We're Here to Help - 94: Ding Dash Ditch with June Diane Raphael

Episode Date: July 8, 2024

Jake, Gareth and special guest June Diane Raphael talk to callers about the neighborhood kids and Santa. Later, the guys follow up with the second caller from episode 92 “Goofin’ Around" and discuss a cat fundraiser. Pics discussed:Screenshot 1Screenshot 2Want to call in? Email your question to [e-mail] (Early Access, Bonus Calls and Q&As): Patreon.com/HereToHelpPodVIDEO: Youtube.com/@HeretoHelpPodMERCH: heretohelppod.comINSTAGRAM: @HereToHelpPodTIKTOK: @HereToHelpPodIf you’re enjoying the show, make sure to rate We’re Here to Help 5-Stars on Apple Podcasts.Advertise on We’re Here to Help via Gumball.fm See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Podcast. And we are back! Yes. Special guest today. We're here to help America's number one podcast. Great guest today. Really funny human being. So funny.

And the truth is we talk about it a little bit, but she did have somewhere to go and then she kind of just abandoned that part of it. Yes. So we don't do a chat with her afterwards, even though that's something we now have been doing. And it's because she had an appointment. Yep. She's been in a ton of everything. She's works so much. But she also has a couple of great podcasts. How did this get made? Yes. Deep dive. She's fantastic. June Diane Raphael is with us. She's somebody I've known for a long time and is truly one of the funniest people on Earth. And she makes me laugh in this one.

And that in a way that physically hurt. No, I was going to say it. I did think you hurt a rib. It was I started laughing in a way where it was like you're in a pool and you're drowning. Yeah. You think for a moment, yeah, I'm in danger then you realize I'm okay. Yeah it was it was you threw the mic away from your face and kind of collapsed a laugh. Everything she's like yeah well one of the things she does that is so funny is and she's always had it. She's just created her own universe, her own timing,

she walked in here, even when she first entered. The game of June had already started and we were in it. She was talking about how someone told her before she auditions to almost not be her authentic self as much as she is because it's so dynamic and funny that whatever the character is, the character's not as good. She is such a fucking delight.

And her podcasts are hysterical and she's hilarious and she's great on the show. And so we hope you enjoy it. Yeah, we hope you enjoy it. And just so you know, we answered a question on our Patreon a minute ago, which we encourage everyone to join about if we could be any

character from anything we loved, past or present, who would it be? And I said Michael J. Fox from Family Ties, and Jake really thought that was crazy and had a little bit of fun. And we're still reeling from that over here a little bit because Jake just wanted to be an extra. Cheers. Anyway, we encourage everyone to keep liking and subscribing. The numbers are going to skyrocket.

There's also a great American Airlines store. Shut up! That is a great story. Father, adieu! I couldn't find my bag. Thanks, everybody. Buz, buz, buz, buz, buz, buz, buz, buz, buz, buz, buz, buz, buz, buz, buz, buz, buz, buz, buz, buz, buz, buz, buz, buz, buz, buz, buz, buz, buz, buz, buz, buz, buz, buz, buz, buz, buz, buz, buz, buz, buz, buz, buz, buz, buz, buz, buz, buz, buz, buz, buz, buz, buz, buz, buz, buz, buz, buz, buz, buz, buz, buz, buz, buz, buz, buz, buz, buz, buz, buz, buz, buz, buz, buz, buz, buz, buz, buz, buz, buz, buz, buz, buz, buz, buz, buz, buz, buz, buz, buz, buz, buz, buz, buz, buz, buz, buz, buz, buz, buz, buz, buz, buz, buz, buz, buz, buz, buz, buz, buz, buz, buz, buz, buz, buz, buz, buz, buz, buz, buz, buz, I saw a delusional millionaire. Hello. Hello. Okay. This is just new girl money just having fun. He shouldn't have access to this. Hey, can we get your name, please?

Mine? Yeah, my name is Cameron. Cameron? How old are you, Cameron? I'm 31. 31? And where are you calling from, Cameron? I'm calling from Raleigh, North Carolina.

Oh, beautiful. That's nice. You've got a special guest. Yep. A woman I've known for a while now. A woman I've been a fan of forever. Miss June Diane Ravio, who's also coming hot. I really did. Mark Swago.

You know what they used to say, and hi Cameron, I'm so happy to talk to you, but they used to say in acting class, cover your entrance. Which means like when you're walking into a scene, cover it, cover the moment you're entering with some sort of activity. You have. And boy, unintentionally, I over covered. Somehow Juilliard's in the lobby.

I came in with too many things and energy. I got the feeling of what it would be like to cast you at some point, and I was like, she's walking in as the character of what it would be like to cast you at some point, and I was like, she's walking in as the character. Oh yeah. Can I just tell you, and again, Cameron, I can't wait to hear your question,

but can I just tell you, Whitney Cummings told me something about walking into auditions, because I'm obsessed with that moment. First two minutes. And before it starts, just that energy, what happens, and Whitney Cummings told me, she was like, stop being yourself before you start the scene.

Like just come in and get quiet and do your scene because you're actually, this is when there were pilots and comedies. Remember those? But she's like, you're actually funnier than what you're about to read. And so now like the energy's going down when you start. And I was like, oh wow, that's really.

In your own shadow. Yes, you're upstaging yourself. I'm like, you know, it's so hard. It's my cross to bear. Sorry, Whitney, I'm the best, your character isn't. So sorry. I really fasted Cameron, we will get to you, and Kevin's gonna tell us to wrap it up

But Steve Berg the our buddy told me commercially when I first started acting Yeah, he said start the performance at the Polaroid Wow, and I was like I was like yeah But I went like huh, and then I would look and if it was like a dopey guy in the Polaroid He would we'd be talking then you'd go When they cast they're looking at the Polaroids they are Cameron what can we do for you today? Yeah, so I need some help a little bit of background about a year ago

My wife and I moved into our first house and I love it and things are all great. Thank you very much and We've kind of noticed one growing issue as we've been in here for about a year and that is the neighborhood kids. Wait, hold, June, you are so extra. She's just gonna book it. There is so much going on. Keep pitching, Cameron.

Just so you know, I love all children and I stand for children, I defend children, but I'm listening. Open. You're gonna kill me this episode. Go ahead. I'm all children and I stand for children, I defend children, but I'm listening? Open? You're going to kill me this episode? Go ahead. She's going like this. Go ahead.

