We're Here to Help - 82: Keeping This All In with Paul Scheer

Episode Date: May 27, 2024

Jake, Gareth and special guest Paul Scheer talk to callers about a dad’s wish after death and seating arrangements on a flight. Later, the guys follow up with the second caller of episode 74 “He Just Lost His Wife and Dog with David Cross” and wrap things up with a chat with Paul.Want to call in? Email your question to [e-mail] (Early Access, Bonus Calls and Q&As): Patreon.com/HereToHelpPodVIDEO: Youtube.com/@HeretoHelpPodMERCH: heretohelppod.comINSTAGRAM: @HereToHelpPodTIKTOK: @HereToHelpPodIf you’re enjoying the show, make sure to rate We’re Here to Help 5-Stars on Apple Podcasts.Advertise on We’re Here to Help via Gumball.fm See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Podcast. And we're back on Monday, War. We sure are, Jake. Boy, we got a banger. We got a banger. We got a banger. We've got a podcast pro, an improviser, an actor, a writer, super funny guy. Super funny guy. You know him from his podcast. How did this get made? He's also got a a new book that is kind of an extension from the pod a little bit

But uh, we get into that a little bit. It's called joyful memories of childhood trauma recollections Okay, you know, it's called joyful recollections of childhood trauma. Yeah, um paul shear. Yeah, uh who is awesome Sorry, do one more joyful recollections of trauma. This is why guys like us write things down. All right. His book, Joyful Recollections of Childhood Trauma. Trauma. Lose the childhood.

Joyful recollections of trauma. Keeping this all in. Don't, do not, do not. Wait, by the way, yes. Title. I think we have to. But he does tell some stories. And Kevin.

He gives them about us that were really funny. And Kevin, when he came in, Kevin was like, this dude, nobody works harder than this dude. He's the hardest working guy I've ever met. He's a beast. Is that true? So he's an animal.

He's an animal. He's great and he just fits right in. He's awesome. Awesome, awesome calls. It's really funny you're leaving all those out. No you're not. Outtakes in. God damn it. I can't, you know out. No you're not. I'll fix it. God damn it.

I can't. You know what? Then you're going to do it from now on. I can't. I can't either. No, mine will be worse because I'll have to go ahead. All right, you know what? Actually, how about this?

Why don't you do one now and we'll see how close you get. Okay. Paul Scheer from the podcast How Did This Get Made? And he wrote a great book about his childhood called Childhood Stuff. One word right. Childhood Trauma Recollections. That's a pretty good title.

I mean, it's interesting. Probably should title the episode is Childhood Recollections. All right. Now do your best to say the title. Oh, shit. Why? Andrew, let's hear it. OK. All right., you know from his podcast How did this get made and his book? Joyful

recollections of childhood trauma is that right of trauma Kevin of trauma of trauma Kevin do not read it We've got it Paul shear with us today. He's the host of the podcast. How did this get made and he wrote a memoir called Today he's the host of the podcast how did this get made and he wrote a memoir called So confident I know he wanted to grab that little binky so bad that computers great dude again Kevin We got Paul's here with us today. He's the host of how did this get made and he wrote the book joyful recollections of trauma But by the way, he could have gotten it wrong. We don't know. There's no way for you and I to know. We're just sitting here fucking lying.

You're not wrong. Without further ado! Hello, how's it going? Good, how about you? I'm doing well. Hey, gentlemen. Hey, can we get your name, please? Yeah, absolutely. My name's Ben. Ben, gentlemen. Hey, can we get your name, please? Yeah, absolutely.

My name's Ben. Ben, you got a special guest. A guy I have known kind of about 20ish years. My gosh, that's really terrific. Since old New Yorkers. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. A guy I've been a fan of as a talent. Oh my gosh.

And as a kind human. I'll take both of these compliments. Thank you so much. Well, I am a fan and a talent. I think you're a talent and I'm a fan of yours. I haven't stopped introducing you. Mr. Paul Shear is on the show. Welcome to the show.

Oh, thank you so much. I'm so excited to be here and I'm excited to hear this problem. Same. That you have, Ben. His name Ben, right? So Ben, where are you from? I live in Tulsa.

Tulsa, okay, there's a lot of production happening. Eric Edelson's shooting a show right now in Tulsa. I was just in Oklahoma City. They have a whole giant studio down there. They shot Twisters, Killer of the Flower Moon, a movie called Reagan. He's, Eric Edelson's in a pilot right now in Tulsa. This is where it's all happening.

I mean, we- Why Tulsa? Why Oklahoma? All I'm gonna say is this. The reason why I'm in twisters the sequel to twister Yeah, is because I was going down to Oklahoma on a flight and the director also happened to be on a flight and he's like Are you in Oklahoma? I was like, yeah, he's like won't be in the movie. Well, is this true? Yeah That's great. What were you doing? Okay? I was I was I just fly on flights. That's how I get jobs now. To Atlanta, Oklahoma, Vancouver.

They're like, oh local hire, great, we don't even have to audition you. No, I was there directing a Super Bowl commercial, a regional Super Bowl commercial out of Oklahoma, because they actually have, it's actually a really interesting thing, 911 is the emergency hotline, they have this hotline called 988,

which is the mental health crisis line, and they've saved like 60,000 lives in the last year in Oklahoma. Because they are basically, and everybody has it, they're the only ones that finance it. So they have like mobile teams that come out to your house, help you out, find you a therapist. It's truly amazing.

So Ben from Tulsa, Oklahoma. Don't call 988, you call us. You call this podcast, which is pretty good. Truly amazing. Yeah. So Ben from Tulsa, Oklahoma. Yeah, don't call 988 You call this podcast. Yeah, this is good. Yeah Take food out of our mouth. Yeah, exactly They're not even half as entertaining It's either 9-1-1 or this podcast. Here at gmails.com. So Ben, what is the problem, sir? I thought I dialed 988. I thought you guys were gonna show up. I did. Just tell us the issue. We'll figure it out. Yeah, thised 988

Awesome anyways, I'm 37 years old. I live in Tulsa from Southern, California. I hate twisters, but looking forward to the movie anyway It's great. What brings me to my problem? I'm the middle child of three boys who have an awesome badass loving amazing dad Our dad is incredible. We just spent our entire life cranking us, trying to scare us, but in the most loving way. He's just an incredible human being. As he gets older, that kind of gets us to having more of these conversations around his wishes for after he passes on. I will not get into any weird scenarios or anything like that, but it leads me to this question He has this wish for after he dies that he is told me and my brothers

Now instead of just like a very traditional afterlife. He thinks it would be funny to have all of his bones turned into a skeleton and then be placed in my older brother's doctor's office as Like a funny bit, but he's very serious about it. I love your dad. And my older brother, yes, he is a doctor and he wants his remains to be a skeleton in his office in which my brother could then refer to him

as his dad, move him around every day. Oh my God. Oh my God. What? Well, this is amazing because you know, Del Close, like famed improv guru Del Close, donated his skull to a theater to basically do plays like Macbeth and stuff like that.

So this is not unheard of. So your dad wants his bones to be in his son's doctor's office. How are the siblings, how are you guys feeling about this? What's happening? You know, I, okay. As a middle child, I feel like with, you know, the lack of love my entire life. Um, I want to be the person that helps my dad in what he wants in the afterlife. My dad has actually pulled me aside separately from my brothers and said, Hey,

Ben, this is your responsibility to convince your older brother that this is a good idea because I want it to happen. Well now here's my question just in a general sense. I don't know if anyone knows this, but when I see those skeletons in a school or in a doctor's office, I assume that they're plastic. Yeah, I agree. I want to say they used to be more bones. Now they're getting more plastic. I remember as a kid they didn't feel plastic. Or maybe, I'm seeing it weird.

But I remember the age where I was like, oh, this isn't real. Right, it seems like it's, and this is my biggest question because the want to do this, I think that there does need to be some real, just before anyone convinces anyone, can you do this? Is this possible?

