We're Here to Help - 75: You Are The Danger

Episode Date: May 2, 2024

Jake and Gareth talk to callers about taking martial arts seriously and a 7th grade teacher’s hot takes. Watch the follow up video HERE!Want to call in? Email your question to [e-mail] (Ad-Free Episodes, Bonus Calls and Q&As): Patreon.com/HereToHelpPodVIDEO: Youtube.com/@HeretoHelpPodMERCH: heretohelppod.comINSTAGRAM: @HereToHelpPodTIKTOK: @HereToHelpPodIf you’re enjoying the show, make sure to rate We’re Here to Help 5-Stars on Apple Podcasts.Advertise on We’re Here to Help via Gumball.fm See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Podcast. Looking for inspiration? Craving something new? When you visit Audible, there are endless ways to ignite your imagination. With over 750,000 titles, including bestsellers, there's a listen for every type of listener. Discover all the best in audiobooks, podcasts, and originals, featuring authentic Canadian voices and celebrity talent, like Brendan Fraser and Luke Kirby's latest sci-fi adventure, The Downloaded. A first listen is waiting for you when you start excited Garf. I am excited. We're back. Kevin just told us what this episode is going to be and I got to tell you folks, we got a banger.

It's a winner. This is a fun one. It's a winner. I mean, we don't need to get into it too much, but you're going to get a payoff to the first call in this episode. This is one of the fun ones when the follow up happens right away. And then we have Kevin produced it well Kevin produced it well. We have like a great production and god he's easy on the eyes and we have a less so or more so since marriage question willing to have a debate. I like it more I think Kevin's handsomer since marriage because he stopped caring he stopped putting it out there as much but I'll say before before he was a little bit more of like a hunter and he had a little bit more of like blood under his nose.

Now he's established, yeah. Now he's kind of like, there's a lot of good hunting in these fields and I was like, I know, but you used to be the hunter. Yeah, there's a calmness to the energy though and I'm into that. Kevin, your thoughts. It lures me.

I agree, I hear that too. I went to the gym for the first time in six months and I think I'm out for the rest of the week. I did the elliptical for 20 minutes and I'm like, I'm calling it and that was Monday morning. So okay, Gareth, I guess we were both wrong. No, yeah, maybe he was never hot. I don't know.

Now I'm questioning the idea of this one. 20 minutes, he's out for a week. The people next to me were like, you're not supposed to breathe like that. That's, that's. I'm now imagining a marshmallow in New Balance. Yeah, yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. He's kinda. With like weird shorts on, some hair on, like the white part of the legs of the marshmallow. Just passing out. It's always funny when you see terrible form at the gym. Like Kevin just kind of letting it work him a little bit.

It's also so funny on Instagram where you see certain weirdos in the gym doing like really weird work. I don't know if you ever go down the road of like,'ll be like what's this fool doing? Oh, yeah, it is so funny this sir. No, they're like maniacs doing gyms Someone just like uses the barbell as like a sword and Just like that nobody I Gym maniacs. Oh just nuts. Yeah lunatics absolute Lunatic the other funny thing that's happening right now in gym culture

is the amount of people filming themselves working out and then the amount of people getting mad at people filming themselves working out. And like it's becoming this entire battle. Yeah. Well, where would you be on that? To me, I hate Maddie the way I film in the cell. I hate the filming. I hate the filming. I hate the filming. I hate the filming. I hate the filming. I hate the filming of that. I hate the film. I hate when I watch people film themselves eating. Same. But are some because we're men of a certain age? Because

we're right. Well, I'll tell you why. I hate it. But there weren't cell phones until I was deep into college. Yeah. So, oh yeah. I was like, I remember when, I remember when a friend wanted to bring a cell phone on a road trip and I thought it fundamentally ruined a road trip. Yeah. And I was like, the whole idea of this is based off like the Beatniks where you're driving around.

If we have a phone, then we're just geekstake doing errands. Are errands taking us from like Chicago to Cincinnati? Yeah, Kerouac would have written it on his like iPhone. Yes, they all would have been like checking sports scores, you nerds. I was in like eighth grade when the phone came out and I was like, what is this technology? It's crazy. You were not. But you have a great episode. That hurt my feelings when it started.

I got to say Garf, that was some good acting. I went like, oh, my God. How old am I? I thought I was like a year older than him. And you're fully aware that you are a year older than me. But you're still some about that. But in that moment, my stomach dropped, because this is what happened every once in a while. I'll be like hanging out with somebody from our business and they'll say something. And I'll think we're peers.

And they'll go like, yeah, I mean, what was crazy, man, is like, well, I loved the 90s, but I was born in 91. And I'm like, yeah, you're now you're born it. You said born in 91. Right on. Because I genuinely remember 91. Or you drop a reference and they're like, so who's that? You're like, oh, cheers. Cheers. What's a sitcom? We loved it.

This is Kevin. What'd you wear in the gym? I had a long sleeve Chicago tee in shorts. Wait, you're wearing a long sleeve Chicago tee right now. He hasn't been able to get out of the outfit since, Jake. He's been bedridden. Different long sleeve Chicago tee. The thing that what you're talking about really bothered me too was the guy in front of me,

in the row in front of me, did like a gym selfie and I realized it too late and it was kind of like catching Bigfoot where I was like, my mouth was like way too open and I was like, ah. Fat Squatch. And I saw him, I'm totally in the background just looking disgusting. If someone could make an app that can like find you

and delete you from other people's photos, I will pay hundreds of dollars. That's a pretty good technology. I also like that he's not going to thousands. He stuck to hundreds, which I appreciate about him. It makes him attractive. He knows how to do a budget. Guys, thank you for listening.