Okay. So there's a neighborhood problem where there's a lot of kids coming. Yeah, so we basically learned that the cool kids of our neighborhood seem to live across the street. Okay. And every day a group of like 10 or 12 or so kids all are over at their house. And I think the issue is the year or so that our house was maybe empty while it was getting sold, they kind of seem to have declared it their property to be playing on, hanging out on.

A squatter's lie. Yeah, no, it's great. Yes, and especially, first of all, everything you're saying so far to me sounds like a dream. Kids over, kids on porches, kids in backyards, this all sounds dreamy, but go ahead. I can't imagine what the problem is. Cameron, I'm with you more than I'm with Juno. I am, too.

I don't want neighborhood kids like straight cats. My dream, my actual dream is of neighborhood kids. And I actually, I have something close to this right now coming in and out without letting you know they're coming over. Wow. That's my dream. Wow. In life.

Yeah. Okay. So Cameron, you got some neighborhood kids. Keep going. I'm kind of with you, June. Okay. So you're just calling a brag? No, but I was June, I was kind of with you. And I thought that I was like, oh, great. and in terms of play and in terms of like just getting into stuff like you know Can I ask, I hate to interrupt but I have to ask how do you define kid?

Because you're not saying teen so are we putting them 10 and under or are they 12 and under? Yeah good question I'd say 12 and under is probably closer yeah It's getting older Yeah and so I guess kind of the overall thing is we're, you know, I guess the question is, you know, we're trying to set up some boundaries with these kids so they aren't using our lawn as kind of their personal playground, but also so that we don't come off as kind of the curmudgeoning mean neighbors. I understand where you're at.

So they become victims of pranks when they do get up into those teenage years. I think you're right. What are they doing exactly when you say they're kind of playing in your yard? What are we talking? I think you're right. What are they doing exactly when you say they're kind of playing in your yard? What what are we talking about? Yeah, so like one example is you know I walked outside the other day and we kind of have that like fiber internet box and There was a cut the five the fiber internet cable box was open and why and the kit was tangled up in the wire Regis that's not okay. Okay, what else? I don't believe that child. I am spectro.

This is a hazard. Yeah. Okay, what else? Anything else? And when I asked them, you know, kindly, what the hell are you doing? The kid said, we found a frog and needed a place to keep it and this place looked good. Right, this is a nightmare. June, you're not, this isn't your job.

The idea of a child saying we found a frog is so lovely to me. Even if it's in where your wi-fi comes from? I, you just, this story sounds so whimsical. Like we found a frog and we're looking for a home for a frog. I'm sorry it f**ked with your wi-fi, but like. Also kids lie, June. You don't think they found a frog? I think they're just f**king around and they got caught. Either way though. You can't put a frog in a. If you put a frog in a frog I mean it is yeah, it's like Tom Sawyer with internet. Yeah, I would be like yeah, I hear yeah Also, I'm good with you guys being in the neighborhood and at the lemonade stand. I'm buying stuff get out of my yard

Now is this Wi-Fi cable box in your front yard or your backyard? Where the side they have not they have not gotten brave enough to go into the backyard. Okay, they haven't breached the backyard. By the way, good emphasis on the side. The side. I am actually in follow-up question. Why is it in the front yard? Yeah, that is a crazy question, to be honest.

That is weird. No, we're not going down that road. Well, it is a strange decision. I haven't talked to the engineers behind that. Yeah, Cameron. This is a... So, Cameron, the boys across the yard are finding frogs. They're putting it in your internet box.

So sweet. What else are these kids doing? So lovely. Anything you can think of? Oh, yeah. I mean, I've actually kind of been keeping a small list since, like, it's been getting warmer, and they've been... Rapid fire.

Yeah, rapid fire. Let's go. Real fast. Yeah, let's do it So one of them is they seem to play soccer across the street using my garage door and the neighbors garage door as gold Minute or two there's a loud bang June Against my house. I would if I were you buy a net and put it in front of your okay front of your door Not with her. 30. Amazing. Lovely.

What else, what else is going on? Uh, usually there's kind of the remnants of any event that they've had, a water balloon fight in the yard, the Nerf bullets, the galore, McDonald's feast, the wrappers all over the place. Jude, Whimsicle? These are rats. Bill Whimsicle? Rats and raccoons.

Here's the thing. I absolutely understand your issue. But I think that having children around who feel safe Stop it. In your front yard. Even when they're kicking a ball into your garage and it's banging? I would do something about that.

I would buy them a net. Okay, but what about the trash in your yard? I think you absolutely go outside and you say, hey guys, I love that you're having fun. Like, I love that you feel safe here. Like, it's all amazing. I'm gonna ask you to pick up your trash. Okay, I hear what you're saying.

So what June's kind of pitching is, by the way, so is the question, Cameron, what do I do about these kids? That and kind of striking the balance where, you know, not becoming the neighbors that are kind of the mean couple across the street that become the prank victims of the future. Okay. Cause here's what I'm, I agree with you.

Here's what I'm afraid of with June's move. I'm going to be honest. No, if the kids are about five to nine, and I know this because with my kids and they're like, we have some neighbor girls who are over all the time. If the kids are about five to nine, and I know this because with my kids in there, we have some neighbor girls who are over all the time. When they were younger, I could kinda as Mr. Jake say like, hey ladies, these are the rules. If you're in the pool, we're doing it like this.

That's going away rapidly. The tone is starting to shift. It's more like- The animals are running the zoo. The animals are beginning to run the zoo. Very much so. So what I'm afraid of- The Jumanji times.

What I'm afraid of, Cameron, is you going out there and going like, hey, my guys, very lovely. Any chance we could not throw these wrappers? You know what, you're totally right. And by the way, Jake, you have to understand and Cameron, hear this. I, when I'm with children, even though I love them so much, I rule with fear.

I absolutely, my children are a little bit afraid of me. Really? Kids in general are a little bit afraid of me and I like it that way because I'm not, I wanna establish the boundaries of I'm a fucking adult. Yes. And you're a child and don't you forget it for a goddamn second.

However, I think Cameron, if I can put it back on you, I think you're a little scared of them. And I think they smell it. They smell it from a mile away. And I think that they've smelled blood and they're attacking because of it. I think that's right. And I think they can still have fun

and you can still be a cool neighbor and they can still wanna be there. I mean, listen, guys, my dad, I had a house where every child on the block was at our house. My father, when a local elementary school was being shut down, he took the giant playset and he moved it to our backyard. Okay, there were a parallel beam and like different.

