Wonderful! - Wonderful! 82: The We Didn't Prepare This Week Extravaganza

Episode Date: May 1, 2019

A surprise bit of travel has thrown our usual recording schedule right off its axis! Don't panic, though. We've got a very fun episode just chock-full of Small Wonders here for you. It's super, super casual. Music: "Money Won't Pay" by bo en and Augustus - https://open.spotify.com/album/7n6zRzTrGPIHt0kRvmWoya MaxFunDrive ends on March 29, 2024! Support our show now by becoming a member at maximumfun.org/join.

Hi, this is Rachel McElroy. Hello, this is Griffin McElroy. And this is wonderful. Let me slip into something a little more comfortable. Okay. Is that your slipping noise? Yeah, that's what I do when my clothes are changing. You're like Spider-Man.

Yeah, so I'm using webs to change all my clothes into something a little more comfortable. All right, so now I'm just in one big sleeping bag that I've zipped up right to my neck. So I can't use my hands to adjust any of the knobs or dials. Do you want to slip into something a little more comfortable? And it's weird when you actually, it's a request to, for another person to do it. I've just learned. No, thank you. I'm very comfortable. learned uh no thank you i'm very comfortable you are wearing a sort of onesie sort of very soft onesie uh little get up so yes it doesn't get much more comfortable than what hey everybody listen we fucked up i'm traveling this week and uh i think i had the realization it came to me like a dream last night of oh oh no, we didn't set

a time to record Wonderful. We're doing this on a Sunday night, which is an interesting energy. Everybody else is watching dragons eat kids or whatever's going on on Gott today. I can't pretend like I'm not watching. I am watching. There's probably a 70% chance of dragons eating a kid right now, but we're recording the podcast, which makes me even happier than Game of Thrones does does is that true yes it does oh that's nice it's close do you want to talk about game of thrones and why you bailed i feel like maybe we've addressed it

so i made it through the whole first season you did and then we started the second season and there is a scene uh where a smoke monster comes out from between a woman's legs and i thought where the vagina lives i thought this isn't really for me anymore i don't think i've never seen somebody make so decisive a decision of a television show just not being their cup of tea because you would you had appreciated it up to that point i feel like but then you saw that and you're like okay i like fantasy when it kind of exists within my realm of understanding when i can kind of be like oh okay well that makes sense because of this but when a show starts to really you know ask a lot of me yeah then i i tend to ask uh to go away you like that hard fantasy not not like this fucking joker george rr writing shit for the mat so we fucked up right and we didn't have time to prep

so i think we're just going to do all small wonders this episode yeah i actually i literally have a draft in my email of topics that i uh never could turn into whole segments. Okay, perfect. So I am ready to pull from that. Before we get into that, do you have any microscopic wonders? And let's just, we don't even have to expound on it. We can just sort of like float it.

I think they do this in some like church like ceremonies when it's just, you wanna like lift up somebody. Just like a prayer. You don't have to like say what's up but just like webbed belts i know i'm not supposed to explain but they're coming back in a big way trust me are they really webbed belts you can put the thing anywhere wheat thins these are like little balloons you're releasing little balloon little like those little uh paper lanterns it's really lovely butterflies i'm kicking your ass at this it's like not even close i know um i mean espresso

espresso espresso crash Bandicoot. Oh, that apple cake you made for Passover was really good. Passover apple cake for the Seder. It was so moist, though. Mm-hmm. Elixir guitar strings. They're so slippery. Oh.

I'm just looking at things around the room now. I'll cop up to that do you want to get into like real small wonders yeah well i think you go first this week and again let's just like keep it casual i hope you guys are ready for us to really let our freaking hair down and slip into something even more comfortable than the sleeping bag that i'm sort of pupating inside right now i'm ready well my body's turned into jelly inside this sleeping bag and i'm gonna come out i mentioned butterflies earlier because today i ate through a slice of watermelon and a inside right now. Okay, I'm ready. Well, my body's turned into jelly inside this sleeping bag and I'm going to come out. I mentioned butterflies earlier

because today I ate through a slice of watermelon and a corn dog and a fudge bar. Oh, that's fun. And tomorrow I'm going to have a bellyache. And you're going to eat through one nice green leaf.

Uh-huh. It'll be a lot better. Yeah, I'm going to eat through that green leaf. Okay, about my first one. Yeah, one yeah yeah yeah us magazine has this feature called what's in my bag okay where the idea is that they they dump out a celebrity's bag and then they talk about all the products they use that they couldn't live without and carry around with them and i always like to see what's in people's bags.

