Wonderful! - Ep. 62: After the Final Thigh Rub

Episode Date: March 14, 2017

It's finale time! Well, yesterday was finale time, technically speaking. Right now it's recap time! Who did Nick choose to propose to in his season's final hours? I mean, you know, of course, but let's all pretend like it's a big surprise, okay? MaxFunDrive ends on March 29, 2024! Support our show now by becoming a member at maximumfun.org/join.

Maybe you should go and do some contemplating. Right reasons, right reasons, being a good girl for all the right reasons. Right reasons, right reasons, being a good girl for all the right reasons. I'm the best rep and I'm rapping to your pool sign. Here to find true love, one man for one. Hi, this is Rachel McElroy. Hi, this is Griffin McElroy. And this is Rose Buddies. And we just watched the seed of love and life and the soul be planted in the fertile soil that is a woman.

Oh, no. Named. Wait, I don't want to give away the winner. No. That's not how we do it. No. But I did just watch the seed of love and life be planted in someone's fertile soil.

That makes it sound like I've just watched an impregnation. Yeah. But I didn't. I watched an engagement happen. The five-year engagement. You remember that movie with Jason Segel in it? Isn't it? Yes.

And Emily Blunt? Yes. It's a good movie. I just feel, I'm just on cloud nine. Oh, yeah? I had a couple farmhouse sales, so I'm feeling pretty loosey-goosey, but it's not that. It's that I just watched The Seed of Love and Life Be Planted in the Womb

of America's Heart. There you go. In my heart womb. So Griffin and I just watched the first two hours. Making a ventric go. In my heart womb. So Griffin and I just watched the first two hours. Making a ventricle baby in my heart womb. We have not yet watched the The historic.

The historic after the final rose. We decided to record with our immediate reactions post two hours and then cut the up and go watch the rest. We can lie to you right now we can give you some bullshit but it's because if we record now then we'll have dvr fast forward time that we can use for the back half of the so and it's also good because i this whole season

has been built around is nick gonna be alone is nick gonna get jilted at the altar is nick gonna be very very alone and even up to the like proposal at the end and then even past the proposal because chris harrison and like all the stuff for tonight has made it sound like but stick around because anything fucking goes and to give you a little bit of history like it is not unheard of yeah that we get to the uh after the final rose and most likely like the couples there or whatever. And they talk about whatever. And they mentioned their Instagram accounts. Um,

but sometimes it's like, Oh no, we broke up. And some, sometimes Jason Mesnick in the mix picked his runner up, picked his runner up, said, I didn't.

Oopsie doopsie. I made a bad one. Yeah. And so we don't know. We're going to talk about the first two hours, and we're going to talk about what actually happened on the show, but we may come back after the old Jumbotron spots and

have a different story to weave for you. Maybe this love womb, maybe there's a different seed in there. Maybe there's two seeds. I don't know. Looks like a maraca just shaking around in there. So many seeds. Maybe there's half a seed oh now what would that be oh nothing would grow i'm dating vanessa's torso um let's let's dive right into it because um i always forget uh finale's mad boring huh like yeah because every finale is they the the two finalists meet

or hang out with the family it used to be meet the family this is when they would meet the family but now they get a little more loosey-goosey with that and they they drag out weird parts of it so first of all every finale takes place in front of a live studio audience um not the actual filming of it but no we keep cutting to chris harrison and wasting valuable time it's not it's not wasting time it's that they have 45 minutes of stuff yeah between like these two boring so they have an audience full of people and chris harrison's sitting on a stage and the idea is everybody's watching along with you they keep cutting to them to remind us that everybody's sitting there watching too uh and then yeah and then both women have to meet nick's family um which was really quick it was very fast well and that's

the thing that they went to waksha so like they all met the family i think at this point right or maybe not raven hadn't raven had met bella who is nick's sister? Niece? Sister. Sister? It's like his youngest sister. Okay. Oh, that's right. He's got a big family. And so she's obviously got like, it's a huge advantage, right? It's a huge chip in her back pocket.

And you know Raven's going to play Bella's love for her very tactically. You know what I mean? She's going to cash in that card whenever she it's it's most raven is not a strategist she i think she is more than you would assume there is no point this season where i have thought like oh well played raven why is it this was such a good raven episode why is it that like and and when they pulled the audience like first thing they're like who do you think's gonna win who thinks ra thinks Raven's going to win? And it was like, who thinks Vanessa's going to win? And just screams and howls.

And then he's actually, Chris said, who thinks he's going to end up alone? And there were, like, two women who were like, yeah, fuck that guy. Which I thought was very refreshing. There was a lot of validation going on in there. But, like, this was the best Raven episode, I feel like. The whole time, I was just like, man, Raven's so fucking great. Yeah. Why is it that the finale is always like i know well because everybody's so sure like

they film the show so that you will be sure jojo had the same edit i guess but on the last episode they want to bring just a little doubt in yeah so this this this is also sort of part of the tried and true structure at this point in that everybody knows there is somebody in the lead going into the finals yeah the underdog gets just like a really good edit and yeah i don't know how they want they want us to be a little doubtful and they also they want us to have broken hearts they're really fucking good at this they're really really very very good they're yeah they have mixed results when they try to pull this fast one on us but like this is one area where like the edit fucking works and is like they're very good at their jobs well usually the runner-up is in potential

contention for the bachelorette so it's kind of weird to watch this really good edit and just know that's the end yeah uh so the dates happen with the families and yeah so nick's there with his parents and i think there were like four or five siblings there were a lot of sibos there's like 10 in his family and so it wasn't everybody um and the mom and dad remind all of us about the devastation he's experienced with andy and caitlin it was like they were at a wake yeah it was very somber so somber and like the the every it's a very emotional family i think generally speaking everybody kind of shares nick's like penchant for like i'm going to cry in five seconds yeah here i go you're gonna see it coming a mile away they're constantly five seconds away

from crying yeah uh so raven arrives first and bella is excited to see it coming a mile away. They're constantly five seconds away from crying. Yeah. So Raven arrives first, and Bella is excited to see Raven, because they're old buds from the roller skating rink. Raven talks to Nick's dad, and she tells the dad, I am in love with him. And then the dad asks if Nick has said it back and she says that he is not um and then raven's dad finds that she has a a maturity about her i raven more than anybody i think this season drops that do and that am just so like with fucking like thermonuclear force just like i am in love

with you like it's like a new it's like a new plosive that she just kind of like injects in there and every time it's just like it's my pet peeve i think it's my pet peeve i think it actually really bugs me people have asked why that bothers. And it's almost like you're entering a conversation assuming that somebody has this on their mind already. So it's like if you showed up at your family's Thanksgiving and everybody knows that you're like a big pecan pie eater. And you walk in and they're like, oh, are you excited for Thanksgiving, Rachel? And I'm like, I am. And I am going to have the pecan pie. Yeah.

And for me, the bigger thing is this is an unscripted television show. And so the way that they get the people to say the words with their face mouths is they do interviews with them in those behind the scenes in the moment interviews. And they give them prompts such as like, what's your problem with what do you think Korn has enough maturity to be here? Or, you know, whatever. And so when you give that, that, how about the term sharp affirmative is how it hits me. When you give that sharp affirmative, it to me, it kind of like shows that there is somebody like are you in love with nick i am in love with nick like it's just like obviously like i don't know i think that's why it bothers me and also just like if you don't

understand why it bothers us say it with your mouth right now say it right now and feel how weird it feels i do love you rachel i the only way that that makes sense is if you're like if you just say you i didn't and i have to like you know what i mean only way that that makes sense is if you're like if you just say you i didn't and i have to like you know what i mean yeah unprompted like griffin there's no way you're in love with me i do love you that's fine i mean it's not fine jesus please don't say things like that to me it makes me very sad but otherwise just being like if the first time i told you i love you i said i do love you you'd be like why are you so insistent about it? Okay, fine, calm down. Raven also talks to the mom,

and she tells the mom about how effortless their relationship's been. Couldn't even learn her name. Shameful. And she uses phrasing that she used with Nick, I feel like, the first time she revealed her feelings to Nick. Because she says, it would be tragic if I didn't express how wonderful he is. And I feel like that's the same thing she did when she told him that she was in love with him.

She was like, it would be tragic if I left here. I thought that was interesting. And Raven has a good experience with the mom, and the mom says that she seems very honest. And... We are just scraping the bottom and the mom says that she seems very honest um and we are just scraping the bottom i mean it's it's real quick one thing i will say this is when um nick and his mom are talking and his mom's like you know you felt this way with andy and caitlin how do you know, you felt this way with Andy and Caitlin. How do you know? And Nick goes like, I don't. Remember? And you leave. I did.

