Wonderful! - Ep. 72: Rachel and the Real Boy

Episode Date: May 24, 2017

The new season of Bachelorette has begun! In today's episode, we discuss Rachel's fateful meeting with 31 eligible bachelors, a few of whom are just absolute bridge trolls. The same cannot be said for A.J., who is the light of our lives, the sun in our sky and the light unto our path. Let's go! Additional Reading: http://www.marieclaire.com/culture/news/a27304/the-bachelorette-2017-premiere-recap/ http://www.npr.org/2017/05/23/529705257/the-bachelorette-may-have-a-black-star-but-its-still-set-in-a-white-world http://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/why-it-matters-that-white-people-are-watching-a-black-bachelorette_us_59232998e4b03b485cb3d554 MaxFunDrive ends on March 29, 2024! Support our show now by becoming a member at maximumfun.org/join.

Maybe you should go and do some contemplating. Right reasons, right reasons, being a good girl for all the right reasons. Right reasons, right reasons, being a good girl for all the right reasons. I'm the best in red and I'm rapping to your poolside. Hi, this is Rachel McElroy. Hi, this is Griffin McElroy. And this is Rose Buddies. And it's the dawn of a new era.

Everything you know is wrong and it changed, and it's different now. Put all that old shit you knew in the fucking toilet where it belongs and flush it down. You'll never see it again unless you're a plumber. Joe the Plumber. Unless you're Joe the Plumber. Do you think he watched? Do you think Joe the Plumber watched the premiere of Rachel's season of The Bachelorette? Do you think Joe the Plumber tuned in for this Rachel's season of The Bachelorette? Do you think Joe the Plumber tuned in for this one?

Do the kids of today even get that reference? Was Joe the Plumber still part of the cultural bubble that we all exist in? I guess. People are always talking about the bubble. I just assume Joe the Plumber is in it. He's the only plumber I know of other than Mario and Luigi and Wario and Waluigi. Are they even plumbers? I know Mario and Luigi are and Luigi and Wario and Waluigi. Are they even plumbers? I know Mario and Luigi are.

I think Wario and Waluigi are just unemployed. Are we recording Rose Buddies right now? I don't know which one this is. Thank you for joining us for Rose Buddies. We're going to talk about The Bachelorette. It's a new season starring Rachel, the Bachelorette. Still haven't figured out a good way not to make that confusing for us and you. No.

Because there's a Rachel on this one too, isn't there? Arlins? Huh? I'm trying to come up with like a name for her. You know, like J-Lo, but Arlins. So you assumed that you would stay Rachel. Well, I would hope so. Okay.

Do you want me to be Griffin's wife? No, God, but like she's a bachelorette there's a certain level you know what i mean like there's a certain level of she's the bachelorette and what am i you're not the bachelorette you're the you're the host you're the you're the best host of america's best bachelor bachelorette podcast so just like mrs mcelroy then oh no don't do this to me um we hope you enjoyed i know like it's weird we always have such a huge spike in in listeners and like uh people like get on board and stay on board during the seasons of the bachelorette so hello welcome this may be your first episode um this is our what fourth like proper season not counting uh bachelor in paradise

or any of the other weird bastardizations of this franchise fourth uh yeah ben jojo nick and now this wow you're right i know dude um so we are excited to talk about it um i was excited to watch it and i'm i'm excited to keep watching it because she's just so good i think she's real good you're gonna hear probably a lot of complaints about the gentleman on the show well it's because the gentleman is just like they say something oh dudes have yet to really stack up to the ladies because let me tell you something. Are you saying, sorry,

sorry. In general or like, I'm on this show. Okay. Uh, think about, think about Andy. Yes. Think about Caitlin.

Yeah. Um, Jojo was good. I thought Jojo was good. Jojo. These are women of intellect, women of beauty, women of,, women of deep compassion and humor. Okay.

What do we get? Nick, Chris. Ben. Ben, Juan Pablo, both Bens. Like the dudes are fine. There hasn't been a good one. What was the last? But these ladies are like, these ladies are pretty stellar.

What was the last good bachelor? What was the last? But these ladies are like, these ladies are pretty stellar. What was the last good bachelor? What was the last like bachelor that you like really lost your mind? It was supposed to be Nick, right? Like I was all psyched for Nick. Yeah, I guess Nick. But even Nick had this like, this impish like, who me? Quality that kind of got on my nerves.

He always looked like he was trying to play off a fart. Like more or less always. And it's, I don't know. We don't see that kind of behavior from the great bachelorettes of our time. I don't understand why the women have to be so exceptional and the men can be so bland. I will say this. I don't think next season is going to be a good bachelor based on the motley crew of bandits we've assembled here today uh i'll say this i don't think the i don't think the dudes are all that bad and i don't think this was the um i know there's a lot of folks who listen to this uh podcast and don't watch the show and maybe last

night was the first episode you watched and i saw a lot of people like saying like this is are you kidding me with this and i feel like it was kind of actually a very tame very very very by the books episode of the bachelorette um so you said that to me last night and my argument is the first episode is always it like it's not indicative of what the season's going to be it's always just kind of boring it's kind of it's not good um now i will say caveat and we should talk about this before we dive into the episode maybe the worst bios ever maybe the worst yeah based on the bios holy shit y'all some of those bios you can't find anymore because abc removed them after some uproar

yeah so let's talk about that um one of the contestants is a pro wrestler named kenny um who is an african american gentleman and uh he he's a pro wrestler and he has a 10 year old daughter and like his intro seemed like really um sweet and he throughout the episode like i thought he was like a pretty he was one of my favorite dudes like in in the cast yeah it seemed fun one of his answers that abc took down was like what's the wildest sex thing you've ever done and he said like uh had sex with a woman while her husband watched uh and abc was like let's just get that one clip a snip snip which like if that's your lifestyle go hog wild but abc was like let's not yeah we're a disney company now we're a Disney company, so we can't do. And I think the biggest one was Bryce. And this is probably like the most egregious thing that came out of these bios.

Bryce is a firefighter. And his answer to the question like, what's one thing you hope you don't find out? Or what's your worst date fear? Worst date fear, yeah. And he said uh finding out that the late that the girl's a dude so just just gonna just slinging some some transphobia just like from the hip there bryce uh there was another one also the another like hyper transphobic comment from lucas uh who god i I'm going to limit us to three times

are we allowed to say his fucking brand on this show. So I'm not going to waste it now. He's a fucking complete goober. But his answer to like, who's somebody alive or dead you'd love to have dinner with? And he said, dead Bruce Jenner, alive Caitlyn Jenner. I'm sure that'd be an interesting conversation okay dude that's so gross that's so gross because you can tell he thinks he's being clever and that makes it even worse to me yeah very clever and very timely and relevant and like

yeah it's that that dude sucks on us yeah there's a lot of stuff though there's a lot a lot a lot of stuff and a lot of it like um a lot of it was just perplexing for instance diggy uh like just looking at his bio like he's like okay this guy seems cool and then he tells a story about how like he had a one-night stand and in the morning the woman he hooked up with got a text saying her brother had gone missing so he pretended to go to sleep so he didn't he pretended to be asleep so he didn't have to help find him and it's like what yeah i do these people not realize that the bios are going to be public like i don't understand what i it seemed every season it seems like awful bios come out. This was maybe the worst set of bios because there were very few people who made it through the gauntlet of these bios sort of untouched. Yeah.

There was more like really rough stuff. What happened to the previous seasons where everybody just talked about diarrhea? Everybody talked about diarrhea and Dumb and Dumber. Those are the only two things that people talked about. My biggest fear is diarrhea on a date, and I love the movie Dumb and Dumber. Dumb and Dumber. My favorite scene in Dumb and Dumber is where Jeff Daniels gets diarrhea. So, yeah, after the bios, and here's the thing.

