Wonderful! - Roze Buddiez: Dating in the Dark

Episode Date: April 25, 2017

The mid-2000s were a challenging time for all of us, particularly those who were enrolled in reality television programs like Dating in the Dark. This is a show in which strangers are trapped together in a cave, and then tasked with smooching their way out. Join us for another week of erudite discussion on this next-level skeleton-evacuating experience. MaxFunDrive ends on March 29, 2024! Support our show now by becoming a member at maximumfun.org/join.

Maybe you should go and do some contemplating. Right reasons, right reasons, being a good girl for all the right reasons. Right reasons, right reasons, being a good girl for all the right reasons. I'm the best rep and I'm rapping to your poolside. Here to find true love, one man for my whole life. That's a good studio. When you have to push the fucking printer paper tray out of the way every time you record something it's a good studio you think fucking marin does that every time he sits down it's like well let me push the fucking printer out of the way in my studio i'm mark marin

hi this is rachel mcelroy hi this is griffin mcelroy and this is rose buddies welcome back to rose buddies griffin intentionally waited to open his beverage until after we started it wasn't intentional. I was doing fucking production work. You think Marin does that shit, too? No. He's got folks for it, probably. He might do it himself, actually.

Was the noise so loud you didn't... I thought you specifically waited to pop the top because you wanted to discuss the beverage. Incorporate it in the bit? Oh, yeah. This used to be a thing, huh? Back in the day. I'm drinking a... Hey, what you drinking? Drinking an Austin East Ciders. They got a new seasonal cider.

I haven't really liked any of their ciders other than the Ridge. It's an Austin local cider brewery and it's fucking great. But this one's blood orange flavored and it's really doing it for me. It's very tasty. Hi, folks. Welcome to Rose Buddies. I want to mention programming note. I'm recording with a new microphone and a new soundboard set up so if it sounds great thank you for all your donations

to the max fun drive it's not if it sounds bad um we'll figure it out i guess we'll get it right next time it should sound pretty fucking crisp though call me fucking crispin glover of how crisp these i wish you could hear this monitor babe it. It's just dripping with honey. Am I going to sound better or just you? Oh, Griffin. You've always sounded better because you're rocking that Ear Trumpet Labs microphone, and that shit is some high-quality stuff and a very, very sweet gift that was given to us. I think they're both condenser microphones now, so we'll be on par. Oh, okay.

Yeah. But yeah, thank you all for your donations. I really did go out and spend a bunch of money updating all my shit. So thank you all for your donations i really did go out and spend a bunch of money updating all my shit um so thank you all for that and thank you all for watching another dirt show with us that we pulled up from the dirt like one would pull a fucking carrot out of the ground but it's not sweet and juicy like a carrot is it now it's just more dirt you should be grateful though because oh my god originally griffin and i were going to do singled out and we watched about five minutes of an episode that you can find on YouTube.

We tried to find a Jenny McCarthy free episode, by the way. And those like, do not, they went the fucking ABC route where they're like, all right, people saw it, delete it, erase it. It's the only full episode on YouTube that we could find. And we could not, we could not even make it 10 minutes in. I'm wondering if my dude Chris Hardwickwick was like we must we have to i'm on all the tv shows we got to get singled out not that he was doing bad work he was far from the the main offender in the program singled out although did you notice you had like kind of an accent i don't know if it was like a legit accent

or if it was like a put on like i'm hosting a tv show in the 90s and so I need to be a little bit more edgy. I used to think he was British. Oh, shit. I used to think he was a British person. That's buck wild. We did that. We tried that. And we were like, we literally can't.

Guys, y'all, it was literally like fucking. What did what did jenny mccarthy say there was a a hispanic dude who like came up and like got eliminated and she said something like really fucking there was also a scene where the challenge was to feed the uh the woman chinese food god and it was literally playing like like a gong it was super fucking super super bad you know. And so then we thought, you know what we should watch? We should watch Blind Date. Blind Date was no spring chicken. Also terrible.

Really bad. I didn't remember how fast and fucking too furious Tokyo Drift, those little graphics popped up, but it was nonstop. And it was also just like, I'm a guy, and that means I don't want to have a baby a hundred fucking times in the first two minutes we also turned on for no joke 21 seconds eliminate and i looked at you because you suggested eliminate like how could you do this to me maybe it was a particularly problematic episode of eliminate but sweet jesus christ baby in heaven

it was bad stuff. Some of you listening are thinking, oh, that'd be so fun, though. Like, it would be so funny to listen to you guys watch that. Except that we make everybody else watch it, too. Well, that and also, if we genuinely hate something, it's not going to be funny to listen to us. No, I don't think so as i as a good piece of evidence i would put forth the last episode of rose buddies which is a bummer to edit it does explain though why i was so insecure as a teen in the 90s because everything is so sex heavy in those shows and and not in a good way not like sex positive it's like it's just beats you over

the fucking head with like some people are attractive and some people are not and the people that are attractive deserve to have sex and the people that are not attractive uh should be made fun of for their lack of sexiness bad stuff bad stuff all around um and also like in in the case of uh singled out like pretty mad racist in the little 10 minute cross-section we watched the energy on that show the energy was tough good good concept for sure i'd never watched it when it was like originally out i started to make a point at the end of the last episode and i completely went off the fucking rails because we started talking about singled out and got confused. We couldn't say just, okay, so the Singled Out,

the very first category that the 50 single men chose from was Dumb and Dumber. And if they selected themselves as Dumber, they got eliminated. And literally 45 men walked off stage. And so there were five remaining. This section's supposed to go a few rounds until they get down to, I think,

five to eight contestants remaining. So there's six categories. And you're supposed to guess whose few rounds until they get down to, I think, five to eight contestants remaining. And there's, so there's six categories. And you're supposed to, like, guess whose style. Pair the list down. But, like, 45 out of 50 dudes are like, yeah, I'm fucking mad stupid. Bye. Bye. I'm gonna walk in front of you.