There were things in my backyard you couldn't believe. So we had every neighborhood kid there. And this end, my father, when someone tried to egg our house in high school, he took, he went inside, got a dozen eggs and started throwing eggs back at kids. Okay, so. I think you might be the funniest person on planet Earth.

I just think you can't, and I stand with kids. I love children. I stand with kids. I stand with them. We all do in this election. Paul Scheer would give me six children. I'd be so happy. He's only given me two,

but I would have so many more, love them so much. And what you're describing sounds delightful, but you and your wife need to not be scared of these children, okay? And then let them have fun. It's- It disadvises. All over the place.

I take back what I said. I'm a woman, can I change my mind? Yes, yes. Yes. In this podcast, we stand with kids and women. I can change my mind. Yes, yes. I learned things in the last minute.

Am I not allowed to apply them? Hang up, we're done with you, Cameron, sorry. So Cameron, I think. Well, thanks a lot, guys. Cameron, I think June's advice is you should be very grateful. You should rule with an iron. Yeah, I know this is a competing idea.

This is her dream. Scare the kids. And you are scared of them. Get as many as you can. So I think appreciate what you have, but don't be scared of them. I have another. I mean, I agree with the with the scared comic, because I mean, they also kind of do this when I'll pull in from work, they'll be in my yard

and they'll kind of do that children of the corn stare as I pull into my driveway. Yeah, this is out of control. All right, Cameron. Cameron. I love these kids. I'm obsessed with them. Send them out here, Cameron.

You ship them. Give them a development deal now. I have a pitch. I got a pitch for you that is going to start something that I don't know where it ends but You have an infestation Yes, if your house is overrun by raccoons You don't keep leaving trash out you create an environment that is no bueno for the infestation

Right if you have lice and you can't do it with the shampoo, what do you do to a kid? Shave the head. So you need to create a front yard with either a fence, sprinklers, bad music, you out there with your shirt off. Yell at them. Bring back yelling at kids. Bring it back.

Yell at them, they'll be scared and they'll run away. No, but then they're gonna turn on him when they're teenagers. And then his house is gonna be the house Well, they get really poor you are you afraid that your house is gonna get pranked or that you're gonna be looked at as like A neighborhood dick and it might make the parents not like you and you have a bad reputation in your new neighborhood. I Think I think a little column a little column B, but probably the latter there Yeah, you don't want people not to like you. So that's why you can't yell,

because I would yell or something. I'd put a no trespassing sign on my lawn or something that's maybe a little aggressive. But I think Jake is pretty right. You've just got to find the thing. I don't think you want to scare them. I think you want to weird them. Yes.

That's even scarier. Yeah, but it's not direct. You're not going to ruin your reputation is like You're not gonna be an asshole. So how do you weird him? Okay, I what I mean a pitch Yeah, leave the windows open so that you can the kids can see into your house And I would go maybe something like tidy whiteys and just stand there eating a butterfinger while you watch them for a little while So I think I think he started I think he started right and ended poorly. But I think that's how I felt.

That's how it felt. This will get you on some sort of government list. Here's what you could consider doing. I like this idea of weird amount. Is that something, if we nail something you like Cameron, would you actually do it? Yeah, if I think I'd rather be the weird neighbor than the asshole, okay So first of all, what do you think and it's not expensive? You can go and get one of those old-school sprinklers

But one of those sprinklers in your yard pretty good that just is spraying water That's good. So that whatever they're out in the yard. You just turn it on because I'm not the one that's like a fan No one that's like Yeah You just turn it on because I'm not the one that's like a fan the one that's like So what you're trying to do there is you're just saying like play soccer But your ass is gonna get wet and you don't do it on hot days You do it on other days to the windows are open and bad music is playing at a loud enough volume That it's ruining their vibe Well, listen, I did have a bunch of teenagers as I completely forgot about this.

When Paul and I had our first child and we had a newborn, we had a case of like, what do they call it? Ding and dash? Yeah. Yeah. Door dash? Not door dash. Ding dong ditch.

Ding dong ditch. Holy shit, I can't believe these. Sad problems. However you, I can't believe it. Yeah, I agree. You combine dine and dash and ding dong ditch. The old ding and dash and ditch. So we had someone doing it multiple nights in a row

and I could see them on the camera. I was like, oh, they're teenagers and they're running away, but they were waking up our baby. Like our baby, like, and we were already hovering above reality. Like we weren't, we weren't well during that time. And I ran out of the house like the third time it happened and I chased them down the block.

And I screamed like an insane person and they never came back. So I, and I know these people live, I know these children live close by, but I really think that one strong yell, one strong yell, it doesn't make you a neighborhood asshole, it just means, it just means like you don't want to crash on your-

Can you play, after this pitch, could you play the Cherish stuff she said? I, in my dreams- It's whimsical. My dream is to have kids come in, I ran out in my underpants- dream is that kids come in. I ran out in my underpants. I killed a nine year old. A teenager.

Those are teenagers. I still want to nail down the exact ages of these kids because it does, it is going to affect our opinion here. If you're saying they're 11, that's such tricky territory. That's like a liminal space. That's like, I don't know what to do with an 11 year old. 10 year old would be scared. And not come back.

If I had to guess, I think the oldest age is probably about like 13. Yeah. That's tricky business. Okay, so what do you think of this? Do you have a dog? I do have a dog. I want you to let that dog exclusively take shits

in your front yard and not pick it up. This is good. And- Where does your dog shit now? That's an interesting idea. I don't think you yell at these kids. I would pick the shit up and put it in your front yard and not pick it up. This is good. And... Where does your dog shit now? That's an interesting idea. Right? I don't think you yell at these kids. I would pick the shit up and I would put it in the front yard.

And I would turn your front yard into a landmine of shit. That's an interesting idea. And I would get sprinklers so it's wet shit. How about this? Get some fake piles of shit like prank shit and put prank shit in the yard mixed with real shit. And then I would put a sign out there that Says we have a shit problem. I would put a sign out there. It says be careful in the front yard

There's shit everywhere. We have a dog a shitting dog and so the kids I like that idea so that the kids have to go like We would play there, but there's dog shit everywhere Yeah, and that guy doesn't clean it up. Once they've found new territory, you can clean it up, when it goes back, the shit goes back. Cameron, what do you think? I really like that idea. I like the idea of my front yard being uninhabitable

more than me being a jerk to these kids. Yes, I think that's right. And it's not permanent. You're a nice guy, Cameron. I appreciate that about you. I do think that, you know, knowing that one of them is 13 kinda changes everything for me,

cause I'm like, yeah, you need shit. You need like a 13 year old, the power they hold. Oh yeah, there's confidence. In this culture, yeah. You gotta throw some shit at the 13 year old. You're bringing a culture into this? In this culture, the power of a 13 year old, like they are in no man's land.

