Wonderful! - Roze Buddiez: Love Connection

Episode Date: August 16, 2017

As we begin our journey away from the Bachelor franchise, we make a quick pit stop at Love Connection, which is a pretty inaccurate name for a show in which strangers take turns hating each other as hard as they possibly can. MaxFunDrive ends on March 29, 2024! Support our show now by becoming a member at maximumfun.org/join.

Maybe, maybe you should go and do some contemplating. Right reasons, right reasons. Me and my girl, we're all the right reasons. Right reasons, right reasons. Me and my girl, we're all for reasons. I'm the best of it, and I'm rapping to your poolside. Here to find true love. Hi, this is Rachel McElroy.

Hi, this is Griffin McElroy. And this is Rose, buddy. This is a podcast about... Shh, shh, shh. Come here, come here, come here. It's about kissing. What if it was just a kissing podcast? We can talk about all the new techniques.

I've been working on a new thing, and it's called the Philadelphia Twister. There's cream cheese. There's cream... You put a bunch of cream cheese and lox in your mouth, and then you just get in there and you explore with the tongue and you move the cream and fish between the two mouths back and forth. I don't know what that voice was. It was a few different ones of speaking in tongues.

We just watched Love Connection. We. So we're not doing Bachelor paradise for many reasons for so many reasons and we are moving away as we announced last week from from the bachelor bachelor franchise as a whole which we're still figuring out news to come um and so we decided hey let's watch that new Andy Cohen joint. They brought back that Chuck Woolery flavor we've all been crying out for, which is the reboot of Love Connection. was to avoid talking about a show that had started to make us feel very bad, that this was, I might suggest, kind of a lateral movement. Kind of maybe a step from one hot frying pan into another still pretty bad frying pan. Yeah, hey singles, we get it.

It's tough out there. But it's not this tough. Nothing on earth is this tough. This was surprisingly one of the meanest television shows I've ever seen. And I say I was surprised because it has love in the name of it. They should rename the show Hate Blasters because that's what it felt like they were doing. They were in this very big, overwrought, Rachel thought it was the

Who Wants to Be a Millionaire place, like red laser tag arena. And they were just blasting each other with the most despicable shit. And it didn't seem very romantic to me, but maybe I'm old-fashioned or maybe they're old-fashioned and things used to be really shitty um can i give you a little history of the show please do because we also tried to watch some old ones and like apparently every um video thing that

was recorded before like 2005 going like this i'm talking to you from the inside of a VHS that was dubbed into another VHS. You always slip into Andre the Giant. I know, I do a little bit. So the show ran from 83 to 94. Pretty good run. Hosted, as you mentioned, by Chuck Woolery. It was incredibly popular.

If you compare it to other game shows, it is right behind Jeopardy and Wheel of Fortune as the longest lasting game show. Holy shit. But it has since been surpassed by family feud and millionaire yeah i mean millionaire is a fucking sensei do you remember do you remember as of 1993 among the couples who met on the show according to chuck woolery there were 29 marriages 8 engagements and 15 children that's incredible yeah and uh so woolery apparently created his trademark phrase two and two on Love Connection, which referred to the fact that commercial breaks used to be two minutes and two seconds. That isn't true anymore. No, that is definitely not true now.

Now it's like a 30 second ad for the new thin Oreos that nobody asked for. And then a fucking like minute and a half long Jack in the box ad where they're just yelling the whole time. I wanted to ask you in there. Do you remember where you were the first time somebody won the million dollars? We used to watch who wants to be that. I mentioned that it was like a fucking sensation.

We watched that show every week. I think it was on weekly. Originally we watched that show. When you say we, you mean your fam, me and my fam. Yeah, no, I didn it was on weekly originally. We watched that show. When you say we, you mean your fam? Me and my fam, yeah. No, I didn't watch it that regularly. That dude won.

Do you know the story of the dude who won the million dollars first? I do not, no. Is that what Slumdog Millionaire is based on? No, it's better. This dude is like crushing it, right? And nobody won the million dollars. The show had been running for a while. And everybody usually, you know, really smart folks might get to 250 and then the 250 000 is like

this is back when regis hosted it right yeah it's back in the in the ridge era now it's chris harrison right and he's still up in the set meredith viera for a while now it's chris harrison and this dude made it to the million dollar question and it was he still had one lifeline left and so he had the phone a friend and i forget the question was but he asked it and without missing a beat he was like i'd like to use my phone a friend and and rege was like you got it and he he calls his dad his dad answers and rege is like you got 30 seconds go and he's like hey dad i don't actually need any help i just wanted to call and tell you i'm gonna win a million dollars and he answered the question right i just got chills i was in cotillion

when it happened i missed it i had to watch it on aol the next day i had to aol so much about that anecdote it wasn't even the grand ball of cotillion it was just like a fucking dance practice i was learning how to eat lasagna without getting it all over myself. A lesson I clearly did not take to heart. As evidenced by the fact that you made a face. And I missed it. I missed it. Damn it.