Yeah, and that's around when Griffin and I decided this is not gonna work for us. No, you're right. I'm really fucking stupid. I should leave. So you know what we watched instead? We watched God. D dating in the dark out of the frying pan and do it just like a slightly less hot frying pan tell you though i really enjoyed watching it um yes i i i think coming off of three failed attempts at watching 90s shows i got all excited because we were watching those fucking good, good

1-800-COLLECT commercials. I think I could have really enjoyed that flavor. This was what? Mid-aughts? That was a bad time for pretty much fucking all of us. Actually, 2009, 2010. Christ, it was 4x3! What channel was still making 4x3 fucking content

back then? I don't know what you mean. What does that mean aspect ratio is four by three everything had gone widescreen jesus that's horrifying what like pirate radio station was broadcasting this dating in the dark was on abc i know that's what i'm saying it was letter by okay anyway um griffin this show is about people it was letterbox it wasn't a letterbox it was all the things to complain about i was just confused by it in this show people date but they can't see each other in this show people date but they can sorry i took a big drag on my weed cigarette um that's not true child child protective services not true am I, the dad from Poltergeist? No.

In this show, people date, but they can't see each other. I had an alternate title for this show. Do you want to hear the alternate title? Yes. You don't want to hear it. If you don't want to hear the alternate title, we don't have to do this joke. It better be good. That's all I'm saying. You know how there's a show called The Voice?

Yes. And then there was a very briefly lived show that you and I watched and enjoyed. It's called The Taste. This show could just be called The Touch. Oh, and that fucking new mic, dude. The Touch. Oh my God.

I gave myself asthma. The touch. Or, potentially, the smell, but not the sight. And then there could be another show just called The Sight, and it's just two people stare at each other for a half hour without talking, or, yeah, no other senses can be used. And then eventually, all five shows, which, by the way, I would love to know what The Scent is, what what that show looks like they get together for one super competition the likes of which this world has never seen uh can your new fancy mic can it pick up my eye rolls it actually can detect

like the juiciness like the the tears going back up into your eyes as the yeah the touch okay you don't like that no uh you No. I would watch this show. If this, coming this fall on ABC, The Touch. I would watch that before I watched Dating in the Dark. The Touch. The scent.

The scent of a person. You know that's like the theme song for Cotton? Oh, The Touch, The Feel of Cotton? Yeah. The Feel. The Feel is good too. Yeah.

Can we, can I get Cotton? Yeah. The Feel. The Feel is good, too. Yeah. Can I get going? I would love to. We also had many different nationalities to choose from from this show. That's what I was going to say. Oh, okay. So this show has been on in 18 different countries. What? Yes.

It's a good idea for a show. It's not 18 country syndication good. Australia, Brazil, Chile, China, Colombia, France, Finland, Romania, Germany, Serbia, Israel, Slovenia, Italy, Turkey, Netherlands, UK, Norway, United States. Well done, whoever made Dating in the Dark. All of them started around 2009. It was like one i don't know who set off the dominoes but once somebody aired the show every took off yeah they had a united nations meeting everyone said let's bring world peace let's have dating in the dark in our country too

the only i don't when people talk about the illuminati i'm usually like oh come on but this this shit like you didn't want to wait one season in one country to see like if it popped off? So it is still on in the UK, but in the United States, it was only 2009 to 2010. It's on and popping in the UK. We watched a US episode and a UK episode, which the latter we didn't take a bunch of notes on. We mostly watched it for tone, but sweet jesus is it popping off in the uk

yeah um you want to talk about that us episode we watched though yes so the premise is three women three men one house uh i know you're thinking terrace house no not at all god not at all there's not a japanese version of the show right did? Did you say Japan in that list? No. Do you think for Terrace House they were making this show and they were like, what if we just let all the lights be on? And it lasted a year. It's pretty easy producing there. The guy went to turn off the light and they're like, no, no, no. No.

Hey, we've got this ball at the 99-yard line know flipping the switch we're gonna get there but what if we just didn't and like put our own little fun twist on it that's what the um the japanese style room used to be uh-huh the dark room they they put a what a tatami mat i think is what it's called down and just said this is where married couples sleep. So. Yes. The three women stay on one side of the house. The three men stay on the other side of the house. They don't get to see each other. And the very first time they all interact is in a dark

room. And then from that first interaction they start picking out who they want to go on a date with. But every date, every interaction is in the dark until the very end. Can I make a suggestion? Yes. For this episode of Rose Buddies?

Oh, are you going to suggest we do this in the dark? Okay. I can't turn my computer. I have to keep an eye on those levels. Pretty good though, right? I could blindfold you. I wouldn't be able to see my notes. In fact, I probably won't be able to see my notes. In fact, I probably won't be able to see my notes now.

Okay. All right, so here's our three women. We have Kayla, Khalil, and Suzanne. Kayla is 23, Khalil is 27, Suzanne is 24. I did not write down their occupations. It doesn't matter. I don't think we... Did we get them?

Yeah, because remember Khalil is like a VIP host? Yes. I don't remember. Don't remember the other two's vocations. This show opened up on Harrison is the boy. Harrison is 25. He's 25. opened up on harrison is the boy is 25 it's 25 this show opens up with a very close zoom on his fucking toesies sticking out of his sandals hated it and he's wearing jeans with sandals which like

whatever i bet you've done that yeah when i'm going out to the fucking car to like get something out of the car but not it's not it's not a great anyway i don't want to open up my tv show experience with like look at these piggies look at these little piggies just run into the market the other two guys are sean and ray both 26 because they're twins as all 26 year olds are well twins they um i don't think they're identical they didn't look exactly like to me. Well, that's because one of them had a little landing strip up on their chin. Oh, why did you have to use that? A little push broom. What, a landing strip?

There's nothing even remotely sexual about that. That could exactly be sexual. If a person... A vagina's coming in for a landing, what? Or a penis. Or a penis. Yeah. If the genitals could land on his face.

That's not... Okay, that one wasn't on me. That one was 100% Rachel's, like, you're the one who drew that mental image. What I said was completely. I can't be the only one that has that thought. That has had the thought of genitals landing. Genitals have never landed. That noun has never done that verb. Ever.

Ever. Ah. Ah. landing generals have never landed that noun has never done that verb ever ever i think this show i think i'm watching all these nasty dirt shows okay uh and there is a host the host is uh do you remember how to say his name way whoa my bimble back it's rossi marial okay um and he comes out and um one thing i'll say before we get started is that when they're introducing some of the contestants for some reason select select people get like weird obituary photos flashed on the screen. And they just, like, hey, what's up? My name is Spencer, and I'm 26. I'm from the best coast. I feel like Suzanne got one.