It's my obsession. I love it. I love it. I know that it's fake. Like I know that not everybody cares around like an entire bottle of perfume and a scarf. Maybe. Maybe they do. I really enjoy just the layout of seeing that bag and seeing all those little items spread out on the page. The Verge used to do a feature. I think Polygon did one too of just like dump out your bag and show us like what your travel essentials were i think it was i think it was before an e3 this

may have been a joystick actually everybody would post like pictures of like what their their their loadout was before they went and it was so like this really satisfying i don't know why that is i really liked actually i saw one of those us weekly uh features you're smiling like you think this is going to be a joke this is a real one okay okay they did mike myers and some pornography came out and he was like that's not my bad baby okay that's a real truth okay i just said a real truth on this show i've exposed my real truth and you're the face you're giving me is i feel like you're not letting me stand in my truth. Do you want to do yours?

I'm going to talk about assembling something with instructions. Oh, gosh, Griffin, this is like. This is my shit. This is like a gift on top of a gift for you. Rachel got me a big old grill, big old gas grill for my birthday. And don't come at me with this charcoal shit. I've owned five charcoal grills in a row and I'm over it. I'm ready to move up

to propane. Propane. Bobby. I'm getting it. Dial in. Bobby. Dial in, babe. Bobby. Will Bobby. Propane. Where did it go? No,

you lost it. You had it so good. Anyway, this thing showed up in fucking 400 discreet pieces and it took me two and a half hours to put it together. And it was so good the whole time. This was the first, it had an app that came with it that you could like slide around like this

3d image of it was actually super helpful, but man, this Ikea furniture whatever i i complain about how long it takes but god it is so satisfying taking this big pile of metal garbage and then like your first step you're like i don't know where any of these things are in this big pile of garbage but then you start working through it and then it gets easier and easier to find stuff and then you built a grill were you ever like into those like models that people make no i loved legos okay less the um the kits less the kits more we had a big box of legos that i would bust out every time we watched a movie which was very frequently in our home and uh so i think that did inspire me when like i moved out of the house and had to start building things, usually Ikea things.

I would say like, I got this. And then I would build a bad chair. And then I'd be like, OK, I need to really stick with the instructions. Now I'm really good at it, I feel like. That explains why you like always have to do something else while we're watching something. Yeah, that probably explains it. You need your big box of Legos all the time. I needed my big box of Legos. Also, ancill small wonder and really it's a big wonder i think i've actually

talked about it before a drill a good power drill oh my god that is maybe the best housewarming gift we have ever chris grant got me a very nice drill yeah and i use that shit for everything even when the instructions are like use a you don't just use a screwdriver for this if you use a drill you might get it too powerful and shatter the thing and it does happen but i still say don't tell me how much fucking power i require okay i like it blending them both like they did a dragon ball z fusion who are you combining oh so you're combining tim allen this is tim hill kill this is hank tim i feel like there's a little andre the giant in there tank improvement Combining the- Oh, so you're combining Tim Allen and Hank Hill? This is Hank Tim.

I feel like there's a little Andre the Giant in there, too. This is Hank Improvement. Anybody want a peanut? Hey, baby. Can I give you another small one, Eric? Oh, shit, yeah. Shrimp. Oh! Yes.

Not only is it my small wonder, but it's literally it's pretty small. It's small. You don't get much smaller than shrimp except for crawdads and krill. I was going to do a whole feature on this at one point and it just didn't go anywhere. But I'll share with you some information. This is the perfect small wonder because you really can't talk for a long time about shrimp. No, you can't. So shrimp being started in Alabama and Louisiana in the 1700s.

Yeah. A long time. Makes sense. Only three ounces of shrimp provides 20 grams of protein. Damn. And over 75% of your B12 that you need for the day. I need so much B12. That's amazing.

Here's another little fun fact about shrimp. They taste amazing. They're very good to eat. Females of the freshwater shrimp Caridina and Sefera are capable of storing sperm from multiple partners and thus can produce progeny with different paternities. That is the wildest shit I've ever heard. Isn't that delightful? It's delightful, but can you imagine the episodes of Shrimp Maury that are happening under Desi? Turns out you all are the father.

You're all the father. Well, you and you are both the father. Yeah, it's cool. Don't worry about it. Shrimp also have high levels of omega-3 fatty acids and low levels of mercury. Okay. Shrimp are awesome. They're very good for you.

