Wonderful! - Ep. 56: Crystal Billy

Episode Date: January 31, 2017

There's dark clouds on the horizon, but we're not focused on those -- instead, we're keeping our eyes on the delightful moments of yesterday's episode of The Bachelor. Namely, when a bunch of women were INSPIRITED BY A SPECTRAL CHILD. MaxFunDrive ends on March 29, 2024! Support our show now by becoming a member at maximumfun.org/join.

Maybe you should go and do some contemplating. Right reasons, right reasons, being a good girl for all the right reasons. Right reasons, right reasons, being a good girl for all the right reasons. I'm the best rat and I'm rapping to your pool sign. Here to find true love, one man for my whole life. Hi, this is Rachel McElroy. Hi, this is Griffin McElroy. And this is Rose Buddies.

Welcome back to Rose Buddies. Hello. Hello from us, the Rose Buddies buddies thanks for listening to rose buddies it's another episode of rose base and this one is a real supernatural sort of spooktacular oh man so we're we're uh we're taking this week to the great city of nolans of nolans and then i every time i talk about nolan's i love to use my frank underwood accent of just being like claire claire is he he's not from louisiana in the show though right south carolina but it's not really the same state it's just one sort of big old state and we're in the super state although is it that super i mean texas right it's all... The south part of America is all basically just one big old state.

And boy, they got some thoughts about some things, huh? They got a particular way of doing it. Incisive, Griffin. I'm just saying, it's one big state, and everybody here has a particular way of doing their stuff. We need to get you on Meet the Press. You're just saying they don't want to change their minds about some of the things, even though these things that they think. Bring in some real hot commentary.

Some of it's a little bit rough. Rough stuff. We're going to New Orleans, though. But there's stuff before New Orleans. You just wanted to jump right into that. Oh, you're right. That good spot. You're right.

I just wanted to comment on, like, I don't think there's been an episode of this show that has been where where quite so many like factors were decided by by otherworldly supernatural forces um there hasn't been an episode where i don't know one of the women is possessed by a demon and then the demon helps her win the show you know what i mean there's not one where aliens come down they go to roswell and the aliens come down and i think maybe they kiss and fall in love with the aliens i didn't see roswell i didn't either sorry bristol or from bristol's definitely listening this is definitely very disappointed in rachel and i right now um should we talk about the show well i mean we usually have a lot of fun banter you just want to fucking you just want to use me up and then is that all i am to you it's just a fucking like just sounding board just a podcast like co-host and that's it and then once i'm once you're done

as soon as we walk out of the studio it's just like that's to be clear your your hot intro included talk about aliens and how the south was a little backwards yeah that's good stuff i'm not gonna i'm not gonna hop on either of those thank you well if you had hopped on them maybe they would have been good they were bad bit like they were bad bits but it's because i needed you you're my whetstone that i sharpened my my incisive southern comedy again with an h pervert yeah no she's see that's the good stuff that you could have brought to the um i love my spelling goofs. Should we talk about the Rod thing?

Because it's a dark cloud looming over the horizon, and I think we should just touch on it real quick. And that Rod announced... Well, and it's not confirmed. It's not confirmed, but Rod announced today that he's going to be on Bachelor in Paradise. For our new listeners, Rod is our name for a contestant that was particularly disgusting.

He sucks. Not in a way that was particularly disgusting. It sucks. Not in a way that other people suck. And by the way, I've seen so many people on Facebook talk about how Corinne and Chad... Oh, there it is. There it is. Gotta fucking... Donate to safe place. Donate to safe place.

Okay. How Corinne and Rod are the same person. And it's like, no, dog. Because the thing about Rod is his shittiness goes so far beyond the confines of the show. It is, like, staggering. He's a really aggressive, manipulative contestant. And it's not just, like, he was a bad dude on the show. Like, there's a woman named, oh, shoot, I cannot remember her her name but she writes for the huffington post

yeah um and she always writes about the bachelor and bachelorette and was like really critical of them having this dude on the show and he tweeted her address like yeah like he sucks like he sucks in a major way and and was got kicked off of bachelor in paradise last season after a single episode because he was like super duper abusive to the people there and also apparently to the way and and was got kicked off of bachelor in paradise last season after a single episode because he was like super duper abusive to the people there and also apparently to the hotel staff and yeah uh chris harrison had to like ask him to leave which was a godsend because then it was like a really fun season after that and bachelor in paradise is such a fucking refreshing spring breeze and if this dude is back on it man like yeah so all of that to say that he was on last season we almost didn't

watch because of it and i this show sometimes this show is bad a lot of the time but it's bad in the way that like a fun bad movie is bad shit like and there was some stuff that happens in this episode that also like leans into this tendency where it's like this isn't even fucking fun anymore dudes here's the thing abc is so fucking like delusional that you tweet at them like, I can't believe you're going to have this dude on. They're like, this guy's building a lot of heat. I know. No, it's not that.

It sucks. It's not fun. It's seriously not fun to watch it. And the only reason people are watching the show is because it's fun sometimes, most of the time. Yeah. Well, obviously, it's really early. And so the cast hasn't been confirmed yet.

So we don't know for sure. But everybody's like, honestly, I think this is only happening. Well, it's only happening because fucking Rod is talking about it. Yeah. But it's only happening because Corinne is such a thing now. And now it's like, what if Corinne and Rod hook up? Yeah. So this week's episode.

This week's episode was fun at times. It was not fun at times, but it was fun a lot of the time. And brought to you by the major motion picture, Beauty and the Beast. Beauty and the Beast. So this, I didn't know this, apparently based on a Disney. And that's the right way to say it. A Disney film from the 90s. And it's about, I guess, just a bookish girl.

And she hooks up with like a big bear. Mm-hmm. Yeah. And then there's. And a teacup sings to them while they make love and there's a there's a gaston fella there's a gaston fella and he's there and he is gonna kill the bear to save her and he does at the end and then there's a flower involved somehow some kind of rose somehow kind of rose using there's like a super another supernatural once these things start incorporating supernatural using there's like a super another supernatural once these things start incorporating supernatural elements it's like you're losing me well you know what i took from tonight is that the voice of the rose is josh gad yes the rose is a living

character his name is roseanne and in the cartoon i guess the disney cartoon it was played by roseanne uh mrs roseanne from roseanne uh-huh um she doesn't have a last name she's just the she says the one single name but this time they've replaced roseanne with josh gad yeah uh in the disney this the disney you want to do like we got to see a little sneak peek do you want to do some of his lines as the rose yeah sure um smell my petals i smell amazing and then here's that one where um the the bookish girl goes to pick him up. He's like, be careful of my thorns. Yeah.

Belly, I think her name is. Belly is what it is. Yeah. Yeah. So we're going to have a lot of fun in the theater with that with our little tyke. We're going to take him to see the new film. Yeah. Yeah.

We're going to take him somewhere to see a two-hour movie. Andy Serkis is the bear man. It's called Belly and the Bear Man. It's beautiful. Yeah yeah it's fun but again it gets that supernatural element this episode of the tv show they had a bunch of ghosts and spooky stuff in it and like ghosts started to do things and we're gonna get to it but ghosts started to do things to torment these women and at this point i was like i can't enjoy this show anymore because there's i've just learned that ghosts exist so once the supernatural comes into play it's like i don't okay uh should we get there i guess we really we just have to get through so

much shit before the episode gets good because it sucked at the beginning we've really been going for a while now and haven't even oh i guess we have all right i haven't even gotten to it this is eight minutes. This is nothing. This is a baby's divergence. So before we get to New Orleans. We can say that, by the way, because we've been there like a bunch of times. New Orleans is the best city, man.

