Wonderful! - Episode 6: She's Just a Bird

Episode Date: February 9, 2016

After last week's totally thrilling cliffhanger, Griffin and Rachel return to discuss the brutal efficiency of Ben Higgins: The Axeman. Four women got the boot this week, and we're all like, yo Benny, where's the fire, man? Take your time. Live the moment. Feed the swimming pigs. MaxFunDrive ends on March 29, 2024! Support our show now by becoming a member at maximumfun.org/join.

Maybe you should go and do some contemplating. Right reasons, right reasons, being a good girl for all the right reasons. Right reasons, right reasons, being a good girl for all the right reasons. I'm the bachelorette and I'm rapping to your poolside. Here to find true love. Previously on The Bachelor. I didn't mean to swear. We're gonna get a cliffhanger.

Okay. Because the 2B continues. Shit. Well, I literally can't remember anything that happened last week except that there was no satisfying resolution. Hi, this is Rose Buddies. Hi, I'm Griffin McElroy. Hi, this is Rachel McElroy. I'm about to grip it.

Rip it. That was the sound of a Superwater Zero being fucking ripped open. And it's been made ready for me to enjoy its delicious citric interior do you want to tell everybody what i'm drinking today griffin exclusively drinks the lemonade variety of super water zero i saw some machiavellian piece of shit on the group i don't mean piece of shit i'm sure they're great everybody in the facebook group is great it's the best facebook group ever but he was like look at all this great super water zero i'm buying it the hgb so griffin mackery can't have it jokes on you dumb dumb there was no lemonade flavor in there and what

you just bought was a bunch of mango flavored poison basically better luck next time penguin um the lemonade is the best flavor i was gonna read what's written on the label of Superwater Zero, but it's wicked boring. No, it's not necessary. It's so good. It's so good and so refreshing. And this bottle's a little bit sticky. And if that's my only complaint I've ever had about Superwater Zero is that this bottle's a little bit sticky. Last week, there was no rose ceremony, which was garbage.

Hey, bachelors, stop fucking doing that. Garbage. Hey, Bachelor, stop fucking doing that. So last week's episode ended with the ladies all taking Ben aside during the cocktail party and airing their grievances with Olivia. And the episode ends with Ben saying, hey, Olivia, can I talk to you? To be continued. What if like, what if like fucking Empire Strikes Back ended with or began with Darth Vader like, hey, I'm your dad. Later. Like, you can't have this pre-programmed

thing in your show that's like the climax of the show and then do it at the beginning of a fucking episode. There's a reason they don't do the tribal council at the beginning of episodes of Survivor. Because it's fucking insanity. I feel like Bachelor operates under the assumption that maybe you aren't gonna watch next week unless they have some

big compelling reason, which like... I'm going to watch next week. No, I'm going to watch it. You don't have to do this to me. You got me hooked already, Bachelor. I'm a member of the family. You don't just turn your back on the family. Anyway, low stakes rose ceremony sesh. Yeah, there was-

And a shitty cliffhanger. The cliffhanger was like, maybe he's going to take Olivia's rose away. And the first 45 seconds, she was like, you're not taking my fucking rose away. Yeah, there was speculation that maybe somehow Olivia wouldn't be safe. But she just shows up and says, hey, I don't know why they don't like me. I'm super smart, and I love books and politics and news. I just think I'm a target, and maybe I'm really aggressive, and I feel like I can't win. But, you know, I like reading books and thinking, you know.

And, I mean, the other women like painting their nails, and that's great. I hate that, Olivia. Why? She's always thinking her thoughts. And talking about Ted Cruz and his chances on the political stage. Meanwhile, Emily is just speaking to the camera, just. Oh, my goodness. Did you hear that?

Did you hear that? How would I have not heard that? God, that hay fever. Emily is swearing, talking about how Olivia's a liar. It's what I said last week. I touched on it. She had this, like, girlish delight in her hatred of Olivia. And I think it's because she

finally found her angle. Finally found her angle. This was, let's start this, this was a fucking great episode. A fucking killer episode. Probably best of the season. Best I've seen in a long time. It established Ben, despite the fact, despite his former racial atrocities, I kind of like the dude

now, as a bachelor. Let's go through some really quick highlights highlights I literally yelled out loud in the group we were watching with Ben is the fucking axe man cause Ben when he sends somebody home he just gives you a fucking cold one

between your shoulder blades man he does not soften the blow there's no pardon my French but pussyfooting around he just does the damn thing he does the damn thing we were gonna do like bullet point highlights is what i was gonna say we were gonna do like like i was gonna talk about maybe the pigs swimming in the ocean okay the pigs are swimming in the ocean my thing is that ben just does the damn thing he takes your bag and he throws it into the van as hard and as fast as he possibly can this is the only thing even approximating sports that he's gotten into all season

and there are pigs swimming in the ocean swimming in the ocean but also ben is a cold-blooded fucking murderer uh four people went home this week in three different places no two different places four different places well four different parts of the episode it's a brutal episode man okay okay all right so rose ceremony happens not before olivia says come at me bro in reference to the women which i enjoyed she says it on screen she doesn't like say it this is a this was a this was a good olivia week for me. She said a lot of really dope shit. And Jennifer goes home. Who's Jennifer? Nobody knows.

But she goes home. We call her, and this is going to sound... I feel like we're pretty good, and we're getting better. What do we call Jennifer? We don't treat these women as though they are chattel. I feel like we are pretty good at at least imbuing them with more personality than the show gives them time for but we did call her moonlight boobs for pretty much the whole time that is true because the most memorable moment she got with ben was when they were talking

first night and he is very clearly staring at her dick it was literally like say like um say like um uh my dad is in the navy uh my dad is in the navy so we don't get to see each other yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah i don't know if you could hear my inflection but i'm pointing that at her moonlight her her lunar chest her her moonlight in encased unfortunately that was a highlight for jennifer because she goes home and that we never see her again that was a highlight for Jennifer because she goes home and we never see her again. It was a moonlight. It was the only light she had the whole time. She did literally nothing else the whole time. I feel like I've heard other people call her moonlight boobs to tell her how little airtime she got.

Is that the thing that everybody knows is that Ben was looking at her décolletage. That's a great word i think it's bad that men can't have decolletage because i never get to say that word i never get to say baby check out my decolletage today it looks great what is that is that is that specifically a little bit of decolletage is that he did i commented he's wearing a shirt that he had four buttons on button and he leaned down he He like bent over and I commented that you could see his dick through his shirt, like down periscope. Is decolletage just the same as cleavage?

I thought it was like, if you're wearing a necklace, like it's some sort of, it has to refer to like an accessory. Like your cleavage zone. Okay. Interesting. I thought it was like,

if you're wearing like a piece of jewelry or something, like decorative. Yeah. Yeah. No. Okay. Just that's, you would know, but you would know better than me. Cause I, if you're wearing like a piece of jewelry or something like decorative yeah yeah no okay just that's you would know but you would know better than me because i i sexually can't have decolletage because of just society i'm not happy about it it's not fair so as per use the lady goes home before she probably even is in the limo they They all celebrate that they are going to the Bahamas. Yep.

And away we go. It's weird having a season of trap. They're going to go to other places, right? They've really scaled back a lot. Let's give a little history lesson because like they used to go every episode. It'd be like, and now we're going to Belarus. And now we're going to Norway. And now we're going to Norway. And now we're going to Scotland.