But what's your favorite preparation of a shrimp? If you're going to eat a shrimp right now, what do you want? Oh my gosh. I mean, just lots of butter. It's hard to beat scampi for this kid. Just so much butter. I also like a barbecue, like a barbecue shrimp. Yeah, yeah.

And there's a funny thing you say there with a... Rachel says this funny thing with like a Crocodile Dundee accent that she does where she talks about this specific preparation of shellfish. And I love it. I think it's really funny. But she's too, you really got to get a couple drinks in her first before. Are you talking about, are you talking about, um. When you do it, yeah. Shrimp on the barbie. Hold on, hold on. I got it. I got it.

I think you actually just go, a shrimp on the barbie. Oh, so it's just combined. It's a callback joke. Yeah. Shrimp are great. I really love shrimp. I always want it in pasta for sure.

Tacos, shrimp tacos. Shrimp tacos are legit. That was the first thing I cooked for Rachel. It's true. Look at it in your for sure tacos shrimp tacos shrimp tacos are legit that was the first thing i cooked for rachel it's true look at it in your heart you remember i made my own lime sauce it was so it was it was not great uh i used corn tortillas it was a big sloppy mess but listen listen that poopy vein they got that's no good i think we can all agree that that's not ideal no i know and sometimes you'll buy it and it says that it's devamed but it's still got that dookie right in there what are you guys doing with that can you imagine if your spine was full of dookie awful awful thought awful do your next thing let me

also say this let me also say this i got a lemon garlic shrimp uh, linguine little guy for dinner a couple nights ago, and it was really tasty. But don't leave the tails on in a pasta. Yeah, why do they do that? Why do you do that? I don't want to eat the tails. Is there that much flavor you're saving by leaving the tail on? I don't know, but now I'm rooting around in my pasta like a confused Winnie the Pooh.

It's yucky. That's like when they put mussels in pasta and you have to like fish it out of the shell. My second thing is the increasing online-ification of various bureaucratic processes. Oh, can I give you a quick example of one of my favorite things? Now, when you go to the DMV, you can get in line virtually.

Oh, yeah. And so you can like set an appointment and you'll get notifications to tell you how far out you are so you don't have to show up until like right before your appointment it's incredible that's shit high let me do you one better okay do you don't even have to do the dmv most of the time because you can renew your license and your car registration like well that's a texas thing i know that's awesome that's what i'm all about uh there's a thing that you can get when you own a home called a homestead exemption that basically says like i live in this house so uh i'm not paying like business taxes for it or whatever and the first time we did it you had to like go and like file paperwork like with the county or whatever yeah

and now they've got this website and you just and then it's done and then you don't have to sweat it anymore it's so incredible when i was when i was like in high school and had to start worrying about shit like this like i dreaded it to the point where uh i inherited justin's car and we didn't have that on paper for a couple years that wasn't official for a couple years uh and so like i don't think we had a title for it because we lost it and so we'd have to like go and get another title until there were all these things and i started to get tickets and i was like i guess i just gotta eat these tickets because there's nothing i can i'm so glad i met you after that phase ended i know i think i did that in Chicago too. I didn't, I

don't think I ever got my car registered in Chicago. I went to the DMV, which was like four train stops away and like waited in line and got up there and like apparently did not have the appropriate paperwork to get my registration. And I was like, you know what? I'm moving in three months. So I'm just going to ride this motherfucker out and you guys can deal with it. But now you just get on the internet and it's like so good you got a third thing i do all right how many things you have by the way because i have like 10 i've got a pretty long bulleted list oh tight okay okay so this is something i don't really have much anymore but if i were to go to sonic i I would get Cherry Limeade.

Oh, yeah. With that nugget ice. You know that nugget ice? You like it? Everyone likes it. Do you not like it? Two problems with nugget ice. One, I don't like that crushed ice because it just like, it melts so fast.

It does melt very fast. And it gets up in your straw and that's not great. My second thing is in I would love to see the split in a lot of urinals in a lot of different certain places. They will put sort of nugget ice in there to kind of just what's the word I'm looking for? Disperse the stream of pee to kind of like not refract it, but like break up the flow. So it doesn't just like hit the back of the porcelain and splash everywhere. Oh, I never knew this. Yeah.

Yeah. Does that ruin nugget ice for you? It kind of. Yeah. Oh, no. It's not. I feel like it's not as common anymore. And I feel like I mainly saw it in a lot of bars in West Virginia.

