We're Here to Help - 77: The Juicebox Ain't Worth the Squeeze

Episode Date: May 9, 2024

Jake and Gareth talk to callers about a joke at the gym and beef at a boat party. Later, the guys follow up with the second caller from episode 18 “This is Where the Watermelon Comes Into Play with Max Greenfield.”Want to call in? Email your question to [e-mail] (Early Access, Bonus Calls and Q&As): Patreon.com/HereToHelpPodVIDEO: Youtube.com/@HeretoHelpPodMERCH: heretohelppod.comINSTAGRAM: @HereToHelpPodTIKTOK: @HereToHelpPodIf you’re enjoying the show, make sure to rate We’re Here to Help 5-Stars on Apple Podcasts.Advertise on We’re Here to Help via Gumball.fm See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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The... Bra! Alright. Yes! I always like to think when those happen, the old bulls lights up. I Think when those happen the old bulls lights Nice that like that as we start the everybody like their whole audience is sitting in one arena The lights go off you're eating popcorn and you go like oh the show's starting I even though I'm a Wisconsin homer that those bulls years where they would come out to that song were just shocking.

And you know what's crazy is that whole intro with the music, with the lights, that was just one goober's idea. Somebody who worked for the organization was like, hey, can I can I pitch something? OK, go ahead, Dave. So the way we intro our stars, Michael Jordan, Scottie Pippenhorst, it's a go on, go on. Rather than just start the basketball game, what if it was like a show? And then you go, yeah, now all of them, they have like fake fireworks. But beforehand, I'm sure it was like you went to a high school game.

You could do it. And like you would have that like the 70s NBA. You could do it. You were just like the Chicago Bulls versus the Indiana Pacers. Yeah. And then you'd have a bunch of like degenerate gamblers being like, like, I got four points on a kid from Indiana. Yeah. Yeah. Basketball and everything used to just be like gamblers and then some scouts.

And then like a few fans. Oh, yeah. And then when the dunk happened, everyone was like, wait, what? Yeah, there was something that occurred. That's really funny to go old NBA when it was a league that was failing. And then you watch those specials where they'll be like, I mean, at that point, the Knicks were bleeding money. We were just about done in the NBA. You have footage.

Yeah, it's like nine people in the crowd. Well, also before the 24 second clock, I mean, guys like some offense would have the ball for like three minutes. You know, this is the worst thing I've ever seen. Just pass, pass. It's just pass. Yeah. Just like wait, wait. Do you see something? So there's five minutes left in the game. We're winning by five.

What do we do? Hold the ball. And the audience goes like, this is very boring. OK, wait, Jake, we're breaking news. I put something in the group chat for us. Well, this also, I was getting hit up about this as well yesterday. No, no, no, this is a different thing. This is different? Kevin, take the lead.

I can't see what's happening. The transcription reads, good afternoon, this is tough. Hold on, let me set it up first, which is we recorded yesterday for several hours. I got a phone call during the recording, didn't answer it. I am building a recording studio at my place and hopefully it's going to be like next month. It's this company called Tough Shed. So they called me to like set up when we could lock in

building it and I just didn't answer it. So iPhones now can like auto transcribe voicemails for you. And so while we were recording, I like did a double take. Gareth, do you wanna read what it transcribed as? Absolutely, Kevin, it would be an honor. Hold on, so Kevin, you spoke into your phone what you wanted the voicemail to be? No. Oh, the voicemail became this. Yes, this is what iPhone wanted the voicemail to be? No. Oh, the voicemail became this.

Yes. This is what iPhone says the voicemail was. And if it was, that's problematic. Good afternoon. This is tough reaching out for Kevin, reaching out to see if everything was coming along with the foundation work for your new tough shed penis that you were ready to get on schedule for installation or if we need more time to get that completed. When you get a chance, give us a call and update my number here.

Thank you. So- Several people texted me, how's the foundation for your tough penis? Your tough penis. That's pretty good. Your tough shed penis. So the new studio is going to be inside of a penis? Basically, yeah.

That's exciting. Which is, I think setting up what Gareth was about to say, which is we've been getting head up about a different tough penis. Well, on the Hannah episode, we talked about, well, I can't remember what it was called. Clone-a-Willy? Clone-a-Willy. Clone-a-Willy where you can clone your genitals for whoever, I guess. And Clone-a-Willy has been messaging me at quite a clip

Messaging you for real directly saying if I would like the free material Or have someone make a vagina for me Is that you know, it's sad they didn't reach out to me I Bet you they did I bet you you just didn't see it. I'm at the level where I see these things sometimes. Oh, was that, was that Instagram? How'd they find you? Well, they followed me on Instagram and I think, they somehow put it in- They emailed the show

and put it in the YouTube comments too. And then they, on Twitter, they were like, please let us DM you, because my DMs are closed to people I don't follow. They're like, please follow us so we can DM you and get you a free mold kit. And I did think like, is do I have is there any point to me doing this? Yes.

Come, I don't want to like. But what? OK, so what's the reveal in your head of this produced bit, Jake? Give it to Luke. I have a great show. Everybody at no point am I going to be like, all right, now let's bring out that penis of mine. No, the reveal is you've got a long-term roommate who you travel with, you guys are good buds,

he gets you coffee on the road. He doesn't need the extra penis of mine. I know, but it's the funniest. He has the real thing. I think it should be for you when we're not recording. It's the funniest birthday gift you can give to a male friend in the history of gifts. If you one day gave me a gift at like my big birthday

and it was your, Garrett, the year new gag gift could be giving everybody in your life on holiday. Why do I feel like I just called the show? But this is a great gag gift. I will, okay, here's what I'll do. Yeah. I will clone my penis.

Yes! Okay, so there we go. So we have reached a deal. I'm very excited about this turn of events. It's called, what is it? Clone Willie? Clone Willie. We've reached a deal.

I think it's, well, whatever it is, either way. And so you're going to do it. You're going to keep this updated and we're going to see what happens. Burns off in a fire or something. Yep. Anyway yep anyway Jake this whole thing isn't about cloning our willies we have a great episode we have a today we've got a fun one where we gave these are my favorites where the follow-up is part of the call but also this follow-up is not our standard follow-up mm-hmm this is a very strange you're right because well let's well no no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, You flush in the toilet? Yeah, was that a toilet flush? Did you just literally flush a toilet?

No, I made a hard right so I could pull over and help me. Oh, respect. I wish you were sitting on the ball. That is so great. Name please. Stephanie. Where are you calling from Stephanie? From Jersey. And what's your favorite band?