Here's what's kind of, here's what's interesting about the bios. You watch this show, and you see Bryce, and he comes out in his firefighter uniform and he's just kind of boring. And it's just like, oh, Bryce is just a boring dude. But because of these bios, I know certain stuff about this dude that is fucking awful. I know, you can't fool me, ABC. I won't fall in love with this. Yeah, like, yeah. Yeah, or Bryce, you can't, yeah, like, yeah.

So ABC actually put out a statement saying, like, Bryce's views are not ABC or Rachel's views. So we just, like, deleted his comment. Instead of, like, starting, like, a dialogue around it or, like, letting it remain there so that, because now, like, people who didn't see that shit and watch this, they're like, oh, Bryce, he hates fire so much. And it's like, yeah, he's also says some transphobic shit um so my expectations for the dudes were not so stellar yeah uh you want to get into it yeah here we are hi welcome to the premiere um okay episode one we get to see rachel doing her photo shoot uh this was a weird end like it was like in media res where she was like in that red dress throwing up the flower petals like looking at the photos while people were like music yeah very like we're we're we're behind the

corner watching this happen while the photographers are like like, you're going to be a star. You're going to have so many people swarming. You're not going to know what to do. And she's like, oh, stop. And then Rachel kind of humbly reviewing the photos and saying, you guys are miracle workers. Yeah. So, you know, here we are watching this thing. We get a little sneak peek behind the scenes.

And then unceremoniously is over and we are at the mansion with chris hi chris you look great oh you've dressed up for us thank you chris and then chris does this this speech that he does every season where he acts as if the bachelor bachelorette has been accepted into the religion of the franchise. Because he's like, you know, Rachel came in skeptical, you know, and she wasn't sure this was going to work. But she fell deeply in love. And then now she's ready to try it again because she believes in the process. Rachel, like, leaned over and she's like, this is a Scientology, like, indoctrination video. Like, we're going to juice your thetans or whatever they do

it's like Rachel was skeptical but she became a member of our family and now she has accepted us and she wants to commit herself in the most serious way you can which is by testing out all of these men that we have also brought into the family it just felt very

very very for the lot of family talk there's also a lot of family talk uh there's also a lot of like rachel's a woman who has everything going for a successful job a very well put together woman and but there's one thing that's missing that only we can provide like no i'm pretty sure she'd be good eventually um so just a quick little summary of Rachel. She's 31. She's a trial attorney in Dallas. We get some footage of her on the basketball court, which maybe is an interest of hers.

I don't know. And she says that she is sweet and sour and sassy and classy. And that all her life she has been kind of an overachiever, but she waited too long to express her love to Nick and she tends to be kind of careful about love. But here's her chance to focus on a part of her life she's been neglecting. But more than any of that, she's a dog named Copper. Copper is the best dog I've ever seen. That is the best dog I've ever seen. That is the best dog. Copper has a hurt leg, hurt front leg, and it's very sad.

But Copper has a one-pound body with 30 pounds of hair on it, and it's a very good dog. And she brings the dog to her little side mansion, which I don't think I've ever seen before. And it's a game changer. Her side mansion? Yeah, where she lives. She couldn't live in the house with all those fucking dudes. Yeah, the dog, according to somebody in our Rose Buddies group, the dog is a Finnish Spitz. Oh, that's a gross name.

But the rest of it is good. So now, limo exits. Right into it. I mean, we do get like a preview. But first we get the packages. Yeah, and we can skip the packages exits. Right into it. I mean, we do get like a preview. But first we get the packages. Yeah, and we can skip the packages mostly. Right? Yeah, I mean.

We learn about Kenny. I like Kenny. Oh, I think the biggest sort of standout, it came right after Lucas, whose catchphrase again, we're going to save. We've got three of those in the quiver, going to hold off. Yeah. But he's a big dumb asshole but immediately after him and his his um a lot of people said like sort of bargain benjamin carry stick uh was josiah um nope not josiah blake blake was the aspiring drummer that talked a lot about intercourse oh

there's also him i thought that was who he talked about his he talked about his beepus a lot and he said i don't like talking about my beepus but i've been told that my beepus is real cool it's a very cool hog it does good stuff in there and it has good width and length and it's cool um i wanted to talk about josiah's package because uh and i'll put in a trigger warning here for suicide. Josiah, when he was a little kid, found his brother had hanged himself in their backyard. And it, like, threw his life into a tailspin. And he got arrested and was brought before a judge. And the judge was like, hey, you know, turn your life around and so josiah like became a an attorney in the very like courtroom where he had been arraigned um and it's like it's like an unbelievable story and he seems

like i don't know he seems like a really like yeah he seems to have a lot of depth like he's have a lot of depth he's also like once he gets in the house you get to know him a little bit more he's also a very confident dude um not that there was a dearth of those the guy right before him was diggy and diggy's big thing was that he has 575 pairs of sneakers and then we go straight into josiah so it was like oh there you think you could put on one of those fucking pairs of sneakers to help that woman find her lost brother but whatever Yeah, so those were the packages. The one I'll point at, well, you know what? Let's just get to it organically.

Let's just tell the story of the night. Okay. And then we'll return to the bios and the packages as necessary. I like that. Okay. Okay. So do you want to share what you're drinking? It's red wine.

I don't know. Okay. It's a nice red wine. I just wanted to set the mood. My agent got it for me as a birthday present. Oh, here we go. Big time Griffin. It's been a while since we've heard from Hollywood Griffin McElroy.

Listen, My Brother, My Brother and Me is available on iTunes now. Go buy it. You did say In Media Res earlier. Well, okay. That just means I'm well read. Before limo exits. Again, we're not at limo exits yet. I'm sorry. I keep teasing it. All the ladies show up. Oh, my God. This is the best Super Friends ever.

Yeah. So we all knew that Rachel was popular on Nick's season, but all the women show up for her. And when I say all the women, I mean like six or seven. Yeah, like six or seven yeah like six or seven women to get back to that when they announced who the next bachelorette was gonna be i think it was at women tell all or something right because uh or they came out she came out after after the final rose when all of the contestants were still there and i have never seen a response like this where like all of the women were like fucking psyched for her um most of the time like it's more reserved than that because i think everybody who goes on this show also wants to be the next bachelor or bachelorette but this was the most universal like rachel kicks ass and she's gonna do fucking great and i'm excited for her yeah so

just for example it was raven corinne alexis jasmine christina and whitney whitney yeah yeah and um everybody's giving her some advice. But Raven's was kind of the most poignant because Rachel's kind of talking about her experience with Nick's season and how she has some regrets. And she's like, you know, I'll never forget. I talked to you, Raven. And you said you just have to let yourself fall. And then Rachel gets kind of emotional because you can tell that advice is really meaningful for her because she was so reserved and Raven really came to her and then Raven gives this little speech about

you know we're just all rooting for you and we're all such different women but the fact that we're here rallied around you just shows how you pull out the best in everyone and it was just like a real rah rah rah session and then Raven said like if you ever come across the squirt, you're just run, do not walk.

It's such a good time. She said, she said, just like, that's my favorite memory of my life. So in this thing you've created here. I didn't make it. This is like ABC. The idea is that Rachel would go back to a yurt. Yeah. On her season.

And Raven is giving her advice to say, go in that yurt. It's not imaginary. She said this. She said, it was a good yurt. She got really close to her face. She put her face up against Rachel's face and just said, it was a good yurt. Mm-hmm. Get there.

Mm-hmm. Or be square. Oh, geez. Squirt yurt square. Oh, geez. Squirt your Sunday. Sunday, Sunday. It was a real nice moment. Now limos. Hey, hell yeah.

How about that? First out of the limo. And this is an important position. Is it? A lot of times the first person out of the limo is going to be kind of a frontrunner for the season. It's like a baby duckling thing. Like this is the first you imprint on the first one that comes out. Oh.

Yeah. I'm not saying Rachel's a baby duckling. I'm saying everyone is. Somebody posted that 538 did this whole statistical analysis. Yeah. Of like what makes you a likely frontrunner. And I looked at it and then I just put it away. It was so in depth.

