Wonderful! - Ep. 55: 'Motional 'Telligence

Episode Date: January 24, 2017

HEEEEYYYYYYYYY DO YOU ALL LIKE CORRRRRRRRNNNNN?!?!?! This is a Corn-heavy episode, because the Bachelor has become a television show that's exclusively about Corn, and her wayward journey to find love. MaxFunDrive ends on March 29, 2024! Support our show now by becoming a member at maximumfun.org/join.

Maybe you should go and do some contemplating. Right reasons, right reasons, being with your girl for all the right reasons. Right reasons, right reasons, being with your girl for all the right reasons. I'm the Bachelorette and I'm rapping to your poolside. Here to find true love, one man's love, one man's love. Hi, this is Rachel McElroy. Hi, this is Griffin McElroy. And this is Rosebuddies.

I don't know, man. I'll tell you what. I'll tell you what. I thought it was a good episode. It's been a good season. But look at me. I've got to... Let's talk about Korn.

Let's talk about the stuff. I don't want to. The real Korn. Is it possible to already be burnt out on a woman? That's what I'm saying. I love... Korn is... I'm talking about the foodstuffs here. It's that wonderful golden fruit. Everyone loves it.

Everyone's very excited about it. It is most of the time a side dish. It can be a main dish, a corn chowder, for instance. It cannot be all the dishes. It cannot be like, I'm going to have corn chowder with corn on the cob and cornbread, corn muffins and corn corn on the corn. I want corn on the corn. Candy corn. Candy corn.

I want all the fucking corn. I want the band corn playing. I like all types of corn. That's nothing. And that's kind of what. Corn bread stuffing. Sorry, I'm just. Are we just coming up with corn stuff?

You're on Forest Gump Kick and I love you so much. But the corn, it's just like the past few episodes, this season has been building, but they've been doling out the corn. And this episode was a fucking corn blast. Can I tell you something, too? And this is no knock against our Rose Buddies. They are journalists journalists first and foremost but i've had to approve so many corn posts this like this week everybody's talking about corn everybody's so tired but this episode was just too much corn too much corn you remember in uhf

when they make they blast the kid with the cream corn hose or something i've never i've never seen it i'm so sorry it's the worst night of my life i'm so sorry i'm almost i think i'm misremembering it they make him drink from a fire hose there's another thing with cream corn anyway it's just like cream corn is another corn thing nope here comes the cat you knew it you guessed it oh i hope he doesn't bother our baby we have had bad sleep nights for a while now and if cecil gets in the way of that i think you're gonna have to let him outside i'll flush him down the toilet it was a fine episode but there it's if you can tell me there wasn't a lot of great stuff that happened a lot of good dates though a lot of good dates but like the past episodes have had like

some pretty buck wild stuff happened that were not Korn adjacent. And this episode didn't have too many of that. I have a feeling that most of the contestants on the show spend about seven minutes in front of the camera each day. I have a feeling they like lock Corinne in a room and just make her go for three hours. That's what's so frustrating about this show is we're in the fucking, there will never be a season that doesn't have a valley like this because they get so obsessed with their single story point and they want to just fucking live on that story point for a while without like doing other shit. I mean, don't get us wrong. She delivers. She said some pretty whack shit. Don't get me wrong.

She delivers some content. It's still fairly whack in an innocuous way i think anytime she starts talking about raquel we get pretty uncomfortable about the tone of the con the conversation at that yeah or her sexual charm um anyway let's talk about the episode okay um and let's just get into it but yeah i didn't i didn't love it man do you want to tell people what you made for your friends? For my friends? Oh, thank you for asking.

We did host this week. I did a wine braised short rib in the crock pot. Let that go for about nine hours. Took the stock from that, turned it into a nice little gravy, and I served it with a nice gluten-free polenta with some Parmesan cheese on the side. It was pretty fucking good it's one of the best things i made it was really good we didn't have any leftovers

did we no oh yeah we do we still have some meat leftover okay i tossed the gravy though because it got a little chunkums okay it's i'm surprised i mean i had to wake up like 8 30 to make it it was really an all-day thing and i don't want to keep talking about it i don't want to keep bragging about it but like we have a baby now and it's tough it's tough you know people in the kitchen and cook to be fair people are gonna hear i had to wake up at 8 30 to make it and they're gonna be like you get to sleep till 8 30 sorry sorry sorry sorry absolutely not no he just he started i was awake at 8 30 i continued to be awake at 8 30 Okay. So we open back up this episode with Vanessa confronting Nick, which was the cliffhanger last week. Yes.

And this is after the Bounty Castle debacle. She says, to follow up on her point about Nick not being here for the right reasons, she's like, I'm so serious about this, I'll give you the rose back. I don't give a fuck. Yeah. She's like, I'm going to call you on this shit. It's just who just who i am and he's like i want you to keep calling me on this shit it's important to me that you do yeah he's saying all the right stuff he's like i want to know when you're pissed off i mean i want us to be able to talk about that but i do need you to be more patient especially with the corinne stuff yeah because the producers are going to keep making

this stuff happen that's what we speculated. Was that he was kind of letting her know, hey, don't worry about Corinne. Just be patient. Here's the thing. We are so far beyond. I think we know a little bit what we're talking about when we talk about the inside baseball stuff of the show. And like, you can't. Of course, it's producer interference. Because if it wasn't like Corinne wouldn't get that corn wouldn't get the last rose every time and she wouldn't get the last name and that's on the date every time.