My favorite band? Yeah, who do you like to listen to? Blum Jovi. It depends on the mood. I got to be honest, I really like disco. Disco? What a crazy... OK, and how old are you, Stephanie?

39. 39 years young. And what's your sign? Sagittarius. Sag. Nice. OK, and what do you do for work? Office manager.

Office manager. OK manager, okay. So you're a Saj, you're Stephanie, you're in Jersey, you like disco, you're 39, you're an office manager. Disco is, are we ever gonna get over that? I can't glaze over that too quickly. We're gonna see if it has anything to do with what our problem is. Steph, the floor is yours.

What can we do to help you today? All right, so I started going to the gym like eight months ago. I'm trying to lose weight, be healthier. By the way, quick pause. I'll say this is hitting. Stephanie, quick pause. This has never happened. Kevin laughed before when you signed.

We've never had him laugh this early. It's exciting. It's exciting. I know what the call's about. I know. That's why we're all excited. He goes, you go, huh, and he goes. He's like, all right.

This is new. So Stephanie, eight months ago, you started going to the gym. Started going to the gym, but I've been following this local gym for about a year now. There's a lot of bodybuilders, male and female, so I was intimidated and self-conscious.

Pulled the plug, started going, and then I'm seeing people like seeing, you know, people like, um, these bodybuilders are really anybody. They post themselves and their stories. They tag the gym. So I've been following this gym for a year now so I could see the progress that strangers have made. Particularly this one woman who went from being already healthy and fit to like, she's

like jacked and muscular. So when I first saw her, when I started going, I was like, Hey, I've been following you blah, blah, blah, probably made myself look like a creeper. Whatever. I was like, it's a happy compliment. Like I want to give her kudos. So I did now fast forward three, three months ahead of that, or like a couple of months from here, whatever we're doing cardio side by side, or

just BSing like very big. Let's give this lady a name, Stephanie. We'll call her Beth. Beth, so Beth and you are doing cardio next to each other, okay? Yeah, and we're just like, chit chatting. And all of a sudden, Juice Box by The Strokes comes on, it's my earphone.

And I don't know why, but I thought it was funny. And I'd show her my phone and I point to the name of the song I said this could be your nickname. Oh my god My lord you are this is you know this reminds me of the woman who had the ashes and goes I hope you don't get the butthole. Yes. Yes. It's you need it's something It's something that when you get into podcasting you I have what I call a mouth bouncer Yes, which is the joke guy who goes yeah, it's not the juice ain't worth the squeeze So you said to a woman who clearly clearly does steroids

This could be your nickname juice fucking a what a great thing I don't want to say she clearly does steroids because this is an all-natural if you're like They're super into it. Okay, but still I thought to me. I thought it was funny. I my Fiance wasn't with me. He's usually my mouth bouncer. So what happened? What did Beth do? You go, you're on a treadmill. You said, Hey, juice box could be your nickname.

What's that mean? Like I had five heads and I said, Oh, I just, I just turned. Haven't said a word to her since. You friendship ruined it. You know, you didn't even have a friendship, you friendship ruined it. You know what? You didn't even have a friendship. I know, but they were building one. Were you?

I mean, it would have been nice to. I'm new to the area. Yeah, yeah, but you weren't. It wasn't like you and her were like, hey, we had two lunches. We went out for quinoa bowls after the workout. Like, this was still pretty much a stranger. And you were like, I got to kill her.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm gonna juice box her into my heart. Okay. So you called her juice box. It's just it's ended it. And so what is the great setup? What is the specific question we could try to help with? What do I do?

Do I just continue ignoring it? Just leave it or do I approach her via and I unfollowed her on social media probably made it even more awkward. her via and I unfollowed her on social media probably made it even more awkward you why did you Unfollow you're making hold on why old man is Why would you unfollow the lady you called it? How dare she? By the way weed factoring into this, very helpful for content. Let me ask you this.

A little high when you were doing the cardio that day? At least the night before. No, no, I can't. Weed does not motivate me to go to the gym. Okay. Okay, so the question, Gareth, is this. Stephanie works out at a gym. She just moved to the town.

She's been watching people work out. Beth got really strong in eight months and Stephanie was impressed. She complimented her a couple of times. She followed her on Instagram. She became a little bit of a stalker, but not in a bad way. They're doing cardio next to each other. Stephanie and Beth are slowly becoming friends.

Stephanie hears juice box by the strokes and goes, this you, you're a fucking juice box. Crazy problem. Dad obviously gets offended. Beth, I think, honestly, it might be my first time when I pitch, you should just take your time and try to build a time machine. Like, put all of your time into just trying to figure it out. And so the question is, what do I do now? I'm, as your friend, I mostly don't give this advice, but you gotta let this one go

I don't think there's a world where you go back and go like The explanation for calling you juice boxes. I didn't think of juice as terror. You're this is a lose-lose I think it's hard you walk away. I Might my personal instinct. Yes would be to do that. Yes be, you know, whatever. It's a fucking gym. I'll tell you a story. This is I used to go to the Y in Milwaukee. Braggart, braggart. Things were good. And and Latrell Spreewell, ex NBA player, CJ is interested now.

Used to work out there. I'm trying to feed my family. That's why he passed on a twenty five million dollar. I choked a coach. Yeah. He's a Milwaukee guy. Yeah. Respect. And I saw him there and I would always see him and I'd be like, man. Choke to coach. He's a Milwaukee guy. Yeah, yeah, respect. And I saw him there and I would always see him and I'd be like, man, it's fucking crazy. He's so tall.

Yeah, yeah, 6'8". And so I one day got the balls to go up to him and just say something when he didn't have his headphones in and I completely blew it because I went up and I hadn't really thought of much, but I just went up to him and I said, I love to watch you play. And he looked at me like, what? And he literally didn't say anything and he turned around. And I was like, that was horrible. So I got advice based off of that story.

I think this is gonna be, Stephanie, this is gonna be very simple. And this is gonna be a short one. You got two options. And before we pitch what option two, the details we're gonna need from you, the number one option is you walk away, you bury this one in shame. This was just a bad life moment. You move on. Number two, the,

I love to watch you play, is you double down and you approach her and you say something really weird and you heighten the weirdness. So that's a wild double down. But this is what Stephanie called us. I know. I've got ideas. They're not good either. Go ahead. Walk me through your double down. But this is what Stephanie called us. I know, I've got ideas. They're not good either. Go ahead. Walk me through your double down weird page. I was gonna go to her, but do you have ideas outside of that?

Okay, let's hear yours, because I was gonna go choose your own adventure. My first one is that you apologize and you say that you've been on drugs for the last few months. And you tell her that you had a drug problem and that you were doing some hardcore shit. I love this. And it was unfair for you to say that.

