We're Here to Help - See If It Sticks & Sock On The Door (with Tatiana Maslany)

Episode Date: July 10, 2026

Jake, Steve Berg and Tatiana Maslany encourage a therapist to let down his hair. Then, they get a baby bird out of the nest.Watch Jake and Tatiana in Maximum Pleasure Guaranteed on AppleTV+. Be sure to catch the season finale on July 15th.See images from the episode here: https://www.heretohelppod.com/post/maslany Want to call in? Email your question to [e-mail]: https://patreon.com/heretohelppodMERCH: heretohelppod.comINSTAGRAM: @HereToHelpPodIf you’re enjoying the show, make sure to rate We’re Here to Help 5-Stars on Apple Podcasts.Advertise on We’re Here to Help via Gumball.fmSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a head gum podcast. This is a headgum podcast. We're here with Stevie Berg and the star of maximum pleasure guaranteed Tatiana Maslani. Tatiana, how you doing? Great to meet you, Jake. I'm great. How are you doing? Great, they go through a gnarly divorce all awful. I feel like we need to be reintroduced to each other after what we went through.

Every time after that. How you doing? I'm good. How are you doing? Good. How have you, your experience of the show, where are you at with it? It's so nice to be on something that people maybe are enjoying. Like that the resounding feedback isn't like, I hate you get off my screen.

How dare you? When have you, have you, have you, have you been out? Girl. So much. Oh, my God. Oh, yeah. Let me tell you about being a lady on camera. Let me tell you about being.

You did so much anger. I get, I get, there's, yeah, I mean, there's the Marvel, the Marvel, as soon as you steptoe in that, in that world. I was thinking orphan black, so, yes. No, orphan black is the kind queer. Yes, agreed. The kind queer young women and men and then. Yeah, you enter, yeah, that's right. You entered the Marvel world as a character.

That's where people get mad. Stevie? Yes, Jacob. You just binged the show Maximum Pleasure Guaranteed? I did. Steve's our resident critic. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Go off.

I will tell you, I love it. Here's my biggest critique is that I didn't know. I forgot that Apple released week to week. And boy, was that in abrupt stop. I would flow in. People are pissed about that. I was, well, you know, it's, in a way, I like it. But I wasn't ready for it.

And boy, was, I was like, whoa, wait, I just crushed five episodes. I'm cruising having the time of life for, I mean, I'm on, I'm on for the ride. I have to say, I absolutely love the show. And I'm not trying to just blow smoke, because usually I'm very harsh on Jake. But this is so. Wait, Steve, why don't you tell Tatiana what you did to me when I booked a new girl? Look, I mean, an amazing thing happened when Jake booked a new girl. So we booked it, we celebrated.

We're old buddies. I'm like, buddy, this is huge. What a break. And one of the first things he responses, he notes he got was he needs to immediately lose 10 pounds. No. They said, we need you to lose 15 pounds before we shoot the pilot in like 30 days. No. They said you're a little bit too heavy to be a potential love interest.

I feel like it was less time than that. Less time than that. I'm mad at them. That's not okay. I showed up at his house and he was like, because, you know, he was a guy who liked lasagna and stuff, and he was melting cheese and putting spaghetti sauce on it. And it was so pathetic.

I named him Pizza Johnson, and all I did was send a pieces of delicious food for like 30 days. This is true. Every time I look at my phone, there'd be a picture of a pizza, and he'd be like, hey, Pizza Johnson, here's another slice. And I'd be like, I... A spread is like this. Yeah.

I relate to this because I had a scene partner once who was like, fasting for our sex scene. And I was so mad because I was just like, you're not even going to be in the room. You're going to be totally out, checked out. And so I ate two burritos in front of him. Good for you. You get it.

Well, you have to humiliate your friends and scene partners sometimes. And, you know, in order to like put a mirror up to him. Well, I got to tell you, Tadana, in terms of how sweet of a scene partner is, that's the reason why I ate so much before our sex scene. Great. I'm glad. I was so happy. I didn't want you to feel anything.

pressure. No, all I felt was crumbs. You to go, we're fine. I could like smell the euro on his. Yeah. You looked full, Jake. Yeah, you looked like you would just eat. That was exactly what I was like, oh, he just ate.

I know that. You kept going delicious. And then after cuts out and go, ooh, there was something in between my teeth. Yeah, yeah. And I was like, don't worry. Now I've got it between my teeth. As somebody who loved acting with you, Tatiana, how would you describe your acting style and how did you come to it?

Because you are very different than other scene partners I've worked with. Really? Yes. But how? So, each take is very different. And you have to be present with you. And you also do something that, and I mean this as like a true compliment, but you're okay in scenes to experiment and have moments that aren't necessarily feeling tonally right.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. As just like an old school, you know, Shuck like salesman, Willie Lohman, I'm like, every take has to be usable or they'll fire me. I need every take for the editor to go, that's usable. And you would do stuff where I'm like, we're going really slow here. But then you would ramp up and I'd be like,

it is authentic to the way humans talk. Yeah. But I was like, but she's very bold. and very confident. I love this. And I'm wondering if that's something that is a choice, if that's something that was trained into you. Because it's a joy to act with it.

It cuts together beautifully. I mean, I think what was, okay, a few things. This project specifically felt like because we were starting with like David Gordon Green, who literally tells you, like, sing opera on that line. Totally. And you're like, why? I don't know.

