Wonderful! - Episode 7: Ghost Ride the Boat

Episode Date: February 16, 2016

This week's Bachelor was a fairly tame lead-up to the absolute FIRE that is Hometowns, but there were still plenty of noteworthy occurrences. Like that time that Ben piloted a boat into a crowd of women, or when Ben made a woman eat a french fry out of his mouth like a mama bird. MaxFunDrive ends on March 29, 2024! Support our show now by becoming a member at maximumfun.org/join.

Maybe you should go and do some contemplating. Right reasons, right reasons, being a good girl for all the right reasons. Right reasons, right reasons, being a good girl for all the right reasons. I'm the best you've read and I'm rapping to your poolside. Here to find true love, one man for my whole life. What do you think you're doing? Super water zero. Yeah, I know.

Yeah, I know. Yes, I can see what you're drinking what what's written right there on the cap you can't what's written on with a marker right there on the cap griffin what and that's not all it says says griffin's podcast potion you can't dangle the sweet nectar in front of me week after week and not expect me to dip in. You're right. My only counterpoint is I can do that. Find your own net.

Find your own podcast potion. You guys, vitamin A, vitamin C. You're about to pour this on my dick. Calcium. If you pour Superwater Zero out on the floor where I can't drink it, then I'll be double mad. At least now I know you're getting the nutrients. Let's begin. Hi, this is Rachel McElroy. Hi, this is Griffin McElroy.

And this is Rose Buddies. This is Rose Buddies. This is Rose Buddies. This is the seventh episode of Rose Buddies. That seems like a lot to me. It feels like we've only been doing it for like a little bit. But seven's a bunch. That's almost two months worth of podcasts. Boy, we're really getting down to it now, aren't we?

Ooh, final six. There's a lot of deliberation. It's a real horse race. It's going to be a photo finish. I'll tell you that. It's not going to be a photo finish. Lauren B is going to win. Let's talk about the 20th anniversary. A lot to talk about this week.

Yeah. Sunday we have the 20th anniversary special. So I've only been watching the show since, when did we start dating? 2011? Yes. For five years now. Ben Fulgenlik was my first. And you always remember your first.

Except I don't remember him. All I remember is he was kind of a weirdo, and he picked the worst woman, and he said, oh, my dad. Yes. We talked about that at length. We have to have. I don't think we have. Or did we on the first episode? His father passed away, which is like, that's legitimately very sad.

Except he was on top of some Incan ruin with courtney who was despicable and who won uh and he's standing there looking at the vista and he just says oh my dad that's a thing i like to say sometimes no ben it's not a thing you've never said it you said it now just to like screen test it and the the the the reviews are in we hated it. The 20th special was a combination retrospective on the Bachelor, Bachelorette, Bachelor Pad, Bachelor in Paradise series. So many wonderful, so many fine products. And also the wedding of Jade and Tanner. Jade and Tanner from last season's BIP. Yes, they met on Bachelor in Paradise, which we also call BIP.

Yeah, they figured that out. Our listeners are very, very smart. No, we did a poll, a Gallup poll, and our listeners, their average IQ is above 130. That's pretty good, right? Yeah, that's pretty good. My Ben Flujanek tangent was to say there's a lot of this show I apparently haven't watched. Because there was some shit up on this 20th anniversary special i say anniversary which i guess means years they've had 20 seasons yes um what is it like their 11th actual year of doing it i'm not sure um and some shit has

gone down there was a screaming argument between a woman named vienna and a man named jake i did not know them but this shit got pretty high can you walk me through what happened there yeah so on that season jake had it narrowed down to two women velka right yes his brother was on biggest loser for a season yes and it's like you're not handsome enough there's only room in this town for dolvett we watch a lot of reality television yeah too much too much. So the big thing with Jake's season, he was a pilot. He had it narrowed down to two women. One was a real sweetheart. Was this the On the Wings of Love season?

Yes. Oh, wonderful. And I think it was down to Tenley, I want to say. Do you remember her from Bachelor in Paris? I do remember Tenley, yeah. I think it was Tenley or, okay, it was either Tenley or Lindsay or Ashley. You could just be making shit up right now. It does not matter.

And Vienna. And Vienna was kind of the villain of that season. She just, she was no holds barred. I'm going to get what I want. A real Courtney. Yeah, I make poor choices both with my fashion and with my romantic life. Oh my God, baby. I know.

She could be listening to this. Her dad could be listening to this. Well, this was a while ago, so she's probably great now. And he picked her, and then immediately... Oh, not on the Wings of Love? No.

Immediately after the finale, they go to this breakup special. And everybody out in the world had known they'd broken up because it was all over the tabloids. The bloids. The bloids. As we call them here on Rosebuddies.

Folks, the bloids are a supplement to this podcast. If you're not scoping those bloids, then you are only getting half the Rosebuddies experience. Well, a third. If you're not watching the show, then you're getting... You have to watch us, the show, and read the bloids.

Don't avoid the Bloid. So immediately after the finale aired, Chris Harrison, Vienna, and Jake sit down to talk about their breakup. And man, they are throwing punches. Vienna is talking about Jake's just lack of willingness to make love to her. And Jake is talking about how mad he is at Vienna for selling him out to the tabloids. They are yelling at each other.

The bloids. You sold me up the bloids. Yeah, the part that I saw that was a particularly heated exchange, they were talking about the most dramatic moments to ever happen on the show. And second place was the time where a dude picked a woman as the winner. And then in the After the Final Rose special, he was like, nope, not you, picking the other one, picking the second place. That changed my mind.

And I saw that and I was like, what the fuck could be more dramatic than this? This was more dramatic than this. Because he's talking about how you sold me up the river to the Bloids. And she's like, no, I didn't. And he said, would you please stop interrupting me? And she starts crying. And I was like, Chris Harrison, you're not going to step in? Yeah, you could tell that things were really bitter for them.