You think because you were on drugs. I'm an addict. Because you were on drugs, you thought it was a little more comfortable. You apologize. You know that it was that. The other one is just leave the fucking gym. Just go to a different gym. That's a walk away.

That's a walk away. Like Jake said, fucking gym. Just go to a different gym. It sounds like that's a walk away Like Jake said ignore it, but here's my crazy one. My crazy one is that I apologize. You're a drug addict wasn't the crazy I know I got one that's gonna make that seem fine. Okay. Okay. Love it. You're near her You're working out right get in her vicinity. Give her that she clocks you. Yeah, that's juice box You know, yeah, she hates a juice box. You know? Yeah, she hates her. And when it's just you and her next to each other. Treadmills.

Faking injury. Badly. Start crying. Pretend you've like torn your ACL. She's gonna come over to help you. That'll create a moment that's a little organic. You can be like, ah, take two days off the gym. Say you went and saw someone.

It's not a tear. You pulled something. But God, her compassion take two days off the gym. Say you went and saw someone. It's not a tear. You pulled something, but God, her compassion in that moment was so great. It's giving you a restart. Stephanie, you got the walk away. Part two of walkways, leave the gym. You got number two. I love to watch you play. You can just walk up to her and go like, I love to watch you lift weights.

Or I love to watch you squat. You're a pleasure. See, you're a pleasure. You're a pleasure in the gym. You're my, I love to watch you lift weights or I love to watch you squat. You're a pleasure. You're a pleasure. You're a pleasure in the gym. You're my, I want to squeeze you. I've got your weird. I've got your weird double down if you want. What is it?

When she squats next time, just go up to her and go, you ever worry you're going to poop? Or when she squats and when she squats, you go like this. Mama's got a squeeze back. And like this was all night. The who? Yeah. Or you, when she squats down down you go like this. That's my juice box. Yeah, squeeze it out I'd love to see you get stuck. Yes. So that's two three. I you go ahead. Okay. No you go ahead I'm sorry. I really now want to buy a fart machine hide it in Hold on hold on in a great way. She's right, she's right.

But I'm gonna finish the pitches, but I'm gonna end on yours. Three, apologize to a walk up to her and go like this, hey Juice Box, I wanna let you know I'm a drug addict. I just got into rehab, I was on crystal meth for the reason I said that. Said he'd been pillin'. Four, fake an injury, and five,

the best idea that we've ever had a caller call us with Get a fart machine and whenever somebody does go out just blow farts and you're gonna get kicked out of the yeah within two weeks Go out in a blaze of glory. Yeah, they can talk about you for years the one goes she called me juice She farted every time I lifted away Yeah, I'm not gonna buy your pitch is insane and I'd never push back against it So what do you think? What are you gonna actually do? I really want to do the fart machine thing. Will you film it crazy? And yes, please. I will definitely definitely film it if I do it if hold on is this

Okay, so you're not really going to do the fart machine I want to. Then do it! Please. Do it! We called your show, please do it. You called a steroid lady juice box! This is your life, Stephanie! Obviously your gut instincts are the right ones.

Bring the fart machine into the gym and use it. Did you ever see that Leslie Nielsen interview with the fart machine? No, no. So Google Leslie Nielsen fart machine press, and that's going to give you a nice push to get that fart machine. I honestly think this is weird advice, but I think you're right. I think the way you do this is you don't leave the gym. You don't go up to her and tell her you love watching her squat.

You don't fake a weird injury. You don't tell her gym, you don't go up to her and tell her you love watching her squat, you don't fake a weird injury, you don't tell her you're a drug addict, you just get a fart machine and whenever somebody squats, you make a fart noise and you laugh your ass off and then go home and get stoned with your fiance and laugh until they kick you out of the gym. I would do it, I really would. You've already entered a danger zone,

so go out with a blaze of glory. I agree. Stephanie, are you gonna do this? The fart machine? Yes. I'm really tempted to. You're a terrible influence. Stephanie, are you gonna do this? The fart machine? Yes. I'm really tempted to. You're a terrible influence. What's holding you back, Stephanie?

Stephanie, what's holding you back? We're your buddies. Listen to your buddies. You already called an lady a juice box. The only thing holding me back is my, well because she's muscly, like juicy, muscular, and in a box. Stephanie.

Wait, what do you mean? And in a box. What do you mean in a box? Well, you know, ladies, a hoo-ha is a box, right? Oh my God, what do you mean in a box? Well, you know, ladies, who has a box, right? Oh, my God. You meant her vagina is a box. Like a steroid giant. Well, you called her steroid vagina.

Stephanie, you know what? How rude. Here's here's here's here's another pitch. Next time you just go up to her and call a roid giant. Yeah, you can't. I did not realize you met box like hey Look at you. You're a juicy box By the way, you've already you can bring a fart machine basic back from what you're doing

You sexually harassed a poor woman Horass the poor woman at the gym Holy cow, did you put you didn't put box? Again Or me on a treadmill next to strong guy so here a juice cock Yeah, you got a nice big dick and you're strong. You can't do that. I don't care if it's woman to woman. This is inappropriate.

Oh, it's great. So here's our final. I'm going to try those, I'm going to try those names tonight and see if I get laid. You will, you will. Without question. If a woman ever called me Steroidcock, I'd be like, thank you. That's all I've ever wanted to hear. Well, listen, you know, it's pretty good.

It's pretty good. That's all I've ever wanted to hear. Well, listen, it's pretty good. It's pretty good. So Stephanie, I couldn't recommend enough leaning into the fart machine. Your days at this gym are numbered. Now that we've gotten to know you a little bit, you're gonna cross a lot of lines

and you might end up going to jail. Well, I think the fart machine is your safest bet. And the thing is, you're not gonna put up those numbers on the bench that you're taught. You're not making those gains. No. But you can be a legend in this gym. I agree It's it's time to lean into a different type of game and best bench press the fart machine and just go hard

What do you say? Are you gonna do this? I'm gonna start looking to see where I could hide it. Okay, great Will you please you have to follow legally. Oh yeah, of course. We'll go to your gym if we have to. We demand that we stay included and we follow up. If you got video of somebody doing squats and then your fart machine, and we know Stephanie, you're gonna start laughing and you're gonna blow it.

No, yeah, this will be your last day in the gym most likely. But please go for it for our benefit. Thank you for the call. You got it, thanks guys. Say hi to Juice Box. This episode is brought to you by a company that we both use a lot. Yes. And that is DoorDash. DoorDash. Very helpful.

