Wonderful! - Roze Buddiez: Bachelor Pad Part Three

Episode Date: May 16, 2017

We did it. We beat it. We finished watching the final four episodes of Bachelor Pad Season Two in a single week, a feat that we wouldn't recommend trying to recreate at home. See you next week for the Bachelorette premiere! MaxFunDrive ends on March 29, 2024! Support our show now by becoming a member at maximumfun.org/join.

Maybe, maybe you should go and do some contemplating. Right reasons, right reasons, being a pretty girl for all the right reasons. Right reasons, right reasons, being a pretty girl for all the right reasons. I'm the best rat and I'm rapping to your pool sign. Here to find true love, one man for my whole life. Don't do it. I see you wanting to start right when I have to drink water in my mouth. No, I specifically don't. If you do it while I have the water in my mouth,

it'll fall all over my shorts. No, I don't want that sonically. We'll see. Oh, God, it's so cold. Hi, this is Rachel McElroy. Hi, this is Griffin McElroy. This is the quickest I've disappointed my wife on this podcast. It was negative two seconds before we started.

And this is Rose Buddies. This is a podcast in which we, one week from today, we'll be talking about the television show that you want us to be talking about. But until then, we're talking about Bachelor Pad Season 2, which came out in 2011. Are there things that came out in 2011? Two broke girls? And we'll be talking about that next week.

We don't know that that's true. I know it's true. I'm a huge 2BG fan. You know me. What are the name of the actresses in it? Kat something and Julianna Margulies is in it.

And their characters' names are Broke and Girls. That is insulting to Julianna Marggulies i'm just gonna say it what are you doing on your phone you're looking for apps i was gonna look at stuff that happened in 2011 i thought it'd be fun to really set some context good wife started juliana margulies was extremely busy set some context for the show we're watching this is when we killed osama bin laden in 2011 yeah nice you know what also happened in 2011 i moved to austin we fell in love yes um so yeah this is our final episode in which we were talking about bachelor pad season two we are covering of four

episodes and we're gonna do it real real real real fast they kind of they kind of did a sturdy i thought we only had three but then they did they kind of combined the finale and the castmates tell all and boy how did we fast forward through pretty much all of that that's part of it the last just to really quickly sum up the last episode um all of the contestants vote on who what couple they think should win so they all have to be in the studio together which means we're out of the mansion and we're into a live

studio audience and everybody's dishing their scoop and everybody's fighting and we fast forwarded through all of that so before we get to that we're going to finish up what's going on in the house there's only this is episode 4, I think there's only like six couples left i want to say sure i don't know okay i'm reading your notes now so who knows what's happening uh okay episode four

uh oh so this is we're picking up after the cliffhanger of, is Jake going home? Oh, right. The failed cliffhanger. Jake is going home. So I think it's Vienna and Casey and Holly and Mike and Graham and... Michelle. Ella and Kirk. Ella and Kirk. And then who fucking knows?

I said them. Oh, okay. Erica. Erica and Blake. Yeah. Blake. I don't know that they were together okay whatever anyway it doesn't matter doesn't matter none of this matters nobody cares uh so jake when he's leaving gives this like speech like we've got to break up the power couples i think you're sending the wrong guy home this and he like gives like some sage advice to the rest of the people that falls on just

nobody wants to hear it like absolutely nobody listens to what he says basically and follows his advice at all casey at this point is feeling pretty high on himself and refers to himself as the strongest strategist it's that is that hard like he's doing the fun will ferrell thing where he made fun of the president do you remember when he used to do that? Strategery. I love it. Have you seen Anchorman? Yes, I have.

I love that when they sing the song. You know what I haven't seen though? Huh? Old school. Wow, really? Really. That was like the first one of like all of those. I don't think I had a person to go see it with because um it

wasn't really for me i don't think no i feel like it was more for for men of your of your type um well that's rude i was like 11 when that movie came out so i don't know um uh okay so we are going into the challenge the next morning and it is the second annual bachelor pad kissing contest we we watched this over the course of the last week and i'm still getting like flashbacks like oh yeah that did happen here's the thing these episodes are an hour and a half or i mean they're two hours long but minus commercials are about an hour and a half we watched an unconscionable amount of this fucking television show which is i think good and we enjoyed it um despite itself uh but i mean it was like six hours of television that we ended up watching this week oh you know what that reminds me so i was talking to griffin last night when we finished watching the show on mother's day and was saying, we should start out the show with some things we like about it.

Because we complain a lot. We complain a lot. I mean, we don't, I don't think we complain. I think we point out, like, it was, it was, like, hyper problematic. There's a lot of very, very, very, very, very gross stuff that happens. And so, like, I don't know, I feel like that definitely tarnishes my enjoyment of Bachelor Pad Season 2. feel like uh that definitely tarnishes my enjoyment of bachelor pad season two but i will also say like in terms of like what reality shows do in getting these real moments of drama out of people and then magnifying them with um you know game mechanics and uh artifice and shit like that like

bachelor pad specifically this season because we also watch season three um does that in like a really profound way all of the shit with mike and holly and blake is unbelievable and i can't believe we saw this shit unfold on a television show and i haven't seen anything quite like it here's something i like about it okay uh and it's true of this season of amazing race and it's true of are you the one uh and that people that don't know each other very well are having to figure out kind of a team strategy and navigate kind of dynamics between you know themselves and the people they want to win over and i don't know it's just interesting that's good yeah i wish there was more. I mean, nobody, there's no game,

but there's no, like, survivor-level strategy happening this entire fucking season. It never comes together. What about Michelle and Graham, though? Michelle and Graham are on some next-level shit. I'm talking about the actual, like,

votes and stuff like that. Like, nobody ever goes for the power couples. Nobody ever, like, it is clown shoes how bad they all are at this. And I wish there was there was like a little bit more of that i think there's more of that in season three definitely yeah uh than there is

in season two um but at the same time like yeah i i get what you're saying like it is cool to watch these people kind of come together and like figure out how to how to how to stay alive well also like kind of dealing with a lot of personal stuff usually having their own motivations for why they want the money. I enjoyed watching it. It's like an Edward Albee play. Oh, my God. We've watched a lot of stuff in this break that I have not enjoyed watching.

And this, although it made me cringe at many, many points, I think during one of these episodes, and I'll have to remember what actually happened during the show, I actually burrowed my head in between two big pillows we'll get there okay okay so kissing contest uh oh but let me start off by saying this fucking sucks yeah this is awful so much like the challenge where people are blindfolded and they threw eggs uh this is another challenge sorry that's like a little eyes wide shut no i mean just this sentence it's a lot like the challenge where they blindfolded each other and threw eggs at each other the following week they did a challenge where they blindfolded each other and kissed each other yeah uh fire and ice baby hot and cold that's how they play you the women are supposed to kiss the men and the men are supposed to kiss the women, you know, whatever.

And then they vote on who they think the best kisser is. And the best kisser gets a rose. So something weird happens where Casey says, I'm out, I'm not gonna participate. Like, oh, it was so fucking funny. Chris Harrison walked in and said, everybody, it's time for our favorite challenge. We heard from what we did at last season and everybody was a big fan.

And so I'm excited to announce we're about to do the second annual kissing competition and dead fucking silence. Like nobody was stoked, of course. Casey immediately says like, well, I'm not gonna participate. My girlfriend's right there. I'm not gonna do it.

But Michelle does and actually does back out. Michelle says, I've got a yeah she says i'm a nine-year-old daughter i don't want her to see me on television kissing all these men ella says i've got a a child and i'm gonna kiss some fucking men and i'm gonna get that rose and i'm gonna stay safe and bring that money home yeah um casey does participate though so i don't know he didn't follow through on his on his uh yeah i mean casey and vienna they are hungry you know like they are hungry players so as uncomfortable as it might make them they will kiss some faces they'll kiss some faces uh the other discomfort comes from michael and holly because what happens is for example example, in the case of Holly,

Holly came out, stood blindfolded, all the men stand in a line, and then one at a time, they step forward and kiss her in front of all the other men. So most of the dudes, pretty uncomfortable about kissing Michael's ex-fiance that he's still in love with in front of him.

And so they do just little pecks. Yeah, so there's lots of pecs until we get to blake who's like i want to kiss holly holly wanted blake wanted some fucking frank toast and he got in there and holly you know like in the scenes it was like michael kissed her and then in the behind the scenes interview she was like i could tell it was michael you know i've kissed those lips so many times and it was nice and then blake did it and she was like hot fucking damn holy shit blake blake does that with all the women like blake just goes for it uh with all the women because he is in it to win it uh and blake wins blake wins for best kisser for boys ella has a

little like bit where he where she says like what i do is I just fucking like, it's all about the push and release. And so I get my face in there, I push my face in their face and kiss them and pull back a little bit, make them want it. And then I go right and it looked rough. It looked rough. You know what? It was fascinating to me because she had such an established technique going in.

