We're Here to Help - 91: I Talk You Talk with Jameela Jamil

Episode Date: June 27, 2024

Jake, Gareth and special guest Jameela Jamil talk to callers about a friend with a tissue issue and a husband who doesn’t make listening sounds. Later, the guys follow up with the first caller from episode 51 “It’s Your World, We’re Just Pitching In It with Chris Distefano” and chat with Jameela about her experience on The Good Place. Video we watched:Follow up videoWant to call in? Email your question to [e-mail] (Early Access, Bonus Calls and Q&As): Patreon.com/HereToHelpPodVIDEO: Youtube.com/@HeretoHelpPodMERCH: heretohelppod.comINSTAGRAM: @HereToHelpPodTIKTOK: @HereToHelpPodIf you’re enjoying the show, make sure to rate We’re Here to Help 5-Stars on Apple Podcasts.Advertise on We’re Here to Help via Gumball.fm See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Podcast. And we are back, Jake. With a guest. Kevin. With a guest. Hunk with the Chunk. We are back. A little less Chunk. We have a great episode today, as always, but we have the great Jamila Jamil with her

podcast I Weigh joining us today. I've been a fan of hers for a long time. Same. And she comes on and just crushes. She's great. So funny. Great energy. She also, we talked to her for a little after, very interesting.

Some wild stories about Good Place. Wild. From what happened to her during it. Yeah, I think you will be surprised. So we're hoping that this will get all the Good Place fans because we've got some insights that you're not gonna get on entertainment tonight. No, Mario Lopez isn't getting, he's not breaking this news.

No, absolutely. And that's actually a smooth transition because I'm living in hotels again where Mario Lopez lives full-time in the hotel TV. And so today I'm in Pottstown, Pennsylvania, and I get a knock at the door. And and it's the police and shocking. Right. You know, I thought I did. I did. I did have the do not disturb on.

So I thought the maid maybe. Yeah, was ignoring. And apparently, yeah, it's not a barrier for the law enforcement. By the way, can you imagine the cops caring? It's room 412, it's room 412, honey! Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa,

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whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa No, it's do not disturb. All right. All right. We'll wait till he exits the hotel tomorrow. Go to the window. Go to the window well, okay, so so they're like so they're like you're the comedian and I'm like huh, I hope so I was like oh boy and And they basically did you have a second in your head? We were like, I'm the Lenny Bruce of tickles in Pennsylvania Did you have a second in your head where you're like, I'm the Lenny Bruce of tickles in Pennsylvania. Well, what did I say that just broke the bank? I'm doing a little bit of crowd work, but I also was talking government a little. The fact that they were there with a comedy warrant, I was like, oh boy.

Yeah, I was a little bit like, what did I say? Yeah. Thinking back to my Twitter or whatever. But earlier today, I was shooting a promo for my Boston show, and I was shooting and like, Luke is in his room, and we were like, Oh, it'd be funny if I like, and waiting outside your window, we're on the first floor. So I'm like, I'm waiting outside your window. And you open your curtains, and I'm there just doing my Boston promo just like a creep, you know. And as we were finishing it, he's closing the blinds and I start banging on the window like come to my show

Come to my show something like that did it one time and apparently that was enough to get to scare Someone and then the cops were at the door And then and then he's like and then so I they start kind of almost investigating me like comedy court he's like and you're a comedian? Uh-huh. And what kind of comedy are you doing? Well, they kind of have to. I don't know if they need that part, but it is very interesting how quickly I was like, I do, you know, I do stories, I do observational, I do crowd work, you know, and then it's like, you know, and then so I'm like, if you guys want to come to the show, and right away both's like, you know, and then so I'm like,

if you guys wanna come to the show, and right away both are like, yeah, probably not. And I was like, okay, so we're just, we're learning our roles in this little interaction for sure. And that's- I had a thing where I was in Dublin doing like an acting school in college for a little bit.

And I had a roommate named Brandon Voss, who's still one of the funniest guys I've ever been around. And we had all the other students were like below and above us. And we were just looking for attention one night. And so we pretended to have like a big domestic dispute between us. And he was yelling and I was yelling and we, you know, we were little in our 20s, an acting school. So we like dressed the part I was wearing like a little like

you know white tank top and you know we're screaming I just pretending pans are going and what we thought was and we had like set it up in class that we were arguing a lot we were pretending to be like a little twosome and we were thinking like you know some girls from upstairs would be like, are you beating up Brandon? And the Dublin police came, but we were so committed to the thing that when there was knocking, I went like, what?

And he in the background was like, just open the door, you animal. It's like David Mamet. Yeah, well we kind of like in our game, it wasn't, we thought we were, we were not sober. We thought we were so funny. And so I go like, what? And they go like, like David Mamet. Yeah. Well, we kind of like in our game and when we thought we were we were not sober We thought we were so funny And so I go like what they go like like open the door and I open the door and it's these two young Irish policemen but Brandon in the background was asking like acting like uh

And to transition from that with police that it's a game. Oh, yeah, it's not their line of work So they were like what's going on and I was like And I was like, oh, this is a total misunderstanding. They're like, is it? What are you doing? I'm like pretending to be in a verbal dispute with my roommate who's truly a good friend. And he's like, can we come in? I'm like, yeah, it went on. We couldn't get out of it.

Then I felt like I was lying. Then everything we were saying, I'm like, I am telling the truth, but now I'm nervous. And he's like, so you guys were just you were pretending to drop pans on the floor. And I'm like, this sounds insane. But yes, right, officer. We're fantastic actors. That's the crime. We were so loud that we scared people all for nothing on a Wednesday night because we're idiots. And I was like, I wonder what percentage of cops have to deal with stuff where they get there and they're like, this is all for nothing. Well, you know, that was with the body cam.

I was like, if anyone reviews this footage, they'll be like, what a sad man. By the way, fuck your promo of you banging a glass during a bit. If you can get that body cam footage, that's your promo for Boston. I was just going to say, I should have started doing a promo to the body cam. If you got that, you'd'd be like I'm really sorry I was just doing it for the you know Boston tickles on the 14th 8 and 10 o'clock dot-com still tech is available for somebody could pull that out you know you could actually pull off fake body cam and have Luke come to your door and

then as you're but I would never never go soft on it at the end where you let everybody know like this is a silly joke. Do it actually try to make it look real. Yeah I get arrested. Just release it. Yeah I might not make the show. All right well anyway listen we'd like to laugh here. Go watch us on YouTube. Go subscribe. Tell people we love it. We live for it. Keep emailing the show with problems. This is its own ecosystem guys and we love every minute of it. We live for it. Keep emailing the show with problems. This is its own ecosystem, guys, and we love every minute of it. Jake, anything else? I think that's a nice way of putting it. I agree. It's become its own thing.

And we're nearing a hundred. Kevin, can you tell the great people what you're planning for a hundred? I am planning a very big live stream featuring Jake, Gareth and myself. And it's going to be salesmen. Dude, I mean, honestly out salesmen did by the way We got really big names literally got the host and the producer and we hadn't talked about having guests on it till now But you really sold something to these people that we were not playing Yeah, now it shows that we don't have guests special guest Gareth special guest Jake and also me

featuring from the podcast. Come on, man. Come on, man. But we are gonna do it. I'll work on the pitch. Yeah, we are gonna do it live. Live streaming. We're gonna do it live stream on Patreon.