Because we're talking about like, you gotta clean. Melting the flesh off of a body. Well now it's the face of a prank all of a sudden. So Ben, how, have you looked into this? My Google search history is clear of this topic. I haven't doped in. I'm assuming this might be like an out of country

like exploration here. I don't know. I don't think I think you can do it here. You live in America. You can do this. This is science. Does anybody have a connection to the people who do the bodies exhibit? We can get your dad.

Speaking of things that creep you. And so what is the specific question here? This is a hell of a setup. My question is, though I think my dad is a maniac I still want to respect his wishes So how do I go about convincing my older brother since it is would be his office is every day So what's your older brother's thoughts on this? I? Think my older brother anytime my dad has said it to us things like oh, he's just he's just being dad. He's just

Messing around this isn't really what he wants whenever like we get to the point where like we see his will or yeah You know whatever it is. It's not true So he kind of just plays it off as it like it isn't real but given my dad has pulled me aside and means I got something to connect to you on this one Before my when I moved in with my dad in my mid-20s when we were getting to know each other, and we were talking about when you die, how do you know?

Like are you there, are you watching? And we were both, I had Cubs fans, we watched the Cubs games together. And he said, well, let's make a deal. When I die, take my ashes, break into Wrigley Field, go on the right side of Home Plate as like a righty hitter, and scatter me there, then take a moment and if I have any ability to break through, I will give you a fucking sign then.

So you know, he said it to me, we meant it, we talked about it over the years, I brought it up with my siblings. My brother laughed. My sister's like, my fucking dad is not going to be in a baseball stadium. He's going to be with like the dolphins. It's like T West where he loved. Like whatever, you know, she didn't love the idea as much. Long story short, my career kind of starts. I start going like, dad, there might be a chance here.

Yeah. I get to know the Cubs a little bit. I do have some things for them. They are like, there might be a real world here. My dad passes. We split the ashes. You can actually do this when you like, when you divvy, we divvy it up. So my brother and I had half, my sister had half the cubs reached out, said, do

you want to throw out the first pitch? I said, this is a good moment. This is it. I took a bunch of the ashes in my front pocket, in like a little jar. I put some of them on the mound right before I threw out the pitch. After I threw out the pitch,

you like shake hands with the catcher. I beelined past him, went to home plate, took the ashes, put them on the ground, scattered them down like I'm a diehard fan just trying to feel it. Scattered as much of them as I could, took a second, looked around just trying to feel it, scattered as much of them as I could, took a second, looked around, didn't feel anything,

but did the moment of which we promised, shook the mascot's hand and walked out of there. Wow. Ashy handshake. And so where I'm going with this is regardless, if your brother passes on it, it is your job to deliver your brother, your dad's skeleton, informed that all he needs to do is place it out. And if he doesn't, then you keep it in your house.

But this is what your dad wants. This is a tradition I'm trying to do in my family. I'm talking to my father-in-law about my mother, like my mom, where do you want to be? I've already talked to my wife about like, I think you should give your kids a big challenge so that the grieving process is part of it is like, how do I make this happen? That's your job.

The end of the mission, you say goodbye. I love this idea. And I think that, you know, there's a couple things that I would jump in and say about what you have in front of you. First of all, it's a big ass. It's a big ass. A big ass. So we don't even know it's possible.

But we do know the dough clothes got a skull there. It's possible. And there's something where you can say maybe a skull is easier, right? Then get that fucking skull. Put it in a loose-site box. That's exactly right. You can get, you don't have to,

like it doesn't have to be the whole thing. Like hung up on a rail. Get the hand. Get the hand, right, do something. You know, get the hand in a middle finger gesture. And put that in a lucite box. Like you don't think that either. Like the Terminator arm.

Yeah, there's something about it that, I don't know what your brother specializes in, if it's just internal medicine or he's a different doctor, but I think you could look at versions of it that might be more acceptable. Or, you know, like, because I remember there was a guy on a,

with that show, John, it's the guy with the camera on HBO, just forgetting that, you know, John Wilson, yes. He talked to a guy whose leg got taken off. That is the craziest. And that guy has the leg in his living room. You know what I'm like?

So there is world. So I think, Ben, this is 100% doable. I don't think there's a spin. I think it is your, make sure, double check with your dad. Have him put it in writing that this is very real. Because people will come after you. And say, no, but if he puts it in writing and he signs it, but it is your responsibility.

If your brother passes on it, that's his path. Yeah. But I like what Paul's saying. There's a world where you have it. And if it's they, the science can do it, but if they can't, you get the skull, you get the hand. And if nobody else does it, that is in your home and pass down through yours That's what your dad wants. You say he was a great guy. You love them. You owe him this you owe on this

but I will say the most important part of all of this is it's got to be in writing because when The death happens Everyone goes a little wild crazy. And if you all of a sudden say, whoa, whoa, whoa Give me that hand. Okay, You're going into Craig's office. Yeah, people are gonna freak the fuck out. There's about a year where everybody acts wild. Yeah. But if it's in writing,

Ben, this is black and white for me. I love it. Gareth, what do you got? I would say, this is what I would say, I think you should have your dad talk to you all at the same time. You'll facilitate it. Get your brothers okay, so that we know going into it

we're going to do this, then we can do whatever bone soak process follows, I'm not sure. If your brother passes on it, since your dad loves pranks, I would maybe opt for, and this is a wild pitch, just as an option. Just as an option. You take the skeleton, it's the normal stuff to be pitching. You might want to call 9-8-8. The more that I go through this, this might be a little. Okay, take the bones, and why don't we put him in like a hard rock glass case,

and maybe put him in like a pirate outfit. What for? Like the old Treasure Island outfit. Well, now you're making him into some mascot that he may have a thing against pirates. Well, let's see what he says. I think we nothing you'll be dead Now while he's put a magnet PI must I ensure I'm a Detroit Tiger You're gonna keep a skeleton in your house agree. Maybe I want to punch it up a little bit

Well, yeah, I'm gonna make one turn on Gareth's pitch I actually like that idea if you have it have with it. Your dad pranked you every year, dressed as skeleton or something. Have fun with it. Put him in different backgrounds. I mean, the fact that his brother is in a doctor's office, he has a prop that naturally fits in. A human being who is not a doctor,

who has a skeleton in their house is creepy. A weird guy, especially if it's your dad. And especially if it's your dad. You don't want it, you don't, I don't know what your situation is, if you're dating, if you're married or whatever. Kids. But kids. But you don't need anyone to come into that house.

It's no bueno. Yeah, you don't want that skeleton in your house. It's tough. If I dropped my kids off at a play date, and as I was like saying hi to the parents being like, yeah, like so an hour and a half and I go, what's that? And the guy goes, my dad? I'd go, pack it up, guys.

We're out. We're out. We're out. Oh, I forgot we have a doctor's appointment. They can't spend the night, yeah. They can't spend one minute here. Yeah, that's a rough one. I will say too, I do think it's important what you're saying about facilitating a discussion

that we know that it's not a bit, because again, my stepfather passed away and my mom decided we must grieve him in a traditional Jewish way. We're not Jewish, we've never experienced any of that tradition. She was like, he was Jewish and I was like, well, but I've never heard him speak anything of that.

And we're not and she's like, we have to get milk crates. We have to sit on milk crates. We have to sit Shiva and then she was obsessed with covering all the mirrors. Now my mom's house had floor to ceiling mirrors, like almost 30 feet tall, because it was like the whole house was like mirrored. So I'm like up on a ladders with cray paper,

trying to cover every mirror in the house. This is a handful of years ago, like four or five years ago. And, you know, I'm just trying to figure out like what to do. And my mom is like going crazy. We are doing a traditional like she's like, we got to get this. We got to get this. Yeah. And I was like, OK, and we're just facilitating that insanity of a traditional Jewish, you know, wake.