Like, every episode, it was where in the world is Carmen fucking San Diego? And why does she have these 13 men traveling with her? What kind of weird dude harem? And I don't know if it's The Bachelor or The Bachelorette that guides that decision. Because it does seem like, at least during Chris' season... Chris, they never left the contiguous United States of America. And they acted like that was almost Chris' choice. Yeah,

because he loves Korn so much, he only wants to be places where Korn is. But like Juan Pablo, they were like jet-setting. Do you think Chris Soules is powered by Korn like Superman is powered by our yellow sun? He loves Korn a lot. He loves corn a lot. He loves corn is his been sports.

He almost looks like an ear of corn. He looks like an ear of corn. He's a corn boy. And he depends on the future of his race, which is why he made that political advertisement in Iowa for corn. Save the corn. Save my corn. Save my corn. Save my corn. Save my corn, I'm Chris Soles. I approve this message.

I approve this message. Save my corn, please. It's very sick. So, very first moment is Kayla getting a one-on-one date. Yeah, see Harrison walks in and is like, straight up, it's going to be a one-on-, it's gonna be a group date, and it's gonna be a two-on-one. And everybody laughs, and it's like, why are you laughing? It's about to get very bad for two of you. And let's just take this

moment. Chris Harrison is never on the show anymore. Save my Harrison. What the fuck is going on? I thought the past few seasons, they'd really dialed him back. Now it's literally ladies yeah it's gonna be a fun week here and then ladies it's time for the cocktail party and

then chris there's one final rose that's it and then he walks off set somebody made the joke in our party that like he says ladies there's one final rose ben i leave it to you and then he literally like rips his suit off and just like goes and jumps back in my hot tub he used to provide a lot of counsel there used to provide a lot of counsel. There used to be a lot of moments between him and whoever the bachelor or bachelorette was. Pretty much every episode. How did your dates go this week? Talking about kind of like, how do you feel about the women?

You know, what's been hard? You know, what's not been hard? And sometimes it would slow shit down. But like. I always liked it. I did too. You got to know who the Bachelor or Bachelorette was. At the very least, yeah.

It did some service in like letting you know who the Bachelor or Bachelorette was. You just don't get that anymore. The only time you get that is in the behind the scenes like interview stuff. And that is like usually not a great. Well, and if you watch Bachelor Live, which not everybody does. Yeah. I mean, we don't. I think it's because he's doing that millionaire show now.

No, I know he's got his finger in a lot of pies, but like, I don't know. You miss him. I miss him too. But I also miss the function he provided. And maybe it's time. I don't even believe what I'm saying. But maybe it's time for somebody else to step in. No.

If he doesn't have the fucking time to. No, I love Chris Harrison. You know this about me. I cosplayed as him for a else to step in. No. If he doesn't have the fucking time to... No, I love Chris Harrison. You know this about me. I cosplayed as him for a friend Chris Plann's birthday party. I love Chris Harrison so much. But if he can't do the fucking job, then maybe it's time we find somebody who can. Who could do him justice? Drew Carey.

I'm saying we do a full-blown fucking game show switchy-swap-a-ringo. If Chris Harrison doesn't have time, then Drew Carey doesn't have time then drew carey doesn't have time drew carey would do great at this let me put on my argument for this very affable he knows a lot about love he served time in the navy so he probably like knows like what love is because i bet like being in that being in a submarine like you learn what's important to you also the rules are made up and the points don't matter yeah now you're now you're thinking i can see those gears turning about it but you know what else i thought what do you think jimmy kimmel no i love i like jimmy kimmel his his he's had the best guest appearance on the bachelor ever

he can't take it serious enough he can't take fucking anything seriously and that's great he's a great host for a late night show. But this needs a very specific tone. No, that's true. It's the worst thing about Unreal, which we talked the praises of a little bit. We have since finished the first season. It's fucking incredible. It's must-see TV. And apparently it just dropped on Hulu.

I'm glad that we get to be the bearers of that. Oh, really? Yeah, which is great because we just bought it. We just bought it. I'm glad we get to be the bearers of good news to everybody. Go watch that show. Stick with it. It's full of terrible people doing terrible, awful things, which is like my least favorite

thing. It's my least favorite television trend, but that show does some sick shit that you absolutely need to see if you are at all invested in The Bachelor series. It's wonderful. And it changes the way that you watch the show. But the way they portray the host is like, you missed it. You missed it, Unreal. Because Chris Harrison actually rules, and the host on their season is like a slime ball

that ain't how you do it but that's a real small part of the show small part of the show i think drew carey would do great i think we could get a lot of different hosts in i'm saying we need somebody in there talking to the talking to the bachelor or and bachelorette and if chris harrison cannot do it because of all of his other duties, then it's time to find somebody who will. I would still rather take seven minutes of Chris Harrison than 20 minutes of Drew Perry. Okay, no.

You're saying we're getting seven whole minutes of Chris Harrison? No, we're getting 36 seconds of Chris Harrison in each episode. It's still better. It's still better. I love it. What about Phil Keegan from uh amazing race no i think he'd be great no well intercontinental flair no chris harrison has this kind of like subtle winky quality and he like also genuinely like kind of loves the show and the format i need need somebody who's really a big fan. Keegan's too dry.

Okay. One-on-one date with Kayla. Let us know in the Facebook group who would be a good replacement. There is no perfect replacement host because the perfect replacement host is we cut Chris Harrison. This is the wisdom of Solomon. Let Chris Harrison's legs do who wants to be a millionaire and give me the fucking torso, neck,

and head. Legs and arms on millionaire. Torso, neck, and head on Bachelors and arms on millionaire, torso, neck, and head on bachelor. You don't need the legs and arms on bachelor. What if it was just his legs and arms and head, and then millionaire got the torso and neck? I hope that's fair. He'd just be like a little starfish. He'd just be a little noodle boy.

It'd be like that Mr. Show sketch where the kid gets dropped in the acid and then the heavy metal band comes to see him and he's just like beef jerky. Shit. All right. So what happened on this television show that we talk about every week? Okay. So Kyla001 gets the one-on-one date and Leah is pissed because Leah has had almost no time. We were all very sympathetic about Leah.

Like Leah was like, fuck, what the fuck am I doing here?ah has not gotten a one-on-one date uh everybody else has and now this is well no the twins haven't they just got the well yeah and olivia hasn't but she's got like a million roses has olivia not olivia did not get a one-on-one day oh interesting i know um but yeah this is kyla's second one-on-one date which is kind kind of, I mean, it happens every season, but it's always a surprise. There seems to be this common understanding that The Bachelor is going to give everybody some time before he starts recycling. Yeah, I feel like usually he gives everyone a one-on-one date before he starts going in with double dippies. And he had three women who he had not gone on a one-on-one date yet. And he was like, started going in on double dippies.

But I like that about about ben ben's decisiveness really shown through this season you've gone really hard racial atrocities i'm not ready to put those behind me yet he ain't that white i'm not ready to put that sentence he said behind me yet because it's 2016 and in the united states of america and we still got lots of problems but this season he looked at those three women women this week he looked at those three women women that he hadn't gone on one-on-one dates with and he was like tough i know what i want and then some of those women he was like it's time for you to hit the road because it's just not happening right now chris souls was i liked him okay but when it came time for him to break up with anybody he would

dance around it chris souls was inferior in so many ways. It's not even worth the comparison. You're right. You're right. Okay, so Ben comes in deep unbuttoned. You get to see all of his parts. Oh, just all of them. I saw inside that guy.