It's gonna be long. We're gonna get a lot of calls. We'll have a cocktail or two. We're gonna let it rip and. And it's introducing Kevin's new home That's right. I call it the study. I'm excited cuz he's Hunk with some chunk by that new private a little less chunky without further ado. Okay

One two three one two three, is that all right? Perfect. Okay, great. Hello name again. Sorry Kevin nice Kevin. Hello. Can't see you hunger the show Yeah, yeah, yeah recently married caller. Can you hear us? It's tough for me to hear shit I? Had to tell you that I saw you with the what's-your-name routine slow down nice. He's called. Well actually I've got wedgie That's your move yeah, and now Kevin's throwing his wedding ring. Yeah Wow Jesus Kevin through his shoulder Recently married you pull the old trick My granny pants she sees it reactions down Or you see Kevin in your asshole goes like this Cranking I need like a bow All right, we're done.

All right, caller, are you there? Yes, I am. Hello. Hello. Can we get your name, rough age, and where you're calling from, please? Yes. My name is Woody, and I'm 37. Your name's Woody?

And I'm calling from Alberta. Yeah, Woody. Like Woody Woodpecker. Woody, is this the real name? I'm calling from Alberta, Canada. Is this the real name? Oh, yeah. Yeah, I was going to say, if you're going to come up with a pseudonym.pecker. Woody, is this the real name? I'm from Alberta, Canada. Is this the real name? Oh, yeah.

Yeah, I was going to say, if you're going to come up with a pseudonym. Best name. Yeah, truly. It's great. It's very Alberta. I wanted to say it was real, but it's, yeah, let's say it's real. OK. Well, Woody, listen, we all support you and your name.

That sounds like a pseudonym. Listen, you have Jake Johnson. You know him. You have me, Gareth, obviously. But we have a very special guest today. Who? Guest helper. Oh, yes, Jake. him, you have me, Gareth, obviously. But we have a very special guest today. Who? Guest helper. Oh, yes, Jake, yes!

Our guest helper, well done, Jake. You know her from The Good Place, she has a podcast called Bad Dates. Please welcome. Slow clap. Jamil, Jamil, hello, thank you for joining us. Thank you for joining the show. Thank you.

That kind of woman whose butthole eats her granny panties. Yeah, like it's spaghetti. Joining the show. Thank that kind of woman whose butthole eats her granny Spaghetti So I'm a huge fan of all three of you. So that's great Hi, woody. Hi woody before we start and we're about to get to it, but of all fake names. Why woody? Because I'm calling about my best friend and I decided to call her buzz Okay, I got you. Okay. I got you. Because of our dynamic. Okay. I got you.

Okay. So what are you? So I did a Toy Story thing. Respect. Respect. I was thinking you were doing a cheers thing. So what are the floor is yours? You're in Alberta.

You're 37 years old. Okay. Well, here's why I'm calling. Um, my best friend Buzz is an incredible lady. I love her so much. We've been best friends for almost 19 years. Um, she just has one kind of thing that she always does that I always tell her it's gross. an incredible lady. I love her so much. We've been best friends for almost 19 years. She just has one kind of thing that she always does that I always tell her it's gross. She always says you're high strung, leave me alone, and it just continues. But the other day I had a breaking point.

I got into her car and it's full of used tissues like naughty little Kleenexes and they're in her cup holders. There's one I can see hanging out of her out of her cute little sweater pocket They're everywhere and I'm just like bud Can you move some of these so I can put my coffee down and she moves them and then you know? I'm really quick pause what are you getting back? What are we really quick pause this episode is brought to you by Kleenex It is we are quite literally Sponsored we just going to litter your car don't do it with no Don't do it with a regular to do it with Kleenex Kleenex. There's nothing better to get your car with... Don't do it with a... No, don't do it with a regular...

Do it with Kleenex. Kleenex. There's nothing better to litter your car with than Kleenex. Wait, who is the person who... Buzz, her best friend 19 years. Buzz, okay, Buzz's best friend... 19 years, uses Kleenex all the time. A woman or a man because there's a very different uses of Kleenex.

She's a woman. She's a woman. Okay. Does that help? That is better. That's less gross? Okay, I agree. She's a woman. She's a woman. Okay, okay. Does that help? That's less gross? That is better. Okay, I agree. It's slightly better. I agree.

Not necessarily though. I'd be more likely to swallow one than the other, so. Wait, hold on. Hold on. I'd love to see that contest. Where is this happening, by the way? Welcome to the first annual tissue swallow. Wait, hold on one second.

Jermaine, you were saying? No, no, no, no. If you were to- I actually would rather not swallow either. Okay. The gun to your head, you're going to choose a woman to swallow. I was just saying that if we're going to normalize, like the initial instinct, oh no, all of my intrusive thoughts are happening.

Say them aloud. Say them aloud. Okay, if we're going to discuss the initial instinct, it's like, ugh, snot. Yes. But if it was jizz, then you think, oh, that's worse. But then actually, if you think about what people are willing to swallow Then they're more likely. It's more likely to I'm sorry no that's actually a good point no stay obviously But I do think Kleenex has dropped as a sponsor based on the last part of the car

But the idea if you had a male friend hold on yeah that filled his car with jizz cleaners And your response to that is just do you mind moving it over a little? The answer is no if I got in someone's car, and there was jizz Kleenex. Yeah, you're an animal How are you telling the difference? That's the question? Load size hardness hardness yeah, so you're touching the tissues. I'm touching them. I'm playing around and um Yes, a little bit of CSI I'm making a snow angel a little jizz angel in them. Yeah, it's you know, so what he best ones jizz So what he back to you you get in the car with your friend buzz. There's Kleenex

Everywhere full of snot. Yeah, keep going. Well, it's not you guys have already given me help by perspective Giving me perspective that it's not just that awesome. Could have been worse. I'm already happier. Okay, sorry. Okay, so we have a friend with a sinus problem. She blows her nose a lot. It's Alberta. It's cold. It's pretty cold. I mean, and I can relate, right? And I understand the need to maybe carry a tissue and dispose of it when it gets full, I guess. But the thing with my friend

Buzz is she'll use them until they're disintegrated. So we went into the store and she pulled up this sad little Kleenex that was begging to be thrown away and she wiped her nose and I saw a really cute guy checking her out, see this happen and then physically shut her and turn the other way. And I was like, as a single and looking friend, I mean, should we just maybe decide when we use our tiny gross tissues? Do we, do we maybe just think of a time that it's good to throw them out? Do they have a use limit? Like, I'm not trying to not shame her, but I also want to know if I can help her maybe regulate this thing. So hold on, Woody, there's a few different problems that I'm hearing.

So, okay. Well, I mean, they're all the same problem, but Woody, there's a few different problems that I'm hearing. So, okay. Well, I mean, they're all the same problem, but there's different, there's different routes. There's different routes. So she uses a lot of clinics. She leaves them in the car. That's a problem too. She uses the same clinic so often that they become little disgusting rags. Go ahead. Do we think that this is why she's repeatedly ill? Because she's taking these old tissues that have old bacteria on them and then shoving them back up her nose. It's not just giving.

Like she's just had the same cold for several years. Do you know what I mean? Yeah. That's such a good point. But then the third thing is that she's a filthy woman. But the third thing is she's using them in front of potential mates by the way Can I just say please if you let's say you're attracted to someone in the grocery store you see them do this this throws you What this makes you go no, you know me. I'd be no not me really yeah

I'd be like not great if anything I'd feel like I'm more than especially interested. Yeah, that's what I'm getting If I give you five dollars, can I get your old rags? Especially interested. Yeah. That's what I'm getting. If I give you $5, can I get your old rags? Ew. What? Ew.

That came out way too fast. It is, because I've said it. Because it's the name of my memoir. It's a podcast I do. Can I buy your rags? Hey, can I buy your rags for five bucks by Garrett Reynolds? How you doing, honey? I'm with you.

You are. That it shouldn't be a deal breaker. It should, but hold on. If you see someone using an old tissue, that might be the only tissue you're going to be able to use. That's a good point. I'm with you. You are.