I know. I couldn't. Well, their big thing was first impression rows don't mean shit, basically. It means you're probably a strong contender, but it's not a good way of predicting the winner. Yeah. They even went into detail on like which relationships last

and what you can learn about their placement in the season and whether or not the relationship will last. And I was like, this is more detailed than I want. Yeah, absolutely. First out of the limo, Peter. Peter is also like Nick from Wisconsin. And he's a business owner. Okay. We really didn't get most.

Like there were much like every season before this, or at least the past few seasons, like there are blocks where it's just like, Hey, I'm bye. Yeah. While like other dudes inside the house are like doing a monologue. Uh, next out is, I'm not going to go through every single one.

I'm just going to, cause there's 31. There's 31. There's 31. There's 31 boys. Uh, but Josiah is next out and he's the one, there are several attorneys this season but

he's the one that says uh i think that you'll find uh that beyond a reasonable doubt i'm the right match for you and rachel kind of laughs and says hello legal terms uh rachel is like um rachel is very very i think like her thing that has like stood out in my mind as to like what kind of bachelorette she's going to be based on this first episode she's the most gracious human being that's ever been on this show because there are people that come through this line that like drop some real stinkaroos and she's like i love it and it's like you probably don't love it but that's very you're making i'm sure you're making all of these boys feel very comfortable well it seems like she has an exceptional sense of humor like she is able to find the entertainment in a lot of the awful moments uh which speaks to me that like she's

got a good good perspective coming in because there are a lot of terrible dudes uh kenny comes out uh and grabs her arm and does what we referenced in our previous bachelor pad episode as the armworm the armworm the handworm there's got to be a real name for that i don't know what it is it's where you like make a worm but you're doing it with your arms yeah you know you know what the arm arm is come on don't be a jerk uh next person i'll talk about is will oh jeezers will comes out in if i remember correctly suspenders and glasses yeah and like pants with the socks up over the legs and like high high-waisted pants and yeah kind of stumbles trips a little bit and and says the catchphrase that we all know and love. Cheese, please.

No. I'm the baby. He said, I'm the baby. Gotta love me. He said. He said. He said, did I do that? Don't step on my incredible Urkel impression.

Sorry, hit it, hit it, hit it. Sorry. Did I do that? That's a really good my incredible sorry hit it hit it hit it sorry did i do that that's a really good urkel babe thank you uh the most amazing thing was the prestige here where he ducked back inside the limo and then came out uh with some of his his urkel cosplay uh stripped off and she says you're stefan urkel now and he says i don't even have to tell you and i was like fuck yes to all of this that was a nice moment brady comes out with a huge hammer and a block of ice this was this i know nothing about brady he probably said some shit in his bios this was excellent i like this a lot and he he brings the hammer down on the ice and he says that he wanted to break the ice my favorite moment was when he walked into the house the rest of the guys shout thor's here

which i enjoyed um and then some so some of the guys and we mentioned this earlier some of the guys that did on the season finale we got to meet four of the men yes uh dean blake e um demario and Yes. Dean, Blake, E, DeMario, and Eric. Yes. And so Dean comes out. Dean is the one who said that he was going to go black and never go back. And when he came out of the limo, really just wants to find out if rachel liked it uh yeah and she so when he said this during the uh after the final rose i feel like everybody's skeletons like poked poked out a little bit um because that sucks it's like that sucks a lot universal cringe moment i'm sure by the time the show started taping, he had heard some stuff. Yeah, I'm sure he'd heard a few things. But he, she, in the moment where he said it, she said, oh, I love that.

Sort of being very gracious about it. And here she's like, you know, I know a lot of people either love that or hate it. Personally, I loved it. It's like, okay. Glad to have that on the record. I would like to also go on the record as to say me in At Home did not enjoy it very much. Thumbs down. Thank you, Dean.

Two thumbs emphatically down. You got a lot of work to do, Dean. Eric comes out and is just so charming. He just says like, oh, I just keep seeing you. I just keep running into you. This must mean something. And they dance again. They dance again.

And he was the one who did the little dance, the little two-step dance with her yeah uh and they basically do it again he's like that can be our thing we can be the dancing ones yeah it was wonderful um blake so blake was also night one and he was the super nervous awkward one i don't remember anything about his thing except that he was really awkward and he was just super nervous, awkward one. I don't remember anything about his thing, except that he was really awkward. And he was just really nervous. And he took like a picture with her or something. And so he knew he had some ground to make up. So he came out with a marching band.

And he was playing the snare drum with that marching band. Two things just to tie it all together. He is the wiener man. And fucking, I don't know if it was evan or carly i think it was carly tweeted or was it evan you know evan and carly from bachelor in paradise and he was like the sex expert uh on jojo's season who got sent home but found love in paradise said something like you can't be the penis man i'm the penis man you can't be the penis man there's already a penis man and it's me evan the penis man. I'm the penis man. Yeah. You can't be the penis man. There's already a penis man, and it's me, Evan, the penis man.

Also, his career, Blake's aspiring drummer, which is just like, just do it. Just do it. You don't have to be an aspiring drummer. You should get out there and drum. Yeah. I mean, he seemed pretty good when he was drumming. Yeah. He's a good news, bud.

Scratch that first word out. You're drumming. You're really doing it. Next up is Fred. Now, Fred is kind of fascinating to me. Fred brings out this yearbook and shows a picture of himself in third grade. And as soon as he does, you can kind of start to see Rachel register what's happening. And then he thumbs forward a few pages to Rachelachel in seventh grade yeah i think that was right uh and it becomes clear they went to the same school and then rachel tells us that she was his camp counselor and that he was a bad kid she kept saying that over and over again yeah um and so

she's like kind of unsure about it this this is i think the only kind of like bomb that is dropped on on her like the only like surprise there's no returning contestants from past seasons there's no far there wouldn't they wouldn't fucking remember nick showed up mid-season when he was i guess that's true but they i think that i'm pretty sure they teased that because we knew about that when we were drafting. There's no like we hooked up at a wedding once and you don't remember me. Here's your ex-boyfriend. This is it. This is the only one.

And she seems kind of trepidatious about it. Yeah. Then we meet the tickle monster. Who just goes in for the tickle. She says, like, hold out your hands and close your eyes. She says, OK. and he tickles her. Yeah, pretty gross. It's the worst.

I personally, I hate being tickled. I hate it. Let me pitch you this, though. What if you were on television and it was a stranger? What does it make it better if you were on television and you were very, very nervous and you had to meet 31 strangers and one of them tickled you very badly i think my reaction to that i mean this again speaks to how

gracious rachel is my reaction that would have been like hey stop no my reaction that would have been like hold on i can't see your chiron right now but does it say something along the lines of like professional tickler and he'd be like so it's typical monster and i'd be like get back in the fucking car and you need to leave right now immediately i hate it i hate it i i when somebody tickles me i i get so angry because i am laughing because i'm very ticklish but i want them to stop your laughs are precious little honey soaked gemstones it's like here's a little emerald and it's why is it so sticky it's because it's one of rachel's laughs and it's covered in honey and for somebody to fucking steal that from you i'm getting angry just thinking about it well i just feel like when

you laugh people feel encouraged but for me it's involuntary and you forced me to be complicit in something that i am not complicit in i don't, we're spending a lot of time in Rachel's feminist corner on this episode. We sure are. I don't think not being tickled is a feminist issue. It's a human issue. I also don't want to be tickled. You're not as ticklish as me, though. Well, no, I've got more.

I've just got a big, soft body. I can't feel anything. You know what somebody told me once about being ticklish? Hmm. That if you're ticklish, it's because you have a fear of intimacy. All right. Isn't that kind of gross? Yeah, it's a gross thing to tell anybody.

