Wonderful! - Ep. 54: Zero G Barfdate

Episode Date: January 17, 2017

Did we all communally experience last night's episode of The Bachelor in a group fever dream? Did we really witness a Backstreet Boys dance-off, a floating post-yartz smooch and a bouncy castle hook-up? IS THIS THE MATRIX? ARE WE IN THE MATRIX? MaxFunDrive ends on March 29, 2024! Support our show now by becoming a member at maximumfun.org/join.

Maybe, maybe you should go and do some contemplating. Right reasons, right reasons, being a good girl for all the right reasons. Right reasons, right reasons, being a good girl for all the right reasons. I'm the best rat and I'm rapping to your pool sign. Here to find true love, one man for my life. Hi, this is Rachel McElroy. Hi, this is Griffin McElroy. And this is Rose Bettys.

This is the fastest we've ever gotten into, like we literally just walked out of the living room and just sat down in our studio and just like started shooting this shit very casual we are going as fast as furious as possible because our baby has been asleep for 90 minutes and that means we have at a maximum 50 minutes so we're not going to get a whole podcast done but that's okay it seemed to work well last time. I liked listening back at the last episode where I was half drunk at the beginning of it. And then I was very, very, very sober during the back half of it. And it was like that movie Memento, because there's things you missed the first time around. This is a podcast where we talk about The Bachelor and The Bachelorette and The Bachelor in Paradise, a family of products.

And we just watched another episode of the dang thing and just a moment ago just a moment ago and i'm still i've still got that glow i'm sorry no actually let's let's let's put it let's put the tiger up on the table and yell at it um the episode ended with a little ditty by josephine that's kind of still it's still sort of banging around in my head you know how the first time you saw Hamilton you just had to unpack it for a bit? Very similar. Josephine was not throwing away her shot.

She did not. Well. A little bit. She just threw it away a little bit. A little bit. So this episode begins with the cliffhanger from last week in media res as we say in the entertainment business i don't like it well you don't like latin i it's the it's the

foundation of all the romance languages so it feels a little feels a little showy to me. I love you, Bohem. It feels a little showy. Okay. So, last week, as you'll recall, he confronts Liz and says, I don't think anything's going to happen with us. I think you should maybe go home. Liz says, cool. She leaves. We know this week is going to

begin with Nick telling all the other ladies about his rendezvous with Liz. This is going to be such a huge litmus test for like, who's down with this show. Because in this situation, the smart thing to do is completely ignore that anything happened and just like, oh, I don't care about that. How was your day? Any complicated emotions you might feel upon hearing this news. It's week three.

It is not time for your emotions. It's the third week. It's best that you stifle any insecurity this may have brought up and just pretend like you just found out that Nick has seasonal allergies. Yes. You're like, yeah, of course. Why would I care about that? Hay fever, whatever. So it's a cocktail party.

So it's extra pressure because he's giving out roses at the end of this party so the women are extra cool with it most of them are yeah um i'm so awful with names we had so much trouble keeping the women straight this episode i think by the end of it i have a pretty good handle on everybody it was a good it was everybody got like a scene this episode i feel like but at the beginning of it i was like is that sarah is that whitney so you were taking notes at the beginning of this episode and yeah let's talk about it right at the top you want to talk about that first line um because it's not so much germane that you don't want to talk about it it's not so much germane to the subject of the episode we just watched but um it's about the rose buddies facebook group and it's a very

important part of both of our lives i had it open and I was just kind of lurking throughout the episode, and people were saying some really funny shit about the episode and about Secrets Resort. Is that a Swingers thing? I don't know. There were commercials for it during the show. That's why people were talking about it. Yeah, I know. And it's been on there for the past few weeks. And it's the same one where it's like these women talking,

and one of them was like, how was your honeymoon? And she like smiled, and it shows a bunch of shots of like sex stuff. But one of the things is some old-ass grandfather clock-ass looking keys lowering into like a vase, which is kind of like a key party, I guess. Or maybe it's like a sex metaphor like it's in north by northwest when the train goes into the tunnel you know are we talking about this because this is where you want to go yes so anyway the facebook group um you are you moderate all of the entrants if you enter into the group you have been personally handpicked by rachel she is the fucking sorting hat and she decides over 7 000 people and i would say

um 98 of them have been approved by me and there was a story you told me while i was cooking dinner tonight um because for my wife my little catfish collard greens thing um you told me about a person who tried to join the community and i feel like this was an edge case and maybe we should bring it to sort of the tribunal um because it was a person who had started their facebook account today yeah just so you know if you've decided to get back on the book in the past week uh just to join rose buddies i'm gonna be a little suspicious that it's the only metric we have this story is, but the only reason why we shot this person down out of hand is because they started their shit up today.

And like, we've had too many people try to sell glasses and jeans on other shit that like, we don't fall for that. So it was a picture of a woman. And I was suspicious because her account started today. And then I opened it up and she had filled out some information. She filled out a few pieces of information, and her job was she was a taste tester. And you're probably wondering, have been in Jerry's or edible arrangements?

No, her job was this bot that definitely started their account this morning that's definitely a bot. They're a taste tester at pussy is what the account said and so i wanted to sort of put that on the table and like get a uh uh up or down vote you know so i ignored that request but i didn't block it so if you're out there if you're out there and it was a mistake please put it forward a second time we are sorry for putting you on blast we did not say your name um but it's like this group is important to me and it's a family and i want them like if they want if they want like this particular person to be in the group like go for it um go go ahead and shoot but they are going to try and sell you discount ray bans um okay so can we get back

to the show so we're in it now um I'll tell you who was particularly cool about this announcement about the sex stuff was Raven. Raven was like water off a duck's back, man. Are you sure you're not thinking of... Well, Raven was cool, but we only got a few seconds with Raven. We only got a few seconds with most of them. Sarah was cool also. She ended up talking about her grandparents' relationship. That's how cool she was.