And and yeah. And so like I would have been so much easier if at one point he said, just, just bury me. Yeah. But just, yeah. But let me make it, let me make a turn on that. You got a lot of mirrors. I expect you call the busy man when you have to, when you have to guess what somebody wants, you will guess crazy. There's not a cray paper budget needed for when I die, but let me make a pitch. Cause I think they're both both right that you've got to have some sort of a meeting

I think it's a mistake to do it while he's alive with everyone there and I'll tell you why Just a lot of chefs in the kitchen, right? Because the one thing I hate about big group meetings is when everybody has an equal vote You're like well, this was an hour and a half that was totally wasted. Here's what I recommend. Do it on video. I love it. Have a video where your dad says,

my dear sons, this is part of the will that we surprised you on. Part of the comedy of that too is, I'm speaking to you from beyond. Yes. And that's a great bit. A great bit. A great bit.

One of the best bits I've ever seen of that, that I watch and cry and laugh at the same time is there's this Irish dad who died and at his funeral he put a speaker in the casket and he's like, I'm in here! Help me! I'm in here! Stop laughing you bloody concert! Love it!

The best. But what I would do is as a surprise to everybody, you and him make a video where he says to whatever the lawyer's name is going to be, where you go like, this is real. And here's what I would like. And if my son, and then he says them by name, if you're too much of like a tight ass, you want to in your office, that hurts me. And now I'm dead. You've heard a dead man.

Let him do his final prank, his final bit, and then he says, this is what I want to happen. I love you boys. Have them do something really sweet so you're all crying. You guys were the best thing that ever happened to me. Let him do it however he wants and then go, but this I want. And guys, I want the middle finger flying high. Bye boys. And I think, and your job, and your job right now is to do all the research

So wait, so someone can't say well, how we even do it. I already know I got the yeah You have an envelope with all the information, but Ben we're set up. You're the middle boy. You wanted daddy's love go get it This is the way you get it now get it before he dies make a video of it Make this happen the only thing I'm video of it, make this happen. The only thing I'm gonna say though, and this is maybe a step away from it, it's not a great prank as much as it is like an installation. I wish, for a dad who's pranking,

I wish there was like a little bit more of a. Well you know what we could do, is we could hang a little sign around the skeleton in the doctor's office that says dad. I mean, yeah That's a bit on a little yeah, we need something again I don't want to go in like with tennis elbow and be like and come here for like reveals. Yeah Hey ben, are you gonna do this? You're gonna push your dad to do the video and are you gonna give us your word that you're gonna make this happen?

No, I I really you know funny is like the name tag thing and the dressing him up that garrison fishing is not far off to what I think he wants like he wants to be like seasonally in a pirate costume or seasonally in a magic sky. That's a great bit. Yeah like that's like a hat on a skeleton. A hat. Yeah whatever yeah just get a hat on. A little open treasure. Come on, enjoy it. Put him in like short shorts and an Oklahoma Sooners hat. Yeah. Yeah. Put socks on him.

Wait, put him in a Raiders outfit. Yeah, yeah. Let's be crazy. He was a linebacker. Hey, Ben, we appreciate the call, buddy. No, thank you so much. I'm definitely, I think I'm gonna make a video. And follow up.

Follow up with us. Hold on, if you make that video Yeah, will you send it to us? Can we air? I Will legit have my dad. Okay last will and testament video Okay, and then we will not there the personal stuff if he's like we will just air the part about him talking about the skeleton So anything that gets real we will beep out names, but the part about him talking about the skeleton. So anything that gets real, we will beep out names. But the part where he says, boys, this is real, we'll just air that.

Could you send that to us, please? OK. I love this. Me too. Yeah, yeah. He probably won't give a shit either way, but I'll do it. It's exciting. I love it.

We will air it. We are part of this. And we hope that he lives for so long that the podcast is done before you execute it. Yeah, well I wouldn't go that far. I mean, it would be great for both to have a lovely life, but one has to go. A long life, a long life.

Yeah, exactly. Come on. What are we gonna be doing this in 15 years? Who knows, who knows? Who knows, who knows? Who knows, who knows? Ben, we appreciate the call. Thanks, bud.

Thanks, in 15 years I'll send you a pic of the skeleton. Now we're talking, now we're talking. Thank you. All right. Thank you guys. This episode of We're Here to Help is brought to you by Kleenex Ultra Soft Tissues, your ally to help tackle your allergy symptoms this season. Garf, we've said it, but if you're going to buy Kleenex, buy Kleenex. Well, yeah. If you're going to wipe buy Kleenex, buy Kleenex.

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I ran around the corn a little. I will say, since they've sponsored us, I have started buying the boxes. Yes. Well, that's what we're really saying is we're saying It's a better. It's a good. Yeah, it's a big difference. Just remember don't be red-nosed guy So Kleenex ultra soft tissues are hyper allergenic and the allergists approve if you use them, you know, it's just a good Kleenex We don't have to sell you Kleenex. You know what it is. So for this allergy season, grab Kleenex and face allergies. Head on.

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Just try it, they're underpants. You're going to like the way they look, the way they feel, and you're going to like that you didn't have to go shopping. And they're not going to diaper up on you. Me and his comfort from the outside. Hello. Hi there. Welcome to We're Here to Help, America's number one podcast. Don't look it up, I'm sorry, Paul. You're on with Jake Johnson and me, Gareth, and we have a very special guest. Very excited to have Paul Scheer joining us today.

Thank you, Paul. I am excited to be here and I'm excited to take this call. Even though I don't know what it is, I feel like I'm gonna have some great advice. Right attitude. That's the right attitude, Paul. I don't even think we need to do the call. Kevin hang it up. No. Okay what is your name please? Hi my name is Ellie. Ellie okay and roughly how

old and where are you calling from? I'm 31 and I'm from Orange County. Okay and what's going on? What can we help you with? Well so my sister is getting married next month and me and my husband and our three young kids are flying out there for the wedding and I have been very kind of anxious stressed about the flight because there's five of us and The rows on the southwest lights are six feet and I am just overthinking Our six seats and I am just overthinking the person that's gonna be sitting with us and how to approach them and how to welcome them to the circus. I'm gonna say one thing just right off the bat.

Find yourself a TikTok of a guy who has created the best Southwest hack, which is he has a hoodie and he puts his hand through the hoodie and then has it up like a puppet almost and so leans it forward and as you walk down the aisle, it looks like someone's sitting next to you. I have to say, without even getting too far into your problem, I don't know if that'll be beaten.

That is unbelievable. But what if it's a full flight? Southwest is the Wild West. Yes, the Wild West can get. I hate it. It makes no sense. They have added somehow they make you feel like you're on coke when boarding. Yeah. Yeah, because it's like, oh, it was so complicated to know where you were sitting before you got on the fight.

So we took that out and we've now made it like jockeying. And then you also feel guilty because it's like, I'm a17, well, I'm A14, okay, got it. Like you're like. In line checking. Yeah. I think I'm right ahead of you, sir. It's like, it's so uncomfortable to ask. But why would they do that actually?

They want a Hunger Games Airlines. But honestly, guys, cause we did fly, I flew there about like 18 months ago with my kids. Yeah. And I'm like, I wanna know where this, like I don't get why they do this. I have asked because it has plagued me. And they say, oh, you get a faster boarding.

And I don't understand that because what happens is, yeah, you may be getting a lot of people on, but then there's an absolute confusion on the flight as people are jockeying for seats, putting their bags in different locations. And hate that, I hate that vibe because it's too skinny of an aisle. Yes. Just I want to know where I'm sitting.