Yeah. When she laughed, he should have been like, looks like someone's got a fear of intimacy. I'm John. I'll see you in the house. See you in there. Sorry you're afraid of intimacy. I'm John. I'll see you in the house. See you in there. Sorry, you're afraid of intimacy. Let's get to one of our favorite contestants, Adam.

I don't know about, I mean, okay. Entertaining. Yes. Entertaining. Adam brings a smaller version of himself that he calls Adam Jr., which is a real like low budge mannequin made out of styrofoam, I think. Here's what I'm going to say about Adam Jr. Adam Jr. is the funniest doll ever. And Adam Jr. was perfectly created for maximum humor potential. It's the proportions of Adam. It is the flawless wig that Adam Jr. is wearing.

it is the the flawless wig that adam jr is wearing it is the like really low budge creepy drawn on sharpie face that adam jr had all of it like a wig it's the child's like suit that he's like the old-timey victorian era uh like impish child suit that he's wearing it is all of it comes together to create the funniest fucking and it's not even like here's my spooky doll this is not like my annabelle doll it was it was its own thing i saw a lot of people referencing like franklin from arrested development and now that i think about it there were a lot of like arrested arrested development sort of adjacent things that hopefully we'll get to more of them uh but and a lot of people are like i can't wait to see griffin's reaction to adam jr he's gonna lose his mind no i think it's the funniest

fucking shit ever and if you're not on board with that like i feel like you may not understand what i like about this show because it's this shit absolutely this is the shit i love and you gotta think about the preparation so for example on jojo's if I remember correctly, it was either JoJo or Caitlin. Some guy just stole a lamp from the hotel and that was his thing. Lazy. Adam, in order to create this, had to find a child's suit, a wig, a child's mannequin head, and then put it all together. It's a lot of work. It's some work.

Some bio data about Adam. What's the most romantic present you ever received and why threesome it was my birthday okay do you consider yourself a good cook yes i used to cook four course meals in college and charge people lol that's a restaurant you did a restaurant that's cool but you did a restaurant oh adam well i like your mannequin, Adam. Adam Jr. can stay. So I think at this point, there's just two more we should talk about. There's Matt, who is dressed as a penguin. I mean, we should only talk about him because he's on our fucking team.

Our team is him and the penis one. Yeah. So to be fair, this time with our friends we just did a random draft we did royal rumble style like draw numbers out of a hat and whoever exited that number and the whole time we're like please don't be lucas please fuck please please don't be lucas and yeah and so the last person we should talk about is lucas did we talk about demario no do you want to yeah demario i think is going to be around for a while demario was one of the four dudes that she met in the after the final rose came out and and he he talked about uh because he was on yeah he was on after final rose and he said we've had a lot of firsts together he's like

i look forward to our first date and our first kiss and our first christmas and she's like whoa whoa um and he had uh plane tickets for them to fly to Las Vegas and Elope in the After the Final Rose. And he still has those. He's still exporting those around. Also want to talk about Anthony, who I only mentioned. He didn't get a lot of screen time, but I saw a lot of him in the season preview. His bio listed that his favorite book was Murakami's Wine Up Bird Chronicle, which is one of my favorite books. I saw that.

I was like, that's not Dumb and Dumber. You can stay. Anthony, thank you. You were the one taking notes when Anthony came on, and I have in quotes next to him, here to help you understand. Yeah, he was just like very, he ended up in one of those blocks where it just like burned through some shit, but he just said like, I'm here to help you understand

me, and maybe you can help me understand you, and we'll get to know each other better. It was just very like, very straightforward straightforward um now should we talk about lucas yeah so the first i mean lucas has a little like package at the beginning uh so we know he's coming but the first sight that rachel gets of him is his loudspeaker coming out of the limo. And he reveals his height and weight through the loudspeaker. He also talks about how one testicle is larger than the other. To which she says, like, good to know.

And then he announces himself as her future husband. And then he comes out and he's wearing a blazer. And he is wearing a T-shirt it's a it's a tank top oh yeah you're right a t-shirt couldn't even fucking spring for a fucking t-shirt for rachel thank you with uh i believe his face on it correct and and his catchphrase his catchphrase is and he he this is the first performance we get of his catchphrase as he is exiting the limo. She sees the shirt and she comments on it. And he says, do you want to?

Do you want me to hear that? Do you want to hear that now? And he does. And he does the catchphrase. His catchphrase is, Rachel has just leaned away from the mic. I think she's nervous. I'm going to do it and wake up our child. I won't.

No, I know you won't. But he's, imagine this, but times a thousand more volume and cocaine. You know when Goofy falls off a cliff? It's kind of what it's like. This would be like if Goofy sat on his own balls and, but stayed there for 20 fucking uninterrupted seconds. He says, Waboom and there's a lot of flailing of the head shakes his head so that his cheeks flap a little like there's a gobble quality to it there's a gobble quality

to it yes and he leans back yeah as if like he might give himself a hernia and like puts his hands on his knees to brace himself and goes full Mach 5 G-force, just spinning his head around and screaming Waboom. He is Waboom. It is his whole life. It is his whole personal brand. And it's who he is. And, you know, it's just Waboom. It's just Waboom if you feel it.

And we've all got a little Waboom in us. And, you know, my job is just waboom um i can't i can't with lucas and it's not for the reason that abc and the bachelorette wants me to not be able to with lucas it's for my own personal reasons which is just like his existence on this show makes me think so much less of the show. And again, not in like a, how could you, Bachelorette? In like a, boy, this is the most Bachelorette shit fucking ever, y'all. Before this, when I think about contestants with catchphrases, I think about Courtney from Ben's season who used to steal Charlie Sheen's winning.

Yes. She'd be like winning if you google this dude Lucas Waboom whatever you'll find his website where he's selling these fucking things and he's doing tweets with the hashtag Waboom and if you tweet enough of the hashtag Waboom you might be entered in for a winning for a free tank top of Waboom

but tell all your friends to Waboom or else i can't waboom it's like i thought we were only gonna say it three times i fucking can't i it's just like this is this dude's whole thing like there are i i i know people like this who like are like i don't want to like work to like make it in the in the biz like i know people who like try to like i don't want to do stand up or i struck out there i don't want to do things i did a few auditions and it didn't go so well i'm just gonna like if i can just get my one big break and be the biggest asshole about it imaginable and have like them i want to go viral meme me baby it's the most like fucking it's it

sucks like it's just it's the worst of our culture right now it's the worst of our culture right now but it's also the most transparent like play fucking ever and the fact that like this dude was included is just like there's nothing remotely entertaining about it everybody's just like oh here's this guy he's off his rocker. And it's like, he's not off his rocker. He just wants everybody to say Waboom and go to his website so that he will stay culturally. I mean, this is fucking, this is fucking Rod. This is like so many people who come on this show just like, I need to fucking juice this for all I can get. That's a good comparison.

I need juices for, obviously, like, Rod's shit was way more toxic. But it's like, this is what these fucking people do. You're going to remember me forever. Well, boom, baby. Go to my website and hashtag my Instagram. No integrity, just an overwhelming desire for fame that will take them in any direction necessary.

And I can't, I can't, like, his existence on the show makes me enjoy all of the other components of this show, a lot of which are, like, firing on all cylinders. It makes me enjoy them even less less because this fucking guy got to be included like there's this fucking walking billboard for a personal brand that stinks on ice that is like screaming over everything without any redeeming entertainment value whatsoever good going guys you done it again i also want to talk about this and this

this is i guess our first sort of like media deep dive um and we have more that we want to talk about because boy i've read a lot of stuff about this premiere and a lot of it was really good um but this is just an article about how um maybe we should talk about this later when blakey and lucas get into their little scuffle. But like, guess what? Lucas has been on reality shows before. Can you fucking believe it? Because I definitely absolutely can. Yeah.

Uh, so then all the guys are here. They're all in the house. Um, we had some nice moments with the guys kind of becoming friends and of course talking about how wonderful Rachel is. I'm optimistic about that. Like there's a lot of bad bro behavior, just like she's a really sexy girl. Like you don't know not to say that yet.