Yeah. Yeah. I put in a little bit of pressure, and then I pull back, and then a little bit of pressure, and, I mean, whatever it is, it worked, because she won. She won, but it looked fearsome. It looked devastating. Other stuff is everybody said Casey has bad breath.

All right. And. Yeah. It was hard to watch. Yeah, it was hard to watch. This was probably one where I was pillowed out. I put on my special pillow glasses. I mean, there are more pillow moments.

Don't act like this is the only one. No. So Ella and Blake each get a rose and get to take somebody on a date. Ella decides to take Kirk. And they get to get in a sports car and Will is very jealous about

the sports car and then I had to ask myself, who is Will? Sorry, Will. Who is Will? Well, it keeps happening, bud. Who was Will's partner? Or I guess maybe he didn't know. Oh, shit. I don't know who his partner was. He was the chase of this season.

Here's the problem. This show loves to focus in on a person or two. And this time it had like five or six people to like focus on. Like a few like interesting storylines to really hone in on. And so it was brutal. If you were not in that collective, you were fucking dead meat. You were on the cutting room floor. Yeah.

So they go on a little trip together, have some pizza and wine, and they get in a hot air balloon. At night. This is weird. I don't know that I've ever seen a hot air balloon used at night. It looked pretty. I guess. With the flames going up in the balloon. Can I tell you something? Yes. You will never catch me up in a fucking hot air balloon used it i guess with the flames going up in the balloon you

can i tell you something you will never catch me up in a fucking hot air balloon no no dude i mean it's dangerous for sure it's a big backpack and they put it in you know what it's made out of cloth and then they're like you know it'd be cool to put next to the cloth big fire do you want to be 200 feet up next to this big fire in the cloth. Yeah. Well, and also, you know, I learned this is such a downer. I don't know why I'm talking about this, but I learned that the operators don't have to have any kind of special license. Righteous radical.

So if you like get in a hot air balloon with somebody, they may or may not be able to actually pilot it. 10,000 hours to fly the machine that you press the like go button and you pull a lever and then it goes to detroit or cleveland like 10 000 hours to do somebody's nails like what's the deal here but the hot the fire bag that you get up in in a basket like you do for picnics go on up do it take it to the fair it's fine if you're a pilot and you listen to this, I'm just kidding. I know it's extremely hard to fly a plane. So here we find...

Do you think I could be a good pilot? A good pilot? You don't have to say it good to do it. Do you think I'd be a good pilot? I think I'd have fun up there in the clouds. I could see myself getting like 60 years old and full-blown Harrison Fording out. By which I mean flying a plane and not crashing it like you did one time. Do you think I'd be a good pilot?

Griffin. Do you think I would? You're not answering. I mean, yes. I think that you have the dexterity and the hand-eye coordination. Do I have the courage, the bravery? From what I understand, you have to have exceptionally good vision, which might be a problem for you. Shoot. I mean, that's what I got these spectacles for. Maybe good vision, which might be a problem for you. Shoot.

I mean, that's what I got these spectacles for. Maybe I'm thinking of the Air Force, though. I think you're thinking of that scene in Men in Black where Will Smith tries to join NASA, but they won't let him. You remember? No. It wasn't Men in Black. It was Independence Day. That was a test.

And we both failed. Both the tester and the question asker failed the test. I believed it. what happened next on the bachelor pad too okay so here we find out more about ella's ambitions for the money she tells kirk specifically that she wants to buy a house and that she also wants to help battered women because she as a child actually saw her mom killed by her stepdad. Yeah. I think she talked about this in her,

like, um, her intro. Well, she also talked about it in like her intro real thing at the beginning of this season. It's really horrible. And that was really like,

great. As far as we can tell, like we didn't get to spend a whole lot of time with her this season. Um, but she was like one of the only people in the house that I kind of wanted to get the money. Yeah. Um,

she has a son. She has a nine year old son. Yeah. Uh, and that's pretty much it for their date. Yeah. I don't think we can spend too much time on the dates. We got four episodes to get through.

And most of the time they just eat a nice meal and talk about themselves. Uh, Blake, uh, is at this time still partnered with melissa oh yeah that's right and even though they've had some ups and downs melissa is expecting to be taken on this date to the point that when blake is reading the date card and says loves a slippery slope melissa confidently says we could be going skiing i mean she also there's a scene we didn't talk about where

like he is talking to her after the challenge and she's like this is so good we're both gonna have roses and we can just like she is like full force like not even thinking about the possibility that he's not giving this thing to her yeah uh and so he is standing in front of the entire room melissa is just waiting to hear those words and he chooses holly he says something like it's i'm i want to mix things up and i want to keep looking for the best option to win this game and so in the spirit of that i'm taking holly and pretty much everybody's melissa immediately says that's fucked up and uh asks him to explain himself uh and then she runs out pulls michelle with her uh michelle at this point, I think,

she's losing patience with Melissa because Melissa continues to be hurt by Blake. And it's very obvious that Blake does not have her best intentions in mind. So Michelle says, some people wear their emotions on their sleeve. Melissa wears them on every article of clothing. Which I think plays into, like,

a kind of negative thing that Melissa did go through on this season. And I don't want to play into that either, but I i will say that like um she got dealt a super bad hand and she got done dirty by blake who is yes yeah uh who she got done dirty by blake who is a professional dirty doer um but i will also say that like again from that like strategic gameplay point of view melissa does not like she just doesn't there was nothing she could have done i think after this to kind of walk it back a little bit and then get the game back on her side because she essentially after this point stormed up to

everybody in the house and was like fuck blake we need to fucking get him off he's a piece of trash went up to michael and michael was like real upset because i remember him and holly are ex-fiances and now he is kind of coming to grips with the fact like uh-oh this might be a serious thing and she's saying things like she doesn't give a fuck about you she doesn't care about you she doesn't love you um she's just using you and exploiting you so help me get blake out and everybody's like, no, Melissa. Too much. First of all, Blake is safe this week. So it's going to be like a couple of votes before we can even get him off. Yeah. I was talking to Griffin because I was really resistant to the idea of just criticizing

Melissa because she was emotional. Because that didn't seem like the right word. That's not what she was. Yeah. And it's not that. She would be where I would be if somebody led me on to get that rose or whatever in this game where you so desperately need a partner and then that can turn into like feelings because all of a sudden you're in this hostile environment you have somebody who's kind of a safety net and then to have that person fuck

you over would make you very upset and i think you also have to come to grips with the fact and i'm sure she was dealing with this too she's probably fucking going home and she knew that at that moment when she knew she wasn't going to get that rose so she was super super bummed out yeah but everybody else was casting it like she's such an emotional person and so on and so forth um yeah melissa melissa tells blake that she's going to end him because of this. She confronts Holly about Holly's flirting with Blake and then goes to find Blake again. And this is kind of a...

I thought it was kind of funny even though it was terrible. Blake's big thing is that he has great teeth. I guess he's a dentist? I think he might be a dentist. There's a reference to him being a dentist. Melissa goes to find him to talk to him again, and he's brushing his teeth, and he refuses to stop brushing his teeth and explicitly says, give me 30 more seconds. And he goes 45, which is an even, those extra 15 seconds, man, do they fucking matter.

Yeah, because Bachelor Pad made sure that we watched all of those seconds i think i said immediately they're gonna make us i think they're gonna make us watch all 40 seconds of this aren't they um yeah we never got to see the resolution of that conflict but like i don't know i wanted i wanted melissa to like get some rally the troops and like put together a new alliance and get some count them on a cristo payback shit going on. But she kind of, I don't know, she just kind of was really angry. Well, and the way the show is structured, everybody's trying to win. And so if you start to self-destruct, they are going to let you self-destruct. Everybody's.

And that's like classic, like Survivor and probably Big Brother. I've never watched that. Where like, if somebody sees you to um dig your own grave votes wise the the best game plan is just okay guess i'm taking a back seat this week yeah exactly um yeah yeah uh but blake and holly go out on a date they do go skiing slash snowboarding uh holly is not a talented skier which leads to some some wacky happenstance you ever get out on that powder you ever get up on those slopes when i was in middle school oh shit am i about to get a story we took a class trip to a place called hidden valley in miss. So hold on.

Okay. Was it a ranch themed? Was it a ranch themed excursion? Were you like water skiing on big pools of ranch? No. No. See, you don't understand because you're in West Virginia. So you can get to mountains.

