We're Here to Help - 85: The Muffin Man with Bobby Moynihan

Episode Date: June 6, 2024

Jake, Gareth and special guest Bobby Moynihan talk to callers about muffin issues and a neighbor who loves to chainsaw logs. Later, the guys chat with Bobby about Saturday Night Live and being directed by Jerry Seinfeld in Unfrosted.Want to call in? Email your question to [e-mail] (Early Access, Bonus Calls and Q&As): Patreon.com/HereToHelpPodVIDEO: Youtube.com/@HeretoHelpPodMERCH: heretohelppod.comINSTAGRAM: @HereToHelpPodTIKTOK: @HereToHelpPodIf you’re enjoying the show, make sure to rate We’re Here to Help 5-Stars on Apple Podcasts.Advertise on We’re Here to Help via Gumball.fm See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Podcast. And we are back! Buddy boy, we are back. We were just talking about how if I were to walk up to a bar, I'd probably get ID'd. Hey everybody, we got a great one today. Welcome to We're Here to Help America's number one podcast and soon to be Australia's number seven podcast. How we doing in Australia Garf?

I don't think great, but I got some ideas. I got some good guests we can have on. Yeah, I think there's some ways. Australia, we're coming after you. We're coming after you. Yes, after I've moved here full time for three weeks, it's time to come home. I'm going to fly home draped in the American flag like when the Dream Team won the Olympic gold. It's time. We got a great, fun episode.

We really do. We have a great guest. You've known this guy for a long time. I had never met him before but been a fan for a while Bobby Moynihan who stars in unfrosted and is a great guest and Again another guest who I think comes into the show going like here we go giving out Therapy advice that I shouldn't and then is like wait. What do you guys do here? Yeah, and he goes Oh wait, this is actually a lot of fun. Yeah, he's like this is fun. Oh god. Thank god Yeah, I forgot Bobby did have a middle of it where he went like I I think he might have said beforehand I am in no position to give people advice on anything and we said like welcome to the premise of the show Yeah, we were like neither are we wait till you hear our callers. This is a curated session, sir

There is something so nice about when a guest helper comes on and they like they're the relief of when they hear the problem. Well, I would hate to be actually if I was doing like a press door and somebody said, will you come on my pod and give advice? My thought would be like, no, stress. I also what is who am I to give advice? And then if I heard the call was like, I love toilet paper, but I like to use a lot of it. I'd be like, I got a lot of it I'd be like I got a lot

of advice for this guy you use too much toilet paper my man we got to slow down three plies by the way Kevin right now is deleting three calls from the future call list Jake really blew a hole in that boat anyway we we really thank everybody what would be the 3B of that? You said I blew three by saying, I like the guy with toilet paper. What are the three he deleted, Garf? Go, top your head.

Okay, so there is a guy who is using too much toilet paper. Oh, fuck. There's a guy who's using too much toilet paper. That guy. Fair. Bring him on. Then there's a guy who refuses to use toilet paper. Bring them on. He's water only. Hold on. Have we had a guy? We've had something close to a guy

who refuses toilet paper. Have we not? Yeah. You know what I'm saying too? I don't remember what a oh never mind. It was dirty sheets. A guy who didn't know how to wipe because he said his parents never taught him. But then we also had with Andy Samberg, we had the person, the phantom. Who would take dumps in the studio and not use toilet paper or flush. Which is just. I want a power play. That should be a side podcast. But either way. Listen, we're not here to talk about that Andy Samberg call from months ago.

We really appreciate everybody listening, sharing, all that stuff. Continue to do it. Also, we were on Tiger Belly, if people want to go give a listen to that. That was a great episode, crazy stuff. So without further ado... Hi, welcome to the show. We're here to help. How are you?

I'm good. How are you guys? I'm a big fan. Well, we're big fans of each other. You have... That's not what you were supposed to say. Yeah, it is. Well, we don't know who the hell this person is.

But what's your name, sir? My name is Matt, and I'm from Phoenix, Arizona. Yeah, see we don't know Matt But maybe we'll be fancy by the end Anyway, you have Jake you have myself and you also have a fantastic guest helper Jake's little brother Jake's big brother at the same time the great the well track suited Bobby Moynihan joins Give it up I love your work. Oh my gosh, this is crazy. Are you talking to me or Bobby? It's not about you, Gareth I mean, yeah, I love your stuff, too. Okay, okay. Just now let's you had the whole intro

Let's go to Bobby a little bit, huh? Okay. Yeah, absolutely Which I'm about to if you could just kind of get out of the way you have any questions for Gareth I can answer All right, you're, what was your name again? My name's Matt. Matt from Arizona. Matt, Arizona. Good work, Bobby, just making sure you're there. Gareth, you are turned around today, my friend.

I've been drinking. Something's up. I took a couple pills this morning. He came in. I took some cat pills. We had started. You ever get medication for your cat and take it? I've been, you know what I mean?

A little screechy. Anyway, all right, Matt from Phoenix. What's going on, buddy? So I have a little bit of an interesting issue. It's going to kind of start off as a bummer, but then we'll get into the funny bit after. I was part of the tech layoffs last year in December and I was kind of off my feet for a little bit and kind of struggling until I got a new job in February that's been very good to me. Everyone there is nice. Spence are way better than my last job. And as a way to show how grateful I was I decided to buy everyone

Muffin on that Monday Muffin they did a muffin Monday. Okay, we've all been there. All right. Yeah. Yeah, so I didn't think anything of it and so it was brought up at the meeting how grateful everyone there was for the muffins and I they started calling me the meeting how grateful everyone there was for the muffins and They started calling me the moniker of Muffin Man. Okay, wait Bobby's. Yeah, what do you got? I just say I could look Yeah, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. That's a good one We're waiting for a problem better than shithead Matt the Muffin Man, it was a joke. I bought muffins the following Monday and You know everyone was saying how grateful they were on that day and it kind of turned into this joke muffin man. I was a joke I bought muffins the following Monday and you know

everyone was saying how grateful they were on that day and it kind of turned into this joke and I end up being sick the following week and there are no muffins and I thought it kind of drop off and when I came back everyone kind of came up to me and said it was some work we were very disappointed you weren't there we thought you might have gotten a car accident or something devastating happened. We just can't go without the Muffin Man on Muffin Monday. So just for the bit, I decided to get more muffins the following Monday.

And the crux of the issue is I'm 12 weeks in buying muffins every Monday and I'm always taking more. Why? Hold on, so you've been buying muffins every week for 12 weeks. That'll add up. Well, I mean, when you say it like that, yeah, it's a bit of an issue. It started off as a joke, but now I think

I'm just too deep into it. And I kind of don't want to lose this kind of favor I'm getting with my coworkers. I mean, I got a nickname and the whole thing. Yeah. Yeah. And, you know, like I said, this is a great job. And, you know, I want to carry as much favor with my co-workers as possible, but I just, I don't think my wallet could take anymore.

All right. So, Matt, we got a really fun setup. You got laid off, you got a new job, you decided to be nice. You bought muffins on a Monday. Everybody liked it. You kind of got deep into the role. You've been buying muffins every week for 12 weeks. What's the problem? What's the question? I know the problem.

Uh, well, I'm kind of at this point, it's kind of, kind of a monetary issue. And I was just wondering if there's maybe some sort of solution where I could kind of Get out of this this Nickname them and and you know, maybe do something else or if there's like maybe a different fit that won't weigh So heavy on my on my income before we start pitching. I think Bobby's got some thoughts. I just I'm so happy I'm so I got so nervous when you said like it, but this is the best problem Yeah, oh, yeah sucks for you that you got to pay for muffins, but it's the business. Yeah This made my day. Yeah, we're not doing real problem

So many comedians giving advice like about I know divorce I'm like I I got your ants? It's funny, when I said advice, Bobby, I saw you look down and I thought like, what was the distant stare? There's no way we're giving, we are talking about muffins on Monday, my man.

We're trying to get a guy out of a muffin hole. We said our best kind of calls are if somebody puts too much deodorant on and they like that it doesn't smell but it feels weird under their arms. We're like, all right, we have nine pitches. Yeah. You know, like you would think that it would just kind of be an easy out, but I had literally someone this last Monday come up to me and say, Hey, listen, we really appreciate you bringing muffins every Monday. A lot of people in the office.

