Wonderful! - Roze Buddiez: The Bachelorette Season One - Part One

Episode Date: March 28, 2017

Happy week two of the MaxFunDrive! We hope you'll think about supporting our show if you've got the means! Either way, we're gonna recap the first season of The Bachelorette for you so, so right. MaxFunDrive ends on March 29, 2024! Support our show now by becoming a member at maximumfun.org/join.

Maybe, maybe you should go and do some contemplating. Right reasons, right reasons, being a good girl for all the right reasons. Right reasons, right reasons, being a good girl for all the right reasons. I'm the best rep and I'm rapping to your pool sign. Here to find truth. Hi, this is Rachel McElroy. Hey, this is Griffin McElroy. And this is Rose Buddies.

Welcome to week two of the Max Fun Drive. Did you have fun last week? Did you, did you, um um did you get the secret password if you put if you sorry if you listen to every max fun podcast and you take the first letter of the third word everybody said in those podcasts then it spells the name of the zodiac killer that's right this whole time did you get it right did you get the zodiac killer right rachel did you get it right that's the zodiac killer did you guess him right i mean it's ted cruz right a lot of people said ted cruz and ted cruz definitely helped right like he drove and he probably bought all the guns and stuff it doesn't seem like enough letters if it's

every max fun show no that's what I'm saying. Ted Cruz wasn't the name. Oh. Yeah. Okay. Then if it's enough letters, I think it's probably George Stephanopoulos. It was George Stephanopoulos. That's right.

Okay. A lot of people watch The War Room and they just didn't get it. I watched the... Oh, I hit my printer. I watched The War Room and I was like, don't you think he's a Zodiac killer? Definitely. Yeah, for sure. He's super charming in that movie. And so you watch it and you're like, what a sweetheart.

But you miss like all the Zodiac clues. You think he's too little to be the Zodiac killer. This little guy? This little guy? Carville's buddy. He can't do a murder. He did several. Look at all that hair.

Yeah. So anyway, an unlikely duo ted and george weird what a weird way to start this episode well we're padding for time oh okay no that's not true um welcome to the second week of our max fun drive special thank you all so so much we had such a huge outpouring of support for the first week and it was like really touching this is our first year on the network for the max fun drive and so, we didn't really know what to expect. But the response, I think, I can speak for both of us when I say it's been humbling and wonderful. And thank you all so much. And even though we hit our initial goal, it is not too late to become a member. No, because now we're full blown greedy,

right? Like we destroyed 10,000. What are we at right now? Let's check the current total, because I think we were nearing 13 000 last time i checked right now we're sitting at 13 796 so yeah we're doing really well but now we hungry we have more stretch goals for 20 000 apparently travis is going to go to the grand canyon with jesse and a few other folks and record a podcast there yeah um which is buck wild um so should we should we do something wild oh babe you can't just say something like that. Like what? What if we on-air smooch?

What if we change Henry's name to podcast? You like that better than on-air smooching? Nobody cares. I'm pretty sure we've on-air smooched at some point. No. We're always, when we record, we sit next to each other in a very small, intimate bench. And we're just always just necking. Right're not right now rachel's necking oh baby it tickles the necking that you did on me just now oh boy now heavy pets what um i don't know anyway thank you all so much for supporting us if you

haven't we're going to tell you all about the MaxFunDrive and why it's so important and why we hope that you will think about supporting us with your donations. But for now, let's talk about The Bachelorette Season 1 starring Trista Renn? Renn? It's R-E-H-N. Renn. I think it's Renn.

No, a little more forceful than that because that H is, it's not just Renn because that H is in there and that H wants you to know that it's there. So I think it's Renn. Maybe it's no a little more forceful than that because that h is it's not just ring because that h is in there and that h wants you to know that it's there so i think it's red maybe it's french it might be rare so here's the thing about um we last year we watched the first season of the bachelor um starring did you say last year it was last year wasn't it i guess maybe yeah you know it's only march, and Bachelor started January 3rd, I think. Right.

Yeah. Technically last year. No, and, scientifically, mathematically, categorically last year. Okay.

Gregorianally speaking, it was last year. okay. I can't remember the dude's name. Alex? Alex Michel. Michel, who fell off the face of the earth after doing the first season of The Bachelor.

It did not take off between him and his betrothed. We, however, know a lot about Trista. Namely, the big thing that we know about Trista is that she marries Ryan. We knew the winner of this one. This is like How I Met met your mother except if like if the ending wasn't shitty like um like we knew who was going to win this season from the beginning which has never happened with any season of the show we've ever watched and we know because the bachelor franchise props up trista and the winner as kind of the grandmother and grandfather of the whole yeah the whole 15 years of shows they the this was

the anniversary was today of 15 years of the bachelor so this season was uh they did season one with alex they did a second season of the bachelor with some aaron i think is what they said i don't know and then we didn't watch that don't know anything about it see this third season like in the whole franchise is the bachelorette yes um which they treat with like a lot of novelty which we'll get to in a second but i don't know i thought it was i thought it was i really liked it i really liked watching like seeing ryan step out of the limo and just knowing like this is that this is him and watching the other folks and knowing like it's not going to be you um because yeah i think in the final stretch here like it seems like ryan is not going to win

and it's interesting like knowing that that's not true but yeah these these this happened in uh i want to say like january 2003 um and yeah since then like every time there's like a wedding they show up like the king and queen of the bachelor bachelorette whole franchise um and they did a what was the thing that they did like a rededication ceremony yeah they renewed their vows yeah they did they renewed their vows i think that was on the special with um uh it was one wedding special it's one of the wedding specials yeah they like piggybacked was it jade and tanner might have been jade and tanner yeah um so yeah we just like we've known for a while now that Ryan was going to be the winner.

And, like, I don't, part of me kind of wants to do, if we watch any other, like, classic seasons, part of me wants to know who the winner is before we watch it. Because I don't know. I found it very enlightening. Yeah, I've always avoided spoilers for seasons. But I will say it was still enjoyable to watch, even though I knew who was going to win. This was a great season. Again, six episodes.

Muy bueno. Which is great, because we had about two days to watch them yeah um and trista was fucking fantastic yeah their her relationship with ryan was like all time great like really really good yeah um and the dudes i think in general were it's interesting right because this is the first season of the bachelorette so like the dudes, I think, in general were... It's interesting, right? Because this is the first season of The Bachelorette. So the dudes in general, they weren't too terrible in the way that they are terrible now. The way that they are terrible was this sort of like... And I guess this is fairly like, I don't know, toxic, fragile masculinity. But their shock at like, wait, wait, she's dating other dudes and it's not just me? What?

You mean she gets to make the decision? She picks him? The woman's in charge? Yeah. There's a lot of that, especially the first episode. And most of those fools get cut away in the first couple episodes. Yeah. But, like, yeah, not a bad, like, not a bad group of dudes.

They get a little boring, I guess, in the middle and towards the end, except for the finalists and trista's like all time like seriously very very good maybe my favorite american bachelorette um yeah she she seems very authentic there's never a point where it seems like uh too theatrical and she also i mean you get to see her with her hair down a lot you know like literally wearing pants at rose ceremonies she wore pants at rose ceremony which like i i hope you the listener does not take that as a judgment on me and rachel that that stuck out to us except that uh i've watched a thousand episodes of this show now and i've literally never seen it happen uh on on the bachelor not only that we get to see her in glasses which i don't know that we've ever seen a bachelorette in glasses before. Yeah, just like

there's dates where dudes come to her house and she's just wearing glasses. A sweater and jeans. A sweater and jeans. Just like, yeah, what's up? Come have some margaritas with me. She kept it very real. I mean, also a lot of that is like this was before the show got overproduced.