Yes. And yes, there are Ozark mountains in Missouri, but they do not have fresh powder on them. No. So what we went down was an artificial snow hill over and over and over again uh which is my only skiing experience you should go sometime babe you've never seen anything like it mountains just a heap with crisp powder waiting to get fucking carved up there with me and my board and you on those beautiful blades hand in hand maybe i want to be on a board there's a deer you can have my board look you on those beautiful blades, hand in hand. Maybe I want to be on a board. Shh, there's a deer. You can have my board.

Look at the deer. Do you see it? It's eating the powder. Stop that deer. I want to carve that shit. Shh, shh, shh. There's a second deer. There's so many deer up here.

Wow. I just jumped over one. Avalanche, let's go, babe. Race it. Race the avalanche with me. We did not run the avalanche. Griffin, there's a bear. Oh, no.

He's got your leg now. Uh-oh, we've been skiing for too long. Here comes the Yeti. It's another ski-free joke. I don't know why I keep throwing up these hot ski-free pitches to you. I don't know ski-free. So they have a romantic little rendezvous. They have a very good time.

Yeah. Blake gives a little speech to Holly. Says, when I got here, I didn't think it wise to get involved with any females. Which I guess is supposed to make Hollylly feel good but it's just a horrible sentence yeah i mean grammatically syntax wise uh it's not good they do a lot of snow wrestling where it's just like oh i fell over oh me too it's so fun we're having fun uh they make it a point to tell us the viewer that neither of them is thinking about michael thank you uh and then we get clips of michael waiting at the house this is when we get michael who's shirtless and then there's like

two like graham and jimmy william are also both shirtless and just like sitting by a fire holding some brandy just like shirtless all consoling michael like what's this cool party you guys are having so here's the thing. So what happens? And I forgot, this is true in Bachelor in Paradise, too. But when you go on a one-on-one date, you get the option to stay overnight. Yeah. And so they are spending the evening at a fire pit with wine. And Blake asks about Michael.

And Holly kind of talks about how she was heartbroken when they broke up, but the things have changed and it's, um, they're still figuring it out. And they talk about how hard it is going to be to go back to the mansion. And Blake gives Holly the rose and says they could spend the night there. And they do. And they kiss. And we see the kiss. Which is when they don't come home that night, Mike is very upset. Yes.

So, just to recap, Ella, Kirk, Blake, and Holly all have roses. Right. And the next morning, more than 24 hours later, they come home and Michael literally runs at Holly to say that he had missed her

that he's fallen back in love with her that she's irreplaceable um and thinks i think that this is his opportunity like oh i should have said all this stuff before i'm gonna say it now uh holly pretty much immediately tells michael that her and blake kissed mike and mike is very surprised and he doesn't take it well like i don't i think mike is kind of i i i guess part of me feels bad for for him but like also part of me like he says a lot like you know when i hear stuff like that i just want to go up to that guy and just punch him in the face. It's like, Mike, no, come on, dude. He doesn't handle it very well, I don't think. Then again, I mean, finding out that your ex-fiance is hooking up with somebody that you are living in a house with and you think is kind of a tool and I think is kind of a tool, I can understand being challenging, but there's kind of no excuse for some of that yeah yeah

i i become more and more sympathetic to holly i mean i've never absolutely yeah i've never a flan lots of just misses here a lot of whiffs pilots and flans this week uh i've never been a fan of blake uh so that part kind of grosses me out. Yeah, it sucks. But she makes the point, you know, we've been apart for months. And it isn't until now when Mike is confronted with me being with somebody else that he is upset. And this is the first date that she's been on since Mike. And it was just nice for her to be out with somebody and to have fun and have it not be complicated. And she's kind of telling Vienna, you know, that it was a really, really good time. And she doesn't want to hurt Mike, but it was a nice date.

So. Is it voting time? It is almost voting time. One thing I will say is that Michaelael in an effort i guess to even the score sets up a little impromptu date for him and holly with this like pillows and wine and a blanket and they're sitting outside together and it's like his version of a date so i guess he can feel like he did something with holly but she also says like i was into you i tried to get us back together you broke it off and now i'm not interested so sorry uh so casey and vienna i think no since they don't have roses they need to really sure up their alliances so they come to erica and kirk

and will and casey says a line that griff Griffin and I kind of couldn't get out of our head, where he says that the money is necessary for his grandma to live. The word for word, sorry. And also says like before that, like in the behind the scenes, like I've got a little strategy to make sure the numbers are on our side. So grandma needs this money or she's donezo. Like literally back to back. No details.

My grandma needs the money to live. She owes $500,000 to a drug cartel. I mean, even that would have been something. There were no additional details provided. There's a lot of talk about like, we can't let this person get to the finals um which we didn't know this but there's sort of a survivor style vote from the jury which is like everybody else on the show to decide like which of the final teams

gets uh gets wins the money and so there's a lot of talk about like people's story i feel like it is most grossly used leveraged against ella because she has this child that she's trying to support. And, I mean, it's whack to think of it this way, but a lot of people there were like her story about her mom being killed in front of her when she was young is her story. And that's going to win her a lot of votes. And so I think this was Casey's, like, attempt to start building some lore. But it was like the room level dialogue like my grandma definitely has breast cancer she needs this 250k gotta get it yeah i i mean i'm hesitant to throw too much um grief his way because i mean maybe his grandma was sick no i'm willing to do it because he said

like i know what's going to win me this vote my grandma needs this money to live she's trapped on the moon and 250 000 will buy her a new spaceship uh so this week we are back to voting one man and one woman off the show um and there's a point when when Melissa realizes that she's in danger, uh, because somebody says that he has voted for her. I think it was Will, actually. And Melissa starts scrambling, starts running around asking people if they voted yet. And if they haven't, they have to not vote for her uh and making people so nervous to the point that graham is specifically telling michael just just tell her i voted for

erica just tell her i voted for erica like everyone is is scared to have the confrontation with melissa um melissa tries to get mike to rally the troops it's like let's just vote for erica everyone should vote for erica tell people to vote for troops it's like let's just vote for erica everyone should vote for erica tell people to vote for erica casey says he's voting for erica just to kind of calm melissa down uh so does kirk but it is not true no because will and melissa both go home um it was it was a shame but it was also this was um we're close enough now to the finals this week that it was unbelievable that everybody just did this complete fucking throwaway vote everybody just like yeah let's get rid of melissa and will it's like there are people in this house that are going to

win this fucking game the fact that casey and vienna and mike and holly um and graham and michelle who ended up being like real fucking strong um just they all coasted none of them were ever in danger they had remember that first episode they had an alliance and they stuck with it I guess but like people inside that alliance got to bust it up at some point to get themselves further ahead I don't know it was it was it was just weird like okay they're gone I guess we're two people closer to winning the game but like there are people in this house that are gonna beat your ass at this game and you didn't do anything about it this week when you coulda so whatever uh so next episode yes

uh chris harrison comes out right after the ceremony says from here on out you need to find a partner that you're going to stick with, because all challenges will involve you competing with your partner, and people will be voted out as couples. So three of the couples are pretty much firmed up, right? The big question is, Mike and Holly, and Blake and Erica, is Holly going to split off? But no, she made a promise to Mike that they were partners to the end. And so they stay together. So sort of by necessity, Blake and Erica end up staying couples. Chris Harrison also kind of teases, your challenge is going to be competing with his partner tomorrow.

And you might want to get to know them. So at this point, they recognize the challenge is probably going to involve some kind of how well do you know your partner quiz? And so they, they all sit around the house kind of asking each other questions and taking notes. Right. Uh, and,

uh, the next morning, the couples are introduced to the nearly wed game. And Chris Harrison hits that nearly hard every time every time. Over and over and over again. Maybe that was like legally required. In order for it to be fair use, he had to spend like two extra syllables saying nearly. So everybody has planned a lot, except for Casey and Vienna, who are really cocky because they've been dating for six months and they know everything about each other. Rachel and I have been together for forever.

I still feel like we would only do... I don't know what your favorite fucking animal or whatever is. I mean, you don't really have one. We've talked about it on this show. I thought it was sloth, but... No, it's over. See, it's done. I'm still looking.

If anyone knows any animals out there... Can I get you on team Cappy I mean I don't want it to be your thing and my thing I want to have my own thing that's true don't make it some predator that would kill a Cappy I would not I love them so the

questions are very close and intentionally close to the newlywed game style questions for example one of the questions is, how many dates would be required for you before making Whoopi? Which is a very newlywed game kind of thing. And also, like, the most horrible sentence. Yeah.

Do you think Whoopi Goldberg was, like, bummed out that her name has turned into this, like, childish way of referring to lovemaking? What? Is that her given name? Whoopi? Yeah. I don't know.