I'm Suzanne. I teach my Bible study class at church. I'd like to be a teacher. And the whole time they're talking, it's just a fucking static image of them sitting in front of a bush and smiling, like you would have posted up next to the coffin at your own funeral it was really fucking weird yeah like just show me them talking like eight second long static images i thought something was wrong with our video i thought so too i was like the audio is still going but i'm frozen on this weird picture the first date as i mentioned is uh three on three in the dark room uh you mean it sounds so competitive although i guess it is yeah isn't

all of they're sitting in chairs facing each other uh and they all introduce themselves uh harrison speaks of his love for the beach uh sean talks about how he is an outdoor enthusiast just the most just the most doesn't one of them say they love animals? That is Ray. Ray says he loves animals. I'm an animal lover. At which point Kayla gets very excited. I also, I too love animals. Don't all, like, doesn't everybody more or less? No.

Kayla was so excited as if, like, finally I have found someone that also loves animals. I think it also, I think it goes from, like, the scale of animal love goes from, like, I think it goes from, like, the scale of animal love goes from, like, at the bottom is, like, you know, awful, awful people who actually hate animals. And that's a very small collective, I imagine. And then there's most of us up around, like, the 90 out of 100 mark that's just like, yeah, I fucking love animals. Like, I see a picture of a catby bar on my Facebook wall, and I'll stop for that shit. And then also a very small number of people at that 100 out of 100 mark which is like i live to serve animals i live to serve animals my cat gave me that trichodecophobia or whatever the fuck that cats can give you where they get the worms in your brains and i actually live to serve my cat i i love animal mine the one that controls me from

the inside out with the brain worms i love the brain worms too they're animals too uh so kayla and so remember this is like 2009 2010 kayla says she's a vegan and nobody really knows what that is say it again um and because later khalil says she's a vegetarian and they're like oh man we got two and she's like no no no no different different ones different thing um after the guys are debriefing and harrison's like man i'm gonna have to buy you organic milk i don't want to date either of these girls i have to buy them organic milk and it's like harrison oh buddy that's not how that's not how it works how this works uh so they're all kind of talking about themselves um one of them says they're can we talk about their fetish we may be skipping ahead a little bit oh we are skipping ahead

can we wait on that we'll get there okay um suzanne says being a girl comma i talk comma uh she does she does talk a lot she ended her sentence with a comma i realized my notes cut off yeah this is this there was a lot of um there was a lot of just uh openly sexist stuff that happened on this show and a lot of it was um yeah it was i mean it was all not great um but suzanne did talk quite a bit, and it was sort of her character, but I'm not saying like, ugh, women,

they talk so much, but like, she talked so much that it seemed like nobody that she was like, hanging out with could get a word in edgewise. Yeah, she just never asked any questions. She just would just go on these monologues. I don't think she was talkative.

I mean, she was, but the bigger problem is that she just seemed kind of rude, maybe a bit. Yeah. Yeah, I don't know she was a real decoy for the guys because i think there was a lot about her that presented is like very easygoing and like down to earth but they could never which she also said she had add which like i don't know if she was i don't know if she said she was like diagnosed with it or whatever a lot of people

say that um offhanded when it's like an actual like you know very serious thing um so uh they leave that first interaction and kayla uh likes ray because of the animals little little did she i'm gonna put in a teaser trailer here because this mic gives me that nice trailer voice. Little did she know. The betrayal. How does Ray really feel about animals? We'll find out in tomorrow's episode of First Dates starring Drew Barrymore. Apologies, by the way, to everybody who watched this episode of First Dates. Oh, God.

I'm so bad. Oh, my God in heaven. Every single couple was a disappointment. A fucking shit show, including the one dude. This woman went on a date with a dude and she's like yeah i don't really i have a hard time trusting dudes because like usually they're married and so it doesn't work out and then like there's this whole drama because this dude was on the phone right before the date began but they picked it up with the

microphones he's like yeah babe don't worry i'll be home soon i'll be home soon and they confirm about it he's like this is too personal i didn't agree to do this i'm gonna walk out and to the woman which basically just like raised her arms like well i told you yeah yeah that was that episode was real rough was real real rough um okay so back to back to dating in the dark um the women all like harrison right away um and when it comes time to send invitations, so this is the next step. So the men and women each send invitations to the person they want to have a one-on-one date with.

To touch. To touch. They call them touchograms. Well, it's on the computer. Yeah, yeah. I mean, the computer is called the Touchogram 5000. Oh, yeah? Yeah, that was the original name for the Mac. Yeah, yeah. I mean, the computer. It's called the Touchogram 5000. Oh, yeah? Yeah, that was the original name for the Mac.

What else does it do? Let me think. It sends invitations for somebody else to touch them. And then, Jez Ball? Did you ever play Jez Ball? No. Ski Free was on there. No.

Ski Free? I don't know what that is. Where the Yeti chases you down at the end and you go skiing down the hill and you gotta slalom for points? Jez Ball? I said Jez Ball. What is Jez Ball? It's where the ball bounces around but you gotta get around it to make little blocks. Oh, Griffin.

I think those are the only three things. It sends invitations to be touched and to touch. And Jez Ball and Ski Free. Those are the three applications on it. Okay. And Netscape Navigator. Netscape. And then the After Dark Toaster screensaver. Yeah.

It was... Yeah. What? Where the toasters fly across the screen. Oh, I love that one. I love to watch the pipes go all around. They're different colors. You know?

Uh-huh. I used to work at the library in my high school, middle school, and I didn't work there. go all around. They're different colors. You know? I used to work at the library in my high school, middle school, and I didn't work there. I worked at the library in my middle school. Oh, was it because you were also really lonely? And I would just watch, because there would be like a row of eight computers, and I'd just watch the little pipes screensaver go across

all of them simultaneously, and I'd imagine that the pipes were my friends. Griffin And I'd imagine that the pipes were my friends. Griffin. I'd imagine that the, I could follow the pipes through the sewers and I would come out in Narnia where all my friends were. Some mixed metaphors there. Oh man.