And it's definitely produced, right? I think you and I had a conversation while we were watching it like oh man they figured out how to make this show um now because when we watched season one when we watched alex's season of the bachelor it was like this is a completely fucking different show where the things they had figured out was isn't it novel for one person to date 25 other people and that's fucking it in this season like they had a lot more stuff ironed out they had like a lot of their like tension flash points like started to like experiment with and like i would be interested to know if any of those came from season two or if this was the season where like a lot of the language we used to talk about the bachelor

and and bachelorette like came came into existence um i'm really happy that so many people too like i feel weird like we're like teachers and during summer school who are like you have to read all of the grapes of wrath by next week because there are so many people in the facebook group like i'm on episode five isn't this wild i know um so a lot of people participate if you didn't like i actually think i can hardly like recommend this season it's a fun it's a fun it's a fun watch and it's only six episodes and i had a good time watching yeah it's kind of i imagine it's kind of like being a film student in a way because i feel like we now appreciate the history of the bachelorette because we can see

the influences that made it what it is today so i if you're really a scholar of the bachelorette because we can see the influences that made it what it is today so i if you're really a scholar of the bachelorette i'd recommend you watch this it's not just that it's also like in the end you get to watch two genuinely likable people who are crazy about each other end up together that's good shit and i haven't seen that in a bit yeah um so we're gonna get into talking about it let's be i guess kind of transparent of transparent about this. I took all the notes. It just happened that, like... Yeah, Griffin took the notes this time. Yeah.

So I'm going to be the funny guy. Yeah. Well, you're always the funny... Hey. One thing we should point out is, like, we don't know if this is going to be one or two episodes of Rose Buddies, because we're going to cover the whole season, and I took actually a lot of notes. Yeah.

And if it seems like it's beefy enough, we may stretch it out into two because, to be honest, I don't know what we're doing next. We watched Are You the One's Second Chances and that's a nasty little show. I don't know if I'd feel good talking about that. They are doing that Prisoner's Dilemma

bachelor pad shit at the end of each episode, though. Basically, they took from... There's been five seasons of Are You the One now and they took, I think, two couples from each of the seasons which the only like thing that stuck out to me in the first episode is that the people from the first four seasons gave the people from the fifth season so much shit because spoiler alert they lost yeah um and then every episode ends with like they take one of the couples and they get them up and you can either share the money that you have banked or whatever or you can try and and steal it. And that ends your run on the show,

but you get all the money, et cetera, et cetera. That's dope. But the rest of the show just seems like fucking Gio's back on it. And that dude just sucks on ice. And I don't want to watch like, yeah.

Starting next month, that Ellen DeGeneres first dates show. Yeah, that looks fun. It does look fun. So we'll definitely, we'll definitely hit that up. I think,

well, we'll be close to the new season starting up soon. Yeah. We've had a lot of folks, Survivors back on. Pretty good season. Pretty good moves so far. A lot of folks have asked us to do RuPaul's Drag Race, which, like, we're not the... I don't think we're the right people to do that show.

And a lot of people have, like, talked about in the group their reasons why. And, like, yep, that's it. Like, as a straight white dude, like, I feel like i could not be more of the wrong person to like provide commentary on the show you know and that's not our niche it's not just that it's just that like i would also have my conversation points on on on rupaul's drag race would be like probably pretty bad and so like i i it's not it's it's just not their thing for for us to hey let's talk about The Bachelorette. But the thing that is my fucking wheelhouse is this trash show.

Episode one. Episode one. Bachelorette, season one, Origins. Who is Trista? Who even is Trista? I don't know. I didn't take notes of that part. How am I doing so far?

that part how am i doing so far she is a uh she's a uh pediatric uh like orthopedic physical therapist physical therapist um when she was on alex michelle's season she was a previous dancer for miami heat yeah which i don't even think we did we know during alex's season that she was also doing because she had been doing this stuff for the the pediatrics for five years for some reason we didn't learn that fast during alex's season she was just a former dancer for the miami heat we didn't learn her current job which is kind of busted now that i think about it yeah uh but this game is a surprise to me i did not know that she was she was doing this um i think she lives in california she's from st louis but she doesn't live there now i know but that is also where I am from, so I would like to point out

that she is from there. What's up, St. Louis? Does St. Louis have a... I recently learned, because I talked about in a Jumbotron, somebody had me talk about the Charm City, which is Baltimore. Yeah, we know that now. We know that now. And like Cincinnati is the Queen City,

Windy City, Big big apple to St. Louis have a, like a thing. I don't think so. I mean, the thing that I told you about the arch, the gateway to the West tends to be the phrase that St. Louis kind of hangs its hat on. Um, uh, St. Louis nicknames gateway to the West, the gateway city.

Yeah. There you go. It's not as catchy. Queen city charm city is really fucking good does austin have one probably live music capital of the world yeah i think that might be right um so yeah that was boring what we just did there for a bit i know good notes griffin i i didn't take that many notes on trista because at this point i just feel like i know trista really well um well we should mention here also that we didn't take that many notes on Trista because at this point I just feel like I know Trista really well. Well, we should mention here also that we didn't cover the Mantel All.

And there's also Ryan and Trista's wedding special is on this ABC app that we have on Apple TV. Yeah, I don't care. Okay, brutal. The wedding specials never really do it for me. Yeah. it for me yeah um so uh the first thing i really took notes on was chris harrison's like speech introducing this season because it was so like um overplaying the novelty of this for the first time ever a woman is in control yeah more or less uh he says 25 men will be here uh on this journey and week by week egos will be shattered he had that ego emphasis kind of drove me crazy it drove me crazy but can i say he was not incorrect because so much of this season was just like what you're dating other folks

yeah a lot of a lot of sensitivity uh chris harrison looks approximately 14 years old uh in this opening reel uh the first words out of his mouth are welcome to the bachelorette that's right i said the bachelorette that's right i said the bachelorette like okay dude i've heard that word before um and he talks about trista's journey and says uh about the dudes you don't usually hear about men lining up to get married yeah oh my god that drove me crazy it's not a good yeah it's not a good look. Up is down. Shoes are worn on hands. Most time, when you think about men, they're just trying to get that nut off.

But not here. They want sensitivity and kissing, too, sometimes. Did we have to tie these men down to get them to stay here? Turns out, no. They're willingly pursuing marriage. Which I think is funny just because there were a lot of soft boys this, like a lot of soft boys. I don't know about a lot. There was more than above the like average number of soft boys per season.

I guess. The SBPS. I guess so. I guess so. Oh, I have a note here. She works in pediatric physical therapy. Crushed it with my notes. It's a step to me. I'm a good chronicler.

Maybe you should take over from here on out. Trista shows up to the house, which is still not the mansion that they have settled into permanently for this franchise. So it's like weird to see. A lot of leather furniture. A lot of leather furniture. weird to see a lot of leather furniture a lot of leather furniture uh and uh chris harrison walks her into the house and uh almost gleefully shouts is this enough candles for you because there were approximately a berjillion candles all over the house um which god i feel bad for

the production team who had to get that done i know um and uh in the the same vein of like preposterously sexist comments that chris harrison drops at the beginning of this he says do you think you're ready to have the same battles that men fight uh i think like that may just be bad note taking on my part but referencing like the past couple seasons yeah well and here's the interesting thing they kind of set up at the beginning and you can tell they're kind of figuring out, like, what do we do with the Bachelorette? They kind of set up like Trista is going to be the one to propose at the end. Which, spoiler, doesn't. Isn't how it happens.