Part of the culture. Yeah. It's, it a lot of people part of the culture today Yeah, it's now kind of turned into the culture. Yeah, so yeah, so Matt I gotta ask a couple of questions on your question just so we're clear is This a financial issue is this you don't want to be the muffin man issue Is this you don't want to bring anything issue Because the more clear the question the cleaner the pitches a little bit of column a little bit of column B You know, I honestly I'm sure if I lost the muffin man nickname and I think that they're gonna lose a lot more You think man? Yeah I'm saying first of all why in God's name would you lose that nickname? That's a

Bobby go ahead. There's an no It's the muffin. You're the muffin Agreed like this is a thing. It's there's two ways to be the muffin man. I feel like you either Say thank you very much and you stop. Yeah. Or you become the muffin man. I agree. Yeah. I think you've got it. Yeah. But the muffin man, you have to set rules. Right. What would the rules be?

How long do you have? Does the muffin man? I know that I have a lot of muffins on Monday. You got until the following. I know. I'm just saying, are we still asking questions? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. We're still. Well, because, yeah, yeah, yeah, we're still well because we said column a column B. So Matt one question What is it you don't like about being the muffin man?

Heavy is the head. Yeah, but also like you're at a new job. Everybody loves the muffin man It's not going home with you. It's not like affecting you at home, but at work. They're all like I feel like you're just a little too obsessed with being the muffin man. We've said the muffin man 70 times in the last minute. So like that part, like there is something you want to keep saying. We had a call once about tarantulas and I realized I said the word tarantulas probably 500 times and it weirded me out. I was like, I've never said this word more than five times in my whole life. I'm not from like Arizona I'm like I've said it but so Matt just to be clear and then we got we will be able to pitch on this one

We're gonna have a good solution, but you deep down don't feel comfortable being the muffin man at work Well, it's funny that you brought the home thing up My wife is now understanding what's kind of happening here as well. And now she's kind of expecting muffins. She's like, wait a minute, wait a minute. That's a turn I didn't see. Not OK. What does that mean? And what a little what does that mean? Muffin man at work and the muffin man at home are different.

Very different. Very different. I don't like it at home. I don't like it. To her. And she's like, I'd like some. Why don't you stop complaining? Get me blueberry, bitch. Yeah. I don't like it at home. Complaining to her and she's like, I'd like some muffin. Why don't you stop your complaining, get me blueberry, bitch. Yeah. I don't like it at home, Matt.

What's happening? Well, no, Garrett was 100% right. Stop, Garrett. You know, after a couple weeks of doing this, my wife is now kind of on muffin as well. Matt, shut up. Matt, muffin man, you're about to get in trouble. He's very sensitive today.

You heard him. It's not her. It's just like, you know, it's our show. It's got a TH at the end. It's Gareth. Like I know that you're used to your double T at your name and that's fine for you. You're a Matt.

It's got a heart. Mine is Welsh. It's a Gareth. So I'm excited to help you, but I'm just saying if we got name issues, you don't like being the muffin man. I'm not gonna get painted into a Garrett corner. You seem super good.

Three, two, one, and back to you, Matt, go ahead. Hey, Matt, I'm sorry about that, but I wanna let you know, mostly we cut that stuff out. That's the other Garrett. Garrett is serious. Don't mow. Don't mow out. He calls me mow from the three stooges.

He likes to clunk, he clunks heads together all the time. All right, so Matt, explain to us what's going on at home with this muffin man stuff. Well, you know, I don't I don't mind buying muffins for my wife whatsoever. I think there's a little bit of miscommunication there. But now with buying muffins for the office and her, and it's starting to weigh on me with how many muffins I'm buying for everybody. Can I ask you a question? But if it's economic, that's a different thing.

Totally. So I'm trying to get to the bottom because he says A and B columns. Are you going to one place for all these muffins? Is there a place that you're walking into where they're like, Jesus Christ? How many muffins are we talking a week? I actually, there's a couple of local places out here that I try to mix it up because I'm eating these muffins

Do and I'm getting tired of them and I try to change it up on my end It's like an alcoholic going to five different stores for his booze so they don't judge him And so roughly I just just because Matt I know I'm going back to ask it But it's truly a weird setup and I don't mean that as a bad way So you started buying muffins roughly give me a number per week Are we talking a hundred dollars for the muffins thirty dollars for the man? We don't know the Dollar. Oh, yeah, are we in the grand? Yeah, where are we at a week on muffins? Not the muffins? You're buying at home I'm a couple hundred dollars in the red for muffins for the office okay that's a lot couple hundred

two couple hundred seven two couple hundred they're gonna take your thumbs probably between five and a gram a month shit no total yeah definitely not every week okay so you're basically spending around 50 bucks a week on muffins muffins or what 600 bucks a piece And my muffins, what are you talking? Also, I don't know why this is just me personally if you don't mind me jumping in What is your favorite kind of muffin? Thank you, buddy I'm a fan of the banana night. I'm a big fan of that one What you don't like that? I was 100% on his side until that until that now I'm a fan of the banana nut. I'm a big fan of that one. Nice. That's a great muffin. What?

You don't like that? I was 100% on his side until that until that. And now I'm like 99. What are, what muffin are you after? What do you go for? Corn. Interesting. Whoa.

No, I thought for sure you're going to say blueberry blueberry. It feels like sugar chunks on top. That looked like big things of salt. I'll take it. I won't kick that out of bed. I wouldn't kick that muffin out of bed. Matthew back to you. I mean like big things assault. I'll take it Matthew back to you So is this and then we're gonna start pitching but is this about the money or is this? About the name because here's one way to solve the problem if you're like, I don't want to be the muffin man cold turkey

You break you just don't know you're eight pounds of cold You bring you just don't know you're very eight pounds of cold Yeah, you just bring turkey you know stare into everyone's eyes use you mean it you say I am no longer the mum I'm up you get emotional right stop it stop it, but get some tears going what's gonna happen is if you you have now Fed them right you have now become something they love them off for it Yeah, so if you don't want to be this you're taking away something that they all like I think and I could be wrong a Lot of this is about the money No, I honestly I think you're right. I think that might be the primary issue. I just I think the Muffin Man Moniker is kind of just has this weight behind it that that the money has to go with it

Yeah, I think I got a dump it as well, but I don't think that's true I think we can pitch on that. But I need to know, would you be happy staying the muffin man if we solved the money problem? Sure. Yeah. OK. See?

OK, now we're clear. So now we got to pitch on ways for the company and other people to pay the muffins, pay for the muffins that the muffin man brings. Well, that's your pitch then Are you talking about a how do we yes, maybe well, I got another you have something bobby you want to go the first? thing I thought Is you a muffin jar your cup like it's it that's it if you're you're coming on if this was me

Yes, if I was in this predicament. Yeah, I'm spending a couple extra bucks. Yeah, you gotta Gotta spend money. You make money. Great. So everybody says that in the business Just alone. Yeah, the list goes on Three daughters his three daughters Hogan Muscley white guys from the 80s Jake the snake, Jake, the snake, Robert, Steven Seagal. Anyway, your dog.

Don't get dumb. Sorry, man. We've gone off. If this was me. Yeah, I would dress up in a costume as the Muffin Man. Oh, yeah. Music. Yes. The Muffin Man song. I'm coming in with a tray of muffins, everyone thinks like he's stepping it up. But the muffins this time have receipts.

Ha ha ha ha. Stuffed in them. Whoa, that is aggressive. And I go, you're welcome from the Muffin Man. If you enjoy the Muffin Man, help me pay for it. Goodbye, see you next time, maybe. They're gonna take my house. That is a wild end to the beginning of that pitch.