Um, so the first date is Harrison and Suzanne. Um, and this is when we find out that Harrison is a bouncer and waiter, and Suzanne is a Sunday school teacher. And then Suzanne talks a lot about how she is a good listener. It's kind of comical. Kayla and Ray go out, and this is

where Kayla says the thing that you wanted to spoil earlier she says she gets really turned on by this like totally normal thing um but she really really like gets totally torqued when guys wear deodorant oh man i said it and i thought i was gonna laugh because of how funny it is but it actually bummed me out this time when i watched on tv i was like funny but now i'm thinking about it and it's like oh man what happened that's not so her bar seems kind of low to me but i mean i don't know maybe that's reasonable she did say that she was vegan i'm not saying vegan people stink but i am saying some of that some of that vegan deodorant stuff is laughably ineffective i borrowed some of i borrowed some when me when i was up in chicago uh i borrowed some of evan's tom's deodorant and

i put it on about 9 15 a.m and by about like 9 36 i was on a train i was like what fucking stinks it's me already thomas thomas you've done me dirty i did the same thing i bought that tom's feeling like i'm doing so good for myself and for the country uh it doesn't last long enough for me tom's the only one that gets the last laugh in that arrangement tom's the only one living fresh using his pop. You know what I've always wanted to use are those stones. Oh, babe. You know how there's this like stones you can put up in there? Why did you bring that up? Because I'm going to decry it and then we're going to have 20 people in the Facebook group like posting slow-mo videos of them rubbing stones on their armpits

and stuff. My thought is, because I can't imagine the stone has a lasting impact Because it's a fucking stone. You have to wear the stone in a little hammock under your arm. Oh. You just wear the stones all day. An arm hammock. Yeah. And you just, you like, wear those hammocks 24 hours a day, and you put new stones in them every day. Is it like a pumice?

No. Pumice? That would be abrasive. Yeah. I mean, either way, you're strapping a fucking stone into your armpit. It's not gonna be not abrasive. Yeah. I mean, either way, you're strapping a fucking stone into your armpit. It's not going to be not abrasive. Don't be turned on by people wearing deodorant. Kayla and Ray, they do some smooching. Expect it.

Expect that shit. Don't turn a fetish out of something you should expect. I don't want to make it sound like we think everyone should wear deodorant all the time. I know some people don't, and that's fine with me. My gym teacher taught me a very valuable lesson about wearing deodorant when I was a little kid. Changed my life. Well, when you're a young teen, you definitely- You're overproducing.

Yeah, you got a lot of stuff in there. Why is that? What are we even doing down there? I mean, the hormones are cranked up. Oof. Strange times. I feel like you're really enjoying this microphone i really fucking am yeah i'm also trying to be quiet because um i don't want to wake our baby up um okay so kayla and ray seem to get along well they do a little smooching um and then

khalil and sean uh go on a date and there is almost no chemistry between those two because Sean admits that he usually relies on his brother Ray to kind of do the talking. The wingmanning is what he says. Yeah. Well, Sean says that he's like he's not used to like leading. And so Khalil just like rapid fire asked some questions about like, why are you still single? What is your longest relationship? why are you still single what was your longest relationship uh to which he says that he is picky and that six months is his longest relationship that's not very i mean that's that's not especially long i feel like um it's a little bit weird to wing man for a sibling i know you you've never

had that experience being an only child travis and Travis never did that? No. No? I found myself largely unconcerned with Travis's romantic or, God forbid, sexual health. Well, I guess because he brought you on his first date with Teresa, so I assumed... That is true. I assumed that you were wingmanning. That doesn't count as wingmanning, though. Wingmanning, I think, is to help you set up the date. I don't think you're supposed to actually go on it with them. Yeah, I guess that's true.

But it all worked out, huh? Yeah, it did. Worked that magic. Mm-hmm. So. So next what happens, and this part is very offensive, but I've seen this show before, and I'm pretty sure they do it every episode.

The host comes out and invites the men and women to go to the other side of the house and snoop through the suitcases. They're trying to do some, like, Room Raiders shit. Like, they're trying to do, like, multiple shows here, it seems like. Do you ever watch Room Raiders? That's on YouTube, too. That's another one we could maybe watch.

Except not. I don't. You know what I love? Next week, let's watch a good show. Yeah, we should probably do that. We also talked about doing Next, but then I remembered each episode has at least one person who's just like, What's up? I'm Derek.

I'm 39. And I love to fart. Or a lot of like, the person gets on the bus and immediately just on appearance. The person goes, next. My name is Craig. I'm 41. And I think the funniest thing in the world is dog boners. We're going downtown.

Because it's MTV. Okay. You know what I mean? Uh-huh. My name is Jeff. I'm seven. And one time I burned down a Target. and one time I burned down

a Target. That one was, I think, Sum 41. My name, can I play? Yeah, sure. My name is Julie. I'm 37. I have two eyes, one nose, and one mouth.

It's not a song! That's not a song. It's not a song. Babe, you gotta do a song. That's the most fun part of the game. I think the fun part is just saying something funny. Okay, okay, let me try again. Okay. Let me try again.

My name is Rhonda. I i'm 19 i have 10 fingers 10 toes and i love to thumb wrestle come on try a little nothing less one headlight yeah i know one headlight but it's not really the right era or like pop punk like sensibility is this gonna be like my name is micas i'm a hundred my name's micas i'm a hundred one time i took a shit that looked like the seattle skyline if i could find you now things better. Okay, you're much better at this. Oh, Micus. I remember him.

Shit. So, at this point... Let's watch next. I know what I said, but next week I think we're going to watch next. It's going to be such a bummer. I mean, but then you can look forward to the next Rose Buddies just being an hour of that. I think that we could have a lot of fun. Micus?

Yeah, dude. Okay. The men and women go to each other's suites and look through the suitcases and the bathroom spaces to judge the people. Based on their belongings. Yeah. So, for example, they go through the suitcases. They're very excited about Khalil's underwear. Kayla finds a map and Ray's suitcase of fishing spots.