All the stuff we ask you every time. We got a Patreon, we're on YouTube, we're on a regular whatever. Thank you for sticking with us. We're nearing 100. And guess what? Let's do something really special for 100. Yeah, maybe a live episode. Ooh Maybe 100 is live. We're going live

Face oh Maybe we do a hundred we do it live It's like a we pick a night like a weekend night or whatever it is and we do like a two-hour banger I like that like a weekend night or whatever it is. And we do like a two hour banger. I like that, Kevin. I like that, yeah. But not live, we don't have to go to like a theater. We do it at like, Headgum Park.

Yeah, right. But just live for our cause, people can call in. We do multiple calls. I like that. But 100's a big deal. It is, it's crazy. It's fast. It's gone very fast. We're going live for 100, folks.

We're going! for 100, folks. We're going live. Without further ado. Bez, bez, bez, bez, bez, bez, bez, bez, bez, bez, bez. Hello? Hello. Hey. Hey, welcome to the show. How are you doing today?

Doing good. Thanks for having me on. Well, thanks for calling in. We appreciate you. Without you calling in, we don't have a show. We just have me and the Garf Man talking about our outfits from Doer. Not a bad show, though. Maybe a and the Garf Man talking about our outfits from Dewar. Not a bad show though.

Maybe a bad show, not a great show. Maybe a bad show. A fun conversation, maybe not. A dew cast. A dew cast. Can we get your name please? Can we get your name please? Yeah, my name is Blake.

Blake, and where are you calling from, Blake? I'm in the LA area. Explain, can you go a little bit deeper on that? We've done this before, but are you actually in LA or is this gonna be You're outside of San Francisco. Oh, no. No, I live in Brea. I don't know if you know that area, but yeah, Brea improv Okay, Brea improv. Yeah, exactly. I live Actually real close to you you you ever go there sometimes. Yeah. Yep, but that's the show's not about it

I'll tell you what it is. If you want to know go to Gareth Reynolds calm You're the best um Bray is a mall Okay, well Blake. What are you going about? What can we what can we help you with? Okay, so this is not serious at all But I'd be lying if it if I said it didn't bother me a little bit so I figured the stakes are high Yeah, I want to let you know this is pretty much nothing. I'm surprised you guys picked me. I also don't think it's that funny. And it will just waste 18 minutes.

But keep talking about your dewered jeans fat boys. I lost a banana. Oh hold on. If you lost a banana the first thing you gotta do is go look for the banana. Alright Blake where are we at here buddy? Okay so Quick back story. You know Brea. So quick backstory, you, you know, Brea. So right next to the improv is a UFC gym. Respect.

And there it just opened. They offer jujitsu and I'm someone who's always wanted to try martial arts. So I thought, you know, good opportunity. My wife's been super supportive. She's like the most supportive person I know so she was like yeah go for it Like she's been down for me getting private lessons Dedicating time that whole thing, you know, sure that's not the issue but the issue and If I'm being honest, I thought doing jujitsu would make people think I'm a bit more badass than I am

Specifically my wife and my friends, I thought they might think I have a little bit like street cred or whatever. You are the danger. Okay, well we'll get to why Jake is. Hold on, if he keeps talking. If Gareth keeps talking, I'll rip his head off, man. Pop it off, put him in a rear naked choke,

triangle his arms. Stop looking at me like, stop. Stop everything you're doing. Sorry. Yeah, all right, so Blake, so. That, your doer shirt looks like a gi to me. I can do it, tie that way. Anyhow. There you go.

There we go. Didn't you hurt your back stretching at the end? Many times. Did you? Okay, Blake. No reason to be nasty, I'm a bad man. You started, you said you were gonna put me in a rear naked choking triangle. All I see is that face just going tat tat pop.

Break your limbs. What are you talking about? What is the guy I was just talking to? I'm in my doer jeans. He's talking about a UFC. Okay, anyway. So Blake, what's happening? So you're starting, you want to go to the the UFC you thought everybody would see you as tougher which I agree with But what's happening? So it backfired completely I made fun of for it all the time my wife and our two friends Blake how are you? I don't think we asked you that 27 to 32. Yeah, I'm 29. Okay. All right Can I'm getting way better than what Jake was doing

45 joining yeah, by the way, you're in the wheelhouse starting time. Yeah, you're okay 45 is a tougher start This is what's great about this call if this is sad for you. Yeah, it's even worse. It's really sad Let me ask you a question be man. You white belt. What stripe you Wow, what stripe you hurt? Okay See see that's part of the problem. I'm just a white belt I started six months ago okay what are you doing yeah that's the way they just give you yeah everybody technically yeah you are technically the same level so Blake what are they teasing you about the fact that they're afraid of you because you're the danger? No

Well, like you mentioned gee if you don't know it's like kind of like the it's like a karate outfit If you are sticky, but uh, they call it pajamas or bathrobe where my wife will refer to it like costume It's a great burn from your wife. Your costume. My wife called a friend, my friend was once, he came over with his motorcycle and he had a leather jacket on, he had the shoes and his boots and she goes, oh my God, look at him in his motorcycle outfit. And I went like, you can't do that.

This is not what we wanna hear as alpha dogs. Okay, so she's calling it your little outfit, your costume, and that doesn't feel right yeah and then Blake have you considered really fast throwing on the ground putting a rear naked chicken making her tap out no throwing her arm in a fucking triangle and making her crying go how's my alpha feel now I'm no fucking after you said that do you feel like that sound advice you know what I feel like here's what I really feel like Blake this is what I've learned from being in the jiu-jitsu community the MMA community You're talking at a really alarmingly fast rate you realize that right?

Like pain is just weakness leaving the body Go ahead like That's cool. That's that are you saying that's cool to what you said that I know that line You're not allowed to have that reaction Well, you didn't have it because I wouldn't 99 99% of the audience just had the reaction I had. They go, wow, Jake's cooler. And they go, yeah. No.

