Wonderful! - Wonderful! 223: This One’s For The Real Sportos

Episode Date: April 6, 2022

Griffin’s favorite extreme scores! Rachel’s favorite high-energy activity jams!Music: “Money Won’t Pay” by bo en and Augustus – https://open.spotify.com/album/7n6zRzTrGPIHt0kRvmWoya Transgender Law Center: https://transgenderlawcenter.org/ MaxFunDrive ends on March 29, 2024! Support our show now by becoming a member at maximumfun.org/join.

🎵 Hello, this is Rachel McElroy. Hey, this is Griffin McElroy. And this is Wonderful. Hey guys. Back on time back on it we're doing it yeah wow this episode's coming out at the correct time and date i bet i say that i don't know potentially potentially life life finds a way to delay this one specific podcast i don't know why life conspires the universe you know what i mean yeah like there's four there's dark

forces at work here oh this is real heady well no it's like it's it's pretty conspiratorial but if you follow the clues look at this whiteboard here you see the lines connecting i did actually get you a whiteboard you You did actually. So I could very easily look at a whiteboard right now. I use it for E3C notes that I need to be able to just like look up at and reference at my whims. Griffin also gets very nervous during live broadcasts that you can somehow see those notes in the reflection of his glasses. Yeah. And put together the whole arc. I've, yeah, well, not the the whole arc but like different sort of like

beats that i want to not forget yeah yeah so yeah whenever i i think we did a live show where i wore ski goggles and i just took the whole whiteboard down for that just in case there were some eagle eyed viewers hey you have a small wonder i'm telling you you do um i'm gonna say just really getting a jump on the holidays. Yes. That's not something I typically do, but Easter's coming. Yes. And Easter is the same day this year as Griffin's birthday.

So I decided to get a jump on Easter. Yes. Leaving me some time for my last minute birthday purchases. Henry has been inexplicably stoked for easter since like new year's well i think he realized that that was the next sanctioned holiday in which he would receive gifts presents yes and so he is focused on easter little did he know that nana and gaga were going to give him the griffin mccroy treatment on his brother's birthday by giving him a sort of consolation gift so he did not feel totally left out.

Fair. Which is, I would say, more egregious than when my parents did that for me because I had two brothers who had the same birthday. Yeah, exactly. It wasn't like, you know, it wasn't babying you in any way. It was an acknowledgment of the extreme circumstance.

The unfairness of it all. But the president, they've said, now they're gonna have to get Gus stuff on Henry's birthday? Like, where does it stop? You know? Where does it stop?

Presents for everyone on Rosh Hashanah? Probably not. Participation trophies? Oh, right. God, can my small wonder be that Jeff Foxworthy in the year 2022

came out with a fucking participation trophy joke on his Netflix special and then got dragged to hell by the demon hands of the very mean and funny people on Twitter who were like, Jeffrey, Jeff, Mr. Foxworthy. How? There should be an arena somewhere much like stadiums will retire jerseys where jokes are retired and raised and hung from the rafters. We're not going to make this joke anymore. Only for things like participation trophy joke, it's just a big toilet. And you throw the joke in the

toilet and you flush it down and you never have to hear it again. That way he has time to grieve you know he has time to move on and acknowledge what he has time to do is write jokes because it's been a minute mr foxworthy and you went into your your cave and you lived a hermetic life and we didn't see you for a bit and then you came back like back in my day, to get a trophy, we had to win. Jeffrey, really? Are you sure, Jeffrey?

Maybe it's like he didn't watch any stand. Like he wanted to be pure. So he came out there and he was like, I got him this time. So how come kids these days, like, not only that but like you're the one who raised us jet like right right you raised us we didn't give we didn't give the participation daddy to our dad to ourself jeff daddy jeff daddy jeff you were the one that made this choice you

gave it to us jeff who goes first this week is it me that feels right and i feel like i've been really on top of this lately it does it's you it is it's good it's me you uh i talked about this last night with rachel and i'm i'm excited to talk about it here it is i'll warn everyone up top it is a hockey thing but it's a good one because i want to talk about goalie goals you know what this could be a soccer thing too i did not look, but it's a good one because I want to talk about goalie goals. You know what? This could be a soccer thing, too. I did not look this up.