That's what I would have done. Okay, so Matt, what about the world of something there about, you know, we're gonna find ways that you can ask people for money. Is there any world you're the kind of guy that you're gonna know, we're going to find ways that you can ask people for money. Is there any world you're the kind of guy that you're going to dress up like the Muffin Man? You're going to put some tunes on, you're going to have a tray, you're going to hand somebody their blueberry and then when they have it, there's going to be even in the center of the month. Yeah. Yeah. When you hear something like that, what's

your first thought? Well, this is a relatively new job and it's kind of a Button-up tie job. So I don't know how likely it is. I'm gonna walk in with muffins. She with a entrance song. Okay. All right But I get it. I'm just saying that's what I would do. I always love to have a Willy Wonka of muffins Yeah, car, correct thinking. Okay. What I would do is First of all, I think I like the idea Maybe you don't have to dress up and play a song, but you could have like a muffin man jacket. You could have something bedazzled, you could get a little something on the back, and why

don't we just go from weekly to monthly? And there's one Monday a month where you're the muffin man, you bring them in, we're eliminating three of those weeks, and you let people know that you just, it is financial. I think if I worked with someone and they were like, I don't have a muffin budget, I'd be like. I've got a pitch kind of like where Gareth was started. I would consider, the muffin man's funny, it's fun, everybody likes the muffin man.

We all love the muffin man. Everybody understands it costs money. I would write a formal formal jokey email saying, there has been complications in the world of the monthly man's economics. The Muffin Man does not wanna stop, but what we are looking for is similar to people sponsoring sections of the highway.

We are going to start a thing where we need people to sponsor each Monday. Yeah. And so that the Muffin Man, there'll be like a little outside on paper you print out, they go like, this week's Muffin's presented by Janice in accounting. That's good. I like that. Get a little muffin crumb.

Yeah. Get a little muffin crumb. And you pass it off every week. And so the Muffin Man, you are the CEO of Muffin Monday, but each week you are passing it to somebody new It's like Santa and mall Santa. Yes, you are franchise. You know what it is. It's Santa. It's franchising out It's each week. There is a new Muffin man, but you're the muffin man because it all goes Yeah, what do you think and in our hearts and minds and what we could do if you would do this is we could make a pitch

Right now that you could email to all the employees about spreading the sponsorship around We all love the muffin man. I love being the muffin man. I want you to experience what it's like being the muffin man monetarily. Yes. Yes. What do you think of something like this? Would that fly? Would you actually do it?

Because if we're gonna do it, we need a follow-up on something like this. So is this a reality? Absolutely, yeah. I have people and kind of a team's message that I could kind of send out like a mass Muffin man teams message. I can do that. How many people are we talking you're gonna send it to? There's about 20 people

That are part of it, but it's it's more that participate in it So question for you then the best way to do so is this a road you're gonna go down? Sure. Yeah, I think that's a that's a idea. Now question before we get into how we do it. Would you rather a written thing you send or do you want a video we make right now and in that chat you send a video? Bobby, go ahead. I was just about to say I will,

I'm okay with saying this, I would like to sponsor the next round of muffins. Wow. Interesting. Wow. I'll sponsor the next one. Throw that in there. Throw that in there. Yeah. Good for you guys. That's what we could. Now we can do that.

The first two Mondays. Yes, Muffin Man. Our guest. And now what on the spreadsheet you're looking for the third. So that the bit that's actually really fun because the first one being sponsored by Bobby, second one for Jake, the third one by the show, and then the fourth one we're looking for somebody. Yeah. And you create a spreadsheet so the first three are already sponsored. Genius. Go ahead. Now we're taking the, we're taking the blame. Yes and it's now a funny thing they go

what the fuck? Mm-hmm. I'm sending all porn by the way. No, I'm just kidding. No, actually I like that too. They get to pick them up. I'm sending all porn, by the way. No, I'm just kidding. Actually, I like that, too. They get to pick them up. Yes. Whoever's about their question, Matt, does the person sponsoring, do they do everything or do they just venue you the money? But you're still the muffin man who goes. Yeah, right. Are you still logistic?

Because it's a different animal that I like that. Matt, are you comfortable still being the muffin man? But somebody else is just greasing the way. So you're going to go pick up the muffins. Matt, are you comfortable still being the muffin man, but somebody else is just greasing the wheels? So you're gonna go pick up the muffins. Buttering the muffins. Yes, so on the thing, you're putting your Venmo and you're saying the muffins per week cost 40 bucks.

Sponsored this week by Bobby, the next week by Jake, the third week by We're Here to Help. We have a spreadsheet, we need to sign up for it. All I need is the money whenever, but I will pick up the muffins, I will get the muffins, but this week it's sponsored. You remember what you said about the tarantula? That just happened with the muffins.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just now, that's where I was like, this is that. This is the, a lot of muffins. It's a lot of muffins. Yeah. We've said muffin a lot of times. What do you think of that, my man? I think that's a great idea, let's do it. Do you want to start putting the email together? You want to write it on your own and send it back to us?

How do you want to do it? Yeah, if you guys want to pitch something I could kind of write it down and then send it to you guys and then Yeah, and then send it out to the company. Do we want to do a really quick? Verbal what that email looks like or do we want to just do a quick video attack on the end to talk about how we're gonna be the first three sponsors right here. So Matt, is there an ability on your phone to send a video if we send it to you?

Yeah, no, I think I can do that, yeah. Okay, great. So what, and your real name is Matt, yes? It is my real name, yeah. And the name of the company, well actually we don't need that. Okay yeah so we are gonna talk to camera, yeah you're gonna put together some version. This will be at the end of the email. Yes or however you want to do it my man. Okay. But yes it's gonna be you're gonna send something

out with this. I think it's yeah just for the co- I think we could say we're excited to be involved in the Matt Muffin Man project. Yeah let's pitch it a little bit too so they get what's happening. Yeah, okay All right. We all set. Yeah. Mm-hmm. All right, Matt If you want to chime in to feel free, okay. Yeah, go ahead three Bobby you want to start us? Yeah, how would you like me just just? To Hi Matt's colleagues.

My name is Bobby Moyhan. My name is Jake Johnson. Hi, I'm Garrett Reynolds. And we have something we'd like to talk to you about. Yeah, that's become an issue for our friend, Matt, but it's something you guys have all benefited from, but so has Matt. Well, look, we all love Muffin Monday. I mean, it's a reason to go into work.

It's awesome. It's great It's just the financials of it are not adding up long term Yeah, and this is not something Matt's mad about he's just feeling at the end of the road He's gonna have to stop doing something he loves and that you love so we decided to jump in with an idea Bobby you want to jump in and say what you first said I want to say that Being the muffin man is hard. Yeah being the muffin man is a responsibility of joy and Muffinery, yeah, yeah and

the only problem With being the muffin man is the financial responsibility. Yeah Which is why you have offered to start a new trend. I wanna be the muffin man. Nope. What? I wanna be the muffin man for a week. Yeah.

And how would you do that? I'm buying the muffins this week, guys. What? I'm the muffin man this week. And then wait a second, so you would Venmo Matt something like 40 bucks and then he'll pick up the muffins I'll cash out. I'll do whatever app you know, what Bobby I'm gonna do it the second week I would love to sponsor at this company. Don't you feel great right now?

You're the muffin. I feel like the muffin man. Yeah, and let me jump in the third week Someone else is gonna do it carrot and that person Garrett might do it That's not my name. And so what we're looking for for this, for you guys as a company is to, we're going to send out a spreadsheet and we need people to sign up for the week that you are sponsoring like a section of highway, the muffins, the week that you want get to be the muffin man in here. And Matt has said, because he's a great guy, he'll pick up the muffins. He'll bring the muffins.

He'll do all the muffin stuff, but it will be sponsored by you. So what do you say, everybody? Can we fill this Excel spreadsheet up? Can we all be the muffin man for once? Hey, without the muffin man, we'll have a nothing man. Hey, Matt, what do you think, buddy? I think that's a terrific idea. Thank you everybody. I really appreciate it So here's what we need from you my friend muffins. We need no we need a photo of the screen grab of this being set and some of the responses. Yep and your feet

And then send your Venmo or whatever to Kevin and we're gonna sponsor the first guy. Okay, you got it. Thanks buddy. Great call. All right, Matt Good luck. Thank you guys. Appreciate it. Big fan. I love you guys. Thank you This episode of we're here to help is brought to you by Kleenex This episode of we're here to help is brought to you by Kleenex ultra soft tissues your ally to help tackle your allergy Symptoms this season Garf. We've said it, but if you're gonna buy Kleenex by Kleenex well, yeah, if you're gonna wipe your nose with anything go with you. Do you have allergies? I do yeah I get horrible horrible allergies, and there's nothing worse than what you look like your WC feels. It's not cool, it's not a good look. You're like, hey babe, I was outside, I ran around the

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right now is in the late 90s, an oil substitute called Elestra exploded onto the market. And the idea was basically that you could eat as many snacks as you wanted without gaining any weight, but there were a few catches. That's what I'm saying. This show is very funny. But anyway, like I said, this is a great podcast. It's called The Big Flop. It's hosted by Misha Brown. And to hear the full story of Elestra, follow The Big Flop on the Wondry app or wherever you get your podcasts. And you can listen to The Big Flop early and ad free right now by joining One Dream Plus. Be a better you in 2024 with Babbel, the science-backed language learning app that actually works. So stop paying hundreds of dollars for private tutors or waste hours on apps that really don't help you speak the dang old language. Garf Man, what do you think? Well, I think the fact that always jumped

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Get with me. Rules and restrictions may apply. You know I'm here, Jake. You don't even need to pass me the ball. I'll shoot. My God. My God. My God.