I laughed at him. Yeah. I mean, that was constant coming through. And it comes through sometimes. I think it's very, very charming. And then he does the like, she's funny, smart, attractive. Yeah. This fool unpacks his adjectives pretty often.

And that's another thing that I didn't realize until this episode that he does. Like, Rachel, you're smart, cute, funny, attractive, cool, sexy, cool, crazy, beautiful. But I got to send you home. It's like always like, you're fine, fierce, lovely, strong, powerful, muscular. What if he did like an acrostic poem? That's it. He's like, radical, awesome, vivacious. Very, very, very awesome energetic nice nice

nick only speaks in acrostic if you go back and watch the whole season every sentence he says if you really look at it corinne was a really long one for him yeah sure i mean vanessa too it's quite a bit quite a bit of stuff going on there and then let alone the ladies that have the he had to give the last initial for it's just like a whole you know uh-huh if you go back it's the whole season every sentence rewatch the whole season go rewatch the whole fucking season i would i would rather go jump in a river and stay there well yeah i would too i'm jumping in a river would be fun no i mean like forever oh yeah to be taken as the river's bride and the river would be like i am in love with you

um so vanessa's turn yeah all right vanessa's turn. So Vanessa shows up and she sits down with the family and she tells her story about kind of who she is, where she's from. And then she tells her vomit story. And then she says that's how she knew she was in love with him. She starts to get choked up. And I yartsed and I got all over my suit and my pants and hair. And I ruined a camera and several takes because they can't show yarts. She says that's when she realized that Nick was a caretaker. And then that's when I could not go on thinking about her yarts accident that she had.

Now, I will say this to Vanessa's credit. She said, we went up in an airplane that made it feel like you were going up into space. And I wanted to go, I want to like tweet, I never tweeted the people on the show, but I want to be like, I'm proud of you. I'm proud of you for this is such a major step towards the light.

For acknowledging that you didn't actually go into space. Because like four times. Yeah. Her and Nick. We went into outer space. To Uranus. You space to uranus you didn't i promise you didn't you went on a goofy plane that did silly tricks up in the clouds uh so she tears up while she's telling this vomit story the mom tears up too and then nick does kind of a a um a calming thigh rub on vanessa and you you you could more easily number the stars than you could count the thigh rubs in this one two hour. And also the women lift.

There's lots of women lifting. Lots of lifting up women. So this is the joke I came up with. Oh, boy. But I didn't say anything to you because I wanted to bring it to the podcast. Oh, cool. I'm excited. This never happens.

What if the lady showed up at Nick's house and everybody in the family hugged like that? It's like a Saturday Night Live sketch. Like, they all hug each other and Nick lifts each of them up and they all wrap their legs around him. That's really good. Isn't that a good image? Do you know what I thought about that? Including the dad? Yeah.

Like, the dad brings the legs up around Nick. Yeah. Come here, Nick. How great would that be Do you know what I thought about that? Including the dad. Yeah. The dad brings the legs up around Nick. Come here, Nick. How great would that be? You know what I thought about that I wanted to talk about on the podcast, and I do not know if it will play here, but I still, it's one of the funniest things that I've ever like had watching TV with you was we were watching and there is a commercial. My favorite thing about like the live threads is like people comment on the commercials. They're like, boy, that ghost in the shell movie looks shitty. Yeah.

And it's like, yeah, that's depressing. But yes. Um, and the one, there's one where this, uh,

this woman, this middle-aged woman is like getting ready for a date and you see her son playing video games. Uh, and then her, she's like walks over and like interrupts his game and is like, uh, are you sure you don't need anything?

You sure you're fine? And he's like, yeah, I'm fine, mom. Mom, go ahead. Go ahead. And she's like, okay. And starts to leave. And he's like, mom, no kissing on the first date. And she kind of smiles and walks out.

And it's like pretty, like weirdly overbearing. Like, that's no good. I don't even remember what it's an advertisement for. I don't either. It's like for, yeah, for overbearing young boys. It's a school, it's for yeah for overbearing young boys it's a school it's a school for overbearing boys anyway before this came on before this commercial immediately before it rachel and i watch everything with closed caption now um because we watch all

our tv with like the volume set to six out of 100 because we don't want to wake up our child in the other room um right before this was a truth at the anti-smoking campaign and somehow these these closed captions got fucking devoured um and so there was just a fraction of a word and then a word and then like a typo word with like a hieroglyph just thinking about it makes me want to fucking crack up because what it said on the screen was back Backo, tack, tack, tobacco. And what we thought was the fucking funniest mental image ever was like, no kissing on the first date, Mom. And she just turned to her rotten son and was just like, Tobacco, tack, tack, tobacco.

Mom, please, backo, backo. It's a lot of explanation for something that may not translate. Please just don't kiss tonight. Tobacco! Tobacco! Tobacco! I hope that's funny to other people. God, it was the hardest I think I've laughed in a year.

A calendar year was the hardest I've laughed. The lesson is watch the closed captions. Tobacco! Like tonight, when Chris Harrison came on screen, our closed captions said Chris Mary Sutton. Yeah. Like we wouldn't have gotten that if we didn't watch the captions. We wouldn't have gotten that.

There's a lot of humor to be found in these silly closed captions. Just her turning towards her son, unhinging her jaw, and just shrieking, back up. You've got to stop doing that i don't want you to wake up henry because you're saying if i wake up henry i'll go into the bedroom and lower my face over the crib and i will shout tobacco at him as loud as i possibly can i won't do that i would love him i won't spook him okay also he'll never sleep ever again if i do that yeah no kidding there's a barn owl outside or something.

I heard it. It wasn't a baby. It was a barn owl. Okay. We live in Texas. We got barn owls. Okay. So Vanessa talks to the mom and says that she's never felt this way before.

And she's never been in the position where she's about to get engaged potentially. And so it's a big deal to her. And she worries kind of whether they're rushing, and she's got some kind of hesitation. And the mom is kind of like, well, you know, you, this is serious, like, this is a serious thing. And then she also tells the sister the same thing. She's like, you know, no one in my family has ever left Montreal. This is kind of a big deal if I were to move. And the sister says, well, you really should talk to him about this. So I was kind of surprised because Vanessa basically comes in and is just like, I am really unsteady.

And Nick's family, of course, is like, I mean, yeah. But also, like, we don't know what conversations they had outside of this. But not only that, this is more conversations about logistics. That's all this is. That's true. Any friction that popped up here was like, I'm really thinking about what it's going to be like to be with this dude after this. And the family was very much playing along. much playing along. The dad has a really interesting convo with Nick, which is another one of those serious, this is the actual one you're picking kind of conversations. Because he's like, I remember when you and Andy didn't work out and you feel like Andy had a type and she went back to that type by not picking you and that she made the wrong choice. And Nick, you have a type. that she made the wrong choice.

And Nick, you have a type. And I'm wondering if you're going to put yourself in the same position. Basically acknowledging the fact that like Vanessa is very much his type. And that if he continues to pick his type, he's going to end up hurt. Which I hadn't really thought about how similar Vanessa was, both in appearance and kind of demeanor to Andy and Kaylin. um but she very much is i think that's fair yeah it's certainly more so than raven yeah um and nick is very like yeah like oh i like complicated strong women okay you know you know how nick says. I know. I know the things he says. Yeah. And this is when Vanessa has a very emotional conversation with Nick's dad, where she asks dad specifically.

Just dad. He's your dad now. Yeah. Sorry, David. You've been replaced. Asks Nick's dad if love is enough, that she loves him and is love enough. And he says, well, no, you have to sacrifice and it's commitment and it's selflessness. And right around here, dad gets choked up.

Yeah. Gets a little choked up. And then Vanessa also gets choked up. They have a little call and response. A little tear moment. It's sweet. I forget why. I don't really understand why.

Well, Nick's dad is talking about love, and it makes him emotional, because I guess he loves his wife a lot. Oh. And then Vanessa feels very strongly for Nick, and that makes her sad. Do you wish that when we talk on this podcast about our relationship and my love for you, that I would just cry 100% of the time? Well, I mean, not if you made that noise you could silently cry okay just assume um when rachel's talking and i'm not that i'm silently crying yeah please please do um uh okay Um, uh, okay. Silently cry.

This is as silent as I can. Why are you crying? Because of love. Love, yeah. Because I've sacrificed so much for you. Oh, here we go. Here we go. I've sacrificed my looks.

