Wonderful! - Ep. 58: Thirty-Eight Quarter-Jobs

Episode Date: February 14, 2017

It's Go-Homes week on the Bachelor as Nick narrows down the roster to this season's Final Four. Which, of course, means this episode was kind of lame -- BUT -- we got a big surprise announcement in the form of confirmation of the next Bachelorette! Join us as we just freak the hell out about it. MaxFunDrive ends on March 29, 2024! Support our show now by becoming a member at maximumfun.org/join.

Maybe, maybe you should go and do some contemplating. Right reasons, right reasons, being a good girl for all the right reasons. Right reasons, right reasons, being a good girl for all the right reasons. I'm the best rep and I'm rapping to your pool sign. Here to find true love, one man for my whole life. Hi, this is Rachel McElroy. Hi, this is Griffin McElroy. And this is Rose Buddies.

It's Rose Buddies. You did did it you clicked on the right one and you found it you've done it you've really done it this time you've touched the dial now stop you've touched the dial don't touch it anymore though because it's got jam on it you were about to talk about the fucking bachelor and what what there's a lot of debate about what even happened tonight because a lot of the bachelor scholars can't seem to get together on what happened tonight because it was so gosh damn boring. Two ladies went home. Oh, yeah.

So there's that. But there are no rose ceremonies. Nick is not, here's what, I think Nick is afraid of flowers. Now hear me out. I put a lot of thought into this theory. I haven't. I just sort of started talking, and I hoped a theory would come to me. But he doesn't do rose ceremonies very much.

Did you notice that we heard from some florists telling us they listen to the show? I saw one one-star review from a florist, and whoever you are, go eat a biggin'. I don't know. I don't know what you want from us. It was obviously a joke. I couldn't tell if that was like a, yeah, like a joke, but like. I mean, it hurt our fucking ranking, so. Those reviews count.

I'm laughing all the way to the bank where I have to go and get a new mortgage for my house because you've ruined my credit. And like a casual podcast listener isn't going to see that review and be like, oh, I get the joke. They're going to be like. I mean, it's a pretty good fucking gag. Don't get me wrong. It's a good gag, but it took food from my baby's mouth.

That's not true either. He's breastfeeding. So that would be weird if he took food from... I guess that would mean that you ate less. A lot of the scholars aren't quite sure how breast milk even works. Where does it come from? I don't really want to talk about... A lot of folks are just sort of wondering,

is it just like if you eat a lot of Taco Bell, does it come out? If it's like there's like mild sauce and fire sauce, you know, like is there like a. Like soft serve, like swirled. I mean, I worked at TCBY. And so now you're actually giving me sort of a visualization of like how that yogurt comes in essentially big bags full of like kind of like milk so i know that you love talking about how i feed our our child but i'm just so curious about it and the scholars are curious about it because nobody's quite sure what how what happens in there it's wild though isn't it yeah no that's that's i i will agree on that one that one's that one's true today on the

bachelor yes two women went home yes and we should mention we're probably going to record only part of this episode tonight and the rest of it tomorrow because apparently mr james kimmel is doing the incredible news source the incredible news source well i mean they've gotten rid of the other after show which i'm just saying some people go to tom brokaw yeah uh some people go to you know chris matthews i go to james kimmel because i go and i get the hard fucking breaking news that's how i found out that uh obl died uh that we got him you know seal team six got in there zero dark 30 style and just like hooked him up um was from jimmy kimmel is how i learned that osama bin laden perished yeah but it's also where i go to watch kids have their halloween candy taken away like a fun prank from parents so it's both you

get both like pranks on kids and also you learn that osama bin laden famed terrorist uh had was killed by seal team six now i would argue we don't have to watch james kimmel that we could just look at one we should watch it though because i want to i want all these articles on james kimmel tonight they are announcing the new bachelorette apparently and there's a lot of scuttlebutt well no no no no see you're already making a leap there oh the only thing that happened was the executive producer said he was going to make a historic announcement on the commercial today while we're watching the show it said the new bachelorette oh it did yeah yeah drips and drabs

i know drips and drabs so um it's gonna happen and i so there were a lot of folks somebody posted this in the facebook group and there are a lot of folks who like got worried about spoilers i'm sorry i don't i just don't think like this is bloyd's stuff folks like i don't think talking about who the next person on the show is gonna be and what happened is like reality steve tweeted it and so of course everybody thinks it's real because he's pretty accurate right um but i don't think we're gonna restrain ourselves from talking about it and i'm sorry if that's a bummer but like it's too big a thing for us to it's like a huge news story if true and we can't like not talk about it would you ask

anderson cooper not to talk about a storm who would i ask anderson cooper not to talk about a storm yeah does he talk about storms a lot he was all up in the hurricane oh yeah it's just not the first thing i think of when i think of anderson cooper's hard-hitting journalisms well he talks about storms he loves weather patterns, apparently. Listen, I'm just now learning this for the first time. I'm just saying that we are Anderson Cooper, and this is a storm. This is our storm, because apparently Rachel's going to be the new Bachelorette. We're going to get confirmation.

Be still my heart, though, because this would be fucking amazing. Not just because she'd be the first black Bachelorette, or like main cast member. What's the right word here? Main person on the show. Bachelor, Bachelorette um or like main like cast member what's the right word here main main person on the show bachelor bachelorette whatever um she's also just fucking awesome like she's so fucking good yeah we're big fans so good in this episode very real and like i'm very very into it so um we're gonna find out i guess tonight i thought it was gonna be on after the show stupid me it's quantico time i tuned into about 20 minutes of quantico while you're getting the We're going to find out, I guess, tonight. I thought it was going to be on after the show. Stupid me. It's Quantico time. I tuned into about 20 minutes of Quantico while you're getting the baby to sleep.

Yeah. And let me tell you, I had trouble following it. They're robbing something from the CIA, and it's like, aren't you guys the CIA? Who's Joe Quantico? Joe Quantico is, I don't know that that's a character on the show, though. Oh, is it a gas station, like Sunoco? Yeah yeah it's actually about a gas station that steals from the CIA I guess um so yeah we'll we'll have more on that at the end of the episode and it's good that we have more stuff to talk about this episode because really though dude this is the this is the fucking uh

there's something in wrestling called the go-home, and it's the last SmackDown or whatever right before the big pay-per-view, so you find out who's going to make the pay-per-view. And it's lame. Sometimes it's cool. Sometimes it's exciting. But I feel like in the context of The Bachelor, it is fucking lame 100% of the time.

Yeah, it's high stakes for the women on the show, but for us, the viewer, we just get to it already. Especially in this season which i'm sorry y'all i'm still enjoying this season and i feel like listening back to the past couple episodes of rose buddies it sounds like i fucking hate this franchise and everything it stands for this season has treated me like i'm the dumbest asshole ever and i can't stand it anymore i know it's so much like people like i'm just so worried i'm gonna go home. But he's always full of surprises. So you never know.