Or the fucking bouncy castle. Like, yes. We haven't watched this show for a long time. People never get bouncy castles. You don't just get a bouncy castle. That's a new feature specifically for Corinne. Yeah, there's a lot of marks who are just like i don't how can you say you don't know how this show's made and it's like then explain how the same person gets the final

rose for dramatic effect this rose ceremony was maybe the most intolerable rose ceremony i've ever fucking watched and i have watched at this point probably costas 500 rose ceremony well let's go there's a cocktail party first of course of course um no there's not because there's a pool party okay well so there's a confrontation um taylor and sarah talk to corinne about how rude they think that she is for missing the rose ceremony this happens continuously throughout the episode this is the episode where taylor starts to like try to get a hand on the ball because in every season as soon as a villain pops up there is always the not hero but anti villain that's like i'm gonna come down after you and i'm sorry but you do that and you're gonna go the fuck home that never works for anybody taylor is especially qualified because she's a mental health counselor so she comes in

with that like some shit though that's a real huge bummer of like trying to there's a way to come at corinne and somebody in this episode does that the right way and but the way that she does it where she tries to like belittle her yeah and well that happens later that does happen later but it sucked uh and this is where corinne says uh camera, you do you, I'ma do me. Which I'm kind of feeling in a way. Okay, are ya? Well, here's the thing. And this happens.

You say that to yourself in the mirror every day. Here's the thing with the villain every season is you start to forget they're a person. And it's easy to forget they're a person because they're so carefully put together by the producers. And then every once in a while, the villain will say something like, hey, why is everybody talking about me and obsessed with what I do and how I do it? And as a viewer, you think, yeah, why are we so obsessed with that? And so at this point, I kind of, I don't know, I kind of get where she's coming from a little bit. I mean, she's not anybody I'd be best friends with, but like.

No, God. You know, like, she's just doing her thing the best she knows how. But she's also like, giving me some real fucking Charlie Sheen catchphrase flair right now. I know. But just like, I can't with that just like i can't with that anymore i can't with that yeah she said some wild stuff this episode but that was not i don't think any of that was any there were some people in the rose buddies group comparing her to rod and i don't think that's a fair comparison no the much more fair comparison would be comparing her to courtney which go watch

ben flajanik season yeah because courtney was best, the last best villain that there was. That's very true. And she was, she sucked, but, like, she was fucking great at doing what she does, and Corinne took a master class. She probably read the book that Courtney wrote, which is extremely sexually explicit as far

as The Bachelor is concerned. That is the archetype. It's not, this is not. I don't think she's done, again this is not i don't i don't think she's done again like i don't think she's done anything and i may eat my words we talked about this last week there's still episodes to go as rod did um so and and be patient i'm looking at griffin's notes and so i'm queuing him based on his notes um you wrote down chris talks to nick about corn and nothing comes of it yeah it's like before the rose ceremony chris walks up to nick like to like talk to like intercept him before

he walks in the room she's like he's like so um a lot of people out there talking about corinne he's like yeah that's right um you know i know there's a little bit of drama in the house and that's fucking it that's like all that it is. It's like it showed this weird. It was like, hey, we haven't talked enough about corn this episode. We have to get this weird interstitial scene and be like before. Because anytime Chris shows up, usually he's like there to introduce some aspect of the show. And that didn't happen. He's just like, so I know a lot of people talking about corn.

Poor Chris. Poor Chris is like digging. Like, so remember when Liz was here? You slept with her, right? You slept with her at the wedding. That didn't work out. That was weird, huh? Give me something to do, Nick, for God's sakes.

Remember when Andy broke your heart? What about Caleb? Yikes. Think it'll happen again? Think this will be the first season where it doesn't happen? Fourth time's the charm. Remember Bachelor in Paradise? Almost Paradise.

Remember? Remember? Your Chris Harrison impression is a little weird here's the thing about chris harrison though and i this is my new noah cap is a ghost theory okay i think something happened to him okay on bip island and i know it's not an island it's this season yes okay because it hasn't happened in any other season of the bachelor bachelorette i think something happened to him and i don't know if it was, like, an extremely good experience. And now, like, he wants to live in that moment forever.

Or if he was, like, struck by fucking lightning or something like that. Or if a manta ray got him in the brain with a stinger or something like that. And it's causing some sort of, like, Groundhog's Day, 50 First Dates is a better one. Just, like, trapped in this moment. just like trapped in this moment but look at the way he a dresses and b just sort of his cash demeanor oh you think he's on island time i think he's on fucking island time i think he got that buffett bug and i think he's i think every week shrimp week for this motherfucker five o'clock somewhere it's five o'clock somewhere at all the time It's always five o'clock. And he's always got the fucking Tommy Bahamas rocking. He's always got the untucked shirt going, no belt, fucking khaki capris, just having a good time on the beach.

But you're not at the beach anymore, Chris. You're here to do your job. And I know you don't want to be here anymore because they only make you show up for 45 seconds per episode. But you do need to get off island time for just a minute you're gonna get back there i promise you this summer you'll be back in the island and you can hang out with all your friends there and have a great time but you need to get off the island just for a minute please to do what what do we need to show just in the normal just like give a shit like because if i know you're not on the show very much they don't give

you much stuff to do but if you stop giving a shit i'm gonna stop giving a shit and then i'm gonna start you know signing petitions for uh ryan what's his face from are you the one ryan devlin y'all ato's back on the air it's buck wild again the first episode the first night there's this crazy buck and all uh just like limbs all all akimbo uh and ryan more more contestants same amount of money and in fact significantly less money if they get a blackout they get a blackout they lose a half half their pool well spoiler well no that's what happens if you if you get a blackout you lose half your pool um ryan devlin is the best fucking host in the game right now i'm sorry i'm sorry jeff probst even i'm sorry but ryan devlin is the best fucking in the game right now he's killing it on that show and chris if you

don't watch the throne ryan's gonna watch the throne and he's gonna step in that's all i'm saying i think it's kind of our fault because i don't think we've ever told chris directly how much we need him chris means a lot to me chris means a lot to me. I'm not mad at Chris. I'm mad at Chris now because he's not putting on a fucking suit and tie because you're the host of The Bachelor and that's what you do. I'm mad at the producers for not putting him on. Give me some time in the, what was the room? The reconciliation room or whatever the fuck? Oh, the, no.

