Wonderful! - Roze Buddiez: Married at First Sight

Episode Date: August 23, 2017

For today's Roze Buddiez, we watched a couple episodes of Married at First Sight, and learned all about science, and data, and love, and responsibility. Everything in this show is so scientific, and so very, deeply responsible. MaxFunDrive ends on March 29, 2024! Support our show now by becoming a member at maximumfun.org/join.

Maybe, maybe you should go and do some contemplating. Right reasons, right reasons. Me and my girl were all the right reasons. Right reasons, right reasons. Me and my girl were all for teaching. I'm the bachelorette and I'm rapping to your poolside. Here to find true love. Hi, this is Rachel McElroy.

Hi, this is Griffin McElroy. And this is Rose, buddy. Will you marry me? Yes. I was asking the audience. It's like a, I haven't met them before, most of them. And so it's like a surprise, like, hi, what's up? I'm Griffin.

And that's all you get. Marry me, sucker. What's up? You're my betrothed now. What's up? I got you. Hey, Griffin. Yes.

I just met you. Oh. And this is crazy. you. Hey, Griffin. Yes. I just met you. Oh. And this is crazy. Okay. Marry me. Baby. Baby, please make it rhyme. God, I'm dying over here.

We just watched a show, a really peculiar little program called Married at First Sight, and it is what it says on the tin, folks. Some folks are marrying each other without having met each other or seen each other or sighted each other. But Griffin, don't worry. These are experts. some folks are marrying each other without having met each other or seen each other or cited each other. But Griffin, don't worry. These are experts. These are,

we have three experts, which is, you only need the one expert, but they threw an extra two up on tops. These are experts and they take it very seriously. This is a very serious responsibility. Um, and they take it very seriously because the responsibility is serious

and so they are serious about the responsibility this social experiment they are doing experiments with sort of social issues responsibly speaking these experts are holy fucking shit dog we just watched married at first sight well um just watch the first two episodes yeah they should rename it bored by second episode because here's here's the structure i don't want to be i don't want to be cruel at the jump but the structure of it is it focuses on three couples there's like a preview episode that sort of shows how the matchmaking process works which we watched and then there's an episode about before the wedding. And then there's a wedding episode. And then there's a wedding night episode, which I do not know how they stretched that into one hour of programming. Well, maybe.

Well, I guess it depends on how long and strong you take it to pound town. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. What was? It's like if we were doing a radio show, that would be the sound effect. Of an air, that of an air that was an air i need it again please oh wait wait hold on i'm gonna give you some because i know that there's a lot of djs listening to this and they may want to cut this into their next mixtape so i'm gonna leave some give it a little bit of silence here please give me the whoa whoa whoa

give me that all right i'm gonna give some silence you're gonna do that to cue me in all right all right the whoa about um say something about pound town again taking it it depends on how long and okay but give it a pause because again the djs need that clean audio it depends on how long and strong you can take it to pound town you sound like fucking super mario 64 when he's wobbling on the edge of a cliff that doesn't sound so much like an air okay but it was good i don't get the reference you're more of a sonic fan we've talked about that a lot this week so uh yeah so yeah there's like a wedding night episode and there's a honeymoon episode and there's a moving in episode and then there's a moving in episode, and then there's a, hey, y'all still want to stay married episode? Because after eight weeks, they have a kill switch, essentially.

Um, the, what other, before we, like, get into the recapping parts of it, what other, like, sort of background should we give on the whole show? Because we really did not watch a lot of it, because. This is the fifth season. Yeah. we give on the whole show because we really did not watch a lot of it because this is the fifth season yeah um they tell us at the beginning of this that there have been 12 weddings and a third are still happily married which i'm not clear how they define happily i think they just mean married yeah still uh not a great hit rate just generally speaking considering they just met the day of their wedding yeah sure it is it is under is under the national average, I think, pretty significantly.

I guess it is for this show, for what it is, and the fact that it is still a television show that people are auditioning. It's better than The Bachelor. Yeah, I guess it is. As far as the marriage rate. It hasn't been on as long as The Bachelor, though. So the show builds itself as a modern twist, a modern take on arranged marriage and i want to

like i don't feel like you and i are even remotely uh qualified to discuss arranged marriage because we both come from cultures where like autonomous marriage is absolutely the the norm and i feel like i i i am just not equipped to discuss it i so like i don't feel uh equipped to really talk about it except for the fact that like i't feel equipped to really talk about it, except for the fact that, like, I do feel equipped to talk about this show because this show is not that I feel like. Maybe on the very, very surface level, but, like, everybody here

opted into it. Everybody here auditioned for it, which is not true for arranged marriages as, like, a cultural thing at all. Also, like, it is a fucking television ass show, which you know because they really do let you like, it is a fucking television-ass show, which you know because they really do let you know that it's a bold new social experiment.

And there are lots of people who you're meeting who you're like, oh, you are obviously trying to get all up on a television show. And if you have to get married to do that a little bit, then so be it. Should we talk about the first episode we watched? Yeah, let's get into it. So the first episode we watched is actually the matchmaking special um and this show by the way is on the

lifetime network thank you lifetime thank you lifetime the show um does their casting in chicago uh and i think they do a different city every season maybe yeah maybe um 40 000 people applied this is this is bananas to me that's a grip of people that is so many fucking people yeah that's so many people they're gonna get married that's so many people it's interesting to me there's a big age range too like i think we see somebody as young as 24 uh and then i think we see somebody they're mid to late 30s um and 24 i would love for a television show to get me married right now i mean i guess it's a bachelor and bachelorette is so maybe i shouldn't talk a bunch of a bunch of smack uh so as the intro to the show, we find out that though these individuals be married as strangers, there's a lot of expertise and science going into this. They use a, quote, plethora of data. There are sociological evaluations.