I looked through him like a telescope. And they are going to go deep sea fishing. and they are going to go deep sea fishing. And Leah cries a bunch because she's super bummed about not getting this time, and she's like, oh, I don't want to get the two-on-one. I know I'm going to get the two-on-one. Meanwhile, this is intercut with scenes of Kaila fishing in this, like, harness belt with, like, a big fishing pole coming out of her pelvis. I did not realize deep sea fishing

had quite so much phallic imagery yeah but my god there was a lot she's got this kind of fishing pole phallus coming out of her midsection and ben is standing behind her as i recall helping her steady this while gripping it firmly this is sports right yeah yeah it's the original sport is the battle versus man versus nature just the same as those they pull out a fish that has been dead that has been dead for maybe a week the battle of man versus nature to get a fish that is already dead he's holding it and he says again a great ben episode for me i felt a deep kinship with him by the end of it. This part was a little upsetting, where he's holding a fish in front of this woman that he's talked to for maybe 13 combined minutes in his entire life. And he says, kiss it.

Hey, Kayla, kiss it. And she does. And she does kiss it. And then they kiss. No, no. Pretty soon pretty soon after no it's true she kisses the fish cut away to leah crying cut back and then it's kayla and ben kissing so it was like fish round one round two ben well i mean her her robotically engineered lips are probably hydrophobic to a point where just like no fish grime is going to stick to them. Little windshield wipers came out and like wiped the fish smell off of her mouth.

Yeah. She has some sort of like breath mint spray like built into her cheek glands. Yeah. I bet you Olivia wishes she had those. No. That's mean. No, it's just the other woman said her breath was bad. I know.

I can't say anything about it. I haven't met the woman. I think she's perfectly lovely. This is a good Olivia, like I said, good Olivia episode for me because she said so much baller shit like we're about to talk about. So then they have dinner and Ben is probably the most drunk I think we've ever seen. Holy shit. Like, he looked drunk. Yeah, he couldn't focus his eyes.

They kept showing closest up on his face. And you could tell he was doing the thing you do where he's trying to, like, identify what he's going to fixate on. The other times we talked about, like, oh, Ben's drunk. It's just because he, like, talks nonsense. And he definitely did that here. It was like, I just, he wanted her to be vulnerable. That was, like was his big thing. He's like, I just want to know if I cry, if you'll be able to do that too.

I wrote down the exact quote. Okay, please. The exact quote is, I'm looking for someone that will come cry with me. Come cry with me. Come cry, let's cry away. She was understandably pretty froke out about all of that. Yeah, he just, it was a weird line of questioning because ultimately what he was asking was, you seem like a really happy person, how do you deal with sadness?

But instead he came at it. Even weirder, you smile a lot. Yeah. I bet you even smile when you're sad. Yeah. Can you prove it? Okay, look, you smile like a whole bunch and that's one thing i know about you i love it very much but i'm sorry i'm gonna try i noticed you smile a lot

and it's you do it a lot but i was wondering if sometimes you don't feel like smiling inside when you in the sadder times of your life yeah it's like i know you're smiling around me to be be around me be happy with me and that's good and i want that but if you're like sad too then i want to be sad with you and do you smile do you smile on that when you i guess like i guess it's sort of about to boil it all down it's like point is just like, why do you, why do you smile? And she understandably says, I feel a little put on the spot. I know that I'm supposed to be vulnerable. And, and then he's kind of like, hey, you know, just, you know, I just want to know, do you, do you like want to be with me or not?

Like, do you want, do you want this? I completely weirdly pivot. Yeah. And then she starts doing this weird computation where she's like, well, I feel. Computation's the perfect word. I feel like I'm in love with you, but I don't know if I'm ready to be in love with you. And it feels like love, but I don't know that I want to be in love. And I feel like I'm holding back, but I love you. And it's like the weirdest delivery it's not the

weirdest delivery she adjusted her cyborg thermostat to give it to him hot and then she gives it to him cold yeah see griffin thinks that this is like a brilliant delivery because it is kind of setting up ben for uncertainty and then reigning him back in with this kind of warmth that he was nervous he wasn't going to get. I'm saying there hasn't, I've said this a lot, there hasn't been a lot of traditional gameplay this season. And this episode saw like the first time that a couple people did some more traditional shit. Like this idea of just like, eh, eh, pendulum back just a little bit. And it cost him a mission successful because he was like freaked out like i'm gonna say what i was smiling i was smiling but i'm not because i will send her home i guess uh and then she came back hard like but i think i'm ready for you because when i'm with

you it just feels real as i it does feel real as soon you can smile it totally worked because at a certain point i think kyla realized what i'm saying is confusing and ben at the end when he feels affirmed by her says you know kyla's confusing but i like that about her see yeah right into the right into the trap um yeah she's perfect she's she's just gang she's i said did while watching this episode she's one of the greats i wrote down an exact quote she says i feel like i want you in my life i feel happy this is happiness which i thought was like the best argument for our assertion that she is some kind of cyborg okay but we have a lot of know. Okay, but we have a lot of- I feel happy this is happiness, yes?

We have a lot of fun talking about how she's a cyborg, and I want to part the act a little bit just for a moment here. You almost said kimono, and you pulled. I didn't, I know. You pulled from it. I want to part the kimono, I guess, a little bit, and go behind the goof.

She's fucking incredible at this game. She's very, very, very good. She's extremely good. She's not just good in good and like if she had been in any season she would have like soared she's good in this season where there's like not very many people being aggressive like at all yeah and she's not being aggressive in the in the way that olivia was where it was just like fighting with the other girls and like getting all up in it it was aggressive sex panther she's like every moment she has with ben she's like

working him she's working him hard like i've never seen anything like it in in in anything like she's she's one of the best that's ever played the game wow i'll say it i think she'd also make a very good bachelorette well that's the point that's what she was programmed to do yeah well she's programmed well yeah by the by the dr love uh so she gets the rose she's in it and then we hear about the group date the group date is lauren b becca amanda lauren h jojo and leah which means it's emily versus ol Olivia on the two-on-one. The marooned twin versus Galactus. And when they announced that, I was like, fuck this show. Like, hey, Bachelor, come on, gang. Like, Emily's weird turn to be the anti-Olivia, like the woman in the white hat fighting the woman in the black hat somewhere in the desert

like came up literally in the last three minutes of last week's episode and we were all supposed to be like all in on this rivalry and then they just cement it with the two like who ends up in the two-on-one this season has been weirdly like erratically produced and i feel like this is part of it and that they just like they literally introduced this conflict a minute before the end of last week's episode and then we're supposed to be like so deeply deeply invested we we made a lot of uh correlations to and if you if this is your first season watching then this is going to be completely lost on you but there was kelsey who was the uh widower from austin yes uh versus ashley i who was like sort of the princess um who cried like non-stop like if you think the people on this season virgin princess who if you thought people were crying this season a bunch

like it literally was like anything that happened to her she would start crying about it and it was like charming in a way she was great on bachelor in paradise anyway they like hated each other and then they but they built that up over such a long time and then they had their two-on-one which some people might go back and watch old seasons of this show on hulu after i was talking about so i don't want to spoil it but it's fucking great it's like one of the best episodes and reactions from the other women who weren't on the date like ever yeah um but was just like, hey, these two hate each other. They're going to fight. You're going to love it.