My God. My God. My God. My God. Hello. Hi. Hi. Welcome to We're Here to Help, America's number one podcast.

Don't look it up, that's what we say here Bobby. Um You've got well, first of all, can we get your name age where you're calling from and then I'll tell you the great news My name is Sarah and I am 22 calling from Chicago area We got to do it. We're in Chicago. I Am from like right outside of like the suburbs area. I go to college at Elmhurst University. Oh Elmhurst of course. And how we feeling about Caleb Williams? All right we gotta get to the call Sarah. Thanks so much Jake. Well Sarah listen you got Jake who's obviously ready to meander. You've got me.

But we actually have a guest helper this week. We're very excited. You know him, you love him, he loves the Chicagoland area. Welcome to the show. To help you, Sarah, Bobby Moynihan, keep it going. Wow. I gotta say, SNL's drunk uncle, which was just a banger of a character. Thanks, man. Just a banger.

That's what Lauren used to say. You really? Such a banger. What? Bobby's got a banger. Oh my God, did you see that? Bobby did such a b say. You're such a banger All right, Sarah, what can we do for you today? What is the problem? Oh, all right. Well, I have a neighbor who loves Chainsaws Wow, what a crazy start. This is the best show Okay, okay This is the best show ever. Okay. Okay.

That's not great. So about it, about a year ago we got new neighbors and we've been really lucky with like fantastic neighbors, but they're interesting. Like they had weird quirks. They were kind of abrasive. They did weird stuff. Um, but then they became obnoxious. The new neighbors were kind of weird, kind of abrasive and then they did weird stuff Yeah, all right walk us through it the last summer

They this log appears in the front yard and it's like a huge like it looks like a tree But like they took the top and the bottom off it was insane. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, we were like, okay Maybe new lawn decoration. This is a bit odd Yeah, we were like, okay, maybe new lawn decoration. This is a bit odd, but then they proceeded to get out a janky and I swear on sharpened chainsaw and for hours this summer, like would hack at this log, just going to town and this log would make zero progress. It would be like two hours and I swear the chainsaw wouldn't have moved. When you say, when, okay, huge log. And what is the setup here? Like they are like, are you in a house

or in an apartment complex? What is the sort of setup? House, house. So it's like a suburban neighborhood. It's not like a farm. In their yard, they have an enormous log. And a weak chainsaw. That they're just chipping at away with a chainsaw that's on sharpened potential. So they have a weak chainsaw, they're going two hours a day, then what?

I would say more, more than two hours. Jesus. But, so yeah, so that was last summer. Now it's this summer. And they got a new shipment. I sent you guys a picture in the email. A new shipment of logs? It's a pile of logs. It's a pile of logs.

It's a pile of logs. Okay, so what we're seeing is, yeah, you're not lying. Those are just logs. Oh yeah. There's probably 16 logs. It's insane. Yeah, okay. And it appeared overnight.

I don't know where these from come from. Yeah, those are stereotypical logs. Yeah, those are logs. Those are logs. Those are logs. Absolutely logs. So they got about 16 logs. Now, are they sculptors?

Are they wood sculptors? Because what they might be making like bears and raccoons out of those logs. Is there a giant fireplace in their house? That's what I've wondered. Do they have a sauna? Ooh, a sauna. No, no.

So we did ask them about it. We tried talking to them. What a great ask. It's loud. It's disruptive. And sawdust was like getting on our cars. It was all over our porch. Our porch furniture was covered in sawdust.

So we asked them about it, and apparently their side hustle is making those log slab things that you make tables out of. Oh, right, okay. I understand. But they're using a chainsaw to do it? They don't have a table saw? Yeah, right. I don't they're using a chainsaw to do it. They don't have like a table saw. Yeah, right

I don't know. Okay, so basically what's happening when you say weird neighbors Give us an age and a vibe, but we talk in 70 and ponytails. We talking 25 and tattoos I'm picturing you're talking a crazy person. Yeah. Yeah, I'm picturing me Me and my wife like like, it's pretty cool. It's a midlife issue. And she's like, I don't know what. I pictured, this is gonna sound absolutely insane. I pictured like a young sloth from McGoonies. Oh wow.

That's what I pictured. Garrah said you're a Jake. You're not far off. Okay, so. Jake with a little bit of work. Yeah, exactly. So Sarah, walk us through who are these people? Okay, so it's a husband and wife, and then they have about like a four year old son.

Interesting. And yeah, they they look kind of like people that like would go to bullfights and rodeos. OK, that's the best way I can describe them. I got you. They got a little bit of a country to a Chicago land area, Elmhurst zone. Yeah, yeah, which, yeah which isn't common for this area. Right, but what they need is land. They do.

Because this is very normal if you got two and a half acres and by one of your weird barns, you're doing something weird with logs. It's a little, it's less cool in suburbia. Yeah, that's a backyard activity. That's a backyard, with a big backyard. At minimum, yeah. I totally support it as a hobby.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, just not in suburbia. Yes, what a clean-up regimen Yeah, they need a system. They need a tent. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. What? What do you like as far as their vibe? Do you like them or you able to communicate with them? She said abrasive and weird at the beginning so it's like not good at all. Yeah, they don't like us You don't they don't like they out Hmm and they have a backyard they do know they have a backyard a huge backyard I was there this is gonna be hard to pitch on Yeah, because here's what we got to be careful of now that we've been doing this for a little bit

We're not gonna pitch you too crazy and I'll tell you why we don't want to put you in a bad spot Because you might be dealing with a little bit of trouble now we are gonna pitch you but You might be dealing with a little bit of trouble. Now, we are gonna pitch ya, but just as a disclaimer at the beginning, there's a great old saying, and that is don't shit where you eat. And you are neighbors.

Are you renting or do you own? Own, yeah, that's a tough spot that we're in. We don't wanna make enemies. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So while we pitch guys, we have to think about how do we make this weird cowboy guy not get mad, but just understand it's a little weird. So there's a back, I agree, I agree.

This is such a fine line. It's a fine line, it's a fine, yes. Now they have a backyard. They don't do this at all in the backyard. They do this on the front yard. Yeah. They probably have like a kid's toy stuff in the backyard. They don't want sawdust all over it. Well, yeah, have like a kid's toy stuff in the backyard. They don't

Yeah, I mean I get it I get that problem so Sarah what is the specific question? I think we have a pretty clean set up here. Yeah, so the question I mean ideal situation I would love for him to not do it. I don't think that's gonna happen I don't know if it could maybe be lessened if it could be a little bit less obnoxious Yeah, yeah, I guess like ideally I'd love it to like stop. Yes. You got other neighbors on the other side of this, these people. So, yeah, there's like I would say there's one across the street and then there's like two other houses. How are they feeling about this?

I know they don't. Yeah. Do you have like teammates in this? I mean, we could maybe make teammates. I feel like we, the neighbors across the street, we had like, have an okay relationship and the ones down the street are pretty new. Like we don't know them super well. Question for you, Sarah, what time of day is this chainsaw happening? Do you have kids?

What's the, uh, what's the world of noise? Are we talking at noon? Are we talking 6 a.m.? Where are we at here? It's always like weekdays and it's usually like 7 p.m. Sometimes so like 9 p.m. Right when you want to zone out watch a little TV and eat spaghetti. Oh, yeah You're super specific. I haven't had breakfast. I know, but for spaghetti to be the first thing you think. I'm talking at Chicagoland area. I want to pop it.