The betrayal. And she feels very betrayed because Ray says that he loves animals, but he fishes question mark. Are this, and this brings up like the age old question of our fish animals. I know. Right. I'm also,

I also struggle with that one on a daily basis. I'm the wrong person to ask. I don't, I can't see myself ever not eating fish. No, no. I mean, fuck it. And I'm not going to eat't i can't see myself ever not eating fish no no i mean fuck it i'm not gonna eat like i'd be okay with not eating grilled cod or whatever the fuck but the little sushi oh i gotta have that little sushi don't i um the men look at khalil's bathroom station and she has a lot of makeup and they're all like, Ooh, they're mystified. But I think not a good sign.

Suzanne, Suzanne doesn't have any makeup and they're like, I love that. This is so cool. This kicks off this like completely like fucking stand by, stand by me, like eight year old discussion about makeup. I want to talk about this. I, I pretty much every man I have ever met will say, and you know, I just, I don't like a woman with a lot of makeup. And I wonder, is this something that you're, that, why, what, why? I don't give a fuck.

I think that's stupid. Because I, I just, I don't understand. To me, that's tantamount to saying, like, I don't like a dude who, like, wears a lot of hats. It's just, like, a thing that you do because it's, like of your part of your like self-expression right like unless like part of it is performative but isn't all of fucking fashion right like i think it's i don't know i think that's a bullshit thing to say the way that they're framing it is like you know i don't want a woman who's going to take a long time to get ready in the bathroom before we go out yeah and they act like it's deception too like you know like if she wears that much makeup something must be going on

yeah it's it's hogwash that's what i think of the whole of the whole discussion yeah although it pops up later in a way that is straight up clown shoes like really kind of like it's horrible but also like funny like how do you How does your brain work like that? So now it is time for more dates. Let's see. So Kayla and Harrison go out. So Kayla has made no bones about her being a more aggressive woman. And so she has kind of taken the lead in both of her.

And when I say both, I'm counting this one. Right. And she also knows that Khalil and Harrison are kind of getting together. And so she kind of steps to Khalil a little bit and is like, well. Her lead up, they're having a conversation. And at one point she kind of turns her head, pulls him towards her and says, quote,

let's try this. Which like... And then they kiss. How's that for a line? It's not very good. Let's try this. How is, in general, kissing in the dark a stranger you don't know? Because for my money, not great.

Kind of a weird situation, I feel like. Would you not do it? No, I feel like it's kind of a weird situation, maybe. I mean, you're on a television show. You know that it's not going to be a murderer or somebody that's like... I know that. Well, first of all, you don't know that. But also...

It's not going to be somebody that's like bleeding profusely from their eyes. I mean, you know me, I'm traditional. That's true. So I don't... It takes me a while to get smooch comfortable. That's true. And I'm me a while to get smooch comfortable. That's true. And I'm also fucking terrified of the dark. Because that's where the zombies are, probably.

It's such a whack situation. It's such a weird situation. I enjoyed this show. I thought it was very novel. Because it's like that moment where they finally do see each other. It's like, okay, that's a nice build up and it's a nice reveal and you earn that throughout the whole show and that's the whole concept of the show but if i was on it i cannot imagine just being like it could be it could be it could be a fucking dog that they strapped a walkie talkie to as a prank

that's what i'm saying yeah i guess that's true come on come on this show come on this show you're gonna love it and but then it's punked and it's a dog that they start to walk he talks to you my name is murphy i'm three years old i love dog bones who let the dogs out you did it you found the right song that's exactly right um so when kayla and har kiss, they come out of their date and Harrison reveals that they have smooched, at which point Ray immediately guesses that Harrison's kiss was better. Which is sad. It made me very sad. And then Ray says a funny thing to the camera that Griffin had me write down, which is, does she even like me anymore? Or does she just flip a switch off and on as to what she likes?

Does she even like me anymore, or does she just flip a switch off and on as to what she likes? He said it in the most faux-injured way that I thought was just hysterical. Does she even like me, or does she flip a switch as to what she enjoys anymore, even? Sean has a date with Suzanne in which he makes guacamole and brings it into the room, and they have to eat chips and guac in the dark, which is fun. No, again, like, I'm not going to fucking eat. I would rather kiss somebody than eat something in the dark. Because I don't know what the fuck you did to that.

And so Harrison goes on another date with Khalil. And where he decides he's going to get to the bottom of this makeup thing. Oh, Jesus. So he asks her flat out, like, I noticed you had a lot of makeup. What's that about? And she's like, well, I just like to be prepared. And he's like, oh, so like a guy's tool shed? She says I like to do my friend's makeup.

And so I keep it all on hand. So if I have to do my friend's makeup. Like a guy's tool shed. Like a guy's tool shed. Like you always have your tool shed. I do my work for my friends using my tools. So I bring my tool shed with me everywhere. Fucking moron. The whole shed shed what are you talking about harrison um uh but they but harrison is excited about her uh sexy underwear so it seems to work out

such a bad thing um and then harrison kisses khalil and then tells us the viewer they should change the name of this show to the touch from dating in the dark to kissing in the dark you like that no i don't i thought it was dumb um abc if abc changed it they would have a shit dude is the voice on abc too i think voice is actually on mbc but then they would have the taste on abc and then they would have the touch on abc you're not as into this idea of sensory television programming as i am no i'm not all right um you know we should do though oh can you can you ask me hey can i steal you away that was like the 8-bit remix remember how i wanted to do the steel drum last week and you

did it two weeks in a row that's just the thing now it's just we do a steel drum remix of uh well this time i was invited uh hey who's our sponsor buddy this week sponsor buddy our sponsor buddy yeah i like that our sponsor buddy is try the world don't mind if i do uh so try the world uh gives you the opportunity to taste a little bit from different countries and cultures, from large family-style Greek meals to the bustling streets of Indian bazaars. Every bite tells you a story. It's like a little TARDIS. Did you lose the phone? Your phone just closed. So it's a new device.

Don't know how to open it. You see the way the home button is? Just hold it down for a second. Snacks by Try the World brings you five all-natural healthy snacks from five different countries so go to try the world.com and get ten dollars off your next box of healthy snacks with code rose buddies uh i would recommend this to people that are diet conscious uh but also have kind of an adventurous spirit just like you you just described yourself. I did. People are just tired of this fucking American food everywhere. Just like french fries? No thanks, guys.