That it shouldn't be a deal breaker. But should, but hold on. If you see someone using an old tissue, that might be the only tissue they have available. They didn't use their sleeve. I'd be like, that's fine. Or their hand. I'm like, that's what someone had.

Sometimes we all have an old tissue on us. Yeah, yeah. If I saw someone buying toilet paper, I wouldn't be like, oh, she poops. No, but hold on. I'm out. Hold on, hold on. You were just talking you're in a grocery store you see somebody let's say you're single

yeah you're looking to mingle okay you go fucking hunk and aisle four yeah yeah hunk sees you and goes babe and aisle three you pass each other again yeah yeah you're doing whatever little moves you do the granny panties wedgie move you like yeah he's doing whatever cool moves he's doing, pretending to lift up heavy stuff. You guys are doing the dance. You turn a corner, you see him, he has a disgusting old rag and he's blowing his nose.

You're thinking, don't care, still in. What state do you think the single world is in? That's not the deal breaker, all right? We have actual murderers out there. I'm fine. He didn't use a sleeve, he didn't pick his nose. If I saw him pick his nose, then I'm fine. He didn't use a sleeve. He didn't pick his nose. If I saw him pick his nose, then I'm done. I'm out. That to me is disgusting.

How about same scenario, you see that same guy, he blows a huge fart. Huh? That's hysterical. I'm immediately in love. I don't love that move. That's objectively. Questionable decision-making. Or he bends over, blows a accidental monster fart. You're thinking this? That's too far. No, that is too far. Right? But hold on. Or he bends over, blows an accidental monster fart. You're thinking this? That's too far.

No, that is too far. Right? But hold on. Everybody has gas. You know what, my boyfriend and I, no, but my boyfriend and I are actually, we are nine and a half years in, and we've never farted willfully in front of each other.

By the way, yes. There's probably still romance in your house. There is still romance in my house. Yeah, of course. And you definitely have. You've just been very delicate. I said willfully. Yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly.

I said willfully. You've just, you've waited for like the gunshots in John Wick and you've been like right now. You both. Yeah, both of you are just like. When you're asleep it's like Vegas, what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas. But I think that we refer to them as thoughts. It's like, I need to go out to the balcony to think for a second. And then one of my favorite things he ever said was, you need to leave the room right now. And I was like, why? And he was like,

because I'm, I'm worried that this thought is going to turn into a memory. And I was immediately so in love with him. Like I was like, this is the person I'm going to spend the rest of my life with. Yeah, really, truly. So what are we're going back to you for a second here? So can you walk us clearly through what you think buzzes big issue with these clinics as specific as you can and then? What is this the question we can help you with yes? So I think yeah, because I think what she's doing is she's maybe letting them dry down She's a very waste not want not kind of person right respect For the most part right Right. Well, exactly. Saving the planet. But stop it. For the most part, I'm with her, but I'm just thinking maybe I can encourage like a youth limit, because I think if

I saw someone saw someone blow their nose with maybe a folded over Kleenex, I'd be like, OK, you know, it's it's cold season. But if it was like this little, you know, it's this little disintegrated just crying for help, tiny little thing and she balls them up. She gave me a sweater. I do, I washed it. I ended up the pocket, put it on, put my hand in the pocket. You guys, there was a balled up snot rag in there. I'm like my friend, they're everywhere, right? So I'm just like, can we maybe just regulate it? I just kind of want to help her. I want to help her so that when someone gets in her car, there's not eight or nine little snot rags.

Maybe she just has one. Maybe it's lightly used, you know? The used snot rag in the aisle when Hotman's looking at her. I don't give a shit about that. I'm fine with that. We have to do what we have to do when we are out in the wild. However, the stored up tissues in her car is fucking foul and unacceptable for anyone to have to contend with. Yeah.

That is a, like, I don't, like even, I think even Greta Thunberg would be like, there's a line. There's the line. Remove your, remove your bacteria, like your sodden bacteria laden rags from my eyesight. It is a, it is something that we shouldn't carry too much shame about but I think You know, I think our society has gone and I've been part of this because I've been like a mental health warrior I'm like shame is really bad for us. We've gone too far We've taken too much of the shame away and we need to bring a little bit a little bit of it back Yeah, by the way, I'm not gonna tangent her. I'm a hundred percent with you Yeah, and we need a little less gratitude

Little less gratitude. We've got little more shame. We've got No shame all gratitude. Yeah, I'm like look around guys have a little less gratitude Oh, exactly, but I'm gonna pitch on you I'm gonna pitch on you and I'm gonna actually go with where you're going on that with the rags are getting gross It's a little bit much Woody I got something you could do that could be an easy solution. Okay.

The new friend. Okay. Really genuinely bad pitches both of you are. We're kind of filling your pitch. And it was written like it was in a script where it was dual dialogue. You guys, you pasted like comedic acting pros. Thank you.

You can live in a two shot there. You don't have audio was clear. We got it. So here's my pitch to you, Woody. Okay. Bandanas, bandanas. So you know in the old west where you would have like a, or like, you know, maybe it's not the old west

but an old timey movie. You're talking about like a handkerchief. Handkerchief. Yeah, the handkerchief. Handkerchiefs are fucking gross though. Interesting, I thought that was gonna go different. I like- Definitely thought you were gonna get excited when you hit that handkerchief.

By the way, all the dialogue feels scripted now that you went with hanky. But you don't think that's the solution? No, they're disgusting. What about like old world where everyone would go like this, blow, put it back in? They all died in a flame. Everyone died at 26. Yeah, it was a horrible time. we were shitting in sheds. Yeah interesting. We're not oh what we're not shitting in sheds anymore? We're not we have

indoor plumbing. You do. Jake? Mr. Money Bucks over here. Jake. What? Everybody's got his shit shed now. Moving on. Jake has an in-house. Yeah I'm trying to figure out what he's talking about with indoor plumbing. I just don't think we need to glamorize the area era of the plague Okay, so I think but you so you're saying don't do because I was gonna be my big pitch I thought we were gonna get out of right. Do you don't think a handkerchief or multiple handkerchiefs is a good move? No, okay. We're dealing with a person with a problem order. It's it's We we've got we can definitely with a hankie. Yeah solve the huge There's one big issue seatful. Well, it's still problematic. Did you have a pitch?

Did you? You got so mad at my pitch that now you're thrown yeah, I'm just horrified by handkerchiefs I really I can't like they are they ought to be for I'm horrified by handkerchiefs. I really, I can't, like they are, they ought to be for like a woman's tears and a woman's tears alone. The minute we start to take it down south to the nostrils, I am out.

Interesting. Absolutely not. Would that be a deal breaker? It doesn't just have to be a woman's tears, it's just that often that's in the movies, how they would offer. How about in a grocery store, you see a hunk aisle three, he blows his nose in a handkerchief, puts it back in his pocket.

Filthy. Deal breaker. Fucking filthy, not a deal breaker, all in his pocket filthy deal breaking filthy not a deal breaker alright Sounds like a deal breaker Out with him, and I would encourage him away from it It's not the same as nose picking nose picking is a statement to society What is this I don't give a fuck about any of you like this? Yeah? It's like I am I am an animal. I quit and I like that about myself I'm done and that's fine. And you can find another animal. I never got turned down by a nose picker until this moment

Now I like the trait. Oh god. If I saw aisle three a lady picking her nose. You're an animal You don't give a fuck. I'm your guy. Yeah, just walk up to her. May I? I have a visceral reaction to that but um, I for me my pitch is just uh, I think it's time to buy your friend like a little trash can. Ooh, a car can. That's what I say. A car can. Yes. And it's a strong hint.