You didn't say, hey, hey, mom, hey, dad, can I stay home? This is a big night for millionaire. I don't want to. I didn't know the dude was going to win. Nobody fucking knew. Ridge didn't know. His dad dad didn't know there are so many unaware parties it was so wonderful and here i am like is this a soup knife fuck so clueless i'm sorry babe um can we continue let's talk about this fucking let's talk about hate blasters let's get back into it this show didn't used to be that i can't. We watched like 45 seconds of one episode and then like a minute and a half from another from like 1989 and 1992.

But it's in that time. Nobody said, yeah, I think I think she's ugly. So like that's already an improvement over 2017 era. Yeah, we intended to watch old episodes of the show. We did not quite make it through one. did not quite make it through one uh so the show is as griffin mentioned in front of a live studio audience and what seems to be the who wants to be a millionaire set i don't know if that's actually true but it looked a lot like it uh hosted by andy cohen yes who your mom adores he is he's from st louis st louis which makes him a fave automatically and he also hosts all those real housewife shows

which my mom does also love we're gonna i guess talk about one of the real housewives is on this episode and like i feel way out of my depth i've never watched even like i've never watched a frame of one of those shows i've watched a few minutes i have never been grabbed by it though okay uh so the new thing about this version of love connection that did not exist previously is that if contestants pick the same person as the audience um regarding the date choice uh they get ten thousand dollars yeah so to to clarify each episode it has like two blocks uh with like one main contestant who goes on three dates and then they all weigh in and when they introduce

the three dates the audience like gut check votes on who they think is had the best connection with the suitor and then at the end of their block the suitor picks a person to like go on another date with and if that decision is the same as the audience prediction then they get ten thousand dollars um and and in the episode we watched griffin and i guess right both times well and because and you brought this up it was like the main person was like what's up my name is mark and uh i'm a nascar driver and like the first like woman would pop up and she'd be like, hi, my name is Susan and I'm a dentist.

And the second would be like, hi, my name is Melissa and I'm a, I'm a personal chef. And the third one is like, my name is Kiera and I'm a NASCAR driver. It's like, Oh,

Oh, I see. I'm going to guess. Yeah. I see what you've done here and then in this episode the first two would come out and be like i hate mark's fucking guts and the third one would come out and be like i think i'm ready to marry mark and then they're like let's see who he picked and it's like yo yeah both times on this episode when they were like let's see who mark picked it was like yeah no clearly he picked that

person there's like a big drawbridge that they lowered down this is not a joke that they lower down to like let the person who they picked like walk across and it was like the audience cheers and it's like of course it's kiera yeah no big surprises uh so we start out the episode not with the real housewife, but with Ricardo, who is 33, lives in L.A., and is a magician. What? Very much a magician. And we should be clear here. I don't want people to get scared by the occult. He's like a cards magician.

At least that's... He's not a warlock as far as we could... Well, he didn't. There were no portals opened to nether realms. Just card up-close, up-front magic. Up-front magic is nothing. He is doing his best, casting his spells,

and doing a lot of stuff with... There's a lot... He's very proud of how he can fan out the cards. But... Not exactly a king of hearts. Isn't that... I thought he said explicitly, I like to think of myself as the king of hearts.

I thought I was just coming up with that fresh. No, baby. No, babe. The love can... The hate blaster got inside of you. He's looking for his queen of diamonds. Playing with the queen of hearts. You know that song?

No, it ain't really smart. Who was that? I don't know. Playing with the queen of hearts. Who did that? Hey, Siri. I don't have an iPhone. I don't know why I'm talking to Siri.

Juice Newton, of course. Of course, Juice Newton. It's always Juice. Yeah, his package is just, he's Juice Newton. It's always Juice. Yeah, his package is just, he's a very, he's a very... He does kind of give us a tip off, though, because he says, like, I've been out with girls before

and some of them just wanted the magic. I would do magic for, like, three hours and then they would leave without even a kiss or anything. And so he gave a little teaser that magic is not just something he does like on the side. No, it's his whole thing.

It's his whole thing. And also he is a living human being living in today's world in 2017 who thinks that if he does enough magic tricks, he is owed sex, which is cool. I don't understand. I did the rings. I did the little cup thing. I made't understand. I did the rings. I did the little cup thing. I made a dove disappear and then reappear.

And then no sex, not even hand stuff. Do you want to meet the ladies that were matched to Rick? Matched is a very strong term. But yeah, let's let's. I just called him Rick real casually. His name's Ricardo. Yeah, let's not say Rick. I just I thought I was that familiar with him i guess uh first we meet melissa she's 32 from santa monica and she's

an event meeting planner uh she likes to go out uh and so she thinks that she's going to be very attractive to the guys because she likes to go out and have a good time but she also loves makeup and heels and she says something like what else could you want and it's like not that there's anything not that there's anything wrong with that lifestyle but that's a really wild thing to say i love to go out and party but i also love makeup and heels what else could you want and it's like what's up melissa i like uh breakfast lunch and dinner and i like to drink water when i'm thirsty what more could you want i'm not saying that it's a bad thing i'm saying it's like my name is melissa i like uh to eat spicy food but i also like to work uh and you know work nine

to five and further my career. What else could you want? And it's like, that's good. But there's a lot. There's like a lot of other stuff I need to know about you, Melissa, before I can say I need nothing else from a human. What up? My name's Melissa. I've never murdered anyone. And I don't torture animals.