And it just like, allow. for this kind of like strange human behavior that I think, I think sometimes like what he likes is like the moment after. So you do something like absurd and then your face kind of changes or your scene partner goes like, and then he can use that reaction in whatever way he wants to. Right. And I think like, so I think like the kind of off-putting nature of his direction,

off-putting being like the joy of it, I think really like set that up. but also like you said to me early that you're like, Paula's kind of nuts. And I was like, yes, okay, great. Like if Carl thinks Paula's nuts, then I have like license to like go nuts.

Like I have license to make things very strange for him. You know, like for- Because I was like, and also that like, that for me has been something I've like wanted to incorporate into my work for a long. time is like, I don't like to do anything twice. Right. I will do that, but like I like to do stuff that's completely opposite and sort of test the

edges of it. But when you said that, I was like, great, license to absolutely fuck with this guy. But it was so fun. And we were brought to you by Dell. Back to School starts now. Get long lasting battery life on the Dell XPS last. powered by Series 3 Intel Core so you can work from anywhere. Now starting at $699 with exclusive student pricing starting at $599,

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I'm supposed to be here. I'm good. How are you guys doing? Good. Can we get your first name, please? Yes, my name is Sloan. Sloan, where are you calling from, Sloan? I'll just say I'm in the Pacific Northwest.

I know Steve Burke loves the Pacific Northwest. Yeah, Bigfoot, you know, all kinds of wonderful things. Twin Peaks, great days. Love it. Do you want me go on? I could go on. I was waiting. The famous Yakima, Washington.

No, Steve, we're waiting for Sloan. Oh, okay, okay. Sloan, you're up. It's your lunch. So Sloan, you are here with the great Steve Berg and the great Tatiana Maslana. You got some hitters on you. So I think we're going to have. Oh, yeah.

So what can we do for you today? Well, I better lock in. I'm starstruck. Well, I am calling in. I complimented my Mel Therapist Man Bun, and now he won't stop wearing it. Oh. So I go to a Mel therapist. He has long hair.

He liked this bun. I'm just immediately horrified for this guy. Oh, my gosh. Okay. Okay. I'm holding a net back. So I go to my therapist with his long hair. I would say it's past his shoulders.

Not super long. It's after his shoulders. I've been going to him for a few years. He's incredible. He's amazing therapist. But I've only ever seen his hair in a ponytail and maybe straight down once or twice. But then two months ago, I go in my weekly appointment. and he's rocking a man bun for the first time.

But it's not just your normal man bun. I'm trying to describe it. It sits very low on his head. It's twisted really tight. No part straight back. I sent it an example photo for reference if it's helpful. Oh. That's not what I was expected.

No, neither. It's gorgeous. Tatiana, can you try to describe this for the people who are commuting? We're talking about a very very. very tight, and if this is true, a very tight balletic style slick back into a chigno at the low, at the nape almost of the neck right behind the ears. Great to speak. But you said that this part, this part's having a little fun with it.

You said this one went straight back. Yes. So the photo is a part, but in real life, no part straight back. Okay, but that tight and that low. and that hair color. Weird. Okay. Very helpful, Sloan.

All right, back to you. So I come in, I'm very surprised. I'm falling behind him from the waiting room to the room, just staring at this bun. So I told him I really liked it. At the time I liked it, you know, when someone mixes up their look, it's nice to see something new.

You should know I am a big complimenter, so I definitely over-complemented the bun. I don't think anything else. of it. He seemed to really appreciate it. But then since then, I've gone in every week for two months. I've been keeping track every week like a normal person. And this has become his daily look. And I do genuinely feel responsible. And so my question is, how can I get my therapist to stop wearing a man bun after I said I liked it? Sloan A plus. Excellent set up. This makes perfect sense. Really clean problem. I think we can help here.

Can I ask a context question, please? Now, what is the rest of this therapist attire like? What's his style? What's his vibe? Great question. Yeah. So he's like 40. I don't know if he rock climbs, but he presents like he does.

I've also never seen him with. By the way, I got you. Presenting as a rock climber is perfect. Yes. Oh, yeah. Whether you rock, the. lifestyle or not. Who this guy is physically.

He's like that of a calice on his hand. He presents at the rock climber. So he's kind of like he's more like granola as opposed to like new agey. Exactly. Yeah. And I do think this is crucial. I've never seen him wear shoes. He's always wearing just socks.

Oh boy. Oh. Oh, boy. Okay. He's great if this gets out. He's amazing. It's just the fun of the show. We're just talking about his look.

A therapist, all you need from a therapist is they help you, and it sounds like he is. But we're just talking about his look right now. Can we give him a name? Yeah, let's call him Lawrence. Lawrence. Great name. Okay, so, and then really quickly about Lawrence, and you know on this show, we've got the term baby boy or great guy. He sounds like a great guy.

We no longer have to talk about how great he is. But how is he as a therapist? Now, we can be honest, he's not going to listen. He's genuinely amazing. I used to have a different therapist. I mean, if we want to be real, I'm kind of a man hater besides the two men on this call. And I was like, we'll just see how this goes. I heard good things about him.

And he's amazing and very grateful for him. Okay. So, Tatiana, early on, what are you feeling? Where are you at? Where's your head at? I immediately flushed with red because the feeling of like being complimented and then like, you're like, yeah, I do look really good. And then like that becomes your whole thing,

I just relate so much to that. And I also feel like my skin peels back thinking about it. Embarrassing. Being embarrassed. Yes. But I'm curious about the style of therapy. Is this the kind of thing where you feel like the dynamic is part of the conversation? Like I've had therapists where the interaction between you two becomes like the

material that you're using to work. Do you know what I mean? Yeah. Wow. Where you like confront things through, you're like, hey, that really pissed me off when you said that. And then you discuss why. And then that becomes like, I don't know.