Because when she starts crying, he has no reaction. There is nothing. Yeah, that was pretty brutal, pretty savage. But there were a lot of positive memories too that we can look back on including their retrospective of the short-lived but totally wonderful bachelor pad oh i think we should spend some time talking about this because um i feel like in every season of the bachelor there is an episode like right before hometowns because in hometown stuff starts popping off you got we only got three episodes left right well and then the the women tell all but you got hometowns which is final four fantasy

suites which is final three and then the final two which is the finale um but right before that you get an episode where just fucking nothing happens and that was kind of this episode i don't think that's true two women went home they met as some people met his parents they went to mcdonald's cheesy crazy anyway i want to talk about the bachelor package we've never talked about it it was amazing it was the it was the precursor to bachelor in paradise bachelor in paradise is the whose line is it anyway of the bachelor franchise where it's just like go to this island and i don't know kiss each other give hand jobs and hot tubs whatever $45 dates that we've prepared.

Right. Bachelor pad had rules. You had a partner who was a member of the opposite sex. Maybe you smooched him. Maybe not. That was up to you. Yeah. Sometimes it was just strategy.

Sometimes there'd be some star-crossed lovers where partners would fall in love with each other's partners. It was very sexy. But then there were challenges. You could get immunity, and you voted somebody off at the end of each of each episode um and then at the end they do the fucking awesome prisoners dilemma shit where i think they had 250 000 prize and you have to vote keep or share if both people share it uh they split it halfway if both decide to keep it then the other players who aren't in the finale split it evenly uh but if one person says keep and one person says share the person who says keep gets to keep it and the first two seasons

everybody shared it and then the last season a dude totally kept it and it was the best moment in television history uh because he was kind of nothing the whole time it was it showed such a flaw in this kind of it's kind of like we talk about this season where there's this unspoken code of conduct and this man had been paired talk about this season where there's this unspoken code of conduct. And this man had been paired up with this woman on Bachelor Pad. Who just hated his fucking guts. Yeah, never gave him the time of day, made it very clear this was not her preferred partnership. And so he's thinking, why am I going to share with her?

So then they unlikely make it to the finale. It's just the two of them. And she's like, I just had such a fun time with you. And he's like, yeah, me too. A keep. And she's like, how could you do this to me? And she's like, I just had such a fun time with you. And he's like, yeah, me too. A keep. And she's like, how could you do this to me? He's like, I won the game. This was a game and I beat you at it.

And I'm like, yeah, game record. Everybody, most of the people who were on the show were like, yeah, he won the game. Like, he outplayed you. Yeah. Outwitted, outlasted. That's some dope shit. Man, Survivor starts up in two days. Fuck, yeah.

Amazing Race is back. all our stars are aligning anyway it was a really fun special uh jayden tanner got married we have to see a lot of return contestants come back talk about what they're doing now there's a really gross interaction with ashley s and my boy chris harrison who i i love, but he said some pretty bogus shit, where Ashley S., who is this total weird beard, I love her to death. She's so great. She was like the queen of the non sequitur. She would do her little one-on-ones with the camera, and she would just say the craziest stuff. Yeah, she would be in the middle of an interview and be like, is that an onion growing on that tree?

And everybody, America is like, what? No. And she's like, no, it's a pomegranate. And she goes over and plucks it. And she's like, it is a pomegranate. I think it was an orange. No, it was a pomegranate. Is that what pomegranates look like?

Yeah. Shit's crazy. I guess I'm no better than her. Anyway, she's seven months pregnant. And Chris Harrison was like, seven months, huh? Well, that would have been right after Bachelor in Paradise. And she was like, yep. And he was like, wow, that happened pretty quick, huh? did and you guys are just you guys are engaged now yeah this whole thing's coming

together pretty quick huh yeah hey chris put that shit on ice my dude can you fucking calm down can you not be like a narc about this for a second which was made it all the more hilarious when erica who is another former contestant came up and she's like yeah i'm pregnant we're getting married you know shotgun wedding she just like was just like yeah i know i know what you're thinking chris harrison just leaned into it and you're not gonna shame me uh jayden tanner got married carly sang a song jayden carly became like hot hot but not hot that was the hottest romance of that season was their friendship that blossomed it was fucking beautiful carly got her heart broken to a trillion just going in for another sip, huh?

Ooh, that's a chugga-glug. Was that punishment? I had a tickle in my throat. Carly got her heart ripped out like fucking Indiana Jones in the Temple. Oh my god, Kirk. Kirk just gave it to her.

She wrote a song about that, too. I think it was called Blindsided. Yeah, it was. My God. Probably, like, in parentheses, Kirk's song. It was, I think, called Kirk's song. So, yeah, she sang a little song. And it was so nice.

And she was like, I love you. You look so pretty. And I was like, you both look so pretty. You know who else sang a little song? Who? Seal? Yeah, Seal sang a song. And they actually got some crowd chatter people like is that seal that's fucking great yeah that would also be my reaction if seal just appeared in a place where you were and then ashley i another

gross thing ashley i is um did they try to position her as a villain at all or was she just a goober the whole season no she yeah she just didn't know what she was doing. Ashley I. is a very pretty... If you saw her, you would assume she is a type of contestant on this show that she absolutely is not. You would see her and be like, oh, I bet you she's going to be the pretty, assertive, confident... No, she's a very pretty, giant goobus, like with no social skills whatsoever. Yeah, there were a few things that kind of signified her. I mean, she was a virgin first, which is always a big deal on this show.

She compared herself to Princess Jasmine, was very interested in princesses. Several times. There was a princess date that she didn't get picked for, and so she put on her princess dress that she had brought with her. And ate corn on the cob. And ate corn on the cob. I love Ashley. I think she's hysterical. She's my favorite goober that's been on this show. But she fell in love with Jared, who was

on Desert, or Caitlin, or whose fucking season was she even? Caitlin. She was on Caitlin's season. And they both met. And they both met and she was like crazy about him and he was not feeling it. And there were like 15 different conversations they had during the course of that show where she's like, I just don't understand why you don't feel this. And he's like, I'm sorry.

I just I just don't feel this. And then it showed them here and they're like, no, we're just really good friends. And I was like, oh, good. I'm glad that they could grow. And then right there at the very end of the special, she was like, how come it's not happening between us? And it was like this weird five minute, like, everybody was having this crazy party inside, which I definitely wanted to be a fly in that wall. Well, and Jared made it very clear that he had been forced to have this exchange on the steps. Because he literally says while they're on the steps, why are we even here? Like, I guess we should talk about Jade and Tanner.

