put it on the mask? Boner killer. Oh my God, I have the mask embroidered? Yes. Ooh. So that he's making a decision. Really good. I think it's kind of bread crumming death by a thousand. I think this is right, because I think like it is hard, but I'm like, if you have

blackout curtains, it should be effective. So I think it is highlighting that this thing to you is fucking gross. I have a bad idea. Okay. That might work. Because I like the idea of the embroider of the mask. I like the idea of a thousand cuts. But what we're trying to get away from now,

because even the sex with him and then he takes it off, his sleep's a priority. Yes. But he's creating a vulnerability, Lauren, if this is war. He's taking, he's closing his eyes. So you could download on your phone a fart app. And what if as soon as he puts the mask on, you make a fart sound.

Cause you know what he's got to do? Take off the mask and go, what was that? And you go, it was my app. And he goes, don't do that. And then you're like, don't do what? He puts it down. Then you make the sound of a lion roar and he goes, stop. And you go, well, you're sitting here in a mask, baby boy. I'm just playing on my phone. So you're constantly make, or he puts it off and you go, hey, one more thing.

And then he swipes it up and you're making that mask seem to be the most ridiculous thing on planet earth. Or you start wearing a mask during the day around him. Yeah. Or, but when you go to bed, you put on like a Ronald Reagan mask or something. You'd be like, no, we're both just doing our new thing. Let's just do masks. Oh, that's interesting. A mask during the day you like.

Or like I wear, I just all of a sudden don't say anything and then we're ready for bed and then I put on like a really stupid mask. Yes. A Ronald Reagan mask. Yes. Yeah, either way. It's a highlight. Here's the problem with that. Then all of a sudden he has to put his mask on and he won't see it. And then we're ready for bed and then I put on like a really stupid mask. Yes Yeah, yeah either way Yes, the problem with that then all of a sudden he has to put his mask on he won't see it

I know it's gonna be hard also because like we're saying his sleep is a priority. How about this? Right Lauren. I think we might have to cut to the the chase here on this one. Yeah, I think as a 44 year old man, I'm only 45. I'm dancing same same way. Gareth is 29, so he can't quite relate. Still get pimples. So fast with that one. I think we've gotta go to a classic here. And I think you've gotta sit him down and say, I love you, but I can't continue having sex with a man

who wears a sleep mask. So you have a decision to make mask, okay, or sexual mask or ass but I also may I put on the Jake Johnson mask for a second and Suggest that if you're comfortable with it, we can do it here. Oh We can talk to him as men of his age who understand where he's at, who value sleep. I think this is right. And we can talk to him and try to talk him out of the mask on your behalf.

And Lauren, what we will say on your- The mask, yes. But here, I have to warn you. You're gonna turn on me. I think I'm gonna fuck it. But you might, Lauren- No, but I- You have to stay on the call.

No, I know, I did tell already. I'll have your back, Lauren. If you stay on the call, Loren, then we have a chance. But what we are pitching is mask or ass. And I think for you, here's what we need to do. We need to, his arbitrary new sleep things based off a podcast, how about this? This is also a podcast and it's also a health podcast.

You know it's important for men and this is true. If you don't ejaculate enough yeah you're a higher risk of prostate cancer that's right so you tell them I'm cutting that off so no you're no longer sleep deficit you're also ass deficit yeah you're gonna get prostate cancer you get I like I I think that's the way to do it and I must warn you on that call at some point I probably will suggest that he bang you in the mask to do it and I must warn you on that call at some point. I probably will Suggest that he bang you in the mask. What do you mean? Yeah, just sort of No, he wears the mask while banging and maybe we're fetishizing the mask and maybe it's some sort of shock therapy in due now I am okay with the mask. I could tell by Jake's bottom lip. That's not gonna go well