Everybody sits down at 8 p.m. watches the Cosby show and has spaghetti. You can't be cutting wood right now. We're the big thing of white bread. No, a slab of butter. A glass of milk. I'm so hungry. I'm starving.

I would eat all of that right now. And whoever made the garlic bread, I'd go like, thank you so much to somebody else's grandma. Sarah, we love the plot a little bit over here, but we're gonna get back on track. Jake obviously is having some dietary issues. I think you should dress up in a costume. As a meatball. And let Jake eat you. Okay, so it's at night, it's 7 at night, which means he's got another job during the day. So saying, can you do it during the day?

It's just not going to work. Going to his house saying it's a little bit of much, he's going to go, okay. How much of your problem gets resolved noise-wise nothing, but if he moves to the backyard? I mean, at least it would get rid of the sawdust problem. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, it all sucks. So the idea of the beginning of the pitch, it's a little bit of a weird one, but I think we could get there. Well, you've got to pick a line because I think to your point, right, you don't want

to cause, you don't want to cause- You don't want trouble. However, if you want to go a weird route, you can't engage prior. Like let's say you want to get a couple other neighbors on board and maybe there's a noise complaint at some time. You don't wanna be associated with that in any way. So if we wanna go that route, it's essential. Yeah, you don't wanna say anything upfront. So what do you think about that

just as a light nuclear pitch up top? I think that's a solid idea. You're talking, the pitch is bringing neighbors involved? The pitch is talk to the neighbors, create a little bit of murky the waters a little bit and then when they get crazy and it's 930 p.m. And they're fucking Chainsawing logs in the backyard you call the cops or you post on next door you do some version so This is the idea of you know Starting a coup. Yes, right. Well, it's. Right? Well it's an uprising.

It's an uprising. It's January 6th. Yeah. See you later, Bobby. Thanks for coming. Because I said. Wow. You're viewing the chainsaw neighbor as the king.

The king hasn't been great and the people slowly start going around the castle saying like. It's spaghetti time, let us live. What do you think of these taxes? You like them? Cause I don't. Yeah.

Right, that's a move. I would go, I'm gonna pitch something a little bit different. I would consider going there and saying, I come with, you know, a flower or something nice and saying, I've got something in two parts for you. A single rose? A single rose and saying, I've got something in two parts for you. A single rose? A single rose and saying. I choose you.

One, I would love to buy a table from you. Two, I'm begging you to move your operation in your backyard because the sawdust is coming all over our porch and into our house. I have bad allergies and the dust is really triggering them, or I have asthma. Sometimes a little lie goes a long way, but my asthma is getting really bad,

and I just saw a doctor and they said, is there sawdust? Is anyone next to you cutting wood? Yes. Anyone near you making niche table? Yeah, and with that in mind, so it's not aggressive, you could say, the last thing I'm doing is asking you to stop doing what you're doing.

With that in mind, I'd like to purchase a goddamn table, Frank. That's a genius move. But could you do me a favor and move it to the backyard? That's the move. Volunteer your husband to help move the logs with him so that it's a community, we are friends, so that he could start texting. We have a neighbor for a little bit near a cabin we had where the guy was partying a lot and I wasn't going out there a lot but

when I'd go up there with my kids we couldn't leave the windows open because he was partying. So we just started texting. I'd be like, next weekend we're gonna be up there and he'd go, great I'll be gone by this and we just communicated. So if I'm not there, party your balls off. Is it every night they're, they're doing the wood. So yeah, so last summer I would say it wasn't every night, but it was like almost every week night. Like it was awesome because the chainsaw was so bad.

And this has been going on for how long? This was last summer and then now they're still doing summer and that was only one log and now they have the children What do you think about is crazy? What do you think about the idea? Table asking for backyard. Is that a reality? I think I think that's a solid plan I don't know if I want to buy a table from them. I really love like that doctors pitch I just I don't know what I do with a tape. Okay, so then there's the doctor the lie then there's another thing I got another one. No, mine is not gonna have I think I have one I

Find with neighbors and stuff. It's good to get a note or something because you get to process everything on your own. Yeah Being confronted at a door is a very scary thing, especially to your home. Because you could also get a door slam, you could get anything. So I think you write a note that just says, maybe even, like I was going to say this, like a note that says, Hey, we've heard or something, even like we see your business is doing great. You seem to be, you know, getting more to our tables made. Congratulations. Yeah. The neighbors in the community were wondering if you could bring it

maybe to the backyard or just let us know when you're going to start. So that we can take, like, maybe we can put a tarp up or something because I don't know if you know this. Yes. But you are the sawdust is getting all over our stuff. Are you so so we are willing to you know I didn't know if you knew this. So we're coming to tell you this so we can put up a let us know when you start and we'll like you know yes we'll take a precaution

or if it's easier for you, could you bring it to the backyard, we'll all help you, we're so happy for you, congratulations. You don't have to buy a table. Also, here's a couple cans of WD-40 because your chainsaw's stupid. Yeah. So what are, a note's an interesting idea,

especially if it's nice. Are we signing the note or is this? I was sorry. Sorry. Sorry. The most important thing in my mind is you sign it from like from the neighbors. I like that. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. OK, yeah, I would put something on there just because me specifically. I would say on there, if there's anything you want to discuss and put a direct line so it's not like, it's like, I'm not afraid of you. Because I don't like-

Here's all our emails. I don't know if you can go that far. But if you want to talk, we didn't want to confront you, we didn't want to make you uncomfortable. If you want to talk, I'm happy to do it face to face and come up with a solution here. I think maybe what you do is the first part of Bobby's pitch. I like that. It's the neighbors. This is an unsigned note just from the community.

I would say there's sawdust is kind of spreading throughout the area a little bit. Can we move it to the back? He may even include pictures. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Interesting. Keep an eye on it for a week. If they don't stop, that's when you can maybe go over and have the follow up conversation with a little more specific. There's also another one that's a little bit wilder.

Steal the logs. Well, he can also just get new ones, then it could get really crazy. But you could pull around and ask and you could just buy him a new chainsaw. Chainsaw is going to cost you under 200 bucks. Just leave it on their lawn. Just leave it on their lawn and say, here's your backyard chainsaw. Here's your backyard, only to be used in the backyard or we take it back.

Yeah. Oh, this is not yours, this is a rental. This belongs to the community. This belongs to the community, the front yard is killing us. Yes. And it's anonymous. So that he goes, fuck these people.

Then he goes, it was nice they got me a new chainsaw. And then in the back of his head he goes, the other chainsaw was pretty loud. It was pretty nuts that I was doing that. So, boy, what a problem. Yeah, so is there a way to program a chainsaw to only work between two or three? AI chainsaws of the future?

Yeah, you gotta get the quiet hours chainsaw. But it's on a lock in the community and someone comes unlocks it. Wait, did you flip the respect switch? We'll have the muffin man come on. So, Sarah, here's where we're kind of at with you. The idea of creating a community, talking to neighbors, the idea of letting him know that you went to a doctor,

the lie that your asthma's really bad is real, and I would say don't talk to him, talk to his wife, and you go to the wife and you say like, hey, Bob, bring cookies and go Just wondering if you guys could help with this. I got asthma my doctor said bring cookies with sawdust Yeah, sorry. I made him last night and that it's getting bad and that you guys could help me a lot if you moved it to The backyard three buy a new chainsaw four leave a note from the community Saying we're very happy, business is good.

We are asking if you're willing to move it to the backyard because the sawdust is kind of getting all over our stuff. We don't want to, this isn't us saying stop. We understand you're making money and we're happy for you, but could you do us that favor? Here's our emails or individuals. We're willing to work with you. Willing to work with you.

Where are you feeling, Sarah? Where are you at here? Well, first off, you have some amazing pitches and I kind of like a, like a combination of them. I definitely think like step one is maybe band the neighbors together. Okay. Be where their head is at. Cause then it's not just us that are, you know, upset by this.

Okay. Um, and then like, I think step two, I like your note. Yeah. Okay. You like, so you like the note. Okay. So your first step is you're going to talk to the neighbors. Then you're going to have a draft of a note that everybody cosigns on.