The liberation chamber? Is it deliberation? I don't know. I don't remember. Anyway, we should, we should get to that rose ceremony uh so oh you didn't write down who didn't get roses yeah i did it's down at the bottom it's what's okay what was miserable about this rose ceremony i said it was the most intolerable whenever is there were like 15 roses being handed out uh or maybe less because some of the women had roses from from dates on the previous episodes like 12 and after every rose it would cut to a different woman giving an in the moment interview

about corn and it was like un-fucking-believable how much they dragged this shit out like uh whitney i just don't think corn has the emotional maturity to be here I don't think she's ready to get married Danielle you know I look at Korn and her behavior like no kidding guys a dozen fucking times it was miserable yeah so Brittany goes home and so does Kristen

Kristen was the only one of the Brittany I don't feel like we didn't know anything about Kristen was the faith based virgin who had some really really great uh uh like double takes to to some of the announcements that happened this this season um and then the last person to get a rose is in fact corinne and of course you get one like if corn gets a rose like i don't even know where his heart is at like of course he's gonna she's to get the fucking last rose. And then after the rose ceremony, Corinne gives a toast. At that point, like, I'll bet that doesn't happen.

Yeah, it's weird. Well, and what was confusing to me is they kept interstitching the... That's a good verb. Is that a word? Interstitching? There's interstitial is a word. I think interstitching is a good... Yeah, it kicks ass.

Corinne talking to the camera and Corinne giving her toast. And so it's difficult sometimes to tell what is she telling us, the viewer, and what is she telling the women? It was, again, a classic Korn thing of her talking to the women, like, in the actual scene and being like, I just wanted to say, let's all just be ourselves and stand in your truth. And then in her, in the moment, she was like, I know some of these women have been coming after me. So I told them to basically fuck off. And it was like, let's just all be there for each other and stand together. Like, that's not what you're saying at all, Korn.

And like, I feel like we all really deserve this. So let's raise a glass. Let's raise a glass. Anyway, I'm going to tell all these women to go to hell. You didn't, Korn. I promise. So Rose Ceremony's over. And it's the next day.

Or probably, you know, two hours later. Knowing how long these ceremonies last. Chris is back. And Chris is telling the women to pack their bags for a journey around the globe. We're getting started in Milwaukee, Wisconsin. And the women have to scream because that's what you do. Hey, don't fucking hate on Milwaukee.

They're like, Milwaukee. Milwaukee's great. It's really beautiful. It is beautiful. I was there last year. Oh, yeah. I was there with you.

I did the Midwest tour. You forgot about Milwaukee. It was great. We went to the the Midwest tour. You forgot about Milwaukee. It was great. We went to the Wisconsin Dells. Had a good time. Well, we drove through them. We didn't. I guess we got out and walked around.

We stopped and we got sandwiches and a bunch of candy from the Wisconsin Dells. And then we went to Milwaukee and put on a great show. That's true. And it was very nice. It was a great crowd. It's just when you say journey around the globe, first stop, Milwaukee. Well, they have a great international airport there i think they probably don't actually there are a lot of great dates they

go on they do yeah this was a yeah it was a good episode for dates um well parts parts of it parts of it were good so um the women are staying in this big airbnb house i'm assuming that they rented for the the cast and we get to see nick meeting up with his parents in a coffee shop this happens this is pretty early for this to happen right yeah it happened in ben's season remember the women all went to ben's town yeah um but it's just him talking to his parents good looking parents fresh face like good like good looking parents yeah for a mom that has had like 11 kids yeah she looks good they both look great dad looks good that looks like hip like he could be in wilco do you want to say what you called him adilf yeah i'm not afraid to say it his favorite cartoon is dilford oh griffin but

he's not a big scott he disagrees with scott adams like vehemently but he loves dilford because he thinks the little dog is so mean he loves it and the tie is like weird oh my god please somebody draw this somebody draw this comic for us scott scott draws it all the time dilfert yeah it changes the tone of that comic a lot if you if you talk about it as a as a dad that that they'd like to um friend for that like the french french you like that we gotta go i can't keep talking about scott adams okay sorry so um so the uh the whole point of the conversation is like, how are you feeling, Nick? And Nick says, actually, at first I felt just as anxious as I did as a contestant, because

I've got a lot to lose here, and I'm putting a lot on the table. And then the mom kind of talks about her spark with Nick's dad, and the mom gets a little teary, and then Nick gets a little teary. Yeah, sweet. It's good parents. It's a very sweet moment. It's good parents. It's a very sweet moment. Hot parents, but they're sweet, too.

And then the dad says the most true and honest sentence that has ever been spoken on this show. And he says, I just don't want to see you on this show again. It kicks ass. It's like the best burn, but also like, yeah, I would also. Right. I think it's time to go. You're 36. You should figure out a non-Bachelor-based yeah, I would also. Right. I think it's time to go. You're 36. You should figure out a non-Bachelor-based career, I think. You're going to end up selling, like, energy drinks on Instagram.

Oh. That's the thing, though. Don't hate on Nick. Oh, no, I'm not hating on Nick. I'm saying, Nick, these two parents are your fucking Ghost of Christmas past, present, and future saying, get your act together or else you're going to sell weird energy drinks on Instagram. You got to start working now. So then Nick goes to meet the women at Waukesha Park.

It's actually not Waukesha Park. That's the name of the city they're in. But it is a park in Waukesha. And all of the women are there this is the most brutal this is the most brutal date announcement i've seen on this show he well first he like he goes to meet them in the park and they are all there and he has to ritualistically hug each one here's a great shot of him like darting his head back and forth like did i did i get you have i hugged all of you?

Yeah, it just made me exhausted. There are times when I realize what an introvert I am. And in this moment, I was like, oh, God, that looks awful having to hug each one of them. I'd say you got about three hugs in you a day. And I'm usually the recipient of all of them. That's true. Yeah, usually you get all three. Which makes situations like our wedding. Oh, my God.

I have never seen you so. Was I visibly uncomfortable? No, it's just like by like the, you know. Took a lot out of me. The fourth cousin, you were just like arms limp at your sides. Like you're going to have to carry the weight here. So, yeah. So in order to begin the one-on-one date, he literally does the thing that, you

know, when you're a high school girl, Griffin, and you're at a dance and you're in a big pack of girls and you always hear no guy is going to approach you if you're in that pack because it's intimidating. That's not true. I would. I did all the time. I can't, I can't with the ladies in big groups, and I'd be like, Milady, and I'd tip my...