It's a lifesaver. It is. It's a lifesaver at home. Yeah, with kids, I'm sure. I'm my own kid. I's a lifesaver. It is it's a lifesaver at home. Yeah with kids. I'm sure I'm my own kid I may be but hotel life a door dash comes in very hotel life Door dash has changed because you don't have to order from downstairs now, and you don't have to leave the room now When that when I realized you could do it in a hotel and get it in the lobby. Yes. Yeah, way better Significant. Yeah. Yes. Yes. SoDash is something we are very excited about and we have a Mother's Day special with DoorDash.

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That is doordash.com slash Gil sent me. Terms of honor. This episode is brought to you by Aura Frames. Yes, Jake. If you're looking for the perfect gift to celebrate the mothers in your life, which I know we are.

Yeah. Always. I've been talking to Eve a lot lately. Me too. Have you been talking to Pam? No, Eve. Eve don't like you. Yeah, she does.

No, she don't. Yeah, off air she likes to get wild. You know what? I'm happy for her. Good. She deserves joy. Aura Frames. Are. She deserves joy. Or frames. Are a beautiful wifi connected digital picture frames

that allow you to share and display unlimited photos. Yes. It's easy to upload and share photos via the Aura app. And if you're given an Aura as a gift, you can even personalize the frame with preloaded photos and memories. That's nice. Yep, yeah, so you can hand it to your mother

and be like, look, here you go. This is actually a great mother's day gift. It is for sure. And what you should do if you do this is spend the time beforehand. Don't just give her the frame and go, you can figure it out. That's a nice gift.

Here's a sweeter gift. Get it beforehand, fill it with, personalize it with all the photos and the memories where you did the work Yep She kept you in her body for nine months raised you for eight. How about this? I'll do you one better I'll pitch on this talk to me take a picture of a piece of paper where you wrote I love you mom and it's one of them and put that in the frame, too Yes, so I think that's a really sweet idea

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It's called, uh, Dior, right? Yeah, Dior sent me some really nice pants, a nice shirt. And I... Oh, look it, check this out. Why... Kevin, explain it. Well, let's stand up and see our fits. So Dior sent this to me.

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Du Talon! Du Talon! Du Talon! Du Talon! Du Talon! Du Talon! Du Talon! Du Talon! Du Talon! Du Talon! Du Talon! Du Talon! Du Talon! I'm in the middle of the intro, so I'm going to need to keep the momentum going. You're on America's Number One Podcast with Jake Johnson, Gareth Reynolds.

Can we get your name, age, and where you're calling from, please? Yeah. My name is Brandon. I am 26 years old, and I'm calling from Atlanta. Wow, 26. Remember that, Jake? I'm still 26. Okay, weird response.

What's going on, Brandon? Gotcha. So- Couple of 26-year-olds, you and me, be new. No, no, no, no. Couple of kids. All right, Brandon, I've got a problem, but we'll deal with it off. Yeah, you're going to be 50 soon, you geezer. Go ahead, Brandon. All right, Brandon.

Twenty six Atlanta. What's going on? All right. So last year, I really wanted to plan a fun event for me and my friends about an hour outside of Atlanta during the summer. wanted to plan a fun event for me and my friends. About an hour outside of Atlanta during the summer, you can rent a boat for the day. And it's a ton of fun. I've loved boats. My uncle got a boat as a, when I was a kid and I just had so many fond memories of that.

So I really wanted to create memories with my friends. You like boats. You know, of age, love boats. Yes, but can't own one. So we got to rent it sure but a last year when I wanted to rent this boat for my friend group and Have a great day out on the lake We called it BK once a damn boat day because I was a hundred percent committed in organizing This boat day we had about 25 people. It was so much fun We had it like a double decker pontoon boat that had a kitchen and a waterslide. It was Feels like a boat glow

Feel like I'm in a whatever whatever the version of name dropping is, but with a boat, it feels like, okay. All right, so you had a big boat, 25 people, Brandon, floor is yours. Kitchen, water slide. But the issue this year is the amount of people that came last time was a bit much. We weren't really going anywhere on late because the this is just too heavy Also another thing with the front group is it got kind of clicky There's some drama that got created during the winter and so It's a bit tricky now. We're figuring out, you know this second

Yeah, the winter drama put up put some issue into it. So is the question who do you invite? Yeah, so the advice that I would want from you guys is how do I navigate these invites? I'm a pretty drama-free guy But a slight people pleaser no guys allowed saying no to people Dan balls area. Have you ever seen a video of a guy rapping on a boat? You ever see other guys you nine ladies on a boat Thank you for the call I'm kidding. Okay, so the it's it's hard. So you're how many people you trying to get? Yeah Well, I'd like to

Narrow it down. So we've got a decent amount of people. I don't really know the number, but I mean, I don't want to have such a heavy group this time where, you know, we're not really able to go anywhere on the boat. I didn't realize that part of the problem with boats and if you got too heavy, you couldn't go on the wall. You just had to sit there. Well, that's a pretty good excuse for why you got to get the numbers that, but what are you talking? You're talking like 15 people? How many people you think you gotta cut? If you say, I don't know, I just don't wanna be sitting there on the boat, I wanna get to the water again. I'm gonna hang up the goddamn phone.

Brandon, we're teasing because we like you and we're excited about the call. I appreciate it. I think I gotta cut around 15 people. Oh, 15? Wow. So you want about 10 people on this boat. I think 10 people is a solid group. So you want about 10 people on this boat? I think 10 people is a good solid group. Yeah.

OK. So I will say, in terms of your earlier boat salesman pitch, it sounded like a bigger boat to me. Yeah, it did. 10 people on a boat, that's like a little vision boat with a slide on it. It became a dinghy. It became a dinghy.

I was seeing a yacht on there. I was seeing a yacht. I was seeing a yacht. I was seeing a lot of like campaign. I was seeing staff in the basement. Yeah, yeah. I was Wolf of Wall Street. Yeah. Now I'm seeing like one of those little cruisers in like Louisiana.

Now we're looking for a four. Yeah. Okay. Well, that's tough. And you want this to, you don't want the people to know you're making these cuts, obviously. You want to do this on the deal somehow. Yes. You don't really wanna create any broken hearts or more drama.

I wanna see that. Understood. So here's what we're gonna do, and it's gonna be really weird for the audience and for us, cause we don't know these people, but we're gonna do something right now, Brandon, on the fly. Oh boy. Who's your number one? Okay.