And we honestly, you know what I mean? Like you don't want to go the whimsy goes away Yeah, that's some person. So aren't Cameron. Are you gonna do the dog shit yard? Yeah, I think I might combine the sprinkler idea with the with the dog shit Will you take some photos of it and send it to us and we'll post it when we are and will you give us a follow-up? Yeah, let us know if it works. I Will absolutely do that and Cameron don't go subtle with that dog shit There's time to be subtle and cute then there's time to just be a fucking guy who's putting dog shit all over it It's every it should be that guy. It should be every three steps. Don't tell your wife either

This is between you and us. You understand me? Yeah. Your wife cannot know about that. That sounds good. Is that good? All right. Subtlety is not the game. I got it. Great.

Thank you Cameron. Follow up with us, okay? Yeah. Please. And move that box to the side yard. Obviously, yeah. Thanks buddy. We'll do that.

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Hey everyone, producer Kevin here. If you have young kids around, maybe don't listen to this next call on speakerphone. Throw some headphones on if you got them nearby. You'll see why. Enjoy. Hello? Hi. Yes, hello. Can we get your name, please? Hi, my name is Mike. Hey, Mike.

Hi, Mike. How old are you? I'm 42. Where are you calling from? A lot of energy for 42. Jersey. Jersey. That explains it.

You're on with us. You have a special guest. Jude Diane Raphael, who... Hi, Mike. I love... Hi. I love you too, Jake. I'm also from...

I'm from Long Island, so it's so nice to speak to someone. Wonderful. Wonderful. I'm just a transplant here. We just moved. My family and I just moved from Massachusetts down here about a year and a half ago. So I'm still learning here. You're an East Coaster.

So you got three shooters on this one Mike The floor is yours. We are gonna lose June at a certain point. Don't take it personally Listen I have you know, I'm very blessed. I have so many appointments so many emails coming in I got a ton of text, you know, it's always nice. It's always nice Mike floor is yours So my sons are seven and ten. And my 10 year old, um, summer is, oh, wonderful. Um, so, so my 10 year old, um, my mother in law, my wife, uh, really want, um, him to learn about Santa before he goes into middle school. Um, in a lot of ways, I didn't want to tell him this year because my father-in-law passed away in May. Whoa, can I go now? Oh, God. Hold on, hold on. I'm listening, Mike.

I'm so emotionally. I'm, I'm. The Santa nerve. Is Santa, okay, go talk. Santa's a lot. I think there's a lot of nerves. Santa's a lot. Everyone's going, oh no, June.

I did it. Santa's a lot. Santa's a lot. Santa's a lot. Santa's a lot. Santa's a lot. Santa's a lot for me. Mike, so the ten-

I'm not at a point in my cycle to handle Santa right now. Go ahead. Does he not know? A ten? He doesn't know. Sorry about that. My wife and my mother-in-law really want him to know. Are you running from the police, Mike? If there's gunshots coming up where he goes like hold on one second. No, no. Get out my

tail Mickey I'll kill you. My problem is I have some human skulls and the cops know. How should I leave a building with what they've surrounded? All right so your ten year old believes in Santa, mother-in-law, wife want every him to know Santa's not real. Yes and and a lot of reasons I didn't tell him this year was because my father-in-law passed away in May and I didn't want him to have to lose his grandfather and Santa kind of the same year. Sure. Now as we go into middle school I'm also realizing that a lot of other kids are going through puberty and so I'm wondering for efficiency reason I had thought of like, should I tell him at the same time,

like have the birds and bees talk and also have the Santa talk? But now I'm I'm rethinking that and like those two things aren't. Mike, Mike, first of all, you get slowed down when you're older. You're going really fast. That's for sure. These are separate conversations. Talking about the first. Yeah, your balls dropping in puberty and sex and hormones and Santa, it's very different.

Your mother and I, you're gonna get hair where you pee from. Yeah, no, no, no, no. I'm with Jude on this. I don't know if my cycle's ready for me. I like the two. I'm still with you, Mike. This is too much.

Men do have a hormonal cycle. Their hormones spike. Girl, I know this. Listen, spike in the morning, they start to decline. As the day goes on, it's a 24-hour cycle. But, but, but, yeah, those, okay, Listen, Spike in the morning, they start to decline as the day goes on. It's a 24-hour cycle. But yeah, those... Okay, so let's separate those two ideas.

Love the idea, though. Love the time is money. Santa's fake. You're a man soon. Boom. Boom. I got everything done in one minute. Hey, don't worry.

He's up there crying. Not for long. The band-aids are ripped. He goes like this. He puts something in the toaster. He hits start. He goes, he's up there crying, not for long. The band-aids are ripped. He goes like this, he puts something in the toaster, he hits start, he goes, Chana's fake, you like chicks. You really believe a fairy gave you money for your teeth?

Boom, boom. Your toaster's ready. Someday you'll have a beard, pretty soon. So Mike, we are all 100% and I'm sure 95% of the listeners are all saying, don't combine the birds and the bees with Santa. But what is the specific question then? Yeah, the question was, should I combine those two into one talk and kind of get that way before you...

No. We're going to get you out by 140. I love it. The answer is 100%. Let me say this though. Let me say this. I had to tell my 10-year-old this year that there was no Santa. He was nine at the time.

And I thought, well, guys, it was devastating. I don't wanna take us down. I don't wanna take us down. Take us down. I might start crying. Oh boy. It'll be our first year. It's great.

It sweeps. June, will you reenact it? Gareth, will you be the boy? Well, I need to do both parts though. So please, I'm sorry. I just don't work a lot. You got the part and I, don't work a lot, but okay. You know, here's what happened.

And I don't know Mike if this is going to help or hurt, but he had his entire class already knew. Oh. And he was the last holdout, bless his heart. Magistrate. And he had started doing research to try to prove that Santa was real. Okay, that's how much he wanted it.

He needed the truth. And once Paul and I started to realize that he was spending his library time researching it in the month of December, we were like, we can't. Was he doing that because the other kids were starting to say that it was fake? The pressure was mounting. Yes, they were telling him it was fake and he was like...