Most people right now are going like, there's so many heads and hands making contact right now. Protecting their neck from me choking them out. No. OK. All right, Blake, keep going. I'm sorry about Jake. No.

But yeah, I mean, do your point, Jake. I would kill that little boy. That little boy is me Clear what's happening in the studio now kill him because you really let Jake's fuse He's now pointing at a beat up the girl, too He's yeah, let me walk you through it's happening Jake is pointing at a picture of me at five years old and saying that he would beat me up And then he just said the girl who's also in the picture

Approximately five as well. he'll take her down as well. This is a 45-year-old man saying that. A picture of two children. They're technically white belts too, but I got my stripe. Blake, back to you. And I'm touching my shoe too much. I'm going to call you out on it. Thank you.

It's a disgusting trait that people are getting mad at. The least of your problems during this segment. Fair. Kevin, this is a great first call. It's absolutely horrifying You set me off in the bad. It's terrible everybody's getting choked up So Blake your wife is making fun of you because you're an alpha dog. She's a true beta She's afraid of your power your two friends have never realized that you are now a silverback gorilla They're trying to cut you down to size by calling it

Hey, why don't you go to the fucking jungle and go to a silverback gorilla and say nice costume. You wouldn't do that Exactly exactly. Yeah, and like you get I mean, you know some doesn't move like yeah I've showed some of the moves to them, you know, trying to impress them a little bit. Yeah, it looks nothing crazy It looks intimate. It they look intimate. Yeah, and so there's a lot of jokes loaded there as well. I hear what you're so, you know I'd be the first to admit some of the moves look a little intimate. Yeah I mean Jake you hurt your back stretching Let's just I mean I could keep banging that drum as many times as possible But you went to the gym to do your jujitsu and you were stretching and you threw your back up that happened

right oh you're talking you're the guy who's gonna who's comparing yourself to a silverback yeah yeah well that silverbacks never hurt their back stretching okay all right Blake so okay so is the problem basically how do you get what's back around your what is this specific by the way black I fully relate to you you're a true alpha dog. I respect you. You and me are speaking a language that Gareth can never understand. Now your friends, they don't understand you. And I'm not saying this like it's a cult, but your wife doesn't understand you.

But you are going down a very interesting path. I think you should continue down that path. It is a path for warriors, not guys in their little cute outfits. You are. That might close out out and it's cute Now not guys who are the president of their own Garfy girl fan club Gareth is starting a Jake now You realize you are entering weird levels. You are now fully inventing things that you know, or not. What can we help you with collar? Yeah, I guess my main thing that my question is like you kind of

alluded to this but like how can I get my wife and my friends to like maybe even for a moment think damn Blake is kind of a badass like okay oh he could totally take someone in a street okay I'll tell you what you don't do is tell them you call the podcast whining about them not respecting your martial art no I've got a pitch and it's wild but it's real. Okay Here's what you're gonna need to do First of all, you don't talk to him about what happens in the gym anymore the gyms Vegas The gym is Vegas what you do in that jujitsu mat is between you and your jujitsu brothers and sisters because it is genderless

I have been tapped out by ladies. I've been tapped out by gentlemen. It is a genderless community of animals. Second, you need to get a new outside friend, possibly somebody from the gym. I think we're talking to him. I think he's giving the advice right now. Here's what you need to do. You need to stage an altercation. This is Jake, you have slowly during this call, I mean rapidly, but still somehow kept circling the drain and every time I think you're going down it, you keep finding a new bottom. You're telling me this isn't a good idea, Gareth?

I'm telling you that this is the idea of someone who has been oddly defensive since the second that this call started because he probably paid $15 for a white belt and that's probably the peak of his jujitsu career. A man who again threw his back out stretching. Kevin. Stretching. The activity you're supposed to do to not throw your back out, you threw your back out during.

Can we do a match, me and Gareth, for the show? Yes, only on Patreon. I will murder this little geek. So here's what you need to do. Blake, I mean this seriously. And it's a wild idea, but here's the difference. People can tease martial arts all they want. I wrestled a little bit in high school.

You can tease that too, right? But guess when they stopped teasing, when you're out at a restaurant or in a park and somebody comes up and starts messing with you guys, and then you very quickly say back off, man. And your wife looks at you and like, Hey, and you go back off. The guy pushes you. You have done a choreographed dance where you get them into a rear naked choke on the ground and the guy goes, I'm out. And you go, off the guy pushes you you have done a choreographed dance where you get him into a rear naked Choke on the ground and the guy goes I'm out and you go while holding him

Then walk away motherfucker. He leaves she looks at you like what and you go. How's your day for me? That's just a regular Tuesday He gareth is gonna hate The guy who gets tapped look look Gareth is gonna. Hey, well, I guess there's a guy who gets tapped look look I'm the guy who's for hire to go to a park and do this thirty dollars an hour You can get the downside to this is that obviously if your wife finds out that you are lying You then become a worse figure in the house agreed and your friend. So that's why well go Blake. What do you think of that idea? Well, I Here's the thing. I love that idea. Yeah, and

Honestly, like I'm definitely leaning towards that thing. That's my only option right now. Yeah, but um Part of the issue is my wife and my friend Black belt and kickboxing Your wife is literally yeah, she's Ronda Rousey and- She killed the actor in the park. She's, wait, so the bad news for you is you're thinking, well then we'll wait to air this. Yeah, we'll air this in two years.

We'll do a follow up with them after if you really do it. I have another little snag that my, one of the two friends that I'm mentioning, he started doing some YouTube work with you guys right around the corner, like, like this month. So he would also maybe hear this sooner. So like very inside this. So we, we can hide it from him too, to be quite honest with you. No, here's what you gotta do with him.