She was just like, yeah, it's fine. And then they ended up talking about her grandparents. You really do get so little time. Yeah. It has to be like, it's a big thing that people stress out about. And we kind of watched one contestant sort of collapse under the weight of this consideration during this episode. kind of watched one contestant sort of collapse under the weight of this consideration during this episode which is like you really do only get a combined total of maybe two minutes per episode if that with the with the bachelor or bachelorette and you need to make that time fucking yeah like

the secrets are you don't complain you don't talk about other women uh you don't complain about nick um no god you don't tattle yeah it's like if you have a story to tell about how formative your high school volleyball coach was this is the time to do it i don't i don't care that you fucked somebody else you're a 34 year old man like who gives a shit he's actually 36 maybe who care i don't care how well Age is nothing but a number. I want to tell you about my high school volleyball coach, who was very important to me. Yeah. So, I guess the only thing that really happens before the rose ceremony is Corinne's big move. Yeah, this was a confusing one, huh?

So, she tells us that all the women are bringing their a game and she's gonna one-up them corinne has a rose if you'll remember from the group day group day uh from last episode when she took her bikini top off yes and and um so she says she's gonna use her sex charm uh which is a direct quote and then she puts on a trench coat over like i guess uh an underwear set um it was a confusing strat i wasn't quite sure what was going on at any time and i'll tell you why it's because abc put the black bar this it was the most unnecessary black bar the end of this episode ended with a pool party where like everybody was wearing like pretty most most women are we're wearing pretty revealing bikinis like go for it chase your bliss if that should you know go for it she was just

wearing a trench coat where like a quarter inch of if i was side boob was showing and it was like no we can't the public can't see that if i were a graduate student i would write a whole thesis on how they use the black box to manipulate your impression of the experience because here's the thing because that black box was totally unnecessary it was just meant to like titillate us not only that sometimes they do the blur yeah in the bouncy castle i feel like when they're like trying to hide a little bit of the butt they put some blur on it make up your mind the black boxes i think they use the black box for comedic effect basically a little wink at the time yeah uh they did it for who's Who's that one poor woman that...

Oh, I feel like her name started with a J. Was it Jade? No, it wasn't Jade. No. I know who you're talking about. The, like, fitness woman? Yeah, she was a fitness woman. She told that one really off-color joke during...

She won a group date, and during their one-on-one time, dude was like, I'm gonna send you home now. Oh, was it about the homeless person? She said a joke about a homeless person. It was really awful. Yeah, I remember her. But it was her, because I feel like that's when it started, is because her butt was, like, I guess out sometimes.

Yeah, that was the joke anyway. And then she just got 100% butt black bar coverage. So Corinne, not only does Corinne have this, like, you know, sexy outfit under a trench coat, she also has whipped cream which seems like like it's some it's some ally larder shit yes i tried to pull her name while we're watching the fucking episode and i just crushed it there's a woman from um uh varsity blues hill street blues uh yeah this yeah um it's a weird it's a here's the thing if you're gonna do this i'm you i want you to eat whipped cream off me first of all read the fucking room corn because

he literally just had to like eat crow and stand up in front of all the women which he did he stood up in front of all of them he's like i want to be completely transparent here me and liz had sex at jayden tanner's wedding uh i tried to get her number she said no if you have any questions about it come and ask i actually feel like nick handled this basically the best imaginable way that he could well the only thing that i noticed that was kind of sketchy like we know he's telling the truth or at least as far as we understand the truth but he eliminated the woman that could corroborate his story so his whole i asked for her number and she didn't give it to me like for all these women know could be made up because i guess so but that's also that would also be a weird look if it was like liz tell everybody the truth now look now go that would be i feel like that would be yeah

that would be i feel like that would be equally, though, he's asking the women a lot to trust his recount of this story. But on that, Korn, you have to understand that Nick's whole spiel tonight is like, I want to approach this with a clean slate, and I don't want anything getting in the way of my journey. And then here you are pulling this kind of, sorry, half-assed hill street blues maneuver and it's just like a it's not it's a it's a tonal mismatch this isn't and and sure enough like it ends it crashes and burns this weird at first she like fills his mouth up with whipped cream yeah and then tries to eat the cream out of his mouth and at that point my bones were like later sprays it on herself um and she says take it off my boob uh and nick is telling us you know it's he he is obviously attracted to her and that she is good at quote stimulating chemistry um but that he's

trying to appreciate her while being respectful of the other women uh and while this is happening we're seeing cuts of women crying. I don't think it's related to this. No, it was like every woman in the house found out about this bad Allie Larder impression and just burst into tears. Like, no, that's not how it was done. So Jasmine G finally decides to walk out

because this has been uninterrupted. And Jasmine walks out, sees them. It's like, like uh and turns she doesn't interrupt them nick is like hey jasmine come over here which is what really upsets corn she starts to walk back inside yeah um and then nick's like hey hey come here and then she turns around and comes out and then corinne instantly feels uh uncomfortable and runs inside. And it's like, nothing of my plan happened. She felt so stupid.

And this was so bad for their relationship. And then she gets in bed and goes to sleep. Man, Corinne is so interesting. Are you saying Corinne on purpose? Here's the thing. I kept saying Corinne and then Corinne. And I was going back and forth. It's Corin. No, I know, but she

goes by Corn on all our social media profiles, which people kept pointing out in the Facebook group. So you're just trying to respect her wishes. It's easier to remember. That's it. Also, it's funny to refer to a human being as Corn. Okay. So I'm going to keep doing that. You brought up the

comparison between her and lace lace last episode and i think i'm a little bit more in your corner now because i really think it's a um she's obviously at this point like playing a a character on tv right like i think once you start doing the villain role on this show that is a snowball effect that you can't really bail out of um and like the amount of the sheer amount of shit that she does per episode is like that's that is dedicated villain behavior right um but at the same time she is also a 24 year old woman with a nanny who like seems like she doesn't know how to interact with anybody socially at all i think she's very easily manipulated which is the same

thing i think happened with lace where it's these women who have a little bit to drink and then the producers probably suggest behavior and then they just kind of follow yeah i don't even know if drinking like applies to it at at all because i i don't know that's a weird thing to speculate about i just feel like i just feel like feel like she's really good at being a villain. Don't get me wrong. I think she's one of the more entertaining villains that we've had on the show in a long time. But I also think she's, like, weirdly self-conscious and genuinely vulnerable. Like, not in a way where she's trying to score points.