But we'll put a pin in that until then hold on slow down. I don't know if that's wrong. Okay. I mean what do you think of the idea of using the mask as a sex mask? Like a Zorro but without eye holes. I mean the thing is I think of it so differently. I would really take a lot. I'm not even pitching that yet. That's for the second call. So then, Lauren, how about this? Just to go to you before we wrap this up. What do you think about, here's where we've kind of pitched. Bang him to bed, add a vibrator into the mix, outbaby the baby, get into a new health thing, embroider something funny on the mask that shames him, keep stealing the mask and replacing it with like a baby's mask. You could also just hide the mask, where you can never find the mask and replacing it with like a baby's mask You could also just hide the mask yeah, or you can never find the mask and then years later

You can go that was he has backup. Yeah, take them all. That's Stark it's weird Then the other one is you could say my holes into him you could cut I was into you by the way, Lauren That's a garroth. You nailed it. Here's what I'm gonna pitch on that Hey, how do you get a baby to stop using a binky? Oh my god You throw it out So that's what you did with your kids, huh? You just threw them out and guess what did they get? Yeah, well the other the other trap we used to cut holes in it. So it loses the suction. Yeah

It's time Lauren it's time to start treating Dan like you treated your kids. You see that mask, you throw it out. If not, you cut holes in it. Mask war. I love cutting holes in it. Cutting holes is so funny.

Imagine cutting holes in it. Like, wait, for the fun, then it is Zorro. And then you do what you do with kids. Look, we lie to children, right? We tell them about certain things that aren't reality Yeah, and it's okay because we love them You can do that here. It's cuz you love them So you've got holes in the mask and he goes the fuck and you go what?

So I think this might be a way I think Yeah, I think you throw them out and you cut holes in them until he finally goes What do you do with my masks and at that point you say mask her ass? And we can do that on the show and we can do that one on the show perfect I'm so in so you're gonna start throwing them out and cutting them. I'm gonna cut them. I think Yeah, will you do us a favor and will you take photos of how you cut them and so we can have visuals of them and then it might solve the problem if it doesn't we go to mask or mask our ass and we do that as a team and now that you're cutting them I'm

gonna stay on your team yeah the cutting is so exciting it's so crazy cutting is exciting cutting I'll really wild stuff, Lauren. The Dark Knight's lovers. I can't believe I haven't thought of this. I love it. Yeah, that's a great pitch. Lauren, thank you for the call. We're on your team. This is a fun one.

Appreciate it. Good luck. Tell Don. Thank you so much. Tell Don bye. Bye, bud. I will go. Jake, we are also brought to you by Aura Frames.

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Gil Buchanan. Oh, really just got him on the periphery. Hello. Garfy, will you start us? Absolutely. Caller, are you there? Yes, I am. Okay.

Now let me tell you, I speak with great confidence that whatever your problem is, we're going to solve it. Welcome to We're Here to Help. Especially Olivia. I think she. No, no, no. We take, no, that, she's working it. Welcome to We're Here to Help. Especially Olivia. No, no, no. We take, no, that, she's working under the umbrella of We're Here to Help right now. Rachel, this one's yours. Yeah, Rachel. Rachel, you're going to make a call no matter what. This ends in a phone call on speakerphone.

You're on with Jake Johnson, Gareth Reynolds, Olivia Allen, Rachel Billson from the hip podcast, The Broad Ideas. We, listen, this is going to be, we are going to solve this problem. What is your name age where you call in from what's going on alright well my name is Sarah I'm 24

and I'm from Pennsylvania but I'm actually calling from Bali right now. Oh Bali. Congrats on that. Yeah I've just been bouncing around. Okay so we get it things are good Sarah you've got one of those yeah life's that you're bohemian. We are. You out of a van posted on Instagram. Yeah, fine Some of us are eating in our cars a lot anyway congratulations on that. What is going on? Well, I'm calling because ever since I met this guy at a college club about like two years ago He's been insistent on doing things like sending me food when I'm hung over or giving me like $200 worth of weed a week or sending me money for like random things like if I hold on you said giving

$200 worth of weed Olivia jumped up or said pointed to Rachel made the money sign and pointed at her What is that? Do you like remember when you stored all that weed? What is that? Remember when you used to deal drugs? No, what it was is it's going to go into what we were talking about and it's about men paying for eating women. And how do we feel about trades and money for for whatever. Favors?