It's very daunting, I think. That's very interesting, Sloan. Because you said that you give a lot of compliments. There's a big thing that I have about empty words of validation. It's a big thing in Hollywood, but it's the amount of people overly complement each other on a set or in a thing, and then you know nobody means it.

It's hard to feel where your fucking feet are standing on the ground. Yeah. Do you think there's a chance Lawrence is doing a really weird form of therapy to get you to say, because by the way, that's not a man bun. That's a weird haircut. That's slicked back. with it tight in the back,

and then whatever that term you used, Tachiana, the Japanese name I think you gave it. French, chignon. French, chieniener. It's a crazy look for a male therapist. I thought you were doing on the top loose yoga instructor. Yoga instructor with like a few spaghetti strands flipping around. That's like the simple.

It would be fine with me. Agreed. But so really quickly, yeah, go ahead, Tats. No, no, please go, Jake. You go, you go. Well, I was just thinking, does this, upset you this hairdo? Like, are you distracted by it?

I am. I really, I'm losing sleep. No, but I do actually feel responsible. And at first, I was like, am I being so self-centered? I give one, I've only ever given him one compliment, by the way, like physical compliment. Because that's been crazy to do.

The one time I give him a compliment, I probably overdid it. We actually had a heart-to-heart a little bit of his hair. And then I Week after week, I go, surely this can't be because I gave him a compliment. The two months in, I'm convinced. Yeah, well, what was the heart to heart about his hair, Slah? So I say, wow, your hair's at a bun.

I really like it. And he says, wow, thanks. You know, I don't really ever know what to do with my hair. I struggle with my hair. I wish my hair wasn't so straight. I never know what to do with it. Thank you so much. Oh, no.

And this is all you are the cops. Yeah, you did this. You done did it. I know. Okay. And then what happened? I need a right by wrong. Yeah.

So then how did that? Then you probably doubled down. Did you keep going, no, it looks so good like this? Or what did you say that? Well, he was like, sometimes for the record, he never talked about himself. But all of a sudden we're talking about him. We're talking about him. He's like, sometimes I think I should put two pieces out in the front, but my hair's too straight.

And then for some reason I said, this is like, this is like, this is. This is like 90s, 90s girl style. Like the two, the two like gelled strands. Totally. If you're like, you run an art gallery or something like that. Totally. Yeah. Oh, my God.

So what do you say to Lauren when he says that? Well, for some reason, thank God he didn't listen to me here. I said, you could get a perm if you want him to be curlier. He could curl it. And he went, huh, I've never thought of getting a purse. It got on top of me. I got carried away. I don't know.

You got lost in the moment. I got a pitch. I got a pitch. Sloan, this is not, this is, I got a nice side and I got a mean side. And the main side's coming out first. I say we fuck with them. And you start seeing how far the compliments could go. And let's get this man permed up.

Then let's get him kinky hair in every few months. Let's start compliment. And then at a certain point, you could say, Hey Lawrence, the student became the teacher. Oh, my man, you got to have a little bit of a base. Your hair looks insane. I have kept checks. I have been dog walking you through the park home boy.

And it's getting out of control. That is a pitch slum. It's a long play. It is for massing with them and for comedy. But to see how far your compliments can go, That's literally just pitch number one, but let's not live in it. But I do want to hear Sloan your first thought when you hear that. You know, it's in my will house.

I can give a compliment. So, you know, we could definitely do that. He will say, he will give pushback. He will say, hmm, I've never thought of a perp. And then the other week I said, I'm watching Love Island. He immediately goes, I will never watch that. So he'll say if he wants to do something or not. Okay.

So Sloan, going to you really fast, what are three looks you think you could push Lawrence to that he might actually go? I mean, I think we could get him to start curling his hair because he didn't like that it was straight. Please. We could get Gareth's care curling cream. Gareth has a guy. Gareth went through a phase that is now done, but we could get the same creams. Okay, that's one. Yeah.

We could get, um, maybe, Well, I don't want to go too far. A scrunchy. They will cover that up. Scrunchy. That's fun. And then Tatana or Steve, you got an option. What's something we got curly hair?

What'd you say? Look wise? Yeah. Yeah. What's something? Shaves sides. Hey, hey. You see it.

You see it. It's a thing. It's a thing. Oh, it's a mullet. Yeah. Yeah. Classic. I think he should go full tonsure.

What's that? That's the monk thing where they shave just the little circle in the back of the head. Oh, yes. That's the cream. That's like the apex, like we won in a dramatic way. Go from chignoll to tonsure, yeah. That's what you say, we've gone too far, my case. You'll get yourself.

They're putting a mirror and holo to them. I was just thinking hand mirror. So that's just one option. But Sloan, if it's okay with you, I want to. to put that to the side and now go to the nicer side and see if there's another way there. Unless you want to buy that card and we'll get you off the lot on it. Where are you at? I like to see option B, but option one's a good strong start.

Okay. So Steve or Tatiana, do you have any pitch ideas? Now we've got a sense of Lawrence. We've got a sense of Sloan. She complimented him. Obviously, we know the whole setup. What would you pitch to her to help her get out of this situation? I mean, the first thing that comes to my brain is for her to go in with the exact same bun

until he says, someone's like, oh, really? Like, and just to show him like, you know, and just you see, I mean, I think he'll probably say. Mirror is exciting. Yeah, I think going with a mirror exercise. You know, I've been so taken with your bun. I'm sorry, I'm trying to co-op your look. However, here we are. Or, Steve, you don't even say anything.