Oh, I bet it is. God, soccer fields are so long, though, aren't they? Oh, that seems less likely with soccer. Yeah, because ice really gives you the advantage, too. Yes, that's fair. Okay, what I'm talking about is when goalies score goals. And it's a crime against sports and God and humanity. And I love it so much because I was wondering last night, like, has this happened? And you would think like the odds of that happening must be quite low because hockey rink is, I think, 200 feet wide, 180 feet from goal to goal.

And that's a pretty long ways to shoot well and also there's a lot of conditions right because usually there is a goalie in the other goal right who will who if they do not stop a puck that they see coming at them from 180 feet away should not be working in professional sports i i would wager yes uh so it has happened in the history of the nhl 12 goalies have scored 15 goals uh that's not many right when you consider how many games there are in a season yeah across all the different teams and all the different sort of like divisions uh you know, probably tens of thousands of games. It's happened 15 times

and each time is just like a miracle and a fluke because in hockey, like scoring a goal as a non-goalie is super hard. Yes, yes, yes. It is a low scoring game, hockey is. And, you know, each goal is like a very exciting, precious gift gift you should talk about the empty net just in case we haven't addressed it yes so typically at the end of the game uh in the last

few minutes typically around like three two to three minutes left in the game uh the team that is trailing the team that is behind can pull their goalie to get an extra attacker on the ice and by pull it means you take him that you take him out of the net. You take him out of the net. So your net is empty, but the other team has five players on the ice. You have six, right? Which is oftentimes, surprisingly often, enough to work, right? Like you're essentially giving yourself a power play.

But if the other team gets possession of the puck and can handle it for even a second, it can be an empty net goal. And that's pretty much game over at that point well and here's the thing too so i don't know if this is necessary but i think it's worth mentioning uh so you've got your extra attacker on um and if you shoot down towards the net and it doesn't make it it will be considered icing right and that will be um a situation where the puck comes back to your end and there's a face-off and face-offs can be really dangerous right if you ice the puck which means you hit it way too far down the ice to in a way that could not be conceivably considered a pass uh they put the puck right next to your goal essentially so people usually don't take that shot they don't take the shot from the other end of the net unless they're pretty sure they can make it.

And there are a handful of mad lads who have done this exact thing from the opposing net. And I'm not one to watch classic sports clips or anything on YouTube. But last night I watched all of the goalie goals that have happened in the history of the NHL. And it is so good because it's always the hardest I've ever seen anyone celebrate. Like being a goalie is so stressful. It's so stressful. You are the linchpin for your team. Like if you have an amazing game, your team will win because they can't score.

Yeah. And if you have a bad night, that's it. That's it. There are so many players out there who maybe don't have a great night and they don't see a lot of ice time because the coach is like, get out of there. Yeah. You're doing terrible. But you can't do that often with the goalie. Jordan Bennington has been like the star boy of the St. Louis Blues because he was the goaltender in the 2019 season when they won the Stanley Cup.

Yeah. He was a fucking demon. But he's been a little bit off his game this season. And so they've been putting in Villejuso in there who has now become sort of the star boy. And it's been really kind of like wild to see that happen. Anyway, okay. So there's actually two ways that goalies earn goals.

I know I said there were 15 goalie goals that have happened. The two ways that it can happen are equally unlikely. The first is a goalie shoots a shot 180 feet across the ice into a six foot wide aperture. Nobody stops it. Without touching another play, any of the other 10 players or 11 players on the ice and getting it in the goal, right? The other way is if the opposing team scores an own goal, which is pretty easy to figure out. They hit the puck into their own goal. If your goalie was the last of your players to touch it,

that goalie is awarded the goal. Yeah. Goalies get a fair amount of assists. That's true. Like, you know, if the goalie hands it off to a player and that player makes it to the other end and scores, he gets an assist. He gets an assist, right. Which is a lot more likely than actually if the goalie hands it off to a player and that player makes it to the other end and scores, he gets an assist. He gets an assist, right.