But I think I'm going to go home. And I'm going to go home. And I'll go home. And I'll go home. You know what I think it is? What? I just had a revelation. What's that?

Usually when we have a bachelor, we get kind of romanced on the bachelor. Yeah. We get kind of like America's going to fall in love with him, too. And here are all different ways in which we enjoy him and some great shots of him doing the right thing and blah, blah, blah. I feel like with Nick, they're kind of taken for granted that we know who he is. So I haven't been romanced on Nick.

That's definitely part of it. I think the other part is like, I just feel like he has been more complicit in the manufactured drama of the show, whereas in past seasons, the onus of that maybe was more on the contestants than The Bachelor or Bachelorette themselves, and they were almost like a foil to these crazy schemes that people are working up. But it's just like, you know when I date with Vanessa,

and just every fucking word out of their mouth the entire time. Like, it felt like if you would zoom the camera out a micrometer, you would see the edges of the cue cards. Like, and I don't even think I'm necessarily jaded about this show because I can still be wooed over. It sounds like you are a little jaded. No, well, it's still like, what happens at the end was an emotional fucking gut punch, because it was very authentic. And Rachel's date was very authentic and very good, but there's so much horse shit this season. And it just like, I think Nick was fun on Bachelor in Paradise for the same reason that everybody's more fun in bachelor in paradise and that there's not this like there's not these this ton of artifice hanging off of it where you feel like you have to like follow the the rules of the show or whatever yeah there's no direction they're trying to get you to

go and i think that's why there's more like actual relationships like per capita that have come out of that season uh than than than the core series but But it's just like in this, Nick is not fun at all. He is like a producer co-conspirator. Like that's seriously, when I think of Nick in this season, I just think of him as like this producer, like co-creative director for this season. Yeah, right. Like he's behind the scenes saying like,

you know where we should shoot this? I should be on the dock. It just keeps me from feeling anything for this, anything at all i don't dislike him there have been certainly there have been much much much much worse bachelors it's just like i don't know hey let's talk about the show please uh so this week picks up where last week left off uh the women have just been told by nick that he's not sure if this is going to work for him. And so they're all kind of sitting on a couch in shock.

And it's the next day. We get more shots of knees, which Griffin noticed. Just a big close-up on Raven's knees. Just a big, big, big close-up. There's also a really big close-up on, like, apropos of nothing, Korn's foot, like, her feet. Like uh corn's foot like her feet like she had something

on her feet and the camera was just like zoom just like hitting the feet and knees and it's like somebody's got a thing i don't know who it is maybe it's me for noticing all these knees but it's just like non-stop and the next the next scene is nick on the beach with Chris, and they are having a little chat. And Chris basically says, are you ready to quit? And Nick says, a big part of me is ready to quit. I hate to keep harping on this also, but Chris looked like he had just gotten fucking kicked out of a Margaritaville for violating the dress code this dude was so fucking hashtag beach life and that harsh sunlight did not do him any favors i mean he's a handsome man he's a handsome man it's just like he has a very fair complexion apparently the espn's like uh uh what is it they're like their prediction thing

had like where is chris gonna have conversation? And our friends did the thing. And they were like, oh, we thought it was going to be in a hotel. I was like, no, dude. If Chris can be on a beach right now, Chris will be on a beach right now. What is the closest to the golf course? Because that is where he will be. I think he's more of a beach man. I think he's like Kal-El powered by the yellow sun.

Except he's powered by those good ocean waves. You don't follow his Instagram, do you? Oh, is he always on the links? His Instagram is just all links all the time. What do you think his handicap is? I mean, his handicap is that if he's not on a beach exposed to the sun's rays, he dies instantly. Minus seven?

That's very good, I think. That's like seven under par, isn't it? I don't know enough about golf to know. Plus four? I think plus four is... Anyway. Anyway. Okay, wait. Let's keep moving on this, because there's not a lot that happens.

It's so fucking stupid, though. And so, yeah. So Nick says that he thinks that there's a million ways that this wouldn't work out, but that he wants to keep going. He's wearing very tight shorts, it you get a very good look oh you're looking at the nut at were you looking at the nut i don't know that's what i was looking at it just seemed very likely i mean i was looking at the knees i wouldn't even pay attention to that nut i was looking at those caps those andy caps what what would that be their kneecaps i see what you did there come on i was looking at those hot

fries it's nice did you ever have those at school um no you had a vending machine and i mean i know what they are yeah we had a vending machine and everybody was all crazy about those hot fries i thought they were gross just it's just like they're not fries like andy don't lie to me you're weird they're like weird styrofoam-esque cheetos that have like a bad spiciness to them no thank you mr i was never a big fan of any kind of cheeto or cheeto variation i had those we got a tokyo crate justin and sydney signed us up for that for christmas they sent uh japan exclusive barbecue cheetos y'all it was a fucking flavor roller coaster took me on a ride anyway enough about snack chips i would like to talk about talkies sometime but whatever um so nick goes to the house uh and the women weren't expecting him

so they have to kind of assemble in the living room again and nick starts crying again um there was that we don't know we don't want to judge whatever like he does a lot of crying this episode i think anybody should be able to cry whenever they feel like it sorry for all the sound in the background it's kind of hot in the studio right now and i took my jacket off um he cries a lot this episode like a ton of it like a lot of a lot this episode, like a ton of it. Like a lot of the crying. Like a lot of tears. And yeah, again. Which is like whatever.

That's fine. Yeah, it was just like a lot. And I guess I wasn't always expecting it. I don't know where those tears are coming from necessarily, other than just stress. But he says, you know, that he was skeptical because he's been close before and... To finishing. To finishing. Those are his words.

But he says, I see what I want in this room and I want to get all the way to the end this time. But, okay, but it was delivered like, I've been so close to finishing, but this time, like, dragging it out, as if to say, we are nine minutes into this two-hour production today with, like, five episodes in this season left, and you guys are trying to, this is exactly the kind of shit I'm talking about, you guys are trying to make it seem like you actually want me to believe that he's going to fucking quit the show early and then what's gonna happen for the other hour and 51 minutes today and then the four days worth of television show that you have blocked off over the next month how fucking stupid do you we've seen stuff like corn's platinum vagine when is that supposed to happen? If he leaves now, does she hook up with a cameraman or something?