Yeah. It's like if you're wearing like a tight, cute, T, and then a friend of your starts wearing the same one, and you're making a bold choice to go that tight? Yeah. Or a mustache as a man? Mm-hmm. If you have a mustache and another friend goes a mustache,

one of you's got to get rid of it. That's exactly right. Two guys in the same group of friends can't have both have mustaches at a bar. That's ridiculous. Yeah, it can't happen. The mimic. Sloan, what do you think of the mimic routine? I'm more than happy to do that.

I will just maybe have to really slick it back. do have some bangs and layers, but I think we could really flip that back in. Okay. I love your... I might look a little greasy, but I'm more than willing to do that. That's fine. Okay. And then, Tati, I wear you at.

You got a pitch? Me, I am at... I think you go in socks. Nor regular, but socks. I love this. Oh, you just start one thing. Just start one thing and see... Because the socks, to me, indicate that this guy...

is not, he's not changing for nobody. He started at socks. Great. Like he, he's, he's himself. Yes. I'm no longer worried about him, to be honest with you. Yeah. I feel like, this is a man who knows who he is.

Kind of, but he changed so hard with his hair. True. Yeah. So, yes. I can't do anything with it. I think you bring in, bring in some scissors and say, you know how you and I, are, are shearing my lawn. Wait, what is?

Wait, what? You know how we're shearing my psychological lawn? Get better. We're shearing the sheepskin of my... That's cool. Lamb. Of psychology. And I just run out of with scissors.

I feel like we're back on set now. I know, exactly. You said go on. off. This is where we're going. So the other bitches murder him with scissors. No, cut his hair, but aggressively with scissors. I say, oh, that's what I didn't get.

Chop it off. Chop it off and run out the window with that little chinoe or toss it at the wall. See if it sticks. It's hard as you can. If it sticks, it's done. The stick is ridiculous. It's like a McDonald's hamburger pickle. We used to throw them on the roof and it would stand there for months.

Of the car? No, I lived across two of them. McDonald's and we would go in like a back corner, you'd take the pickles off and throw them on the ceiling. Oh. And they would literally stick and stay up there forever. They would never fall. It would be like reverse gum.

We'd be like, they'd be like 50p, 50 little pickles on the ceiling forever. Sloan, I got one other pitch for you here. What if we started, you started talking about a hairstyle that you just saw? You use it as an example in one of the stories that you really like you. on men and then said to him, would you ever try that and really complimented it and complimented him away from this look and back to his other look? Because right now, because right now I do believe it was your compliment that got us here. And so there might be a way to do it without negging his new look to go like, to say something

And you know what I was thinking? I had like a dream. And this isn't it? But you had your old hair and it looked so good. And then he goes, oh, really? I got to say, kind of missed it. I thought it looked so handsome on you. And he would go, oh, really?

And then go, anyway, let's move on. This, I'm scared of him getting hard eyes with this kind of talk. Oh, interesting. Yeah. I agree. I feel like from day one, as soon as a guy is changing his physical appearance, I'm like, uh-oh. Mm-hmm.

Right. What have I done? What did I do? Whoopsie. Slum, what do you think of that? Is there any possibility there's vibeage from Lawrence? You know, I mentally prepared for some questions you would ask. Didn't see this one coming.

Neither, but I just heard hard eyes, and I think that's the honor's right. I'm worried. No. There's definitely no vibe. Truly, there's no vibeage. Uh, but, like, I, If we go that route, I would need to toss a bit, you know. Can't be like, you look so hot with that sports side pony.

You look so fucking hot. So Sloan, give us a pitch. Tell us how you would say to him that let's just hear your tone that you're not, his hair is good right now, but it used to be a lot better. What was his old look? You said it was just a loose ponytail? Yeah. How could we get him, in your words, to go back to that,

you compliment the old look more than the new one. Yeah. Well, I like the dream idea. I could come in and say, hey, I'm not sleeping well. And I've been having bad dreams. It's weird if you were in one of them if you want to know. Of course I didn't. And, you know, I haven't seen you for like three years.

So I think my brain puts you in, you know, your ponytail look. So you're in a ponytail look. And I was able to fall back to sleep once I saw that pony. It's kind of great This is awesome I love it And then you could also say But one thing I think you're missing

In my opinion Is I gotta tell you lines I think it looked better Playfully Like as a friend I gotta say I said I missed I saw the point

Tell you went back to that look And I got to say I think I preferred it I have one other pitch Go Have you ever heard of traction Alopecia

It's when you strip, if you slick your hair back too much, that ballerinas get it, that you start to get a receding hair line. Oh. That threat. That threat. That's like hell on him by man.

Yeah. Especially a man who's so concerned about his hair, like Lawrence. Agreed. I mean, that'll work. Okay. So now going to you, Sloan, we got a lot of pitches. We got fucked with him a little bit.

We got the mirror. We got, you show up in just socks. We got grab scissors and just cut that fucking thing off. We've got the pretended dream and then compliment his old look. And you also tell him you heard from your friend about this thing where the ballerinas get it where he should just be careful because it creates a pushed back hairline and it might lead to baldness. Sloan, what are you going to do? one of these is going to work for you. Well, thank you guys so much for the options.

I think it was the last pitch at the finish line. I think I could easily come in and say, you know, my brother has long hair and you're not going to believe what's happening. He's been pulling it back too tight. And the hair transplant is so expensive. We're all pitching in. I could really know how stressful is. Great.