They are matched for the highest potential. And all experts are using iPads. That's the best shit. We use a lot of scientific data. And it shows people just punching data into like iPads. And it's like, it can't be that much. Because that is not the most efficient way to interact with data at all. And and yeah, and they use social experiment a lot, which I was asking Griffin, I was like, why does that sound so familiar? And he said, oh, well, they use that on Are You the One. Yeah, whenever you hear that, just go ahead and say, but for Are You the One? It's like, okay, well, this is just going to be, you know, sort of a trashy party in a big house, and maybe one or two of the couples will be dating. And so I'm okay with calling that a social experiment. This is people get married, and that's a pretty high stakes experiment, it feels like. Well, and what is the control group here?

Us, I guess. We also find out that individuals undergo a psychological evaluation, too. So there's, there's pieces to it. But when it comes down to matching, what you end up hearing about is not the data at all. But we'll get to that. I mean, okay, we're talking about data. They didn't fucking sample their DNA. And we're like, ooh, well, he's got the love chromosome. Like, it's not that.

It's you punch in, like, 100 answers into a survey. And then we get, like, a clip of somebody talking like, yeah, the survey was very extensive. I wasn't expecting that. Yeah. I still don't, that works for like match.com, right? Like that's how those systems work.

That doesn't feel super scientific. That doesn't feel like hyper. And, and, and I guess it is successful for those platforms or whatever, but like, you can't call your shit a bold social, social experiment where three experts match you using

all kinds of scientific data. We don't really get to see the questions on the survey. We get the interview portion, which is what happens after. Gotta meet these three experts. Holy shit. After they get the 40,000 that apply, over 200

are invited to small group workshops where they are going to be more deeply informed of the process and then interviewed with the three experts these workshops like especially the ones talking to the dudes reminded me so much of the scene in wet hot american summer where amy poehler is like leading the drama class like this is serious guys this is this is really serious stuff you're gonna get married at the end of this yeah American Summer where Amy Poehler is leading the drama class. This is serious, guys. This is really serious stuff.

You're going to get married at the end of this. Yeah. And if you don't like that, stand up and walk out of this room. So first we see the interview section where they are undergoing, quote, sexology evaluations by a relationship and sex expert. Is that a word? I don't think so. Maybe it is in this community of experts. I've heard of sexnology, and that's just sex technology.

Oh, yeah. But sexology, you know about sexnology, right? Yes. Robobuts, internet PPs. Do you know about sexpology what's that uh it's when you every time i make love i do administer a sexpology yeah um and then there's sexthropology which is anthropology it's like you have sex but you can also buy some really cute dresser knobs. Yeah, exactly. It's great.

Every time we make love, I hand you a small dresser knob, and they never match, but you're always so charmed by it. Like, where'd you get that? I'm like Amelie. It's delightful. Yeah.

Where do I even get these knobs from? I'll tell you where. Sex through apology? Oh, I was going to say like my butt or something no we invented a store why wouldn't you say the store the store's in my butt that's ridiculous oh okay i'm sorry i'm not gonna yes and you anymore yeah i didn't know i was on fucking shark tank i didn't know i was gonna have my business shot out of the fucking sky by mark cuban over there i hate your butt store thanks mark uh Mark. Oh, no, wait.

Let me clean my glasses. You're my wife. Don't. I'm sorry. I can't. There's only so many things I can play along with, Griffin. A butt store. You've gone too far.

It's an anthropology that exists in my butt. And when I, Osmosis Jones style, and when I need to, I can go in there and I can get little dresser knobs. Can I talk about the sexology evaluations? Yes. Oops, kicked my trash can. So individuals are asked whether they have strong feelings about different sexual acts. they have strong feelings about different sexual acts. Specifically, examples include whether they've had a same-sex experience, how they feel about oral sex, if they have any deal-breakers, which I think is interesting because one of the people being interviewed is like,

can you give me some examples? They just want to be dirty. Well, she's like, you don't have to have them. I know what yours is now. If you have an anthropology in your butt, it'd kick you right out of bed for eating crackers. No, I'm not kicking you out of bed for eating crackers. I'm kicking you out of bed because you said that you have a store in your butt where you get dress or not. I didn't just say it. I meant it.

I've got a little anthropology in there, and it's right next to a little crate and barrel. I've got a whole avenue of just sort of, you know, rit ritzy sort of you can go and you can buy all right i'll compromise is there a web store yeah i mean yeah okay well i would go there's a warby parker in the in the butt also like one of their brick and mortars they're really excited about it but you can also like go online if you need to yeah see i see, I would prefer to go online, I think. All right. The crowds, you know. Yeah, sure.

I don't want to wait in line in your butt. Okay, so this is where we start meeting some of the individuals that were selected to get to this round. And coincidentally, a lot of the people we meet are the ones that we end up following. coincidentally a lot of the people we meet are the ones that we end up following yeah they really only like sort of hone into about 12 people and then we meet them and then by the end we are down to six and they're super oversimplified like like i accurately predicted two of the three couples that were going to be on this show because the way they were oversimplified which i don't know if that is a result of them asking them a lot of questions and then the editing trying to like call it down to a more digestible package. Or if these fucking people legit thought like, you're Italian, you're Italian, bada bing, bada boom.