Oh, no. What? No, you didn't. I'd tip my trucker's cap. I'd raise up my Hot Topic goggles. The idea is that separating a woman from the pack makes the other women feel awful and makes the woman you've separated feel uncomfortable, and that's exactly what he does to Daniel L. to announce their one-on-one date you just flew to milwaukee and you came to

this beautiful park and we're all having a great day but 14 of you are about to go home very disappointed this is welcome to milwaukee this is what we do disappointment is our trade it's our main export is disappointment get out of here uh and so daniel l and him go on a little walk around town uh they go to a bakery and the bakery knows he's coming uh because they have made cookies with nick's face on it that they call knicker doodle cookies do you see that no this was a point where i think i was walking the baby yeah this is when the baby woke up i liked that a lot i also missed uh i got a text from jd who said that the him running into his ex is like an emmy worthy performance yeah it's really good i missed that too so so they make cookies together at the bakery um like you do you're just walking down the street and you

walk by a bakery and say let's pop in there and make cookies mainly what they do is they decorate cookies and so they they make cookies of each other they make a chris harrison cookie uh and then they make their two cookies that they made of each other make out um and then they leave the bakery and this is when they do the x thing so they're walking down the street and there's this woman sitting in a little bar against the window looking out having a coffee and nick nick does this thing that's so unnecessary where he turned to danielle and he's like oh oh that's that's one of my exes oh oh no and then he goes in to get the ex and brings her out and then the ex is like so uh anything you want to know about nick let's just

sit down here my skeleton is so grateful that it was not in the room for any of this uh and so they they talk about nick as a partner um and i did see this part and like i i missed this setup but the the cordialness with which they were talking about this was just like, I can't think of an ex I could run into that I'd be like, Sir Rachel, got any questions? Yeah. Hey, would you mind sitting down for a quick Q&A, quick debrief? Apparently they dated very briefly. And so Danielle asks, why do you think Nick is still on the market? And Danielle very diplomatically says, oh, well, he just, you know, if he doesn't feel

serious about a commitment, he backs out, you know, if he doesn't feel like it's going to go anywhere, he leaves. He's very heart driven. You know, he'll break up with you in your driveway after you just gave him a handjob at the parking lot of the rallies. That's how you'll know. Oh, I'm sorry, checkers. Is heart driven an expression? oh i'm sorry checkers is heart driven an expression heart driven is absolutely not no it's not an expression unless that's the name of like a new movie starring kevin hart i've heard of hardy's driven and what's that and that's when somebody's really driven by hardy's i'm gonna make a lot of faster how many more fast food references can we make in the next few minutes is hardy's still a thing? Fuck yeah, dude.

I don't feel like I don't see commercials for them anymore. They don't need to. They know they got the biggest, sloppiest burgers in town. And their fans are diehard. Their fans are ride or die. I used to work right next to a Hardee's. I would go get one all the time. What would you get at Hardee's?

Just the basic burger, but it was like an eight-pound monster beast. Is this when you were at TCBY? It was Tridata. I got Subway atby until the chicken bacon ranch that's my shit it's not my shit anymore though i don't eat subway i'm a grown-ass man just kidding i'll still fuck with subway yeah i'd still eat subway uh so then nick brings danielle to like a big soccer park area and he's like i used to get a lot of park area. And he's like, I used to get a lot of trouble around here. Yeah. He talks about all the spotsy finger blasted ladies.

And it was like weird. Had a lot of firsts here with friends and girls. I can't see Nick as somebody that was especially good with the women. No. Well, I mean, he's charming. He's actually extremely good with the women. well i mean he's charming he's actually

extremely good with the women so he's probably although ah shit dude here's the thing we see those pictures of him on the track team with the fucking short short bleach hair and i think that was the look back then we see that now we think this is a goofy ass looking dude but that was that look that got you your fucking license to finger blast. Like that was it. Oh, God, Griffin. I wish you'd stop saying that. License?

Short-should one? It was, I think he was probably, I think he's always been probably pretty good about it. And then Nick is talking to Danielle about her first kiss. And she said that she had her first kiss at 17 and nick was like so it's like a full-on makeout he said a few things this episode that were like um him like pressing the women for more yeah he does that later with raven yeah he's like so tell me about it are you naked um so then uh what is it oh so danielle talks about how she got this guy that she made out with to shave off his facial hair which at 17 like good for you uh but then nick says oh guys will do anything for women i made a girl locker shelves wait what locker shelves locker shelves you know how there used to be these like little

like expandable things you could put in your locker i guess i guess in order to please a woman as a high schooler. He made locker shelves. All right. Why is that worth talking about to anybody on TV? You made me listen to that, Nick. And then Rachel by extension. I just love that the example he gave was locker shelves. Like he was saying like, oh, guys will do anything. My big sacrifice. My sacrifice.

I made locker shelves. I made locker shelves. So then it is time for them to go to the Iron Horse Hotel for drinks. And Danielle is wearing a very revealing dress. There's a lot of, and I don't want to get too gross here, but there's just a lot there's just a lot of like contouring going on down there and it's yeah it's only worth mentioning because i've never seen it as like on this episode there was more than there has been in every past season contouring show combined for those of you that you don't know we we know a lot about contouring now but for those of you who don't know it's using different um like tones Bronzers and powders

to really highlight let's say a cheekbone. A jawline. Or a cleave in your chest area. There's just a lot of it this season. There's a lot of it. Which I have no idea how to

do it. Maybe it's easy. Maybe it's an easy thing to do. Do you want me to do it for you? know, I have no idea how to do it. Maybe it's easy. Maybe it's an easy thing to do. Do you want me to do it for you? Dude, I'll contour your cleave any time. You just have to holler. Like, when I'm not doing something, when I have, like, some dead time during my day, just be like, Griffin, get the bronzer. What kind of coloring and brush would you use, let's say?