Yeah. I like that. I like the idea of everyone cosigning the note, asking them to move it to the backyard. Okay. I might even throw in there, maybe not buying them a chainsaw, but like here's this really cool chain So I looked up and it's electric and it's really quiet and maybe you should buy it Gotta say be careful Be careful with if you're gonna do that you make the note you just cut out letters from a magazine when you put the note

Threatening and murderous cuz the only thing I'm going to say is, you're going down a path. This is a fine line. You're walking on a little spaghetti noodle here, okay? Jesus Christ, just have pasta. Well, I mean, what is this? Do you want to... We started early today.

I had to rush out of the house. I said, little spaghetti. And I got here way too early. What you have here is a penne problem. Yeah. You're looking at a situation What you have here is a pen a problem You're looking at a situation where you're living on a ravioli, but you don't want So just be careful. Okay, so this could become a spicy or a biada Fair point fair point, but so the idea of the chainsaw is a maybe but I think you got gotta be more cool with them. If you're banded together behind their back, fine.

If you write a note, fine. Keep it really nice, very clear. We're all happy for you. We're happy to do this face to face, but we didn't wanna confront you and make you get on the defensive. We're just asking you to move to the backyard. Because the noise is pretty intense,

and the saw dust is extremely intense, and we all think that this would help the situation for all of us But you do it at respectful hours seven to nine is not insane So, you know obviously and the police won't back you up if they want to do it from seven to nine they can So yeah, what else do you think sarah? What else you're gonna do? I mean, yeah, no, I think I think you're definitely on the right angle I think I want to be like as polite as possible I think i'll like let them know like yeah, if you want to talk in person

We're happy or kind of like you said maybe it's like things don't change because of the note Maybe just try to bring it up nicely I think that's right and I have a suggestion too about the buying the table thing I think the buying the table thing is a really smart thing. Maybe some people aren't in Maybe they don't want a table. Maybe they don't want to buy a table. But I think saying this sentence and who knows, maybe if you bring it in the backyard, we would be inclined to buy some table.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like incentive. A little bribery. If you do it, maybe we would, you know, also, we like you enough. Yeah. That we could maybe buy one. Yeah, I like maybe it would help I like the warmth of that. I like the zone of it as That crazy guy with the chainsaw. Mm-hmm. I'm a little triggered by that because then I go I do enough on Etsy man I don't need your money. I'll take that. It's very lucky that we have a

Different POVs. Yes. No, no, no young Psychopath in the room. Yeah, cuz I would go. No, no, no, no. Young Swav. It's that we have a psychopath in the room. Yeah. Because I would go, if I got that, they'd go, maybe I'll buy it, I'll go, I sold 16 tables in the last quarter on Etsy, I don't need you, you know what? I don't need your money.

I don't need your money, I don't need it. I get that. I'm fine, I'm fine. Scratch that, I apologize. But the idea of kindness, openness, we might purchase, we're into you and your business, just put all the pressure on them. If there's an asshole, it's them.

It's not this community of suburbanites. I think that's right. Sarah, what are you gonna do? Walk us through the end of this, how you're gonna do it, what you're gonna do, that we're gonna send you off with good luck. I think it's a solid plan. I think I'm gonna do that.

I think I'm gonna talk to some people. Put a really, really nice letter together, you know? To be like, from one artist to another, I really appreciate your work. It looks really cool when it's done, but yeah, just politely say, like, if you could move it to the backyard, I think we'd all really appreciate it. From one artist to another. I love it. And also, your work looks really good.

And also, when you said back was the first time you sounded like you were from the Chicagoland area. Yeah. So we believe you now. You held it together till the very end. Way to go. You were like, yeah, I'm from the Chicagoland area. From the back yard, I mean. That's where I'll be back. Sarah, we appreciate the call. Good luck. Let us know how it goes.

Yeah, be smooth on this one. Will do. Thank you guys so much. Thank you, Sarah. Appreciate you. This episode is brought to you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. This episode is brought to you by Dewar. Dewar is a clothing company that the Garf Man and I now wear quite a bit. Quickly, the story with this is you picked out an outfit and then you picked out an outfit for me

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Also, slow down, Kevin. Kevin. Leans all the way back in my chair. Pretty cool. Oh boy, that just happened, everybody. The most aggressive, weird overlap of the history of We're Here to Help. All right, so head to squarespace.com slash Kevin freaked out during this ad company.

Squarespace.com slash Gil sent me to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or doname using the code Gil sent me. Hi, can you hear me? Hi, yes. Can you hear us? Yeah, I can hear you just fine. How are you? I'm great. Then we have a podcast. Welcome to We're Here to Help. You're on with Jake and Gareth, and we have Kevin Bartelt on the ones and twos. He's an espresso man.

A.K.A. Kevin Bartlett. Bartlett, hunk of the show, dropping LBs. AKA the wrong way to pronounce it. Looking good, either way. Mr. Bartlett. Mr. Bartlett. Doesn't follow us on Instagram. Can we get your name, age,

and where you're calling from, please? Yeah, my name is Matt. I'm actually calling from Phoenix, Arizona. I'm actually following up on a previous call I had with you guys, I I believe a couple weeks ago. Why don't you remind us what the original one was? I think I called you guys about a little financial problem I was having under the moniker of Muffin Man. You guys remember that? Yes, of course we remember the Muffin Man. Muffin Man with Bobby Moynihan. Yeah, you were-

That's right. You were, you bought people muffins at work, but you didn't want to do it all the time. Is that correct? Yes, that's 100% correct. Okay, so what's the update? Well, the pitch was that Bobby and you guys kind of set up like kind of a little PSA where you all kind of stepped in and said, you know, my friends basically how I felt. Right. We sent a video. Yeah, so it was that little

video that I was able to to show some co-workers over here on my end and they just absolutely got a kick out of it. Great. And it actually ended up going well to a point where a lot of people started participating. The Teams chat kind of turned into the Muffin Men, plural for men. So it turned out very well, you know, and it became such a huge hit. It became more than things as like muffins, pastries, cookies, just kind of whatever people kind of thought, but it kind of turned into a new problem where now I've kind of lost the, uh, the nickname of muffin man. I'm no longer not a muffin man. I'm just one of the muffin men.

You got to cool it. You are looking for problems. If that's this car. No, no way, Gareth. We're not going down this road. Hey, hey, we're on his team, aren't we? Yeah, I guess so. All right, listen. All right.

Okay, so, so to condense it, you, the moniker that you grew to hate, you now kind of miss a little bit and kind of separated you from the pack a little bit, huh? Yeah, we kind of spoke about that last time. It's really the finance issue. That was the thing I was primarily having a problem with, but I was kind of starting to dig the nickname. And now I'm just, you know, I'm just one of a dozen, you know? You can't make omelets without cracking a few eggs. It's true. I'm not sure what it means now, but it's true. It means you fixed a problem, but something broke. You're not the muffin man.

You're just one of the muffin men. Look, I love a co-op and that's great. But I think there is something you did have a month. Look, even if you watch The Grateful Dead, you know, Jerry Garcia is the leader. Do you feel like nobody knows you're the guy who started the fire? Yeah, because guys like Eric Edelstein are going to John Mayer shows and calling him the Grateful Dead now. Oh, come on.

And that's what happened. A bunch of people who just like John Mayer are like, I'm a dead head. And Jerry Garcia's in, you being like, there was a thing that started in the late 60s in San Francisco and they go like, I love your bodies of wonderland. So, but guess what?

You wanna keep touring as the dead and have a bunch of people in tie-dyes getting high, you your body's a wonderland. So, but guess what? You wanna keep touring as the dead and have a bunch of people in tie-dyes getting high, you're gonna crack a few eggs, but you will have an omelet. But you're not the muffin man. Yeah, yeah, it's a bummer. It's a bummer. I don't know, listen. But also, god damn it. We can't random a little bit.

But this was such a win. It is a win, and we'll take the win. You wanted to save money. We made a video such a win. It is a win. I'm gonna take the win. You wanted to save money Work this is not a sad call. It's not a good call He's sad listen to his tone muffin Matt tell him tell him that you're not sad you're happy we helped you Yeah, I'm not sad at all. Your guys' pitch worked flawlessly. This is a tiny, minute problem if any of it. How are you deciding who's going to bring in the pastries for the next week?