What more could you want? Those are great. No, great. But more. I would want a little bit more. Second. Also, we need to talk about the presentation of these little packages because it is, I think I said, this is like next for adults.

It is like even the fucking logo and design treatment that they used was hyper next, like neo-futuristic next. Second up is Madison. She's 26, also lives in LA like Ricardo does. She's a professional fire dancer. She specializes in hula hoop work. She likes to party also and has been known to get up and dance on a table, but in a classy way. What more could you want? What more could you want? What more could you want? What more could you want?

And then finally, we have Allison, 28, West Hollywood. She's a dental office manager, and she has been known to stalk her potential suitors on social media. And she, hey, also likes to drink. Yeah, they make a lot of light out of that. That was their terminology of like, yeah, I like to stalk on social media and check them out real deeply beforehand. And even Andy made a joke about it as he was introing the package. Like, she turned stalking into a hobby. And I was like, cool. It sucks.

That's shitty. All right. Cool. That sucks. That's shitty. All right. So this is where the studio audience, after seeing these three videos, picks the woman they think matched with him. And then we go to the first date, which is with Melissa.

These, they're not there, but they are there. It's weird. They're on the bridge. They're on the other side of the bridge. Yeah, in their effort to make them not there, they make them way more there than they would be if they were just sitting on a couch with them. I guess that fucking Mike Fleiss decided that that would be too boring just to have two human beings sitting next to each other talking about a date.

And so instead he went with sort of a Wizard of Oz style presentation. A huge screen. Where this giant fucking screen. Like, what do you think? Like three story tall? Eight story tall. Drive-in theater screen. And it's just like the date's face up there

as they look down upon this ant-sized Andyy cohen and their you know wronged suitor and descend their judgment upon them it was fucking wild it is it is difficult to watch uh so this is maybe the cruelest part of the date uh right away andy will ask them what their first impressions were and then they will be asked to assign uh a number value one to ten i think they did this in like during the date that was the impression that i got like during the date they meet each other and then are like at first impressions give a number then in the moment um and so like some stuff could happen there right like you meet somebody like fucking bad first impression but then you really really hit it off with them and then later you're sitting in front of a studio audience you're like oh you thought i was a two

that sucks so melissa gave ricardo a six which isn't great but is you know not better than a fucking three ricard you jumped on my reveal maybe I didn't know you were looking forward to it this much. Ricardo gave Melissa drumroll. What could it be? Could it be like a six also, maybe? Maybe more than a six. I don't know. What was it?

A three. Can you believe a three? That's like... You can because Griffin just spoiled it. That's a deep F. If you got a 30% on a paper. That's a deep F. That's like if you got a 30% on a paper, like that's a deep F. There was no saving that F. That sucks.

That's really rough. And also, you know what else is really rough? This whole thing, man. This whole kit and caboodle of like, yeah, yeah, that's great. Hey, can you give me a number? Hey, can you give me a number? Just put a number on that person based on how you think they are attractively just give me that tell me that right now immediately right now okay enjoy your date this won't come up later don't worry about it uh so at this point they talk about their date uh melissa tells us ricardo was 45 minutes late well that's that's like that's like la 15 minutes

late but uh they went to get sushi apparently he did a lot of magic uh just in that first part of the day she said something kind of funny which was like like, Andy said, was there magic? And she said, there was actual magic, but there wasn't romantic magic. He like had his cards with him and was like doing a bunch of his tricks. He said, you didn't, you said you wanted more. And she said, I'm not going to be rude. I'm not going to say like, please put your magic cards away. And at that point, like that is a little bit on Melissa of you got to say like, bro, you you gotta put those fucking magic cards away so we can talk a little bit yeah um so they after dinner they were next door to a bar so they went for

drinks and at this point melissa said that ricardo became more engaged with the bartender than with her and he said uh he was a he was a cool guy we were there that's what he said. He was a cool guy. We were there. And so clearly there will be no second date. No, she says like I was there and I like was very thoughtful and didn't get my phone out and you like didn't pay attention to me and you are a shithead. Bye. Yeah. Second person is Allison. I really want to drive this home though.

She was like saying this stuff like you fucking hurt my feelings and i thought you're a big piece of shit and like yes i it all of that was on point it seemed like but it was also being said out of a 40 foot tall head that was like looking down over the audience like fucking zordon in chicago uh where the bean, there's also those big giant faces that spit water. Yes, yes, yes, in the fountain. Yeah, yeah. Okay, Allison. Andy Cohen, before we go to a commercial break, says, will Allison think Ricardo is a Houdini or a Houdini? He loved that.

He had a lot of fun with that read. It's hard to watch. It was disappointing. So good first impressions here. Ricardo thinks immediately that Allison

is attractive and Allison thinks the same. Well, that's not the only thing Allison thinks. Well, Allison also, when she finds out he's from Italy tells us she immediately thinks, oh, I wonder if he's uncircumcised. I'm going to look up a Wikipedia article about the

prevalence of circumcision. Specifically in Italy? Less than 20%. Okay. I wonder how she knew that. I mean, it's a lot of countries it's like a lot of european countries armenia austria belarus belgium bulgaria czech republic uh yeah a lot a lot she goes on to talk about how that would potentially be an issue for her and i'm just thinking why am i watching this show this is a lot of listen babe there were a lot of things that

went wrong here first of all like why is this show like this? Why are you this biased against circumcisions? How are you this curious? Why is this a thing for you? And then ultimately, I think we can start reaching the layers of like, why are you and I watching this? How did we get here as people? Where did things go wrong?