No. No, but they kind of are like, well, with the Bachelor, the Bachelor usually proposes. So I guess the Bachelorette will also propose. And Chris Harrison asked her, like, how do you feel about that? And she's like, I mean, I think it's okay. Yeah, I'm down. Yeah. It was just kind of like a, it was a moment where I was like, I wonder if they really thought that would happen.

Which is a bummer, because I went the whole season thinking, like, does Trista propose? Because that's not how they do it in bachelorette today right in bachelorette today the bachelorette picks the winner and then the winner guy proposes or i mean or worst case which has happened a lot both men propose both men propose but usually um the bachelorette will say like no no no don't don't dip don't do the dip yeah put my hand upon my hip but do not dip dip dip dip keep both those knees where they are keep both those knees fucking locked sir and be prepared to walk right back in the limo that brought you yeah um so yeah i went the whole season thinking like is trista gonna propose because like i'm fucking into it it's just like me too another thing like this has never

happened on this show before but no and basically it ends the same way that all the seasons of The Bachelorette ends with her picking the winner and then the winner proposing. But I honestly think it's just because they didn't know. Like, they didn't know how they were going to end this season, maybe. Like, they didn't know how to handle the proposal because, you know, they hadn't done it before. Anyway, let's get to the dudes. Yeah. There's 25 dudes. I took notes on all of them

we got about four seconds of screen time with all of them some of them i'm really excited to read about um because we took literally verbatim everything they said which we were able to do because literally maybe 15 seconds tops yeah there were very few gimmicks it was literally a lot of men just coming out saying hi i'm brian nice to meet you and that was it that's it uh we start out with jamie uh jamie lets us all know that he turned down a pro basketball job in germany to be here um jamie makes it fairly far and like every single one of his conversations is about this dope ass german basketball job that he didn't take uh which like sorry man but you you make that you make that

decision what do they call basketball in Germany? I don't know. I know baloncesto is Spanish for basketball. And I only know, I took a lot of Spanish and I'm not fluent at all, but I made sure, like, I need to remember this word because it's maybe the most phonetically pleasing word in any language ever. Try it. Try it out. Baloncesto.

Baloncesto. You put a little spin on it yeah that's nice um rob i have here written down that he's a tiny boy and that's it that is all i wrote that's about how much time we had to get to know rob rob did have um i made sure to note um in my mind that he had definitely a little sister wives um like goatee action going not even a goatee what's the word for it's not a soul patch it's just like a little spot of hair right there at the bottom of the chin no beard sort of connecting it's just there's a name for that it's sort of a pleasant island see the one with the rob thomas hair yes okay he has that rob thomas hair and

sort of keith urban hair yeah yeah kind of keith urban beard all right maybe a little maybe keith urban would have been more apt comparison um uh you you pointed out like at this point like neither of these dudes and pretty much none except maybe one of the dudes had like a gimmick or a prop or a yeah like a special fancy intro and i don't know if it's because a lack of time they just didn't know i don't think they knew to do. Because one guy, there's one guy. One dude comes with a gift. Has a gift, and they all resent him for it. Because I think they all were like, oh, shoot, that was a thing we could have done, maybe. Fast forward to today when, like, somebody fucking, like, sets themselves on fire and jumps out of a helicopter, landing dead at their feet.

Like, remember me? Witness me, I'm Mike from Idle. from idol damn you remember mike i do remember mike i'll see you on the other side uh next up is chris who owns a car parts business and says says that he thinks most people are jealous of him. That's it. Not to her, to us. Yes. Jack is one of the five firefighters on this season, and he does a lot of fire-based commentary, but says that Trista is the fire I'm going to get,

which I thought, like, you kill fires. Yeah. Professionally. So Trista's the fire I'm going to get sounds i thought like you kill fires yeah professionally so i trist is the fire i'm going to get sounds almost menacing don't you think like if you were a if you're an exterminator and you're like rachel's the rat i'm gonna get the fire i'm gonna get sounds like an sti that's the fire i'm going to get uh brian i have here a sales engineer and also definitely a serial killer which i don't know why i wrote that mean um aren't there a bunch of there's so many fuck there's a murder of brian's yeah um eric this is all i have for eric i'm so

sorry your notes are terrible my notes are like, we seriously, back me up here, five to ten seconds per boy. Yeah, no, we didn't do much. Eric, I need someone to captivate my attention. That's what I wrote for Eric. That was his quote, which, like, also is another vein that I kind of want to talk about of, like, there's a lot of dudes in this big batch that just didn't fucking get it of just, like, I can't wait for Trista to try to win me over. No, dog. No. Wrong.

You're wrong about how this is going to go. Yeah, there are a lot of men this season that are just kind of confused as to why they have to try. Greg, who makes it pretty far, I think we know a little bit more about Greg, says he wants a really big family, and his job is that he is an importer. Yeah. What does that mean, really? I mean, either, like, maybe an art or...

Oh, spices? Baby, I have sugar from the West Indies. What are you talking... That's the only thing I can think of the West Indies. What are you talking? That's the only thing I can think of. Yeah. Maybe. Maybe like coconuts? I've crossed the Adriatic with exotic tea and phyllo.

Yeah, we do learn more about Greg, who lives in New York. Maybe cars, because he has that motorcycle. He has that old motorcycle. motorcycle so maybe so why would that mean he imports cars and motorcycles motorized vehicles things with wheels and motors that you think that's the only way he could have gotten a motorcycle all right fair fair point um matt uh i have also a serial killer and a gym owner. Griffin. These notes aren't especially informative, but they're delightful. Ryan, a firefighter also and the winner. That's a good note.

That's a good note. You've never taken a note like that in any other season where you're like, this guy works in real estate and he wins the show. Yeah, no, it's true. That's maybe the most important of it's been. I wrote Brooke. Okay, I got a little bored here, maybe, because Brooke, I wrote, a rodeo cowboy who needs to reign in his wild hair. Oh, Griffin.

You can't, like, pre-pro jokes like that. That's not what note-taking is. It's good. But you know Brooke. I want to learn more about Brooke. I actually do remember Brooke. Yeah, the rodeo thing plays a big role. Brooke's drama is fucking tasty.

I actually am starting to think this is going to be two episodes just because I can go on and on about Brooke's whole scene. Brooke loves horses more than he loves Trista. That's, yes. That's his little teaser. And Peter, I'll be honest. I'm not going to bullshit you. I just have three question marks down. Because we were focused so much on Brooke that he's like,

Hi, I'm Peter, bye! I know, we didn't even notice him. I'm Peter, should I leave now? He just turns around and walks right back into the limo. I'm going to get some snacks and probably just head on out. You got little cocktail weenies. Brian H. I wrote, got that fucking Zachary Ty Bryan lookrian look okay brian h goes home very fast also

russ russ we know he made it around um russ saw trist on tv and said i'm gonna date that girl someday gives her a gift chris he walks in and gives her a gift and it's like a little blue box that looks like a tiffany box tiffany box and she like takes it and she's just kind of holding it and russ walks into the house. And as Russ is walking into the house, Chris Harrison walks up and he's like, wow, gave you a gift already, huh? Wow, what a bunch of boys.