Like, no, Bachelor, I'm not going to love it. It felt like we were getting condensed Emily. Like, they just made her spit out, like, seven minutes of hatred towards Olivia. And then they were like, and now they're going on a two-on-one. So I was like, well, I guess I'm bought in. But, like, it felt weird. Her, like, happy, gleeful, like, overacting, like, I just hate Olivia so much, one so i was like well i guess i'm bought in but like but even that felt weird her like happy gleeful like overacting like i just hate olivia so much was very much like you like this is not

this ain't legit like somebody just told you to say this shit and you think this is how you're supposed to act when you hate a person well and then yeah and then they show her like they did last week calling her sister hayley and and complaining again about Olivia on the phone to her sister. And it just feels like this is really, like, provoked. Yeah. Like, there's no way you would call your sister again to talk about how much you hate Olivia again. Like, yeah, like, I'm going to call you every day just to let you know how much I hate this woman. Like, okay, we're basically wrestling fans.

This is, God, I'm going to make this allegory every week as well. But we know there's like people pulling the strings behind the scenes this season has been the most like obvious like yeah um because the women i mean we talk about this all the time but the women aren't making moves on their own they have to be pushed right until this episode when things get very real in a big way please say the the thing that Olivia said about the twin. It's the best ever. Emily Olivia going on the state.

Olivia is talking to the camera. She's talking about Emily. She's like, she just seems like really young. She's like a bird. She's like, she's just like a bird. I don't even care. She's like a bird? That's fucking the sickest, dopest, tightest burn that has been delivered on this show in a very, very long.

She's like a bird. She's like a bird. Who are you going on a date with? Ben? And just like some bird. Like, whatever. Little bird, just like little bones. She said it in such a convincing way that I found myself watching Emily from then on being like, she is like a bird.

She's a lot like a bird. It was so great. It tickled me so much. I said, she's like a bird like a hundred times. Will you sing the song? Because I don't sing. What? She's like a bird, I only fly away. I don't know where my home is. I don't know where my home is I don't know where my home is I don't know where my twin is Maybe I'm against the zones of Simon like a bear

We gotta pay the rights for that You're new to the podcast business We now have to pay To who? To who are we paying? Nelly Furtado I was just checking Who was it that did Crocodile Rock? Just checking

It's Sir Elton John. Nellie Furtado is the woman Elton John. Okay. Okay, group date. We find out the date card says, love is unpredictable, Ben. And so it's all the women get on a boat. They're all looking around for sharks the whole time. I don't see any sharks.

Yeah, they're playing. They're literally playing the Jaws theme. They're all drinking their shots and their beverages. Ben's like, oh, love is unpredictable. Let's just go. We're just going to have a fun time out on a boat. And they're like, hey, yeah. Hey, homie, fuck you.

Hey, you sports hound, go fuck yourself. There's sharks in these here waters. I know it. I'm an adult woman, Ben. Can you treat me like an adult woman for once? And the boat starts heading towards this abandoned island. And everybody's like, what is that? And Ben's like, oh, that's my private island.

And then we get a close-up on the water. What do we see in the water? In the water, there are pigs. Little pigs. There are pigs swimming in the water. There's so many pigs, gang. So many pigs. Little pigs. There are pigs swimming in the water. There's so many pigs, gang. So many pigs. It was the best moment.

It was the happiest this show has maybe ever made me, because it was like, there's pigs in the ocean. There's pigs in the ocean. Do you remember the first time you saw Dunstan Checks In and you were like, there's an orangutan in this hotel, get out of there. The first time I saw Dunstan Checks In. The first of many times you saw Dunstan Checks In and you were like, you're an orangutan, you're supposed to be in the jungle. I don't think I've ever seen a movie with an orangutan or monkey as a lead role.

No. Any Witch Way But Loose? No. Fuck, you've seen a monkey-based movie. So, Meet Joe Black? No. Nope. Mighty Joe Young.

Okay, yeah, Meet Joe Black is Brad Pitt, and it's not a monkey movie. King Kong? I mean, yeah, but that's, I'm talking where the the monkey is like an active character and wears a hat okay dunstan shakeson is a movie about an orangutan and it's about a hotel that's run by jason alexander and a wild cast of characters that make up the tenants of this hotel and his daughter befriends an orangutan that i think was like trained to steal things from people that was also definitely monkey trouble yes he was trained to steal things from people, I think. And so he was, like, brought into this hotel to, like, steal everything.

But he fell in love with the girl who was Jason Alexander's daughter. And so the thieves try to come back and get him. And then Dunstan fights him off. And he, you know what he does? He rips their fucking faces off. Because Ryan thinks, get buck wild. And what's it like the second time you see it? Second time you see it, you really get a really nice appreciation for Jason Alexander.

This is the first time that you had a real dramatic turn. And this was like the Seinfeld days. This is a dramatic movie? Yeah, this is very dramatic. Anyway, you remember the first time you saw Dunstan Chucks and you're like,

you're at a orangutan in a city hotel. I felt that way about these pigs that were in the ocean. They weren't just dabbling in their feet were swimming they were swimming they were surfing one of my sunglasses and he said yeah dude all the women are really excited and as they're pulling up to the shore they get a bucket of hot dogs which are don't worry are not pork they're chicken hot dogs he said no that was poor planning the producer's like just say it's chicken god they're right it's the nightmare uh and the women are all excited but i don't know if any of you have

been to a petting zoo but there is something about animals that have been trained to accept food from humans uh that they will go after you as if if they don't get that food they are not going to make it through the night rachel and i were looking at we went to japan on our honeymoon we were looking at taking a trip back they were trying to figure out where we would go if you did that and there's a place called i think nara island and it has it's deer island it's just deer fucking everywhere and i was like i love deer they're so beautiful and majestic and they're like yeah nara island man they just come up to you and like they're like hey what's up you want to chill and we're like sweet that sounds amazing yes japan we'll be

there and then we watch we watch the youtube video and these deer are like a hundred deer like biting a woman's like arms like biscuits you got biscuits in there give me the biscuit take your shirt off i want to make sure you got biscuits under there he's i know these deer are like weirdly aggressively sexual to make sure they get those biscuits and we saw that we're like nope because some of them had the horns and antlers and shit like poking people's brains out These women who are wearing almost no protective gear, they're in bikinis, are standing in the water, their footing is not great, and they are trying to feed hot dogs to these pigs. And they are instructed by Ben that if you don't want the pig to come at you anymore, you just cross your arms in front of your chest, which of course doesn't work. Yeah, no, they don't know sign language. at you anymore you just cross your arms in front of your chest which of course doesn't work yeah no these ones they don't know sign language um these women are almost universally terrified by

these pigs because these pigs in the pig's defense this is their life this is their life they swim around and they hunt for food and it's probably pretty scarce because they're feral pigs on a crazy island and it's a small island and what the fuck are they eating out there? Sand? Fish that swim into their dumb pig mouths? How do you think those pigs? Yeah. This is what I'm saying.