Like, she has a kind of a breakdown during one of the dates. It didn't seem like she was trying to get the bachelor's attention because she didn't like, you know, holler for him to come talk to her while she had a cry in the bathroom. She like genuinely seemed very upset because like she didn't know how to like get, get attention in that moment. And she started to like second guess herself.

And it's like, that felt kind of real. So it's not like Courtney, who is just like a fucking charlie sheen like tagline um uh soundboard uh like she she seems like she's really i don't know she seems like she's really uncomfortable a lot of the time she's not like a game player like courtney was you know where she like has a real clear strategy and like is steadfast in her approach. She gets these ideas, she executes them. And then if they don't go well, she's

pretty much devastated. I'm really hoping she doesn't take a turn. And it being like, I mean, how could she turn more than this? I don't think she's done anything nasty. Like, right? Like, that's true. It's not directed at the other women. Here's what gives me pause. I'll be straight up. We do a podcast about The Bachelor and Bachelorette. It's a show that gets wicked problematic sometimes. Last season, we talked about, oh, this Rod guy is real fun, and he's really funny, and you know what?

He's telling the truth. He's speaking truth to power. Yeah, no kidding. And then the next fucking episode, it was like, oh, shit, no way. Well, they did kind of tease next week that Corinne is going to have a confrontation with some of the women. Yeah, but I mean, that could still, whatever. Everybody is having confrontations all the time. There's a huge gulf between

that and genuinely like, oh no, she's a piece of shit. I don't know when it doesn't go in that direction, because right now, it's just like, man, she's very good at playing a very, very good character on a television show. So, they have the rose ceremony um some women go home that i don't really know hayley is one of them hayley's one of them and i feel like

i remember her lacy is one of them and then there's a woman in the yellow dress who doesn't get a name that's how i met your mother it was how i met your mother no there goes nick's mother okay from how i met your mother you we watched two episodes of that and i feel like you weren't really into it but i think she had a yellow dress or maybe yellow umbrella yellow was involved somehow i don't know but um astrid taylor whitney christina danielle rachel vanessa jasmine raven jamie dominique sarah alexis britney josephine i'll get roses Rachel, Vanessa, Jasmine, Raven, Jamie, Dominique, Sarah, Alexis, Brittany, Josephine. I'll get roses. In addition to the women. That was nothing.

That already had roses. That was just name vomit. From previous dates. Next day. Here we are. So Chris comes in. That was a rooster. Chris comes in and asks the women if they're well rested.

Most of them say no. And then he turns to Corinne. Oh, we didn't even talk about Corinne during the rose ceremony. I mentioned that she went to sleep. Oh. Okay, I missed it. I missed you mentioning it because that's crazy. I can't think of anybody who's ever still been on the show who just, like, bailed on the rose ceremony.

What's weird is they, like, didn't get her. They all kind of looked around like, where's Corinne? Where's Corinne's not here? Nick apologized for her. Nick was like, I'm sorry. I'm sorry, ladies. And they just let her sleep. And then they continued to dub in snore effects.

The snore effects. Over people sleeping, which I just don't believe are true. It's this show. This show subscribes to some sort of service that gives you like, and it's like a dollar a year. And it gives you 20 sound effects. And it's like snore.sfx moan moan kiss moan yeah um and it's just the same snore that they used for they use the same snore for make out smacking yes uh butt smacking um it's the same snore that that they would use for like juan pablo if they caught him napping during during his season like it's just the same snore it's a gender neutral

snore yeah uh yeah so she slept through the rose ceremony so when chris comes in the next day he kind of jabs at her a little bit it's like corinne must be rested though because because you had some sleep it's a fun little christmas she's just like yeah i got the rose already and i was tired and it's uncomfortable one of the women i forget who said uh was like nobody wants to be at the rose ceremony it sucks at the rose ceremony yeah but you do it um so chris kind of brags on the dates this week he's like we've really outdone ourselves um and this first group date you're really going to get your mind blown and i'm thinking chris you're a little cocky coming out here usually not so braggy on these dates uh so he leaves the card

the card has uh danielle kristin christina whitney taylor jasmine and corinne and when they go to has Danielle, Kristen, Christina, Whitney, Taylor, Jasmine, and Corinne. And when they go to read the card, it just says, everybody! And they're all kind of looking around like, everybody! And then the music starts. It's the BSB. It's everybody's friends.

Fucking JC, Tony, Lance? Was Lance in that one or was he in 98? Or NSYNC? Let me hit you with this. There was a JC, wasn't there? JC Chazay, but I don't, here's the thing. I can't keep them straight.

There's a Kevin. Kevin is definitely fucking in Backstreet Boys. And he was very serious. Kevin got one line in this whole episode and it was like, we're running out of time. You guys need to get it the fuck together. Is Nickter and backstreet no babe nick carter was 98 degrees i think who is your jam of of the trifecta and don't give me some s club seven bullshit i'm 34 years old i miss the phenomenon entirely you have a fucking between in sync and backstreet boys and 98 Degrees.

New Kids on the Block. Come on, get the fuck out of here. Stop it. I mean, NSYNC. If I had to pick NSYNC because I- I think that's the right answer. Justin Timberlake is undeniably talented. Well, and also their songs were better.