He's gotta be part of it. Oh. Okay. But, so he's gotta be part of it. Well, you know what we could do? You could, if you wanted, we could get him in on it. And what we could do is you could have like a little party at your house. And you guys have a couple beers and you two fight.

This is it. So Blake, this is it. It's Joshua, correct? Yeah. That's who you're talking about Yeah, by the way, we're loving John. We're loving Josh. So here's what here's what you need to do And we'll get in touch with him too. We'll send him this You guys start getting in a bicker fight about Jiu-jitsu or the show or the show. Okay, it starts getting nasty

Oh, he goes, you know something like shut the fuck up you say I'm just gonna tell you in my community We don't talk to each other like that because those are fighting words. He says in front of your wife What are you gonna do about it? Bitch boy you go i'm asking you not to push my buttons. I am the danger he goes You're a little bitch boy in your pajamas You just like to roll around with other people's butts in your faces you geek you go That's it in two moves you get him to the ground He goes I tap and make him tap like we I can't I can't and then go never again

And then afterwards make him say I respect you and you go. This is over you shake hands He goes you are an alpha dog and Blake Is this something you're actually gonna do life would be boring if I never did anything kind of out there, right? So I'm like, right. So this is how I want you to check out. I have a barbecue Yeah, check out on YouTube a short film. I made with Derek Waters and Nick Chazanovic as warning called signed sealed and delivered it's this premise it's with Lizzie Kaplan it goes sideways so watch that as a little warning of what not to do but Blake follow up with us man this is a big one and don't and when people if other people outside of your friend

group or your family you know poke a little fun at you Don't ever take on the demeanor and the attitude that Jake had in this because it very quickly Became a little scary and Jake's scary at all no no, I didn't feel scary like you've lost a friend and And and so just remember that you you know, that arm is vulnerable. I would just have to get in like this. All right. Put the thumb up, lift the hips.

Right. Thank you for the call. Thank you guys. Bye bye. This episode is brought to you by Filo with Filo. You could stop overpaying for cable and switch to Filo. So what is Filo Garf? I'll tell you, it's the best way to watch more than 70 of your favorite

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Hello and welcome to the podcast. We're here to help. You've got Jake Johnson and Gareth Reynolds and the hunk in blue. Mr. Kevman recently married. Can we get your name, please? Uh, we're going to go with Hank for today. Hank! Great fake. Hank and how old are you Hank? I am in my forties. Forties and where are you calling from Hank in your forties? From the great state of Massachusetts, the great Commonwealth of Massachusetts. Well done. Good pivot. All right so Hank, 40, mash. What can we do for you today? So I am a seventh grade teacher. And I don't know how familiar you are with seventh graders. They don't love going to school. I teach English.

They especially don't love going to English class sometimes. And I try to start my class every day just in a way that's fun, engaging, usually not related to class, something to get us talking. This year, my students became very interested in my outlandish opinions and stubborn takes on things. Okay. And so they asked me to start something called Hot Take Tuesdays, which every Tuesday I would give them my opinion on something.

I would rant about it and they get to respond. Love this. Great. The problem has become, this has grown out of control. Most Tuesday mornings I frantically trying to think. Okay. Yes, yes. Without the eyebrows. Right. Every Tuesday morning I'm frantically trying to think of a new hot take, a new thing to get them riled up and the more I build on it the more they expect

They have not let me got out of it. I've tried sunsetting it. I've tried forgetting it for a Tuesday I do not know if you have ever had ever faced a 25 angry seventh graders before because you neglected to come with an hot take. That's a no bueno situation. It's also. That's no good. No, there is a only certain amount of outrageous takes I as an individual have. All right, so you want some pictures on some new hot takes?

Because I'll tell you what, Hank, Hank, I'm going to tell you what we're not doing. We're not getting you out of Hot Take Tuesday. I might. I'm not, because Hot Take Tuesday is great. I hated seventh grade and I hated English. If I had Hot Take Tuesday. I might. I'm not, because Hot Take Tuesday is great. I hated seventh grade, and I hated English. If I had Hot Take Tuesday, I would like it. Well, the reason why Hot Take Tuesday is great

is because, A, you've obviously created something popular, but also for the kids, it gives that. I would go to the bathroom every, you just want a few minutes away from class. Oh, great. Hot Take Tuesdays are great. So what is the specific question that we can help you with, Hank? And can, rather than call you Hank, is there a last name we can call you now that you're

the teacher? Can we call you Mr. or something? Mr. Churchill. Yeah, how about Mr. H? Mr. H! Sure, all right. So Mr. H. Mr. H.

What is the specific question? So originally my idea had been, well I teach seventh grade I just needed a bank to get through the rest of the school year however I have recently learned I will be going on to eighth grade with the same students oh that's good they do not need they they do not know this so I now need to either come up with an entire year's worth of how do I come up with hot takes or or something new drop the hottest take on them at the end of the school year and then hopefully come in

next year and they are not demanding me to rant about Crocs or catch up. But so let me ask Mr. H, what are your thoughts on Crocs? Crocs are the dumbest thing that have ever been invented. If you want to really fight with a room full of seventh graders, tell them that they have taken the worst part of two foot wear, no heel and the top and put them into one. Oh, come on. I don't want to push back, Mr. H. And Mr. H, what do you make of ketchup? Yeah.

Ketchup is the grossest condiment one can have. It is just tomatoes and sugar. And it is nothing else. And no reasonable person should be putting it on anything. I'm addicted to Hot Take Tuesday already. Me too. What is your, what would you say is your most controversial hot take? Gotta be ketchup for seventh graders. Ketchup on everything. Crocs hit them, the food takes hit them pretty hard.