Can I take that from you? And Trish is like, yeah, I guess. It was like they had no protocol in place. And I just picture the whole team standing off camera going, go out there, Chris, go out there and get that box. What's she gonna do with that box? She can't just picture the whole team standing off camera going, go out there, Chris, go out there and get that box. What's she going to do with that box?

She can't hold it the whole time. Grab the box. Um, it's a nice, it's a nice bracelet. Yeah. That's a nice tip. Was it Tiffany?

Yeah. Tiffany or Tiffany's. Is it possessive? Does it, is it, are they all her bracelets? People say like a Tiffany bracelet or a Tiffany watch. Um,

Paul walks up and says, Aloha. And and she says i guess you're from hawaii it's good he is so like circle gets square paul had long hair i remember that about long hair brian k had the quote do you want to try to read it like brian k do you want me to uh why don't we both do it just add each other and this will be and like you know i don't remember what it is exactly i have it written down exactly you can read it off my computer but like in 30 years when we do our vow renewal ceremony instead we'll just like play a clip of this of us reading this are we both gonna say it at the same time should i go no i'll do maybe i'll do it and then you can do it is that going to be funny yeah i think so because i want to i don't want to like be talking when you're saying it i want to receive it fully okay completely okay so i should

sit quietly while you read the quote if i had to describe trista as a car it'd be a grand turing convertible one with a lot of power. Very sleek. I could describe myself as the ultimate American sports car with tons of torque. Just a real American badass. I don't know that I need to read it too. Oh babe, alright. And he doesn't say that to her.

He says that to the camera. He may as well have said it to her though because I don't think he made much of a splash in her mind's eye. A lot of torque. That was the part that got me. A lot of of torque what does that mean for a man like i can like apply a lot of like specific pressure in one direction on a thing like thrust i can thrust a lot that's not that's not it when we're in the act of sweet love making and i do call it that i'm not you and me yeah okay i'm not crass about it i call it love making because that's what it is there's a little bit of it's like it's it's like um you know mama's kitchen a little bit of love and everything okay i don't say like i'm applying torque you know it's

not about it's not all about a lot of people are going to tell you like it's all about applying torque to the erogenous zones and i say to that no no no no no just a real american badass she reminds me of a car that has a lot of power very sleek is that true trista do you think i think she's powerful yeah i think she's very sleek and powerful like a grand touring convertible what was this guy's name brian fucking of course. You knew that. You could have guessed that. Yeah, that's good. Yeah. You can't throw a stick without hitting two Bryans with the same stick.

A lot of Bryans. Just so many Bryans. Only one with torque, though. Next up is Bob Guinea, who is not the next Bachelor, but the Bachelor after next. Bob is another franchise legend. Bob is kind of a silly boy and he's the bat he's the fourth bachelor um so there's somebody in between uh this season and his season uh and apparently he has not been so lucky in love since being on the show in that like

he did not propose at the end of the show i think he was one of the first to not propose at the end of the show. I think he was one of the first to not propose. Yeah. Did Alex propose? He did, didn't he? Yeah, he did. And then, like, they broke up, and then he married somebody, and then, like, did he have an affair? You were telling me that he has some sort of, like— Oh, I don't—I mean, I just—I know that he has been married a few times. I think he is engaged again. Okay.

Good for you. Hey. Good for Bob. been married a few times i think he is engaged again okay um but yeah he's he's kind of one of one of the the franchises like funny guy yeah um bob is i i don't want to be uh uh again rude because this is not like a thing that like stuck out to me like whoa but um i think it is worth noting he's kind of a stockier dude than like literally anybody I've ever seen on this show. Yeah, he doesn't have the standard bachelor body type. Yeah, he's not like, he's not like.

He's not chiseled. He's not chiseled or wispy. He's just, he's kind of a stocky dude. And he always makes jokes about it too. He does, yeah. He makes a couple off color jokes, but like most of his stuff is pretty like, I don't know, it's pretty a fucking, it doesn't take much to be a comedy legend on this show. And so, like, I get why he is. Yeah, he's very self-deprecating.

I think he recognizes right away that he is not the typical contestant. And he actually has, like, a pretty good thing with Trista for a while. Yeah, he makes it pretty far because she has a good time being around him. Billy, I just have another firefighter. There's a lot. Dwayne. Dwayne says maybe the worst shit of anybody in this whole season. Because he says, I've grown up in a family where the dad's always dad and mom's always the mom.

So it'll be weird having a girl call the shots. But I'll go along with it. Oh, God. I don't know that anybody says the word woman this entire season and like i know that we um as a species haven't quite mastered that yet to say like when you're talking about an adult ass woman that you don't call them a girl well and i know this show was filmed a while ago but it wasn't like 1947 it was like 2003 2003 i think at that point we were maybe used to women making decisions that's a fair point just a hunch uh we have greg greg has two g's oh two g's greg two g's greg

uh he comes out there and he's very earnest. He says, I don't have any ulterior motives. I just hope this is it. I was like, me too, Greg. But there is another Greg. Do you think that's why Jeff with one F only did one F? Oh, maybe. Because Greg with two Gs didn't do well this season.

Maybe. So next up is Brian C c and i just wrote here i don't know how there can be this many brian's i think maybe we started eating at this point because my notes for jeff with two f's is five question marks didn't just you missed jeff jeff actually sprinted out of the limo full speed did not stop to talk and just ran up the stairs and sprinted into the house covering his face it was wild um josh comes out and he says that i'm the nutty one uh and that he needs someone who can keep the flow going god i don't remember anything about him yeah you think i would remember that

uh mike i wrote all these men are the same men wayne is on some next level shit you're gonna read wayne's thing because i had to read the fucking hot torque car one this is a this is i made rachel pause and play and pause and play until i got every delicious honey dipped word of wayne's monologue here so this is what wayne says to the camera You could tell a lot about a person by the way they kiss. I hope Trista pulls me around the corner and decides she wants to kiss me the first night. A long, soft, you know, like French kiss. That's the type of kiss I like.

Griffin, what's your favorite kind of kiss? Man, let me think about it. Maybe like a long, soft, you know, like French kiss. That's the type of kiss I like. Took him a minute to pull French kiss a little bit. Not everybody... Not everyone knows about this kind of kiss. It's big where I come from.

It's called... I saw this movie with kevin klein um it may not be a french kid right that's a lot right french kisses sometimes food that's a lot well if you came at me with that french kissy every time we smooched i'd be like oh yeah like have a good day at work griffin yeah uh and then the last boy is charlie who i just wrote the last boy but we like charlie makes it very very far uh charlie is i actually noticed a lot of folks in the group were team charlie because he's a handsome man handsome tall strapping lad he has um he has swoopy hair swoopy hair and very charismatic he's tall yes um he apparently has pretty eyes but the technology didn't exist back then for us to really see his

eyes clearly this was in 120 pixels so uh his his his like four blue squares that he had i know i could tell that he had eyes but i couldn't see their prettiness um let's take just a quick eyes but i couldn't see their prettiness um let's take just a quick say the thing oh griffin can i steal you away still bigger than tim still bigger than that awful man and the rotten things he said i don't want to make light of that right like he said some rotten things but like somebody said like don't you don't don't boost his profile it's like i don't think doing the sting what if we do it for richard karn it's all for fucking richard karn yeah i think i want to change the tagline of our show from when you're ready to this one's for you richard you know what i pointed this out to griffin this may not be especially funny, but Richard Karn now does commercials for a construction

company. And at the bottom under his name, it says Home Improvement Expert, which I thought was a very liberal interpretation of that phrase. Well, you know Richard Karn. It's like, well, he is an expert on the show Home Improvement. Yes, that would be fair to say. You know Richard Karn was one of those actors who, like, they'll leave the set after the final day of shooting, after the martini shot. You think he's, like, helping the crew break down? He's helping the crew break down and, like, exchanging AOL Instant Messenger screen names with all of them. And then, like, he, like, buys on ebay for the show that he was on right

like he's he's like folding up his flannels and they're like you don't have to fold them up and he's like no i like to he's not just a star like he's he's a he's a consumer of the product right and so like yeah i think he's probably a home improvement expert like i think he probably knows a lot about the show right now he hosts a celebrity golf tournament and i'll talk about this in every fucking podcast I'm on. There's nothing anybody can do to stop me, but he does host a celebrity golf tournament where you can come and hang out with him,

and it's called The Carnival. And that's just good. That's just good, clean fun. This one's for you, Richard Carlin. Fuck Tim Allen. Fuck Tim Allen. I'll say it. I don't give a shit.