Yeah, we got salty snacks. We got sweet snacks. I really enjoy. There's a lot of veggie options, and I would recommend it. Some extremely bitter snacks. And some really umami snacks. Just to tickle every taste bud you've got. Ooh.

Hey, I've got some Jumbotrons. You want to hear them? Yes, please. If you want to get a Jumbotron on the show, go to MaximumFun.org slash Jumbotron, but do it right now because they're like selling out. This Jumbotron is for Caroline and it's from Dylan who says, I have known ever since we met that you were the one for me. I never could have imagined a better partner in my life, and I am truly grateful for finding you.

I cannot wait to get married this coming December, and I hope that the time between is filled with many happy hours watching The Bachelor and listening to Rose Buddies. I love you, Dylan. Wowzers. We got married in December. Yeah, it was a trip. It's a cold, cold time.

Did you, hey, Farmers Almanac expert Griffin McElroy here, did you know that December is one of the colder ones? A lot of people say September, and I'm here to tell you, no, no, no. December is the colder one of those two, so. Well, here's the thing. Travis and Teresa were getting married in October. We couldn't chomp their steez. We had to get married after them.

November, for some reason, we decided against. It's just such a wild time. Just like Thanksgiving. Who wants to compete with Thanksgiving? But hopefully your December wedding will be beautiful. Ours was 27 degrees. It was very, very cold. Outdoor.

I lost two toes. They came off in the boot. Popped off my boot. Outdoor. Oops. I lost two toes. They came off in the boot. Popped off my boot. Two toes came off. Is that the only Jumbotron we had? No, we had one more. But now I'm thinking about my sweet two toes I lost in my boot. This other Jumbotron is for my wife, Amy.

Oh, sorry. I misread. Griffin. It's for my... No. No. No. My wife. red um griffin it's for my no no we had almost made it through this whole day no that's not true and you know it do you remember earlier when i was like um i i actually said earlier i said my name aborat do you remember no i don't you liked it that folks at listening at home she loved that

one though man this new phone really shuts down really quickly it's got like a five second timer Do you remember? No, I don't. You liked it. Folks listening at home, she loved that one, though. Man, this new phone really shuts down really quickly. Yeah, you need to change that. It's got like a five-second timer. It's for my Amy, and it's from Cameron, who says, Happy possibly belated Valentine's Day. You guys. I love you so much, and I love watching The Bachelor and listening to Rose Buddies with you.

Happy early anniversary, too. Probably, let me do a self-edit happy anniversary happy on-time anniversary uh if you're listening to this podcast on the bus on your way to work i hope you don't get too embarrassed remember there are lots of good good boys out there but i'm your best boy oh sweet did we have a valent did we have a an episode that went up on valentine's day i think we're gonna have little, little ripples of that. It was a hot commodity. That was our Super Bowl. Next Valentine's Day should just be an all Jumbotrons episode.

But thank you for your very sweet message. We should do that. That's smart. I like that. Hell yeah. Are you easily confused by terms like cultural appropriation, cisgender, and woke? Or maybe you find yourself constantly explaining terms like these, and you need a place to vent. Do you have a love for all things pop culture, social commentary, and politics? Sounds like you need Minority Corner! Where you can learn, laugh, and play.

Sounds like Blue's Clues! Only it's more black, gay, and ladylike. James and Aneke will happily administer your weekly dose each and every Friday. You can listen on Maximum Fun or wherever you get your podcasts. Minority Corner. With a K. Because the C was taken. So this is

the fun part. This is the kind of are you the one part of the show where as a result of pre-interviews and interviews with exes and compatibility screening they find out their compatibility score with the other people in the house i swear to god i'm gonna get to the bottom of this i'm gonna find out which like company or person which doctor dr love is actually like tabulating shit. Because I think it's the same person for every show. It's the only thing that makes sense to me.

So Ray and Kayla are a 97% match. Not bad, not bad. Most likely because of the animals. Although we know that that's not true. And then Sean and Suzanne are 89%. A joke. And Harrison and Khalil are 94%. Now we're talking.

Do you think you're hearing that right? I know what you're doing. You're looking at my phone because you think it's vibrating. That's me rubbing it up against the printer. That's like on top of my microphone because our office, our studio is really bad. This fucking printer. Do you want to introduce the printer? Yeah, say hi, printer printer fucking piece of shit um okay

so everybody goes on a date with their uh their beloved their compatibility match um ray and kayla talk about the animal thing oh man um because kayla's like i just i'm opposed to fishing and ray's like well it's something i grew up with but if we were to go camping i wouldn't go fishing because i don't want to in front of you yeah uh yeah he's like she brings it up and he thinks like they found something in common she's like so i found a fishing map and he's like yeah i love fishing fishing's like part of my life and she's like i fucking hate fishing and instantly the air leaves this gentleman which like this is the strength of this show is when the air when this gentleman actually deflates like a beach ball on television

because he knows she can't see him he can be very honest with his body language and so there are a few times that this happened and really i think this is like the case for this show is because like um this guy literally just like makes the most like sour face and his whole body just kind of like slumps down into the chair which you wouldn't do if you're on a date with somebody um he got like kind of like instantly pouty and like uh like recoiled in shock uh and it was like a really honest thing that only we got to see. I'm not saying that that happened like every date because fuck, there were like 16 dates. But I like that a lot. I liked watching the man get very sad. Sean and Suzanne goes out.

That's not the way to say that. Sean and Suzanne go out and they don't even go out because they just go into the same dark room they've been going into. Right. Sean and Suzanne go into a dark room. And this is, Suzanne talks a lot about her last relationships and her problems with her exes. And Sean is not happy. Not feeling it. Not happy.

And then Harrison and Khalil, because they're the most compatible go out i will say in this sequence um who went on the suzanne date sean i instantly forgot sean um did a lot of like hand puppet like the making it seem like he was like making fun of her for i mean that's it is what he was doing like moving his hand like a like an alligator like an alligator up and down saying that she talked too much and then did he give is this when he gives her the finger i think it might be somebody gives somebody the finger in the dark i think you were taking notes when it happened no i think it's um oh no you're right it is because at one point suzanne oh she says she'd rather be with Harrison. Yeah, she likes Harrison more.