It's one of the best road trips from Austin. Yeah. One of the only. And it's also one of the best fucking places in America, hands down. So this episode picks up with the cliffhanger from last week which was nothing it wasn't any corn and taylor's dispute three different times today while rachel and i and we stayed home from our group watch because our um son uh just hasn't uh he's hasn't learned how to sleep yet so he hasn't slept uh even for a second we've we've uh and we haven't

either we've been awake for two months and we're very excited about some of the like sort of psychological changes that that's sort of introducing into our life and our relationship um and so we didn't go and we stayed home and like several times rachel and i were just sitting next to each other on the couch and rachel would just like sigh dejectedly and just be like do i even have to take notes during this part and it was all corn corn taylor yeah um so we find out a lot about taylor uh through corn we haven't really seen much of her so but apparently she's rude and all the other women uh think that she is unlikable corn corn did some rotten stuff this episode um but credit where credit's due she does some judo on taylor in

this like confrontation that was the cliffhanger of last week where taylor was like you're too immature you don't have the emotional intelligence emotional intelligence your emotional intelligence is weak and your emotional intelligence is bad um and uh in this episode corinne is like well um i i think you should know that all of the women in the house think you're very rude because you don't say hi to them uh and uh you you are everybody just thinks you're not here for the right reasons and taylor's like wait nobody's i don't think anybody's saying that but here's why why I am the way I am. And like, just like that, the conversation had like been completely flipped on its head. This is a real classic bully move is that if somebody attacks you, you make them feel as if everyone harbors a secret kind of ill will towards them and you're going to let

them in on it. And then all of a sudden they're on the defensive. You said that about it being a bully move, but like, and I mentioned this during last week when Taylor brought up your emotional emotional intelligence you don't have enough emotional intelligence yeah um and then corinne was like i don't know what you're talking about and taylor was like um because they're both by the way they're both 23 fucking years old which like if you're 23 that's fine but taylor can't hate on each other for being to anyway not that all 23 year olds are cut from the same cloth but my point was like taylor was obviously just trying to fucking pull this this you know elitist card basically no not just that

she was like saying like oh you don't know what emotional intelligence was uh and using this to try to belittle corinne and it got to guys i'm not kidding uh what like 14 15 times during this episode including to nick like i told her emotional intelligence was like insufficient and she had to ask me what it was and we heard that sucks dog we heard emotional intelligence more than we heard right reasons this week, which is unprecedented. It was really, really, it was super, super rough. Like, neither of them, both of them, this was the Corinne versus Taylor episode, spoilers. And I'm sorry, just both of them stink.

Both of them stink, man. I have no patience for either of the shit. In different ways. Yeah. In different ways. in different ways different ways um but the whole thing also stinks because straight up taylor hasn't we haven't seen taylor with with him for more than like 30 connected seconds and like obviously this was not a thing and she was only sort of put up there to be a sparring partner with corn and yet they still want us to like buy into this fucking battle and it's like

there's no by the way my hat is sitting next to me uncooked uneaten thank you very much um abc tried to build this is like villain versus villain and i was like wait a minute yeah like taylor's taylor's kind of a butt but like that's not that's not what that's not what this is you didn't set this up why are you so bad at setting things up? You've been doing this for 30 years. Well, I'm sure the footage they have of Taylor being a quote villain is pretty boring. Because if it really is true. It's just her not talking to people.

It's just her walking into a room and being like, eh. So anyway, they have a fight and nothing happens. But then every single woman in the house has to do a behind the scenes thing about how there's a confrontation. Oh, there's too much drama in the house. And there's a confrontation between Korn. And like all of it was the most prompted thing ever because they kept using the word confrontation over and over and over and over again. So Chris comes in to talk to Nick in his little pep talk before the rose ceremony. I hadn't really thought of this.

This pep talk is becoming a regular. I think it's been in every episode. Yeah've like we've given this show some shit for not using it's chris harrison very well and there's it's still like a very very short thing but like has that had been in past seasons where he actually does this pep talk with the i don't think so not this consistently at least no usually he comes in to end the cocktail party and that's it and he bounces but we don't see a lot of interaction with the bachelor we used to we used to see it a lot and we lamented like how it's been gone and now we're getting a little slice of it this feels more like chris trying to get nick to say things that they want to get him to say on camera well yeah obviously because he always says

like the thing that just happened 45 seconds ago in the episode so i heard there was a fight tonight thanks chris yeah thank you uh so at the rose ceremony um astrid and sarah go home uh astrid the uh i don't know she's from huntington uh and sarah sarah don't remember she's an elementary school teacher yeah she was she was nice i thought she was gonna make it a little bit further she gives a really nice outshot when she's an elementary school teacher yeah she was she was nice i thought she was gonna make it a little bit further she gives a really nice outshot when she's leaving yeah she dropped some truth she just says like hey i was actually really here to find love and i guess i just got outshadowed by the drama and i was like that's exactly that's actually exactly what happened sarah yeah um okay so now we're going to new orleans now we're going to new orleans and this was the first like they've i guess they've probably been to cities that we've been to before right like i mean the show takes place in la we've been to or i've been to la a bunch for e3 although specifically

around the convention center um but they've gone to cities that like i've been to before but this was the first time like every fucking place they went i was like oh yeah because everyone that goes to new orleans goes to the french quarter yeah that's fair you know so and that's where they went because it's like a really cool spot yeah it's the best um so yeah so they go jamie's really excited because she currently lives in new orleans and is a chef um jamie who tweeted that she listened to the show and the show she didn't know she only listened because her friend's mom oh right right well that's hey I'll take it

where I can get it but yeah she mentioned on Twitter that there was way more to the conversation of her talking about how she had a girlfriend once that they did not make it to air which was our suspicion but thank you thank you Jamie for confirming it.

I hope you enjoy the program. Also got a tweet this week from Ben, the ax man Higgins, because somebody changed it. One of y'all motherfuckers changed his Wikipedia page to say his name was Benjamin, the ax man Higgins. And somebody tweeted that at him.

And he was like, I don't know what this is. It sounds ominous. And Rachel, I had to step in and be like, no, dude, it is a badge of honor.

Yeah. The highest acclaim. He did not respond to us. Didn't respond to us, but that's fine. We said mean things about his freeform show. I said mean things in private. So all the women are out on the street dancing around with street performers. I love the flight montages that they do. It is so like Disney Channel, like high-speed montages of them running down an airplane aisle.

It's so fun. Just like things they shot on their phone of them sitting next to each other on an airplane next to an open window, just like, New Orleans! I love it. It seems like they're having a lot of fun. Listen, I just want to see the women hanging out and having fun. I know you do. And this is the only time that they show me this. I know you do.

The ghost date was so good because there was a lot of just women hanging out and getting spooked and haunted. So they go to the hotel and Chris shows up and announces there will be three dates this week. Fucking like three buttons unbuttoned on his shirt. Yeah, Griffin got really annoyed that his shirt was untucked. I'm just telling you, dude. I'm not annoyed. You want him in like a three-piece suit? No, I don't want him in a three.

He doesn't have to have a cummerbund. It's just like he's still on island time. Actually, you know what? I'll give it a pass for this week because he's in New Orleans. It's probably a little humid there and you want a little bit more of a casual you guys should know that when we record griffin is always wearing a cummerbund yeah i'm wearing a cummerbund but not where you'd expect it cummerbund's probably the nastiest word right like there's a lot of stuff going on

dickie is pretty nasty if you're wearing a cummerbund and a dickie you are you should go to jail you should be thrown in jail for indecent exposure uh well yeah if you're just if you're wearing a cummerbund and a dickie, you should go to jail. You should be thrown in jail for indecent exposure. Well, yeah, if you're just wearing that, you actually will go to jail for indecent exposure. So there is a one-on-one date, there's a group date, and then there's the two-on-one date. I want to hear that. That's going to be with, hey, straight up. This is another pro tip, because I'm hoping one of our listeners is on this show at some point. There's probably a lot of eligible bachelor and bachelorette listeners yeah for sure that would

that would thrive in this environment because now they know how to fucking play um if you pick a fight with somebody and then the next week there's a two-on-one date you're gonna go on the two-on-one day two-on-one that's gonna be you because corn was like i hope it's not me what are you talking van Vanessa and Danielle M. You're going to fight this. It's crazy. But you're the fighters. No.