Are you reaching for your phone? I want to look it up. I've never thought that before. Oh, it's Whoopifred. No, it's not. Do you want to know what it is? No. No.

I want to keep living in a world where I think it's Whoopi Goldberg. Oh, Griffin. My headphones are off. Okay. You say it. Her name is Karen Elaine Johnson. You say it? Yes.

Still Whoopi to me. Still Whoopi Goldberg to me. You know that song? No. I don't think I do either. I love this. Are you doing like a still Whoopie go to me. You know that song? No. I don't think I do either. Very well. Were you doing like a still whoopie? So what other questions and sexual answers were there?

So the way this works is that the men and women go in isolation. So they can't hear their partner's response. And then they come out and they hold up little signs with how they think their partner answered. So let's just very quickly. Let's go back to how many dates before making whoopee oh geez vienna says 22 i don't if that's how you if that's how you do that's fine it was just such a it's such a specific pull yeah most of the most i think the majority was like three and i feel like that's sort of the thing folks say. A lot of people say over ten.

Yeah, Holly said 14. Like, once you get over ten, it's like, why? I guess I'm curious. Why 22? Because Casey says three. He, like, predicts that that's going to be her answer. And she's like, what? No, not three.

We didn't have sex until, like, 17 dates in. And it's like, why why 17 what's that number i don't know i don't know i would have you know my answer would have been when it feels right oh i love that what if what if it was like three and a half it's like i need half of a date and i'm just going we're going to town We're in this fucking TGI Fridays. Meet me in the bathroom. I can't wait. I will mention that one of the answers was Graham correctly predicted seven, seven dates

for Michelle Money, which we'll come back to. Which is kind of incredible. Yeah. You're thinking as you're watching it, like, oh man, they must have really studied. They must have really prepared because they were getting every answer right. So there was a question about, yeah, your favorite animal. There was a question about what quality does your partner's exes miss the most? And when it comes to Casey and Vienna, Casey says teeth.

He predicts that Vienna said, they miss my teeth. I mean, she's got great teeth. I guess, but. But, yeah. I don't remember what most of my ex's teeth were like, I don't think. Casey writes down boobs because, you know, she thinks like. No, Vienna writes down boobs. Or Vienna, yeah.

Vienna thinks that that's like, that's her thing that guys would miss. And Casey says, no, no, no, no, no. Men don't like that. Men like teeth. This is where we hit the point we reach in every challenge where Vienna gets just irreversibly angry at Casey. She is very, very competitive. And Casey is too, but they are just never on the same page.

No, they're just putting up bricks. Yeah, it was awful. What else we have here? Okay, so this is when Chris Harrison gets a little devilish. It says, if your partner could kiss somebody else in the house, who would they be? Hi, Mike and Holly. How's it going over there, Mike? Good?

If your partner could sleep with someone else in the house, who would it be which and who is your partner's secret crush in the house and like all of these like blake says holly and holly says blake and mike has to mike has to get this is what's the most brutal is mike has to guess like it's not it's not holly saying my secret crush is blake it is mike saying holly's secret crush is blake remember the one time mike wrote down his own name and mike wrote down his that's what i'm saying like mike had to make this decision between do we want to get the points or do i want to acknowledge the fact that this this this woman who i'm was engaged to and saying i've said i'm falling back in love with is wants to be with this other guy do i want to get the point or do I want to say she wants to have sex with

Blake? Yeah. It's unbelievable. It is unbelievable. The positions that this show puts these three people in. Uh, people kind of get their revenge on Blake though. Cause at a certain point,

uh, one of the questions is, um, who is your least favorite person in the house? And pretty much every single person says Blake. And everybody guesses correctly that that person's going to hate Blake, yeah. Yeah. So at this point in the competition, Michelle and Graham are crushing it,

and so are Erica and Blake. Yeah. And so then there's more questions how many people has your partner had sex with who in the house has the worst sense of fashion who is most likely to cheat so and this whole time just to set this up graham and michelle are crushing it they're getting every answer right but they're also giving weird answers like who has the worst fashion uh michelle guesses that uh graham wrote mike and everybody's like well really mike and like who's your secret crush and he writes holly and everyone's like really holly uh and every time it's like how many people have you slept with

uh how many girlfriends have you had how many dates it's always he always said they always get it right yeah um and then yeah and the who was most likely to cheat was Mike, which Mike was like. Why me? Yeah. So then we get to this next question. And this next question made Griffin and I so nervous. Because the question was,

how old were you when you lost your virginity? And. And Blake says, oh, I was kind of young. I was 16. And Casey says, oh,

21. And Vienna gets it right. And then we get to graham and graham says i was pretty young seven and everyone's like whoa and then like pretty quickly it is revealed that their strategy is and they prep this in the house just anytime there's a numerical question write seven and i'll guess seven and we'll get every single one of those right like a a poll fell over the crowd for like a split second and then everybody was like oh you're cheating yeah every time it's a number it's seven every time it's a if it's a genderless question if it's a mic yeah if there's a question if there's a question where the answer is non-gender specific, pick Mike.

If it is a question about a woman, pick Holly. Yes. And using those three heuristics, they fucking destroy. And everybody gets pissed off, but everybody's also like, why didn't I fucking think of that? Yeah. Yeah, Blake and Erica get really close, but nobody can beat that strategy. Yeah. Yeah. Blake and Erica get really close, but nobody can beat that strategy. Yeah. There is a if you come in second place, you don't get the rose, but you still get to go on a date with your partner, which is great for these two who are the only like non romantically linked couple in the house. So Michelle and Graham get a special movie night where they get to see the movie. What's your number?

get to see the movie what's your number i don't remember this film i don't remember this film star-studded cast and i'm sure it's excellent um but i don't i didn't i think i missed it in theaters love anna faris and chris pratt's in it and i wondered if they met on the set of this one but it's there was a different one we looked it up i know because i had that question um and they met on some movie like years and years before that. Here's the issue about this day is they watch this fucking movie in a hot tub. Can you even imagine the pruniness factor after just brine for an hour and a half? And let's watch and see if Anna Faris gets gets her guy. Yeah, it seems like you'd want to sit down in a comfortable seat.

I mean, a hot tub is literally sitting. It's it's down in a comfortable seat i mean that is a hot tub is literally sitting it's it's god's most comfortable seat that he ever invented um but can i say something i don't think i like hot tubs as much as you do what babe i've been like trying to get us to get up one of these beautiful little human picklers usually after like i don't know six or seven minutes i'm like ready to be out of there That's all you need though is a dunk to just wash away the cares of the day in that special water that they have. Are you kidding me? The jet's going all over you? You don't like that feeling? I think you just generally have more achiness than I do. This is true.

I need one of those baseball baths. That you see all the baseball players in, a little baseball bath. Oh, I see all the baseball players in, a little baseball bath. Oh, I thought you said baseball bat. And I was wondering what that was. I want you to hit me with a baseball bat over and over and over again until all my joints and bones are fixed. Oh, one thing we should mention, they do take a helicopter to the movie. It's very exciting. Does anything happen on this day?

I mean, they smooch and they seem like they're having kind of a romantic connection. Yeah. No, that's basically it. Okay. There's kissing. That's about it. I will say while this is going on, the reason that we didn't pay too much attention is there is a fight back at the house between Casey and Vienna that everybody is captivated by.

Oh, this was awful. Casey, it's a little confusing, but from what we can tell, Casey wants to have sex with Vienna, and he thinks that that's what Vienna wants. And then Vienna decides she doesn't want that. And he gets upset and pulls the promise ring off her finger. This is like, saying this out loud it's

fucking horrifying it's this is fucking horror like this this is beyond the pale like i i this actually was a fucking huge bummer because like this is like you said you'd have sex with me come on like and then trying to guilt her into it is like yeah so that's what happened so she goes back to her bunk and is like i'm gonna go to bed and he's standing next to her bunk talking to her and i guess because the fight was so public he wants her to come downstairs with him and cuddle with him um it sounds like to put on the face in front of everybody like look we're fine and she doesn't want to and he keeps saying well i'm just gonna go home let's just go home let's let's forget the whole show whatever i don't want to be here uh so either you come downstairs with me or i'm gonna leave my bag is

packed so like either come downstairs with me and let's put on a good face or else i'm gonna leave yeah he's a fucking total creep yeah And eventually she does go downstairs with him. Yeah. It's awful. It's really, really awful. But that, yeah, that captivates everybody in the house. The next date, Erica and Blake. So Erica is going to try to seduce Blake.

Here's the thing about Erica. A lot of sexual pressure in this episode. Very, very much so. Erica's whole deal is, it sucks that I'm teamed up with Blake. Everybody fucking hates his guts and wants to get him out of the house right now. And I'm his partner.