Which is a lot more likely than actually scoring the goal himself. Than those two things, right? A goalie scoring a shot on goal or an own goal happening where your team's goalie was the last one to touch it are so equally unlikely. In fact, so equal that out of all 15 goalie goals, eight have been shots on goal and seven have been due to to own goals right uh and it's always fun to see them get the own goal goals they're like oh how novel the eight like goals shots on goal that goalies have scored are so fucking dope the first one to do it was ron hexdahl for the philadelphia flyers he was the goalie goalie for the flyers on december 8th 1987 the flyers were up by two goalie for the Flyers on December 8th, 1987.

The Flyers were up by two goals. They had the game in the bag, essentially. So Ron Hextall was like, I'm going to have some fun with it. And so he sent this shot sailing well over everyone's heads, which is typically how goalies do score, because how do you dodge 11 players? You shoot it over them and still somehow managed to get it right in the center of the net and ron hextall popped the fuck off then this absolute beast did that shit again the following season in a game against the washington capitals it ended up being an eight to five game which is a bonkers hockey score and it was a playoff game ron hextall did it in the. He's one of two goalies to score multiple goals. The other leader in the field is New Jersey Devils goaltender, Martin Brodeur, who has three goals. Martin.

Martin. Martin Brodeur. C'est Francais. C'est Francais. My apologies. So he had two pretty humiliating own goals from the other team that he got to chalk up. But the one that he did score, i've never seen a goalie jump but he scores this shot on this miracle shot

on goal and gets like four feet off the ground in celebration he is like a real happy goaltender in general like he just seems to be having a great time and so to see him celebrate the scoring a goal is is just such a treat. And it like, since then, like it never happens. There was, I think, one in the 2013 season and then one didn't happen for seven years. I forget who did in the 2020 season a goalie scored with a shot on goal. But it's like so. Well, and it's like as the aforementioned icing thing, it's you're really kind of potentially putting yourself in a bad situation. Right.

Because if you miss, you just brought a faceoff back to your end and you could potentially lose the lead. It's so dumb, right? Like it shouldn't ever, ever, ever happen. Yes. So like you might wonder why do goalies ever just like charge, right? There's this thing called a a delayed penalty right where if the opposing team does a penalty would you know by you know hooking or tripping another player or doing anything uh but the team that was fouled has possession of the puck they don't stop play

right away they let you keep going until the other team gets a hold of it and then they stop play and do the power play and all that jazz so like you might think like can't a goalie just charge with the puck and like try to score on like a actually the answer to that is no because in 1967 uh the goalie for the toronto maple leafs uh guy named gary smith attempted that and he got knocked the fuck out by a defenseman. Which like goalie injuries are bad news bears. It's a reason why like if an opposing player like comes after your goalie a little bit too hard, you will usually see a fight. Because teams are very, very, very defensive of their goalies. Well, because usually, yeah, usually your team, you've only got like a goalie and a backup goalie. Yes.

And there's maybe a third guy there, but he never sees the ice. Well, during the COVID times, the Blues had to put in a few like beer league players who actually did pretty good. So, yeah, the NHL instituted a rule that goalies can't cross the center line with the puck. I have a dream. And get ready, guys. Yeah. I have a dream and get ready guys that in the

all-star break where they bring all the best players together they would do just a game with just a bunch of goalies in full goalie uniform playing all positions and it would just be the best thing to watch it would never happen in a million

years there's so much pressure so many beautiful Fabergé eggs just slip sliding around. That's all I've got. It's like, seriously, watch some clips. Watch the Martin Brodeur clip of him scoring that goal. Because it's always fun to watch somebody pop off, I feel like, in sports when it's like uh i don't know pure and wholesome and goalie goal celebrations are so wholesome because they should not happen ever well they probably haven't prepared a celebration no you know i have to imagine some hockey players have like signature