So Ricardo thinks Allison is a nine. Allison thinks Ricardo is an eight. Although she does say when they met up for the first part of their date at happy hour, he was 20 minutes late. That's like five minutes L.A. late. That's not. So a little better than Melissa, but not great. She goes on. It took a while to zero it in.

For his next date, he was 65 minutes early. And he's like, damn it. She goes on to zero it in for his next date. He was 65 minutes early and he's like, damn it. Uh, she says, um,

that men should arrive early so that the woman can be five minutes late and make an entrance. And then he says that he likes to make an entrance. And I said, why can't everyone just be on time? Like adults. Yes. Have you, um,

I know you didn't do like a bunch of like like dating no but were you i i i did like a little bit and i was i take no time to get ready at all so i am always on time or early i mean regardless like if you take a lot of time to get early ready you just get started earlier than you get there on time and i know that's easy for me to say right but you know what you just get there on time i used I know that's easy for me to say, right? But you just get there on time. I used to find exhausting. I don't know if you did this in college because I know you didn't live in the dorms,

but everybody would get together in like pregame before a big college party. And we would always start super early and it took me like three minutes to get ready. And then I was standing around in my friend's dorm room for 45 minutes, like trying to get hype you know listening to uh crazy town and oh babe like trying to figure out what i was going to do with my sweater were you oh babe i bet you're so free spirited um not a lot of not a lot of good times back then.

I mean, we were all listening to crazy town. I don't, I think we were all going through some stuff. Um, so sorry, I need to close this Wikipedia article about circumcision. Um, so, uh, Ricardo says that he thinks the first part of the date went great. And this is when Allison kind of calls him out and says, what do you know about me? Yeah, he says, I didn't really feel much of a connection after that. And she said, well, you didn't feel a connection because you didn't fucking ask me anything the entire time. I know he's a magician, that he's a stuntman, that he works all the time. But he doesn't know anything about me.

all the time. But he doesn't know anything about me. And then we get the selfie cam, which is her on the date recording her, her gut reaction in a video. And she talks about how annoying he is and says that she can't understand anything he says. Cause his accent's so thick. She says something like his accent's really thick and that sucks.

And it's like, Oh man, Alison, there's a lot of stuff. Okay, just accents, circumcision, a lot of things. You have a lot of really shitty opinions about it, sounds like a little bit. And so the second part of the date, they go to an LA Kings game, which is a hockey team. And in her defense, real quick, though, she did say, like, tell me literally one thing about me. And he is like i can't and it's like okay so you're maybe just doing um i you know you're trying to push a coin through a

bottle magically maybe the whole time she says that she got center ice tickets and they were really good and the best part of it was that she got to know the people they were sitting near yep that's a bummer it's a hockey game those are great seats have fun you fall in love it's a very romantic environment it is it's kind of chilly it's chilly so you gotta snuggle up and you can have excitement there's there's snacks there's excitement there's uh we will rock you we will rock you is a very sexy song you stomp and you're like and you look over and it's just like your heartbeat you know that because your heart myself right now your heart beats twice and then it claps and you look over and it's just like your heartbeat you know that gun gun clack because

your heart myself right now your heart beats twice and then it claps that's how they got the beat for that song anyway very sexual place uh finally ricardo's date with madison uh and they are super into each other yeah madison as you as you'll recall, is the fire dancer. She thinks that he is very good looking. He thinks she has a great energy. They both give each other an eight. Yeah. So Andy kept saying like, oh, a fire dancer and a magician.

It was meant to be. And I don't know what kind of fucking circus McGurkis style entertainment acts Andy has been witnessing. But I don't know that I... Magicians used to have assistants that would dance around. Dance with fire? Well, maybe not fire. But, you know, they're both performers. Okay.

I get that. I guess I get it. It's not a crazy thought. So she plans the date. For some reason, I guess whoever is being involved in this process is the one that plans the date. Because she plans the date to start out at her dance studio where they get a private pole dance class. And then we get a photo. This photo was so challenging.

So the idea is that they have this pole dance class, and it goes really well. And Andy asks if there's any kind of chemistry if things started to heat up, and they say, yeah. And Andy says, well, let's go to the photo. And it's them sitting in a car together, touching their tongues, and he has a deck of cards fanned out. As a deck of cards fanned out. You gotta understand, they were sitting in the passenger seat and driver's seat with, I'm guessing, a gear shift between them. With their heads sort of tilted to the side. I'm trying to paint as clear a picture as I can.

Not looking at each other, just their heads sort of tilted to the side, looking at the camera in front of them. Their tongues kind of stretched askew to meet in the middle of their two, like, cockeyed heads, while in the corner of the frame, we see, what's that? It's a deck of playing cards that he has fanned out that he's holding while she is taking this selfie. It is Botticelli-esque. It is a perfectly composed image. Do you think if it was going less well, he'd only fan out half the deck? I think so.