How fucking stupid do you think we... It makes no sense. Maybe we think it's going to be like a season of Top Chef where he makes it to the end, goes home for a few months, comes back for the final competition. It's just... But I'm being serious. They keep doing this like is he gonna go home no he's wicked not going to go there's a zero percent chance that that's going

to happen for so many reasons chief among them being nix i'm not gonna get off this fucking roller coaster voluntarily doesn't bother me doesn't bother me because i don't think they really care whether i think he's going home or not it's just part of the pomp and circumstance it's just like it's just the the the magic behind the curtain like we're we're just playing along as viewers we know he's not going home they know we know he's not going home they're just putting a show together for our delight i get i get that and i wouldn't have beef with that if i didn't feel like that was becoming like a majority of the show at this point like when you know that the villain's not going to go home she's going to get the final rose every time five

weeks in a row that level of like it's not even predictable it's not even the word it's like law it is a it is a it is a law that that is going to happen i don't want to talk too much about the machinations of the show but i will say the one thing that unreal kind of proved to me is that i like thinking about how this show is produced it does not bother me that it is super produced because part of what i think about while i'm watching is what are they trying to do here what are they trying to make me feel and i enjoy that like that is interesting to me too i i agree with you and i i am into that inside baseball shit too and i sound so pretentious i worry i sound pretentious every fucking time i talk about this

it was terrace house that ruined this for me because terrace house made me feel things that reality shows haven't made me feel before and it's because it was pretty boring at times but it got it tapped into some real shit and bachelor is like overjoyed to not only tap into like obviously dumb like yeah the show's gonna end nine minutes in but also like it's the same shit it's the same predictable stuff over and over and over again and i i don't have any problem with that like a lot of that is i use the word law and it's like a lot of that is like encoded into the dna of this show that i do love a lot and a lot of it is because

of of what the thing is and what that dna is but it's just like it's so much of it now and it's like it's it's exhausting a lot of this exasperation is coming from the fact that we're still in that bad lands though yeah i think we're gonna get out of it in the hometowns. You know, I talk about this every season. Hometowns, favorite episode. Let's move through this. Let's get on to the rest of the episode. We're still, like, in the first five minutes.

It was just a dumb five minutes, man. So, they're going to, and I'm going to say this three different ways. Hopefully, one of them is right uh bimini i like that bimini oh i don't like that by my nigh oh i hate that that's the worst one you did uh it's an island in the bahamas i think it's bimini bimini i think you're right um so the women are all super relieved that nick is staying on the show a lot of the women were like oh sick bimini this is a dream come true and griffin and i looked at each other like i haven't heard of it it looks beautiful it's totally fucking rad and it's on my radar now yeah um

but everybody was like it's it's it's my life's goal to get down to bimini yeah yeah i mean i guess if you're familiar with with the big tropical resort destinations. Yeah, I've never, like, been to the Bahamas or anything like that. So I don't know. Or Hawaii or St. Thomas or any of those fancy islands. Yeah, sure. And so they get there. They run to a beach house. Griffin and I were laughing because they all run full force towards the beach house.

I was hoping they would fucking straight up Kool-Aid right through the walls just shatter through like the glass double doors like hulk style just smashing uh day card shows up and it's the first one-on-one and it goes to vanessa uh and this is when we begin to see corinne start to have like a small meltdown because she has not had a one-on-one yet and she knows this is the week before hometowns and the stakes are high and if she doesn't spend much time with Nick she's probably going home

so it's time for the date with Vanessa and Nick they get on a yacht there's a lot of yachts on this on this week's episode this episode was very yachts yachtsy so griffin griffin we have we have a yacht to talk about so we should keep moving god

oh man it's good shit yeah you get another one no i absolutely don't um i do i do yacht have one like i don't shit we gotta go nobody's listening anymore we could fucking here's my social security number uh so corinne kind of crue, but it just coming from a place of extreme insecurity, uh, talks about how the date card said, let's go deeper. And she's like, oh, I don't even think there's anything deeper to go with Vanessa. With Vanessa, it's always like, oh, I'm Italian. I eat pasta. I'm a-

I love the way you say pasta like you're on Family Circus. I would like some paschetti pots uh peas paschetti pots of peas you just can't ever let anything slip by can you i can't jeffy i meant to tell you that when you went in the backyard and you were doing some yard work today you left a little dotted trail line everywhere you went it was absolutely adorable um the see now i don't even want to say i'm in your head babe i'm in your head i'm in your gears the whole thing was that corinne was like was summarizing vanessa and one slammed her for being oh i'm italian i'm a special needs teacher that's all there is to me like that's great that's actually dope yeah that's like real stuff

yeah that's like good stuff actually also you talk about patza more than like anybody alive all she does is talk about her her adult nanny so it's weird i don't get it. So Vanessa and Nick are on the yacht. And Vanessa said that when she got there, she was worried that Nick was going to make himself fall for somebody. And he was like, yeah, that's what I was worried about too. And she's like, you know, I feel like I've really kind of put myself out there. And then you've kind of pulled away a little bit. They go snorkeling and they reconnect they kiss um vanessa tells us that she's in love with him and that she's confident that he feels

the same yeah she's gonna tell him tonight during their date and she says she's so excited to see what his reaction is and it's like well unless it's it's so this is one of those things that i feel like it's actually a little bit unpredictable because you don't know if this is going to be the season where they say it or they don't say it. Either they don't say it or they say it to eight women. So which one is Nick going to be? Nick handles this so poorly. Yeah, dude.

They go out to dinner for the second half of the date and she says that she is falling in love with him. I am. I am falling in love with you. Y'all, they hit that am so hard sometimes. I don't know why they do that on this series, but they always phrase it like, I guess because it's so expected. They're like, all right, you probably think I'm going to say this, but I want you to know for real, though, I am falling in love with you. Right. When you say it like that, you are confirming the need, right?

Like, you expect me to be in love with you because I've made it this far in the show, but I am falling in love with you. I also think just like linguistically, when you're uncomfortable in a situation like that, and you have to say this like completely like wild thing that people say to each other when they're like extremely, extremely serious, and it's like somebody you haven't spent a lot of time with, I think it just comes out weird sometimes. Like, I swear to you, I swear, I think it's just, it comes out weird, and it comes out uncomfortable, and that's why, like, 90% of the time, I am in love with you. It just makes it easier to say. I am going to have that veal. Yeah, I think I will have that veal yeah i think i will have that veal thank you

um and so so she says this and nick nick does kind of the worst thing ever he's like you know i've been in love several times before and so a lot of times i've been in love on this show A lot of times I've been in love on this show, and I know what it's like to be in love because I've done it many times. I've told women I love them, told two women I love them on this show. I proposed twice. Just a reminder. I've gotten 10 hand jobs. 10?

Just in life, not here. Oh, okay. What other stuff have I done? Gone over the shirt more times than I can even count. Anyway, what did you say? Oh, you are in love with me? Oh, sorry, I thought I got confused. Here are the different cup sizes of the women that I've been with.

Right. I thought you'd asked me for how much stuff I did. Here's pictures of all of them. This one I think is the most attractive and I wanted to show it to you. He really just sort of enumerates all of the love that he's had. And then he does all that and then he says, you know, I just want to

be sure the next time I say it that it feels like the first time and that it you know, I decided this season he doesn't say this season, but basically. This season, the most shocking season of The Bachelorette. I, Nick Vial. He says, this time I'm only going to say it to one person,

and I just, I'm taking it slow, but I want you to know I really, really like you a lot. And she just sits there. She sits there and it sucks. Yeah. And they're both just in it. And then he's like, well, let's get out of here. Let's go.