We have a Kickstarter going. If I'm a man who does that and I care enough of a look to talk to others about it, I'm going to go, wait, what? Yeah, if you pull back too much, it could pull the hairs out. It's a whole thing. It's, you know, traction, alopecia. That's it.

Yeah. That hair is not getting sleep back. Maybe we double down on the bun part. Yes. Then he might not even do the pony. Maybe I do. He was losing it in the back and the front. With the tight.

Yeah. But then I would definitely say if I were you, he went to whatever would be a dermatologist. I don't know what the hair specialist is called. And they said it's because he was slicking it back and his pony was too tight. He's going to have a loose-ass pony for the next day. I can guarantee it.

I guarantee it. You have a lot of give. It's going to be slopping all around. It's going to be, he's going to have loose hair. Yeah. Sloan, are you going to do that? So question, I will 100% do this. Last question for you.

Do I say, hey, I got concerned. I thought of you and I had to tell you, or do I just casually say, I'm a little stressed out this week. Well, let's do this for a second. Tatana, do you mind being Lawrence? Oh, yeah. I rock climb. I actually rock climb, though, so it'll be hard for me to pretend like I don't.

Let's run the scene a little bit, just try one, and then we'll talk about it and see how. how it felt. Okay, great. So whenever you're ready, you're walking into the office and you're seeing each other. Oh, hey, Lawrence. Hey, Sloan. It's me, Lawrence.

Lawrence, what's up? How's the week been? Oh, man, so good. I got a bunch of new ponytail holders and they are working out great. Rainbow style, one for every occasion. How are you, though? Love it. I'm really stressed out.

It's been a crazy family week. Lots of stuff going on with my brother. He, you know what? His hair is kind of like yours. He does a pullback. He does kind of a really tight time. It's a great look. It's a great look as we all know.

It's a classic. And you guys can remind me of each other. He's just so great. And he went to the hair dermatologist and they said, if you wear this hair every day, Because your hair line's gone back about two inches and a quarter inch. And the whole family's really torn up about it. And it's been really stressful.

And he's losing hair in the front and the back. In the back? The back especially. Why the back? If he's twisting it. And he's twisting it throughout the day. I mean, it's just, his wrist. Does he look really cool?

Like, he still looks cool. There's no way, Tatia. He got to get that. As a 40-year-old man at that point, I don't know what men think. There's no... In my humble experience, men just want to look cool. I agree.

I agree. But knowing baldness and it going back... All right. All right. Oh, no, my greatest fear. Yeah. I'm going to take testosterone and get stronger.

I'm going to be on. What's it? Peptides. Peptides. Sloan, I promise you, I think this will work. I think what you did was perfect. Exactly how you did it. Feels really strong.

Yeah. I think Lawrence is going to hear it. Get a stomach kick. Maybe ask you a question or two. Get quiet. And then go, well, what else is going on with work? And in his head, all he's going to be thinking about is, I got to get Sloan out of here so I can take this ponytail off.

Yeah. And as soon as you go, hands go back. Get off, off. Lousin, loose and loosen. Yeah. No, you're right. Perfect. I will do it this week when I see him.

When are you seeing him? Oh, my God. Do you know what? I actually canceled this week, but I'm seeing him next week. Okay, can you try to do something? Can you try to voice note your side of it? Like during or after? If you could during, it would be great.

If you had your phone on you, but if that's too hard, don't do it. And then please follow up with them. us. Okay, I will definitely follow up. We're all nervous about recording my therapist, but if not... We're not a legality situation. Legality, son. We get a lot of comments on that.

It's just so entertaining, but yet it is illegal. But, yes, we'll follow up with us, long. I will. Thank you guys so much. Thanks, bud. Oh, thank you. Thanks, bye. And we were brought to you by Quince.

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Now available in Canada too. We let you in. That's Q-U-I-N-C-E.com slash here to help for free shipping and 365-day returns. Quince.com slash here to help. This episode of the podcast is brought to you by Squarespace. You know what Squarespace is and so do you. It's where you can build a weather. You want to see how it works?

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You're cutting edge design, your domains, your donations, your videos. You know, whatever it is. That is really Squarespace is there for you. They make you look the part. And again, it's easy. Nobody's going to go to your Squarespace website and be like, boy, this guy mailed it in. I've worked with Squarespace for a long time. Every website I am associated with, which is quite a few of them, completely Squarespace only.

I'm a Squarespace only fellow. What can I say? So go to Squarespace.com slash Gil sent me for a free trial. And when you're ready to launch, use offer code Gil sent me to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. Hello? Hello? How are you? Good.

Good. Could we get your name, please. Yeah, it's Karen. Hey, Karen. Where are you calling from? Karen, yeah. I'm calling from Denver, Colorado. Oh, yeah. Karen, what's your age range? I'll tell you, it's 47. You're just a kid. Karen from Denver, 47.

And if there was a book written about your life, what would it be called? Probably something like, look, I stepped in it again. Oh. That's a great time. I'd read that. Is it you on the cover? Like, what?

Yeah, literally, like, stepping in it. If that's at the airport, I'm buying. Yes. I'm like, I forgot headphones. I don't want to spend 40 bucks on these little weird pieces of shit. Wait, look, I step to do it again. So that the title is taking up the whole page.

You're on the side. You put your foot in the word it. Oh, yeah. Your foot is disappearing into the word it. And it's like bread and mushy. I'm sorry, that was too graphic. I love Tatiana's hate Steve's fan. Yeah, I hated mine too.