I think this image belongs in the fucking Guggenheim. And we only got to see it for like half a second. And it was off screen, like far away. And I was really angry about it. It's kind of, it's fun to watch because at first your eyes are drawn to the tongues touching. And then you kind of look down and you're like, oh, wait. Oh, wait, there's cards. There's a deck of cards.

Cards. Like part of me gets it. They had to like do stuff during this date. Like go shoot a selfie video in the bathroom and take a picture that we can show. And so you want to make like a goofy pose. But even with all of that information in mind, even with all that context, touching tongues in the front seats of a car while he fans out a deck of playing cards is the... It makes me wonder if he did photos with Allison where they were at the hockey game and he

fanned out cards. I would be surprised if those women allowed any photos to be taken at that point. So after the dance studio, they go to a nice restaurant and it's on the beach and they have drinks uh and then they go out to the beach after and uh she has arranged a private fire dance show uh can i just say joking aside this woman really fucking put her her back into planning this day it's her wheelhouse i mean how hard would it be for her to plan a pole dance or a fire dance show? Like, this is her world. There's like four locations and it's, I don't know.

She just called up two of her friends and was like, hey, come do this date. That's more work than I've ever put into a date. Oh, Griffin. Or I call my, no, no, no, no. I've never like called my friends and be like, hey, come do our job on the beach while we have cocktails on the beach. Like, that's a lot of work for, like, a fucking reality show, you know, hate blaster experience.

Well, to be fair, if you called one of your friends to do the job. I would call Chris Plant and I'd be like, hey, come over and you and I are going to play Tower Fall. And we're, I really gonna impress rachel really gonna impress rachel with our good our good skills that is actually kind of how our dating life started that's not true and it's mean to say it like that well you did play tower fall didn't come out until like 26 february 2016 you did play a lot of video games in front of me though did i remember you had to play that zelda game oh yeah that's right i was reviews editor that's right we

were reviews i was reviews editor when i would go. We were reviews editor. I was reviews editor when you met. I would go over to your apartment and you'd play a lot of video games in front of me. Yeah, Skyward Sword, like the last Zelda game on Wii came out. And you just like, I had, oh my God, that was right. I had six days to review that game. And it was like a 60 hour long thing. And so just for a week, every time you came over, I was like, okay, I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

I've got to collect all the Triforce. It was very sweet. Griffin and I spent like every day together, pretty much from the very beginning of our him you came over i was like okay i'm sorry i'm sorry i've got to collect all the triforce it was very sweet griffin and i spent like every day together pretty much from the very beginning of our relationship but that did mean that i watched him play a lot of video games those were those like crunch sessions those were dark fucking days though i mean i like me a zelda game but holy shit um that has nothing to do with hate blasters. Who does he pick? I wonder. He picks the fire dancer, which is also who the audience chose. And so they get $10,000 or rather he gets $10,000, I guess. They're very clear about that.

And then the show accommodates them with a luxury overnight date. Nice. Now in the olden days, there was no money, but they would get a second date from the show yes not an overnight date though i'm wondering if i can go on a luxury date with you right now but only if i can steal you away oh no my wife's an android the whole time. I hope she doesn't get Blade Runner'd. So we got some sponsorinos this time. And the first one is Casper.

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Oh, MeUndies. Very, very comfortable underwear. Griffin is wearing some right now with a very fun print on them. Looks like stained glass. But it doesn't feel like stained glass. It feels like micromodal fabric. You know what we don't talk about enough? Very flattering underwear.

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Nope. Like a statue in a museum. I like a topiary better. It's more accessible. Yeah. So they are made of lensing micromodal. That's true. It's like a micromodal topiary.

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They're made of micromodal. Anyway, that's meandies.com slash rosebuddies. This message is for Ian. It is from Kari. Hello, my dear. I wish you the- Hi, baby. Oh, I didn't.

Oh, sorry. It's a message. I don't- When you say that, though, I see it. I'm like excited. Go ahead, though. I won't do it a second time. Hello, my dear. Hi, baby. I forgot. Go ahead, though. I won't do it. I won't do it a second time. Hello, my dear.

I forgot. Go ahead. Sorry, I did it. I get so excited about our love. I wish you the happiest of birthdays. I love you more than anyone. And I'm so grateful we get to spend every week together listening to Rose Buddies. I can't wait to see what the next year has in store for us. Love, Kari, Ninja, and Velcro. Are those pets or?

Does not say. I bet. It's two little teacup pigs. Can you imagine? Oh, that's fun. It's a ninja and Velcro. I was trying to think of an animal that like both of those names would be really good for it. Those would be good ferret names.

Ninja feels a little on the nose. But a little teacup pig named Ninja, that's fucking great stuff. That's cute. But I hope I don't make you disappointed, person who sent in this message, if it's not a teacup pig. God loves all creatures great and small. Hey, I've got another Jumbotron here. This one's for Bradley, and it's from uh tierza who says hey dummy surprise why did you just call me dummy griffin oh it's you're doing a bit yeah it hurts i don't like it

okay but you taught me something just then and now i know not to do it again in the future okay good hey dummy surprise i uh got you a shout out from our favorite podcast couple thank you so much for being my best friend loving me unconditionally and getting me hooked on McElroy content. I love you, and I'm so excited for all our future adventures together. P.S. Hey, Megan, congrats on the Peace Corps. Make peace your B word. I don't necessarily feel comfortable reading that out loud, Tirza, but I like the idea of I don't think the Peace Corps goes around and beats up peace. But maybe, I'll be honest, I've not done too deep a Google dive on that one.