They're like sitting on a dock having this romantic meal. And it's basically like she's got nothing to say. I kind of giggled at this at first because like in my mind, I was like, what did you expect? But also looking at the past couple seasons of this show, like you might expect them to say it back because they're just receive it just make out a lot usually what happens is they make out a lot yeah don't talk about all of the people you've been in love with on this show that she is currently on and going through it's interesting you would say that you were in love with me i too have felt that before uh and perhaps one day we'll feel again thanks thank you i'm getting 10 hand 10 hand job well nine and a half don't worry don't think about it don't worry about it

i mean it seems pretty clear what a half would be does it seem pretty clear yeah i guess so like there's there's a there's a complete explicit valentine's episode there's a complete... Ooh, explicit Valentine's episode. There's a complete number, and then there's a half number. That's true. And the difference is the complete number is complete. I guess... And the half number is incomplete. Sure.

It could also be 38 quarter hand jobs. You know, or it's like 38 times. He's like, let's do no let's not oh time to go i don't see actually stop i've gotten 38 quarter hand jobs before on this show and so the next time i get one quarter hand job i want it to be the only one quarter of it that I get. Sometimes I'm like, do you have change for a handjob? And it's like, well, I've got this quarter. And so I'll just take that because it's better than, you know, not having it. I've got one sixth.

Well, fucking let me convert that. Oh, man. I sure hope my mom doesn't listen to this show anymore. Yeah, she's probably stopped at this point. No, she's definitely listening. It's just hand jobs. Calm down, Linda. Quarter hand jobs, too.

It's not even a big deal. quarter hand jobs too it's like not even a big deal oh we gotta go group date yes group date is Christina Raven and Corinne who read

was it Raven who read it who read it whoever read it was kind of because she said Corinne Raven like gave it a nice long pause I don't remember who read it

I don't write that down corinne that means corinne doesn't get a one-on-one ever i know it's crazy uh so they go on a yacht also and they all get in their swimsuits and then there's this gross sunscreen situation here's the thing i found it i found it um actually kind of comical because first of all it lasts for four minutes uncut four minutes and it's just everybody rubbing lotion and it was it was a lot of nick rubbing thighs which you pointed out women's thighs are his like security blanket yeah last week before he sent that woman home he like rubbed the hell out of her thigh.

Whitney? Is that right? Yeah. And then was like, I'm going to have to send you home, but you're really attractive, and let me get that thigh a little bit. Let me get that thigh. But it's not like a, I mean, it's rough, but it's not like a direct come on, I feel like. I honestly feel like it is what he does when he is uncomfortable in a conversation. on i feel like i honestly feel like it is what he does when he is uncomfortable in a conversation because he does it or he's uncomfortable because like women are rubbing lotion to him on a

television camera or whatever um but he just does a lot of like rubbing lotion and then lets the women rub lotion into him and he's just like making this like goofy ass face the whole time and yeah the scene lasted just fucking forever but there were also a lot of like like transgressive close-ups on everybody as they they doffed their outerwear yeah and we've seen all these women in swimsuits already like i don't know why they keep like playing it out like it's new i felt bad for raven on this day because it was for a lot of it it seemed like christina and corn sitting like flanking him yeah and raven just kind of sitting off to the side while he like raven's got that swagger though like she never she's insecure can i say like we

have raven on our team which i'm psyched about um because she kind of fucking rules like she is she's a cool cute yeah she never seems like worried or she's unflappable yeah um uh so they are on the yacht they're getting closer to an island and then everyone starts to joke about getting left on the island um and nick says nobody's gonna get left on the island and they find out they're going to be snorkeling and swimming with sharks. And Christina is a little freaked out, and Raven says that she will punch a shark in the face. And Corinne is just annoyed that Christina is freaked out because it means that she will be getting more time with Nick.

Corinne asks, are they toothless sharks? Jesse, I missed that. I'm pretty sure it was Corinne. Somebody said that. I'm pretty sure it was Corinne. Somebody said it. I'm pretty sure it was Corinne. And I'm going to have to Google it now, because I've got to know. Is that an actual thing? How do you guarantee that it's only toothless sharks that show up in this one spot, if that

is, in fact, true? Corinne does say that she spent a lot of time out in the sea on boats and yachts. And so maybe she is familiar with some kind of toothless shark. Almost, almost definitely no. Almost certainly not. No, no, no, no. No, not, not, not, not, not. Maybe there's like some rare breed or whatever the fuck

that I am not finding with a very cursory Google search. Or if you go to like a aquatic place where they let you pet animals, they only put toothless sharks in there. Yeah, that's, you know. Oh, yeah, for sure. A shark petting, a hands-on shark aquarium. Yeah. Where they pulled all the, right, they pull all the teeth out. This is horrible what you've suggested.

No, the shark has lost all of its teeth. Naturally. Naturally. Just candy apples. Gingivitis. Oh, they ate a lot of candy apples. And they lose their teeth. Okay, so is it just one shark or do they have multiple sharks that they, in this like hands-on?

Two. Okay, so they're married. Maybe. that they in this like hands-on two okay so they're married maybe okay so this is a hands-on sharkquarium where two married sharks they get they get together and the people who run the this nightmare uh give them candy apples until their many rows of teeth are all removed from their head and then so they do something to keep them from growing back right like shark teeth just like pop grow back a new one like pop tarts popping out i'm pretty sure do they grow back it's i think it's like some lizards like tail stuff going on in there um and so that once they've removed all

the shark's teeth with candy apples then kids can come and you can like put your mouth your hand right in there your head right in the shark's mouth and it's like fine it's just like even if that was a thing how would you guarantee yes we only let toothless sharks in this part of ocean. Come dive in this part of ocean because we made sure none of those toothed sharks are around here. I'll tell you what. One of our friends asked if they were going near the swimming pig part of the ocean, swimming pig beach. uh part of the ocean swimming pig beach and i suggested that putting swimming pig beach near shark beach is like a recipe for just complete sorrow just absolute abject sadness unless they were toothless sharks unless they were toothless sharks yes uh and so uh christina

overcomes her fears briefly but then does get back in the boat. And Nick comforts her. And Corinne feels like she is just on a date with Christina and Nick at this point. I don't think I'd like to do this. Swimming with sharks? Yeah, I get like, don't get me wrong. I'm not a dummy. And I get that like sharks kill like eight people a year and we kill and eat like a billion sharks a year but those eight people that sharks kill every year those eight people are probably swimming

with them in bimini and so like i don't want to be a statistic i just always assume if something is super rare it's not going to happen to me unless but it's like but what i'm saying is like four people die every year from a vending machine falling on you but i'm still not going to like grab a fucking vending machine by the top of it and pull on it. That's fair. Because that's what those four people did. That's fair.