Yeah. You could tell he got pushed into it yeah like i get why they would try to set that like it's gross but like you gotta try to set that situation why did that make the show like it was just a weird it was literally like here's some of our favorite memories oh and here's some people we're gonna talk to them and then here's this wedding and then here's how crazy we get when we get the whole bachelor family together now here's some people. We're going to talk to them. And then here's this wedding. And then here's how crazy we get when we get the whole Bachelor family together. Now, here's five minutes of this same drama that we had at Bachelor in Paradise all fucking season. Are you into it?

Because nothing's going to happen still. Okay, see you next time. Bye. Yeah. I don't know why it made the cut. It made me feel bad for both of them. Should we get on to the episode? Let's get into the episode.

I was a little bit distracted tonight, not because I was cooking for my friends, but because we were watching the Grammys. We had to watch Lin-Manuel do his thing, and the Lin-Manuel and company in Hamilton do their thing on the Grammys. You know, he's actually a fan of Rosebuddies. He's listened to all the episodes. Doesn't watch the TV show. Does not watch The Bachelor.

He does scope those boys, though. The man puts in the effort. Anyway, I heard Kendrick was good. And I heard Adele's piano ate her microphone. I definitely want to go back and watch both of those. But let's talk about the episode of The Bachelor. I mean, that's probably what everybody's here for. Final six.

We got, who we got? Becca. We got Becca. We got Jojo. We got Emily. We got Lauren. We got Kyla and Amanda. Sure, I know all of them.

They gave us a quick rundown. And Lauren B. Did I say Lauren B? You did. Okay. Ben's talking to his parents, Dave and... I wish I remembered the mom's name because she was fucking amazing. I don't know her name.

She was so good. Let's just call her Sally Field because that's what she reminded me of. So he's talking to Dave and Sally and just like giving a rundown on all the women. And we were hoping to get some sort of like. Yeah, I really was furiously taking notes because I thought, okay, he's going to say something that's going to be revealing on which side he's going to end up on. And he really didn't. I was very confused early on in the episode because he was like this week we're in warsaw and i was like what the fuck what like that's a great

you're good hey guys we're going from the bahamas to to to poland like what but no we're talking about warsaw indiana yeah this is we saw this place on Ben's first night on the show. We saw him driving around and showing us his high school. Oh, that's right. And then we went back and this time brought the ladies. Apparently there's a big, big lake in Warsaw, Indiana. We open up with Ben on a motorboat that he is just, go back and watch it. He is ghost riding the whip like fucking captain

jack sparrow at the beginning of pirates of the caribbean like just sailing this boat in at a like 45 degree angle into the dock where all the women are standing and there's a genuine look of concern on like three of their faces as they lean down to like push the boat away from the dock no no it is kaila kaila takes the full force of that boat with her two hands. With her fucking Cylon strength. He tries to crash a boat. Is he drunk already? Like six minutes into the episode,

he is ghostwriting a boat into these six women and this dock. He spends a lot of time on a boat this episode, but does not seem like an experienced boatsman. No, because he almost fucking kills six. He almost racks up six fatalities televised. This is a very special episode of The Bachelor. In remembrance of these six women and a boat and a dock. Actually, Kayla survived.

Ben's dead now. Kayla was cut in half, but now she's just two people because she regrew using her bio-organisms. Yeah, that was hysterical. He did it again, too, when he was, like, pulling into a dock. And, like, all of the women were like, can you slow down? Because you're going, like, straight. He was, the dock is pointing straight out, and he's coming into the end of it like he's going to give it a kiss on the nose. Like, that's not how you dock with anything.

Stop it. The ladies pile on the boat. They get off to their their rental house um and they're sitting there and ben's sitting with them and ben says lauren because he can just say lauren now because there's only one oh thank god he says lauren you have 30 minutes to get ready and all the women were sitting there and they were very upset to have to watch yeah jojo says something effective this is the first time he's ever like actually done it and not just done it with a card and it feels more intimate like yeah i guess so yep uh lauren piles into a old truck with no seat belts

i will have you know yeah um that doesn't seem like they should be able to use those what's the what's the law on because i know Google got themselves driving cars now, and those can legally be the drivers now? They just passed a law like, yeah, robots can be the drivers. Good news, Kayla. Equal rights. But I think at a certain point, technology, we should just be like, when we let something new like Google drivers in, we take something old out. Like old-ass, shitty trucks the size of boats with no seat belts we know how ben handles a boat which is to say poorly i don't see why he's allowed to drive a land boat

which is to say this seat beltless truck but i guess i mean driving through warsaw it's not like he was coming into any any real traffic there no and i guess all they have are old seat beltless trucks there which they just like hit each other and just like instantly negate each other's movement um yeah so he he drives her around shows her the school shows her his church shows her the movie theater and then he tells the kiss story uh not a good story but they did have a cute interaction where she recreated their kiss and it was nice yeah he says he was nervous to kiss somebody and he asked and there were so many

genuine moments like i always point those out of like oh well that's real oh that's real because they're few and far between there were like nine of them on this date like lauren b's gonna win yeah um they go to the baker youth club where uh we find out that, quote, Big Ben worked for four years. Yeah. Some fun stuff happens there. They had some basketball guests come in. I want to talk about fucking Ronnie or Robbie. Ronnie.

You sure it's not Robbie? It is Ronnie the Half Court King. I think it's Robbie. No, no, no. It's Ronnie. I think it might be Robbie. All right. Whatever. Ronby. Ronby.by ronby they're like here's

here's our half court king ronby ronby is gonna get a half court shot and if he does then you're gonna have to kiss lauren and we're all like that's pretty weird low stakes for this kid to drain a sick half court bucket oh my god puts it-roo. Yeah, it started to feel like the whole season of The Bachelor was just built around this kid getting his break. Set up, Ron B doing his fucking Bernie Sanders, nothing but net, hoop dreams. This kid, they kept showing him just like, oh, what's up?