Picture the group, you got 25 people on that boat last year. You're on a boat, it is sinking. They're gonna die. This boat is, boat. It is sinking. They're gonna die. This boat is, Brandon, it is sinking. Death is occurring. You can save one person. Who do you save? Who do you save? The boat is sinking. Who do you save? The boat is sinking. I'm definitely saving my girlfriend. Girlfriend. Okay, GF is on. She says one more person. Who does she save? Brandon, this isn't time to think. The boat is sinking

you're on the goddamn Titanic we don't have a minute to ask killer the boat is going down if you wait too long you're a fucking dead man you swimming with the fish you grab the girlfriend she grabbed somebody who does she grab I think she's got to grab probably my best friend. Who? I don't know if that's who she's grabbing to be quite honest, but okay. Who's your best friend? Um, if I'm thinking about the group- BRADGET! The boat is sinking you son of a bitch! Have you seen the Titanic? Don't be playing the fucking cello my man! This is time to get out of dinghy Who's the number one guy you save on that boat go? I'm gonna save my friend Sean Sean. Okay, who's number two you got Sean? What is this gonna be quick quick quick? Who else you got Sean? Who else was coming in? Oh, man

Next next name comes to mind Dan Dan. Okay good now Who are you bringing for your girlfriend who Who would be her number one quick? You got a shard you got Dan you got the girlfriend. Who are you bringing in to talk to her? It's a long thing You're right. Go go. I think she's got to save her her best friend Katie. Okay. Who's her other one? Who's her Dan? Her her Dan's got it was then she probably saved her boyfriend Dennis So now you got you could take a second you got five people on this thing and you can breathe But now you got to think about on the dinghy You're gonna be on the fucking ship for a while. It's a long way to get to shore. Who's good company

Who's an easy hang from the 25? This isn't best. This isn't worse. We're talking about you're gonna be on this dinghy There's not a lot of water. There's hot Sun. Give me a name quick. Somebody just popped in your head. Who is it? You know, we're talking about good times. I'm gonna invite my friend Kevin. I'm gonna Kevin. Yeah, Kevin's a good guy Who rolls with Kev? Who's Kevin's girlfriend and and okay pretty easy. Okay, I think four people in their girlfriend Okay, so you got Kevin who's a good time you got his girlfriend and who's another good time Kevin? Who's another good water's coming Brandon? Oh? Man don't oh man me you dead yet dead. Who's another good time Charlie go? Well see this is this is all fish

You know my people please I don't have time to fucking yap. You're a dead man. Yeah, somebody popped in your head died So I do too I'm trying to save him somebody popped in your head who should be on that boat quick There's somebody in your home probably Tom and who's Tom's girlfriend? The Tom's girlfriend Danielle Danielle. Okay, so now I gotta say I gotta say we're out of it We don't have anybody else but for fuck's sake You know what? With you included. There's your ten. There's your ten. So Brandon we here's your list

You your girlfriend Sean Dan Katie Dennis Kevin and Tom and Danielle you got ten people have a great time on the boat my friend well wait wait isn't part of this also how does he get out of it because your other friends are gonna find out right yeah you know what the whole social media people posting about the fun time on the boat I think by the way you have perfect evidence if you need to go with the boat so if somebody asked why they

weren't invited here's what I want you to say. Jake Johnson from New Girl told me these were the 10 I had to invite her or I was going to die on the Titanic. I mean that's pretty good. You do have perfect evidence right here. I have two other pitches if you want them on how we get out. We've got our guest list. This is what I would maybe do.

I would maybe, and this is crazy, I would maybe send out an invite to all the people who were there last year and let them know you're doing it in like two months. Okay? A month before that happens, say there was a mix-up and you can no longer do it and you're canceling the event, you'll reschedule it at another time. Then you send an email to those 10 people and those are the people you bring. Then, you send an email to those 10 people, and those are the people you bring. So if these people, the 15 who were cut, if they find out, you go, it was kind of a last minute

frazzled thing, I just kind of had to get a ragtag group together, it feels a little less calculated and a little more targeted. But they then were reminded of the thing that they were excluded from. Why, because you sent out that first one? They got invited. Well, yeah, but like he's saying, the social media part of the thing that they were excluded from. Why? Because you sent out that first one. I got invited. Well, yeah, but like you saying, the social media part of it, like they're going to hear it.

Any. Yeah. I think they'll hear it through the grapevine. What's your other way? Escape boat. The other way out is figure out when it's one of these people's birthday weekends and you think they'll siphon some of the friends off or a holiday weekend. Book it for one of those. Then there's those people people might have other plans and you'll have a little bit more confidence.

And here's what I say on that. I think we got your list, which is why you called in. I think that's your list. And I think if people are unhappy about it, when the Titanic is sinking and you're on a dinghy and you only got 10 people, I'm sorry for the 11th, but I'm enjoying the dinghy with my 10. I'd also just put it on Kevin or your girlfriend.

Just be like, they made the list. Thank you for the call. Bye, buddy. Bye, thank you, Brandon. Bye, thanks, fellas. Bye. Hey, everyone, this is producer Kevin here. After the call, the caller emailed us pretty shortly.

Also Jake and Gareth are here too, Kevin. We got an email from the caller pretty quickly after. We thought the call was really fun. While we were still recording, he emailed. And do you want to read what he emailed, Kevin? Sure. But this is, I will say this is a first for us. This was a call that we all thought was fun, easy, moved on.

And we're not gonna make a habit of someone complaining and doing this, but go ahead. This probably won't happen again, but we found it really interesting and this was an experiment. Yeah. Yep. So he said, hey Kevin, my call with Jake and Gareth did not go how I wanted it to go.

I felt rushed through the whole call. It didn't feel like a conversation and I barely got advice on the issue. I honestly didn't like how I was put on the spot and had to name a bunch of people when the issue I needed help on was how to navigate the invite, not who do I invite. I appreciate Gareth trying to bring it back to the issue

and give advice on how to navigate the invites, but we barely talked about that, and then the call ended. I just thought it would go differently, more comedic like other episodes. I know I probably could have spoken and stopped Jake, but I was caught up in the emotions of being on the pod that I love, but I just wanted to leave this review

as a long-time listener and now participant. Thanks again for the opportunity to speak with the guys and best of luck with the show. Yes. So we talked as a team and said, what do we think? And what we thought was, why don't we email him and say, do you want to call right back? So in this one session of recording, we had the first call, which you heard, and then our follow-up trying to alleviate the- Which is right now.

Enjoy the second call. It's like part of the show. Hello? Hey, Brandon? Hey. Hey, welcome back to We're Here to Help. This is our first ever follow-up an hour after the first call because of a negative review from our caller.