But wouldn't you like to have the story of like, I have swam with sharks before? No, I think I'm all right. I got lots of other stories. I guess that's true. Like, um,

you know, like the time that you got that splinter in your foot that was real bad that's happened to me so many times my foot is soft i have an artist's foot and it attracts splinters what kind of art do you do with your feet i don't i'm saying like i don't move i'm i'm sedentary is what i meant to say okay uh so the second part of the date um they go to a big fancy house and it's like another sitting around having drinks eating snacks kind of evening uh he pulls christina away first and um he says that he well they're checking in everyone's checking in post danielle going home because it's you know it's sent shockwaves through the the whole cast uh and he's like you know i was

really i realized i was really forcing things with danielle you know and and that's why i had to send her home and then he cries again um i don't really remember why um yeah this one this was the one that i remember thinking like like, why are you doing this? Are you that torn up about Danielle? Yeah. Raven goes next. And this is when he finds out that Raven's family's had a really hard couple years. Her dad has lung cancer.

And I guess he's doing better now. Yeah, he's in remission, I think she said. Yeah. But she, you know, just, like, is excited to bring Nick home and to have something, like, some good news to celebrate. I feel like we glossed over it, but I also feel like he had a great combo with Christina, too. Coming off their, like, really, really great one-on-one date. Like, man man I'm so I'm so team Nick and Christina like it seemed like they were like just popping off um and then

it's Corinne's turn and she you know talks about how she's nervous about the lack of one-on-one and he's like well it seems like you've really taken a lot of time and you make the most of our time together you know and when we when you know this all first started you'd pull me away a lot and we've just had a lot of really good time together and at this point she's like oh stop you're so cute it's kind of a shitty response to that isn't it like yeah but on these garbage dates i force eight women to go on with me he really stand out in the crowd yeah it is still a crowd though like it's not it's not a real date so yeah it's it's enough for her in that moment but then he gives the group date rose to raven

and corinne is is crushed again a little devastated oh and then raven and him go see uh adam friedman adam friedman oh you know musical artist adam friedman he's done music and he did music on the show the music on the show so we have proof of it um hey griffin uh-huh can i steal you away you want to do it this time? I think you'd do a good one. I'll set you up again. The pitch was right. Yeah, but it needs a little bit more gravel, you know?

I can't gravel. My voice is too crystal clear. It's true. Your voice is too perfect and flawless. I mean, you can do it. I can't, though. If I could get your pitch, though. You have perfect pitch.

I have perfect gravel. Oh, I do not have perfect pitch. That's not true. I'm right here. Don't do this to me. What are we doing on the Jumbotrons? Okay. This message is for Dan and

Subbivito Condon. This message is from Dave and Jamie Kelly. And it says, thank you so much for agreeing to suffer through the Bachelor Bachelorette with us so we can all listen to the salve that is Rose Buddies.

You are our best friends. Love you guys. I mean, I don't know that it is this Saw-esque death trap that you have to endure. It is a two-hour long ABC television show. Although, I don't know, watching it by ourselves without a big group of friends, I feel like I need a big group of friends and a couple of Bevins to help me out with it.

No, there is some sadness if you're not among good company. But thank you for tuning in, and thank you for getting that sweet message. Here's another message for Nikki, Deanna, and Amy, and it's from Dana, who says, to my butt-legal girls, whoa,

after I gave Doug my final rose, you were the first people I had to tell. You are my rocks, and I love you. Our choreographed NSYNC dance on my wedding day is going to be sick. Let's start practicing at my bachelorette party so I'm not Charlie. Group hug, Love, Dana.

Hey, babe. Uh-huh? What do you think butt legal means? I like to think it's a joke that is completely innocent. I mean, yeah, it's completely innocent no matter what. But I like to think of like a, well, I think of like a Pauly Shore movie where he is an anthropomorphic butt, but he's also a lawyer. And he helps crack the big case.

But he's a huge butt. And I think it's called... Butt Legal? Well, yeah, I guess Butt Legal would be the name of the movie. Whatever Butt Legal means. And I celebrate it. I celebrate that turn of phrase. There's no judgment here. Congratulations

on your upcoming wedding and good luck with the big dance. I know how stressful that can be. Oh, and I wanted to say there may be some other Valentine's message out there that didn't make it in time for this week. It's a busy week for us.

If you didn't hear your message don't don't give up hope it'll probably be on next week's episode do you do the tim allen thing again when we leave no do you want me to i want to try again oh you wanted to do it well no i want you to sing the song i want to do it again this is a different key. No, no. What? It just needs more force behind it. Like, if Tim came at it and he was like, more power,

it would be like, I don't get this show. Patricia Henderson's excellent, but who's this clown? I know, I don't commit. Like that? Are you sad and confused about world politics? Worried about the upcoming inevitable nuclear war? Or maybe a rat is living in your house? There's a rat living in my house.

How do you get rid of a rat from a house? Why not immerse yourself in a completely fictional, imagined podcast for the beef and dairy industries? It works for me. The Beef and Dairy Network podcast is the number one podcast for those involved, or just interested, in the production of beef animals and dairy herds. Don't worry, it's funnier than it sounds. Find us at beefanddairynetwork.com or maximumfund.org, or wherever you get your podcasts from.

Oh, God, there's the rat. Oh, God. This is when it's time for the next one-on-one, which is Danielle and Nick. Danielle has also had a one-on-one before. So Nick is going on the one-on-one also? Or they didn't let Chris take this one? That would be weird if he was like, I would like to go on a date now. What's wrong?

Did they go get pasta together? Just some Valentine's ribbing. How fun. A lot of people leave reviews and they're like i love all the lovely ribbing because i can tell it's all good natured and it is hey rachel what did griffin get you for valentine's this year oh no he just made fun of me rack of ribs i know because i'm ribbing you on your podcast yeah i'm sorry i ribbed you okay hey look don't no we're not doing the thing where we have a fight on the podcast and then we move on

and we talk about other people's love before we repair our own. I'm, please don't laugh at me right now. I'm opening myself up. I'm sorry I ribbed you. It's Valentine's Day. I should be better than this. Apology accepted. It's not the only thing I got you.

Look what's in this box. It's full of emeralds just loose emeralds loose emeralds of various sizes and cuts just a just a shake a shake no no can of emeralds listen to him no that didn't sound like emeralds fuck i thought it might sound like emeralds you don't have any of your Dungeons & Dragons dice around here? There you go. This is a bunch of Nintendo 3DS games. Oh, God. That I have just loose sitting on my desk.

What if somebody heard that and was like, there's four. There's four games. There are four 3DS games. That sounded like four games to me. There's four 3DS games and one regular DS game. Good ear, babe. Thanks. Hey, hey babe i'm sorry i ribbed you though for real though it's okay i feel guilty about it it's okay i feel like you're still mad at me about the ribs nah the ribs are great can i get some bro grabs i don't know what that means

come on Can I get some bro grabs? I don't know what that means. Come on. Sorry about the ribs. It's okay. Happy Valentine's Day. Thank you. I'm so glad I found you. It's the best one ever. Danielle and Nick are on the beach.