So Karen, you're here with the great Steve Berg and Tatiana Maslani. You got some hitters. This is our second call. We're feeling good. So take over. Well, okay. So I had my kid when I was 24, and it was kind of like a, oops, surprise, you know, wasn't really prepared for it.

but my main thing was like, you know, I'll be 42 when she's 18, she'll be out of the house. Woo-hoo, right? I'm doing it right. Well, I'm 47, and she's almost 23, and she's still here. So I made some creative ideas about how maybe they're like, push this little baby bird out the nest without being mean, mama bird. I understood. Well, here I come back in the context questions. Karen, is it financially motivated or fear of leaving the nest from your daughter?

I don't know if it's fear or just kind of like laziness. I mean, she's got a good job. She makes money. She's got a boyfriend. She's literally never here. She's basically just like storing all her shit in my house. So I honestly would love the extra space. So, you know, maybe it's a, maybe.

It's time, but also like, she said, she's a good kid. There's no reason for me to be like, get out now, you know? Karen, look, we say this. She's a great guy. He's a great guy, real great guy. She's a great guy. We're not against her, but we got to get her out of the house. We got to.

We got a. This is a generational thing. It sure is. My generation, and you were all out of the house at 18. Mm-hmm. Oh, right. Right. I was like, yeah, never looked back either.

Like, get me out of it. If I came back for a summer with Eve, it would be, oh, you're back. You're a visitor. It's not the same. You're kind of a bum. Yes. And so, you know, we charge her a little bit of rent, but we don't want her money. We want her money to go to another place to live.

You know what I mean? Here's my first pitch. Before we get into any questions, here's just, just because you said, money, I thought I got a pitch. Charge your real rent. So whatever the going rate is for that room, she has to pay.

But what she doesn't know is you're putting it in a bank account for her, but she does not know this. And when she gets her own place, you give it back to her. And it's money in like a high interest, you know, return, very safe. and that's a down payment for her place.

But all she knows is you're saying, whatever the going rate is for a room in a house in Denver, by September 1st, kid, we're going to need to charge you whatever that is, $1,800 or $1,000 or $2,000 will be like, are you kidding? And be like, I'm sorry, but we might,

we're going to start renting it out to somebody. And then if she stays, then she's just putting money aside for her first purchase, but I do think that's going to motivate her to go. because if she's paying the same, why the hell would she live with her mom? Right. Okay. Okay.

Antiana, go ahead. I have a pitch. So I'm ready. I think you go to the shopping mall and you invest in some 20-year-old clothing. You get a baseball cap, you turn it to the side, you go to a little jersey. Yes. You get a bunch of frozen pizzas. You get a bunch of like a boom box.

And you start acting like the roommate that she would not want to have. You leave your clothes everywhere. You leave dishes in the sink. You become real. See, that's my main complaints about her. There you go. I'm going to, you let them pile up. And you become the bad roommate.

And she's going to go, I can't do it. That's a man. Very interesting. I got another one going off of that, Karen. I like that a lot. Okay. I like that one too. Karen, what is your relationship status currently?

You married? Oh, married. Married. Yeah, yeah. There's a guy. There's a guy. Okay. It's been the same guy for a while.

Oh, yeah, same guy for a while. Not baby daddy, though. That's fine. But a guy where she sees as a dad or a stepdad. She has that mother-dad's all with you. you do. Great. This is what I was hoping for.

One of the reasons I would assume at the young age of 47, you want the place to yourself is, look, I hate to say, it's embarrassed with sexual exploration. You know, you never know. I'm not talking to a 90-year-old woman. No, no, no, not at all. From the kid's vibe, she's going, but from your guys' vibe, maybe you do want to a way of laundry. I guarantee you it would take just once if she came home and caught us doing that.

He's like, I'm out. What if all of a sudden she came home and there was something, a prop from the bedroom in the living room. A swing? Anything. A weird seat. A swing from the bedroom. A weird seat or something you plug in near it.

And she goes, what is this? And you go, it's, you know what? It's when your dad and I are in the house alone, that's our business. And she goes, what? An empty, a condom wrapper, a pair of underpocket. And she starts going, oh my God. And then you say to her, hey, we need a heads up when you're coming home. And she goes, why?

And you go, I don't want to talk about it with you. But do me a favor. Give us at least a 20 minute heads up before you just enter the house these days. And then go, we're going through a phase. Or leave a sock on the front door. Yes. So even when she comes home, she's like, oh, I just want to have a nice day after hanging out with my boyfriend.

I just want to go on the computer at home. There's a sock on the front door. I can't go in. I can't go in yet. There's no way this doesn't work. Oh, no kidding. Yeah. Oh, she will be horrified if there's a sock on the door.

You can even home alone style put the blinds in all the windows. Light them from behind and get a bunch of mannequins that look like they're fucking in all of the rooms. Like a swingers party? A key party. By the way, that would work so fast. Oh, my gosh. If I came back in Eve that looked like 40 different people fucking in her apartment, I'd be like, yeah, I'm moving up.

Yeah, I'm leaving the country. I'm gone. I do have some cardboard cutouts I could maybe get creative with. This is great. You just attach them to a little train, strings down. And then they'll be like. Get like one of those strap on things. Yeah.

You can get a lot of those strap on things. Yes. Yeah. Yeah. I'm going to do something actually. I'm going to pitch something really simple when you just said strap on. Leave a dildo in the living room. Uh-huh.

Yeah. Leave a dildo in the living room. Put some lotion on it. Yeah. So it looks like it's been new. And then she sees that. Well, you know what? I do have the.