Hanging on. How'd you do it, Julie? He was hanging on. Well, so, and by the way, I come from, I married into a big Christmas family. I didn't necessarily come from that, but I married, you know, Paul Scheer is Santa Claus. He is... For many of us. For many of us, for many of us. He, we start December 1, it's, he's got a village,

you know, that he curates every year and a new piece comes in every year. And he tells a story. June, your thoughts on it, when you first met it. Listen, I, there's whimsy. I thought it was delightful. And I didn't quite under, I think he hid a little bit of it till he really sealed the deal.

We were like four years in and I was like, oh wow. There's a whole thing. I didn't know there was a storage unit. So there were things like, it was sort of a slow reveal, but he, I was kind of like, we gotta rip the bandy and we have to just say it.

And so, our oldest had come up to bed and he was like, I just, you know, I can't believe these kids. But I identify as a believer. And I was like. You said this. What's that? You said that. No, I didn't. He did. My son did. I identify as a believer?

As a believer, yeah. Because his whole thing was like, well, it's cool if you don't believe there's believers and non-believers, but like I'm a believer. Yeah, exactly, like I take that on. And I said, honey, there's no, Santa Claus isn't real. And I just said it.

And I look over at Paul and he's looking up. It was such rage. I have never been stared at by a man like this. I was like, I feel so unsafe here. So alone too. So alone. And later on he's like, well that's not how I would have done it.

And I was just like, well at a certain point we gotta say what is, you know? And what I wasn't expecting, and Mike, I hope this is not your story, I think doing it away from Christmas is actually a much better idea. This was on December 23rd. Oh!

Okay? But I know it was on December 23rd. Paul's in a sane outfit. Well, June. And Gus, our son starts crying hysterically. Yeah, of course, you ruined Christmas. And goes, why didn't you wait? Oh.

And I was like, honey, I thought, because I thought you knew and I thought you were asking us to... I thought you knew and I didn't, you know, and... But then Paul took over and really had a beautiful conversation with him. A beautiful conversation with him. A beautiful conversation with him.

And he was just like, he was like, listen, we're telling you now, but from here on out, we will never say Santa's not real. Respect. Oh, that's cool. That's the way to do it. That's very cool. Because now we get to believe in the fun of it.

I like that a lot. Exactly. That is actually a great way to shelve it to children. So Mike, we're gonna go to- The tradition continues, the little truth. Yes, and you'll never hear me say this again. Yeah. So we're gonna go to you for a little bit here,

and I'm gonna go opposite of what I said before. Listen, we can all learn and grow. I think you say this. You want a combo platter. I'm gonna tell you two things right now and then we don't have to talk about it again. One, you're becoming a man, your body's changing. If your shorts are wet while you're sleeping,

it's called a wet dream. If you start being attracted to women and feeling different things, those are natural hormones. The way babies are made, a man's penis goes in a woman's vagina. Jesus, you're really, you do it. Wow. How many band-aids are on?

And you go, he's looking at you like, lalalalala, and you go, number dose? Santa Claus is not real. Then you go,'s looking at you like a little you go number dose Santa Claus is not real then you go now. How about this then you go like this? I'm telling you all this because I love you and you go with this in mind We never need to have the puberty talk again unless you want to I am an open door to talk about it But I'm not gonna embarrass you and bring it up and two Let's talk about what Santa's gonna embarrass you in bringing up and two let's talk about what Santa's gonna bring you for gifts next year and we never need to have this again now you know what I know but also you know let's see what let's see what

we get see that PlayStation 5 arrives well so what I had and you know by the way there's some there's some I don't know how that is resonating with you Mike but there are some and there's a very famous actress I know who's never told her kid about Santa. She's always. How old's the kid? Call him up. Call him up, you chicken shit.

Well, she said it very publicly, but Kristen Bell and Dax Shepard are of the belief that you never, you never tell children about Santa. I hope this is true. Same with puberty too. I might have misread it somewhere. Never update them on puberty. You just never say anything.

They don't do Santa. And I don't, I'm not about that. I'm not about that. You do Santa. I do Santa, but what I had pitched to Paul was like, how about we tell, because I'd read it somewhere, how about we tell him like, now he gets to be Santa? And Paul was like, no.

Like Santa Claus, but airborne. I'm not telling him he has to now do work. He still gets to believe and have fun. So Mike, has any of this resonated at all with you? Well, absolutely. And thank you very much for taking the time. I appreciate it. No, I think it has. I think that if I decide to go, you know do both at the same time

I think first of all, I can't go Simon. I'm gonna be Parker told me to do this and then I will I Will I will kind of just kind of go straight at it and kind of open-door policy? And then yeah, my other thought was just you know, if I do do it separately, it would be kind of, you know, some space in between them. Like, you know, but both before. Actually, why don't we lean into separately? I think let's do separately.

And I got to know how about so here's here's here's the pitch for Santa because your kid is going to be how old? 10. Yeah, 10. It's okay. We still got some time before. Yeah, we got to be 11. We got a minute.

Stop saying that like it's done. He's going to be minute. He's gonna be 11. We got a minute. Stop saying that like it's, 10. He's gonna be 11. It's gonna be 11. Then the year after that, hold on. He's gonna be 12. I guess I didn't understand. 13, go ahead. So this is gonna.

Continue. I didn't realize there was a chronology here. That's how it's gonna play out. How about this? Let's do the Santa reveal. And I think June is right. Let's do it in like July, something like that. And why don't we do it in a way where you say, you know? However, you want to couch it, but why don't we have a wrapped gift for the end of that conversation?

lovely and so So we tell this all we reveal it but we also say but what that means is that you know We can give you a present year round. Or how about this? And here's something you value. Garth, how about this? At the end of it, there's a gift and it says, from Santa, and you wink.

It's a confusing message. Well, because you just said it's not real, and then you go, or is he? It's not the end of a movie that you're gonna do a sequel to. Five years before, your son was five. Well, see, what you have to contend with, Mike, is what I had to contend with too, is that there's a younger child in the house.

So you do need them. To keep it going. To keep it going, and you need them to protect this for the younger sibling. There's something about that exclusivity in a way that you can maybe lean into too, because it is like, look. You now know the secret. Yeah, you're on the other side of this. You're on the other side of this, but it's important that we preserve it for your younger son.

Yes, and also we'll never speak about it again. It's a lot of different messages for a child. What do you think of the idea of the present? First of all, I think we're all going I tried to connect the combined Don't combine. What if the present was condoms? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Ever. Yeah, never. What if just a pitch? What if the present was condoms? Never. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Ever. Yeah, never. Just a pitch. What if you did the pitch, the Santa thing, you do it over the summer, it ends with a gift and then he says, what's this for?