Oh, size 6. A size 6 brush? Yeah. And then the color I would go with would be... What would the name of the color be? Creamy, creamy caramel. Yeah? We'll use a little bit of that but you think you need the light for the highlights so i'd go with milk toast uh-huh and then i would use those and what brand what brand of powder revlon okay that's good and that's a real one now you gotta mix and match. Oh, okay. Mary Kay.

Okay, that's another. They do jewels, don't they? No, they do makeup. And Avalon. Avalon. Avalon and Revlon. I would use them both, and I would just get in there. Goop is the thing that's, what's her name's thing?

Gwyneth Paltrow's thing? I don't know what you're talking about now. Sounds like really knows her stuff no i know it let me get over there and contour that cleave right now does gwyneth paltrow have makeup probably on her goop line is she is it a line or website nobody's quite sure okay i've lost it fuck me uh so here danielle talks about um how her parents were divorced and how she's more cautious now about starting a relationship. I also have a note here that just so that you don't think we're only talking about what Danielle's wearing. Griffin identified Nick's outfit as a Star-Lord. I say he's wearing a Star-Lord ass jacket. Just like.

It's like a red leather there's think in your mind of the list of people that can wear a red leather jacket and then scratch nick's name off that list sorry dog you got you got lots of good looks and i i don't want to come at you for no reason but just just be careful out there uh so they go from this date to a concert with the chris lane fuck yeah i saw chris lane no i no i don't know who chris lane is so much but i did make a good joke that he was neil lane's son in some capacity i love that that neil said like hey i'm gonna do this show for one more year and the only way you're getting me is if you let my son in there he's trying to break it make it and break it in nashville you're looking for your water it's down below your leg right there you found it thank you so anyway jeff lane is up there and he's

doing his thing he's like singing about taking you out they always have like an elevated platform like just for the bachelor and bachelorette couple to dance listen to me listen to me i love you uh if you ever make me walk into a theater and there's 2 000 screaming people in there with a country music artist who i've never heard of before and then you make 2 000 people watch us dance on an elevated platform remember how we were just talking about how i don't like to hug more than three people in a day i don't know why you would do this i'm just saying like we're bad at establishing boundaries because we're so, like, simpatico. But that is one thing that is well beyond my boundaries.

Okay, that's good to know. All right. We probably should have talked about this before we got married. Don't throw a surprise country music concert for me, please. So next it's time for the group date. And on the group date, it's Rachel,lexis vanessa jasmine jamie sarah whitney christina astrid taylor josephine danielle and corinne elizabeth nobody gives a shit it's just a bunch of names it's just about everyone but raven yes so i list all those names

because i left out raven and that means raven's getting the one-on-one and everybody's really happy for Raven. Makes me so happy when I see that. This is what I'm fucking talking about. Everybody's, like, best friends with fucking Raven, and we don't get to see any of that. I know. I would love, I mean, you know, we talk about this all the time, but it's what we love about Bip.

Like, it's just people being friends. And funny stuff happening. Every credits, credits like extra bonus scene is alexis doing some like hysterical shit show us that fucking any of that in the episode we want more alexis obviously we don't want more of this same bullshit of just the villain and then the person coming after the villain and eventually they go home and just like all of this single person drama just stinks after a while i i agree i agree but i think if they totally did away with the villain i'm not saying totally do away with it i'm saying like show more of that good stuff like the women becoming friends in

the house and showing like people like people, like, being funny. Like, lean into the comedy of it sometimes. Yeah, for some reason that's always, like, the blooper at the end. And it's Bip, right? That's what's so great about Bip is they lean into the comedy of it. In this one, like, they feel like the comedy of it comes from, like, trashing the villain or whatever. But it's never from, like, people, like, being funny and hanging out and making making friends and stuff like that because they feel like it subtracts from the drama of the show or whatever

the fuck but like man it's just you need more elements in this show because this episode had just the one element and it got so boring after a while uh so the group date is on a farm uh nick is like oh i you know i'm more of a city boy but we are in wisconsin it fucking opens up with nick trying to give a bottle to a cow if you dvr'd it please go back and watch it as he tries to shamefully jam this nipple into the cow's like open nostril just like is this it does the bottle go straight up and down and then it chugs it from the bottom like it's drinking slurpy through a straw it's like nick is trying to be as far away from the cow as he can while still feeding it it is hysterical it is hysterical because all the women like he looks so good in this farmland does he because he's like choking that cow to death

so at the farm they they milk cows they make cheese, and the women are going to be put to work doing tasks like moving hay from one side into cow's mouths. That's called feeding cows. You move hay into cow's mouths. That's also called feeding cows. What are you doing over there? I'm moving Taco Bell from the bag and then from the wrapper and then into my mouth. And then my body will move it from my mouth to my tummy to my butt. Griffin, I really liked it the other night when we went to Parkside and we moved oysters into our mouth.

Moved oysters right into our mouths, straight from the shells they removed from the ocean. That was really good. And so all the women have to do these tasks. And it's the classic, like, like i'm gonna take you on a date that you're probably not gonna want to like but you have to act like you like it was a jasmine g i think yeah it was like you just nobody wants to be doing this but you just gotta put on a happy face because you have to do it and you have to be happy about it and it's like dude you don't that's that's that's what like a prisoner in jail says

this is jail and i don't want to be in jail but you just got to put on a happy face about it there is i would say the mvp award goes to jamie who nick tries to milk a cow and does it terribly and then the farm owners say some awful sexist thing like, oh, I guess the women will have to show them how it's done. But it said it in a way like, I don't know. I don't even know how that, that's like, are women, is it a sexist thing that women are naturally better at? Is it like milk, I guess? Yeah, or is it like tugging on a phallic object? Oh, yuck.

That's what I wondered about. No, thanks. I don't know, but either way, Jamie does it really well. What if one of the farmers was like, gotta be careful with that cow's dick, Nick. And then Nick was like, I'm not a farmer, I'm a city boy, but I'm pretty sure that's not what any of this is.