They're riding bicycles. And this, we get kind of almost a montage. There's some kids. There's some dancing. They have some drinks. They talk about Wisconsin. They talk about hometowns. They sort of talk about Wisconsin.

They sort of talk about hometowns. This is when Nick tells us that, like, things are not really going anywhere. This convo's uncomfortable, man. That it's awkward. That, like, they've kind of lost some momentum it's not even just awkward silence i think it's actually what happens here is worse than that and that it is awkward both of them trying and just fucking he does he does literally rub her thigh which means you know we know means he's it's like the fucking godfather like kissing luca right before he's taken out like they see, like, an island of shells, and they refer to it.

Is that just a big, big shell island? Yeah. Is that an old shell island? Yeah. Yes, that's an old shell. All these old shells just sort of piled up. Old shell island. There's a bunch of old shells over there.

Let's live there. There's just a little teeny crab that is the groundskeeper uh-huh he just pushes the shells around the shells all together i love that nice got a little gray mustache yeah like a wally but like underwater while that's finding nemo no that's a different okay different thing. So they talk about how comfortable they are together. And he talks about how her face is, quote, pretty great. And then she launches into the, you know, my heart's been really open. And I just feel really good about us. And this is when you know the axe is coming. And Nick says something about how, like, you know, I've been in love before.

And, you know, there's always that longing with love and I just don't think we're gonna get there. And then he's like, you're just so great. And she says, not great enough. That was brutal, yeah. Nick has this way about him, we've referred to him as the axe man and i think he's definitely more uh like straight to the point than a lot of folks that we've seen headlining yeah not as good as ben not as good as ben because what uh nick does that's a little

bit chicken shit is um he always talks about the future being the reason like i just don't think talks about the future being the reason. Like, I just don't think in an infinite amount of time, if you get infinite monkeys with infinite keyboards, like, he's like, you know, I just don't see us in the future getting it. What he doesn't say is like, I'm just not feeling it now.

Now, I'm just not feeling it. Well, and he always tries to, like, compliment them in a big way, too. Like, but you're just so attractive. Yeah. It's like, thanks, Nick. Do you think they should stop walking them out on both on both bachelor and bachelorette i i can't imagine anybody wanting that well but it looks cold right if he just keeps sitting at the table and she gets up and walks away and he just keeps sitting there maybe but i also think about it from her point of view. Nobody has ever been like, can I walk you out? Yes, please.

Which way is the car? I don't know where the car is. You want to get something to eat on our way out? Yeah, I'm going to hit the minibar for a second. Is now a good time to hold your hand? That's the worst, though. Should we kiss one last time? You shouldn't.

If you've been kicked off the show, your kissing license has been revoked and torn up and destroyed please don't you try to do it again what if they were like i want that weird gift i gave you on the first night back i want you to give me that wooden box i gave you with all my pictures in it that that necklace i gave you made out of i'll wait i'll stand here and wait go get it the necklace i made you out of my baby spoon or the shark teeth or the shark from those fucking tore out with candy apples uh so danielle goes home yeah that's it for danielle goodbye danielle so this leaves us with five women and four spots

although raven already has a rose so it's really three spots and really at this point like who are we talking about we're talking about uh rachel we're talking about corn we're talking about christina and we're talking about vanessa and it's like all four of those women are like invincible yeah um i i had a hard time imagining who it was gonna be i think at this point we've realized corinne is is at more of a front runner than i think we yeah and also we realize that she's not fucking going home because then they spend the next 20 minutes of the show just her having this fucking crisis of like i'm gonna go home i'm going home i'll go home i'm going home next i'll be the one that goes home next and it's like if the show's belaboring it that much

it would be so stupid if they actually did that no you're not going home so corn's good uh so danielle shows up and gets her things and this is when corinne decides you know what i could go home in any moment i've really got to put my back into this so she starts kind of dressing up a little bit um you know putting on some some makeup and clothes. And she goes to the Hilton, where Nick is staying, and goes to his room. This is the Vagine thing, guys. Just to let you know, we're here. It's here. He offers her a drink.

He says, I'm having a nightcap. Can I get you something? And she's like, I just want to make sure you're okay. Which, like, oh man, she cannot sell that line at all. Some women can sell that line. Corinne cannot sell that line in this instance. So he opens the champagne in a kind of a sexual way, I would say.

He said he was having a nightcap already, but you hadn't opened the champagne, so you weren't. And also, like, I don't know, man. And they're sitting on the couch, and he, like, kind of grabs her hand, and then, like, he doesn't know man and they're sitting on the couch and he like kind of grabs her hand and then like he doesn't know what to do with it once he has it he like brings it to his mouth and then his face yeah it's a weird moment and then um this is when we get the line about her heart and and her private parts and i like lost it it's like when you're watching a movie and they say the name of the movie.

Yeah. I, like, fucking lost my mind. I was just yelling. I was like, yes, it's here, it's here, it's here. Or like when you're watching Saved by the Bell and Slater comes on screen. Yeah, and he's like, it looks like I've been really saved by the bell this time. Because he, like, just barely made it to the bus. You know?

The bell on the bus? Yeah, just watch the bus fly by. But I guess there's not a bell on the bus. Yeah. Just watch the bus fly by. But I guess there's not a bell on the buses there. Shoot. Uh, and so then she takes him into a separate room of the suite and the door closes, but there's still Mike.

Probably the bedroom. I don't want to assume. Well, she says, let's dive into bed. So it's, I think it was a bedroom. We didn't see a bedroom. We don't know. That I think it was a bedroom. We didn't see a bedroom.

We don't know. That's a good point. Yeah, we don't want another gross factual error on the show. I am a hard journalist. Yeah, you sure are. You've been calling Elon all day. Elon, tell me, was it a bedroom? Was it?

I got to know. I need firsthand confirmation. So they're still mic'd, so we get to see their exchange. And then there's some kind of some fun, some fun Mad Libs here. Yeah. She says, let's dive into bed. And then she says, you have to have two hands on at all times. Don't jiggle.

No jiggling. Lightly massage. Here's, here's, here's. Where do you think those two hands are? Do you want to know the truth i think that they were on you can't see it but i'm raising my eyebrows she really she really is um i think that they were on like a fucking rolling pin making biscuits two fucking weeks ago because he's straight up if i can't see the people on this fucking

dastardly fucking Loki trickster television show if I can't see the people's mouths moving and the words coming out of them I can assume that they're coming from eight different days like 14 different conversations fucking spliced up like I want you

to touch my jean like cut up fucking spliced and tiesto remix the fuck up i don't trust this show as far as i can fucking throw it and in like a dvd form i could throw it pretty fucking far so like when they go behind closed doors and it's like don't touch me there it's like you could have been that could have been in reference to anything, anywhere, with anyone, at any time, wherever. That's fair. What we're led to believe happens. He tells her that she's very attractive, but then says that he doesn't think it's a good idea.