That means you're married. You're what, Baptist and you're, you said Lutheran? Close enough. Get the fuck in here no and so we meet for example griffin's referring to uh the man anthony who is 32 a marketing executive and italian uh and later we meet ashley who is a 30 a bar manager and hey also italian guess what both of them find family very important uh-oh end of similarity literally end of similarities they're both italian and they both want big families so all of these um profiles and psychological evaluations and sociological

evaluations ultimately if you just check the italian box and also there's an italian box and you check it and then there's a little nested thing in there. Like, you want a big family or a small family? It's like, well, big family. It's like, oh, we've got the match for you. Should I, how should I introduce the couples? I don't know if I should do it as we're going through the sections or. Yeah, I think you can introduce it as we're going through the sections. I also don't think we should waste any time talking about the packages of the people who didn't make it

because they weren't worthy they weren't worthy of love uh next we meet sheila sheila is 30 uh she is very family oriented um is very faith oriented believes very strongly in the sanctity of marriage um two other things, just little anecdotes. She has a small dog. And also, she's never had an orgasm. So, I know more about Sheila now than probably a lot of her exes do. Yeah. Or maybe her exes think they know one thing, but the truth is different.

Women. What are they doing? No. I'm taking back because I don't want those particular words in my mouth. Yeah. And so Sheila seems also like a strong candidate for the show. And hey, she also ends up being picked. Next, we meet the two brothers.

We meet Charlie and Cody. Charlie is 24, is a contractor, and lives in the country. And his brother, Cody, is 26, lives in the city, is a gym owner. They both grew up in- I already forgot both their names. Charlie and Cody. Okay, you literally just said them, and my brain was like, boop, boop, don't need that. Think about something else.

that think about something else uh cody feels that charlie is kind of a hillbilly and charlie criticizes cody for being not handy at all city mouse country mouse burn that motherfucker uh so here's what's interesting and later in the episode we'll talk about it the experts sit down and review the candidates and they decide that Charlie is too young and he's limited by his location, whereas Cody, two years older, ready to go. Ready to go. 26, ready to fucking party. Jim Oner. Jim Oner. He's got his whole life

on track. Very responsible. Let's get this thing going. Hey, that's a pretty wild thing. I remember when Travis and I were both single and we both moved from Huntington to Cincinnati. It was like our first time moving away from home and i guys hit the scene together yeah and well i told him like let's go get um let's go to a marrying reality show to both try and get married together and let's see what happens if you this is interesting

because i don't have any siblings as you know as evidenced by the fact that you just said siblings how do you say it siblings you don't say siblings no but i love it so much better no don't say that because i said no it's good i love it i'm sorry i made fun of it i love it no babe um what was your question oh my question was do you feel like your brothers could pick out a suitable lady and or have they ever tried to set you up with anyone before no they never tried um this is a good question i don't i think they could yeah i absolutely think they could i think they know me extremely well obviously yeah um and they have been critical of like when i was dating in the in the past obviously when i was still in huntington they

would they would share their criticisms from time to time of the people that i was seeing and in hindsight looking back i was like yep yep yep that all checks right out um so you guys never tried to set each other up with anyone? No, God no. You have to understand that's an enormous breach of what you're describing, actually. I'm going to go ahead and put the kibosh on this. It has never happened in the history of time. Ooh, I don't think that's true.

No sibling has ever been like, I've got to make sure my sibling is getting it going. I feel like if I had a sister and she was older than me and she was in a serious relationship i could see her being like hey you know what you should go out with my co-worker he seems like a good match for you i could see that happening that seems reasonable up to up to a certain age though there is no i think that siblings just kind of at the very best are neutral, but like most of the time are impeding your, your quest for love or intimacy or whatever. Okay. Well,

I learned something. Yeah. If I'm a, there's probably exceptions out there. Um, but I think that, and, and I don't want to like paint a bad picture of my,

of my siblings. I'm just saying like when you're fucking like 18 or whatever, like, it's not there's very, there's very little going through your mind. I wasn't suggesting it was happening in high school. But I mean, there was a period of time when you were an adult and single. And I was just curious. Yeah. Next up. So we just did the sexology evaluation. So we just did the sexology evaluation. This is real quick about resexology. Of all this other stuff, I check a box, right? I'm Italian. I love a big family.

I have 10 dogs. And I, you know, love NASCAR. Check, check, check, check, check. If now our shit like lines up on a grid and it's like, oh, you also hit all those same bubbles. Cool. We have 10 points. Whoever has the most points gets married. How do you these questions? Yeah, I like a finger in my butt from time to time i like a finger right on

my on my anthropology store from time to time that is so i feel like that is real real this this idea of because i feel like this expert exists to answer the question of like oh well what if they're not physically attracted to each other this expert talks about like well you know they talk about like that's their biggest fear what if i'm not attracted well that's my job is to make sure they will be and that is bananas because you cannot i appreciate it it feels very sex positive to me no i'm it's absolutely sex positive i'm specifically talking about sexual chemistry which is not a thing that like on paper you can like guarantee true you cannot you can't guarantee any of this griffin no i know but the rest of it may be a little bit more right like i'm lutheran

you're lutheran there's like a spiritual dude it's like okay cool this one's like if i go through a checklist it's like what kind of eyes do you like what kind of nose what kind of mouth what type of body what type of x y and z do you find attractive ideal and then somebody could walk in with like all that stuff and you'd simply like, like it's the spark could still not be there. Of course, of course. But I appreciate that.

They are not setting people up to be in a relationship where there is zero potential of sexual fulfillment. They are, they are, they are asking a question of, you know, how adventurous would you rate yourself? Let's say,

and they're not going to match somebody if they're with somebody that is not remotely i guess that's true it's good it's good that they're trying it's just like this is the largest like extension of disbelief oversimplification like how do you like to kiss well first i put my tongue up and then down and then left and then right and then what if somebody was like well no but i do down first yeah well get the fuck out of here. I do the electric slide. That's how I learned how to kiss. I do the Charlie Brown. Hello, can you go?

Move it back now, y'all. You're doing two different songs now. Freeze. You're doing the cha-cha slide. Everybody clap your hands. You know how every time we make out, I do the Charlie Brown and I clap my hands for a while? Yeah, I never got that. Now I know.