But like nugget ice in the urinal to like save yourself from having a bar. Are you sure it wasn't just people dumping out their drinks? It would be wild if one, people had drinks with nugget ice in it at a bar. And then they took it into the bathroom every time I went in there to dump it in. No, this was like a thing. And now like you'll see it. There's a lot of urinal tech that I feel like you'll never get to appreciate. But now there's these like little have you ever seen those um like pads that they

will put in cat food in so that your cat has to kind of like dig around to like find it and it's like a little soft rubber spikes they'll put that in like a urinal but so that way like the pee just kind of like hits it and stops isn't that cool no okay i don't i guess i don't like having my own pee all over the front of my pants but i guess that's just what about cherry limeade though do you like cherry hell yeah are you kidding me okay i used to get justin and i lived uh not macro my buddy justin lived in an apartment around the corner from a um well it was a super america but then rest in peace, Super America turned into a Speedway. I would get Slurpees from there all the dang time, though. All the dang time.

I guess that's different. You're talking about the fluid. No, it's very different. The good thing at Sonic, so a lot of times they'll skimp, but when you get a cherry limeade, it's supposed to have a piece of lime and an actual cherry in it. And that's a real treat, too. it love those commercials too okay the commercials are funny okay what's your next thing my third one i don't like oh i'm just gonna do it really fast small bags of chips i like small bags of chips i like small bags of chips like little single serve bags

of chips i like them for like portion reasons? It's not portion control reasons. It's like that's actually how many chips I like. Oh. Now, when I was younger, I could like get a bag of Snyder's, like those thin, just like barely there potato chips and eat the entire fucking huge ass bag of them in one setting. No problem. But now like I can't handle much more than like 13 chips worth of sodium or I die um and so I just like I like it I like it sometimes I want sweet and I feel like there's a lot of ways to scratch that itch

and when I want savory I'll just grab one of these small bags of chips sometimes I think about what your dating profile would be like now yeah and I feel like I can only eat 13 chips would be like a bullet on there. Yeah. 14 if I'm dared to. Do you like to play? Do you like to play games? Well, now I sound like the Saw guy, don't I? You very much do. Shoot. Do you want another?

Yeah, let's both do one more and then we'll do a money zone or whatever we call it on this one. Okay. I really like the musical into the woods yeah yeah but i i am unlike griffin and many of the mack roy family i did not grow up with a lot of exposure to musicals but for whatever reason when they showed that uh performance of into the woods with Bernadette Peters on PBS. We taped it on VHS and I used to watch it all the time. I loved that musical so much. It probably more than any other musical, like it fucks me up.

I feel like the last like 30 minutes of that show just like puts me in the ground i could fill a child's swimming pool with my tears with like the final reprise of children will listen like no i can't i can't you won't you can't do this to me now i saw this in the theaters next to my dad who was just like clutching my leg during that song like losing it absolutely losing it um yeah it the music is great it's very funny uh it's you know it's like it has like a lot of familiar parts to it because it draws on all those old old storybooks yeah um it's one of those movies that was like oh maybe i do like musicals yeah uh the movie adaptation of it that was very good yeah it maybe I do like musicals. Yeah. The movie adaptation of it. It was very good, too.

Yeah, it was good. It was very good. I think that the musical was so pitch perfect, like the stage version. But my fourth thing is Costco. I don't think we've talked about Costco before. No, we haven't. You can just go there and you can get a big old box

of whatever, man. We just went today. I love it. We did talk about buying stuff in bulk, though. Oh, you're right. Like having a big thing of toilet toilet paper i do like knowing that i'm good for toilet paper but like we really should have gotten toilet paper today i'm realizing that now oh my god you're right but we did get a lot of fig bars we got two big boxes of fig bars. Yeah, we got like a 24 pack of La Croix. So don't even worry about us.

We're good over here. We got tummies full of fig bars and bubbly, flavorless water. That's my favorite. It's my favorite. Jack Johnson song. Oh, yeah. My fifth thing is Jack Johnson. Hey, Griffin, can I steal you away?

Yes. I have a personal message. Good. This message is for Greg. It is from Joey. Greg, when you shared the McElroy podcast with me all those years ago, I never could have imagined how important they would become to me, how much closer their humor and intellect would bring us, and how many great goofs and hot salty tears they would inspire you are the most amazing older brother and i love you more than anything thank you for everything the nice you know my favorite part of that message what talking about our intellect i know intellect you don't hear that a lot with macros. Listen, I know all the presidents in all the state capitals.