And you say, for helping keeping this going for your younger sibling. Yeah. A summer Christmas gift. And you go, guess what? You're still getting all the same gifts, but now I need you with me a little bit. And you know what? I'm going to say it here. I like that? Like, I'm going to say it. I like that a lot. I'm going to say it here.

Like, I am so committed to this story. Like, I believe in Santa. I probably believes in Santa. Like, that's it. That's fucking it. Period. This is not. Are you talking about?

That's what I'm saying. You have to commit. A hundred percent is like Joe Biden has said. But Santa, by the way, I just heard his interview on Howard Stern this morning. That's what I'm saying. You have to commit 100%. Joe Biden has said this. By the way, I just heard his interview on Howard Stern this morning. Oh, I didn't, no. So good, it's so good.

But anyway, but you just have to commit to like, this is, it's what's fun, it's for kids, and it's so fun for adults. But you're choosing to believe is what you mean. You don't really believe. Well. So what did you tell your son at 10? You mania.

I did it, why did it wrong? And Paul to pick up the pieces. But the end was maybe that is. He said, you'll never hear us say it again. We believe in Santa in this household. And that was that. And he was like, got it. He knows it's not gonna be embarrassing.

Yeah, yeah, right. But like in this house. But do you believe in Santa? Absolutely. I think I do. After this conversation. I think I do. I think I do. And I don't believe in puberty.

How's that everybody? So Mike, I gotta say, this was one of our weirder ones. It's great though. I think we got a good solution. I loved it. What is the solution? The gift? The solution is we do it, we do it in a caring way, we make it seem like there's a little bit of exclusivity and we end on a high note with a first gift in July. I think we came to that and I thought we were about

to close but then June said, very definitive. I said I believe in Santa, which is what I think Mike, you need to say after you say there's no Santa. Really? Because that's the fun. It's it's like we get too wrapped up in like reality. Like that's fun. Christmas is still whimsical and fun.

So June, will you as Mike, and I know we got to go, will you do the pitch? Because you be Mike. I want to see how it goes. I'm a little confused. I'm not giving a. You be my clicker. I wanna see how it goes with the ending too. Oh, sure, oh, I see. I'm a little confused. I'm not giving a gift at the end. Okay, do it your way. So you've just asked a question. That is Santa real.

I'm gonna be totally honest with you because you're old enough to handle it. Santa Claus, the person, no, is not real. And I know that's probably confusing and mom and dad have been Santa all these years, and I know that's probably confusing and mom and dad have been Santa all these years. And I know that's a lot to handle, but we, this is the cool thing. It's a loss, but it's also you gain so much because now you get to be in on the fun with us. Okay.

And I want you to know that even though, no, there's not a man on the North pole that comes down chimneys and goes to house by house, that doesn't exist. But I'm going to tell you right now, the magic of Santa, Santa, the idea is absolutely real. And from this moment forth, in this house, we do believe in Santa. Does that make sense? As I said it, I thought it was supposed to make

any fucking sense. Oh! Jake, this is the hardest Jake has laughed on this show. We need to get Paul Sheeran, I don't know, get it better. I think Jake popped a rib. It was harder than I thought. I got a little lost in the sauce thing. That's okay, that's okay, that's okay. If that happens, if that happens, explain semen.

If that happens, just explain what semen is. That's a good way to... Really land it. That was... Weird! It was weird. Oh, Mike! Good luck, man.

Mike, you have to keep us posted. Good luck. I will. Thank you so much. Good luck. Mike, you have to keep us posted. Good luck. I will. Thank you so much. Good luck, we appreciate it. Thank you very much. And remember, he is real.

Bizz, biz, biz, biz, biz, biz, biz, biz, biz, biz. Oh, we are brought to you by Filo. Jake, you know Filo, we talk about it. Filo's got current seasons of shows that we can't miss on networks like A&E, MTV, Discovery, and TLC. Gareth, Filo's got The Office, it's got Martin, it's got Friends, it's got Mad Men, it's got Orphan Black, we're talking about real shows, man. We got love after lockups, Gareth.

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This episode is brought to you by Mando. Mando is a deodorant that we all use here at the show, Kevin especially. Kevin, are you a Mando man? I need it with the gym now that I'm going. I'm sweating a lot more than I normally do. So I come up, I got my Mando, I got my water bottle. Let me tell you why Mando is especially good, especially for

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saved over a total of $500 million in canceled subscriptions saving members up Hey everyone, producer Kevin here, back again. The original call from this next follow-up aired last week on July 1st. It's called Goofin' Around and it's the second call in the episode. So if you'd like to listen as a quick refresher, go for it. Also we look at a few pictures during this follow-up if you'd like to see those. The link for exactly those spots in the video is in the episode description so you can find that there. Enjoy. Hello.

Hello. Welcome back to We're Here to Help. We know you are a follow up. Do you want to tell us who you are and what your first call was, please? Yes. My name is Joelle. My first call was I hooked up with my weird neighbor. Oh, right. Oh, right. Yeah. You do hospice. You do hospice.

Yes. Yes. Correct. Okay. You're looking to put this situation on hospice. Okay. And basically you hooked up with the neighbor. You were down for more.

The neighbor was really weird. Sending dick pics. Yeah. It was Joel wanted stuff, but he was just sending picks sending pics and that dude and she kind of wanted a second round Yeah, and he was kind of being flaky and strange and and what was our good call our advice was send? Yeah, baby emojis or oh Oh be right right Yes, what's going on advice?

well Yes however Right. Yeah. Yes. What's going on? That advice. She did. Well, yes. However, the first you said lost and powers themed replies. Yes. Great. Awesome. OK. We have a screen grab on this, Kevin.

You guys ready? Yeah. Hold on. Oh, God. Oh, B.A. And then he wrote L.L, boy. Oh, God. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh since I did request one one hookup after the fact he did or you did he did but I declined and then the other people the follow-up yeah oh baby oh yeah and he sent a couple spicy texts since then. Hogs?

So it hasn't fixed it. He sent you a couple hogs. Did you send more no behaves? So I didn't respond to the last one and it was just text, no photo. What was the text? But actually the text was- You can tell us, it's just a radio show. Radio show. The text was about massaging me like the first time we hooked up something along those.

OBEHave. Yeah. I mean, that's a perfect OBEHave. That is. It would have been. It would have been. But at that point, I'm done. You're out.