And then what would happen? That would be the end of the scene. And then everybody would be like, I don't know about Curran's whole reason for being here. Did you see how much that cow was contouring though around those teats that's some pro level contouring i just thought like each teat was so really defined yeah especially once nick was done manhandling on grasping at them like a just like a baby grasping at a new toy he just doesn't know his way around a cow at all i would be the best dad to a cow i look at cows now and i'm really into

them because they're just big hooved dogs and they give you milk and when you're tired of them when you don't want to take care of them anymore it's burgers and stuff oh griffin it's sad to think about and you get a lot of good time in there before they it's burgers and stuff oh griffin it's sad to think about and you get a lot of good time in there before they turn into burgers and stuff but like you get something on both ends in life and in death you celebrate them that's what i like about a cow uh i would take care of cows so good i would i would move food into their mouths so well i'd feed them bottles like i can do it to a baby boy. I can definitely do it to a cow. There's some bottle feeding fundamentals that Nick seemed to just kind of lack completely.

Yeah, which being one of 11 and definitely not the youngest, because we meet the youngest in this episode. And she's 11 or so. Yeah, like, he had to have given a bottle at some point, right? Is this mom doing everything with all these kids? Just moving all the food in their mouths. So predictably, Corinne is not happy on this date, which

you know, it's not a huge surprise. She says it's the worst date she's ever been on. Everything, there's poop. She says the word poopy. She specifically, yeah, she said, I don't want to do farm chores. She's like, I wouldn't even make Raquel do farm chores, and she works for me. Raquel is to do farm chores. She's like, I wouldn't even make Raquel do farm chores, and she works for me. Raquel is better than farm chores.

She says shovel poopy a lot. A lot. And then from all the shoveling, she develops what she calls a serious hand situation. She says her finger doesn't work anymore. And then later on in the episode, she said, that was a serious hand hand situation and i almost had to go to the hospital no dude like i think her hands cramped up maybe or they just didn't is another possibility yeah i don't know but after they do all this farm stuff uh they go and have drinks um and we get some time with christina which is really good uh she and nick spent some time with Christina, which is really good.

She and Nick spend some time together, and Nick expresses his interest in her. Is she the Russian woman, Christina? She's the one that takes Corinne to task later in the episode. Yes, she's the Russian woman. She's excellent. I am a big, big Christina fan. Fantasy sleeper update. I think Christina's going to do pretty well

i don't know if she's going to crack the top four but like she gets the um she gets the group date rose and she she and nick have a really good conversation and yeah uh but mainly what is happening on this group date is that all the women are talking about corinne uh and talking about how she's immature and then she's telling us, the viewer, that she's like a corn husk, and you peel back layers, and there's juicy kernels of information. Tasty golden fruit.

Just buttery. Stop it! She says, everybody says, I'm so immature. Well, is this immature, she says, and like squeezes her boobs together, and it's like, yeah, textbook. Like, definitely it is. Yeah, I don't't i understand that she's kind of funny i think i think what she's doing is funny is that that's that okay griffin's making a face that suggests

no any i don't know man i mean yeah she's said a couple funny things it's just like there is a funny moment where, um, Corinne starts to give another speech to the group. And she says, I know I may not be everyone's favorite person. And Jamie immediately goes, shut up. I don't know if she was saying like, shut up.

No, you're not. Or if she was saying, if it was just a reflexive, like, no, shut up, please.

No. Yeah. Or like, don't give this speech. I don't know. Either way. I thought it was funny. I like Jamie a lot. I don't know that she's going to make it much longer, but I shut up. Please don't. Yeah, or like, don't give this speech. I don't know. Either way, I thought it was funny. I like Jamie a lot.

I don't know that she's going to make it much longer, but I enjoy her. Yeah. And then Sarah gets confrontational and says, Corinne. Sarah, who no joke, babe, like six times this episode, you're like, and who's that? I know. I swear it's Sarah. I can't. I promise you it's still Sarah.

I can't remember Sarah. I swear it's Sarah. I promise you it's still Sarah. I can't remember Sarah. She's like, I need to know that you're really actually ready to marry a 36-year-old man. I need you to tell me why you think you're ready. This is a confrontation tactic that has popped up a few times now where it's like, I don't want to just come at you and be like, you rubbed me the wrong way and you kind of suck. Instead, it's like, I need you to prove to me that you are ready to fight for his honor. And it's like, whoa, calm down. This is worse than the other way that you could have done this.

It's weird because, I mean, it's weird for a lot of reasons. Like, I get this sense of, I don't want to just always talk behind her back. I want to confront her. And then it seems strange. Like, what right do you have to know why or why not she's into this but then you get the point where it's like well all of them care about nick hypothetically and so they want to make sure that the other women aren't going to hurt him so it's like a weird protective that's not even it it's the fact that they are going about it like 75% with this confrontation.

Like, I want to confront you, but I also want to be kind of passive aggressive about it still. So I want to come to you and be like, I think you act really, really childish. And I think that you are, you know, you don't have the best intentions at heart. And I think you're really immature. That's a way to do it. And that's what Christina does does that's what christina does she comes at it and is like i think you're doing you're just getting on my nerves and i think you're really immature the wrong way to do it is prove to me that you are ready to fall in love with your whole heart and because i love him and

i need you to prove to me that you love him and that you have the best intent because what's the is she gonna have a right answer to that or she'd be like well here's what to me that you love him and that you have the best intent. Because what's the, is she going to have a right answer to that? Or is she going to be like, well, here's what's, let me tell you about my life story. No, that's not what, there is no answer to that. You're just like too chicken shit to be like, you stink. Get out of here. Yeah. And so then it comes back to the nap during the rose ceremony.

Because Corinne wants examples of like what what am i doing that's so wrong like what is hurting you guys and they always bring up the the nap at the rose ceremony and this is when corinne says something corinne was really funny yeah she actually says something funny um she's like telling us the viewer she's like i don't see what the big deal is with naps michael jordan took snaps abraham lincoln took naps which is nice i like that it's funny yeah and yeah probably very true i mean i i take naps you take naps every day and i you know you take survival naps you take naps where if you didn't take them you would die from exhaustion yeah that's true um that's and that's what most people's arguments are is that like hey it's a rose ceremony you

just have to stand there and be polite yeah and she comes this is what sucked uh is it when does the christina confrontation happen because i wanted to talk more about that um like right now okay so christina come the the the russian woman uh comes and talks to her and confronts her very directly. Like, I think what you're doing is really childish. And I think that you are not putting a good foot forward. And that's why a lot of the women in the house don't like you is because you're, like, annoying. And she brings up the rose ceremony again. And Korn's like, are you serious?