We'd like sit in the back of a dark movie theater watching a scary movie and I'd be like, move a little bit closer, babe. You'd be like, oh, you smell so good. And I'd say, yeah, it's the Michael Jordan cologne. And then you lean in and we start smooching. And then I freeze. And you're like, what's he doing? And then I do the whole thing. Now I know. Yeah. I never knew. And I I freeze. And you're like, what's he doing? And then. Yeah. I did the whole thing.

Now I know. Yeah. I never knew. And I never asked at all either. You know why I get so horny at weddings. Oh. This episode has taken a turn already. Well, I feel like we don't have a lot to talk about. I want to get to the next evaluation.

We just did sexology. Okay. Now we're in the next evaluation. We just did sexology. Okay. Now we're in the spiritual evaluation. Yeah. So for spiritual evaluations, they bring in a pastor who has been a relationship counselor for 20 years. And he also takes this very seriously. What if he was just like, no, this is, I'm just taking it around. Come on.

This is a paycheck. Here we go. So this is where we meet Nate, who is is 25 he is a enterprise rent-a-car manager he was all-american in basketball um and faith and family are very important to him and i'm thinking that reminds me of a woman named sheila i met early in the episode hey guess what they get married um another thing that's really important to him is that he has a queen who he can start an empire with and the reason i know that is because he said it 400 000 times in the two episodes that we watched very interested in finding a queen to start an empire with i don't

know if it's under the enterprise or in a car label or not but maybe he wants to i don't know maybe he wants to own enterprise with her that would be be an empire. Oh, I don't think that's it. I don't think that's it either. Okay. So in this moment with the spiritual evaluations, they talk a lot about the biggest fears people have about being married at first sight. And the pastor says that over and over again, he hears from people, they are worried they won't be attracted to their future spouse. That is a very surface level thing. And also, of course, the most common response to all this stuff.

And then we get a little montage of everybody saying their physical type. Next is this sociological evaluation. Wait, why were they talking to the spiritual guy about hot bods and not cool gods? I don't know. I just came up. I mean, across all the experts, they ask questions that cross areas. I guess so. Sociological evaluations.

This is where we meet the very talented, the very wise Dr. Pepper. Her name, ladies and gentlemen. I forgot. I forgot. Her name is Dr. Pepper. Yeah, her name is forgot i forgot and her name is dr pepper yeah her name is dr pepper um she it's basically like i feel like she maybe has the toughest job of all because it's like the sexology one is like you like butt knobs cool and the spiritual one is like you're lutheran she's lutheran cool and she dr pepper gets everything else. I love Dr. Pepper because she goes to their home

and looks through their fridge and their cabinets and their cars. Ashley had, it was Ashley, I think, had shoes in several of her kitchen cabinets. And the last thing I want to do is fucking turn my dial to Andrew Dice Clay and break off the knob and go on a whole shoe run. I am mostly mystified by we have a fairly large kitchen, and I feel like I'm always desperate for more space in there. I know.

I don't get using it for accessories and footwear. Well, when you live with somebody, though, you have more dishes. That's fair. And then you also have things like waffle makers, because you envision a life where you and your partner make waffles together all the time yeah we haven't done that that much and it hasn't gotten a whole lot of use um another thing is that you put your feet in there and you touch your toes up against it and you put it next to like the plate plates and pots and pans

and pepper and dr pepper and i don't like that. I don't fuck with that. No way. I keep my underwear drawer next to the meat cooler. Like, gross. What if your underwear flecks get on my ribs? But wouldn't nice, cool underwear be a treat in the summertime? Yeah, it would. It would, babe.

There you go. We should keep some in the crisper. I would do. Well, we have a bunch of Super Water Zero down. We have a whole Super Water. Well, it's Vitamin Water. It's Vitamin Water. It would do, well, we have a bunch of Super Water Zero down. We have a whole Super Water, well, it's Vitamin Water. It's Vitamin Water. It's Vitamin Water Zero, but we literally just dedicated one entire Crisper drawer to

Vitamin Water Zero. Rip, rip Super Water, thank you. So this is when we meet Ashley, as Griffin mentioned. She's 30. She's a bar manager, Italian. Family is very important to her. She needs a gregarious man uh which i guess is anthony although he didn't really no he seemed kind of funny he had a couple jokes in there

um here we meet some other men who i think have only been chosen because they are living in a crazy environment um so there was one dude who is like a very well put together gentleman who like uh when dr pepper came to his house he was was like, these are my $8,000 shoes. Come on. And he quits the show. They were like, well, we're really into him. So they were going to pick him. And then he called and said, hey, which is they were going to pick him for Ashley, I think.

And then they. Yeah. Because. Yeah. And then they didn't because he quit the show how's your sliding doors doing anthony are they pretty wild right now because sliding doors man while you were sleeping no that one doesn't sliding doors man butterfly effect with ashton kutcher like anything's possible jurassic park jurassic world man open your eyes there's something about mary something's going on with me you're just naming

movies now curly sue i know man you ever see curly sue no it's got a that belushi guy in it. I love, wait. Gym, it's gym. Oh, okay, okay. It's gym. Okay. Next up, we meet Danielle. Oh, yeah, Danielle. Danielle, 30.

She's a dietician. Wait a minute, dietician? That kind of sounds like gym owner. She has dogs. She refers to herself as kind of sounds like a gym owner. She has dogs. She refers to herself as kind of a country person, even though she lives in the city. And that's when they think, Whoa, what are you setting off that foghorn for?

Oh, wait. Cody. Cody is a gym owner. He lives in a small town. We should match them together. This is the most buck wild pairing of all of them based on their reasoning, which was literally like, she is a nutritionist. He has a gym. Both of those are health related. He lives in the country.