Okay. That's the thing. I only like hung out with him twice like well 30 minutes and I Don't I barely talk to him? During it. It's Interesting so you met this guy two times for 30 minutes and now he's just kind of showering you with gifts and things like that Yeah, I like it. Yeah Now I know why you're in fucking ball. Are you just calling to brag? How many guys you got like this the rest of us have jobs?

Alright, so keep going Sarah Weird because like starts to I mean I have a twin sister and this was not happened with her identical or fraternal Is this an M Night Shyamalan movie? We actually don't know we never got tested you never got tested What do people think when they see you like now you look the same are they like wow you're different I'm not on the question in the reality of this call you have a twin fucking sister And you don't know if she's identical to you. You know like making actually our fraternal. They look alike, but we're It's like 50 50 there's a some people think that we look exactly alike.

Sorry. No, Mary-Kate and Ashley are identical. Mary, let me tell you a little something, and I've been in this business for a while. They play Michelle Tanner. Yes. And they are the same person. I know, that's why.

Wait, what? Do you guys know what the difference between identical and fraternal is? I thought I did. Yeah, please enlighten us. It's either from two eggs or one. Exactly. Sarah, do you send yourself $200 a month of weed I thought I did yeah, please enlighten us. It's either from two eggs or one right exactly Sarah do you send yourself two hundred dollars a month of weed and then forget you do it are you in Bali? Are you in your parents basement? Are we talking to a fucking maniac is my?

What world is real here, Sarah? Okay? I wish I had enough money to do that Okay, so walk us back to reality. You might be identical. You might be fraternal There's a guy who sends you $200. You met him twice for 30 minutes. Did you have sex with him? Hello? Oh god, no walk us through the first gift you got it was like a high apartment and he just like sent me He was like are you hungover and I was like I guess and he just like sent me a bunch of pizza and like 50 bucks for like pedialyte and like ib I guess, and he just sent me a bunch of pizza and 50 bucks for Pedia Lite and ibuprofen and stuff. I like him. Can I have his number?

Yes. Is he available? Will he go my way? Let's give this guy a name. What should we call this guy? What should we call this man? Let's go with Will. Wait, was your sister at the same party where you first met this guy?

Yeah, what does this have to do with your sister? Yeah, yeah. It's weird because like we look exactly alike. She met him first and he was kind of like just talking to her at first and then it just kind of did one eighty one to me. Just weird. But it's getting weird because he's like stayed in touch recently and he's just been like sending me random money

and even if I don't check back open like 10 texts in a row and He recently asked me for feet pics Then started Started telling me and I barely talked to this man in like a year and he Told me about how much like how important I've been for like his year. Right. Okay.

And yeah, it's just starting to get weird. And like he keeps telling me that he's not like interested in me or anything. But then he like sent me honey from like Greece and like all these random like Really quickly before we start ladies, what's your initial take on this? Where are you guys at? I want to know if Your sister. Are you guys in constant contact? Like is she? Receiving anything from this guy or is it just you know No he hasn't like never messaged her about anything at all. And your question now Sarah is now that he's specific now that you know there's a price tag to this money and that is nobody just gives

money and gifts from the goodness of their own heart. Jump in. I okay here's what I would say. Fine no man gives a woman who's 24 traveling around and says like, do you want some honey from Greece? What do I want back? Nothing. You know what? I want you to enjoy the weed. I've learned a lot about this subject recently and there are a lot of men.