Well, I will say I did AmeriCorps, and we didn't go around and beat up America. Okay, okay. So that might stand. But see, I played the Nintendo 64 game Blast Corps, and that game did involve going around and blasting a lot of things. And, you know, the Bugle Corps does beat up bugles. Hey, MaxFun fans. It's me, Jesse, the owner of MaxFunFun. I've got a question for you.

Will you help us make our shows better? We wanted to find a way to find out what the MaxFun community thinks about our shows. So we started something called the MaxFun Listener Panel. thinks about our shows. So we started something called the MaxFun Listener Panel. Basically, you subscribe to a podcast feed and twice a month or so, roughly speaking, we'll send you an episode of a show and instructions on how to fill out a quick survey about what you think about that show. 10 questions, nothing too crazy. You'll be hearing existing shows that we're thinking about making changes to, secret pilots of shows that we're thinking about making changes to, secret pilots of shows that we're developing that you'll only hear this way, shows we're considering adding to the network. And what you think about them really matters to us. So to join the panel, it's easy.

Just go to MaximumFun.org slash listener panel. That's Maximumfun.org slash listener panel. Thanks for helping make MaxFun better. You ready to get back to the show? Yeah, it's about to take a turn for like, I think the worse a little bit, if you can believe that. Well, it turns out okay though. It turns out great.

So this is where we meet up with Ramona Singer, who is the real housewife from Real Housewives of New York. I don't think she is the real housewife of the Real Housewives of New York, right? Well, no, but I'm just saying. Oh, in this show. The one we referenced earlier. I was thinking of it like, I'm Ramona, and I'm the real housewife of New York, and these are all my wild friends. I also believe they are also real housewives. Yeah, no, I understand the premise of the show.

So Ramona, we find out, is fun and unfiltered. Andy tells us to get ready to go on the Ramona coaster. I'm not ready. We find out that Ramona, I'm guessing this happened in the arc of the show. Absolutely. But she's married 23 years, and then her husband cheated on her. That's tough. That sucks.

She said she didn't get married until she was 37, because she didn't want to get married until she knew it was going to last, and marry this dude and they were married for 23 years after getting married at 37 and then it fell apart that's tough rough especially if it actually happened on the television show yeah that sucks a lot too uh so the guys they've lined up for ramona so first we meet mark who is 43 uh lives in monterey Park and is a personal trainer and is very excited about his abs and he says that he is undefeated in 15 months of boxing wrestling. I'm not exactly sure. So we based on the promo it looked like boxing after his appearance. I'm going to go ahead and say wrestling. Yeah, he hits himself in the stomach a lot to show how hard his abs are.

It's probably fucking bad for your spleen, but go ahead, dude. You do you. Chase your bliss. Stand in truth. Chase that secret. Second is Kenneth. Kenneth is 51, Riverside, Connecticut, and is a retired firefighter. 51, Riverside, Connecticut, and is a retired firefighter.

And then he says something about how the appearance of the woman isn't all there is. But he said that kind of crudely. There's mention of TNA. He talks about how that's all fluff. I didn't write it down word for word. It was gross. Yeah, it seemed bad. It's a gross thing.

And then finally- And then we meet a NASCAR driver. Yeah, we meet Rich, who is 55, a former sportscaster. He is a current entrepreneur, has been single for 15 years after a seven-year marriage. Handsome. Handsome man. Handsome guy. Let's just put it all out on the table right now. I said he looked a little like Ted Danson.

Oh, it's implied that it's handsome. So now the audience votes, and then we go into the dates, and the first date was with Mark, the wrestler, boxer, fighter. The 50-foot-tall shrieking skull. This man was the most unpleasant

visual auditory... I had a flavor i did he projected this flavor into my mouth that was so awful and he was the worst person i've ever like seen say anything on a television show before and because of his enormous size, thanks to this jumbo screen, I felt very much like I was watching Andy Cohen initiate the two minutes hate for everybody to just look up at this screen and feel animosity towards this human being. And this immediately turned on him, and he was very confrontational with the audience. him and he was very confrontational with the audience and that's why i thought like maybe he had a like he was a heel in wrestling but um it wasn't i don't think it was all just for show because he also seemed like the biggest shithead ever yeah he said that his first impression of ramona was that she was out of his age range literally the first words out of his mouth he pops up on the screen he's like hey ramona you look a lot better today and everybody's like what yeah she didn't look this good when i talked i guess she showed

up wearing tennis shoes to the date and he was very affronted but it wasn't just that she looked a lot older when i hung out with her it looks good yeah she said that she looked more like an aunt to him like a-u-n-t see okay now we're okay. Now we're going to get into it. Because you make fun of me because I say aunt. But homonyms confuse. Homonyms are not great because they can confuse your intent. So when you're talking about the different forms of hear, do you say them differently? Do you say, I can't hear you because the sound is too low. But if there was a divergent way of saying it where people did say he are and it could get your fucking intent across closer like more more clearly than I think so but in this case you say I think you look like an aunt I don't know if you're talking about the bug I don't know if you're talking about my mom or dad sister so if I said here's my aunt, you'd be looking around for an insect and not my actual mom's sister?