Oh, you want another kiss? How about 10 kisses in a row? Buckets, buckets, buckets, buckets buckets buckets buckets is that the noise that basketball makes that's when the net when you get it in real good it goes yeah see if you hit the rim it goes like but it can still go in but if it doesn't hit that it just goes we call that a nothing but net or a swoosh if we get a swoosh then it's like anyway wow. Anyway, Ron B is the greatest basketball player to possibly ever live. And then the Indiana Pacers show up, which I guess are big basketballmen. Okay.

There are two members of the Indiana Pacers and the coach and the mascot. There's more people on it. What is the Indiana Pacers mascot? I didn't notice that. Is it just a man really nervous? It's actually Pacey from Dawson's Creek. Oh, my God. I'd love love that i would love that too i mean he looks like a big blue cartoon man because they took some liberties but yeah that's pacey in there uh a lot of dawson's creek illusions in this episode because there's a lot of

there were a lot of people crying a lot of people crying has been boated away from um uh speaking of crying there was a little boy named Eric who was sitting against the wall crying. And meanwhile Lauren B is out chatting with the gals like the little kids. And Ben comforts the little boy. We weren't sure what

did he say? His dad is in the army? He was wearing an army shirt and I think maybe we jumped to conclusions. It was just a sweet moment, man. He picked up this little boy and started doing basketball exercise with him and gave him a high five and just like me watching that just flooded my basement right there that's when lauren b was like i think he's gonna be a really good dad oh you too you're gonna be married forever that's the new i'm gonna put my seal of approval on this i know i've been quick to quick to seal in past seasons what with je Jeff with 1F and Emily.

But I'm going to put my seal. This is the new Sean and Catherine. You're saying that? That was the seal. It's on there. This is a. But we know from the teaser that he falls in love with two women. You're a notary public.

This is a legal form now. If you have. You should have voiced these qualms to me before I sealed it. You're a notary public. Your career's on the line.'m not that's not true rachel's a notary don't ask me to notarize anything rachel will notarize anything you want what is a notary what do you what do you need them for uh i mean if you're submitting documentation to like a government entity entity you need somebody to say yeah this person is really rachel she showed me documentation i know she's really rachel that's crazy what but then they could just make up their own shit that

seems like a crazy well they swore the notary's oath that's a good point i didn't consider that yeah uh they go back to ben's place uh they fuck no what if they did? Yeah, and then it was weird. They just did it. They had... It's just Chris Harrison turns to the camera. It's like, ladies and gentlemen, they just did it. They just did the damn thing. Rambi was like, hey, if I make a full court shot, you two got to get down tonight.

And they're like, Rambie, whatever you say, man, but that's a, oh my God, Rombie! You heard what he said. Ben has tearaway pants that he just rips off. He's ready to go. Do you think Rombie

is on some zapped shit? I don't, I don't. It was a sex romp starring, I think, Scott Baio. And he had telekinesis. And he would use it just mostly to commit what I am now realizing were basically sex crimes. Wait, how do you know about this? Zapped?

Yes. It's like porkies. It's like a part of the American cultural landscape. With Scott Baio? Scott Baio, Willie Ames. Zapped. A high school science nerd gains telekinetic powers after a laboratory accident and uses them for revenge upon bullies. Hey, IMDB. That's not how I remember it.

I remember Scott Baio taking a lot of women's clothes off with his mind powers. Wait, was Willie Ames also on Charles in Charge? Charles in Charge. He was. Wow. A lot of work together. Anyway, I think Ron B had telekinetic powers that were given to him by Dr. Love. Now, hold on.

I know what you're wondering. Why would Dr. Love give him telekinetic powers so that he could make a full court shot ensuring that Ben and Loren would make love with each other when Kyla 001 is obviously his protege? And the answer to that is, I haven't figured it out yet. Okay. Just edit that in later. I think maybe Kyla has turned on Dr. Love's mission.

And so Dr. Love is setting up the fucking pieces, the house of cards, to ensure that Loremb wins the television program. And he did that with a telekinetic boy named Ronby, the full court hero. So why even do those half court shots? Just to set up some stakes? Yeah. Well, he can do a half court shot, but a full court shot is, at the very least, twice as difficult. full court shot is at the very least twice as difficult so yeah i'll put i'll i'll put up some sex as a as a bargaining chip as a bet as a wager griffin they don't have to have sex to fall in

love no i know that but it helps so they're at the place they're not uh having sex uh lauren b is reiterating that Ben can trust her. You know, that that rumor about her being fake is not true. And he says he does trust her. And then he takes her to Rex's Rendezvous, which is a dive bar in his town. And there are some friends appearing at the table. And then it's immediately over. Yep, that's it.

And then Lauren lauren tells the camera that she is in love with ben and that's the end of the date i like it man these are my here's what happened on this date they made love for the first time their bodies intertwined exchanging heat and learning knowing exploring finding each other's things that they like, intimately speaking. So that happened. He introduced her to a lot of people who were very important to him, like Ronby, and like the old leader of the place he used to work at, and then all of his friends at a bar at his favorite bar.

He's like setting her up. Like, this is going to be day one when i onboard you yeah but under that argument you could say he was setting emily up because emily got to meet his parents or he's setting amanda up because boy this motherfucker loves to crush him some mcdonald's oh man okay well before we do that we should talk about jojo's date uh i don't remember oh yeah that's where they went to yeah wrigley field they go toy City. JoJo immediately remarks that it is windy. Can I do a quick cursory? Okay.

That's a two-hour fucking drive from Warsaw to Chicago. They can't just be like, and now we're in Chicago. You're looking at least four and a half hours of driving to get that shit done. Maybe they helicoptered. We don't know. They probably did helicopter. hours of driving to get that shit done. Maybe they helicoptered. We don't know.

They probably did helicopter. Anyway, they went to Wrigley Field and they tried to pretend like it is a beautiful American treasure and not a place where you can just piss wherever you want. Yeah, they go out on the field, they hit some balls, then they go up on the

scoreboard and they make out and they write like Ben and jojo uh they have little baseball jerseys that say mr and mrs higgins they open up the scoreboard to climb up in it and a hundred thousand rats pour out of it and like three drunk men and like three drunk men surfing on the rats um anything happened on this date we're talking about yeah i mean the one thing that happens so they have me a meal they spend all day at ridley field and they have a meal out on ridley field and ben talks about how he wonders what's going on with jojo jojo says she's scared which

is a big theme this week all the women are scared um i guess because it's final six or whatever well and also just the the wriggly rat King could, like, strike at any time and just, like, take you into the underfield where you'll be his baseball bride. And so Ben admits that he's worried, and I tried to write down word for word what he said. I wrote down, I think my fear comes from just the idea that at some level, I guess I just question whether your feelings are there. Which is, I just, I had to write that.