From this point on, teams vote together and they go home together. And so if people can't squash their beef with Blake, then Erica knows she's dead in the water too. So some of this is performative. Some of this is likeative some of this is like let's put on a a nice face and maybe people will think you're into me and if people think

you're less into holly maybe michael won't be gunning for you as much and maybe people won't have as much beef maybe you won't be as much of a target if it doesn't seem like you're trying to get in between mike and holly this date was just like a whole lot of like this and back and forth and back and forth and back and forth um blake uh she like packs up some lingerie to bring with them and basically says like i really want to get this to be an overnight date they go to this place called the mission inn that's like spanish style and they walk around like catacombs, and Erica talks about ghosts and how she communicates with ghosts, and how her astrologer said certain things to her about the date. They get to the table to have dinner, and there is a rose on the table. There are two roses, yeah.

Two roses. And at first, there's this brief moment where it's like, could these be for us? But no. They are theirs to give out. So the plan now becomes strategically, we could give these roses to a couple that wouldn't vote us off. And so they're talking about that a little bit. And then the conversation turns to, should we stay the night here? And Erica very much wants to and makes a lot of arguments as to why that is a good move and blake really very much doesn't want to and also

has like counter arguments to everything she says so like for instance to give you an idea of the discourse here erica says like it'd be good for you to stay here and people will think you're less into holly and more into me and then maybe they will sort of not hate you as much and he says well um and people will hate me even more if they think i hooked up with another woman here and so i should be home and start like you know also trying to sort of grease grease the wheels so to speak to like get the vote back in my favor um yeah what's confusing about this exchange i mean there's a lot things, but for me, Erica is kind of playing two sides. She's playing this like, this is purely strategy. We should stay here. And it'll look good. And then also, I really want to have sex with you. Why won't you have sex with me yeah and that part is really uncomfortable yeah it's no good i honestly like blake sucks the the moon right out of the sky but um i honestly think the reason he didn't go for this is because him and holly actually had like a really strong connection and he didn't want to

like do anything about that because remember again blake and holly end up getting married uh and so like he probably just didn't want to do anything to get in the way of that i imagine um blake makes the point um because he had heard that erica was going around telling everybody about the lingerie she was bringing uh and he's like how would it have looked if i went around telling all the dudes like hey i'm gonna bring all these condoms so we're're going to hook up tonight. And Erica, of course, there's never a problem with that.

She's like, yeah, that would be great. It's it's a, it's, I mean, it's another, it's another gross scene in this pretty gross episode.

But they ended up kind of getting in a bit of a fight about it, but ended up going home without staying the night. Yeah. They don't say the night. And then they come back. And the next morning they have to decide who to give these roses to. And I kind of thought at first, oh, they're just going to approach the couple they want to give the roses to. So when they go up to Ella and Kirk first, I think, oh, they're going to give it to them.

And then they also go up to Casey in Vienna. Which like, of course, like as soon as they come to Casey, Casey's like, I'll do anything. You're safe. You give me those roses. roses i'm the dawn i'll keep you safe even further and says you give it to us you'll be safe if you don't you'll be stabbed in the back yeah um they also but like kirk and l are like yeah we could really use those roses and you team up with us like what i was thinking is they team up they give them the roses and then they go to mike and holly and say yo mike i know you don't like me very much but we can all work together right now to get rid of Casey and Vienna. And maybe they could have had a play, but instead, nope, they give them to Casey and Vienna and just, like, roll the hard six and see what happens.

Yeah. And then, of course, Casey and Vienna are fucking insufferable because they have roses. Vienna does a little skit with the rose little puppet skit and fucking casey talks like he's this strategic like mastermind when it's like dude somebody just like gave you that yeah ella is very sad that she does not get the rose yeah um and then it comes down to well who's who's going home? Is it going to be Blake and Erica or Ella and Kirk? And Vienna is so worried about Ella's story, and she's like, well, you know, we all have stories.

That's something you pull out at the end and make it real sincere. I thought for sure they were going to go home. I was kind of surprised. It was Graham and, God, why can't I never remember her name? Michelle that end up kind of turning the worm because they say, like, we're not going to vote for our friends. Well, so Michelle, after Vienna says, you know, we can't keep Ella. Her story's too good. Michelle's like, well, I have a nine-year-old kid, too.

Like, it's not about the story. Right. well i have a nine-year-old kid too like it's not about the story right like i i am sending um blake home because i don't trust him yeah and that is what i'm doing and so all of a sudden vienna is kind of pushed back a little bit i think from michelle uh and so what ends up happening um oh this was oh this was buck wild it comes down to mike and holly right so it's two votes and two votes uh and so the deciding vote because it's five teams is mike and holly and mike tells holly i want to send blake home but it's up to you you're the one making the decision so in this situation and the couples the women are the ones who ultimately go in and cast the vote and so he says like do what seriously do what you want to do in there i can't tell you like i want to send

blake home but obviously like that is a huge decision for you and so like you you do what you need to do he does also say like i'm your ex-fiance i really want you to have my back on yeah yeah i mean he's definitely doing that too the. The most sort of, like, poignant scene, and it's one of the most, like, ah, man, I got kind of emotional watching it, because I don't think I've ever, like, seen anything with this many layers happen on a Bachelor product before, is Holly's, like, sitting in the bathroom, and she's crying, because she is also very, very good friends with Ella. And she's crying because she is also very, very good friends with Ella. And Ella walks into the bathroom and sees her crying and says, you know, talk to me, tell me what's up. And she says, like, you're my best friend, but I have these very, very strong feelings for Blake, who Mike doesn't like, and I'm just so torn. And so Ella doesn't say, like, well, you should vote Blake home because you should send off Blake because he's a fucking snake. Like, Ella is actually very even keeled about it. It's like, I can't tell you what to do, but just, like, either way, everybody's going to love you and support you no matter what.

Yeah, she specifically says, like, Mike will understand. Mike will understand. Michael understands. She says that even though saying that means it's okay if you keep Blake and send me your best friend in the house home because you want to keep your new boyfriend. Like me, your best friend in the house, like understands that. It was so there were so many like things happening in that conversation. And I was like, I was blown away that this show managed to like capture it yeah uh what ends up happening blake and erica do go home um which means blake has to know that holly voted for him and i guess holly writes him like a little note yeah holly writes him a note i wrote down kind of the gist of it in the notes there but it basically said like we're not done so wait this isn't the end for us um so yeah blake doesn't seem particularly angry about it no he seems like happy like i'm i'm i i understand why i didn't win and uh hopefully things will get serious between me and holly because i'm starting to fall for you know what i'm starting to fall for

uh being stolen away? I guess so. Oh, sorry. The reflux got me there. You want me to do it? No, I want to do it. It's just the reflux got me. Give me a second. We had salads and I had a spicy peanut dress. Don't you dare take this from me.

Oh, I'm just so ready, though. Hey, can I steal you away? La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la. that was how long have you had that in the tank in the quiver just now wow you are a fucking improv genius thank you okay this week's sponsor is jet.com uh rosebuddies is supported in part by jet a shopping site that makes it easy to save money on the stuff you buy all the time you just buy big airplanes there or no griffin uh the good thing about jet and i actually got to use it is that as you, you save more money. Free shipping on orders over $35. Over $35.

Like if you're over $35, you get free orders? That would be nice. That would work for me now. Over $35. Free returns within 30 days. No membership or annual fees. Let me explain how it works. Please do.

So there are certain things that I buy that I know, for example, I am not going to return. And this website is- Hygiene product. Hygiene product. Okay, sure. It's just one example. Or diapers for Henry. Popcorn.

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maybe like a nice rug that you just think i know this rug's gonna work for me sure anyway the thing that's nice about jet is that you have the opportunity to save money when you buy things and check little boxes. Like, for example, I'm not going to return this item. And that saves a little money. Or I'm going to pay with a debit card. And that saves a little bit of money. Interesting. Yeah.

And so they start knocking off change here and there. And you'll notice on all your items the more you buy the more the price is reduced so i'm on jet say i'm on jet and you hear me on my phone let's say i'm on jet and i'm getting buying some tp and i buy like 500 rolls of it and i check like of course i'm not going to return this it's tp it's a silly website and then i also pay for it for with the debit card that's basically free tp at that point more or less the markdown is significant significantly discounted yes thanks jet i use that to uh buy some clothes for henry that i knew would fit him oh um there's more on there griffin

if you want to read the special deal for our listeners. Oh shit. Fucking. Yeah, dude. I love saving my friend's money. It's at the top of the email. It's at the top of it.