Okay. Go. Austin. Charleston. Chicago's a capital. Nope. Okay, I'll come back to Illinois. Okay.

What about my great state of Missouri? Oh. Missouri. Okay. I said the state again, didn't I? Do you want to read the next personal message? Yeah, here's one, and it's for Peebs, and it's from B, who says, Hey, Peebs. You're such an incredible person, and everyone around you loves and adores you.

Watching you flourish over the last couple of years has been such a joy. Thanks for putting up with me loudly singing show tunes all day and night for the past six years. I love you loads, and I'm glad I get to hug and smooch you every day. All my love, B. Here's the joke.

I hope it's not an actual B. Oh. Because if it tried to kiss me, it would hurt. It would sting. Ouch. Well, and if it went face first, it'd probably be okay. People are always talking about bee stingers. They never talk about the teeth.

The teeth are still really sharp. They prefer to sting, but a bite will also get you there. This is a very sweet message, but it made me very scared and you need to think about that. Okay. Thanks so much to the over 28,000 members who joined or upgraded during the 2019 Max Fund Drive

and to all of our monthly members. To celebrate hitting our goal this year, we're putting the 2019 Max Fund Drive pins on sale for all $10 and up monthly members. As in past years, you'll be able to get some pins and support a great cause at the same time. The proceeds from this year's sale will support the National Court Appointed Special Advocates Association. National CASA does amazing work for children and youth through a national network of 950 member programs. We are proud to be able to support them.

The pin sale will run from April 29th until May 10th. And if you're a $10 and up monthly member, your personalized code is waiting in your inbox right now. For more details, you can head over to maximumfun.org slash pins. And once again, thank you. Oh, you got anything else? Oh, for my small wonders? Yeah uh baby monitors oh so vital we have one that tells us the temperature in the room too which has been really really handy yeah because

our house is impossible to keep at a static temperature it gave me such peace of mind when we moved henry out of our room yeah and i can't imagine like not having it. Like, can you think like of a time period where you like couldn't hear or see your kid and they were sleeping in a different room in the house and they were brand new? I can't imagine it. I mean, kids were just rougher in Tumblr. I guess so.

Yeah. Can I talk about my thing? Baby monitors are super cool, but we just talked about my intellect and this next thing is gonna really make it really gonna drive it home the third movement of beethoven's moonlight sonata and then i've added where it pops off wow i don't know if i can picture this in my head but so moonlight sonata is will you sing a little bit? Moonlight is like, You know that one? No.

Yes, you do. Not based on you singing it. Oh, yeah. So it starts off like that. It starts off like all like chill and all slow. And you're like, Moonlight Sonata, this is like a sad, dreary song to put me to sleep. Yeah. But then the third movement is the part where it pops the fuck off and it's like probably the first drop in music i think if i was at a concert where like beethoven was debuting

this shit and he got to the third movement like i'd be looking at everybody like are you guys hearing this shit it's the part here and let me see if it's just in this video wow yeah it's so fucking lit this part rules griffin's playing air piano right now i was sorry that probably didn't sound very good coming over my microphone but I remember I like downloaded oh god this was like early days of like computer like uh learning software for instruments and I was trying to learn you know the usual shit like bend fold songs there was some sort of like app you could download from guitarchords.com or some shit and so I downloaded this i downloaded uh moonlight sonata and it was just this part and that coming through a midi file was like the craziest shit i've ever and i was

like if this is what classical music sounds like this is amazing and then i went and like borrowed some classical music like from my high school library uh and i borrowed moonlight sonata i popped it in and it was the first part and i was like this is boring where is the and i couldn't find the like lit part and so like i took it back and i was the first part. And I was like, this is boring. Where's the, and I couldn't find the like lit part. And so like, I took it back and I was like, no more classical music for me. But the third movement of that song beats ass. It is so good. Every time I hear it and watching somebody play it is the wildest because it's real fast. How do you classify something as a movement? I mean, it's like hoity-toity classical terms right like it's

basically we're talking about three songs but i guess it's all in the same key with the same uh you know there's late motifs and shit like connecting them and everything but i mean it's all of the movements together are 15 minutes long so yeah it's really a this is an ep that he put out once uh that was that was. God, that song rules. That is very good. What else you got? I love that you brought that in the same week as you brought a bag of chips. A small bag of chips.

A small bag of chips. Which is more erudite than a big bag of chips. Okay. Do you want to hear another thing? I do. You saw I was drinking from this big bottle of water. You knew I couldn't answer. It was a prank on me.