Another problem that is, that they have grown now, my most recent Hot Take Tuesday. Are you guys familiar with what is called mukbang? Yes. What is it mukbang? No, it is. I'm probably with you on that mukbang is basically on YouTube where people eat Eating basically eating on camera. What's your take? You'll eat a lot of it. Mr. H. What's your hot take on mukbang? Mr. H, what's your hot take on mukbang? Well it was not a hot take on mukbang. I accidentally made a mukbang because I at 44 years old had revealed to him I had never eaten a mango before in my life. What the fuck? What's your hot take on mangoes? What? Well it started as a hot take on mango jelly beans, they're gross.

And then the kid said, well what about regular mangoes? And I said, I don't know. What are you a slob? How have you never had a mango? hot take on mango jelly beans, they're gross. And then the kid said, well, what about regular mangoes? And I said, I don't know. What are you, a slob? How do you never had a mango? What's your hot take on fruits? See, now there is a hot take on fruit. Strawberries, great.

Honeydew melon, fantastic. Watermelon, get out of town. Honeydew over watermelon. What's your hot take on veggies? Oh, I love vegetables. Big fan of vegetables. You should eat more vegetables. I can't believe you have more.

Every vegetable you don't like, you're going to like when you're older than an adult. By the way, Mr. H, you're my favorite teacher. You know why his hot takes are great? There's the stance. He's got it. It's clear. It's a take. It's a take.

It's great. So the question today, because I can play hot takes with you. This is my entire English class. It might be a side podcast, but yeah., because I can play hot takes with you, this is my entire English class. Might be a side podcast, but yeah. Hot takes. Yeah, hot takes with Mr. H. Hot takes with Mr. H. By the way, that's a podcast I listen to.

Not a bad idea. So the question is, is next year you're going to eighth grade with the same kids. They love Hot Take Tuesday. So. They love it. I don't think there's a world that you get rid of hot takes Yeah, but for for I have an idea. Let me pitch you something

I don't want to so here's what I would pitch to them and you pitch it your hot take on the last day of school is I am going to be your teacher next year But we're doing something fundamentally different because you are no longer babies in the seventh grade. You are young adults of the eighth grade. Each week, one of you is assigned the hot take platform, but you need to write a little speech of your hot take in essay form and then read it to the class on a Friday, and we, as a community, take you down. Because for seventh graders, it's all Mr. H. But in eighth grade, I took a year, I trained you, it is now time for your written hot take.

Completely where I was going. Really? Yes, that I think is the move. You're gonna take the workload off yourself, the kids like it, you still get to have the discussion. You still get to have a hot take on their hot take. Which you will. Oh, I will.

I think that's the way to do it. You franchise it out. What do you think about that, Mr. H, of the franchising it out? See, I like the pitch. I like the pitch. What's your hot take on the pitch? Yeah, what's your hot, yeah.

Hot take on the hot take pitch. I like the pitch, but you gotta be really delicate with seventh graders. I think that- Okay, wait, hold on, but hold on, I wanna hear what he says. They will find a way to get angry. Okay, but. I think they will find a way to get angry. Okay, but explain they will find a way to get angry at it all. And they they just want to build. They like so the mango thing my last

video, I had to eat a mango for the first time on camera in front of can we get food? They are demanding I can send it to Kevin, it comes in a couple of different parts. Is that okay? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Of course. I'm asking this lovingly. Why? Why does it come in different parts?

Yeah, what is that? What happened? Because I had to use a school use for school. I can't remember. I don't want to give an accidental plug to whatever the program is. Are you on your lunch break right now? We are on school vacation right now. Oh, okay, great.

What's your hot take on parent-teacher conferences? My hot take, well, I'll tell you one hot take on parent-teacher conferences on kids that I can't give my seventh graders, if you wanna hear that. I do. That your seventh grade kids are pretty much just you drunk. Ha ha ha!

That's a great, great hot take. It is. Um, that is what teaching seven, if you wonder, if you have your own children and you wonder what they are like at school. Hey, Mr. H what's your hot take on hot takes? They are exhausting. They are. Um, my hot take on hot takes is they're exhausting.

They also have to be done right. I used to do, I did stand up comedy for a few years. Yep. I could tell. Um, I up comedy for a few years. Yep. I can tell. I know the value of having something. Crafted. Versus just rushing through it.

Okay. I think here's the problem with our initial pitch, which we both signed off on, is it might feel like additional homework. Here's what I'd say. Why don't we do it, you say this to the kids. You, after the year we do it, you say this to the kids, you, after the year of hot takes, you've run out of your own hot takes. So what you're doing is every Wednesday or after hot take Tuesday, you get class submitted hot takes.

And that is sort of audience submitted, class submits things that you could do a hot take on and that way they kind of feel like They're involved in it, but you still get to have the wheel What do you think mr. H? Which are hot take? Oh, I have already pitched that to them and they come up with nothing And in fact their response to that idea from me was it's your hot take You need to have the opinion on something.

To which I said, well then we won't have them. And it was painted into a hot take form. So can I tell a quick story that shows me as a kid version of Mo from Three Stooges? Cannot wait. When I was in, maybe a little bit younger, I think I was fifth grade, my buddy Kent and I got in a lot of trouble in school.