I'm good. Okay. So just so we know, he sent you a hog you send them Oh behave he sent you lol what you don't respond. He sends a hog. You don't respond He sends a I'd like to massage you you don't respond Yes Okay, so we're kind of just out of the woods on this Well, when was the last massage? Okay

Out of the woods on this? Well, when was the last massage? OK. The first hookup. The only massage. No, no, no. When was that massage text? Oh, that was about a week ago. A little over a week ago.

OK. So you tell us, where are you at right now? How are we doing on this one? Because I feel like you started the great plan. Yeah. I wanted the, oh oh behave after each one. Well, but all we were trying to do is to kind of like send a message to like, get out of fuck off, take the Austin Powers back as it were.

Yeah, I think the message was allowed. I'll ask them. I like that one. OK. Message was received with the news. I think now message is received. I actually ran into a neighbor yesterday on my way to a date. So that was nice.

Oh nice. Nice. How was the date? It was great. Okay. Good. Can we give unsolicited advice on the date? I don't know.

Don't behave. Yeah, don't behave. Yeah baby. My wife. No, no, yeah. Don't be. Yeah, baby. My wife. No, no, no. So stay in the lane. I agree. They're all the same line.

So so basically where we're at is, oh, behave, slowed it down. And then you just decided to do the ignore. Now you got a new man. He saw it. He realizes he blew it. Because the truth is, on the first call, you would have been happy to do a round two new man. He saw it. He realizes he blew it because the truth is on the first call, you would have been happy to do a round two, but instead of doing it. So our messages to everybody out there, every single,

if you hook up with somebody and you want more and they ask for it, don't just send photos of your genitals. It doesn't work. And if you are on the receiving end, Austin powers gift your way out of it. I think that's right. Universally, if anybody out there is listening and they get an unsolicited photo of a general, and I'm not just saying dick pics because we know those ladies are wild. Oh yeah. All of a sudden you go, oh I got a full vagina photo in my inbox. Oh, it ruins your day. Oh, behave. Yeah. Yeah.

And if you want more, stop sending pics and deliver the package. Yep. Yes. Beautiful choice. What a weapon. I will say, caller, he did send, if you don't mind me sharing, he did send a nice apology text, which I do feel like also worked. Yeah.

Can we see it? Can we see it? Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Was this post the oh, behave apology text, which I do feel like also worked. Yeah. Can we see it? Yes. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Was this post the OBEhave apology? I have to say, Jake, we might have really nailed this one. We're OK. Will you read it? Yeah. OK. So he says, Hi, I wanted to say sorry about never coming through, leaving town for a bit and not keeping you in the loop for a while there.

I was very much not having a good time, so decided to go see family to get out of it. I know it's not that serious because we were just hooking up lol, but I wanted to say something because you're good people. Write that you should have written, oh behave. This is me in a nutshell. But that's a perfect time for an ohhave. So what did she write back? She wrote back, hey dude, you're all good, no worries. I hope your time away was helpful and you're feeling good now.

This is sweet. This is all nice. Or well on your way to feeling good. Yep, feeling much better, still dealing with some annoying family business stuff. OBEhave! Mentally good place. It was much needed. An OBEhave there would have been just... I mean, so what you say is all of these are normal texts. What about sleeping with my roommate while they're sleeping? And what about

random dick pics? Oh, behave. You can't crawl out of that weird behavior and go like, I'm totally normal, actually. Well, look, I think what we were looked like, it was a weird situation. We want you wanted to just stop

receiving hog shots. You got out of that one with Austin Powers, it was a weird situation. We want you wanted to just stop receiving hog shots. You got out of that one with Austin Powers and you got a pseudo apology. And now I'm in a situation that can be way better. Weird. Happy as like, OK, yeah. Because now you're nice to each other. So how would you if you had to give your first call and the solution a grade out of 10, 10 is obviously an A plus. No one's asking for a 10.

But unless we earned it. A zero is as bad as it gets. Obviously we didn't get that because it was a happy ending. Assuming we're above a seven, but I'm not gonna bully into it. It is up to you. So what do you think, Brad? How would you grade us out of 10?

How would you grade us? Gotta be above an eight. I'd say an eight. I'd say an eight. A name is really shockingly low, to be honest with you. Shockingly low. Why an eight? I love our callers. Because we solved the goddamn problem

with the Austin Powers. You didn't do the OBEH. You didn't do the OBEH. Well, you did. But listen. I did. Listen. The ones.

Ones. Look, Jake, we got. Look, we got an eight. Thank you for the call. That's a B. Joelle, we love you. Good luck. I hope your new dating situation goes well. Congrats.

Hopefully everyone learned a lesson. And we definitely got a nine. Thank you, Joelle. Good luck out there. This is a 10. I'll revise. I'll revise. Okay, so what would you, we're going to re-edit it.

And what would you rate us? We're going to keep that part in. Nine. Get out of here. Have a good day. Come on. Come on. Hello. Hi there. Welcome to We're Here to Help. Gentlemen, it's a pleasure. Yeah. That's what I like.

Yeah. Taking the goddamn wheel. Well, it's Jake and Gareth. What's your name, age and where are you calling from? And then we'll get into the problem. I'm Sarah. I'm 44. I'm from the United States.

I'm from the United States. I'm from the United States. I'm from the United States. I'm from the United States. I'm from the United States. I'm from the United States. I'm from the United States. I'm from the United States.

I'm from the United States. I'm from the United States. I'm from the United States. I'm from the United States. I'm from the United States. I'm from the United States. I'm from the United wheel. Well, it's Jake and Gareth, what's your name, age, and where are you calling from? And then we'll get into the problem. I'm Sarah. I'm 44, going to be near St. Louis in Illinois. Oh, okay. Sure. What's up? Talk to us. I run a cat rescue, Caddyshack, Illinois. Oh, I know. I know you. How do you know each other?

Because she, well, why don't you run through that, Sarah? I mean, you send me a lot of great cat stuff. Yeah, I sure do. So I started listening to the show and- For some reason, my friends are laughing. Keep going, Sarah. All right. So I listened to the show.

I noticed Garrett likes cats. So I sent him some Caddyshack merch. And then I went and saw his show when he wasn't too far from here. We're internet buzz now. Yeah. Okay. Where did you see me again? Springfield? Springfield, Missouri. Yeah. Horrible, horrible. Springfield, Missouri. Gorgeous there. OK, well, we've established that there's a cap bond. What can we help you with?