Ben's construction is so complicated. A lot of people said a lot of gobbledygook bullshit this week. And then Jojo just says, you know, I'm here, clearly, and I, you know, I've been in a relationship before where people were giving more than me or I was giving more than them rather. And it was the most abstract. It was the weirdest way I've ever heard anybody talk about a relationship before where she literally said something along the lines of like, I had that person before where it was like I gave 150% and then they just weren't like doing it back to me. And it's like I've had that before and then that was that person. You know, it was like she was trying to do what Kyla did, whereas like I'm going to give you a complicated reason that I'm on the fence and then reel you back in. But she didn't have the expertise to do it.

No, or the programming. Yeah. And then he said, I guess what I want to know is are you still team ben and she said oh i'm definitely team ben and it's like hey guys whatever fucking team is she gonna be on she doesn't get to choose ronby ronby i'm sorry ben i've heard about ron i've heard about ronby i've heard that he has well telekinesis which is like i don't i wouldn't even know where to begin is this another charleston charge zap to reference no he i don't think he ever uses his like telekinesis to like it was very much it was like that patrick stewart episode of extras where he's talking about the movie that

he wants to create or he's like professor x like an x-man only uses it to make women's clothes fall off that was zapped starring scott baio yeah the i'm team ben thing felt weird it's like that's not that everything that's there with Lorenb, like, they're trying to... I think maybe... It's such a television show with JoJo, you know? It's like, I'm Team Ben, America. I think I've posited before that it's going to be Kyla's second place, Lorenb in first. I'd like to revise that.

I think Lorenb is going to be first, of course. I think they're setting JoJo up to be the runner-up yeah like they're trying to make jojo be kind of a a thing um and i think kaila 001 is going to become in third place because third place is traditionally where the bachelor bachelorette comes from um but like i just don't think jojo's like earned it as much you know i mean like they've kind of i think JoJo's, like, earned it as much. You know what I mean? Like, they've kind of, I feel like she's only kind of shown up in the past few weeks. I feel like maybe that's just because I haven't really, I've never had her on our team, so maybe I haven't been paying very close attention to her. And then, so group date.

Group date is Kyla, Leah, Becca, and Amanda, which means that we know Emily is getting the one on date. So on the group date, almost nothing happens. There's boat time and there's kite time. And then that's pretty much it. And then they go to a barn. This is what I'm talking about. We're at this point now where there's no drama between the women anymore. So there aren't any narrative threads for the producers to like chase

down and focus on really at all. Um, there's very little like fun stuff happening. Now we're just getting down to the business of finding this man, a wife. And we know all these women at this point and like a bunch of them aren't like great on camera. And so trying to like make them do that it's just like nothing's

nothing's really going on that next week's gonna be great uh because it's hometowns and it the based on the preview they showed it looks completely bonkers um but yeah it just wasn't really it wasn't happening for me this week yeah the only thing that really happens is you know becca pulls ben aside and and, you know, I'm scared. I feel like I've given so much of myself. Just don't blindside me. This is the biggest garbage sentence I've ever heard of anybody. You're basically saying, promise me you won't kick me off.

But you're saying it in the dumbest fucking way possible because this isn't Survivor. Like, I don't want you to be on. I don't see you being my wife. I've been blindsided no you haven't well here's the thing he could have done that some people do they don't do the rose ceremony they pull the person aside send them home and then come back to where the rose ceremony would be and say hey you're all safe i just but you don't have to ask for that treatment is bizarre because to ask for that treatment makes you say you're basically saying, hey, I'm 100% sure it's not gonna happen between us.

Just don't embarrass me out there. And if that's the case, I'm like, you don't really deserve to get the special treatment of the pre rose ceremony. Yeah, kind send off. He did that to one person on this episode. And it's because she didn't ask for it. And the terminology of blindsided is just been bonkers. This show operates on binaries you are either on the show or you're off the show stop drinking the white wine and get the

fuck out of here and go home yeah you've blindsided me no you just not i'm not marrying you yeah like you're either going to marry me or not it's not a it's it ugh. But so, okay, so, but before he gives out the rose on the group date, he also talks to Amanda about meeting Amanda's kids. And then he talks to Kaila. And Kaila reveals this kind of another weird story. She talks about how she's worried that for hometowns, her family won't be good enough and that she doesn't really have a hometown because she's moved 17 times. And her big argument seems

to be, your family's really great. Mine might not be super good. I'm worried about that. My family is Dr. Love and Deep Blue, the playing chess playing computer that beat caspar off that's my family and they're not gonna you're not gonna connect with them because dr dr love is a psychopath and deep blue basically only knows how to play chess

and congratulate you on winning if you win and we also have a maid named rosie we have a maid named rosie yes um she's a human though like don't get it twisted she actually gets really offended when you um also our refrigerator is our pet there's some it's listen we have a lot of fun uh so after she says that ben i think upon hearing that she has moved 17 times says well do you think you could ever feel comfortable living in the same place and this is where she says I feel like I've been

molded to be adaptable I mean our hypothesis is even it's not even a fucking hypothesis following the scientific method it has been tested and it has been proven with control groups and shit she was wearing like a Following the scientific method, it has been tested and it has been proven with control groups and shit.

Yeah. I saw, she was wearing like a, what's it called? A Bear Midriff shirt today. And you could see her glowing red spine through her skin. Like there's, yes, this is happening. I like this fashion corner with Griffin McElroy. I had to just illustrate that you could see her glowing red spine. corner with griffin mcelroy i had to just illustrate that you could see her glowing red spine uh but um despite despite all these chats amanda ends up getting the rose um which means that she gets the rest of the date night with ben which is when we end up at

mcdonald's i made a joke earlier because When they were in shitty, shitty Wrigley Field. Because they did this zoom out wide panning shot of the field. And you could see a McDonald's in the field. And it was like, and then we're going to go to McDonald's. And I laughed. Haha, wouldn't that be funny? If he took a woman that he's trying to make fall in love with him. That he's trying to trick into falling in love with him on television.