It's kind of a discussion over the Teams chat. The Muffin Men discussion. The Teams chat? Yeah. Is that email or is that a group text? It's kind of like a group directory through Microsoft Teams So here's what we're doing. Here's what we're doing muffin man. We're signing off on our emails now muffin man or og muffin man

Okay, we're taking the power back a little bit. That's interesting. I have a pitch to Matt Do you what's the work attire is it like business? Casual like collared shirts and slacks and stuff. Yeah it's a it's collared shirt in ties I think actually Bobby Moyhan stated he wanted me to walk in with like a muffin man outfit like a mascot and I just couldn't I couldn't pull that off. I'll make you a deal, which is my wife is a professional embroiderer. If you can ship me a shirt, I can have her embroider on it. Muffin Man Matt in like a pocket, chest pocket. Nothing like over the top, but just like a subtle reminder to people like who started this.

Yep. That's a great solution. Just something you could wear every couple weeks or something. Yeah. Matt, would you do that and would you wear it every couple of weeks on the Muffin Mondays? Yeah. Absolutely.

You know, I think that's a great idea. Let's get out with a win. Let's get out with a win. Just one more thing. Muffin man. Oh no. Go ahead, Garrett. No, I got nothing.

Other people want the shirts now. Well, I wore it, but then everybody, stop it. I think we made a big ordeal about how we were gonna cover some of these muffin pastry expenses so email us your Venmo too because I think it's a bad look if we're like we got the next one and then we never talked to you again so email us your Venmo and we'll cover the next round. I believe Bobby and Jake both promised. I think I walked away from it

because you got my name wrong. So I'm gonna stick in my zone, but Jake and Bobby definitely owe you something. Garrett, you know it's coming from the bank account which I run, right? This is such bullshit. All right, you get muffled from Garrett. Bye, thank you for the call.

Thank you. See you buddy. Hey everyone, producer Kevin here. This next segment is an edited chat with our guest after the calls. To hear the full extended conversation as well as early access to episodes, you can go to Patreon.com slash here to help pod. Enjoy. Well that's it Bobby.

That's wonderful. I want to know that's it, Bobby. That's wonderful. We're going to ask you some questions. Yeah, the follow ups are the best part. They are. But how was the Seinfeld movie? It was great. It was insane. It's so fun and silly. And and I just saw it again the other

night with a crowd and it's I don't think there's a movie has been made like this in a long time. It's like Cannonball Run. It's just like fun and crazy. Jerry had a joke been made like this in a long time. It's like Cannonball Run It's just like yeah fun and crazy Jerry had a joke about a pop tart in the 70s made a whole movie and what door I think the story was during the pandemic He's like, I just want to make something fun Like just I just want to make I just want to laugh for an hour like, you know hour and a half of just silly

Laughter and that's what it is. It's very and what was he like as a director? It's his first time. I feel like it's his first time. It's Jerry Seinfeld. He does whatever he wants. Like it was it was that part was freeing because it was like no other movie ever because it was a lot of talking about the jokes themselves. And then like someone would come up with a joke and he'd be like, well, we're going to do that. So we'll take an hour break to get that.

Like and it was like that doesn't happen on regular movie sets. Like it was just like it was very everything was the joke Yeah in the moment Whatever Jerry was like it was like lots of conversations and then shooting it it was fascinating and as a guy As a guy like you who's an improviser? Yeah So you are one of the best at in the moment coming up with was that there at all? No, no

Improv whatsoever. I speak Italian throughout the whole movie. No way. So I couldn't improvise. Or if I did, I would have to. I was doing Duolingo. So like if I did, there's I have hundreds of pictures of Jerry showing me a phone because like he would be like, oh, would it be funny if you said this? I'm like, OK, hold on a second.

And like I would have to do it on. I would just go, hey, Siri, how do you say I'm a big weirdo in Italian? then like I would repeat literally repeat it three times They go action and I would do it. Are you kidding me? Yeah, it was nuts. Do you speak Italian? No So you did it all your performance in this was basically sounds every thing I have done in comedy is 32% Italian I feel like it's like any no matter matter what, it seeps in somehow. So it was just the mustache.

It was just, yeah, no, it was, it's, you know, I'm speaking Italian. It was, that was hard. Was not, because like wanting to improvise with Tom Lennon. Yes. And Jerry's in a big comedy, and you're like, I can flex right here and have so much fun.

Yeah, but also Jerry wrote this and stuff. There was not a lot of improvising interest. There was I would say almost not so he's a star I knew what he wanted But if you pitched a joke and he liked when we were just talking like not like while we were shooting Yeah, like he was like that's in that's like he was very like I Improvised during a thing. I had a line where I said, uh-oh and I'm chef boyardee and I just went oh Spaghetti owes and like he was like well, we'll put that in there, right? Like it was very like that Yeah, it was interesting. Will you walk me through just because whenever we've seen each other

It's been at like little festivals or a little thing. Yeah, we hug and say hi Will you walk me through how you got SNL what that process for you? Because I knew you were killing it I knew you were on a bunch of teams. I knew you were doing like Conan bits We were on we were on it We met we were in like a class together and then we got put on a team together And we hung out a bunch and then the next thing I remember was like jake's going to la to write a movie about Einstein or something like that and I was like, oh my god. Like I literally remember being like, yeah, I'm quitting my job.

If he can do it, we can do it guys. Yes. Cause that was literally like a catalyst of like going like, I think I'm going to quit bartending and just try and do UCB. Interesting. Oh yeah. What was your Einstein movie? So I had a movie about Albert Einstein's first wife, who there's theories that I read that she was actually

a big part of all his big ideas. But because of the time as a female, she didn't get any credit. So I got a Sloan Science Fellowship. So I got paid a nice chunk of change to write that movie. But it was right at that era when we all had day jobs, we were all performing, we weren't getting paid. No.

And so I started finding ways like, I gotta start getting paid for it. And also I didn finding ways, like, I gotta start getting paid for it. And also, I didn't have a commercial agent. I had nothing. Yeah, yeah. And so then, SNL kind of reaches out and says, they would, you're willing to, was it audition? It was Shoemaker.

I think, like, I was doing tours with Horatio Sands. I was doing, like, the Improv Kings of Comedy Tour. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, Improv shows, and Mike Shoemaker saw that, and then he came to the buffoons, and I was doing Ask Kat with like Seth and Amy, so like I was around them a lot. I was just like, I think I remember getting a call

saying like, you're on the radar, do you want to send in a tape? And being like, no. Like I'm not ready yet, because I had like, I'd heard stories of like people who sent it in too early, like a year too early or something. Interesting. So I waited a little bit and then I, I didn't say no.

I just, I just stalled for a couple months and then got like a thing together, sent it in. I got, got called in to audition. The first time I auditioned, it was at the, it was in Conan's studio. I think got called in. It was me, Jordan Peele and Donald Glover. The first time I auditioned it was at the it was in Conan studio, okay Got called in it was me Jordan Peele and Donald Glover Are they working? So that's the three it was the three of us what a group

I don't know what I'm I think Jordan's like got it and like wasn't allowed to do it cuz like a mad TV contract I don't know. Yeah, it was not it was not. Yeah. Yeah, it was it was a crazy time He's so good at then like three days later the writer strike happened Oh, so you you did the audition you crushed it. Yes. Okay. Well, hopefully yeah Yeah brought it got brought in and you knew you were how met with Lauren. How nervous were you terrified terrified? Yes, I'm dumb buzzing on Like a home on the subway like looking at people going like do they know I was just sitting next to Lauren Michaels

You don't get a lot of I'm this is not a joke. This is not a joke I went to the deli and he was like, what can I get you? I was like, I'm going to audition for Saturday Night Live Can I have water? Just crazy person lunatic literally out of actually one I have I can use it on me right now in a suit at nine years old with my mom going Bobby I'm going in and me coming out of the bathroom waving doing that when you're walking into the audition is Because the other side of it is while you're in it. It's not it was crazy. It's not determined the first thing right now

Oh, yeah, you could also screw it up right now. Oh, yeah. Oh, you could also screw it up at any day throughout your nine years on the show. So the anxiety never stopped. No, never. Still, still. Interesting. Oh, yeah. I still have SNL nightmares constantly. I'm on the FDR.