Fuck Tim Allen. I'm all about Richard Carlin, and this musical stinger is an ode to him. Okay, do you want to talk about why we're here? I'm here to talk about fucking Richard Karn. Fuck the Max Fund Drive, too. I'm all about Richard Karn. Well, Griffin, you lost focus.

Cancel your donations. All 13,000 donations, cancel them. PayPal Richard Karn $10. No, Griffin. Right now. Stop now. I'm serious about this. I'm not serious about this.

Hi, folks. This is my serious voice. um yeah so it's the second week of max fun drive you can support us and the network that we belong to maximum fun which has been um a we we've had the mack roy family has had podcasts on the max fun network for going on seven years now um it's a really cool thing there's like over 30 podcasts on the network right now and all of them adhere to um i think it's safe to say like sort of a general tone of like positivity and inclusiveness and just generally like doing comedy without being a fucking shit heel about it um and i think that's really special we've cultivated um we've cultivated

is like a i don't want to give us the active verb here we have by some miracle um we we have like the best community of any online thing fucking ever anywhere on the whole internet and i think it's a really really special thing and we're really proud to have shows on the network um they they uh pay us money to to do these podcasts on the network and uh we do ads which we get a little bit of financial support from. But most of the support that we get for doing this podcast comes from you, the listener, during the MaxFunDrive. So we ask you that if you like our stuff and you listen to us a lot and you feel like supporting

us, go to MaximumFun.org slash donate and give however much you're comfortable with to help support this podcast because we use that money to i just bought last week i bought a new uh soundboard because mine sucks um mine is very bad and uh we we do invest some of the money back in the show we use it to like cover travel expenses uh for stuff like we went to portland to do a live in bim bam. And it helps us kind of like treat this like a job, like a career and like do more stuff with it. So yeah, we have a bunch of different donation levels. Can I talk about some of them?

Yeah, I'm trying to find the document that has all of them on there. But you know them at this point, don't you? So $5 a month gives you access to the bonus content and as we mentioned last week our very special bonus episode is a uh exclusive conversation with the bachelorette canada jasmine larmer it was so much fun she is so great we talk about um drew from her season of bachelorette Canada, who is a total dick. And she was basically confirmed everything we thought about Drew. She gives her hot take on Rachel as the Bachelorette and kind of the differences between the American

version and the Canadian version. That was my favorite part of the conversation was talking about like, how come yours is so much nicer than ours? I also kind of love when she talks about how much she likes our podcast. That was sweet. But that's just me. So yeah, but that's just our show because it's our first year. We only have that one thing of bonus content.

If you listen to any other podcast on the network, you are going to find a treasure trove of stuff. There's like seven or eight MBM episodes. Years upon years. There's an episode, I mentioned this last week, of me and Teresa McElroy and Sydney McElroy recording a My Sister-in-Law, My Sister-in-Law and Me. It's so good. And there's like little videos and live shows and any podcast you listen to on the network has bonus content. Can you tell me what's up at $10? $10 a month? $10 a month.

That is where you get the enamel pins. That's right. They were designed by Megan Lynn Knott, and there's a design for each Max Fun Show. For Rose Buddies, it's like a cute little rose bloom, and it says, When You're Ready under it, on a little banner. And they're all really great. And I think now that we've hit the $10,000 mark, I think anybody who donated at

this level will also be able to purchase other pins and then the sales will go to to charity so yeah so when you donate you pick one pin but then uh once the drive is either ending or has ended you'll get access to the other pins twenty dollars a month tell me what is it the keep in touch kit okay as i say You made a face. Yeah, I'm out now. I don't remember the others. The Keep in Touch Kit has nine custom note cards plus envelopes, three encouraging designs designed by

Brian Sonny D. Fernandez, a four-color rocket pen, a Getting There rocket stamp, and a rocket-shaped candle. Oh, the candle. I do remember the candle. Made by Erica Huff. From her company Wick Habit. We use her candles like every day. They're really good.

This candle smells like a freshly sharpened pencil, friendship, and a little bit of wax because it's a candle. So those are, well, there's higher tiers that we'll get into later. Those are just some of the lower tier ones. We don't ask you, like, give us all the money that you have. some of the lower tier ones we don't ask you like give us all your the money that you have just like if you do have money that you're comfortable with um giving to us to support the show and you like the show and you want to help us out and feel like a sense of ownership over this thing that you listen to um that's that's the thing that means the most um i think yeah some people talk a lot about how like you know you pay what like 10 bucks a month for like hulu or netflix or you

know if you're getting that much entertainment out of the network then it it would be it would be nice to to think about giving that much and if all you can do is that five dollar tier like i cannot stress this enough a preposterous amount of bonus episodes uh just just waiting for you there um so that's the end of our spiel here we'll talk more about at the end of the show but again the link is maximumfund.org donate um just think about it if you listen to the show and you spend a lot of time with us and you want to support us there's a cool way for you to do so um and also when you do donate you get to pick whatever shows you listen to there's like a little list and you check off whichever ones you listen to and then

your donation goes specifically to those shows so you are directly supporting us directly if if that's that's where you want your money to go um next up is the first cocktail party i don't remember anything oh no um i wrote shuddering with deuce chills i think this was me just because like at this point there's 25 boys and like a lot of them are this like there's a lot of just like uh talking about like all the the cool money that they had and like there's a lot of ego stroking and there was a lot of like uh you know subtle sexist comments being thrown around there was a lot of angst about the guy that gave uh trista the gif yeah um because all the guys were like oh well if she picks him it's probably just because of that gift uh and the other thing i noticed about this and

all the following cocktail parties is that trista by the end of the night is carrying around a coffee mug and i'm like trista love it you're on some next level shit because usually they just make you get drunk until you get like too sleepy to like not restrain yourself. Yeah, she said, no, I want some coffee. She was like, fuck that. Give me a cup of mud. Yeah. I do have lots of notes, including she's drinking coffee.

First up, Ryan gives her the first of his body of work of poetry. How does he already have a poem for her? Great question. He just met her. Just met her great question he just met her just met her and he went to the bathroom and she was like he spent a long time in the bathroom and he came out with a little haiku it was not a haiku it was a lot more than a haiku trista trista really appreciates ryan she's so into it and that makes one of us rachel went to school for poetry so i was like anytime somebody does poetry on the show because i don't i don't have a fucking ear for it yes of course you do i really don't but whenever there's poetry on the show i

turn you and i'm like is that good poetry and almost has there ever been good poet has there ever been somebody who like crushed it never okay never what about the season langston hughes was on name two more poets. Um. Wow. No, I can do this. Tiesto. No, no, no, no. No, no, no. Tiesto.