I'm going to say the Moscow Mule. Mm-hmm. I feel like the world was late to this party. I didn't really know about it until maybe like five years ago. This is an alcoholic beverage that i suppose you can also make a a virgin version of that is largely ginger beer and what lemon or lime juice and then usually a vodka but i think you can substitute several different uh liqueurs in there oh my gosh it's so good in the little copper little copper mug that is the most fun part of it yes

my favorite summertime drink i really want anything with ginger beer in it i found yes when i i am not a big drinker at all but uh when i discovered that you can imbibe alcohol as well as a liquid that makes your tummy feel better like it's it's sort of everything kind of because you used to do the seven and seven for a long time seven seven a similar purpose seven up is what i drink when i have a tummy ache and so it was really just me kind of getting ahead of the game kind of clicked. Yeah, because you used to do the 7 and 7 for a long time for that purpose. 7 and 7, a similar purpose. 7 up is what I drink when I have a tummy ache. And so it was really just me kind of getting ahead of the game, kind of Robin Peter to pay Paul situation there. I've got those videos, like social media videos or YouTube videos where somebody builds a house or like a pool out of natural stuff.

Like they'll just like scoop a bunch of mud up and like make a house. Is this because we watched that hot tub one the other day no i'm not even talking about like people like just like digging a hole in the wilderness and then like coming up with like makeshift masonry to like build a really luxurious looking pool out there and like building an irrigation channel from like a nearby creek and and filling it that way and just like swimming and chilling in the pool they just made. How would you even search for that on YouTube? I don't know how to search for stuff like that. But I watched it. I interfaced with enough of them on Facebook that now Facebook serves them up hot and fresh for me all the time. Also, my next thing is I'll just do

it because it's also a Facebook thing. I get a lot of Facebook ads for hot sauce and I'm never going to buy that hot sauce, but I love seeing it. This is so fascinating to me. And join me over here in the, I'm actually sober corner, but don't sound like I'm sober corner. Because I got to tell you, everybody's experience with Facebook is different.

You ever think about that? Well, that's not you being, I don't think you're party high when you say that. Or really think about it. Right, well that's not you being i i don't think you're uh party high when you say that about it right but that's how it works that's how that's how they get you it's just like everybody talks about how much they hate facebook but like you make your facebook you know that's interesting that's an interesting concept but it it really shows the uh the the holes in the algorithm that they serve up me, gentlemen with a lot of IBS sort of symptoms,

a lot of sort of what I would call butt troubles. Yeah. And they're like, here's a very spicy hot sauce. Do you want this? Do you want this? Do you want it? Do you want it? Here's a picture of somebody's baby. You want this hot sauce though?

Let's come back to that. Let's come back to that. I don't get that. I don't get the, I get a lot of clothing ads. Yeah. I, yeah, I just get this hot sauce though let's come back to that let's come back to that i don't i don't get that i don't get the i get a lot of clothing ads huh yeah i yeah i just get this hot sauce and i don't want to eat it but it looks very like rich it looks like a rich sort of uh uh more of a more of like a buffalo sauce than like a hot sauce that you'd spread it's like a thick like a thick like a thick one you'd like dump all over a pizza and And I see that and I don't want to eat it because it would make me so sick. But it makes my mouth water and I get a little, get a little pep in my step for a little bit.

Okay. I've got another one. Okay. Humidifiers. These things keep it wet, don't it? I really think we should have one like in every room of our house because i really believe in the curative powers of humidifiers yeah we could also just move to the rainforest or live inside a rainforest cafe i being in texas which usually is very dry it has not been lately no uh you wake up and you're just

totally dried out and and humidifiers keep that from happening and they also keep you from getting sick as often which is something that we have have taken turns with with henry and it's made a big difference it really does the humidifier is a very powerful tool in our war against the elements when you get dried out you're just like more susceptible to all sorts of like horrible things. Yeah. And humidifiers, they keep it damp. And on days where I haven't drank enough water,

you just get a humidifier going and you just sort of get it another way. You know what I mean? You don't need to drink it. I have actually gotten my life to a point where I don't need to drink any water. I just have to chill in my office with a humidifier on

and then use the bidet every time that I make that i make the day do you want to give our listeners just an update on where you're at in your bidet journey yeah you know i've uh turning on you are you oh god no are you kidding me baby this is me now i've i really fuck with the oscillation feature now it's not enough i actually prefer it i prefer it over one direct sort of like hydro pump right up there. I like it. I like to sort of disperse it a little bit more. As a man that works from home, I just like. Can't even imagine how reg I'm like using this shit.