It's a hint where you're coming packed with a solution, you know, of just like, hey, how about we take these tissues and we just move them two inches over into this little trash can. And then when the trash can fills up, we empty empty the trash can we don't stick it in a Coffee cup that also shouldn't still be in the car. So I've got something for you What do you what are you thinking about that pitch? Because if you like it, I got a pitch on that pitch, but only if you like the car can I like where it's going I do so then we do something. Do you know if you're comfortable, right?

Can you I just pulled a wedgie out of my asshole at the beginning of this chat. Well we could have done that to Buzz if you wanted to, that is a hanky. So you've just got, as I was hearing you describe the cash can, you've got like a great narrator's voice. Right. Can you maybe, you could play this for her

as you give it to her, but a quick description of what the car can does, what she should do with her Kleenex so that Woody doesn't have to go, hey, Buzz, I got you this because you're disgusting. Here's blank. It could go, I want to play you something. What I'm saying. Well, you're making her feel comfortable with the move.

Hi, this is a car can. What a car can is used for is old Kleenexes getting put inside. When you use a Kleenex, you put it in a car can. How often do you get rid of a car can. What a car can is used for is old Kleenexes getting put inside. When you use a Kleenex, you put it in a car can. How often do you get rid of a car can? You have to clean it out every two weeks. This is a lot to ask of me. It is a lot. Give me a sound bite,

and I'll say it in my narrator voice. I'm not your monkey who came here to dance for you. I'm a guest. That's true. Well, a guest monkey who danced. Yeah Those are the best guests A little waistcoat and can we do this Gareth? Can you try to do Jamila's voice and do it and then if you don't like it, will you jump?

Yeah, of course. Okay. So this is gonna be something we're gonna send you this clip and you can play your role was hard This is impossible. You're gonna you we're gonna send you this clip and you're gonna play it for Buzz as you give her the little car can is that something we can get you to agree to Woody Brilliant brilliant. You get the impression of me wrong. I'm gonna flick you in your dick hole Will you spread your legs and sit closer? Yeah. Wait, what? Oh, gosh. So this is going to-

My underpants have just gone up my asshole. Pretty good. God, it's good. Pretty good. So this is going to be the beginning. You're going to play this in three, two. I'm sure you're wondering, what is this that I've just gotten you?

Well, it's what I call a car can for your Kleenex. Look, you're a great friend of mine, you always have been, but every time I get in your car, the passenger seat looks like it's a teenage boy's dresser covered in little jizz rags. That's why I'm asking, bear with me, that's why I'm asking you to always dispose of these horrible tissues in this car can. The car can is going to help you take a step into the 21st century. How often do you have to? And we ask that you empty the car can once every three to four days unless it's filled up early because of a lot of extra snot. Pretty good. Jamila thoughts?

I thought the shoulder action was a lot. This is audio. It's audio only. I gotta say, pretty good though. It was very good. Pretty good. Extraordinary. Extraordinary accent. I need to smoke. And that was really intense, yeah. And Woody, do you think you'll actually play that for her and then would you follow up with us?

Tell her it's me. 100%. Great. Great. Great. So excited. And you're a no on the handkerchief. Yeah big Move on from that. Thank you so much for the call

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Rocketmoney.com slash help. Help RocketMoney.com. Splash out. Buz, buz, buz, buz, buz, buz, buz, buz, buz, buz, buz. Buz, buz, buz, buz, buz, buz, buz. I have a lube story that I will, I don't have to tell right now, but I- Let's hear it. Okay.

Well, I- One second caller. Sorry, you're gonna hear a lube story. I, um, oh, it's not, it's not- Oh, okay is a really great response. Wait, really quickly, can we get your name, please? Yeah Danielle Danielle are and then Danielle here's a lube story. Okay, so It's adjacent to your story, but I get gifted strange things sure by brands

Who want you know me to look promote things on in on Instagram sometimes and about ten years ago A big famous condom company sent me an advent calendar at Christmas of different flavors of lube. And it was like, she's 25 days and then a partridge in a country. So I was single, very single at the time and wasn't going to be using it and gave it to my beloved roommate who was a woman. And she emptied it out. She doesn't look like a crazy person. If she brings someone home and be like, Oh, it's going to open day number 12 December night, she emptied them out. So talking 25 lubes and puts them in her nightstand. And the next day, our house gets burgled.

And our landlord lives on the bottom floor. So he makes it up there before us. And I walk into the apartment and he's in her bedroom. And whoever's been there has emptied out her drawer just alongside the bed. And now she looks like a maniac. Your landlord. That's a great story.

Don't worry Kathleen's lube is fine. He didn't take that thank God so she could still. That is a great story. Watching her try to explain it was my favorite thing. She was like no because it was an advent calendar and it was actually not mine. It wasn't mine. He was like you have nothing to explain You're gonna have a great December I beg your pardon

Danielle now that's a loop story So well cats out of the bag We have a guest helper today You have Jake you have myself and you have Jamila Jamil from The Good Place and from Bad Dates podcast. So can we get your age too, and what's your lube experience? Just so we can have that on record. I'm 32 and I prefer not to answer.

Okay, that's true, that's fine. And Danielle, where are you from? That's a lot of lube. Yeah, that's a lot of lube. I'm in South Carolina, South Carolina And what's your sign? Oh I think I'm a Libra. I'm October a Lou Bradges a October and what kind of music you like I like alternative alternative. Give me what's like that's a good alternative band

Who's your favorite band? I like New October. You what? The band's called October, you're born in October? You know what I'm talking about, Luke? A bit of a perception. What's going on here, kid? Can't stop thinking about October. October, October, what's your problem?

October, October. My problem is I always say October when I get nervous. My name's October. My problem today is October, October, and October, October, and my roommate, October. So Danielle, what can we do for you today? south carolina and a bunch of octobers? Yeah, oh, so my husband is super patient. He never asked for anything, but he also never makes those listening sounds So, you know when you talk to somebody and they kind of go, uh-huh. Oh, yeah, what or what? Yeah

Sound and so I tell a story and at the end it's just silence Like hello and then and then he'll say oh, yeah But and like I've even sat him down and said like most people make these sounds Please just say something I feel young I hate a silent you feel like on this one. I hate a silent listener. You feel like you're bombing. I hate a silent listener. Make a fucking silent listener.

Well, yeah, so I think you guys have a unique perspective because your job requires you to listen to an audience response. I mean, I'm not trying to be a stand-up comedian to my husband or anything. No. I'm trying to have a conversation. He's hearing me. Wait, so are you saying that even at the very end of the story, so you're not just not getting that mm-hmm.

Oh, interesting. You're also not getting any. Are you not getting any reaction at the very end? Does he just stay still like a stone? 25% of the time. No. Is he having a health episode? Silent.

Every time. No. Or he's just one of those, and I've been around these, they're, you'll finish the story and they'll wait for you to say something next and it's just silent. Yeah When I was growing up my I used to do that for my mom where she would be I'd be getting in trouble about something What happened a lot so I'll just be staring at her and she finally started saying I talk you talk There was a Native American Because what you're basically saying is like get into it. There was a Native American practice of waiting for one minute after someone else has finished

speaking to speak so that it didn't feel as though the entire time the other person was speaking you were waiting to respond. It means you're already processing what they've said. That conversation took fucking ages. You know what the term for that was in that community? The not Gareth Reynolds. Yeah. Okay. We're all having a laugh American we had a good joke fun some of us are taking some shrapnel, but we're everyone quiet. We're here solve that

So Danielle just to catch up, so we're all on the same page your husband. What do we want to call him really fast? October Anthony call Tony do you mind if I call over now Tony from the neighborhood? So calm tone So you talked to Anthony? He does not make any sounds When you finish a and you're not a stand-up comedian, but a story about your day you get nothing but blank stares from him He's patient. He is listening, but he doesn't make any sounds and it's driving you And Daniel I'm with you on this one up a fucking tree. You're going nuts Wait, she's confronted him about it. So what did he say when you confronted him about it? Nothing. You just sat there

Yeah Okay It's burn it's Bernice. We can have Bernice. So, Danielle, that's a great question. When you confronted him in the past, what did Tone say? I mean, he's like, oh, okay, I can, like, he said he could do it. But I mean-

And did he? It hasn't really happened. I think it's like a habit you need to break, you know? Cause it's kind of like, if you haven't break, you know, because it's kind of like, if you haven't done it your whole life, it's just unnatural, I guess. Now, after the minute and a half of silence, is it clear Anthony's been listening?