There are animals in the country and she has a dog, which is an animal. Let's fucking go for life. For life. fucking go for life. For life. And we meet some other people who don't end up getting picked. And so the next part is the three people in a room.

The individual research is over. Now the three experts meet to combine data. And this is where they go through the individuals and kind of tick off what they liked and didn't like and what would make them a good match to somebody else. There is, shockingly, very little disagreement between these three parties. Like, none,

basically. Literally, like, one of them will say, like, well, he's Italian and wants a big family, and she's Italian and wants a big family. So I think they should be forever and the other two are like yeah sounds great that's also what i thought but we are told over and over again that they are putting their expertise their integrity on the line and science to the test uh an annulment is not an option no so i guess that these are like legally yeah that's i know that they are because they say legally binding marriage about 100 times also um this is i cannot stress this enough they are literally shipping human beings with the most limited set of data that you could ever imagine based on what we see right maybe there's a lot of

deep stuff happening under the surface that we we we don't really experience um but for the most part they're like i think those two would be cute together and they're both lutheran let's let's go it it's it's i i don't know really what i was expecting but like if you're gonna have an entire i mean marriage but also like seven episodes of television just about the same three couples and every episode's an hour long like feels like you should really do a pretty good job putting those couples together and based on what we saw it was literally it was he likes dogs she has a dog and marriage this is where griffin and I got into the conversation of, we don't think we would be matched through this process.

Super no. Because all of the superficial things that one might match a person to somebody else, we don't really have in common. Yeah, like, I think they would look at me and be like, well, he grew up in the country. He grew up in West Virginia for most of his life. He plays video games. He plays video games.

We've got to find him a geeky country gal. And it's like, that ain't you at all. Unless those surveys or interviews happen to mention a program like Quantum Leap. I love Quantum Leap. I love Quantum Leap. I know. But I don't think it would chart on my list. No, I don't think in this interview process about marriage, I would ever say the words,

you know what I really liked was Quantum Leap. Yeah. I watched it with my dad. What's up? Like, no, that just wouldn't happen. Yeah. Talking about this I feel cornball of just like this isn't how it works like this level of hey i'm a stranger and i know 10 things about you

and uh they sound like the 10 things that i know about this other stranger so i think y'all should i think y'all should be married now. That surface level stuff is so, in my experience, so not that important compared to the more intangible shit that you kind of got to get down deep into the muck to know. Yeah. Yeah, I just thought it was weird. muck to to know yeah yeah i just thought it was weird they they seemed to really tout their lengthy evaluations and then ultimately the conversations were just reduced to like she likes country and so does he let's put them together in the next episode though they even back down on that and they're like you know she's got a city vibe and he's got a country vibe that i think would work really well together and when she said that i was like dr pepper what the fuck

are we doing here? You know, that's super interesting too, is that when they're having this little meeting where they're pooling their data, they named the couples and they say things like, we have decided that they are going to be a couple. There's some really like Orwellian. You are engaged

because of me now. There's a funny moment that they repeat where they talk about one of the couples, which is Anthony and Ashley, and they say, Anthony is going to think Ashley is beautiful, and Anthony's personality is going to win

Ashley over. Jesus God. It's pretty rough. It's an ice cold burn. Hey, baby, real quick. Can I steal you away? Uh-oh. What are you doing? Whoa.

I thought it was going to be like a choir thing because you're holding your diaphragm the whole time. And then I remixed it. Wasn't expecting that. They don't typically... Well, it's like a pitch perfect. Remix is just where you change

halfway through, right? Okay, that's what I did. I remixed. All the best DJs, they'll be playing Night Fever, and it'll get about halfway through the song, and then they'll just flip it over to My Heart Will Go On from the Titanic soundtrack. And it's like, whoa, cool remix.

It was interruptive, but I really appreciate the two pieces that you put together here. The two completely different genres. Hey, babe, can you tell me everything that you know in the whole world about Wink? Yes, I can. So many of you have realized, but if you have not, the perfect thing to do while watching a reality television show is to drink a glass of wine. But how do you find the glass of wine that you want for the show that you like? Just go to trywink.com. That's W I N C.com. Take a brief palette profile quiz and Wink will recommend distinct and interesting wines actually customized to your palette to be shipped directly to your door every month. And right now Wink is offering listeners $20 off your first order when you go to trywink.com slash rosebuddies.

It'll even cover the cost of shipping. That's trywink, spelled T-R-Y-W-I-N-C dot com slash rosebuddies to get $20 off your first order. We can personally guarantee that their palette matching profile is more scientific than the matching tests that the contestants on Married at First Sight are. Yeah, I did it. I got a few reds and a few whites and some some dessert wines and they were delicious. They were really, really tasty. I have a Jumbotron message. This one is for Alicia and it's from Clinton who says, Hello, Alicia. This is your husband, Clinton. I am talking to you from inside the podcast. I love you, and I'm likely sitting next to you right now.

You may kiss me now if you like. That's adorable. Sorry. You may kiss me now if you like. I got to read it in this voice. It's a little creepy, though. Maybe a little bit. I am likely sitting next to you right now you may kiss me now if you like thank you for dating me for the right reasons because i do love you happy birthday christmas and valentine's day nice i'm done for the next year of gift giving this is what a perfect message. Right. I was going to say, like, goodness per word, like, the ratio is so fucking choice here.

Do you think you went through a few drafts? It seems very appropriate. Yeah, I think you used every character that we allow for the Jumbotron messages. I'm going to read the second one so I don't have to hand my heavy computer over to you. Please do. It is for Justine, and it's from Kelly. That's almost the name of that one American Idol movie. And I bet they, oh, I said it, and I bet they hate hearing that.