That's well, they also what they do is they make that 24 hours ahead of time. Check. Yes. You are like, well, I got to get up at 340. I have a Southwest flight. Unless you want to pay the extra 50 dollars and more bullshit. But Ali, this is not about our grievances. I think it is. They're a great sponsor of this show. We're so proud to have the way Southwest. Another and more bullshit, but Ellie this is not about our grievances Sponsor of this show we're so proud to have a way Southwest. We love you guys. I say thank you to Zoc doc rocket money

Southwest airline the best peanuts in the game and fly all across the states and Pick your own seats slash kill The good fellas when boarding but Ellie we're going back to you So you are flying where you flying to where's this wedding? We're flying from San Diego to Baltimore. That's a big flight a big flight and give us a that's this matters But give us an age of these kids Well, I have a seven-year-old who's very independent has a very weak stomach Really horrible start. Four year old told me he's scared of flying.

Okay. And a two year old who is well too. Okay, well. Can I ask a wild question right out of the gate? I just wanna, you know, this is, cause this is not the solution part, this is just question part. Yeah.

Is there a world in which you just don't bring the kids and you have somebody watch the kids and you go to the wedding? Uh, they're all in the wedding and my sister is very excited for them to come. Okay. Okay. Okay. That's all. Just wanted to, just wanted to make sure that was, I'm going to do another Paul and I like his approach here. We're just throwing it out there before we get in there. Is there a world you can buy a six ticket? Right. Yeah. And then you just control it and that six ticket

has your bags of Cheerios, it has your iPads, because you're gonna need. Your stretch room. You're gonna need some stretch room. You're also gonna need a bag of stuff where you're entertaining these three. Is there any world, and if the answer is no, we're moving on.

Is there any world we solve this with by the row? It's not really in the cards. It's not outside the realm of possibility. But we don't want to do it. But I'm also understanding that we're talking about three on one side and three on another. We're not doing six across. No, it is three and three.

Three and three. So you will have an aisle separating these people too. So someone is either going to be. I'll tell you who's gonna be sitting next to a stranger is dad. Yes. It's gonna be three. It's you who's going to be sitting next to strangers dad. Yes. It's going to be three. It's going to be mom will be with three.

One of the probably the seven year old is in the aisle. Dad's in the middle. Strangers at the window. That's probably has. Yeah. And I think if you. Yeah, that was kind of what we were thinking. I always, when I do things with my kids at four flying and there's the random

one, it's not even a question. Dad's next to a stranger. Yeah. Wait, so you're saying you're saying the arrangement is a continual one, two, three, four, five, and then the stranger gets the window. Yes. See, what I would do is put the stranger in the middle of the two kids sleep. Let me. Well, how weird do you want to get? I really appreciate as someone who doesn't have kids and flies all the time

that you even have public empathy for this poor bastard who Sponsors put the kids in the cage and put them Yeah, I like Paul's question don't bring them But I would almost say that the you should maybe put stranger in the aisle Because that at least gives them a little bit of room and an hour But the problem is is the the group is always passing things in between maybe yes But I think I would rather that than feel kid trapped.

Here's what I'm gonna say. Maybe it's a bold move, but I think your number one goal is to make it look the most unappealing seat choice you could possibly do. Put those bags there with the Cheerios. Take it over. So if somebody even is thinking about it,

if it is a fully full flight, you can't do anything about it, but you don't want anyone to even think about it until it's literally the last resort. So you're like, packing up the Cheerios, putting it all back. You want them to feel inconvenienced. That's, I think, part of it. And I also think this, you're traveling with kids,

people have empathy. Like you may be like, oh, I hate that baby, but you know what? You have the rule of the roost. I think you have the rule of the roost. But let's talk, Ellie, for a second about the making things unappealing because there's gonna be a turn on this.

If you're sold out, you're sold out. But if you're not sold out, there are ways. You could do the TikTok thing where you pop a hand up, but it's gonna be hard with kids. Because when your kids get out, there's just so much happening. You got a seven, a four, and a two. You're just trying to wrangle wild animals.

Thank God for iPads. Thank God for iPads, but there is a world where you heighten your look. Okay, all right. Because there's everyone's wild, you'll see, I'll be on a plane, you'llen your look. Okay, all right. Right? Because there's every once in a while, you'll see, I'll be on a plane, you'll see a family, mom's keeping it tight, dad's looking good, you go, mom and dad are in control of the,

the guards are in control of the, other families you'll see, mom's hair is all over the place, looks like a bird's nest, dad hasn't slept in a while, he's wearing straight up sweatpants with mustard on it. I was gonna say, well it's very helpful to be like, you know what I'm saying? Pajamas.

Anytime someone wears pajamas in the airport, I'm like, I don't wanna sign for this guy. Yes, pajamas, messy hair. That is, it is a nice way to kind of, again, we're talking about putting people off. If you wanna go one step further, have a box of tissues in your hand. Yes, very helpful.

And regardless of your kids being sick or not just be passing to also The four-year-old on a loop say as he's getting in I'm gonna barf. I'm gonna barf Have well, I actually I one time I want time and I wouldn't sit there I I say on a southwest flight was flying back from Vegas after the Super Bowl, and a guy sat next to me and he opened a garbage bag and he said, I'm really hungover, I'm probably going to throw up during takeoff. Did you get up and leave? I had no option, but I was furious. But an open garbage bag or even a barf bag opened.

Gareth, you're totally right. Ellie, what if you give one of your kids, the four-year-old, because the seven-year-old, he could maybe pull it, but you said he's independent. At seven he might be embarrassed. Four, he's just looking for your approval. Give him a barf bag and fill it with candy so it just looks weighted. And as he walks in, put him right at the aisle

and say, before we take off, if you look in the bag at all that barf, when people walk by, you get to eat the candy. I mean, this is a great way to get your kids involved. Now I'll say this. Get your kids involved. Ultimately, what we're saying is, I think anyone who's rational,

if you put enough kids, even if they're not gonna sit there for the flight, on the aisle, right? So that's the first thing that people are seeing, right? You're gonna deter. Like guards at first thing that people are seeing. Yeah. Right. You're going to like you're going to deter like guards at a moat. So, yes. Yeah. So in the aisles, a great idea. There's another thing that happened to me on a flight that just blew my mind that a kid did within the last two years.

They had their iPad and they didn't have headphones. And what's wild to the point where I literally said to the mom above the aisle, no headphones. Yeah, I mean headphones. They give them to you for free. You could take the headphones. It is a wild choice. As somebody who has traveled with kids multiple times and had in those early days, like great flights

and then terrible flights and there was no rhyme or reason to it. You know that you're just trying to survive. But I do find that to be aggressive. Like I'm trying to keep my kid quiet, I'm trying to keep them happy. We are. You know, like when kids are crying,

I always say like, youth, like if people go like, oh, they look at me, I'm like, you think I want this? I don't want this, I'm trying to actively. This is a nightmare. Yeah, this is awful for me. But the headphones, I believe that you can say. But if you do that you if one of your kids Yeah, the seven-year-old like here's what you need to create you guys are a fucking zoo and the animals have escaped

Yeah, and your aisle you want you and your husband need to be every your husband In the middle while people are aisle you could say so what's your husband's name? Spencer Spencer you get in the middle go like, like as people are first getting going. I'm trying my hardest, Spencer. OK. I think Spencer enough. I like it. I think all this is good. I would also recommend you go last row because that yes. Right. Yeah.

You last row near the toilet is easy for the kids. And then you're not dealing with any back road distractions. You've eliminated some of the problems. But you are putting yourself in a very long flight next to an airplane bathroom, which, you know, look. On the southwest has some smell. That's like, you're already having a hard time. Like why make it harder?

I will say this, there are, this is a great little thing, and now we're not talking about passengers. This is now, this is just how do you deal with your kids? I think that obviously phone time, iPad time, whatever screen you want, like let it fly, but my friends came up with this great device that I use. You buy a bunch of things and you wrap them them and then you kind of dole out gifts. Unwrap it.

Unwrapping during the fight so it becomes this kind of, it could be small, a matchbox car, a action figure, something but it's not like, oh these are my toys. I'm getting something new, very small, but it's wrapped, they're opening it up, it kind of occupies them. You do that three times over six hours, it's just another way of keeping it up. It kind of occupies them. You do that three times over six hours. It's just another way of keeping it moving. So, Ali, here's another move.