I had a panic attack and i had to i couldn't go and it was like christina's point is like what you're being asked to do here is not hard and all you have to do is stand there for for an hour and don't talk to anybody yeah uh and and props to christina there are a lot of seasons where the villains never have good conversations with people that have problems with them. And you can tell Christina's, like, really trying to just be like, hey, I'm going to be honest with you. I don't like you. These are the reasons we don't like you. Yeah, and then Korn realizes, like, I can't, like, circuitously, like, argue my way out of this situation.

So she's like, I can't even believe you right now. I'm just going to leave. Yeah, so she goes to have her time with nick um and she talks about how she's been having problems with the women but that she has confronted them and that communication is key for her and then they don't kiss at the end of their chat which is the first time that she's ever talked to Nick without kissing him. And she's really kind of unstable about it. And then it's time for the one-on-one with Raven, which was so good. It was the best.

It was the best one-on-one of the season. We have Raven on our fantasy team. And it was like our last, it was like our number three pick. And we were not so psyched about it. Yeah, I was nervous about raven because i just didn't know what to hang on to but she's real solid yeah so they they go to nick's little sister's soccer game she's the youngest bella uh and raven and nick you like play with the kids for a while while they're like practicing before the game and the parents show up and raven gets

to meet nick's parents uh and she asks if they had to spank him a lot which i feel like is a weird question to get to right away but but he doesn't he spank danielle like weirdly he does a lot of butt patting he does a lot of butt patting and like a lot of butt patting you think that was where she came from was like i got to figure out the roots of this butt patting uh but the parents say that nick never really got in trouble uh as a kid and that he was actually like kind of teased by his siblings because he was always a good boy. A good boy. And then they go roller skating. And it's Raven talking to his sister a little bit

and it's them doing a bunch of skate stunts. To sixpence none the richer. Yeah. And while Raven is talking to the sister, Nick keeps going by, like doing little tricks and stuff. They kiss while skating face to face and i did some skating uh in september when we were shooting the boom bam show shit's hard as hell as an adult i wish i could have been there and we could have had our own romantic no babe

you would have been no i was very i was very much holding the rails but i'm afraid when i was a little boy if i fell down i'd be like whatever fuck. I've never broken a bone in my life. This would have been it. Like if I, I would have fallen, I would have broken like a hip or a butt bone. And that's it. That's the ball game. I need these for dancing.

So after they go skating, they go to this art museum and have dinner there. And it's just a really nice place. And they have a really nice dinner raven tells raven does tell a story this is what i started alluding to earlier about nick like fucking pred like grilling her for explicit sexual details of this story she talks about how she got cheated on um and how she gets a call from uh i think a nurse that her boyfriend worked with at the time it says uh hey i'm in little rock and i saw your boyfriend in the bar and he was

talking to this woman and said let's go fuck and so raven goes and tells her mom and her mom gives her the car keys and says go she drives to his place in little rock uh literally kicks goes in the door the bedroom door is locked she kicks it in and she says and they are there and well i know what her vagina looks like he is he is thrusting he is thrusting into her and it's like and nick is like nick's like so were they both naked? So they were naked. Time and place, dog. Well, and also it like, one of our friends watching with us was like, it kind of reveals that maybe he doesn't understand what sex is. So like, so they were like naked.

And like, he was thrusting like what, like his hand at like her chest or? He was like thrusting his arm in and out of her armpit, right? Like what was thrusting? What was thrusting like what like his hand at like her chest or he was like thrusting his arm in and out of her armpit right like what was thrusting what was thrusting and i guess my main question like to get back to the my point of my thesis is why her vagina was out like at all yeah like was so he's medical were they doing a medical thing was she this is i'm sorry raven this is going to be gross we're having dinner but was she making toilet like why were the why was the vagina even involved with the whole sex process i guess is my question he had the fist going in and out of the armpit right so like what does the vagina need to be in there for and you said his treasure was out i'm like now i'm all confused were they

both making toilet god griffin please stop why were they making toilet in God, Griffin, please stop. Why were they making toilet in the bedroom, I guess, is my main question. You have to stop. So, yeah, and then Raven says she starts, like, punching the hell out of him. Fuck yeah, Raven. And Nick is like, well, I've never cheated on a woman before. And she's like, good. That's good.

I'm glad to hear that. And yeah, and so Raven says now that, you know, she knows her self-worth and she's, you know, prepared to find love. And then they go roller skating again, but in the art museum love it man what is happening it's cute man it's a cute day and then raven tells us like she's really falling for him and you can tell she's like kind of excited she's like this is the best date i've ever been on which i mean yeah it seemed pretty awesome yeah it's a pretty good date uh and then i think that's oh and then we get a little after a little bit of uh cocktail party time yeah there's more corinne confrontation i can't like i don't it's taylor come after corinne and this is where taylor comes after her and sits her down

or or no wait what happens taylor is like taylor starts badmouthing, badmouthing everybody. Danielle, who got the solo date at the beginning and got the rose already, like steals them away at the very beginning. And then Taylor's like all up in arms. Like, yeah, Taylor like stands directly behind Danielle while Danielle is talking to Nick and just hovers.

And it's like, okay. And you can tell Nick is like trying to kind of like, cause Danielle is, is talking about how she feels. And Nick is like, uh-huh, uh-huh, like trying to get her to stop talking so he can be like, there's somebody right behind you. is like talking shit about corn and i this is my problem man i feel like i'm in fucking i'm talking about some like middle school i just like spied on or something yeah corinne is like uh i'm just gonna be real with you and we're gonna just talk we're just gonna get things out you know i just i think some of the things you're saying and the way you're behaving is disgusting. And then Taylor starts describing to Corinne what emotional

intelligence is and why she doesn't have emotional intelligence. You just said emotional intelligence like you're on Rugrats. Tommy says I don't have enough emotional intelligence. Boop, boop, boop, boop. i don't have enough emotional intelligence but yes that was a joke but it was essentially what she was doing just like well i just think that you don't have the emotional intelligence and let me let me define that and corinne's like emotional intelligence and then taylor's like oh you don't know what it is.