Or like I'm going to wife her so hard. She's mine. Everybody else can leave. She's my woman. It's like, guys, no, no, no. But there is a lot of like the Thor thing I thought was kind of funny. And there's like a lot of like friends, I think, sparking up in the house. Yeah, they're kind of making jokes.

Like, for example, when Josiah is the first one to grab her away. And they're all kind of goofing on him a little bit. And they're like, what do you think they're talking about? It's like, oh, what's your greatest case you ever solved? Which I thought was funny. Yeah. But yeah, then we start seeing the dudes scramble for time with rachel and of course everybody's got kind of a little a little gimmick uh dean pulls

together some sand and toys uh they make little sand castles together yeah uh rob has a trading card that he has made of rachel i don't remember who rob is uh it's not really that important we get our first extended period of time with adam jr oh my god or as he comes to be known aj the dudes in the house like are very at this, at this point, like, AJ is just like, oh, yeah, there's AJ. He's a cool dude. I like AJ a lot. He calms me down. They position Adam Jr. by the fire in, like, a supine position, just casually laying. And then this is where The Bachelor has a little fun and starts overlaying some French, which is just wonderful. Like playing accordion music as AJ says, she sparked something within me. I am awakened.

And then there's a moment where Adam tries to steal her away, and she's like, yeah, you can, but I don't want to hang out with Adam Jr. And then it cuts back to Adam Jr., and he says, I disgust her. Yeah, like, I disgust her. Yeah, exactly. I disgust her in French. All in French with subtitles.

Which, like, y'all, again, I saw people, because I was watching the comments, and people were like, this is so dumb. I don't know. No, y'all, this is the shit. This is the best shit on our record. This is that Bachelor in Paradise stuff that we love. Like, let's not take this so seriously. Let's not manufacture drama.

Let's just have some fun. Let's just have some fun with AJ. I hope he sticks around. I love AJ. The guys are talking about AJ's, like, looks. Specifically, like, his hair. They said, like, his suit is fresh. Like, he looks great.

Like, his hair is great. Yeah. The dudes love AJ. And it's just, you kind of want him to be around all season. I hope it works. But, hey, before you move on to the next person, I noticed you've been spending a lot of time with your notebook over there. I was just wondering if I could steal you away. Oh, you got it.

Do you love it or do you hate it? I loved it this is like the end of mr holland's opus which i haven't seen okay um hey i want to tell you about our sponsor this week it's stamps.com these days you can get anything on demand diapers diaper cream wipes for a baby's butt um other baby stuff uh so why are you still going to the post office and dealing with their limited hours you goofball when you get postage on demand with stamps.com anything you do at the post office you can do right from home at your desk with stamps.com you can print us postage for any letter or package using your own computer and printer and unlike the post office stamps.com never closes because it's a fucking website. No, the website's closed.

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Okay, this message is for all the good folks in the Rosebuddies Facebook group. But not the bad ones. You know who you are. And it's from Luke Gartland. Yeah, Luke Gartland, who is a good friend of the show and that's all I'll say about that because I'm not a fucking narc.

Luke says, wanted to say a big thanks to everyone in the Rose buddies, Facebook group for being the kindest, funniest and sweetest bunch of folks ever. Seeing your hilarious responses to each episode has put the biggest dumb smile on my face. And you're all the freaking best special mentions for Erica Huff,

Catherine dredge and Meredith, Jessica. Thanks for vibing and keeping it tight. So tight. Thank you all. Luke sent that to us back in February. Thank you, Luke, before he, and I'm not gonna fucking narc on him, because I'm not that fucking

type of dude, but before he was a real bro. Thank you, Luke. And thank you to the Facebook group. We've got over 12,000 folks in there, almost 13,000. I got another one here for K Money, and it's from DJ C Briggs, who says, Happy 10-year anniversary, baby. I am so glad, quote, watch a movie. Didn't really mean watch a movie.

Intimacy. intimacy and that we found so many more laughs inside jokes and reality tv obsessions thanks to rachel griffin oh it's just that okay my mistake i thought it was uh watching a movie the stuff i love you so much love dj c brabrigs, Lady Eleanor Roosevelt. Wow. Rufio and Kittyface. P.S., you've got a good, good butt. It just fucking. Wow. Okay, so it circles back around to that like.

You know what I mean? Yeah. Some of that shake and bake, you know? Some of those handy snacks. Some fucking snack pack right there, you know what uh some of those handy snacks so handy some fucking snack pack right there you know i'm saying some munchie bowls fruit by the foot oh maybe maybe some gushers i don't know why it was food um that's it for the this part. Okay. That's how we exit usually, right? The Dead Pilots Society podcast brings you hilarious comedy pilots

that were never made featuring actors like Aubrey Plaza, Andy Richter, Paul F. Tompkins, John Hodgman, Adam Scott, Molly Shannon, Busy Phillips, Tom Lennon, Anna Camp, Laurie Metcalf, Felicia Day, Michael Ian Black, Adam Savage, Paul Scheer, Ben Schwartz, Skylar Astin, Mae Whitman, Josh Molina, Ben Feldman, Nicole Byer, Jason Ritter, Sarah Chalk, Steve Agee, Jane Levy, Alison Tolman, Danielle Nicolette, Casey Wilson, Anna Ortiz, Lorraine Newman, June Diane Raphael, Kiernan Shipka, Ben Schwartz, Skylar Astin, May Whitman, Josh Molina, Ben Feldman, Nicole Byer, Jason Ritter, Sarah Chalk, Steve Agee, Jane Levy,

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Brian. He's coming up. Can we spend just a moment with fred i would love to hang out with fred for a minute uh so fred and rachel get some more time to talk and she tells us that she's having a little trouble seeing him as anything different than the bad kid that she was a counselor for uh and that she always had to discipline him and not in the sexy way um okay you're talking about when you were kids so yeah i know all right okay now let's talk about brian so brian we didn't mention his limo exit he revealed himself to be kind of a troublemaker this was oh man this sucks and i it sucks because i know it's

going to keep going throughout the entirety of the season but it's just like you're trouble i can tell i'm the good kind of trouble maybe i like trouble well then trouble is what trouble does like my mama used to say he says that he is colombian and he asked if she is he is colombian he doesn't just say uh he says that he is Colombian. And he asks her if she has ever dated a Colombian man before. And then he kind of alludes to the fact that she is in for some trouble because he is trouble. And she kind of snickers a little bit. Trouble sounds good right about now.

I'd love some trouble. Well, trouble, here it comes. Double, double toil and trouble. Hocus pocus alamogocus what is that from hocus pocus alamogocus yeah what is that fucking i just said it you said it and it felt so familiar oh today's special okay well that's nice that's nice It's nice to go there with you. So Brian pulls her away later in the evening and shares with her, you know, he's 37. He's here for something serious. Serious trouble, that is, I mean, to say.

I think it's Rachel that brings it back to like, oh, are you looking to get into some trouble? And he said, well well there's like there's there's a good kind of trouble too and then he kisses her just like bow with a lot of mouth and she kisses back with a lot of mouth and says like i wasn't planning on kissing anybody tonight but like oh damn yeah it was a good it was a trouble kiss. She is into it. Yeah. So into it, in fact. Oh, maybe I don't want to give it away. I just did, didn't I? Spoilers.