Although I don't know, Backstreet Boys had the call. Did you hear the call? Let me tell you this, don't rip out that call, gonna change my destiny. It was about, I guess this woman started to kill all of them like in the music video this woman like called them and when you got the phone call from the woman she would fucking kill you and so you watched all of them die and that was the last song they did more or less well but they're back they're back so but then they i have to say that's the resurrection ceremony we watched a documentary about backstreet boys it's really good it's very fucking good because it also talks about their manager who was a kind of a sleaze dude but he also had his fingers

because isn't nick carter in that documentary i don't know he had his fingers in every like pie of every like boy band like popping off and he took all their money basically took all their fucking money it's like a crazy story but these dudes are like so legit about their music it is not a crass effort for any of them this reunion like let's just get out there do our shitty shit for each of them it's like we got to get out there and do our art that makes the people yeah they like want to do new songs they like want to keep up their vocal talent they're doing new choreography it's really interesting uh and we find out that they are going to have a residency in vegas at the planet hollywood yeah in vegas in march and june march and june gotta get out so you guys

know i'll get out to that definitely uh so the guys all walk into their song everybody and the girls all lose their mind i was disappointed that there was no confusion like they read the names on the date card and the back of it it said everybody and nobody was like so are we all gonna are we all going oh everybody everybody's going on this date i guess uh so the guys come in they say word of advice no all the guys luke chunk jc jz dace aj dax j ray j ray rj the phenomenal one howie howard howie was how he was one of them i think i see i always get confused because there's an older brother type in both in sync and backstreet boys damn it And I don't know which is which. So...

That's okay. Dirty Pop was a good song. That was NSYNC. That was NSYNC. That's a good song, though. Because I liked it. I tell you why I like that song. What are we doing?

I'll tell you why I like that song. Because it was them being fucking hard about their music. They're like, no, no, no, no. This is dirty. This is dirty. People coming around talking about what was that?

I don't know. I'm a 34 year old woman. I don't know any of these songs. You know, every word to dirty pop. That was the thing is like, this isn't this isn't when they're gonna fade out. That was one of them. It's the game with this pop life and when they're gonna fade out. Because I listen to that song and I'm like,

this is just like any other bullshit song by all these phonies. And I'm like, wait a minute. There's an edge to this pop. Dare I say it is dirty pop. This must be pop. And then that's when JT comes in and he's like, and you're like, ooh, he's gonna break off

and do this in his first album a lot. Well, I think every boy band has this grand delusion that they're going to do a Beatles pivot and become this serious rock group. Well, I think more so every boy band had this, no, no, no.

We're hard. You know what I mean? Backstreet Boys came at you out the gate with that shit backstreet's back where were you i don't know but the edge is there fuck 98 degrees never had that they just had that one fucking song on the mulan soundtrack with stevie wonder and it was a good one but like... So the women request that the guys sing a little song for them, because not every woman will get to go on this date. And so they sing a little Tell Me Why, which was a classic. It's a good one.

So on this date, it's going to be a dancing date. They're going to have to learn a dance and then perform it in front of 500 people do you mean i'm sorry like they're just going to freestyle the dance or will it be a planned dance oh man sweet corinne tells us right away she's not a good dancer and she is telling nick later on this day like i i just i can't do planned dancing and he looks at her and he's like planned dancing and she's like what's it And he looks at her and he's like, planned dancing? And she's like, what's it called when you have to learn? He's like, choreography?

She's like, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's my favorite song from White Christmas. There's something popping like, they're doing planned dancing. Just kidding, that's the fucking worst scene on White Christmas. Pretty timeless scene. Yes, of course. Choreography. It's a new hot thing.

It's 1901. Corinne's an old soul. I guess so. Yeah. She's not. She has a nanny. So Jasmine is a professional cheerleader and so she's kind of the clear favorite because whichever woman gets picked by backstreet boys as the the best performer gets a little serenade with uh with her and nick on stage jasmine is actually i believe a former dallas cowboys cheerleader cheerleader and somebody

pointed out there was some reality show about the dallas cowboys cheerleader and i don't know fuck all about this show i don't know either, but she was on it, apparently. Yeah, I don't know if it was, like, an American Idol style. You had to, like, compete to try to get on the squad, or if it was just, like, about their life. But she was on this show, so a lot of people were like, oh, I recognize her from that. So the women show up for this date,

and Nick is rehearsing with the Backstreet Boys in the studio. And Nick is wearing a little sleeveless shirt. Can I say something? Yeah. He looks like a Backststreet boy nick is one of the backstreet boys there's a nick in the backstreet boys yeah nick carter yes did i say he wasn't you fought me so long on who's the one in 90 degrees the one that married jessica simpson what nick lachey nick lachey. Nick Lachey. Fucking, okay, come on. It's just Nick's all over the place. Don't get me started on Aaron Carter. Nick Carter lived in Cincinnati, I think. I definitely, I think I saw him,

I definitely saw him at Longworth's, the karaoke bar that I used to go to all the time in Cincinnati. And I just freaked out. I was like, it um and i just freaked out i was like it's him it's him finally it's him i was so happy he didn't say he do you do any song he didn't sing no you didn't he left he left before he saw me do my work up there i was really disappointed but i saw him and it was could be you on tour right now at the backstreet boys could be me tell me why it It isn't.

That's a little joke I tell to the boys. Well, you know, it ain't nothing but a mistake. It would be a mistake. Oh man, oops, we've gone so long. Okay, so Jasmine and Danielle are both kind of doing a really great job learning the choreography. Corinne is not

and at a certain point she becomes overwhelmed and runs to the bathroom and talks to whitney about how she's super self-conscious because not only did she have that weird whipped cream fiasco but now she's really bad at this and she just feels extra self-conscious and you know it's like easy to feel sorry for her in that moment because everybody's had that moment where they're like trying to be a good sport but they're like clearly the worst person in the room uh and then they just all their fears i've never had that i realized well yeah i guess it doesn't happen to you but not a dance especially most most of us have had that experience i would say uh and so it's it's stage time as they call it in the biz i had that moment once we're just for jump rope for heart we were doing it

and i was the first one out at the jump rope marathon everybody had to go and it was whoever went the longest got like i don't know a razor is this an elementary school yeah that's the last time you were embarrassed it was the last time yeah look i tried to do i tried to do a trick i tried to do the crisscross thing oh gr thing where you slap it to the left and to the right and then you keep going hubris always gets you I hurt myself, I never jump roped again that could be your zag for 2017

no, I can't, I'll never jump rope again I hate that terrible cord okay, that's fair I hate that horrible jumping cord so they're on stage in front of the 500 i watched akila and the beat and the whole time every time they had a jump rope scene i was like turn it off fast forward it through it jump to the next chapter skip jump to the next chapter uh okay so you know how i know there's a jump rope scene in the keyland the b and it's the

only thing i know i've seen the movie but i don't remember that there was jump ropes in it except for the fact that your dad owns a jump rope from akela in the b rachel's dad collects movie props and like he's got some he's got some dope stuff but one of the things he owns is a jump rope from akela in the b and it's my favorite part of his collection he has props from um i believe the lost world jurassic park 3 and also lars and the real girl yes and also inexplicably akila and the bee it's one of his horcruxes it's a it's a very unassuming horcrux oh okay it's my favorite thing i love it your dad got me the dope ass migo boba fett your dad is like the best collector ever um it's just this one thing is like i can't believe we're talking about this. It's so good, though.