It's probably not a totally sick life. They're probably fed exclusively by women, by drunk women holding hot dogs. And the pigs are just like, this is my life. Can you not make a game out of this? Just drop it into my pig mouth. And if you don't, I am going to chase you around. Well, and the thing about the island, too, is there's, you know, unlike most of the places they go, there is not like a little area with couches and pillows where they can all sit and hang out when they want to get away. No.

There is nothing. There's nothing. Well, well, well, well, well. Let's be fair. There was like two dozen swimming fun pigs. Yeah, but you can't sit on a pig. There was a baby pig. There was a baby pig.

The women were like wrestling to see who could be the one holding the baby pig when Ben looked in their direction. It was a wonderful, I saw it and I said, this is going to be the most fun group date ever. And holy shit, was I wrong. Yeah, JoJo at one point, she's got like a group of pigs that are surrounding her and she is screaming in real terror. Yeah, no, there's real terror. I was talking more about the genuine discomfort that settled like a thick syrupy miasma

over this group of women and their suitor. Griffin made the point and it's true. Typically on a group date, when a woman gets time with Ben, the other women will have a secluded place they can go and talk to each other and not watch everything unfold. Right. This was an island that had no trees on it. A fairly perfectly flat island. No. I mean, when you saw it from the ocean, there were definitely trees on it, just not where they were. But almost the whole date took place in the ocean. Just like Ben swimming around being like,

why aren't you having a good time? This is fucking pig island. What the fuck is wrong with you? We're in the Bahamas and there's pigs. We're in the Bahamas and there's pigs and we're drunk and it's light.

We're young and we're fucking, our bodies are tight and beautiful. What the fuck's wrong with you? None of the women were having it. It was just a weird, it got weird for everybody. We're all dating each other and this is really, really genuinely weird and I don't like it. I think it's just a weird like it it got weird for everybody like we're all dating each other and

this is really really genuinely weird and i don't like it i think it's just because they had to like look at each other and confront like there was some early jealousy because he stole lauren be away and it was like well she's gonna win and america's like yeah um well and and leah is on this group date and we already know leah is upset to be on leah actually said that she would have rather been on the two on one because she's been on so many fucking group dates. It's like, girl, I get it. Like, yeah.

Yeah. I'm totally on on board with Leah. And she she is taking women aside and expressing her discomfort to them. So I imagine there is just a like a a pall over the date of just like this poor woman. We're all in this together. None of us are getting the time we want um and so ben starts confronting the women pulling them away and be like are you having fun or why are you not having fun why does everything feel weird and he's like talking to jojo and he's so desperate he's like jojo you get it though like you get it you know how it is

i think it's desperation care the fact of like that's what this show is and like even if you hadn't been on this show for like five weeks now you certainly have seen it over the past 20 fucking years that it's been on has it been it's been 20 seasons not 20 years okay i'm gonna, this show started in 1996. Certainly in the 20th season, you understand that it's a show about one person dating a bunch of people. And I got really frustrated in a totally new way, which I didn't think was going to be possible this season. I got really frustrated with everybody on the show because so many people said something to the effect of, like, it's just now sinking in that, like, some of us are going to be going home.

Really? It's just now sinking in that, like, some of us are going to be going home. Really? It's just now sinking in that, like, he's not going to marry nine of you? It was a weird day. It was. But what was delightful about it was that you would see these great moments between Ben and a contestant or the women talking to each other. And then, like, a little pig would float by. Or you'd hear these little snorts. Yeah, Leah finally voices her sadness sadness she's like i just don't

know why i'm here like you hear that like in the background a little bit it was like there and and he was trying to talk to somebody maybe it was jojo and they were talking and ben's trying to figure out what's going on, why does it feel so weird? And she's like, oh, there's a pig coming. It was an adorable and completely socially just completely, oh, it was a horrible, horrible date. Really bad date. It was.

It was really bad. Well, and so the evening comes, and it's like a little cocktail party at this, like, cool house. We should mention the show got very real when he was talking to Jojo, in that he was, like, basically saying, like, this episode of The Bachelor has really been uncomfortable for me. Like, he actually said, like, we've been doing this, and, like, I know that it's not ideal for any of us but like it is what it is and and here we are and for some reason like this one feels bad to me and it got like he was like pleading with jojo in a way to say like you know that you're on the bachelor right now right and it's the first time that like the he hasn't come at it from like a romance angle he's coming up from like almost a production angle that's true and he kind of did the same thing with becca he was talking to becca

and at some point she's like yeah it's awful and i hate it but you know i really really like you and it was just like you could tell like they're just trying to make me so mad that it took that long because like it shows the lack of gamesmanship this season that nobody realized that of the seven of us that are on this date, all of us are not having a great time. All of us are pretty uncomfortable. Literally all it would take is just one of us to be like, Ben, no, I'm having a great time. And then you win. That's literally all it would take is, Ben, I'm having just such a great time with you out here and these crazy pigs. Nobody does it.

What a great opportunity to be in the Bahamas with these pigs. So then we get to the cocktail party of the group date and this is where shit pops off in a way that in a million years i never would have expected yeah and i think part of it is because leah who you just think is going to be one of those contestants that fizzles out yeah that's just like oh i don't get enough time i'll never get time ben doesn't like me and then ben sends her home she's just she's just like, oh, I don't get enough time. I'll never get time. Ben doesn't like me. And then Ben sends her home. She's just going to do the moon boob shuffle right into the loud.

The moon boob shuffle. That's just the loud you just triggered like 10 different people's ASMR. I thought you were going to edit that out. No, no, that one's staying in. I have a big notebook that I keep my notes in. It's very big.

And it's very loud when I shuffle pages. And then you rub the rings of it if it gets in the microphone. It was a real one-man band. I thought you were going to edit it out. Paul, I didn't. I'm busy. Okay, so Leah gets time with Ben on this date. And Leah, out of nowhere, I think this is going to be Leah's time to really advocate for why she's great and why Ben should keep her.

Instead. Nope. She takes it in a different direction. And then she starts to talk about how, you know, some of the women here, it's just really hard for me to see you excited about them because they're not who you think they are and i think oh she's gonna bad mouth olivia okay that's the popular thing to do i knew exactly what she was doing did you know it was gonna be lauren b yeah because it had to be somebody on that date she's not just gonna start shit talking olivia because that would be insane like i know it has nothing to do with what you're doing as soon as she predict Lauren B. As soon as she started just saying, like, I'm about to shit talk somebody, I was like,

Leah's about to fucking blow up this whole game around herself. This is amazing. Like, of course she's going to lose, but fuck, she's going to go out big. She's going to go out swinging. I was psyched out of my mind. So, yeah, Leah just fabricates from whole—everybody we were watching with got confused. And I explained to them, like, no, she's fabricating this from whole cloth, making shit up.

Absolutely. Just saying there's someone that you're really close to who is different in the house than she is when she's with you. And I can't stand to see it. Cause it's somebody you've gotten really attached to. And it's Lauren B. And Ben's like, what?

And she's like, yeah, it's just like, I felt like I don't want to tattle, but it's just like, I felt like somebody should tell you. And right then Lauren B walks in the room and Lee's like, see ya.

And Ben confronts Lauren B about it immediately. Like as soon as she sits down, it's like somebody in the house has been talking shit about you. And she starts crying. Like she gets really upset. She's like, I don't know who would say stuff about me. Most women.