I bet they do. Happy early or belated birthday. I've been so lucky to have a best friend like you for over a decade. You've been there for me through the best and worst times, and I'm so thankful. Even though we live states apart, we're still able to share things together like the McElroy podcasts, Skype games, and random silly text messages. Love you always.

Love, Kelly. To Justine. Stop it. I just, did you see, I saw that movie in theaters. That, see that's something you would have put on your survey. And then they would have put me in a fucking garbage truck as it drove by outside, as it passed by.

They would say, there's no room for you here. Out of the 40,000 other people here, nobody said I watched and enjoyed the movie from Justin to Kelly. Oh, so you enjoyed it? Can we not do this right now? Who did you go with? Did you go with your fam? No. I don't want to get into it go with? Did you go with your fam? No. I don't want to get into it right now.

Did you go on a date? I don't want to get into it. I don't want to get into it right now. I don't want to get into it right now. Justine, Kelly, I'm so sorry that this is what your message has turned into. Hi, I'm comedian Emily Heller. And I'm cartoonist lisa hanna walt and we're the hosts of baby geniuses do you want to learn weird new facts

do you like hearing successful creative women talk about their poop do you want the scoop on martha stewart's pony if you answered yes to any of these questions our show is for you we interview people like paul f thompkins kristin shaw my full che and more so check us out on maximum fun and let us mess up your brain. Yes, please. Baby geniuses, we know everything. Baby geniuses,

tell us something we don't know. Episode two, slash episode one, since the marriage special was technically not episode one. Slash episode parts of three, slash parts of two, because we really didn't get

all the way through these, gang. So the next episode is time for Dr. Pepper to share with the people that have been matched that they are now engaged. And so Dr. Pepper, I guess I should say that each of the experts has their own little mission. that each of the experts has their own little mission. So Dr. Pepper visits Anthony and Ashley and tells them that they have found a husband or wife. Can we role play this and you be Dr. Pepper and I will be Ashley and Anthony? And I will literally try my very best

to sort of convey the emotion experienced by these real humans when a television personality has informed them that they will be married in 14 days to a person that they have not and will not meet until the event this is about what we got uh anthony i am excited to let you know that we have found you a wife what wow like fucking holy shit almost almost the camera crew is there they know something's going on obviously they know something's going on i i don't know how to tell you this but uh i don't want to

put it off any longer you're engaged really wow i think it's fun so when the the woman that does the sexology screening goes to cody to tell cody that he's been selected. She tells him he's going to be a husband. Wow. A husband? Cool. All right. Yeah, let's do it. Forever dude and 14 days marrying a stranger. Oh, whoa, shoot. Crazy. All right. Wow. Okay. Even wilder is that from that moment on on they have two weeks until the wedding so things are moving fast at this point they obviously we got some we got some pre-packaged

stuff going on here all right it's sort of like one of those kids books where it's like you fill in the names of the kids and then they go on like a little space adventure it was very much like you know you're gonna we're gonna just to just sort of drop Ashley and Anthony into this wedding we had pre-made. Otherwise, two weeks is like nothing, right? Yeah. Well, so and that's kind of what you see next. So first, everybody has to tell their families. And I would say overall, everybody's family is really supportive.

Except for Nate's mom doesn't love it. Yeah. And she says, here's what she says. She says, it's not what I wanted for my son, which that seems okay. And Nate's fiance, whose name I cannot remember. Sheila. Sheila. Her friends are like, what the fuck are you doing?

Yeah. You can't do this. This is pretty dumb. Yeah. A lot of people, they really wanted that in-person chit-chat I guess because Anthony says my family's in Michigan. It's really hard for them to come out. So

we just see Anthony talk to all of his friends. And there's a bit where one of his dude friends is like, you know, you can't have all those dating apps on your phone anymore. And so he pulls out his phone and deletes all the apps and throws his phone over his shoulder. He's gregarious. And then And so he like pulls out his phone and deletes all the apps and throws his phone over his shoulder. Yeah. That Anthony. He's gregarious.

He's gregarious. And then we go straight from telling families into wedding prep. And so we get to see all the brides trying on dresses and all of the grooms trying on suits. There is another good Anthony thing here where he goes to the ring store and is buying a ring. And they're like, well, tell me everything about her. And he's like, oh, I haven't and will not meet her until the event. And they say, you don't know anything about her? And he says, she's a ring size seven.

That's pretty good. That's fun. All right, Anthony. And I was telling Griffin, like, for example, we find outila is trying on dresses six days before the wedding and i said this doesn't work like most bridal stores do not have stock on hand in your size you have to try on whatever they have and then they order it and it takes a while so i'm not exactly sure how they swung this yeah there's a lot of there's a there's a lot of stuff like that all of the dudes go tuxedo shopping, I think at the same store.

And they're just like, I just want a white tuxedo. I just want a nice, just a good one. It's pretty wild how different that experience was for me and for you, it sounds like. Because I literally just went into a tux rental shop and tried on, I think, two things. I was like, this is good. Well, there's no pressure for you to like bring a bunch of friends yeah i think just like moment i think just me and justin and we were your friends like tear up and say that's the one yeah there were no snacks at my thing really at all you didn't get a glass of champagne no they really just wanted me in and out so they could like

because i think it was like homecoming season and so like i was not their big business right now did they measure you? Yeah. Yeah. Did they go all the way up to the. The anthropology? Yeah, they got it. Yeah, they did.

Because I noticed, I noticed at our wedding day. That my suit rode right up into my butthole. Yeah. I work hard for these glutes and I just want folks to see them because I'm proud of them. Also, they were having a sale that day and they wanted to advertise advertise yeah like show off the storefront i guess yeah uh next up bachelor and bachelorette parties uh griffin wanted to make sure that i wrote uh a note that sheila had a very large cake shaped like a penis. And I said,

I think I'll remember. Yeah. You'd remember this one. It's I'm thinking about it. I don't know that I've ever seen a, a PP cake in person in the, in, in the frosting.