No. It's going to be Rachel and it's going to be Vanessa. I'm as surprised as any. And I'm going to keep both of them making this two-on-one pointless. I mean, it's already fucking pointless. them making this two-on-one pointless i mean it's already fucking pointless uh so rachel gets the one-on-one this week with the car that says where have you been yay all my life um it's i guess like uh it's been long enough what is this episode four episode five episode five i have no idea this is the fifth episode i'm pretty sure i forgot rachel got the first impression rose because

she's kind of not been around that much since then. She got a group date rose. But we haven't seen like a lot of Rachel, Rachel Nick time. Yeah, we forgot about their chemistry. It's fucking awesome. I know I was a big Vanessa Nick fan. I was a big Vanick fan.

That's what we call the pairing on our communities. No, that's done. nick rachel to the max like guys i'm jeffing hard for this one yes griffin at one point said that uh he hoped that uh abc wasn't going to quote jeff oh they're gonna jeff me hard they're gonna jeff me really really hard but i'm jeffing is like a verb that can be used both ways one where it's you really um kind of like the on-screen romance of two people on a reality show um but then getting jeffed means that they break up and it breaks your heart into a million pieces yeah um like i love you very much but it's probably only like 95 as much as i could love anybody before I got Jeffed by The Bachelor.

Yeah. I'm Bachelorette, sorry. Yeah. I know that's hard to hear, but you gotta know, like, I'm playing, I'm always gonna be playing at a handicap. That's fair. I have never put two Fs together again since then. No, I can't.

I see somebody with two Fs in their name, and I'm like, what are you fucking show off? Do you want me to say your name longer? That's what's, Jeff is so great about jeff he's so humble you get in you get out jeff nope he's actually born with two f's and he was like hey i don't want to waste any extra f give it to somebody else he actually donated that f my name is dave vid jeff gave me his v his F and it's great. Davevid? Davevid? No, no, no, no, no. Davevid. Can I talk about their date? Yeah, sure. I'm Fnick. When you put it at the front?

Yeah. I'm proud of my F. My friend Jeff gave it to me. I'm proud of it. It goes at the front of my name. I'm Fnick and I'm the Bachelor. I'm proud of it. It goes at the front of my name. I'm Fnick, and I'm The Bachelor. So they go, Rachel and Nick. I'm flustered now. Rachel and Nick go to the- You want to say Fnick. It sounds so fucking natural, doesn't it?

I loved the lineup that Nickelodeon had on Fnick. I knew you were going to do that. I knew you were going to do that. And then straight into Kenan and Kel, and then Roundhouse. None of those shows were on at the same time. All that and Kenan and Kel might have been. I know I had Are You Afraid of the Dark? Yes.

Can you name one more? I think Roundhouse is right. No, I know. Oh, you want me to name another Nickelodeon? Or another FNIC show? Yeah. If you can name one more fnick show i'll be so i'll be so psyched was pete and pete ever on there i don't know i don't know actually you just want to sit here in silence i don't see i'm trying to think if i can think of

any i don't see the world of alex mac oh hey arnold yeah i don't know about hey arnold was ham ham kum lam sua that was a little i can't believe that i can fucking remember that it was Secret World of Alex Mack. Hey Arnold. Yeah. I don't know about Hey Arnold. Hey Arnold was. Ham Ham Kablam Swa. That was a little. I can't believe that I can fucking remember that. It was an acronym that they came up with for how to remember the schedule for SNCC. And it was Ham Ham Kablam Swa. Griffin. And it was Hey Arnold.

Something that starts with M. What would that be? Matt? Alex Mack? Was there an M show? I don't know. I'm fucked up in the brain dude that i can remember that it bums me out wow yeah it's no the sweat the end was secret world of alex

mac i don't know what the m was for i'll think of it later and i'll just shout it out in the middle of the podcast or in the middle of the night yeah um okay rachel and Nick go to the French market in New Orleans, uh, which is like a little outdoor area with like food and shops. Um, it's fun to walk through. They, uh, they look at masks. Nick, uh, in a wacky fit holds a gator head up to his face as if he is a gator. I thought it would have been great if Rachel had a full-blown fucking Captain Hook freakout at the end of the film.

They get oysters, they sample hot sauce, and then right next to the French market is Café Du Monde, where they go for beignets. And it is fun to watch Nick shove a beignet in his tiny marble mouth

and get that sugar everywhere. He really gets the nasty sugar. And it's hard to do, right? That's why I dunk it in that good, good chicory coffee. I dunk it right in that sweet coffee, and then it soaks up some of the sugar. That's my pro tip for eating a good beignet, because I don't want to be a dusty boy. I don't want people to think I'm a user. It's impossible not to be a dusty boy in that location.

I guess so, yeah. It's kind of covered in, it's kind of, there's sort of drifts of snow. And so then they end up going out to walk around some more, and they run into a second line, which is kind of a parade of musical performers. which is kind of a parade of musical performers and they pick up some umbrellas and they they dance around in the in the parade and uh it's a really neat moment she i we've been a few times i'm like we've seen those a lot this is rachel actually said this is one of the first things that like happen in public on this show that may have not been set up i think it was probably set up but it could have ostensibly not been set up second line is that what it was that's what they said yeah i never knew what it was called but it's popular for like weddings and funerals yeah rachel and i went

to a wedding um went to a wedding in new orleans and they had a second line like and during their wedding uh and it took place in a fucking wax museum. It was the best all-time wedding locale ever. I don't think the wax museum is open anymore. It's gone. It shut down. Which is really sad. Very, very sad. Yeah, but they used to have an event space above the museum.

And so you could have your cocktail hour in the museum while they set up for the reception, which was incredible. So, yeah. So they have some fun dancing around, and it's right in front of the hotel, of course, so all the women can look out the window and see them having fun, which is a nice theme on this show. And then they go into a bar where an artist named Lolo is playing, who I compared to a Joss Stone. A Joss Stone-esque figure she's a a woman singer songwriter and they dance thank you thanks i didn't know you i didn't know you knew so much about joss stone i i it's it's hard for me to i i haven't met another Joss head before, like in public.

And to be married to one is so exciting. Um, she has, so she's a woman singer, singer, songwriter. Yeah. Oh,

cool. I mean, I could go on and on. Yeah, sure. Tell me one of her songs other than her cover of, I fell in love with a boy. I couldn't have even told you that one. No,

I could have. Now that you mentioned it, it sounds familiar. Sure. No, I could have. Now that you mention it, it sounds familiar. Yeah, sure. Real Joss head. I'm starting to think you're not much of a Joss head after all. Real Jossical over here. Real so-and-so. So they hang out there and they watch

and we get to see Nick kind of looking adoringly at Rachel. Uh, and Rachel tells us that it's been over a year and a half since she's been on a date where she's really excited about the person and we can tell that she's super excited and it's really cute to watch them. Yeah. It's, I, I don't know what to say except like their chemistry is really off the charts and not just like they're like smooching all the time, but they are in public. Um, it's not just like they're like smooching all the time but they are and in public um it's not just like physical it's not just physical though like they're having like really

great conversation she talks about how she saw a second line she's been in new orleans a couple times that year and saw a second line at a funeral that she went to yeah um to which nick like reflexively says i'm sorry and she says thank you which Which is kind of a weird back and forth, but I don't know. Their conversation was really sweet. Yeah, they both seem really comfortable. And so the night portion is them going to this big warehouse

with Mardi Gras floats and they have a little dinner there. And they both talk about how great their day was together. And then there's this moment, which is really early for it to be happening, but they start talking about hometowns, basically. He starts talking about, well, they both start talking about how long their parents have been together.