And the school therapist was kind of a hippie guy named Mr. Dithart, D-I-T-H-A-R-T. And he realized my mother was in the hospital out with my sister, Kent's parents were working. We didn't, we were alone a lot. So they thought we were getting in trouble for attention. So he said, come to my therapist. He was a cool dude This was the 80s. He was still connected to the late 60s early 70s hippie vibe cool sweater big beard

And he said how about this you guys feel like you don't have any control. So the next hour is your hour I'm not the boss. You're not the kids. You're the boss So either me or Kent said we appreciate that mr. Dick fart and he had a ball in there in a little hoop and we go Can you pass us the ball dick fart so we can shoot and he said I'd rather you not call me mr. Dick fart and we said it's our hour dick fart And it went so sideways for him and so funny for us after the one session He said I don't need to see you two guys anymore

And his experiment was over the look on his face where you immediately hacked his beautiful plan with dick fart Well, I obviously dick fart I didn't think was coming at me right away and you realize I'm being cool to you pass the ball dick fart All right, we're not doing this again I'm gonna give you 15 minutes and send you back to school you little pricks and we were like feels more right So later dick fart. So mr. H You're in a spot where you can't keep doing hot takes is what you're saying because if you could you would just be doing it Yeah, I got another pitch. Go ahead. Correct. Okay. Okay. Why don't we do this? We're we're done. We're retiring it

We're no longer doing hot takes hate this what we are doing It's not great. But what we are doing is still giving you the platform to have a bit of a rant But it's no longer gonna be just generated by you. What if you do? Every week you bring in an in the news story that you kind of rant about so you find a weird story from the news Which there's tons of So you find a weird story from the news, which there's tons of, you bring in that weird story, you walk the kids through it, and you kind of rant on that. Mr. H, I'll take on that.

I like it. I'm honestly thinking that the best direction is, again, they want the stupidest like they don't they're not interested in the news No, but I'm talking about man holds up liquor store with alligator. I think we're going in the wrong direction. Mr. H and gareth I I think they're mr. G, please It would be mr. R Okay, that's better. Thank you dick fart. I Became dick fart. Yeah, dick fart. Oh man, get out of my classroom.

So here's what I'm thinking. And I know this, look, I'm not pitching you something easy, but guess what else isn't easy? Here's my hot take. Go. Eighth grade ain't easy. Go. Seventh grade is easier.

If you were teaching the same seventh grade, you keep hot take Tuesday. The unfortunate reality is, you little brats, you grew up over summer. You do one Tuesday, I do the next Tuesday. A different student does the next Tuesday, I do the next. Alt. So you've got to incorporate them doing them because that is the beginning of getting ready for high school. That is a fun way to do an essay. You have your thesis statement.

My thesis statement is like, mango jelly beans are disgusting. Paragraph one proves it. Paragraph two proves it. Paragraph three proves it. And in conclusion, they are disgusting because of all said reasons. That is what you're learning in eighth and ninth grade. You're just showing them how to do it in a fun way in seventh. The hot take for them is, I know you don't like it babies, but mommy and daddy are done

cutting your chicken because you're in eighth grade guess what there was an era where your parents wiped your butt then one day you wipe your own hot takes half yours half mine when you get to high school it's all your hot take and this is your first hot take of the year yes the first hot take of the year is how you wanted to stop hot takes they wouldn't let you so here's the hot take on how first hot take of the year is how you wanted to stop hot take. Oh, they wouldn't let you so here's the hot Guess what? Guess what? Mr. H. Here's a friggin turn when they all go no, no, we don't like it and you go Here's another hot take you'll be graded on it Your hot take gets a grade that goes towards your actual grade and

That's a grade that goes towards your actual grade and will be on your freaking report card babies. Well, that is a great way to maybe present it as a are you in or are you out? Either way. You don't give them an option. Okay. All right. Then yeah, I like that. So then you prove it and you go, now am I making you guys do them all?

No, I do every other one. Mr. H, this is a good solution, but it ain't comfortable. No, I mean, again, I teach middle school, so I live in discomfort. I'm on board with this too because I tell my students all the time, I am the most stubborn old man already they will ever meet. And this is just, I will prove it. And then here's the catch, because most likely in a full year each student's gonna have to do two or three hot takes. When their hot takes get better at the end of the year you know it then the final day you give your hot take on an assessment of their hot takes. How about this we do the hotties where you're giving awards away for the best hot takes. I might change

the name of them. I don't know if I'm gonna call them the hotties as I call kids up to the front of the room. I think that's fair. I think that's fair. Well, you guys enjoy your weirdo world. No, but Mr. H, that's why you're you and he's Mr. R. And Mr. R doesn't teach at his school. He lives in a jail cell. And Mr. R also doesn't feel bad when dick fart tries to shame him.

Mr. H, you're the best. Good luck, Mr. H. Thank you. This luck, Mr. H. Thank you. This has been fantastic. This episode is brought to you by Booking.com. Booking dot yeah. Oh, Jake, you know me, road dog, driving a van across the country, staying in random spots and weird cities.

It's a beautiful life that I've carved out for myself, one that I know you're very jealous of. I will say the thing about Booking.com that really works is that you can go from a little resort to a five-star hotel. You can kind of book anywhere. It's something that I've used to book family trips and I find it easy. Yes, they really do cover the spectrum. Like I'm serious when I say that I book like most of the time when my travel is not booked, I just go to booking.com. It's very easy to see what you're getting into. The place that you're looking at always matches the place that you get. And like you said, if you would rather have a kitchen versus

a hotel, booking.com is a great place to see. So book whoever you want to be on booking.com. Jake, we are also brought to you by Aura Frames. Aura Frames are basically digital picture frames that allow you to share and display unlimited photos. So, you know, the old picture, Jake, your mom's picture frame, just the one picture, not anymore. Now you can have a bunch of photos that are uploaded, cycling through. I hear what you're saying. So someone comes into your house and you no longer need to entertain them because they're just standing there just looking at like your trip to Hawaii or something like that. I understand why the example for this one is a Mother's Day gift because this is a great

gift to send to mom or grandma. They can upload all the family pics in one place. It's funny that you say that because I am going to send one of these to my mother and I already know it's all going to be the grandkids and she really will love it. So it is a win. So right now Aura has a great deal for Mother's Day. Listeners can save on the perfect gift by visiting AuraFrames.com slash Gil sent me to get...