And so as she's walking in the room, he just gives her a cold one right between his shoulder blades. And nobody sees it except for me. And I said, that's rude. Yeah, I couldn't even see it. It was just Griffin. Yeah, I'm always looking for people giving each other a cold one between the shoulder blades. Harrison and Khalil on their date. Khalil talks about how she likes being outdoors uh and she likes quote watching football with the boys

and harrison's just like not harrison yeah harrison and harrison's just like me too i love that and it's like well yeah but like khalil is also the one that talked about cooking and cleaning and sewing. Yes. But she can watch football with the boys. Like, I mean, maybe Khalil likes all these things. But it just, it smacks of archetype to me. And it made me uncomfortable. It's also like, not like the first thing I think you say about yourself when you're out on a date,

unless you're trying to ingratiate yourself to the person that you are on a date with. If you were to ask me, like, hey, Griffin, what kind of stuff are you into? I wouldn't be like, you know, fucking hanging out watching football with the guys. Like, what? That's what you're... You're into hanging out and watching football with the guys? I'm a professional football and guy-hanger-outer-with-watcher man. My name is Sandy. I'm 27.

I like putting the toilet seat down for you. I like picking your socks up off the living room floor. And it's really important to me that you always have the remote. If I could turn back time right yeah sure am i doing it yet uh-huh that's it um yeah oh god these send-offs were rough dude oh and this is this is where ray says the thing that you liked a lot, that you said should be the slogan for our Star TV podcast. Yeah. Where he says... You just gave away that we're working on a Rose Buddies TV show coming this fall to CISO, maybe.

I don't know. Probably not. No, don't say that. That's not true. Sorry. Ray says, live, laugh, and love hard. Why does he say that? Him kayla smooch some more he feels like he has to get in there and smooch her real good because harrison did and so they do some

smooching and then he like after she leaves he like jumps up to celebrate and he just says live laugh love hard yeah i love that though if you think about it's a nice thing to say live love laugh hard i feel like that's been up on the wall on some of our vacation rentals definitely along with peepers room uh so at this point the uh women are asked to choose the one man they want to have an ice cream sundae date with oh god this show's so fucking long where they go in a dark room and try and eat ice cream no god and khalil suzanne and kayla all pick harrison which rachel immediately turned to me and said he's gonna get a tummy ache which was a very griffin thing to say to rachel actually yeah like me being genuinely

concerned for his gastrointestinal health yeah because that's a lot of ice cream sundaes a which was a very griffin thing to say to rachel actually yeah like me being genuinely concerned for his gastrointestinal health yeah because that's a lot of ice cream sundaes a lot of ice cream for me it's a potentially fatal amount of ice cream uh and so they all does anything happen or they just get sticky they feed each other there's lots of feeding um suzanne asks him what it's like to have all three women pick him and he's like well it's a lot to think about all right thank you harrison um i felt so bad for these twins because you imagine like i can't imagine the discomfort of being a siblings wing person but also to be categorically shot down in favor of a third party who's there who is the only non-twin.

Well, because they make it sound like it's been really hard for us dating because we're twins and all anyone ever sees us as is twins. So this is going to be a great opportunity for us. We'll talk to Hayley and Emily about that. I believe it. To be individuals. And they still don't get picked. Nope.

So the reveal that they were all excited about of, like, being twins, like, never happens. No, I guess happens. No, I guess not. Uh, and yeah, there's lots of ice cream, Kayla and Harrison. Um,

well, Khalil and Harrison are kind of still hitting it off. And then Kayla's trying to get in there because she knows that that's happening. Uh, so she kind of says, uh, Hey,

you can kiss me and I won't tell anyone. And which is not a great sentence. Um, because he's resistant at first. Cause he's trying to make things work with Khalil, but she's like, no, no,

no, go ahead. And so they kiss. And then later Kayla's like, he fell into my trap. And later on, she's debriefing with the other two. And they're like,

what happened? She's like, Oh, um, and what I was like, did like, what happened? She's like, oh, and one of them was like, did you kiss him? She was like, yeah. I did do that. And then it's the next morning. It's decision day. How long are they there?

Holy shit. Maybe three or four days, I guess. They bring suitcases. That's a lot of time to be in a dark room. Yeah, I wonder if it really messes with their vision. Do you think there's somebody in there like Vin Diesel in Pitch Black who gets ocular implants so they can see in the dark and they just fucking crush the game?

Or, alternatively, instead of ocular implants Pitch Black style or Chronicles of Riddick style, fucking just like, what did you pack? And they open up their suitcase, and it's just 200,000 carats. They're like, I've got work to do. I'm Vin Diesel. That wouldn't pass, though, because they would get in a room with a lady, and the lady would be like, you're fucking Vin Diesel. You're like, no, I'm not.

I fucking hear your voice, and I touch you, and you're perfectly hairless all over. You're Dominic Toretto. What would Vin Diesel's next introduction be? Oh my God. My name's Vin Diesel. 36 years old. And I hatched out of a big egg. What's my age again?

What's my age again? That's all I could remember from what's my age again and that's about the time that she hung up on me it's true did you know that he hatched out of a really big egg not like a womb egg like all babies do but like

out of the womb egg a big old egg like a Tyrannosaurus Rex egg now I can see that. So Sean and Ray are getting ready for the day. They know that they are very unlikely to be picked. And so they just have big old glasses of orange juice

together and eat a bunch of fruit. Including just maraschino cherries. Just a big old thing of maraschino cherries. Mmm, breakfast. breakfast nope sunday topping nice try uh so at this point we find out that suzanne is electing not to pick anyone which is her right she doesn't have to pick anyone if she doesn't want to uh so she's leaving the twins are not picking anyone because um they know how that story ends how it's going and khalil and kayla both choose harrison so uh khalil goes to the piano room

and kayla goes to the balcony and they wait there fucking 13 dead end drive i forgot about the vibes the whole point which is they get to see each other oh god how did we forget this in the dark um yeah so they ask beforehand they kind of ask everybody what they think the other people look like. I remember they asked Harrison, because they said, what do you think Cleo looks like? And he says, I think she's an African-American woman. With a smile that's magnetic. With a smile that's magnetic. But the question is, how much of that comes down to the makeup?