Back out. i've sacrificed my looks back oh uh and so the mom and dad talked to nick and again they remind him of how certain he was with andy and caitlin there's so much there's so much it's almost like that's the only thing that anybody talked about the entire season and it's like they had a fucking quota to fill that they were off by 15 and And so it was just like, you remember the past couple times you fucked up? And by the way, sorry to Jennifer? His bachelor and parents? I think it was just Jen. Jen?

Sorry, Jen? Like. Yeah. Nobody buys it. Yeah. You've been written out of the narrative. Yeah. Eliza Hamilton style.

And then we're back to the studio. and those those were the family meetings and so it's time for the lady dates now and vanessa goes first and i you know i made these notes which is kind of not necessary but i always wrote down vanessa in the snow and then i wrote down down Vanessa in the snow. And then I wrote down Raven in the snow. As if. No, it's all in the fucking snow. It's not only that. It's all in the same, like, what is it? It's called something safari.

Lapland. Lapland safari. I think it's where they're staying. It's like the resort. It's where they're staying. And so either there weren't like a lot of places to shoot or also it was like fucking five degrees outside. So they just did not want to go too far from their hotel uh so vanessa and nick are going to get on horses and this is where i

made note of the uh the crotch cam which was made note of uh crotch which was the camera they put on the saddle that looked up at them from crotch level. Yeah. And this is also when they show a man in red. Oh my God. Hiding behind a tree. With no warning. Like you guys got to fucking warn me if you're going to take it to this place. You can't just have these two having a horse date

and I'm watching this thinking, this is going to be like any other horse date. And then who's that woodland nymph popping his head out from behind the the spruce why it's it's old saint nick because of the weird angle i thought there was kind of like a blair witch quality where it was like this bouncy camera crotch level and then this like santa claus in the trees i thought there was going to be something weird that was going to go down and all of of a sudden, now my blood pressure's elevated. Because now nothing that happens from this point and the point in which the Santa Claus is addressed,

like, can I focus on anything these two are saying about their relationship or romance or whatever the fuck. You can't be like, I know it's tough. You know, I've been in this position too. I got jilted by Andy and Caitlin. And it was like, no, get to the Santa Claus that you did definitely show. And so then the Santa Claus disappears, and they ride for a little bit longer. He walks behind a tree. You're making it sound like he has actual sprigging to magic.

Well, I thought as they approached the tree he jumped behind, they would interact with him. But instead, they continued to ride. You think he used Wendland magic that the nymphs taught him? That's some Finnish dryad. I thought he was going to hop out at them when they rode by.

Scare the horses very bad. Instead, they go up to this cabin and that's when I realized, oh, they're going to Santa's little Finland cabin. I can't believe the words were said i can't believe what we're talking i can't believe what we watched and i know i know it felt like a weird holiday episode of a sitcom but hey it's march like this is weird i don't even think it was around the holidays when they filmed this no and so they sit in this tiny warm like fire shed with santa and very small and um by the way i made the point to griffin that if somebody could rework our theme song

so there's a line that says she ends up with santa claus instead of soldier boy yeah that would be fun and then if it's somebody's first episode they'd be like what the fuck is this podcast dylan why did you tell me to listen to this dylan um so vanessa vanessa is very excited to see santa claus but you can tell she's putting it on a little thick a little bit when she says that she really quote feels like she's back in her childhood days. And it shows her just laughing and burying her head in this, I'm sorry, Finnish mole Santa's shoulder. It's like... I love Christmas very, very much.

Santa Claus, yes, go for it. But she's on this, like, I think Santa Claus in this moment to me represents, you gotta have faith in something bigger than yourself and that's like the faith that i have in neck and it's like what the fuck that was so tough yeah it's like if griffin and i went to go get ice cream and i was like oh griffin thank you for taking me to get ice cream i feel like i'm back in my childhood days when i would get ice cream. There's so much that went on in this one little... And then they just like...

Oh, he gives them a weird sex plate. Yeah, it's like a wood carving of the two of them with, I guess, their Finnish names, which are Nico and Venla. And there are symbols for happiness and fertility on it so he's like go get go do it yeah go plant your fertile seed in the life womb or whatever yeah and then they go outside and they sit by a fire and there's this hysterical shot of that wood carving from behind the other side of the fire yeah which definitely made it look they're like thank you saint nick i'll treasure this forever. Burn.

And then they have another, like, of many serious conversations about their future together. And Vanessa makes it clear that she's kind of upset that Nick is still hedging. And she's like, I don't want to be, you know, chosen because we have a slightly stronger relationship than the other person here. And she talks about her gut and how she's ignored her gut in the past. And how she has all these questions still left unanswered and all these doubts. There's two ways that you handle this in the game and the first is you do what the ax man ben higgins and what jojo did which is you just tell the final two people i love you i fell in love with you a long time ago and i love you before the proposal or whatever i love you the other way you do it is how nick did it and i think he did he did this in a bad way in that he said y'all in dancing around reciprocating the feelings of these women

nick says awesome shit yeah he it's at its worst with vanessa um as it always is as his as these like um like middle of the road statements are always the worst with vanessa because i think she wants this this like um she she wants this reciprocation very badly and i think nick also very badly wants to give it to her but can't and doesn't and so just the result is some really bad stuff. So here's what happens. So at night, they meet up again. And Vanessa just wants to get questions answered. And so she says, you know, I feel like your answers to my questions have been very general so far. And Nick says that he's being more careful with his heart this time around. And Vanessa just flat out says says do you feel ready to

propose and nick responds the week's not over yet are you are you fucking kidding dog like that's the best you've got like i can't that is so upsetting later in the episode he says when i made my decision this morning, at the proposal, and he said this was a heartbreaking decision to make. It was heartbreaking deciding on who your fiance and wife is going to be.

Broke my heart. Rachel, when I proposed to you, it was a heartbreaking decision, you know? Because there's just a bunch of other people. It could have been, but it was you, and it's just, It could have been, but it was you. And it's just, I'm so happy. But it broke my heart. Heartbreaking decision.

By deciding to get engaged to you, I had to reject other situations which might have made me happier. Like, what kind of proposal is that? What kind of way to say things to a person is that? There's a lot of game left to play. What? Are you going to marry me or the other woman? I don't know. things to a person is that there's a there's a lot of game left to play what are you gonna marry me or the other woman i don't know there's we're still in the first quarter what i feel really strongly about you but everything could change tomorrow so don't get comfortable like holy shit dog raven and i are gonna ice skate and if things get hot i might feel differently about you you just you

better hope for a miracle like yeah we're exaggerating a bit but it was it was the things that he says are like and i i get what the structure of the show demands but like the things that he says to a person that could be his future fiancee are unconscionable yeah vanessa like really starts crying pretty hard yeah very bad very hard nick's kind of like i know what you want and i just can't give it to you i could give it to you but i but i i i don't want to until like because once i propose it's marriage she talks about how like it's not especially romantic the way winning like winning over another person is not romantic which

i fucking get and he's like but isn't it romantic that i want to wait to say i love you to the one person that i know that i'm going to be engaged to and it's like nick come on out of two the one out of two competitors yeah no that sucks like any doubt that you claim to have at this point, like, she can very clearly visualize the source of that doubt. It's not like when there were 30 women. It's like, I know who it is. I usually have no patience, too, for, like, competitors at this point who, like, don't understand what the structure of the show is,

who are like, I need you to propose to me right now. It's not going to happen. It has happened. And I think Vanessa vanessa like everything she said in this conversation was she was trying to get that sort of a fairly unprecedented thing of just like just say it now yeah just tell me now just propose to me now go send raven home and let's do it right now i usually have no patience for that that level of like not understanding and understanding what the structure of this shit is but like maybe it's just because nick was just so fucking bad at this that i felt so bad for vanessa well it seems

like he's picking the show over her because she so desperately wants something and he's like very clearly tied to the producer saying like well you know i can't yeah yeah and you made a great point when we were watching in that like pretty much every season every proposal starts with i knew from minute one yeah no you didn't you can't say like i've been falling in love with you from the very beginning it's like well wait a minute you can't say in one day i'm gonna play this thing till the fucking whistle blows and then the next day be like from the moment i saw you step out of the limo no yeah uh okay so time for raven's date and they are going ice skating um and they play kiss me again because raven acknowledges our first date was roller skating and here we are again skating yeah and so they decide to reuse that song yeah um which griffin griffin asked me he's like do you know who sings

this song and i just without i mean come on everyone knows that's more based on like you and i have certain divides in like you know lots and lots of what was the thing we're watching buffy racial and re-watching case choice case Oh, Case Choice. Case Choice, like, was on, and I thought it was Amy Mann, which I was way off base there. But you're like, you know, Case Choice, and you're singing, like, a whole Case Choice song. And I was like,