Me neither. I was not expecting it to be quite this large or they were, they pixelated it because this is lifetime. is you know family tv um but i could still see you know the glands and the yeah the tippy tip and the vein and the hole the hole at the end and And I could see everything. I could see all of it. All of the different beautiful pieces of God's great design. I feel like the cake, I mean, that's about the size

they are usually, right? That's about the size of a penis. Of a wingling. I thought, oh oh how nice that they had a cake that was yeah it was the right size i was surprised because you know you think about a wingling and you just say like no way they could make a cake out of that it'd be way too

much frosting and flour and egg and oil what are we doing babe i don't know what are we doing babe anyway anyway i just didn't think the cake would be that big or detailed. And I thought it was exactly the right size. This is like our conversation about the Bachelor and Bachelorette engagement rings. It is. You never say, oh, that cake's too big. Well, I would never say the words, wow, Neil Lane made that dick way too gaudy. Neil Lane made a really gaudy dick cake.

I've never seen a dick cake in the frosting, but I don't think if I ever saw one that was really well made, I would say, like, that's a tasteful... Neil Lane's really into the Halo dicks this season. Yeah, he likes a princess cut dick. And then we get the...

After the Bachelor and Bachelorette parties, they are... Nate got fucking buck wild, it seems like, a little bit. Yeah, he had a vehicle in which there was an exotic dancer, and they were all drinking with the dancer. It seemed like a rowdy party. On the flip side, we saw Anthony, who went to what looked like a beer pong bar with his friends and had a very quiet night in. And Griffin was like, that's the one I want. Yeah, that would be my jam. and had a very quiet night in.

And Griffin was like, that's the one I want. Yeah, that would be my jam. I mean, we went to Topgolf for part of my bachelor party, which is kind of the same thing, I think, a little bit. And so then we see them getting ready, they're writing vows, and then they are exchanging gifts, which I thought was kind of a nice opportunity because this is the first clue they have about who their partner is going to be. And my favorite was Anthony,

who thought he was being really considerate. He gave Ashley five almonds, and each was to signify a hope for their marriage, like prosperity and fertility and love. I'm not familiar with it. And so it's a tiny little bag of Jordan almonds. And he writes this little note explaining what each almond symbolizes. And then he opens his gift from Ashley and she gave him two football tickets. It was funny though. Cause when he was opening it up, he,

he like opened up this letter that had the football tickets and he was like, Oh my God, I can't believe it. And one of his friends said, what'd you get? Just six Jordan. It's good. So gregarious, Anthony.

You know what I'm thinking about? You know who you'd be perfect to marry? I just feel like I know somebody who's just like loves almonds, has football tickets, just would be perfect to marry him forever for life. So we watched that. And then there's like a teaser building up into the next one of like all of the grooms walking down the aisle and then like who's gonna come out the door griffin really wanted to watch the next episode so he could see the the moment where they see

each other and it was kind of anticlimactic we watched it and it was just kind of like oh yeah well to be fair we watched two of them and then we like literally couldn't sit through the same fucking paypal commercial again uh without tearing our hair out but i really wanted to see the magic and witness the magic um and we uh and so we skipped the remaining episodes and just looked up the outcome we just looked at the outcomes i think i think we both kind of realized like this show is kind of like this it kind of reminded me of when we were like oh we'll watch one episode of the bachelorette canada and we're like well no this is like an you know there's an arc to it so we should watch all of it i think there was an arc to this and maybe we didn't give

it exactly a fair shot because we didn't didn't invest the seven hours plus four hours of paypal commercials needed to ingest the whole thing but i wasn't about to do that for married at first sight um at the end this was really weird um apparently ashley and anthony just like gangbusters crushing it very in love married very happy very yeah just crazy bad show that they get a lease together everything's going well and there's apparently a decision room eight weeks in where you decide whether or not you want to get married and or stay married and they were like yeah let's go uh and then nate and sheila apparently had a very sort of uh ups and downs relationship i'm going off of like one recap one

very short recap i read um but they ultimately decide to stay together as well and cody cody and danielle who are both the country gym enthusiasts apparently they just never really hit it off there's not like much of a spark there there's a lot of conversation about like lack of uh sex and that that is a issue for Cody and a frustration for Danielle. And they also decide to stay married at the end of the eight weeks, which is kind of, I guess, higher than average for this show. All three couples stay together. I looked it up because I was like looking at like,

who's still married from Married at First Sight season five. And what is kind of wild about that is I like Googled that. And one of the results was like an examiner article i think it was from three days ago that was uh cody and danielle still going strong and it was like an interview with them about it and then today like earlier today the day that we were recording this they actually announced that they are getting divorced uh after one year and they put out a joint statement saying like we thank this show for teaching us how to love again etc etc that was weird that like we have never watched this show and we watched it for this podcast yeah the day we decide we decide to do it one of the the couples splits up uh but apparently the other

two couples are still still going on strong um i don't i don't know i think the concept of the show still is like it's way too self-serious it's a social experiment with lots of data science with expert scientists and sociologists and everybody's perfect at their jobs picking a marriage forever and like nah come on y'all i You know, this is going to sound crazy. Part of me kind of gets it. It depends what you want out of a marriage. If you are just having difficulty finding somebody who shares your interests and feels the same way about commitment, and this show is offering you an opportunity that they will do all the work, and they will, I'm guessing, pay for your wedding, pay for your honeymoon, and then provide you with, quote, experts to kind of help you in the beginning stages of the relationship.