celebrations and i don't imagine a goalie has one no No, that's why I'm a damn bro. You're just kind of like. Jumped up. It's so good. Hey, can I steal you away? Yes. Got a couple of dumbo pops here in this first one's for Amy. And it is from Jay who says, Amy, if you hear this message, it means I wanted the world of podcasting to know how excited I am about our upcoming baby boy. We may be a little anxious, but I think we're going to kick butt at raising this kid. I love you. I love our new family, and I love this show, too.

Even if they like the blues too much, go stars. From your soulmate and BFF, Jay. Boo! Go Stars from your soulmate and BFF, Jay. Boo! You like different sports guys than us. Yeah. So that means we hate you.

Oh. That's right. Thanks for the sweet message. Can I read the next one? Yes. This message is for Chase. It is from Reagan. I bet you were wondering why I made you listen to this random episode well it's to show how much i love you you're my best friend and our status as platonic

soulmates was confirmed when we re-entered our star wars phases at the same time and agreed that mando and luke should kiss so what does that mean? That the Mandalorian... The Mandalorian's an individual? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I always thought it was like a planet or a ship. Well, I mean, Mandalore is the planet that the Mandalorians come from. And I think I'm thinking of DeLorean from Back to the Future. You may be thinking of that.

That's okay, though. You don't need to... Here's the thing. You don't need to know any of this stuff. It's so not useful to anything that will ever happen in your life. Except for, I guess, this exact moment. Right now. Can I read the lessons?

Yes. Thanks for letting me drag you into Taz and being the taco to my loop. You'll love to hear that. We always say drag them kicking and screaming into the automobile where our podcasts are playing. Lock the doors from the inside out. There's no escape. We don doors from the inside out. Yeah. There's no escape. We don't say recommend it to a friend.

We said force a friend. Force a friend. To listen to a McElroy product. To join the experience. Hey, were you a reader as a kid? Like maybe you read a lot of fantasy novels. Or horse girl books. We know how it is. But now you're an adult and you miss reading.

You're so busy that you can't figure out how to get back into books. We're Reading Glasses and we're here to help. Yeah, we'll give you advice to figure out what books you love or learn to stop reading books you don't even like. We're really big proponents of dumping that book. Dump that book. But most importantly, we'll help you fall back in love with reading. Reading Glasses, every Thursday on Maximum Fun. All right, I want to give you a hint for my wonderful topic.

Okay, okay. Maybe a couple hints. Okay, okay. Depending on how fun this is. Yes. Okay, the first hint is, y'all ready for this? Is it Jock Jams?

Yes! That was incredible! What? You said the most iconic line from the most iconic Jock Jam song. It would be like, I want to talk about something. You want a little hint

hey jude i could have been talking about the band that sang that song tell me the name of that band is that cnc music factory y'all ready for this or quad city djs that's quad city djs you don't have to look it up. It's Quad City DJs. It is not. Too Unlimited. Too Unlimited. So what did Quad City DJs did the Space Jam?

They did the Ride the Train. Yes. Man, what a good era. What a good era for music. What a great time in our lives. Damn, quite a sporty episode we've woven down here. I know. this one's for the real sportos yeah all right tell me about jock jams jock jams okay so if you were a 90s kid

um you probably have a like an intimate connection to jock jams for me it was at my dance classes we would do like a little warm-up stretch and we would always listen to the jock jams for me it was at my dance classes we would do like a little warm-up stretch and we would always listen to the jock jams yeah uh cheerleaders did a lot of the jock jams i imagine if you were an athlete i was not maybe you listened to the jock jams it's like a pump up yeah do you have a jock jams lost my virginity jock jams it's actually the mortal combat film theme song i don't know if that is if we would call that a jock jam i feel like you could because it had that like you know that one no i'm sorry it was darude's sandstorm is what it what a special engagement that was you remember babe it was uh 10 years ago uh very special night here in