So we've now given you some really good options on how to deter, how to entertain the kids. But the initial question of, you know, you're thinking about that sixth seat. Here's another move. You go to the person at the at the gate when you're checking in and you say, my youngest kid has a phobia of people.

And they say, people, we're in an era now of phobias. So you can now say you have every if if you go to a kids party. Yeah. Parents will walk up to you and go, my son can't be around birthday cakes. The host will throw the fucking cake out. Allergic to the sky. You'll go like this, oh, so we don't do birthday cakes? And they go, no, you know what? The candle scares Phoenix because of the fire.

And everyone goes, get rid of the candle. And then also what happens is then you feel guilty. Like, I didn't even know that. I didn't even know that. By the way, I didn't. And guess what? If he has a fear of fire, who cares about fire? Well, I'll throw everything out. We don't need it it with this up put a hose on the cake who cares at check-in I would also ask if it's a full flight. Yes, because then at least you know that you might have a fighting But there are people this is why I say the phobia Gareth because you're right first things first

You say is it full flight? They say no, then you say I'm really asking for an open seat because my youngest has a crazy two-year-old phobia of strangers and screams and yells. And then you go like, we're doing everything we can. But if he's around somebody, it's like, I don't know if his sibling shows him something. I'm gonna say this, don't do it to the gate agent. Do it to the flight attendant

because the flight attendant's gonna be on the flight. That's interesting, yes. Because the gate agent seems like, ah, that's not my, you know, it's like, you can kinda get in there, and I also think that you wanna be friends with that flight attendant, you wanna make sure that they feel like you are,

you're working together a little bit, and they will help you, and they won't force people into your seat. You know what my wife did? We had a horrific flight when we went to London for a job when my kids were 18 months. Ooh, God. It was horrific.

As bad of a flight as it could ever be. We had a whole plan, it backfired in such a way. That's the other thing, you have to make sure that you have multiple options because things will. Plan A falls apart. I had a point where my daughter was crying, it was an overnight, I thought they were gonna sleep. My daughter got scared.

My wife and I were separated. She had one eye and the other, so I was alone with a crying baby. We were in the area where the flight attendants, this kid was crying so hard. A man in the middle of the night stood up and started walking towards me. And I thought what he was going to say

was could you quiet that baby? But because I had heard a baby crying for three and a half hours, I was so fried that I? But because I had heard a baby crying for three and a half hours I was so fried. Yeah, yeah, then I'm like I'll fight you I Hate you as much as you hate me. I hate this the guy is he walked up He was about my size a little bit older than me, but like not an older guy Yeah, 50s we made eye contact. We were looking at each other He put his arm around me and rubbed my back. And I swear to God, we stared at each other

and I said like, thank you, I really needed that. And he was like, it's hard, man. This is what I'm gonna tell you, you will find this ally. Great empathy. Yeah, because it's like, anyone who has done it knows how hard it is. I learned this trick from a parent,

which I thought was really good. You get like a couple bags of candy, small bags of candy, like you know, and you just before the flight starts say, hey everybody, I'm so sorry, we got young kids, thank you. Like you're just kind of ingratiating. Paul, same pitch. So the other thing, what my wife did on that flight

was she bought three Starbucks gift cards. And the people around us, she said, we are trying our hardest. You didn't choose this when you, when we land, if you didn't get enough sleep, please get a coffee on us. The vibe was everybody around us went, you're doing the best you can. That is, and that's all you can do. Now I'll say this and you know, look, I talked to my doctor about this drugs and I, and I say this with a very,

thank you so much for the call. But like melatonin. What doctor? Melatonin. Yeah, our doctor said, look, you're going on this big flight. You know, it's gonna be, we just came back from Europe with the kids and I have a seven and a nine year old.

And he's like, look, it's a three milligram of melatonin. Give it to them and they will most likely conk out. Did they? They did. Okay. And it was, you know, and it wasn't like, they weren't groggy. I mean, they were supposed to sleep. It was, you know, it was like the right time.

And it was a night, like, and that's the other thing too. You have to book the flight at the right time because you may be like, I don't want to leave early in the morning, but sometimes when you leave early in the morning, it's better or you leave late at night. You got to find that thing. Cause you don't want them to get on a flight late at night

then land really late. because then they'll be, you gotta like, you have to do some mental math about time zones. Allie, I gotta tell you, we've shot a lot of bullets at you. What do you think you're gonna do? Well, I think I'm gonna definitely be really sweet with the flight attendant and kind of explain the situation and hope for the best there.

Okay. I'm leaning towards like having the Starbucks gift cards as well. I think that's a really good idea. And the candy in the barf bag, definitely doing that. I get a little nervous with looking too out of control because I am such a people pleaser, so I will probably still stick with headphones, but I think definitely there's what I worry about you a little bit I'm just now saying this as a friend Yeah, I can tell you're very presentable and your kids are gonna be presentable and you got your husband dressed nicely, too

Yeah, you have made your little family of five if I saw you guys in a photo above a fireplace I'm thinking cute family. Yeah, so if I'm a I you guys in a photo above a fireplace, I'm thinking cute family. Yeah. So if I'm a. I don't mind sitting next to this because I know Ellie such a people pleaser. She's keeping this group high and tight. Ellie, I think you got to get a little on the A side of this. Put a little mustard on it so that you get that extra seat.

You're going to be glad you have it because if you don't, then you're you're really hoping somebody doesn't go. You're hoping the person sits next year is an old grandma. Just think about how that extra seat will benefit this situation. And all we need from you is a bag. Talk to the flight attendant, gift cards and look a little little paste in the air. We also we also haven't tackled your your one son's fear of flying, which I think you can remedy with books.

But also I find a really good thing. My kid was afraid of roller coasters, and on YouTube they have these first person ride throughs, and you can kind of just, so you put it on the TV, so you can even show them that, so they start to feel like, it's not all new. Like, kind of let them get acclimated over a couple YouTube clips.

Like, get them, because the more, like I often find that why kids are afraid of something is very different. Like you're like, oh, they're afraid because they're up in the air. And then you're like, why are you afraid? And they're like, oh, because don't planes travel through time?

No. Like, you know, like their reasoning is always. Wild logic. So it's like as much as you can like pull out like why they're afraid or like get them used to it you go there because that actually is a nightmarish situation I and also take care of your other kids belly Yeah, like no reason to give them a burrito presence idea that Paul presented is also good I think that's a way to just kind of keep bread crumbing towards the end of the flight

So LA in closing in closing here, could you do us a favor? And as you're preparing for this, could you try to mess with your look a little bit and send us photos and if you don't want your face in, we'll blur your face. But just to get like what you regularly look like and what you're thinking. A onesie would be so good.

Because I just want you to think a little bit of, if you please people then they want to sit by you you are being the opposite of people please Yeah, you are not pleasing people Yeah, you want them to complain behind your back and say smelly Ellie smelly Ellie and I also think the other thing is this Thank you, and Ellie Always be unpacking do Do not stop unpacking the bag until... Repack, unpack again. Like, look like you're like, so it doesn't even look like it's off you. Always be unpacking.

But there's always, there's so much going on there. It's chaos, so you want everybody to go, Ellie is not in control of that group, and her husband seems to be a dud, and I pass. San Diego to Baltimore ain't no joke. Ellie is not a controller that group and her husband seems to be a dud and right I Yeah, yeah, yeah San Diego to Baltimore ain't no joke and you know other people trying this tactic Yeah, like successfully with this tick tock. Oh, is that your group? Look at this. Oh, yeah Okay, we were right about you. This is a great-looking group

Okay, so Ellie, okay, you got a fucking you got a wild out. Yep Okay, go for it and we need Spencer you gotta wild out. Yep. Okay. Go for it. And we need Spencer to wild out too. Have Spencer wear sunglasses the whole time. Have Spencer shave his beard into a mustache. Yes. Or get Spencer one of those shirts that says like, I don't fuck with bullshit.