I don't know. Doesn't sound that crazy to me. I mean, agree to disagree. I think I'm mostly I'm I'm talking about like the structure of the show. This show is very much into this is a huge, enormous responsibility that we have to be very serious about. We really have to do a good job, and we're going to do science to it to make sure that everything really lands. And at the same time that they're saying that, and this is the same sort of dissonance that, like, Bachelor, especially Bachelor in Paradise, traditionally has cashed in on all the time. Which is, like, this is a serious quest for love and it's the the ramifications are extremely

serious while also building the entire show around the novelty of what they're doing yeah without like it doesn't acknowledge that novelty but at the same time like it's all about that fucking novelty i will say though the show seems to be their emphasis seems to be more on marriage than on love you know that's a weird, yeah, absolutely. Because, like, they have, there's one bit in episode two where they're talking about, like, ooh, do I kiss them when they come down the aisle? Like, apparently, like, Cody and Danielle in the last episode

say, like, you know, there's just a foundation here that I would, I think we deserve a chance to really explore. And it's like, you're married. You're married. And you've been married for two months. You're married. And that's like a, I don't know. I was telling Griffin how refreshing it would be to watch one of these shows and just once have somebody going on the show say, hey, and if it doesn't work out, we'll get divorced. And, you know, I mean, it'll happen or it won't.

But every single time people are like you know like this this is going to be forever it's important to me i only want to do this once it'd just be nice one time to see somebody be like hey you know what if it doesn't work out we'll get divorced tv marriage whatever yeah well i think like the biggest thing for me coming away from it that is still so shocking is that 40 000 people tried out for it is that just because it's a television like i i can't that is such an enormous fucking mass of humanity to do this thing that is a ultimately a televised novelty marriage experiment i wonder if the first season like what the application level was like if it's just kind of picked up steam yeah state constant i don't know but but the other thing is like stretched out telling these three

stories over the course of an entire like i think eight actually episode season from a viewing perspective i thought it was like a little slow i don't think you and i are going to keep watching it after we're yeah i mean you, I mean, you're definitely curious. Like, I found myself curious about how this would work out for these people. But it does, like, they spend so much time touting their expertise. And it's like, that's not why I'm watching this show. I'm not kidding when I say maybe half, maybe a third of episode two is a recap of what happened in episode one. It was really, really tough to watch um and also all those fucking paypal commercials holy shit yeah this is we're watching it through the app there's one book or paypal commercial where there's a uh a man and a woman sitting in a car

and they're it looks like they're getting ready for a road trip and they're in brooklyn i think and this young guy like runs out of a brownstone runs up to the car and the woman leans over and locks the door. And then she like rubs her fingers together like money. And then he pulls out his phone and PayPal's her or her friend money. And then he shows them the PayPal receipt on the phone. And then she checks with the guy

and makes sure that he got it on his phone. And then she unlocks the car to let his friend in. And it was like like that whole exchange was so gross the whole exchange what you just did was so fucking disgusting and paypal is like now use our service what uh anyway anyway it's just this capitalist hellscape babe i know griffin uh anyway thank you for listening to this episode of Rose Buddies. Should we say what we're going to do next week?

We have an idea for next week. It's sort of contingent on again, we should talk about this, we're going to be moving away from the Bachelor Bachelorette franchise and changing some stuff up in terms of what we do here on the show. Probably going to change the name of the show just to prepare you for that.

But it is going to stay on this. And the theme song. And the theme song. Sorry, everybody. And it's going to stay on this podcast feed. So you shouldn't experience any interruption there. If you don't like that new direction you want to bail, we totally get it. Please, please understand that this is a decision that we have been struggling with.

That like we ultimately think is the right one. one that is going to make us much much happier personally speaking doing these last two episodes has been like fun it's been really fun talking about these bad television shows with you uh in a way that like bachelor and bachelorette stopped being so uh we'll keep you informed but next week i think what we're going to do is design a reality dating show and i think this might be a mistake because i think we're really going to be trying to put our money where our mouth is all right we wanted to do something kind of cumulative over the the length of the podcast and we thought we have watched a lot of shows at this point and in some ways we are experts oh man with lots of scientific data to back up. Yeah.

So we thought we would kind of culminate our work by taking some of the best parts and creating the ideal show. So look for it on ABC Family next fall, whatever we generate. I'm sure it's going to be a real hit. Yeah. Executives should probably listen in. Yeah. So, yeah, that's what we're going to be doing next week. And then I think maybe the week after're going to be doing next week and then i think

maybe the week after that we might be doing something new so we will keep you informed in that as we sort of transition over and we hope you'll stick with us hey thanks to maximum fun for having us on the network you can go to maximum fun.org and check out all the great shows that they've got on their shows like lady to lady and one bad mother and oh no ross and carrie and pop rocket and stop podcasting yourself a bunch of great shows uh we have other shows that we do on the networking go to macroy shows.com and check all those out we just wrapped up the adventure zone our first campaign there congratulations thank you that's one i do with me and my uh brothers and my dad that uh we've been doing for about three years

the same story we just finished it and i'm really, really proud of it. So if you haven't listened to it, It's excellent. And I have no enthusiasm in particular for Dungeons & Dragons, but I enjoyed every ep. Thank you, man. I think that's it. Thanks for listening. Talk a little next time. I'm Griffin McElroy.

I'm Rachel McElroy. When you're ready. Final Rose. Stay with us on this journey of joy. Spoiler alert! She is up with Soulja Boy. Bright reasons. Bright reasons!

Can't be the law or season! Maximumfun.org Comedy and culture. Artist owned. Listener supported. Mugs, shirts, stickers, patches, tanks, and more are yours for the purchasing at maxfundstore.com. Hey, you already love the podcasts, so why not take this to the next level and outfit your home and bod with our merch? maxfundstore.com. Because if you have to wear a shirt, it should be one of ours.