Yeah. Non-stop. And I don't mess with the dryer function as much. I find it's not. It's not. I would have to sit there for about a full, like two minutes. Does it come out of the same spout that the water does? Nah, babe. Okay.

I don't know how it works. Nah, babe. There's a, there's a whole different thing. Okay. Um, I have one here and it's good headphones, man. Good headphones make all the difference. They make all the difference in the world. For like your recording purposes or listening to music?

For recording purposes, certainly. I use these Audio-Technica headphones that I think came with the Zoom microphone. They're like $50 on Amazon. And I swear by them. They're like, they're really good $50 headphones. But the cord's really long, so I don't like bring them with me on the go. And then we have a listener who works for Bose who sent us some headphones that are really, really nice. And I don't know if we've ever thanked him for that, but they are exquisite and good headphones.

And it just really, it really does make all the difference when you just got good headphones that you can hear your music with. And now I have these wireless headphones and I will like just walk around, just like slip them on in the airport when i'm by myself and just like listen to some tunes while i'm walking and it's just nice nice headphones you used to be big on uh listening to stuff in the grocery store i remember yeah yeah i got airpods i only put my airpods in when i'm going to the grocery store because i feel like it is just a very lightweight thing to do and listen to podcasts while I'm grocery shopping. Let's do one more each maybe and then wrap it up. One more thing. So pick a good one. My final thing is, and I don't know how to say it in Yiddish, but my grandma told me this Yiddish expression. Okay.

That I always really liked. Yiddish expression. Okay. That I always really liked. And it was, you can't put your behind in two horses. On two horses? Yeah, on two horses. Okay. I thought you said in.

I did say in. I don't think you can put one behind in one horse. And she never like, she could never remember how to say it in Yiddish, but she used to give that example a lot. And I didn't really understand what it meant, but I always liked it, kind of. And it's a way of saying that someone is indecisive, that they can't choose one side or the other. Yeah, that's a very useful phrase, I feel like, for your 30s and almost every decision you have to make. It's like you can't put your behind on two horses.

I like your saying behind. I never hear you bust that one out and it's so refreshing because of how much you curse uh what's your last thing my last thing i just realized we've kind of done before and so now i'm trying to think of some i was going to talk about shorts and you have talked about cut off shorts do you think it is a stretch for me to reopen the subject and talk about you get very more specific i'll get more specific i'm talking about shorts that were made to be shorts in the first place in order for me to talk about shorts i'm gonna have to drag cutoff shorts purist over here refuses to take my cutoff shorts just the first day you wear shorts is such a special day of the year i feel like because it's a time To take my cutoff shorts, just... Where did that... Uh-oh.

The first day you wear shorts is such a special day of the year, I feel like, because it's a time where you say, I'm done with all this gloom. I'm done with all the short evenings. I'm here for shorts. To wear during the summertime, the springtime. To wear to a baseball game. To a picnic. To a picnic. To a race. Do you know what I mean?

To a race? To the store. I'm going to wear my shorts to the store. I'm going to wear shorts. Because it's now. And it's me. And I'm here. And it's me.

I'm wearing pants now. You went through a few different outfits today, I noticed. I did. I'm a real clothes horse, aren't I? You kind of came out. I'm such a fucking Carrie. You kind of came out in a pair of pants. Then you change into a pair of shorts.

And then was there a second pair of shorts that surfaced? Here's the tragic thing. I don't have any jeans that fit me. I have no jeans that fit me. I have no jeans that fit me. You gotta have jeans. And it's not even like a, it's not even like a, a width thing.

It's all my jeans are too long. Am I just now realizing it? Are my bone, my leg bones just coming closer together? I don't know. I don't know. But it really bothers me. Oh,

you know what? Can I tell you what it may be? Maybe since you have lost a little bit of weight you're you're behind got smaller oh shoot that's possible and then i put on shorts and then you pointed out that they had cheetos dust on them from the small bag of cheetos i ate for lunch and so i put on these it was right near the it was it was right near the um the penis yeah yeah and so rachel made a joke like are you what are you feeding that thing no i didn't she did she said what are you feeding that hog cheetos and i was like our son is right there definitely not a joke i made he said cheat oh wait feed that hog cheetos good one mom so that's his first like long sentence to his father thank you for

that thank you for that gift and thank you all for listening and thank you to bowen and augustus for the use of our theme song money won't pay do you want some uh some some submissions some small wonders from our friends at home you can find a link to money won't pay in our episode description by the way it's uh very good uh let's see kara says my wonderful thing is half days of school my high school has half days on every other friday and we get out at 10 45 is that a half day that seems like more a third day um last friday i drove my friends to get ice cream at our local gas station and we sat in my car chatting and eating for almost two hours this is the most high school memory ever and it is taking me on a fucking journey. I had forgotten that half days exist until right now.