And her parents and his parents have both been together over 30 years. And he asks about her family and she says, well, my dad is a federal judge in dallas and he says do i have to call him sir like when i meet him you call him your honor what are you talking about like is he really tough like i i you know like i would definitely i would definitely call him sir and she's like yeah no no don't call him sam and And she's like, yeah, no, no, don't call him Sam. And I just thought like, wow, all right. He's already getting the strategies. Here we go.

Yeah. I mean, there are a lot of people left for him to be having that like, I'm going to meet your parents. I mean, I'm sure it also came out of like, what do you call a federal judge? What do you call, is there a correct, I think he may have been fishing to see if he was supposed to say your honor. That's not a joke. Like, if I found out, like, you, like, your dad was, like, Secretary of State or something like that, do I call him David? Or do I call him Secretary of State Weiner?

If you found out, like, he was in the CIA and I just couldn't tell you the whole time we were together. Yes, he was the CIA Secretary of State, the secret secretary. Like, oh, hey, by the way, Griffinin i know we've been together five years now i'm just saying what if i was very rude and i hadn't asked about your parents ever like your dad was like at our wedding but i never inquired what he did and you're like he's the fucking secretary of state how have you not seen him on the news i don't really watch the news i'm you know not very active in that in that whole world who's this character this is mr too cool to be political okay yeah he's a really cool guy i think you'd love him uh and so nick says i might be breaking the rules but i'm super into you

um and and and like i believe it i'm totally bought in man i am jeffed up i'm all all Jeffed up. This show's got me Jeffed to the max. I'm tweaking. And then he kind of weirdly presents her the rose. He does it in like, guys, go back and watch it. It's like a snail pace. Like, he grabs it off the table and very slowly extends it way too close to her.

Like, his approach is pretty weird. Um, and, and he gives her this kind of speech where he talks about the things he likes about her. And one of the things he says is you walk into a room and you own that room. Hmm.

I love the way that it takes you 30 minutes to order a sandwich. And then he does the whole thing. Is that what he says in the movie? In the Harry Sallie? You just watched it. In the Harry Sallie? Is that what you call it? The Harry Sallie movie.

Yeah, he gives a list of things, and that's one of the things he says. Hey, I'm just now thinking about this. Recently, I walked in to, I think I was, like, working, and I walked in the living room, and you're hanging out with Henry, and you're watching When Harry Met Sally. And then a few days later, I walked in, and you were watching City Slickers 2, Legend of the Curlies Gold. I love Billy Crystal. I guess you're on a crystal kick, huh? Uh-huh.

You're on that crystal. Just riding that crystal. He went to Marshall, you know, baseball scholarship. I know, I do know that. Very proud to have him. I know. You stayed for a year? I'd like a year, but it was a good year.

Good year for baseball. We did great that year. Yeah? What was the record that year? Oh, man. 50. Yeah? 50 and...

12. Oh, that's a good year. 50 to 12 was the final score. That is a baseball game. What can I say? He hit fucking 50 home runs. Oh, so it wasn't even like runs batted in no nobody else could even get on plate on plate that's great okay um he designated for a lot of dudes so he got 50 home runs.

So, that's how he did it. That's how he accomplished it. Most runs scored, and most home runs hit in a single game by a huge margin. Goes to Billy Crystal. Famed Oscars host, Billy Crystal. What if his name, what if, because that's definitely not his real name, right? Billy Crystal's definitely

not his real name. Do you think that there was a moment where he decided to be an actor and he was he got cast in whatever first movie he got cast in and he was gonna like go big and he's like i need a way better acting name and he held up in front of them two index cards and he had to deliberate and then written on one was billy crystal and written on the other one was crystal billy he's just sitting in his apartment in his apartment for like two hours like they both have so many strengths crystal billy it's pretty good yeah it's pretty good it's not even a funny joke it's just like fun to think about like sometimes it's fun to give your mind little brain teasers like this um before we talk about the group date do you want to do our jumbotrons oh no i don't have them up yet i was trying to think of a fun corner we could

call this um based on the show we got some suggestions in the Facebook group, and I can't remember what they were now at this point. But if you'd like to purchase a Jumbotron, it's a special message that we'll read on the air. You can dedicate it to a friend or lover. Just those are the only two. Don't give it to a fucking family worker, family worker or a co-worker or a family member. We'll find out.

If you go to the maximum fun.org you can figure out how to do this and we have two this week yeah so i don't know what the music we need like a music break in here and i don't know what it is gonna be because i don't want to use that same um garbage uh des featuring can we use the the room song again? The You Are My Rose? Oh, shit. That could be good. Or we could just do like a... Why?

How does that relate? How does that relate at all? Is it the baby? You're worried about the baby? Yeah, I don't want... I'll do it a quieter one. I'll do a quieter... I don't want you singing the Seinfeld theme to be what wakes our baby up i'll do some

i thought of something much quieter our first jumbotron is um wait what are we gonna call this little spot i wanna i wanna call this like we're gonna call it the the speedboat we're gonna buy like the rosebush or something no we're gonna call it the fucking money boat or the cocktail party the cocktail party is actually good it could be fun let's think let's think about it today we're gonna call it investment money seed money for griffin's boat. Okay. This message is for Bon and April, and it's from Sam. The very first speedboat session. Congratulations, you've done it.

Sam says to Bon and April, to my rosy buddies in the Big Apple, I miss you. I hope the sound of your favorite podcast hosts keep you warm in your cozy apartment and that you come visit down in Charm City soon. Smooches, XOXO, you're guccio. See, this is one thing that you need. Oh, guccio. Guccio. Yeah, that's one thing about the Jumbotrons is they make you say words like guccio sometimes.

And it's fun to say them, but people take it and they make a soundboard out of it. Well, I mean, that's a reference to Ben's season. Oh, yeah. Was it JoJo's season? It was JoJo's season. They touch all those horses JoJo's season? It was JoJo's season. When did they touch all those horses inappropriately? I think it was JoJo's. It might have been JoJo's season.

It was definitely guys. Was it Alex that went on that date? You remember a lot more about JoJo's season. It was when the men lay with horses. Not in that way, but kind of in that way. Kind of, yeah. What do you think the Charm City is? I don't know.

That must be like the nickname for a location. I just don't know what it is. Probably. Santa Fe. Santa Fe. Do you want to read this, Jumbotron? Sure. This is for Catty Wampus from Tyler.

You've been my best friend for more than 10 years, but I'm still excited every single day to see you. I can't wait to see what the next decades bring. Love you. That's really sweet. I think we're going to have more like love messages. Yeah, that's what I want, man. This shows a celebration of the stuff we call love. Yes, exactly.

This material, this sort of floating miasma between the two of us. There's a lot of that miasma in this room right now. That's why I'm sweating so much. Yeah, this room is thick with miasma. It's thick with our miasma that we create with our love and our lust. It's gross. Group date. It's going gonna be good we do that every time are you kidding me and you're gonna get into it and you're gonna get so good at it and people will be like rachel's tim allen breakdown is getting like better than the real thing and then during the live show we can have the man

the tool man himself tim taylor to come out and do it himself do you think it was him singing well i guess he does the last part, doesn't he? Yeah, babe. And he's definitely playing the guitar. Do you think Tim Allen just sat in the studio for days just making grunts like

for six hours a day? Oh yeah, you know he came up with it. There were some rough drafts there. Like, you go a little higher this time. Yeah, we need more power. No. Go a little lower. Can you go lower? You're a little sharp.