austin oh and we were listening to that because you saved yourself i saved myself for pre-marriage anyway jock jams do you have a connection to jock jams though seriously yeah duh yeah of course yes of course like we went roller skating on a sort of bi-weekly basis yeah uh for like different birthday parties and middle school events and like the lazy ass dj would just put on the jock jam cd and like go smoke a bowl yeah let me tell you jock jams volume one came out in 1995. It included, whoop, there it is, Tootsie Roll. Yes. Come, baby, come. Oh.

Gonna make you sweat. Yes, you are. Hip Hop Hooray by Naughty by Nature. Pump Up the Jam by Technotronic. Oh, my God. Right? Aren't these all- All of them are great unbelievable

by emf oh my god right so i mentioned naughty by nature and that is actually not a coincidence so this idea for jock jams came from the president monica lynch at tommy boy records which was a label that worked with de la soul culioio, Afrika Bambaataa, Queen Latifah, RuPaul, Digital Underground, House of Pain, and Naughty by Nature. Fuck yes. I don't think I ever realized those were all on the same label. So Monica Lynch

was attending Knicks games at Madison Square Garden and noticed like they're playing the same songs over and over again. Bette Midler. Celine Dion. Celine Dion, but guess who? And thought, like, wouldn't it be great? We put an album together, a lot of these artists,

because it's pretty profitable. Like, you don't have to, like, launch a new artist. You don't have to sign or develop or record. Sure. You just got, you know. And her thought thought was if they're playing these at sporting events, they must not be too difficult to license. You know, this is not an exaggeration. This may be the greatest idea of all time.

Well, it was a new concept. So if you read about it, the idea of listening to pump up jams was not really a thing people were doing because at the time if you wanted an artist's song you would buy the single right or you would have to buy the whole album yeah and putting all those together was kind of an expensive process for somebody um that didn't have you know like a cd burner right or or a way to you know, like a CD burner. Right, yeah. Or a way to, you know, put that together themselves. And to plant a flag and to say, this is sports music. Yeah. And have that be so impactful that to this day,

that's still sports music. Like they're still playing. I know, I know. And that's part of the problem, right? For jock jams, their success kind of dwindled after a few albums because arenas are still playing those songs. Yeah, they were like, we don't need any more jock jams. Thank you. We have a lot of great jock jams. So part of the success was also that this record label partnered with ESPN to promote the album. So they did television ads on ESPN.

I remember this. ESPN to promote the album. So they did television ads on ESPN. So they like went straight to their audience and said like, Hey, you know how you love these pump up jams. Now you can get them in one place. God almighty. You know, it was a good time, wasn't it? You know? So at the time when jock jams was at its peak, it was providing about 30% of the label's income, which is incredible. Yeah, I know. For a compilation, see, that's like, if like, now that's what I call music, is Columbia Records, Topper.

Well, that might be true too, actually. I don't know. I don't know what label does, now that's what I call music. So there was a Jock Jams Volume 1, Volume 2 came out in 96, Volume 3, 97. They did some additional ones, Volume 4. I but i can guess what the next one's called but i don't know is it volume five well i don't know that they did a volume five hold on let me

check whoa yeah no volume five was the last one and then that was in 99 and then in 2001 they did the all-star jock jams wow and that was it part of the problem as i mentioned arenas kept using the same music also napster in 2001 napster came out and everybody could make their own mix cd yeah i guess that sort of sweeps the legs out of the mix cd economy um but i will also say not just for jocks. As I mentioned, a lot of people were exercising. They wanted some pump-up music in their Discman. Yes. Jock Jams was for you. I just like the idea of the CNC Music Factory coming down from the mount with these four

tablets and just saying, this is sports music. This is sports music, everyone sports music everyone listen listen up and party and dunk are you curious about the very last jack jams you'll see what year did it come out uh 2000 2000 or 2000 1999 actually 1999 good lord almighty didn't even clear the millennium so here's you'll see a real change okay

uh Ray of Light by Madonna I mean it's got a it's got a beat you can dance to it does

it does um maybe not a hook you can dunk to though All I Have to Give by Backstreet Boys no what

We Like to Party by the Venga Boys. Yeah. Yeah, that's the... I only know that because the chorus goes, we like to party. Exactly. I will say the most successful one was volume two. Okay.