Like if you tell a story about your day, afterwards does he take a pause and go like, wanna get dinner? Or does he respond and you can tell he's interested, he's listening? It's kind of hard to tell sometimes, but I mean, I can ramble. Wait, hold on, hold on, hold on. This is a different problem.

Does he have headphones in here? Does he speak English? That's a great question. Is he real? Is this an apparition? Is he in the room with us right now? Yeah. I would love it if the reveal is he didn't speak English. That'd be great. He does have a big family, so maybe he's used to reveal is he didn't speak English. That'd be great

Family so maybe he's used to and he's very shy can he you can he with his hands make a perfect box Is he able to do that? Do a lot of He may have white paint on his face. A lot of pink crimes. Because you might be married to a genius. It's just you didn't know. He's just a performance artist. It's very likely.

Yeah, the sudden gust of wind seems to overtake him. When you finish talking, does he do like, well, finger up? Like, one more thing, but he doesn't talk? Seen a lot of parks. Very good at charades. Yeah, put money in the hat. He's got a hat in front of him, I'm sure. OK.

Put a couple of bucks in and move on. Marcel. Name Marcel. Well, there was another issue I had before before and then it took like three years and then we finally resolved it basically like anytime I was in the bathroom he would always have something to tell me or show me something like my thumb learns and I was like please not now or he's like oh my he found pet in the shower when I'm showering and he doesn't know how to communicate. He's off with his timing. He's off with his timing. He doesn't know whenering and he doesn't know how to communicate. He's just, he's off with his timing. He's off with his timing.

He doesn't know when to do, he doesn't know when to do talking. Yes. You know, he just, it's a timing issue. Yes. Yeah. So do you think maybe if you told him a story while you were in the bathroom, this is that he would then be more communicative with you? Do you think it could be a location thing?

If that's a term that it's a great solution It really is taking your two problems and putting them in a head combining. Yes, you know But then she's got to do all of the emotional whatever. Okay. Well, wait, does he art? Does he art does he ask follow-up questions when you tell him a story? Sometimes she can ramble not too much. He is listening. It's not like he said too much, but he is listening. It's not like he's like... That's what she said. Yes. I listened. And I mean, the way that I communicated to him about the bathroom thing was like, I mean,

I told them like, oh, please, like, stop doing that, ha ha. But then he didn't take it seriously. So has he taken that and then become silent for the rest of his life? Do you think he took an oath, a vow of silence after you told him that because he was embarrassed. And what you're witnessing now is punishment for having asked him to stop speaking to you while you're pooing or showering. This has been like our whole relationship. Have you ever told him a story that's amazing and has he reacted or is he Teflon?

He's pretty Teflon. Okay, wait, wait, I have a follow-up question just to add onto that. Have you ever seen him react to someone else? Is this just a specific you and him thing? Is he really animated to other people or is this just a thing that he does with other people? Have other people noticed it about him? He's also pretty silent with other people. Right, okay, so it's not personal.

But again, he comes from a big family, so I wonder if, I don't know, maybe you just kind of close your mouth so that other people can talk. So, Danielle, I had a neighbor who when I used to live in Outwater, he was an old guy, he would come to my fence and just talk at me. Like Wilson. Kinda. And he, I realized pretty quickly he wasn't listening, he was just talking at me because I tried to form a relationship. So what I would do is as he was talking to me,

I just started saying random words to Tess. So he would come behind and go like, well, if you're gonna be digging out back there, you gotta go two feet from the fence. And I would go salami and turkey with a bunch of cheese. And he would go, yep, but it's gotta be two feet in. And I would go pepperoni pizza. And he would go-

Yeah, this is so funny that this is your version of the story, whereas he's going back to his wife being like the man next door is a learning difficulty. I just kindly ignore it and do my best. I love the polarity of your experiences. So Danielle, here's the, here's the pitch on that. I would like you to try a test with him. And that is, I would like you to stop a story,

mid-story, with no conclusion and nothing happening. Stop, and after a minute and a half, if he goes like, yeah, pretty interesting, then he is not listening. Great. If you start a story where you go like, so I went, I was just at this restaurant when I was with my friend and we were eating,

and what was really interesting, and then... They they served Martian meat or you don't even finish You just literally in the middle of it stop if there's a minute and then he goes like yeah Well, I was glad you spent the time with Cindy Also, you could try the same thing but a more extreme version of it, which is tell him something fucking insane Yes, you know and just see if then you can get a reaction like at tell him something read Tell him you robbed a bank make up a crazy tell him you kidnapped someone and they're in the attic Tell him you're on a bus and someone took someone pulled a gun on the bus driver and the bus had it was big Tell him the plot to speed. Yes, and on the bus it could once it went over above 50

It couldn't drop below. Otherwise this fucking bomb would go off. I think that's right. But I think if you do that, you can't change your tone to make it seem exciting. Yeah. Use the same tone. Start a story where you, he goes like, Hey honey, how was working? Like, it was really good.

The weirdest thing happened was that there was a dead body and three of my best friends and I went to find it. We walked down by the tracks. There was a guy named Ace who was a little bit older than us, he pulled a gun on us. We saw the body and in doing it, we realized that the best friends I'll ever have are the friends I have right now when I was just a boy,

and later in life I became a writer. And if he takes a pause and goes like, pretty good. Then you're like, homie, you don't listen. I just told you, stand by me. This is a major issue. But you can't then go like, and there was a bus, because then he'll have to pay attention. Well well you just go and then someone pull the gun I mean I can tell you the story of speed but yeah, yeah, I think that's pretty good

I would well, what do you think of that? Daniel? I think that's like I think I'm gonna try doing the thing We're soft halfway through story. Okay, and see what happens see what happens. Does he tell you a lot of stories? Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah, okay I would also maybe fight fire with fire and the next time he tells you a lot of stories? Uh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, I would also maybe fight fire with fire. And the next time he tells you a story, just sit there blankly and then just like start reorganizing the spoons. Yeah.

That's amazing. And just see what he does. Cause if he's like... Cause that's how you can maybe show someone empathy. Like, so not show someone empathy, like force them, forcibly force them to empathize with you by putting them, forcibly force them to empathize with you by putting them in your shoes and showing them how strange it looks. Because it does sound like he was just in a big family, he's not the most outgoing of

that family, and he has picked up the pattern. It sounds like it's probably quite an innocent thing, and you just need to show him how strange it can feel. And feels horrible. There's also a thing that we could do because I think this is interesting I think fire with fire is interesting But there's a fourth technique we can do and that is if you go to a taping of a live studio show They have a a sign that says laugh. Yeah, they have a sign that says clap

Yeah, and it's just telling a bunch of tourists who are a little overwhelmed that this is the funny part Yeah, this is where you're supposed to react here. You could have a sign that says, hey, Anthony, make a sound. And in the middle of your story, everyone's, well, hold it up. So that he goes, oh. And then you could have like buzzwords.

Nod. Interesting nod. I go, breathe loud. I have one final question. Danielle, is he one of those people who after something funny is said, he just with a stone face goes, that's hilarious. The worst.

Fucking worst. No, no, he'll laugh at something funny. Okay, great. So then, okay, so he's not dead inside. No, he's not dead inside. He's in there. You just have to encourage him out via shame. So Danielle, here's where we're at.