Come in, come in this time. Not so sharp. Jen, Jen, Jen, Jen, Jen, Jen, Jen, Jen, Jen, Jen, Jen, Jen, Jen, Jen, Jen, Jen, Jen, Jen, Jen, Jen, Jen, Jen, Jen, Jen, Jen, Jen, Jen, Jen, Jen, Jen, Jen, Jen, Jen, Jen, Jen, Jen, Jen, Jen, Jen, Jen, Jen, Jen, Jen, Jen, Jen, Jen, Jen, Jen, Jen, Jen, Jen, Jen, Jen, Jen, Jen, Jen, Jen, Jen, Jen, Jen, Jen, Jen, Jen, Jen, Jen, Jen, Jen, Jen, Jen, Jen, Jen, Jen, Jen, Jen, Jen, Jen, Jen, Jen, Jen, Jen, Jen, Jen, Jen, Jen, Jen, Jen, Jen, Jen, Jen, Jen, Jen, Jen, Jen, Jen, Jen, Jen, Jen, Jen, Jen, Jen, Jen, Jen, Jen, Jen, Jen, Jen, Jen, Jen, Jen, Jen, Jen, Jen, Jen, Jen, Jen, Jen, Jen, Jen, Jen, Jen, Jen, Jen, Jen, Jen, Jen, Jen, Jen, Jen, Jen, Jen, Jen, Jen, Jen, Jen, Jen, Jen, Jen, Jen, Jen, Jen, Jen, Jen, Jen, Jen, Jen, Jen, Jen, Jen, Jen, Jen, Jen, Jen, Jen, Jen, Jen, Jen, Jen, Jen, Jen, Jen, Jen, Jen, Jen, Jen, Jen, Jen, Jen, Jen, Jen, Jen, Jen, Jen, Jen, Jen, Jen, Jen, Jen, Tim, nothing like that. Nothing like that. You're moving away. It's not even a grunt anymore. That was a laugh, Tim. Sometimes he just went like, cha-ching, and they're like, no, that's not your thing. Stop it, Timothy Allen. I think my character can go a different way.

What if he's funny? This time I'm a cashier and I'm not a tool man. And so I go, cha-ching. Tim the cashier tailor. That's my new thing. A money time. I'm Allegra Ringo. And I'm Renee Colbert.

And we host a podcast called Can I Pet Your Dog? Renee, can I tell you about a dog I met this week? I wish that you would. In turn, though, can I tell you about a dog hero? May I tell you about a dog breed in a segment I like to call Mutt Minute? I would love that. Could we maybe talk about some dog tech? Could we have some cool guests on like Lin-Manuel Miranda, Nicole Byer, and Ann Wheaton? I mean, yeah, absolutely. I'm in. You're on board do you say we uh we do all of this and put it into a podcast yeah okay you think all right uh should we call it like i don't know can i pet your dog sure all right uh what do you what do you say we put it on every tuesday on

maximum fun or on itunes sounds good to me meeting's over um i really want to talk about the show some more yeah i can't believe how long we've, like, our baby's not going to sleep much longer. Yeah, we're just getting greedy. It's this hubris that we're taking this much time to do this. We're just getting greedy. Okay, group date. On the group date. Well, we're buying ourselves some time because we are not going to talk about the 201 very much at all.

That's true. Because it sucked. On the group date. Josephine. Christina. Alexis. Raven. Jamie.

Vanessa. Melissa. Melissa. Both Daniels. All the Melissa's. Creighton. Crayshon. Both Daniels. Melissa. All the Melissa's. Creighton. Crayshon. Both Daniels, Whitney, and Jasmine. Lawrence. Louisa.

I love it when you do this. I do too because the women's names don't mean anything to most of the folks. Everybody except Corinne and Taylor, of course. And so, since all those women are on the group date, that does confirm that Corinne and Taylor will be on the two-on-one. So the group date, they go to the Hummus House?

Nope. Hummus House? Hummus House, I think. I said hummus is kind of like my fun little, like, I'm Griffin and I mispronounce things because it's funny. That is fun. I'm an idiot, right? No. Some of that miasma just wafted out the door um they meet a man named

boo yes uh this house is like a big big southern style home 1828 is when it was built and it's supposed to be the most haunted home in louisiana this episode had um the man named Boo, who is the proprietor of the spooky house. And bartender. There is a man who jumps on a boat in a way that made me laugh so hard I thought I was going to die. And then there is a woman who does a tarot reading with the best nails I've ever seen. And I just want to give this episode props for just the best, for lack of a better term, NPCs. The best non-player characters that we've seen maybe in a single episode before. USA, we've got character.

So the whole thing is they're going to go into this spooky house and witness spooky things. Boo tells us right away that, you know, you might hear something. There's an eight-year-old girl named May that haunts the house. She died here of yellow fever. How's your date? Kid died. Kid died.

Enjoy your date. You gonna kiss? Oh, that's where the kid, you're gonna kiss there? The kid died there. So Boo takes them on this tour and the house is maintained to look appropriate for the time period in which May lived there. Right. And so you go to May's room, and you see all of May's things. Jasmine G is taking on this, like, I don't believe in ghosts, I don't believe in spooky specters or anything like that.

So she's, like, touching spooky hats and, like, putting them on and doing all this stuff. She's a real Dana Scully. I'm sounding jaded here. Like, everything about this date was fucking super fun um but yeah but yeah jasmine is like i'm not having any of this raven says if i see any ghosts in the in there i'm going to rebuke them in the name of jesus christ and i was like raven that's i would watch the shit out of that show. Raven is Constantine. So Jamie says like, hey, guys, I know we're having a lot of fun here, but like, let's not make fun of it. Let's really get into it. And then she tells us, I don't believe in ghosts, but I respect them.

Oh, Jamie, that's good, dude. That's so good, Jamie. It's nice. And then they get out a Ouija board. And the most amazing thing happens where the first things they ask the Ouija board are, who's going to get the rose on this date? And holy shit, it went to D. And Danielle did get the rose.

Oh. Weird. But then it said, is Nick going to propose uh to anybody soon and the thing didn't move and it's worth noting that nick definitely had his finger on the planchette so you know that motherfucker was like giving that shit the submission hold putting it down on the ground it feels like it's moving towards yes does it feel like it's moving towards you? And so they ask the Ouija board if May is present in the room with them. And then the lights go out. And then the ABC producers have done us a favor of adding in some lightning outside the house. Yeah.

Some real I just learned After Effects today on a YouTube tutorial. So it's nighttime and they are gonna go exploring the house which is not something i'm imagining the public gets an opportunity to do yeah i'm guessing they definitely do if you pay enough money this house has a lot of yeah rigging happening inside of it you can definitely take your fucking corporate retreat i just thought maybe abc went in there and said hey can we make your chandelier fall no babe this is the thing that we could go to next time we go to New Orleans if we wanted to get spookified. But now we've seen all the spooks, so it wouldn't work so well. They break off into small groups.

Yeah, and they walk around with lit candles. There's these statues that are covered that Boo says not to uncover. By the way, Boo is on some, you remember that episode of The Office where they get a Benjamin Franklin stripper, but he's not a stripper, he's just a historian? It was very much like that. Like, oh, don't touch that doll. You won't want to touch that doll. You won't like what happens if you touch that doll.