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Hey, I want to tell you about a jumbotron that's been weighing heavy on my mind lately. And it's from Amanda for Tim. And it's from Amanda for Tim. And Amanda says, this message was meant for V-Day, but it looks like it will more likely be read around our 10-year anniversary of dating, which is better anyways. I know we have a new-versary now, but I couldn't let this one go by without saying I love you. I can't believe you got me into watching this show, but I'm glad I get to listen to this podcast with you. Fix. Fix. Oh, thanks.

Thanks, yeah. That's great. That's great. Oh, thanks. Thanks, yeah. That's great. That's great, and it's very, very sweet, and I'm glad you recognized our human limitations and not getting messages in around V-Day.

Also, do you remember what our dating anniversary is? I think it was July 30th? Yeah, end of July is when we first, I mean, what we're counting is when we first smooched. Is it first smooch or first pork or is it first, like, first date? First date?

I count smooches. Okay. Because that's when we were like, this is on. I mean, you made me go 41 dates before we hit full pork. Oh, that's nice. My mom listens, so that sounds great. Hi, Linda. It was 41. It was basically, I mean sounds great. Hi, Linda. It was 41.

It was, I mean, it was like actually 41. That actually timed out to like a couple months after our wedding. Here's one more. This phone goes to sleep so fast. Here's another Jumbotron. It's for Gemma. It's from Forrest who says,

happy combination anniversary Valentine's Day week. And after we just praised that other couple for getting it right. I love you so much. I might not be able to accept a rose because of my pollen allergies, but I will take a cute little house, animals, day-long Monster Factory marathons, and night-long D&D campaigns with you. P.S. Thank you for shoveling the snow. You know I hate it since the skiing accident. Oh, all been there oh that's fun wow there's a weirdly like this this

this message that this person probably sent in like six or seven months ago is so full of callbacks to this one specific episode we're in the middle of recording it's true that's buck wild how that happened sorry about the skiing accident it's It changed me too when I heard. Did you hear? I know we don't know what this is. Both knees. Okay. One eardrum.

The snow went so far up their nose, babe. The snow went so far up their nose, babe. It was sick. I'm Hal Loveland. I'm Danielle Radford. I am Michael Eagle. And we are the hosts of Tights and Fights, Maximum Fun's newest podcast

dedicated to all things wrestling. We'll be talking about Sasha Banks, the Women's Revolution, Sasha Banks, the brand split, and Sasha Banks' wigs. And we'll also be talking about wrestler fashion. Some wrestlers wear too many clothes.

Some wrestlers don't wear enough clothes at all. And I'll be doing impressions of fashion. Some wrestlers wear too many clothes. Some wrestlers don't wear enough clothes at all. And I'll be doing impressions of all your favorite wrestlers. New episodes Thursdays on Maximum Fun or wherever you get your podcasts. Oh, yeah, dig it. Ties and Bites Podcast. Ties and Bites. What happened next?

Are we on the last episode yet? Close. Episode six. Listening to this podcast is the only thing you wanted to do today, right? Okay, cool. Just check it in. Okay. Chris Harrison comes in.

Pack your bags, ladies and and gentlemen the final challenge is in vegas question i guess off the top of my head is how are we gonna find out what actually happened while they were there you know oh yeah because there's no way for us to know that's what i'm saying they take it and i guess they shoot the film we'll have to watch this in vegas that's how okay so like when you leave they're like you do you have any film on you that you shot here how did that you know what i'm thinking of babe just now i'm thinking of hey the hangovers love them oceans 11 12 13 saw them i saw them i guess one of those was in paris but one of them was definitely in Vegas, baby. Leave in Las Vegas? That's explicitly not true.

Like, you couldn't have. And me see it. Mm-hmm. How are these things happening? Did you watch all of those in Vegas at the Vegas Museum? You know what? I watched them all at the Vegas Museum. I like this idea that there is a museum you can go to and see all the things that happen there.

Yeah, it's great. I flew to Vegas, which is the only place where you can watch The Hangovers, and they're so good. The Wolfpack is at it again. Yeah. What even happened there. Yeah, it was great. I flew to Vegas, which is the only place where you can watch The Hangovers, and they're so good. The Wolfpack, it's at it again. Yeah. What even happened there that night? I don't know.

It's Vegas. I haven't been to Vegas since those movies came out. Oh, you've got to get to Vegas and watch The Hangovers. I have actually been to Vegas, but not since those movies came out.

You've got to get there and you've got to watch The Hangovers, because I'm making jokes all the time, and you think they're so funny. It's all Hangovers. You remember when I was like,

Mike Tyson has a tiger, and you're like like what are you fucking talking about i was like never mind you've actually violated some rules by telling me that you're right like the information police are gonna come like kick down the door this podcast is gonna go in the vegas vault fuck well all of our listeners will go to Vegas to listen to this episode. That'll be good. Okay. Can we talk about the date? It's very good.

So they enter a theater and they all stand in the aisle. And I think it's weird that they stand in the aisle and they don't sit down in any of the hundreds of seats that are available to them. But then this like rotating platform comes down uh and it's spinning around and they know this has to do with their challenge but they don't really know what they're supposed to be doing and then chris harrison comes out and at first we thought it was a magician of some kind because chris harrison was just wearing a vest and a white button-down shirt um yeah we thought he was a magician because he looked like a fucking magician i actually this is not a joke like it was kind of foggy and this wall which was like um vertically oriented so it was just like a straight up wall platform like they said 100 feet but there's no way it was 10 stories

tall um was like rotating and then there was this fog and out from the fog came a man wearing a white shirt with a black vest and i was like like, that's David fucking Copperfield. Yeah. But it was just Chris Harrison, who was, I guess, cosplaying maybe a little bit. We're real copperheads over here in the McElroy household. Okay, so Chris Harrison tells them they have 24 hours to train. The last place couple will leave immediately. And so they have to learn this routine

with the good people at Cirque du Soleil. New friends of the family, Cirque du Soleil. Hi. They're actually old friends. I know somebody who does Cirque du Soleil. Are you sure it's official Cirque du Soleil? I'm pretty sure. Yeah.

I've seen them Facebooking. What, some offshoot Cirque du Soleil? Actually, it's how they pronounce it. It's an offshoot. It's like a regional. It's like a branch. They opened up a branch, a Cirque branch. A circuit?

Oh, okay. That's funny. Okay, so they watch these two performers do the routine they're going to have to do. It's a minute long. It's 50 seconds of choreography. And then they'll have 10 seconds to just kind of improvise. Yeah, basically they strap into these harnesses and they have these little remote controls they hold in their hands that zips the harnesses. So they like fly up the wall or they fly down the wall.

But basically they have choreography that's supposed to be that's supposed to look like they're just like doing it on the ground. But they are doing it while sort of repelling kind of if you can envision that um and everybody is so like this is the most bachelor shit ever and then like everybody's like all right we need to do this 50 seconds of choreography that the Cirque du Soleil people teach us but then we have 10 seconds to just freestyle and I feel like that's really where we're gonna stand out and the shit they do in these freestyle moments are like the most whack ever yeah there's like salutes and handshakes they do the worm and hugs and kisses the handworm thing yeah you know where you hold somebody's hand you do the worm with your arms yeah what's that called handworm hand it is handworm oh okay that sounds

like a condition our son might yeah our baby's got baby's got handworm. He picked it up at daycare. And so everybody is practicing into the night, except for Casey and Vienna, who we see sleeping. But everybody else is just like really, really putting it in there. So it's going to be... I said putting it in there where am i um there's a panel of judges experts if you'll recall the synchronized swimming challenge there was actually a woman on the panel that had knowledge of synchronized swimming.

She won a fucking gold medal at the Olympics. And then apparently Mike Fleiss watched that segment and was like, she was fucking boring. No more. So the panel of judges for this competition is Trista, Jason Mesnick, and Allie, who is carried in by her fiance at the time, Roberto. I don't know anything about these two at all. They are no longer together. Oh, shoot. Sorry.

Don't it always seem to go that you don't know? God, Joanie. Wouldn't it be nice? Can we just get in the car and just load up the baby and just drive around tonight and listen to Joanie? And he'll sleep in the car. Just go on a little Joanie trip. That'd be really nice, actually. That'd be real, real nice.

You know where he could go? California, California. Bet you didn't think I was going to hit that note, but I did. You did. Even in a hushed voice. Yeah. I wasn't using my diaphragm at all. What?