And then he says, aren't we supposed to wait in these instances? I mean, structurally. Yes, two more weeks you're supposed to wait until there's just three people left and then um you get to go to the sex house i think is what it's called uh and so corinne is embarrassed and she keeps saying like oh my god like she feels silly uh and he's like you know it's not it's not a big deal he says he didn't want to make a mistake like he made on caitlin's season which is like i was curious if they're gonna draw a parallel yeah i was curious if they're gonna draw a parallel because um that was that was i think that's the biggest blemish sort of on nick's like past is he

um well and then he like right that's what i'm saying like he they they hooked up and then like whatever i hook up on the tv show whatever you're two consenting adults go go now i'm talking about what he did to andy right was it andy or was it no it was wasn't it holy shit i thought it was caitlin that he did it too caitlin was the one that he had sex with early season and then the whole season became about the fact that she had sex and he's the one he called out he called out you're right i got them confused i thought it was caitlin that he called out in the one that he had sex with early. He had sex with her in the season, and then the whole season became about the fact that she had sex. Andy's the one he called out. Andy's the one he called out. You're right. I got them confused.

I thought it was Caitlin that he called out in the thing. Either way, sex causes problems for Nick. Well, The Bachelor causes problems for Nick. Yeah, that's good. That's fair. I don't know. It was, again, another thing that they've literally been building up the entire season that lasted the span of like between two commercial breaks.

yeah. And then we have to watch Corinne like walk out of the hotel. That was uncomfortable. Like you hate to see somebody like try to like assert their sexuality and get shot down under like any circumstances. And then she was like, she was a wreck the rest of the episode. Cause she thought like,

Oh, I'm definitely going home now. Uh, if the like uh yeah she keeps saying that it backfired like i i don't know if her intent was to have sex with him it seems like it was um but you can tell that she's very embarrassed yeah it was just like kind of it was kind of embarrassing it was i don't know that it was as shamey as like this show has been in in the past yeah it was just like but you had like i feel like if you're on the watching it i i feel like i've picked up on this if you're in the show i feel like you definitely have to pick up on nick is not going to do anything to to harm his image now in this the the the the twilight hours of his tenure on this on this

franchise probably he's not gonna he's not gonna make some twist now and have some big big thing in his season that will like then be what what his narrative is in the bloids um it'll be an unfair narrative if it pops up but he knows how this fucking game works at this point yeah no he he has really like he's bought into the rules right so if you're if you're corn like you gotta know that it's not he's not gonna go for that like he's he he's not like he's not a ben phlegmatic like he's not gonna he's not gonna go for it i hope i'm not sounding like judgmental of people like hooking up or whatever because that's not where i'm coming from i'm coming from like this is how the show operates and nick knows it better than anybody who's played the game

before and so like you gotta know that he's not gonna he's not gonna go for this well i'm sure i mean i'm sure she was coaxed into oh that play. Oh, for sure. Korn, we talked about Korn, and, like, there's some, oh, boy, there's some problematic stuff with Korn, and, like, how her nanny has become this weird running joke now, like, that is referenced in every episode, and just as, like, a Korn modifier, which is kind of gross. And by the way, folks, like, I see some folks sharing stuff in the group about, like, Korn's nanny, like, having, like, fake Twitter and Instagram accounts.

And, like, I think that sucks. And it's a real person. And we have fun here on Rose Buddies. But, like, people, like, impersonating her is, I think, kind of the shit news. Yeah, she's a real person doing her job. I mean, regardless of how we feel about that job, like she's, you know,

she's an employee and she's clearly close to this family. It sucks the way the show is like treating it as like a really, really run down into the ground joke about like corn's entitlement or whatever. I, yeah, I feel like, I feel like her,

um, I feel like her, I feel like nobody, I talked about this last week, I don't think anybody in the house hates her. I think everybody in the house kind of likes her, actually, and thinks she's just, like,

kind of, uh, young, because her and Rachel have this interaction back at the house, where Rachel's, like, calming her down, um, and,

and we've seen, like, a few interactions with other women in the house that are like kind of caring and kind of sweet. And like, I do not think it is this like toxic villainous relationship that the show wants us to think. No, they seem to treat her like she's kind of a goofball. Yeah. Okay. Last date.

Rachel. They're going to experience local culture. And so Nick picks her up and takes her to a local bar that he assures us is not one visited by tourists. And they drink more bottles. We've seen a lot of bottles in these, like, straw jackets this episode. And so they have some of those. And they talk again about hometowns. And this is when they have

maybe the most interesting conversation that has ever happened on the show. Nick says, am I similar to guys you've dated before? And there's kind of an undercurrent there. Absolutely, it's a leading question. And she picks up on it right away and says, well, kind of an undercurrent there. Absolutely, it's a leading question. And she picks up on it right away and says, well, kind of, I have never brought home a white guy before.

I've dated white guys before, but I've never brought a white guy home. Yeah. She says, but my entire family is everybody. Like, you know, it's not going to be, basically implying like it's not going to be an issue. It's not like we've never had white people. Yeah, sure.

In our family before. Um, it was, it, the whole conversation, I'm, Rachel makes it through to next week and I'm like, kind of,

I'm, I'm excited for. Well, we assume so. There was no. That's a good point. There's no rose ceremony. Um,

it was a conversation that I don't, I wouldn't trust this show with uh and it was handled like really really well and i it was like so fucking real man like yeah i this this was this was one of the few times where like i feel like nick wasn't like reading lines off a script or something like reading plays because she he like genuinely doesn't know what to expect from this hometown and was like actually doing genuine reconnaissance. Like it seemed like when they didn't over dramatize it. No,

not at all. You know, they didn't play any like loud music behind it or build in all these pauses or, or make it seem like it was going to be this big heated thing. Like it just seemed like a real sincere conversation. It seems like we're giving the show, like, points for something that, of course, it shouldn't have, like, exploited it. But, like, this is, I think this is the farthest that a black woman has made it on the show before.

And so, like, they could be bad bad about it because this show is bad with so many other things i like i don't see why it couldn't also be very bad at race and so like well and it has it has been a lot of the time so like i don't know it was it was like every conversation that rachel's involved in it was just so like like very very genuine and that is what makes me so fucking excited about the idea of her being the bachelorette like oh man uh so she says the phrase that griffin really liked she says i love sports i don't play games that's fucking good rachel i'm gonna use that it's nice um and then i wrote down another moment. So they're out on this pier and Rachel sits up on the banister of this pier. Oh, yeah.

And they're kissing. She's like, okay. She's sitting on the banister and like on the rail. It's so much so that if she tilted backwards, she would fall into the ocean. And so Griffin completely sincerely, not even as a joke. Reflexively. Yeah. It says, all right, dangerous.