I miss Gil, I'll be honest, to get $30 off plus free shipping on their best-selling frame. That's Aura, A-U-R-A, frames dot com slash Gil sent me. Use code Gil sent me at checkout to save terms and conditions. Hi there. Hi. Hi, welcome back to We're Here to Help. We know you've called them before. We know it's a follow-up, but we have no clue what it's about., and

a a a a a a a a

a a a Do you have any you have any recollection of what the specifics are his wife and his buddies were teasing him and we Said you and another friend we're gonna think do a fake Battlers yeah, you're gonna set up basically a fight to show off your badassness. Yeah, so what happened? Yeah well, so we did that so I I Texted Josh who you guys somewhat know and the because it was going to be like, I was going to try to trick both his wife and my wife. Which is like, you were right. He was. Yeah.

It's so disappointing that Josh blew it. Instant crumble. So, so yeah, then it transitioned into like, okay, let's get cast. Who's my wife. And so we started building a plan and I'm so glad I pulled them in because it was way more complicated. It's stressful that I thought it would be. But yeah, so they they tap the shoulder of their brother-in-law, who is a cop

and also does jujitsu and he's. Of course, Gareth, a lot of law enforcement. Go ahead, Blake. Cool. He's definitely a disc. You take your back out stretching it Jiu Jitsu class, right? I just want to... Hey, Blake, sorry about Gareth. He likes to repeat the same stuff.

It's a tip. No, no. I just want to make sure that... Gareth, I know you got to move to go do your 15th podcast today, but we're trying to move forward with this one. Blake, go ahead. I think you're trying... Okay, go ahead, Blake. But Jake did hurt himself stretching, so just remember. Go ahead, Blake. Go ahead. Okay, go ahead, Blake. But Jake did hurt himself stretching, so just remember.

Go ahead, Blake. You're not talking to... Judge Dredd pulled his back while trying to touch his toes. Well, yeah, so we pulled him in and we started planning. We decided we'd drive to him. He's like an hour away from us, but we were going to meet at a park and I started sending him moves of what I was going to do. And you're doing this.

This is trouble. It's hard to text the Jiu-Jitsu. Do you know, you ever see those old diagrams of like how to dance from like the 40s where it just shows where the feet are moving and you're like, I don't think I can figure out the odds from this. I'm not going to learn this way. and you're like, I don't think I can figure out the logs from this. I'm not going to learn this way. So.

At one point, I sent him a video and said, I'm the black belt, just so he understood which one, which spider I was. Oh, boy. Oh, my Lord. Well, Blake, it already sounds, I mean, you've told us already, this doesn't work, but it doesn't sound like you know, it works. So what happened? Okay. It definitely works. So basically leading up to it was I'm not kidding. One of the most stressful things ever. I was not sleeping. I was doing jujitsu in my mind. 24 seven. It was quite a ride.

And so we, we told cast that we were going to go do some mini golf in Corona, which doesn't sound sexy at all, but it worked. Convince her to go out there. Was she at all like, what? Why? And you're like, Jess, we got to go now. There was, yeah, there definitely was a lot of questions, but she was like, she's down for anything. She can rally. So she was just like, yeah, let's do it. Okay. Good person, good person.

We like her. And then, yeah, so I had a class the day before and I had my coach film me doing the move and I sent it to Josh and I said, hey, do you think this would work and I I Thought it looked cool. He replied is it possible to do it faster and I rewatch it with new eyes and I Look like a turtle stuck on my back moving in slow motion Is that is the move the move is you're gonna be on your back is that what that's that's what it started with

Yeah, there's a lot of great offense from your back earth. Yeah. Thank you But then I decided to just do something a little simpler so they have we go there and We decide to get boba because I sent a video to you guys if you watch the video you'll understand some of the context but we're going to have Josh do a trick shot growing his boba into a trash can so that way there's a reason to film it and that's a very Josh respect we call him Josh Mcbucket. It's like He's he's kind of doing bits, but he also likes to do a little trick shot things like that So sure we get boba we're at the park and I see Their brother-in-law. He's he's he looks scary. He's got a mustache

He's wearing sunglasses. He's wearing like a big jacket, which I told them to wear a jacket I hope and I not in real life, but I hope this guy just unleashed fury. You're in the script. You elbowed him accidentally. And he's like, you will bitch and just laid hands on you. He could take my ass and beat the life out of Corona. Is it, why did you tell him to wear a jacket? Was that for identification?

No, he just showed up looking tough. Unfortunately, it would make Jujitsu a little easier if he was wearing a jacket. Um, because. Oh, you must do, you must do Guy. You must do Guy. Yeah. You must do Guy. Yeah, I do know Guy.

Yeah, we really, I mean. Both work, both work. Just a big. He had Boba first. Just relax. Uh, okay. Okay. So he shows up., Like right next to it. Josh nails the shot. It hits the tree and it splatters. The ice, the boba flying everywhere. And so his brother-in-law stands up and he's like, what the hell, man?

Dude, what are you doing? And so he starts coming at Josh. You said something like, I'm the danger. We should have worked out that. Sorry, Blake. Floor All right. Sorry. Sorry. Like floors yards, floors yards. I tapped in. I tapped in. Um, and so he's coming at Josh and he pushes Josh.

And that's something me and Josh talked about is like, it can't be something like I, he can't come after me. Otherwise it feels like a pride thing, but I need to be able to protect Josh. Right. Right. Right. Push. That's why we do this martial arts, my brother.