Well, I mean, this is a podcast where we talk about the show. I don't want to spoil it, though. We're going to get to it in like three minutes. Okay, but I don't want to give it away. I know there's a lot of people excited and wanted to wait off for three minutes. So Chris Harrison appears and literally just takes the first impression rose drops it on the table and walks out at which point i started wondering you know there's a lot of dudes this season who came specifically for rachel and maybe

aren't familiar with the franchise so maybe they could have used that little chris harrison tutorial like here's what this rose is for no chris harrison's just like here it is it's just this is this is good probably ask a friend um and this is when all the dudes start like really leaning on this like oh well i should just put that on right now like that really belongs i think it was josiah just like does it just i like picks it up off the table and puts it on himself and people like yo first of all i think that's not allowed and also it's like real bad luck i think yeah i i also you hear a lot of people talking about uh like for example demario talks a lot everyone's talking about her as their future wife yeah

demario says like um you know you can come to our wedding. You'll be in the third row. It'll just be you. I'll let you bring a date. But she's my woman and she's my wife already. And so there's just like, there's a lot of that, lots of that going around. We also, and this is the other Arrested Development moment, we get one of the contestants talking about the penguin and saying,

you know, I'm here in this $2 dollar suit come on come on uh saying like he's got time with her and he's in a penguin suit i'm in this two thousand dollar i'm in this forty five hundred dollar suit god um how dope would it have been if fucking like somebody been like can I steal her away? And be like, yeah, sure. You can. Wait, who are you? Jean Parmesan. The $2,000 suit man doesn't getting eliminated that night. And his biggest complaint when he leaves is that he had so many outfits he wanted to wear. Poor guy. This is when thing I've watched a lot of this show.

I've never seen a swarming quite like this before and it made me wildly and profoundly uncomfortable there's a scramble point in the night when a lot of men haven't had a chance to talk to her and they literally start lining up like they they start approaching her she's talking to a guy and they stand off to the side and they start queuing up so there's a there's a moment where like rachel's like enforcing like he was next in line but um if you want to i think get behind him and then maybe you can talk to me after him um and there's also like a lot of like oh sorry bro we need like two more minutes bro if you can just like turn around yeah thanks i appreciate it just two more minutes thank you i just got to like the

crux of my story and we see there's like some dude has a fucking vacuum cleaner that was like his prop this is like what we're talking about like lazy prop comedy uh and he's just like walking back and forth in front of like pretending to vacuum pretending to vacuum while like rachel and this other dude are like not even paying attention to the guy um which sucks uh there's one part where like waboom gets out his stupid little bullhorn that he was like announcing his his weird balls on earlier and it's just like giving a quick play-by-play while also screaming waboom at everybody uh and this is when i had a moment so every year there's like a package for a contestant that I think like, oh, I really like that guy. And so Mohit has this great package where we get to meet his whole family and they're all Bollywood dancers and they all dance together.

And I literally turned to Griffin and I said, oh, I hope he gets to hometowns because his family seems really great and they're all really good dancers. And he seemed really great in his package. He got he was the one y'all. He got trashed. He got fucked up like he was so kind of scary fucked up like i forget who was talking about it was like he's not like um reckless drunk he's like you missed a step there bud drunk and um somebody's like trying to talk to him be like go on get in there go get your time and he can't even like walk forward to rachel and so somebody

just like walks in front of them. And I don't think we hear Mohit speak the entire night. Cause I think he's just way too fucked up. At this point, Lucas gets some time with her, gives her her own shirt that she can wear. And she's, she seems to like think he's entertaining. I think this is...

I'm so fucking mad about... I don't understand how you make this show and you say, let's get as many people on here who want to use this show as a platform for their dumbass personal brand. Like, doesn't that feel wrong? Like, we want people who are here to be entertaining on our show, not people who are here to, like, say their catchphrase as many times as possible so that yeah it's a it's a sticky precedent because if this becomes a thing now what's to stop next season from being like 20 people i mean i'll tell you what we'll stop it a fucking casting director who's like no get the well boom get the fuck out of here yeah so this is where we should talk about at this point blake starts telling us that uh that Lucas isn't there for the right reasons and that he wants to take it upon himself to make sure that Lucas is exposed for who he really is. And Griff and I were kind of like, I wonder why Blake is making it such a personal mission to expose Lucas Because the rest of the guys just kind of seem like Lucas is a joke.

But Blake is like, no, we really need to get to the bottom of Lucas. Blake is like filling the role of just like instigator who wants to step in and be the foil to like the person who is like, I guess the villain. But Lucas really isn't that at this point. Like he's just like this obnoxious douche. But he steps in and is like i'm gonna say something because he's being disrespectful shouting for rachel through a bullhorn it's not right and so he sits him down it's like why did you even come into this show do you really are you here to find love and lucas is like are you he says i'm here for the possibility to find love and i think lucas

just screams waboom like into his butt or something like that um in response he says everybody's got a little waboom in them and the only funny thing that came out this is blake saying i have absolutely no waboom in me yeah um so there's this like fight right and it comes out of nowhere it is the most contrived um but there's a layer deeper than that um which i read about i think somebody posted this in the rose buddies group it's a fan cited article bachelorette 2017 contestants blake and lucas bring real life feud to rachel season uh blake and lucas both appeared in the we tv reality series x aisle like ex aisle um before joining the bachelorette 2017 cast uh what it's a big deal is the fact that blake and lucas knew each other before they came on the show.

Apparently, Lucas has an ex-girlfriend named Brittany who is also part of the ex-Isle cast. Along came Blake. He hit it off with Brittany. And it created this, I guess, on-air rivalry between these two people in another fucking reality show. Like, and this was not addressed. It was not addressed that these two knew each other before they came onto the show. Or that they were essentially rivals on another fucking reality television show. And now we're going to reprise their role as Jean Valjean and Javert.

Like, what the fuck, Bachelorette? Like, you can't even make up your own contrived bullshit. You have to take it from another reality show with the same people what the fuck guys yeah that's what griffin when he found this was like this is so lazy that they just they didn't even trust that organically some people would not get along they just brought in an already manufactured fight this is like if corn was on fucking like Survivor and was Korn and Taylor or just like one of them. If like if if fucking Rod was on Big Brother and was just like a real asshole and Big Brother and like we got to get that guy. But don't address that he was on Big Brother.

Like you can't just fucking do that. Yeah, we're going to take these two guys ahead of. I could go watch this other show. You mean that came out like three years ago and see them fight in that one too? And so I want to jump ahead because at the rose ceremony, Lucas fucking sticks around and Blake sticks around. And it's like the only reason it happens is A, because Lucas is like a big obnoxious asshole, but also because there's this fight brewing. big obnoxious asshole but also because there's this fight brewing and now in like of course in in the grand tradition of this show like once two people are fighting they're at least safe for a couple episodes while we extract every drop of nectar from that as we possibly can and it's like this is the fucking bedrock that you're building your house on for this season

rachel fucking rules and there's a lot of like entertaining dudes in this house and it seemed like a few of them had pretty good connections with her and we are going to have less time looking at that because we're going to be watching a fight that developed in another fucking reality show three years ago that the Bachelorette is going to pretend like didn't even fucking exist. laziest worst shit ever it is the abs and i think it represents a small portion of the people who create bachelorette who are like i know what to do and it's like oh the same shit over and over again yeah like exactly it's this like super cynical decision that you don't trust the audience to enjoy a show that is a good show you you want to appeal to the lowest common denominator just in case that's going to be what hooks them in the cynical is a good word you you want to appeal to the lowest common denominator just in case that's going to be what hooks them in cynical is a good word for it because lucas i think represents like the most boiled down cynicism about the people who watch this show that could

possibly exist which is to say they're fucking babies like i think lucas is the human equivalent of like here's something colorful where there wasn't something a second before laugh at that you fucking babies bazinga like it's on it's unbelievable and the fact that this awful dude is also part of this fight that existed in another show with the wiener dude like what the fuck yeah i don't know what to tell you it's real gross It's not just it's not it's not like How could they it's like I don't want to I don't want to watch this fucking I don't want to watch this fucking show I do want to watch this fucking show

Because I love a lot of it But this is like gotta have a fight Well what if they don't fight I saw this shitty we tv show And there were these two randos Who fought on it and one of them kept yelling like boopers in it so let's get those two jagoffs what the fuck no cast to other people have you heard of this exile show no i don't know what we tv is i'm wondering if they like

thought they could get away with it because it didn't have a lot of viewership or something because i i i've never heard of it what drives me crazy is like this is the biggest show the bachelorette is the biggest show the bachelor is like the biggest show these are huge huge fucking tv shows that are literally zeitgeist they are literally pop culture phenomenons and everybody watches and talks about it and this is the fucking heat you're serving up right now? Yeah, it's strange. It's strange in a season that seems on the surface more ambitious than previous seasons to see something so cynical and lazy. was not a departure at all from the core formula of this franchise and this is just a part of that i imagine but like it is the worst example of this shit that i've ever seen on this show which is i don't because there's been some lazy very contrived like drama that has sprung up on this show before i have never seen it literally lifted from another reality show it is unimaginable and it's not even

good if it was good maybe i could like oh you almost got away with it if it weren't for you meddling kids it's not good it's not good and you took it from another show and you it's not it it's two human beings that apparently have a real life beef you know like we got to get these two real life people who hate each other on the show if you're gonna do that find two interesting people that hate each other and get them on this show. I don't want to give Lucas any more time. I don't either.