Okay. We have to move on. So they go out, they perform their dance. I'm sorry, does he watch Akeelah and the Bee during the jump rope scene? He's just like, I own that. I have that. We have to stop, Griffin. It's the famous jump rope. You have to stop ragging on my dad.

I'm not ragging on your dad. I'm saying if I own the jump rope from Akeelan the Bee, I would have people over to watch Akeelan the Bee all the time. And during the jump rope scene, I'd be like, that's that right there. You see it on the screen. You see it in that box. It's mine. I own that jump rope. Nobody else does. What if in the future the actress

that plays Akilah commits a crime and they're like if only we had her fingerprints and my dad has to come forward and volunteer the rope. I'm pretty sure it was actually a double dutch situation so her fingerprints would not have been on the jump rope. It would have been her double dutch assistance thank you very much done done okay defending public defender

griffin macker can we please talk about this show that we came here to talk about i'm crying babe i have actual tears going down my face okay so the women dance uh on stage and the backstreet boys pick their favorite woman, which is Danielle. And then a really awful moment happens where Danielle and Nick dance on stage while they sing a cappella, Tell Me Why. They said that there were 500 people in attendance at this concert. They did not. I don't know if it was just the way it was shot. It was like 97.

It seemed like smaller than an ACL taping. It seemed like somebody's bar mitzvah. Yeah, it was just the way it was shot it was like 97 smaller than an acl taping like it seemed like somebody's bar mitzvah yeah it was it was very small uh and so they do a little a little romantic dance on stage oh shit and then it's time for the second location so at the second location the women are having drinks corinne does the first steal away because she wants to apologize for skipping the rose ceremony, which she thinks that none of the women care about. And then we get a super cut of all of the women caring very much about it. And she talks to Nick for a little bit. They do some kissing.

And then she says the line, I madeinne great again yuck oh real gross this would have been shot well i guess this would have been shot like last last i mean people started campaigning a long time ago corn this is the kind of shit i'm talking about corn so after this chat where she apologizes for sleeping through the rose ceremony, she then goes and takes another nap. She's very tired all the time. Was Jamie on this day or was that at the end? Was she on the other day? Jamie was not on this day.

Okay, Jamie was on the other day. Okay. And so Danielle and Nick have another little slow dance moment where Nick compliments her on her dancing. And they're dancing and they're kissing and they do some more dancing and nick just puts his hands gets his butt his right on her quote filled quotia that's not the word um yeah and also while he's sitting there with her he like they kiss and his watch this if you have it on dvr watch his free hand as it does this weird orbit around her entire body as he looks for a comfortable place to put it yeah she's wearing a very short dress and he

goes to put his hand i think he realizes like oh no i'm almost very close to yeah so i need to move it oh no that's not that's still up maybe higher on the ends up like on her neck like okay uh and then a really great moment happens uh corinne wakes up from her nap and she's talking with the ladies and then she reveals uh her relationship with a woman named raquel who is her adult nanny. And she details some of the things Raquel does for her. Now, Griffin, do you remember these things? I wrote them down. She makes coffee for her every morning. She makes her bed every morning.

Yes. The way that she phrases the cucumber thing is the most infantile phrase I've ever heard. Yeah, cucumber snack. she does my cucumber snack the cheesy pasta she does the cheesy pasta and i've tried to make the cheesy pasta i cannot do it as well as raquel can do it and then something called the lemon salad i don't know what that is it's got lemon and garlic and olive oil in it is what she said and then she says something like because everyone's like wait you're 24 this is an adult nanny and she's like you know it makes her happy and if it makes her happy who am i who am i standing in the way of anybody's happiness um and all the other women just lose their shit

they like all run to the bathroom and they're like what was that nanny's not the right word for for what raquel does right like why doesn't she call her her assistant assistant or such a more dignified way of discussing this yeah it's um i guess your assistant doesn't make your bed typically no i guess not apparently raquel also does her laundry um it's a it's a lot of stuff yeah it was it was this conversation vaulted off the back of another conversation of them talking about having kids with nick and corinne's like can you imagine with a kid i can't have a kid i am a kid and they're like what the fuck are you talking about? You're 24 years old. She's like, yeah, but I have a nanny. What?

Yeah. I can't believe that she shared this information so willingly. And she seemed to do so with no insecurity at all. There was no part of her that seemed remotely embarrassed that this was a fact. She may just come from a world where it's not weird to have a nanny yeah like do you think she has friends that also have nannies what's this cool club i mean here's here's one way it would work now see we saw in the pre-show package that this woman is not an elderly lady no the one way it could work is if it's like a like a uh i don't know like a

peter pan thing or something where they have this woman that's been with them for their whole lives an alfred pennyworth situation i don't know what that reference is batman's oh okay yeah man's like if she grew up with this nanny he continues to look over her but that is not the case this woman seems to be approximately her age yeah it could be uh it could be an upstairs downstairs situation maybe it's her maybe it's her uh valet hmm oh okay you know what i mean i mean that's not what it is though it's not is it no i don't think in downton abbey like make me my cucumber snack yeah no fetch me my business papers i haven't watched that show in a while i want the cheesy pasta for our guests make me the cheese she also

the way she talked about it makes me sound like every day she eats the same thing every day she has especially the cucumber snack for yeah a snack her lemon salad for lunch and coffee for breakfast yeah uh so the group date rose goes to danielle unsurprisingly and then it is time for the one-on-one date, which is with Vanessa. This was a good Vanessa episode. This was also kind of a good Nick episode. And I don't know the right way to talk about this, but I feel like after the last couple, I was feeling a little Nick negative. And after this one, I was feeling a bit more Nick positive.