Okay, so here's what it is. I just feel like what I'm saying, like, you're not understanding and I'm not getting through. And it's like, that shit sucks, man. And Corinne, like, whether or not Corinne knew what emotional intelligence was, like, she could tell that she was being condescended to. Yeah, absolutely. Like, Taylor was trying to, like, embarrass her on TV to make her seem like a big, big dummy. Yeah, absolutely. She's like, Taylor. Taylor was trying to embarrass her on TV to make her seem like a big, big dummy.

Yeah, it's like, Taylor, stop being Miss Proper. And I don't want to take both of them, whatever. Obviously, this all sucks. But that's a shitty thing to do to somebody on TV, is try to humiliate them. And then the episode ends, kind of while they're having this this argument right suggesting like oh it might get even bigger viewers stay tuned for next week uh and then

we get a nice little alexis blooper at the end god well also we get a teaser for next week that one of them's going home either taylor or corn's going home next episode which like i very much doubt it's gonna be corn right like i very much doubt that they're gonna send her home so we get alexis talking about her two fears her two fears because this conversation comes about nick saying he was afraid that the house that they were staying at had ghosts in it and alex was like oh my god and nick was like are you afraid of ghosts she was like oh no no no i have two fears one of them's aliens which had a cute moment where he was like, are you afraid of ghosts? She was like, oh, no, no, no, no. I have two fears. One of them is aliens, which had a cute moment where he was like, which of the women in the house do you think is an alien? And she was like, oh, Raven.

Like, she didn't even pause. And she's like, my biggest fear is Nicolas Cage, the actor. Have you seen Face Off? It was so good. And Nick just was totally on board. Like like the two of them are so fun together sure they sure are for the fucking 30 seconds they give us every week during the credits where they right before the fucking like jimmy kimmel ad comes like uh this show makes me so angry they're so complacent they're so complacent to keep doing the same fucking shit all over like

over and over and over and over and over and over and over again when there's so many more interesting things they can do with this show and they only do it in bachelor in paradise what the fuck guys i think you want to know my theory about this yes please okay so i think that the producers think that in order for us to really root for The Bachelor and to feel the triumph of the relationship, we have to really see all the people that he climbs over to get to his lady love. Okay. We're watching what is arguably a lot of gross stuff about these women that they have been manipulated to say and do. So that we really feel at the end that he has really triumphed. I guess.

But like, what's astonishing to me is this show is now supported by a community that they call Bachelor Nation. And it's a thing that no other television show has, this concept of Bachelor Nation, right? But this show doesn't know how to, the people who make this show don't know how to make a show that Bachelor Nation likes, because I guarantee you, the stuff that people find interesting about the show is the winky in-jokes and the humor of it.

And yeah, some of the drama, but that's not the only thing. And that's why I think Bachelor in Paradise represents the perfect mix of all of that stuff. And there is no reason why that mix can't also exist in Bachelor and Bachelorette. Because this is just like, I'm sorry, guys. It's fucking boring. And I start to dread the middle of every season of this show because I know it's going to get in a slump where the villain goes critical mass.

Somebody steps up to the villain. They go on a two-on-one date. Maybe the villain goes home. Eventually the villain goes home. And then it's time to wrap things up with the final five, four, three, two, one. Like, it's getting so boring. and it's such a bummer because this season has been so good but i'm looking at that preview next week's just gonna be more of the same well and the way they set it up too for next week where it's like one of these women goes

home is they've already started to set up taylor's so that if taylor stays she could potentially be the next villain you know there's no way that she stays over corn. Zero percent chance. No way. I'll eat my hat. I will actually cook and eat a hat. I will move a hat into my mouth. So that's this week.

Yep. I wanted to thank some of our listeners that sent stuff. Yeah. And I forgot to write down who sent somebody sent us a onesie yeah we were we were we got like 30 packages in the mail and i accidentally threw away some of the some of the letters a striped uh six month onesie that says cutest bachelor on it so if you sent that to us thank you so much it's cute as hell and i like that it's six months too so we'll be able to use it yeah this boy's ginormo

he's gonna get there like four months uh and then we got this really crafty present um from somebody name it's spelled c-r-i-s-t-a-l-y christalie christalie and alicia um They're little Mario fabric washcloths and little peepee teepees. So when you have a boy, sometimes they'll pee on you.

Something Griffin has talked about before and these are little tents you put over their penis and they're washable and that's nice. They're're really cute not sure because one of them i just looked at and it does have yoshi's open mouth and that's kind of a weird like go ahead and pee into yoshi's open mouth my sweet boy you know that that probably is more traumatic for you than me i didn't play a lot of mario maybe i don't want to see t yoshisora munch koopas get you know i love it when you say his full name t yoshisora munch koopas this is real name i know we've talked about this i love it um thank you all for listening

thank you to henry for not crying for an hour uh very exciting and thank you to to all the listeners and folks on the rosebuddies facebook group and thanks to max fun thanks for having us yeah we didn't talk about it a lot but i listened to a lot of max fun shows uh and it's just so exciting for me to be part of the network yeah uh pretty soon we're gonna start doing jumbotrons and we'll have more details on there about that they may be available this week you can go go to MaximumFun.org slash Jumbotron and see if we're on there yet. But you can get messages on the show.

If you want to purchase a message for your friend or your lover or would-be lover. Wow, it's the only three that you can do messages for. That's right. They have three little check boxes. That's friend, lover, or would-be lover. Then yeah, MaximumFun.org slash Jumbotron is the place to go.

I think that's it let's let's wrap up um we've been wrapping up thank you for listening i'm griffin mackroy i'm rachel mackroy when you're ready stay with us on this journey of joy spoiler alert she is up with soldier boy