E.E. Cummings. Okay, that's one. Yeah. And Maya Angelou. I was thinking you were going to do a man. Oh, two male poets? No, just because we're talking about Trista and Ryan. Oh, I see, I see, I see.

Another male poet. Langston Hughes said him. E.E. Cummings. Tiesto. I was going to say T.S. Eliot. Yeah, he's a poet. Is he? I thought he was just a writer. And not only is he a poet, he is also from St. Louis.

Hey, what's up, T.S.? Hit me up. Tiesto. You thought I was going to say Tiesto? I don't know, I was just teasing you. I mean, he is a poet if you think about it. He is a poet of drops. Brian K. comes up.

Which one's Brian K.? Was he the one? Yeah, he was Tork. Tork says... He talks about breast implants. He's a plastic surgeon, I guess. Oh, yeah. And he says a line which was, a little hands-on experience always helps.

And I'm like, barf this man. Barf so hard that you push him out of the house with your barf, never to be seen again. Oh, I just realized you didn't write down the occupations for a lot of these guys. No, because I had one second to write this down. Literally, all 25. I feel like they called him, like, breast implant doctor or something. Maybe something like that. They, like, gave him a title that was that was like not a title anyone would ever use.

I want to drive this home. I think it was between one commercial break. I think all 25 of these exits was literally like, hey, what's up? I'm Charlie and I'm really excited to get to meet you. And they walk in the house and Charlie's just like, yeah, I'm really looking forward to this. I think it's going to be a great experience. Hi, I'm Todd. No time for sparkle here.

It's just in and out. Greg T, the importer, loves to sing. We do learn a little bit about his musical proclivities. Yes, we do. Because he makes it a lot further in the show. Yes, we do, including a rap. Please don't spoil the rap. A rap he composes.

It may not be until next episode, which, by the way, look into the clock. This is definitely going to be a two-parter. Okayparter false strap in because we're still in episode one um jamie went to sweden and played pro basketball she's into jamie it seems like he makes it a few episodes in he's the one who gave up his um she's like really impressed that he gave up his basketball opportunity his hoop dreams um she's straight up like i'm most sexually attracted to charlie yeah handle it and that line continues on through the whole yeah the whole season it's it's he is he is the blaze of this season yeah it's so classic well no he's not the blaze because he he reciprocates into her yeah but that's a reference to burning love which we have struggled with burning love is a parody

and they did three seasons of the bachelor bachelorette and i think it's some of the funniest like takes on this show like imaginable we struggled with it well we've struggled with doing an episode about it because it's like already like how do you goof on yeah it's funny how do you it is really funny when they did this one thing yeah um uh so oh sweet baby rob came for her oh came to the show for her i wrote sweet baby rob came for her which i thought like when i said it out loud like that i was just like trista i need you baby rob came for her like came to be on the show because he thought that she might be the bachelorette i guess so i guess they were already doing that season one um and she's into him uh and he had uh in addition to his whole look he had a very high ear what's the high earring on the ear called oh oh you said

an industrial i don't know well because he had two holes at the top which made me think typically an industrial would be a bar that went through the top it's a better look than his beard zone than his than his yeah i mean it's just cartilage piercing i guess is kind of what yeah uh russ we find out russ's gift which she opens now is a tiffany bracelet um bob guinea does some river dancing and everybody's very into it yeah the other contestants love bob anytime bob does anything they all look at each other and smile. Like, oh, we're so glad Bob's here. Then fucking, like the kids in The Sound of Music,

Chris Harrison descends the grand spiral staircase and clinks a champagne glass to summon Trista to the deliberation room. Yeah, there's a big staircase in this house and for some reason they thought they would send chris down it every time there needed to be a rose ceremony and then make trista walk all the way to the top and trista's like sing him a song chris he's like so long farewell and then he he scoots up the stairs on his butt he's so cute he's a fucking scamp another big suit still big so many big suits y'all uh and then we get to the deliberation room which is another like classic thing that has been phased out there's photos of all the men and she looks at the photos and makes her

decisions in later episodes there are video messages that the boys record for her but there's not in this one. VHS tapes. There's a lot of VHS cassettes being passed between hands. Oh, I love it. Which is so, we'll get to the VHS tapes, like their core usage, because it was not for these videos. It was for her communique with the men. And just like the most brilliant subversion of the date card imaginable. Yeah, because if you remember Alexlex michelle's season there was

like a date box i had like little clues like a little puzzle you had to solve but everybody would just go straight to the card and so i thought oh they're never gonna do that again and they didn't they didn't they do a video twist on it um rose ceremony we did fast forward through that's i'm straight up with you right now because otherwise it would be like me saying like gerald jeremy davis she cuts 10 10 guys yeah almost half 25 to 15 uh we did get a few of the folks that went home peter who was my question mark man yes uh greg who doesn't have an ulterior motive i hope this this is it. It isn't. Too many Gs, Greg. Dwayne, I've grown up in a family where the dad's always dad

and mom's always the mom. So it'll be weird having a girl call the shots, but I'll go along with it. You'll go along with it tonight. Now nobody is nobody. Now nobody's nobody to you. And six others? And the rest.

And the rest. Oh, Eric said he, oh yeah eric was so salty he said that he was the one that was pissed about the bracelet yeah he said he didn't stay because he didn't give her a gift yeah like well if i'd given her a tiffany bracelet she would have told me to stay yeah wish somebody had given me that bracelet tip because i'd still be here eric was i need someone to captivate my attention all right real cool um that's it for episode one i think let's do episode two and that may be all we have time for here folks on rose buddies uh this is where we get the first video invitations on vhs and like we had a full-blown like party when we saw this yeah so and and this may not be how they did it the first time but But what happens is the men will open

the door to their house, and there will be a VHS tape on the front mat that they will pick up and put in the VCR. And they will all gather around a big giant projection TV and watch the video message that Trista has prepared announcing the date. Do you think and this is an important question. you think they watched other vhs like movies when they were all together like they put on like hope floats on vhs or something from the black diamond disney collection or something like that you know movies that men like you know movies that men like like hope floats hey hope floats owns probably i don't know i've never seen it um lake house is more my jam like when i think about like when it's time to put a vhs on for me it's lake house or nothing um the first date is a trip

to vegas uh and the people going on that date are brian s and that's the only name i got down four other guys going to date them we learn we'll learn who went on the date as we dive deeper into my excellent notes um so they go to Vegas, they start out at a casino, and they play some games, and they do some dancing in a little private bar, which looks really uncomfortable. And this is when we get our first look at just how bad the production value of this show gets when they go on dates in the early seasons of the show.

Because some of these, like i i don't want to be like nitpicky or whatever but some of these shots like in this tiny cramped bar was just like it looks like they were being lit by like from underneath with a single mag light or something like that like somebody brought like a wind-up flashlight they bought at home depot and like that's all that they used i don't know. I just feel like it was weird. Whenever they're in the mansion, it looks like a high budget ABC reality show. And then when they go to remote locations, it's just like, it looks like somebody filmed it on their iPhone one or something.