Oh, you want to talk more about bachelor pad? Yeah, I wanted to keep going. Okay, so as Griffin mentioned, all the couples do kind of little basic things with their 10 seconds. I will say that Michelle and Graham have a little difficulty on the wall, as do Kirk and Ella. They have some strategy. Graham and Michelle do have some strategy, though,

which is like their whole thing of just like, we know we can't do this good. But one of the scoring metrics was chemistry. And so they like hugged and kissed like, I love you, babe. Let's get up there and just have fun. Okay, I love you so much. And totally playing it up. i would say the top two and this is confirmed by the judges obviously

casey and vienna do really well uh they're really in sync and holly and michael uh and holly and michael with their 10 seconds crush it they fucking destroyed it there's like this whole thing where like he's falling and she's trying to catch him so they're both falling at the same time but she's a little bit above him like reaching for him and she's so symbolic and beautiful it's beautiful michael like propels himself off the wall and does all these like pivots and twists and it ends with this full-blown dirty dancing like he lifts her up off the wall and is holding her by one leg and one arm as she kind of like splays out and he's like holding her off the wall and is holding her by one leg and one arm as she kind of

like splays out and he's like holding her off the wall and everybody in the judges table was like fuck yes and it showed a split second of vienna's face and she was like fuck no because sure enough they did not win this challenge even though they very much wanted to um so at the end the judges are giving their feedback, and Jason Mesnick is complimenting Holly and Michael on their performance and says, are you a couple? Which is just a little devastating. Yeah, it's tough. Nope, not right now. Nope.

But I just, I enjoyed that Jason thought he could really spawn from a couple's aerial performance whether or not they were in love yeah okay so holly and michael get roses and they get to choose a couple that gets to stay uh and the couple that gets to um go home immediately i shouldn't say gets to they don't want to it has to go home they don't want to go home uh the couple that has to go home immediately that lost the challenge is Kirk and Ella. Yeah, Ella was just like really scared up there on the wall. And she talks about on her drive home, like I didn't want to fall a hundred feet

and die and leave my child alone. And I mean, it kind of seemed like she was constantly thinking about that while they were doing their performance. So like, that's too bad. I liked Ella a lot. What season was she from again? I guess she was from...

I don't remember. I don't think I watched it. Yeah. And she mostly feels bad because she's like, I know I didn't do good up there and I let Kirk down. And Kirk is only going home because I, like, couldn't get over my fear of this huge wall. Yeah.

So back at the mansion, Holly and Mike are debating whether to save casey and vienna or michelle and graham yeah because at this point they're the only vote that matters because the other two have to vote for each other um so they're basically deciding who are we going to bring into the finals with us um and again remember there's a jury vote so that's one thing they have to keep in mind is who can they beat in the jury vote yeah so it's it becomes like an interview uh where michael and holly are interviewing casey in vienna and vienna before this interview tells casey you need to be less intense because it really makes holly uncomfortable and she doesn't like it. So be less intense. Um, but in case he

kind of, he immediately comes after Michael. Uh, he says like, well, you know, you've been going really hard and doing whatever it takes and, and, you know, like really coming after us. And, and Mike's like, Oh, I, I never like led the charge on that in case he's like, no, I know. But I mean, you're just, you're willing to do whatever, you know? And so I know that, that you're a good player and, and you can tell that it was kind of like an abrasive way to start the conversation really coming out of a mile a minute and basically their pitch and it was true was nobody's gonna fucking vote for us everybody we're insufferable everybody in that jury's gonna hate us you take us and you're gonna win um and i think the whole time they were saying that like casey was like until we i bust

out my grandma's needs the money yeah i think it was hard for casey to make that argument i think he really like didn't want to act like they weren't yeah but it it i mean mike and holly were very receptive to it and said like yeah if we take you we'll we'll beat your ass so yeah they were like graham and michelle have kept their hands clean but we fought and done the dirty work right um and so they go to graham and michelle and basically like here's where we're at if we take you guys we think we'll lose if we take them we think we'll win so uh sorry yeah so after these conversations happen vienna is really upset with Casey for talking too much. And so Casey goes off and sits by himself. Next to like a wall. He's just like is barefoot, like holding a beer.

And he just goes and like sits next to like a retaining wall outside and just sitting in the shade, just thinking his thought. And Vienna, instead of like doubling back on being so critical of him and saying that he talked too much. She just goes out there, finds him and then says it again. Yeah. She's like, listen, I only said all that stuff because you're going to lose us this whole game with how dumb an ass you are. I only said all that stuff because you didn't do what I said and you

fucking lost us the game and there's nothing we can do about it because you're a big, dumb bastard. Because you're a big, dumb bastard. And Graham is upset after their conversation because Graham is worried that Michael has basically said, I'm not taking you guys because you'd win. And Graham is like, it's not about the money. I don't care about the money. It's like, okay, it's good that you don't care about the money

because he would lose it if you all came into the finals. It's not about the money. It's about, okay, it's good that you don't care about the money because he would lose it if you all came into the finals. It's not about the money. It's about the friendship. Okay, so if he takes you, then you win the money. Is it still not about the money? Well. All right. Come on.

Yeah, I thought it was really strange. And Michelle was trying to get him to calm down because he was like really, he was starting to get like really worked up. Yeah. So it comes down to the the rose ceremony night and holly is giving like a little speech to explain their decision and she says there is selfishness and then there is selflessness and keeping casey and vienna would be us being selfish because we think we can beat them uh and us taking michelle and graham would be selfless because they deserve to be there and they're good competitors but it most likely means

we won't win uh and so michelle and graham are kind of readying themselves to be eliminated but they end up keeping them yep and sending casey and vienna home let's say casey and vienna we will not be taking to the finals uh their send-off was so weird because, like, Casey, like, you know, picked up Vienna, and they were both kind of laughing as they walked over to the limo. And then as soon as they got in the limo, like, Vienna bursted into tears and started crying. And Casey was like, listen, that thing they said was bull because we voted with them every time. And so that was—we weren't the selfish choice. We were selfless. And what they did was selfish.

It wasn't selfish to keep us. It was selfless. You tried to take it and turn it there, but you got lost in the hedge maze of that sentence a little bit. Casey also tells us, the viewer, that he carried Vienna on his back throughout the competition, which is very much the opposite of what happened from what i can tell uh so yeah bye guys bye so there was a weird thing

where we saw and i don't know if we mentioned on the show but there was like a bit we saw in the like season preview of vienna saying like i don't care about casey like i don't i don't care about a boyfriend i care about the money so if i have have to ditch him in order to win the money, awesome. Memory serves that never popped up in any of the episodes we watched. Yeah, I don't think it did. I think that's just some footage that they used to make the season seem spicy. Yeah. The season was spicy enough.

It's weird that they added that in. I know. So this is where we get into the finale, which, again again is just a lot of rehashing and interviewing the contestants. And we skipped all that. We fast forward, I would say, like 90% of that because we didn't really care where people were today. We just wanted to know what happened. And by today, Rachel means in fucking like March 2011. But also like there was stuff with Casey and Vienna

and about how they like maybe broke up. I don't know. We were gone at that point. They're broken up now, obviously. We talked about like- The one thing we did watch though. Yeah. There's a lot of Holly, Michael, Blake stuff,

although obviously Holly and Michael weren't out there yet because they were like the finalists and they brought them out later. But before they did, they brought Blake up and there was some stuff. So Chris Harrison interviews Blake and asks about Holly. And Blake is like, oh, I'm very much in love with her. And Chris is like, oh, are you still together?

And he's like, yeah, yeah, things are incredible. We're very, very happy. And then they start showing this footage of the two of them on a date. Don't know how they got this. Don't know how they organically captured this footage of the two of them on a date don't know how they got this don't know how they organically captured this footage must have been in vegas and they you know could keep mom about it uh where blake proposes to holly and holly says yes and accepts the neil lane ring a big fucking close-up on this neil. Ring it happens this must happen so fast the turnaround on this season could not

have been more than a few months right yeah they move fast here in bachelor country and so then they invite Mike and Holly and Michelle and grandma and Chris is like mike were you watching match

backstage and he's like oh yeah about blake and holly moving because he knew that they were moving together to like yeah north carolina they set it up like you know about blake and holly right he's like oh what the they're moving in together and ho Holly's like, well, no, actually, we got engaged. And Mike appears shocked. So here's the reason why I think this was actually legit. First of all, because this show is a franchise and the people who make it are Satan. But also, like, his response was, uh, we got engaged, and he looks like, he looks like shocked, and he says, like, just right, right now, just, like, right here, a few minutes ago,

like, here in the audience, and they're like, no, no, no, it happened a little while ago, so we just, like, watched it, um, and he's like, okay, can we, um, well, I'm in shock right now, and can we go to commercial please or can I get a glass of water and everybody like laughs he's like no I'm being completely serious I like I didn't know about this and now I'm I don't know how to respond to it yeah they start to kind of come up with excuses apparently what Blake says is it just happened Sunday I didn't I'm sorry I didn't call you and michael's like yeah that would have

been like somebody telling me before we he says this is seriously how we're doing this this is seriously how you tell me this like on national television in front of everybody this is how i find out yeah and then he he kind of composes himself a little bit and says that's that's great that's what i wanted for her uh and at first griffin and i were like is this just part of his strategy to get people to vote for him uh because they feel bad for him but it legitimately seemed like he didn't know like he was shocked it's really hard for me to and it was hard for me this whole season because this was obviously like if you take all this at face value this is these all these folks went through a lot. Holly and,

and, and Michael went through a lot this season. Um, and it's hard for me to divorce that completely with this idea of like, they are making a television show and there are incentives for raking the coals of drama as much as you can when you're making this TV show and be like a good TV star. But like,

and that being said, like this could have totally been a, a ploy and we could be total fucking marks right now. But I don't know. It felt it. It felt just as like horrifying and intrusive as everything else that we've seen from these folks this whole season. And like it was the it was the unbelievable cherry on top of this unbelievable fucking cake. Yeah.