So as we teased earlier, Rachel picks up the first impression rose, gives it to Brian. Because he kisses real nice with his mouth so big. They do a lot of aggressive kissing.

A lot of guppy gumming. Mohit sees this. And yells, no! From across the mansion. We are all Mohit in this moment. We are all Mohit. It's a lot of big kissing. So,

one thing that we have noticed on previous seasons, but they're very explicit about this season is how late the evening goes. They are flat out showing us the sun is up by the time they're doing the rose ceremony. And they said that Rachel made it a point that she wanted to speak to every guy, which I don't know if it always happens or not, but. I don't think it does. I think that, I think her position of like, which I thought was very noble, right? Like, especially coming right off of your season where you know how it is.

Her talking to every guy is probably why it went until 3 p.m. the next day. Yeah, it is not, it is not breakfast. It is not brunch. It is, it is lunchtime. It is bright outside. Yeah. It is not breakfast. It is not brunch. It is lunchtime. It is bright outside. Yeah. It is high noon.

And so if we're going to talk about who's eliminated, we're probably going to need... Fuck, yeah. Let me even see if they've updated the website, because they go fast and furious. I don't think they did. I think you're going to have to look. Refinery29 did a list. I'm going to flip through this fucking slideshow and give Just Jared a lot of clicks. Blake Kay seemed nice.

He was a u.s marine veteran from san francisco handsome dude he went home he went home a lot of people were excited about that uh this is like the fucking like fireworks in the sky and hunger games grant he was an emt i don't know he was the one that showed up in an ambulance and i said that's not a great use of resources absolutely not uh jedediah is an er physician and i don't oh he said he said like you know when when abraham met rachel i'm not getting my bible trivia right oh yeah i took notes on that if you want i think i did actually or you did uh when jacob met jacob met rachel there we go i'm not as well versed in my my old old testament uh jonathan the tickle monster

though. I'm not as well versed in my old Old Testament. Jonathan, the tickle monster. Don't let the door hit you with a good Lord Splitship, buddy. Kyle went home. I don't know. I don't remember anything about Kyle. Michael, I don't remember. Milton, I only

remember because he kept growling when he talked to her. Milton's the one with the suits that was really upset that he didn't get to wear his outfits. Mohit, unfortunately, goes home. Rob. Rob goes home, I guess. Yeah, Rob was the one that made the trading card. Okay, he goes home.

It's a lot. It's a lot of boys. A lot of dudes. That's our first episode. That is our first episode. And then we get the season preview, and it looks good. It looks very by the books. And then we get the season preview and it looks good.

It looks very by the books. And I think that's like my main takeaway is like, um, Rachel is fantastic. I think she's going to be a very, very good bachelorette. This is going to be a season of the bachelorette, the ABC television franchise. And it's going to be very similar to,

I pretty sure all of the other seasons of the bachelorette. The only reason I would think it would be otherwise is because she's the first black bachelorette the only reason i would think it would be otherwise is because she's the first black bachelorette and because um it is the most diverse the cast has ever been um there were i think 11 black men on of 31 um and a few other a few other people of color um and so which you know it's still i think it was like just, just about half, like 50% people of color, 50% white dudes, which still isn't great. But it's significantly more than has been on the show before. So like, I don't, I don't know. I don't know if I was expecting it to be different.

Not night one, man. Night one is like, there's so much. There's a lot to get through. I get that but i also like when chris harrison comes out and introduces the season um or really throughout the entire episode it's never referenced that she is the first black bachelorette it is only referenced in passing like other than i guess dean talking about like did you like my thing i said where i wanted to date a black woman and then never dated anyone not black again like that's about as the extent of it um so i guess it remains to be seen like whether they're gonna do any more with this

like genuinely like um for this franchise at least historic thing it's gonna be a while i think we just we don't know yet you know we have high hopes we don't know yet but i also think they could have done something in the this episode sets up the rest of the season they could have done something to say like to at least address it they had kind of a an opportunity potentially to address some of the you know real gaps they've had in past seasons uh and they didn't i mean and and there's like concrete ways to talk about that like i'm sure they wouldn't talk about this on their television show the bachelor but they were they were sued by two black contestants who said like this show is unfair to people of color who are contestants because look at like how far we don't get ever

i don't know i think it was a missed opportunity and i i think i was expecting it a little bit yeah or even in her intro they could have done anything done anything yeah um yeah it'll it's i mean i recognize that it is it is the bachelorette that's the thing like you can't expect it to address you know all of the complicated issues that so many people continue to get wrong all the time uh but it would be nice to see a little effort a little effort i and i think that's what i think disappointed me a little bit is i expected something to be different and really what we got was like a super by the books episode of the bachelorette and what appears to be a very by the books season of the bachelorette based on the preview that we watched yeah um anyway uh i

want to talk about some stuff that we read and i think this is like um i really enjoy like i i wanted to do this because i think it's important for us to get other viewpoints in in the show and i think this is a cool way to do it like since we announced that we were doing this people have been posting um like really really good articles in the facebook group like non-stop um and reading that stuff has sort of broadened my horizons because i think i know a lot about like this show and i'm interested in how it gets made and interpreting like why they make the decisions they make but I don't possess any sort of faculties to diagnose like its larger cultural ramifications in like the media landscape um and I think we've probably shit the bed a couple times

in that regard um and so we wanted to read some other stuff. And so we have a few selections here. And the first one that a lot of people were commenting on in the group is an article on Marie Claire from Roxane Gay. Headline, The Bachelorette is a necessary shift in the conversation about black womanhood. And this is just an excerpt from that. Rachel comes across as genuinely likable and interesting. And this is just an excerpt from that. Rachel comes across as genuinely likable and interesting. She seems far less scripted than most of the people who've appeared on The Bachelor and Bachelorette and is capable of holding a conversation, another rarity.

I'm rooting for this woman to find love or to at least have one hell of an adventure in the trying. But what we're really talking about here is representation. offers a much-needed opportunity for black women and the rest of the TV-watching American public to see someone who looks like them portrayed as having a complex inner life and worthy of being wanted by eligible men. We'll be able to see a black woman treated as marriage material. Rachel Lindsay as the Bachelorette marks a necessary shift in and expansion of the cultural conversation about black womanhood. The bar for progress is generally really high. We measure it by the first black president, the first Latina to serve on the supreme court the first black librarian of congress but sometimes progress is an incredibly beautiful talented and charming black woman

voluntarily tolerating the attention of 31 unworthy men on national television so that she might find love or something like it yeah um i i i like this is the type of thing that like you and i as white folks would like i don't think appreciate um and i and maybe it's just because i feel uncomfortable saying like well it's something that there's a black woman like in this main role in this huge television show even if the television show doesn't take steps to like acknowledge it but i also think there's something to be said for like this is not a this is not a a position that black women play on tv or in movies generally like there is not there is there's not a surplus of like romantic comedies starring black women in the the lead where they are pursued and where they're not the best friend yeah exactly um yeah i i just Exactly. Yeah. I just think about how slow progress moves and how there's something so bittersweet about celebrating this.