I was like, I'm writing that down. That is so revealing. It's dangerous. She had like her arms wrapped around them, but she was sitting on this pier. It's a romantic moment between two people. A dangerous romantic moment, yeah. I swear I wasn't making some sort of like,

aw shucks goof. It was like, I saw thisucks goof it was like i saw this happening and i was like all right dangerous gives you a little window into the wild and crazy stunts that griffin and i get up to right uh this date was really and that was it that was that was it and very short was over yeah that was that was the end of the day we the next scene is rachel going back to the house um and we cut to chris and nick and nick says he knows what he wants to do he wants to say goodbye to a woman and he wants to do it in private uh not in front of everyone at a rose ceremony and then he goes to the house i called this by the way from downtown yeah i i like i couldn't figure out who

was going home uh i thought because there had been so much speculation about rachel being the bachelorette that maybe be rachel but it didn't make sense because they'd had such a good date and then of course they're they're leaning so hard on corinne like making it seem like oh it's definitely corinne it's definitely corinne uh and so he shows up at the house and we know whoever's name he says is the one who's going to go home. And so he walks in the door and he asks where Christina is. Y'all. And takes Christina out on the porch and starts talking about how great she is.

And then she knows right away that she's going home. I hate that, but it's like a hundred percent of the time if the bachelor bachelorette comes to me he's like hey i think you're so great it'd be like all right pull the car pull the fucking car around whatever yeah and so she says you didn't give me a fair chance um and he's crying a little bit like some you'll make some guy very happy someday and you have a lot to offer somebody. You shouldn't have to settle for somebody who says that they have better relationships with other people. And he says that line that I hate so much, where he's like, I don't want to say goodbye to you.

It's like, you know, clearly you do. You do. You saying that sentence is not helping. And yeah, and so that's the end of the episode. We're suggested that next week the women are still nervous because they're like, where are more people going home? Is this it? Are there maybe three on hometowns instead of four?

But we're pretty sure that that's it. Yeah. And that's the episode. Boy, I guess we have more to talk about there than I thought. Although a lot of that was home improvement impressions. Like 16 minutes of that was home improvements. So I guess we'll wait for this Jimmy Kimmel announcement. Yeah, I mean, it's 1052, right?

Like it should be happening like right about now. I'm telling you, we just get on Twitter and figure it out. I mean, we could also just pause this and go walk in the other room for like two minutes and see. Because I think it's happening right now. Okay, so we just watched the big announcement. Big breaking news. Oh, is he going to barf? It's Cecil, not Henry.

It's our cat. We can't let him outside or else he'll wake the baby up. He's a big old Johnson like that sometimes. Anyway, official confirmation. He's really fighting me now. We sat down with our cat and we watched jimmy kimmel and the announcement um showed us that the bloids were correct the bloids you got them this time missed it on bat boy but you got this one rachel is the next bachelorette rachel's gonna be the next bachelorette y'all i'm

so excited she jimmy i feel, here's the thing about Jimmy. I think his most endearing and like funniest shit is when he's talking about The Bachelor, because it is so evident that he's like such a hyper fan. And he says, so I take it that the hometown dates didn't go so well. And now Cecil's jumping into a big cardboard box. We have seconds before this thing falls apart. Yeah,

he basically confirms what i think what a big asshole i think everybody was annoyed about um which is that by announcing that rachel is the bachelorette we know she doesn't win yeah um and so jimmy, this is kind of a big spoiler, isn't it? Which it is. But here we are, America. This is all the conversations they've had, by the way, Rachel and Nick have been like, so what do I call your dad? Well, his name's Sam. So Sammy.

No, don't call him Sammy. Call him sir or your honor or your excellency. You know, this fucking dude's going to roll up like Sammy. Yeah. Sammy, can i marry your daughter please uh so yeah so there's this suggestion that they are they're starting to cast and they are they want to get the word out and um we are lucky to be a big fan of rachel it's like being locked in here with a fucking bobcat. Like, it's being locked in here with, like, a, just like a panther. A hungry, angry panther.

I think he heard that Henry's gotten on the show, and he's now one and a piece. Yeah, he wanted a guest spot. Anyway, that's the episode. We're very, very excited. Rachel, congratulations. Uh, we'd love to have you on the show sometime. He's hanging on the doorknob! What the fuck, dude?

Um. Uh, he's incredible, this catorknob what the fuck dude um uh he's incredible this cat uh rachel congratulations seriously and you rachel again like you must be so fucking stoked right now just because of like the name maybe there'll be some like t-shirts they print that say like rachel is the bachelorette and i can just wear it and it'll be fun yeah that's fun um thanks for listening thank you to maximum fun for having us you and it'll be fun. Yeah, that's fun. Um, thanks for listening. Thank you to maximum fun for having us. You can go to maximum fun.org. Check out all the great podcasts there. I'm talking about shows like one bad mother.

Stop podcasting yourself, beef and dairy network. They're all super great. Uh, we have other shows, uh, that the McElroy family does. They're all at McElroy shows.com.

You can find out all our contact info, PO boxes, email, Twitter, uh, all our videos and stuff that we do all there. anything else, Rachel? Oh, I just wanted to quickly think, email, Twitter, all our videos and stuff that we do, all there. Anything else, Rachel? Oh, I just wanted to quickly thank, somebody made us a CD of cool songs for kids.

Oh, yeah. And I forgot to thank them last week. So that is, thank you to Andy for the mixed CD. There's all sorts of cool stuff on there like the the white stripes and uh cat stevens and they might be giants and oh sick we should pop that in yeah it'd be fun yeah thank you to everybody who sends us stuff it's we get a lot and it's all very very touching and very sweet thank you all so much um next week hometown strap in get ready we going to hoxie we're going to wherever everybody else is from quebec city i think who's from canada

vanessa oh yeah canadian uh okay i think rachel's from dallas okay we gotta stop because the cat is really stressing me out there's so much expensive things in here and just a single cat hair if it gets in my gaming pc rig it'll all just come falling. Then I won't be able to play all my eSports. And you know I gotta have my eSports. I do know that about you. I like eSports. I don't play games. Except all the eSports

games I play. Until next time, I'm Griffin McElroy. I'm Rachel McElroy. When you're ready. She is up with Soulja Boy. Rachel McElroy, when you're ready. Final Rose, stay with us on this journey of joy. Spoiler alert! She is up with Soulja Boy. Right reasons, right reasons, can't figure out all the four seasons. My name is Patrick.

My name is Parker. Max FunCon has been a huge inspiration in my life. Now I have this network of friends that I've made that span literally across the entire globe, and they're some of my favorite people in the world. I truly cannot believe the amount of wonderful and lasting friendships that have come out of this. If you feel like you might not fit in, as long as you're a good person, you'll fit in, because everyone there is good and amazing and kind and wonderful. And you should absolutely go. It will be the best decision of your life. Make a ton of new friends like Parker and Patrick at MaxFunCon. Tickets for MaxFunCon and MaxFunCon East are on sale now at maxfuncon.com.