Hey, guys. I appreciate you having me back. I didn't mean to leave a negative review, just kind of wanted to give you my honest feedback on how to call it. Okay, so go ahead. Maybe it was because I ranted a lot in the beginning with the backstory and maybe I didn't get my question across. But yeah, I wasn't really feeling the whole vibe of name dropping people. I didn't really need help on who to invite, but just how to

maybe send out the invites. I liked what Gareth was giving advice on, the holiday coming up or maybe sending a fake invite or something like that. That was pretty good. But yeah, that was basically my feedback. Well, you said you had 25 people and you had to narrow it down to 10. Is that correct? Yeah. Because you said the boat couldn't move, so we had to trim it down. And then you said, but you weren't sure how you were going to send the invite out because you're drama-free So it wasn't just how to send out a new invite It was how to send out an invite and lose 15 people is that correct? I guess I guess I guess I could see how the the conversation turned out like that

Did you at the end of the day? Do you feel like the you have a good solution to your problem? I felt like it was a decent solution wasn't There wasn't what I would have chosen I'd say I could definitely send out this podcast and make it funny, you know like that so people under Understand but but so what is the then specific question that we could help if it's not how do I get you? 25 to 10 drama free? It's what, what is the actual question that we can try to do that? It was the question was more so how could I send out these, let people know that

they weren't invited to the boat day or, you know, people are going to end up finding out, so how do I come up with that that excuse or maybe you know what Garrett's suggest you know having a an invite to everyone and then canceling a last minute and having a smaller invite go out instead kind of like that idea but sometimes to help that that where I'm not creating more drama in the group we pitched on it and and we will, if you're not comfortable with those names, we'll figure out a way around that to some extent.

Is part of it you don't want those 10 names released? I'm okay with those 10 names released. Okay, so then we'll just pitch again. We'll give you a couple more options on your problem. But so then be clear for me, Brandon, because I'm a little confused. So because if I got invited to something and It said hey, do you want to come to this then I got one hey never mind

It was canceled and then I found out because ten of my friends still went That's creating drama to me. It's muddying the waters, But you want something where it muddies the waters. Is that what? I've got another point. Hold on. Brandon feels I steamrolled him. So is that what you want, Brandon? That is no, I don't really want that. I don't want to create more drama. We, this group of 25 people, I mean, we've been friends together for a really long time. So right there's drama coming up and You know making the group smaller is all kind of weird. I don't really want to create more Drama within the group, right? But You told us you are limiting the group. I mean, here's how you do it then you rent the same boat

You invite the same 25 But you're saying you want to minus 15 But not create drama If you're on the show survivor and ten people got to get voted off ten people are gonna get their feelings hurt Can I have a suggestion to Brandon? Sure two words Two boats. That's what I was gonna say You do you do you do a sequel?

Two boats. That's what I was gonna say You do you do it you do a sequel? No boats next to each other Yeah Or or what you can do is two times you do one you do it two times a year and you're having these two You had invite you you do two different groups You know we could have a lot of couples so you could do a couples version And then you could do a non-com you could also do a Friday and a Saturday And you create a sign in so people's because you said there was drama in the winter

So people are not gonna want to go on the boat with certain people So if you do it you can sign up for either boat and you're the boat guy, so you're on both That's true. That does give me two boat days you and you're a boat day guy. And by the way, and by the way. I am the boat guy. You are. And by the way, you talked about this winter drama. You've got your scapeboat. You have the ability now to be like, look, there's been a little tent. If anyone kicks up any fucking dust about this,

the reason why you're doing two boats is because you don't want to get into it. You want to limit drama. There you limiting the drama. And what do you think about having two boats two different I'm telling you though you are creating drama. Maybe but you're you're not I think it's it's you still get your boat. What if everybody wants to go on one boat and there's like three people for the other one? I think the boat capacity thing is gonna help a lot though I would just keep using that as an excuse.

The weight limit. What do you think? Honestly, I do like that idea. It gives me two boat days because now I'm the boat guy. So I get two boats, two separate days, or I could have it at the same time. I'm not opposed to that idea either. Wait, how would that work if it was at the same time? I think that's really fun.

I think that's really fun. Two boats at the same time, and then you're going from boat to boat? Then you're living like the sitcom guy who's on it was at the same time? I think that's really fun. I think that's- Two boats at the same- and then you're going from boat to boat? Then you're living like the sitcom guy who's on two dates at the same restaurant. But there's something fun about that. Yes, yes. But if you have two boats and on each boat there's a different theme, and you change from theme to theme. I like that. You're like Mrs. Doubtfire.

Yes. Yeah, okay. I like that. You do need to make the rule though that there's no abandoning ship. People can't go to- I like that. You do need to make the rule though that there's no abandoning ship People know but they can switch but you can only have 12 on each boat at a time Brandon you tell us You know, I think that's a that's actually a pretty fun idea I think you know people could be separated if they want They can stay on their own boats. They can mingle together in the water, you know, maybe

International grounds there's not to be any drama in that area But so you're creating Your adjustment to last year is two boats summer same day. What do you think about different themes on each boat? Yeah, I like that idea. I think that would be a really cool different themes on each boat. Yeah I like that idea I think that would be a really cool idea because the two separate parties kind of like that Friends episode where Rachel's got to go between the two parties that have different themes going on. I like that that's fun. One boat could have a certain type of music and a certain type of drink the other boat could be like

yacht rock and rum cocktails one could be like vodka drinks more like One boat could I mean that you might not like this, but one could be like disco and then one could be like Affluent both people or if it's a ones a party boat. Yeah, one's a chill boat. Yes So they're like you want to dance. Yeah, one more you want to check and hang out Yeah, you know that could work too because the group is kind of split, donors and drinkers, so that could work too. This is the easiest. You have a wee boat and you have a booze boat.

And you know what? After this, you know what they're going to call you? The boat goat. The boat goat. I like that. You're now the boat goat. So what do you think of that? Cool guys, yes.

I actually, I really like that idea. It's all that advice. Can we just pat ourselves on the back for a minute and just say we were sitting here We liked our call with you. We received an email and we were like, oh man I guess we're not gonna follow up and now we've got a good button My guess is we air these two parts together in one Yeah, but so but I want to make sure Brandon cuz on the first one We it was steamrolling and that was intentional and we all found it comedic.