I mean, if you think about the odds, most women at some point say something awful to the camera. And you think, oh, okay, yeah, maybe they're awful. I don't think Lauren B. has ever said a single thing. She hasn't said anything. And that's the thing. Like, I think her confusion was so genuine.

Yeah. Because she knew, like, well, no, I'm this, I'm the, to use Unreal's terminology, I'm the wifey of this season. Yeah. I'm not, to use Unreal's terminology, I'm the wifey of this season. Yeah. I'm not the villain. I haven't done a single villainous act because I've had to maintain this wifey persona the whole time. And so, like, it's in, it was genuine confusion of just,

like, this wasn't in the script. It was very pure and very real, and it's why this is, like, one of the best episodes of this show I've maybe ever seen. Because, like, things just got completely turned on their head in a way that i a person who feels so confident like from episode one i can tell you the trajectory of the entire season of the bachelor uh did just like never never never never never would have expected yeah so lauren b is talking to ben she's like i don't know where this came from and ben's like hey i'm just telling you what

i heard she comes back to the group and she's like somebody said something to ben she's really upset and the women like take turns denying it and then leah i don't know where leah went she must have gone to the bathroom or something she comes in and they're like leah did you say something and leah's like no i would never do that like full you made it sound you made it her performance is actually a little bit better than that she's like what happened? Yeah. Somebody said something about Lauren B? What?

Like, her, she sold it, like, Lauren B? She goes as far to say, like, I wouldn't ever call anybody out by name like that. It was icy. It was like fucking, it was, it was some Gone Girl shit. And I was so deeply into it because it was this weird like complete heel turn of like i'm not doing any gameplay to further my game at all this season to like i know i've already lost the game so now i'm gonna go maximum gameplay just to fucking try and bite at somebody else's ankles i don't know i see you you make it sound real kamikaze but i really think she thought if i can lessen somebody else maybe i'll shine more she said that like if i can lessen somebody else maybe i'll shine more she

said that like if i can take out other women then i'll get a chance to prosper and it's like that's never ever ever been how this show works ever not never i think she was on some joker shit and like i've never seen anything like it before yeah it was it i have seen things like it before where like women go for each other and try to sabotage each other. But I've never seen it be like, I'm not getting any FaceTime on this season at all. So you know what? Fuck this show. I'm going to burn it down with me still in the house.

One of our friends brought up the point of maybe she watched Emily get the... Yeah, she watched Emily go after Olivia. And she saw that work. Yeah, now that she's... So she thought, well, I'm going to go after Lauren B and get my own little bump. My own little opponent. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Except, like, your opponent isn't the villain.

She is also... She's the wifey. Like, yeah. She even said it. She was like, you know, it's the person that you have the biggest amount of... Or, like, you have the most chemistry with. And so she like knew. She didn't sell it particularly well.

She's like, I'm going after the big dog. Yeah. And it did not succeed. It did not. Oh, yeah. He kind of like, he kind of sat on it. He's like, okay, and didn't make a big deal out of it that night. And then they went back home and she went back to his house.

Well, and he gets Amanda. He gives Amanda the rose, which is like, okay. Just because Amanda was nice. They edited the fuck out of that day. So they all go home, and then Leah sneaks out and goes to his house, which is the first time

it's happened this season, right? Yeah. It happens about every season. Usually at some point. It happens a few times every season. But usually it's for sexual reasons. Usually the contestant is trying to get some extra time

so they can get in some hands extra time some some extra time to get handsy with the person without anybody around um and leah just wanted to talk more shit about yeah she's like listen i wanted to clarify what i said about lauren b she's a real no good she's a real scamp and a real scoundrel and he said cool you need it's time for you to leave yeah ben's like you know i'm hearing you say this and he's telling us the viewer he's like you to leave the show. Yeah, Ben's like, you know, I'm hearing you say this. And he's telling us, the viewer, he's like, you know, she just came and we're just talking about Lauren B. the whole time. I'm not getting close to her.

And so Ben says, you know, something's missing. You know, I feel like we're not progressing. I kept you around because I couldn't imagine sending you home. But, like, now I can definitely imagine sending you home. Yeah, you gave me a football night one. And it was like, I felt amy the gorilla in congo or it's like we'd made some sort of connection that transcends language congo either amy football football amy amy football sports i'm sure that's very funny but i don't get it the people at home are loving it the congo the congo heads Congo heads. Yeah, she gets sent packing.

And this is when I started to realize, like, Ben's the fucking Axeman. Because he was very much like, even when somebody is a villain on this show, when the Bachelor or Bachelorette sends them home, they're usually pretty delicate about it. This was no joke. Ben was just like, I kept you around because we had that cool thing on night one and i couldn't imagine not sending you home but i don't have that anymore and it's time it's time for you to leave he said no he said we should say goodbye which i just thought was so artful yeah we should say goodbye you take it you take a the past couple guys you take a chris or a uh chris souls or who's the who was before him? Sean or Juan Pablo.

The other Ben. The other Ben. That's like all the bachelors I've seen so far. And none of them were, I mean, Juan Pablo is the diametric opposite in that like, I don't think any of the women on that season were exactly sure whether or not they were being sent home or not when they were actually being sent home. So much was his kibitzing with these send offs. But Chris Soules would just do like a hands in pockets, aw shucks. I don't know. Yeah, maybe you should leave.

Yeah. Yeah, this was your idea. You should go. Leaving was your plan. Ben is just like, you gotta go. You gotta go. It's time to bounce. When Ben makes a decision, like it is done.

He goes for it. How many times has he done that now? He sent home poor Jubilee, but he did it like dramatically. Like, you're right, it ain't cracking. You mean Jubilee. But he did it like dramatically like, you're right. It ain't it ain't cracking. You mean Jubilee? Yeah, that's what I said. You said Jubilee.

No, I didn't. I said Jubilee. Jubilee is the toe fungus. Okay. Now somebody made a joke about that in the Rosebuddies group. It got stuck in my head. Oh my God, I'm poisoned. My mind is poisoned.

Yeah, it was. Yeah, good. My mind is poisoned. Yeah. It was. Yeah. Good. You know what? Like Leah, Leah botched the delivery a little bit. Like she was on some next level shit and I was very psyched about it, but she did not stick the landing on it.

And it's it's it's the Game of Thrones, guys. You either end up married or you get got. And Lauren B seems really nervous of like, oh, maybe she got to him. Maybe maybe he's got it in his head now. But we all know. Like, nobody knows. You're going to win the season, Lauren B. Yeah, Lauren B's going to win.

Okay. Two on one date. Emily, Olivia. Olivia talking to the camera saying, Olivia and I are the same age. And I'm going to feel like I'm her mom the whole time. Like I'm babysitting. I love that shit. She is like.

Confidence Cohen. Yeah, right? She has no doubt that she is going to come out the victor. She probably was not as confident when Emily came out in her like full blown like, hey, did you know I'm from Las Vegas? Because check out, check my style out. The women both get in their swimsuits because they're doing like a boat date. And Olivia wears like a pretty, you know, conservative bathing suit. Well, I well i mean it's a bikini it's not like it's a one piece yeah but then emily comes out with this little fringy number she's wearing like a feather headdress like

yeah it was it was it was very provocative yeah it was it was wild um and then they get on a boat in the middle of a fucking white squall. Yeah. The weather is so... Bensal, sail with me. It's real safe. Bye. He's, like, delivering his lines at, like, a shout level.