Oh, boy. And I, I come up as a, hey, dude, calm down. I put my hand on his his chest to like kind of push him back. And while I'm doing that, I grab his collar and then he pushes me. And then I get him into my guard. You want to translate that? Now, please, Blake, please, please, please. Don't Blake, please do it for us. Please don't ask.

Go ahead. Go ahead. Actually, now, wait, brother, brother, I respect you. And by brother, I mean male and female or any gender, because the Jijitsu community is all inclusive. Jake. So rather than brother, I take that back. I'm going to say fellow practitioner. Hold on brother I take that back. I'm gonna say fellow practitioner Oh hold on a second Blake because I'm starting to wonder if Jake even knows what that means because he's being so giving But I feel like he actually doesn't know what it means

Freaked out like yeah, I don't know man. took one. I was stretching. I hurt my back. I do have the uniform. I wear it a lot. So Gareth sees me, but I've never gone back. Aaron, you're just wearing it around the house, and your wife's just kind of like, are you going to sit there and drink beer in your gi all day? Well, real talk, I went one time,

and it was a junior class, and a nine-year-old almost broke my arm. And I tapped out. And I freaked out on it. I freaked out, and I said, I'm going to sue you. I literally am going to sue you. I said I did try to pursue a lawsuit, but. I represented myself and went sideways in court. I threw my back out while giving my testimony.

Because I went like, you all killed me! I'm going to put the system on trial! And back it thrown up. So in all seriousness, guard is when somebody is within your kind of legs. So you have the in total control. OK, yeah, essentially like the way I like to put it, Gareth is like a spider leaves a web out and catches a fly that flies in a spider's guard, baby. It's like floors.

You're going to thank God. Yeah, so I I do that and then I flip him over with a sweep and then I get him in an arm bar. Great. And then he's like, he's yelling, hey, stop, stop, I give up. And then he sold it in well. I hope maybe off air you guys watch the video

because I think you'll enjoy it. And then he storms off all mad. Wait, quick pause Kevin Is this a video we could post? Yeah, I have it Okay, can we watch it right now? Yeah, let's just throw it up right now. All right, hold on one second, Blake We're gonna give it a watch and then our audience can watch it too for these audio ones You'll you'll understand what's happening. Yeah Yeah. Oh shit. Oh I'm so sorry dude. Dude what the heck? I'm sorry. Are you an idiot or something?

He's got it all over me. All over my jacket dude. Are you kidding me right now? What's your problem? I'm sorry. I'm sorry. No. You're sorry.

I'm sorry dude. What are you so- Bro, bro, bro, bro. He honestly is doing the stupid thing. Yeah I'm sorry. Oh shit. The danger came in. Oh got him right in garden. I swear

Dude Blake oh Dude that is actually I cannot believe how well that went right? Yeah, welcome to jiu-jitsu Gareth. You stop Jake. None of shut up About the prank I'm trying not pulling it off. Hey, I'm talking about a very very cool. Thank you That's great. So what so what what is the aftermath of this now your wife still believe this is real I'll tell you the aftermath. 10 straight hours of hot sex with Blake and his lady.

Jesus Christ. It's called the jujitsugasm. Oh my God. Jujitsu. She tapped out. Oh my God. All right, keep going. So what happened, Blake?

The next part of the video, which I'll just explain, basically we sat cast down. And what we talked about beforehand that that Once we got the phrase, we told her and she like healed over. She was like, it blew her mind. It was awesome. And then quickly she's like, well, who was that guy? I said, Oh, it's their brother-in-law. She knows of him. And she's like, Oh, so he could have kicked your ass.

I was like, wait, no, no, no. See, Blake, I got to tell you, I probably wouldn't have ended it the way you ended it. Yeah, I would have. I would have. I think you got to ask for a little bit longer, but the execution was great. And I will say, even though she is laughing a little bit, she did understand the reason practitioners do the martial arts. And that is nobody ever wants conflict

except for little geeks like Gareth or just like little Chihuahuas who bark all the time. But the rest of us in this world, literally, we look to we look to avoid it. But when it happens, Blake, you handle it the way you handled it. I tell you, it was really good. You're you're like you might be making jokes. She's not feeling jokes. Go ahead, Gareth. Was yours? Uh, I don't know why you keep treating it like a chess match where you're punching a clock.

But I also my favorite line, obviously, was it was Boba, dude. Way to go, Blake. And you got a good friend in Josh. Actually, we like that Josh is part of our show because you got a good friend and a guy who'll stand out there and just be a little great, a little beta for you. Blake, you kicked ass. Yeah, sort of. You got it. You fake kicked ass, which is kind of wheel. That's a kick ass for our show.

A fake kick ass means you really kicked ass. We appreciate it. We'll post the whole video and we got to get on to the next one, man. You're the best. Appreciate it. Thanks, Blake. Bye. Thank you, buddy.

We're Here to Help is hosted by Jake Johnson and Gareth Reynolds. The show is produced and edited by Kevin Bartelt and the associate producer and editor is AJ McKeon. Our social media director is Kaitlyn Tanwakeyo and our video editor is John De Bruy. The theme song is made by Oliver Raleigh and you can check out his music at oliverraleigh.com. That's Oliver R-A-L-L-I.com. The album artwork is by James Fostike. You can find him on Instagram at James underscore Fostike,

D-I-K-E. And if you'd like to see me do stand up on the road, go to GarethReynolds.com. Additional artwork by Patty Holland, you can find him on Instagram at P-A-D-D-Y Holland 2004. And if you'd like early access to episodes, subscribe to our Patreon at Patreon.com slash year to help pod. And if you'd like early access to episodes, subscribe to our Patreon at patreon.com slash heretohelpod. And if you'd like to be on the show,

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