No, because it doesn't work in that one. It doesn't work in that one. I will be honest, this is maybe the only case in which it could be confused. Okay, so after he negs her a bunch. Like a lot, like a lot. We're laughing, but it really fucking sucked. Like it was really, really, really, really shitty. We're laughing, but it really fucking sucked. Like, it was really, really, really, really shitty. She gives him a seven, which ends up seeming very generous because he gives her a five. She's not a five. No.

She's an attractive woman. And she... He says, you know, first of all, this is when he turns on the audience. He's like, hey, fuck you. It was first impressions, and I don't give up on somebody fuck this crowd and he says if you were dressed like that like you dressed now when you came on this date the number would have been higher and she says what does she say she says that's superficial you don't look at the clothes you look at the face and it's like yeah he said judge on the face, not on the outfit. That's superficial. No.

Hey, you're being superficial. You judge a person by their face. Prettiness, not their outfit. Holy shit. As the first part of their date, they go to the zoo.

He says, I hadn't been there since I was a kid. And so I thought it'd be fun. Fuck you. Like, this is literally about the heat that he was, he was, I thought I did it when I was a little boy. I haven't it'd be fun. Fuck you. Like, this is literally about the heat that he was, I thought I did it when I was a little boy.

I haven't been, I thought you wouldn't be either here, so fuck this audience. I was really hoping to hear more about the zoo, to be honest. Yeah. I thought it would be like, oh yeah, you know,

the elephants just had a baby elephant, and so we spent some time there, and we got some cotton candy, and looked at the monkeys, but no. I hate these fucking monkeys. No details on the zoo stronger than me we do get a lot of details though on where they had dinner uh because he said god after he saw how she was dressed he decided not to take her to a fancy italian restaurant but to a chain italian restaurant the audience gasps in unison and well

i think if we watch real housewives we would be more shocked potentially but still the tone in which they spoke of a fucking olive garden or a like uh fazoli's fazoli's was like they were just they were summoning voldemort or something it was you went to a chain restaurant? Ramona says that they were provided with a lot of bread, and that our buddy Mark here not only took home the bread and the salad, but also her dish. Sounds like maybe Mark wanted to fucking go to an olive garden, and he's just kind of being a dick about it.

Also, if you thought she was going to be wearing, like, a nice, heels, and you took her to the zoo, you're a fucking idiot anyway. That's a good point. It'd be difficult to walk around. It's difficult to walk around. Zoo's a long walk. You don't want to do that in uncomfortable clothes and shoes. At the end of their date, it seems to get a little better. They apparently had a good conversation where they got to know each other and that his impression of her improved uh but it was not a love connection did we talk about him

revealing his abdominal stuff i was gonna leave that out because we already mentioned that he hits himself in the stomach a lot he flashes his stuff and again his abs are as tall as six andy cohen's it projected on that enormous enormous. You know, you get a six pack. He had a six. Still a six pack. He had a six Andy. He had six dumpsters of man just sort of rippling up there. It was awful.

So then we move on to. Kenneth. Kenneth. Kenneth took Ramona to a winery and he gave her a wine stopper that said, let the adventure begin on it. And then when he saw her on the screen after their date, he said, may our adventure continue. So he clearly he put some work into this theme. Well, she gives him a nine. He gives her an eight, says that she was very down to earth, but that he went in for the kiss and she pulled

away, which he thought was because all the cameras were around. But hey, Ramona's pretty used to cameras, I would think. Yeah, I think maybe she just wasn't feeling it, my man. Wow, we got through Kenneth real quick. There weren't a lot of details. Sorry, K-Dawg, we just burned your shit down real fast. There weren't a lot of details on Kenneth. Sorry, K-Dawg, we just burned your shit down real fast. We're in a lot of details on Kenneth. Finally, Rich. Yeah. Rich, apparently,

according to Andy, looks a lot like Ramona's ex. And he thought she was gorgeous. Was it Ted Danson? There's an outside chance it could be Teddy D. No, because Ted Danson has been with Mary Steenburgen forever. Oh, that's right.

They have the best love. Is it better than her? It might be. They're Ted Danson and Mary Steenburgen. Yeah, shit. God, I love Mary Steenburgen. Holy shit. I know.

And Ted Danson. And Ted Danson. They're both really, really great. I'm getting all sweaty over here. We can aspire to that. We'll get there. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. For sure. Maybe of our generation. We can be the Ted Danson and Mary Steenburgen.

Once they pass. What did you just say? Once they pass. Once they pass. I don't even want to think about that. I love them both so much. Why did you say that? You are the one who brought it up. You were saying

that we could be the next ones. As in like... In succession. That's how it works, babe. Game of Thrones. You live or you die. Like, once we were married, as long as they were married. And clearly, yes, that would have meant they would have passed. Okay, so they both rate each other a 10. Yeah, they're into it.