Oh, yeah. And it's like, how much of her face is actually makeup on it i love that and when he does see her in the dark room so what happens they both go in the dark room and then a light comes up above one of them so the other one can see without having their expression revealed and then the light goes down and then it switches and so when harrison comes out he says i think she did look absolutely beautiful and that could be a result of the makeup it like keeps coming back on it was like i've solved the the magic trick of the of makeup um yeah it's it's some it's some little kid shit um and so one thing that happens is har, who's been really interested in Khalil says,

you know, maybe if the other woman comes out and she's got a more natural look, she doesn't have much makeup on, then I'll know the secret. He's like, I have a really emotional connection with Khalil, but who knows how long it takes her to get ready. Uh, so bad, man. And Kayla, you know, just has a, has, less high-maintenance look about her. Great. Thank you. Yeah.

And so the women go to their respective parts of the house, and then they wait to see where Harrison is going to show up. And Harrison goes to the piano room with Khalil. Yeah. We're all rooting for this. When they walk out the front of the house, Kayla gets to see them walk into the car and drive away there's something absolutely brutal about that that i very much enjoyed that i would not have enjoyed if it if it had gone the other way around i think i will say that we get another close-up on harrison toes too yeah really close up like really but we actually go in between the toes to check out that toe jam and earl down there you ever played toe jam and earl uh no i played earthworm jim okay similar uh so that was dating in the dark it was

it was fine i enjoyed it i had a really good time it was just like i can't believe the the level of discourse that was taking place on this show that happened less than a decade ago like it's it's bonkers it's bonkers to me um i think maybe that's just a maybe i'm just like very perceptive of that stuff since we watched the fucking dating game last time and i'm kidding um just sort of struck by the the the difference in how we talk about things these days. Yes. So, we also watched a UK episode, and this was from very recently, which I knew because it took up the whole of my fucking

television screen, and not just the sort of middle half of it. They also, like, all the communication is done through cell phones. Very hip, very nice. It's like an episode of Sherlock, watching these texts pop up on the screen. So they get little notifications. Also because everybody's british is another thing it has in common with sherlock um we didn't take notes or anything and i don't know how deep we want to get into it but i was the host there's a lot of voiceover yes the host is always giving little commentary cracking

lies and i was surprised at um it was considerably hornier than the American version of the show, which I was not expecting. You know what was interesting? So there is a lot of fondling, a lot of sexual dates. Going both ways in the UK version. A lot of bum grabbing, as they say. Yeah. There was also a part, and I was trying to remember if they ever did this in the american version where a fourth woman shows up and the men have to decide to send one of the women home so

it's still 3v3 i wonder if they switch the they have to switch the yeah if it's a fourth dude or a fourth lady who comes in i assume it's not that every time. Yeah, because that was a bummer. Can you imagine? I just dated somebody in the dark and then they made me go home. That stinks. Yeah. And then they have the person that's leaving parade in front of the men that just sent her home. These dudes, though, were

not primo quality. No, they weren't. They were no Harrison. No Harrison. No Harris. Yeah. It was, it was, um,

not especially entertaining to watch, but, uh, I, I enjoyed it. I like the format of the show. I just like, you know what? I really want to watch.

We need to, we need to sit down. Cause we, uh, hi folks. It is, uh, nine 14 PM on a Sunday. And we figured out what show we were going to watch like a couple hours ago to sit down because we hi folks it is uh 9 14 p.m on a

sunday and we figured out what show we were gonna watch like a couple hours ago which is not good like that does not leave you much time at home to watch it we need to think of something that's gonna be like good and fun to watch that we might want to actually like i don't want to watch any more of dating in the dark i think i'm good um do you want to keep switching around shows or do a whole season of something i mean if we could do a whole season of something that would be sick and like i would love to watch an older season of bachelor pad if we could find it somewhere yeah because bachelor pad was fucking great we've never done that show ever yeah folks i know a lot of you have had great suggestions the past few weeks but

we need links we need to be able to links we need to be able to click on something we can find it we can buy old shit on iTunes or whatever and we can expense it to old Jesse Thorne. Thanks, Jesse, for the expense. Then folks can't watch along with us. But then you can't watch with us and that's a bummer. So, yeah, maybe we'll do next. I just really need to watch

a show where people are just nice to each other and they kiss sometimes. I know. Me too. Anyway, thank you for listening to Rose Buddies. Thank you, guys. Thanks for listening. Thanks for joining us on this journey. Thank you for listening and for sharing the show.

We don't pay to advertise Rose Buddies at all, so if you can tell a friend about it. Oh, yeah. And thank you if you review on iTunes. I really appreciate that. It means a lot. We kind of just to sort of part in the curtain a little bit, we, we flounder a little bit between seasons of bachelor and bachelorette. There's a lot,

a large chunk of the Rosebuddy audience who like kind of only wants us as a, as a, a friend, a guiding force for when the show, uh, is actually on. And that's fine. If you do that, that's,

that's cool. Whatever. We don't judge you. Um, uh, so yeah, things slow down a little bit. So it would actually really help us a lot if you can tell a friend or post a review

to help sort of keep us alive between seasons. And I think that's it, right? Yeah. We'll let you know in the Facebook group. We'll try to give you more heads up on what to watch for this next week. And I think that's it. Until next time, I'm Griffin McElroy. I'm Rachel McElroy. I'm Rachel McElroy.

When you're ready. Final Rose. Stay with us on this journey of joy. Spoiler alert. She is up with Soulja Boy. Right reasons. Right reasons.

Take me to all the sports pieces. So the 2017 Max Fund Drive was a huge success. Thank you so much to everyone who joined or upgraded during the drive and to all of our amazing monthly members. To celebrate, we're giving our $10 and higher monthly members the chance to buy additional enamel pins with the profits going to our friends at the Los Angeles Regional Food Bank. What? Yeah. The sale runs April 26th through May 3rd, and it's your last chance to get your hands on these sweet pins. $10 monthly members should receive a link and a code in their email on April 26th, so keep an eye on your inbox and get your denim jacket ready. For more information, visit MaximumFun.org

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