To McDonald's. The Burger, the Burger House. him that he's trying to trick him to falling in love with him on television to mcdonald's the burger the burger house a lot of you have probably seen if you're watching the show in real time like we are uh you'll have noticed that ben and several of the bachelor and bachelorette contestants have been on a mcdonald's commercial so we know that mcdonald's is is big money behind this this season in those commercials you can you can actually watch them start to put burgers close to their mouth and then throw it to the side really quickly. They go to McDonald's. I don't want to talk about fucking anything else that happens. Well, okay.

They push a lot of like, are we going to get breakfast or dinner? I don't know. They have both now forever, 24-7. Egg McMuffins. Get them. Can we talk about our friend? Who? Oh.

Okay. So we have. We promised anonymity to our friend. Let's call her. Dana. Dana. Dana and her boyfriend were there. And her boyfriend said, you have to share the story, Dana, about what you do when you go to McDonald's.

And she's like, I only did this one time. Apparently she goes, she orders an egg McMuffin. She gets it sans meat and then takes her own special supply of prosciutto and puts it on top, which she was embarrassed about. But it sounds incredible. OK, yeah. But let's diagnose the logistics. Because we were like, oh, so you bring the eggnog muffin home to your house and then you put prosciutto on it there. And she's like, no.

I just had it in my car because I was going to work. And I was like, Dana! Dana! You have work prosciutto? You have a secret supply of thinly sliced ham that's like, you're coming to work with me today, friend. Every lady in her bag carries some chapstick and carries some prosciutto. It is not unusual. Back me up, ladies.

There's this Mr. Bean sketch where he tries to make a sandwich on a park bench. And he has like just like loose floppy slices of cold cuts in his shirt and then he has like he has like lettuce that he puts in like a hot water bag and he like shakes it and he like has butter that he applies with a credit card and he goes like my flexible friend that was a really good mr bean it reminded me of that just like no big deal just sitting in my car got my prosciutto in the glove box here i go it was wonderful dana thank you for sharing that story if you got your own mcdonald's if you've got your own mcdonald's no share your mcdonald's car hacks use the hashtag rose buddies cath i want to see those mcdonald's car hacks no i don't i want to

see them uh they share a french fry kiss which we watched fuck me in slow motion the eyes. This was the worst thing I've ever seen. Our friend Chris Plant made us watch it in slow motion, and it was a waking nightmare. Because Ben puts his French fry in his mouth and turns to Amanda and is like, huh, huh, let's do this. And she's like, no, I really... Yeah, she clearly doesn't want to.

I really... Ben, I really... And then using zapped magic... Okay. She, like, moves forward, and she takes the littlest bite of it, and then he, like, like a fucking medieval jouster, just rams this flaccid French fry into her face, like, trying to get her to take more bites of it. He's like, I got almost all of that. It's like, yeah, Ben. It's because she didn't want to fucking do it.

No. This is after that part of their date included them taking orders in the drive-thru like it was it was just it was not a treat um but they get out of it can i say something ben's a handsome dude i would kiss him like no matter what um i'll i'll crush some mcdonald's french fries yeah no i'm not i'm not saying that that was lame yeah that's what i'm saying i think amanda's being a little pristicity you got two kids you gotta be slamming d's on the regular don't you think i don't like that phrasing slamming d's on the regular you got two kids you're gonna be you're gonna be getting those fries and slamming those d's right there all the

time so don't pretend like you're above one of their crazy salty pleasure sticks okay uh after they leave mcdonald's there is a carnival in the street and everybody from town is there taking photos with their iphones who has ever walked out of mcdonald's like i feel like a carnival Where's the parade? I did Like it was literally around the corner Like when I walk out of McDonald's I thought it's like Oh fuck I hope no

I gotta get home as fast as I can And shit this out of my body as quick as possible I hope nobody sees me Like hey Griffin you look really greasy Oh fuck I wanna get on a carousel You feel like funnel cake? Oh god no Put the funnel cake? Oh, God, no.

Put the funnel cake in my mouth, let's kiss it off each other. God, no, no, no. But that's, I mean, that's pretty much the date. They seem to have a good time. He gives her a rose, I think, right? Yeah, she gets a rose. Oh, yeah, she gets the rose on the group date. Yeah.

And that's about it. There's kind of a fun scene where a bunch of kids are beating Ben. Ben to death. With inflatable carnival toys, and that's kind of fun. But that's about it. Yeah. And then Emily's date. And then Emily's date.

Kyla dropped some shade on Emily, which turns out to be, like, actually a pretty good diagnosis, Kyla. Good analytical eye. Good robot eye you've got there. Yeah, Kyla says that Emily is a, quote, bright-eyed puppy. Not ready for Ben. Just not ready for this love. Which, Emily, I think Emily might be the youngest this season. She's 23.

Well, Hayley and her are tied. That's true. Most of the women are a whopping 25 years old. So they're like, oh, 23. You're not right. Ancient. Past their prime. Early antiques.

So Ben decides to bring Emily to his family. And of course, they get there via boat. And then Emily. Which he just like crashes into the living room. Emily discovers what's wrong. And then Emily. Which he just like crashes into the living room. Emily discovers what. I'm home. We parked it in the living room this time. Drunk.

Emily discovers what swans are for the first time, which is fun. And then Ben says something like, oh, you know, when swans kiss, their necks make a heart. It was just beautiful. That was beautiful. It's like, is that a haiku, Ben? That was incredible i think he just got uh uh a subscription to that zoo facts magazine that they were trying to sell subscriptions to ranger rick no what was that was the magazine that they

would sell on nickelodeon oh zoo books okay i think he just got a subscription to zoo books and he was like really excited about it like here's some things that I learned today about swans. Guess how old turtles live to be. Yeah, see, Kyla would know that stuff. She's got all that programmed. Well, she would Google it, yeah, if she didn't have it. It's kind of the computer that wore tennis shoes. You are making a lot of old references tonight.