Do you feel comfortable with that first one, Aaron? Yeah, I'm comfortable with that first one. Aaron, I think this is a, this is a cool follow-up series. You know, what's funny, he's got a problem and he's splitting boats. We had a problem and we split the calls. Brandon, enjoy the boat buddy. Have fun boat goat. All right. Send us pics when you do it. Yeah, send us pics. Yeah, what's up? Definitely. I also have some advice for you guys. Would you

guys want to take it? Yes. Peppered from the email feedback that I gave. Sure. You're like a human. You know, you guys are looking, if you guys are looking for like other segments that you want on your podcast. Yes. I think it would be really cool if you guys had like for like other segments that you want on your podcast, I think it would be really cool if you guys had like a Reddit page or something where people could send advice. And then you guys had a segment where you'd go through that and give like one short answers to the questions on that page. Just kind of let that out there.

What is that really? I don't really know the Reddit thing. What does that mean? It's like a message board. We do a lot of that on the Patreon brand. We do that on the Patreon brand. We're starting on the Patreon, yeah. Yeah. But that's a but that's a good. Yeah, thank you. Great segment for patreon. I love it Well, are you on our patreon? Not yet. Have a good life

Hi producer Kevin here we are back with part Hi, producer Kevin here. We are back with part three. Three of the saga. It's not what you think. We're not setting up another huge call, but we just want to conclude this. Yep, so we got another email from the caller right after that that said,

hey guys, I really appreciate the follow up and the opportunity to speak again. It means a lot to me that y'all took my feedback and made sure I was good on my end. And for that, you have a lifelong support and now Patreon supporter. I just signed up. Thanks guys.

There we go. So it was a happy ending. We're glad he called. We appreciate him. And it turned out to be a really fun one for the show. And I think the truth is that, you know, we genuinely care about solving the issues for the caller. And so like, again, we're not used to immediate feedback,

but when we got that email, we were like, well, God damn it, let's try. This is why we're doing this for bits, but we wanted it. We genuinely care. We are invested in these calls. That's why we do the follow-ups. That's why we always tell people to follow up with us. I will say, Gareth, at least from the original premise

of it, I think the original bit was we were discussing the idea of actually caring, but I don't think the three of us realized that we were going to actually get invested and actually the amount of time we've thought and talked about callers and if they actually take the advice, I think that's the turn. And when like a guest will come on, like, you know, Greenfield was just here or and when you know he was doing it, he's looking at us like, well, just be honest. Yeah. And you go like, well, no, this community is a little different. If they wanted to do that path, they would have, but they're here for a reason. Exactly. That is people know they could just tell someone. Yes. But they're here. They call our show because they're in a predicament. And I think you're right.

I don't think in any version of this show was I like, we are going to be like, when is Nipple Clamps gonna reach out again? Yeah, yeah. And also when is Nipple Clamps gonna reach out again? I'm dying to know what's going on with the principal. And also is it wrong that I keep emailing her directly and saying follow up?

It is, I know it is. I'm gonna add that one, yes it is. Yeah, I know it is, but I'm saying is it? No, but what I'm saying to you one. Yes, it is. Yeah, I know it is but I'm saying is it no, I'm saying you right now Yeah, right. I know and I'd sort of like in your head you're going go. So like what? I'm just saying we're very invested and if you reply yeah legally, of course stop it. Absolutely. I couldn't agree with you more Jake Absolutely. I couldn't agree with you more. Jake. Thanks a bunch. This episode of we're here to help is brought to you by Kleenex ultra soft tissues. Your ally to help tackle your allergy symptoms this season. If we we are gonna do a sponsor. It's going to be a Kleenex

Why mess with any brand? Yeah, that's not the brand that is called the thing we use Yes, I agree and cool. Yes, and they are when they say ultra soft Try it. I dare you. I'm gonna tell you the reality. I dare you everybody I dare you. This audience has used a Kleenex. Here's the thing. You know what I really feel you go Everybody should have a box of Kleenex. That's what I was. Yes, and I'm gonna tell you why uber and Lyft When I get an uber and Lyft and I'm in the back and they got the little mints the little lifesavers And they have a box of Kleenex and I'm able to go yeah put it in my pocket My first thought is you take a little

Shower back there, huh? Do a little hand sanitizer altoid. It's called a jakey-jay shower. I get in the car. I got a big meeting not bad I smell bad my brother's bad. I'm a hand you sure back. I'm actually Taking a jakey-jay anyway listen we we love Kleenex. We have Kleenex all over the studio. No, we don't we did before that's somewhere I took a lot of them. Here's the reality of Kleenex We they are the best of the best we all know it if you're going to use a Kleenex Don't buy an off-brand. Yeah, buy a Kleenex. Buy the one buy the one that's don't get those like weird little packages that come that look like a little sandwich package

that you have to open weird. And like you said the other time we were talking about it, enough with the paper towel. That's just trash, yeah. Also, Kleenex's ultra soft tissues are hypoallergenic and allergist approved. So for this allergy season, grab Kleenex and face allergies at home.

This episode is brought to you by Booking.com. Booking. Yeah. Oh, Jake, you know me, road dog, driving a van across the country, staying in random spots and weird cities. It's a beautiful life that I've carved out for myself, one that I know you're very jealous of. I will say the thing about Booking.com that really works is that you can go from a little resort to a five-star hotel. You can kind of book anywhere. It's something that I've used to book family trips, and I find it easy. Yes.

They really do cover the spectrum. I'm serious when I say that I book, like like most of the time when my travel is not booked, I just go to booking.com. Easy. Just very easy to see what you're getting into. The place that you're looking at always matches the place that you get. And like you said, if you would rather have a kitchen versus a hotel, booking.com is a great place to see. So book whoever you want to be on booking.com is a great place to see.

So book whoever you want to be on booking.com. This episode is brought to you by Squarespace. Jake, look, Squarespace, I've used Squarespace for my website the entire time that I've had my website. It is completely user friendly. They make it so easy. And I even before I used it, that's what I heard. But I was like, that's, I'm me.

That's what the campaign should be. I'm me. And Squarespace is still easy. Counterpoint. We're Squarespace. Yeah. Since I've been using it, they keep adding things you can do. So you can now add stuff like they keep adding things you can do.

So you can now add stuff like an online store where you can sell your products. They have places where you can blog. They just, it keeps getting better and better. So even if you feel like you know what is on Squarespace, I would recommend going and checking it out again, because they just keep making it better. And it's so easy.

We used it. We did it on our show. It was simple to do. And so maybe we're gonna bring out the closer on this one. Is he around? Oh my lord Can you call? Really being here? Yeah, you talk. What are we what's going on? What's been up lately? Show's been going great. Oh good. Hi Jake. Hey, Gilly. How are you pal? Been a while Yeah, I mean I see you every good. Yeah, you look the same, my friend. You seem well.