Thank you, Boo. Boo, can you be real for a second? We're fighting for our fucking lives right now, Boo. By the way, you run a ghost house. Your name can't be real for a second we're fighting for our fucking lives right now boo by the way you run a ghost house your name can't be boo your name can't be boo you can't own a restaurant and have your name be food you know what his name is actually it's weird crystal billy you can't own a restaurant and have your name be yummy and that's essentially what we're talking about see i like that that sounds like a real my name's yummy really what is your name real family style kind of home homespun yummy's place mm-hmm that's what cracker barrel used to be called yummy's place yummy's

place uh and so jasmine's still having a lot of fun and she's like shouting things like guys may is dead like we don't have to worry about may. And one of the women yells, Jasmine, shut it. And Jasmine picks up May's hat and puts it on. She is really playing the role of the skeptic here. And at that point, Nick dares her to touch the bust that is covered by a cloth that Boo says don't touch. So she does, and the chandelier falls.

And then Nick says some stuff to the camera about how he thought he was taking 10 women on this group date, but May is the 11th woman. And then he got arrested because they're like, dude, she's like eight. That's a good point. How old she was when she died. Ghost law. I was really hoping he would give the group date rose to May and all the women. And just fucking float up to the stage.

All the women would be like, oh, that's real cute, Nick, but seriously. Seriously. He's like, no, I'm not giving anybody else one. And then the ghost comes to all future rose ceremonies. Yeah. It'd be nice. I think Corinne is being unnecessarily difficult. She keeps shopping catchphrases

and I'm like, girl! I wish the ladies had really gotten into it and been like, I think May is here for the wrong reasons. That'd be funny. May's like, I'm only here because I heard that penicillin got invented. Oh boy, my yellow fever sure is hurting me in the way that yellow fever hurt the people that had it.

I wish my fever would change to a color that is more survivable. Like scarlet. Oh no, damn it. And so there's a lot of chairs moving and a... A book falls over. A rocking horse that rocks. But the good shit here is not this like the supernatural phenomena it is like the genuinely funny interactions between the women raven and

jasmine g like go off and i think it was raven and raven makes jasmine g go apologize to the hat that she does like this shit is fucking great. And then Vanessa and Daniel M. Like, talk to May in the mirror. And they're like, I feel like we're having a really good conversation with May. I feel like we're having really nice energy right now. And meanwhile, Nick is pulling the women aside individually to, like, actually date them real quick. Yeah, Daniel L. is talking to him and says that she can see herself falling in love with Nick. And then Raven, you know, just coming off of that cool roller skating date says, let me tell you the moment I fell in love with you.

And Nick's like, wait, what? And she's like, oh, it's like when you sang Little Mermaid. And then she's telling us like, I think I told him. I think I told him, oops. But whatever, oh, it's like when you sang Little Mermaid. And then she's telling us, like, I think I told him. I think I told him, oops. But whatever, I felt it. It was nice. And then Danielle and him had a nice conversation. But for the life of me, I couldn't tell you what about.

Yeah, I don't know. But they just smooched a whole bunch. Yeah, she gets the rose. And then she gets the rose. Should we talk about the blooper thing? Because it happens sequentially during this. Oh, yeah. And we're going to get angry here in a second.

I want to talk about this. The blooper. This makes me angry going to get angry here in a second. I want to talk about this. The blooper. This makes me angry, again, kind of in a way. Because it's another fucking thing with Alexis, who is hysterical. And she says, Nick's like, are you scared? She's like, I'd only be scared if the ghost of Nicolas Cage shows up. Which is an amazing sentence to say out loud. And then he's like, oh, well, wait here.

And she's like, you're not going to go get Nicolas Cage's ghost, are you? And he comes back, and Nick is wearing a Nicolas Cage mask mask which i don't know how that's allowed that's probably okay right that's fair use that's parody uh and he like chases her around for a bit and then like convinces her to give him a kiss like through the nicholas cage mask and nick's like i got kind of turned on by that it It was really fucking enjoyable. And the bloopers is a prison that Alexis has been consigned to because we didn't see fucking hide nor hair of her the entire episode. I hope we see Alexis on Bachelor in Paradise. We will.

She's being conditioned for Bachelor in Paradise. She's fucking really funny. I want to see her in more of the stuff. I don't want to see this manufactured garbage between Korn and Taylor. I hope Alexis and Raven are pals. That would be fucking good. I really want them to be pals. That's my bit.

That's the new Jaden and Carly. Yeah. That's what's up. That's going to get real and bit. They're both so funny and fun. Good to watch. Okay. I hope Chad gets eaten by a whale or something.

You said his name again i know i love giving my charity i hope rod gets eaten by a whale or something in early episodes of bip and so we can just really like what if he just episode one he got eaten by a whale again and it was just like now he gets really again well you know what i mean metaphorically uh oh we also heard that jorge the bartender is not gonna BIP. All of my fucking light. All of my joy. What's the fucking point? Welcome to Bachelor in Paradise.

What if it's Ashley, I, and Jared again? I'll fucking absolutely. Can I say something? Yes. We might fucking pivot and just, like, we could do fucking Terrace House during that period. Or Are You the One. Here's the thing, dude. Are You the One is buck wild by the way

they are doing some stuff with that show boy do they hate these kids boy do they want these kids to not have any money at the end of this uh there's so much other shit we could watch and talk about that would be fun and enjoyable a lot of people are asking us for our thoughts on aloha state we have been drip feeding it so much so that we have not finished the eight episodes available to us um to be fair we only started watching it two days ago so we waited for all our friends so we could get together and watch it in a group and eat japanese candy and stuff um there's other stuff we could watch seriously if they do ashley i and jared and fucking rod the corn and i'll like we i it won't be fun and we should do something else. Yeah. Okay. So let's talk about this corn date. Uh,

two on one corn and, uh, Taylor, they are going to the bayou. Um, we get to see them getting ready and like Corinne's putting on a face mask and in a bubble bath and Taylor's like smelling some oils and lighting some candles. Um, At one point

we hear the phrase Make America Corinne again. So she's just trying to sort of come she's just trying to inject her own name because before she said Make Corinne great again. Yes. And next episode it's going to be Corinne America great again and then Make America great Corinne.

Make Corinne great corinne um so this is where she also says fucking hashtag winning she does hey corn fucking stop it stay current stay current corinne uh so this is where we get to see them go to the bayou they get into a boat and this is where we get to see that great shot of that large man jumping in the boat. That large man, Justin Minsker texted me and said that he was on WWE Tough Enough. He was, I guess, a wrestler on there, and he was in NXT for a little bit, I guess. All he does in this episode is jump in a boat. He jumps in a boat.

But he does a great job. I'm guessing he had more footage on the reel that didn't quite make the cut. I'm guessing he had more footage on the reel that didn't quite make the cut. But literally Nick and Korn and Taylor are all sitting next to each other in the middle of the boat. And this man just cannonballs into the back of the boat, scaring the shit out of all three of them. And it brought so much light to my life. Yeah, we watched it three times. And they're walking through the swamp.

And this is where The Bachelor takes some liberties. Shit, guys. We like to watch the Facebook Live chat because it always pops off so hard. And it was so funny because we were a little bit behind on the chat. And I could see the exact part where you could see this voodoo ceremony taking place through the through the through the the bushes and see people in the chat just go like oh god oh no oh no no no no no oh no no no so we've we've seen uh the bachelor franchise take liberties before uh evan and carly and bachelor in paradise yeah go on this date that's supposed to be like this ancient Mayan ceremony. Batchman Paradise likes to do local culture, but they do it in the most...