Why did you think it was a good Nick episode? I just feel like he honestly handled the the liz departure thing pretty well not only that shades of the axe man there at the end but the way he handled the liz thing was the last episode that wasn't this episode i mean he talked to the whole house he did a fucking press conference that was in the first five minutes like how does that i'll also say this him and vanessa there's some cute shit happening there there was some uncomfortable shit happening there yeah but there's some real sweet stuff i think that's more vanessa than it is nick i think it's both of them i think i think when nick is around classy ladies it makes him

better they're all classy ladies that's okay they're maybe not all of them but like most of them are it's it's it's the the i don't know if the term wifey comes off as like gross it is literally i look at it like a like a dictionary definition that has been established by by the show and by i guess by unreal also but like that's a hard sell to to have like um a relationship that you the viewer even as like the most cynical viewer can kind of root for and be like oh well this is nice and i feel like it has to be i feel like both parties have to be like pretty pretty good at it in order to pull it off and i just i don't know i feel like i don't know i feel like it was really sweet the interactions that vanessa and nick had and i think that nick also gets a little bit of credit for that.

I guess so. I don't know. I wasn't super impressed with Nick by the end of the episode. The first two episodes, I was like, this dude's just being a fuck boy. But in this episode, he was still kind of a little bit.

He ends this episode right back where he started. Sure. Uh, but he has a really great date with Vanessa. So they get this really unique opportunity. Vanessa meets Nick at an airplane hangar and finds out they're going to go in a zero-G plane, which, through a series of up-and-down movements, is a plane that is able to create a zero-gravity environment. The first week that we had Henry home, we just didn't sleep, period,

and would just spend our nights walking around and watching shit on our tv on netflix in the bedroom and one of the things we watched just like inexplicably was a documentary about the making of the okay go music video where they were up in a zero g plane and it's really interesting how they do it how not the music video but like how zero g planes work i would fucking love that shit it seems really cool um but i i watch vanessa so vanessa kind of struggles not at first uh at first they have this really great time and they're they're like floating around and and having a good time with each other and then she starts to get really nauseous and i just had a lot of empathy for her because the pressure change and and the weight of it and the i just i think i would have been super sick i saw something during this sequence that i've never quite seen before

my life and it is i don't know that anybody's ever seen anything like it i have these moments with you sometimes where um you had food poisoning recently after we had Henry like a few weeks ago. And you were really sick and you are you are you're my wife and I love you very much and I want to take care of you very much. But I also have these this moment of uncertainty every time you throw up where I don't know if you want me in the room with you helping out or not because I also definitely not never ever ever

so I have this and I feel like this is a very relatable thing I have this concern like I should be in there with a cool rag or something but I also know very much that you don't want me to see you Yartzen and Nick had this moment with vanessa as she yards into a paper bag but it was this uncertainty was accentuated by the fact

that the two of them were floating in zero gravity i've never fucking the awkwardness of like i don't know this person very well this is her first date i kind of like her and she's throwing up and i want to be supportive but i also think she needs her space but also we are floating rightlessly through the air it was this fucking insane modifier to this like this awkward uncertainty and it was the fucking hardest this show has made me laugh in such a long time because i felt so bad for both of them but at the same time it was like it was it was unimaginable the the awkwardness it was a whole nother level nick i mean i guess there are there are a lot of ways he could have ended up looking bad so for example at a certain point she does start vomiting if he was just in

the background doing stunting yeah like he couldn't have just gone to the other side of the plane and done somersaults he had to be supportive he had to be there for her but he is like sitting on top of her and he's doing this like very fucking casual lean on the ground just like hand on his cheek like elbow resting on the plane, like, half floating in the air. She would, like, warn him. She'd, like, pull the bag to her mouth, and she's like, oh, I'm going to be sick. And he would be, like, right there with his arm around her and, like, rubbing her foot while she's vomiting. Again, though, like, what do you do?

You're in Vanessa's shoes. You're on the plane, because you already said this would be you. You're on the plane. You're vomiting. I'm up there with you. I would go to a corner like you, the cameras would have to follow me to a far corner of the plane. And I would be back to the camera,

like head facing a wall. I see. I see. Very private. You would fucking throw open the cargo door and just like skydive out. Yeah. And I probably would be saying sentences like you have to land this plane right now it's one of the most fucking incredible things i've ever seen because i feel like it's also one of the more relatable things that's ever happened on this show this moment of like should i go and help her out or does she need her space in this like

vulnerable kind of gross moment but also we're both fucking flying like peter pan through the air after she's finished he like goes so far as to even like kiss her on the mouth i mean it is clear that they're like chewing gum somehow they have acquired gum but yeah he's like he's like i'm so cool with this i'm gonna put my mouth i like you even more now thank you so much i also told rachel like i love you very, but if we went up in a zero G plane and we went up with a day full of stunts in mind, and then like any, any parabolas were denied to us because of your yard thing, I would be very disappointed. Nick, Nick hit it very well, but you know, my boy was like, I'm going to do a fucking