I can't I'm not going to make it and I get out and start running. Oh, because every week you have have everything is still have those constantly. Yeah But yeah got a audition for the show thought it was going well literally I think he said the sentence to me I Think we'll start you With Brian Williams and I didn't know what he meant at the time. I was a Brian Williams and I didn't know what he meant at the time, I was like, Brian Williams? And then Brian Williams was like, and then announced as a host. I'm like, soon, and I was like, what?

And then it was the writer's strike. Or it was something about, like, I remember this thing of going like, I think he just told me I got it, but then I went into nine months, or whatever, how long that writer's strike was of just complete radio silence, no clue. No, he actually gave you an official. Never.

That's so. And then nine months later, after the writer strike, it ends, oh, they hired Casey. They were like, we're going to hire Casey Wilson instead. And you know Casey. Yeah. Casey was always around. I don't even remember.

Yeah, I don't even remember the timeline anymore. All I remember was I got a phone call out of nowhere saying, could you come back in next week? And I was like, yeah. For another audition. And a week later. I was on the show Wow, yeah, and what point was it because from the outside it felt like I was really happy when you got it I did feel like holy shit. I didn't realize The kind of people I knew are gonna break through to that and I went like wow Bobby

Absolutely, everything changed almost over very different thing. Well, it's not like I mean mean, like this is gonna, I feel like, I don't know if I've ever said this out loud, it feels like getting on the Yankees. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Like it feels like something different. Yes. Like then like, oh, you got a job or a movie or a TV show or something like that. It felt very different and people definitely started treating me differently and I felt scared around the people

I felt used to feel normal when we got drunk together way back in the day We were driving in the back of some cab. Mm-hmm And it's funny you said the Yankees because it's one of the things I remember is you were breaking our Team down and our group down if we were Yankees Like who was who on the Yankees? Were you used to the way your brand used to work? It's one of my favorite things to do, is Yankees and Muppets.

But you had, it was, I remember sitting there, and I'm like, oh, Bobby's a really smart guy. Because you had everybody, like, where you fit in the world of this scene is if you were a Yankee. Yeah, I still agree. Like, it's like, that's like an improv team. team like you gotta have your shortstop gotta have your outfit your picture You know, I mean you gotta have some new edits. Well, but so you get it and you still were part of the improv scene You were still doing that but the whole world changed for you then once you're on that show

Yeah, first looking back now. I it's funny now like therapy a couple years out two kids Completely different human. Yeah, don't used to talk about it every single day You've had 12 years and now hardly talk about it so when I do talk about it it I used to have a lot of I do talk about it, it I used to have a lot of stock things to say. Yeah, but now it's now all of those have changed. A lot of things have changed about my feelings from that. Yeah. But like it's it's great now because then it was mostly anxiety. And now it's mostly like I can't I had no clue what was happening to me for 10 years.

And I feel like you feel like when you get a job like that, you're like, I did it. It starts now. And like part of me realizes it started the second I left. Right. Like it like, you know what I mean? Where I do like, it's like the second I walked out that door, I went like, oh, that was crazy little kid for 10 years.

I wish I had done that a tiny bit differently. I had a meeting with Chris Elliott, who I'm a huge fan of. And I was just recently, we were on a Zoom and I was just kind of geeking out. And I was like, man, your work on Letterman was so fun. And he goes, I don't really remember any of that. And I was like, that's actually how it is when you get, cause I had that with New Girl was my version of that,

but we didn't know it was the Yankees. We were just like, got a TV show that all of a sudden everybody saw. And I was like, oh, I can't believe I'm not grinding on the outside, which is a role I'm very used to. And I really thought it was always going to be, other people are getting the jobs, and I get the hate from the side a little bit

and work really hard, but now I'm on the show, like it or not, everybody knows it. And then your head spins, and you're traveling, and you're doing press, and you're doing this, and you're doing this, and then your head spins and you're traveling and you're doing pressing you're doing this and you're doing this and then Other projects come and then it stops and you go now I can actually process what the fuck happened because that was weird Yeah, you realize like back to that first meeting and those first things and like I Thought I was so funny at that audition But like I think 50% of it was like,

I think he could handle the insane, absolutely insane pressure of what's about to happen to him, do you? That was half of it, you know what I mean? I think this is a, yeah. He can survive the pressure cooker. Or I wouldn't mind seeing him at two o'clock in the morning in the hallway Yeah, I don't think like I don't think he'll go crazy

Like I think he might be fun. I think like maybe even if we invite him to one of the dinners three years in It would be interesting like the reality of those thoughts rather than like gosh that impression of Jack Black was Yeah, rather than like gosh that impression of Jack Black was you know like The reality of what was really happening rather than the sweetheart Bobby who always wanted to be honest now Yeah, I just look at every conversation. I ever had with like Andy Samberg or Fred in that first year, and I'm like Wish I could go back and not be a super fan or like not be a scared child and just be Like I wish somebody had told me this is the first step this you got the job. You're on SNL. You did it, buddy

Yeah, now enjoy it have fun and Learn how to produce these sketches learn how to do all that stuff because this is the num this is the number one school in comedy right to learn how to do all of that stuff because this is the number one school in comedy. Right. So learn how to do all of that stuff and don't worry about writing the next Kristen Wigg character or the next Hansen Franz. Don't worry about that because that happens when you're having fun there. Right.

So take the pressure off. At three o'clock in the morning, when you look at somebody and you go, has there ever been a Halloween like Santa Claus? And they go like, well, it feels like David Pumpkin's. And then cut to you're seeing kids dressed up as someone at Halloween. And you're like, what? That dumb thing?

That was the craziness about it. Keenan showed me, it was my eighth episode, Keenan showed me the Beyoncé video for Single Ladies on a Monday, and the next Monday, I opened Entertainment Weekly, and it was me, Beyoncé, Justin Timberlake, and Andy in that thing, and, like, I just remember being like... -♪ HAH! -♪ HEH!

-♪ HEH! HEH! HEH! HEH! HEH! HEH! HEH! HEH! HEH! HEH! HEH! HEH! HEH! HEH! HEH! HEH! HEH! HEH! HEH! HEH! HEH! HEH! HEH! HEH! HEH! HEH! HEH! HEH! HEH! HEH! HEH! HEH! HEH! HEH! HEH! HEH! HEH! HEH! HEH! HEH! HEH! HEH! HEH! HEH! HEH! HEH! HEH! HEH! HEH! HEH! HEH! HEH! HEH! HEH! HEH! HEH! HEH! HEH! HEH! HEH! HEH! HEH! HEH! HEH! HEH! HEH! HEH! HEH! HEH! HEH! HEH! HEH! HEH! HEH! HEH! HEH! HEH! HEH! HEH! HEH! HEH! HEH! HEH! HEH! HEH! HEH! HEH! HEH! HEH! HEH! HEH! HEH! HEH! HEH! HEH! HEH! HEH! HEH! HEH! HEH! HEH! HEH! HEH! HEH! HEH! HEH! HEH! HEH! HEH! HEH! HEH! HEH! HEH! HEH! HE and Timberlake and Andy in that thing and like I just remember being like What a weird power to wield I Used to go into work and go I want to dress up as Buzz Lightyear this week And then I would have a full Buzz Lightyear And then it would get cut and I would Or it or I was on a mechanical bull with Tom Hanks at the after party It's really cool Bobby. Yeah, it's really exciting. I'm great to see you. Yeah, great to see you too, buddy We're here to help is hosted by Jake Johnson and Gareth Reynolds the show is produced and edited by Kevin Bartelt and the associate producer

An editor is AJ McKee. Our social media director is Caitlin Tanwakeo and our video editor is John De Bruyne. The theme song is made by Oliver Raleigh and you can check out his music at oliverraleigh.com. That's Oliver R-A-L-L-I dot com. The album artwork is by James Fostike. You can find him on Instagram at James underscore Foststike, D-I-K-E. And if you'd like to see me do stand up on the road, go to GarethReynolds.com. Additional artwork by Patty Holland. You can find him on Instagram at P-A-D-D-Y Holland 2004.

And if you'd like early access to episodes, subscribe to our Patreon at Patreon.com slash Here to Help Pod. And if you'd like to be on the show, email us your question at HelpfulPod at gmail.com. All of the advice given on We're Here to Help is for entertainment purposes only, If you'd like to be on the show, email us your question at helpfulpod at gmail.com. All of the advice given on We're Here to Help is for entertainment purposes only and all listeners should be adults and make their own decisions.