And it was real, real uncomfortable for yours truly yeah yeah i i just can't believe i mean it it makes it seem like they just mike and holly just didn't talk at all as soon as the show was over and so i mean they didn't talk at all before the show it sounds like i mean this this represents i think like the reason i think that it moves more towards the fake, the needle moves more towards the fake side of the spectrum is, like, this would represent a truly unimaginable depth of cruelty to, like, not only, like, not tell your ex-fianceiance or i guess that's not part of the equation but making them find out on fucking national television that they just got engaged earlier this week after you were on the season of a television show with them where like it looked like you were about to rekindle your relationship to make them find out in front of a a live fucking

studio audience an audience of millions represents i think an unimaginable amount of cruelty that i don't think these two people actually have i pray to god yeah and i mean they're from what i understand they're still married still together yeah i mean i guess it it worked um they are because i got on your instagram and their pictures of them at a baseball game oh well that's nice it must have been that one baseball game that all the bachelor people yeah uh okay so the other thing we find out um michelle who had mentioned that her dad had stage four cancer uh since the show finished taping he has passed away uh and michelle like a few weeks before they started filming and michelle and graham have uh

really been close throughout that and graham's been a real help to her um yeah it's really really super very sad she looks very but she looks very upset while she's up there and um her and graham like dated for a while after the show right i think i remember her talking about that on bachelor in paradise yeah i don't know yeah i don't don't remember. Because obviously she ended up with Cody from Bachelor in Paradise, and that didn't work out either. Oh, Michelle Money. So at this point, both couples kind of plead their cases. They answer some questions.

We've skipped all that. From the other contestants. We skipped all that because we were going to watch some of it, and then fucking Justin, the rated R superstar reality star, was the first one to ask questions. And we were like, a noop and skipped like 20 minutes. So now it's time to vote. So Jake votes for Holly and Mike, as does Blake. Yeah, Blake's like, big shock here.

Blake wants some of that money, I think, a little bit. As does Erica, Jackie, Ames, Justin, Ella, and Gia. Which is enough. I think it was like the final vote was like eight to four and they didn't get through everybody, but eight was the money number. Michelle and Graham only get Vienna, Casey, Melissa, and Will. Of course Vienna and Casey don't vote for Holly and Mike

because they jilted them at the altar there at the end. So now it comes down to share versus keep, which we've talked about yeah it's the prisoner's dilemma if you both keep then everybody else gets the money if one of you keeps one of you shares the one who keeps keeps the money if you share you split it so both you get 125 g's uh holly says share and then michael kind of says well i did just find out you're engaged and that hurt a lot um But you'll always be my teammate.

So I'm also going to choose Cher. So they split it. Everybody celebrates. And then we get the big reveal of the next season of The Bachelor. With Ben. With Ben Flagenik. The first season I ever watched. Like this was the moment where kind of my timeline.

I like Benjamin Button caught up in the middle at The Bachelor at this point. And watching his season preview really reminded me what a big old goobus that dude was yeah he looked real like young to me he's a young baby and he looks so sweet on the season that he was on ashley i guess this season um which is surprising me because he was such a huge old he's a hound dog gooby gooby brother yeah that was bachelor pad season two we watched so much of it next very quickly next week is the bachelorette big announcement that we need to talk about and this may be a bummer for some folks but hang on um for a bit on a probationary trial period we're gonna be bumping our episodes back a day we're gonna be coming out on wednesdays not tuesdays you're gonna have to sit on what you thought of the bachelorette for an extra day um

there's a few reasons for that but ultimately the biggest one is we have a newborn baby and this it is it is it's too hard for us right now to sort of watch this show and then immediately go yeah so for example the premiere is not airing as i understand it until eight central on monday night and most likely it will be two hours so we will watch two hours and then potentially at 10 o'clock at night have to begin recording our hour podcast which just doesn't make sense for us right now and i i get that this sucks like i get obviously we want to be as timely with it as is possible and um i know there's like folks that like like having us reliably you know doing a show every coming out on tuesday but like um here's the truth this last season that we watched not

bachelor in paradise but i guess bachelor with oh my god who is the fucking oh nick um it started to get less fun like it started to get less fun for me to watch the show because i was stressing we'd have to race home from wherever we were um or even if we recorded at home it's still stressful because we had to like just rush to get this show done record and then sometimes right when we'd finish henry would wake up um or just like knowing that uh henry could wake up any hey straight up let's talk about this henry woke up in the middle of this episode and we had to stop and he was really really upset for a while and i've got my phone on with like my nest cam open like making sure he's sleeping through this so we don't like it's really stressful and having a um non-existent margin of error is just like it makes this process

of watching the show and making the podcast not fun and i think it shows right like i think i can tell the episodes listening back like boy howdy were we fucking stressed trying to get this thing down to the wire so wednesdays is the plan it gives us an extra day to like figure out our recording at least at least for the first few weeks we'll see how it goes um and then we may go back to our original schedule i don't know we'll see we'll see but that's kind of the way it's got to be for a while and honestly like i'm excited about this because like i like just having a day to just watch it and enjoy it and do what we do now i will say i'll probably be sober for all the recordings and that may be different for folks maybe i can have like a little little drinky drink

on recording days that would be two days in a row and my calorie counting app is not going to be so psyched about that but um please bear with us it's you know we recognize that we needed to do something because it will also give us time uh griffin and i have talked more this season especially about trying to read some criticism of the show and kind of incorporate it. Yeah, trying to open ourselves up to different ways of looking at the show and sort of, especially, it's our first person of color as the Bachelor or Bachelorette,

and I think that's important. And I don't know, it would be cool to sort of incorporate some other viewpoints written by people with different perspectives than us and people who are smarter than us and like people who are, you know, smarter than us basically. Um, and so like,

you know, that'll give us a little bit more of an opportunity to, to do that also. Um, but like, I just, I want to enjoy watching this show again. Cause I feel like my relationship with the show has changed since we started doing the podcast.

And maybe that's because like, I've, we've had to be more critical of it, but I also think part of it is just like, it, it's starting, it, it was was turning into a very very stressful job there we're just my monday nights we're just sort of uh yeah we'd be up until like 11 o'clock at night or later or later or sometimes we would be a day late and we'd have to stress about that because just like we couldn't get it done yeah so wednesdays wednesday mornings we'll have it we'll have it for you and uh we hope you enjoy it um i'm excited i'm fucking stoked out of my mind the

boys get announced on wednesday we get the cast profile so sorry we couldn't do a season preview um that was abc's fault um but we're really excited for rachel i think she's gonna fucking kick ass and um i just hope the boys don't embarrass everybody too much um thank you for listening thanks a lot yeah thank you it means a lot we're excited to i'm hungry for this new season this other stuff we've been doing it's been fun but like i want some meat you know i want a meaty season me too uh go to maximum fun.org check out all the shows there we're proud members of the max fun network there's shows like tights and fights and pop rocket pop

rocket and the beef and dairy network and um one bad mother and lady to lady there's some really great shows all at maximum fun.org you can find the other stuff that we do at mackroy shows.com anything else nope uh if you're coming to the bim bam or adventure zone live shows in austin this week say hi we should be there i don't know griffin will be i'll be there because i have to and rachel will be there at least one of the nights maybe the problem is we actually live here and our baby's here and so we can't just like bail um all right next time we talk to you we will have watched the first episode of The Bachelorette. I'm excited. It's like Christmas Eve.

Until next time, I'm Griffin McElroy. I'm Rachel McElroy. When you're ready. Stay with us on this journey of joy. Spoiler alert! She is up with Soulja Boy. Right reasons. Right reasons. Keep it going.

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