No, it wasn't. It was Ashley Eye because she went on a... They did a virgin sacrifice at the end of it where they dragged her off. Which was like, obviously, it was a bunch of community theater actors. Was it Ashley Eye and... Jared, maybe? I don't fucking fucking know i can't believe we're talking about actually i wasn't we're gonna talk about that woman so much during the length of this podcast that we should not anyway so this is it's them walking into like a a voodoo ritual of some kind i will own my gut was immediately like this is bad this is bad that this is happening i will own the fact that i do not know that much about

voodoo um aside from the fact that like there's different kinds of it and louisiana voodoo is its own sort of thing that is kind of mashed up between different sort of uh different inspirations but it originated in the west in in west africa and there's like millions and millions of people still still actually like doing it doing it over there as like a religious practice and so and so like i it just it's it kind of stinks to watch it happen on this show as like uh we're gonna use our voodoo uh ritual to help you decide who to pick like they make it so cartoonish there's a there's like a voodoo priestess and they're burning sage it's and it's not cartoon because there's a lot of like really negative depictions of voodoo being, like, you know, fucking blood rituals and sacrifices using, you know, dark ancient swamp, you know, magic or whatever.

That can be, that are really, really bad. And, like, in movies, especially, like, especially problematic. And this wasn't that, but it was appropriation to the fucking max. It was just kind of gross, and boy, it got grosser. So the voodoo priestess says that she's going to do a tarot reading, and all three of them

are sitting at the table, and she's like, this feels really tense. I think I'm going to do you guys one at a time. So Nick and Corinne leave, and then Taylor gets the reading first, and she gets cards that indicate that there is somebody that is intuitive, which she assumes is her,

and that there is somebody nasty around her, and that she shouldn't engage with that person. Is this now a once-per-season thing? The tarot reading? i'm almost certain i'm almost certain it happened on bachelor in paradise definitely happened in bachelor in paradise and i

would bet dollars to donuts it has happened in a few past seasons before because it's a fucking easy it really is thing it's an easy way to be like you know hey we know what's going on yeah well i mean no it's an easy thing to get footage of like it's an easy like thing to yeah pan pad out like a like a date yeah it's like a little narrator thing too of like uh we're gonna summarize with the big issues with these contestants right yeah but again her nails were fucking phenomenal i didn't even notice her nails. Gotta look at the nails. Gotta look at the kit. So Corinne takes this time to tell Nick about her issue with Taylor and says that Taylor has been insulting her and calling her stupid. And she takes a little bit of liberties, but mainly what she's communicating is that

there's, there's tension between them. And so then when they split off again, Corinne gets her reading, uh, which is her, she gets the queen of swords card, which, um, suggests that her mouth gets her in trouble a lot. And so Nick takes this time to ask taylor uh so did you actually like call her stupid i was kind of surprised to hear that and taylor's like i'm glad to hear that you were surprised it doesn't really make sense um meanwhile she says emotional intelligence a few more times yeah she's and uh and this is this was the this was for me this was the main offender like i was so fucking done with taylor at this point um where she says i said that she just lacked

emotional intelligence and nick i had to explain to her what emotional intelligence was and i was like i'm so glad that you learned what this was before you came here and decided to use it as your fucking one arrow in the quiver against your the the villain that you were uh unfairly put up against Taylor but like man it's a it's so I'm so over it it's so hard to watch two-on-ones I mean obviously because of the like the nature of the date, the fact that they are pitting two people against each other, but also the fact that those two people are always... Griffin made the point,

has anyone that has gone on a two-on-one ever won the show? No. I don't think so. And this one is especially bad because of all the voodoo stuff and then Korn was saying some shit, man. You can't be in this already kind of uh problematic voodoo date environment and then call your opponent who is a woman of color a fucking swamp monster corn and then like follow it up with your great uh trump parody tagline like

corn that's not good dude that's uh actually fucking awful yeah both women come out looking like obviously they're not nick's interests and so it just yeah and taylor i'm at least allowing like i'm giving her the benefit of the doubt of like you were put up to the like you were either put up to this or you signed on to be the anti-villain. The, like, giant slayer is a good name, I think, for that archetype. Yeah. And, like, you were put up to this and, like, you just were ill-equipped to do it. And that's probably why you kept using this emotion. We make fun of her for saying this emotional intelligence thing.

But, like, I think she found her line and was kind of trying to stick to it. Yeah. Yeah. So, Corinne gets the rose. thing but like i think she found her line and was kind of trying to stick to it yeah um and yeah so corinne gets the rose no huge surprise reach me the point that like there's a huge several minute long thing in the season trailer of corn seducing him and like having sex with him before the fantasy suites and like that obviously hasn't happened yet. So fucking, of course, like there's no tension because of course. But I will say there have been previous seasons. Like for example, there was one season where there was a teaser that some women gets a black

eye and we spent all season looking for that to happen. And it never happened. I think it did happen. I think it did happen. It was just like, what happened? And it wasn't, they never explained it.

I guess not. We had to do like some searching. We had some rose buddies. But this is huge. This was an enormous part of the season trailer of her having sex with the next before. Yeah, but that doesn't necessarily mean we're ever going to get to see it. There's no way they'd skip something like that. No fucking way.

Zero percent chance. I'll eat my hat. Yeah, it's just like. Here's the thing. You're saying all this stuff about this date, and to be fucking honest, I checked out because it was boring as hell. Yeah, it's a nasty date. It's not just a nasty date. It's just boring. A, I know what's going to happen because the nature of this show is you do teasers upon teasers upon teasers upon teasers, and it's not hard to figure out what the order of things are going to be.

So I knew it was going to happen, but also just this thing was so poorly conceived. Can you remember the last time that there was an actual fight between a villain and an anti-villain? I guess Rod going home on the two-on-one with Alex, I guess, but Alex also kind of sucked, and they didn't set that conflict up especially well either. This date is almost exactly like the Alex and Rod date.

Yeah, where it's like we have the big, except the other person went home last time. The villain went home last time. Yeah, but they set it up like these two people are fighting. We're going to put them on a date together. One of them is going to get the rose and then the other is going to come back and that's what happened so corinne gets the rose they get on the boat they drive away leaving taylor there uh and then taylor goes back to the voodoo ritual oh god i fucking forgot yeah and there's they like cleanse her or something. And then there's this suggestion

that she is going to find Nick and Corinne and, quote, not go home without speaking her piece. So Corinne and Nick go to dinner. And Corinne is talking about how she's so glad the negative energy is gone and we see Taylor walking the streets at night by herself uh and then she shows up at the dinner and then we get a to be continued good that's what I wanted more more of it feed me more I just don't fucking care you can't make me care because here's the thing because i turned to rachel at one point during this episode i think it was during ghost house there's a lot of really great women this is a good cast um and i also made the point that i feel like uh and this has nothing to do with the women who are ever on the show it has to do with like how they are presented in editing and and the show's presentation that it is i think harder for

there to be like a really great memorable ensemble cast of women on the bachelor than it is for dudes on the bachelorette and i don't know why that is except maybe like because on the bachelor like they focus on the same bullshit like this every every single time but like there's so many this season there's so many fucking season there's so many fucking great uh there's still a lot of women in the house there's like 14 women left in the house and like i think i could name them all like i think i know them all and that's pretty wild um and it's so frustrating that they have this great ensemble cast uh probably the best one that they've had in a really really long time and they're doing not as much as they could with it yeah i was telling griffin i think a lot of them are funny

a lot of them are fun um we don't see too many it's too many bland betties in this group a lot of personality this thing they're doing with corn is the same thing they do they do it every season we're in the fucking badlands by the way episodes i want to say four through eight are the badlands where it's just it's just focusing i like that it's focusing on every single season without fail a storyline that worked for them once and they just try to recreate that storyline over and over and over and over and over and over again because they don't have any fucking confidence in the structure of the show or the people that they invite to be on it. And it drives me buck wild.