No, there's like no staging of any kind. The big story of this day is Russ, who her and Russ get a little tipsy. I think Russ probably more so. And it's just really, really forward. And this is never addressed, but we see this clip a lot of her like starting to walk away from Russ. And he grabs her wrist, which seems to like piss her off a lot. But then like in the behind the scenes interview it's just like there's a lot of just passion between me and russ tonight and it's like really popping off and just like i

feel this really powerful connection this is this is this is weird because russ makes it pretty far and every other interaction they have this entire season is bad it's just like him being like kind of jealous and her being like not into it and but she's like i want to give this a chance to see if there was anything there that first night that like we really connected because they do they like kiss a whole lot on top of this private bar and do all this stuff well and she like goes to a different location with him yeah they go to a private hotel room and they they smooch a whole lot um and then the next day during the the cocktail party she's like yeah i was i was pretty fucked up um and so like i i that sort of influenced my decisions of why we hit it off so well but then like the whole he makes it really far and and it's on this vein

of just like i just want to see if there's something there because we really connected that first night and i don't know it grossed me out in a big way yeah they both kind of keep referencing that night as if it was their their brief shining moment uh and it just never seems to come back and and watching it as a viewer you're like i don't i don't even see this like i don't know what it is like he grabs her wrist and she's like stop yeah she like pulls away from him it seems like oh this is conflict but it's not, oh, this is conflict, but it's not. I don't know. That's weird. Yeah, it's not great.

The other boys on the date get pretty frustrated with Russ because they don't get, like, any FaceTime at all. Brooke, the sad cowboy, didn't get any one-on-one time, like, at all, which he kind of laments. And I think this episode is his beautiful swan song. But that was really it for the date. We see a clip of the boys, the other boys, who didn't go on this date having fun in the house by themselves with just a bunch of red Solo cups. Jack, one of the firefighters, gets really drunk and they carry him and his whole bed out into the front yard. Yeah, on current seasons of the the show this would be a big dramatic thing that they would use against him later but they kind of tease like some of the guys are like

i don't think that's behavior becoming of a bachelorette um contestant um but uh jack kind of outs it like on the next date that he goes on like yeah i got too drunk they carried me out in the yard and it's like not a thing at all um uh yeah i have written down here the dude's tattle on jack passing out and getting carried outside um so the next date is they are um is the la quinta pool party um oh yeah rachel made me rewind it because it's the most it looks like y'all it just looks like a hotel outdoor pool like not just like a concrete just like a hotel outdoor well and the sign do you remember the sign the sign says trista's spa and pool party that looks like it got printed off a dot matrix printer designed in MS Paint with like a bunch of clip art. It is the most low budge date I've ever seen on this show.

They come out and they all point out the sign. Oh, look at this sign. Look at how nice that there's a sign. All right. Ryan is on this date. They have a nice serious long talk about marriage. is on this date they have a nice serious long talk about um marriage and while they are having this like serious discussion as they are walking around they see not one not two but three different weddings taking place and i'm like where is this fucking la quinta yeah this destination la quinta

maybe we're in the minority but i have never known anyone get married at a La Quinta. I almost said La Quinta, like some kind of classless slob. I have never known anyone to get married at a La Quinta. I stayed in La Quinta, and it's nice. It's fine. I even thought I'd love to have a party here, or a

wedding, the most important party. The most important of the party family. But, alright. The boys back at home get a wedding the most important party of the most important of the party family but alright the boys back at home get a VHS cassette and it reveals the next date she's wearing a jersey and all the NFL stuff is blurred

out on the jersey and like all the dudes like just like lose it just like what more could you want a football and woman like that's not even a sentence, bud. Yeah, she's like just wearing the jersey so you can see a lot of her legs. And they're all like, she has the legs. She has legs and football liking. What?

She has football liking and legs. She eats nachos and hot wings. I would like to watch the tape again, is what they all say. That's all they did that day. Take out Hope Floats. we're watching the football tape um back at the pool date the boys play rock paper scissors to decide who gets private time with trista which is a pretty great way of deciding this oh this is where we should bring up there are no roses on these dates no there are no group date roses there are no as they call them, intimate date roses.

Nobody gets a rose before the rose ceremony, which changes the dynamic, like, drastically. Yeah, now it's all about that time. It's like, that's it. There's no other prize to vie for. It's just like putting in the time so that you don't get sent home at the end of the episode, which I like a lot. Jamie, the basketball player, wins. And again, he's just talking about his hoop, the German hoop dreams he gave away. And then they rinse off in what Rachel called an elephant shower. Because it was a very big shower with approximately 50 heads on it.

Yeah, there were shower heads like every... It was like a vertical car wash. Every like five inches there was another shower head. And you're seeing them like shower off together. You're like, oh, how nice. And then Trista's just like, I think it feels really forced with jamie damn all right trista coming at it very real i like that um well that's what happens when you don't choose the person you get one-on-one time with it's like it's decided by rock paper scissors um but she

has a really good time on this date and she says that she's rethinking her feelings from the previous date and that she thinks things are like looking back feel really superficial with Russ. It's like, yeah. Um, she takes the third group date to a Chargers game. Uh, that's the San Diego football team. I've written. They all ride in an RV together. They ride in an RV, which Rachel was like, and we don't see the football game, of course, because they can't fucking film a second inside of a football stadium because it's covered in logos and all that and also nfl stuff um but

the rv trip we see a lot of and it seems really fucking fun i want an rv date every season i know you know what it did kind of remind me of is chris soul season where they only went to destinations in the united states um charlie talks about how he got shot by his dad while they were quail hunting and they all have just a good hearty laugh about that um while they're driving the tire blows out which freaks everybody out um but jeff uh with two f's goes to fix it himself um and there's a really really funny exchange where i think it was ryan who got the punch no ryan wasn't on no it wasn't ryan um where he like takes his shirt off and he goes to get under the car and he goes uh under the under the rv and he walks back inside the rv and he's like it's the jack in here and somebody maybe bob

guinea says uh we have vodka we have tequila but we're out of jack it's really quick funny just you know not the best joke but i liked there there's a moment where he takes his shirt off and he's doing all this hard work and all the other guys are kind of standing around. And one of the guys is like, well, I mean, should I take my shirt off too? Like, I can't do anything, but you can tell, like, this is a moment where he, like, really stands out as like a, like a hero. Yeah. They have some, I think they all hang at night uh on like a beach or something i didn't write the location but i remember they like there's like a bonfire um and she has some time with charlie who she's very sexually attracted to and she tells him straight up i'm going to give you a rose at the next rose ceremony

um which is a type of forwardness we don't usually get but again we usually get a lot of roses passed out during the like episode yeah like if there had been a group date rose she would have given it to charlie um brian h gets up there and completely whiffs she asks why he should get a rose and he's like you know i'm a straightforward guy and you know you either like me or you don't and it's's like, oh, man, this is not how you spend your first private time with The Bachelorette right now. None of these guys are used to, like, competing this way, I don't think. No. And they, like, don't understand. Down to the guy who wins this show, Ryan, is, I'm convinced, the only person who didn't have this thought in his mind of like,

wait, I have to compete? Yeah, I know. Wait, there's other guys? Ryan is literally, because there's conversations in the final three, final two, just like, I just don't like that you're dating other people. Dude, you've been here the whole time. It's like they're all guys from the movie Swingers. And they're like, oh, wait, no.