I've never even fucking heard this song, this band, this... Well, Sixpence on the Richard, that song came out when I was in high school. Right, I think that's one of those songs that, like, you and I both caught. Yeah. So, yeah, I wasn't trying to, like,

doubt your abilities. It's like, I don't't know where our there is a there's a break for you and i where there's like any songs before a certain point and after a certain point like one of us knows the other one doesn't but kiss me sixpence is right in the fucking brings us together what's the uprights of our it's a real uh american tale moment where i was driving around in my car listening that song and you were what were you doing i was getting my diaper changed uh no let's see i was probably you know what ironically i was probably at uh camac middle school fucking going to roll-a-rama and like sorry babe probably holding hands oh griffin i know with my teacher who was teaching me how to skate you're the first hand i ever held okay you can't say with my teacher so confidently after talking

about holding hands and not have me pause i was holding hands with my teachers teaching me how to skate you're the first hand i ever held and you know that well you remember the first time we held hands and i broke two of your fingers because i bent them back with my two other fingers and i was like is this right and you're like no the thumb doesn't move that much and i was like i'm just trying my best and then i broke two of my own fingers and we went to the hospital together yeah and then we made love you remember with your broken fingers i mean they were involved okay okay i want to move on i do too okay um so they they ice skate and nick lifts her up to which griffin says this is dangerous um i wish that was a bit i wish that

was a joke i'm not just like griffin fears for anybody doing anything like a little risky on this show oh what like standing on two knives on the world's most slipperiest substance that if you fell on it you would brush bash your fucking brains in while holding another person like yeah that's bad i don't like that at all and they did it like nine times they did well you know how nick loves to pick women up he's a lifter he's a woman lifter and then they lay on the ice and kiss and then there's a lot of laying in different bodies of water and kissing this season for these two and they they um they go and sit around a fire and they talk about the family and how good the experience was.

And then Nick walks away and then just walks back and he's holding three puppies, three Husky puppies. And like, all right, obviously this is, we're doing some prop comedy now, but fuck me.

These puppies y'all. They Raven tells the camera. This is the best day of my life. It's the best day of my life too. Are you kidding me with these puppies? She says, I hope my kids with kick with nick i hope my kids with nick are as cute as these puppies but less hairy but less um i and and then they they share some laughs together it's fun and this

is when griffin turns to me and says i this Nick. I like Nick when he's with Raven. And it's maybe the only Nick that I liked this whole season. Or maybe it reminded me of the Nick I really liked during Bachelor in Paradise last season. Yeah. I think this more than anything sort of is evidence for yours and my sort of like thoughts on the boringness of the Bachelor

and the Bachelorette once they make that leading role and that once you hang the artifice of this show on a person once you hang the like here's the beats you gotta hit around week four there's gotta be some big drama you gotta make everybody doubt that you're gonna like

stay at all. You gotta constantly be doubting that you're gonna find love no matter what. Fantasy suites have to be you know, this and this and this. You've gotta not reveal strong opinions about any women. And that level of like duty

just makes you fucking boring. Because at that point you're feeling, you are playing to a script. At Bachelor in Paradise, like, Nick was fucking, like, kind of fun. And, like, one of the best audience surrogates this franchise has ever had. And I was excited for that. I thought we were going to be taken behind the curtain a little bit more this season. And, fuck me, not only did that not happen, I think Nick was more in the, like, writer room

than any bachelor bachelorette ever has been before well and raven does a good job of breaking through that just because like she i don't know just her personality like later that night they're in front of the fire again because there's a lot of fire in finland uh she says, you know, don't give me too many details, but how are you doing? And Nick very honestly says back to her, I can't move my neck. Like he's just very open about how stressed he is, how tense he is. And it's like moments like that that I thought we'd get more of this season.

But it's also moments like that that make you think like, oh, this is not a judgment on Raven, and I hope it is not taken as such. thought we'd get more of this season but it's also almost like that that make you think like oh um this is not a judgment on raven and i hope it is not taken as such but like she's his buddy yeah she's just like and that doesn't like in no media like scripted or real or whatever does the usually does the buddy sort of yeah but can i tell you that drives me crazy because griffin we're buddies we're very good buddies and we were good buddies for for a bit before we before we dated and yeah we didn't we didn't enter some kind of deadly quote friend zone no well that's fucking you listen to any podcast i mean i think that's the dumbest shit

but i feel like raven probably thinks that's what happened to her. I know. And same with Alexis, too. Yes. It sucks, right? But, like, that's not how it works. But it is how this overwrought romance show, once you think it works, which is just, like, the buddy is somebody you have fun with, and they're funny, and they're kind of a goofball and we get some good footage and we have some fun on the dangerous roller ice skating fun,

but they're not the, the one that wins is the one that you cry with the most. And the one that you have like the most sort of like deep philosophical differences with that you have to sort of, um, figure out together. And that's not like, that's not always the case or you can do

both or you can do both turns out you can do both um it really breaks your heart though because this whole time i'm watching like oh god i want i i i think i want raven to win like vanessa's great and i try not to forget that but nick seems like this is this is the happiest we see nick and it's not like i'm rooting for this dude's fucking happiness or whatever but i it's refreshing to watch somebody not be fucking boring yeah that's it it's not i don't care that he's happy he's entertaining he's more entertaining he's not fucking boring yeah raven i think tries to do nick the solid of saying hey just so you know like if you're gonna propose to me i want you to know I'm ready. Like, I do love you, which she does say. And I just want you to know that if you were to take this chance, like, I'm going to say yes.

And Nick says, you know, I'm never worried about you. You've always been so sincere. Like, I don't have any doubts, you know, that if I were to pick you, I'd be happy. And then we move on. It's time for Neil Lane. Yes. The next shot we see is Chris Harrison in an ancient Egyptian tomb collecting the five urns that contain the vital organs of Mr. Neil Lane. He gathers them up, combines them them forms just sort of a rough skeleton which

goes around terrorizing the town and absorbing the vitality of people he harnesses the power of of the short hours of the sun in finland he probably has figured out a way to eat diamonds for power right like at this point yeah that's probably the way that like he's because he looked he's definitely buttoning out so why would he give them up though if he needs them for power he has more than enough yeah because he also needs money right yeah it's one thing to be you know young and vibrant and vital um and the literal mummy but like you also need that that cash i will say something for neil lane like griffin and i thought he was gonna razz nick real hard because this is literally the fourth time that he has sat down with nick to pick out a ring um but he doesn't he's just like hey everyone likes you everyone's rooting for you

nick because he's putting his fucking kids through college are you kidding me um yeah and he shows nick some very big rings including one that he says is the biggest ring he's ever done you and i haven't you razz me again because every time i see these fucking rings i'm sorry folks i will always jump on this grenade i think some of these rings look fucking stupid i think if you have a ring that and this is a character that lots of people like to play on tv i'm just like are you sure you want a diamond that big but i just think if there's diamonds on literally every square millimeter of the band and the setting and there's little diamonds around the diamonds and what's that if you crack the small diamond open you it's like a wonder ball and there's a million diamonds inside of the big diamond that just rattle around the whole time you walk around and

there's when you wear it you just get diamond dust all over your finger that you have to wash off for an hour every night like i think these rings look fucking stupid and i told griffin it's like if somebody came up to you with this really nice piece of chocolate and said do you want one piece of chocolate or do you want 27 pieces of this great chocolate would you say no no no 27 pieces of chocolate is gaudy i only want one if you had to wear those 27 pieces of chocolate on your hand no i think you would probably yeah i would be nervous to walk down the street well i mean yeah there would be like a meltiness issue, but just like, I just think it's gaudy, folks.

No, I mean, I'd be nervous to walk down the street with a very, very expensive piece of jewelry on me. The biggest ring that Neil Lane the Mummy has ever, yeah. It's, yeah. I don't know if that's the one Nick picked, actually. I didn't notice that was the one he picked. I mean, they're all kind of, if you can't see the band i want to see show me that band a good ring i think is like a nice little thing of precious metal and then a gym and there can be fun fun stuff around the gym or whatever but like when

the whole band is also gyms it just looks like it just looks like fucking wadded up tinfoil i think it looks stupid and that's griffin's jewel cutters Next week, join us as we discuss the merits of pillow cut versus princess cut. Is pillow cut a thing? We'll get to it. Sorry. So now it's time. The ladies are in their dresses. Nick is holding the ring.