Like, it's a great day in the Bahamas. Everybody... So it rained the whole day. And so, like, everything they said, like, listen, the connection's just not there. I think it's time for them to but we should probably split ways, don't you think? So they go to the beach. The rose is on a piece of driftwood with some barbed wire over it. I was distracted because I thought it looked like a TGI Friday's potato skin with a rose on it.

And then I got hungry for Guy Fieri's cuisine. for Guy Fieri's cuisine um so Ben first steals Olivia um and Olivia again has to explain what her issue is with the women she's like I'm not going to be forced myself to be friends with these women she's like I'm real deep I like news I like politics you know I'm really confident in who I am I know myself I know my body I body. I've been talking this whole season about how Olivia is the only person playing the game. And it's because she puts in the time. Like, she gets the time. The getting of the time is typically the hard part. And then once you get the time, you usually know what to do with it.

I'll say this about Olivia. She gets that time because she gets in there. She gets aggressive with those women. It's full contact bachelor. Once she gets that time, she has no fucking idea how to spend it basically at all no she's rambling and then she says that she's in love with him which typically gets you points but it just makes him more sure she like that they are not on the same page week one maybe you just to make an impression like i am the politics news woman i do the news i'm from texas i do the news and my mouth gets really big my name's

olivia look at my big mouth and i do the news and i'm from texas you got all that cool and then every other week you ask him about him because that's what like every read fucking any dale carnegie it's what he like every human being on earth wants is for other people to have asked questions about them yeah and she literally not once is like what do you like ben it's just i'm very smart and that's why the other women don't like me olivia you you you got halfway there you got possession of the ball a lot of turnovers a lot of interceptions no third down conversions a lot of field goals not even any field goals it was a zero point game for olivia some moving the chains lots of nope no moving the chains that would be a third time conversion. Anyway, she

was a disaster on this date and sort of made me look back in retrospect and realize like she's almost always kind of a disaster. Ben goes back to have his time with Emily and it is totally uneventful. Emily. It's sweet because the wind is like blowing her

hair in her face. Emily gets hair in her face and he moves it out of her face. Right, but it's almost comical how much hair like that she is constantly getting in his face her face and he's like trying to move it out to see her face and he's like i'm just gonna leave your hair like that she's like that's okay that's fine i like that i thought it was cute i mean yeah but it's not like i think the only reason she gets picked over olivia is because olivia crashes and burns so hard i don't think like him and emily have like a big future together i think well no they're not gonna she's not gonna win she's not gonna win the show but she's gonna make it to final four yeah absolutely i mean you thought that about olivia though okay is this what

we're doing getting me i'm just saying that episode to episode things change you don't know okay um well i guess we can talk about the fact that olivia gets sent the fuck home olivia gets sent home he picks up the rose which is like he picks up the rose and walks her way and you think like oh he's gonna give her the rose she literally said i love you keep that in mind like that's a that's a i can't remember the last time i've seen it where somebody tells somebody i love you for the first time and then they get sent right directly home like sometimes they'll do it you for the first time, and then they get sent right directly home. Like, sometimes they'll do it, you know, a few weeks in,

and then a few weeks later they'll get sent home. It's never this quick of a turnaround, and it's never, again, Ben, the fucking Axeman, has never delivered this, like, directly. But, like, I love you. Oh, that's great. Well, you told me that, and I appreciate your honesty, but here's my honesty. I don't see you later. Get on the boat. Yeah yeah he did the same thing he's done before where he's like

you know i i can't honestly say that i see a future with you or something well he takes it and he turns it he says i appreciate the honesty and you telling me that you love me here's my honesty i'm gonna stand in my tea it's not there yeah see you later actually don't get on the boat we'll get on the boat you're gonna die on the boat. You're going to die on this island, Olivia. Yeah, and they do the classic thing, and this may seem especially cruel, but it happens every season, where he takes the winner, they get on the boat, they go away, and we watch Olivia stand there, ankle deep in water, crying. crying well she starts she starts collecting resources to build a little shelter for herself because it's about to be full-blown hurricane it's about to be a full-blown monsoon and she needs a place to sleep that night our friend even made the joke of like what if that's how the next season of survivor started like a cast off on an island or bachelor in paradise like she just

rolls up in a boat made out of turtles that she made she fucking fishes for herself by like creating a cage made out of sticks that she like places fucking fishes for herself by like creating a cage made out of sticks that she like places over her open mouth that she just drags through the water and catches catches sea life like that because they can get into the mouth but they can't get out once you're once you're in that mouth like that's it cashing those chips game over what are we still doing like a metaphor right now no i, I'm saying literally, look at me. She takes three sticks, puts it over her mouth like that, and then just drags it through the water in a boat underneath her. And then when she comes up, she's got fish trapped in there and they can't get out. And then that fish is going to be her fish dinner for the night.

Winner, winner, fish dinner. That was the funny thing that Jubilee said last week that I couldn't remember. Yeah. If you're curious. So the cocktail party. Rest in peace, Olivia. Can we take a moment to talk about the only person that put in the work this season? Yeah.

No, I was. I thought Olivia was going to make it further just because she was so hungry and nobody else was. And they're getting hungry, but she was first to it. Yeah, you know, I mean the cards were stacked against her. That's an expression, right? The cards were stacked against her?

Yeah, she was holding up the cards. But I you know, Ben he turned on a dime a little bit. I just, I thought like he had some realem for her, and then it just entirely disappeared. I think he was probably, looking back, probably had been instructed to keep her on. He had definitely been instructed to keep her on. Because, like, the people that he's favoring are people like Kyla001, genetically engineered to be good at this game.

Lauren B., who, who like whenever they have flight attendance whenever they have discussions it's like oh that's legit like you guys are actually like talking and like having a nice conversation and it's legit and you're actually literally telling each other things about the other person and that's nice you think he's already like picked his top two and kyla's lauren b yeah i know but we don't know because that fucking teaser which we will get to at the end of the episode, shit looks like it gets absolutely banana splits. So let's just really quickly go through the end of the episode. Yeah, because nothing else happened except for the rose.

Yeah, Ben comes back. Cocktail party is canceled. Everybody's nervous. JoJo and Lauren B are like, I don't know if I got enough time with him. They try to sell it like Lauren B is like, I don't know. I think I might go home, gang. And so they do the rose ceremony and lauren h goes home uh which you saw coming a mile away yeah no she cries with her whole body which i thought was like a real ugly cry and i

felt that i did not say she has an ugly cry i said she cries with her whole body which meant she felt it she got in there and she like really did CrossFit. You might be saying that now. While we were watching the episode. I didn't say I would cry. I wouldn't say that about a person in their most vulnerable state. I wouldn't say that about a person. You did say a lot of things about the expression she was making. I did not say anything about her face.

Okay. I said she's doing a full body cry. She's doing CrossFit. She's putting in the hard work. This is her daily bird limo session. So that's the end of the episode. And then we get a teaser. Can we talk about what happened in the post credits before we talk about the teaser?