Steve Byrd calendar, I could be that out with some, you know, toys and let her connect the dots. There we go, sister. Tatiana really fast. And that's just believable. Really fast. Stephen and I made a bet 20 years ago, and the loser of the bet had to do a photo shoot where they weren't being funny. They were being sexy. You have to not try to be funny. It's you when you are turning somebody on. Oh, great. And Steve lost them. We did a calendar. Oh my God. I thought like,

I'm so funny. It's going to be funny. Women had a very different reaction that women loved the calendar. That's great. What are you going to do? That's great. So Karen is an owner of the calendar.

The calendar speaks for itself. Just put one photo in each room. With a little like cube of K-Y jelly here, maybe a delto here. Hey, Karen, this is the, and she'll be like, oh. If you do this, you are such a winner.

I hear June is a very hot month. And I only know that from the people who have emailed in the show. But if you leave June open and you have jelly and a dildo or a vibrator, and she walks in and sees Steve Berg sitting on a, doing a picnic in Omaha, and her mother masturbated about it, she gone. She's gone. She's gone. And if she's not gone, then just lube up all the floors so she can't.

stand anywhere for long for very long. Oh my God. I think we have a winner here. Karen, if you can do this and send a photo of that. Now she's going to be the one who steps in it. What? Yeah.

Oh! Great callback. Let's go to win the call. Oh, I love it. I love it. This is perfect. Go into you. What are you going to do?

I'm going to do that. I got the calendar. I got this is really like just stuff I've got around the house, you know. Oh my God. Use what you have. Please please take a photo of the setup. And then please follow up after you're done. And then look, if she comes home and doesn't do it, do it again.

Yeah. I have cardboard cutouts of Jackson Fons of Anarchy and Special Agent Dale Cooper. so I can put Benther out of the house and maybe like put some songs on their head just make it look like I'm going wild with these cut out. And for some reason, play rocking around the Christmas tree. Yes.

And let her make the inferences. A little obage. Yeah. Right? It's subtle. If she doesn't get it, well then we have bigger problems. That's exactly. Totally. But this is such a way.

And if this is a work, I can fly to Denver and be like, as she comes home, I can be walking out. Like, oh, hey. Nice to meet you. Yeah. This is such a minute. You're not my dad.

Poor are my stepdad. But you really miss your poor daughter around. But you are mom's daddy. Hey, Karen. I love it. You got it. Please follow up with us. This would be a massive way.

I will. If she doesn't move out, keep heightening it and let us know how you heighten it. And if she does it. I'll start kind of subtle and just kind of move on and I'll keep you guys posted this is a fantastic idea i'm going to tell you if if the third or fourth one doesn't work you got to leave one in her room and then she's got to think my mother masturbated in my bed oh my god she's got to think it she's got to think it you know if i want the space i got to i got to do what i got to do you got to i'll just say really fast just to sell my dad crocco out because i when i moved in with him in my

20s, I opened a drawer in his room and there was a big thing of Vaseline and a Tilda. I had a polarite of one of his old girlfriends. Yes. I did go like, whoa, but I also say, I didn't move out. I went like, no, man. That's an indictment on you, Jake, though. I mean, look, you. Yeah.

I hop in behind the daddy. But, Karen, I think this is going to work, but I will say the reason I told that story is if that Vaseline went in the room I was sleeping, I would have moved out. Okay, well, yeah. I mean, some things are going to have to happen in that room. It's not pretty, but it's life. Yeah, that's tough. Kid.

Grow up kid. Hey, mom, great. You're going to be some stuff. I want the book about your life to be, I made my daughter disappear. That'll be the sequel. Yeah, great. All right.

Thank you for the call. Follow up with us. Oh, thank you. I will. Thank you guys. Pleasure talking to you all. Bye, Ket too. Bye. Bye.

Hello. Hello. Hi, we know this is a follow-up. That's all we know. Please tell us who this is, what your original call was, what we pitched, and what you did. The floor is yours. All right. This is Taylor from New Orleans.

I'm the proud father of Forky, Knifey and Spoonie. Right. I called in originally because I have a chronic issue of throwing away silverware. Oh, yeah. And your pitches were along the lines of trying to embarrass me or shame me at first, like telling me to go to like Applebee's or Chili's and I think half you, Garrett told me like I'd have to steal silverware or something. But where we landed was me personally.

personalizing the silverware. I think I combined like two of this and me personalizing the silverware, giving them names. And I had to keep them on my body like for a week. Oh, like a bank test or something you do in high school. Yeah, like the egg test.

Okay, that's right. Okay. Interesting. So Taylor, what did you end up doing? So I did the pitch, I would say to mostly completion. I sent in some picks.

I don't know if y'all had them, but I took a fork, a spoon, and a knife. I named them. Oh, my God. Garrett, what are we looking at? We are in the pocket. We are looking at a knife, a spoon, and a fork, all with different colored tape.

Or neckties. I would like to call them neckties. Sure, or ties. And each utensil has a smiley face, or a sort of jovial face. The spoon, the surface area, the advantage was really taken because it got hair, bigger eyes, and a bigger nose. The fork all the way has like Bart Simpson hair.

Yeah, the fork does kind of have a spiky hairdo. And so little gross you used Sharpie and then ate it? I know. Well, I didn't use them. I didn't use them. Oh. What did you do? You just carried them around.

We just kind of. Oh, I mean, I'm not like walking. around the world eating full meals all the time. So Taylor Walker's for you, you did you. You created these. You created these three as, and what did you name them?

Forky Spoonia. And I put him out a fanny pack. Yeah. And I put him in a fanny pack and I went, I went out in the world with a fanny pack. Okay. And so I went to like, I went to things.