You too. So, do you want to read the call to action and this? Head to https://www.squarespace.com slash Gil sent me to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain using code Gil sent me. Let's do it one more time just to make sure. Go to www.squarespace.com slash gilsentme to save 10% off of your first purchase of a website or domain using code gilsentme.

We should all go out and get some beers. Hey, everyone, producer Kevin here. This next follow-up is from episode 18 of the podcast. It is called, this is where the watermelon comes into play with Max Greenfield. It is the second call from that episode and that came out October 16th of last year. So if you wanna check it out as a quick refresher,

go for it, enjoy. Hi, guys. Hello. Welcome back. Thank you, it's good. Welcome back. Thank you, it's good to be back. How are you guys? Good, so we are, this is a follow-up, but Gareth and I do not know what the call is,

so can you please tell us your name and take over, remind us and the audience who you are? Oh yeah, of course. Yeah, my name's Maddie. I have a cat named Sushi. It was an issue with my, It was this was a while ago. Yeah. So she was having issues with watching you have sex.

Right. Yeah. Wait, so she so Gareth Sushi used to watch Maddie and her boyfriend and she thought and then you suggested, I think, don't sushi like a masturbation toy. No, a bag partner. Yeah. Yeah, right. Right. And then you were like, oh, she is must be just a really horny cat.

It's amazing to look back on these already. We haven't done it that long. That's wild advice. So I stand by it. Look back on these already I think we I think mine was probably put I was running scared. Yeah Jake's was probably euthanized and I was like you need to find another cat to bang sushi. No, I did not You may have fun. I said put a gate Whatever it was. That's basically euthanization. Of course, Jay-J was like, we're going to build a wall.

Build a wall. Garrett is like, let every cat fall. Yeah, yeah. Right. We really were the two political parties. I was like, everyone should be banging at the same time. We're going to build a beautiful gate. It's going to be an unbelievable gate at the Southern Room. All right. So, Mad maddie the floor is yours what is going on with this horny cat, right? So I so it did keep happening

Um, I did not find it a sex toy. Um, it's criminal actually By the way, those don't exist you can't go into a pet store and go, you can't go into a pet store and go like this. I'm looking for my something for my cat to masturbate on. No, you go to jail. You go to the point. You go. You go to the point. You go, I'm looking for a real cat. No, no, no. You know, like a like a real doll cat. If they do, if if we as humans get to the world

where they create sex dolls that are animals, I give up. I'm committing suicide. I'll see you on Shark Tank, my friend. And when you said it was the photo of little boy Gareth with their orange hair and orange hair trying to catch fish. By the way, this little guy and Maddie, you'll see it on YouTube. This is the person I imagine, Gareth, when we text about the Packers. When this little guy's like, I'm part owner.

I had something to do with this. He was, he was. This is who I imagined. It is upsetting. It is so upsetting. Okay, Maddie, so your cat is as horny as ever. What's happening? Yeah, so it's probably not good comedy, but I did end up taking him to the vet and he

was having urinary issues. Oh my lord. Hey Gareth, that's your problem buddy. You have urinary issues. I can't wait to tell all my suitors. It's not me. I just, I gotta piss a lot. So I'm not a actual, as much of a pervert as you think

of the veterinarian said I have urinary issues sorry as for those filthy videos but I have a urinary issue so is Maddie is sushi like a urinary tract infection it was um urinary blockages okay so like I think the time that we called it wasn't like a super bad one, but it did come back and so now like he's totally healthy, totally fine. But now I know what maybe when he starts humping me time to go to the vet. So Matt, so that's a great follow up, Maddie. He was humping to give you a warning saying, I'm having an issue. And Maddie, you thought he's so jealous of my ex.

He's dying to have sex with me. Your ego, Maddie, is a question here. This is a wild spin. He's like this. There's something burning. As my owner, I need help. And you're like, take it easy. I know I look cute in these jeans.

Geez, is your little perv. God, you're such a man. I'm in pain. I'm begging you to take me to a vet and you're like cool it it's all the Bob. I need to see a professional. God he's in heat. Sushi relax. And so Maddie you found out that and then what happened you got some antibiotics for little sushi and now he's done humping Yeah, they they had to like express his bladder and then nice. I just give him special food Every day and yeah, and sushi a regular old cat. He's done with his pervy ways I'm trying to find a way that we help done with his pervy ways. Well, they were never pervy ways. He was having pain in his urethra. I'm trying to find a way that we helped. Well, here, here, let me, I have a question and maybe, maybe this lope in our avenue.

Any party you miss at, Maddie? Oh, that's a great question. Any party you go, ah, remember the good old days sushi? Remember you had that little hump fur devil on your shoulder or any party feeling insecure when you're having sex, you're like, we're doing it wrong. Why? My cat's asleep. Yeah.

Or wondering if your boyfriend is just doing it because he can't pee. Be really sad if we found out like 80% of men just have urinary issues. And once we got that, it's like the porn industry went down and men finally started behaving normally. You know, society society just we have like we have like a bullet train all of a sudden better. Yeah, all of a sudden we just cooled it. We were happy. I don't know.

We're ourselves. We're better. We're just better. We put this this medicine in our water and now we're done. Build the wall. Everyone's got. Well, that's something we both agreed on. We're going to poison the water. So, Maddie, we appreciate the call.

We're very happy for her. And we're a little bit sad for you. Yeah, you've lost this little ego boost of your cat just dying, dying to get on with it. I'm going to do everything I can to give Jose a little blocked urine so that I can experience the joy that you did. What? It's nice to have a partner. Maddie, thank you for the call.

The ego boost is nice. All right. Thank you, guys. Appreciate you. We know you have a hard out like sushi. Thank you. All right. Bye. you have a heart out like sushi. Thank you.

We're Here to Help is hosted by Jake Johnson and Gareth Reynolds. The show is produced and edited by Kevin Bartelt and the associate producer and editor is AJ McKeon. Our social media director is Caitlin Tanwakeyo and our video editor is John De Bruyne. The theme song is made by Oliver Raleigh and you can check out his music at oliverraleigh.com that's oliver r a l l i dot com. The album artwork is by James Fostike you can find him on Instagram at James underscore Fostike D I K E and if you'd like to see me do stand up on the road go to garethrenolds.com. Additional artwork by Patty Holland you can find him on Instagram at paddyholland2004. And if you'd like early access to episodes, subscribe to our Patreon at patreon.com slash your to help pod.

And if you'd like to be on the show, email us your question at helpfulpod at gmail.com. All of the advice given on We're Here to Help is for entertainment purposes only and all listeners should be adults and make their own decisions.