I need ideas for new fundraisers. I am so tired of doing the bingo and the trivia. I mean, they're great. They bring in money. But I was wondering if you fellas had anything fun to do that would bring in some cash money for the cat It's a good. Yeah, I hear what you're saying. So what are the other ones that you do Sarah? You did a bingo night Yeah, we've done bingo. We've done trivia Was literally writing down cat trivia. And so the idea is it's you get people together at caddyshack headquarters

Usually it's at a venue. It's at a venue. Like a moose lodge, if you will. Okay. I got a pitch. Okay. Cat fashion show. Oh my God.

You, you get a group of people, you set it up like fashion week where there's a runway and everybody sits around that like long runway and each cat that is up for adoption. Cause it's also, it's a fundraiser. It's also an adoption night. You dress up the cats in little outfits and they walk the runway and then you MC it or if Gareth is local, he MCs it where you go like next up to the stage is this little beauty that we like to call pumpkin. And then it's a cat and a pumpkin.

I. OK. I love everything about it. I'm going to suggest you do this to add the fundraising part of this. You treat it like those and just hang with me for a second, like those bachelor or bachelorette auctions where you can pitch. Yes. You walk them out in their outfits and people get to pitch on hanging out with that cat for the night. So they go, to have the cat hang out with me on this little pillow next to me, I'll

pay $5. $10, $15, I want pumpkin so bad I'll do $35. But Sarah, you need the right MC for that because then it's gotta be like, it's $15, you need someone to go like for $15 I'm gonna spend 20 myself because this little bundle of joy is too good. I don't want pumpkin out of my field of vision I'll do 25. Can anyone beat that? And then you can go if there's two people you could do the same thing where you go like are you guys both willing to match It they go. All right, we got two people at $50 each and YouTube people have to sit together and share

Little pumpkins attention tonight And what it also does is when you do the little outfit thing and you do it like that little auction style you take pictures And you post that on your social media, and that's a good way for you to be like look We're doing really cool shit over here. Yeah, we had feline fashion And you keep reminding everybody you say to everybody it is an auction This is all and then you keep going like who wants to hang out with this adorable little kitten Don't forget everybody every dollar donated goes to Caddyshack None of this is going to anything except for caddyshack and does anybody want to meet the kittens?

Alright, the first up sparkles sparkles dressed up like a little space kitty look at sparkles, huh? And does anybody want to meet the kittens? All right. First up, Sparkle. Sparkle's dressed up like a little space kitty. Look at Sparkle, huh? She might be out of this world when it comes to Caddyshack, but her outfit also screams, I'm not even from this galaxy. Does anybody want to meet this little Tabby cat who is dressed like a president? That's right.

President Tabby. Howard Tab. So you could then have a lot of fun with that I truly think if you could link up to when Gareth is doing stand up near there Yeah, you're not gonna get a much better MC and then everybody goes to his show after I love it, but this could be a big fundraiser that becomes really fun for everybody Yeah, it's easy for the cats. My wife and kids go to a cat cafe where they it's at a rice.

Would they just you spend money, you drink a cup of coffee and you just get cat hair in it. And they love it. I like they're the best. So one of those as an idea, what do you think is something like that? I think it's brilliant. Yeah, it's something that no one else is doing, although which is also a struggle. Yeah, I love it And I think what you do on a night like that is not only are you paying for the cat to sit with you? There's an entrance fee because yeah, it is a show you're watching a show

So the show to get in cost 25 bucks. Yeah, so everybody all that money goes to Cattie Shaq yeah, then you're gonna have certain ones where you hold it towards the end, where you go like, Ladies and gentlemen, we had two more cats left and this order was put together for a reason. The next cat is so special. And then, great. Right? Great.

And then a follow up to this is you can do Mr. or Mrs. Catty Shack 2024. And you do like a Miss Universe pageant where it's just an entry fee. And you do like the people vote. So people get to vote for the best cat of the year at Catty Shack. And then a third one you could do is prom pics with your favorite cat. Yeah, great. You set up a very basic camera with a backdrop that looks like clouds. And you have like a little box and you dress up and then you are put with a cat of your choice

and you leave with a foot and you go like, you come in like a tuxedo and they go like, I'm in a blue tuxedo, this orange cat works perfectly. Your position, you take like a Sears family photo, you get the photo, that costs you 50 bucks. You do the thing where you have like a box of like hats, glasses, weird shit for the people to kind of dress themselves up

and you get to do the perp one. Those are potentially three separate events. I love it. I don't connect them all together. I don't either. I do each one. I think it's just that we're now doing more show based stuff. Yes.

And that part of it is this community goes. It's also a super fun night. Yeah. And guess what? It cost me a hundred bucks. Well, it's all a write-off. Yeah. And you can have a special cat tail like a cocktail.

Yeah. What would the cat tail be? I'm pushing it. Oh. See? she likes it. Well, you could just do like no. Oh milk and vodka a bloody purry a Bloody purry what would be in there? Just some bloody Mary. Oh interesting. Yeah Yeah, you could do a bloody purr and you could do a white Russian He has cats drink milk an old whisker an old whiskers fun Cats drink milk. An old whisker. An old whisker's fun.

This is my dream job. Sarah, I think we led you down a great road. Yeah. I think you did too. Will you send us the advertisement for that event? Yeah, we can promote it. Kevin's got something. The catchler for the bachelor one.

Oh, the catchler. I just wanna say, Sarah, sometimes the boys, they warm up, they hit a single, they hit a double. I feel like I watched them hit a grand slam and then another grand slam, which is like not possible when there's no one on base, but they somehow did it. So this was very cool. We appreciate the call, Sarah. Good luck. Thanks, Sarah. Thanks, guys. We're Here to Help is hosted by Jake Johnson and Gareth Reynolds. The show is produced and edited by Kevin Bartelt and the associate producer and editor is AJ

McKeon. Our social media director is Caitlin Tanwakiyo and our video editor is John De Bruyne. The theme song is made by Oliver Raleigh and you can check out his music at oliverraleigh.com. That's Oliver R-A-L-L-I.com. The album artwork is by James Fostike. You can find him on Instagram at James underscore Fostike, D-I-K-E. And if you'd like to see me do standup on the road, go to Gareth Reynolds.com.

Additional artwork by Patty Holland. You can find him on Instagram at P-A-D-D-Y Holland 2004. And if you'd like early access to episodes, subscribe to our Patreon at patreon.com slash year to help pod. And if you'd like early access to episodes, subscribe to our Patreon at patreon.com slash yeartohelppod. And if you'd like to be on the show, email us your question at helpfulpod at gmail.com. All of the advice given on We're Here to Help is for entertainment purposes only,

and all listeners should be adults and make their own decisions.