He is selected. And this is when Griffin and I realize there's not a lot of sun in Finland. We're probably not going to get that sunset tell. Or I think there's actually a lot of sun in Finland. No, there's only a few hours a day of sun in finland we're probably not going to get that sunset tell or i think there's actually a lot of a lot of sun in finland i think no there's only a few hours a day of sun is what they said okay yeah or maybe maybe you're right maybe it is the other way around i don't remember but either way we don't need the fucking sun to tell us who's going to win this one though because we have uh the entire season of the bachelor tell us who's going to win this one. I know. So, cars pull up. Not a limo. Looks like a

very sporty SUV. That can survive the elements and the bear attacks. These things are always car commercials, but this one was especially with this car navigating through the snow. I was like, ooh, that's a good vehicle. It was a Ford F-150 and it drove through the snow and it was just like, truck!

Yeah! And so, who gets out first of this very nice vehicle it's raven yeah so we know that she's not getting i saw so i popped into the comments at this point i tried to stay off so i could like really watch the episode and there was a lot of anger and there were a lot of people who i didn't even think about this who were like why is everyone so mad and i was like oh my sweet ones don't know oh my sweet ones no i'm sorry we failed you the first one out always gets rejected always loses there were a lot of people who were saying because they built up this big historic twist what if the the first one out actually won this season i was like i really think

about that of yeah they can do that shit on top chef where it's like final two the winner is this one and then at the very end they get like four seconds of like sorry jamie you didn't pull it out this time maybe next time you can't do that on the bachelor where it's like i love you spend the rest of your life with me but hold on give me hold my beer give me 10 i need to do something first yeah please go wait for me in the plane we will fly off and start our life together before we do i need to break off my other relationship while we're still like oh no you know what actually you can just stand here let me just knock this out real quick while you're standing here yeah yeah uh so raven gives the speech that the people

that don't win always have to give where they talk about how much they care about the person uh and she says something particularly heartbreaking where she said you know this is the kind of love that my dad prayed for me to have and and nick at this point nick is he is a runny faucet he's looking everywhere but raven word he's just like oh oh no, oh no, no, no, please stop, please stop, oh no. And then Nick kind of recounts their dates and his first impression of Raven, and it all sounds very positive until he says, I have so much love for you, I just don't know if I'm in love, my heart's somewhere else. This morning, when I figured out where my heart was, and that's when Griffin and I were like, this morning? This morning, when I made

the heartbreaking decision, like, Jesus. This morning, over my espresso and runny egg, I decided it's not you. And then Raven says something that should probably go on a t-shirt she says i'll never regret standing here telling you how i feel that's good stuff and and nick says i'll miss you

and raven says i know cool that's cool though and then she she gets in the car and then we also get the sort of obligatory like am i just never gonna find love what could i do differently i don't even know if love is possible kind of the sad stuff you hear yeah i also think i i i very much enjoyed raven on this season i also think that there was a lot of posturing i think it's safe to say and i think everybody who ever makes it this far in the show does this uh so no judgment but like posturing to try to be the next bachelorette and i think if rachel wasn't on this season raven would be the next bachelorette but yeah well the producers i think really pushed her too because a lot of the things she said were like i am confident that nick will pick me and that this is my last night as a single woman. And I can't wait till tomorrow when I'm engaged.

Absolutely. Yeah. I just also think that it was built up for maximum devastation. Oh, yeah. That's the redemption arc that they try to give the Bachelorette. Although that said, I think Rachel is going to be way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way better at this than Raven was. Because I enjoyed Raven, but I think we've seen, like. Yeah, Raven comes in like a lot of the women on this show come in.

Okay, so it's time to propose to Vanessa. This is when Nick says that he's been falling in love with her for a long time and that he tried to fight it. But he says, I do love you. I am in love with you. So he's going for the hat trick. And Vanessa gives her speech second, which I was telling Griffin, like usually the person who is potentially going to get the proposal goes first.

But with the way they've set Vanessa up, they set Vanessa up, like she might reject him. So they make Nick go first and then they leave Vanessa to kind of give her speech. It's oddly like kind of empowering. Like this is literally never happened. Yeah.

It is a little bit like Nick is proposing, but she could say no. And she very may well say no for the first time ever. But she doesn't. She says yes. And she says, Nick, when I'm with you, I'm the happiest I've ever been, which didn't really seem that happy to me. Sort of the last few episodes, we just thought, well, no, they had fun. Like they had a lot of fun on the the uh ice bath date and like

they did have fun but i i think this is us reacting to the edit of this episode which is just like here's a woman who is unsure of their relationship and they cry together all the time versus like somebody who roller skates or ice skates and um you know laughs and does dangerous yuri on ice stunts out there so he prop proposes, she says yes, and then they get whisked away by a woman with a horse carriage. And that's it. Vanessa does a really good just like cheese in it for the, okay, so we also had to rewind it to check on this

because they hug and kiss and he says, are you ready to start the rest of our lives together? And she says, yeah, kiss kiss let's kiss do it kiss literally yeah which i thought they were talking about coitus and that was very cool and then they uh walk off and she like leans into like do like a fucking like bugs bunny like hey uh that i was very very into that was fun i'm happy for that i i this is another tragic thing about the way this fucking show is edited to present this very specific story i like vanessa a lot and i have since the very beginning but since it started to become kind of evident that she was going to win this show

she began to get an edit that did not maximize my enjoyment of vanessa in fact it did everything to like make it seem like their relationship was not healthy or fun or good and that everybody else's relationship was way more fun and and healthy yeah which like i get why they do that like they don't want you to get so invested in vanessa that you don't care about any of the other women which is fine there that is a problem because that's that's that that so many seasons have fallen on that pitfall like why the fuck are we even watching this whitney's gonna win duh but they didn't do that with like sean and katherine right they did they well sean and katherine season was such a i almost that's one that i actually want to go back and re-watch

because that's one bizarre outlier where katherine i don't think anybody thought was a front runner until it got to the final two and it was was like, holy fucking shit, I think this woman's going to win this thing. And I love, you know, they're one of my favorite couples to come out of this monster. Although Sean's been kind of gross on Twitter. Sean's fallen off the fucking, yes, the leaderboard. He's been a little gross on Twitter. But like, Catherine came out of nowhere. And it was, it didn't happen until like

the final two and that is something that i feel like this show's tried to replicate a few times but i don't think it's i don't think that was an they're married still and like not a lot of couples that come out of the show can say that and so that makes me think that like their her like kind of surprise victory didn't come down to the edit or whatever like it it was spontaneous and it actually happened and it was like very real for lack of a better term yeah um and that's not to say that vanessa and nick's thing wasn't real although i'm saying that and once we get past the jumbotron spots and we watch this yeah we have to watch the final rose um it's just that like yeah i don't i don't i don't i don't know it's it's i

don't know how to fix it because the two options are either you know who the person is going to win the whole time and they don't do this edit to make that person seem less great with this other person than they are or doing that and saying like oh you're still sure about vanessa what about now how about now now do you think vanessa's gonna win oops she won haha got you like i don't think either of those are exactly perfect solutions. Yeah. No, I mean, it's tricky. I don't know that I could do it better.

Yeah. But that was the season. How was, how do you feel about Nick coming out of this? You know, I thought it was interesting. Somebody in the Facebook group posted and said, I don't understand why Rachel and Griffin are so down on Nick. Nick seems like a pretty okay guy to me. And I think that's true.

I think Nick's okay. I think he's an okay guy. Yeah. I think we give him a hard time because he has this kind of like shrug quality is the only word I can think of. Like, he just has this kind of like, oh, who me? I don't know. Maybe.