Which is wild. Also, it's worth pointing out that I guess at this point, he didn't know that she was the real housewife of New York. Yeah. Yeah, and she didn't bring it up either um so she thinks he is movie star handsome and she loves the fact that he has kids and that he is crazy about them because she has a daughter uh and yeah this is where he brings up that you know she talked about her her kids and and that she loves, but never mentioned that she made a living as a real housewife. Yep. And so we get a selfie video from Rich where he talks about how beautiful she is and how they have a lot in common. He ordered dinner for them, and they have sushi.

and they have sushi. And then Andy asks if there's a kiss, and he says, I'm going to defer to the lady on the kiss. And Andy says, I bet you did kiss, and she told you that we were not talking about it on national television. And they both smiled demurely. While secretly managing their brands in front of a live studio audience this is where andy says his catchphrase and i wrote it down because i didn't want to forget he says we don't let fate decide we let the date decide yeah i mean that is technically what you're

doing that's his thing that's his two and two Chuck. It's not as good as two and two. No, it's not. Well, I don't know what he would say now. It's a fucking four and thirty five. It's an Arby's commercial screaming at you and waking up your baby because it's ten times louder than Love Connection. Welcome to Love Connection. We'll be back after the commercial.

Arby's. So the audience and Ramona both pick rich. So Ramona gets $10,000, which she says she is donating to the Joyful Heart Foundation. Yeah, it's a nonprofit for domestic violence. And that's, yeah, that's great. Yeah. And so this is where they did something I wasn't expecting which was the overnight date check-in so all the couples that got overnight dates they check in to see how it went all three couples had

broken up all two it just felt like three it felt like we've been watching three couples worth of people but it was really just the two yeah they show um Ramona dumps rich after a few weeks because he doesn't live close enough. He was GU, geographically incompatible. Yes. Isn't it incompatible? Huh. Huh. Food for thought. And the magician and the fire dancer broke up after a week because he, quote, disappeared.

Yeah, they said that. Like, he did one last magic trick and disappeared. And then they showed, like, a clip of a clip of them on a date and him disappearing. And I kept thinking, how did they get that footage? Of his real magic trick where he made himself disappear? No. If they're filming this date, or they're doing

pickup shots of them on a date and then he disappears in this pickup shot. Had they broken up already at that point oh that's a good point how did they get that shot well i don't know i mean they showed footage of ramona in her apartment but i guess rich wasn't there no very confusing i don't know how they did that this is a love connection it was uh weirdly enough i've had a lot of fun talking about it it's an extremely bad show yeah holy shit i wouldn't watch this with my worst enemy's eyes

it was it was really really a really tough watch and again like just really nasty like really very very mean the uh first dude that came out for ramona and sort of the whole conversation between like the first two women for for uh on on ricardo's side of things like were really really really tough um and yeah i don't yeah it seems like the contestants are motivated to be as cruel as possible and the game is like designed to be as cool as possible the fact that there is a meet a person and then put a number rating on them and then later we will try to use that number rating to like fucking start some shit between the two of you regardless of whether or not it you have a good date or not i don't know man sucks uh but again like i had fun talking about it it

was it was a patently sort of ridiculous show and i really just can't get over that shrieking skull man did we even mention that he was wearing a fedora the whole time we didn't i decided not to comment i'm gonna comment on he's wearing a fucking fedora the whole time um so yeah that was love connection uh hey so we're gonna be doing a couple more of these i don't have we talked about what we're gonna be doing next week have we figured, so we're going to be doing a couple more of these. I don't, have we talked about what we're going to be doing next week? No. Have we figured out what we're going to be doing next week? We have not, but we will, uh, look on Twitter and Facebook. We'll let you know.

Yeah, we'll find something and, uh, we'll let you know what we're watching. Uh, as we sort of transition into a new thing, we are still figuring it out. We're talking to Max Fun about how to make it be as smooth a transition as is possible. And, um, we will let you know as soon as we have figured that stuff out and please hang in there I think a lot of folks like have been very very patient and understanding

as we sort of change directions we will continue to put shows out every week we are not canceling this podcast so yeah until next time I'm Griffin McElroy I'm Rachel McElroy when you're Rachel McElroy. When you're ready. Stay with us on this journey of joy.

Spoiler alert! She is up with Soulja Boy. Right reasons. Right reasons. Three big girls for all of our seasons. Maximumfun.org Comedy and culture.

Artist owned. Listener supported. The three of you enter a cave of a big red dragon and it's standing over a horde of precious golden rubies. And he says, what do you do, adventurers? I'm a dragon man. I cast fire on him. It's very good. I address the red dragon and say, us, we're the hosts of The Adventure Zone,

a podcast about family, Dungeons & Dragons. Very good synergy. Commit to the bit. I roll to charm new listeners. It is very effective. Against all odds. Everybody, we're the Macroids. We host The Adventure Zone, it's a podcast where we play Dungeons & Dragons together. It's a comedy podcast.

We don't take the rules too seriously because there's a lot of them and we did not take the time to learn them. Maybe listen to us. We come out every other thursday on the maximum fun network you can find us on itunes or on maximum fun.org i think this promo is a critical hit