I don't know any women who do this, but there's probably women too. Actually I know a woman who does this. Their act of service is through money is through giving it gives them a sense of purpose it makes them feel worthy it makes them feel all these feelings that they're striving to feel in their life right so my advice would be to set a boundary and be like hey I have greatly appreciated the weed the money all of it of it. I love it. I enjoy it. It's it brings me so much happiness. However, I am not comfortable sending pictures unless you are of my feet. Here's my boundaries, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. If he decides, cool, that's fine. I'm going to continue to send you

this. You may be helping him because he may be very purposeless and he may need to be gifting someone something so that he feels value. I don't buy this one. Go ahead, Jake. Jake Johnson with Buttle. Thank you very much for your time. The only thing that I don't buy about that is I think if somebody gives you money, there's a price to everything.

So the idea of I'm helping him by taking his gifts. Look, you know, I like that spin, but that doesn't idea of I'm helping him by taking his gifts look You know I like that spin, but that doesn't feel like I'm on planet Earth Can I just say please yeah if you want pictures of your feet and you're happy getting all this money in this weed Why not just do it? I mean you don't see the guy you don't talk to the guy twice, but it's It could be your sister's feet if you wanted Listen if you listen if you want pictures of my feet no, I'm willing to Sarah

I got advice from the three of us and maybe now Olivia Here's what I say you do I say you go to somebody you meet in Bali and you say I'll give you 100 bucks if I can take photos of your feet. I'm sending it to some creep who sends me money for weed. And if you let me take photos of your feet, I'll give you 10 joints.

And any of those women will go, sure. Sure. Or men, doesn't matter. Yeah, so. Maybe I got gnarly toes. Sarah, what do you think about that? Let's go the Rachel Billson approach and that is if you send her money and then ask for's go the Rachel Billson approach, and that is if you send her money and then ask for photos, she will send those photos. Yes, yes.

She's trying to get me to sell my feet. I am, people want her feet. I'm getting a lot of offers. Are you? Yes. And what's your thought on that? Why? She's entertaining it. Are you entertained?

Hold on. I'm not, I can't. Start an only toes. Yeah. So her husband's entertaining it are you in her to hold on I'm not I'm not I can't start an old man's hose yeah so her husband's entertaining walk through what's happening so people are contacting you guys because of the podcast and they're saying we really want to see your feet she's really pretty no no we had a we had Amelia Hartford on who's a race car driver now everything's about these fucking feet I'm gonna rip these boots off. Jake's like, look, I'd like to make an offer on your behalf. How much? It's like up in the thousands.

People are up in a thousand dollars to see the feet. Over thousands. And why are you saying no? It feels a little weird. What is a little weird? It's a little weird. It's definitely weird. Everything's weird.

It does feel a little weird. Planet Earth is weird. Going to a Thai restaurant and ordering food and getting it served to you is weird. Sounds scary. But that costs money. Remember Segways? It's a weird world. The earth is weird going to a Thai restaurant and ordering food and getting it served to you is weird That cost remember segues. It's a weird world the future of travel Sarah So what we're gonna say here, and we got to get off, but just like this guy just like yeah is You got a good situation you got a money train go with what Rachel would do and that is Rachel do it's the Rachel Billson she would snap the pics and she would send them she would 24 in Bali Changes but but don't be afraid to draw the line at some point. Hey, yeah, listen this got a little weird a little fast

Yeah, of course, but the feet is different if it's feet in no face You're just talking about a pair of feet It's not full frontal people Agreed you can find a lot of feet in Bali Full foot yeah Sarah thank you for the call Good luck out there There's a lot of feet yeah

I appreciate it Yeah thank you We're Here to Help is hosted by Jake Johnson And Gareth Reynolds The show is produced and edited by Kevin Bartelt And the associate producer and editor is AJ McKee. Our social media director is Caitlin Tanwakeo and our video editor is John De Bruyne. The theme song is made by Oliver Raleigh and you can check out his music at OliverRaleigh.com.

That's Oliver R-A-L-L-I.com. The album artwork is by James Fostike. You can find him on Instagram at James underscore Fostike. D-I-K-E. And if you'd like to see me do stand up on the road, go to garethrentles.com. And if you'd like to be on the show, email us your question at helpfulpod at gmail.com. All of the advice given on We're Here to Help is for entertainment purposes only and all listeners should be adults and make their own decisions.