You know? He's very coy yeah my bigger thing with nick is it's that chronic disappointment i have with and i'm already worried about rachel like yeah um i really like nick and bachelor in paradise go back and listen and to us talk about like i think at some point we even said like how great would it be if they brought nick back as they didn't pick any of the chumps yeah from jojo season they brought nick back as the bachelor how cool would that be and we were so excited because he was this audience surrogate and he was during bip like funny and he was very charismatic and he was very like um uh very kind

i i feel like to like a lot of the people like i remember the twins going through some stuff yeah he seemed like willing to be a friend yeah and so like those were not traits that you see um triumphed very much in the show and so like i thought like wow this could be something this could be something really special um and they also have an opportunity here where like we know more about nick than we know about anybody who's ever been on this show fucking ever um and so they they don't have to like spend all this time like building the lore or whatever we like know who this dude is um and i don't know i just don't think we got i don't have to like spend all this time like building the lore or whatever we like know who this dude is um and i don't know i just don't think we got i don't think anything interesting i think we just always wanted more from nick maybe because we had higher expectations for him um but i just would watch every episode and think like oh i was hoping you'd be a little better

not to say he wasn't great and there were a lot of good things about him but i just always wanted a little bit more. And for me, the biggest thing is just like, I really feel like it was like The Bachelor, created by Mike Fleiss or whoever, co-executive produced by Nick Vile. Like, I really, really feel like every decision that he made and that the show made, like, i could not shake the feeling that he was extremely involved the show kept reminding us like chris harrison kept reminding us all the advertisements kept reminding us and nick kept saying i've been here before so it was like you almost got this constant reminder of like hey nick's a pro at this like nick knows what he's doing like nick's been in this situation before and so you do you start You start watching thinking this is an all-star game

and Nick's coming back and playing his old position. The thing that's great about this show is this balance between the bullshit that can be fun to watch. I like dissecting the structure of it. I like dissecting like, oh, that's who they've got filling in this constant archetype let's see how they do and let's see if it's successful for them this time um and i like

like the goofy ass shit that results from like the the frankly pretty wild structure of this show that i didn't appreciate until we went back and watched the very first season where it was like this person's gonna date all these other people isn't't that wild? And it's like, oh, yeah, I guess so. I guess I've kind of lost the novelty of it. What works about the show is when that, like, silliness and, like, Bachelor Nation, the Bachelor Nation side of it is balanced out by my belief that this is a person that is trying to find a romantic relationship. And when they find their partner it's like oh that's really i'm rooting for them you have to be rooting for the romance in order for it to really work you really really really do and i don't think this

i don't think this season did a good job of that that second thing at all that's true because so much of the narrative was like is he going to find love all of it felt like the first category of just like he's been on the show before so is he gonna do this thing that's happened in every season or is he gonna do this thing that didn't happen the past three seasons but what if this thing that's never happened in any season unprecedented television event and it's like is this guy dating people is this guy going on dates with people like they didn't pay any attention to that part of it at all and as jaded as I sound about this show sometimes, like, I need that. I need that.

Yeah. We got that from, we got that in huge doses from Tara's house where, like, I was rooting for the relationships that happened on that show harder than I've ever rooted for any relationship on any reality show ever. And that was so refreshing. And this show can do that. It just chose not to. Because Nick's whole approach was like, I'm going to be more careful this time.

Like, guys, I know I've been in love several times and you've seen it but this time i'm gonna be more careful and it was like and it made it less fun maybe with nick we could never get that maybe with nick who's done this show so many times and is a a seasoned veteran and he talks about i don't want to make i don't want to make the mistakes i've made the past few times what's interesting is when people make those mistakes like it can be interesting when people make those mistakes and let themselves be vulnerable in the way that you refuse to let yourself be vulnerable. But I mean,

that's also giving Nick a lot of credit. Like I still just think the dude was just trying to make a season of television and I cannot avoid, I cannot get past that at all. So yeah, I think he was fine. I don't think he was like an awful dude and he's certainly not one of the worst dudes that's ever been on this show. Well, let's wait till after

the final rose. That being said, who the fuck knows again? Hey, Griffin. Yeah? Can I steal you away? Jump, jump, jump, jump, jump, jump, jump, jump. Can I tell you about Blue Apron? Yes, please. It's a thing we use. I use it all the time. I cooked for you last night.

How do you not even know about Blue Apron? I didn't say that I didn't. Y'all, last night, I made this Moroccan chicken with this tomato-based sauce that had prunes and what else was in that sauce? Garlic. And I feel like there was some sort of chopped nut or something that was in there. Holy shit. It was really, really good.

And brown rice and seared chicken. Man. man i just fucking love blue apron so much for ten dollars per person less than ten dollars per person per meal they provide seasonal recipes along with pre-portioned ingredients to make delicious home-cooked meals like this badass fucking moroccan chicken that i made they also have salmon piccata and orzo with orzo and broccoli pork chops and miso butter with bok choy and marinated apple vegetable chili and baked sweet potatoes with crispy tortilla strips. It's really, really good. This was a fucking good week for Blue Apron.

What else did we have? I feel like we had a lot of really good stuff. Meatloaf. Oh, yeah. They sent meatloaf. And I told Rachel, like, I'll cook this, but I've literally never eaten meatloaf that I've liked before in my life. And this was really, really good stuff. Anyway, you can check out this week's menu and get your first three meals for free with free shipping

by going to blueapron.com slash rose. And we do it. We've done it for a really long time now. And it's, I can't imagine not having it. It's really, really fucking great. Again, blueapron.com slash rose. Go check it out. Hey, Griffin.

Yes. Can I tell you about Try the World? Yeah, why don't you do that? So this is a snack service that we got, and I had never had it before. You had not tried the world. You'd only tried St. Louis, and you tried Chicago, and you tried Austin. That's very true. And what's cool about Try the World is that every country, every culture is unique and food is one

of their favorite ways to explore that uniqueness. So Try the World brings you five all natural healthy snacks from five different countries. The snacks that we got to sample were all kind of vegetable based um so i was able to eat all of them which was exciting for me um and if you go to try the world.com you can get ten dollars off your next box of healthy snacks with code rose buddies thanks try the world i think i think we will we don't get to travel so much anymore it's mine and rachel's like favorite thing to do is to travel and we don't get to do that anymore so instead we bring the world to us in this little flavorful box yeah we got a lot of asian themed snacks which as you may know griffin and i have big fans have done some traveling in that

region that whole region yeah i got a jumbotron here if you want to get a jumbotron on the show you can go to maximumfund.org jumbotron i'm pretty sure they're sold out through july yeah so act now i guess uh here's a message for sam and it's from sean who says this podcast of love seemed the perfect way to say that the past three years have been the best of my life happy anniversary and this is they want it close to March 25th, which I think is pretty close-ish. Yeah, it's the 13th. We could be closer, but this is close-ish. We're actually a little early.

So happy early anniversary. Sit on this episode and go back and re-listen to it. That can be a fun anniversary day sort of thing. I hope it's more romantic than mine and Rachel's last anniversary, which, babe, I don't even remember. Because we had a like 10 day old boy at that point i think we got sushi delivered to us yeah that you had to eat without soy sauce maybe no at that point i didn't oh we didn't know that our boy could yes you were just filling your body with poison oh it was a great anniversary though we've definitely had

better though when we could go and do things. It was exciting. We had a little new boy. We were so scared. Just so scared all the time. Do you want to read the other one? This message is for Rick Accused Way. Oh, boy. From Becky Doc Tickets Way.

Happy birthday, Rick. It's me, Doc Tickets way. Happy birthday, Rick. It's me, Doc Tickets. There are 700, no, 2,000 jokes I could talk about here, but I'll just say that you're the best friend, ice cream creator, and brother a girl could ask for. You're a wonderful human and a beacon of light in the darkness. This is your year. Love your sister.

P.S. Grandma loves you too. That's maybe the best message I've ever heard on this show. Every sentence of it was like poetry to me. Doc Tickets. Doc Tickets makes ice cream, is a good brother and his grandma loves him very much. That message was like an episode

of the Torkelsons in a little like I loved it so much. I also you know what else i love what the max fun draw this is unprecedented i don't know i thought it needed its own stinger it was the same stinger it's not its own stinger well but it's got stinger. It's not its own stinger. Well, but it's got Rachel flavor. So mark your calendars, because the 2017 Max Fund Drive is coming up starting March 20th. That is next week. We're going to be running some of the best shows of the year, offering amazing thank

you gifts for the new and upgrading members, celebrating friendship with a global Max Fund meetup day, and more. It's the single best time to become a member or increase your support for our favorite Max Fund shows, for your favorite max fun shows for your favorite max fun shows like rose buddies took me some time to get through that but i mean this is also my favorite show don't tell the boys no um the drive starts on march 20th and it lasts for just two weeks if you've been holding off on becoming a member the max fun drive is your time to share tune in and visit maximumfund.org for details. So, broad strokes.

You can help us. You can help us. You can become a member. When you become a member, you tell them what shows that you like. And if it's Rosebuddy's first year on the MaxFun network, so if we brought you to MaxFun and you like what we do and you want to support us, this is how you do it. And whatever you can give is great.