We can test him, stop mid mid-story you can movie plot him You could shame him with fight fire with fire You could audience work him have a sign that gives him cues to react Daniel the floor is yours. What are you actually gonna do? Mm-hmm The most likely thing I'll do is probably stop mid-story and see what happens. But I might try being silent if he's telling me something. Yeah. I like both of those options a lot. They can work together too. And I do love my husband very much. That is evident. And it sounds like he's a lovely man. Quiet. Yeah. That's better than too much. Yeah, believe me. I don't get that complaint in relationships

I wish I wish you'd talk more. I wish I got I wish I got quiet Oh my god I had a throat recently and lost my voice and I couldn't speak for about two weeks And James came into my room and he was like he was like I thought I'd like this But I actually didn't and he was so surprised that it hurt my feelings. And made me happy at the same time. Different reaction from my wife. She literally will say, do you always have to be making sounds?

And I won't be aware I'm making them. And yet you're mad at me for my energetic dialogue. We hate most in others what we see in ourselves. Listen to you guys talking over each other. Thanks, Danielle. We missed our two shot, bye, Danielle. Bye, Danielle. Good luck. over each other. Thanks Danielle. We missed our two shot. Bye Danielle. Bye Danielle.

Good luck. Bye. Bye, thank you. Hello. Are you laughing and did you just say this is insane? I was laughing, yes. And did you say this is insane? Yes, I also said that, yes.

Who are you talking to and what's insane? Please. You'll come back to it. We're here to help. Oh, who am I laughing with? Oh, I'm laughing with my husband. And what was insane was yes, how much my hand was shaking because I was nervous. Oh, but this is you've called in already, though. Because I was shaking. Yeah, I know, but I'm scared again. Okay, scared again is a good title for the follow up. Can we get your name and why don't you kind of reset us on what your first call was about and then where we're at now?

Okay, so my name, I gave you a fake name. My name that I gave you was Woody, but my real name is Jess and I called about my friends Kleenex and snot. Oh yeah, she left a bunch of snot in the car. The snot rags were all over her car. Yeah, she did, yeah. She left a bunch of snot in the car. And what did we, your real name is Jess you said? Yes, my real name is Jess.

Okay, so Jess, what was our pitch on a Kleenex filled car? I couldn't remember what that solution was. The one, your pitch was about hankies, which I thought was interesting, but we veered away from that and ended on a garbage can for her car. Right. Which she had already done before, but this time, yeah, it was solid. She had tried it before, but it kind of didn't really work. But this time I bought her the garbage cannon and I wrote on it. Jam Jam says it's fucking vile about her clean X as a little bit of kind of peer pressure from Jamila Jamil to clean up all her clean.

Okay. What's up? So yeah, so it's been going really well. Um, her car has been uncharacteristically clean. So I would call this one a success guys. Hey, there we go. Ring the bell, Kevin. Ring the bell. We got one. She hasn't been watching me really closely. Like if I scratch my nose or anything, she's just on me like a hawk. Like, are you going to wipe your nose on your sleeve or do you have a secret

Kleenex somewhere? So she's been watching me and it's it's allergy season. So it has been a little tricky. But the other day I said I'm going to go in this store and just blow my nose really quickly. And she reached in her backseat and grabbed the biggest thing of Kleenexes. I was just like here take one. You can keep it in your purse. Like this girl is a changed woman. Okay. Okay. Because they're hypoallergenic. I don't know if you know that. That's great. They're amazing. We love Kleenex over here. Not hyper allergenic. I don't know if you know that. That's great. They're amazing. Who we love Kleenex over here. Not hyper allergenic. We do know that lunatic blowing that up.

That would be a true idiot who would say that in that. Only fools would call Kleenex while doing a Kleenex ad hyper. It'd be strange. But that's great. That's awesome. Yeah, it went really well, guys. Thank you so much. Feels like a real win. Also, there's no reason for a shaky hand for this follow-up. Yeah.

This is smooth sailing, Jess. We've done a couple today and this is the best one we've had. This is a clear... This is calm, smooth hand. Here's the follow-up. It worked. Problem solved. This is the follow-up. It worked. Problem solved. This is the premise of the show.

We call in and pitches get... Fixed. Well, I've got a steady hand now. I'm happy. This is a big win. This is a show. All our follow-ups have been losses. All we do in follow-ups is people go,

OK, so we didn't follow anything. But the problem's worse. and now there's legal issues and we go. Hmm. Very cool You heard the disclaimer at the end, right? Yeah, there's no that again. The premise of this show is that it works sometimes So this is smooth sailing. Yes. You are a success story feel confident We feel confident. This is a win Please don't now say something where you go. Well, the part I didn't tell you is blank. Yeah Yeah, you have a very like someone because she was blowing her nose So you have an unfortunate turn on this story or is this just a happy one?

The only turn is that her car has also been really clean and smells good. So hey In momentous, it. So it's been momentous. It's been, it's been great. It's a new leaf. So what we like to say on this show is pitches get fixes, but snitches end up in ditches. Right. And we, and you might be curious as to how that's applicable to this call, but you know, some of it works and some of it doesn't. The point is we have solved your problem and, uh, and we're very glad Woody Jess so thank you for the call. Thank you for the follow-up. Thank you. Nice victory. Good win.

Good win. Let's take this all as a big win. Oh thank you. I hope my friends call me that now. Yeah. Woody Jess. Thank you so much. I'm so glad and I'm glad to be Woody Jess now. Okay. Thank you. We appreciate you. Thank you Garrett. Thank you. That's it. We're going out. We're getting out. We're getting out. We're getting out We're getting out. I'm mad. Okay. Bye. Bye This episode is brought to you by hero bread hero bread is something I love on Father's Day My wife said what do you want for breakfast and I said French toast with hero bread? So I don't have to feel guilty about the carbs. And it was delicious.

So I like the bread. I like the Hawaiian rolls. I like the tortillas. I am a genuine fan. Hero breads, healthier sliced bread and tortillas will fit into your health goals. Just ask the hunk with a little bit of chunk. Kevin, what problem does hero bread solve for you?

I'll tell you what it solves for me. I get my fiber, I get my taste and it truly tastes. Good. Keep the carbs out of summer without compromising flavor with hero bread. Get 10% off of your order at hero.co and use code help at checkout. at hero.co and use code help at checkout. That's help at hero h-e-r-o dot c-o. Take my word for it. It tastes genuinely good. Hey everyone, producer Kevin here. The original call from this next follow-up aired on February 8th of this year. It's called It's Your World. We're just pitching in it with Krista Stefano

and is the first call from that episode. So if you'd like to listen as a quick refresher, go for it. We also watch a video in this follow-up and the link for that is in the episode description. Enjoy. Hi, guys. Hello. Hi.

Welcome to We're Here to Help. Are you, is this your first call or is this a follow-up call? I'm a follow-up. Hello. Hi. Welcome to We're Here to Help. Is this your first call or is this a follow-up call? I'm a follow-up. Ooh. Okay. I already got that wrong, Gareth. Ed's a betting man.

Why don't you... It's a good thing you don't fetch it. I do that. And when you do it, too, that's great. Yeah. Why don't you tell us your name and what your first call was just to kind of set the foundation in. So I'm one of the Emilys that called. I noticed that there's a lot of Emilys and I was a boob party girl.

Oh, right. We pitched on your big boob party. Yes, you were having, getting surgery and you wanted to have a real coming out party for those boobs. Yeah. And it was actually a very interesting episode because everything we kept pitching you kept being like yeah But I want to do more like we were pitching like a burial for your old boobs There was a lot and you you wanted to go bigger

To that and they're like, yeah, I just don't think they knew who you were And they're like, yeah, I just don't think they knew who you were, Emily. They didn't understand who they were talking to. And so Emily, now walk us through post call, what you did, what the party went, take your time with it. Don't jump too far forward. I love all the details, please. Okay. So let's just say we had big ideas, right?