Yeah. But I mean, I get it in the sense that, you know, when you're growing up and you have all these ideas about romance and you don't see anyone like you getting to play that role, it's significant. There's another article on Huffington Post written by Ziba Blay, Why It Matters That White People Are Watching a Black Bachelorette, that is sort of in the same lines,

where she says, really this moment is about non-black viewers seeing and recognizing what we have always known. It's about continuing to challenge the idea that a black female lead on a mainstream show, reality or scripted, means that the show itself is targeted only to black viewers. It remains to be seen, of course,

how this will all play out. Will the show tackle race in a meaningful way? Will Lindsay be subjected to more scrutiny and slut-shaming than her predecessors? Hopefully the show will spark a deeper conversation about a black woman, her right to be the center of attention, and her right to be loved. Yeah. And i you know it's doing that and i think that like there have

been stars of this uh franchise either bachelorettes or bachelors who i think get like turned on uh by the show itself wait that's a weird way of putting it the show turns on them in a way like caitlin's season got really really gross and very very slut shamey um juan pablo i think earned it definitely but like by the end of his season there have been a lot of bachelors i think that by the end of their season they were just as much a villain as anybody who had been on the show i'm optimistic that that's not going to happen with rachel it doesn't seem like she's going to get any kind of villain edit um i i don't i don't think that this show will turn on her like it has and uh been so cruel to some of the people in the starring role um i want to talk about one more uh and this was on all things considered it was eric degans uh the bachelorette may have a black star

but it is still set in a white world that is is a bit more critical if that headline clued you in. Though host Chris Harrison began the episode by saying, let's take a look at the Bachelorette everybody's talking about. He never really said why people were talking about her. One of the black men noted how diverse the pool of suitors was, and there was an awkward moment where the episode ended with several suitors freestyle rapping. Really, Bachelorette? From the show's perspective, this was likely a home run. They presented a diverse field of

contestants and a black Bachelorette without upsetting the bedrock formula that makes this reality TV soap opera successful. But for those of us hoping to see some of the show's basic messaging about culture, class, and race changed, it was a disappointment. True diversity isn't just about expecting black people to assimilate into a mostly white world. It's about widening that world to reflect the experiences of everyone in it. With any luck, maybe they'll get around to that before this season is over. waiting a day was a really good call on our part uh because it gave us time to kind of see what the reactions were and and also kind of hear from people who might be new to the franchise or you know people that have perspectives we don't have uh yeah we're not people of color like we don't we don't i don't watch tv with this lens of like hoping for good representation. Like I am a straight cis white dude, like pretty much most television is like being made for me.

So I'll go out there and buy Pepsi or whatever the fuck. Um, and so like, I don't know. I think it's, I, I, it was genuinely eyeopening.

I don't read about this fucking show really ever. I just like watch it. And then we do this podcast. And so it was really illuminating. And please keep sharing these articles in the Facebook group. Um, ever. I just like watch it and then we do this podcast. And so it was really illuminating. And please keep sharing these articles in the Facebook group. Because I think it's like broadening my sort of like, consumption of how I watch this show. And raising the level of our, of our criticism, just ourselves.

I hope so. You know, I mean, not that anyone turns to our comedy podcast for real like intellectual debate on the on the merits of this program. But I think it's worthwhile when you watch a show that is even considered like trash TV to think about what it means for a lot of people in our country. I think like I think reading all this stuff, like I think the biggest thing that's changed is I don't treat it like it's fucking trash TV. This is a fucking monolithic television show that everybody on earth watches um maybe not everybody on earth but a lot of fucking people watch this television show and just sort of just dismiss it and just say this gross happened thing happened yeah but it's like a toilet tv show yeah it's a toilet tv show that everybody watches so like let's hold it accountable for something, at least. My expectation is that it's just going to be another season of The Bachelorette.

And it's going to have a really good star in Rachel. And from what we've heard and what we've read, Rachel did an interview where she said she is engaged. So we know that she will find love, probably, in this hopeless place. But I think it's just going to be another season of The Bachelorette. And this first episode has kind of set my expectations there will be i'm sure there will be moments i'm sure that they they can't avoid the issue of race coming up ever it would be buck wild if they did that for a whole if they suspended that that that conversation for an entire season it would be it would be beyond the pale even for this television show um but i guess we'll just have to wait and see i'm i'm like i know i came down hard on like the lucas blake stuff is

like unimaginable and um i know we came down hard on some stuff but like i really am i'm looking forward to next monday i'm looking forward to talking about this show more um yeah i we're really optimistic about rachel i love watching r. She's like very, very funny and kind of a nerd, which I think is great. And I used to know herself really well. Doesn't doesn't seem like somebody who is going to fall apart easily. That's the thing. Like we've talked about how there have been great bachelorettes in the past, but those great bachelorettes were even better contestants in the season before because this show makes you kind of fucking boring. And Rachel wasn't boring in this premiere.

And I hope I hope that doesn't change. I'm really excited for it. And also, I'm really psyched that Lucas was just not in the season preview very much. So I'm hoping for a swift episode to departure there. So I wanted to thank, uh, somebody sent us an official bachelor in paradise t-shirt. Hell yeah. Uh,

which I was tickled to receive the, the person has a, a friend who, um, is intimately involved with reality television. Chris Harris. Do you think it's Chris? No.

Uh, and so thank you to Listener T for sending us the Bachelor in Paradise t-shirt. I was super tickled to receive that. Yeah, it's really great. And thank you to everybody that sends us things in the mail. It's always really exciting. It's a treat. It's like a little Christmas every time

we come back. Just the heartfelt notes thanking us for spending the time on this is just, it's nice. Wow, we spent some time on this one, huh? Yeah. Yeah, we really did. Oops. I mean, we had a lot of ground to cover. I guess we did.

Thanks, everybody. Woo-boo! Thanks for- Fucking got you guys. Thanks for letting us publish it a day late. It's all just about, you know... If we had done this... Waboomin' is just like, you look at yourself and I'm gonna go into our nursery.

I'm just gonna scream Waboom full throat volume. And I will leave the house and you will have to deal with the aftermath. Of our baby being fucking cool and super funny then? What if I did it and he just like stood up and he was like can you even imagine and then we went we watched fucking ace ventura together what a good night with dad and son are you leaving uh so this has been rose buddies thanks for listening rose buddies join us next time next wednesday every wednesday we'll have less wabooms to say and share i think this is i would love it let's get one last one out of our system and then maybe he'll be sent home oh okay we've already gotten the last one of our well if i had known i would have done it good

said we were gonna have three you know Here's my problem, though, baby. Can I say? Oh, God. It's fucking hilarious. It's fucking hysterical, dude. Can you imagine? I feel like you don't get it. It's like, it's a funny word to say, and then to say, like, that's my whole life is, like, really, it's, like, really goofy.

Until next time, I'm Griffin McElroy. My married name is Rachel McElroy. Love it. Final Rose. Stay with us on this journey of joy. Spoiler alert. She is up with Soulja Boy. Right reasons.

Right reasons. Right reasons. Right reasons. Right reasons. I'm Des.. I'm Bez. And I'm Teresa. And we host the weekly comedy podcast, One Bad Mother. We celebrate our moments of parenting genius as well as our failures.

Just like, we're going to have hot dogs. And I'm like, no, we're having fun. Everybody loves hot dogs. Yeah. And it just like smashes that thing right on my chest. And then I'm just crying in the middle of like kids space while people are like literally dancing with their children. Parenting can be sad and painfully funny at the same time.

So join us each week as we admit that this is hard, but we're getting really good at it. Find us at MaximumFun.org or wherever you download podcasts.