You know, like one of those, a shirt of a person that you don't want. That's exactly right. McQuaid's ride me. Have Spencer wear a tank top. Okay. I would say maybe a Rambo bandana look. If he wears a bandana and a tank top. And sunglasses.

A man with kids in a tank top, I'm not sitting near him. He's an attractive man. He's got a great beard. But you put a pair of baseball player sunglasses on him and one of those shirts, all of a sudden you get a very different vibe. Absolutely. Ali, I think we're in a good zone with you And we can hear you're in the car. Please follow up with us. Thank you. Bye. All right My name is Mark, I'm 60 years old father of Mike Ben and Stephen just wanted to call and let you know that I wanted to become a skeleton when

I die. After having cancer and a liver transplant lately, I thought about not making it through those surgeries, so I spoke with the boys about wanting to be a skeleton. In fact, I've really put a lot of pressure on Ben to talk Mike into making me into a skeleton. He's a doctor. He can do these things. So at that point in time, I can hang in his closet. I could be dressed for different holidays.

I can do all kinds of things while I'm a ghost, and he'd never know. But I did want to say to you and your team that I definitely want to become a skeleton. I think it'd be a great thing to do for the boys. And I say that with all my heart. Thanks a lot, I'll talk to you later. Okay. Mm a lot. I'll talk to you later. This episode is brought to you by AG1.

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Hey everyone, producer Kevin here. This next follow-up is from episode 74 of the podcast. It's called He Just Lost His Wife and Dog with David Cross. It is the second call from that episode. So if you'd like to listen to it as a quick refresher, go for it. Enjoy. Hello. Enjoy. Hello. Hello. Welcome back. We're here to help for your second call probably. Yeah. We know that this is a follow-up. We have no clue what it is. Jake's flexing. Things

are going crazy already. Stretching brother. Stretching brother. What? It looks like a fletch at this point in my life, my man. Things are bad. What is your name and will you just remind us of your first call a little bit? Yes, my name is Larissa and I'm calling to follow up on the Chicago rat hole. Oh wow. I think we know what the follow up is. The goddamn thing that filled up.

Yeah. Well it got taken, it got ratnapped. So there was a rat, it looked like a rat hole in concrete in Chicago. Yeah, for a second there you became Gale Buchanan. And Chicago, a wonderful town. I spent a lot of time there. WBCN, unbelievable station. Loved every moment of my time there. Shout out Carissa Buchanan. Is that your first wife? Yes, fourth wife.

Fourth wife. I actually at one point was legally married to three different women and there was a polygamy lawsuit against me. That's why I had to spend two years in the Utah market. But Larissa, this is about you. So there was a rat hole in Chicago. It looked like a rat. And it became this thing and people were fucking pissed off.

Well, because tourists were going there leaving cheese and coins. And they were pouring beer on it. Which attracts people. Which attracts people. and people were fucking pissed off that it became a tourist attraction. Well, because tourists were going there leaving like cheese and coins. Yeah, they were like pouring beer on it and just kind of talking it up. Which attracts real rats to a neighborhood. Exactly. Larissa, you wanted to write an article and your friend was annoyed with you and said like, we don't need another article.

And then our suggestion was what? We remember the setup. I can't remember the setup. Well, go ahead. What exactly was our advice? We had a skew on the article. Yeah, you had some pretty good advice. You had some pretty level-headed advice. The letter was over the top. The response, it was a really desperate, crazed letter. And so I didn't know really how to respond to that person because it kind of put like a lot of pressure on me to, it was like, please don't publish this article. Like a very desperate plea as if they were truly oppressed

instead of mildly inconvenienced. So I really didn't know how to respond. It's a good word, but no, I like that. Yeah, and your advice, you were with David Cross, I really didn't know how to respond. It's a good word, but I like that. Yeah. And your advice, you were with David Cross, there's a lot of singing and your advice was basically to include the perspective in the article and to write back, what did he say? I loved how he phrased it because it helped me write it back, to respond in a

way that merited no further response. Ooh. So basically like to be like, bye. Well, like, thank you. Yeah. Concerned shown. Cause this isn't like a buddy of mine. This is an acquaintance of mine.

So that was, that made it kind of really intense. Yeah. And rude. Don't write your articles. Don't get paid to do your job because it mildly annoys me that people care about a hole in the ground. So that was your advice. So what happened?

What happened is pretty massive. I have nothing to do with this, but the rat hole was scooped out of the ground very recently. They scooped it? They took it, they didn't fill it in. Like there were many times when people thought it was filled in and the community banded together to chip it out or whatever. This, like, if you look it up online,

they took like two big pieces of cement out of the village sidewalk. Out of the earth. And then- Throw it into Lake Michigan. Oh, they saved it. They saved it. No, and so this-

It's a Smithsonian. You may know this, there's a big music festival in Chicago called Riot Fest. Which is like a punk alternative festival. They are definitely buying it. Of course I'd buy it. Yeah, Jake's big into that one. Yeah, Jake's rolling his sleeves up and it looks bad.

But, uh, yeah, there'd be put him down. Two hot dogs coming out of a shirt. Taste of Chicago. Hey, don't put ketchup on these arms. I feel sick. Um, okay. Yeah. So, all right. So riot fest.

They want to buy it. They're trying to Riot Fest? They want to buy it. They're trying to buy it. Oh, wow. Cool. So they want to buy it. I think it's a great solution. They want to buy it for like five grand and then bring it out every year. Seems fair.

Seems fair. Yeah. Yeah, that's what it is. They want to buy a piece of garbage for five grand and somebody's going like, no, no. Yeah, all right. I can't imagine. We couldn't possibly sell a piece of cement garbage for five grand. Yeah, just give them the fucking thing It's real garbage or breaking them into little pieces and throw it in dumpsters

They took it out in the most Chicago way Like they didn't remove it and say it was because it was this nuisance to the condo owners to live right They said the sidewalk was uneven. Oh, that's hilarious. I thought you were going to say the most Chicago where there were 19 guys with mustaches standing around for 14 hours and then in 30 minutes two guys moved it out really fast. They went over budget. A lot of talk, a lot of Caleb Williams talk. Yeah, yeah.

I like that, I mean he paints his nails but I, guys we gotta get this out of here. If he can draw the pigskin, he lot of Caleb Williams talk. Yeah, yeah. I ain't like that, I mean, he paints his nails, but I, guys, we gotta get this out of here. If he can draw the pigskin, he can draw the pigskin, and if he can draw the pigskin. Yeah, I don't begrudge anyone for anything. The next day at noon, one guy goes, should I lift up the concrete? Yeah, it's about time, Bob.

Probably, yeah. Let's get it all out of here. All right, so they take the concrete out. A cool punk rock festival wants to buy it But Larissa we need to know about your article. Oh Well my article I mean, it's pretty great like it might for me It's on thrillers calm, which is a really fun website. So my article Came out really well. Like I think I interviewed 15 people and they all had really beautiful stories about this

rat hole, this squirrel hole. Like one guy, this guy Don DeGrazia, like he named it, it's named Little Stucky. That's what he called it. And it's like the mascot for his softball team. And so he, I bet he called it and it's like the mascot for his softball team and I bet feeling it little sucky. You got a new name Gareth Ratting concrete Won't go away. He won't go away. He appeared one day. Can I do the intro for this one? Mo? Shut up, little Stucky. Sorry.

It's Mo, little Stucky, and the Marshmallow Man. Little Stucky and the Marshmallow. All right. So you know what we're going to do? We'll post the... We'll have Caitlin post a link to the thriller so people can Read it check out your story This is a really this is a really fun follow-up Yeah, and it's I mean I hate that they took it but I bet in the end it's gonna be better I really hope that right says gets it because

Eliminated exposure to the rat hole might be better for a degree Yeah, it'll find a good home. Yeah. Well, thank you so much. Thank you. We appreciate the call and the follow up. Yeah. Bye.