We had big ideas and we had big plans and I like to have big aspirations, but I don't always fully follow her with them. Cause okay, so we did have a party. Okay, so first I got the boobs done. Which I have to say, the best advice that I got from the podcast was actually from, what was his name, Stefan?

Chris. Gareth Reynolds. Okay, Chris. No, no, that's Chris. Great laugh. He was the post-surgery advice? Yes. Top notch, top notch.

It was, can't be missed. Okay. What did he say? I don't think we remember specifically what he said. He said keep everything like at a level where you can reach it. Oh, because you can't reach up. Oh, right.

Yeah, yeah. Okay. So I would have been hungry. So I got those puppies done and then came time to celebrate and most everyone that I was inviting was like kind of out of town. So we went for more intimate setting. So I had a couple of girlfriends come over and they kept,

well, they tried to bring their husbands first of all, which was I had to say no. And then I agree, I greeted them chest first. So they got to enter the house and take a look at the goods, a set phone, tell me what they thought about those. Okay. When you say you greeted them chest first, how is that? Oh, like, just a hug. Just a topless.

Oh, wait, topless. Oh, I misread that entirely. Okay. Oh, you did. People came to your party. You just had no top on. Yeah, exactly. So you were happy with the outcome. Oh, everyone's happy with the outcome. Everyone. Polling's never been better. I digress. Okay, so then I bring my friends in and then we paint portraits of breasts. Fun. Okay. And then, yeah, it was a nice little idea.

And then I brought my kid up from upstairs and I had her judge them, which was a little weird. How does she feel about them? She loves them too. These are the best boobs I've ever seen, a little weird, but. How does she feel about him? She loves him too. These are the best boobs I've ever seen, mom. These are wonderful. What a turnaround. Unbelievable boobs.

You went from saggy zeros to heroes. This is basically what she was. No, she was into it because I decorated the whole place, looked like boobs, like boob balloons on cookies I missed an opportunity with melons for fruit plate. I could put two melons there There's next time but anyhow, so kind of a chill night. Okay But then I don't know what ended up happening, but have you guys ever seen seen that show? It's like on out TV. It's called like Naked Attraction?

Yes, it's crazy. Okay, it's insane. So we spent 45 minutes trying to figure out how to watch it and then we finally did figure it out. We had to commit and then we watched that show for like two hours and that was- Wait, what is Naked Attraction? Really fast.

We'll get back to this thing, but I like the title of that show. What is- Okay, well, I mean mean Gareth might have a better idea. Seems like he watches it a lot but it's like naked people just come out well no you're behind the screen and then they'll show you like the bottom part and then they'll keep taking like a panel off until you see the person's face and then you judge who you want to go on a date with by their body, not their face. It's graphic. Really?

Yes, it's like full on when the first panel is removed, you are seeing a penis or a vagina. Wait, really? Yeah. And what, just because I'm a man of science, what network streamer is this on? I'm just curious. You said I'm Mr. TV guy, I'm Mr. TV guy.

I've seen it in England. We got the answer out of frame. I saw an out. Oh, out TV. But it's it's crazy. And you basically like you start removing the face. The face is the last thing you see. And that's after you pick who you want.

Right. Am I right? What an embarrassing turn. You pick somebody based off their crotch and then you see their face and you're like, I'm excited to get Chipotle. Yeah. Yeah. Still am excited.

Still am excited, kind of. Fine. I'll go. Yeah, it's weird. It's definitely a show I've watched. It'd be like, eh, nope. Yeah. But yeah, you're seeing some stuff.

And the way they like- Are you allowed to talk while they look at your dick? No. You can't try to sell it? No, I can't. Now bring it up to the stage. I was just in a cold plunge. Yeah.

Garrett, shut up. OK. So Emily, do you have any picks from this evening? Anything that shows what the party's vibe was? But Jake, can we also say that? I made a video. Oh, wow. Oh, wow. I'd love to see the video.

Yeah. Well, we pitched a tremendous amount of stuff and what ended up happening was she painted and then tried to get her TV working for a half hour and then watched two hours of it out. And Gareth, that's what I call a victory for us. We did it, baby. Okay, let's have a look. Actually, you know, I would say at least six people got to fill up the new boobs

So it is a victory. Sure. Absolutely There's no audio so we'll describe what we're seeing here. We don't need audio. We're seeing balloon boobs boobs They look like eyeballs, but you know their boobs There's a lot of them a lot of yep. A lot of balloon boobs. Yep One didn't have the nipple colored in Now we're looking at the food which is tit cookies Yep, a lot of balloon boobs. Yep, tons of them. One didn't have the nipple colored in. Now we're looking at the food, which is tit cookies. Fun.

And someone painted it. We're here to help. We're here to help. Lots of boobs. Lots of boobs being painted. And I do think I saw a child. OK, I've never seen pictures of boobs. More pictures of boobs, pictures of boobs.

You guys holding up your boob art. Clearly you've painted. And there you go. That's it. And you didn't show us where you guys were trying to work with the HDMI cables, which we appreciate. Well, Emily, congratulations on the new breasts. I'm glad you're happy.

The party seems like it was a lot of fun. You are now in a new world and we appreciate you calling in Yep, go get them Hey everyone this next chat with Jamila is an edited conversation and if you'd like to hear the full thing It's available on the patreon Maybe this line from Jake will entice you to check it out. Enjoy. Okay.

Speaking of masturbating while sinking on the Titanic. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I also read when you got the good place, you'd come out here to be a writer. How's that translated? Cause I've heard people like you in the, we've always been actors, comedians, improvisers. How do you jump from that and how hard is that transition?

I was a radio DJ, right? Okay, so let's just be very clear. I was not a writer yet, nor was I was a columnist, you know, that's what I would write. But I was not a screenwriter. I came out here with a show that I was working on. I got signed to 3 Arts based on that show. And then... And this was gonna be, you were gonna to host it, or was this a... No, no, no, it was a sitcom that I still have been sitting on for years because I have an analysis paralysis.

Like, I don't know what to do with it. But you came out with this product. But I just wrote it and presented it to someone, and they sent me to 3Arts, and 3Arts really liked the idea. And then the manager at the time was telling me that, you know, it's easier once you have a profile to get a show sold, rather than coming from nowhere from England, having never written anything before, like no one's going to trust you to be at the helm

of something like that. And then an audition came in for an annoying, overly tall Indian English woman. And it just felt quite obvious to my managers that that was me. And so they pushed me to do the audition. I didn't want to do the audition. I didn't think I was going to be an actor. I didn't think I was funny enough or talented enough. You didn't want to do it because you thought this is just not for you. No, I just have such respect for acting.

And I love movies and TV and comedy so much. So I was like, how dare I do this? Even think I could do this? And I went to the audition, and I fucked everyone, and I got the job. Good work. So you did have the high-five. Welcome to my St. Paphat New Girl.

Yeah, yeah. It's the only way in. You're playing Schmitty, yeah. Come on in. Yeah. Lamone, yeah. Come on in. And. Lamorne? Yeah. Come on in. And then they go, you know, other actors don't cast it. I'm like, you fucking rat.

Oh, God, Coach has to do all that for nothing. Lamorne said he would cast it. No, Lamorne came on the show after you. Well, this doesn't even make sense. Well, now my decisions seem crazy. Now I seem off. Now it seems like a me thing. I don't really have any transitions that are thoughtful.'ve just been like jumping through life. I've just been running for my life

Well now you really is that I I really have like I was an English teacher who got scouted and Went to an audition and then got the like one of the biggest jobs in British television Hosting the big like the biggest teen youth programming It was kind of like TRL but the weekend for the weekend. And I came out from being an English teacher. I'm like a model scout, and I was like painting, decorating, and worked in a video. I had so many jobs in that period in which I got introduced to the idea of media.