I went to a birthday party for kids. I coach basketball. I went to, basketball practice with it. And so why it worked was because I was shamed and embarrassed for how the explanation I had to give of why I was equipped. So, Taylor, if I may, just walk us through the average interaction. I'm going to be someone coming up to you and just explain what's going on in the shameful

way you did. Hey, Taylor, whoa, Fannie Pack. What's that? I mean, I would just straight forward with it. I was just like, I have, these are, I took, I would take them out, show them. they would be more confused as to why that's what's inside the Fannie Pack. And then I would explain to them that I have a problem. I was throwing away silverware.

I called in a podcast. By the way, fucking. This is what they told me to do. And I think I sent in a voice memo that was at the end of a few episodes ago. But ultimately, the reason it's working is because I do. I have this moment, this half a second moment, when I'm like scraping a dish or something, that I'm like, I hold the utensil when I see it.

You know, I actually see the utensil for who it is in that moment. And I'm like, I can't throw this away. Jake. And I don't. Thank you for this. Jake, I'm going to be honest with you. Yeah. Thank you.

Of all the follow-ups, it's nice that we're in a zone where I don't even really remember the pitch because I'm seeing it. I'm like, this is insane. Of all the follow-ups that have succeeded, this i'm most surprised i agree no i'm not surprised you know what i am touched touched we all know i and it's something you said taylor that well i love you're seeing them yeah the it's a show about a bunch of couple of idiots calling in from a bunch of weirdos across this great world of ours you're seeing forky spony and knifey and therefore you will not

throw them out and that fixed the issue. That's what this whole fucking circus is about folks. Shocking. Shocking. Excuse me while I ring the bell, Taylor. Sometimes people get mad at us. Lots of times. And they think that we're stupid.

All the time. But sometimes you go to the circus and you go, I just saw something magical. We are drunks on a tightrope. And then Taylor, this is great news, brother. Great news. Well, okay. I told I had other people come out when I told him this. They're like, oh, yeah.

I lived in my brother for a couple years and he was like, oh, yeah, like you were throwing away so much silverware. I had to buy silverware multiple times when you lived with me. But that problem is now over. Real quick question before we let you go, Taylor. Where are knify, forky, and Spoonie now? They were in my backpack in the fanny pack for the longest time. Literally just took them out a couple days ago.

Where are they now? But they're still in their pure form. I have not like untaped them or took their faces off. Taylor, you know what I'd like you to do with them? Alf on a shelf. Once in a year. Oh, my goodness. Just put them up in your house.

Can I pitch on Jake's pitch? Seasonal outfits. I want Halloween costumes. I want Christmas themed. Agreed. I want Valentine's Day. I want Fourth of July patriotism. Yeah, man.

You got to do a little bit of work with these three. They're going to be with you for the rest of your life, Taylor. Keep them alive. And then, in your will, you got to give them to somebody. And ask that you be honored in the way that they also. I'll have to dress them up for holidays. Have whoever inherits them follow up with us. Thanks for the call.

Thanks for trusting us. Thanks for walking around with a fanny pack with silverware in it. I appreciate you guys. Couldn't have done it without show. I must. Thank you, Mel. Hey, everybody. We just want to remind you if you want to watch new episodes of We're Here to Help,

it drops a day early on Hulu. So you can watch the new episode. a day early, and we're also dropping a bunch of older episodes from season one and season two. So get involved. We're Here to Help is hosted by Jake Johnson and Gareth Reynolds.

If you'd like to be on the show, please email us your question at helpfulpod at gmail.com. And if you want to watch video episodes of We're Here To Help, you can go to our Patreon at patreon.com slash Here to Help Pod to see our entire catalog. We're here to help is produced by Rabbit Grimm Productions. Executive

producers Rob Hollis, Jeff Porter, and Natalie Hollis, associate producer Jesse Thurston, editing mix and master by Chris Fowler. The theme song by Oliver Raleigh. The cover artwork is by James Fostike. Animations by Andrew Strelecki. And if you'd like to see Gareth, you standup on the road, go to Gareth Reynolds.com. Remember all of the advice given on we're here to help is for entertainment purposes only, and all listeners should be adults and make their own decisions. That was a headgum podcast. Hey, everyone. This is Whitney.

And Alexan. A.k.a. the popcorn queen and king. Hey, guys, we just wanted to thank you so much for all the love and support you've shown our family. As many of you know from episodes 224 and 231, we're navigating Alexa's second kidney transplant journey. And that journey has really inspired us to create the Arana Kidney Recovery Foundation. That's right. The foundation helps transplant families with everyday expenses during recovery so they could focus on what's most important.

Healing. Now, whether it's lodging, transportation, groceries, or other essential expenses, we're here to help lighten the load. If you'd like to support our mission, you can learn more or donate at A-R-A-N-A-K-R-F.org. That's Arana-K-R-F-F-R-F-R-F.org. Thank you so much for being such an incredible community. And thank you for always being there to help. Hi, I am Mandy Moore. Sterling K. Brown.

And I'm Chris Sullivan. And we host the podcast, That Was Us, now on Head Gum. Each episode, we're going to go into a deep dive from our show, This Is Us. That's right. We're going to go episode by episode. We're also going to pepper in episodes with different guest stars and writers and casting directors. Yeah. Are we going to cry?

Yes. A little bit. Are we going to laugh? A lot. A whole lot. That's what I'm hoping, man. Listen to that was us on your favorite podcast app or watch full video episodes on YouTube or Spotify. New episodes every Tuesday.

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