I never got them. We didn't get them. Oh, you didn't get half days? No, we didn't get half days. We definitely got half days. How many snow days did you get? I mean, it depended. We got a lot of snow days, I feel like.

And so like we never had like the, anyway, we get plenty of free time and ice cream for lunch. Nothing beats it. It's so awesome. That is so cool. God, high school. There was time and ice cream for lunch. Nothing beats it. It's so awesome. That is so cool. God, high school, there was some good stuff there. Yeah, well, just a car, just having a car was such a big thing. Like it was like a, like a, a place to go and be.

Uh, Steven says there's nothing better than finally defeating a boss in a difficult game. Games like Cuphead and Dark Souls are full of these bad baddies, and there's nothing sweeter than putting one of these fellas down after multiple attempts it shows the hard grind is worth the good good reward i feel that that's absolutely my jam did you see cuphead just like the cartoon one that looks like an old old cartoon no it was very cool and it uh is very a very very difficult game that's just about beating tough bosses we should play it sometime i think you dig it is it as charming as it sounds it is charming until you like lose to the same boss who looks like a big funny sunflower for like the 50th time and then you're like fuck up head uh emma says

something i find wonderful is when books have maps on the inside covers the fact that the author takes the time to lay out a fictional landscape for the reader makes me feel considered and pulls me into the world. Here's the thing. I could swear we've had this exact thing sent in by somebody else before that we read on the show. And that makes me very happy about our audience. Yeah, I don't remember. But I do appreciate it.

I do appreciate it. Hey, thank you. Seriously. For putting up with us doing this. This was more fun, I think. It was fun, yeah. We didn, we didn't have time to research and so we kept it short. Yeah.

Thank you very much. I mean, I know a lot about web belts, but we really need to stick with the format. I didn't know that you were such a web belt enthusiast. It's just, you can put the, the holes are everywhere. That's true. The holes are everywhere. That is nice.

And they're coming back. I know it's a fashion faux pas and a lot of people are going to call me out on it. Did you fold it over the top? You know how they were always real long and you'd have to like fold it over the top no i'd cut it with scissors whoa and the webbing it would last me about two wears after that because the web would sort of unspool at that point uh thanks to maximum fun for having us on the network go to maximum fun.org check out all the great shows there shows like stop podcasting yourself and Mission to Zix

and Beef and Dairy Network and... And Flophouse. Flophouse. And One Bad Mother. And Switchblade Sisters. All these shows up on MaximumFun.org. You can check out other stuff we do

at McElroy.family. Should be a new Monster Factory coming up soon. Oh, good. Yeah, we've been putting it up like early on in the month. So I think around... there's a new episode of mackroy brothers will be in trolls too oh yeah we really shot the cannon indoors if if if i'm

being honest uh and i think that's it uh let's just close with one more microscopic wonder each and we'll say it at the same time maybe does that sound good uh yes three two one doing a randy newman impression goodbye everybody Money won't pay. What can I pay? Money won't pay. What can I pay? Money won't pay. What can I pay? Money won't pay. What can I pay?

Money won't pay. What can I pay? Hey! Hey! Maximumfun.org Comedy and culture. Artist owned. Listener supported. Listen, we already know that you love genre movies, film craft, and female filmmakers. So if you love all those things, then by transitive property, you love my podcast, Switchblade Sisters. Hi, I'm film critic April Wolf. Every week I have a conversation with a different female filmmaker about their favorite genre film.

Each episode covers the filmmaking process, working in the film industry, and just like general geeking out about awesome movies. I've had such great guests like the big sick writer Emily Gordon. To me, indie movies as of late have come to be a catch-all term for a movie that kind of defies genre. Billy Madison and half-baked director Tamara Davis. When a comedian comes and enters onto my set, they're just there to be funny and we're all ready and waiting for them to be funny. Horror industry veteran and actor Barbara Crampton. That's where real drama lies for me. What's between you and I speaking right now? Where are we meeting? And what's the energy that we create between us? And so many others. So check out Switchblade Sisters every Thursday on MaximumFun.org or wherever you get your podcasts.