It drives me fucking crazy. Because I'm sure there's definitely, like, a part of the audience who you love to hate her. It's Korn. And they're like, oh, Korn, did you see what she said? Like, I'm sure there's still that audience that, like, loves that shit. I can't, it's not hard to look at the fullness of this thing to look at all of the

franchise and say like you've just been doing the same fucking shit over and over and over the villain what will she say or what won't she say nothing like okay but this is just courtney again this is just this is just this is just tiara this is just here all over again vienna was the other one yeah it's just yeah this is just rod this is just uh k k k lon k lon this is just that what won't he say what a jag yeah fucking all right i fucking get it yeah what a bad boy he's gonna pick so okay so much so that now there's a suggestion that people are going on this show specifically to play the villain like there is a suggestion it's absolutely that that was corinne's attention from the beginning yeah but she's like i'm gonna go on this show and be the villain well yeah because there's cat there's rigorous casting sessions

for these things and they are picking those archetypes before they even walk in the door of the mansion. That's fine. I just thought we watched the Royal Rumble

or I watched the Royal Rumble yesterday and I don't watch a whole lot of wrestling these days, but man, I love the shit out of it. In the Royal Rumble,

they have 30 entrants that come into the ring and they fight and they fight and they fight and the last one standing wins. Number 30 is usually a big surprise right it's the last wrestler that comes out this time the last wrestler who's it gonna be shinsuke nakamura oh what an exciting turn that was gonna be it's fucking roman reigns this dude that like nobody

likes he's just this like dude that they tried to put up way way way too fast and didn't earn his stripes and so the whole time like nobody nobody respects him and everybody's just tired everybody's fucking so tired diehard wrestling fans who love wrestling are so fucking tired of this dude that they keep forcing down their throats and it's like how do you guys have how have you been doing it this long and you have this big an audience and you know how to make the thing but you're so fucking bad at get like knowing what the what the people want and how to make the best version of the thing. And it is the exact same case with The Bachelor

because they have so much good stuff they can do and they do with this franchise, but they just fucking throw it all away on the same garbage over and over again. Baby, I'm so tired. I know. I always feel weird, though, complaining about the show because, I mean, we watch it. We always watch it. We watch it. We do We always watch it. We do a podcast about it. i would i would have bailed during today's episode not on the whole show but on the episode like i would have bailed like i would have fast forwarded through the court we had t we had the

tivo we had tivo time we could fast forward through that tivo time and i would have if we didn't have to take notes because i don't give a fuck dude i just don't i just don't care yeah and i'm frustrated because the good stuff is so good, and it still has the potential to be the best, like, shit ever. And we see glimmers of it in Bachelor in Paradise and straight up Bachelorette Canada. And for a while I thought I was just talking yay because all those people listened to our podcast and so I wanted to appease them. But, like, there's something to that, having that smaller cast and focusing more on, like, everybody's individual stories and getting to know people instead of, the first five weeks i'm sending home jerusha who i'm sending this week i'm sending home 19 women and you're you won't you don't know them yeah griffin made the comment we keep seeing whitney we have no idea who whitney is and like no no knock against whitney if she had been there

and there had only been like 18 women in the house 15 women women in the house week one, at the end of week one. Here's 15 women. I can remember 15 women. You can take the time to show me footage of the 15 women talking to Nick so I can get to know them and then feel anything when they get sent home. Not have four straight weeks of, this week I'm sending home Susan Q. And it's like, who cares? It reminds me that the rose ceremonies, we used to see these kind of tearful goodbyes From contestants after they were eliminated

And now we never really see that anymore Or if we do it's very brief Because we don't know anything about them Yes it's not even that There are weeks where we aren't even Shown everybody that goes the fuck home You're showing your hand bachelor You don't give a fuck about your own premise

So much you're not even showing the people going home um i don't want to end the show on such an outraged note it's not it's it's it's i guess it is outrage because i like i'm not a tv exec right like i couldn't i couldn't produce this show but at the same time like there's so many obvious mistakes they're making, and it's so fucking frustrating. It is so frustrating. I just want them to do better at it. I want you to take a minute. Here's a point of light. Here's my point of light.

Rachel. Rachel is Bachelorette. Straight up. Get up there. Rachel is Bachelorette. It would be so good. We really want Rachel as Bachelorette. We thought she really showed some strength this week. She's fuckingachelorette. It would be so good. We really want Rachel as Bachelorette. We thought she really showed some strength this week.

She's fucking rad. Yeah. Although, they'd probably just twist her and make her boring. She's in her 30s and she's an attorney. Like, cool Bachelorette. Cool Bachelorette? I mean, Andy was the same thing. Andy was a pretty cool Bachelorette.

Andy was pretty good. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I don't want to... Yeah. Andy was a pretty cool Bachelorette. Andy was pretty good. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I don't want to, yeah, I'm sorry I went thermonuclear there. It's just like, we're in the Badlands, guys. Go back and listen to JoJo's season and Ben's season. There are Badlands in those, too. Yeah.

Who was Ben's villain? Because I'm, oh, it was the girl who was the anchor and she did the. Olivia. Olivia. Yeah, that was not fair. Olivia was not there to be the villain. They made her play that role. They made her that.

And in JoJo's season, it was Rod. Okay. Yeah. It's just... In Chris's season, it was Kelsey, I guess. Yeah, I guess. Although I was into her thing about, like, I love my story. I mean, don't get me wrong, it's horrible, horrible, horrible, but it was a new approach to being a villain. Yeah.

A very real and horrifying approach. Yeah. Yeah, I just, I'm, we're in the worst of this season. What is, I've been, like, a really great season up to this point and it's the to be continued baby i don't don't continue it i hate the to be continued because it always it always feels so false and especially you're continuing a thing i don't fucking care about exactly just end an episode this episode was the to be continued just end an episode with a rose ceremony. Stop continuing. Is that it? Yeah.

Yeah. Thank you everybody for listening to Rose Buddies. Hang in there. Next episode probably also gonna be bad but then the one after that I think the things are I think stuff's gonna

start turning around. Mm-hmm. Because there's a lot of really great potential for I really like nick and raven i love nick and rachel love nick and vanessa nick and alexis nick and alexis although that's that's not gonna go very far i think like it's it could be like a really good back half of the season and that's really tough to nail because you gotta have a good roster and they have a great

great great roster we get a teaser that next week there are lots of tears lots of tears i'm not exactly sure why yeah um yeah i think the rest of the season's gonna be good we just got to get through it we got to be there for each other we need to get fucking 35 minutes of sleep combined a day we are getting more than 35 minutes of sleep it's true henry's been asleep this whole time. I'm psyched. But at the same time, I'm not psyched because shit, we should have been asleep this whole time. I know. I hope you appreciate our sleepy, sleepy podcast. Thanks to Maximum Fun for having us.

You can go to MaximumFun.org and check out all the great podcasts there. They have programs like Baby Geniuses and One Bad Mother and Stop Podcasting Yourself and Jordan Jesse Go. Throwing Shade. Throwing Shade. Judge John Hodgman. Judge John Hodgman. Schmanners. mother and stop podcasting yourself and jordan jesse go throwing shade throwing shade judge john hodgman um um schmanners and dairy network sawbones schmanners sawbones adventure zone bim bam bunch of bunch of great house flop house flop house bunch of good boys there um and yeah thanks for listening thanks for sending stuff to the po box we.O. Box. We didn't check it this week.

Sorry. It's legit been pretty buck wild here in the macro household. Yeah, it's difficult for us to get there, but we try to get there once a week. Yeah. Do you want to say what our P.O. Box is, by the way? Yeah, it's P.O. Box 66639, Austin, Texas, 78766. You can send us whatever. So yeah, we appreciate the stuff you send us

very much. And I think that's it. That is it. I had a good time watching this with you. Me too. It's fun when we get date time. Yeah. It doesn't happen very often. No, that's true.

Thank you all for listening. I'm Griffin McElroy. I'm Rachel McElroy. I'm Rachel McElroy. When you're ready. Final Rose. Stay with us on this journey of joy. Spoiler alert! She is up with Soulja Boy. Right reasons.

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