It's awesome. You get to donate uh you get to donate and you get to help us out and like rachel and i are sitting in this room right now recording this podcast um for the max fun network which has helped us reach a way bigger audience like because of y'all like i i am i've become basically a full-time podcaster along with the polygon stuff i do because of the support that folks have given us. So if you like the things that that we make, like you are the ones who made that possible. Yeah, that's the way I always think about it. Like, like anytime I am approached with an opportunity to give to, you know, an organization or a cause or a product

that I really believe in, I just think like, when you give when you give to something like that you're you're kind of a partial owner in its continued existence um and i think that's kind of neat and that's powerful and we have such a good community with rose buddies and so it's the best community like you know in the world and like do whatever you feel comfortable doing yeah and you can really draw a straight line from like that first max fun drive we did when the bim bam first joined the network to where we are with like all the stuff that we do. And people ask like, how can you do so much stuff? And it's like, well, we have, we can make a living doing it and we can like be supported

doing it. And that's all y'all. So it really helps us out. So Rosebuddies TV show. For the Rosebuddies TV show. 2021. That would be weird. Like, well, I mean, fuck it.

We could be the new after show. Although I do not know that they would let somebody quite as critical of their product. That fucking episode was boring. Anyway, it's coming up next week. And if you donate, you get cool gifts. And, oh, we have a bonus episode that's going to knock your fucking butt off. Yeah, we've already recorded it. We were nervous to talk too much about it because we hadn't recorded it.

But we have recorded it. We'll tell you what it is next week when you can donate and go listen to it. But it is in the can. It's in the can next week. And we are excited to share it with you. Fuck me, it's so good. Let's go watch what this dumb twist is going to be. Okay. All right.

Some exciting developments. Yeah, there was some historic stuff. There was actually... Okay, they did it. They did it. They got us. They're at the end. They actually did some stuff that was... First...

I think you could consider historic. Let's get the boring stuff out of the way. I took a fucking page and a half of burn through it um uh nick comes out first uh there's a lot of like i think the only interesting thing that like the only interesting sort of like conversation topic that had not been run completely into the fucking ground at this point was Nick talking about how at this point, now that he's passed it, him and Vanessa are still together. But that he he says he sympathizes with Raven because he's been the runner up so many times. And I bring that up Raven comes out, but I bring that up because later on Vanessa comes out and is talking about how she kind of feels like that had been an issue, that, like, he was so sympathetic towards Raven because she was this runner-up that he was not, like, focusing on his excitement now that, like, the process is over and that they are still together and can plan this life together now that, like, the big secret is out. can plan this life together now that like the the big secret is out yeah she suggests that like because he himself has been the runner-up so many times that he like actually can relate to raven more yeah and there's just a lot of raven comes out first though and there's a there's a lot of

nick talking about being in raven's position um which is sort of par for the course chris talks about how raven was very stoic while she was losing while she was getting the boot and um raven said that's just kind of how she um processed it yeah she seemed really like oddly apologetic because of the way chris had phrased it and nick's like i totally get it like i didn't think that was weird um she talks about how she was really confident that she was going to win uh the day of because she weird um she talks about how she was really confident that she was going to win uh the day of because she kind of had to be but she was very gracious about um nick and vanessa um and then this segment ends most notably with um chris saying so raven what's

next and she says well i'm always looking for love and chris says well you know i've got a place yeah i have an island where experiments are conducted uh she gets the bib call up uh he kind of flirts with it and she kind of flirts with it and chris is like no raven's gonna be on bachelor in paradise so yeah that's good that's somebody who's gonna sort of um counter counterbalance some of the more unsavory elements that are going to be on Bachelor in Paradise this season. I hope so, yeah. I hope so. Vanessa comes out next, and it's just her for a while. There's kind of some gross stuff, I feel like,

in this section of, like, Chris treating Vanessa like she was, like, a real burden this season, like a real difficult lady. Yeah, there's this, like, it's this thing that started to appear halfway through the season of like alvaness is so passionate and strong-willed and that can cause real problems in a relationship and chris tries to kind of like pick up that ball

and run with it reads gross though because she says i feel like i'm not the easiest person to be with and chris says what no and it's like that's not a good look i don't think at all um she uh chris talks about how she was a tough sell on this process uh and she says and i thought this was buck wild and also probably not true that she had never watched a whole season of this show before before coming on which i don't even know how that happens i bet that is true it really she's canadian i mean it's probably not as easy for her to get her hands on if you get cast on a tv show or even if you're trying to get cast on a tv show you probably watch some of that fucking tv show she says a whole season so maybe she'd like dabbled and yeah maybe she like picked

up a few episodes i can't imagine it's It's unimaginable. I cannot imagine this. Well, that's because we've watched so many seasons now. That's a good point. Fine. That they still live in two different countries. She's still in Canada, and he's still in, to use his words, the good old U.S. of A.

And speaking of not watching, she says that because Chris brings up the fantasy suites, and he teased at the very top of the thing, like, what really speaking of not watching, she says that, uh, cause Chris brings up the fantasy suites and he teased at the very top of the thing, like what really happened in Raven's fantasy suite? That never, that's not a thing that they talk about. They never talk about her orgasm. Um, but, uh, Vanessa says she didn't watch the other fantasy suites.

She just watched her own. I don't know what kind of iron willpower you would need to actually pull that off. Uh, and also what good, like DVR and you would need to actually pull that off. And also what good DVRing you would need. You probably need a friend to steer the DVR for you. And how things were like, it was an uncomfortable transition from being on the show. Yeah, she says like any couple, we have some good days and some bad days. some good days and some bad days. And they do this sometimes on the After the Final Rose of alluding to how hard it is to be a couple after you do this.

But there's always this kind of sadness to it. It's very sad. Yeah, because she was just like, yeah, we've had some arguments. We've had some serious conversations. We're both unlikely to brush anything under the rug. I'm fine to, like, not read too much into that. One thing she did say is that when they left the show, they nearly forgot to exchange numbers as they were leaving, which is like, wow, really?

That's kind of... That is kind of weird. That's kind of weird, right? Like, that hit me as weird. And maybe she kind of said it as, like, a fun, like like a fun like we almost in this weird we almost forgot to stay in contact with each other at all like it's fucking like before sunrise or something um but yeah i there was a lot of sort of middle of the road i i always get uncomfortable talking about like are they really in love or not but like um, um, it's just uncomfortable to watch.

So much discussion about like, you know, we have fights just like any other couple. And it's like, they talk mostly about that. And it's like, what's good. Like, what's good.

What's good going on. They also talk about how they haven't set a date for marriage. Yeah. She says, uh, Chris asked when they're going to get married. She says, we're taking baby steps.

Chris says, do you know which country you're going to live in? Nick says, we're leaning towards the good old U of a uh but that they have to go through the proper channels to which chris quips it's not that easy it's not as easy as it used to be um and vanessa mentions that she is building a non-profit for people with learning disabilities here in the states so she can kind of bring her like what she was what she was doing in montreal um her her career there here to the

states and they talk about nick's new career which is dancing with the stars boy and they talk about how they talked about it and they they they they settled on how like it's not like he's going to be a full-time dancer boy or whatever and then chris asks do you nick do you feel like you're a team and nick says absolutely and then there's a pause and he goes he gives a little air kiss asks, Nick, do you feel like you're a team? And Nick says, absolutely. And then there's a pause, and he goes, and gives a little air kiss towards her, which she returns, and fuck me, was it awkward. There's a lot of also at this point talking,

and good job with the ring, boy. That's a good ring, boy. He didn't make it. Neil Lane. Neil Lane, he does good work. Ooh, boy, this is uncomfortable. you know what I think I bet producers kind of love this show because I bet they think yeah you're uncomfortable aren't you

audience this is how you'd be all the time if we weren't there like you're really missing us right now aren't you audience like if we were there you wouldn't have to be this uncomfortable it's just like on the I don't know I don't want to cast judgment on their love or whatever on but i've watched a lot of these now i watched a lot of these after the final rose sections and

like this was not the most jubilant you know but i'll say that nick and Vanessa didn't seem especially jubilant towards the end of the season either it It's fair. Like they're a serious pair. And I also want to say that the process that they put them through after this show of being sequestered sounds so brutal, sounds so nightmarish and so unfair to a new relationship that like it is kind of hard to judge them on this. Yeah. Vanessa says at one point,

because they always do that, like what are you looking forward to? And they always say, like, oh, just be normal. Vanessa sadly says, I just want to be able to ride in the same car as him. And it's just like, oh. Riding in cars with boys. I get it. Yeah.