Typically, I wait five days before I call the woman. Are you saying that I have to seem interested in her right away? Oh, man. So we get to the cocktail party. We learn that seven dudes are going home this episode, getting us down to a tight eight. getting us down to a tight eight um ryan talks to uh her and and tells the camera that the potential to uh fall in love with her is definitely there uh trista has a conversation with russ now and basically tells him like you need to not put on as much pressure she says there was alcohol last night and that affected her decisions but that he still like shouldn't push so hard um because she doesn't dig pushiness yeah she doesn't typically like guys that that come on that strong and that like are that aggressive and this is the

next eight conversations that these two have until ross goes home every conversation you have now heard the source material for every conversation like i just want to see if there's something happening that night but you need to calm the fuck down every single time every single time um yeah it's almost like she cares so little about the other guys that she's like well i did kiss this one so i guess i'll keep them around again and and russ makes it really really far and their relationship is so like acrimonious at a certain point that it reminded me of who was shannon from an alex michelle season who like they were final three i think she finished in third place and they were like they would be in the car together and she'd be like don't fucking touch me like final the third place finisher

just like i want to talk to you i'm gonna play with my dog don't um uh okay then we get brooke we do get brooke we do get brooke rodeo man rodeo man gets really pissed off because she talks about how she's allergic to animals brooke takes this to mean that she's not gonna give him a fair shake because he owns horses that's where his mind immediately goes she's like i'm allergic to most animals including horses and he's like well then you're shallow he says if horses are gonna keep you from picking me you're shallow that's a shallow answer he literally says that to her fucking face he says i it's um how aggressive he is in basically telling her don't pick me don't pick me if

unless like if you would leave me because i own horses that's really fucked up and it's like if i touch a horse my throat will close up and i'll die and he'll be like that's so closed-minded of you like no it's closed throated but then later in his video testimonial which they all do right before the ceremony that's the next thing i have here he's like oh just kidding i'll get rid of all my horses i'll do whatever you want haha he says i'll sell all my horses and move to the city and it's like well then you're not true cowboy brooke oh brooke also has some some like like serious country music star hair that we haven't talked about um russ in his video message after all the drama that they go through he

records this video message where he says i still have this rose from last week i'll just pin it on myself and it's like that's cheating like he's cracked to the code like how come no one's ever thought of this um jeff with two f's officer offers to give her the big blown out RV tire, which I thought was fun. Ryan, in his video message, Hi Ryan, are you listening? There were a few of these messages where you were wearing the worst hat I've ever seen on a human being. Oh, the bucket hat. It was like a purple velvet bucket hat. And it really stunk super bad and i'm i'm sorry that like i'm sorry

about the winding road that led you to that hat i'm sorry that you had to walk that road by yourself because it's a lonely one um and then uh we get to the rose ceremony before anything a brian leaves too many brians there's too many brians and i think he just leaves. Too many Brians. There's too many Brians. And I think he just says like, too many Brians. I have to go. Can't be this many Brians in one room. Trista, we have a lot in common. And it's just a shame that my name is Brian.

No, he just says like, I'm not feeling it. And I don't want to take a rose from somebody who is feeling it. So I'm going to bounce. Oh, I forgot. I thought we were just doing a fun goof. No, a Brian actually leaves. And then as soon as he leaves, Chris Harrison walks out and says, oh, by the way, anybody's free to go at any time. Which they don't stress that here like they stressed it in Alex's season of The Bachelor.

Like he told the women, like, just because you're offered a rose doesn't mean you have to, like, accept it. And maybe that's just because in the first season, I don't think. Yeah, by now, it's established. It's established, like, yeah. Then Charlie gets the first rose. I say it's established it's established like yeah um then uh charlie gets the first rose i say he's absolutely the blaze bob fucking bob gets up there she gives him the rose says will you accept this rose and he says absolutely and everybody's just everyone laughs everybody's rolling and absolutely they all look at each other like, we love Bob. Love that Bob.

The people that go home are Jeff, who changed the tires. Jack, one of the firefighters, and I think the last person of color in the house at this point. Brooke, the cowboy man, who like their exchange as he left was pretty chilly. Yeah. And like four other dudes. Still didn't show the other dudes as they left. Yeah. Yeah.

And again, the guys don't seem to be leaving at like 9 a.m. the next day. No, they're moving at a nice clip. Seems like things move pretty fast. Yeah. There were not that many people of color in the house at all um like three i yeah i say like it's and and like out of 25 that's we're real excited about the next season we are really hoping for more diversity because like for a while this was and i think the show has gotten better than it was here about having a somewhat more diverse cast. Because three out of 25 is not, that's not good.

We could do better than that. Not exactly representative of our great melting pot. Of our great American melting pot, yes. Let's call it there and just do the rest of the season in the next episode, right? Yeah, and we'll finish off the season next episode. Yeah, so if you've already done your homework, that's great great and if you didn't get a chance to finish it now you do that's great um before we let you go we do want to tell you one more time about the max fun drive um because it's important it's an important thing for us because we've been able to rose

buddies exist i feel like because max fun drive because because of maximum fun because we knew that it was going to be hard hard, kind of. It was going to be work. And that, like, we're going to have a baby. But, like, we knew that if we did this on MaxFun, we could be, you know, kind of supported. And we can kind of turn it into a job and, you know. Yeah, I've cut back some of my hours at work so I can spend more time home with the baby. And it's been wonderful. I have, too.

Yeah, basically, more or less. And it's something that we can do because of donations through Maximum Fun. And it gives us time to do stuff like this. So we're really grateful. So we ask for your donations. Go to MaximumFun.org slash donate, and you'll find out all the details there. And you get to be a member of the network. And you get to support us and take some ownership of of this thing and um we just ask like if you spend a bunch of time with us and you you have the means just think about it here's some other uh levels i'll go through really quickly for 35 a month you get

all the stuff listed below every time you move up a rank you get everything below all the other stuff 35 bucks a month you get a really nice pair of rocket engraved beer mugs. That's the MaxFun logo is a pretty rocket. For $100 a month, you get membership in the Inner Circle, which is our monthly culture club. A host of a MaxFun podcast will send out some digital thing. Maybe it's an album or a book or something. For our first time up to bat this past February, do you want to tell them what we did? Yeah, we did Al we did algero's

album breaking away uh which is wonderful we have it on vinyl we used to listen to it all the time when we would make dinner together back when we listened to records and made dinner together before our home became a no sound place uh two hundred dollars a month you get free registration for max fun con 2018 which is an absolute hootenanny you will have a great time there but like of course we don't expect everybody to donate $200 a month that's that's quite a bit like anything you're comfortable with giving

again at $5 a month you get all that bonus content so if that's all you can do like that's awesome and we appreciate you so so so much so yeah just think about it just go do it just just if you think you're gonna do it do it right now before you forget yeah because the drive ends uh at the end of this week at some point i don't know the exact time um so just go to maximumfund.org donate and just get it done

and i think that's it and next week we'll be back with the rest of the season of bachelorette season one anything else babe we forgot to go to the po box sorry there's probably a lot of stuff in there we're really sorry like it's been y'all it's been pretty buck wild here at mackerel essential for quite some time um but we'll we'll make sure to go and we we appreciate everything you send it's po box 66639 austin texas 78766 and we'll we'll make sure to go before we record again um anything else that's it that's it. That's it. We're going to go hang out with our baby. Thanks for listening.

I'm Griffin McElroy. I'm Rachel McElroy. When you're ready. Final Rose. Stay with us on this journey of joy. Spoiler alert. She is up with Soulja Boy. Right reasons.

Right reasons. Can't be built. All of our seasons. Maximumfun.org. Life is a street we go all four seasons.