Tony Hawk 900 up there. And then his plans were, his plans were probably thwarted. And he made the best call. I think he saved face. He did the best thing that Bachelor could do i personally i would have been like baby i've been like baby i'm sorry you're doing so bad over there doing my fucking 900 mic my cry stare and my kick flip the twist and like be like babe babe stop vomiting for a second look at the stun i just figured out nose grind uh so after they they come back to land uh they

have a rooftop date at the tallest building in la and they have dinner and uh she talks about how important family is to her and how she appreciates that it's important to nick also and talks about her grandpa that just passed away a few weeks so yeah at her at her grandpa's funeral which was like a few weeks before she left to shoot the show uh she talked about like in the uh like cars driving to the funeral each of them got a single red rose and she was like that's a sign from my from my grandpa that he's going to be with me during this journey oh sweet nick seemed very very affected by it and then she asked the question that i think so far we have not seen a woman ask him which is quote why would you do this again which i was like thank you yeah vanessa for finally asking that question and then he must have talked for a very long time

because we get this clip about him talking about Andy and how he had feelings for her. And then he doesn't seem to talk about Caitlin at all. And then he talks about how he's not sure he can trust his emotions. And then he gets a little bit teary. And he feels like his date with Vanessa today really kind of reaffirmed that he can be comfortable and that he can trust this process again and he gives her a rose it's real sweet uh so then it's time for the group she's gonna win the show we both

rotate and she's like she's gonna like i don't i don't know who and again it's really early and certainly there have been more surprising like mid to late season turnabouts like whenever i see stuff like this i always keep like katherine and sean in mind because katherine did not come out as a front runner until like the last two three episodes and then she like crushed it uh and they're still together um so obviously that worked uh but yeah i always keep that in mind but this it's it this is such a strong short start and i just don't know who else even has any any kind of start at all. So it's group date time. Group date is Rachel, Alexis, Astrid, Jamie, Sarah, Brittany, and Dominique.

And it is a track and field date. And so they're all out on a track, and they're all wearing their athletic gear. There's seven women there. And Nick says that he competed in track in high school and college and he's going to have some friends to help out today. And then he brings out three very famous athletes, only one of which I recognize because I am

not up on athletes. And that athlete was Carl Lewis. Yes. There are other women that I know are also famous athletes, but I am not an athlete enthusiast. You're not a big sports show. No. And the women are informed they're all going to compete in the Nickathlon.

That's fun. Which involves a long jump, which is set up to look like they're jumping a limo, a high jump where they jump into Nick's face, and a javelin throw where they throw into a heart uh and not a decathlete like it's a fun name it's a fun play on words but there were not even close to 10 events um and so then the athletes are going to pick the top three to compete for the prize which is just a hot tub with nick kind of a lame day i told rachel like um unreal the dates on the the tv show unreal

which we've talked about before it's like a fictional scripted tv show on lifetime about everlasting which is like a fictional version of this like the dates on it are so cornball like parody of the dates on these on this franchise this date was like straight up like you have to run and grab the engagement ring and then jump into the hot tub with them and it's like fucking come on dudes yeah it was for real uh so the women that get picked to go on are rachel alexis and astrid and the visual of people jumping over the alexis first of all has some fucking hops the visual people jumping over that high ball into high bar into a um a gigantic glossy jpeg of of nick is one of the funnier things i've i've seen this season uh and so the final three women are doing like a hundred yard dash and then at the end of it they

have to grab the ring and get to the hot tub so rachel is the clear front runner yeah rachel kills it but but she grabs for the ring it falls off the pedestal and she has to kind of pivot and turn back well the third place person at this time is alexis astrid astrid right so astrid takes advantage of this opportunity, goes to reach for the ring. Rachel meets her there, steps on it, smashes it. It explodes. And Astrid... I get them confused all the time, dude.

Astrid picks up the one largest piece of the ring that remains and gets in the hot tub and wins. And this was presented, like like super slow-mo i was actually worried that uh astrid had hurt herself because like she had her hand down there when rachel made this thing explode um but no she was fine and then they she got in a hot tub and some lulu lemons henry's in the studio now let's see if cooperates. Or if we have to record the last ten minutes of this episode tomorrow. That would be such a bummer. So, yes. Hot tub.

Yes, Astrid wins the hot tub. Nick actually congratulates her on kind of winning. And then we move on to the next part of the date. Before we do, we get some footage of Dominique, who was on the date. Before we do, we get some footage of Dominique who was on the date, and the whole time she was talking about how she just felt like Nick wasn't feeling it, and she hadn't gotten any time, and that she at the end of this date, she was so disappointed

because this is the first date she'd been on, that Nick is giving time to every other woman but her, and that she's feeling pretty dejected about the whole process. Yeah, this is kind of a classic. Reminds me of the Axeman season, where some of the women just feel like the Bachelor isn't

making enough effort to come to them. She felt like Nick wasn't coming to her enough and trying to make an effort. So she goes into the bathroom. sort of when they get to the next location the big daddy's antique store um she goes into the bathroom and she is with with rachel and rachel's trying to talk her through it rachel's actually being really sweet but like uh you can tell that dominique is really upset and yeah they keep saying the phrase they keep saying over and over again is dominique is in her own head. Which, like, yeah, people get like this every season.

And she's not wrong, right? Like, she's not, as a viewer at home, I don't know if it's just the edit that she's getting, but it sort of seems like she's just not really getting a fair shake. Yeah, so at some point, so first nick pulls away who is it uh she pulls away he pulls away astrid who won and gives her a fixed version of the ring that got exploded yeah and and while this is happening dominique is starting to melt down a little bit we get a like three second long scene with uh jamie who in the last episode we uh he she she revealed that in the last episode, she revealed that she had dated a woman before, which we talked about how we were a little bit disappointed that they didn't kind of dig into that a little bit deeper. cuts to a conversation of them and it's one of those conversations that we talked about last week too where it's like you talk and you get like one sentence and then it cuts back to more

behind the scenes stuff of the more like prominent drama of the episodes but she says uh that she didn't want him to think that she was just the weird lesbian or whatever and he's like oh i didn't think that about you yeah and that's fucking all that we get. Like, it is such a. Yeah. So we're left speculating. Like, was she apologizing for sharing that she had dated a woman? It's a weird thing. I'm sure there was so much more to that conversation. And I don't know why they would cut all that stuff out. But, yeah, that was really, really weird. And, again, like, still kind of disappointing.

Like, I wanted them to kind of go into that a little bit more and the one very small part of this conversation they showed was her it looked like apologizing for saying that she had dated a woman before which was like a pretty i don't know it was a pretty uh whack cross-section for them to for them to pull out. Can you read my handwriting? Not at all. So Dominique decides that she's going to talk to Nick. And I think that she's going to put it more from a I place of I feel that when you do this. But instead she's like, Nick, I'm going to be honest with you.