No, they're doing a gritty reboot of Kirk Cameron's The the computer or tennis shoes a gritty reboot yeah how do you make that gritty think about it he's got all of the government secrets in his head they're gonna fucking hunt him down he's on the deep web surfing surfing with the console cowboys in cyberspace they gotta fucking take him down it's kind of like operation swordfish with hugh jackman only he's the swordfish good luck good luck that's the in the trailer it's they've got um one of the the hemsworth brothers and they're like we're gonna come get you we're gonna come get you. We're going to come get you, tennis shoe computer. He pushes up his shades and he goes, good luck. That's the accent that he uses. Okay.

So Emily gets to meet Ben's parents, which seems like an odd choice. And Ben kind of couches it to his parents and says, you know, Emily is just becoming her own individual self. And, you know, the more he knows knows her the more confident and mature she seems um but they're sitting with the parents and i mean we've seen emily before kind of ramble she did a little bit on the beach when they did the two-on-one with her and olivia but when emily But when Emily sits down with the mom, it is a mess. She just uncorks that shit. This was Emily untucked. She just like went nonstop. I've never seen a confession quite like it.

Like Ben just makes me happy to be the kind of person I am. But I also see myself with him. And it's like I see a version of myself that's like, wow, I could be that girl someday. And so it's like part of me feels like that I should just like keep standing like in my truth and try and just be who I am but part of me sees the me I could be down the line with him and it's like I want to be 100% myself you know but like I also want to be 100% the myself that he sees in me so I guess what I'm trying like yeah whoa then she talks about how her dream is to be an NFL cheerleader. And since Ben lives in Denver, she could maybe cheerlead for the Denver Broncos.

And then she says, you know, I've always just felt so average, you know, but I really think I would be an above average mom. And an above average wife. Yes. And if I could, I love watching movies. So I guess if I could have one dream job, it would just be watching movies. Emily, in this one diatribe, you have told us two different dream jobs. This is how bonkers, this is how off the rails this diatribe got. Is I just met you and you've told me two different dream jobs.

And Ben's mom, Griffin pointed out, this is where Ben gets his Axeman traits. Because Ben's mom, man, she just distills all of that into just like a few sentences to Ben. Just like this just disintegrates Emily at the molecular level. Sally Field sits her son down and is like, listen. She has a very nice smile. And she seems like she's very fun. Yeah. She hits that fun.

Yeah. Like she is. A very fun individual. She's a very fun individual. Like she hits that no-nay. She hits that fun yeah like she is a very fun individual she's a very fun in it like she hits that no no she hits that shit and ben is like oh yes mother yeah you're right she's she says like it seems like she's just not ready for this whole thing she talks a lot about herself and what makes her tick and her two dream jobs but she doesn't seem especially interested in like what's up with you yeah and she is, she's a baby fish. You got to throw her back in.

Yeah. And, and the mom gets real serious and talks about kind of, you know, you go through a lot of hard things in a marriage, you know, and, and I'm just really concerned and the uncertainty of this whole process, you know, worries me. And you just, you really, man, team Ben's mom. Ben's mom is dope. A lot of the parents of the batch are just like, I would say actually 90% of the time,

they are just like, everyone seems so great. I'm so happy for you. Ben's mom was like, nope, too young. Throw that little goldfish back in the water. Let her get bigger. She'll be somebody else's big catch. And so, Ben gets back on the boat,

takes Emily to the dock, wraps her in a blanket, and says, I just don't think I can see you being my wife. Literally, like, no lead up, no build up. Get off the boat no lead up, no build up. Get off the boat. Don't even tie it up.

Just let it keep going into the house where the other women are. Step off with her. Wrap her up in a blanket. Sit her down. I just don't think you're going to be my wife. Yep. Sends her home. Like that.

Like, I've never seen a bachelor or bachelorette be this, like, super decisive about shit. And he doesn't, like, a a really he handles it so well it's one of the most mature breakups i've ever seen on the show he's like i enjoyed hanging out with you i really did and i'm very happy that i got to know you and i don't want to send you home i don't want to say goodbye but like i don't see that next step so i think we just should just call it and em Emily, like, seems a little taken aback. Like, she doesn't have any kind of follow up questions. She doesn't get particularly emotional. Yeah, she's like, well, that's a bummer because I do see that.

But yeah, but thank you. Yeah. Which I was thinking, like, what if he had done hometowns with her? They're like, oh, hey, I've already met your mom. And I clearly already know your sister. Fuck, that's a great point. Like, he can't take her to hometowns. Absolutely not.

That is a non-starter. Unless he's going to marry her, which he's not. He cannot take her back to her sister. Although, I bet you the producers were like, this is going to be dope. That is how you save somebody from a blind side like you've been through the ringer this season and you've been a great sport and you genuinely seem like a super nice person who is like excited to be here and so like i'm gonna just like let you let you go right now yeah i mean if anything you know he did emily a favor because we got to know

emily you know we wouldn't have gotten to know her. And she's a real sweetheart. I think she's definitely... Well, except for when she was gunning for poor Olivia. Well, that was... I think she was also sort of being Scott Baio manipulated a little bit there.

But I think she... I made this remark. I think it's true. I think she's earned herself a BIP spot. I think she's... Gang, I am so fucking excited to keep this podcast going into BIP territory. Because that show is going to be the most, like, it's going to be the most insane thing to try and do commentary on. Because it's just like, a bunch of garbage happens in a garbage void. Well, and it's always on in the summertime. And they're always having summer drinks out in, like, a summer environment.

It's just fun to watch. It makes you feel like you're on vacation it's like it's like somebody is flushing garbage down the toilet and you're trying to comment on all of the things going on all at once that's almost the opposite of what i said it's like it's like somebody takes a big bag of doritos and upends it into a toilet and then you try to comment on like well okay so these six doritos were over in this part of the toilet. It's a beautiful setting where absolute filth happens. And so then Emily goes home. The women are all kind of nervous because they're like, oh, my gosh, I didn't see that coming.