Because the teaser we should talk about the last. But in the post credits it showed they opened the door to get the date card. And when JoJo closes the door behind her after retrieving a date card, what looks like a bat flies into the house and it's flying around and all the women are running away from it. Except Jojo is like chasing it. And I'm like, Jojo,

what are you doing? Get out of there. And then Jojo just like reaches behind a couch and just grabs this fucking thing by the wing. And I'm watching this, like this woman is Xena warrior, princess queen of the bats. But it was actually just a big black butterfly.

It was a big butterfly. Bahamas, you're crazy. Your butterflies are sick. Swimming pigs and bat-sized butterflies. We got to get down to there. That's where the season finale of Rose Buddies will be filmed. God, I wish. It won't be because that'll be like April and I have shit to do this year.

Yeah. Okay, now can we talk about the teaser? Yeah, because wow. Everybody's crying all the time. Everybody's crying. And we get our first look at how the finale might end up. Is there anything of substance before we talk about what happens at the final limits? I don't think there's anything worth talking about besides that.

A lot of Kayla. A lot of Kayla, a lot of Lauren B, no surprises there. Some Emily. Some Emily, a surprising amount of Emily, a lot of Amanda. Oh,

we see him interacting with Amanda's kids. Yes. Which is like, that's hometowns, right? It's gotta be. Yes. And Emily makes a comment to the camera that she has met Ben's parents.

Yeah. Which Rachel and I got really psyched about. Because when we lost- Wait, that's final two. No, final three, maybe. Maybe, we'll see. I don't know. I don't know how it happened.

Well, he does things a little different. So maybe- He does. So it shows two things. The first thing is him sitting on some porch steps with Chris Harrison, just like fucking kicking back, drinking a wine and kugel, drinking a fucking New Belgium, drinking a Shock Top, just, like, chilling and, like, broing out with his beer bud, Chris H. And Chris H announces his retirement.

It's, like, it's Drew Carey or Bud. No, stop making that joke. And they're just, like, kicking some brews and just, like, fucking hanging out and just, like, talking about how, like, how they work out, just, like, if their bodies are all good. And I'm just like talking about how, like how they work out, just like get their bodies real good. And I'm like taking notes like, yeah, that's my thing. But then Chris Harrison's like,

if you do this, it's going to change everything. And I'm like, Hmm, what could it be? I'm so excited. We get, we get some scenes.

And it is Ben talking about how he's in love with two women not especially unusual that happens sometimes i want to be clear here i don't think he actually says i'm in love with two women he says i'm in love with someone else i don't know how i can propose i'm about to propose to this person i don't know how I can do it when I love this other person more. And it's like, well, it just sounds like you fucked up a little bit, Ben. There could be three women. Because what's crazy to me is that it shows him putting a woman into the limo and shutting the door behind her. And then it shows that exact same shot a second time. Could it be that the top two get sent packing and he calls

up third place finisher possibly because that's the thing it shows him on the phone it shows him calling the phone and he says i've got a caller i just have to tell her how i feel and then you hear a woman say hello hello and they have to have like edited that right like that was like a producer saying hello so you don't give away whose voice it is well i don't know that i'd recognize a voice i probably would recognize wow this is a long episode of bros buddies huh it would be there's a lot of stuff um it looked it looked at bananas it looked absolutely nutty it looked like we're about to have a who was the guy who uh i proposed to the to the winner and then mesnick at the after the final rose if you if you've never watched the show before it was one of the more uh uh unpredictable finales uh after so there's the last episode and

then immediately after oh the week before the finale they do a reunion for uh everybody what what do they call that women tell all the women tell all or the men tell all it will be the women tell all this season um that's gonna be a rowdy one this is probably gonna be a weird episode of rose buddies for that episode huh but then on the finale they do the finale and then immediately afterwards they do after the final rose where they talk about like so are you guys still engaged and a lot of the times the answer to that question is no uh but they talk about like their love and how great it is and then that's where they usually announce the next Bachelor or Bachelorette. Sometimes they do it at Mintel Hall. Mesnick said he brought out his fiancee and they were like, yeah, we're broke up.

And Mesnick's like, because I'm in love with the second place winner. And then she came out and then they hooked up and they're still married. Just so you know, we didn't actually watch the season. We just know the lore very well. Right. That's like, but that's silly.

That's like, that's weird to be like, I changed my mind. I'm going to go with the runner up. Yeah. And then it's also going to be one of maybe three successful marriages in this show's history. That seems to be what they're teasing for this finale. We have no way of knowing whether or not that's actually what happens. No, but it looks like it. It's definitely teased. Yeah. we have no way of knowing whether or not that's actually what happens no but it looks like it's

yeah um it looks like it's gonna be a it's it's i've been pretty critical of this season because it's been pretty slow uh until this episode this episode was balling this episode was like everything i love about this show and more and a beautiful little package um and if they can if they can deliver some twisties i think they're gonna turn this season around i think a big part of it was ben turning himself around for me uh because it's been a while since i've had like a main that i've like liked uh you know did you say a main yeah like a man we need a word for it because we can't just say bachelor or bachelorette because it's not efficient but like uh andy i thought was kind of a letdown when paul was a giant like the biggest letdown basically yeah it was a big letdown

it was a big letdown chris was like fine chris is okay sean was great at the end but sean wasn't great for a lot of it yeah um ben hasn't been like especially dope except i liked how buzz he got for dates oh man yeah but but now he's now he's he's efficient man he's like a shark get him the wires just got to keep swimming forward he's like a swimming pig he's like a shark. Get him in the water. He's just got to keep swimming forward. He's like a swimming pig. He's like a swimming pig. Should we finish? Yes. You know, I was talking to Griffin earlier. We don't have a sign-off for this show.

I don't know what it should be. It would be nice if we had one. Oh, we've got to do our housekeeping. Go to the, if you like our show, go to Facebook and go to the Rose Buddies group. It's literally, guys, it's hysterical. Somebody, we don't have it open right now, so I don't have any of the names and I apologize, but somebody made a mashup of the Battlestar Galactica intro where, you know, the Cylons are created by man.

They look and feel human. All that stuff, but set to Kyla001 and it's fucking hysterical. I was, I was ruffling, ruffling real hard. I love the Facebook group is some of the funniest people. Some really great observations about Ben's finger sizes, which you will not be able to unsee. Yes. It's Mark Roflo up in there.

I love it to death. It's real good. I just got that. Rachel's on Twitter at Rachel C. McElroy. I'm on Twitter at Griffin McElroy. We're also on Twitter as Rose Buddies Cast if you want to see me at the show use the hashtag Rose Buddies Cast we're not doing anything about it yet but it's fun to see

and thank you for the reviews on iTunes it's always really exciting for me to see yeah we hope you're enjoying the show we'll figure out how to sign off what if we said let me hit you guys with this let's not settle on this outro right now.

But let us know if we end every episode with, I ain't that white. Is that going to be? No, I hate that. Please no. Well, I and my brother, my brother mean by saying, kiss your dad square in the lips. And you think I like that? No. It's phonetically and like mentally unpleasant.

I don't want recordings of us every week saying, I ain't that white. Well, people are going to have recordings of us saying, i ain't that white people are gonna have recordings of us saying i ain't that white every week because guess what i'm gonna mention that on every episode of this show for the fullness of time because it's the weirdest thing i've ever heard somebody say look at what's it gonna be if not i ain't that white we ain't that white stay with us on this journey of joy. Spoiler alert. She ends up with Soulja Boy. Right reasons. Right reasons.

Can't figure out all four seasons.