Rachel comes out next. And this is where we're supposed to get the big historic thing. They talk for a little bit. One thing that stood out is Chris asked what she saw in Nick's season that she kind of wanted to carry over. She said she loved how direct and matter-of-fact Nick was, which he was fairly, I would say, direct and matter-of-fact.

She wants to bring that, well, this is my words, that Axe Woman heat. She says that she's shocked at the support she's getting, which, I don't know, maybe when you're in it, that makes sense. But she says she's excited to meet the guys, but nervous about how bad her feet are going to hurt. And this is where we get the big twist, where Chris is like,

oh, you're excited to meet the guys? Well, let's get started right now. And the audience loses its mind, and Rachel gets real, real freaked out. They roll out like a big backdrop that looks like the bachelor mansion and they do a very quick handful of boys they bring out four real contestants four real boys that come out uh and uh you're starting lineup ladies and gentlemen you're starting lineup and i thought i talked to like is this an unfair advantage it's very exciting.

I was fucking psyched because I was not expecting this this soon. I didn't think they were going to let them introduce themselves. I thought they would just parade them out. She would look them over

and then they'd say, all right, America, get ready. No. But they do the full on intro. So the first out of the door is DeMario

who steps out and he says that she doesn't need to meet any more guys tonight yeah that they can fly to vegas tonight and he's got a ring and he pops a ring out and and he's got two plane tickets two plane tickets to vegas and it's a decent decent prop comedy you'd need decent prop comedy to like pull this new unprecedented uh after the final rose limo exit yeah you need you need something to hold on to. Demario comes out the gate strong. Cannot say the exact same for Blake.

Oh, Blake. Rachel, this is the first time I saw Rachel's skeleton poking out her mouth. It reminded me of having contractions while I was in labor. Oh my God, Blake! Because I just felt like, when is it going to be over? Tell me when it's going to be over. Please make it stop. Blake is just...

He's not prepared. She goes in and he stands close to her and she's like, no, give me a hug. And he tries to transition his handshake into a kiss of the hand and it just... The fucking train skips the tracks right there and never gets back on. Meanwhile, the studio audience is still there.

The studio audience is reacting to this. And it's like, oh, God, you can feel the awkwardness. They're trying to hear what Blake is saying. But Blake is a quiet and soft boy. And you can't hear him, which is probably for the best. Because he definitely says, you look good. You smell good. Blake, you can't hear him which is probably the best because he definitely says you look good you smell good blake you can't i'm here he like stands next to her and puts his arm around her is like take pictures guys um and then he like doesn't know how to leave the stage because like after

you introduce yourself typically you'd go into the mansion for the cocktail party but he just has to walk off the stage and he like does not do it blake you you you made you made my wife rachel very uncomfortable and i'll never like you seriously head and hands in a way that i usually and then right after that chris harrison comes out and he's like how's it going this is great you want to meet some more and she's like i don't know we could maybe stop please after blake are more Blakes? Can you give me a no Blake guarantee? I'm just thinking, like, how many more are there? Oh, well, let me tell you about Dean. Luckily, there's only two more.

Dean, the sequel to Blake, comes out with a performance where he just straight at the fucking gate. What's up? I'm Dean. I'm ready to go black and I'm never going to go back. And Rachel's a good sport about it. But Dean, you fucking can't because I'm right here, Dean Griffin watching. Can't do it now with you. This, no.

You know what worries me about Dean's little line? I am so worried. There are going to be like five more white guys who are going to say that same thing. The only thing I can say about Dean, and I'm not going to be the fucking first up to bat for the Dean Defense Force. But if Dean was put up as a sacrificial lamb to say this bad thing. And have it be done. And just, we're done with it. And now the other boys see this and they're like, back to the old drawing board.

Good, boys. Go back to that drawing board. Throw the first drawing board in the fucking dumpster, you idiots. That was awful. And Rachel's like, oh, that's fun. And that's like, that's fun and that's like that's about it for dean can we because you're really confusing me when you keep talking about rachel can we figure out a way to i think you might have to change your name oh okay yeah i'm sorry we'll figure it out um so dean leaves the stage and then we get eric and fucking eric's

thing it's like saves the damn day because we just had two stinkeroos and uh we get eric and fucking eric's thing is like saves the damn day because we just had two stinkeroos and uh eric comes out and he says uh i'm from baltimore you're from texas but we're here right now this is a miracle season uh and just like says some really sweet stuff and he's like how are you doing she's like i'm doing great that was all really really good and he goes hey and she goes hey and they start dancing oh they dance and she was like laughing while they just started like fucking dancing out of nowhere he's like celebrating that it went well yeah and she starts to dance with him and it's just so nice and it just made me think like okay i i can i can deal and maybe this like maybe this would be it would have been

more innocuous if it was just like any other limo exit. But the fact that there was a live audience. And maybe this live audience was just fucking relieved to be through the fucking Blake Dean desert. Fucking Blake Dean Canyon. The just like dried cow bones just like whitening in the sun. And then we come across the Eric Oasis. It was so fucking great. And I left this whole experience just like overjoyed. And then Chris comes out and

sort of walks us out and i'm man rachel is also like really funny in that interaction where she's just like why are you dancing i don't know but it's very very good and i like it very much yeah um so yeah so that's that's all we get until her season starts i guess i'm i'm really excited and um i just hope here's my one wish I'm gonna put it out there secret style put in my fucking vision board I just want Rachel to stay fun like I just want Rachel to not sort of like lose lose herself in the like the process of it like every other yeah like starring I think the only person I think the best person who I've seen like kind of rise above the the demands of the show was emily and she may have

been the last one that like because she's the one who had the twist ending and she's the one who like sort of broke from structure a lot and was really interested like entertaining in that regard so i'm hoping rachel can can do that too and put put together a really good season so that's in what may yeah probably probably may We got some time to kill. Yeah. Been talking about some stuff. I don't know that we know what we're going to do for next week's episode yet, but we will definitely announce it in the group.

We'll figure it out soon. Been talking about Terrace House Aloha Stay, although I kind of want to wait for new episodes of that to pop up in April. Are You the One is just wrapping up. Are You the One wraps up this week so we can talk about this most recent season. I want to watch first season of Bachelorette. Yeah, with Trista? Yeah, it's on ABC.com, I think.

That would be fun. Boy, you're sleepy, huh? Yes. It's 11.17, so this is the latest. You've stayed up in quite some time, I think. Yes, it is. Thanks, Bachelor. You've killed my wife.

That's it. Thank you all so much for sticking with us for this season. A lot of people joined us for the first time this season as we joined the MaxFun Network. And I just wanted to hear us talk about this season of these TV shows they started watching. And so thank you all for coming along on this journey. And hey, stick with us because a lot of people's favorite episodes of our show are the kind of the what we call Rose Buddies with Zs. It's where we talk about good TV shows. Well, or just like novel, fun things we find on YouTube.

Yeah, like Please Marry My Boy. Yeah. And If You Were the One, it's very confusing. It got very conceptual there during Rose Buddies. And Flavor of Love. Flavor of Love. So yeah, that's next week. We'll figure it out,

and we'll try to stay a little bit more ahead of it than we are now. And also next week, max fun drive kicks off. So, uh, we'll let you know all about that and what, what you can do to help us out and what you can get for yourself and the cool,

cool bonus episode we have coming up and a lot of fun stuff on the horizon. So stay, stay with us. And thanks to maximum fund.org for having us. You can go to maximum fund.org and check out all the great podcasts there today and, and go enjoy anything else that's it thanks for listening thanks for listening thanks for watching this show with me babe it was fun

it was it was a fun season yeah a lot of good ladies a lot of great ladies the best cast maybe like ever yeah uh and so that's it till next time i'm griffin mcelroy i'm rachel mcel. When you're ready. Stay with us on this journey of joy. Spoiler alert! She is up with Soulja Boy! Right reasons! Right reasons! We've been to all four seasons! Maximumfun.org Comedy and culture. Artist owned.

Listener supported. Hey Ben. What's that Adam? Maximum Fun has asked us to make a new promo and I think the best way to do it is to tell people what our show's about. Oh, that's pretty easy. The Greatest Generation is a hybrid podcast that guarantees you a good night's sleep with a combination of both latex foam and memory foam. No, it's actually a show that allows you to skip the post office by printing out your own postage. No, it is a podcast that allows you to design websites by using award-winning templates. Ben, it is most definitely not that.

The Greatest Generation is a Star Trek podcast by two guys who are a little bit embarrassed to have a Star Trek podcast. New episodes come out every week on Maximum Fun or wherever you download podcasts.