All the women are also watching. Yeah, yeah. They do it on the dock so all the women can watch from the window. And Judge is like, oh, my God, she's walking back and he is it. Like trying to hide her excitement. Yeah, yeah. They do it on the dock so all the women can watch from the window. And JoJo's like, oh my god, she's walking back and he is it! Like trying to hide her excitement. Yeah. And then,

I mean, we all kind of know what's coming, right? It's not going to be Lauren B that goes home. No, she's going to win and love. It's not going to be Kyla that goes home. No, she's going to come in third place. It's not going to be JoJo. No, they're setting her up to be in second place. Amanda already got a rose. Amanda's good to come in third place. It's not going to be JoJo. No, they're setting her up to be in second place. Amanda already got a rose. Amanda's good to go.

She'll be in fourth place. We know it's Becca. And Becca, like, gets the boot and is like, I told you not to blindside me. Yeah. You probably make a be a promise that you're not going to kick me off. Like, no. Yeah, Becca, it was strange. You either fall in love or you go home because becca was telling all the other women like i just i really opened myself up this time like you didn't more than christmas season i

just feel like i've really put myself out there and it's like have you you didn't you didn't do anything this entire fucking seat this was like so annoying i it would have been exciting if they had brought back a person that, like, America loves her, here's this person. But, like, Becca was very sweet on her season, but nobody was clamoring for more Becca screen time. And so, like, it was just, they were, like, just trying to make Becca happen, and it just wasn't going to happen. Yeah.

This can't be a trend of just like we got to bring back somebody from the last season because like we get that name brand recognition and people are gonna come to it it's fine if you want to do that if it's like an actual person that people are gonna recognize who can like bring some exciting stuff to it but like Becca is very sweet she's not yeah well it turns out with becca like becca's big heat with chris i feel like was that she was a virgin this season like no one really i mean that's not a big deal this season i feel like it hasn't been a big deal really in any no that's true but they usually seem to make it into a big deal i guess more towards the fantasy suites but then it doesn't

but then it doesn't never happen yeah anyway uh yeah i think it's kind of a stinker of an episode but aside from like the mcdonald's french fry kiss which is like look it up watch it slow motion it if you can get the raw footage and send me like a 400 frames per second like high speed camera um we get that preview of the hometowns and it looks like i'm so excited to talk about all these weird dads oh my god so many weird weird uh what's his name john waters yeah like weird looking mortician dads yeah lots of math we get a lot of teasers that like Kaila's family and or Jojo's family are both not approving. Jojo has two big brothers that apparently just been through the gauntlet. Which is really in a long history of families just being complete ding-dongs. of families just being complete ding-dongs.

Like Jade's brother, who went just crazy on, was that Sean or Chris? Yeah, it was Chris. Jade's brother, who was like, yeah, man, she's a real stallion. And then, like, was a dick to Chris. And then Claire's family. You remember Claire's crazy sister? Oh, yeah. Oh, my God. Who just was like was just like you know our mom

needs to be taken care of you can't take claire from us she needs she needs to be home with her mother right now yeah and then des's brother that's what i was thinking of yeah des's brother who got her sent home like yeah sean was like straight up brother, he's a real ding-dong. See you later. Long history of family members. Hometowns are consistently good, I think. They're either extremely boring of just like, come back to my hometown. The women have to plan the dates and it's like, here's my date. We're going to go play around in a baseball.

Literally the best date. I hope all four women are just like, let's throw football in my front yard. He'd be like like yes ben i'm gonna take you to mcdonald's and see how you like yeah um he would probably be psyched uh oh and it looks like we're gonna meet amanda's kids too which which they were setting up to be this big like big drama of just the kids crying constantly and ben and ben just making this face like maybe i don't want to be a daddy yeah maybe i goofed and i don't want to be a daddy these poor kids like their mom has been gone for weeks like i bet this is a real stressful thing for them to have her back all of a sudden with this rando guy uh yeah next week looks like it's gonna be fun this week was whatever but at least we had the 20th anniversary special there to give us some padding.

Because we're right up against our one hour time limit. Thanks everybody for your activity on the Facebook group. The Facebook group is so good. We have over 600 members now. We're not very active on the Rosebuddiescast Twitter account. And I'm starting to think maybe we won't ever be. And here's my defense for that. You should follow follow it follow it if you want i guess if you want i think we tweet when new episodes come out i think maybe um twitter's a fucking toilet with

doritos floating in it it's literally the worst platform ever facebook is like the only thing that matters to me anymore vis-a-vis social networking um so let's just like keep our engagement there focused um and yeah rate and review us on itunes if you know anybody who likes the the bachelor you could recommend us we appreciate it do you want to talk about the sign off you came up with yeah here's our sign off somebody dropped in the group uh me oh you did yeah rachel dropped in the group a video of chris harrison saying his uh oh by the way somebody kept track of how long chris harrison was on screen and this episode of this two hour long

episode of television it was like a minute and 16 seconds yeah fucking shameful um uh chris rachel posted this thing in the group and it was every time chris harrison said ladies ben there's what is it? There's one. There's one rose left. When you're ready. When you're ready. That's it.

Ladies, Ben, ladies, Sean, there's one rose left. When you're ready. Thanks, man. Like, usually you get a thanks, man, from The Bachelor. I think we should just sign off with, thanks for listening to Rose Buddies. When you're ready. And you just, like, back away. Like, for listening to Rose Buddies when you're ready and you just like just back away

like we say it like when you're ready and then we back away from the microphone like this like we out do I have to put my hands up? you don't have to put your hands up but I think it like gives it a

sort of do we both have to say it at the same time? I think maybe we just take turns one of us saying it and when the other person says it it's like we know like that's it it's like a hot potato do you want to do it this first time okay thank you all for

listening to rose buddies ladies oh i thought we were just gonna say when you're you're gonna do the whole thing well because i feel like it's too too wordy to be like ladies ladies griffin when you're ready i'm worried it's not't, is that going to go on a shirt? Is that what we're thinking about as a shirt? Got to be thinking about those brand opportunities. We just say when you're ready? That seems abrupt. Yeah, that's the idea.

Bing, bang, boom. I think what we say like, I'm Griffin McElroy. I'm Rachel McElroy. When you're ready. Final rose. Stay with us on this journey of joy. Spoiler alert. She ends're ready. Final Rose. Stay with us on this journey of joy. Spoiler alert. She ends up with Soulja Boy.

Right reasons. Right reasons. She's been to all four seasons.