I had never dreamed of being on TV. I had never thought that was like a life for me. I only went to the audition because they had free sandwiches that were from prepped, which was a very big deal 15 years ago. It still is. Yeah, but 15 years ago that was, it was so her house. Bougie, yeah. Yeah, so I never thought I would get anything.

So since I've been allowed in, I've compared this before on my podcast to being a wedding crasher and just like, I'm in here now. I'm just going to steal all the shit that I can before someone recognizes me and throws me out. And so I've just been running for my life being like, sure, I'll try radio, sure, I'll try writing this, sure, I'll do this, yeah, okay, I'll try acting. And now, as the wedding crasher, you have to leave the wedding,

which is never how you think it will go. Yeah. You're gonna go fuck off. I know, I'm just taking a little break just to kind of recalibrate and write. I love the idea that a manager tells you the move to get your script through is to get famous. Cause I think that advice came to me too,

but the hard part was, you know, the part about. You're like, I agree. Yeah, that sounds like a great plan. They wanted to bring bigger writers on and I didn't want anyone else to touch the idea. So it was like, if you want the power to not have a bigger name, become the bigger name. And I didn't want anyone else to touch the idea. So it was like, if you want the power to not have a bigger name, become the bigger name. And I didn't know how I was gonna do that.

I thought maybe I'd do that by hosting because that's what I've done in England. But then The Good Place came along and- Which you're great at. Yeah. Thank you. It's a great show, yeah. And how was that experience for you then

with no acting experience? Because that's a killer cast. It was so intimidating. They are so fucking talented and funny. I had Honestly severe gas and that's how I got through That is true because you went like this when you started I have like a somatic memory of it. It was incredibly intimidating and obviously they are all such geniuses and And it was such a master class, but I had never spent time in America before.

I was straight off the boat from England and I had an English constitution. American food is made of pure poison and evil, and so, but it's delicious. Just gotta get used to it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I hadn't gotten used to it yet and I was eating everything they had at craft services.

Like I gained a minimum of 15 pounds every season. Freshman 15. I would have to wear all my clothes completely open at the back. Like an apron, like a pinny. And so it was just like, yeah, just arse out. So I could never do running scenes from behind. I would just have to do everything mostly up front.

So I was just farting. Really? The whole time. This is not how I saw it. There are specific scenes in which I can see I'm farting. No one else can see it, but I can see it. Sorry. Your producer wants me to leave.

Hold on. What's a big scene that you remember? Okay. So I don't know the exact scene. It's season one. I'm walking in to... You can play this, actually, when it's happening, but it's season one. I'm walking in to... You can play this, actually, when it's happening, but it's season one. I walk into my living room

and Giannu, my partner, is there, and he's made a painting of me, and it's three me's in the painting. And I'm supposed to walk in and have a big reaction to it. And I did. But I'm supposed to walk in just, like, one line, but I have to keep stopping and clenching. And Mike Schaar is like, stop stopping, just like we don't have time.

Just like, just walk in a straight line up to the painting. And I was like, I just think for dramatic purposes, it would be more effective if I were to... Stop farting, stop farting. Just stop and fart. And it's because Kristen Bell's so small that she's actually closer to my bumhole than I am You know just like that's just science Yes, so Ted Danson's in the clear. It's physics or something, but it's you know so she's there and I'm up here

So I'm like it's gonna hit her before it hits me and so at the very least I need to take that hit first And not like she's number one on call. She can't get there. She's an icon. I can't fart near Kristen Bell. So I just had to keep stopping. They had to do like 105 takes until I finally was able to just walk in. So that's one. And the other one. This is about the weirdest story we've heard. Sorry.

It's a great behind the scenes. You know what it did? What it did is it meant that my fear was directed there to my bum rather than to my talent. So I wasn't thinking about whether I was talented or not. I was thinking, did anyone smell that? It was completely brilliant because then it meant that I was totally, totally loose as an actor.

I was so uninhibited in that role. I took so many shots that I would never have taken. Because you were. Yeah, because I wasn't thinking about it. I didn't overthink anything. So I think IBS is underrated or whatever it was that happened to me. Like it was some sort of gastric issue. IBS also a sponsor.

Yeah, we'd love to have them too. Yeah, we have them. Yeah, we have them. It's a really weird sponsor. It's super weird. The disease is a sponsor. Yep. But I think just like have something worse going on and then you'll be able to act.

You make 100% of the farts you do. Yes. Yeah, right. Thank you. That's good. 100% of the farts. That's great. And then did anyone know you were doing this on set?

No, no, nobody. Okay. So this is a big reveal. No, yeah, extraordinary. This is a breaking news. I mean, they heard about it sometimes. I think people thought I was quite unfriendly because I spend a lot of time away from the cast. Is this real?

Genuinely, sometimes they would, but I was just, I was standing back. Afraid you'd drag and tail. Wait, hold on, hold on. I would just stand back from the cast chair sometimes. I don't know what's real now. No, I'm serious. I would just hang back from the cast chair sometimes. So you't know what's real now. No, I'm serious. I would just hang back from the cast chairs sometimes.

They were like, oh, this British girl. We get it, you're proper. She's too good for us. And I was like, I'm... She shit her pants. That's why she's over there. You're saying the reason you didn't socialize with the cows?

Just season one, and then I got, no. Okay, you did. Then I, what do you call it when you... Stop farting. Calibrate. Oh, you calibrated, oh, okay, sorry. Yeah, calibrated. You know, and I, what do you call it when you... Stop farting. Calibrate. Oh, you calibrate it. Oh, okay, sorry. Calibrate it, like, you know, I adjusted to American food and then I was fine.

Okay, right. I will never look at the shy cast member the same way. Yeah, just know that the whole of season one, my arsehole's open. Just know that, anyone who's watching it. So anybody check out The Good Place season one and you've got some fun behind the scenes. Yeah, if I look like I'm really intense, it's watching it. So anybody check out the good place season one. Yeah, and you've got some fun behind the scenes Yeah, I look like I'm really intense. It's not talent. No, and lastly before we let you go

That's the last thing I talk about before I leave Well, it's like you to drop something like that and take off I don't feel like I've aged since I've been here because I'm so full of preservatives I'm not sure that I'm gonna decompose when I die. Well, let's see what happens in eight months when you come back and like a nine year old lady and go, I'll take the work now and we go, too late. Were there any scripts that were sent our way?

What the fuck happened? Where was that babe who left eight months ago farting up a stock arm? Fart her fart and we need to get her farting. Fill her up. God, I think that's the key to my talent. This is quite a revelation. Listen, it's the key to my talent. This is a revelation The key to America. Well gas. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. We appreciate you coming on the show I had such a nice time really nice to everything that I said

Good luck on the road. We'll see you back in three minutes. See you then We're here to help is hosted by Jake Johnson and Gareth Reynolds. The show is produced and edited by Kevin Bartelt and the associate producer and editor is AJ McKeon. Our social media director is Caitlin Tanwakeo and our video editor is John De Bruyne. The theme song is made by Oliver Raleigh and you can check out his music at oliverraleigh.com. That's Oliver R-A-L-L-I dot com. The album artwork is by James Fostike.

You can find him on Instagram at James underscore Fostike, D-I-K-E. And if you'd like to see me do standup on the road, go to Gareth Reynolds dot com. Additional artwork by Patty Holland. You can find him on Instagram at P-A-D-D-Y Holland 2004. And if you'd like early access to episodes, subscribe to our Patreon at patreon.com slash year to help pod. And if you'd like to be on the show.