You have lots of opportunities to come talk to me you didn't do it you didn't reassure me you know you didn't try to get to know me i don't think it mattered how she phrased it like i just don't think nick was really was really feeling it and so yeah and so he's he's listening to her and he's saying you know what you're right uh my relationships are progressing with some women they're not progressing with you though and I think it's only fair to let you know that I don't think it's happening and send her home

it's a weird double standard we can't not celebrate that kind of behavior here like if it wasn't popping off there yeah I think you gotta send the women home if it's not happening don't make them wait to the rose ceremony to be sent off in obscurity like what happened in the first episode when eight women got sent home and we only thought

two did because we didn't know anything about them. So that was the group date and then we cut to the next morning. You think he's gonna be a trooper for these last five minutes? We'll see, won't we? Chris Harrison walks into the room wearing what for chris

harrison a fairly loud shirt a fairly loud flannel shirt the next morning by the way walks into the room with all the with all the the contestants it says what's up and i was like what's going what the fuck is going on in this parallel universe sorry henry um he lets them know that uh nick has decided there will be no uh cocktail party that night which is always kind of a mean joke to pull on everybody in the house because then it's immediately like nick knows what he wants to do and so there's gonna be no cocktail party but there's gonna be a pool party you have one hour go get ready yeah and immediately everybody like kool-aid man bust through the wall to go like get get get their to go on to go do all the waxing that is required then we get a pretty horny montage of just like like a lot of like swimsuits

being applied and then nick shows up and everybody's like take all of your clothes off very very slow while i put this ointment on you yeah the women make a point that they've been trapped in this house all they've had to think about is nick and they know this is kind of their last shot and so it's just like a free-for-all like one woman is oiling them up with suntan lotion um the other one is there is other stuff that was happening a lot of stuff that's happening. So Corinne's got a plan. Corinne's got a plan. Corinne has, I guess, bought a bouncy castle. I don't know how she arranged this.

Yeah, this is, I don't know how this came about. Yeah, but there's a big bouncy castle in the front of the house. She gets Nick into the bouncy castle. They're both jumping around talking about how fucking cool it is and how it's the best thing that's ever happened in this bouncy castle, which made me think, like, for real, guys? It's a bouncy castle! Meanwhile, like, all the women are watching.

Yes. And then we get... Sorry, we're rushing through this mainly because it was kind of... It was literally, like, the last six minutes of the show. Like, they rushed through this also. Korn was, like, on top of him in the bouncy castle and, like, kissing him and talking about how he was her prince or whatever. And he did not seem to be complaining about any of this yeah it was a very like sexual encounter and all of the women are like it was a sexual encounter in a bouncy castle

which is the most corn thing ever i feel like it's a perfect sort of metaphor i feel like for her approach to this to this television show yeah i man i appreciated one of the women confronts nick i can't remember i think it was vanessa and says i'm not throwing shade at corinne i'm throwing shade at you nick yeah so the the uh the confrontations that happen after this, everybody's pretty upset. Jasmine G, who had been having some fun, and there was a shot of her kissing his neck and face, and he was like, what are you doing? Careful, all the women are watching.

And then cut to one minute later, him making out with Korn in a fucking bouncy castle and didn't seem to be complaining about that. Raven was the first to come up and be like, look, you need to know that something's off with one of the women it's corn she's 24 years old she has a nanny and he's like what what's the nanny do and she's like she she cooks for her she doesn't know how to clean a spoon by herself and nick was like hmm hmm okay uh and then vanessa we end the episode with vanessa coming up and being like straight up like yeah like no shade i feel like i didn't know i'm not judging current corinne corinne does corinne uh i'm looking at you and wondering i don't know if you're

wanting to get married or if you're just looking for somebody to fuck around with yeah there's a direct quote it's like holy shit yeah vanessa this is This is a big subversion of like the wifey archetype, if you want to call it that. I can't think of another time where like a front runner wifey type person, like the day after like their date was like, hey, quit fucking around. Yeah. It was fucking radical. It was. It was because, I mean, she right and it's it's the ultimate conflict of the show right every single bachelor goes through this where there are some women that

they're very serious about uh and then there are some women that they just have a sexual attraction to right and they can't really justify the disconnect between their behavior with both women right uh and vanessa's like well what's the deal like are you are you here for corinne are you here for me uh and that's our cliffhanger um another episode that doesn't end with the rose ceremony but we've kind of come to expect it at this point that was the episode it fucking ruled this season has been hot hot fucking fire so far um and yeah i'm just i'm just hoping that the worm doesn't kind of turn here uh in the next few episodes yeah the teasers kind of suggest that it might um the next episode it looks like uh corn and taylor are gonna get into a bit of a sparring match but um i will have to see what

happens sorry our baby's just like a i feel like we're in the movie Speed right now and we're trying to keep podcasts at a certain tempo to keep him okay thanks for listening thank you again to MaxFun for having us go check out the Maximum Fun Network at MaximumFun.org go join the Rose Buddies Facebook group unless you're starting your Facebook

account today and your job is taste tester at well now the baby's in the room so i can't say it but buzzy um big thanks to our sponsors this week akila and the b um you can get it now go out and see it and get on a red box for 199 you're gonna love it um and anything else no that's it we haven't been to the po.O. Box this week. I haven't been to the P.O. Box. Sorry. Apologies. Sorry. I was really excited. There's some great fan art this week that I retweeted on Twitter. Oh, if you ever want to follow us on Twitter.

You retweeted it on Twitter, you said? Yeah. Interesting. If you ever want to follow us, I'm Rachel C. McElroy. I'm Griffin McElroy, and we also have Rose Buddiesies on Twitter but we don't tweet from that very often. Facebook's kind of the home of the Rose Buddies. We have to end the podcast. I'm having an anxiety attack because of the baby. Okay.

Until next time. See you next week. I'm Griffin McElroy. I'm Rachel McElroy. When you're ready. We did it. We did it! Final Rose. Stay with us on this journey of joy. Spoiler alert! She is up with Soulja Boy.

White reasons. White reasons. Can't be built for all of our seasons.