And they think a large portion of that success was because Macarena was on it. Oh, wow. Yeah, people probably didn't know where to get Macarena. I mean, I don't know if you ever bought singles. Sure. But that was like a real thing was that you kind of you would look at the album, you would see that the only song you recognized on it was the only song you really wanted to listen to and you could get a single for like five bucks yeah like half the price uh but you purchased jock jams you get all the you can get the macarena i mean i had several

now that's what i call musics for this exact for this yeah yeah reason um and you know you could also get this is how we do it It by Montel Jordan on that same album It is how we do it Montel How wild Thank you for bringing this because it has not sunk into me until this very moment that in the last decade

of that millennium we figured out what all the sports music was going to be for the rest of the rest of time that's and have not i mean sandstorm has joined the pantheon i'm pretty sure that came out i don't know when darude did his work uh i would be hard pressed to think maybe cotton eye joe but for all i know that was on one of the jock jams. I will say, and I don't know if this is true at all, hockey arenas, but the Blues still play right now by Van Halen

at the beginning of the game when they're all coming out to warm up before the game starts. And I'm like, still? Yeah. Van Halen? They should come out to Gloria. God, I miss Gloria.

I know it was the one season thing, but. Maybe a superstition of like, you don't, you don't ride the back of a previous song into the new. But they haven't done as good since they got rid of it. They haven't done as good. That's like the opposite of a superstition. Anyway, they can't not win the 2019 Stanley Cup. They already did it.

You know what I mean? So what's there to be superstitious about? What's the worst that could happen, guys? I mean. They could fall out. You know what I mean? So what's there to be superstitious about? What's the worst that could happen, guys? I mean... They could fall out of playoff contention. Yeah.

Hey, thank you so much. And it would be entirely the fault of the song. And me for suggesting. Thank you to Bowen and Augustus. Speaking of jock jams for the use of our theme song

Money Won't Pay. I could ball to that. Yeah. You can find a link to that in the episode description. Thank you to Maximum Fun for having us on the network. So much great stuff over at MaximumFun.org that you should go listen to and have fun with. Should I list off a couple?

It's been a while. Yeah, sure. We've got Beef and Dairy Network. Yeah, we do. We've got Fanti. Yeah, we do. Flophouse. Yeah, we do.

JV Club. Yeah, we do. Many, many more. Many, many more. We have merch over at mackroymerch.com hey we're gonna be on tour in st louis kansas city and minneapolis here in just a little bit april 20th through the 23rd and you can find uh tickets and links and everything uh at the mackroy.family please come see. I am so excited about the St. Louis show. I know. I'm getting to live the dream of so many people in that I get to go to my hometown

and I get to walk out on stage. It's pretty sick. And hopefully, fingers crossed, people will clap. Yes. And I would like you to be there to clap. Please be there and clap. And I'm speaking to you, the listener, that has not yet purchased a ticket.

You're thinking someone else will go and clap for you. No. Be the change. I think that's it. Please be there and clap. And I'm speaking to you, the listener that has not yet purchased a ticket. You're thinking someone else will go and clap for you. No. Be the change. I think that's it. Thank you all so much. I had a lot of fun today. I had a lot of fun talking about sports with you today.

I know. You think we alienated a lot of our listeners? No, because it's not. We talked about fun sports. We talked about party music to do sports to and silly. Crazy sports bloopers. Sports bloopers, essentially, but positive sports. Sports bloopers that have a positive impact on your life. That's the new description of this podcast. Bye. Hey! Hey!