Hey, everyone. Producer Kevin here. This next segment is an edited chat with our guest after the calls. To hear the full extended conversation as well as early access to episodes, you can go to patreon.com slash here to help pod. Enjoy. Okay.

All right, man. And then before we go, if you're okay with it, we'd like to just do a little chat with you, ask you some questions. Yeah, of course. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Cool. Well, you alluded to something there about your mother,

something on your podcast that comes up. Your book is kind of a highlight reel of some of the strange childhood trauma that maybe you didn't realize was trauma. Yeah, you know, my book is called Joyful Recollections of Trauma. And I think that I've often told these stories about my life, especially on how did this get made, and thinking like, this is normal. Like my grandma told me, don't answer the door

because there's a butcher down the block who grinds kids up into chopped meat. And the reason, the way they caught him was one of the moms bought some chopped meat. And as she was frying it up, the little burger said, mommy. Oh my lord. How old were you?

I was young enough to believe that chopped meat could talk. That's real, yeah. Right, so, and I would tell that story to my grandma, and she was frying it up, the little burger said, mommy. Oh my lord. How old were you? I was young enough to believe that chop meat could talk. That's real, yeah. Right, so, and I would tell that story, and Jason and June would look at me like, wait, what?

What do you mean chop, wait, what is this? And I'm like, yeah, you know, the butcher makes him to chop meat, kills the kids. Things that felt normal and fine. And so you start to tell these stories like, oh yeah, one time I went into the city to go see a naked lady. They're like, wait, hold on, what did you do?

Yeah. And I like, and so I said, seeing things off the cuff all the time and never really gave it that much thought and be like, oh, you should write a book. You should write a book. And I knew that like, if I wanted to write a book, I'd have to go a little bit deeper than the anecdote of like what that was. And, and I really tried to took it seriously. So I, I started writing and just seeing where that kind of led.

And I think the book is very different than the book that I intended to write. It has all these things, all these like funny things, weird moments with Christopher Walken, you know, doing stuff at UCB. It's not really a book about my path as an actor, as much as it is like as a dad or, you know, finding my wife, you know, and that like this kind kind of thing and one of the bigger through lines of it is

My mom got remarried at one point to this like super abusive dude and we lived in this insane situation where we were basically had nobody to help us get out of it and so, you know the first part of the book is really like that, like living under that thing and then kind of escaping it. And then- How old were you when she- We, I was like fifth grade is I think when we were able to get out.

Yeah, so like fifth or sixth grade. Oh, so your childhood. Yeah. Childhood was under this monster. Yeah, so it was a really like intense thing. And you know, it's always been a part of the story, but I've never really talked about it. Even to my wife, when she read the book,

she was like, wait, this happened? I was like, oh yeah, I guess. Because there's a little bit of a stigma on it too to talk about stuff like that. Like, you know, because I don't want to bump people out or I don't know, and it's private or whatever. But I think what was kind of interesting about it was I look back on those moments. I have insane stories about like, you know,

I played hide and go seek with this girl who I went to school with who her dad was, I guess, working for a very high up military figure. And when we went missing, cause we were playing hide and go seek, they sent a SWAT team after us. You know, so there's stuff like that in there. But then there's also this thing about like

the ramifications of living in a house that is that kind of, that. And then kind of being like, how do I want to create my version of it? And am I okay to do that? Because I was a little scared to kind of have kids and open that world up. Because it was a little, it was like,

I don't want to fall into that trap. I don't want to be that person, even though I wasn't. So it's kind of wrestling with a bunch of different stuff in that area. Have you taken your kids to see a naked woman yet? I mean, soon it's, well, once my kids turn 10 in a couple weeks, so that's when I would do it. So it's a great question.

Well, it's fine. Make sure we're carrying on a good tradition. Oh, here's what I'll say. I love showing my kids movies, and I try to be smart about it. I don't wanna be the person who's like, I like this movie, watch this movie. I'm like, I look at them, I go, I think you'll like this,

and then I play it. But I'm like, so Happy Gilmore, giant, like giant hit, falling off the couch, dying laughing. They both have crushes on Julie Bowen now. Like they think that she's the hottest woman of all time, and it's amazing. And they- Still, if they see Old Modern Family, still.

And so they're all in. But, you know, then I'm like, all right, well, what else could we do that they're liking this stuff? And I showed them Adventures in Babysitting. And the original. Original, great movie, so funny. And then you realize there are things in these movies that we just don't see in regular movies anymore. Like the big crux of that movie

is that she looks like a Playboy centerfold. It's a PG movie, but that's the runner is that Elizabeth Shoe looks like the big crux of that movie is that she looks like a Playboy centerfold It's a PG movie But that's the runner is that Elizabeth Shoe looks like the girl who's on the cover of Playboy then they steal a Playboy and the Playboy is in play the entire movie So my kids don't even know what a Playboy is, but they're like ooh, and there's no nudity, but it's like ooh I'll tell you the weird thing. I'm dealing with my kids and what because I have two daughters Yeah, so all the movies I loved I've always seen them from like a boy's point of view Yeah, all the characters from the movies I grew up all the girls are hot and the ones that the main characters crush after

Yeah, and my kids are not interested So I'm like I'll be like wait till you see stand by me within ten minutes They're like it's just about these boys walking around talking about crushes, and I was like, no, it's a great story about it. There's a body. I'm like, oh, it's a great story about all boys. Talking about all boys, so. But the thing I got him into that is not appropriate, but I really like is catfish.

Really? Yes, and I'll tell you why, because I like having them know people on the internet are crazy, and this isn't real life. Yeah. I like that idea. So like, it's like a weird, they'll like watch

and now my daughter, we were watching one last night, she'll do things during an episode, she'll be like, there's no way she's real or she has emotional problems. And I'm like, pretty awesome response. By the way, that's a really smart way because I've found my kids now are watching YouTube, kids YouTube, and they'll reveal things to me like, well, I know this, I know that.

I'm like, well, okay, hold on one second. Where are we getting this information? Because YouTube may be for kids, but it doesn't have to be factual. And that's the tricky thing. You know, it's like, and so sometimes the kids will come in with like, the kid brain stuff. It's like, oh, there's a dog bigger than a house.

And I'm like, what do you mean? I saw a picture of a dog bigger than a house. And he's like, oh, that's Photoshop. Yeah, so my kids are falling victim to those pranks a lot. How did you get to Human Giant? Because I remember I saw it and I was like, it was very clear from my generation. Yeah. And more, when I say my generation,

there was a group of us, the Gethards and all that, but I wasn't part of them. I was part of Oliver Raleigh and my buddy Bill Bunger off tonight. Well, I think what it was is like, we had the keys to the castle, not because we were good, but because we, they needed someone to run it. Like, you know, it was like, the UCB were doing their sketch show, their improv show,

and their, like, their own solo shows, and they were giving shows, but we were the ones that were like, well, we need a 10 o'clock Saturday show, we need a midnight show. Yeah, but Paul, you're a very nice guy, but you were killing. Well, you're nice to say it. I show, we need a midnight show. Yeah, but Paul, you're a very nice guy, but you were killing. Well, you're nice to say it. I mean, but it was also, for me, no stakes.

Let's do this show, great, let's go do this show. It wasn't like we're trying to get anywhere, do anything, it was like, let's do something funny. This was the goal. Yeah, the goal was just be and do funny shows. And we failed as much as we succeeded, but I think that that bond and what, and you know, Human Giant, what came out of that was really just,

Aziz was a standup who was hanging around, like there's another island of this theater, which was like, oh, standups would come in and do shows and they kind of improvise, they kind of do bits with comedians or like improvisers. And Aziz is like, I'm gonna do the standup show, I don't wanna host it with like an improviser, I wanna bridge that gap and we can just do bits. So the first week they hosted, it was Aziz and Rob doing something that became Shutterbugs, which was like children talent agents,

and they shot a little video for it, and then they did like live parts of it in the show. And then the second show Aziz hosted was me and Aziz, and we went to the Scientology Center and taped it in New York City. And we were like, I'm gonna do this stand-up show, I'm gonna do this stand-up show,

I'm gonna do this stand-up show, I'm gonna do this stand-up show, I'm gonna do this stand-up show, I'm gonna do this stand-up show, I'm gonna do this stand-up show, We did live parts of it in the show. And then the second show Aziz hosted was me and Aziz, and we went to the Scientology Center and taped it in New York. And we went deep in, we did this thing. And you were making sketches. Yeah, we were making these sketches, and then all of a sudden we're like, oh, let's shoot this. And then Aziz and I came up with this idea for Illusionators,

and we shot that, and it was very, again, organic. And some exec from MTV saw it and was like, you guys should have a sketch show. And we're like, us? Like Rob has white hair, you know, I'm bald, and this is a Z. Like you have on the, you have like the Hills on, and like Three Six Mafia are doing shows.

Like what, we're not in this zeitgeist, but the guy who ran MTV at the time was like, I love Andy Milonakis, I love you, and I also love the Hills. And so he had a great thing and we- It was a great show. Got to thread this needle, which was like, it was the most fun experience we ever had

because we had the support of a network to do whatever we wanted to do. And then we got out early, they gave us a third season. We had hosted like a 24 hour marathon and we got our second season, our ratings were doing pretty good. And then Aziz got Parks and Rec. And we made a decision as a group. It wasn't like, and I think Aziz sometimes gets like upset

if we say, oh, Aziz got Parks and Rec so we stopped doing the show. It was a team. It was a team decision because we wrote as a team. And it was like every one of us made those sketches good. It wasn't like, oh, one person was a writer. Jason Wallner, part of this too, directed Borat and stuff, Borat too.

He also directed a really crazy funny news. Oh, Paul T. Goldman. Paul T. Goldman. It was so good, I literally had to, I found his email, I think through Gassner, just to say like, you did it, man. That show is unbelievable. It's unbelievable.

I don't know if it's getting a second season. It's unbelievable. He is, and I've been watching Jason do that for 15 years. I remember when he first went there and met the guy, and I was like, whoa, wait, what's going on? What's the name of the show again? Paul T. Goldman. On Peacock.

Yes, it's so good. Six episodes. Yes. It's really great. But sorry, I wanna go back to you. But then youacock. Yes, it's so good. Yes, it's really great. But, but so sorry, I want to go back to you. Yeah. So then, but then you're doing human giant. Cause I remember that thing was erupted.

Yeah. That was immediately and it was fucking good. Yeah. So there are certain people who hit and there are certain shows that go, but you're like, yeah, that was just, you guys were doing it right. And then Aziz gets parks, you guys saw it going. And then what happens to you at that point? We are sitting in this moment where we're like, what are we gonna do?

Because they want us back, and so I feel very comfortable with this decision going like, I don't want Aziz to come in on a shoot day, like, because Mike Schurr and Greg Daniels, they're like, we'll let you have Aziz whenever we're not using him. Like, we want him to keep on doing the show. But I was like, he's gonna come in and be like, I didn't write this sketch.

I feel like we are, so I was like, we'll figure out what goes next. And there was about, you know, maybe like six months into that, I'm gonna come in and be like, I didn't write this sketch. I feel like weird. So I was like, let's figure out what goes next. And there was about, you know, maybe like six months into that, I really regretted that decision. And then about a couple, maybe six months after that is when the league kind of came around.

And that was the change. That was the change. But it was, I always feel like you have to do this like swinging from one vine to the next and just jump and then don't know where you're gonna go. It's like the league, we did that for seven years. They wanted us back. And as a group, we were like, no, it's over.

We did seven years of it. And people said to us, well, it's an ATM machine. Just keep on going back. It's like, yeah, but you wanna feel that fun of doing it. You don't wanna feel bored by it. And we did that with NTSF. I did the show on Adult Swim. And we did four seasons. We did't wanna feel bored by it. And we did that with NTSF, I did the show on Adult Swim,

and we did four seasons, we did 42 episodes, like we did it, like you don't have to keep on doing everything, you know, and that, like, the only show that I felt like I would have liked to have done another season for was Black Monday. We did three seasons of that, and that was Cheetal and Regina, and I think the biggest, the biggest problem with that was, it was on Showtime.

And not many people get Showtime, and it's like, hopefully it will get released on a different platform at one point, but yeah, was it was on Showtime. Yeah. And not many people get Showtime and it's like, hopefully it will get released on a different platform at one point. But yeah, but it was like, that was the only, it was such a good show and so funny that, uh, I wish we had like just a little bit more cause the cast was so great. Well, we appreciate you coming. I appreciate being here. I'm genuinely excited to read the book. Oh, thank you so much.

Yeah. This, the stories from your podcast, How Did This Get Made, for you of your childhood, are exceptional. There's a lot of stuff in here that I forgot about that I'm excited for people to see and read. And here's the thing, and I'm here because I wanna be here, but if you do pre-order the book,

one of the things I'm very proud of is that I learned how to do my little website design, and I put a special feature section on my website of proof of these things happening. I have the proof. They have the receipts, because I talk about this whole idea, I collect things, I collect these boxes full of mementos.

So when I tell you that I went to go meet the Honey, I Shrunk the Kids kids at my my blockbuster video I have all those autographs with the blockbuster logo on it I've saved all that stuff I have is lucky yeah I mean I have like plays I have like like this school play that I did speaking of our second caller I'm sad for your kids and a lot of years when they go do we save this well that was the thing know, that's the thing. The fuck is Blockbuster Video? I know.

We're gonna have to have a day coupage room. Well now we gotta watch the original Honey I Shrunk the Gates. Dad gets sad, miss our dad, and then throw this shit out. I try to keep on compacting the boxes so it's less and less. I go through it and I sweep it. Every time you move. Yeah, I'm like, this is gonna be a little bit more.

I used to save every newspaper clipping of everything that I did. It was like, I want that, gotta save this, gotta save this for my press kit. You know, as people who like the local, as people who want my Syracuse, but I performed live at Syracuse. I had the same thing.

Improv show. I had the dorkiest little folder of like, you never know. On that FedEx Kinko's trying to figure it out, I'm like, I'm gonna transition it like this before Photoshop. The saddest moment is when you realize something didn't work. Like when I delete my like really bad scripts from my Jake's writing folder, there's nothing sadder to go like,

this one's never gonna get developed further, this one's got. They end up becoming like relics of just a time that was ill-fated. You think like, I'll want this later to remember. I want to forget this. I really wish I didn't remember this. I wish those eight months of media like,

oh man, this is it, it wasn't it. And it's also like, it's hard to let it, because it is, it's hard to let it go. Like I worked on a reboot of Galaxy Quest for like two years. And I'm like, this is great. And it was like, oh, everyone got fired. And it's like, and that's it.

We're never gonna talk about it again. All right, Paul, thank you for coming. So far, thank you so much. We're here to help is hosted by Jake Johnson. And Gareth Reynolds. The show is produced and edited by Kevin Bartelt and the associate producer and editor is AJ McKeon. Our social media director is Caitlin Tanwakiyo and our video editor is John De Bruyne.

The theme song is made by Oliver Raleigh and you can check out his music at oliverraleigh.com. That's oliverralli.com. The album artwork is by James Fostike. You can find him on Instagram at james underscore fostike, D-I-K-E. And if you'd like to see me do stand up on the road, go to garethrentz.com. Additional artwork by Patti Holland. You can find him on Instagram at P-A-D-D-Y Holland 2004. And if you'd like early access to episodes, subscribe to our Patreon at patreon.com slash here to help pod. And if you'd like to be on the show, email us your question at helpfulpod at gmail.com. All of the advice given on we're to help pod.